Original subtitles

Previously on "Grosse Pointe Garden Society"...

You chose your dog over your job.

My dog was murdered?

Someone shot her.

Your wife left you for a good-looking guy

with lots of money and a powerful job.

Whose side are you on?

Bet you didn't know I have a son.

What's the favor? - Friend of mine is in trouble.

The Xbox.

I didn't give him this.

He said you paid for it.

Why'd you have to blow up my life?

How long are you planning to stay?

Long as it takes to destroy everything you care about.

I can fix this.

There's something I need to tell you.

Can we stop saying "the body"? Let's just say "quiche."

Koi pond? - What about the garden?

We'll have to dig it up.

Please tell me I didn't just hear

they're gonna dig up the body.

We have to move it.

So the primary'll have dual walk-in closets

and pocket doors to the terrace.

Do you guys want to see where the ADU's gonna be?

Can't wait.

Uh, ADU?

It's where rich people put their Pilates machines.

Or in this case, a guesthouse

with a soaking tub and walk-in shower.

Two floors, three-car garage underneath.

Is she OK?

She's just in the denial stage

of cold-blooded murder.

There's been nothing on the news.

Nothing anywhere.

It's like no one even misses Quiche.

It's only been a few days.

You're allowed to say it, guys.

Planting the phone worked.

For now.

I'm thinking accordion doors to capture that lake breeze.

Cool.

Unless you want something different.

- Me? - You're gonna live here.

She is?

Thought she might want to get rid of that divorce juju.

Uh, this is way too much house for me.

Well, you won't be living here alone.

Who's my roomie?

Quiche.

Oh, God.

Marilyn's determined to build that koi pond.

No.

She's already started the site survey.

Hell no.

When does the foundation go in?

Tomorrow.

Why does it have to be me?

I could never afford this house.

And we won't have to move a dead body ever again.

Please say something.

Like what?

I don't know.

Anything.

Is it over?

Yes.

Yes, of course.

When did it start?

A while ago.

Weeks?

Months?

Christmas.

Where?

Where what?

Where did you and Gary paint each other's nails?

What do you think?

Um...

hotels,

show houses...

Our house?

Our bed?

Do you love him?

No.

Not anymore.

OK.

OK?

OK.

OK what?

I forgive you.

That's it?

Thanks for letting me know.

And then, from the shadows, they hear a low growl.

Bigfoot?

A whole herd of them!

This sucks.

Well, that's 'cause we haven't made s'mores yet.

I'm gonna go get my iPad.

No one likes to look at a dead garden.

All they see is a big pile of dirt.

What are you doing?

Whatever you want.

I want to go to couples counseling.

What was once lush and vibrant

is now barren and bleak.

My job is to bring the dirt back to life.

How's your friend?

- Um, way better. - Yeah?

- Who's she talking about? - No one.

The girl he's making babies with.

- So not cool. - Yeah?

Neither is this.

It's not mine.

Is that the new Xbox?

Yeah. Do you want it?

Hell yeah!

OK, wait. Maybe it is mine.

You don't know who you're messing with.

Oh, what, are you gonna send me to my room?

Oh, come on.

I'm not one of these Lululemon bitches you can play.

Oh, no. No, I know exactly who you are.

You're all about, "Look at me, rich friends.

"I'm helping the dumb, poor kid.

Can I get back on the pickleball team?"

Even if that were true, why not take advantage of it?

But you still owe me for the Xbox.

So when I look at a dead garden,

I just see possibility.

He served me breakfast in bed this morning.

- Weird. - Yeah.

- What'd he make? - Crepes.

Huh, weirder.

Who makes crepes for the wife who just cheated on you?

Imagine what you'd get if you hadn't.

Why isn't he mad at me?

Mm, maybe Tucker is more of a time bomb.

Or maybe he did something way worse.

Do I put the purplies next to the green ones

or the pink things?

Uh, by the dahlias.

- Pink things. - The pink things.

Explain yourself, lady.

Kid's working off a debt.

No, about Tucker.

Oh, here's the thing.

Any time a guy is too nice

and not trying to get in my pants,

he did something bad.

She's not wrong.

Lots of dudes own guns, Alice.

Do you?

Nah, I'm more of a hand-to-hand combat

kind of guy.

Doug has a gun? For what?

Nothing he wants me to know about.

What'd he make you for breakfast?

A therapy appointment.

Where are my marigolds?

Oh, they're too expensive.

But marigolds draw the eye.

We decided to sub pansies.

