Original subtitles

Hey, you!

Luther Burbank.

- Me?

- Yeah, you.

What are you trying to do,

kill these in cold blood?

They're swarming

with aphis and rotenone.

Once a week, I cut the grass,

and twice a week, I water--

These shrubs should be sprayed daily

with dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane.

- Huh?

- D-D-and-T.

And they need fertilizer too,

lots of fertilizer.

I take my orders from in there.

In there is amateur night.

♪ Drink to me only

with thy eyes ♪

♪ And I will pledge thee mine ♪

- ♪ Drink to me only-- ♪

- Darling!

- That's simply awful.

- I thought you liked my singing.

I did. But that was

before we were married.

Thank you.

So, you finally

shortened the sleeves.

Well, bless your little heart.

Come on, you lazy slug. Rise and shine.

Come again?

I said, mother said

I didn't have to get up.

- She'd fix breakfast for you.

- She said or you said?

She did. Oh, you know

how Mother loves to cook.

Who's gonna bathe

and dress and feed Annabella?

- Mother.

- Mother.

Well, it was her

own idea, honestly.

Look, do you think it's very fair

to lie around in the hay...

and have all your chores

done by that poor old lady?

Don't you let Mother hear you

calling her a poor old lady.

After all,

we're guests in her house.

And you're just the girl

to take advantage of it.

Well, I don't see what you're

being so disagreeable about.

Just because I've got

a chance for one day of rest.

"Day of rest"? You haven't had a chance

to get tired since we moved in here.

Now, get up!

Oh, hi.

How are you this morning?

Hey, you're supposed to play with these

toys, not bean people with 'em.

Where's your granny?

- Good morning, Jerry.

- Good morning, Ma. How are ya?

- Fine.

- Thanks for fixing my breakfast.

You know I like to do it.

- Are the sleeves the right length now?

- Oh, they're perfect.

- Did you fix them?

- Well, sure.

Why, that little chiseler.

It comes over me, I may have

married the wrong woman.

- Mrs. Halsworth.

- Yes, Pete.

- Can I see you a minute?

- All right. Help yourself, dear.

- Mrs. Halsworth.

- What's the matter, Pete?

Mrs. Halsworth, are you

satisfied with my work?

- Well, certainly. Why?

- Mrs. Halsworth...

I'm a very sensitive fella.

Has that man been

bothering you again?

Fertilizer.

Fertilizer.

All the time he wants

with more fertilizer.

Now, don't pay any attention to him,

and if he bothers you again...

- you just tell him to see me, hmm?

- Okay.

- Oh, here's your mail.

- Oh, thanks.

- Good morning, Mother.

- Good morning, darling.

- Are you all right?

- Of course, I'm all right.

Oh, I'm so glad.

Annabella.

Hello, darling.

Is you breakfast all right?

- Oh, yes. Thanks loads. Just luscious.

- Jerry.

It must be convenient to have

a little leprechaun come in...

and do your mending for you.

Well, you know Mother

sews much better than I do.

- But she can't chisel as well.

- Your father!

What's the matter, Mother?

This month's check

is $50 short again.

Well, he probably

had to settle a debt of honor.

He's probably in hock to his bookie.

Oh, Mother, I'm sure that

he has a very good reason.

Well, he's had

some beauties in his time.

Oh, by the way, I have to see the lawyer

this afternoon. Do you want to come along?

Of course, Mother.

You know I'll stand by you.

I only meant you might

want to do some shopping.

- I understand.

- What's with the lawyer, Mom?

The divorce

becomes final at midnight.

Oh, don't worry, Mother. All sorts

of things can happen before then.

I wouldn't count on it, honey.

You see?

That's a perfect example.

- Example of what?

- Of how she needs me.

How utterly miserable she'd be if we

ever moved out and left her all alone.

Aw, for Pete's sake.

Your mother agrees with me

that we ought to have a place of our own.

Well, that's because she's

being brave and unselfish.

Why, she'd never be able

to cope with this ghastly divorce...

- if I didn't stand by her.

- All you want is...

to go on living

the rich, full life here.

Jerry Denham.

You're a complete heel.

You're beginning to sound like

your mother talking about your father.

So long.

- Morning, Betty.

- Hello, Dad.

- Morning, Mary.

- Good morning, Mr. Denham.

- Is the boss in yet?

- Yes, but he's all tied up...

with the Racing Form.

All right, sweetie. Suppose you

come down and tell me all about it?

All right, darling.

See you at 1:00. Bye.

That was your wife.

