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1
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:07,591
Dude, we have not had
a single customer
come in in days.
2
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,844
Doesn't matter.
I printed posters promoting
the Call of War 18 release.
3
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,554
We are gonna be
so flooded with customers,
4
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,806
- I'll have to beat them off.
- Dude, phrasing.
5
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,892
Look, I think this will get
the people talking.
6
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:20,229
- But will they be saying
nice things?
- I printed 100 of these.
7
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,689
I'm gonna go all around town.
Get the team ready.
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,359
Calling our employees
a "team" is a stretch.
9
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,528
We didn't exactly
assemble the Avengers.
10
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,532
- How about
we make you a five eyes?
- I'm so sorry, Lacy,
11
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,158
I will never eat
your string cheese again.
12
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,452
- You wanna suck
on Mommy's Glock?
- No.
13
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,787
Shoot him!
14
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,163
- Uh--
- Relax.
15
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,040
That's the prototype
Duck Hunt gun.
16
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,375
It looks super real.
17
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,252
You mean that prototype gun?
18
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:46,755
Lacy!
19
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,827
Okay, guys. Last week,
in the past.
20
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,246
That was our soft launch. Now...
21
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,624
- ...it's time to get hard.
- Oh, on it.
22
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,002
- No! Zack.
- Dude, phrasing.
23
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,254
- Okay, everybody,
hands where I can see them.
- Oh,
24
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,839
I don't need hands.
25
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,049
- God, I love working here.
- You don't work here.
26
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,010
Uh, I'm gonna need
to take this week off.
27
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,803
Call of War 18 comes out,
and I'm gonna be
28
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,598
at the Bakersfield game spot.
They throw the sickest
29
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,933
- midnight-release parties ever!
- Okay, Aaron,
30
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,853
we are actually doing
our own launch party
for Call of War.
31
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,564
So, it's gonna be a huge night.
I need all hands on deck.
32
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,066
However,
if this hard opening is a flop,
33
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,194
we are one step closer to having
34
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:53,488
- this ugly little nightmare
be behind us.
- Oh, come on!
35
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,824
Get with it!
Remember when we were kids?
36
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,577
We'd sit out with Mom
for all the releases!
37
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,246
Oh, it was so fun!
There'd be lines of people
down the block!
38
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,207
Yeah, 20 years ago.
39
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,000
Now there's this little thing
called the Internet.
40
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:08,462
It's a World Wide Web
where people do everything!
41
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,255
Nobody goes
to stores anymore, Jake.
42
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,007
It's true,
I preordered CoW online.
43
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:16,512
But I'm going to return it
so I can buy it from here.
44
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,764
Well, that's just awesome.
I'll let you
45
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,016
and your crack team
get back to it.
46
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,143
By crack, I mean,
the kind you smoke.
47
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,687
Nobody smokes crack
anymore, boomer.
48
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,232
It's all about that fenty--
49
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,733
How are you still alive?
50
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,361
Guys, if we build it,
they will come.
51
00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:33,487
- Who is about to come?
- No.
52
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,613
Oh, fuck yes!
53
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,031
Is this a sex party thing?
54
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,574
'Cause I'll blew off
the GameStop party
55
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:38,909
- for that, for sure.
- And I went ahead
56
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,035
and got hard when Jake asked.
57
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,411
So, I'm ready to--
58
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,288
It's not a sex thing, okay?
59
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,289
It's from a movie.
60
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:46,542
Lame.
61
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:50,420
This place is a disaster.
62
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,634
Why won't you let me play
Call of War with you?
63
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,719
- All right, gang,
let's bring it in!
- It used to be
64
00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,555
the most realistic
shooter out there,
65
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,807
and now you have Stewie Griffin
with a pink assault rifle
66
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,101
- doing the fucking gritty.
- How is that my fault?
67
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,395
- What was the last skin
you bought?
- Oh. Optimus Prime,
68
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,314
- it was so cool.
- See! You elf-fuckers ruined it.
69
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:11,817
Oh, I would love to lay
with an elven woman
70
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,903
- and explore her mortal curves.
- I need a rope and a stool.
71
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:17,322
Aaron! You're gonna love this.
72
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,032
Don't act
like you know me, bitch.
73
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,909
I outrank you
in every way possible.
74
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:22,953
KD, intelligence.