Well, they won't tell the same story, Catherine.

And what story is that, Marilyn?

Well, once upon a time,

there was a cute little garden club

that thought they could win the most prestigious prize

in the state of Michigan

by planting the same flowers year after year

because they'd rather drink rosé and discuss

their sad little marriages instead of focusing

on what's really important... making a goddamn garden

that sings from the dirt to the heavens.

Donna!

Marigolds must be on sale somewhere, right?

You had to tell her about the pansies.

Kind of fun watching her suffer, though, right?

I think there's something wrong with my lips.

Whoa, buddy.

I got stung by a bee.

- What the hell? - Donna, can we get some water?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Please don't die.

How do we lose a body?

I'm telling you, it was 15 paces

from the Japanese boxwood.

No, it was the Wintergreen boxwood.

- This one or that one? - This one.

- I just tried this one. - Try the other one!

Awesome. We lost Quiche.

We didn't lose anyone.

Why don't you just live stream it?

How else are we supposed to see where we're digging?

That's what the boxwoods were for.

Quiche.

How deep do we go?

Till we hit the quilt.

What if we hit an arm or a leg?

Or a face?

Dig softly.

Oh, my God.

- Guys, hold up. - There's no time.

They start pouring cement at sunrise.

That car wasn't here earlier.

Someone's watching us.

What's his weight?

I'm not sure.

Is he allergic to any medications?

I don't know.

Has he ever had a reaction like this before?

I don't know, OK?

He is your son, right?

OK.

I just need you to sign this for me.

What's this for?

We can't treat a minor without a parent's consent.

In order to make this work, I want both of you

to be really honest with each other.

So who would like to begin?

You're the one who wanted to do this.

And why do you think that is, Doug?

I don't know.

I guess there's some weirdness with us.

What kind of weirdness?

Mm, just money. You know, life stuff.

That's not why we're here.

Um, she's also on the fence about buying a house,

starting a family...

No, it's not about that, either.

Then what is it?

Molly.

Oh, come on.

- You never liked her. - That's not fair.

You never allowed her in your car.

OK, she got carsick.

- You didn't play with her. - How could I?

She was always glued to your side.

Who's Molly?

You never even took her to the vet.

What's your point, Alice?

You said she was the reason I didn't want to have kids.

So?

So maybe you wanted her gone.

That's super messed up.

Did you do something to my dog?

Do you know what she's referring to?

I think so.

- How could you? - It was an accident.

Oh, my God.

What was, Doug?

I was in a rush.

I didn't hear it close.

Huh?

I should have gone back to check, but I just didn't.

What the hell are you talking about?

I left the gate open.

And I didn't want to tell you because I knew

you'd have that look on your face.

Thank you for your honesty.

I really want to believe it.

Uh...

OK.

OK, feels like a really good place to stop.

♪ Belle and I run for the wall ♪

That one come with cruise control?

Why, are you gonna mow your own lawn?

Oof, never.

It is a sweet machine.

What's up, Connor?

Has Zach said anything about fly fishing?

Only every time we pass the sporting goods store.

He wants to hit the UP for rainbow trout.

Well, still saving for all the gear,

so he'll have to wait for steelhead.

Well, you know, I've got a cabin up in Marquette.

Would surprise me if you didn't.

All the rods, everything you need.

Uh, I don't know what to say.

I'm happy to help.

OK.

So, uh, how do we do this?

Whatever's easiest.

I can grab the stuff tomorrow after work

when I have the truck.

Oh, man.

This sucks. - What?

I meant Zach would go with me.

But... but it's my weekend.

We always swap.

But I want to teach him...

He's not gonna be a pro overnight.

The way my dad taught me.

- You still can. - It's just...

it should be my thing.

Whether you like it or not, I'm in his life too.

Zach's busy.

Your call.

By the way, never told him any of this,

so he won't know what he's missing.

♪ Please be kind

♪ And re...

It was probably just some kids hooking up.

I swear I saw binoculars.

Could have been a beer bottle.

What is it with you and the lights?

What? You work here.

Even if someone was watching us,

all they saw was a bunch of people gardening.

In the dark?

Well, that's on you, my friend.

Sure, we're night gardeners.

Is that even a thing?

Or he could have been a bird-watcher.

Which explains the binoculars.

What birds are out at night?

Owls.

Nightingales.

Do you guys actually hear yourselves?

Night bird-watching?

It's definitely not a thing.

- We should go back. - What?

- We still have time. - Guys, he's a cop.

