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1
00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:01,960
Open the register
or I start shooting!
2
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:04,421
Are you
peeing your pants?
3
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,340
Yeah, it's my reaction of fear.
4
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:09,301
When I'm scared, I urinate
until my bladder's empty.
5
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,637
That's why I'm
no longer allowed at the AMC.
6
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,931
- What?
- Well, this is the longest
robbery I've ever been on.
7
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:14,890
How about you guys?
8
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,975
Trying to be
a fucking hero, bro?
9
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:23,148
- We need a hero.
- No, no. No. Don't.
10
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,776
To die in battle is all
I've ever truly craved.
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,403
Tonight, we all die heroes.
12
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:31,865
Ah, shit.
13
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,496
Hey, Bruno!
14
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,165
Yeah, good to hear
from you too, man. Listen--
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,335
Yes, I'll say "hi"
to Lacy for you.
16
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,420
Um, so, about the sale--
17
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,340
Well, you know,
I, I thought I said
18
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,008
I wasn't necessarily sure if I--
19
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:55,973
I mean,
you gotta make it sound
like I don't have a choice.
20
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:01,144
Now,
now that sounds like a threat.
21
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,312
- Oh, man.
- Dude.
22
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,649
Have to show you this!
23
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:06,984
Violet ran the numbers.
24
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,318
We made money.
25
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,571
Wow, good! Listen, man.
26
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,867
I don't know if you know this,
but I don't think
anyone would blame us
27
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,660
if we decided
to sell this place.
28
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,579
I can set up some interviews,
29
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:20,038
see if there's anybody
who's interested.
30
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,499
- Maybe somebody with cash!
- No.
31
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,128
Maybe there's a world where
I did take a meeting
with someone
32
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:30,090
and hypothetically,
uh, things started
to escalate quickly.
33
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,843
Mm, don't freaking do that.
'Cause we got
the big tournament this weekend,
34
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,386
right? It's gonna
be great, okay?
35
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,388
And Violet did a great job
with the online store.
36
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,265
Yo, gross, dude.
Put your boner away.
37
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,434
I don't-- I don't have
a freaking boner, Elliot. Okay?
38
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,061
- And I respect Violet's mind.
- I know, kind of seems
like it's time
39
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,606
- for a boner check.
- No, stop.
40
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,900
- Hello!
- Elliot, it's not-- Stop.
I don't have a boner, Elliot.
41
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,735
- El-- Stop. Stop!
I don't have a boner...
- Boner alert. Boner alert.
42
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,153
- Uh, boner--
- ...for a boner-- Elliot, stop!
43
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,571
- It's not--
- Gimme that dick, boy!
44
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:53,864
- Elliot--
- Come here.
45
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,367
Get off of me!
46
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,286
Gimme your boner, Elliot. Fuck--
47
00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:03,165
Hey, Violet.
48
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,959
We were just going over co-bo--
49
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,045
co-owner stuff.
50
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,172
I have three brothers.
51
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,299
Never seen them interested
in each other's boners.
52
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,426
Well, it's not just brothers,
it's, like, friends too.
53
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:17,012
- We check everybody's boners--
I, I'd check your boner too...
- Dude--
54
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,972
- ...if you want me--
- You really gonna do that?
55
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,767
I-- No, I don't-- I don't want,
I don't wanna do that.
56
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,478
Cool. So everyone has questions
about the tournament
this weekend,
57
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,814
- whenever... this is done.
- Yeah.
58
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:28,774
Great, thanks!
59
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,193
Damn, Elliot.
60
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,029
- Boner check!
- N-- Stop!
61
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,976
No! God, no.
62
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,144
You know,
you don't need those apps
63
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,688
if you're looking
for one-v-one quickie.
64
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,022
Quickie?
65
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,567
Your dick takes longer
to get hard
66
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,235
than COD takes to download.
67
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,696
Heads up, the brothers
are being real weird today.
68
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,366
Okay, are you good to tell them
that they all have
to stay late tonight?
69
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,368
- Because you can't cave on this.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,328
Yeah, I won't cave.
71
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,831
Very good.
You want a good cop, bad cop?
72
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,500
That's a good idea.