She complains, among other things...

you get up in the morning,

grab a club and beat her.

I couldn't find a club.

And I wish she'd stop griping to you.

- Mother-in-law trouble again, huh?

- No, wife trouble.

Your idiot child seems

to think it's our duty...

to live with Miriam

so she won't be lonely.

Your big mistake was moving

in there in the first place.

- My mistake?

- Now, don't misunderstand me.

I think Miriam is a perfectly charming

woman full of admirable qualities.

- Hate to say a word against her.

- You're a fine one to talk.

Who got us into this jam?

If you hadn't divorced her--

- I didn't divorce her. She divorced me.

- Yeah.

Well, my pinheaded bride

is still convinced that...

you and Miriam can

get back together again.

Tell me, man to man,

is there any chance of that?

After what she took me for? No.

Not a chance in a million.

That woman.

That cold-blooded,

calculating gold digger.

Only got the house,

the furniture, the car...

my sock stretchers and

300 bucks a month in alimony.

To say nothing of thousands of dollars

worth of rare and valuable shrubs...

which I planted

with my own hands.

And which are now being ruined

because that lazy slob of a gardener...

- turns his nose up at fertilizer.

- Oh, yes, that reminds me.

Pete's been complaining

you've been underfoot lately.

I'm not going to let everything go to seed

because I don't own the place anymore.

Has, uh,

Miriam been complaining?

Well, she thinks you haunt the place

too much, even for an ex-husband.

We're still the best

of friends, aren't we?

Only took the fillings

out of my teeth.

You weren't hurt so badly if you

can still afford to play the ponies.

This? This is just a hunch bet.

Annabella in the sixth at Bay Meadows.

After all, it is the name

of my granddaughter.

Come in.

Mr. Halsworth, they just

phoned from the desk...

to say that Mr. Victor Macfarland

would be checking in around 1:00.

Thanks, Peggy.

All right, my boy. Get busy.

Round up all the available newsmen

and photographers as soon as you can.

This character is a publicity

hound from way back.

Okay, Hugh.

And incidentally, lock up

all the available females.

He invented the forward pass.

And what makes it

so difficult, Daddy...

is that Jerry just doesn't understand

how poor Mother feels.

I used to have the same trouble.

As much as I'd love

to have a place of our own...

I'm not gonna desert her until

she's had a chance to adjust herself...

- to the awful wrench of being on her own.

- Rubbish, baby.

Your mama is happy as a clam.

- We're on very friendly terms.

- Oh, but, Daddy...

husbands and wives should be

on the friendliest of terms.

What Mother ought to have is--

If there's anything else

she ought to have...

she can't get it from me.

I'm so strapped,

I can't even buy back my laundry.

- Hughie!

- Hello, Joyce!

Honey, those pictures you had

taken of me were just marve.

They're running one tomorrow. They say

the rest'll be taken by the magazine.

- Thanks a bucket!

- Not at all, baby.

Might as well let the world know

you're loaded with talent.

By the way, this is my daughter,

Mrs. Denham.

Barbara, this is Joyce Mannering.

How do you do.

Your father has been so divine

with me that sometimes...

even I feel like

calling him "Daddy."

Nothing at all. Just a few

publicity shots we made up in her balcony.

Hughie, is it true Victor Macfarland's

coming here to the hotel?

I was in the beauty parlor,

when they said--

He's due at any minute.

Would you like to meet him?

Who wouldn't want to meet

a man with millions...

who isn't even bald?

I was reading all about him

in Time magazine.

They said he's the most eligible

bachelor in the United States.

- And you'd like to talk him out of it.

- Uh-huh.

Okay, Joyce. I'll fix it.

Honey, you're not even human.

You're just a living doll.

Nice to have met you,

Mrs. Denham.

Really, Father.

Don't forget.

I'm an eligible bachelor too.

Playing around with a girl

half your age.

She's a little more than that.

But it happens to be strictly business.

- Mm-hmm.

- Barbara.

My job is to make myself charming

to visiting celebrities.

Joyce just won a beauty contest as

Miss Cucamonga and has a contract to model.

She's down here posing for cheesecake

and trying to better her life.

I suppose you'd like it if Mother

carried on with other men.

I'm only protecting Joyce from the wolves.

I'd do the same for your mother.

Personally, I think you two

ought to get together again.

And today's your last chance to make up

before she gets her final decree.

Forget it, baby. You might as well get used

to the idea that you're a child of divorce.

But if you could only see

how unhappy poor Mother is.

