Original subtitles

Who is Don in the land dispute with?

The Dungalaba Corporation.

Al, we know your family was involved in a land dispute with Don Darrell.

What it looks like is you dragging a very dead Don Darrell

up the jetty towards the donga.

He wasn't dead. He was shit-faced.

He was alive when I left him.

Isaac found it wedged in some mangroves.

-So it's a dick-bum. -A dick and a bum.

-Yeah, it's a dick bum. -Yeah, that's what it is.

[Culkin] Redcliffe directing Sergeant Ferguson

to conduct a premises search today, that wasn't great.

Eddie did what?

Frank's been up to his old tricks again, hasn't he?

Doing what, Eddie?

Poaching wild crocs, Collins, OK?

We have our own case.

Someone else went out to the donga after Al left.

So I need you here, not fixating on your dad.

I didn't poach any crocs!

What is this, Frank?

Did you chop Don Darrell?

Found a police-issue handgun with two rounds missing

and we're just hoping to identify the owner.

[tense music plays]

[Frank] This is a bloody dog act.

But it wouldn't be your first dog act, would it, Edwina?

-Probably won't be your last dog act, either! -Alright! Stop the car.

I'm getting out. I'm going to get the taser.

-Uh, no- No! You will not be doing that, Eddie, no. -Yep. I am.

I'm just going to fuckin' charge it up and then zap, zap, zap.

-Yeah, go and get it out. -Come on!

-[both shout] -Enough!

-[? Gina G's "(Ooh-Ah) Just A Little Bit" plays loudly on radio] -Fuck's sake!

[indistinct shouting and swearing]

Alright, Frank, settle down! [turns off radio]

Eddie, put your belt on.

[buckle clicks]

We will question Frank formally,

in our kitchenette,

with a recording device.

Why'd you fuckin' do it?

-Eddie. Eddie, no. -[Frank] I didn't do nothing!

-It was a stitch-up! -Oh, come on!

You've been talking about killing Don Darrell for 40 years.

We found a chainsaw buried in your backyard

like a dead budgie.

Not to mention the fact that Leo found some of your crap in the river scrap.

What was it, Collins? What was it? Hey?

Um... We will talk about that later.

We w- Yeah, we will talk about it later. It was something big, wasn't it?

You are up shit creek without a snorkel, mate.

Those forensics are searching every nook and fanny at Don's donga.

And if they so much as find a silver pube of yours,

-you are going down. -Alright!

You got me.

I done it.

I murdered Don Darrell.

How'd you fuckin' do it?

Eddie. Eddie, no.

[Eddie] You've really stepped it up, shit-face. You're going down.

A jury's going to have no trouble at all imagining the bunny hop you've made

from fuckin' animal cruelty to full-blown fuckin' homicide.

I'm going to cook you like a three-course dinner, mate.

It's going to be soup, meat

-and a fuckin' Viennetta! -[phone ringing]

Collins, don't answer that.

-40 years of this shit! Fuck my dick! -Of course I'm not going to answer it!

-I'm just going to turn it off. -Rabbit!

[brakes squeal]

[Culkin] Uh, Detective Collins?

Hi, Col.

We've got a bit of a problem at HQ.

[theme music plays]

[man] Double-page spread in a national fuckin' paper.

Full colour.

The son, DJ Darrell, says,

"The cops went after Jason Wade,

ipso facto, they think he murdered my dad."

So there it is, in black and fuckin' white.

It's not black and white, it's a full-colour spread.

We never discussed anything of the kind with DJ, sir.

Commissioner, could we seek a legal retraction from the paper?

He called Jason Wade a murderer, right?

You can't unsuck that cock.

What the fuck are you wearing?

Oh, well, you said you were coming in at ten and I had running club, so-

Close your legs, mate. One of your nuts has popped out.

No, no, no, that's a pocket, sir.

-That's a very low-hanging pocket. -No, that's a nut.

-It's not. -That's a nut there. -[low-pitched squeaking]

Ah, here we go again.

Every weekend, these eight-foot fuckin' she-mans

from that gay club Knob across the alley

hurl shit at us.

Vomit, dingers filled with jizz.

Oh, and Cher here, he thinks we should march with them at Pride.

No, well, I asked my 20-year-old about that

and she said no.

It's unbelievable,

'cause you bunch of fucks have been up at Barra Creek five fuckin' days

and, by all reports, your investigation has changed direction

more times than a bat with a fuckin' concussion.

Oh, we would agree that it has been a bit of a bumpy start, sir,

but we are currently piecing together a picture-

A picture?!

This isn't a 1,000-piece puzzle of a fuckin' puppy in a hat.

We haven't got time to let this drag out,

particularly if Don Darrell's seagull family

keeps squawking to the press!

Well, actually, Commissioner,

the detectives had a breakthrough overnight.

They found a chainsaw at the property of a person of interest in an area-

Oh, good! Because Blunt's team has made a breakthrough too.

-Really? Have they? -Yeah.

Two backpacks were found at River Creek by a hunter and his pig dogs.

