Original subtitles

YOUR GRANDFATHER CALLED LAST

NIGHT AND TOLD ME TO

LET YOU KNOW HE'S BRINGING

YOU BACK SOMETHING SPECIAL

FROM PRAGUE.

WOW, PRAGUE. HOW AMAZING IS IT

THAT HE'S GOING TO PRAGUE?

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LOVELY --

VERY DRAMATIC CASTLES

EVERYWHERE.

THE CELL THAT VACLAV HAVEL

WAS HELD IN IS NOW A HOSTEL.

YOU CAN STAY THERE

FOR, LIKE, $50 A NIGHT.

ON OUR TRIP TO EUROPE,

WE COULD STAY IN HIS CELL.

ABSOLUTELY.

THEN WE SHOULD GO TO TURKEY

AND STAY IN THAT PLACE

FROM "MIDNIGHT EXPRESS."

LORELAI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GETTING RID OF THE AVOCADO.

SINCE WHEN

DO YOU NOT LIKE AVOCADO?

SINCE THE DAY I SAID,

"GROSS. WHAT IS THIS?"

AND YOU SAID, "AVOCADO."

I'M FOCUSING ON YOU NOW.

TELL ME ALL ABOUT

THE CHILTON FORMAL NEXT WEEK.

THERE'S A FORMAL?

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

YEAH. HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I READ MY CHILTON NEWSLETTER.

SINCE WHEN DO YOU GET

A CHILTON NEWSLETTER?

WELL, AS A MAJOR CONTRIBUTOR

TO RORY'S EDUCATION,

I FIGURED I HAD THE RIGHT

TO ASK FOR A NEWSLETTER.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

AND IT'S A GOOD THING, TOO,

SINCE YOU DON'T READ YOURS.

ONE OF US SHOULD BE UP-TO-DATE

ON RORY'S SCHOOL.

HEY, MOM,

I READ MY NEWSLETTER.

YOU DID?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT WAS THE PICTURE

ON THE COVER?

I-IT WAS A PICTURE

OF A REALLY RICH KID IN PLAID.

IT WAS A SPOTTED OWL.

IN PLAID.

THE OWLS ARE ENDANGERED,

AND CHILTON IS TAKING

DONATIONS TO HELP THEM.

YOU GAVE A VERY NICE ONE,

IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED.

MOM, DON'T BE GIVING DONATIONS

ON RORY'S BEHALF.

I'LL DO THAT.

HOW CAN YOU WHEN

YOU DON'T READ THE NEWSLETTER?

I READ THE NEWSLETTER.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW

THEY'RE TAKING DONATIONS.

IT'S A PRIVATE SCHOOL.

THEY'RE ALWAYS TAKING DONATIONS.

I'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME.

WHAT ABOUT THE OWLS?

THEY'LL LIVE.

APPARENTLY THEY WON'T. THAT'S

WHY THEY NEEDED DONATIONS

IN THE FIRST PLACE.

YOU HAVE A FORMAL COMING UP?

YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK

I'M GONNA GO.

NONSENSE. OF COURSE,

YOU'RE GOING.

IF RORY DOESN'T WANNA GO,

SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY SHE WOULDN'T WANNA GO.

I KNOW YOU DON'T.

I'M GONNA GO GET

ANOTHER COKE.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT MUST BE BECAUSE

OF SOMETHING YOU SAID.

MOM, ALL I EVER SAID TO HER

ABOUT DANCES IS THAT YOU GO,

YOU DANCE, YOU HAVE PUNCH,

YOU EAT, TAKE A PICTURE,

THEN YOU GET AUCTIONED OFF

TO A BIKER GANG FROM SAUSALITO.

LORELAI, THIS IS SERIOUS.

MOM, I SAID NOTHING, OKAY?

RORY'S DISDAIN OF FORMALS

IS TOTALLY HER OWN.

LET'S JUST DROP IT, PLEASE.

FINE.

FINE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE TOMATO?

IT WAS FRATERNIZING

WITH THE ENEMY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION

THE DANCE?

'CAUSE I'M NOT GOING.

OH.

BUT WHY AREN'T YOU GOING?

BECAUSE I HATE DANCES.

GOOD ANSWER.

EXCEPT YOU'VE NEVER

ACTUALLY BEEN TO A DANCE.

SO?

SO YOU'VE NOTHING

TO COMPARE IT TO.

NO, BUT I CAN IMAGINE IT.

IT'S TRUE.

HOWEVER, NOT REALLY,

SINCE YOU'VE NEVER

ACTUALLY BEEN TO ONE.

YOU'RE BASING

ALL YOUR DANCE OPINIONS

ON ONE MIDNIGHT VIEWING

OF "SIXTEEN CANDLES."

SO?

YOU SHOULD HAVE A DECENT REASON

FOR HATING SOMETHING

BEFORE YOU DECIDE YOU HATE IT.

TRUST ME.

I'LL HATE IT.

IT'LL BE STUFFY AND BORING,

THE MUSIC WILL SUCK.

SINCE NONE OF THE KIDS LIKE ME,

I'LL BE STANDING IN THE BACK

LISTENING TO 98 DEGREES

WATCHING TRISTIN AND PARIS ARGUE

OVER WHICH ONE OF THEM

GETS TO MAKE ME MISERABLE FIRST.

OKAY, OR IT'LL BE ALL

SPARKLY AND EXCITING,

AND YOU'LL BE STANDING

ON THE DANCE FLOOR

WITH SOME GREAT-LOOKING GUY

STARING AT YOU SO HARD

YOU DON'T EVEN REALIZE

PARIS AND TRISTIN

HAVE BEEN EATEN BY BEARS.

WHAT GUY?

MAYBE THE GUY WHO HANGS

OUT IN OUR TREES ALL DAY.

DEAN DOES NOT HANG OUT

IN TREES.

HE BASHED HIS HEAD

IN A BRANCH LAST WEEK.

WHY DO YOU CARE IF I GO?

I DON'T CARE IF YOU GO.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS

ANY EXPERIENCE

BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO AFRAID.

I'M AFRAID?

OF WHAT?

OF ASKING DEAN,

OF HIM SAYING NO,

OF GOING TO A DANCE WITH KIDS

WHO HAVEN'T ACCEPTED YOU YET,

OF DANCING IN PUBLIC,

OF FINDING OUT YOU SHOULD NEVER

BE DANCING IN PUBLIC.

OKAY, OKAY, I GET IT.

LISTEN, I KNOW

YOU ARE NOT MISS PARTY GIRL,

AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT,

BUT SOMETIMES I WONDER --

DO YOU NOT JOIN IN

BECAUSE YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO

OR BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO SHY?