She's just moping around the house

all day and tossing in bed all night.

She's so lost and helpless.

Your mother is about as helpless

as a steam shovel.

I can still see her sitting in court, never

batting an eyelash while they pumped me dry.

If she came to me

on her knees, I wouldn't--

Now, don't exaggerate.

- I know you want her back.

- Barbara-- Barbara--

Why, I see the way you hang

around the house. Hoping--

Why don't you grow up?

Running to Pop every time

you lose an argument.

We weren't talking about you.

Victor Macfarland just

checked in with two secretaries...

six filing cabinets and 57 trunks.

Hugh, what does he keep

in all those trunks?

Old telephone numbers.

Well, I've got to run.

Cheer up, honey.

- Hello? Yes.

- Good afternoon. Right over there.

Yes, this is

the Macfarland suite.

Well, I can't talk now.

We're just checking in.

In the bedroom with all that,

please. What?

Let me call you back,

will you? Thank you. Yes.

That goes in there too.

Is it true that you're going to London

as the American representative...

- to the International Monetary Fund?

- Well, let's not jump the gun.

After all, my name hasn't even been

submitted to the senate yet...

said he modestly.

Mr. Macfarland,

this is your hometown, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

I haven't been back in 20 years.

Why did you come back?

Well, off the record,

the senate loves a grassroots boy.

- Any other reasons?

- Oh, perhaps, to show off a little...

for the ladies page.

Do you have a few wise words

for the growing boy...

on how to become a millionaire

the way you did?

Well, my dear young man, anybody

can do it with a little luck and my brain.

Mr. Macfarland, how is it

that you are still a bachelor?

I'd be glad to talk it over

with you later, off the record.

- May I?

- Yes.

Uh, just a moment. Let's keep our

photographs on a high level.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Hello, Hugh.

- George.

Jerry.

- Hail, conquering hero!

- Hello, Hugh.

Kids, get yourselves a drink.

Vic.

What are you doing here?

Do you own this hotel?

No, I'm the one who didn't make

a million dollars. I just work here.

Well, Vic, this is great.

We've got to see a lot of each other.

- We will. I'm in charge of publicity.

- It's good to see you again.

Wasn't sure you'd

want to see me, Vic.

Thought you might just like to,

uh, forget about me.

Now, is it likely that I would forget

the man who married my best girl?

Mmm.

Oh, it's all right, Hugh.

No hard feelings now.

- Meet my assistant Jerry Denham.

- It's a pleasure, Mr. Denham.

Same here.

Give him the full treatment,

big man, big deal.

Local boy makes good,

rags to riches.

Don't be afraid of overdoing it,

that's Vic.

The reason you're boss...

is being so charming to me is

we were both in love with the same girl.

That's very interesting.

It was more than interesting

at the time, wasn't it, Hugh?

- By the way, how is Miriam?

- Miriam? Oh, uh, fine, I guess.

I mean, all things considered.

No, she was one of the most

exciting, one of the most--

Uh, Hugh, does she still

look as sharp as she did?

W-Well, you know, time and tide.

None of us are getting any younger.

- She looks great. Just great.

- She does, huh?

Well, what are you being so coy and cagey

about? Don't you trust your own charm?

Are you still afraid I might

steal her away from you?

No, not at all. It's just that, uh,

it was a long time ago.

She was just a kid.

Uh, she's changed.

- Only for the better.

- Is that so?

I'd love to see her again. Why don't you

and she have dinner with me tonight?

Oh, I'd love to, Vic. But I'm afraid

Miriam has other plans.

I think that you're afraid

to let me get near her.

- Don't be silly. Why should I be?

- Why should he be?

- After all, they're divorced.

- Divorced?

Oh, what a shame.

Hughie, why didn't you tell me?

Maybe we should have

sent you an announcement.

Oh, I'm sorry, of course.

I've always had a hunch it wouldn't last.

You never were quite Miriam's type.

That's right. It only took her

20 years to find out.

Mind if I get a drink?

Eh, young man?

You've, uh, met Mrs. Halsworth,

obviously.

Oh, yes. Quite often.

- I suppose he was untrue to her.

- No, nothing like that.

Just cruelty.

Nice, clean-cut extreme cruelty.

I don't mean to be inquisitive.

You see, Miriam was my first real love.

Many years ago, I had the ball on the

one-yard line and lost it on a fumble.

- And you'd still like to score.

- You're a clever young man.

By the way, is Miriam

still living here in town?

She certainly is.

Has a nice little house only

a few blocks from the hotel.

