All language subtitles for Family.Guy.S24E09.1080p.x265-ELiTE

It seems today that all you see is
violence in movies and sex on TV.

But where are those good old Christian
values on which we used to rely?

Lucky there's a family guy.

Lucky there's a man who finds a new man
who all the things we make us laugh and

cry. We are family guys.

You see this crap about Ron DeSantis?
He's sending a bus full of migrants from

Florida up to Quahog. And I don't like
it.

Immigrants are trying to take jobs away
from hardworking Americans like me. You

faked COVID five times this month.

Huh. They're having a rally tomorrow to
welcome them here. I'm going to go down

there and see what's really going on.
Yeah, have fun with the other unemployed

bleeding hearts.

Peter, are you going to do the dishes
you said you'd do?

Can't we get an immigrant for that
already?

Where do you think you're going?

Boar's Head is unveiling a new cold cut,
and me and the guys won tickets.

So far, they've only released a
silhouette of the meat. I threw 100 on

Never know.

Peter, we have dinner with Crystal and
Clay tonight.

We talked about this yesterday.

Lois, was yesterday a hard alcohol day?

Yes.

And do I typically remember things you
say to me when I drink hard alcohol?

No. Then why... I forget. I had hard
alcohol today.

How do we even know these people? No
idea. I have rescheduled this so many

times, I can't remember who they are.

Lois? Hey, you guys.

Huh? You know, I just want to get this
out of the way. I am completely blanking

on how we met.

Oh, thank God. Me too.

But it doesn't matter. We're here now.

You weren't the one who got in a fist
fight in my yoga class, were you? No.

It wasn't me.

I'm sure whoever it was had a reason.
Like maybe that bitch shouldn't have run

her bitch mouth. I don't know. I wasn't
there.

Hey, Peter. I'm Clay.

Listen, I don't want to sound like a
fanboy, but did I hear you work at

Pawtucket, Pat?

Yeah. Why?

That's maybe like the coolest job I've
ever heard of anyone having.

It is?

Dude, yes.

You got to tell me what it's like to
work there.

Lois, this guy is legit like a rock star
to me.

See, Lois? I told you I ain't just some
bum.

You don't like football by any chance,
do you, Peter?

Lois, I'm going to be over here with
Clay.

Well, look who came around.

Maybe we should all hang out more often.

I'm in. We're always in the market for
some cool friends.

Oh, us too. Remember those weirdos we
hung out with last week?

You know, honey, you could at least make
a guess.

I don't make a guess until you give me
credit card info.

Maybe let's not talk about the
arrangement in front of friends, okay?

What do we want?

No abalone gays!

When do we want it? No abalone gays!

Hi there. This is gonna sound like I'm
just here for the food, but the

post said there'd be food.

Oh, I'm sorry. We just ran out. That's
fine. I'm Brian, dog guy.

Hello, Brian the dog guy.

I'm Carmen.

Nice to meet you.

You know, immigrants are kind of like
dogs to me. Excuse me?

Oh, no, no, I wasn't... I mean, we're
separated from our families, put in

All you can do is hope there's a group
of nice people somewhere willing to

their home with you. I see what you
mean.

So where are you from?

I'm from Cuba.

Oh, nice.

You guys got elephants and stuff, right?
I think you're thinking of Africa.

No, I think, uh, pretty sure... Yeah,
whatever.

Listen, I'm volunteering today, so I
have to go help out.

Look, I don't normally do this, but...

Is there any chance we could go out
sometime?

I'm so sorry. You seem great. But I just
agreed to go out with that guy.

Actually,

never mind. I'm free. If you want, I'm
going to the Havana Club tonight at 6.

You should come.

Okay, I'll be there.

Thanks.

Ah, America at work.

Immigrants, liberals, conservatives.

And the one guy with absolutely no idea
what's going on here today. What's going

on here? Some kind of festival?

Cocky jogger.

I stay out of politics.

Hey, there you are. Oh, you made it.

Allowed to smoke in here, huh? Gosh, you
really look incredible.

Oh, thank... Thank you.

I got here early so we could be in the
horn section.

Sorry, you said in the horn section?

Is it too loud for you? I know dogs have
very sensitive hearing.

No, no, this is great.

Do you like for horns to be louder?

No, no, no, that's okay. Do you like for
horns to be louder?

They played this at my mother's funeral.

Man, you really missed out on the boar's
head event, Peter. Joe even got some

chick's number.

