Original subtitles

Didn't know we had Lunar Pool.

I'm just gonna--

- So, it's "Game Bro" now? - Yep.

I haven't finished the paperwork yet,

- but I'm going to. Yeah. - Mm.

Anyone know a, uh, coked-up lawyer I could use?

I get it. Still upset about the whole Albanian mob thing

and the arson thing and the robbery thing and--

Violet. Could you tell my brother, please, that his services here

- at Game Bros are no longer needed? - Oh, I'm--

- I don't-- - Yeah, no, you can't fire me.

Violet, can you also tell my brother

that the longer he's around, the more likely he is

to screw things up again, and the best thing

he could do to help is just to go.

Oh, ouch!

Are you okay?

I'm fine. I just tried to take the "S"

out of the Game Bros sign out front. I fell.

It's just a scratch.

- Oh, my God! - Oh, God!

- How long are you gonna punish him? - Indefinitely.

You bros teen kill each other more than a noob

in hardcore Domination on Shipment.

No one knows the fuck that means.

Well, if you know, you know,

and if you don't, then fuck off!

I did it.

- I freaking did it. - What, you sucked your own dick?

Yes, I'm surprisingly flexible. And also, Yolomoe,

the Yolomoe is coming to our store.

- Fuck is a Yolomoe? - He's a massive YouTuber.

He does challenges and games and he's, he's huge!

- How do you not know who he is? - Because I play video games.

I don't watch other people play video games on mommy's iPad

during screen time like a baby bitch.

Well, he's coming to our store

and he's doing a video all about Game Bros.

How, how did you get him here?

I had to pull some pretty big shit.

Wasn't easy, but I had to do something to make it up to you, bro.

Found him!

"YouTuber Yolomoe vows to break record and visit

every game store in America."

Fucking aimbot, you didn't do shit!

Okay, well, I answered the email that he sent us.

You guys didn't do that! It's something.

I have been watching Yolomoe since middle school

and I'm not, like, I'm not, like, obsessed, but I know everything about him.

I used to try to get into his challenge videos and his fanbase meetups.

Jesus Christ! Does Lance know you have a lady boner for this dude?

No, no, I do not. I just like him... a lot. Damn!

I'm gonna freakin' meet him and I'm gonna be in his videos!

This is amazing! Elliot, I forgive you.

Is there anybody she doesn't wanna fuck?

Can you at least get some crutches or something?

He'll come around...

...when he sees it. Yolomoe is gonna be here in an hour,

we need to get our shit together. Where's Zack?

If you're hearing this...

...I'm dead. Huh.

An Albanian intern named Bruno betrayed me.

He stuck me in this apparently s--

soundproof...

dungeon beneath Game Bros.

I am dying, painfully...

...and s-- slowly.

I have no food, no water,

and no video games.

Well, Jen, you tell my client I will get there when I get there.

Oh, my God, Jen! There's been

a horrific car accident!

I'm so sorry! There's blood everywhere!

Hey. Why are you so excited?

Did you break up with Lance?

What should I wear? This or this?

- I'm sorry. What is happening? - I am freaking out

because Yolomoe is coming here,

and I'm trying to look like I'm not trying,

but I wanna look good.

These are both giving, not trying, like, at all.

So we're good there.

Hey!

Oh, my God!

You cannot sneak up on people like that!

I've been here the whole time!

- What? - Do any of you have any painkillers?

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, I only have the boring stuff,

- not any of the good stuff. - Fuck, yeah.

Violet, you should show Yolomoe your Fairy Fights game?

N-- no, no.

- No. - So it's a "no" then.

I can-- I c-- I can't, it's not ready.

- You told me it was ready. - No, I didn't.

Remember when you were saying, "Oh, I'm just scared

to show it to people because they're gonna hate it.

I'm gonna be a failure, a loser," remember?

- G-- I said that to you... - You were saying that.

...in confidence when I was wasted.

Just show him your game. This is your moment.

We're all waiting you to do it, we got your back.

Do not speak for me. I've never played her game before.