- Then why aren't we in jail? - Because he's waiting for us

to do something stupid like go back and dig up a body.

OK, if we don't, Marilyn will.

Fine.

Knock yourself out.

It was way too much house for me anyway.

Fine.

Then what do we do?

Leave Quiche in peace.

For how long?

Till whoever's watching us just thinks

we're a bunch of boring day gardeners.

At least that's a thing.

Can we get smoothies now?

Why did you switch in the first place, huh?

Connor said wide receivers win the games.

Well, not without the running backs

pushing the team down the field.

That's what I told him.

Can I get the Peanut Butter Blast-Off?

It only comes in a grown-up size.

Can I get a grown-up size smoothie?

Uh, sure.

- Yay! - What? No.

Uh, we'll see. Zach, get in the car.

Ow! What's your deal?

I just don't want them to run out of smoothies, OK?

- Move over. - Quit it!

I was here first. - You're on my side.

Why are we here?

- Uh, family meeting. - I want my smoothie.

- Mom will make you one. - It's not the same!

What is happening?

Hey, uh, can the kids stay here this weekend?

Uh, why?

Oh, I just got a lot going on.

Hey, uh, you guys go play, OK?

I'll be in there in a second.

Is everything OK?

Uh, don't answer the door for anyone.

Been on that thing all day, buddy.

Nothing else to do.

You want to hit the park?

And play on the swings?

You're right. Screw the park.

Want to go catch some rainbow trout?

- For real? - Surprise!

Right now?

Uh, Connor's gonna take you.

Aren't you coming?

Oh, I gotta put in a whole row

of Japanese maples this weekend.

But I want to go with you.

Well, the thing is,

Connor is just way more experienced.

- He is? - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, dude's won trophies and stuff,

might have even been sponsored or something.

You won't be mad?

No, no, no. Never, buddy.

It'd actually help me out at work if you went with him.

Awesome.

Oh! What?

OK.

All right, I'm gonna need you to twirl.

Yes.

Is it giving flirty plumber?

Um, you know, it's giving, like,

F-22 pilot, just landed on the deck,

ready to debrief, you know?

Ooh, mission accomplished.

- Your hubby's off-site. - Oh.

Well, I just needed to print out some permission slips

for Dakota's field trip.

OK.

Uh, anything else?

Uh, coffee run?

I could.

We could do those rocket fuel cold brews.

Oh, yeah, good idea.

Goes with your outfit.

- Charge it to the company. - Will do.

♪ Boy, boy, boy, boy

♪ You stu-stu-stupid

♪ Stupid boy

♪ Boy, boy, boy, boy

♪ You stupid

Oh.

Hey, babe.

Can you grab my suit from the cleaners?

Oh, uh, yeah, I can swing by after Addie's dance class.

Yeah, I might have to make a quick trip to Chicago.

New client?

No, just matched on one of those cheater websites

with a yoga instructor in Lincoln Park.

What?

New client.

Hilarious.

Whatcha doin'?

Uh, I'm just returning some things at Target.

Oh, I'm about to drive right by you.

We should grab lunch.

Well, why don't I meet you?

Well, I'm pulling into Target now.

Yeah, um, actually, I'm leaving.

We can take one car.

You know what? I just left.

Wow, that's a nice trick.

What do you mean?

Leaving Target when I'm standing right behind you.

I was just, um, printing some permission slips.

For Dakota. Yeah, Brian already told me.

I... I'm gonna check the printer.

I don't think he needs to do that.

Do you?

OK, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna leave these cold brews on my desk.

Well, I've got to jump into a meeting.

Feel free to go through all the drawers too.

Key's in the tray. - Tucker.

I'm really gonna need my suit, though.

Do you mind?

OK.

- Ma'am? - How is he?

- Oh, you can't smoke in here. - It's not lit.

Still, it's against the law to even have a cigarette...

Is my son OK?

He's stable.

Oh, thank God.

We gave him epinephrine. Swelling's down.

Oxygen levels look good.

So I can take him home?

We want to keep him overnight.

Is that necessary?

Just to make sure he's out of the woods.

Out of the woods?

What are the woods?

You know, sometimes these things get worse

before they get better.

Well, I'd really like to get him out of here

before anyone at home finds out.

Finds out?

Gets worried.

OK.

I mean, in your experience, Eric,

what are the odds something happens?

It's case by case.

OK, but if you were, like, betting in Vegas.

On your son going into anaphylactic shock again?

Ballpark.

