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1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,089
This better be good.
I stopped cooking for this.
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,593
- You cook?
- Do not confuse me
cooking bitches in Call of War
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,929
with the lady bitch cooking
you do in the kitchen.
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,723
- Okay, it's too early for you.
- Oh, you're telling me!
5
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:17,017
My alarm interrupted
my wet dream.
6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,603
- Ugh!
- It was going to be a wet dream,
7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,064
but then I woke up
before it was a wet dream.
8
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:25,651
- Stop saying wet dream.
- We were referees
and we were watching Hulk Hogan
9
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,862
and Cate Blanchett
absolutely ravage my asshole.
10
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:31,240
I mean, toss it
like a Caesar salad,
11
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,909
like, destroy me like
an old Italian restaurant--
12
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,620
No more talking
until I've had my coffee.
13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,247
And after that,
still no more talking.
14
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:48,090
- Why are you so chipper?
- Because big things
are happening this morning.
15
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,133
Don't talk about my dick
in front of Violet.
16
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,969
- Makes her uncomfortable.
- He said big things,
17
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,929
not tiny disease-ridden things.
18
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:55,430
Not morning people, I see.
19
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,391
But I'm glad you're here,
because guess what I got?
20
00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:00,102
- Matching sandals!
- What? No, I'm not--
21
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,146
Is it a dog? Uh,
did you get us all
a little dog?
22
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,773
For, like,
the little office dog?
23
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,733
No. And please stop guessing.
24
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,653
- Is it ninja stars?
- So, after we got banned
25
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,780
from selling Crime City Seven,
26
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,866
I thought we were finished.
But then I found these.
27
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,375
Arcades! For passive income!
28
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,962
Wow! Those are so fucking cool!
29
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:27,880
- Really?
- No.
30
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,700
Why would you be excited
31
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,243
about this trash games?
32
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,495
Hey! They're not trash!
33
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:04,291
Okay, yeah, I did find them
on the side of the road, but--
34
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,044
Ah, the side of the road,
nature's treasure trove.
35
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,087
You know, my mom wouldn't buy me
a queen size bed
36
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,964
because she said
it'd give me an "ego."
37
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,508
But then, the street provider--
38
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,635
You sleep
on a street mattress? Dude,
39
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,012
- that probably has bedbugs.
- Oh, it definitely has bedbugs.
40
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,056
- Oh, God!
- Na-- Don't worry, don't worry!
41
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,309
I'm immune. My doctor said
that I have weird blood,
42
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,145
- so even the bugs hate it.
- Why aren't we more hyped
about this?
43
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,980
I mean, this is like
a sign from the universe.
44
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,732
No, it was a sign
from Sanitation
45
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,526
that it's fucking
trash day, idiot!
46
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:33,320
- Okay, what makes us special?
- Uh, you're extra chromosomes?
47
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:37,241
No. Our appreciation
for the good old days of gaming!
48
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,410
OG consoles, old-school games!
49
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,329
That's why I decided
to make Game Bros retro.
50
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,915
Why would anyone
wanna play these
two-bit dumpster fires
51
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,251
when you can play
an FPS and headshot fuckers
52
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,419
- with an MTZ-556?
- Hold on.
53
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,673
It says here
there's a capacitor problem
with these arcade machines
54
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:56,593
leading to a screen malfunction
which caused seizures
in some individuals.
55
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,387
That's pretty cool.
Zack, you should play one.
56
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,514
That's not a thing.
You can't believe everything
57
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,391
- you read on the news.
- Jake, these were discontinued.
58
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,518
Even better! We're
the only ones that have it!
59
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,354
- Exclusively retro!
- That's one way to look at it.
60
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,439
Well, if we're going retro,
then why isn't Violet
61
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,024
in the kitchen
making us sandwiches?
62
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,609
- Aaron!
- Can you do something?
63
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,486
- I would like a cheese sandwich.
- Zack.
64
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:16,113
Just when you get a chance!
65
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,739
- A lot of cheese!