- You don't know the address?

- I ought to. I'm living with her.

I beg your pardon?

We're related.

She's my mother-in-law.

I can't believe it. Miriam has

a daughter old enough to be married.

Well, that's a matter of dispute.

- But he's married to her, anyway.

- It doesn't seem possible.

I married Miriam straight

out of high school...

shortly after you left town

so abruptly, remember?

Hello?

- Yes, this is the Macfarland suite.

- Yes.

- Just a minute, please. Ferguson?

- Yes, Miss Jessup?

It's Washington calling

Mr. Macfarland. Senator Chase.

Excuse me, sir. Sen. Chase

is calling from Washington.

Oh? Thank you, Ferguson.

Don't you go away, young man.

I want to talk to you.

You know, I think he's charming,

absolutely charming.

You're not very subtle. You've abandoned

hope of my taking Miriam off your hands...

- so now you're gonna concentrate on Victor.

- I don't follow you.

Oh, yes, you do. You want to move out,

have a home of your own.

And you know you won't budge

your wife until Miriam is set.

Well, why not?

They obviously used to be pretty cozy.

Miriam might like to grab

the number-one bachelor in the country.

I can assure you, my boy.

Miriam will cheerfully spit in his eye.

Mother?

Mm-hmm.

Mother, there's just something

I've got to talk to you about.

- Oh, really?

- What's the matter?

Oh, they're making such a fuss

over Victor Macfarland.

Because he made

a few million dollars,

so now he can afford to work

for the government.

Well, what difference does it

make to you?

None at all.

- Did you know him?

- Casually.

- How casually?

- Hmm? Mmm.

Just casually. What did you want

to talk to me about?

- I had lunch with Daddy today.

- That was nice.

It was not nice, not at all.

Daddy may fool a lot of people,

but he can't fool me.

There's something

terribly wrong with him.

What do you mean?

Well, there were lots of pretty girls around,

and he didn't even look at them.

Oh, something must be wrong.

He just stared and stared,

as if his mind were a thousand miles away.

Uh-huh.

Del Mar's opening next week.

Oh, no, Mother.

You just don't understand.

It's you. He's just so terribly

wretched without you.

- Oh, Barbara.

- Yes, Mother.

For the last time, I will not

discuss your father and me anymore.

- All right, Mother.

- Now, do you hear?

Come and help me fix dinner.

It was a nice try.

Despondent.

- Hi.

- Hi, Daddy.

- How are things, Grandma?

- Don't call me "Grandma."

- What are you doing here?

- A little work in the garden.

I pay Pete $30 a month

to take care of the garden.

That butcher.

You want those shrubs

out there to die?

Oh, honestly.

You'd think he lived here,

the way he breezes in and out.

- He still has a latchkey.

- Well, why not, Mother?

- Legally, he's still your husband.

- Oh, don't be silly.

Now, while I fix the salad,

you make the dressing.

Oh, Mother, you make the dressing.

You make it so much better than I do.

- Hi, Hugh.

- You can't afford those.

I have a very rich friend.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, honey.

- What in the world is that?

Just a few exotic blooms

from the Orient.

Oh, darling,

you are so sweet to make up.

But you didn't have

to go overboard like that.

They're not for you, dear.

- They're for your mother.

- Huh?

- That's right, Ma.

- For me?

- Well, what on Earth?

- Oh, read the card.

Yeah, read it.

I'm on pins and needles.

Victor Macfarland?

Well, it looks like

the only thing he forgot...

was a ribbon saying,

"Rest in peace."

He has a nerve,

sending me flowers.

Very charming gesture.

He's making like a diplomat already.

Victor asked me to bring 'em to you.

And he told me to tell you

that if you want--

I don't wish to hear anything

about Mr. Victor Macfarland, ever.

Annoyed at him about something?

See, what did I tell ya? Hell hath

no fury and so forth and so forth.

- What did he mean by that?

- Search me.

Must've been some pretty lively goings-on

when they were young.

I can't afford to buy you

fancy flowers like Victor.

Not after certain deductions

are made from my salary...

but I would like you to have

this one, perfect rose...

which I grew with my own hands.

- You're breaking my heart.

- Don't you realize what day this is?

Mm-hmm. My lawyer

reminded me in triplicate.

Keep an eye on the stove, baby.

I'm going up to change.

Aren't you going to ask Daddy

to stay for dinner?

What for?

Well, this is the last day

that you and he--

Well, he just adores tamales,

and he's working so hard.

- If you want to invite him.

- Oh, no, Mother. It's your house.

