Original subtitles

Hello--

I want to tell you about how I got married.

Actually, it's a very romantic story.

All about a fierce and powerful tyrant

and me, the damsel in distress.

And a brave, young knight.

This is the Herschel Industries logo.

Max designed it himself, and it is prominently displayed

on everything he owns.

I was his favorite subsidiary.

I belonged to Max

just like Kanusa Sporting Goods and Malabar Mining.

Oh, I'm not complaining.

Belonging to Max Herschel had a lot of advantages.

It was fun and first class all the way.

When the big break-up finally came, it wasn't Max's fault.

He didn't change. I did.

I think Stella knew what was happening before I did.

Oh, no, not at all.

We think Newsweek is a splendid magazine.

We subscribe to Newsweek, we applaud Newsweek

but we do not shoot the breeze with Newsweek. Goodbye.

Ah.

Hello. Oh, good evening, Dr. Grodick.

Now, about Ms. Merritt's teeth.

Mr. Herschel won't spring for a complete cap job on this one.

No. The last one cost $17,000, and he only kept her a year.

Stella knew everything.

She was even in charge of getting the girls in his harem

through orthodonture and into good schools.

Stella called Max's girls..

..."The Herschel Scholars."

That's me, back when I was Max's best girl.

Hold it!

Max financed my TV company.

But I won the four Emmys on my own.

And another thing.

Max never had to put braces on my teeth.

I have a perfect bite.

'Cathy, I wouldn't have chosen you if you couldn't handle it.'

If you can place overseas calls in the office

you can do it in a private house.

That's mostly what we do in the mornings.

'You'll have six lines, and you'll need them all.'

Now, remember what I told you.

'Anything you see or hear in the house'

'is 100 percent confidential. No exceptions.'

Here.

What is it?

Everyone who works closely with Mr. Herschel

signs one of these.

'It's a legally binding agreement'

'that the signer will never under any circumstances'

'during his term of employment with Herschel Industries'

'and forever thereafter'

discuss Mr. Herschel or any aspect of Herschel Industries

with any member of any branch of the media

or personally write of same. Okay?

Where is he?

On the tennis court, Ms. Liberti.

- Good morning. - Who's this?

Cathy Kroneg from accounting.

Ruth's out, and I had to loan Janet to Stanley.

So I thought I'd give Cathy a try.

- What's the matter with Ruth? - She's running a fever.

What kind of fever? How high?

Who's the doctor?

Some intern she's bangin' to save money?

Cathy, call my doctor.

Tell him I'd appreciate it if he'd make a housecall.

I'll send a car. And one rule.

Tell her exactly what time Dr. Kierstein's coming

so she doesn't have that intern hangin' with his dick out.

And warn her. She mustn't ever use antibiotics without yogurt

except tetracycline. With tetracycline, no dairy products.

Her horny, little intern probably doesn't know that.

Call Hammacher Schlemmer. Order a yogurt maker.

My driver will pick it up at the store.

Let's get on the overseas calls first.

- 'Enough already.' - The banks.

Monsieur Jacques Mill in Geneva, Herr Hoffman in Zurich.

'That's what we're here for.'

We're here to dump International Pictures.

That's what we're here for.

'You know what Monsieur Jaccques was trying to do?'

We're gettin' there, Dick.

He was trying to rinky-dink me. Could you believe that?

Mr. Herschel, it's Monsieur Jacques Mill in Geneva.

Bonjour. Bonjour, Monsieur Jacques Mill.

- 'Monsieur Jack Mill?' - 'Oui, Monsieur.'

I got a call saying you'd advised Monsieur Rossi

against our International Picture move.

- Why was that? - 'I merely advised caution..'

Monsieur Jack Mill, we'll expect the call from Monsieur Rossi

around noon New York time today.

Otherwise, Herschel Industries will pull out of your bank.

That is to say, "Everybody does it our way

or Herschel Industries is closing it's legs."

- 'Quoi?' - Closing les jambe, Monsieur.

We'll expect that call.

Said the elephant as he danced among the chickens.

'Meet me up at the house.'

Cathy, get me Bones.

That's Miss Burton, Cathy.

229-3714.

'That's a nice sweater you're wearing, Cathy. Nice fit.'

'Twelve.'

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

- I still can't get it. - You don't go with it, man.

You got to go with it.

Yeah, see?

Ooh! Ta, ta, ta, ta.

Ah, ah. Ta, ta.

- Ta, ta. - Yeah.

There doesn't seem to be any answer, Mr. Herschel.

Let it ring, sweetheart. Let it ring.

Yeah! You're gettin' it, man.

Screw you.

Twenty.

Hello, sweetheart. I got back late.

Yeah. Lousy flight.

'I was held up over three hours.'

I didn't wanna wake you. Did you have a good night?

- In bed by 12. - So was I.

In bed at 12 and up like a lark at 2.

Bones, you alright?

Something bothering you? Are you okay?

I'm fine. I went back to work yesterday.

- You haven't been in office? - I took a couple of days off.

Have you been sick? A virus?

Did you call Dr. Kierstein?

No. I called Dr. Benecek.

- Benecek? - It's alright. I'm fine.

Nothing to it. It's all over. I'm okay.

You should've told me that you weren't feeling well.

Well, we'll talk later, sweetheart.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Dr. Benecek's office. Good morning.

This is Max Herschel. Put me through to Dr. Benecek.

Yes.

'Why wasn't I informed about her visit?'

She is perfectly fine, Mr. Herschel.

- 'How long?' - Less than five weeks.

- 'Did you consult?' - No, no. No reason to consult.

'Please remember, Mr. Herschel, Miss Burton's my patient.'

Please remember, Dr. Benecek, Max Herschel pays the bills.

Don't mess with me, kid.

Medicaid morning.

Get me Mrs. Herschel in Peabody.

That's Wisconsin on the Rolodex.

Still pretty early.

You know how late she sleeps.

They're supposed to get up early in the nuthouse.

Good morning, Moe.

Put the call through, Cathy, but make sure he's there.

What's his name? The new one she likes.

- Dr. Coleson. - Yeah, Coleson.

I'll talk to him right after I talk to Mrs. Herschel.

Hello?

Connie? How are you, darling?

You sound sleepy.

'You're sleeping better, aren't you?'

'I told you you would.'

All that dumb, clean, Midwestern air. So what's new?

'What's on the schedule today, darling?'

What? Schedule?

'Oh, the clinic schedule.'

We're taking a cooking lesson today.

- Cooking? - That's right.

Today's Merangs.

Max, it's cooking.

Yeah, today's Merangs.

'You're gonna bake Merangs? Fantastic.'

Chocolate or vanilla? Save the recipe for when you come home.

And speaking of coming home.

I know you'll wanna be here for Baby and Stan's anniversary.

Remember? On the 12th?

'We're gonna throw a big one.'

'Hire two bands, drip diamonds, the works.'

No. No, Max, um.

You-you can't count on me.

You can't depend on me. I can't function, Max!

'But we are counting on you, sweetheart.'

You go wash your face and tell Dr. Coleson

you're coming home on the 11th.

Put Dr. Coleson on. I'll speak to you soon.

Hello?

'I can depend on you to have Mrs. Herschel here'

'for our daughter's anniversary party on the 12th.'

'Pack up a nurse to travel with her.'

'Only for a couple days. I'll send a plane.'

'Mrs. Herschel's condition's too fragile.'

Don't hand me that crap. She's not fragile.

She's just a lady with a hobby.

To hand me a hard time which it does.

Get her out of Peabody on the 11th.

If she doesn't fuck up the Merangs, freeze and send 'em.

I want everything I'm paying for.

Breakfast is ready, Mr. Herschel.

Bones? Hello, sweetheart.

Now, listen to me. I wanna see you.

I brought you something pretty back from Switzerland.

So why don't you come up for lunch today? Okay?

I have a date for lunch.

'Then we'll make it dinner at your place.'

'Why don't you let Lester and Mrs. Bunny off'

We'll spend an evening alone?

You're gonna love what I found for you.

'Bones, I was walking by Bulgari's--'

You don't owe me anything, Max.

I know I don't owe you anything.

I was walking by and saw this in the window

and it had your name on it. How about dinner?

Want me to cook chick?

Sweet and sour soup? You love sweet and sour soup.

'Okay, sweetheart?'

Okay.