- Stop.
66
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,409
In...
67
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:23,287
- ...and out.
- And out through the mouth.
68
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,833
Feel the air
69
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,793
flow into your lungs.
70
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,881
And then, let your muscles--
71
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,842
Hey, Hunter!
72
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:40,971
Hey, dawg!
You ready for Vegas, baby?
73
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,850
I'm not going to Vegas. Am I?
Why would I be going to Vegas?
74
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,187
'Cause... you're about
to get a chunk of money.
We about to blow it.
75
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:51,732
And by blow it, I mean...
cocaine!
76
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:52,774
Sing it with me, come on.
77
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,276
♪ Drugs and hookers ♪
78
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,360
♪ Drugs, drugs and-- ♪
79
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,486
Dude, I-- I don't know
80
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,487
what you're talking about.
81
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,405
I talked to Bruno.
82
00:03:58,488 --> 00:03:59,489
Deal's done, man.
83
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,241
No, the deal is not done!
84
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,868
I told Bruno we're not selling.
85
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,286
I hate to break it
to you, broseph,
86
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,330
but that is not
what Bruno thinks.
87
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,831
Did you shake hands?
88
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,588
Why are you so upset, man?
This is what you wanted.
89
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:18,467
I absolutely did not want to be
in a deal with the Albanian mob.
90
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,552
And I don't wanna sell anymore!
91
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:23,722
Bruno is on his way to you.
I am working in here!
92
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,308
Do I interrupt you
when you're fucking
the gardener?
93
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,268
Sorry, I gotta go.
94
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,773
Feel the air...
95
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,318
- Breathe in.
- ...flow into your lungs.
96
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,947
- And out.
- And then,
let your muscles relax.
97
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,786
- Peekaboo.
- Oh, my God, Lacy!
98
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:48,664
M. Night Shyamalan-level
plot twist.
99
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,582
If that means
I've been dead all along,
100
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:52,459
it would be
the best news in weeks.
101
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:55,504
Aw, poor baby. Oh, God.
102
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:58,674
You're making me feel
so maternal.
103
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,717
Momma's gonna help you.
104
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,638
And I'm gonna give you
some motherly advice pro bono.
105
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:08,934
Everyone, everywhere,
is trying to steal from you.
106
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,311
Always.
107
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,481
- That's not true.
- It's not?
108
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,860
Tha-- that's my credit card!
109
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:22,364
- I lost this last week.
- No, I stole it last week.
110
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,285
You know, once we get
111
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,744
these bad boys up and running,
112
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,580
we're gonna be
drowning in quarters.
113
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,249
- Anything?
- Nope.
114
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:37,713
You know,
someone who's pretty good
at this thing is Lance.
115
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,756
I-- I don't need help. I,
116
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,341
I watched
six YouTube videos, so--
117
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,926
Well, if you change your mind,
118
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:43,969
he would come by to help you.
119
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,054
No, thank you, got this!
120
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,931
It's easy. Just need to--
121
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,142
Ow. I'm stuck.
122
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,894
- Violet, I'm stuck, I'm stuck!
- Calling Lance.
123
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,228
I-- I don't need Lance!
124
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,108
See? Got out of there!
125
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:05,032
I'll just explain
to him that it's just
one big misunderstanding
126
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,617
and, and he'll
totally get that, right?
127
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,994
- Not likely.
- Well, I never signed anything,
128
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,621
so he can't force a sale.
129
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,581
- Uh, he can.
- Okay, I'll just call the cops.
130
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,958
- Snitches get stitches.
- Okay, well,
how about you help me
131
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,837
- come up with some ideas then.
- I could get you, like,
a completely new identity.
132
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,506
I actually have
a few ready to go.
133
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,091
How do you feel
about the name Diane?
134
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,719
- Next idea.
- Have you considered murder?
135
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,847
I don't know what to tell you!
Those are my best two ideas!
136
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:31,892
Elliot, there's
some NPC here for you.
137
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,185
Yeah. Uh, bring him back.