So if you don't finish piecing together your pictures,

I'm going to hand your case over to Blunt

so fast that your heads will spin off your necks

like a fuckin' Greek discus, do you understand?

-Fuckin' spin your head off like a fuckin'... -We do understand.

-[Eddie continues muttering] -We absolutely understand! Yes, sir.

Put some fuckin' pants on, Culkin, before I involve HR.

Yes, sir. [clears throat]

-Well, wasn't he delightful. -[phone dings]

-Proud to serve with him. -Fucking Cotton.

-Taking our case and giving it to Blunt. -Uh, it's Cath.

She needs us to pick something up from the Kucka Truck...

-a Kucka Trucka for Ladies' Day Night. -What the fuck is that?

-[phone dings] -And Pat's also messaged.

Roger claims Frank's detainment

contravenes his right to "Ipsum lorem".

OK. Yep, alright. Roger's not a real lawyer.

Eddie.

Eddie!

[Eddie] I'm cutting through next to Knob, chasing the fans.

OK, Pat also wants to know how long do you think we'll be holding Frank

because he wants a continental breakfast from the pub and it costs $38.

Text "bread and gruel the cunt".

Oh, I am going to text the C-word to Pat, Eddie, yep.

OK, so we can't hold Frank forever.

Well, we're not going to let him go.

He confessed and there was evidence in his yard.

OK. Well, the chainsaw needs to be analysed

and his confession was informal.

-To charge him, we need to build a case. -We have a motive.

Frank found King, OK? And that rat bastard Don took the credit.

So, for 40 years, Frank's been farting hot air about killing Don

-and now he's finally done it. -OK, OK, OK.

So, ipso facto, Frank did it.

But we need a motive that is reasonable, not croc-based.

-Hey, croc-based motives are reasonable. -Next, we need to ascertain

how Frank could have done this.

[Eddie] OK, Big Eyes will autopsy the dick-bum and test the chainsaw.

Backpack can look into its origins.

We're like an investigative turducken.

[Dulcie] Well, Leo said they can't work with us today.

[Eddie] What? My mentos? Why not?

So, DJ, what are some of your fondest memories of your dad?

I'll tell you my fondest memory, Leon, right?

-Jason-fuckin'-Wade's reign of the river... -[Amber] DJ!

-...is over! -I wasn't recording. -[Amber] DJ!

Rabbit said the cops were questioning someone else from Land of Crocs!

-Who? Who was it? -[Amber] I don't know who it was!

My dad saw lights in the sky once.

They hovered there and...

just flew away.

[Amber and DJ continue talking indistinctly]

Two days later, King ate his leg.

Thanks, Troy, that's great colour.

[engine idling]

[sighs] God help us.

Pat, is Reddy and that other copper in there?

Nah, sorry, Mik, I don't know where they are.

Why was my brother questioned by them yesterday?

Hey, do you want to come inside? I just made a cuppa.

No, no, no, I'll stick to the perimeters, thanks,

like at Chernobyl.

Listen, why wasn't Legal Aid notified?

Oh, I popped my head in. That was nothing serious, Mik.

They were just chatting to Al about, you know,

why he was at the donga with Don on the night he was murdered.

-Right. -Yeah, it was all good.

Al let them know he was out on the river

on the big king tide cultural business, of course,

and they sent him on his way.

[kid] Mav, kick it to me!

Hey, I met young Mav yesterday.

He wasn't too keen on me giving him a lift home.

Yeah, well, Mav doesn't know you, Pat.

The cops put his dad in jail.

Mmm. I see he's had a few run-ins with the law, too.

Well, I guess that might colour things for him.

You tell those two, next time they want to chat to my brother,

they need an advocate present.

Oh, no, no, they won't be questioning him anymore.

They're holding someone else now.

Who? Not more mob?

Oh, I'm not at liberty to say, love.

-[Frank] Pat! I need to make a lunch order. -Oh...

Alright, Frank, just keep it down, mate.

[Frank] I want a chicken parma,

and a laksa cheesecake for my hypoglycaemia.

OK, let's get you lot to Uncle Roger's, eh?

No playing kick-to-kick with his artwork this time, please.

[Cherry] How do we know what's his art and what's his rubbish?

Alright, you swampy fucks, this is a lock-in

until you lot start talking about Sunday night.

You're up first, Florals. Come on, snitch it up.

How did she take the news about Bushy's gun being found?

Oh, I haven't told her yet.

-Hey! Clear off, grey gonads. -[Cath] What? Dulce!

Oh, well, no, I was going to tell her last night,

but then her dad got arrested.

And now City HQ has put this absurd time pressure on us,

like it is cake-pop week on a baking show.

Did you see this old scrote, this bloke here?

Oh! Yeah.

He was here on Sunday night.

He left at 11.15, after my set.

I remember him, 'cause he got mad at me 'cause I didn't know "Cacklin' Rosie".

-What? -I think it's a song about a witch, maybe.

Like... a jolly witch?

-What did you say? -"Cacklin' Rosie"?