He should really stay the night.

I didn't know he was allergic to bees.

Moms can't know everything.

I don't think she's the right therapist.

You're lucky she didn't call the cops.

She just didn't get us.

- What is wrong with you? - Me?

Do you really think I shot the dog?

Well, since when did you start packing heat?

Oh, my... my dad gave it to me after the break-in next door.

You know how I feel about guns.

Which is why I didn't want to tell you.

And then Molly's shot.

Oh, my... Alice, everyone has a gun...

cops, security guards, grannies.

Yeah, but not everyone's jealous of a dog.

Oh, my God, I am so sorry for being honest.

You know, there are ways to tell where this came from.

So what?

You're just gonna run some forensics on it?

Maybe.

You know what?

Let me make it easy for you.

Forget the CSI crap and this stupid therapy, OK?

I did it, OK?

I grabbed Molly by the collar,

and I put some peanut butter on the tip of a gun,

and as she was blissfully lapping it up,

I blew her goddamn brains out.

Is that true?

Does it even matter?

It's the only thing you want to hear.

I'm gonna walk.

You're still up.

Shh.

What's going on?

You know how you stop a shark from circling?

Don't.

- Who are you? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You've been on me for days... no shift change, no partner,

and this car is way too junky to be government issued,

so you can't be a cop. - Take it easy, man.

Who the hell are you?

♪ Dashing through the snow

- Wow. - Yeah.

- Jesus. - I know.

Why would your ex-wife have a PI on your ass?

It's her husband. He wants dirt.

For what?

His kids.

He's trying to get custody.

♪ Making spirits bright

♪ What fun it is to ride and sing ♪

Better than a cop, I guess.

Yeah, for you.

♪ A sleighing song tonight

Not necessarily.

♪ Jingle bells

He could have seen all of us do all kinds of things.

No, he didn't see us bury Quiche.

How do you know?

Because there'd be no reason

to still follow me if he knew that.

Unless he's waiting to use it.

♪ Jingle bells

♪ Jingle all the way

Then what happened?

I said, next time I see him,

I'm gonna take his ear as a souvenir.

Hmm, didn't take this guy for a badass.

Oh, yeah.

Poor schmuck peed his pants.

So...

You made the guy who maybe saw us...

murder someone wet himself.

♪ Join us in this song

Anyone want to split cheese fries?

At 9:00 AM?

The time of day is your issue with cheese fries?

Let's at least get onion rings.

- How is that better? - It's a root vegetable.

Where do you even get one of those?

Our guys use them to find sprinkler heads.

I think... I think it was more over here.

- How far'd he throw it? - Ugh, I don't know.

He was really angry.

I mean, it could be anywhere, Alice.

If we don't find it, I'll never know.

Oh!

Dibs.

Do you think Doug would actually do that to an animal?

Dahmer had a bestie.

What does that have to do with Doug?

Well, so Dahmer and this guy,

they'd, like, hang at McDonald's

while he was still dissolving bodies.

- Ew. - Yeah.

Here's one of the most evil people on the planet,

but to his bestie, he's just a dude who likes nuggets.

Doug's not a monster.

Probably not.

Thank you.

But, um, the fact that we're out here

looking for a bullet to prove it?

Might want to take a hard look at your marriage.

Oh!

Shut up.

Marigolds.

Huh.

Wait.

No one in my family is allergic to anything.

I swear I had no idea.

Thank you.

Oh.

Why is she still here?

She's just leaving.

She was never supposed to be with him in the first place.

It wasn't like we were hanging out.

It was more educational.

What the hell does that mean?

I was teaching him a lesson.

He owed her for an Xbox.

You knew about this?

Joel was just trying to do the right thing.

Joel?

You guys are friends now?

You know what?

I'm just gonna go.

I want you to arrest her.

I think you're making this bigger than it needs to be.

She keeps violating our agreement.

- Will you calm down? - Signed for him as his mother.

Yeah, to save his life.

- Whose side are you on? - Our son's.

He's not your son.

Can I get another one of these?

You bet, champ.

Come on, let's get you back in bed.

Smells good.

Rack of lamb.

It's almost done.

My fave.

I got the cookbook

from that place in New York we loved.

Uh...

who's coming over?

Oh, it's just us.

OK, uh...

Can we please talk about this?

Yeah, going left to right, we got a Morbier,

a Camembert, a Stilton they said was good...

I mean, basically half of France.

I mean what happened at the office today.

All right, well, what were you looking for?