138
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,437
Do I look like
your fucking secretary?
139
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,814
- Do it yourself.
- Oh, my God, Bruno!
140
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,067
Whoa! Enemy dropping in the AO!
141
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,693
I told you
to wait your ass out there.
142
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:45,322
Aaron, it-- it's okay, thanks.
Uh, you're dismissed.
143
00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:48,742
Bruno! Just the guy
I wanted to see.
144
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,953
Can I get you a drink?
I have, uh, water.
145
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,873
So, uh, funny.
I don't think
146
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,210
we're on the same page. You see,
uh, we don't have a deal.
147
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,295
I've decided
we're not gonna sell the store.
148
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:03,006
Yes, you are. We had handshake.
149
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,094
And the only thing
able to remove
Albanian hand agreement...
150
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,762
...is Albanian head removal.
151
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,848
What? I mean, huh?
152
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,517
What? Bruno, why do you
even want this shithole?
153
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,852
Bruno will level with you.
154
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,855
My family want this place
to launder money.
155
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,274
Oh, you could not
have picked a better place!
156
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:23,277
I mean, there is literally
zero foot traffic,
157
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,489
physically, no sales,
and... [whispers] history
of incompetent management.
158
00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:31,159
My family want to use Game Bro
for illegitimate business.
159
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:34,663
Mm. But,
but Bruno want to use it
160
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,915
for legitimate business.
161
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,042
I love video games, huh?
162
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:43,964
Shooters, stabbers, uh,
cutesy farm simulators,
all of it.
163
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,383
I-- I have dream
to own game store.
164
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:50,804
No, don't! Don't! Oh,
don't! Bruno...
165
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,099
...don't do this to me
and my brother. It's our dream!
166
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:57,311
Mostly his dream,
but also kinda mine too, now.
167
00:07:57,394 --> 00:08:03,233
So, if you get your dream,
we... lose ours.
168
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,069
Okay. I'm okay with this.
169
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:09,239
I want my dream
and not yours. Yes.
170
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,366
No, no! Fuck! Fuck! No!
171
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:17,080
Oh, no! [grunts] I guess
that's just the way it is, huh?
172
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,000
Well, can you let me
break it to my brother, please?
173
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,169
It is acceptable.
You have one hour.
174
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,421
Whoa. No, that's,
that's not enough time.
175
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:27,799
He's-- uh, I need
to break it to him gently.
He's very sensitive.
176
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:29,676
I will be here
until it is finished.
177
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,179
I just, uh, can't really have
you hanging around the store.
178
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,264
Then we, uh, should start
179
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,558
the Albanian
head removal process, yes?
180
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:39,770
Oh! Fun!
That won't be necessary.
181
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,897
I will be new intern.
182
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,525
- Oh!
- I will pretend I am here
to learn how to Game Bro,
183
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,485
when silently,
I am shaking you down.
184
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,695
Your employees will teach me
everything I need to know,
185
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,365
and then I will fire them.
American dream, no?
186
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,575
Yeah! [chuckles] I mean,
I'm not really sure
187
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,452
- how the team
will buy the story.
- Okay.
188
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,662
That's another handshake.
189
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,205
Oh, my God.
190
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,040
The Albanian-American
191
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:03,669
International Employee
Cultural Exchange.
192
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,671
I buy it. I've watched
enough shows on TLC
193
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,422
to pretty much believe anything.
194
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,633
Don't we have to send
someone to Albania?
195
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,553
I am not taking
any questions right now.
196
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,596
Look, he just means to learn
how to work here,
197
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,516
so he can show his family
how to open up a store
similar to this one.
198
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:20,602
Yes, very similar
to this exact store.
199
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,813
Well, he can squad up with Zack.
200
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:26,775
I don't like his accent.
Sounds Russian.
201
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:28,902
And after the MW2
airport massacre,
202
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,029
I trust no Russian!
203
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,949
Happy to oblige. Uh, you came
at the right time, my friend.
204
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:37,327
Black Friday is
right around the corner,
and we got lots to learn.