Call Bulgari's quick. Tell 'em I need something for Bones.

Julie knows the kind of junk she likes. That coral stuff.

Goddamn it! I can't live like this.

Why do I have to live like this?

Nothing in this house works. What's the use?

I might as well be broke and a bum in Nicaragua.

Goddamn dust! Dust!

God! Why doesn't anyone in this damn house ever think about me?

You know I'm allergic to dust.

My John is broken.

No matter how many times I jiggle, it won't stop running.

Why doesn't anybody take care of these things?

I can't live in this squalor.

I'll have the John fixed.

But there's no dust, and you're not allergic.

You've just got a bad conscience about Bones.

Stella, she wouldn't even come up for lunch.

Please tell me, why after winning 4 Emmy's

I'm still having to chase after panelists for a talk show?

Well, screw Gore Vidal.

How about that guy that wrote Cat's Watch?

Steven Routledge. Oh, you're going to love this.

Mr. Routledge doesn't do talk shows.

A guy with an off-off Broadway show

with an Arab terrorist hero?

Get me his number.

'We're dicing on my career, you understand?'

Course I understand, Mr. Routledge.

Lot of people have that feeling about talk shows.

The exposure is, uh, flagrant.

Remember what the Duchess of Windsor once said to that woman

who remarked how vulgar it was to wear diamonds at daytime?

'No.'

Duchess said, "Yes, that's what I always thought

until I had them." Ha ha ha.

Have you talked to Monsieur Rossi, yet?

'No.'

Well, do it, Max. I've set up the meeting

with Mr. Berger for tomorrow at 10 here. Okay?

Coming here? To the office?

Seymour Berger is coming to my office?

I love it. Berger, hat in hand. What a day!

Stella, when I started business, Seymour Berger was royalty.

He wouldn't give me a job bribing fire inspectors.

Now, I almost feel sorry for the old bastard.

81 years old and out hustling to save a fruitcake grandson.

It's heartbreakin'.

I'm sure you'll do all you can to help.

Sure, I will.

Get me Rossi in Paris.

Tell Ben to go down to Chinatown

and pick out the best duck they got plucked.

I'm cooking dinner for my baby.

* Nobody does it better *

* Makes me feel sad for the rest *

Have you ever seen me with my heels run down?

Get me a shopping bag or something

I'll take these to my guy.

What would you do without me? How about that shopping bag?

'My guy comes to the house.'

Come on, come on, come on.

Max, are you going to California this week?

'Uh-huh.'

I got an appointment in the morning with Seymour Berger.

He's comin' after me to save the fruit.

- If you're off to California-- - For a couple of days.

- Let's clean the kitchen. - They'll get it in the morning.

Who'd work if they have to come into a filthy kitchen?

'It's not filthy.'

Dirty dishes overnight is filthy.

* Nobody does it better *

* Makes me feel sad for the rest *

* Nobody does it half.. *

What're you gonna tell Old Seymour Berger?

That he sunk International Pictures?

He hasn't brought a hit while he's been head of production?

What that studio needs--

I'd cut up that pie and peddle off the parts.

- I'm gonna bulldoze it. - What?

I'm gonna bulldoze it and build me a sports stadium instead.

Bulldoze what?

The studio, International Pictures.

Watch out for the garbage please.

What would I want with a movie studio.

It came with a vending takeover like a Cracker Jack prize.

Max, you must know how much I want it.

Want what? I don't know what you're talkin' about.

Sweetheart, I'm not gonna hold onto that studio.

You broke the glass. Can you watch what you're doing.

Max, listen to me. I worked over the figures.

I know how to restructure and re-finance the production end.

I know inside of 2 years, I can cut the capital debt--

The capital debt of International Pictures, kid

is 172 million.

And the per annum interest on 172 million comes to--

I'm talking about the production end of the debt

and I do not need an arithmetic lesson.

Well, you need some kind of lesson, sweetheart.

How many times have I told you that

the whole is usually worth a lot less than the parts.

I divest. I can peddle off two music companies

a record company, a film service company

an equipment rental company, a paper bag outfit.

Almost forgot, Junior Jungleland.

Not talkin' about the baboon end of the business--

The movie business is all baboon business

except for the negatives.

The film library is the only thing you hang on to.

I could sell it today for a minimum 100 million.

Those negatives double in value every twenty minutes.

'Plus you need nothing in overhead.'

'Raking in the rentals.'

Remember the first law of life, sweetheart.

Low overhead, high return.

Max, the action is all out there, and I want the action.

I'm sick of TV. I've done it. I wanna make movies.

Anybody wants to make movies has no respect for money.

Max, I can turn the studio around.

Stop laughing. I mean it.

Max, I've never asked you for anything.

I'm asking you for this.

Give me a chance, darling. Please.

You're not listening to me, sweetheart.

The company's worth more dead than alive.

Plus, it's an idiot business for dingalings

and dreamers and idealists, you know what I mean?

Bullshit! The movie business is a business. An exciting one.

You just don't want me in it.

Sweetheart, it's a locker room out there.

They'll cut you off at the knees.

You know what happens to broads out there?

- Over 20, you can't get laid. - I expect I could get laid.

No female over 20 gets laid.

It's in the city charter.

Middle age for girls starts at 24.

You won't let me have the job because you're afraid

if I pulled it off, I wouldn't need you anymore.

That's it. That's all it is.

Okay, sure. Why not?

That's part of it.

I'm just an old guy trying to hang in there.

Hoping to God he's not over the hill.

I also don't want you hurt.

That's the reason I'm getting rid of it

and that's the God's truth.

I love your earrings.

You like them? You like the coral?

They're just like you.

- Pink and-- - Stop treating me like pussy.

You don't have to buy off my abortions.

I'm not buying off anything. I bought you the pieces

before I ever heard what happened.

I was just going by Bulgari's, and I saw the coral

and I said, "Hey, that's got Bones' name on it."

Every time you feel guilty

some little trinket's got my name on it.

Stop being guilty, I don't need that weapon!

If you don't need it, why announce you've been to Benecek

I mean after the fact!

A well-taken point. My error.

They're very pretty. Exactly what I deserve.

Thank you.

So what were you saying about a sports stadium?

Well, Olympics or not, LA's gonna need a stadium.

You see, honey, I got the land.

I finance with city bonds and own the results.

'No taxes for 10 years. It's beautiful. I love it.'

It's Cathy, Miss Liberti. Mr. Berger's here.

Seymour.

Welcome. Welcome, my old friend.

Come in. Come in. How well you look.

It's a Gulbenkian.

You have here now, at the office.

The Gulbenkian.

I admire it, Max.

I move it around a lot.

All over the house. I bring it here.

Wherever I'm spending the most time.

This week, I'm clocking a lot of office hours.

I want it with me wherever.

I understand the Metropolitan was discussing a deal.

No way.

Well, if you ever should decide to sell...or trade.

Never. But if I did, Seymour

not to a museum, only to you.

Only to you. Come, sit down.

Sit on the couch. What can I get you?

Coffee? tea? Anything you want. Piece of coffee cake?

Piece of fruit? How about a nice fresh piece of fruit?

Fruit is fibrous, Max.

After 60, you help yourself to fruit

you help yourself to a slow death

by the colon.

Believe me.

For this consultation, no charge.

It's not the latest thinking, Seymour.

The latest thinking is to stimulate the colon.

Fibers is the name of the game. Fibers, bran, lots of bran.

Keep the colon punching. That's the latest thinking.

I see we have conflicting philosophies

in regard to the colon. Ha ha.

A glass of tea, huh?

Don't be shy, Seymour.

I know you didn't come here to talk porcelain and colons.

We're very old friends.

Just tell me what you want.

Max, you and I, we always have the best.

We are men of position in the community.

We have the power to do something for the community.

We have taken a lot out of the city.

'It's time we put something back.'

'Mount Gilead Hospital.'

What?

Mount Gilead Maximillian Herschel Memorial Wing

for special diseases.

Special diseases?

Hospital wing for special diseases.

Maximillian Herschel Memorial Wing, Max.

It is a big memorial to a big man.

All this kind of puzzles me, Seymour.

How so?

I'm surprised you're worrying about memorials

to Max Herschel when you should be worrying

how to save your grandson at International.

My Mikey? He's a young man.

He must look after himself out there.

This is not my business, Max, not with you.