No, shame job!

Neil Diamond! How the fuck do you not know that song?

? Play it now, play it now

? Play it now, my baby

? Cracklin'... "Cracklin'

Know your history.

Hey, Lynn, where are you going? Hey, I've got questions for you.

Did my old man have his scooter here Sunday night?

Oh, poor love. It's unhealthy to keep all that inside.

Remember when we lost Angela Lansbury?

That dog that we had for three weeks?

Yeah, her death was so sudden and I didn't process it properly

and it gave me those haemorrhoids.

Fissures like the Mariana Trench.

It's really important to feel your feelings and do the healing,

before your arse gets involved.

OK, I'm going to hose out those port-a-loos for Lynn and Mary's party.

I love you, sexy.

Mwah! Good luck telling Eddie about Bushy's gun.

-[indistinct chatter] -[sighs]

-[Dulcie] Eddie! -Here.

OK, Flora the Explorer said Frank left here on this scooter at 11.15.

The drone showed Al and Don on the jetty at 11.30,

so Frank must have arrived at the donga after Al left.

Right, and Lynn thinks it was fully charged.

Ah, yeah, because he bums her power every time he comes to town.

-Ooh! -[phone dings]

-It's Abby. -Is that a tracking device?

Hang on, she's saying there's no sign of the chainsaw at forensics.

-She doesn't think it's there. -What?

-You told Luke to travel it to forensics, yes? -Yes, I did.

I mean... in my head...

but maybe not with my mouth.

OK. OK.

-So where is the chainsaw now, Eddie? -No, I had it! OK? I fuckin' had it.

I wrapped it up, and then I put it... [stammers]

I don't fuckin' know, OK?

-Frank was calling me a snitch. -Right.

He came at me with a creaky little that and so I went, "Ah-choo," like that,

and then fuckin' Moonboot got a red ant bite,

so Frank pulled his dick out and pissed on the sting.

-There was a lot going on, OK? -OK, so...

the chainsaw is still at Frank's?

I don't know! Maybe. Yeah, probably.

OK, well, it is our only actual evidence,

so we should probably get out there and get that.

OK, well, then we'll get Leo to take this out to the donga,

and they can time out the journey, see if the battery can make 6 Ks.

-[sighs] -Wait, Leo's not working with us today.

Fuck!

OK, well, then you can ride this out when we get back, then.

-No! No! -Yeah!

I'll never fit on that. I'll look like a Soviet circus bear.

[Luke] Detectives, the suspect has a message for you.

No, no. Do not do it, Moonboot.

Do not tell me that he has changed his confession or some shit.

The suspect has changed his lunch order.

He now wants a dozen oysters Kilpatrick

and something called a steak cake, cooked well-done.

[Eddie sighs]

Luke, what are you doing now?

[Abby] I need to get the chainsaw from Barra Creek, Diane!

-[woman] Well, you've been put on desk duty. -[Abby] Yes, I know I have, but why?

You have been removed from your team due to a personality clash.

Hang on, Lauren and Oliver complained about me?

But they don't even know my name.

Well, Toby also showed signs of discomfort with you,

as evidenced by his severe constipation.

[sighs]

Can I at least have access to lab three so I can autopsy Don Darrell's pelvis?

-I don't have a swipe card- -Dan Donnell is not a priority for us, miss.

Until the task force needs you, you can unpack the dishwasher

and consolidate the communal Vegemite jars in the kitchen.

-But- -Thank you.

A tox report needs to be done on him, Diane,

and the chainsaw needs to be tested too,

because that was the thing that was used to disarticulate him!

-[phone ringing] -I bagged the chainsaw up,

and where the fuck did I put it?

[Dulcie] Hi, Luke. How'd you go with the scooter?

[Eddie] Maybe it was where I was drinking- Hey!

-My coke! -[Dulcie] OK.

-Uh-huh. -[Eddie] Oh! Here it is.

Collins, I've found it.

It's over here in front of Triple Pet's cage.

[Dulcie] What a shock. Yes, we'll come get you.

What the fuck?

Fuckin' Frank. Shit-stirrer.

[Dulcie] Yes, see you soon. Bye.

Eddie.

Eddie, have you got the chainsaw?

Yeah, it's just here.

Hey, we should grab some of Frank's bric-a-brac-a

while we're out here as well.

Might help us with the cause of death.

He's got loads of weapons out here - a shotgun, meat hook, samurai sword.

He could have stashed that on his scooter when he went to the pub.

Moonboot done yet?

We should get him to collect up this shit

and do the fuck-boring drive back to Darwin. What?

Luke didn't make it to the donga. The battery died three Ks out of town.

So, unless Frank walked the rest of the way,

he didn't follow Don from the pub to the donga.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Frank didn't follow Don from the pub

Exactly.

He has the muscle mass of a pipe cleaner, Eddie.

There's no way he could manage any of this.

I think we should reconsider the validity of his confession.

He scooted here, to his joint

and then, then, he went to the Donga.

What? How? Eddie, via a slingshot? No.