But I want bad cop.
73
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,753
Everyone needs to know
that I'm a scary boss
and I demand respect.
74
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,922
- I just don't think
that that's gonna go--
- Circle up!
75
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,591
Oh, okay. And we're doing it.
76
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:43,765
- Where's Zack?
- Zachary
shan't be joining us tonight.
77
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:48,979
- But fear not for Snoutess, King
of the Hobgoblins, is here.
- What the fuck?
78
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,523
- Yeah, I forgot. He's got
his LARPing thing tonight.
- Indeed!
79
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:55,402
Tonight, the King of Pigs
shall paint the grass
of Woodbridge Park Range
80
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,946
with the blood of its foes!
81
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:01,992
- Hey, bad cop,
you wanna step in here?
- Yeah. Uh, Zack.
82
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,036
Hey, man, listen.
Gonna need you to stay tonight.
83
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,288
We had a lot more people, uh,
join for the weekend tournament,
84
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,124
- it's gonna be kind of big, so--
- Nay-nay. The Empire of Pigs
85
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,043
will crumble without their king.
86
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,336
Zack, I'm gonna...
87
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,006
...gonna need you
to please take the mask off.
88
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:17,466
Oh!
89
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:30,604
There. But I will be
staying in character
and taking my early reprieve.
90
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,148
Yeah, I have a conflict too.
It's Lance and I's anniversary,
91
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:35,484
- and I, I told you guys
about this.
- Hah!
92
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,278
Skip that shit. That guy sucks.
93
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,988
- Lacy.
- What? Sorry.
94
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,532
I mean, I call him
like I see him,
95
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,116
and every time I see him,
96
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,160
he's drinking
a PRIME energy drink
97
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,787
and talking
about his fantasy football team.
98
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,622
Jake, I told you guys
about this.
99
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,415
U-- uh, yeah, you did say that.
And it's fine,
100
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:53,085
I... definitely want you to go
celebrate with your boyfriend.
101
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:56,213
Bullshit! You said we were
gonna be beasting all night.
102
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,257
You can't let this bitch
call last game.
103
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,968
- Bro!
- If anybody gets to quit
the game early, it's me.
104
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:04,096
I've been putting up
the numbers, I've been
fucking working overtime.
105
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:08,684
- Staying late to play free games
is not overtime.
- Yo, eat a dick, narc.
106
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,310
Nobody cares
about your mouth queefs.
107
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:11,937
Bad cop,
108
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,939
- I'm gonna need you
to shut their shit down.
- Okay,
109
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,190
you know what,
everybody shut up!
110
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,783
If you guys don't listen
what my brother and I say,
111
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:29,913
when we say it, I will be...
very,
very disappointed.
112
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,251
- That was fucking hilarious.
- I told you
113
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,378
this whole "bad cop thing"
wasn't gonna work out.
114
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,422
Well, I don't see
any good copping
happening right now, Elliot.
115
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,507
Because there's
nothing good here!
116
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:43,427
All they do is fucking complain
and make shit harder for us.
117
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,012
Your mom likes it harder.
118
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,930
And they don't respect us.
119
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,308
They think they deserve
a fucking pizza party
120
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,269
after making
a couple of dollars one day!
121
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,313
Pizza party
would actually be great.
122
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,773
Lacy, you don't work here.
123
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,150
I would like a pizza party.
124
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:02,279
- What the fuck?
- Fuck, yes! A pizza party!
125
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,781
Let's get your mom,
AKA a deep dish meat lovers.
126
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,575
No, no, no! No pizza party!
127
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,411
What?
Stop gaslighting us!
128
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,539
You know what?
These are officially
unfair working conditions.
129
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:15,709
Lacy, you do not work here!
130
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,128
I identify as an employee.
131
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:21,298
Are we not to celebrate
a trusted gift already promised?
132
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:25,302
Let me make this clear.
If we spend the few dollars
we made on pizza,
133
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,263
then we have no dollars!
Does that make sense?
134
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,349
I mean, what's the point
of making money
if you can't have a pizza party.
135
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,476
Jake, I don't know
why you're arguing with me.
136
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,520
You can have pizza.
You are the boss.
137
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,021
They can't have pizza!
