Original subtitles

ANGEL

MYZ presents

Actually, I don't know what I'm doing here.

If it wasn't for my wife with all that...

"all problems are in our heads, go see a psychologist, "

honestly, I would never have come here.

I know what I want. I want to be a father.

I want go for walks with the baby in the stroller.

I want... to wake up in the middle of the night... pacifiers, bottles, sterilizers - that's my thing!

But do you understand for that you need to do something?

I do it.

Every day I do it.

I've been doing it for 2 years.

Even tried different settings.

You know, I dreamed...

Made a wish...

When you write the wish on paper during New Year countdown,

burn it, throw ashes in champagne glass, drink them... But it doesn't work.

Are you sure that you have correctly put your wish into words?

My show is starting soon.

- I'll get going. - Just remember the most important thing.

Thoughts take physical form.

film company ENJOY MOVIES

DMITRIY DYUZHEV

MICHAEL GALUSTYAN

Stop cars, stop apartments, My dreams have changed.

There are things besides work, I'm headed towards a new horizon.

- Have you decided to become gay? - How could you even think that!

- Politics? - No.

- Yoga? - No way!

Then what? What? What?

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And who dares stand in my way? I have the right to choose...

PREGNANT

- Go, go, go. Camera is on. - I'm coming.

- Hello. Yes, Jora. - I lost another case again.

This is the 8th case that I lose in a row.

Sergey, we've got to rehearse!

- Sorry. - Go, go.

Maybe I'm cursed or something?

Maybe you need a break?

And how will I feed my family? I have two daughters!

Easy for you to say with no kids.

- What? - You need to be on the set!

- Sorry, sorry. - We can start.

- Sorry. - Camera.

Camera is on.

You start.

Good day, daily news on MUZ TV, as always the one and only Azia...

- ... and Sergey Dobrolyubov. Hello. - Recap of top stories.

Single father from Mytisch has adopted his 8th child.

And that's not his last one the single father has announced.

More on that in our report.

See, you can do it, when you want to.

Why is the director not on the set?

Relax, dude! He's recovering from yesterday's party.

And the one before that... and the one before that one.

And then he works only with the stars.

Of course, I'm not a star. I'm a notastar.

Who's the star here? Him? Or her?

She... She slept with the producer!

And you?

- I didn't sleep with the producer. - Not that. Where did you study?

- At film school. - And is this what you dreamed of?

No, one day I will make my own big movie.

Sorry, old man. Miracles don't happen.

- And where did you study? - I... I was selected by the audience!

People voted for me with 8,000 text messages!

Know why you're not on this wall?

Because you don't believe in miracles!

This exhibition was put together with big love because...

Because these are children. And children, as you know, are our dreams... They are our everything.

- Do you have children? - Of course, two.

- Diana. - Yes?

Have you ever thought of doing a photo session with pregnant models?

Everything in its own time.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Hello.

Diana, I'm running late.

- But I'm on my way. - Where are you?

Yes, I'm in the car already.

- I'm... on Sadovaya Street. - Really?

I'll be there soon.

Like always.

Damn!

Hey!

Hey!

Mister!

Hear me?

Hey... you... put the car down! You hear that?

My wife has an exhibition. It's a very important event. If I don't get there... it will be the end of me, please understand, our relationship is already in rough waters as it is!

Do you understand me?

Do you know these 4 words:

I...

need...

my...

car!

And do you know these 4 words:

I don't care!

Young man. Young man, I'm speaking to you.

Could you give your seat to a pregnant woman?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Diana started to close off from me.

As if I'm not there.

Must be because of her exhibitions.

Work makes us... very stressed out.

When are you going to have little ones?

You'll grow old in that TV studio.

The doctor said that I have serious problems.

That I am unlikely to conceive.

Does Sergey know?

I don't want to tell him yet.

- How long has it been not working? - Two years.

It's the opposite with Sasha and I. We're 1 month pregnant.

- Jora, you're truly a machine gun! - This time it must definitely be a boy, right?

I am sure of that. You know why? Because I did everything by the old tried method.

What method?

- We did it in felt boots. - In felt boots?

When my father was born, my granddad had worn felt boots.

When I was born, my father had worn felt boots.

It's the sure thing.

I think that you and Sergey should try doing it in felt boots too.

That's definitely not for me! I'm not that crazy yet.

By the way, what are you doing for Valentines Day?

- There is one special place. - We met there 5 years ago.

On Valentines Day.

So every year we meet there.

Beautiful.

We're going to a kebab restaurant again.

This anchor is driving me nuts! You're a much better anchor than he is.

- Yes, but he's a star. - And you're not?

Bartender, pour my friend some cognac. He's a star, by the way.

- Enough. - Yes, he's an anchor on MUZ TV!