As the crow flies, because the crow avoids all roads, bridges and security cameras.

Come on, Collins. We need to be like the crow!

No, Eddie, we do not need to be like the crow.

-[Eddie] Ca-caw, ca-caw! -We need to be like the police...

-[Eddie, imitating crow] Come on, Collins! Ca-caw! -. ..and take the chainsaw to forensics!

Evidence protocols are not a serving suggestion!

Yeah, so this party is Lynn and Mary's first big event.

I'm practising croc-sucking cowboys.

It's butterscotch snaps and a layer of Irish cream for the jizz.

I think.

Yeah, no, I'm looking forward to my retirement party.

Oh, yeah, great.

Booked a private dining room.

-I've pre-ordered a whole lot of prawns. -Oh, good.

I mean, after 40 years of service,

I expect there'll be a pretty good turnout.

I started in the force when I was 20.

Yeah, just after I got married.

But my husband, he didn't understand, this job is a calling.

So we divorced.

Then he died, apparently.

Right. Now I need to pick up Frank's steak cake, which...

[Dulcie] When you said we'd cross the river in your childhood boat,

wasn't expecting one that you'd built out of plastic barrels and zip ties

-in the '90s, Eddie. -Shut up. I'm thinking.

OK, this is definitely Frank's tinny.

I can tell by the portside piss stain.

So what's happened is he rowed it over here to the donga side of the river.

Then that old grog bog has dragged it up here.

[groans] Eddie, this just shows Frank's been over here.

-Hang on. Hang on. -It doesn't prove he was here on Sunday night.

The boat could get up this high if it was a big fuck-off tide.

And according to Al and his king tide cultural business,

it was a king tide on Sunday.

So, I'm right. Frank's fuckin' bush-bashed it...

-Thank you, thank you. -...all the way to Don's.

Wait... Eddie! Eddie, what are we doing?

Our water bottles are still in the car.

[Eddie] Come on, Collins, move your boobs.

The donga's just on the other side of the DRR.

Hm. She did?

OK, sis, I'll drive you to Perth.

I'm rich now, I've got a phone.

Alright, bye.

Cherry, did you find a phone?

Yeah, in here! It's a flip phone.

I wonder whose car this is. You reckon we could sell it?

Got to get it running first, brus.

You reckon it's here 'cause aliens picked it up

but it was too heavy so they dropped it again?

Not aliens.

Well, if it wasn't aliens, how'd it get here then?

Yeah! Uncle Roger says there's been biggest mob lights at night.

Aliens beaming things up to their spaceship.

He says it's a government conspiracy.

As if. Right, chuck us the head, Clay.

And, Cherry, it's definitely not yours.

Nah, Pat gave it to us when she cleaned out lost property.

OK, perfect. we have no reception.

[grunts] Come on!

You're a lesbian on a bushwalk. Just be guided by your Gay.

Oh, well, you know, Eddie, if I'd known that we were going on this enterprise,

my "Gay" would have guided me to a snake-centric first aid kit

and my camel bladder.

Alright, alright, yes, yes!

We should have brought Cath's drink bottles.

My piss back there's like pumpkin soup.

But it's all good. We're in the DRR.

I know this place like the moles on my fuckin' tits.

Plus, if any grey men try anything,

I've got the reflexes of a liger and a police-issued gun.

Pew, pew!

Look, uh, Eddie, speaking of police-issued guns-

-Fuck my dick. -What?

Fruity Juice.

I knew it. Frank walked this track.

It's his signature chewy.

Frank has sat here, smoking a fag and chewing on his pineapple cud.

And look! There's another wrapper.

-Uh, right. -Frank must have been nervous.

He was chewing like a cow at a rave.

Sorry, how do you know it's Frank's?

'Cause no-one else eats that! Tastes like toucan piss.

Come on, Collins, come on.

Come on! The donga's just up here.

Hey, wait, Eddie, tho- I mean, those tropical chewing gum wrappers could be anyone's.

It doesn't mean it's connected to Frank, or Don's murder.

So can we just forget about the donga and-

[Eddie] Nup. Shut your ring. OK.

Fruity Juice has a short flavour window,

so if Frank started a bit back there on that log,

then he'd be looking to get rid of it somewhere...

-Eddie! -...somewhere, like right...

...here.

I fuckin' told you Frank was here.

Bag it. Gift wrap it.

We got him.

Let's get back to town and charge that rat fucker.

[Cherry sings with karaoke mic] ? In the rivers and the sea

-? And now there is biggest mob. .. -[Miki] Hey, Cherry?

Can you stop playing with that mic, please, bub?

No! Why?

[Miki] 'Cause it's giving me a real bad headache in my ears.

Hey, Uncle Roger said you mob played outside all day

-and he didn't hear a peep from you. -[all] Yep.

So proud, tell you what! Hey, what'd youse get up to?

-We found- -A cool tree.

Yep, we played that all day.

[Miki] You played a cool tree all day?

OK.

-Hey, what's that? -[Cherry] Is it the buffalo? Is it Bob?