75
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,746
Most definitely, dick size.
76
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,957
Check your friends list,
fuckstick, I'm not on it.
77
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,750
Okay.
Thank you for that.
78
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,836
Uh, no, I just wanted
to tell you that I,
I spoke to your,
79
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,088
your buddy at the, uh,
game spot in Bakersfield.
80
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:36,425
- Oh, bad.
- Yeah! Manager to manager.
81
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,302
You know, he helped me
figure out a good way
82
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,470
- to start
a successful launch party.
- Let me guess.
83
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,182
Glenn told you to get fucked,
right? He hates everybody,
84
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,684
- that's why I love
that dude.
- No, Aaron. Fun fact.
85
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,103
People actually like me.
Glenn and I hit it off.
86
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,230
Game recognized game.
87
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,945
Anyway, first thing,
for a successful launch party,
88
00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:59,239
cleanliness.
89
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:02,242
Guys, we gotta do a better job
of cleaning up
after ourselves, okay?
90
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,745
I mean, I literally see
chip bags everywhere we go.
91
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,914
Okay? I mean, there's chip bags
on the floor right now.
92
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,582
You just threw that over there.
93
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,335
- Could you just--
- Oh, Jake, I like that plan.
94
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,253
Yeah, make her clean it up
just 'cause she's a woman!
95
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,880
I would've picked it up,
but now it's a whole thing.
96
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,256
Okay, no, you know what,
I get it.
97
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,091
I'll, I'll just get it later.
Moving on. Next.
98
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,094
Unbeatable. We,
we need to be the best.
99
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,181
The best, right? And that starts
with unbeatable prices.
100
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,141
Our prices are fixed, so,
101
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,352
uh, maybe "unbeatable service"?
102
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,479
Oh, at the card game store
I used to work at,
103
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:33,273
my manager
would have us do a little
customer-interaction role-play
104
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:36,318
- so we could have
top-notch service.
- Of course, you nerds
105
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,153
fucking LARPED your day job.
106
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,155
I actually love that.
Zack, that's great.
107
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,533
All right, moving on,
number three.
108
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,910
- Nuts.
- He said "nuts"?
109
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,495
Yeah, um, I don't--
110
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,871
I don't actually know
what he meant by that.
111
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,039
Deez nuts!
112
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,332
That's what he meant by that.
113
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,042
Uh, and last...
114
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,256
- Uh--
- Teamwork.
115
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,007
Oh, my fucking God,
116
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,009
this is so good!
Oh, my God. This is better
117
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,886
than getting the killcam
in a hardcore TDM.
118
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,139
- Don't you fucking ruin
this moment for me!
- Jake.
119
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,183
- That's an acronym.
- Is it?
120
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,104
- I always pronounce it "cunt."
- Oh, my God!
121
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,606
You fucking loser.
122
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:17,359
Jake, I think you should end
this meeting.
123
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,529
- Everyone go clean.
- Let's make this "cunt" sparkle.
124
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:28,328
Elliot! What's up, fucker!
Man, you look good, man!
125
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:31,999
When's the last time I saw you?
Was it, uh, that night
at Craig's when we dared him
126
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,959
to snort coke
up his butt?
127
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,211
I-- I don't think
I was there for that,
128
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:39,673
- wasn't really my scene.
- Right, right, you were, like,
129
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,843
- "Hey, guys, don't do that.
It'll kill you."
- Yeah.
130
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,220
Such a square. How,
how is Craig, by the way?
131
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,472
Dead. Yeah, he, uh,
132
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,392
- he died from all
that butt cocaine.
- Right.
133
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,020
Sorry, one sec, man.
Hey, shut the fuck up!
134
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,646
What's going on in there?
135
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,440
You know what I'm doing
in here? I'm working!
136
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,233
All right?
Do you like this house?
137
00:05:58,317 --> 00:06:00,611
Do you like eating? Well,
guess how that shit happens!
138
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,529
Me! So, quiet!
139
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,034
Sorry, man. My family sucks!
140
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,912
Just kidding, man.
I love my family, I do!
141
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,371
I love my family, I do.
142
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,498
I love my family.
143
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,418
So, anyway, man,
look, I saw your email.
144
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:17,628
What a bitch move by Jake.
145
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,338
- I know, right?