- Jora. - What?

The star.

Jora! Van Gogh also never sold a single painting in his lifetime.

Now his paintings are being sold for tens of millions.

Wait, I don't get it. Do you think someone will buy your telecasts after your death?

Well, at least a few.

Then at least cut off an ear.

When we have children, we will come here all together.

Diana, what's wrong?

- Well? - We will have such children!

Don't lose it, old man.

Know why you're not on this wall?

Because you don't believe in miracles.

When are you going to have little ones?

You'll grow old in that TV studio.

Just remember the most important thing. Thoughts take physical form.

I want a baby.

I want a baby.

I want a baby.

I want a baby, I want a baby, I want a baby, I want a baby.

[10 DAYS LATER]

- How was the weekend? - Good. Spent time with family.

- Me, boyfriend, alcohol, swingers... - Get ready.

Camera.

- Camera is on. - Start.

Hi! Daily news on MUZ TV, as always the one and only Azia...

... and Sergey Dobrolyubov. Hello.

Rumors abound about Paul the Octopus.

The octopus who correctly predicted all results of the 2010 World Cup Football Championship.

Many think this is an overblown hype, but not the workers at Marisky Chicken Factory.

Here's the full story.

Hey, wake up there!

Start!

Good evening.

At the Yoshkar-Ola chicken factory we have found our very own Paul the Octopus.

Sonya the Chicken correctly predicts all results of Russia's national football team at the European Championship.

Unbelievable, but it's a fact. The number of eggs that Sonya lays is equal to the number of goals that Russia scores.

But during the last 5 games Sonya the Chicken has not laid a single egg.

Probably this means that the Russian team has serious problems.

But we will not jump to conclusions.

and will hope for the best.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey... don't you have some decent stories for February 23rd holiday?

It's Russia's Armed Forces day. What Sonya the Chicken?

Who writes this?

It's a cool story. You're just super lame, dude.

Excuse me.

I didn't drink yesterday.

Thanks.

I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm here.

Not gonna kiss, are we?

Hello.

Ulan-Ude finds Eddy the Cockroach who can predict all Olympic Games results.

You saw that terrible story too?

Unfortunately, yes.

So? Are we still on for the 23rd?

Yes, we'll celebrate together, just like we planned.

Damn!

Serge, are you OK?

I'm not feeling so well since morning.

Pain in lower abdomen.

You're not pregnant, are you?

As long as you, Jora, find it funny.

Look up

Make a wish

For everything that you dream about.

Before you never in this life

I have never been this happy.

For you alone,

What you love so much,

These white flowers.

I love you to tears!

Every breath is like the first one.

Instead of falsity of beautiful words

This cloud of roses.

Don't be insane.

Thank god, two.

You are pregnant.

- Why do you need so many pickles? - Diana...

- We have some news. - OK...

You got hired by another channel?

You will have your own show?

We are going to have a baby.

Who is she?

Who is she?

No. You don't understand.

- Whose is it? - Mine.

- Whose result is this? - It's mine, I peed on it.

- Very funny! - Diana, please, listen to me!

I am pregnant.

It's the truth.

Alright. Who is the father?

- You are. - I'm the father?

Well, if I'm the mother, then you must be the father.

Do we have vodka?

Hi!

- Hi! - Hi!

Hi, girls.

- A hug. - Come in, come in.

- Hi. - Hi.

- That's for you. - Thanks.

Serge, where are you?

Thanks.

Diana, dear, are you alright?

Thanks, I'm fine.

Who cooked this?

- I did, why? - A bit too much salt.

- More than a bit, actually. - Well...

Get up and say something to the children.

Get up! If you don't do it, no one will.

Well...

Sit.

Every man must pass through a difficult and thorny road.

He may be misunderstood,

rejected,

but even during those times he must always remain strong, manly...

- in short, a real man. - Yes.

That is exactly what allows him to plant a tree, build a house, and give birth to a son.

Dad, I started with the last one.

A real man always has a sense of humor, right?

I am pregnant.

To men!

- Hooray, hooray! - Hooray!

I'm going to have a baby. He is inside of me.

I am a future mother!

Oh God!

- That's impossible, sonny. - You are pregnant?

- Bro, did you get knocked up? - You're a dude, motherfucker, not a mother!

Motherfucker!

Excuse me.

Sonny, maybe mom and I missed something?

Did something wrong?

Probably, I... I admit, I was not a very good father.

I was expecting something different from my family.

It's all you with all your... yoga!

Why me? Why me?

You always dump all the negativity on me.

Am I some garbage dump to you? I'm tired. I always meditate about good things.

- I always face misunderstanding. - Go, get going.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Let's go.

- At least he'll finally give us a grandson. - We shouldn't have let him go into that show business.