You ask him.

W-Well, he's

probably gone anyway.

- Well, really!

- What's the matter?

What on Earth are you doing?

Putting on

a clean pair of pants.

I will not have you keeping

your clothes in this house.

I told him

that he could, Mother.

Well, there's practically

no closet space in his hotel room.

And he couldn't possibly

keep all of his things there.

Oh, never mind.

- Where do you think you're going?

- To get a handkerchief.

I keep some in a drawer

with your things.

You don't believe in the-the sanctity

of divorce, do you?

It's all right for people

who've never been married.

I've been sort of hoping you

kind of miss me around here.

Oh, I have.

I thought about you every time

I picked up the phone...

and didn't find your bookie

on the other end.

So I make an occasional bet.

If you're going to begrudge

a man his simple pleasures--

"Simple pleasures," my foot.

Gambling was a disease with you...

like alcohol with some people

or taking dope.

I don't even take aspirin.

You're being

completely unreasonable.

It's not as if

I didn't love you.

You loved your horses, your roses

and then me, in that order--

- win, place and show.

- That's not fair.

In 20 years, I never even looked

at another woman.

Sometimes I wish

it had been women.

At least they don't

run every day.

If I'd lost a lot of money betting,

I could understand your attitude.

- But I used to win.

- Oh.

When I think of all the nights

I sat home with a book...

while you were off

playing poker with the boys.

The only problem you ever had to face

was whether we should trade the car in...

every year or every other year.

Maybe you don't think

it's humiliating...

to have your husband

arrested in a gambling raid.

It was more humiliating to me.

I had a full house, aces high.

- And the way you behaved in court.

- The way I behaved?

Telling the judge you couldn't pay

$300 a month alimony.

And then offering to toss him for it,

double or nothing.

He had no sporting blood.

Miriam.

Oh, now-now-now,

you'd better get out of here.

I've, uh, got to

shower and change.

I've watched you change before.

Let me know

if your zipper gets stuck.

Suppose I told you

I'd quit gambling?

We've had that line before...

and I almost believed you till that

shady-looking character turned up...

- with $800 you'd won on a race.

- I've explained it to you a dozen times.

That was a bet I'd made on the winter book

months before. I'd forgotten all about it.

Winter book, summer book, what's the use?

You'll never stop gambling.

- You wanna bet?

- Ohh.

All right, I don't claim

to have reformed overnight.

You didn't leave me

enough money to gamble with.

Good. I wanted

to teach you a lesson.

Even if it means

destroying a marriage?

This is when two people

need each other most...

when their children are grown up

and have families of their own.

Don't you suppose

I've thought about that?

Your daughter suggests

you might like to stay for dinner.

I have a better idea. Why don't you

and I go out for dinner?

You seem to forget that

at midnight our divorce is final.

Let's forget it.

Let's even forget

we were ever married.

Let's pretend it's our first date,

when we were kids.

After dinner,

we can go for a drive.

Remember that little spot

in the beach where we used to park?

Uh-oh, no.

- Liar.

- Oh, that's an old trick.

Y-You'll hit your funny bone.

It's a reflex action.

You always did

have beautiful reflexes.

Daddy's up there with Mother.

Girl, he told me.

Not a chance.

You've had a whole year away from me.

Are you any happier now?

- I'm content.

- That's not the same thing.

Haven't there been times when you felt

just a little bit lost and lonely?

Yes. And you?

- I've been miserable.

- Barbara said you were, but...

- I thought it was only because--

- Because she wanted us together?

Is that such a bad idea?

Miriam, listen to me.

- You look beautiful.

- It's only a dress.

- You did ask me to dinner, didn't you?

- I sure did.

What are they doing up

there all this time?

I don't know.

But I'm hoping for the best.

Meanwhile,

we'll probably starve to death.

Oh, here they come.

Boy, you like a hundred cents

on the dollar.

- Do you think it's too much, darling?

- Oh, no.

- Your figure isn't bad at all.

- Just as good as yours, tootsie.

Your father and I

are going out to dinner.

Oh, that's wonderful!

Don't wait up for us.

We're liable to be late.

Oh, I'm sorry. Just a minute.

Hello? Mr. Halsworth?

Yes, he's right here.

What?

"Tell him that Annabella

came home to pay $16.30...

in the seventh at Bay Meadows."

Yes, I'll be sure to tell him.

- Miriam.

- Mother.

Miriam.

Miriam, darling.

- Va-Victor!

- Let me see you.

You look wonderful.