- What if it sucks? I don't know. - What the fuck!

I'm not just gonna blindly back her up.

But... I will help you with your fit.

Makeover montage!

No! We are not doing a makeover anything.

Please!

- No. - What if we change in here?

- Whoa. - N-- What?

My name is Aubrey. I work with Yolomoe,

whom you are all about to meet.

Just pretend like the camera isn't here.

Act natural, you know, just like you normally would.

Uh, no, do not be yourselves. Be someone better, okay?

- Why the fuck are you all glitching? - And you're all doing

the exact opposite of what I just asked you to do.

Whatever. Okay, Yolomoe, come on in!

Yo! Whoa!

Hey! Hey!

Wow!

Look at this place!

- Fucking love! - Welcome to Game Bros!

Hi, Yolomoe! Wha--

My name is, uh, my-- my-- uh, Violen-- Violent--

Violet-- Vio-- Valoret-- Viol-- Violet-- Vo--

All right, nice to meet you!

Cool.

Okay, I get that this is a really big deal for you,

but don't be intimidated. Yolomoe is just a regular guy.

Yeah, he's mid as fuck. Your KD is negative,

- Blow-me-moe. - Aaron, could you please not be yourself

- just for today? - Oh, it's okay, it's okay.

Not all of you are intimidated by me, which is good.

Yes, my videos focus on entertainment, not my skill,

which is why I have another private account for gaming.

- More skill. - Sure! You're secretly good

at video games. We all believe you.

- This fucking liar. - Can we bring the focus back to the store?

I'm not making it up. I have a clan that I play Call of War with every night.

- You don't need to engage with them. - Nah.

My gamer tag's Molotov. Look me up.

Wait, wait, wait. You're Molotov?

Fuck you! Who carried the squad to a dub last night in Face Off?

My toxic, psychotic clan mate named--

- Alcoholic Semen Thrower? - Wait, you guys know each other?

Is it you?

You're a fucking YouTuber?

Hey, man, gotta pay the bills.

Yeah, man, I feel you on that. That's why I work in this dumpster fire.

And why the fuck are you dressed like a figure skater?

Hey! Why are you always dressed like it's 2010?

Cause that's the year Black Ops came out.

- The best year of my life! - Shut the fuck up. You look great.

This is good. No, thi-- this is good,

you guys know each other. You know how Aaron is, so you won't be shocked.

- Challenge accepted. - Not what I meant.

All right, this is gonna be fun!

Hey, why don't you come with me this way?

- Check out the retro game lounge. - Oh, right on,

Game Bro. Let's go this way.

I don't know how this shit works, uh, but you can blur my face.

There's people out there that cannot know I'm alive.

We have something to ask you.

I knew this day would come.

Don't ever say I didn't give to charity.

Zip up your fucking pants! That's not why we're here.

Aaron, we need you to go find your little butt buddy outside

and get him to check out Violet's game.

Fine. But I'm not doing shit...

...without unlocking some attachments.

I'm tired of being a base model weapon.

- What does that mean? - I want freedom of speech!

No more lectures or eye rolls or even a fucking look.

You can't say shit about the shit I say.

In fact, you have to agree with it.

Okay.

- That's not terrible. - Yes, it is.

But, fine.

- Oh, one more thing! - I'm not making you a sandwich!

Fuck!

You know, it's pretty nice down here with you, but...

...I don't know who I feel worse for,

myself or our dear friends,

probably looking aimlessly for me.

At least Zack's not here. That's a small blessing.

Are you okay?

My ankle feels a lot better.

But ever since I took those pills from Lacy,

I've-- I'm, I'm really thirsty.

Oh, you took pills from Lacy?

Let's maybe put that over here.

I-- I can see why that might sound like a bad thing,

but I can also see a kitty cat on your penis.

Don't touch my dick.

Better not touch my dick.

No!

Drumroll, please.

They're ready to video you guys.

Wow.

- I'm high, this is Elliot. - What did you give him?

I thought you only had the boring stuff.