Don't start dinner with sweets.

No, no. A man cannot give birth.

I know that for sure.

- I'm a lawyer and I know it. - Dad, what does being a lawyer have to do with it?

Should I show you my diploma?

First symptoms of pregnancy.

Morning sickness... Got that.

Weakness, feeling lousy, irritability, sleepiness.

No. I don't have sleepiness.

Libra.

And the bread bun rolled away, before the wolf even saw it move!

The bread bun rolls on across the forest and meets a bear.

Twigs and bushes crackling beneath bear's feet. "Little bun, little bun, I shall eat you up, " says the bear.

"No, you will not, pigeon toes!"

- "Rather listen to my song. " - Give us the song.

Bread bun started singing, and the bear is all ears.

"I'm a little bread bun. I was scraped from the cupboard, swept from the bin... "

Good job, bread bun!

I love you.

I love you too.

Now you will be able to concentrate on your career.

Especially since now I am taking maternity leave.

You'll be the provider of our family.

- Daily news... Hi. - Good.

- ... on channel... - Hi.

- Speak more clearly. Hi! - Hi.

- Go on. Hi. - Hi. Daily news on MUZ TV...

OK, that's enough. Take care.

By the way, I signed you up for classes for expecting mothers.

What!

Just look at this wonderful man.

He is attending our classes in order to better understand his wife.

Bend your back.

Repeat.

- Let me carry those bags! - You can't. It's heavy.

- And you can? You're a woman. - I'm a woman, and you're a mother!

Hello.

- OK, Jora. - That's enough!

Jora, I'll call you back. I'm at gynecologist's office.

It's very nice to see husbands, who are so caring towards their wives.

Hello. Come in.

- You can take off your clothes... - Let's go, it doesn't hurt.

Thank you.

Take it off.

What a nice start to the day.

What... does this mean?

I have seen everything in this world, but I don't believe your incredible tall tales.

And where am I supposed to look?

How many fingers?

We... can't do anything for you.

Shura, dear, sorry for bothering you again...

But maybe someone came by? For example, maybe some clients?

Doctor, ever since we opened no one has come by.

[Rent due on June 30th.]

Doctor!

They're here!

Congratulations!

Congratulations! Let me kiss your hands!

Come in, sit down. I will examine you on that chair...

and will do everything to cover rent cost.

Oops.

What am I talking about?

So that your pregnancy will go the best way possible.

Do you know what is the first advice that all gynecologists give?

- No, I don't, Doctor. - I thought so. To exercise your breasts.

Carefully, in the evening. In the morning too. This will give your breasts that firmness...

- so the breast looks beautiful and has milk. - Doctor.

- But I am not pregnant. - Who is then?

My husband. Sergey.

I've heard many stories, but this!

You are our last hope.

[Not a single client in 2 weeks!]

[RENT!]

You are my last hope too.

So, how are we doing here?

Is this OK, Doctor? If we have to, I guess let's do it.

[ADVANCE PAYMENT]

[Quiet. Filming in progress.]

Hi! Daily news on MUZ TV, as always the one and only Azia...

... and Sergey Dobrolyubov. Hello. Top stories of today.

An ordinary chicken determines whether Russia's national football team will go to European Championship.

Because there is no faith in Russia's players themselves. Here's our report.

Recording?

All eyes around the world are fixed on an ordinary chicken at an ordinary Yoshkar-Ola chicken factory.

Sonya the Chicken in the last 4 months has not laid a single egg.

Which naturally had a negative effect on the score results of "Group D. "

Russia's national team fell from 1st place to 4th place.

But they still have a chance to make it to the European Championship.

We will continue to follow this story.

That's it, turn it off.

Lay an egg!

Now our next story.

MUZ TV news anchor Sergey Dobrolyubov is 5 months pregnant.

[Dude! Dudes are now giving birth. Be careful!]

[Shocking! TV news anchor Sergey Dobrolyubov is pregnant!]

[Dude, check it out! A MAN IS GIVING BIRTH!]

[A dude is pregnant - for real!]

[This is NUTS!!! A man will give birth!!!]

Congratulations. It's 5 months now.

Scientific community is certain that the doctor who discovered this phenomenon is guaranteed a Nobel Prize.

Jora... everyone is going to know now!

Are you responsible for this?

Listen, my friend is going to have a baby. Can I not share my happiness?

Do you know these 4...

I know.

I know everything about you.

When you come to pick up the car, the guys will get a chance to see you.

Oh God! What is this? Please, sit down.

No, no. Thank you.

What a wonder. The Lord has turned a man into a woman.

Mom, look, it's that pregnant mom-dad.

So I told the story, so what?

I am even jealous of you now in some respects.

- Yeah, he's jealous. - What are you so worked up about?