IF THE REASON YOU DON'T

WANNA GO IS BECAUSE

YOU REALLY DON'T WANNA GO,

AND NOT 'CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID,

THEN THIS IS THE LAST TIME

I'LL MENTION IT, I PROMISE.

I DON'T HAVE A DRESS.

I COULD MAKE YOU ONE.

REALLY?

YEAH. WE COULD GET SOME GREAT

SHOES AND SOME NEW EARRINGS.

WE COULD GET YOUR HAIR DONE.

YOU WON'T THINK I'M AN IDIOT?

IT DEPENDS

ON WHAT HAIRSTYLE YOU CHOOSE.

THIS DANCE

COULD BE GREAT FOR YOU.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT

ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELIN' LONELY

AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE

ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,

I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,

I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANY, ANYWHERE THAT

YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW

WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

WHY WOULD HE SAY NO?

WHY WOULD HE SAY YES?

RORY, THERE'S NO POINT

IN HAVING A BOYFRIEND

IF HE WON'T GO

TO THE DANCE WITH YOU.

HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.

REALLY?

NO.

WHAT IS HE THEN?

HE'S MY GENTLEMAN CALLER.

OKAY, BLANCHE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS,

BUT HE'S NOT A BOYFRIEND.

DO YOU THINK

HE'S MY BOYFRIEND?

YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME

NOT KISSING OTHER PEOPLE

IF THIS ISN'T

A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND THING.

GIRLFRIEND.

YOU.

BOYFRIEND.

HIM.

NO, IT SOUNDS WEIRD.

LOOK,

HAVE YOU HAD THE TALK YET?

YES, LANE,

BABY'S COME FROM THE STORK.

THE OTHER TALK.

WHAT OTHER TALK?

"WE'VE BEEN DATING A FEW WEEKS.

WHAT ARE WE TO EACH OTHER?

IF ANOTHER GIRL ASKS YOU OUT,

WOULD YOU GO?"

HOW DO YOU KNOW

SO MUCH ABOUT THIS?

THOSE WHO CAN, DO.

THOSE WHO CAN'T, TEACH.

THERE HE IS.

I SHOULD DO THIS LATER.

NO.

YOU HAVE TO DO THIS NOW.

WHY?

I'VE TO GO HOME SOON,

MY MOM THREW OUT OUR TV

WHEN SHE CAUGHT ME

WATCHING "V.I.P.,"

I'M BORED

AND I NEED SOME ENTERTAINMENT.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

OKAY...HERE I GO.

GOOD LUCK.

OH, AND, RORY,

REMEMBER TO ENUNCIATE.

I'M READING LIPS OUT HERE.

OKAY.

HEY.

OH, UH, HEY.

YOU'RE BUSY.

YEAH. I'VE TO PUT

THE NEW GREEN-BEAN SHIPMENT

ON THE SHELVES.

YOU WANNA HELP?

YEAH, SURE.

I, UH, I LOVE STOCKING BEANS.

OKAY, UH, FOLLOW ME.

SO, DO YOU WORK ON SATURDAYS?

I FORGET.

WELL, IT DEPENDS.

SOMETIMES I COME IN IF

I DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS. WHY?

NO REASON.

SEE, THERE'S THIS THING

AT MY SCHOOL ON SATURDAY.

WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY

AT MY SCHOOL,

BUT IT'S KIND OF GIVEN

BY MY SCHOOL.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, IT'S THIS KIND OF THING

WHERE YOU GO AND

THEY PLAY MUSIC

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET

ALL DRESSED UP AND DANCE,

AND THEN THERE'S CHICKEN.

CHICKEN?

I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S CHICKEN.

BUT AT THESE KINDS OF THINGS,

THEY OFTEN SERVE CHICKEN

BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY CHEAPER

AND PEOPLE EAT IT,

SO THE LOGIC BEHIND THE CHICKEN

CHOICE REALLY ISN'T THAT BAD.

I'M LOST.

IT'S A DANCE.

AH.

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DYING TO GO

OR ANYTHING,

BUT IT'S A NEW SCHOOL, BEING

A PART OF THE SOCIAL ACTIVITIES

IS REALLY IMPORTANT

AT CHILTON.

SO, ARE YOU ASKING ME

TO GO TO A DANCE WITH YOU?

NO.

YES. IF YOU WANTED TO GO,

I WOULD GO, TOO.

WELL, THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE

GOOD SINCE IT'S YOUR SCHOOL.

RIGHT.

SO DO YOU WANT TO GO?

HONESTLY?

YEAH.

I, UH...

I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER GONE

TO A DANCE BEFORE.

BECAUSE THEY'RE LAME?

YEAH. IT'S NOT THE WAY

I WANTED TO SPEND MY TIME.

I'M NOT A BIG JOINER.

OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH.

MORE BEANS, PLEASE.

YOU WANT TO GO, DON'T YOU?

NO, I DON'T.

I HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO AT ALL.

I WAS JUST THINKING OUT LOUD,

THAT'S ALL.

SO, UH,

WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO WEAR?

WHAT?

TO THIS DANCE --

WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO WEAR?

ANYTHING YOU WANT.

COME ON.

NO, REALLY, WHATEVER

YOU'RE COMFORTABLE IN IS FINE.

RORY...

SOME SORT OF PANTS.

RORY...

IT'S COAT AND TIE.

OH, MAN.

YOU COULD GET AWAY

WITH A COAT AND NO TIE.

OKAY.

REALLY?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

AAAH!

[ DOORBELL RINGING ]

OW.

EXTRA THREAD.

OH, GOD BLESS!

I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD

TO FINISH RORY'S DRESS,

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE

TO GET OUT.

JEEZ,

YOU ARE WALKING FUNNY.

I KNOW. RORY'S DRESS

MADE A PASS AT ME,

AND I THINK I PULLED SOMETHING

GETTING UP.

HERE, SIT, SIT, SIT.

I GOT AN ACE BANDAGE IN MY BAG.

NOT SURE

HOW WE CAN WRAP IT,

MAYBE WE CAN DO SOMETHING

KINDA CREATIVE AND --

SOOKIE. OW.

LET'S SEE.

WOW!

OKAY, I GOT PERCODAN,

VICODIN...

DARVOCET, AND, UH...

TAKE THIS ONE.

IT'S A MUSCLE RELAXER.

VERY MILD -- I PROMISE.

THANKS. MAYBE LATER.

OKAY, I'VE GOT TO GO.

YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY?

I'M SURE.

OKAY.

BYE.

BYE.

[ PHONE RINGS ]

[ SIGHS ]

OW.

OW, OW, OW, OW.

Yeah.

YOU SOUND TERRIBLE.

I'M FINE, MOM.

I JUST STUBBED MY TOE.

GET RID OF THAT

CLUTTER IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.

Maybe.

THAT ROOM IS A HAZARD.

I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT.