205
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:41,331
Oh, we will have this holiday
in our country also!
206
00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:43,667
Uh, how many witches
will we burn?
207
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,210
We will start with this one?
208
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,880
Big joker, this guy!
209
00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:50,841
Bruno, please don't burn anyone.
210
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,969
And, as for the rest of you,
get back to work!
211
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,512
Enjoy your jobs!
212
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,764
You never know
how long you'll have them.
213
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:01,977
I don't like you.
214
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,189
But if you wanna
set her on fire,
let me know, I'm down.
215
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:09,443
- Don't look at me.
- Fresh meat, huh?
216
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,237
I've been waiting
for an underling to come around.
217
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:14,865
You know, in pretty much
any scenario, I'm a bottom.
218
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,285
- But today, I'm a power bottom.
- Not sure you know
what that means.
219
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,787
It means I can control
the depth of my penetration.
220
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,332
- Yep, you get it.
- But no penetration today.
221
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,459
You are my bitch.
222
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:29,463
And, and you're gonna go get me
a soda, fresh meat bitch!
223
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,424
- Fresh meat boy.
- You are actually
an intern, right?
224
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:33,383
Yes!
225
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:36,595
I will go fetch soda
for sickly child.
226
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:41,475
Look at us, hazing the new guy.
Oh, what should we do next?
227
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,603
- Uh, should we, should we spank
his little butt?
- What?
228
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,316
These things
wouldn't get turned on
229
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,151
if your mom
was sitting on their face.
230
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,112
- So you're calling my mom hot?
- What? No!
231
00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:57,115
No? You just basically said
nothing could turn
these things on,
232
00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,201
even my mom
sitting on their face.
233
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:02,329
Oh, my God! Uninstall!
234
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:05,541
Jakey boy! V said you needed
my help with this, or--
235
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:08,085
Uh, no. Don't-- don't know
why she called you.
236
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,878
- I have everything
under control.
- Dude, these are
237
00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:12,172
some sick cabbies, muchacho!
238
00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:13,715
I haven't seen
Mrs. Muncher in years!
239
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:14,967
Dude, if you get this
up and running,
240
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,468
you're drowning in quarters!
241
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:17,845
- Yeah, that's what I said.
- Dope. I mean,
242
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,179
it must be
why V likes you so much.
243
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,098
You remind her of me.
244
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,016
So, uh,
you've been inside her yet?
245
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:26,144
What? [chuckling] No!
No, we're just friends.
246
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:29,398
- She's an employee.
- Dude, I'm talking
about the machines!
247
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:32,568
Oh, my gosh!
That is sick, though!
You can manage to be V's friend.
248
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,862
Dude, I could never be friends
with a chick that hot.
249
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:36,572
Look, Lance, I'm--
I'm sorry you came
250
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,115
all the way down here
for nothing, but seriously,
251
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,867
I-- I already
figured it all out,
252
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,369
I was just getting ready
to plug it in now. So--
253
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,625
- Oh.
- Everything turned off.
254
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,420
- Why are
the lights off?
- Do you wanna play
255
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,089
"Where's my finger?"
256
00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,008
Hey, hey, hey!
257
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,302
Aw.
258
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:02,639
Cock blocked by a robust
power grid.
259
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,893
Oh! Hey, um, question,
while you're down here.
260
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,687
When Bruno comes on,
do you think that
261
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,607
he'll be cool with me
going in on this
money laundering thing?
262
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,192
Because, let me tell you what?
263
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:16,695
I have come into
some money recently,
and it is dirty.
264
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,948
Stop, stop, just stop!
Can you just actually go?
265
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,868
You are the opposite of helpful.
And... some of the things
266
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,536
that you have said
are very concerning.
267
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,163
You fight for your right,
sweetie!
268
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:30,959
- Thanks for helping.
- Oh, dude, no sweat.
269
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:32,920
I love these things,
takes me back.