You're the only one like that in the world now! You are unique! You're not like anybody else.

You are also unique and not like anybody else. No other lawyer has lost 8 cases in a row!

That's enough. Don't rub it in. If you're interested, I will tell you.

I have an idea on how to make some real good money off of your pregnancy.

- It will be fantastic! - What a piece of crap you are!

How could such a thought even enter your brain?

You lousy shyster! You are made up of wickedness, greed, and lies!

And to top it off you want to make money off of my child!

I thought better of you!

So what idea were you talking about?

The world has gone mad. Today we will see a pregnant man.

For the first time in several thousand years it has finally happened.

Please meet Sergey Dobrolyubov!

When you are pregnant you must measure your pulse, blood pressure and never lose self control.

I am fine. Sergey Dobrolyubov is always fine!

Let's start our next exercise.

Results are all clear on the other channel.

Pregnancy is going according to schedule with no abnormalities.

These are just... gases from Sergey Dobrolyubov!

[Sergey Dobrolyubov says, "I just wanted it very badly!"]

When I become a grandmother,

of course I will take charge of raising the child because...

it has always been my job to bring up the men in this family.

All the men.

By this action Sergey has taught me a lot.

To be manly, to make my own decisions.

- To not be bullied by women... - Go wash the dishes, idiot.

Well, actually, I think that they will have a very beautiful child.

Sergey, is of course only so-so, but Diana...

In this city it is very difficult to conceive a child.

This takes a lot of effort, emotional energy, time.

And the climate here is horrible.

It's very difficult... to become pregnant.

I am pregnant.

Of course, this is big world news, and I understand Sergey perfectly.

Even right now I am experiencing about the same feelings, well, because...

I am pregnant.

Because we hope that Sergey, just like us, will have a boy. Well, because...

- I am pregnant. - Mom, we got that!

- Sergey! - Sergey, one moment!

- Sergey. - Sergey!

- What month is it now? - The right month.

Sergey, what are your plans for the future?

- The right plans. - Sergey, where are you going right now?

The right way!

... Sergey Dobrolyubov, Sergey Dobrolyubov...

... Sergey Dobrolyubov is dancing, Sergey Dobrolyubov is singing, Sergey Dobrolyubov...

Dad can, dad can do everything!

And even mom, even mom he can be!

You were awesome, dude! You really blew me away! Your performance was fantastic!

We've got to celebrate this. Let's go relax somewhere.

No, I'm going home to Diana.

Hey, once you got knocked up, you've become really boring somehow.

Let's go. Don't argue with me. I reserved a table in one very nice place.

- But, Jora. - Please, please, please.

I'm really asking, please!

- Excuse me, may I take a picture with you? - No pictures, sit down, Miss.

I'm sorry.

No autographs.

- Sit down. - Sorry.

What are you saying "sorry" for?

I'll be back in a minute.

Please bring me a lemon right away.

- Was this your table? - No, no. Keep sitting.

Edgar.

- Sergey Dobrolyubov. - Yes, I know.

We watch you.

- You are pregnant, right? - Right.

You see, my boyfriend and I...

My boyfriend and I have been trying for 8 years now, but it's not working.

We tried everything. Maybe we're doing something wrong?

Call your boyfriend over.

So, listen up, guys. You must do it wearing felt boots.

Felt boots?

Yes, wearing felt boots. It's the sure thing.

Write it down.

- Is that it? - No.

Everything around must be in yellow.

With green polka dots.

- Polka dots? - Yes, green polka dots, everything yellow and felt boots.

But... no, actually yellow felt boots with green polka dots.

Edgar.

Is everything OK?

Let's get out of here. It's dangerous.

You know, Sergey Dobrolyubov has a very busy schedule today.

- Not a single minute to spare. - Same for us.

Goodbye.

Pay the bill, OK?

Easy, easy! Back off, back off!

Thanks to Sergey we have been given a second chance. This is something incredible.

He... he... he is so groovy.

What's wrong?

Look at this fab chick.

Dirty thoughts follow me.

Leaves crinkle like an evil slander.

In order to not dirty my soul,

I will wash my soul and rinse it.

He moved!

Mine is moving too.

The baby is moving.

Put that down. Take away the pictures.

- Take all the magazines. - You wouldn't have anything sweet?

Am I a snack bar?

OK, then I should not ask for a pickle.

I spent 2 hours in the bathroom today.

Good to know.

Jora and I went to a strip bar.

And he moved there for the first time.

Do you even understand that I had to close down my exhibition?

That no one needs me anymore! Do you understand that?

I need you.

We need you.

Kiss him.

Forgive me. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

I just need you to be beside me.

Let's go.

Where?

- It's cold. - You don't come in very often.

- Three times a week. - Yes, we come often, Doctor.