- It's horseshit.
146
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,381
So, look, uh,
the papers...
147
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:23,800
...they're pretty iron tight,
but even though he is executor,
148
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,762
you could still--
you could force the sale
if there's grounds.
149
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,806
- Oh, okay. What kind of grounds?
- Breach of fiduciary duty,
150
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,684
uh, lack of consent,
improper execution,
151
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,563
lack of transparency,
failure to inform
any of that going on.
152
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:39,316
Yeah, like all of it.
153
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,320
Yeah, baby, we got a case!
154
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,155
Oh, dude,
and if you're thinking
of selling,
155
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:46,907
I can hook you up
with some great people
156
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,326
who would love
shady real estate like this.
157
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,410
Wait, really?
158
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,250
And then,
he stood there for, like,
159
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,752
ten full seconds
holding the word "cunt."
160
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,338
Yeah, like a fucking cunt!
161
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,716
- Oh, Glenn,
it was your best work yet.
- No personal calls at work.
162
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,470
Yeah, that's him.
I know, he sounds like one too.
163
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:09,721
GG.
164
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:11,807
Glenn says, "Hi."
165
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,523
Wait. Stop!
166
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:22,943
Drop it!
167
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,823
Aaron, you're
supposed to be sorting
through the inventory,
168
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,033
- not throwing it all out.
- What? I did!
169
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,995
I sorted it into "trash games"
and "not-trash games."
170
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:35,497
Gates of Galahad? This was
game of the year last year.
171
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:38,166
Fucking hackers! There's no way
that game deserved it!
172
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,835
Call of War 17 was robbed!
173
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,462
Dude, Gates of Galahad
literally changed my life.
174
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:45,090
Yeah, me too.
I think I finished the game,
like, ten times
175
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,758
'cause I'm obsessed
with all the different endings.
176
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:49,428
No way! Did you sleep
with Kaleandro or Barador?
177
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:52,097
- Both of them. Duh.
- You can do that?
178
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,807
Yes, but only if you start
the game as a vampire.
179
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:57,603
Your balls are shrinking
into a vagina as you speak.
180
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,854
I think it sounds pretty cool.
181
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:02,608
- Yeah, I know you do.
- Wait, have you
never played GoG?
182
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,735
Oh, Jake, you gotta play it!
183
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,112
I had sex with a druid
who turned into a bear
while we did it.
184
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,448
- I could be
into that.
- Really?
185
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,576
No-- not, like, real life,
but, like, for the, the game.
186
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,454
I think I could do it
in real life, especially
if the bear was like,
187
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,915
- the size of a little dog.
- Gross.
188
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,666
Okay. Anyone cleaned
the bathroom yet?
189
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,335
- Not gonna happen.
- Don't send me an invite.
190
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,921
- I'll rage quit.
- I tried. But it smelled so bad
191
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,924
I puked everywhere!
It's worse now.
192
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,593
Hey, look, man,
I can't wait to see
193
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,304
Jake's stupid face
when you...
194
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,389
...when you fuck him
on this, man!
195
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:37,434
- It's--
it's gonna be so funny!
- Yeah.
196
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,561
Dude, I'll make some calls.
I'll hit you up, all right?
197
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,271
Um, y-- yeah.
198
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,649
Um-- just as an option.
199
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,610
Hey, shut up!
What the fuck was that?
200
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,028
Hold on, man. Sorry, I gotta go.
201
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,822
Jacob, you little shit!
202
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,908
Oh, my--
203
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,118
- What are you doing here?
- Internet's down at the salon.
204
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,287
The girls asked me
if I could come over here
205
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,082
and try to convince you
to let us share Wi-Fi.
206
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,334
Jake said yes, but you've
the password.
207
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,504
- No.
- All right, fine.
208
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,631
I'll just let him know
you said "no."
209
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,508
And I'll just, um,
let him know that crazy shit
210
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,218
you were saying
to the psycho on the computer.
211
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,220
Okay, fine!
212
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,098
The salon can use the Wi-Fi,
213
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,766
but there's nothing
to tell anyway.
214
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,685
I was just talking
with the lawyer.
215
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:20,602
Totally.
216
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,897
You know,
nothing shuts me up like cash.
217
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,190
Bye!
218
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,945
Please, you couldn't talk shit
if you wanted to.