EVERYTHING GOES.

WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

I want to talk

about Rory's dance.

IT'S JUST KILLING ME

THAT SHE'S NOT GOING.

Uh-huh.

THIS MAY SEEM FRIVOLOUS

AND SILLY TO HER NOW,

BUT BELIEVE ME, THESE ARE

THE KIND OF EXPERIENCES

YOU REGRET MISSING LATER.

OKAY.

REGRET CAN MAKE YOU BITTER.

YOU WANT RORY TO BE BITTER?

WELL, SORT OF.

LORELAI.

WHAT, MOM? SHE COULD MAKE SOME

CASH OFF OF IT --

BECOME A CRAZY, OSCAR LEVANT

KIND OF CELEBRITY,

GO ON TALK SHOWS,

HECKLE REGIS.

I WISH YOU WOULD TAKE THIS

SERIOUSLY.

MOM, RORY IS GOING

TO THE DANCE.

SHE IS?!

Uh-huh.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL!

I'M THRILLED!

I'M, UH, I'M MAKING

HER DRESS RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE MAKING HER DRESS?

Yep.

BUT WHY?

WELL, SO SHE'LL LOOK

REALLY UGLY

AND PEOPLE WILL POINT

AND THROW ROCKS.

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME

BUY HER A DRESS?

MOM, YOU WERE THRILLED

FIVE SECONDS AGO, REMEMBER?

YOU'RE NOT USING THE CURTAINS.

MOM, I GOT TO GO.

UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.

TAKE A PICTURE OF RORY

FOR ME, PLEASE?

I WILL.

On the stairs.

AND ONE BY THE FRONT DOOR.

AND ONE

AS SHE'S GETTING READY --

PUTTING HER HAIR UP,

PUTTING HER MAKEUP ON.

OKAY, DO YOU WANT ONE

WHEN SHE'S SHAVING HER LEGS --

You know, one leg up,

IN THE TUB, WAVING

THE DISPOSABLE RAZOR IN THE AIR?

THIS IS

A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EVENT.

You get to be there

and I don't.

[ Sighing ] OH, BOY.

I figure

if I got enough pictures,

I COULD LINE THEM UP IN ORDER

AND PRETEND I WAS THERE.

MOM.

MAYBE BIND THEM TOGETHER,

MAKE A FLIP BOOK.

MOM, WOULD YOU LIKE

TO COME OVER ON SATURDAY

AND SEE RORY GO TO THE DANCE?

WHY, WHAT A NICE IDEA.

I'd love that.

THANK YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU AT 7:00.

[ EXHALES LOUDLY ]

HI, TRISTIN.

PARIS.

TWO, I ASSUME?

YOU ASSUME RIGHT.

SO, WHO ARE YOU TAKING?

WHY, ARE YOU FREE?

I'M, UH...

NAH, WHAT AM I THINKING?

YOU WOULDN'T BE FREE

THIS CLOSE TO THE DANCE.

HERE'S YOUR CHANGE.

HEY, IS YOUR HAIR SHORTER?

YEAH. 1/4 OF AN INCH.

REALLY?

I GOT IT TRIMMED.

WELL, LOOKS GOOD.

THANKS.

AND SHE'S READING AGAIN.

HOW NOVEL.

GOODBYE, TRISTIN.

WELL, DID YOU GET

THE "NOVEL" THING? BECAUSE --

I SAID, "GOODBYE."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I LIKE LINES.

THE GUY'S SUPPOSED TO BUY

THE TICKETS.

REALLY? DOES SUSAN FALUDI

KNOW ABOUT THIS?

UNLESS THERE IS NO GUY.

NO, THERE'S A GUY.

A CHEAP GUY.

WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY?

I LIKE 'EM CHEAP.

SLOPPY TOO --

BALD SPOT, BEER GUT,

THE PANTS THAT KINDA

SLIP DOWN IN THE BACK,

GIVING YOU

THAT GOOD PLUMBER SHOT.

THAT SENDS ME

THROUGH THE ROOF.

SO, WHO IS HE?

HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SAY

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" IN?

DOES HE GO TO THIS SCHOOL?

NO, HE DOESN'T.

UH-HUH. WELL, LOOK, OKAY,

I'LL CONFESS SOMETHING TO YOU.

I DON'T HAVE A DATE.

I HEAR SQUEAKY FROMME'S

UP FOR PAROLE SOON.

WELL, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT

YOU'D LIKE TO GO WITH ME.

YOU DID NOT.

I DID TOO.

YOU DID NOT, BECAUSE

YOU ARE NOT STUPID.

WHY, THANK YOU.

SLIMY AND WEASELLY, YES --

BUT STUPID, NO.

YOU'D HAVE TO BE STUPID TO THINK

THAT, GIVEN OUR HISTORY,

I'D EVER, BARRING A PIANO

OR A SAFE FALLING ON MY HEAD,

WANNA GO ANYWHERE

WITH YOU...EVER.

OKAY, FINE.

I'LL TAKE CISSY.

I'LL SEND HER

A CONDOLENCE CARD.

YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST SHE WON'T

BE BUYING HER OWN TICKET.

TWO, PLEASE.

IDIOT.

EXCUSE ME?

HE WAS TOTALLY NICE TO YOU.

AND YOU WERE A JERK.

YOU LIKE TRISTIN SO MUCH,

YOU GO OUT WITH HIM.

I DON'T HAVE CHANGE.

PAY ME LATER.

WHAT AM I, YOUR VERSATELLER?

WAIT FOR CHANGE.

I NEED CHANGE! NOW!

THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GOING WITH

SOMEONE BETTER THAN TRISTIN.

WHATEVER.

YOU PROBABLY

DON'T EVEN HAVE A DATE.

YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA COME

DOWN WITH SOME RARE FORM OF FLU

THAT ONLY HITS LOSERS

ON DANCE NIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T WANT MY CHANGE.

MONEY MAKES PEOPLE SHALLOW.

I'VE GOT YOUR CHANGE.

HEY. HEY!

IF YOU THINK I'M KEEPING

THIS DOLLAR, I'M NOT!

I'LL TAKE IT.

SHUT UP.

COME ON, ALREADY!

Rory: I'M PRIMPING.

YOU'RE 16! YOU HAVE SKIN

LIKE A BABY'S ASS!

THERE'S NOTHING TO PRIMP!

OKAY, OKAY, HERE I COME.

WOW. SOMEONE HIT YOU

WITH A PRETTY STICK.

THIS DRESS IS AMAZING.

YOU OUTDID YOURSELF.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, BABY.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

COME HERE.

WHAT?

STRAY HAIR.

FIX, PLEASE.

YES. [ CLICKS TONGUE ]

HMM. I THINK MY FAVORITE PART

IS THE SHOES.