"Time and tide," indeed.

I don't believe it.

After all this time...

- to see you, to hold you again.

- Uh.

That's something I never

stopped thinking about.

Well, Victor, I must say, you-you

took me completely by surprise.

- What are you doing here?

- What do you think I'm doing here?

I'm taking you to dinner.

Hugh was supposed to tell you...

but, then, Hugh

could never be trusted.

And we're going to make up

for a lot of lost time.

I don't like the way

he keeps leering at her.

You're fighting me.

You know, I expected to see you

sitting in a wheelchair...

the way Hugh

had talked about you.

You are lovely, Miriam.

I left a little girl...

and now I come back

to find a-a woman.

Oh, yes.

Definitely a woman.

I want you to meet

my daughter Barbara.

- This is Mr. Macfarland, dear.

- I don't believe it.

No. She's a younger sister

you never told me about.

Oh, brother.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

- I believe you've met Jerry.

- Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Course, we're old friends. Our minds

seem to run in the same channel.

And, of course, Hugh.

Yes, good ol' Hughie.

Aren't you up a little late, Hugh?

You look awfully tired.

I'll take a vitamin pill

and stay for the second show.

I-I want to thank you

for the beautiful flowers.

She threw them in the ashcan.

Oh, no. No, Miriam. Why?

There are some things

flowers can't explain, Vic.

Oh, you mean about my running away.

I want to talk to you about that.

Why don't you and I run up to the coast

to a pretty little spot I know...

and have a nice,

quiet, intimate dinner?

Wipe the slate clean, huh?

Sorry, old man, but she happens

to be having dinner with me.

Oh, was I? Well, we can't be rude

to Victor, can we?

I'd like to make it my life's work.

Oh, same ol' Hughie, lots of enthusiasm

but no staying power.

Well, in that case,

why not let me join you both?

I've got a better idea.

We can have dinner right here.

That's right.

We'll make it a buffet.

- There's not enough.

- Oh, I'm sure there is.

I'm not very hungry, and your father

just lost his appetite.

Fine. I'll make the coldest, driest

martinis for auld lang syne.

Jerry!

Jerry, you listen to me.

Will you stop butting in?

I'm trying to bring Mother

and Daddy back together again.

And I don't want this Victor character

to gum everything up!

Get the ice.

Here's a terrific chance

for her not to be lonely.

This is quite a guy--

old beau, big catch and,

as for dough, he's loaded.

Now, if these martinis

will do as much for your mother.

Jerry, I'm warning you.

You keep out of this.

It's every man for himself.

Go and knock some canapés together.

You know, I was terribly happy

to hear about your divorce.

Terribly sorry I didn't

hear about it sooner.

Vic, you haven't changed a bit.

- Just as brash as ever.

- Now, I'll ask you a brash question.

Is it customary for the ex-husband

to haunt the house of his ex-wife?

There's nothing personal in that, Hugh.

It's just that you inhibit me.

We are not divorced finally

and legally until midnight.

Shall we synchronize our watches?

He doesn't live here,

of course.

I'd be glad to eat in the kitchen

if I'm depressing you both.

Why, not at all, Hugh. You know

I've always liked you very much.

Just that I like Miriam more,

so why don't you run along?

You know, I think

that's a good idea.

We have so many things to talk about,

I don't know where to begin.

Suppose you begin by telling me

why you left here years ago...

without even saying good-bye.

Well, now that I'm here,

I feel like I haven't been away at all.

- I wish I hadn't.

- You haven't answered my question.

Oh, don't make me answer questions.

Just let me stand here...

- and look at what I've been missing.

- Who's for plasma?

Right here.

To our memories of the past and

our expectations of the future.

That's funny. It sounded

exactly like a baby.

Of all the low, shabby tricks.

She wants to say good night

to her granny.

Yes, come on, darling.

Well, now you know

the worst, Vic.

- Yours?

- Of course.

Didn't you know Mother's

a grandmother too?

Time and tide.

- I'll take her.

- Yes. Back to bed, honey.

Well, Miriam, you have found

the secret of eternal youth.

Baloney, if I'm not mistaken.

Black, please.

How long are you planning

to stay here, Vic?

With you? Forever and a day.

With one exception.

As soon as the senate calls

a hearing on my appointment,

I'll have to fly to Washington.

Then what?

Well, then London

for the monetary conference.

And, after that,

probably to my place in Capri.

We used to have

a bungalow at Laguna.

You were telling us

about your house.

Oh, it's just

a little spot where I go to relax--

built in the 15th century,

really beautiful rose garden.