My business with you is a wing for special diseases.

I don't believe you're not even gonna try to save the boy.

- Save your own name. - My name is good.

The picture business is like any other business.

You must understand the numbers.

Unfortunately, the boy has no head for numbers.

I must tell you, this boy is a great disappointment to me.

No great-grandchildren.

The end of the line.

My Marsha does not know another lady..

...that has a pansy grandson.

So now, we talk about memorial, huh?

"My Marsha does not know another lady that has a pansy grandson."

I swear to God, that's what he said

the cold-blooded old son of a bitch. You gotta love him.

New tip tanks.

- Ha ha ha. - What're you thinking?

Those poor bastards with special diseases

dying like flies in my wing.

Are you going to give it? The wing?

Sure, it's good for leverage later on.

I'll be back from California Thursday night.

Give Bones a call. Check her out.

She's a little down.

I'm not worried about her or anything.

She's just a little down.

Miss Burton, I really do appreciate this ambience.

Especially your company, the superior grub

but the answer is still no.

I cannot sit in front of your TV camera and twinkle on cue.

It's only a matter of time before you twinkle.

- But Miss Burton.. - How are you? Call me, right?

We both know I'm gonna be a very big deal and--

You look beautiful.

And in two or three years, you are gonna eat me alive.

So what I'd like to do right now, for the time being

if you don't mind, I'd just like to do my work. Period.

If you like, we could have coffee and brandy at my place.

- Sheeler? - Yes.

And that was a Demuth in the hall, wasn't it?

- Yes. - You collect precisionists?

- Do you admire them? - Not really.

You do, really.

Ah, too many gears and gas tanks for me.

For most.

- 'Coffee?' - Hmm, you know what I'd like?

I'd like a tour... of the working girl's pad.

Why, Miss Jones, you're beautiful.

Well, now, this is the living room.

China cupboard given by the Prince of Morocco to Charles II.

Brighton Pavilion, Holland for the Prince Regent.

Dining room.

Library, books, you know.

Now, this is my bedroom.

- Dressing room, bath. - Super bed.

- Really super. - 'You like it?'

I made it in camp.

I've been redecorating, that French collection seemed

a little stale, so it stays in the warehouse.

I've never been out with a girl who had a collection.

Would it be too crass to enquire what it's worth?

The stuff in the warehouse is probably worth about a million

maybe a little less, the market's low on French.

Still.

If fine furniture and objet interest you.

- They don't. - I thought not.

'Look, Miss Burton, if I've said anything to offend you.'

Yeah, you said everything to offend me.

Well, I'm at a loss. How do I entertain you?

Have you got daytime diamonds?

Pretty but not major.

Do you really wear all this stuff?

I used to.

Why nothing major? Because it annoys Herschel?

Like, like the precisionists

Max Herschel collects the most austere oriental porcelain.

His collection of French paintings include

impressionists, post-impressionists

no one minor to Seurat, and here you are with Demuth.

Man with those tastes would despise Demuth and that gang.

What do you.. What do you do?

Make him give them to you to tease.

You're very knowing

and Mr. Herschel does not give interviews ever

about his collections or anything else

and his dealers don't talk, nor his associates

nor his friends, nor anyone who works for him.

Especially anyone who works for him.

So how come you know so much about Mr. Herschel's tastes?

I used to teach at BU with his son-in-law, Stan Mundchen.

Baby's husband.

- Do you know Baby? - Yes, nice girl.

Thank you for the evening.

It's late, and I know you keep office hours.

Come on, I'll show to the door. The car must be waiting.

I, uh..

I have a farm in Vermont.

I'm driving up on Friday.

I was thinking of getting out of town this week

but I wanted to leave on Thursday.

Thursday it is.

'I'll call you.'

'Yeah.'

'One hour for lunch! One hour.'

Excuse me, could you tell me where Mike Berger's office is?

Mmm, who's Mike Bergers?

Come in, Max, come in. What a wonderful surprise.

You must have something with us.

Miss Hoffman, for Mr. Herschel, a piece of fruit.

What a surprise, Seymour.

Out here on a visit?

I actually need to fix him up one of these starlets.

- Haven't you heard? - What should I hear I haven't.

Well, I think what Mikey means is about California.

Marsha and I, we're Californians now, and we are near to Mikey.

You mean you and Marsha moved out here to California?

Why would you do that?

Oh, California has lots of, uh, restless real estate

Very interesting turnover.

Of course, Mikey and I put our heads together

from time to time, don't we, Mikey?

We sure do, big dad.

What can I do for you, Mr. Herschel?

Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

I thought I'd look the property over.

The box office on The Loneliest Night doesn't look too good.

Leave it to the great unwashed, little disappointing.

Considering all the talent we put in it.

Not to mention all the millions.

Oh, I think Mikey made a mistake with The Loneliest Night.

It's so special.

So, uh...so what else is new?

You might be interested to hear about a deal I just consummated.

- Who with? - Cosmos.

You made a deal with Cosmos? With Sandy Sackman?

'Mr. Sackman made International Pictures a very nice offer'

which I decided not to refuse.

Mr. Sackman and I signed the papers yesterday.

'You sold Sandy Sackman something?'

I sold him 200 of our old negatives.

Negatives? International Picture negatives?

'My negatives?'

You sold Sackman my negatives for Cosmos release.

That's right. I liked the deal.

Without consulting me?

Sandy Sackman will chew the ass-end off a ragdoll

much less a grandson.

What has he given away to Sackman?

- 'Please, Mr. Herschel.' - 'What you did, sonny boy..'

...you handed Sandy Sackman, my vigorish.

Gonif!

Swindler!

I'm gonna break your back for this.

You knew I was dumping the studio, don't deny it.

Goddamn felon. You go to Danbury.

Misappropriations. You'll get five to seven.

You and this little snake in together

side by side, both of you, working the laundry.

Please, Mr. Herschel--

You don't say a word, you accessory. You're fired.

Get out of my studio. Empty your desk, asshole.

You finally did it, you..

Well, this time, I'm gonna ruin you.

You and this fucking fruit loop.

Did you get that, Miss Hoffman?

'"You're fired. Get out of the studio.'

'Empty your desk, asshole."' Is that what you wanted, sir?

Yes, that'll do, Miss Hoffman.

You're fired too, Miss Hoffman.

'Thank you.'

I think any court would regard your action

as a termination of my contract which, as I'm sure you know

'still has 20 months to go.'

'I intend to hold you to the full amount of its terms.'

- Right, big dad. - That's right, Mike.

Roughly 482,500.

He's got a desk waiting at Cosmos, right?

This is a set-up.

You gave my negatives to Cosmos.

Please, Max. For a fair market price.

You got me to fire him

so he could collect on his contract here

and then move straight over to Cosmos. Right?

Plus, I'd bet 50 cents, that's if I had 50 cents left

that Mikey's gonna pick up a yearly bonus of 50 percent

as a finder's fee. Right, big dad?

Everybody wants my Mikey.

What do you think?

You're whacked out of your nut?

Why the hell would I wanna go back to school?

'I've got a career.'

I meet everybody, actors.

I've met Warren Beatty, Telly Savalas.

You are wrong about not going back to school.

- You're crazy. - No, no, I mean it.

Bright kid like you.

In New York, it was only freezing.

Just stay bundled up like that

because it's colder than hell in here.

I'll get a fire going.

You get the active solar units installed

you'll never have to come into this kind of cold.

It's beautiful.

We'll go upstairs by the scenic route.

I hope Mrs. Schmersky got up there with a broom.

- Broom? - 'Yeah.'

All the electricity is provided by the windmill

and stored in old airplane batteries.

A vacuum cleaner uses roughly 600 watts of electricity.

Run it for half an hour, that's enough power

to make three pots of coffee

or light a 60-watt bulb for five hours

or heat a couple of five-gallon...tanks of water.

But...you can waste all the hot water you want

once I get the solar units installed.

How much water can I waste tonight?

'In the tub, a couple of inches.'

Save you bath till bedtime, however.

You'll wanna go to bed warm. Else, you'll freeze all night.

So, no vacuum cleaner

No dish washer and..

...no garbage disposal.

Instead of a garbage disposal, we have hardy appetites.

You mean, we eat the garbage?

'I save the choice bits for my compost pit.'

God, how I wanted to be a Mouseketeer.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

When I was 11, I lit out for California.