THE HEELS HURT.

BEAUTY IS PAIN.

I'LL WEAR 'EM

ON MY WAY OUT.

YOU SHOULD WEAR THEM NOW

AND LET YOUR FEET GET NUMB.

THAT'S SICK.

GET ME THE HAIR SPRAY.

OKAY.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

IT'S OPEN!

IT'S ME!

I GOT TACOS!

YAY!

I GOT EXTRA HOT SAUCE

AND A COUPLE OF EXTRA BURRITOS

IN CASE YOU GET HUNGRY LATER.

YOU TAKE SUCH GOOD

CARE OF ME.

HEY, SOOKIE... LOOK.

[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD!

YOU'RE A MOVIE STAR!

I'M SERIOUS! OH MY...

AT SOME POINT TONIGHT,

WALK DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

MOVIE STARS

ALWAYS WALK DOWN STAIRCASES.

LET ME SPRAY WHILE

YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT SHE SAID.

YOU DON'T MOVE.

I GOT IT.

OKAY, HERE. OKAY.

OH!

SOOKIE.

WRONG WAY -- I GOT IT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, SWEETIE.

HAND THAT TO YOUR MOTHER,

AND MY EYELASHES

ARE ALL STUCK TOGETHER.

HONEY, ARE YOU SURE

YOU'RE ALRIGHT?

I'M FINE.

SHIELD THE TACOS.

OKAY, READY?

GOD!

OKAY.

THAT'LL BE GOOD

FOR SIX SLOW DANCES,

FOUR MEDIUM ONES,

ONE LAMBADA,

IF YOU PLAN

ON DOING ANY MOSHING,

I SUGGEST ANOTHER COAT.

I THINK I'M GOOD.

RORY, SWEETIE...

IS THIS SOAP BY THE SINK

IN THE SILVER BOTTLE?

NO!

WHOOPS.

GO IN THERE, QUICK.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

WE'RE IN HERE!

WE'RE IN HERE?

THAT'S HOW YOU ANSWER

THE DOOR?

WELL, I WAS

ALL OUT OF SARAN WRAP.

I DON'T WANT TO

FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.

I WANT TO SEE MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

KITCHEN.

OH, PERFECT.

I WANT TO BE READY

FOR THE BIG ENTRANCE.

HOW'S THE LIGHT IN HERE?

NEVER MIND. I'LL TAKE ONE

WITH THE FLASH AND ONE WITHOUT

TO MAKE SURE

WE'VE GOT IT RIGHT.

WOW, MOM, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'D THINK ANN TAYLOR WAS

HAVING A SALE OR SOMETHING.

OKAY, RORY,

COME IN HERE, PLEASE.

HEY, GRANDMA.

SHE HAS LIVED WITH YOU

TOO LONG.

LOSE THE BIB AND THE TACO,

PUT YOUR SHOES ON AND COME OUT.

LET GRANDMA TAKE

THE PRETTY PICTURE.

OKAY.

I'M GONNA GET GOING.

YOU ARE NOT DRIVING.

I WALKED.

IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN,

MRS. GILMORE,

OR AT LEAST

MAKE OUT YOUR SHAPE.

CALL ME IN 15 MINUTES,

OR I'M SENDING A SEARCH PARTY.

YOU CALL IF I NEED

TO HELP YOU UP THE STAIRS.

NO, I'LL BE FINE.

OKAY. BYE.

WHY WOULD YOU NEED

HELP UP THE STAIRS?

NO REASON. RORY, LET'S GO!

YOUR PUBLIC AWAITS!

WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING?

I'M COMFORTABLE.

ARE YOU HURT?

I HAVE A LITTLE BACK SPASM.

THAT'S IT.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

WHAT SORT OF BACK SPASM?

I DON'T KNOW, MOM.

JUST A NORMAL ONE.

THERE IS NOTHING NORMAL

ABOUT A BACK SPASM.

FROM THE FACT THAT IT HAS

"SPASM" MEANS IT'S NOT NORMAL.

ALRIGHT, HERE SHE IS.

GET YOUR CAMERA MOVING.

WHAT? OH, MY,

YOU'RE GORGEOUS!

OH! SMILE!

I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED

TO BUY HER A DRESS.

[ HORN HONKS ]

THAT'S DEAN!

HEY, COME HERE.

HAVE AN AMAZING TIME.

I'LL CHRONICLE THE WHOLE EVENING

FOR YOU -- I PROMISE.

BYE, GRANDMA.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO THE DANCE.

YOU DO NOT GO RUNNING

WHEN A BOY HONKS.

MOM, IT'S FINE.

IT CERTAINLY IS NOT FINE.

THIS IS NOT A DRIVE-THROUGH.

SHE IS NOT FRIED CHICKEN.

BUT I TOLD HIM TO HONK

AND I'D MEET HIM OUT THERE.

I DON'T CARE.

IF HE WANTS TO TAKE YOU OUT,

HE'LL WALK UP TO THIS DOOR

AND KNOCK

AND SAY "GOOD EVENING"

AND COME INSIDE FOR A MOMENT

LIKE ANY CIVILIZED

HUMAN BEING WOULD KNOW TO DO.

NOW, MOM, THIS IS SILLY.

I HAVE MET HIM.

WELL, I HAVEN'T.

YEAH, BUT...

WE WILL WAIT

UNTIL HE COMES TO THE DOOR.

HE DOESN'T KNOW

HE'S SUPPOSED TO.

HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

[ SIGHS ]

[ HONKING CONTINUES ]

HE'S NOT A VERY BRIGHT BOY.

MOM, PLEASE.

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

DON'T RUSH.

A LADY NEVER RUSHES.

HEY.

HEY. UH, I THOUGHT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO HONK.

I KNOW.

I'M SORRY.

YOUNG MAN...

COME IN HERE, PLEASE.

HEY, DEAN.

MEET MY MOTHER -- EMILY POST.

EMILY GILMORE.

HI.

HELLO.

GREAT RAP SESSION.

ALRIGHT,

YOU GUYS ARE OUT OF HERE.

BE HOME BY 11:00.

12:00.

BYE, GRANDMA.

BYE, MOM.

BYE.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT

THIS BOY?

I KNOW THAT RORY LIKES HIM,

AND THAT HIS PAROLE OFFICER

HAS HIGH HOPES

FOR HIS REHABILITATION.

DOES HE DRINK?

LIKE A FISH.

THAT'S NOT A CRAZY QUESTION.

IT IS A CRAZY QUESTION,

BECAUSE IF I HAD KNOWLEDGE

OF HIM BEING A DRINKER,

HE WOULD NOT BE WITH RORY NOW.

YES, BUT --

MOM, PLEASE RELAX.

DEAN IS A GOOD KID.

RORY'S GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME.