- That's too little. At this stage of pregnancy. - Actually, it's a bit too expensive.

Know how much this equipment costs? And the rent?

And you must sign up for photofluorography.

Doctor, why do we need photofluorography? Why?

- Who is the doctor here, me or you? - No, no.

How is the head placed?

Why are you stressing me out? Look at your boy yourself.

- A boy? - A boy!

- But what is that? - That is our baby.

That monkey is our baby?

- Look, he looks just like you! - I haven't looked at myself in the mirror in a long time.

- Your eyes, your nose. Look! - Cute nose, cute eyes.

And... the m-m-m... is yours too.

Just like mine.

How are you going to call your child?

Arseniy.

Call him Joseph.

That was the name of my great grandfather, grandfather, and father.

It tickles.

- You need to shave it. - Shave?

Yes, sign up for epilation with Shura at the front desk.

How much will it cost?

Tell us, is it a boy or a girl?

There's a real man inside the real man.

- How will you give birth? Will you have a C-section? - Is there any other way?

Or would you like to become my gynecologist?

Sergey, there are rumors that a dinner with you costs $5,000 dollars.

Yes, that's true. My wife owes me $50,000.

Today Sergey Dobrolyubov was invited to Kremlin.

He met the President in an informal setting.

It is a great honor for me to meet with you today.

- By the way, what's the term? - A little bit less than yours.

Mister President, I... you... we... and...

There's so much I wanted to say to you, but I forgot everything!

Then maybe a picture for memory?

I'll post this in my blog tomorrow.

Sergey, please come in. These are our women in labor.

How are you, my girl?

Oh, it's hard. I'm in such pain. Can't stand or sit.

- And my back is aching. - Yes, yes, yes.

How well I understand you.

Sergey, please, come this way.

This girl has it really tough...

her husband just left her, she needs your help.

How are you, my baby doll?

Everything will be OK.

Say "no" to make-up.

We can bear this. We can bear everything. Because we bring new life into this world!

And, most important, remember this, girls - we are together!

I'm with you! And you are with Sergey Dobrolyubov!

Careful... careful.

- I'm sick and tired of this man. - Move your legs!

This man, by the way, is your son!

Although...

Yes, Diana. Wait a second, I'll give him the phone.

Yes, he's here. Yes.

- ... peed on him and thank God he was out... - Sergey, sorry, your wife is calling.

Tell her I'll call back later.

Later, later.

So I wake up and I am really craving cherries.

The really sweet juicy cherries like the ones from Tashkent.

And I say to Diana, "Go buy me some cherries. " And she replies, "Where do I get it?"

I tell her, "I don't care where you get it!"

"Please, bring me cherries. I want cherries from Tashkent. "

But she doesn't understand me.

Baby, we need your help.

Yellow with green polka dots. Felt boots.

Beautiful music.

Everything was like you told us. What? What are we doing wrong?

Oh, I forgot, guys.

You need a helmet.

A space helmet.

Yes.

And a guitar.

- But I don't know how... - Under the bed.

Me?

- And I'm already... - The helmet.

Only the helmet.

It's the sure thing, guys.

Guys?

Hello, Lyosha dear. Bunny ears, I need a helmet.

Yes, the kind that astronauts wear in space.

We will definitely get pregnant.

Thank you, Sergey Dobrolyubov.

At first he didn't agree at all.

He thought that lawyers cannot offer genius ideas.

I am not feeling so well since morning.

Toxicosis.

- You thought it was that easy? - Oh, mom.

- So much good food. - There's nothing better than home cooking.

Thank you.

What do you have to do with it?

What a pleasant surprise! In a restaurant we run into Sergey Dobrolyubov.

With his family and friends. Hello.

Hello, every single minute under all circumstances I am always thinking about my child,

and, of course, about you, my dear viewers.

Today is my holiday. Today I am surrounded by family and friends.

Today my mom and dad are with me.

- Dad... - Give a reaction. Say something.

Say something, why are you frozen stiff.

- What about... - Sit down!

I will say!

Sonny boy... during Soviet days we also had all sorts of...

Brezhnevs, Chernenkos... and... well, forget it.

Now times have changed. Now you have... well, all those... homosexuals and lesbians...

... and other stylists. Why speak more?

Sonny.

God bless your childbirth!

Thanks, dad.

- Thanks, dad. - Let's drink, let's drink.

- My brother Peter. - Peter Vladimirovich Dobrolyubov.

My friend Jora.

I work as a lawyer. My phone number is 765-90-90.

My wife Diana.

Diana works at... she does photo exhibitions. Creates photo galleries.

Right now she is a housewife. Diana, tell us about yourself.

Can I just eat? Can I just eat in peace?

Hey, guys.