Got all the way to Tucson before they caught me

and shipped me home in a Trailways bus.

I didn't get away again till I was 15.

What happened when you were 15?

Well, my mother fell for this bum who was always after me.

So she scraped together the money, kissed me off

said the time had come for me to make as a Mouseketeer.

Two years later, I met Max.

And it's been love in a cottage ever since.

Works for me.

And I'm sure for him.

Quid pro quo makes the world go around.

Listen, when I'm with Max, I don't just close my eyes

and think of England. I like it with Max.

Somebody should tell younger men about older men.

Look, he's rich, he's powerful, he adores me.

He's wonderful to me, he's fun.

He's exciting in every way.

Then, you've got it made.

Listen..

I'll go...make you a hot water bottle

'and...why don't you go take a bath'

'and then get in bed real fast before you cool off'

'I'll bring that hot water bottle up to you.'

No, no, no. I said get in bed while you're still warm.

What's the problem?

Well, the problem is..

...I don't know why you asked me here

and I don't know why I came.

Well...I'll tell you.

'What?'

You are very attractive.

Also..

...I figured this was as close as a guy like me

would ever get to screwing a guy like Max Herschel.

So what is this number about hot water bottles

in separate bedrooms and put downs?

I figure it would be even sweeter

if I could make Herschel ask for it.

When is she coming back?

She's not gonna be there all weekend, is she?

- She didn't say. - She didn't leave a number?

No number.

Leave a mop without a number.

That's ridiculous on the face of it.

What a couple of days, Stella. Beyond belief.

Could you believe the guts of those two?

That broken-down old conman and his descendant.

Stealing from me. Tying up my negatives.

They even dribbled off the in-flight and cable rights.

That, they sold to themselves.

Can you prove they sold it to themselves?

I can't prove it, but I know it.

They made a deal with some distributor in New Jersey.

Now, who the hell lives in New Jersey?

I'll tell you who lives in New Jersey.

Cousins live in New Jersey.

'Did you see the trade this morning?'

Mike Berger's made new chief of production at Cosmos.

I'll tell what you do. Send Mike a nice plant.

Something substantial and a good pot, three-four hundred dollars

say, "congratulations and best wishes in your new job"

some shit like that.

When you get the Berger's attended to

get busy and track down Bones.

- Oh, Max. - 'Can find her if you try.'

Call every number in Vermont.

How many numbers can there be in Vermont?

Did you look at this? 115 over 80.

- I'll outlive all of you. - Congratulations.

Come on.

Come on.

Don't, don't give up.

Why don't you stop kidding yourself? You hate him.

- Eat. - You eat. Eat for daddy.

Well, look Stan, I'm eating for you.

Hi, daddy. Want a little second hand egg?

Ah, nyum, nyum, nyum.

What's up?

A call from your mother, she won't be in until tomorrow

just in time for the party.

If I guarantee she'll be a wreck, right?

Oh, Stan.

- Where you're off to? - Meeting Bones at Hallston.

They're doing a before and after on me again.

How's tricks.

Oh, daddy, daddy. New baby is teaching herself to read.

Tell granddad the word you spelled out this morning.

Come on, tell grandpa the new word you learned.

Excellent.

What was she reading, The Decline of the West?

Listen, I gotta go, kids.

Just call Mrs. Clarke when you want to dump. Hm?

You ready for the torture? You ready for the..

- My ear. - My ear?

You call that a weekend?

Five days in Vermont without a phone?

I couldn't tell you what Berger pulled on me.

Small potatoes.

Small potatoes. But my potatoes.

Why don't you eat?

Max, there's a talented young writer named Steven Routledge.

I'd like to bring him to Baby's party.

I've been trying to get him for my show.

Sure. It's okay with me. How young?

- Very. - Great.

That's the whole idea, sweetheart. A kitty party.

Mrs. Herschel is here.

Sweetheart, you look sensational.

Max. I don't believe you've met..

I'm Dr. Coleson. Mrs. Herschel felt that I should--

I told Mrs. Swanson to put me on the third floor.

Dr. Coleson as well.

Sure, sweetheart. In case you need him.

Ask Ted if there is anything you want.

- He'll get anything you need. - Thank you.

Dinner is at eight, doctor. Just the family and a few kids.

The dancing girls come in around 10:30.

By the way, did anybody remember to bring the meringues?

Yes, I did, Mr. Herschel.

Two dozen. I'll give them to the boy.

We'll never know with all the work he's doing.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

Thoreau.

Hello.

Fancy meeting you, dear.

- Hello, I'm Max Herschel. - How do you do? Steven.

I don't know if Bones told you. I'm a great admirer of yours.

Couple of questions I'd like to ask you.

Maybe later, you'd save me a Waltz. Let's have a drink.

Child molester.

I only hope I look that good

after I've been drunk for 20 years.

Oh-oh. She's off the leash tonight.

- Is she alright? - Sound asleep.

I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Herschel.

I, uh, couldn't stop her drinking without a scene.

Believe me, doctor, I-I know the drill.

Why don't we get a breath of air?

Connie only tanks up publicly

when she is trying to tell me something.

What do you think she was trying to?

That she'd rather be in Peabody with the loonies

than here at home with me.

- Oh, we don't refer to-- - An old message, doctor.

You know, what I figure, it's you she'd rather be with.

Understandable..

...but not acceptable.

Regardless of what Connie may have told you

in your professional capacity, of course

I do not wish to get rid of her.

So Ben here will drive you to the airport

and Bud will fly you to Peabody alone.

Your bag's are in the trunk, and that's your coat.

There's anything you care to eat or drink

Bud will have it on the plane. Don't worry.

Yes, but Connie--

You can send the stuff back with Bud.

I appreciate everything you've tried to do for Connie.

Everything.

You did a great job with the meringues.

- Dr. Coleson. - 'Yes.'

There's a writing pad and a pen in front of you.

'Mr. Herschel thought you might want to'

'write a farewell note. You know, to Mrs. Herschel.'

- 'Get Moe. He wants to walk.' - I just gave him a walk.

But not on a leash, Once a day on the leash.

Steven. You are not dancing.

Why don't we get a breath of air?

I gotta walk the dog.

You know your play was fantastic.

I loved it.

That scene in the second act, near the end

where the girl refuses to cry. Well, it made me cry.

You're one hell of a playwright.

Oops! Excuse me. Pardon me.

Must have got a lot of bids then. Oops!

Will you come over here and behave yourself?

Num, num, num.

He flunked out of obedience school three times.

Irish idiot, cost daddy a bundle, didn't you?

Very expensive baby. Mwah!

Excuse me. Excuse me. May I try, Mr. Herschel?

- Max. - Okay, Moe.

Come on, now.

Let's try to heel.

Heel, Moe.

Will you look at that?

Steven, I think you were born to command.

You must have a lot of movie bits for your play.

Nobody seems to want to make a movie

from the terrorist's point of view.

Really? That was the angle that interested me.

Why did you pick it?

I write about people. I'm not really interested in politics.

That's good. That's good.

It was a hell of a play, it'd make a good movie.

Controversial, very exciting. I'm really dumbfounded.

that you haven't had any movie bids?

I got one nibble from an independent producer

a man named Raskin, Jules Raskin. Ever hear of him?

No.

He took me to lunch a couple of times

to tell me how he was going to handle the property.

So what happened?

So I guess he ran out of lunch money.

Have you talked movie with Bones?

She doesn't think terrorists are commercial.

Also, she thinks the story is too subjective.

Bones is a good TV producer.

But movies, she doesn't know tit from twat.

Don't quote me. I'm no expert either.

I've done alright in a lot of different fields

by going with my instinct.

What I'd like to do, Steven, with your permission, naturally.

I'd like to send your play to a couple of guys. Professionals.

Men whose opinions you can respect.

Not crapshooters or fans like me.

What do you say?

And what can I do for you?

I'll think of something.

Actually, he's pretty goddamn disarming.

You talk about snake oil salesmen and farmer's daughter.

He had my skirt up over my head

before we got past to ask for distress.

He's not subtle

but he's swift.

But you know..

...I think he really liked the play.

- He hasn't even seen your play. - Yeah. Sure he has.

- He discussed it in detail. - Then, he sent Stella.

Max doesn't sit through plays.

Why would he lie?

He was trying to soften you up. He took the foolproof route.

