All language subtitles for Hardbodies 2 (1986)-en

"Foreign Affairs," slate one, take one.

Oh, great, we're gonna need
a translator for the slates.

Hold it a moment, everybody.
Keep rolling.

What are we holding for?

- Birds.
- What birds?

A flock flew by a moment ago.
It looked great.

What makes you think
these birds are coming back, Zacherly?

Cut!

Cut the damn camera!

I've got a feeling
in my gut too,

a sinking feeling that we're
going to be over budget

on the very first setup.

On the last picture,
they were...

like wild dogs.

We didn't come to Greece
to go birdwatching, Zacherly.

So if you please,
madam director,

would you get your ass
in gear

and get the camera rolling,
birds or no birds?

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Wake up with the sun
upon our face"

"Breeze is blowing clouds
across the sky"

"Troubles disappear
without a trace"

"Living on an island"

"Just you and I"

"We don't need a ticket"

"Just take me by the hand"

"Love is gonna lead us"

"To our promised land"

"Adventures in paradise"

"You take me
around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking"

"On fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"We can catch a ride"

"Upon a star"

"Dance away our blues
in outer space"

"In your arms,
I've found my Shangri-La"

"Heaven's waiting for me
in your embrace"

"We don't need directions"

"To tell us where to go"

"Love is gonna lead us"

"To a place we know"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me
around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking
on fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"Adventures and imagination..."

What the hell?

"Exotic places
we can play"

"We're making movies
on location"

"The pictures
that we dream"

"Carry us away"

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah"

"Yeah yeah!"

"We're making movies
on location"

"Pictures that we dream"

"Carry us away"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me
around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking
on fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me
around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking
on fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me
around the world"

- "When I close my eyes..."
- Not bad.

- It's ca-ca.
- Well, for ca-ca, it's good ca-ca.

Logan, I can see the strings
on the tray.

Oh, Zach, you can see them.
No one else can. Lights.

It's embarrassing, Logan.

Oh, for Pete's sake, Zach,
will you calm down?

No one of average intelligence
can see anything.

You didn't notice
any strings, did you, snookums?

No, I didn't see anything, Bobo.

Telex from gay Paree.

Brucie, my little creampuff,

about the bathroom set...

a real airplane bathroom
is just too tight.

Could you build me
a bigger one?

Perhaps with some windows?

Whatever you want, chief.
One loo with a view coming up.

- Cheese and crackers!
- What's the matter?

Logan, don't tell me
the money fell through.

No, those idiot actors,
they missed the plane.

And the airline refused
to permit Scotty's fianc�e

to bring her pussy aboard.

How rude.

Dinner time.

Here you go, Baby Rambo.

Rags, you're not
gonna believe this.

- Listen to this stuff.
- All right, man, what's next? Hit me.

"As Scotty opens
the bathroom door,

a gust of wind whips his hair
to and fro."

Dude, don't keep me in suspense.
What happens next?

Check this out.

"The plane shudders,
starts doing barrel rolls

- in a fantastic aerial orgasm."
- All right!

That is sick. The women in
this script are just tits and ass

with nothing but sex
on their minds.

Is that really what you want?

Yes, please.

Well, then you can have it,
both of you.

Morgan.

Great.

Thanks, pal.

I'm sorry, man.
I didn't know she was so sensitive.

She isn't exactly
thrilled that our co-stars

are gonna be topless half the time.

Not that I intend to use this movie
to entice gorgeous young females

to abuse my
overdeveloped body.

- Right.
- Where are you going?

To apologize
to a gorgeous young female,

who I happen
to be engaged to.

Scott, what are you doing?

Morgan, we have to talk.

- About what?
- The movie.

Look, I think you're confusing me
with the character I play in the film.

I'm not a dumb surfer kid
who walked off the beach

with a surfboard
and a hard-on.

I know that.
It's just that for the past few months

we've been alone
and now I have to share you.

Share me?

Morgan love,
would I have given you this

if I didn't intend
on staying true?

You're the only woman I want.

Oh, Scotty,

you make me just
wanna throw you down

and jump on your bones.

Oh, honey.

- Oh, baby pie.
- Oh, sweetheart.

Oh yes, Morgan.

Oh my God! Morgan!

Morgan, pull... pull the shirt!

Let go of the shirt, Morgan.

Come on. Come on, just pull.
Pull, come on. Morgan.

Coming through.
Look out. Where's the beach?

Hey, my things are
on your board.

- Is this yours?
- Yeah.

- Can you prove it?
- Creep.

Hey, dude, she wants my body.
I can tell.

Hey!

Rin Tin Tin, off my board.

Sure, look, just pretend
it's a big bone, okay?

Drugs? Me?

Come on, jump back.

That dog of yours is a little
high-strung. I think he's a doper.

Yeah.

Hey, where are those guys
going with that surfboard?

Hey, back off.

No no, not my surfboard!

No! No!

Look, man,
there's no drugs in here.

I'm sorry about that, boy.
Enjoy.

What's the matter, bud?

You can't be done hassling me.
My suitcase is still in one piece.

Come on, man, cool out.

Open it.

- What for?
- Come on, open it.

It's obviously unnecessary.
Hold on.

You're on a power trip, right?
I get it.

Don't mess up my shirts.

What is this?

This is obviously
not my suitcase.

Can you believe that?

Drugs in my surfboard?

Yeah, I know. Like you'd have
put them in such an obvious place.

Really.

Cut. Print it.

Need a pickup
of the chainsaw, cutie.

Okay, everybody, that's a wrap.
Crew bus leaves in half an hour.

- Cast and Cookie comes with me.
- Scotty!

Sign your name here, please.

What has he got
that we haven't got?

Looks, charm,
hit TV series.

Holy shit!
This is real.

- Are you ready to go?
- Ready?