Ugh. I wish.

Shove over, you two.

[Cherry] No! Clay meat-farted!

[Clay] I didn't meat-fart! That was Boss!

[Dulcie] Eddie! It's getting dark, and I don't recognise anything!

I told you, I know my shit.

-Eddie, we didn't pass that before. -Yeah, we did.

It was probably hiding behind a fat pandanus.

You know, I may be dangerously low on electrolytes,

but I reckon I would have remembered a four-wheel drive in our path.

That's clearly been stolen. I'm going to write down that VIN number.

It's just "VIN-just leave it".

-It's due diligence. -No! Come on!

We've got to get you home before a mozzie bites your mutt.

-Boat's just down there. -It's not just there, Eddie.

Just there is just more bugs, because we are lost!

No! I have a perfect sense of direction

because of the mercury bird magnet in my brain.

Eddie, you don't have a mercury bird magnet in your brain.

-How do you know? -Because you are not a bloody bird!

You're just pissed I got the result.

Oh, my God!

-You know what? -What?

I knew we should have turned back

-and not pursued your half-cocked plan... -Excuse me, not half a cock!

-...against my better judgment, I followed you. -A full cock.

And now I am dehydrated,

there are bugs just nibbling at me like I am a corn cob,

and we are lost!

I got the evidence we needed, didn't I?

Well, that doesn't matter if we die getting it, Eddie.

Why did you follow me if I am such a half-a-cock, then, hey?

Why? What's wrong with you?

Well, I've just- I've been a little bit preoccupied all day, Eddie,

because Bushy's service gun was found in the river yesterday.

And, OK, yes, I was waiting to tell you at a more appropriate time, but...

-you've actually been a nightmare, all day, Eddie. -Yeah, yeah, gotcha.

-All day. -Ta for the update.

OK, you're welcome.

Also, sorry, I didn't know that Bushy's body was found around here.

It wasn't.

It was found 200 Ks away,

wrapped up in a net like a dead-man Quality Street.

But his gun was here. It was...

-So was Bushy in Barra Creek when he died or- -Why does-

Mate, why does it matter where he was?

Whether he was here or fuckin' straddling a satellite up in space, OK,

he still topped himself, so just fuckin' leave it.

[horn toots]

Oh, good! You're not dead.

-That makes it easier. -[Dulcie] Miki!

Again, Luke, we're very sorry we-

I will be taking tomorrow for personal leave.

Did you get a load of the, uh...

weather today? It's pretty...

...pretty cool.

Had them, um...

mammary-tis clouds.

You know, the ones that look like boobs?

-[sighs, turns on radio] -[? Barkaa's "Blak Matriarchy" plays]

? I ain't here to start trouble, I'm just here to state facts

? You can't paint me how you wanna paint cracks

? And I'm tied to my mob, got my mob on my back...

[Beef, on radio] Well, Skid, it's day three of the Bashnanza

and the $200,000 Golden Barra is still out there.

[Skid] That's right, Beefy, but today is all about the girls,

-because it's Ladies Day! -[Beef] It certainly is.

And, Skiddy, apparently there's a Ladies Day Night event

at the Barra Creek Pub!

-[Skid] Oh, when's that? Today? -[Beef]

[Skid] Oh, yeah, I'm going to avoid that.

[Beef] Yeah, we'll be staying off the roads.

[both laugh]

[man, on radio] Top End Tyres are offering tyre replacement and wheel alignments...

I can't believe you were lost yesterday, sexy, and I didn't even know.

Oh, no, I wouldn't say we were lost, per se, love.

I would have combusted if I knew.

Lucky I had my new book, you know, from the pub book swap.

It's called Breathless Falls.

Turns out it's lezzie-porn and I ended up wanking all night.

-I'm red-raw, Dulce! -[Dulcie] Oh, that's no good.

It was written in 1945. It's about these two war widows

who meet in a Territory cattle station

and they went to a waterfall called Breathless Falls

and they came across this old hut and they just started fucking.

-Oh, wow. -In the hut. It's a fuck-hut, Dulce.

It's incredible! I'm in a constant state of cumming.

I'm in a cum-loop, Dulce!

-Right. -Anyway, I'm done.

-OK. -Have you washed your bits?

Uh, yeah. I'll just-

Oh, fuckity! I forgot our towels.

Uh, just- Can you just, um, wait?

Hi, Joy. Is that a spare towel?

-[laughs nervously] Hi, Cath. Hi, Dulcie. -Hi, Joy.

-Yes, it is. -Thank you. Nice to see you.

-Do you want my towel, Cath? -Oh, no, no.

I'll just drip dry.

[radio continues playing]

[Beef, on radio] And breaking in backpacker news,

the task force have located some of the girls' belongings

at River Creek Mine.

But their four-wheel drive, a white Land Cruiser,

has vanished without a trace.

[Skid] White Land Cruiser, great car.

[Culkin, on recording] You've called Superintendent Col Culkin.

Col, it's Dulcie. I think I've found the backpackers' vehicle, so call me back.