I remind you that I work as a lawyer, and I don't want...

either you or us to have any problems.

So hand over the tape.

- Give me the tape! - Let them have it!

- We need to remove the tape. - Leave it be.

Jora, leave it, this is none of your business!

Why are you ruining everything? Let them have it!

Let's go.

I wasn't able to meditate today.

- What are you... - So much negative energy!

- Is in the air! - Dad!

I'll also get going.

You know, sometimes love loses the battle. The battle against fear, fame, money.

I think he is so worried because he doesn't fully know,

if he will have a boy or a girl.

But Polina and I know for certain that we will have a boy.

Artyom.

- I like the name Artyom Georgievich. - Jora!

It's a good name.

You know, it's just fear before childbirth. We, girls, have all gone through it.

It seems that this time love has lost.

Please call 765-90-90. I'm coming!

The name of Sergey Dobrolyubov resounds all over the world.

On every street, in every home, in every family, in every newspaper.

... they don't like constrained movements.

But you cover him with the left half, cover with the right half on top.

And only then he feels calm and can fall asleep soundly.

How dare they!

What happened?

We are being sued by the directors of another TV channel.

They think that our show is a fake!

- Fake? - I will destroy them!

Me? A fake?

Why do they need this?

Our ratings are through the roof! We're already ahead of "Channel 1. "

So, naturally, all the advertisers come to us and not to them.

- We must defend ourselves. - Well... I do have a couple criminal Georgians...

No, no. Now we need a good lawyer.

Jora, find him.

Yes, find him!

On this incredibly cold September morning we are at the courtroom,

where Sergey Dobrolyubov is being accused of fraud.

Jora, where is the defense lawyer?

Oh, Jora...

Let's imagine that you're actually pregnant.

Then where is the proof?

Then why did you not allow journalists to be present at ultra-sound exam?

That's between only me and my family.

Ultra-sound exam is private.

Then why did you tell the whole world about your private matter?

Why is your pregnancy a public matter?

But the proof of that pregnancy is private?

Objection!

I want every person in the world to know that when you really strongly believe in something

then it will definitely come true.

And I am sharing my secret, my happiness with the whole world.

My show has given a new beginning, a new hope to those families...

who cannot have children.

People need me.

- Yes, they write me about that. - How touching.

- I didn't make it up. - But at what cost?

The cost of deception and false testimony? The cost of millions of dollars in your account.

This folder contains all the information on personal accounts of Sergey Dobrolyubov.

All money transfers from ad agencies and TV channel.

- I object! - Remove him from the courtroom.

Sergey, I object!

Ladies and gentleman, the person who claims to be an innocent mother...

- is actually a fraudster from the world of show business. - What?

How dare you... Jora, tell them!

I object!

- Guilt has not been proven! - Is that all?

Yes.

That's only a matter of time.

Easy, easy, easy.

What's happening? You see? You see what's going on?

And these people have the impudence to call Sergey a liar!

How can you blame a man...

for earning money to feed his future child!

Put away the microphones!

It's time to stop, Sergey. Enough of these games.

This is not games! You understand?

I am a successful lawyer, so when Sergey called my number 765-90-90,

I told him, "I am your savior in court. "

Your honor, we don't need to prove anything.

Because Sergey Dobrolyubov is proof in and of itself.

Come.

Your honor.

I object, your honor!

One out of every two beer lovers has such a tummy.

Alcoholism doesn't help your defendant's case.

What beer?! I haven't had a drop of alcohol in the last 7 months!

- What is she talking about? - He does not drink!

Order in court!

You have convinced men that they no longer need to perform their marital duty!

Thanks to Sergey Dobrolyubov they can now give birth on their own!

Your show is hindering natural procreation!

Wow, babe! Where do you buy? Who's your dealer?

Tell me, Safronov, how did you find out that Sergey Dobrolyubov is expecting a child?

Jora called me up and said that Sergey is pregnant.

I asked our editor to add that to the news list.

So we announced this in a live broadcast! Then the news spread! We're cool, ha?

So without a preliminary information check you broadcast this to the whole country?

Yes, motherfucker, if a dude is pregnant, then he is pregnant! What's there to check!

- Prosecution has no more questions. - Yeah right! As if you could have any!

Tell us, how did Sergey start being treated by you?

You see, just recently I opened my own practice.

OK.

And Sergey was one of my first clients, other doctors refused him, and I really needed to pay...

Actually, I really wanted... to take on this very challenging case.

So you believed Sergey right away?

Well... Men usually don't give birth.

But a physical and an ultra-sound exam confirmed the pregnancy.

- Inside Sergey Dobrolyubov there is a baby! - Wonderful.

Your honor, in this folder there are ultra-sound images...

that show that Sergey Dobrolyubov is indeed a future birth-giving parent.