219
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,698
- You're a fucking girl!
- I can talk shit, okay?
220
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:35,450
I just choose not to add
more toxic energy
into the world.
221
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:39,079
Hey, guys.
What do you think about trying
Zack's customer role-play idea?
222
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,582
- Who wants to be
the first customer?
- Oh, me!
223
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,250
Can I be Jamaican?
224
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,127
- No.
- You boys have fun with that,
225
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,004
I'm gonna go finish up
something on my computer.
226
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,339
Doesn't really feel
like Violet's putting the "T"
227
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,800
- in "cunt" with that attitude?
- It's funny,
228
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,760
'cause I don't think
you've even seen a cunt
229
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,554
since you came out
of your mother's vagina.
230
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,931
Oh, Princess Violet
wants to talk shit!
231
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,350
- That was a pretty good burn.
- Your mom has a burn!
232
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,937
- From all her STDs.
- How did you know about those?
233
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:16,158
- Hey!
- Oh, my God!
234
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,327
How do you keep doing that?
You're like Batman.
235
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,288
Why? Because we both saw
our parents get murdered
in an alley?
236
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:24,625
What the fuck?
No, because you keep
popping up out of nowhere.
237
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,169
So, what are we doing out here?
238
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,338
We aren't doing anything.
239
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,464
I have a meeting here.
240
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,634
You sure it doesn't have
anything to do with that
241
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,553
creepy lawyer
you were talking to earlier?
242
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,138
Can you just go, please?
243
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,726
Excuse me. Uh,
do you work here?
244
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,687
No, sorry. I'm actually
international spy
245
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:49,066
who saves the world by day
and has trysts
with exotic women by night.
246
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,609
What ar-- what are you doing?
247
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,027
You said we were role playing.
248
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,279
- Yeah, as ourselves.
- Oh, gotcha.
249
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,197
- Go!
- Okay.
250
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,032
Hi. Excuse me, do you work here?
251
00:10:58,242 --> 00:11:01,036
- Yeah, Jake, you hired me!
- I'm not me.
252
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,496
I-- I'm playing the customer.
253
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,248
You said we were
being ourselves.
254
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,334
Yes, you are playing yourself.
I'm playing the, the customer.
255
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,294
- A h-- a human one?
- Oh, my God.
256
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,005
- Aaron, your turn.
- Can I be the customer now?
257
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:15,092
Fine. Okay. I-- [stutters] um,
buy this game from Aaron, okay?
258
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,885
And just be a regular
human customer, please.
259
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,263
And Aaron, you are going
to sell him this game.
260
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,639
I don't care
what you think about it.
261
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,182
Just, just sell him the game.
262
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,227
Hello, kind sir.
I would like to purchase
263
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,145
this copy
of Gates of Galahad, please.
264
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,063
Mm-mm.
265
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,482
- Mm-mm.
- Aaron.
266
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,193
Fine.
267
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,154
Certainly, ma'am.
268
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,698
But are you sure you wanna buy
269
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,867
this point and click
spreadsheet simulator
270
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,995
rather than the game
that requires real skill,
like Call of War?
271
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,455
I actually really enjoyed
the first two games
in the series,
272
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,040
so I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna like this one.
273
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,334
But it's, like,
9000 hours of reading.
274
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,253
Who the hell wants
to do that shit?
275
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,046
That's--
actually is a lot of reading.
276
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,465
You're not supposed
to un-persuade him.
Please, just--
277
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,510
This game has zero reading.
278
00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:01,346
- My-- I actually love
this game!
- Headshot!
279
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:04,099
And that's, like, $20 more
than that piece of shit.
280
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:08,687
Fucking upsell! I win,
top of the leaderboard,
motherfucker!
281
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:11,064
Violet, your turn.
282
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:14,067
Violet, please sell Zack a game.
283
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,778
Zack. I want you to be
a tough customer.
284
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:18,280
- Oh.
- Yeah.
285
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,657
You might as well
crawl back into your cubby,
286
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,868
because there's no way
you're gonna beat my high score.
287
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,996
That's, like,
an $80 collector's edition.
288
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,748
Oh, that's good!
I'll be like Aaron.
289
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:31,210
There's no fucking way
I'm buying this game,
290
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:35,005
you fucking pussy,
you pussy woman!