Hospice nurse. I, uh, I got to have a
talk with you guys at some point.

Well, why'd you bail, Peter?

Lois had a dinner scheduled with another
couple.

That's so lame. I hate that stuff.

You know what? I just said that to sound
cool. I enjoy meeting new people.

I usually hate it, too, but these guys
were fun. Clay and Crystal something.

Oh, boy.

What? Crystal and Clay Duffy? Yeah, so
what?

Peter, those guys, how do I say this,
engage in interrelationship coitus on

rig? Huh? They're swingers, like the
biggest in town. They try with everyone.

Big time. They tried that with me and
Bon. I stayed out in the car.

Bon went in for a few hours to talk to
him about it. That never happened again.

Except for a couple weeks later.

One other time, I guess.

Hey, how was the date? The date was
awesome, but that Cuban place was so

and there was cigar smoke everywhere.

I feel like I'm getting a migraine or
something. I just... Brian!

Brian! Oh, thank God. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good, man. Just give it a
little space, okay?

What? What, you got diaper cream in your
ears?

I said back up, baby.

Why are you talking like Scarface?

I don't know, man.

I just open my mouth and this is the
voice that comes out, you know?

And when I open my mouth, blood comes
out.

Okay, again, Chris, that's not funny.
What Brian's doing is funny. When we

on an idea, you really need to move on.

I'm starting to get a little hungry.

Do you think you could get, like, an
English muffin or something? I really

the nooks and crannies, man.

So what you think, Doc? How come I wake
up sounding like this?

Well, it's unusual, but this is a very
real thing. Google it. Called foreign

accent syndrome.

It's usually brought on by some kind of
trauma to the brain.

I'm guessing that migraine scrambled you
all up. So this is like an actual

disorder? Yeah, I saw it on 60 Minutes.
They had on this English lady that woke

up sounding Chinese.

But everyone gets all pissed if I do it.

You know, I wonder if you sound that way
because you were around all those Cuban

people at the club.

Oye, Stewie, Carmen says she's gonna
come by the hospital.

She can't hear me sound like this.

She's gonna think I'm making fun of her.

All right, just relax.

Maybe we can... Brian, how are you
doing? I came as soon as I heard.

Oh, sorry, he's not talking yet. Oh, my
poor little guy.

You don't need to say a word. You just
relax.

Doctor? What?

Do you think it's worth checking him
for, like, a stroke or brain cancer?

Come on, man. It's 4 .45.

So you'll never guess what the guys had
to say about Clay and Crystal.

Apparently, they're like major swingers.

What? No.

That's ridiculous.

Seriously, all three of them said they
tried stuff with him. Well, now this is

weird. We're seeing them again tomorrow
night.

I mean, do we cancel?

I don't think so. We had fun with them.

Who cares what they do in their private
lives?

But what do we do if they try something
with us?

Well, obviously, we say no.

Obviously, that's not us.

Oh, we'd never do anything like that.

We don't have to. What we have is great.
The best.

I mean, would it be nice to be asked?
Sure.

Sure, right. It'd be nice to know we're
at least in the pool of consideration.

Be great to be in the pool.

I think I'm going to get a facial
tomorrow.

I mean, not because of this, but because
I need one.

Totally. And I got to buy deodorant. Not
because it is, but because mine's all

the way down to the plastic.

Things like a cheese grater.

You got a lot of nice things in this
room. Purple octopus.

I ain't never had no purple octopus.

Time machine.

Hey, what, you gonna impact the past or
something, man?

Disrupt the space -time continuum.

All right, stop just riffing on things
you see. Now, if you're going to

seeing Carmen, we've got to try and get
your speaking voice back.

Try to repeat exactly what I say. It's
really nice to see you again, Carmen.

It's nice to be here with you, baby.
You're gonna get humped like you

believe tonight.

Okay, not quite there. So, Carmen, do
you have any pets?

I see the mouse this one time.

Thing was crazy, bro. Running all around
with that little tail moving side to

side. I thought that thing was gonna
bite me, man.

Can you guys keep it down in here?

Oh, sorry. We were just trying to...
Yeah, I don't need to know why. I just

you to shut up.

Hey, that's your flesh and blood, man.

You don't talk to him like that.

I'm sorry.

Next time I hear you talk that way, I'm
going to kick you so hard, your big ass

is going to land in Saskatchewan.

Mom, Brian said I have a big ass and a
scarfing voice.

Well, that was yet another fantastic
evening with you two.