And this folder contains opinions of leading experts in gynecology on this matter.

And information on Doctor Tihonov's practice showing that Dobrolyubov is not among the first patients,

but is the first and so far the only patient of this doctor.

Fedor Bondarchuk is offering you the lead role in his new movie.

- Bondarchuk? But... isn't he an actor? - Yes. But he directed the movie "Inhabited Island. "

- Ah, I saw that movie. - Both parts 1 and 2?

- There was a part 2? - Of course.

- Can I read the script? - The script doesn't matter.

We need you.

- Bathroom? - Do you need men's or women's?

Come work for us. You are a perfect match for our TV channel.

More than that our TV channel perfected you.

People believed you because we had the dead man who came to life, the 300 kilogram man,

the woman with 2 heads and the boy with dog ears.

No, no. I'm the real deal.

I've gotten used to the place, where I work.

- You had a chance. - You did too.

Sergey!

Listen, Angelina Jolie is calling you.

Angelina Jolie! She wants to talk to you personally!

Are you going to tell me that she wants to adopt my son?

I don't know, she's speaking in English. Please!

- Jora! - It's Angelina Jolie...

Get busy! Go get some work done!

Let me.

- What? - Let me talk to her.

"Hello, it's Sergey Dobrolyubov"...

Good evening, dear friends. You are listening to "Russian Radio, "

this is your hosts Alisa and Roman and... yes, today we have a very interesting guest.

Our listeners know him as a living legend. A person who is mom and dad at the same time.

- A real man. Sergey Dobrolyubov. - Hello!

Listeners of radio... "Russian Radio. "

- Sergey, may I touch your tummy? - May I touch yours too?

Sergey, you have become famous, popular. Has that changed your life?

Maybe you bought something for yourself? Maybe you bought a country house? A huge one, like yourself.

No, no. I live same place. End of Yaroslavka, near MKAD...

Really? Then that means we are neighbors. I also live there. In building 16.

Sergey, tell us, please, who do you live with?

I live alone.

I live with my wife.

How timely! Sergey Dobrolyubov's wife Diana joins us via a phone line.

- Hello, Diana. - Yes, I'm here.

Sergey, tell Diana and all of our listeners...

are you planning to tell your child that you gave birth to him?

Of course. If I don't tell him about it, then you will.

Sergey, how did it come about that it was not your wife who got pregnant, but you?

Honestly, I don't know. It's just that I wanted it more than she did.

Let's see what Diana thinks about this herself.

Yes, Diana, hello...

Silence. It happens. Let's thank our wonderful guest one more time...

for a very interesting and, I would say, complete interview.

Irina Allegrova is coming up. Right now it's Grigori Leps on "Russian Radio. "

Don't go anywhere.

Diana!

Diana!

- The number is temporarily unavailable. - Damn.

- So, did your wife leave you? - Why does he even need her? She's busy with her exhibitions.

- But she loves him. - Popularity is better than family.

That's right. Why does a star even need a wife? Everyone loves him already.

Most important thing is to win the court case. The parents will help with the baby.

Wait, stop! Who needs a single father? Money, fame, fans, but also loneliness!

- You come home and you are alone. - No, let him decide.

Are you going to play the good daddy at home or are you gonna be a star?

- She loved you. - Yes, old man. Do something.

Are you a star or just a doormat?

Your Honor, I hold that the absence of Sergey Dobrolyubov today, here and now...

is yet another proof of his guilt.

He must have simply run away.

And I insist that everything be done to arrest and punish him.

Gentlemen, may I have your attention. Please, look at me carefully.

Look at my stomach.

Now look into my eyes. Do I look like a man, who has a baby inside him?

That's right, I don't.

These eyes are empty.

These eyes don't have love and care, like those of Sergey Dobrolyubov.

- Because Sergey Dobrolyubov is a mother, motherfucker! - Stop this foul language in court, motherfucker!

Council, where is the defendant?

Your Honor, I am his defense lawyer, I will represent his interests.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sergey Dobrolyubov is the newest breakthrough in the history of man kind.

It's a new chance for childless families.

Show me at least one video...

where the defendant tells men to give birth themselves leaving behind their wives!

Yes, of course, you can put Sergey Dobrolyubov behind bars just because he is different from everyone else.

Just because he dared to tell the whole world about it.

And the whole world liked his uniqueness. Ladies and gentlemen,

Sergey Dobrolyubov is a wonderful and loving husband, and that is a direct evidence of his innocence.

- Bravo! - Bravo!

It's for you. A tape from Sergey Dobrolyubov.

See! There's even a tape.

Hello to everyone, who is listening.

I want to ask for forgiveness from my family and friends.

Diana, forgive me. Jora, forgive me.

You are a good friend.