Max Herschel who doesn't know tit from twat about books

or plays and movie says, "You're a great writer.

How would you like to be in the movies"

and you just rolled over.

He set out to make you look like a turkey to me.

And succeeded.

Well...thanks for the evening.

Thank Max.

Yeah, I'll write him a nice note.

I'll thank him for everything.

Steven!

I do not belong to Max Hershel.

Oh, yes, you do, lady. You're a gangster's moll

and you're scared to death of that bastard.

Afraid of Max, me?

Hell yes, afraid! And hung up

and dependent and manipulated.

What to do you want me to do? Hang on to your goddamn knees?

No. I want you to get off yours.

'Good morning, sweetheart.'

I see you got Dr. Coleson's note.

I can't stay in this house.

I want a doctor.

Get me a doctor..

Come on, Connie. Come on.

Here we go, sweetheart.

Beats me how you look like a kid at 10 o'clock in the morning.

- What's up? - Want to talk about Steven.

Yeah. Steven.

Baby warned me I'm in a rumble seat.

So you're in love. It happens.

What the hell! Shack up, if that's want you want.

'Sweetheart, just tell me what you want?'

It's yours. Just tell me.

I got married this morning.

Don't worry about it.

We'll get it annulled.

Nothing to it.

It's done. Just accept it.

Sweetheart, you're making a pretty bad mistake.

I've always let you play Mrs. In-charge

without you having to carry the real weight.

The boy won't give you that, sweetheart. He'll expect things.

He'll expect me to love him.

He's not like you, Max. He's very different from you.

From us.

He's different.

How different?

He's better.

You better run along, darling. I've got some calls to make.

We're going away for a few days. I'll call you when we get back.

You'll feel better about everything.

I feel fine. What's okay with you is okay with me.

All that matters is you're happy.

'Hello, Charlie. Max here.'

See ya!

What's happening with that block of buildings?

In Albany.

My God, Max. What..

Oh, with that Jew.

She got married. She married that fuck.

He's different. He's better.

No, Max, no!

Okay, okay, okay.

Take some notes.

One, her stuff in storage

call a moving truck immediately.

Pack up the works and ship it to my Queens' warehouse.

Tell Burton to put the stuff in his name.

Two, Burton Productions. I got a $70,000 loan outstanding

which I never called in.

That loan's convertible into 900 shares

in current market value.

Roughly, a million-two..

Forget the goodwill 'cause I'm not selling.

Call Burty and tell him he just attended

a board of directors' meeting.

He voted with me.

What are you gonna give her for her share?

This!

Max, you couldn't.

Never tell me couldn't.

'She'll sue.'

What with?

Call Burty and tell him to lay writ of attachment

and a restraining order against sale of the apartment

or any of its contents.

Because we are taking out a stock hold

with derivative action against her

malfeasance at office.

- You know better than that. - So what?

We'll tie up her assets, if she can find any.

If she could scrape up the lawyer's fees

she'll win the case eventually.

But in the meantime..

...just for fun, we'll clear the building.

Get in touch with Elder And Green

that's the outfit that manages Bones' building.

I know who Elder And Green are. Now, just rein in a minute.

You're gonna regret this. I won't help you do it.

- I thought you liked your job. - Not to this extent.

- The option's yours, kid. - Max, you've won the fight.

Now, you're just punishing the referee. I know--

You just shut up and listen to me, Stella!

I'll tell you what you know!

You tell Elder And Green I'll buy any two apartments

in that building at any price.

The only requisite being, I want immediate title.

The present owners can stay in at their convenience.

But I want title!

After we play out the strings with the lawyers.

And if I still want to

I can blackball anybody she tries to sell the apartment to.

The maintenance on that pad is 4,000 a month.

I'll tell you something else, those lousy paintings of us

when she tries to sell 'em, Gornisht!

She collected 'em to bug me. Just something else to bug me.

Junk, like the coral, the lapis and the cabochons

and the rest of the crap she wears.

Wears to bug me. So, she wound up screwing herself.

Just another ass-smart broad. I wasted 14 years of my life.

Oh, my God.

Close down all the store and restaurant accounts.

Cut off all the garages.

Almost forgot, she's got those bearer bonds, where are they?

- I said where're they? - In Zurich, in your box.

Where they'd be safe you said.

Uh-huh, I was right again.

What's the name of that kid downstairs? Her TV assistant?

- 'Mark, Mark Gosse.' - That's him, Mark.

Call him on the phone.

Tell him he's the new president.

Find out his favorite colors.

And send in the decorators.

Sweetheart, when I come in tomorrow

I'm gonna get off on the 29th floor.

Gonna step out of the elevator and I'm gonna look around.

Wherever I look, what I don't want to see is that cunts name.

Everything is going to work out just fine, darling.

Said the elephant as he danced among the chickens.

Max, Max.

Shit! I know he's in this house. Where's he? Answer me, Stella.

Bones, he's not going to see you.

You might as well get used to it. Now, settle down.

- He had my name scraped off. - I know, he was just so hurt.

He robbed the warehouse. Did you know he robbed the warehouse?

Give him a chance to cool down--

Don't you understand what he's done? He's stripped me.

He's stolen my bonds, he's taken everything.

Oh, honey.

You had to know what he was doing.

I tried everywhere to find you.

I came damn near quitting, until I realized that if I stayed

I might be able to..

My God! Bones, you couldn't.

Don't you ever tell me, couldn't.

You give Max a message for me the next time you talk to him.

Tell him when I find him I'm going to kill him.

Here.

'Your floor, Ms. Burton.'

- Who are you? - Dugan, security.

Security for whom?

I was to see that nothing goes up. No contents.

I see, does that include my douche bag.

Personal effects, that's okay.

There's just furniture and pictures I gotta protect.

'Stuff like that.'

'Never mind.'

Hi. Where you been? I've been trying to call you.

I got the bags all..

Oh.

It's after two.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

I thought you heard me.

What's the matter? Can't you sleep?

No.

Here, something to calcify your bones.

Wha-what were you brooding about when I came in?

- Remember Nixon's enemy list? - Uh-huh.

What I never could figure out is why it was so short?

- You thinking about Max again. - No, you're thinking about Max.

Can you just forget about him?

I will, if you will.

I don't think about Max.

I've 1,000 other things to think about.

Like...resuming my life and getting work

maybe having to start all over again from damn near scratch.

- Steven. - 'Hm?'

This novella. I think it'll make a wonderful movie.

Yeah?

Go back to bed.

I'm gonna make fudge.

'It is two in the morning.'

I know, I'm gonna make it.

I'm gonna save it for breakfast.

All I want is a little lick.

I'm gonna take care of you, sweetheart.

Send you to school. Fix your teeth.

Oh, yes? I graduated second in my high school class.

I want to do something with my life.

Be something.

I loved working at Herschel.

I mean, working for you, Mr. Herschel.

Please, darling. Max.

Thank you. It's fascinating.

I mean, I've really learned a lot in the office.

But I want to really do something.

What you interested in, sweetheart?

Oh, everything.

Art, French, his-history. I'm very good at math.

- Economics. - Economics?

Yeah. Sure, so I can understand you.

I don't care where you send me to school

just so it's right here in New York, where you are, Max.

- 'Standby to roll tape.' - 'Roll D-5, please.'

'Roll tape.'

'Standby.'

- 'Stopwatch, take one.' - 'Five seconds.'

- 'Ready.' - 'Announce.'

- 'And cue announce.' - Sorry, I'm late.

- 'This is Stopwatch.' - Kill the audio, Charlie.

- Why so nervous, Jim? - Nervous?

I'm not nervous, I'm just sorry that we can't, uh..

I wish I had something for you, Bones, I really do.

Hell, I know what happened with Herschel, it stinks.

I'm blackballed, right?

Oh, my God, no.

I swear...not at this network.

And not any place I know about.

Honest to God.

Look, you come up with an idea that's right for us

and we'll jump like hungry trout.

How would you like a story on Herschel Industries?

'On Mr. Herschel Industries?'

Very much.

The media has never been able to lay a glove on him.

Those bloody employee agreements.

Yeah, the agreements.

So, who could talk?

Who would talk?

Listen, I'll be in New York by tomorrow afternoon.

Now, hold on to yourself, we're going to California.

'California?'

Yeah, wait till you hear what happened.

Remember I told you about Julie Raskin?