Totally. Always love a little time with
the grips.

So, uh, what now?

Do we keep her going?

Yeah, what's the old game planarino?

Oh. You know, I think I'm done for the
night.

Oh, come on. It's only 9 o 'clock.

I mean, I'm up for a little fun.

Oh.

Next time, I'm a little zonked, too.

Great to see you again, Peter.

Oh, no, I think we've leveled up to
hugs. Get in here, you.

Okay.

We'll see you guys again soon.

Swing as my ass.

Maybe that's just not into us.

Uh, no. If anything, it's us that's not
into them.

Yeah, they'd be lucky to get us. But
we're not that type of people.

Ew, no.

Like, what even is that life?

Sad is what it is. Doing it in weird
places. Just having sex with every

they meet.

Well, every couple except us.

Except us.

Why not us?

But where are you going?

They left their cornbread. Hopefully
they didn't clear the table yet.

Hold that door, please.

All right, just try not to talk too
much. You're going to get us beat up

that accent you're doing.

It's so weird, man.

In my mind, it sounds like I'm just
talking regular.

And outside, I end up sounding like some
kind of big banana head.

Hot chocolate for brain?

You say brain?

Do you know anyone named brain?

It's Brian!

As in Dennehy, Cranston, and Cox!

I'm sorry, sir.

That guy's got matcha powder in his ears
or something.

A lot of stuff in people's ears today.

Oh, crap, man. It's Carmen.

I keep avoiding her calls.

I don't want her to think I'm mocking
her, do you know?

Brian, you have to answer. She's going
to think you're not into her anymore.

Hello? Brian's phone. This is Miss
Pennyapple, Brian's assistant.

We dated for a little while, but we
disclosed it to HR, so it was all above

board. Anyway,

I ended it after he got physical.

Oh, that sounds lovely.

He'll be there. Bye, dear.

Well? Her cousin's getting married
Saturday, and she wants to bring you as

date. What?

Her whole family is going to think I'm
making fun of their accents.

There's no way I can go. She said Jenna
Ortega's going to be there.

Buenas noches!

We'll be back with more Brian S.

Muizcombago after this.

So what you think? How am I going to go
to this wedding ceremony like this?

Yeah, we sure don't want a repeat of
what you did to Cleveland yesterday.

I mean...

No more putting the paper in the little
slot in my house, eh?

The sound wakes me up from my doggy nap!

Now, now, now, now, now, now!

I'm not even a courier for your postal
route. That's Laverne.

Those people are absolute weirdos. They
call themselves swingers?

Too... Whole dinners and not even an
elbow brush on the boob. Not that we

even do anything anyway.

Of course not.

I mean, not that any of this matters
because we're normal people.

That being said, it would be nice to be
asked. It would be nice to be freaking

asked. Maybe they're waiting for a third
night with us. What do you mean?

Well, in the dating world, three dates
usually means sex is on the table.

Oh, I see. So this is all just part of
the dance, huh? They're trying to see if

we are actually into them.

Which we're not. No.

Gotta be that. All right, I'm texting
him.

Now? Won't that look desperate?

Desperate? They're the ones trying to
swing with us, to which we'll probably

no. Moment it happens, without
hesitation, we shut it down. Shut it

We're in. Dinner at their house tomorrow
night.

Oh, at their house. Could they be any
more obvious about it? Yeah, be a little

artful about it, guys.

So, first time I'm seeing that.

I can't say I like it.

I can't believe you got me in this mess,
man. I got like butterflies in my

stomach. I can feel them all flapping
around, you know. You have nothing to

worry about. I've developed an AI voice
modulator to match your natural speaking

voice. Here, put this on.

You think this thing's gonna work, man?

I really don't want to upset Carmen. Oh,
hey, wow, it's me again.

Testing one, two, three.

I will break your freaking head open,
man.

Testing one, two, three.

Okay, great, it works. And I'll be in
your ear the whole time in case anything

goes wrong, so don't worry.

It is nice to see you again, Carmen. I
am enjoying your company tonight.

Olive Garden's summer nights are back.

Oh, wait! What the hell was that? Oh,
yeah, the software has ads sometimes.

Ads? What do you mean, ads?

They want 13 bucks a month now for
premium. Deal with it.

Brian, there you are.

I'd like you to meet my mother and
father.

Just play it cool. You got this.

It's nice to meet you, Brian.

Hello, Mr.

and Mrs. Perez. What a beautiful night
for a wedding.