Oh, shit. I remember what happened.

I put the good stuff in the boring bottle.

Why?

- Just surprises? - Just--

Oh, boy.

Let's do this! - Up, up.

- You're a cute cat. - You're an asshole.

We wanna make a video game store

that doesn't just sell games to anyone.

If you're a baby bitch or a mom or fucking old...

- ...35-plus, Violet and I... - Wh--

...we don't think you should be allowed to play video games.

Isn't that right?

Yes. Agree!

Fun fact. Violet here, she can't even count to three. Can you?

- Nope, can't do it. - Try.

Do it.

One, two-- circle?

It's okay. I, I quit school to do YouTube.

- I know, I know all about you. - Oh.

- I heard there was a third employee. - Zack? Ugh!

Hopefully they deleted him. Sometimes you have to do that to make room for new games.

Violet used to call him the R-word, didn't you?

Yes, I love that word.

Say it.

- Re-- - So! This store,

is this something you guys always wanted to do?

Since-- since we were breastfeeding.

- Yeah. - I'm so thirsty.

He means kids, since we were kids.

You know, we would stay up late at night talking about it,

and then, uh, one day, this guy found a way to make it happen.

He made our dreams come true.

Oh! You must have been so excited!

No, no. He betrayed us.

You know, do you think we could turn the camera off?

- My brother, uh, he's, he's not-- - No. I'm fine.

I'm fine, I feel strong. Look how strong I am.

Oh, hey, let me tell you a secret by the way.

M brother still plays Minecraft. Yeah, him and his friends

have this, like, made-up little city full of dick-shaped skyscrapers,

- and it's so lame. - Can't delete Wienerworld...

...had it for almost 20 years.

Yeah, you could dele-- what about my Wienerworld?

This place?

Has the store not been going so well since you opened?

Um, we had a slow start,

but, uh, things are really starting to pick up.

I am gonna--

Hey! Girlboss.

So, things are kind of off to a weird start.

Oh, don't stress it. We'll edit it all down, fix it in post.

I was thinking maybe we could shoot one without Jake.

Or Aaron or Violet.

Oh, and definitely not Lacy. She, uh, she doesn't even work here.

You wanna do something without any of the people

- who you hired to work here? - Yes.

And if I could also see some of the footage before it goes out

to millions of subscribers, that would be, uh,

- that'd be great. - No, we don't do that.

Listen, I was burned pretty recently,

um, so I just wanna make myself abundantly clear.

I know a really good coked-up lawyer.

So if you put out a shitty video,

- I will sue you for libel. - This is YouTube!

There are no rules, no consequences.

There's either viral or not viral.

- What? - Don't even worry, it's gonna go viral.

Right.

Cool, cool, cool.

Oh, my God.

Yolomoe! Hi, hi! Hello, it's me.

One sec, one s--

Yep. It's been one sec.

- I actually want to stop talking, but... - It's going really good

- over there. - ...my mouth won't let me.

Okay.

Aaron! Aaron! Aaron! Aaron has something he wants to ask you.

- No, I don't! - Yes, you do!

You made me agree to all that shit, so ask him.

Fine!

Moe, she wants to fuck.

- What? No! No, it was not! - That's what you said!

Well, then I wasn't listening.

Uh, um, tha-- that wasn't...

- the p-- plan, unless that was-- - You had a plan?

I can't stop talking.

Oh, shit-- What the fuck?

Lacy...

...are you my mother?

Let's get you some coffee, babe.

- Okay? - These people are nuts,

but we have so much good footage.

Wait, when I realized my clan buddy worked here,

I knew it was gonna be something 'cause he is the worst,

but this whole place is a fucking mess!

This video is gonna be insane.

I can't believe Aaron's like that in real life.

Like, what a tool.

You fucking team killer!

- Is that gonna work? - You know, I don't actually remember.

Well, it'll make it better, or it'll make it worse. 50/50.

Oh, I feel like I got hit by a train.

- But how's your ankle? - I can't feel it.