You don't say?

Is your garden very buggy?

Our roses here

are just lousy with aphis.

I'm sure his garden

is just fine.

I hope you'll see it with me,

Miriam, on my next trip there.

Who knows?

Oh, my.

It's getting late.

- I guess I must be tired after your trip.

- You have had a pretty big day.

I'll be glad to drive you back

to the hotel, Hugh.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

I have a car and driver waiting outside.

You mean, you've kept the poor guy sitting

out there? It's very inconsiderate of you.

Never mind him, Vic.

At midnight, I want you

to help me celebrate.

- Come on. Let's take these dishes out.

- Okay.

I'll help too.

You know, I'm being

much too nice to you.

- You still haven't told me--

- Have you ever been to Europe?

No. Somehow I've never managed

to get east of Las Vegas.

I can see I'm going to have

to take you out of this rut.

- What's the matter?

- Did you see what that man was doing?

Why, I thought he was

being very sweet to her.

Sweet to her?

He was playing footsie

with her under the table.

Oh, Daddy.

- And she was helping.

- But, Hugh, you distinctly--

Nobody asked you

for your opinion.

What a coincidence.

You know, they were playing that tune

the first night you let me kiss you.

That song hadn't even been

written the first time you kissed me.

- Are you sure?

- Oh, really!

Oh, ho-ho.

- Jerry--

- Has he made any passes?

Well, he better not try.

Haven't heard your mother

screaming for help.

- I think she likes him.

- I think you're simply awful.

You'd marry Mother to any stranger

you picked up on the street.

Girl. Girl. You're talking about

the glamour boy of American industry.

Daddy may not be glamorous,

but if he's good enough...

to be my father, he's good enough

to be her husband.

I'm afraid Daddy's

running out of the money.

- What's the matter?

- Very strange smell.

Nothing strange about it.

Nice, clean fertilizer. A dollar a sack.

Paid for it out

of my own pocket too.

Oh, this hou--

Does he always hang around like this?

I mean, did he get custody of the garden?

- No, no.

- Course, I know there are divorces...

where the ex-husband,

ex-wife still see each other

and still go out with each other...

- and everything.

- It's nothing like that.

- He just tries to make a pest of himself.

- Then you'll have to be firm.

In my pursuit of you, I have no desire

to see his sad eyes watching us.

I'm much too softhearted.

Seriously, Vic,

he's devoted to Barbara...

and the baby and-and-and--

and to his roses.

- And you.

- Oh, no. That's finished.

Well, let's not talk

about him anymore.

In a few minutes,

I'll be a free woman.

It's about time Mother

was getting to bed...

if she's gonna get up

and give the baby her 6:00 bottle.

Just for once, you can get up

in the morning...

and feed your own child.

- I wonder where Daddy is?

- I left him out on the patio, sulking.

Daddy.

Daddy, I'm ashamed of you.

Me? Have you seen

what they're doing?

Well, now, don't be a sad sack. You said

before you didn't want to make up with her.

I most certainly do not.

But, Daddy, you're still in love

with her. You know you are.

You can't be proud now.

If your mother wants to flirt

with Victor Macfarland...

I can assure you it's a matter

of complete indifference to me.

- Now you're talkin'.

- You be quiet.

I just wouldn't want her

to do anything foolish.

She doesn't know

this guy like I do.

I'm really amazed. She was

giving him the full treatment.

But, Daddy, it's your duty to me

and the baby to protect her.

You're right.

You're absolutely right.

Uh-oh.

Better keep Vic on the hook.

Miriam, may I speak to you

for a moment in the kitchen?

I'll be right back.

Haven't you made

enough trouble for one night?

You realize that you're gonna

make a fool of yourself.

Really?

Victor Macfarland is the number-one

philanderer of the Western Hemisphere.

And no matter what our situation may be,

I have no intention of seeing you get hurt.

Well, that's very sweet of you,

considering you've taken care

of that rather nicely yourself.

Miriam, listen to me.

You know his type.

A mustache puller. There have been

hundreds of women in his life.

Well, naturally.

He's a man of the world.

You're probably the first girl

he knew and lost,

and that's a challenge

to that kind of man.

Oh, you couldn't be more wrong.

He says he's never stopped loving me.

- You don't believe that.

- I suppose you think he wouldn't marry me.

- Not even if you drugged him.

- So you don't think I could do it.

- I'll lay 20-to-one against.

- You're on.

I thought you didn't

approve of gambling?

This'll be a pleasure.