291
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,715
Fuck! Fuck!
292
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,177
- If you buy a PlayStation,
I'll show you my boobs.
- Sold!
293
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,305
- Not fair!
- Oh...
and Violet takes the lead.
294
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:44,806
I'll buy the PlayStation
right now.
295
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,099
Uh, you wanna show me
your boobs here
296
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,518
or you wanna go
back to my mom's?
297
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,019
No, Zack, Jesus, no!
298
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:51,522
Hello.
299
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,523
Oh!
300
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,233
Hi. Ar-- are you here for...
301
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:57,402
- ...me?
- Yes.
302
00:12:58,070 --> 00:12:59,863
- Lawyer sent me.
- Hey, Bruno!
303
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,407
- Lacy, good to see you.
- How do you know him?
304
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:05,953
- How's the baby?
- I wasn't actually pregnant.
305
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,663
- It was a scam.
- Good for you.
306
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,748
- Very nice. Yes.
- Thank you!
How about you?
307
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,625
- How's the family?
- Mostly in prison.
308
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,086
God! I'm so J!
309
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,879
So, Bruno, um,
310
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,423
what are your plans
for the game store, exactly?
311
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:22,135
- My father runs very
many legitimate business...
- Mm.
312
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:26,098
...and so,
now he would like to go into
legitimate business with you.
313
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,432
- Mm!
- For sure.
314
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:28,684
You're saying
"legitimate" a lot.
315
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:29,893
Because it will be.
316
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,729
This is offer.
317
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,481
It is good offer.
318
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,358
It is final... offer.
319
00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,820
We pay cash.
You'll like this deal.
320
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,905
You know,
this is moving kind of fast.
321
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:45,909
And I know you've reiterated
that it is legitimate.
322
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:48,495
I-- I just need
to check some things.
Can I get back to you?
323
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,456
With the cash. Legitimate.
324
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,337
Well, I don't know about that.
325
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:06,388
Anybody have any ideas
on how we can get word out
326
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,557
- on the street about the store?
- How about another acronym?
327
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,809
No, thank you. Anyone else?
328
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,477
Oh, I wrote a commercial.
329
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,730
- You printed it?
- Yes. I know it's long,
330
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,441
but I am open to notes.
If we shoot here, we can save
331
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,236
on location costs and spend
the majority of the budget
on Bradley Cooper.
332
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,030
- I-- he'll be playing me.
- Anyone else?
333
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,365
Ooh. I say we throw Zack
in the middle of the street
334
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,909
with a sign
and make him dodge cars.
335
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:29,077
I'm actually very good
at dodging cars.
336
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:31,079
Aaron,
did this place have an e-blast?
337
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,290
Like, did you guys have
any old socials, anything?
338
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,334
Yeah, we had socials.
And then the person
339
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,628
who was running the socials
got the socials banned
340
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,838
- for toxic comments.
- So it was you?
341
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:42,841
- Fuck, yes, it was me.
- Okay, well,
how about you guys help me
342
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,343
hang these up around town, huh?
343
00:14:45,177 --> 00:14:49,264
Oh... how do I say this nicely?
Burn those.
344
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,019
- I'm gonna burn them.
- Here.
345
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,189
These are great!
346
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,484
- These are incredible.
- Bro, they're whatever.
347
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,069
I think you're just excited
about her saying
348
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,820
- she was gonna show her boobs.
- Wait.
349
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:07,407
- That's it.
- Whoa! I'm not showing
my boobs to anyone.
350
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,743
No, no, no. What brings people
to strip clubs?
351
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,538
- Boobs.
- A man's loneliness
and sense of self validation
352
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,790
by the false assumption that,
"She was really into me"?
353
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:18,168
Or, say, "Yeah, get out
of there, you crazy guy.
354
00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:21,213
- Ge-- come home for dinner"!
- No, it's chicken wings.
355
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,340
You go to the strip club
for chicken wings?
356
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,759
How do they make their money
on their off days, right?
357
00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:28,262
My mom used to take Elliot
and I every Tuesday after school
358
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,347
to the strip club
for chicken wings.
The place would be packed.
359
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,517
- What is your childhood?
- I think I would like your mom.
360
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,310
This is all
coming together now. Zack...
361
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,729
...you and Aaron,
you guys go around town
362
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:40,148
- and blast these
everywhere you can.