But I can feel the hair growing on my body.

Oh... [scoffs] well, that means it's wearing off.

So, you should be good in-- soon.

You know what?

So we ask Yolomoe for one more take.

- Let's do it. - Let's do it.

Aaron has Yolomoe tied up in the gaming lounge.

Oh, what the fuck was the point of the tape?

- Called mute, bitch! - Aaron, what are you doing?

Please, let us go! We won't release any of the footage.

Oh, no, no! Don't talk to them. I'll figure this out.

Yolomoe? What are you doing? Are you okay?

- Oh, no, you don't! - Let go!

Are you kidding me?

- Let her go, Aaron. - We cannot do this!

Yolomoe, can I call you Moe?

- No. - This is just one big misunderstanding.

He was gonna trash the store in his video.

Make us all look like idiots.

What did you expect me to do with all this insane footage

of you guys acting like a bunch of drugged-up maniacs all day?

We wouldn't have signed up for this if we had known

you were gonna make the store look bad.

We will get rid of all the footage,

I will-- like it never happened.

And I promise we will not call the police.

Uh, no, eh, no. Uh-uh. I do not agree to any of that.

You guys are going to be so fucked when we get out of here.

- This is some good shit. - Where the fuck did you get popcorn?

Aubrey! Come back!

You bitch!

No! No, no--

My God.

- Untie me right now! - Untie all of us!

- You're making a big mistake. - Your birth was a mistake.

Elliot, get me out of here.

I don't like seeing you like this.

And I don't like how Aaron is talking to you guys at all.

But I need to figure some things out,

so hold tight, just a minute. Just a minute. Come on.

Don't worry. We can fashion this into a pee bucket when I'm done with it.

♪ You're my sweet ♪

♪ You're my sweet little lady ♪

Help!

I need a plan.

- I've got it. - We're not killing anyone.

Why? God, you're so boring!

Maybe we just pretend to know something about him.

Like, uh, blackmail, extortion, that kind of thing.

Mention Cabo. These rich dudes,

they always get down on some weird shit in Cabo.

You're just gonna stand there and let this pussy squad wipe us?

I got it.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ha! Let's fucking go!

No, Aaron-- Aaron, no!

- Yes! - God, Aaron, no!

Give me that.

- We know about Cabo. - What?

Lance just went to Cabo on a boys trip.

My God, why is this guy the fucking worst?

You guys, you gotta untie me.

- We will, soon. - No, now.

I think the pills have taken a turn--

Oh, my God, help him!

It smells like old citrus.

What am I doing? Yolomoe...

...look at us. We're a mess.

Each one more crazy than the next,

but we're trying! We're good people!

Can you take pity on us?

- Please? - Yeah, dude.

I take pity on all of you.

Not you, Aaron. Fuck you.

Just--

Get me out of here.

But the thing is, all the footage

was on my producer Aubrey's computer.

And you let her go!

And while I might take pity on you, she did not.

Fuck!

- I don't think I can watch this. - It can't be worse

than when they introduced the Battle Pass in COD

and ruined my life.

Why are you two not freaking out?

Uh, we might've watched it before we showed at you guys.

- It is not that bad? - No, no, it's worse than we thought,

but read the comments.

- "This is a shit show..." - Uh, uh, finish reading.

"...that I need to see for myself."

"I finally found a store that can match my freak."

"This place is down the street from me

and they just got a new regular." No way!

Headshot biatch!

You just got owned!

I think we're gonna be okay.

God, it's so good to hear, 'cause... I love working here.

You don't work here.

Fine!

- Ar-- - Just let her take 'em.

Um, you might wanna skip to the end, I think you might like it.

As I was escaping Game Bros with my life,

the owner slipped me a VR game

that one of their insane employees made.

But I gotta say, it's pretty rad!

You know, it's called Fairy Fights.

- You guys gotta check it out! - Oh, my God!

He liked it! Jake, thank you so much!

I have to tell Lance.

Hey, uh, are you guys open?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Aaron!

- Ah, shit! - You saved me.