-Hey. -Hey, Leo, have you seen Eddie?

Uh, no. I wanted to talk to you about my interview with the Darrells.

-That's fine. There's no need to apologise. -Oh, no, I'm not apologising.

-Abby. -[Abby] Oh, hi, ma'am.

I can't autopsy the pelvis because Diane won't let me into the lab

because she's a human sphincter,

but, have you seen the WhatsApp I created for you, me and ma'am?

[Dulcie] Uh, no, I haven't.

Oh. No worries.

Have the task force found anything at the mine site?

Um, no. So far they've only found a bunch of feral pig bones,

which are about as connected to the backpackers as they sound.

OK. How about Astrid and Ebba's vehicle? Any sign of that?

No, that's still missing too.

In fact, the only thing the task force has found at the River Creek Mine site

are those random old backpacks.

And I've seen photos of them.

They have more southern cross flags on them than an anti-vaxxer's bumper bar.

So unless Astrid and Ebba

immediately became Australian racists on their holiday,

-then that stuff- -That doesn't belong to them.

-They're still out there. -I agree, ma'am.

-Whatever happened to them... -[Luke] Detective.

...they didn't drive to River Creek to picnic...

I went to go and collect the suspect's breakfast this morning.

But Detective Redcliffe already picked up the suspect's breakfast

-on her way to interview him... -[Abby continues over phone]

which made my trip completely and utterly redundant.

Sorry. Eddie is interrogating Frank without me?

Yes, but she didn't pay for it. I did.

So I'd like to be reimbursed a full $37.50, please.

...Diane says that it's not my job to have ideas,

it's my job to put rinse-aid in the dishwasher.

Stuff her. Luke?

Yeah. Exactly, ma'am. Stuff her!

You tell Detective Redcliffe that while she is interviewing a suspect without me,

I'm off to the DRR on another lead.

And I'll be back in half an hour.

-Abby, I've got to go. -OK, check the group chat.

Where should your phone be, miss?

Oh, well...

My phone should be in my locker, Diane.

-Mm-hm. -But you know what?

Lab equipment should be sterilised in the autoclave,

not stacked in the dishwasher by you

and put on a 30-minute eco-cycle.

I mean, corrosive beakers covered in fuck-knows-what

next to people's food containers and reusable straws!

For shame, Diane.

Now, imagine what the prof would think of you

if he heard this from me.

What do you want, Abigail?

I think you know what I want, Diane.

[beeping]

[exhales]

[whispers] Yes!

[Eddie] How'd you sleep last night, Frank?

What's the thread count of the sheets in here? Zero? Huh?

Where's my Rice Bubbles?

No idea. These are my Rice Bubbles.

Ah! Delicious.

Went back to your place,

found your little Brothers Grimm trail of Fruity Juice wrappers

all the way to Don's donga.

You got anything to say about that?

Nah? Doesn't matter.

Because I've fuckin' got you, mate.

I've got you.

You loaded up Don with croc-sucking cowboys.

Then you row, row, rowed your boat over the river.

You bush-bashed it to Don's place, bumped him off,

hacked him up, dumped his body,

and then you row, row, rowed...

your bo...

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Collins!

Collins!

What's this? Why are you speed-walking with me?

I need to talk to you about my Darrell family interview.

Ah, yeah, well, you really side-fucked us with that, Leo, but apology accepted.

I'm not apologising.

DJ Darrell said that Don had me saved to his favourites-

Collins, are you in here?

Frank's tinny is still on the donga side of the river!

Someone gave Frank a lift home

Do you hear me? Someone else was at the donga.

Frank had an accomplice. That's why he's not talking.

-Someone else is involved! -[woman screams]

Ah. Sorry, Joy. Ignore that. That was just a funny joke.

Um, yes, well-

Backpack, can I just give you a bit of advice, they-to-they?

Ah, I haven't been listening to a word you've been saying.

I know.

-They? -Yeah. Probably.

Why not?

Anyway, what were you saying?

The public use my work message bank to report crocodile-based tip-offs.

I went through the messages in my first week on the job

and then I've never listened to them again because I... don't want to.

-I respect that, Leo. -Thanks.

But last night I found this message from Don.

He left this two days before he was murdered.

[on recording] Leon, it's Don Darrell.

I've just come into some very interesting information

about what's been going on around here.

It's about the lights in the sky. Let's just say, I know-

[engine roaring on recording]

-Is that the duckboat? -That's the duckboat, yeah.

[engine continues on recording]

[Don] People behind this will try and kill me

to keep the truth from getting out.

The NUA aren't happy. They've booted me out.

But I won't shut up, Leon. I'm a truth-teller.

-Meet me Monday. -[engine revs louder]

DJ, turn that fuckin' duckboat off!

[recording ends]

Obviously, I didn't meet with Don on the Monday, because he was dead.

Well, who wanted to kill him? Who's this, um, this group he's talking about?

The NUA. They're local conspiracy theorists

who trade in the cooker classics,

aliens, 5G, World Economic Forum,

the Great Fire of London being started by a rat spontaneously combusting.