YOU GOT YOUR PICTURES.

AND TOMORROW I WILL CALL YOU

AND GIVE YOU ALL THE DETAILS.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU CAN'T BE LEFT ALONE.

YES, I CAN.

YOU'VE BEEN SITTING

ON THAT COUCH SINCE I GOT HERE.

THAT'S BECAUSE

THIS IS A RIGHT COMFY COUCH.

MAYBE I SHOULD STAY.

NO, MOM,

YOU REALLY

DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

I'M NOT LEAVING MY DAUGHTER!

WHAT IF YOU NEED TO GET

TO THE BATHROOM?

I DON'T GO ANYMORE.

I GAVE IT UP COLD TURKEY.

I'M STAYING.

NO, MOM...

LOOK --

[ Laughing ]

I CAN STAND, OKAY?

SEE?

I'M UP. OKAY? SEE?

I-I'M -- I'M FINE.

MOVE.

WHAT?

MOVE.

IF YOU'RE FINE, THEN MOVE.

I CAN MOVE.

THIS IS ME MOVING.

ANY SECOND NOW,

THE MOVING WILL BEGIN.

RATS.

I'LL GO START SOME TEA.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE

SOMETHING BESIDES LIPTON.

OH, A STROKE WOULD BE

SO GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

[ SIGHS ]

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST FORGET

ABOUT THIS.

OKAY.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST A DANCE.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

BEATS ME.

AND THESE KIDS

AT MY SCHOOL -- AWFUL.

HAVE YOU SEEN "THE OUTSIDERS"?

YEAH, I HAVE.

JUST CALL ME PONYBOY.

I HEARD THIS PLACE

IS BEAUTIFUL, THOUGH --

OLD AND HISTORIC.

MAYBE WE COULD JUST GO IN

FOR A MINUTE.

FINE.

OR NOT.

FINE TOO.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHY CAN'T I DECIDE?

THIS IS STUPID.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK THAT YOU LOOK AMAZING

TONIGHT.

MAYBE JUST A COUPLE MINUTES

WON'T HURT.

YES, MARTA. JUST MAKE SURE

EVERYTHING'S LOCKED UP BEFORE

YOU LEAVE.

NO, I WON'T BE HOME TONIGHT.

[ GROANS ]

WAS THAT A PAIN?

YES, A BIG ONE.

ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. BYE.

SO, MOM... YOU REALLY,

REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

DON'T BE SILLY. I COULDN'T

LEAVE YOU ALONE LIKE THIS.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MOM?

I'M TRYING TO FIND

THE CANDLESTICKS I BOUGHT YOU.

WHAT CANDLESTICKS?

THE BACCARAT CANDLESTICKS

I BOUGHT YOU LAST YEAR

FOR CHRISTMAS.

I ASSUMED YOU STUFFED THEM

IN THE BACK OF THE CLOSET

SOMEWHERE.

WELL, NO, I DID NOT STUFF THEM

IN THE BACK OF THE CLOSET.

WELL, THEN WHERE ARE THEY?

I DON'T SEE THEM OUT.

WELL, SEE, WE DIDN'T

ACTUALLY HAVE A BIG USE

FOR THE CRYSTAL CANDLESTICKS,

SO I KIND OF...

EXCHANGED THEM.

FOR WHAT?

A MONKEY LAMP.

PARDON ME?

IT'S A LAMP

WITH A BUNCH OF MONKEYS ON IT.

BACCARAT CRYSTAL CANDLESTICKS

FOR A MONKEY LAMP?

THEY'RE REALLY, REALLY

HAPPY MONKEYS, MOM.

WHERE IS THIS LAMP?

I WANT TO SEE IT.

IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE DESK.

OH, MY GOD!

THEY'RE HOLDING COCONUTS

AND LEERING!

IT'S FUNNY.

YOU TRADED MY LOVELY GIFT

FOR A SEMI-PORNOGRAPHIC

LEERING MONKEY LAMP?!

HOW COULD YOU?!

THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT

RETURNING A GIFT.

THIS GOES TO THE VERY HEART

OF THE QUESTION OF TASTE.

YOU WERE GIVEN

SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE,

AND YOU CAST IT OFF

FOR A RIDICULOUS,

SLIGHTLY SINISTER

BARROOM DECORATION?!

EXPLAIN THIS TO ME, LORELAI.

MY BACK HURTS.

♪ AND I WON'T TAKE ♪

♪ FROM YOU ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW ♪

♪ 'BOUT A ZILLION YEARS AGO ♪

♪ SOME STAR SNEEZED... ♪

WELL,

IT'S A VERY GOOD ROOM.

LOOKS HISTORICAL.

I COMMEND THE PERSON

WHO SUGGESTED THIS LOCATION.

SO, WE COULD JUST GET

OUR PICTURE TAKEN AND LEAVE.

WE COULD.

OR WE COULD DANCE

A LITTLE FIRST.

YEAH?

I STRESS "A LITTLE."

SOMETHING SLOW.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

CAN WE GO YET?

WE HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN DINNER.

I'M BORED.

WE'VE TO WAIT

FOR PARIS ANYWAY.

FINE. GIVE ME YOUR ROLL.

WOW.

WHAT?

RORY GILMORE.

GOD, SHE'S GOT GOOD HAIR.

WHO'S THE DISH?

BEATS ME.

HE'S NOT FROM THE MANOR BORN,

THAT'S FOR SURE.

LET'S GO.

SO SHOULD WE DANCE

OR SHOULD WE SIT FIRST?

RORY...

YOU CAME.

OH, GREAT DRESS.

WHO'S IT BY?

LORELAI GILMORE.

YOU MADE IT YOURSELF?

NO, MY MOM MADE IT

FOR ME.

SHE DID, REALLY?

YEAH.

SO YOU TRAVELING

WITH A BODYGUARD NOW?

OH, NO, THIS IS MY --

THIS IS DEAN.

DEAN, THIS IS

LOUISE AND MADELINE.

HEY.

MY MOM CAN'T MAKE ANYTHING.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

UH...

SOUP -- SHE CAN MAKE SOUP.

YOU KNOW, MY WHOLE FAMILY

IS REALLY TALL --

I MEAN, THE MEN MOSTLY.

WHAT ARE YOU, 6'1", 6'2"?

DOES HE GET A PRIZE

IF HE GUESSES?

ONE KIND OF SOUP, ACTUALLY.

IT'S GREEN, LUMPY.

I'M 6'2".

ACTUALLY, SHE CAN'T MAKE

SOUP EITHER.

6'2" IS A GOOD HEIGHT.

YOU THINK?

I THINK.

HUH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

TOO TALL?

NOT IN HEELS...

GOOD.

ALTHOUGH, THE SADDLE SHOES

MAKE IT KINDA DIFFICULT.