- 'Who?' - 'Raskin.'

'The man who wanted to make a movie out of Cat's Watch.'

I don't believe you.

I know you don't believe it.

- Which studio? - 'Cosmos.'

What? What's funny?

God.

God is funny...and good.

When do you go and how long do you stay?

I-I go tomorrow morning. I stay until I deliver.

Three weeks for the treatment. Three months for the screenplay.

Why do you have to write out there?

Well, Julie wants me to. I'll need guidance.

The movie business may be harder than it looks

from the orchestra of Cinema 1 and Cinema 2.

It's not going to be easy to make a movie out of that play

it might be even a little lunatic to try.

Now, honey, I know that you don't agree with Cosmos

on my little epic, but...it's Cosmos's money, okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

I'm gonna miss you.

Are you deranged? You're going with me.

No, I don't think so. Not for a while, anyway.

I've had this idea for a project

it's nothing big, but I think I'll do it if I can.

I don't wanna talk about it now.

Listen, Flora, I know you're a great agent.

- But don't be too great. - 'I'll have to get 10,000.'

I'm offering you 7,500, that's what I've got.

'I couldn't face myself in the morning--'

Who else has even made an offer on the story?

It was published in 1970, it's a dead issue except to me.

Don't kill the only deal you've got

by asking for 2,500 more than I've got.

$7,500, okay?

- 'I'm gonna regret this.' - Love you, Flora.

Send me the papers and I'll send you the check.

Don't wiggle.

California, here I come.

- Hello-- - 'Oh, my God.'

Get out!

- Get her off! - Oh, my God!

Ah!

- Ah! - 'Oh, my God.'

Get up, Max.

How do you get out of this place?

Let go of me.

- Let go of me. Let go of me. - Open the goddamn door!

Open the goddamn door!

- The goddamn door! - Okay, okay.

Open that door, you son of a bitch.

Open it. Open it.

Steve, darling...tomorrow.

What time? When, what flight? I'll be there with mariachis.

United, flight three.

'You're gonna be just in time for the party.'

- What kind of a party? - 'A party for me, here.'

A party at Mike Bergers?

Alright, I'll pack something shiny.

'Steve, I bought that novella, what to you think?'

'Shall I bring it to Cosmos?'

I say, why not, Berger's a savvy guy, I think you'll like him.

Steve, I love you.

Don't get me wrong, I love your project.

It's just my meat and I could write the hell out of it.

I just don't see why I should cut my price?

What the hell do you care anyway

it's a Cosmos development, isn't it?

Ah, I haven't set anything, yet.

Really? I thought this...party was for you.

No, it's for..

...my husband, if it's for anybody.

Coffee break.

* Things go better with coke *

But it makes you feel so goddamn guilty.

Don't I know? We all feel guilty at first.

Hi.

- Did you get a brandy? - No.

You sure you won't be chilly out here?

No.

I was just telling Steve.

The hardest thing about California

you getting over being ashamed of loving it.

How you doing with Lothar?

I thought you should sit next to him. Does he like your story?

So he claims, but I don't think I can afford him.

He's a skilled craftsman, that's what you need for your property.

- I read it. - Did you?

It should make a charming show.

Small of course, difficult to cast. Nothing for stars.

Of course, that's where you independents have it on studios.

'It's your money and you take whatever risks you deem fit.'

I on the other hand have to answer to a board of directors.

Not to mention stockholders.

Heigh-ho!

In other words, this isn't anything that Cosmos

would be interested in developing?

You got a property that should be developed independently.

It's your vision, your baby, it should be done your way.

- Bye. - Goodnight.

Then...when you got it set up the way you want it

the right way.

Then you go in and make one of us

pay through the nose to distribute.

Alright?

Your talented husband is going to turn in a beautiful script.

When he does, he's gonna have to make a decision.

What's that?

He'll have to decide whether to go back to New York

and dump on the picture with the classic cry

"It's being handled by animals."

Or...or you can do what the big ones do.

Accept the fact that movies are

and always will be a collaborative form.

What am I supposed to do that I'm not doing?

It's not what you're not doing now.

It's what you won't be doing if you leave your script..

...in Julie's hands.

And whose hand should I leave it?

Steve, you've got very clear production ideas.

'Original casting notions.'

Julie..

Well, let's just say that... Julie is a man in his late 50's

with absolutely no track record.

'We're waiting in the projection booth, Mr. Berger.'

'Don't think the director, whomever we wind up with'

'won't need your input.'

'The best movies are the result of ongoing dialogue'

'between writer and director.'

'I thought directors couldn't wait to get rid of writers.'

Not the good ones. But aside from that.

I'd like to see you stay with the picture, co-produce

with Julie or possibly without him.

I don't know a goddamn thing about producing.

Sure you do. Producing is just dealing with people.

We better get downstairs

or we'll miss the beginning of the picture.

Dealing with people and understanding

that most people you have to deal with

are defective by definition.

Now, this picture is a $13 million disaster.

Cost almost as much as it's costing me

to redecorate this house.

Terrible script.

Now, what you've got going for you, Steve

you're that rare bird we don't often get in this business.

An artist who is also an adult.

Bones.

You'll make wonderful movies if you have the courage

to put yourself on the line. Underwrite your own product--

Mike, you didn't tell me Stevie's wife was so gorgeous.

Nice kid.

Welcome to the Hoot Gibson room. Isn't this sweet?

Michael, this is Steven. And..

'Coke.'

'Comstock's Raiders, reel one.'

How does it feel being 21?

Oh, Max.

I never should've accepted such an expensive present.

Let me tell you something, sweetheart

you never get poor from taking.

'We've got our search party in there now.'

For me...this is the only beautiful thing

in the whole house.

Mr. Berger?

'You are quite right.'

Of course, you're Max Herschel's little friend.

'Ah, Burton, am I correct?'

Yes, you are. But I'm Mrs. Routledge now.

Routledge? Yes, I know that name.

- Writer? - 'Playwright.'

I apologize for coming in here like this, Mr. Berger.

You saw the vase.

Life is full of surprises.

I never thought Max would part with it.

Never.

How long have you had it?

Well...six, eight weeks. We made a deal.

I don't sleep so good anymore.

It's nice to have company.

'I was so sick you wouldn't believe.'

My wife...did you hear?

My Marsha?

Died.

A month ago.

I'm sorry, Mr. Berger.

You're not half as sorry as me, my dear.

My Marsha.

She's in the vase.

What?

My Marsha is in the Gulbenkian.

'I got there just in time.'

'My wife died very suddenly.'

Was very sudden. It was a terrible shock.

Out here in California. So..

They carted me out to Cedars.

Kidney failure, they said.

Broken heart is the truth.

"You can't travel," they said.

"Here you are and here you stay."

"Then I want my Marsha with me," I said.

'And I had them do it.'

I know this is against religion.

But I had them do it.

God couldn't understand that I wanted my Marsha near me?

Of course, he could.

So I did it.

There she is.

My Marsha...in Max's Gulbenkian.

In my Gulbenkian.

'So, you are married.'

Nobody told me that you married this playwright.

He writes very highbrow.

I read his play.

Not too highbrow to make a movie.

Michael's bought it for a movie you know.

Yeah, the boy...is artistic.

'You don't think Cat's Watch will make a good movie?'

Who saves those cats? Mrs. Cats.

What do I know about cats, huh?

Real estate, that I know.

I don't know what you know

but I do know what you do, Mr. Berger.

Oh, what's that?

Control your grandson's career, call the shots.

Who says? Max?

Is that what Max says, to you?

Max Herschel talks out of school to a smart young lady.

Seymour Berger talks out of school. You understand?

Now, your young fellow's play is kids stuff.

It's a very fine play.

But you definitely have to call it special.

But...you know Max, huh?

Max is a very generous man.

You know he does not mind spending a little money.

- He is very generous. - Yes, very generous.

If it's something Max wants, price is no object.

We both know that. Nothing stops Max.

I just thought, you know, that he wanted to help the boy.

Nobody told me that you were married.

Are you saying that Max put up the money to make this movie?

- All the money? - All the money.

However, he even makes for certain money

an arty picture with a PLO hero.

Does Cosmos tease his black eye?

Even Max puts up some money, I must've checked

through this project. You understand?

- Spell is out slowly. - 'I am only human, my dear.'

You show me the man who does not have his price.