- Oh, man!
363
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,317
- Come on, noob.
- Okay!
364
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,778
So that's what you wanted
to show me the whole time?
365
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,405
- No, actually--
- You know what?
366
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:47,698
I gotta go get
the chicken wings.
367
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:07,843
- Oh! Just like Mom's
stripper wings.
- Get in there.
368
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,803
These are so good!
369
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,682
All right!
So we put flyers on every car
in a ten-block radius,
370
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,642
and I even got 'em
on a few moving ones.
371
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:17,519
This fucking nerd has aimbot.
372
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:19,313
He's actually good
at dodging cars.
373
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,190
Does that mean
we could be clam buddies?
374
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,317
Never talk to me again!
375
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,402
Now we wait for the hordes.
376
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:33,118
No one came.
Not even one.
377
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:37,289
Not even one. Go ahead
and say it. "Told you so!"
378
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,666
I'm a huge failure!
379
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:42,628
"Most of all,
you're a huge freaking idiot."
380
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,589
Not exactly
how I would've said it,
381
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,091
but the sentiment is correct.
382
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,607
Hey, Jake, can I show you
that thing I've been working on?
383
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,317
Oh, sure.
384
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,735
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
385
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,571
Come on, man,
don't let this get you down.
386
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:13,033
You're Mr. Positive!
It's the one thing
you got going for you.
387
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,410
Oh, my God, it's almost like
you do care about your brother.
388
00:17:15,494 --> 00:17:16,620
Of course, I care!
389
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,206
He's just a big frickin' idiot.
390
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,124
You know,
all he talks about
391
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,877
is how you and him
had this dream as kids.
392
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,422
He wanted to make this happen
for the both of you.
393
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,134
We got one!
394
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:35,347
- It's a customer!
- Okay! Jake needs this win,
395
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,140
so everybody just try!
396
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,560
- Fine.
- Let's show them our cunts.
397
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:42,271
- Jesus, Zack!
- No, it's a sales tactic.
398
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,647
What?
399
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,112
Welcome to Game Bros!
400
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:53,156
- Hey, you guys
have the new Call of War?
- Do we ever!
401
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:55,617
We have the collector's
edition, the mega edition...
402
00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:56,785
...the headshot edition,
the mega collector's
403
00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:57,911
headshot ultra edition!
404
00:17:57,995 --> 00:17:58,996
You should buy them all.
405
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,289
How about a stripper wing?
406
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,415
How many copies do you need?
407
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:02,332
Do you need a Pro Controller?
408
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:03,584
Ooh, nice upselling.
409
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,460
Turn off, UAV.
You don't say "upselling"
410
00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:06,879
in front
of the customer, dipshit.
411
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:08,839
I'm sorry! I'm messing this up!
412
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,841
- My cunt isn't ready!
- Wait!
413
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,926
We're doing too much,
everybody back off!
414
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,845
- We're losing him!
- If you buy
a PlayStation,
415
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,513
- we'll show you our boobs.
- No!
416
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,436
Zack, Lacy, put your boobs away.
417
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:33,280
Well, you did make
one good business decision.
418
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,740
Which was what?
419
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,950
You hired me.
420
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,038
What is this?
421
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,749
This is the online store
I set up,
422
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,293
and I must've stumbled
into a really good algorithm
423
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,670
because we sold
424
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:51,131
a lot of Call of War 18 today.
425
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:52,549
Wow!
426
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:54,885
Whoa! We sold that many copies?
427
00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:57,930
We sold that many copies.
428
00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:58,889
You guys...
429
00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:00,974
- ...we did it!
- Yeah!
430
00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:02,184
We're--
431
00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,228
we're a real store!
432
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,395
We did it!
433
00:19:05,479 --> 00:19:06,939
- Yeah!
- All right,
434
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:08,273
all right, all right!
435
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,442
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
436
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:12,236
Guys, we had one good day!
437
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,446
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves, okay?
438
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,909
So, are we gonna kiss or--
439
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,913
All right, now,
I don't wanna hear you crying
440
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:24,873
after I killstreak
on your ass on--
441
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,960
Wait. Who the fuck killed me?
442
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,462
Headshot, bitch.
443
00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:34,132
All right,
that was a pretty good kill.
34689
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