Their current president is a Mr "Surname-Redacted".

Fucking Roger!

Frank's fucking garbage brother!

[turns off engine]

[exhales]

[Roger] Phone in the box, please, Edwina.

[Eddie] Right, fine.

Done.

Can come out. 5G electro-smog can't get you now, Rog.

Now, Edwina, as a citizen

of the sovereign state of Magpie Goose Landing,

-I do not acknowledge your authority. -Ugh!

Was Don Darrell a member of the NUA UFO club?

And I do not consent to answering your questions.

OK, no wucks. No fuckin' wucks, mate.

Just trying to get you involved.

I already know that Don was a member of the NUA.

What was the information you didn't want to get out, hey?

Did Don find out that you and Frank were up to something?

Huh? Hang on.

Does Frank know that you buddied-up to Don while he was in the clink?

He doesn't?

He had intel about the pyramids in Antarctica.

-That's the only reason I approved it. -Wow-wee!

His best friend, cheating on him with his worst enemy!

Oh, this is like some bloody cooker Bermuda love triangle.

Don't you tell Frank. This could end very badly for me, Edwina.

It's my boat, but it's his big magnet.

OK. I won't tell him, if you answer my questions, Rog.

I'll lob you a softball to start.

What the fuck were you up to on Sunday night?

[Cath] Lynn, Mary, I just spoke to some fishos.

They all misunderstood the flyer.

They thought it meant Ladies Day-Night, like the cricket.

So the whole comp's on their way now.

-It's Ladies Day Night. -It's a

[Mary] The DJ doesn't get here till eight!

Well, that's it, Mary. It's over, then.

I guess I'll reunite with my ex-husband.

Maybe he'll stop thinking it's gay to wash his bumhole.

Oi, where are you going?

I'm a lesbian with two lesbian mothers. I know what women want.

Thanks, Flora. That's enough.

[woman 1] Danni, where'd you get that croc?

-What's this bullshit? -[woman 2] It was dead in the river!

[plays Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like A Woman"]

Fuckin' love this song!

? Let's go, girls...

[indistinct shouting]

Miki,

-better get down here. -[women cheer]

[Roger] I wasn't even with Frank on Sunday night.

Me and Mary came straight home.

This is our doorbell cam, time-stamped at 21:47.

So? You're just up the road.

You went home, changed your shorts,

met up with Frank at the donga,

and you, uh, did a little night murder.

No, I didn't go out again. Just watch.

These cameras go 24/7, 354.

You'll see the footage of the perimeter, Mary's mini horse doing its bedtime wee.

But on the doorbell camera here, you won't see me

'cause I'm tucked up in bed wearing my bloody CPAP.

-What's that? -CPAP?

That's personal, Edwina. Redacted. Redact the CPAP.

No, not the fuckin' CPAP! Uh...

Just play the tape. There's a car driving towards the donga.

Who the fuck is that?

Wait a minute. I know that logo.

[mutters and swears indistinctly]

Caustic ulcerations.

200 mils?

[Abby] Yeah, I'm sorry, Diane, but I had to leave work early.

I've got my period. It's a big one.

Hi, Angelo. It's Leo Lee. I'm... police.

I'm making inquiries into a chainsaw that you recently sold on Marketplace,

so call me back and I will answer the phone, I guess.

This is a private event.

It's just me. I can't be out there anymore.

A fisho just vomited into her sleeve.

[Leo] No! Why did I give you my number?

[on video] Wade! I know you killed my dad!

I know you killed him!

Look at this, Wade! Croc-block!

[grunts softly]

[Amber] My one night off and I've got to come and help Pat sort you out!

[DJ] No, it was legendary!

People love me! I'm like a modern-day Ned Kelly.

[Amber] You've got to forget Jason Wade, DJ!

[DJ] No, I'm going to destroy him!

-Wait, where are you going? -Back to the party!

-Get your own way home! -No!

[Amber] Shona! You seen Tegan?

[women sing along to riff of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman"]

? Let's go, girls...

Excuse- Excuse me. 'Scuse me. 'Scuse-

-Tegan, move your boobs. -[laughs]

Oi, Aunty! Where's the salty?

Over there.

-They just came in with it. -Shit.

-Do the cops know? -Nup.

-So you'd better get her out of here. -Yeah, I'm on it.

Be careful! And if there's trouble, my Crocs are steel-capped.

[Miki] Thanks! Excuse me. I need that croc.

-[woman] Fuck off! -Oi!

You, come here! Bring it back here!

[indistinct]

-[Miki] Fuckin' come back! -[indistinct shouting]

[laughs] Let a few of these off for Dad's birthday tonight,

bit of a celebration.

-[Miki] Give her here! Hand her over! -Alright, alright! Relax. Relax.

[Eddie] Miki!

Nup. I've still got the shits with you.

Looking at my little brother sly-ways, accusing him of murder.

You were at the donga the night Don was murdered.

I knew something was fucking off about you.