138
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,357
Perhaps a parlay
is in order, fellows.
139
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,485
- Bro, are your parents
fucking related?
- Yes.
140
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,863
Enough with the saying shit
like that. You two,
come back to reality.
141
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,657
Dude, they're just having fun,
you should try it.
142
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,575
No! No fun!
143
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,204
Everybody stays late!
Nobody leaves early!
144
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,665
Unless you'd like
to leave now for good!
145
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,711
- That was really
good bad copping, Elliot.
- Shut the fuck up.
146
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,755
No one move. Well, I'm--
it's a quick bone--
147
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,590
Quick owner meeting, okay?
Elliot!
148
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:11,223
Mutiny time. We've been top
of the leaderboard every day...
149
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,601
...and now they wanna hack
our servers to make us
stay late and starve?
150
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,187
- We're not gonna starve.
- Mute it or boot it, bitch.
151
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,857
We all know Jake will call in
whatever kill streak
you ask for.
152
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,942
We are the bosses, Jake.
153
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,611
Right now,
they have no boundaries.
They expect us to cave
154
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:28,115
every time they wanna
fuck their boyfriends
or dress like a pig in the park.
155
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,701
- I didn't get
the night off either!
- Oh, and you seem so torn up
156
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,287
about not seeing your boyfriend.
You're full of shit.
157
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,539
It's okay if you made him up,
Violet. We all do that.
158
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:39,042
I'm gonna go work so I can try
to get off at a decent time.
159
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,419
Have a nice mutiny.
160
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,921
Have fun being a team killer.
161
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:47,759
Otherwise, we're gonna have
to sell this place,
which is still on the table
162
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,971
if it is an option
that you would like to explore.
163
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,640
- I--
- No, it's not an option
I wanna explore, okay?
164
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:57,060
Look, you're right,
okay? I-- I can do it.
165
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,855
I say we let the FBI
do our dirty work.
166
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,899
I can plant some nasty shit
on their computer.
167
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,026
What? Where you gonna get it?
The dark web?
168
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,444
- No, my computer.
- Oh.
169
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,029
G-- just listen
to my call outs, all right?
170
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,989
- Objective A is the pizza party.
- Mm-hmm.
171
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:10,616
And once we get that,
we move to objective B,
172
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,451
which is getting us all raises.
173
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,869
And then objective C
is getting them
174
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,537
to allow us to have sex
in the store again.
175
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,789
- Never gonna happen.
- Oh, I think he meant me.
176
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,374
What the fuck? On me!
177
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,501
You sure you can do this?
178
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:21,960
Yes.
179
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,007
I'm going with Elliot.
These tournaments
are too important.
180
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,967
- We're all
staying late tonight.
- Well, good luck with that
181
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:32,095
'cause we're on strike
until our demands are met.
182
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,430
What demands?
183
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,557
- Pizza party!
- Store sex!
184
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:38,602
- I mean, pizza party.
- No pizza parties, okay?
185
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,437
We came here to work.
That's what we're gonna do.
186
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:43,148
If you don't wanna work,
you can leave now.
187
00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:45,275
I marked him. Go for Jake.
188
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,819
Sorry, Aaron. Um,
I really need this job.
189
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:51,615
My mom just cut off
my allowance, and well,
that pig mask cost me $600.
190
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,451
I know a sinking ship
when I see one. Peace.
191
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,995
Fuck this! You rage quitters!
192
00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,040
- And you two.
- What? We have small dicks?
193
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,834
Yes! You do!
194
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:06,296
And you suck. Fuck this,
I'm taking a mental health day.
195
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,466
What? C-- can he do that?
196
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,553
Um, yes, he can.
He hasn't used up
any of those yet.
197
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388
- I'm gonna take
a mental health day--
- Nope.
198
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,223
You used up
all yours last weekend.
199
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,141
What, dude? I was literally
in the mental hospital.
200
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,978
You used your days! Right, Jake?
201
00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:23,897
Sorry, Zack. Tough love.
202
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,455
- Does anyone know
how to open the register?
- You gotta karate chop it.
203
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,958
You want me to karate chop
the register to open it?
204
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,627
Yeah, karate chop it.