Sure, I've got a headache,
my shoulder feels separated

- and I'm bored out of my mind.
- I guess you're ready to go.

Excuse me, Officers,
but that's not real.

It's just a prop for the movie.
You understand?

Movie. You understand?

Movie movie.

It's just parsley.

Cookie.

Look at those silly cops.

They think
the kids are smoking real pot.

They are.
I told Bruce to get the real stuff.

You what?

Doesn't smell anything like grass.

Here, take this back
to the prop truck, please.

- Cookie!
- Huh?

Scott, is that a joint
in your hand?

Eww, disgusting!
And you promised me you'd given it up.

- Eat it.
- Are you out of your mind?

- I don't take drugs.
- Morgan, eat it.

Did you want to get us
thrown in the slammer?

What I want is reality
on the screen.

Oh, you want reality?
You got it, lady.

You're fired!

Before you fire me,
Logan, I walk.

No no no no, I fired you
before you walked.

Bad news.
Trouble in paradise.

Nothing a quick poke
won't cure.

Next time your phone rings,
it'll be my attorney.

And you'll be hearing
from my agent.

Agh! Cookie, come along.

We have script changes.

Montito, I need you presto.

I'm sorry, sir,
but there's nothing else I can do.

Look, you can't put all three
of us in one room.

That's what your reservation
called for.

Take it or leave it.

I feel sick.

Hey, Sean, you sharing
your room with anybody?

Not permanently.

How about taking on Rags
as a roommate and helping me out?

I wanna get girls in my room, man,
not scare 'em away.

Well, I think I'll leave you
two lovebirds alone for a while.

- Thanks, buddy.
- Yep.

Hey, Carlton Ashby.
When did you get in?

Hey, son, just flew in
after 14 and a half hours

in a seat designed
for a chimpanzee.

Well, then come on downstairs
and we can toss down

a couple of ice cold beers.

I'm not quite feeling human yet,

and tomorrow's my first day of
shooting. I better get a little sleep.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Rags.
- Hi, Mrs. Logan. Welcome to Greece.

Thank you. Tell me, have you
seen my husband around?

Not recently.

Oh, cheese and crackers.
Who's banging at...

oh, what a surprise.

If it isn't my little wifey.
Kiss kiss.

Darling, just let me
straighten up a bit.

Make some room
for you, huh?

Your wife is here?!

Cookie, you'll get
those sheets changed...

I mean, the script sheets
changed, right?

Oh, yes, right away.
Oh, I'm sorry.

No, that's okay.
You need some help?

No, I'm okay.

- Thank you.
- Sure.

Oh, work work work
work work work work.

Oh, are we a little cranky?

Well, it's been a long trip.

I know. I know. I know.

- I love you.
- I love you.

This place isn't so bad.

I mean, it may not
be the Ritz,

but at least it's clean.

What's wrong with Baby Rambo?

Nothing. Just jet lag.

Oh, God,
I feel like refried shit.

Probably that joint you ate.

Getting a buzz yet?

- Oh my God!
- Morgan, what is it?

My period is two days late.

Big deal.

I missed a few pills
last month.

So?

I'm "PG."
I'm prego.

My God,
I've been knocked up.

Are you sure this isn't
a hysterical reaction from the grass?

Hysterical reaction?

I'm pregnant
and you're calling me hysterical?

Our baby is growing
inside my womb,

and you accuse me
of being an emotional basket case.

I didn't say that.

But you implied it.

Like horseshit.

Like horseshit?

- Come on, baby doll.
- No, don't.

I don't deserve
this kind of abuse.

What do I have to do,
get on my hands and knees?

Maybe.

It feels so good to hold you.

Just the three of us together.

- Do you know what, honey?
- What's that?

I think maybe we shouldn't make
nooky-nooky for a while.

Why not?

Just to be safe.

You know,
we're in the family way.

Darling, isn't it wonderful?

Another hour in this sun,
and my nose will be fried.

Did you bring
any nose coat?

Yeah.

Hey, buddy,
we gotta face reality here.

If pennies don't start dropping from
heaven, we're gonna have to get jobs.

Please, God,
anything but that.

Thank you, Jesus.
Saved from the minimum wage.

Put it back, man.
This isn't ours.

Scotty dude, we're in Europe.

Miracles happen
all the time over here.

That's pretty lame, dude.
Look, we'll find the rightful owner

and maybe we'll get
a cash reward.

Ask and ye shall receive!

Everyone on board, please.

Setting sail for another
island paradise.

Come on, let's go.

This is school? Things have sure
changed since I dropped out.

Gentlemen, I'm Miss Rollins,
the chief administrator.

- May I help you?
- Yes. Sean Kingsley.

Oh, Mr. Kingsley,
thank God you've arrived.

We've been holding
the boat for you.

And this must be
your private tutor.

That's me.
Professor DW Rags...

PhD, MBA, DDS, DDT, LSD
and ABC.

Look, Miss Rollins,
my name is not Sean. It's Scotty.

- Scotty?
- It's his middle name.

Sean Scott Kingsley.
He uses it when he travels incognito.

- You understand?
- Of course.

The son of a billionaire
can't be too careful.

Son of a...

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll tell
the captain we're ready to cast off.

Rags, we can't do this.
This is crazy.

Don't be such a squid, dude.
Besides, it's educational.

Hey hey,
where you going?

Wait a sec. Hold on!
Hold the boat.

Hold on!

You can't leave
without me.

Come on, dude, you can make it.
Come on!

I'm with the Semester at Sea.

- Come on, man, run.
- Hold on.

- Come on, dude, jump.
- Hold on.

- Jump!
- I'm com... oh!

- I lied.
- Come back here, you!

Hey, put that in reverse.

Are you the rich handsome American
we were waiting for?

Bingo. Now didn't we meet
somewhere before,

like maybe in a past life?

Wow, look what the cat
dragged in.

Ashby, Lana?