270
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,630
I mean, anytime
someone would have,
like, a birthday party
271
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,256
at a bowling alley
or whatever, I would just
272
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,925
park my ass in the arcade.
273
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,011
- Honestly, same.
- Favorite arcade
game ever on three.
274
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,596
One, two, three.
275
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,264
- It's a tie.
- Between...
276
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,350
Time Crisis II
and Marvel vs. Capcom 2.
277
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,685
Dude, no way!
Are we best friends?
278
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,021
I wouldn't kind of go
that far. I mean, that was--
279
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,483
that was crazy, but, um,
I guess you're not so bad.
280
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,777
Dude, you gotta come party
with me and my boys
this weekend.
281
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,654
My homie, Chaz, loaded.
282
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,781
He's got all this banned liquor
and a golden toilet
283
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:04,451
- you can throw up in.
- Yeah, yeah. I'll, uh,
I'll, I'll think about it.
284
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:07,829
I mean, he kind of, like,
needs a head count, so--
285
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,252
Yeah, I've been on 13 tours
286
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:16,046
and had over
a 100,000 confirmed kills.
287
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,215
- What's your KD?
- It's very impressive.
288
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:21,009
I have killed nine people
and died zero times.
289
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:22,636
Zero deaths!
290
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,638
Bro, you're a fucking beast!
291
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,139
Um, what are you doing?
292
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,561
This is skill-based matchmaking.
You don't belong in this lobby.
293
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:35,190
- Boot it!
- We will rig quarter machine
to give two quarters per dollar.
294
00:13:35,274 --> 00:13:39,111
Then, when they complain,
we say, "Machine gave quarters.
295
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,905
- Did not say how many."
- Headshot biatch!
296
00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:45,617
- Jake's not gonna go for that.
- It's not Jake's choice.
297
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:47,119
What do you mean by that?
298
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,746
Bruno, what are you doing?
299
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,498
Get over here now!
300
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:54,501
Pig King call me.
I must continue "intern roos."
301
00:13:57,212 --> 00:14:00,757
You did just hear him say "roos"
and that really weird thing
about Jake, right?
302
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,594
You are like
PlayStation AI in the chat.
303
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,972
No one wants you here!
Fucking leave!
304
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,603
I'm doing all I can.
This thing is fucked.
305
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,439
Speaking of fucked,
I'm taking Violet
to get a Smashburger.
306
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,442
- You wanna join?
- Uh, I'm not--
I'm not hungry, thanks.
307
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,028
Okay. See you at Chaz's later.
I'll hit you up.
308
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,238
Hey, babe! Let's go smash!
309
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:28,911
- Hey, bro. [sighs] Got a sec?
- Oh, wait. Okay.
310
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:31,830
You know
Violet's lame boyfriend?
He might not actually be lame.
311
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,749
- And I think
we might be friends.
- That'll make it
312
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,043
a little difficult
for you to cock him.
313
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:39,630
I would not betray somebody
that I care about,
I'm not some heartless jerk.
314
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:43,133
Yeah, you're a good guy.
315
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:44,426
So, what do you wanna tell me?
316
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:48,305
Um... I'm... hungry.
317
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,517
Oh, great. Let's get
some Smashburgers.
318
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,852
Oh, no, no, y--
you don't have to do anything--
319
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,188
- yo-- you-- at all,
actually. I could just--
- No, I know. Hey,
320
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,482
- no onions. I got you, man.
- No-- Jake!
321
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,192
you don't have to do that.
322
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,152
Jake.
323
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,952
Have you betrayed
your Game Brother yet?
324
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,789
Any minute.
He just needed to eat.
325
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,708
Don't wanna break his heart
on an empty stomach, you know.
326
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:19,086
But...
soon. Very soon.
327
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:22,172
Soon is cool.
Bruno is patient man.
328
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,349
But Bruno... is also not...
329
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:34,935
...patient man.
330
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,442
What the fuck.
331
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:55,330
- Are you crying?
- No. It is the onions
on the burger.
332
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,208
There are no onions
on that burger.
333
00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:01,587
I know.