Just chop it
right in the sweet spot.
205
00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:47,796
Slap that hoe
like she owe you money.
206
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,090
Okay. Lacy,
207
00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,050
what did we say
about talking like that?
208
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,636
That I'm letting down females
everywhere, I'm really sorry.
209
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:59,016
Hey.
210
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,976
Nobody uses cash anymore.
211
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:06,064
Right. Right, right.
Let's just make this happen
by 3:00 p.m. Okay.
212
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,566
Oh, my God. Hey, babe.
213
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,027
I'm trying to get this deal
pushed through.
214
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,738
I'm about to get Caleb Williams
for a second-string tight end.
215
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,781
Are you kidding me? Oh, my G--
216
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,658
You didn't go
through that phase in college?
217
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,202
Huh?
218
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:21,580
Nothing.
219
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,624
Bye!
220
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,626
Fucking sucks.
221
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,212
Um, uh, we actually
have to set up
222
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,005
for this big tournament
we're doing this weekend, so--
223
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,924
Yeah, sorry about that.
224
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,300
Your plans sounded
really nice, though.
225
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,968
Yeah,
Violet was gonna cook for us.
226
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,678
Oh, she's great at it too,
you know?
227
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,639
Except I sit there
like a dog and beg
228
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:41,058
while she's cooking naked!
229
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,394
Feed me
the scraps!
230
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,981
Okay. Uh, D-- uh,
I don't think he needs
to hear all of the details.
231
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,442
Um, well, hey,
don't worry about it.
Like, me and the boys,
232
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:52,736
we'll just go rip Skee-Ball
at Dave and Buster's, you know.
233
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,405
Oh, and they asked me earlier,
but I said I couldn't, right?
234
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:56,949
Girlfriend stuff to do, so.
235
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,076
But if you're busy now,
then we can both win, so--
236
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,702
Yeah, feeling
like a winner right now.
237
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,371
I'll bring you home
some buffalo mac and cheese too.
238
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,998
- You can feed it to me.
Earmuffs.
- Mm.
239
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,710
Uh, we can still have
our anniversary sex
later, right?
240
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,053
- Yep.
- Oh, hell yeah!
241
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:21,640
I'm obsessed with this girl!
I want everybody to know that!
242
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,643
All right, good luck
with all the work stuff.
243
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,230
So, you like to cook?
244
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:30,566
Dude, uh--
245
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,081
Onions? Ugh.
246
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,460
Gosh! Cool.
247
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,215
Still bummed you're missing
your nerd orgy tonight?
248
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:58,886
Yes. Wait, how did you know
about the post-war
Festival of Flesh?
249
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,639
You think I haven't dabbled
in little dick
from the dork side?
250
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:06,727
These things only happen,
like, three times a year,
and... it's important to me.
251
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,271
It's the only time you ever get
your little pigtail wet!
252
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,691
All I can say is
it's good to be the king.
253
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,985
But also, in the real world,
254
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,947
everyone ignores me or offers
their unfavorable opinion
of my physical appearance.
255
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:20,574
I stopped listening.
256
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,409
Did our little chat
help you at all?
257
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,953
- No.
- I'm so glad.
258
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,586
Nobody fucking move!
259
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:44,681
No!
260
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,940
Hands in the fucking air!
261
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:58,862
Put the money in that bag.
262
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,449
W-- uh, we, we, we,
we don't have anything.
We, we, we had a soft opening
263
00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:05,202
- and, and no-- n--
no one uses cash.
- Shut up!
264
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:09,122
Bro, let this happen.
Robbery is covered
under insurance.
265
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,416
- We could make a lot of money.
- What?
266
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,086
I said shut the fuck up!
267
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,046
Open the register
or I start shooting.
268
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,715
Okay, okay, I'm just--
I'm gonna go for the register.
269
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,429
You have
to karate chop!
270
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:30,102
Karate chop? You're trying
to be a hero, bro?
271
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:32,396
Nope. Okay, uh, hold on.
272
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,773
- Open that shit. Now!
- Dude.
273
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:35,899
Wish I could, man.
274
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:39,069
The fuck is this shit?
275
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,405
You're being robbed!