Hi, Scotty.

What the hell
are you guys doing here?

I'm the captain of this crate.
We bought it as an investment.

This son of a bitch
is a floating tax write-off.

Well, it's sure good
to see you, son.

I get hung-over just thinking
about old times.

We sure did raise a lot
of hell, didn't we?

We don't mind you and Rags
being on board,

so long as we come
to a little understanding.

Anything you say, chief.

and do your homework.

I don't know how to swim.

And this is the temple where
they worshipped Rhodus,

the lovely nymph and daughter
of Poseidon,

built in the third century BC.

According to Pindar,
Helios, the god of the sun,

fell in love with the nymph
Rhodus on sight

and decided to marry her.

Okay, sucker,
this time wait for papa.

Oh! Oh! Oh...

And over here is the recently
restored statue of Rhodus,

the lovely nymph.

Even today, centuries after
she was chiseled out of rock,

we're still struck
by her incredible beauty.

- Cut.
- Cut it.

I can't get it up
for this scene.

What's the matter,
cupcakes?

The script calls for me
to gaze lovingly into her eyes.

How can I?
She's headless.

He seems to want a little head,
madam director.

Sorry, look, I'm an actor.

I need something
to help me fulfill this moment.

How's about 5,000 bucks
a week, butt face?

Listen, honeybuns, until we cast
the part of Rhodus the nymph,

we can't cast the head.

Hey, Scotty,
is this what you need?

Ragos, the nympho.

- Nympho.
- Ooh!

Oh, the statue!

Rags.

Oh, no!

Well, hello, everybody.

Great Scott, Scott,
you're a half an hour late.

Get your keister in here.

It's pretty hard to wake up quickly
on your only day off.

I'd think you'd be well rested,
sugar buns,

after sleepwalking
through all your scenes.

Just following
your inspiring direction.

Come on, let's get cracking.

If we don't find our
nymph today,

tomorrow we are screwed.

Who are those guys?

Those are our investors.
And they're very good people, Scott.

Doctors, lawyers, dentists.

Leches.

- I just love investors.
- Yes, I know you do, dear.

Cookie, perhaps you could
trot out the first young lady?

Coming right up, Bobo.

Janay Pilates,
this is our director

and producer and his wife.

Janay is wearing a bathing suit
underneath her dress,

and she wanted to know whether
or not you wanted to see her body

before or after the reading.

I think before.

- Sounds professional to me.
- Definitely.

Dude, what's wrong?

Morgan's punishing me.

- No nooky.
- Why?

When she told me she wasn't
pregnant I was so happy

I French kissed the maid.

Thank you, Janay, A+.

Now let's hear your reading.

"Am I really awake?

Let me pinch myself.

If you love me,
open those lovely lips

and tell me
in your own sweet voice."

"Words of love
are only words,

therefore, think carefully
before you answer me.

Are you really in love with me

or is it just with my body?"

Your body. Next!

"Words of love..."

"...are only words,
therefore..."

"...think carefully before
you answer me."

Shit.

"Are you really in love
with me..."

"...or just with my body?"

- "My body."
- "My body."

- "My body."
- "Body."

- "Body."
- "Body."

She wasn't so bad.

She can't even say her name
and make it sound real.

That's because it's not.

Can I get you anything else?

Just coffee, my dear.

- Coffee.
- Make it three.

Nothing. Just some water.

Please.

Three coffees and one water.
Thank you.

Parakalo, my dear.

Oh, I got it.
I got it.

We make her
a poor little mute girl.

That way she can look great but she
doesn't have to say a bloody word.

I suppose the love scenes
will be done in sign language.

Yeah, it's just like ordering dinner
in a sushi bar.

I mean, he points
at everything he wants.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.
Are you an actress?

No, I'm the waitress.

So are most the actresses I know.

Would you mind reading these
lines of dialogue with me?

I told you,
I'm not an actress.

- Please. I'll leave you a big tip.
- On a glass of water?

Come on.

Okay, but only if you promise
to quit bothering me.

All right, look,
I'll read this and then I'll cue you.

"If you love me, let me know
by opening those lovely lips

and tell me
in your own sweet voice."

"Words of love
are just words,

therefore, think carefully
before you answer me.

Are you really in love with me
or just with my body?" Okay?

Okay? That was more than okay.
That was really good.

You didn't even
tell me your name.

Cleopatra,
but I go by Cleo.

So, Cleo, how would you like
to be in a movie?

How does it end?

Very happily.

I mean, do I end up taking off my
clothes and jumping into bed with you?

That's right.
How'd you know?

I've been in that movie.
It doesn't end happily.

Hey, I'm serious.
We're trying to cast the lead in a film.

You'd be perfect.

You guys, I just read her
and she's great.

Try telling that
to my stepfather.

Oh, what a fine looking citizen.

Well, my dear, perhaps you'll
take off your... read for us?

Please, try to understand.

I don't even go to the movies
and I have no desire to be in one.

I'm just a student working
to save some money for college.

Now I'm flattered
that you asked,

but there's really nothing you can
say to change my mind.

How about 150,000 drachmas
a week?

Perhaps the most outstanding
example of the lonic border

is the Erechtheum located
in the Acropolis.

At the southern portico
of the Erechtheum

is the famed
Porch of the Maidens,

known for its
six sculpted caryatids.

These female figures dating
from the fifth century BC

act as columns supporting
an entablature on their heads.

Oh, man, we have
a porch of maidens here

and I am erect-ium.

Check out that boat.

It's not the boat
I'm checking out.

Speaking of checking out...

Hello, up there.

You're the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen.

What's your name?

I have to talk to you.

I'm coming aboard.

Come on now,
keep away from the boat.

- I'm gonna shoot!
- Stop!

Get away from the boat!

Get away from the boat!

- Get him! Get him!
- Bring her over here.

Shoot him again.
Shoot him again!