Forgive me those of you, for whom I have become important.

I am ashamed to admit it, but...

I am not pregnant.

I have lied to you.

Forgive me.

The court finds Sergey Dobrolyubov guilty

of violating Article 159 of Russian Federation Criminal Procedure Code.

"Fraud committed through use of official business position. "

And, taking into account the defendant's sincere confession,

he is sentenced to a fine of 1,000,000 rubles.

Sergey Dobrolyubov has made a shocking announcement. Turns out that his show was simply a fraud.

And Dobrolyubov was never pregnant.

Sergey, dear... please call me back. I don't understand what is going on.

What's going on? You raised a liar!

Of course, this is not a nice situation.

But we will continue trying. Every day. It must work!

Let's go.

This was my best case.

It's a pity that Sergey did not see it.

Well, you already know the phone number.

I quit the show.

I know already. I...

Come on, my dear, breathe. Breathe, sweetheart!

Doctor, where are you taking me?

He is trying to come out of me!

But there is no way out!

- What? - You?

- What are you doing here? - Doctor Tihonov, what are you doing here?

Since private practice did not work out, now I am the obstetrician on duty.

Why are you then standing here not doing anything?

- Where are you going? - It's my first day here! Where's the sink, latex gloves?

- It's all over there! - Forgive me, for Christ's sake!

Clamp.

Scalpel.

God help me.

And finally I decided that love is more important.

That one should live for his family.

But right now one thing worries me the most.

- What? - Will I be able to get my flat tummy back.

Girls, get up.

Clear the area. Go. Go.

Diana.

Let me.

Go to mom.

I'm the daddy.

I am the only dad in the world who knows with certainty that the child is his.

What will you call him?

[THREE YEARS LATER. At exhibition of Diana Dobrolyubova.]

A pregnant man. That's a good idea for a music video.

Sergey.

Tell your savage to not hurt my girls.

- Ease up, Jora. - Listen, I'm not joking.

Are you sure they are yours?

- Whose else? - Look how blonde they are.

- Hi, Sergey. - Let's go, we need to talk.

Let's go. Let's go.

- Josie, let the man go. - Look what I've got in my bag!

- Look what mommy has! - Mommy has a candy.

He's a quiet child. It's only today...

Josie, stop that. Josie, stop.

Baby, please?

Come here, let's play. Let's play tiger.

We have a very good family.

- We want more children. - Yes, we do.

I want twins. I want twins. I want twins.

Cut!

Lunch break.

I can't work in these conditions!

Finally it happened! Today Sonya the Chicken laid one egg!

An entire egg! It's not just an egg, it's the egg of victory.

For 9 months Russia's national football team did not know what happiness is.

And we, friends, forgot what victory means.

But now... Good job Sonya! Pasha, good job! Nastya, Indar...

My dear darlings!

Sergey Dobrolyubov changed my life big time.

He... he inspired me. I quit my job... and my life changed big time.

I discovered I have an extraordinary talent to be a dancer!

I think Sergey will be a good father. And every night before bed he will read his child...

my twitter.

Have some, please.

They're from the store.

The world changes, economy changes, dollar exchange rate changes.

The climate, man's feelings towards the world. But, luckily, one thing will never change.

765-90-90

Interesting, what would happen, if...

if the woman threw her socks all over the place? At 3 am she would go fishing.

Would spend a month's salary on vodka. Be the head of the family.

Actually, let's omit the last part.

Some things should never change.

Do you understand me?

SUBTITLES WRITTEN BY: Katia Kutyavina (Seattle, WA, USA) E-mail: djkatish@gmail.com

For all other English subtitles to Russian movies made by Katia see: http://www.podnapisi.net/en/ppodnapisi/search/sA/264490

Stop cars, stop apartments, My dreams have changed.

There are things besides work, I'm headed towards a new horizon.

- Have you decided to become gay? - How could you even think that!

- Politics? - No.

- Yoga? - No way!

Then what? What? What?

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And who dares stand in my way? I have the right to choose...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

A Pilates class is way cooler even than a Euro Cup Final.

Instead of car catalogs I read magazines on kids' fashion.

- How are you going to breast feed him? - Friends, please stop the jokes.

- Mommy. - Guys!

- Daddy. - Stop it!

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And who dares stand in my way? I have the right to choose...

I'll get old, grandchildren will come visit me in the summer.

Only I'll get upset, if they call me grandmother.

- At least Chaplin bequeathed you millions. - Thanks for the consolation.

- Scared? - So obvious?

- We'll support you. - Thanks.

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I'm just pregnant.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And it's intentional.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

And who dares stand in my way? I have the right to choose...

SUBTITLES WRITTEN BY: Katia Kutyavina (Seattle, WA, USA) E-mail: djkatish@gmail.com