I'LL JUST

HAVE TO STOOP THEN.

I GUESS SO.

OKAY, I'M BORED.

I LIKE YOUR DRESS.

THANKS.

HEY, YOU'RE NICE.

[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ]

SLOW SONG.

LET'S GO.

RORY.

PARIS.

I SEE YOU CAME.

YOU SOLD ME THE TICKET.

I'M JACOB.

HI, I'M RORY.

THIS IS DEAN.

HI.

HI.

EXCUSE US.

THOSE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

I WAS BEING POLITE.

WELL, DON'T.

SO, THAT'S PARIS?

YES, IT IS.

SHE SEEMS FUN.

OH, YEAH, SHE IS.

OKAY, SO,

THIS DANCING THING

IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO

GET USED TO OR COMMENT ON.

NOW, THAT GOES BOTH WAYS.

HEY, IF I KISS YOU,

IS A NUN GONNA COME OUT

AND BOOT ME OUT OF HERE?

IT'S NOT A CATHOLIC SCHOOL.

SO I CAN KISS YOU?

YEAH, YOU CAN KISS ME.

[SLOW ROMANTIC BALLAD PLAYS]

OKAY, I'M PERFECT NOW.

GREAT.

YOU WANNA DANCE?

NOPE.

YOU WANT TO EAT?

NOPE.

YOU WANNA GO MAKE OUT?

YEAH, ALRIGHT, LET'S GO.

SO, PONYBOY, YOU HAPPY?

YEAH, I'M HAPPY.

THERE YOU GO.

MOM, I THINK SOMEBODY ALREADY

ATE THAT.

THAT IS A MASHED

BANANA ON TOAST.

OKAY.

I USED TO MAKE THIS

ALL THE TIME FOR YOU.

YOU DID?

YES, WHENEVER YOU GOT SICK

I MADE THIS.

YOU SURE IT WASN'T

THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

YOU DON'T WANT IT?

NO, I WANT IT.

I'LL JUST TAKE IT BACK.

NO, MOM, I SAID

I WANT IT.

ARE YOU SURE?

RELINQUISH THE

BANANA, PLEASE.

MMM.

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE

COMFORTABLE LIKE THAT.

MOTHER, PLEASE, THIS IS

THE FIRST POSITION IN 24 HOURS

THAT HAS NOT MADE ME CRAZY.

ALRIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT EATING.

MOM...

YES?

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME

EAT THIS.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING.

WELL, SOOKIE LEFT ME

A BURRITO IN THE FRIDGE.

I'LL GO WARM IT UP.

I CAN EAT IT COLD.

OH. FINE. I'LL JUST

GO GET IT THEN.

HOT'S BETTER, THOUGH.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

IT'S ABOUT DANNY.

DANNY?

IS HE ALRIGHT?

WHAT IS IT?

WELL...

SHE GOT DANNY...

OKAY, UH, I NEED

SOMETHING TO DRINK.

YOU WANT SOME PUNCH?

SURE.

HI. RORY, RIGHT?

YES.

JACOB. WE MET EARLIER

WITH PARIS.

YES, I REMEMBER.

YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?

ACTUALLY, I AM. YOU?

IT'S OKAY.

SO, WAS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT SURE.

YOU'RE NOT SURE?

WE'VE ONLY BEEN GOING OUT

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

SO THERE'S STILL

A LITTLE ROOM TO PLAY?

WHAT?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

OH, NO, THANKS.

MAYBE I COULD GET

YOUR NUMBER?

WHAT FOR?

TO CALL YOU.

I'M SORRY,

AREN'T YOU HERE WITH PARIS?

YEAH.

SO MAYBE

YOU SHOULDN'T BE OVER HERE

ASKING ME FOR MY NUMBER THEN.

WHY?

PARIS IS MY COUSIN.

YOUR COUSIN?

YEAH.

PARIS IS YOUR COUSIN?

YOU'RE RELATED?

YEAH.

JACOB...

IT'S BEEN VERY NICE

TO MEET YOU.

I HOPE YOU HAVE

A LOVELY EVENING.

YOU'RE A SMART INSURANCE MAN,

AREN'T YOU...

OH, LOOK --

BARBARA STANWYCK.

I JUST LOVE BARBARA STANWYCK.

OH, YEAH.

SHE'S GOOD.

SHE HAD THAT WONDERFUL VOICE --

THAT HUSKY, DEEP VOICE.

I JUST LOVE THAT VOICE.

HMM. YOU KNOW, MOM,

YOU HAVE KIND OF

A BARBARA STANWYCK VOICE.

OH, I DO NOT.

I MEAN IT.

YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN

FRED MacMURRAY

TO OFF DAD

IF YOU'D REALLY WANTED TO.

YOU DO ENJOY TEASING ME,

DON'T YOU?

YOU KNOW, I REALLY DO.

YOU KNOW,

RORY LOOKED SO LOVELY TONIGHT.

SHE DID, DIDN'T SHE?

I CAN'T GET OVER

HOW SHE'S GROWN

INTO THAT WOMAN

WHO WALKED OUT OF HERE.

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM?

HMM.

I MADE THE DRESS.

YOU DID A LOVELY JOB.

THANK YOU.

WITH RORY AND THE DRESS.

THANK YOU.

WELL...

LET ME GET THIS

OUT OF YOUR WAY.

YOU REALLY DON'T REMEMBER ME

MAKING THIS FOR YOU?

I DON'T.

I'M SORRY.

WELL, I DID,

AND YOU LOVED IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME GIVE IT A TRY.

ALRIGHT.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

HMM.

YES?

IT'S EVEN MORE DISGUSTING

THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.

OH, IT IS NOT.

OH, MY GOD!

IT'S HORRIBLE!

WHAT ON EARTH

WAS I THINKING?!

SO, UH, YOU WANT TO MAYBE GO?

YOU'RE BORED?

I'M SORRY.

YEAH, LET'S GO. RIGHT AWAY.

I'M NOT BORED.

I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, THERE'S

STILL A LITTLE TIME LEFT.

MAYBE WE COULD GET

A CUP OF COFFEE SOMEWHERE,

HANG OUT A LITTLE,

TAKE A WALK.

YOU KNOW JUST US.

THAT'D BE NICE.

NO, YOU STAY.

I'LL GET THE COATS.

SO, HOW MANY PEOPLE

HAVE YOU TOLD?

FOUR? FIVE? EVERYBODY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW THAT JACOB'S

MY COUSIN,

AND NOW YOU HAVE THE AMMUNITION

TO PAY ME BACK.

I DON'T WANNA PAY YOU BACK,

I JUST WANNA GET AWAY.

YOU CAN GO ALL OVER

THE SCHOOL

AND TELL EVERYONE

THAT PARIS COULDN'T GET A DATE.