Get back!

"Playing the demons
way down deep inside me"

"Stirring and compromise
surrender"

"And I lost another battle"

"Weakness of the flesh
has won again..."

Very good.

Hey, Cleo, wait up.

You were really good today.

- Me?
- Yeah.

How do you like
making movies?

Honestly, it was the most
boring day of my life.

All that waiting around with nobody
to talk to but actors.

Sorry, princess. I guess actors are
beneath someone of your noble birth.

Scram. Will you scram?
That's all.

And you, Mr. Popapipoles,
out out.

I want you out.
I will not tolerate this trashy,

sexist behavior on my set.

You are finished.

I have a contract, sir.
You can't do this.

You have a contract,
do you?

Well, I invoke the morals clause
on your contract.

Oh, shit!

The morals clause?
What's going on?

Logan caught Mr. Popapipoles

with his hand
in the Cookie jar.

Pervert! You're through.
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

You're history. Shoo!

Logan, you just fired one
of my supporting leads

and he has to
work again tomorrow.

Replace the degenerate.

One one day's notice?
How?

Throw a souvlaki sandwich
into any crowd.

Anyone you hit will be
a better actor than that turkey.

Logan!

I'll be seeing you later, princess.

Look, Scott,
I didn't mean to be a snob.

I'm just feeling uneasy
about what we're doing.

If my stepfather hears
that we have a nude scene together,

he'll lock me up
and come after you with a knife.

Why is it every time I see that
man he has a weapon in his hand?

Maybe it's a sign.

Thanks for a happy night.

Ciao.

Scott, what are you trying to do,

give me a heart attack?

I know you've been mad at me,
but I did not expect

to find you in war paint.

Are you making fun
of my avocado mask?

Me? Make fun of that?

Looks pretty stupid.

Morgie, I was only kidding.

Look, if you wanna know the truth,
that guacamole on your face

really turns me on.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Hey, little girl.

I'm Dr. Dan
and I make house calls.

Naughty girl,
have you been cleaning your ears?

Scotty, don't.

You know what
that does to me.

That's why Dr. Dan is doing it.

Guess what.

I ran out of birth control pills.

Are we safe without 'em?

Honey, do we care?

Well, I guess
that's your answer, huh?

And I thought
you loved me.

Morgan, let's not fight.

We can hold off making love
until you get some more pills.

In the meantime, Dr. Dan could use
a little physical therapy,

if you know what I mean.

God!

Oh!

Morgan, you don't know
what it's like on the set

all day surrounded
by these beautiful girls

with beautiful bodies.

Come on, reach out
and touch someone. Me.

Oh, I got you.

So while you lie back
and daydream

about all those
great-looking bodies,

Morgie here does
all the dirty work, right?

Come on,
Dr. Dan just needs a little relief.

You need relief, honey?

Take two of these
and call me in the morning.

I'm taking a bath.

Morgan!

Okay, who wants
the next rubdown?

Me, Rags, please.

No, me.

Me, Rags.
My skin is so dry.

Please, Rags,
please do me next.

But, Rags,
I was before her.

Babette, honey,
I just did you.

You did my back,
not my front.

Thank you, Lord.

Ahh! Ahh!

Ooh!

I'm sorry about the mess,
but I had to see you again.

Come away with me.
Come to the disco tonight.

Tonight, okay?

The disco tonight!

Murderer!
Drown him!

Hey, guys, it's been a long time
since I've done any cliffdiving.

Seriously.

I guess practice
makes perfect.

That was a good rehearsal,
my soggy little macaroon.

Now let's shoot it.

Just kidding.

Next setup...
the desert insert.

Where the hell is Sean?

Somebody find me Sean!

I think he's off
learning his lines.

He doesn't have any lines.

Dig it, babe.

- Ooh!
- Whoopsie-doodle.

Hey, princess,
what's with the long face?

Nothing. Just that in spite
of my better judgment,

I'm beginning to like you.

Well, it's a good thing
you don't love me.

You'd probably commit suicide.

I've never had a crush
on a playboy before.

Playboy?
What makes you think I'm a playboy?

Hey, Scotty, maybe it's 'cause she's
heard all the banging and screaming

coming from
your dressing room.

I mean,
everybody else sure has.

- Set's in travel.
- Yeah. Gotta roll.

You don't believe him,
do you?

Cut me some slack,
will you?

I don't believe
everything I hear.

I'm here.
Let's shoot this puppy.

Where have you been, Sean?
Get out there.

- Hello, Mrs. Logan.
- Hello, how are you today?

- Wonderful.
- Tell me something.

Has there ever been a time in your life
when you haven't been wonderful?

Not so far.

Everybody ready?

Roll, fan.

Camera, action!

Water! Water!

Water!

Real cute, Scott.

Hey hey hey,
knock it off, you uncured hams.

- Get your poker out there, Sean.
- You want to fight?

Take two coming up.

Sean doesn't have much
of a sense of humor.

That's because what you did
was not funny.

And I suppose
what he did was?

No. Actually you're both
behaving like children.

If you think it's impressing me,
you couldn't be more wrong.

No! No!

Oh, no!

Cleopatra.

Hey, don't forget
you're spoken for, son.

Have you ever been in love
with two women at once?

Not in this incarnation.

Hell yes, several times.

I just never let my left ball
know what my right ball's doing.

So we're juggling lovelies,
are we, Scotty?

I don't know what to do.

Move to Saudi Arabia.
It's legal there.

But liquid libations are not.

Well, that would
be hell, wouldn't it?

Stuck in a desert with two women
and no liquor.

Okay, so the casting dude says,

"I'm sorry, but we're looking
for the Robert Redford type."

And I say, "Dude, that's incredible.
He's my father.

In fact, that's where
I got my blond hair."

I love your hair.
It's so spiky.

Do American girls
like spiky hair?