Carmen tells me you are a writer? I
enjoy putting pen to paper and allowing

heart to do the rest. If you or someone
you love has been injured in a work

accident, it's time to call Feinstein
and For Lizzie, PC.

Thank you, Brian. I will keep this
Feinstein in mind.

Don't forget For Lizzie.

See? I told you it would work. Thanks. I
appreciate it.

Postmates guy forgot the ketchup. Hey,
buddy, I think you forgot the ketchup.

Oh, I'm sorry, man. I gotta go pick up
my kid from camp.

Well, tell him he's gonna be there for a
bit. It's a job, dude. I don't know

what to tell you.

Did you take a Harry Potter patch off
that blazer before you put it on? Yeah.

Only thing is, they're not gonna know
I'm a Ravenclaw.

That should be fine, right?

Hey, good to see you.

We felt bad about how things ended the
other night, so thought we could have a

do -over. I'm a Ravenclaw, by the way.

You guys look nice.

You didn't have to get all dressed up.

This is a sweatsuit from Target.

A very sexy sweatsuit, I might add. Wow,
great house.

Are these the original hardwoods? I'm a
huge hardwood guy.

Know what I mean, Crystal?

Oh, this is a big, comfy couch.

What do you say we, I don't know, hang
out, put on some Natalie Imbrogue,

Imbrogue, the chick who sings Torn?

Ah, yeah. Yeah, maybe.

Warm tonight, isn't it? Guys, what's
going on here? You're acting really

Aren't you guys swingers? We like to
have fun, yeah, but we don't do it with

everyone. Then what?

What's wrong with us?

Don't take it so personally. Every pair
of swingers has one flaccid friendship.

Yeah, you know, just kind of a meat and
potatoes couple you go bowling with once

in a while. We just like hanging out
with you guys as friends.

I don't even know what you're talking
about.

We don't want to be anything more than
friends with you guys.

Maybe it's best we just call it a night.
Please, I'll pay for it. How much to

make it happen right now? Touch it! Oh,
would you stop it already? They probably

don't want us because you come off so
desperate.

Me? You're practically draping yourself
all over them. Because I'm the candy

here, Peter.

If there's any chance of this happening,
it's because of me.

You're nothing. You hear me? Nothing!

Well, we didn't swing, but we did have
violent sex in front of another couple.

There'll be a little asterisk in the
record book, but it still kind of

The dog was barking at us the whole
time.

Stewie, what are you doing here?

Oh, just wanted to check out the scene.
Things seemed to be going so well, I

thought I'd ramp it up a notch.

What do you mean?

Everyone, Brian would like to say a few
words to the bride and the groom.

I'm sorry, what?

Um, hello.

First of all, I'd like to thank you for
having me here. Back -to -school season

is almost here at Macy's.

What I mean to say is, you can save 15 %
on car insurance. At Home Depot,

there's no job too big.

Little problem, bride.

I left the van open and there are
squirrels everywhere.

They're climbing all over the equipment
and they got my nuggets.

And now they're gnawing on the wires.

Wait, Stewie.

Does that mean this thing don't work no
more?

Okay, enough of this, man.

Yeah, I got a few things I'd like to
say.

How's everybody doing tonight, eh?

This guy gonna hunt that chick real good
tonight, man, I'll tell you that.

Funny thing about immigrants, man,
you're all like a bunch of dogs to me.

Cheers to all the immigrant dogs here
tonight.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Say hello to my little friend.

Hey, I'm Stewie. What do you think you
are doing? Coming here and doing some

disgusting impersonation of my family.

Hey, man, you don't understand.

No, you don't understand.

What do you think, big man?

You think you got a bigger shirt collar
than me? You think your car's interior

has a better animal print than mine? You
think your crocodile boots have more

lines between the crocodile parts than
mine?

You think you got more pineapples on
your shirt than me? Let's count them.

have a little contest and see who the
most pineappley guy is tonight.

Everyone, throw your dinner rolls at
him.

You think you can take me?

You're gonna need an army to take me.

I'm still standing, huh?

I take your role!

One of you boys gonna teach me how to
samba, or do I need to figure out a new

Saturday?

Well, it's a good thing that crack on
the head brought your voice back to

normal. Yeah, but I'm bummed Carmen's
never gonna speak to me again.

I really liked her. I saw you dance at
the wedding. You weren't going to make

in a Latin family.

What's wrong with the way I dance?

You want to see a video of it?

Probably not, right?

I wouldn't.