When I saw those Fruity Juice wrappers in your cup holder,

I thought, "Oh, yuck, that's a bit of a turn-off."

But now I know you had my geriatric rat dad in your car.

You've fuckin' cracked! I didn't- Turn-off?

A little bit.

-Well, I wasn't even out at Don's donga. -Hey! You having a good night?

You drove past Roger and Mary's doorbell cam!

No, I didn't!

Fuck!

Fine! Get out here!

Listen, I was out there because Don snuck the donga over the boundary into the DRR,

so I tried to drag it back with my winch.

I only managed to pull it off its blocks, though,

because Frank was inside, knackered.

What happened then, eh? Did you give Frank a hand?

Yeah? Killing Don.

Get that Dungalaba land dispute wrapped up quick-smart.

Oh, you're accusing me now?

-Yeah. -Are you fuckin' serious?

Don was still here at the pub when we were at the donga.

Ask Mary, she was on lookout.

Oh, bullshit, Miki! OK?

We have footage of Don at the donga at 11:30pm.

Flowers told me that Frank left the pub after her set at 11:15pm.

No, I was driving Frank home by 11:15.

Flowers! Sunday night.

Your set finished at 11:15pm, Frank left the pub after that, yeah?

Uh, yeah. I forgot that Lynn cut my set short 'cause I was crying too much,

so I actually finished at nine.

See?

Frank and I were long gone when Don arrived.

Frank wasn't at the donga to kill Don, Eddie.

He was dropping a dead croc off at Don's cot.

He was doing croc justice.

Just think it through, you dumb copper dog fuckhead.

Why didn't that useless fucker tell me the truth about all this shit, then?

Why do you think?

'Cause I was out there doing something dodgy.

So maybe your geriatric "rat dad" was trying to protect me from you lot,

because I've got three kids, and they'll get taken away from me

if I get caught putting one nubby pinky toe wrong!

Fuckin' hell. No, actually, you know what? Fuck this.

A blackfella didn't kill Don Darrell.

Because if blackfellas were bumping off every land-stealing whitefella,

80% of this town would be dead.

Of all the settler blow-ins, I cannot believe that didn't occur to you.

-Fuck. -["Man! I Feel Like A Woman" starts playing]

[Lynn] Tegan, no! That's why we have the extra toilets!

[women cheering]

Miki!

[engine starts]

Wait! Miki! Wait!

You and Frank didn't do it, so we're good, yeah? Miki!

[softly] Oh, fuck!

Ugh!

[Abby] Ma'am, I hired a car from Rent-A-Shitbox.

I did 150 Ks all the way from Darwin.

I think my engine's fallen out.

I got access to the dick-bum, and I ran a tox report on Don Darrell.

He wasn't drunk.

There was no alcohol present in his system at all.

-Ma'am? -What?

Don Darrell was incapacitated the night he died

because he was poisoned.

[Pat] Detective, this bullet's from a police-issue weapon.

[Dulcie] Yeah, it is.

HQ's checking the serial number now.

I knew the backpackers were driving a white Land Cruiser,

so this was just due diligence to make sure it's not theirs.

But then it was burnt out last night, so-

Yeah, I can barely read this VIN because it's so fire-damaged.

I don't think that's a seven. I'm going to try a one.

[Dulcie] Why did I listen to Eddie? The evidence is gone now

because I left it a whole bumming day!

[Pat] Don't stress. We'll figure it out.

Oh! Here we go.

-[sighs] -Hang on.

That's not the backpackers' car.

Oh, no, no, that can't be right.

Who's the vehicle registered to?

[Pat] How did it get to the DRR?

The last time I saw that vehicle

was the night I pulled the silly bugger over for drink-driving.

We left the car on the side of the road.

[phone ringing]

Ma'am, Don had colonic ulcerations

from eating red meat laced with glyphosate.

It's the organophosphorus compound

that's present in weed killer.

I think someone put it in Don's steak cake.

-Found something. -Agh!

Fuck my arsehole.

This is on DJ's socials.

[DJ, on video] How youse going? DJ Darrell, Croc God here.

[Culkin, over phone] Yeah, Dulcie, we've run the serial number

on that bullet.

It was fired from Detective Bushman's gun.

It matches the round from his skull.

But, Detective, it was the second bullet fired.

So... it was fired after Bushy was shot.

Yeah, he couldn't have fired that shot himself.

Someone else was involved.

Dulce, where did you find that bullet?

[DJ, on video] Mate, this is the duckboat.

I'm telling you, this thing's fuckin' incredible...

[Eddie] Yeah, yeah, DJ's got an amphibious car.

It's very cool. I've always wanted one.

Stop talking. Look who Don's talking to in the background.

Who is that?

[Abby] Oh, my God!

It's the Swedish backpackers!

[explosions]

[DJ] He's blown up my shed!

My blowjobs! Fucking Wade! This isn't over!

[Culkin] Detective, Bushy didn't commit suicide.

We're looking at a homicide here.

Where did you find that bullet?

In a Land Cruiser...

...registered to Eddie.

[theme music plays]

[music ends]

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