Hell yeah. I mean, spiky hair
and earrings... serious turn-ons.

- I'll drink to that.
- All right!

Hey, baby, two bottles
of Dom Perignon

and a funnel right away,
huh?

And why don't we plan on
getting together later on?

We close at midnight,
and I do the dishes.

Would you rather do the dishes
or do me?

The dishes.
Less grease.

Where the hell do you
find these guys, Logan?

They look like a gaggle
of pussycats.

I mean, would you really be frightened
if this guy kidnapped your wife?

Oh yeah, I'd be frightened
for him, poor bastard.

Couple of nights with Lana
would drive a guy bananas

or turn him into some other
kind of fruit.

I'm serious, dickbrain.

The role of
the kidnapper is critical.

We've gotta find someone
who looks real.

Real?
Oh, you want real?

Well, you're gonna get real.

Could you come over here,
please, Dmitri?

Ooh!

Darling, you're not going to
believe the bargains I got.

Everything in the whole
marketplace was on sale.

And you bought it all.

You know, the thing I just love
about shopping here

is the money just
doesn't look real.

You can just spend and spend
and spend and it's like confetti.

Oh, somewhere here
I've got something for you.

The bill.

Here it is, darling. I ran into Sean
and he helped me pick it out.

Hi, Sean.

It's one of a kind.
What do you think?

Certainly is one of a kind.

Yeah, not many people know how
to make them babies.

- Sean helped pick that out?
- Mm-hmm.

I'll have to find a unique way
of thanking him.

You don't like it, do you?

You hate it.
I can tell.

It's beautiful.

- I love it to death.
- Let me tell you something, bucko.

You know, it's not easy being stuck
over here with nothing to do all day.

I'd go crazy if I couldn't go out
and do a little shopping now and then.

Morgan, it's just that
you're going through our money

faster than I can make it.

And I suppose my sanity

is only worth $50 a week.

Or maybe $75.

Good old Morgan,

just... just lock her up
in the hotel room

and throw away her credit cards.
Is that it?

Well, I don't have to take
that kind of abuse from anybody.

You know, l... I'll wire
Daddy for money if I have to.

He knows how delicate
and sensitive I am.

Here, take your gold card
and shove it up your wallet.

- I'll survive somehow.
- Morgan.

Son, I got a feeling she's blown
the tires off your credit card.

Next time, better leave
home without it.

"Music playing in my head"

"And it just won't let me be"

"I got things
I want to do instead"

"I got the moves, set them free"

"Flashing in the dark..."

- Hey, wait a minute.
- Hold it, blondie. Hold it.

Hey, blondie, you want blood
all over that white suit?

Be a good doggie, huh?

"Lighten up our world,
so let it shine, let it shine"

"For we are"

"Children of the night"

"Dancing to the beat
of a different drum"

"Children of the night..."

Excuse me, sir.

This is $380 American.

No problem. Just put it on my tab
and keep it flowing to those guys, okay?

Yes sir, Mr. Kingsley.

"Oh, I'm waiting for you"

"I want your love"

"I'm want to hold on tonight..."

Oh God! Oh! Oh!

You know what happened
to me last night?

What?

I dreamed we were dancing
together just like this.

So in this dream of yours,
what happens next?

Next I say,
"Hey, let's blow this joint

and watch the sun rise."

I'd love to, but my father
would never allow it.

Funny, that's what you
said in the dream.

And I said, "Hey, let's
just sneak out the back door."

I wish we could.

But my bodyguards
watch every move I make.

Well, in my dream,
this is where I point out to you

that your two gorillas are blotto
over there in the corner.

"I don't care
about boy lovers..."

I've never done
anything like this before.

I have in my dreams.
And believe me, it's worth it.

Hey, you don't happen to know where
the Semester at Sea group is, do you?

L... I heard a couple
of the guys are in here.

The only guy I want
is Sean Kingsley.

That's me,
I'm... I'm Sean Kingsley.

Listen, gay boy,
24 bottles of champagne

is 280,000 drachmas without tip.

That's ridiculous.

I don't have that kind of money.

Hold it a beat longer...

and cut.

Very nice.

Next setup!
Was that good for you?

- That was fine.
- Okay, let's get that camera.

Yoo-hoo, Scotty!
Oh, Scotty!

Scotty!

Morgan, didn't expect to see you up
so early this morning.

I woke up feeling cheap as hell.

You snuck out of bed
like a one-night stand.

You didn't even leave me
any breakfast money.

Cafe au lait, mademoiselle?

Thanks.

Whoop!

What are you doing?

Oh, just practicing.

Someday I want to be a director.

Stranger things have happened.

Really? You think so?

Yeah. One or two.

Don't I get any
lunch money, Daddy?

Thank you, darling.

A good boy deserves a good kiss.

Morgan, not here, okay?

Who is that girl over there?

You mean you don't know?

That's Scott's fianc�e.

First team, let's go!

On the double before
we lose this light.

Let's man the oars, slaves.

You're still angry at me
from last night, aren't you?

- No.
- Then prove it

and give Morgie
back the gold card.

Here, you have it all.
Are you satisfied?

I will be as soon
as the stores open!

Get it?

All right, kiddy-pie,
this is where you're kissing

and the two gorillas come after you.

This'll be a master.
Ready?

Okay, picking up where we left off.

Just wait until
she calls action, okay?

Camera!

"Foreign Affairs"
shot 150, take one.

Action!

What the?

"So here I am"

"Falling in love
with love again"

"Woman in red"

"Under the stars above again"

"Magic in the air"

"Hearts run free"

"'Cause he's with her
and she's with me"

"We're just going
through the motions"

"But it doesn't even
feel right to me"

"We're not showing
our emotions"

"And I'm not
where I'm supposed to be"

"I tried finding somebody
to take your place"

"I can't hide,
I close my eyes"

"And see your face"

"Magic in the air"

"Hearts run free"

"'Cause he's with her
and she's with me..."