THAT SHE HAD NO ONE AND SINCE

SHE COULDN'T JUST NOT COME,

SHE'D TO ASK HER COUSIN

TO TAKE HER,

AND GIVE HIM GAS MONEY

TO MAKE HIM DO IT!

GO AHEAD, TELL THEM!

I DON'T HAVE TO.

YOU JUST DID.

WE HAVEN'T MET.

NO, WE HAVEN'T.

I'M TRISTIN.

AH, YES, WE HAVE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

RORY'S MENTIONED YOU.

OH, YEAH?

I WOULDN'T GET

SO EXCITED ABOUT IT.

WHY? DID SHE SAY SOMETHING MEAN?

SHE SAID YOU'RE A JACKASS.

REALLY?

ACTUALLY, NO.

RORY DOESN'T USE WORDS

LIKE THAT. I EMBELLISHED.

SO YOU'RE THE BIG,

STRONG PROTECTOR?

LITTLE PRINCESS

NEEDS A PROTECTOR?

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?

NOTHING. JUST DON'T LIKE

YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

REALLY? IT DOESN'T LOOK

THAT WAY TO ME.

I DON'T CARE

HOW IT LOOKS TO YOU.

HEY, YOU GOT IN MY PATH,

NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

WHY, ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?

GET OUT OF MY WAY, "DRISTAN."

AREN'T YOU CLEVER?

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING. JUST GETTING TO KNOW

YOUR BOYFRIEND.

IT'S GOING REAL WELL,

DON'T YOU THINK?

OH, YEAH. WE'RE JUST ABOUT

TO BUILD A CLUB HOUSE.

I HATE TO BREAK UP

THE PARTY, BUT WE SHOULD GO.

WHY? LITTLE GIRL'S

GOT TO BE HOME?

STOP!

NO, I THINK YOU TWO

MAKE A VERY CUTE COUPLE.

IS YOUR HORSE AND BUGGY

PARKED OUTSIDE?

GOTTA GET HOME

FOR THE BARN RAISING.

LET'S GO.

WHAT THE HELL

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

YOU WILL NOT PUSH ME AGAIN!

ARE YOU TRYING TO ACT TOUGH?!

YOU'RE WEARING A TIE!

OUTSIDE NOW!

I'M NOT FIGHTING YOU.

IT'D BE LIKE FIGHTING

AN ACCOUNTANT.

I'LL CALL YOU

WHEN I NEED MY TAXES DONE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ME,

TRISTIN!

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE I'LL KILL YOU, IDIOT!

COME ON, RORY.

YOU WILL NOT COME NEAR HER...

EVER AGAIN.

WOW, THAT WAS GOOD.

WHATEVER.

ARE YOU OKAY?

DID YOU REALLY BRING

YOUR COUSIN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GO TO SLEEP.

THE MOVIE'S NOT OVER.

I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT ENDS.

THANK YOU, MOMMY.

♪ WON'T YOU LET ME... ♪

THAT WAS QUITE A DANCE.

I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW

WHAT GOT INTO HIM.

I DO.

WHAT?

HE HAS A THING FOR YOU.

NO, HE DOESN'T. IT'S JUST

A GAME TO HIM OR SOMETHING.

HE HAS A THING FOR YOU.

HE DOES NOTHING BUT INSULT ME

AND MAKE ME MISERABLE.

HE HAS A THING FOR YOU.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL

ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW.

HAVING MY BOYFRIEND

DEFEND MY HONOR.

IT'S WEIRD.

UH, BOYFRIEND?

WHAT?

YOU SAID "BOYFRIEND."

NO, I JUST MEANT

"BOYFRIEND" IN THE SENSE

THAT THE "DEFENDING ME" THING

WAS VERY "BOYFRIENDY,"

BUT ONLY IN THE BROADEST SENSE

OF THE WORD,

WHICH DOESN'T EVEN APPLY

AT ALL HERE.

YOU ARE

SERIOUSLY BABBLING.

I DIDN'T MEAN

THAT YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND.

OKAY.

I DON'T THINK

YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND.

OKAY.

DEAN?

WHAT?

ARE YOU MY BOYFRIEND?

IN THE "BROADEST SENSE

OF THE WORD" WAY?

NO, IN THE REAL,

"HI, THIS IS DEAN,

MY BOYFRIEND" KIND OF WAY.

WELL,

I AM IF YOU WANT ME TO BE.

I DO.

OKAY.

SO IT'S SETTLED.

YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND.

THAT'S THE CONSENSUS.

I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD

ABOUT THIS DECISION.

WELL, I'M VERY GLAD

TO HEAR IT.

I GUESS MISS PATTY

FORGOT TO LOCK UP.

I'VE NEVER REALLY SEEN

IN HERE BEFORE.

ARE ALL THESE WOMEN

REALLY MISS PATTY?

YEP.

SHE'S DONE EVERYTHING

THERE'S TO DO IN SHOW BUSINESS

EXCEPT SET FIRE TO THE HOOP

THE DOG JUMPS THROUGH.

I'LL GET IT.

GOD, THIS WEIGHS A TON.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN HERE?

I DON'T KNOW --

A LIPSTICK, $5 BILL,

GUM, HAIR SPRAY, A BOOK.

A BOOK?

YEAH.

YOU BROUGHT A BOOK

TO THE DANCE?

YOU THOUGHT THERE'D BE

A LOT OF DOWNTIME?

NO, I JUST TAKE A BOOK

WITH ME EVERYWHERE.

IT'S JUST HABIT.

SO, UH,

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

"THE PORTABLE

DOROTHY PARKER."

"THERE'S LITTLE

IN TAKING OR GIVING.

"THERE'S LITTLE

IN WATER OR WINE.

"THIS LIVING, THIS LIVING,

THIS LIVING

WAS NEVER A PROJECT

OF MINE."

CHEERY.

FUNNY, THOUGH.

HEY.

WHAT?

THANK YOU FOR TONIGHT.

IT WAS PERFECT.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

OKAY, LADIES,

GRAB YOUR YOGA MATS.

I DON'T THINK

I'LL EVER GET WARM AGAIN.

OH, MY GOODNESS!

IT'S LORELAI'S GIRL!

PATTY, RORY GILMORE

IS HERE!

WHAT?!

SHE'S OVER HERE,

ASLEEP WITH THE BAG BOY

FROM THE MARKET.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

RORY, HONEY...

IT'S MISS PATTY.

RORY?

RORY,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MISS PATTY?

YES. HAVE YOU BEEN HERE ALL

NIGHT?

OH, NO.

DEAN, WAKE UP.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING.

OH, MY GOD.

WE FELL ASLEEP.

HOW COULD WE

HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP?!

CALM DOWN.

I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOUR MOM.

WHERE'S MY PURSE?