He's so good to me!
334
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:05,883
Okay. I don't really have
the capacity
for Emotional Elliot.
335
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,676
Seriously, who is that new guy?
336
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,803
He's just
the new intern,
okay? Very legit.
337
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,597
Okay, sure.
I'm just gonna go ask Jake.
338
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,390
No, no, no! Don't. Oka--
339
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,725
Okay, I'll tell you.
340
00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:18,478
- I accidentally sold the store
to the Albanian mob.
- What?
341
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:21,273
It was a misunderstanding,
and I tried to stop it,
342
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:25,194
but it's the literal mafia,
and I've lost control
of the situation.
343
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,198
And that's the truth.
And I haven't told Jake yet.
344
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:32,159
- Wow.
- Yeah.
345
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,662
I'm fucked. I'm fucking fucked.
346
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,956
Yeah, that's a lot.
347
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,919
Actually, I'm just gonna let you
348
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:44,296
deal with that, and I'm
probably gonna just pretend
349
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,715
like I don't know
that information.
350
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:55,015
Witch looks pissed.
You should burn her
before Black Friday.
351
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,478
Listen, Bruno, about the whole
Albanian handshake thing.
352
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,981
Not now. I am
on very big intern quest.
353
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,983
Do you know where I find
the Snizzard?
354
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,277
- Snizzard?
- I need to find the Snizzard
355
00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:10,364
and bring the Pig King
or else I no become
real Game Bro.
356
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,282
Zack is messing with you.
357
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,243
There's no such thing
as a Snizzard.
358
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:17,579
It's like a made up creature.
It's like a prank.
359
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:19,164
Do you know what a prank is?
360
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:22,459
- Pig King lied to me?
- Yeah, I'll, I'll talk to him.
361
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,253
He made me look like an idiot.
362
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,505
Childhood, you know,
wish I could go back.
363
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,090
Are you done talking?
364
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,259
Cause I called in
an airstrike in the bathroom.
365
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,886
- Go clean it up!
- That's Bruno's job now.
366
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,972
Yeah. I'm not
the bottom anymore.
367
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,473
I'm the power bottom.
368
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,186
Well, then I guess Bruno
should go clean up all the shit
from my power bottom.
369
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:42,479
- You.
- Whoa!
370
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,315
Turn off cold-blooded,
you fucking creep!
371
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:47,317
No, no!
372
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:49,820
Maybe I didn't make
myself clear.
373
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,281
You were clear.
I found the Snizzard.
374
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,324
What? You did?
375
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:58,537
A little-- little, like,
lizard, with the-- this--
the wings and the little,
376
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,456
- the little penis?
- I found it.
377
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,001
What the fuck is a Snizzard?
378
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:08,046
In our dungeon? I--
I mean, it's a crawl space,
379
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:09,882
but, uh, in my mind,
it's a dungeon.
380
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,842
And that's where
sassy little boys go.
381
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,386
Uh, so you don't wanna
end up down there.
So, uh, if I were you,
382
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,180
I'd clean the bathroom.
383
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,433
- Snizzard is there.
- Oh.
384
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,018
- Go.
- I don't need to.
385
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,519
Why are you touching me--
386
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,439
N-- Yeah! I'll go down
'cause I want to.
387
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,566
My body, my choice.
388
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:31,486
- No Snizzard. So,
this is good. No!
- Say "hello" to Snizzard.
389
00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:32,988
No, no! No one's gonna hear me!
390
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,698
It's soundproof here-- No!
391
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,451
Now you are
sassy little boy in dungeon.
392
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:39,453
No more lies!
393
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:43,081
Guess this is
what my ancestors went through.
394
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:48,337
- Uh, uh, wh--
who the hell are you?
- That's the new intern.
395
00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:53,550
- He's got a big, fat KD.
- Bruno is not intern. I am boss.
396
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:57,012
- This is my store.
- Whoa! Bruno! Man!
397
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,723
Eager beaver over here,
am I right, guys?