Anything to explain

why you're cooking rack of lamb right now.

Well, it's your fave.

You should be throwing it in my face.

Then we wouldn't be able to enjoy it.

OK, unless you're embezzling or drug trafficking or...

God, I don't know... have a secret family somewhere,

I just...

Ooh, I'm not doing any of that.

Then why don't you punish me?

OK. You really want to know?

I was also in love with someone.

Oh.

From work?

Head for business, though.

What's she like?

She's funny.

And smart, sexy.

An incredible mother.

Great.

It's too bad her husband stopped seeing

how lucky he was.

Maybe she did the same.

I could sleep on the couch,

or move into a sad hotel,

make you cry at some expensive therapist,

and wield it all as a weapon until we're both bloody.

I deserve it.

Or I could just skip to the part

where we both try harder.

How can you do that?

'Cause you're my ride or die.

I'll go set the table.

Oh, I already did.

If you really want to help,

you could make me the strongest drink possible.

OK.

Yeah.

♪ I couldn't help it, no

♪ I made it up

♪ The life I danced in

The latch doesn't close.

♪ And could get enough

The gate is broken.

♪ I couldn't help it

It's not your fault.

♪ I wondered who let you

♪ Call them baby

I'm gonna go stay with my parents.

♪ I wondered who let you call them baby ♪

For how long?

I'll call the landlord about the latch.

♪ Take it all

♪ Bring it back to my bed

Melissa!

Open up.

I'm not leaving without my kids.

Zach, Zoe, come on.

Dad's here. Let's go. Get your stuff.

What are you doing?

Oh, you're home.

- The kids aren't here. - Well, where are they?

Not here.

It's my day.

OK, well, the kids need to be safe, Brett.

Well, you're the one who put a PI on me.

Who you pulled a knife on.

Kitchen scissors.

Like that matters.

Look, look, look, you got the money, fancy friends...

- Please go. - The mansion...

- Brett... - This is all I got.

I filed for emergency custody this morning.

This isn't you, Melissa.

- Me? - Yeah.

Connor's been the problem from the moment you met him.

Look at you.

Brett, you are not yourself.

Mm.

Can I... can I... can I at least see them?

Just go home.

I checked credit cards, emails, work trips,

our safety deposit box.

Only one thing I didn't expect.

Always something.

That he's still into me.

Who knew having an affair could save your marriage?

Uh, I might have to respectfully disagree.

There's more?

Just get your intern on it.

Hey, when's Alice getting here?

She won't text me back.

- Hmm. - Huh.

Well, Marilyn's got an eye.

I'll give her that.

Yeah, the orangies really make it pop.

- What am I looking at here? - Your masterpiece.

The marigolds are supposed to be stage left.

But does it matter?

You know what? We should sub pansies.

- Are you kidding me right now? - No.

- I'll do it. - No...

See, that's the winning spirit.

Ugh.

That's gonna take all weekend.

Well, my kids are on a fishing trip.

Well, I'm free.

Tucker can take Addison to her soccer game for once.

Make Alice do it.

What?

My customers think gardens are just

a bunch of pretty flowers.

What they don't know is,

the right pairing makes all the difference...

Really going for the stereotype, huh?

♪ I see you in my rearview mirror ♪

♪ I know it always seems

They're, uh, free for cops.

Mm.

So what did she mean?

♪ So why don't I admit

I'm his stepfather.

She adopted him before I was around.

♪ Every time I close my eyes ♪

♪ I get to be

Want to buy me a cup of coffee?

I don't have to pay for those either.

Like how shade from a sunflower

triples the yield of a cucumber patch.

But not every pairing works out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!

What? Hey.

What's going on?

♪ I lie to my friends

It really sucks to get it wrong.

'Cause when you do, there's always a price to pay.

It's like the tips of the leaves are turning yellow.

Well, how much light does your greenhouse get?

As much as it can in the winter.

But the tomatoes are coming out.

Uh, well, you probably just have a slight,

uh, nitrogen deficiency.

Mm, the guy from, uh, O'Neill's,

he said that I should use chicken manure.

Uh, what?

Chicken turds?

Oh, no, no.

You gotta use something synthetic.

What aisle is that?

You know what, I'll just... I'll just grab it myself.

Someone's watching us.

He could have seen all of us...

Doing all kinds of things.

Excuse me, sir.

Uh, someone can help you up front.

Just need to ask you a question.

Oh, I'm with a customer.

About the other night at that fancy garden party.

Any chance you know someone by the name of...