WHERE'S MY PURSE?

I GOT IT. RELAX.

I HAVE TO GO.

RORY...

WAIT UP!

I HAVE TO GO.

I'M GOING WITH YOU.

WE'LL EXPLAIN.

IT'LL BE OKAY.

NO, YOU CAN'T COME WITH ME.

NOT EVEN NEAR MY HOUSE.

IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!

I JUST HAVE TO GET HOME!

LET ME COME WITH YOU!

NO!

RORY.

I HAVE TO GO HOME!

LORELAI, GET UP.

NOW! RIGHT NOW!

WHAT?

RORY'S NOT HOME.

RORY'S WHAT?

I SAT IN THAT CHAIR ALL NIGHT,

I DOZED OFF FOR ONE SECOND.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW,

IT'S 5:30, AND SHE'S NOT HERE.

RORY!

SHE'S NOT THERE!

AREN'T YOU LISTENING?

RORY!

RORY!

WHERE'S THE PHONE?

CALL THE POLICE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

CALL THE POLICE!

MOM, STOP IT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M LOOKING FOR THE PHONE.

WHY DON'T YOU EVER CLEAN UP?

YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND THE PHONE!

WHAT IF THERE WAS A FIRE?

WHAT IF RORY WAS CHOKING?

MOM, STOP YELLING!

RORY IS MISSING!

I KNOW THAT, AND YOUR YELLING

IS NOT HELPING ME!

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

RORY?!

OH, PATTY.

WHAT?

OKAY.

THANKS.

NO, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OKAY. BYE-BYE.

RORY'S OKAY.

WHERE IS SHE?

SHE AND DEAN

WERE AT MISS PATTY'S.

WHAT IS THAT, A MOTEL?

IT'S A DANCE STUDIO.

THAT WAS PATTY.

SHE FOUND THEM ASLEEP

AND WOKE THEM UP,

AND RORY'S ON HER WAY HOME.

AND WHAT STATE

WERE THEY FOUND IN?

SHE DIDN'T SAY.

LET'S BE CALM

UNTIL WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!

NO, WE DON'T.

THEY WERE OUT ALL NIGHT!

I'M GONNA MAKE SOME COFFEE.

LORELAI GILMORE,

I'VE WATCHED YOU DO

A LOT OF STUPID THINGS IN YOUR

LIFE, AND I HAVE HELD MY TONGUE.

YOU'VE WHAT?

BUT I'LL NOT STAND BY

AND LET YOU ALLOW

THAT GIRL TO RUIN HER LIFE.

MOM... BACK OFF.

SHE SPENT THE NIGHT OUT

WITH THAT BOY --

THE ONE YOU LET HER

RUN OFF TO THAT DANCE WITH.

MOM, I'LL NOT

GET INTO THIS WITH YOU.

SHE'S DOING THE SAME THING

YOU DID.

SHE'S GONNA GET PREGNANT.

NO, SHE'S NOT.

SHE'S GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING

JUST LIKE YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.

NO, SHE'S NOT!

NO, SHE'S NOT! NO, SHE'S NOT!

RORY IS A GOOD KID, MOM!

SHE'S NOT ME!

WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?

WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WERE YOU?

YOU'RE GONNA LOSE HER

JUST LIKE I LOST YOU.

I AM NOT GONNA LOSE HER.

DO YOU HEAR ME?

EVEN IF I HADN'T

GOTTEN PREGNANT,

YOU STILL WOULD HAVE LOST ME.

I HAD NOTHING IN THAT HOUSE --

NO LIFE, NO AIR.

YOU STRANGLED ME.

I DO NOT STRANGLE RORY.

OH, YOU'RE SO PERFECT,

AND I WAS SO HORRIBLE.

I PUT YOU IN GOOD SCHOOLS,

I GAVE YOU

THE BEST OF EVERYTHING,

I MADE SURE YOU HAD

THE FINEST OPPORTUNITIES,

AND I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING

ABOUT HOW YOU WERE SUFFOCATED

AND I WAS SO CONTROLLING.

IF I WAS SO CONTROLLING,

WHY COULDN'T I CONTROL YOU

GETTING PREGNANT

AND THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY?

GET OUT!

WHAT?

YOU WILL NOT

COME INTO MY HOUSE

AND TELL ME

I THREW MY LIFE AWAY!

LOOK AROUND, MOM.

THIS IS A LIFE!

IT HAS A LITTLE COLOR, SO IT MAY

LOOK UNFAMILIAR TO YOU,

BUT IT'S A LIFE.

IF I HADN'T GOTTEN PREGNANT,

I WOULDN'T HAVE RORY.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

MAYBE I WAS SOME HORRIBLE,

UNCONTROLLABLE CHILD

LIKE YOU SAY,

BUT RORY ISN'T.

SHE'S SMART AND CAREFUL,

AND I TRUST HER.

IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT

OR BELIEVE IT,

I DON'T WANT YOU IN THIS HOUSE!

[ WATER RUNNING ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

MOM, THANK YOU FOR SAYING

ALL THOSE --

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,

STAYING OUT ALL NIGHT?!

ARE YOU INSANE?!

I'M SORRY.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

YOU'RE TALKING TO THE QUEEN

OF STAYING OUT ALL NIGHT.

I INVENTED THE CONCEPT.

THIS IS NO ACCIDENT!

YOU CAN'T DO THIS! PERIOD!

NOTHING HAPPENED.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO WAKE UP

WITH MY MOTHER HERE

AND FIND OUT

THAT YOU NEVER CAME HOME?

THIS IS ABOUT GRANDMA

BEING HERE.

NO, IT'S ABOUT THE FEELING

OF COMPLETE TERROR

WHEN YOUR KID ISN'T IN HER BED

IN THE MORNING!

AND A WHOLE DIFFERENT KIND

OF TERROR

WHEN YOU FIND OUT SHE SPENT

THE NIGHT WITH SOME GUY!

I DIDN'T SPEND THE NIGHT.

WE FELL ASLEEP.

YOU ARE GOING ON THE PILL.

YOU ARE NOT GETTING PREGNANT.

I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH DEAN!

WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THAT STUFF

YOU SAID TO GRANDMA?

WHAT HAPPENED TO TRUSTING ME?

WHERE DID ALL THAT GO?

WELL, I THINK IT'S BACK

ON PATTY'S YOGA MATS.

THIS IS CRAP!

YOU KNOW

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

YOU KNOW

THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT!

YOU'RE JUST MAD

BECAUSE I SCREWED UP

IN FRONT OF GRANDMA,

AND SHE NAILED YOU FOR IT.

WELL, I'M SORRY

THAT I SCREWED UP,

I'M SORRY

THAT YOU GOT YELLED AT,

BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,

AND YOU KNOW IT!