Get down on the ground.
276
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,575
I only get on the ground
for a tactical slide
or when I'm on Zack's mom.
277
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,702
Mother
would never allow it!
278
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,875
Aaron, he's got a gun.
279
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:56,378
Yeah, Aaron,
do you wanna get shot?
280
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,550
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up.
281
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:04,303
Do what he says.
Don't be a hero.
282
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:07,973
Oh, my God! Did everyone forget
to put their tampons in today?
283
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,516
Do you wanna fuck around?
284
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,852
I'll fuck around and find out.
285
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:15,105
You have a USP. That is
the micro penis of pistols.
286
00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:18,108
Takes, like,
15 shots to down someone
with that piece of shit.
287
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:21,403
And your dumbass
didn't even add attachments.
288
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,281
Who is this guy?
Oh! Oh, shit!
289
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,782
Hostage attack!
290
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,076
Please... [mumbling] Jesus--
291
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,704
Uh-- get off of me!
292
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,498
Looks like I'm the high-value
target now, motherfucker.
293
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:37,544
- Dude, give it back.
- You should've put
a suppressor on this.
294
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,922
Or at least gone dual pistols
akimbo style.
295
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,883
This gun you picked,
it has the worst
hip fire accuracy.
296
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,551
Ever heard of a Desert Eagle?
297
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,553
- Fucking noob!
- Yeah, Aaron.
298
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:48,639
G-- get outta here
before we call the cops, man.
299
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,098
U-- but take some things
on your way out.
300
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,935
- Shut up, limp dick!
- What are you doing?
301
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:56,563
I'm surprised you even spoke
without asking your baby brother
if you're allowed to.
302
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,690
Why are you pointing that
at us, you idiot?
303
00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:00,150
You shut up too.
304
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,027
My brother brought me
305
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,947
a video game store!
My life sucks!
306
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,366
Oh, we're having
magic tournaments now...
307
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,451
and we're
canceling pizza parties!
308
00:15:09,535 --> 00:15:11,328
I'll point the gun
at whoever I want,
309
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,873
'cause guess what, motherfucker,
I'm the captain now.
310
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:17,000
Wow. Even in situations
like this,
311
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,795
you can't stop being delusional!
312
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,339
You just pissed off the wrong
20th Prestige, asshole.
313
00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:25,717
- What are you doing?
- What are you--
314
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:28,011
That's what you get
for crying like a baby bitch.
315
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,639
- Baby bitch.
- Uh, gimme the fucking cash
316
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:31,723
and I'll get the fuck
outta here!
317
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:33,642
Yeah, give him the fucking cash!
318
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,103
- And gimme that RC-XD.
- What?
319
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,897
We're capturing your flag
co-op style!
320
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:41,066
Now gimme that fucking RC-XD.
321
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:45,195
Open the fucking register
so I can get away
from you psychos!
322
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,488
- Okay.
- Do it!
323
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,657
It's really hard
to get on alone.
324
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,158
Can you just pull the skin down?
325
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:52,536
Do you really need to be
the Pig King right now?
326
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,621
Don't draw
the fire away from us.
327
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,665
Oh, my poor baby,
Mommy's got you good.
328
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,208
Oh, thank you, Mommy.
329
00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:04,298
Okay, okay, um...
330
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,342
- Karate chop.
- Hurry.
331
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:09,845
- Do it!
- Wow. That works.
332
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:12,222
I, I, I, I told you we--
we don't have anything!
333
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:14,850
T-- then just gimme the,
the VBOX right there
334
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,060
- on the wall.
All of them over here now.
- Okay, yes.
335
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,021
- Yes. Yep--
- All the cards right here.
Give them to me.
336
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,733
Nobody is getting shit
until I get that RC-XD!
337
00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:26,361
- Ah, yes, battle ready.
- This thing has boobs.
338
00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:28,363
No, those are mine.
339
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:32,826
There. Now, can you come back
to our side?
340
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:36,371
First off,
once the match has started,
you can't switch sides.
341
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:41,335
Second, you took too long.
Lag. I decided I want more.
342
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,254
- This isn't about you.
- Bitch, are you getting
your loot or not?