398
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,559
Oh, man-- I smell
a promotion.
399
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:07,105
Just tell him.
Jake, he owns the store now.
400
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,316
Elliot got in over his head
and sold him the store.
401
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,068
- What?
- Holy shit.
402
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,361
We're spawn swapping?
403
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,534
- I fucked it.
- Um, in his defense,
404
00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:22,329
he was actually trying
to fuck you over
with someone legit.
405
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:25,749
He didn't mean to ruin your life
with the Albanian mafia.
406
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,418
Yeah. How was that
in my defense?
407
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:30,379
I knew you were a spy!
408
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,172
Never forget.
409
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:36,260
- No Russian.
- Yeah, no.
410
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:38,971
I say "no" to you.
411
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:41,306
I don't care you--
that you're mafia.
412
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,768
- Not for sale.
- Baby, baby.
I see what you're doing.
413
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:46,728
I would hold off
on the big dick energy
414
00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:48,063
until you've heard
the alternative
415
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,232
- because it is beheading.
- It is done deal.
416
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,486
This is mine. And that.
417
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:56,113
And that.
418
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:02,578
- You betrayed me.
- Game Bro slaughtered your dream
419
00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:08,166
to make way for the mine.
So now, your dream
is my dream.
420
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,586
And so is this, and that.
421
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:15,340
- And this is mine. That's mine.
- Gotta go
along with that.
422
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,552
- Everything was going so well.
- This...
423
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,638
- We had the whole
retro thing going for us.
- ...that...
424
00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:23,932
- And-- and I made
a friend today!
- ...this is mine.
425
00:20:24,016 --> 00:20:27,311
I was supposed to puke
in the gold toilet
at Chaz's house.
426
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,271
- Wait, you know Chaz?
- This is mine.
427
00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:33,609
This is mine!
428
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,402
You have to do something.
Stop him!
429
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:38,363
Dude, I've tried.
There's nothing--
430
00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:42,492
- Oh, that's gonna fuck his KD.
- Well, that'll work.
431
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,786
Holy shit!
The game gave him a seizure!
432
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:49,333
Jake, wait.
433
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:56,507
Ooh! Jake!
434
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:01,637
Jake. Jake!
435
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:04,598
What do you wanna do?
You wanna fight me?
436
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:07,017
I, I, I won't fight back,
you can just have at it.
437
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,103
Yes, Elliot. I wanna
beat the shit out of you, okay?
438
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:13,357
But every time I try
to put my little brother
in his place, for being a dick,
439
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,442
somehow I get in trouble
or I get hurt.
440
00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:16,693
Well, it's 'cause you fight
like a toddler.
441
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,403
I don't care, okay? Look.
442
00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:20,364
I thought this was
gonna bring us closer.
443
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,658
I know, I get it, I suck,
I'm a terrible brother.
444
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,369
I know I should've told you
about this, and that was stupid,
445
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:28,121
but... I really thought
we could make this work.
446
00:21:28,205 --> 00:21:29,831
We still can, I'm not giving up!
447
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:34,044
If you two are done
giving each other blumpkins,
448
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,212
you should get
your asses in here,
449
00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:37,089
you're never
gonna believe this shit!
450
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:47,891
Oh! He woke up speaking Spanish
451
00:21:47,975 --> 00:21:51,562
- and remembers nothing.
- Why am I not surprised
that Lacy speaks Spanish?
452
00:21:51,645 --> 00:21:55,107
She told him he was a customer
who passed out in our store,
and we've never met him.
453
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:59,069
Bro, you called in
a fucking nuke
with that trash arcade!
454
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:02,364
- It's a fucking sign,
dude. A good one.
- Aren't you glad I work here?
455
00:22:03,115 --> 00:22:05,659
- You don't work here.
- Fuck, yes!
456
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:08,203
Top of the leaderboard!
457
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:12,541
Headshot biatch!
458
00:22:26,013 --> 00:22:31,435
What the fuck is that?
No! No!
459
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:36,106
Guys, guys!
36778
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