"We're just going
through the motions"

"And it doesn't
really feel right to me"

"We're not showing
our emotions"

"And I'm not where
I'm supposed to be"

"I'm in the right place"

"With the wrong love"

"I've got a bad case"

"And you're the only woman"

"I've been dreaming of"

"We're just going
through the motions"

"But it doesn't
really feel right to me"

"We're not showing
our emotions"

"And I'm not where
I'm supposed to be."

Come on, more mud, Brucie!
More mud!

Zacherly, what is your
preoccupation with mud?

May I remind you we are making
a motion picture, not a mud pie?

Listen, Logan, this is
the big fight scene

where Sean finally
catches up with Scotty.

Can't you see
the mud is very symbolic?

Oh, of course it's symbolic.
It's symbolic of how much money

can be wasted shooting all this
Boob McNutt intellectual crap!

Now you get that camera
of yours rolling in five minutes

or I'm going to start tearing
pages out of your script!

Scooter-pie, find me
some inserts to shoot.

Yes, sir... ma'am.

- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome, Mrs. Logan.

What are you
thanking me for?

Oh, for blocking my sun.
I love sun bathing with no sun.

Oh, glad to be of help.

I should have stayed
in pork bellies.

Mr. Logan!
Mr. Logan!

Psst psst.

Yes, Dmitri?

For kidnap! Bang bang!

Oh, yes yes, the kidnapper.

And we need him
for the first scene tomorrow.

What have you brought me?

Ah, yeah.

Na na na na.

Very good.

Very good... oh!

Oh!

You can do this?

Very good.
Very good.

As long as the price is right.

Find something for me,
sugar cookie?

I think so. We still need
an insert of the chainsaw

cutting the surfboard in half.

Pull the chainsaw
and surfboard from props.

- Right away, chief.
- You wait here.

I'll be right back,
you little gingersnapper you.

- Hello.
- Hi.

You know, l... I know
it's none of my business,

but I think that I should
warn you about Sean.

I suppose you're going to tell me
that he's a liar and a cheat,

- is that it?
- Yeah, how'd you know?

I guess it takes a liar
to know a liar.

Hey, Cleo,
what are you talking about?

I'm talking about the lies
you've been spreading about us,

telling everybody
that we slept together.

I never said that.

There are a lot of things
you never said.

By the way, congratulations
on your engagement.

You two deserve each other.

Cleo. Cleo!

All you have to do
is take your gun...

you know gun?

Gun... and aim at that boy
over there and abduct him.

Think you can handle that?

Money money.

He'll do whatever you want

if money good enough.

Oh, a tough negotiator, huh?

Which side of the board
did they cut up, love,

the right or the left?

The right.
Or was it the left?

Come on, a little better, all right?

Smooth and hard.
Good, that's it.

Someone told Cleo I was bragging
about sleeping with her.

Now who'd do a thing like that?

Good, perfect.
Now wait a moment.

You start. When you bring the left...
bam, inside completely.

From the beginning,
come on.

Good? More more.

What?! 10% of the gross!

Oh, come on! For the measly
little part of the kidnapper?

Outrageous! No!

Deca.
10. 10.

He wants 10%

of what you make off him.
Is only fair.

Oh, I see what you mean.

What I make off him.
Like merchandising.

Like kidnapper dolls and posters
and all that crap.

Oh well, no problem. Why didn't you
say so in the first place?

He wants to know why

you want the boy kidnapped.

Why? Oh he's a method actor.
Of course.

Because the boy's father
is a billionaire.

Billionaire.

He's worth

150 billion drachmas.

So you want to be a director,
my little Twinkie?

Make this shot while I go see
how the fight scene's coming.

Really? You want me
to direct this shot?

Gee, I don't know what to say.

Try saying action.

Just because you
couldn't get in her pants

doesn't mean that I won't.

- Cleo's not that stupid.
- Yeah?

Just leave your window open
tomorrow night, you'll hear us.

I'll hear her slap your ugly face.

Yeah, with the inside of her thighs.

Hey, I told you... distance.

Are you okay?

You son of a bitch!

Hey, what are you doing?
Stop it.

Sorry, honeybuns.
It just doesn't look real.

Oh, my Cookie!
My Cookie!

Cookie!

Cookie!
Cookie!

No!

Whoa!

- Cookie, you okay?
- Cut. Print.

Ah!

Hey hey, princess.

You look even prettier than
I remember you from last summer.

And you look even taller.

Daddy says my pituitary
must be wired to the stock market.

Each day we're both
hitting new highs.

Carlton Ashby,
my wife and two young sons.

Howdy.

Please.

More drivel.

Mr. Logan!

Mr. Logan!

Mr. Logan,
you're wanted on the set.

Ooh, well,
you're wanted on my lap.

Oh-ho, how I've missed
my milk and cookies.

Cut it out, Mr. Logan.

It's not right.

Oh, but it feels so good.

Face it, Mr. Logan,

it's reality.

God, how I hate reality.

- Boss?
- Oh!

Come out. Come out into
the light where I can see you.

Yes, not bad, not bad.

A Don Corleone
you will never be,

but for a moutro, you'll do.

Brucie.
I got the kidnapper here.

Get his gun and ammo
right away, will ya?

- And make it snappy.
- Right away, chief.

Now...

the kids are going to come
down the gangplank

and you're going
to abduct them right here.

Good good.
Now you see the boat over there?

Varka.

Yes, that's the getaway boat.

First time it's ever been done.

Fresh idea, no?

Yes.

Hey, Logan, you're holding up
the whole damn company!

Bitch. Piece of cake
for a moutro like you.

Break a leg!

Ooh-ooh!
Here we are.

A regular.38,
quarter loads.

Personally, half loads
hurt my ears.

Why didn't you tell me
you're already equipped?