343
00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:46,757
Cover my six
and shut the fuck up.
344
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,592
What is this,
your first fucking robbery?
345
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:52,304
- No!
- It's not mine either.
And I want a raise.
346
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,680
Hell, no. Not gonna happen.
347
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:56,099
You freaks have issues.
348
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,310
Bitch, back me up,
he's one shot.
349
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,437
Fine. Give him a raise.
350
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:04,316
- Give him a raise of 20%!
- Fine.
351
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,068
No, 10%.
352
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,238
- 17%.
- 10%.
353
00:17:09,321 --> 00:17:11,615
- Elliot.
- Fifteen.
354
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,700
No, 10%.
355
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,459
Is that piss?
356
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,711
Yes.
357
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,880
You took that finishing move
like a fucking champ.
358
00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:28,131
Uh, thank you, dude.
359
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,176
Okay, is this robbery over now?
360
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:32,886
No! Not until you agree
361
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,596
to throw us
a fucking pizza party.
362
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:35,931
I stand with Aaron.
363
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,100
- Pizza or death.
- I did not wanna be
364
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,686
a part of this, but I do think
we deserve a pizza party
at this point.
365
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,688
- Fine!
- Zack can go to his nerd orgy!
366
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,648
Wait, it was an orgy?
367
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,359
- And Violet could go
to her anniversary.
- Jake, what the fuck?
368
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,653
You know what?
Actually, he is already
at Dave and Buster's
369
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,029
with the boys
doing Skee-Ball, so--
370
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,824
On your anniversary?
That guy sucks.
371
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:57,286
Boom. What did I say?
Even he thinks he's a loser.
They can smell their own.
372
00:17:57,369 --> 00:18:00,873
I get it! Lance is a moron,
but the sex was really good.
373
00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,292
Okay, can we get back
to the robbery, please?
374
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,919
I already captured
the hard point. Headshot.
375
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,880
I felt the weight of your gun.
376
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,007
It's not loaded, noob.
377
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,217
You strike the king.
378
00:18:12,301 --> 00:18:14,928
You better kill the king!
379
00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:16,763
- Charge!
- Oh, okay!
380
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,852
Grow up so fast.
381
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,689
No, really, officers,
thank you so much!
382
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,232
We really appreciate
all your help.
383
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:30,110
I sure hope we can recover
all of those expensive,
384
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,070
expensive games.
385
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,281
Be sure to file
that insurance claim ASAP.
386
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,866
No, really, guys,
have a good night.
387
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,827
This is way better
than Dave and Buster's.
388
00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:40,829
- Hey, what happened
to Nerd Fest?
- Ah, it's fine.
389
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,331
It happens, like,
three times a year.
390
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,166
Objective secured.
391
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,793
You still eat your pizza
like that?
392
00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:49,755
- Save the best for last.
- Yeah, you do.
393
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:53,342
Listen, man, this place isn't
making enough to make sense.
394
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:54,885
I know.
395
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:56,762
I think it can.
396
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,265
- I just need your help.
- I'm trying, man.
397
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,520
Go talk to her.
398
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,271
Think I should?
399
00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,690
Yeah. Oh, but before you do,
400
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,275
- boner check!
- Stop it.
401
00:19:13,946 --> 00:19:16,990
Fucking dick!
402
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:29,962
- Hey, yo!
- Bro, you were a pro in there.
403
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,673
Anytime! Get on the fucking
ground!
404
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,175
- Here's your RC-XD as payment.
- Oh, yes!
405
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,469
Yes, yes, yes.
Thank you very much.
406
00:19:37,553 --> 00:19:40,138
Hey, I'm gonna head home and,
uh, hop online for some TDM.
407
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:44,393
- You wanna join?
- Oh, no, I gotta fucking
eat pizza with these losers.
408
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:46,019
- Oh, okay.
- But I'll see you later, bro.
409
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:47,312
- Oh, all right.
- Thanks again.
410
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:48,772
Yeah. Have a slice for me.
411
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:54,486
- Boo.
- Oh, my God. What the--
412
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:56,738
Gimme the fucking car.
413
00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:58,240
Here, here, here, here, here.
414
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:00,701
Thank you!
32987
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