I will show you the man who never receives the offer.

Max gave you the vase... to make this movie?

I don't believe you.

Give it? Max did not give it to me. We made a deal.

The vase was part of the deal.

Now, I understand what it was. It was for you.

'Why do you look surprised? You shouldn't be.'

Max is a very sentimental man.

'He wants you to be happy.'

He wants your young man to make a good living.

He wants my husband to break his ass.

For such a bum thing he would give me Gulbenkian?

I wouldn't believe that.

'He wanted only good things for you, my dear.'

Well, that's it. Isn't it?

I mean that's really it. That's what you're trying to say.

Open the goddamn door!

I mean that's really it. That's what you wanna say.

That the only way Cats can get produced

is through some kind of tax swindle for Herschel Industries.

It's not a swindle.

It's just a setup to make you look like a fool.

Goddamn it! Can't you see Max has set you up?

Lady...you are embarked on an ego trip to outer space!

Me? My God!

If you're gonna wash yourself in that oily little poof

you're gonna fairy dust your way

and you'll lit up like the aurora borealis.

Okay, now you say Julie Raskin works for Max.

Explain that to me step by step.

Julie Raskin's a two bit operator

who probably covers every off Broadway show that opens

looking for anything he can hustle up cheap

hang up without pay and then sell it to someone else.

He was hustling you from the beginning.

Keeping you on hold while he looked for a buyer.

Which he didn't find.

Then you told Max about him. Max never forgets a name.

When you needed a handle, he dug up Julie

and gave him a retainer.

Julie's job was to suck you into Cosmos and then stick around

while you acquired a taste for blood.

There is flat no way that I can buy that.

- Not can't, won't. - Listen, di..

Bones. Bones, listen to me.

Do you have any idea how absurd that is?

And why Cosmos? Why with old enemies?

Because they're his enemies. He can trust them.

You just, you just can't let him go, can you?

Steven, I have not just let him go

I've dropped him down the well.

Sure.

Yeah, but then all you have to do is see that vase

or...well, whatever it is or anything connected with Max

and then you're off on another paranoid

fantasy filled--

It's not fantasy, believe me. Max is in this.

What difference does it make whether I believe it or not.

You believe it. You believe in Oz.

And, uh..

...wizards and spells.

I'll tell you what I don't believe in anymore.

I don't believe in knights on white chargers.

Scratch a lock..

What's that?

The man with his foot on your back.

Oh, I see.

I'm a junior Max, huh? Is that it?

Because I'm willing to unload Julie Raskin off my movie?

That's my movie, Bones!

Julie's got the-the taste and the finesse of a warthog.

No taste, Julie?

I thought he was Cat's biggest fan.

Okay, so what?

You know, so I'm gonna dump Julie.

Somebody and Max or whoever I don't even care anymore

is giving me a chance to make my movie here

and that's not a chance I'm gonna pass up, sweetheart.

Don't call me sweetheart!

Oh, wait.

Wait.

See, where do we go?

What we got here are just problems of perception.

Like I never claimed to be Lochinvar.

- Yes, you did. - No, no.

Bones, don't cry.

Nothing's really happened here you see

you...you just saw that dumb Chinese pot and freaked out.

That's all. There's nothing here we can't fix.

That blonde at the party you slept with her, didn't you?

Are you kidding? Of course, I haven't slept with her.

- Swear? - I swear.

'Passengers for New York on United Flight..'

But listen, dammit, you just got here.

We've been all through this. I wanna get rolling.

If I'm gonna buy the screenplay, I've to sell the jewelry.

Well, sell it next week for heaven's sake.

What?

I was just about to say what a wonderful time I'd had.

I'll call you Wednesday. There were a couple of things.

- Kind of important. - What?

'Passengers for New York on United Flight..'

I'll call you.

'...now boarding in gate 15.'

'Bones.'

Hey, Bones.

Give me a break here. I'm only 29.

Hello, Bill, everything intact?

Yes, Mrs. Routledge. Glad to see you back.

Mike, would you go in there and talk to her?

'Cause I don't think she's gonna make it.

She's scared out of her skull. She's throwing up in the sink.

Bones, darling, you okay? Come, come on. Come on.

Sit over here. Hey, listen.

You have a responsibility here. Not financial, moral.

Look, I felt you were bothered by the questions having to do

with personal motives.

We don't have to go into that. It's not important.

It isn't a show about you.

Just stick to Herschel Industries, okay?

Bones, listen.

You're not just an interviewee. You're producing this spot.

It'll be the way you want it or it won't be anything, right?

'Stand by.'

'Stopwatch, take 7.'

Five seconds.

Mr. Herschel is famous for not being famous.

No one in a position to speak ever does.

By contract you say.

But now, you speak.

The issue's that employees of powerful corporate entities

can be made to perceive of themselves

as indentured servants.

Disenfranchised of the first amendment.

- Hello? - 'Bones, thank God, I got you.'

- Baby? - 'I've been calling and--'

- What's the matter? - It's mummy.

Daddy called and I-I can't find Stan.

The plane is on its way to pick me up.

So will you, will you please meet me at LaGuardia?

I don't want to be alone.

'I don't understand. What happened?'

But I told you, it's mummy.

Oh...she's dead!

Daddy was taking her to a new place

where the patients go cross-country skiing.

Is this your car?

No, I just rented it to pick you up.

- Oh. - She just choked to death.

With daddy sitting right there at the table with her

to be sure she ate a good dinner.

He ordered Beef Wellington.

Connie choked to death on Beef Wellington!

Poor daddy.

No foundation creams. No eye makeup.

No lipstick.

A little gloss okay, but no high color.

- 'No color?' - None. You heard me.

I've seen your cosmetic work, you ghoul.

You leave my wife's face alone.

It's a beautiful face.

A beautiful face. Just the way it is.

- I'll be in to check. - 'Thank you, Mr. Herschel.'

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Munchen. - Thank you.

Goodbye, Bones. Goodbye. Thank you. I'll call you.

'Where to now, miss?'

CBS.

I just thought if I didn't get out of that house

I'd go crazy.

He was bad enough at the funeral.

But he's been crying ever since. He can't stop.

Never even thought he liked her.

Bones. Come back to the house with me. Make it up with him.

He needs you. Hell, I need you.

You think I want new baby to wind up

with a teenage grandmother?

It's no good, baby.

Catch Stopwatch Sunday night, but don't let Max see it.

I tried to stop it when I heard about Connie

but it's scheduled and it's going on.

What? What's going on?

Years ago, when Howard Hughes bought himself a movie studio

He gave one order. "Paint it."

When Mr. Herschel took over International

he too gave only one order, "flatten it"!

- I'll kill her.. - Daddy! Daddy!

- Switch channels! - Ah!

I'll get an ambulance.

You've had what we call, multiplepremature contractions.

The result of emotional tension, fatigue, grief, but not serious.

Your heart's perfectly sound

I agree completely with Dr. Kierstein's diagnosis.

Fuck Kierstein's diagnosis, and yours.

I know what I had and it wasn't contractions.

I had an episode of heart block.

Goddamn if I see another rhythm like that.

I felt it and it could happen again.

If I depend on you two pinstripe pricks, it will happen again.

I need a pacemaker implantation.

And I need it immediately.

- Max.. - Nonsense.

With no atherosclerotic damage, no angina pain, without--

You don't have a period of asystole

for the cardiac output to be compromised.

- Don't you read the literature? - Max, I thought you understood.

Dr. Jowdy is head of cardiovascular research

at the Heart Institute.

Then why doesn't he read the fuckin' literature?

I want a pacemaker and I want it tomorrow.

I want a General Electric Sentry 75 Generator.

A GE, don't try to palm off a Medtronic on me.

The company that makes Medtronic is in Minnesota.

And my wife's goddamn father came from Minnesota.

Well, that's the story.

'They don't think it's really serious'

but I thought you ought to know.

'It's all my fault.'

Oh, hell, Bones, I wouldn't take too much credit if I were you.

He really was very cut up over Connie.

'And lately, he's been behaving more like a maniac than ever.'

'And then when he caught your little show'

he threw one tantrum too many and scared himself.

Oh, honey, don't cry.

They couldn't kill him with a meat axe.

I want at least two more phones in my room.

And grease the switchboard real good.

Also the kitchen. Not for the floor staff.