And a.45. I see you're a man
who likes big pistols.

I know I do.

Ain't it great living on a boat?

I find it convenient as hell.

No matter how much
beer you drink,

you only gotta go 10 steps
in any direction to pee.

You're always hitting the water.
Hell, you can't miss.

It's sort of like living in a giant
toilet bowl, ain't it?

I'd like to propose
a merger, princess,

between two of the richest
multinationals on earth...

toi and moi.

Oh, Sean, this is so unexpected.

I don't know what to say.

In the language of love,
words are obsolete.

Sean!

Hey, hillbilly Joe,

walk the plank, man.

Hey, out of here, dude.

You two are in violation
of the international seamen's code.

International seamen's code?
Get real!

Hey, cut it out.
Hey, what's this?

It's the proper flotation device.

Float on this!

It's for your own safety.

What's that?
Kiddie pool?

No! No kiddie pool!

If you're gonna visit the kiddie pool,
you have to be wearing these.

- A nap?
- No!

A nap is no problem.

Hey, Papa, Snagglefarb's sick.
He's had too much to drink.

What is it, son?
Feeling a might puny?

Hell's bells, boy.
Don't hold back, boy.

Go ahead and vomit.
Much obliged.

Now, Snagglefarb,

you take your brother right
back to the boat, you hear?

Well, that's a young pup for ya.
Can't hardly hold their pecker

much less their liquor.

Hey! Stamata.

Hey, not so fast there, sport.

Ah!

Go to varka.

Stop or I'll shoot!

No no! No... no, cut!

No no no, cut!

Cut the camera.

Cut!

- They're shooting real bullets!
- Bullets?

Come on, buddy,
they called cut.

Turn this tug around.

Hey, buddy, come on,
they called cut.

He said to shut up
or he'll blow your head off.

With blanks? Ha ha, okay,
we laughed, the joke's over.

Oh, where's my poor Scotty?

What are they doing to him?

You don't think they're
pulling out his fingernails

one by one or...

or burning his feet
with cigarettes, do you?

Oh, what if they
chop off his ears?

Oh, he'll look so ugly.

How will he keep
his sunglasses on?

You seem very very upset.

Why don't I take you up to bed?

I can still see it so clearly...

the flash of the gun,
the hurtling of the bullets towards me.

Snap out of it, will you, Zacherly?

You know, sometimes
reality is so phony.

The reality is we have
one more day to shoot this turkey

and our stars
have been shanghaied.

The ransom note just came.
They're demanding 50 big ones.

$50,000!

No no no no no no no,
not $50,000, Mr. Logan.

$50 million.
It says here

$50 million
in cash tonight

or we cut off his peepee.

What'd she say?

She's mad at him for bringing home
guests without telling her first.

Rich.
You, me... rich.

Ha!

Rich.

I know you. TV.

Scott Alan Palmer.

That's me here, right.
Right here in the flesh.

Well, Scotty...

how do you like Greece?

It's great. I hope I can come back
and visit sometime

if... if I make it out of here alive.

I too am actress.

You're an actress?

Of course, I should have known.

Have I seen your work?

You want to see my work?

Yeah... yeah, sure. Sure.

We'd love to see your work,
wouldn't we, Cleo?

Yeah, sure.

What in the hell was that?

That's "Medea" from Euripides.

Oh.

A woman like me
can only take so much.

I need to be held.
I need to be touched like a woman,

not like a cow.

Make love to me now

here on the floor by the fire

or else... or else I'll kill myself

with this little dagger.

Yeah!
Yeah, very nice.

Was that more "Medea"?

I think it was Sue Ellen
from "Dallas."

Now that I have bared
my naked soul to you,

you must give me something
I want very badly.

Your autograph.

Getting pretty quiet
over there, princess.

Don't call me that, okay?

This whole thing has been
nothing but drags.

These shoes are killing me.
Ay... ah!

Oh God.
I can't go on.

- Come on, up and at 'em.
- Oh Scott, I can't.

I can't walk with shoes,
I can't walk without them.

I don't know what to do.

- Can you sing?
- Sing?

Sure, a little bit. Why?

Just to pass the time.

Come on.
One, two, three.

Morgan?

Morgie?

Scotty.
Dude, you're back.

God, man, it's been a killer night.

We didn't know if we
would ever see you again.

It's been quite an evening.
Look, I'll tell you about it later.

I'm looking for Morgan.
Have you seen her?

No, man, not since last night.

Who's that hiding in your bed?

Olly olly oxen free!

- All right, guy.
- Later.

Well, as I live and breathe.

Hey, Carlton, have you
seen Morgan around?

No, son, I can't say that I have.

Mrs. Logan, hi.

So you made it back in one piece.

Well, I guess I could go
and try to rouse the old goat

- and tell him the good news.
- The old goat?

Logan. Put the lights out
last night with a couple of reds

and nature just sort of
took its own course.

Just like in the movies.

Son, there's a familiar tinkle
to that laugh.

So, darling, did you miss me
while I was gone?

Where am I?
Who are you?

How did I get in here?

Scott, I think I must
have amnesia.

Somebody must have
drugged me or something.

Morgie love, you're in bed
with another man.

This is a little awkward.
I don't know what to say...

except thank you both.

Scott, what are you doing?

Repossessing my
little piece of the rock.

- Scott, no!
- By the way,

you guys look great together.

Scotty, wait!

Come back, Scotty!

One last thing...
I'm calling the police

and reporting
the gold card stolen.

Nighty night.

The gold card?

Stop it!

Beautiful! Cut!

Camera inside
for the love scene on the double.

Okay, everybody, that's it.
We got a half an hour

till the kiss-kiss
push-push scene,

then on to the airport
and the great silver bird.

You ready for this?

Hardly.

I've never taken off my
clothes in public before

much less in front of a camera.

Now who are those guys?

Hey, Logan.
Come here.

Yeah, Scott, what is it?

What are those clowns
doing over there?

Clowns?
Oh. No no no.

Those are not clowns, Scott.

Those are our
dear dear investors.

They just dropped by
to watch a little filming,

see their money at work,
so to speak.

Well, kindly give them
this message from the actors.

Oh certainly, Scott.

Get the fuck out of here
or we're not doing the scene.

Come on, boys.
Time for a drink.

But, Mr. Logan, I'm an actor.
I belong on the set.

I got something for you.

- Scott, I can't take this.
- I can't take it back.

Okay, honeypies,

I know you're both a little nervous,
but so am I.

Listen, in this scene,
you finally admit to yourself

that you're in love with Scotty
the man, no matter what your father

or anybody else
has to say about it.

I think I can relate to that.

Good good.
Let's go for a take.

"Foreign Affairs,"
shot 100... eh... doo-doo.

Uh, take one!

Dmitri, more ouzo.

So how's my baby doing?

She's doing great. She's doing
her big love scene right now.

What love scene?

The one with Scott.
The one where they...

bang like bunnies.

As long as she didn't

have to take off her clothes.

Oh, but she did.

The producer had her stripped in front
of all those animals on the crew.

I mean, it was very humiliating.

- Oom-pah!
- She was crying.

- Pa pa pa pa!
- That's show biz.

Stamata!
Stop them!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stamata!
Shoot!

Stamata! Shoot that man
in the leg!

He's after my daughter!

Stamata! Shoot!

Cut. Print.
Last setup outside.

Hurry up.
Hurry up. Come on.

We've only got 10 minutes
to get this shot.

Zacherly. Zacherly, do you realize
the actors have got to catch the plane?

- I know, I know.
- I know, I know.

But if Scott misses that plane,
he goes into triple golden time.

Oh my God,
that's $400 an hour!

Logan, let go of my arm!

- Hey, bud.
- Hey, how you doing?

Want me to save you
a seat on the plane?

I'm not gonna make it.
I got another scene to shoot.

Well, if you don't, I guess
I'll catch you back in La-La land.

Cleo, it was great meeting you.

I hope you come
to LA sometime.

- Maybe I will sometime.
- The sooner the better.

Ooh!

- See ya.
- Later.

- Ciao.
- And a ciao ciao ciao to you.

- You got it, dude.
- All right!

Ah! What is this,
12,000 drachmas to the government?

Cleo's passport and visa.

What the hell did you do,
buy a real passport and real visa?

Don't look at me.
Zacherly insisted.

Oh, you stupid swisher.
Do you do everything people tell you?

If I told you to punch me in the nose,
would you do it?

Hold please.

Your swish is my command.

Oh!

Scott. Scott.

Scott.
Oh, Scott.

Oh!

I thought you were
going to leave without me.

That's the plan.

Oh... oh I know
Morgie's been bad.

But life just swept me off my feet

and galloped away with me.

Oh, but you don't
know what happened.

You see, I've been
dumped in the dirt.

Oh, Scott,
Morgie needs you, honey.

It's too late for that.

Is it too late for Dr. Dan?

Wouldn't Dr. Dan
like to make a house call?

Scott and Cleo,
get your butts out here!

We're ready to shoot.

Scott, no no no!
Please forgive me!

Please, Scott!

At least give me
my plane ticket home.

Caught in the act,
you oversexed

spikey-haired little punk rocker.

What's your problem, Logan?
We were just saying goodbye.

Goodbye? Goodbye?

You're massaging her tonsils
with your tongue.

You call that goodbye?
Oh no, you're fired!

Off! Off my set!

You can't fire me,
I'm done working.

Besides, this is not your set.

- This is the airport.
- Yeah.

Oh, perfidious slut.

You're history too.
Off my set. You're fired.

Myopic little ditsoid.

What did you call her?

I called her a myopic
little ditsoid.

You want to make
something of it?

Let's just discuss it,
Logan, okay?

Okay... oh!

Go, stop her!

All passengers on Olympic flight 300

for New York City
should now be aboard.

Okay, cutiepies,
this is your dash to freedom.

On action, I want you to start
running toward that plane.

Now the gorillas are going to be
coming from right behind,

so you're going to
have to haul ass.

Wait for me!

You can't leave without me!

Stop the plane!
Stop!

- Roll sound.
- Rolling.

Camera... action!

You idiots!
Get back here!

You're going to the wrong plane!

Get back here! We don't have enough
time to shoot another...

- Come on.
- You made it.

Scott, this is crazy.

- What are we doing?
- Eloping.

Excuse me.
There seems to be a problem here.

May I see your ticket, please?

Two tickets.

And our two passports.

Everything seems to be in order.

Stop them!

Oh, you're history!

You'll never work
in this town again!

You lice!
You bums!

You rummies!
You bunghole zippers!

Quit whining, Logan.
It's just a dumb movie.

- Dumb movie?
- Yeah.

Come here.
Come here.

Come here.

Dumb movie.

"Ooh yeah yeah"

"Wake up with the sun
upon my face"

"Breezes blowing clouds
across the sky"

"Troubles disappear
without a trace"

"Living on an island,
just you and I"

"We don't need a ticket"

"Just take me by the hand"

"Love is gonna lead us"

"To our promised land"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking
on fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"We can catch a ride
upon a star"

"Dance away our blues
in outer space"

"In your arms
I found my Shangri-La"

"Heaven's waiting for me
in your embrace"

"We don't need directions"

"To tell us where to go"

"Love is gonna lead us"

"To a place we know"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking"

"On fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"Whoa-oh whoa-oh-oh"

"Adventures"

"In paradise"

"You take me around the world"

"When I close my eyes"

"You got me walking
on fire and ice"

"And it sure feels nice"

"Adventures"

"In paradise." Downloaded @ www.rarelust.com