And the Puerto Ricans, twenties. Fifties for the shvartzes.

The rest of the staff will be happy with tens.

Unless they're Jews, then back up to fifties.

Spread the word. No one above...$100.

Stella, I gotta do it.

Call Bernie, tell him I want to start proceedings against Bones.

What in hell do you think you're gonna squeeze out of her now?

- There's nothing left! - There's always the future.

'Dr. Ellen Bogen, pick up on 59.

Hi, Stell..

'Try the little Mondrian, right over there.'

When they wheel me back in here, I wanna wake up to Mondrian.

Wake up! Oh, for God's sake, daddy.

You're not going to sleep you're only gonna get a local.

- Just put it up. - 'You'll be alright!'

You will. I won't let anything happen to you!

I love you, Max.

I love you so, I wouldn't live without you.

No, sweetheart, no. You shouldn't be here.

- How did you find out? - Ruth at the office called me.

She said an operation on your heart.

Oh, God, Max, on your heart.

Oh, God!

I love you, Max.

I love you.

I love you.

'I love you.'

Adorable kid.

I feel great. It was a breeze.

Nothing.

A little operation like this could jack up your heart muscle.

- Know what I mean, sweetheart? - No, you're too subtle.

Hey.

'The gift shop is now open.'

'The gift shop is now open.'

But for God's sakes, daddy. You're alright.

There's no reason for her to keep sitting there

like some bloody Hindu waiting

for a chance to fling herself on the pyre.

Order her to go home and if she won't, have her thrown out.

That's not nice, sweetheart.

Cathy's a great little kid. Very loyal. Smart too.

Smart as Bones at that age.

Maybe smarter.

- Speaking of Bones-- - Which I wasn't.

Speaking of Bones, in spite of everything

and I mean everything.

I think you outta make it up with her.

Make it up? With that homicidal bitch?

There have been small mistakes on both sides.

- She tried to kill me. - Oh, daddy!

I mean, literally, in Bergdorf Goodman, you didn't know that.

Well, she couldn't have given it her best shot, you still here.

She cost me my Gulbenkian.

Don't count chops.

'What does that mean?'

Don't keep books on people you love.

You know something, Baby?

You know there isn't much I own I wouldn't give to have..

...Connie back.

Call Bones.

I wouldn't call that bitch a taxi to take her to hell.

Dr. Benecek's office. Good morning.

'Hello?'

'Dr. Benecek's office.'

Good morning.

Hello?

Yes?

'Oh, Bones, thank God, you're home.'

Oh, hello, Baby. How's Max?

'You'd better get down to the hospital, right away.'

- What? - 'Oh, Bones..'

I don't understand.

Stella said that he came out of the operation fine.

Oh, Bones, please, he needs you.

Tell Mr. Digby, Mr. J. Struthers Digby

That Herschel FAU is an insurance company.

'Which means a PhD in fraud.'

'Then remind him we're also in a hotel business.'

'We know about rake-offs and no hustlers in the lobby.'

We know as much about no hustlers in the lobby

as Mr. Digby knows about no Jews in his club.

Who let you in?

If you've come to beg, forget it.

Bernie's got the office working overtime.

They can hit you with a breach of contract, personal damage

slander, assault with a deadly weapon.

Stella, get that goddamn purse out of her hand.

- Hello, Bones. - Hello, Stella.

Max..

...uh, I've already told Bernie and you might as well know too

that Bones', uh..

...employees agreement has disappeared.

'What the hell are you talking about?'

Uh, that h-h-her file's just gone. Nobody can figure it out.

Then fire the security chief.

I don't want to fire the security chief.

But, uh, I'll give him a good stern talking to.

I'll handle you later. And stay close, this won't take too long.

I never knew you girls were so tight.

Live and learn.

What's the matter? Didn't you ever see a man in bed before?

- Where's your husband? - Where you sent him.

What do you mean where I sent him.

I've been in California too. I ran into Seymour Berger.

I'm sorry about Connie, Max.

I couldn't do a goddamn thing. I was helpless.

So your husband's in California? What are you doing back here?

Working.

Oh, I caught your epic on TV, Sunday.

Yeah. Wasn't too bad. I came off okay.

Frankly, kid. If you shot your wad in that department

it's okay with me. What next?

I'm going to make a movie. A feature.

Is that a fact? Where's the bread coming from?

I'm paying for the original property

and screenplay myself. And then we'll see.

What are you paying with?

With last Sunday night and the jewelry you gave me.

What's the matter? Did you think I couldn't bear to part with it?

So you're really getting into the picture business.

You're doing it the hard way.

I hear you say, you ran into Seymour Berger out there.

I saw your vase too.

What vase?

You know what vase. He's got Marsha in it.

Mrs. Berger.

Mrs. Berger died and Mr. Berger put her ashes in the Gulbenkian.

He had Marsha cremated? A good Jew like Seymour.

- I don't believe it. - Well, it's true.

I know you love that vase

I'm sorry you don't have it anymore.

What the hell are you sorry about?

I've some business with Seymour.

The vase is on loan. I get it when he dies. How does he look?

- He looks bad. - Really?

You wanna drink?

Well?

So?

Listen, Max, I know you're a very busy man

and I don't wanna keep you.

And you got another visitor waiting to see you in the lobby.

- What visitor? - That girl from the office.

- Cathy. Isn't that her name? - Oh, you saw Cathy, did you?

Let me tell you something, sweetheart. That little girl.

She loves me. I mean, she's in love with me.

She's a very special little girl. Bright and nice and good.

And I adore her. I could wind up married to Cathy.

She's a wonderful girl.

- I'm telling you the truth. - I believe you.

I tell you, she loves me.

I'm gonna tell you something, Max.

I'm only going to say it once. You better listen carefully.

- What? - I love you too.

No, I really do love you.

Enough that if Cathy is everything you say she is

she'll make you a wonderful wife.

Thanks a lot. Thanks for everything, kid.

If it comes to getting married, I'll think about marrying you.

Since you love me so much.

Thinking about marrying me, Max and marrying me

are two different things. I'm not on the market.

Sure. There's always a market for marriage.

It's the quintessential deal.

But first, you gotta define the terms. Agree on the principle.

Get the quid pro quo is all nice and tidy.

Know what I mean, sweetheart?

You can't run off blind like you did.

What's your price?

Tell me what the bottom line is?

I think we both generally understand what you expect

from a wife. I'm fuzzy on a couple of points.

One. What are you going to do about Cathy?

Keep her. I'm gonna keep her. I'm not gonna marry her.

I wouldn't marry her if she was the last fuck in the free world.

I'm gonna keep her. What else?

How do you feel about starting another family?

Negative.

That's too bad because I'm pregnant.

So what else is new?

What's new is I'm gonna keep it.

You got some nerve, sweetheart.

- What would you name it? - Herschel.

Okay.

Let's hammer it all out right now.

Okay. Leave Steven alone. No more tricks.

- He's out of it. - I never wanted him in.

Sweetheart, I know you're ready to deal.

Let's see what you really want.

If I'm gonna get over my head, I'd rather pull out right now.

I'm making you a big offer.

Big enough so I don't feel you do too may concessions.

Like, one. You open a meeting with the obstetrical item.

It makes me nervous. Nevertheless, I'll listen.

Let's be honest, sweetheart.

You try to shit me on network television.

So we got a few little problems going in, like, trust.

You shook my trust in you. You've lost a lot of assets.

When you left me you were flying high. You had money.

You had a business going for you. You were younger.

So were you, Max. And you had a wife for protection.

Now, you're gonna have all those teenyboppers

special and otherwise snapping at your ass.

And you've got a dicey heart

which is really something to consider. Who knows?

You could wind up an invalid. Having me to take care of you.

I wouldn't like that, Max.

But I'd do it. And I'd do it well.

Okay. Call your best shots.

Just tell me what you want?

I want the TV company closed out.

Easy.

- I want Mark's head. - Don't be mean, sweetheart.

- I'm telling you what I want. - We'll discuss it.

Yes, we will.

I want a good independent film set up

with top studio release.

Uh-huh.

What else?

What's your real bottom line?

I want you to say you love me.

Sweetheart.

I adore you.

I always have. You know that.

I want you to say, you love me.

Stella...don't put any calls through till I ring back.

I'm negotiating.

Well, that's it. That's how I got married.

Didn't I tell you it was a very romantic story.