Hey, you just made it. After all,

this is something of an occasion, isn't it?

I think we ought to have a toast--

nothing morbid, something cheerful.

- I'd like to make it.

- It only rang 11.

Do you consider

that an ill omen?

Ring out the old.

Ring in the new.

Nice shot!

Take it easy, kid.

You look a little pooped.

Did you get your copy

of the final decree?

Mm-hmm.

I'm having it framed, next to my

canceled alimony checks.

Most athletic courtship

I've ever seen.

The way you follow me around,

people'll think you're the house detective.

Why, Miriam, no such thing. My job

is to report on activities of the hotel--

distinguished guests,

romances, infatuations.

Good to see you too.

- Hughie!

- Oh, baby.

How are things going?

Doll, you said you're gonna

do something about it.

- About what?

- That Victor Macfarland.

My motor's been racing

since I first laid eyes on him.

I think I can arrange for you

to meet him through a mutual friend.

Who's that woman who's always with him?

She never gives anybody else a chance.

- I'll see that you meet her too.

- Thanks, doll.

- Happy?

- I don't know what's come over me.

- I feel like a different woman.

- I told you I'd get you out of the rut.

- It's almost as if you'd never been away.

- I never should've gone.

Which reminds me.

You've never told me why--

I'll tell you, but not tonight.

We're having too much fun.

Oh, Miriam, this senate call

seems to be in limbo...

and I was wondering,

have you ever been to Mexico?

Hugh and I started for Acapulco

on our honeymoon,

but the horses were

running in Caliente...

- so we never got any further.

- Why don't we fly down to Mexico City...

and let me show you

how wonderful it is.

Nothing we'd do in Mexico City

that we can't do right here.

Hi. We were just saying you two are the

handsomest couple on the floor, next to us.

Oh, how gauche of me.

Miss Mannering. Mr. Macfarland...

- and the ex-Mrs. Halsworth.

- How do you do?

And, Vic, Joyce has been terribly eager

to meet you and dance with you.

You'll let him go for a few minutes,

won't you, dear?

Who's that, your new bookie?

Don't leave me. You're the only woman

I know who can follow me.

Oh, I've given that up.

I talked to Barbara.

She said you didn't get

in till 4:00 this morning.

She was quite

brought up about it.

I wish that child

would mind her own business.

Oh, come now. Be fair. You've

protected her virtue successfully...

now she's trying to protect yours.

"Cast your bed upon the waters."

And are you on

the defense committee too?

I can assure you,

his intentions are not honorable.

But it's no longer my affair.

I couldn't agree with you more.

- Mrs. Halsworth's very lovely, isn't she?

- Yes, she is, very.

- Everything considered, I mean.

- Hmm?

I hope I look half as good

when I'm a grandmother.

Oh, I'm sure you will.

Here they come now.

Hugh wants you back.

I'm afraid Miss Mannering much prefers

you as a dancing partner, Hughie.

- Can't we get out of here?

- We certainly can.

Why don't we have dinner up

in my apartment?

There's all the privacy

in the world.

Yes.

What happened to that

vibrating motor of yours?

He turned off the ignition.

- Shall I open the wine, sir?

- Thank you. I'll handle that.

Thank you, sir.

Is there anything else

I can do, sir?

I'm afraid not, Ferguson.

Good night.

Isn't it wonderful to get away

from the crowd and just be alone like this?

I think it is.

Miriam, you're the most exciting,

desirable woman I've ever known.

Well!

- And you're an expert on women.

- I mean it, darling.

You said that once to me

20 years ago, remember?

We were both just crazy kids then.

But we're not now.

We've got a lot

of unfinished business.

Where's my champagne?

Miriam, I'm crazy about you.

Now may I have my champagne?

I'm so lucky to have come back

just when you're free.

Oh, it's a great feeling.

And you don't even know

what it means yet.

I'll never get married again

as long as I live.

And why should you?

Why do you think I've stayed a bachelor?

To live life as you see it,

as you feel it...

with no silly responsibilities

to someone else.

I know!

And, Miriam, I will

paint you a canvas so grand...

that you'll forget this penny postcard

life you've been living.

We'll go to London,

then the Riviera, always together.

Oh, Vic. You mean you and I?

Life can be no fun

if you play it safe.

For you and me, it'll be gay

and mad and romantic.

- And illegitimate.

- Darling, you don't understand.

Of course I do.

Vic, grandmothers can't go

gallivanting around the Riviera.

You mean--You mean,

you and I will be just--

Friends.

- Friends?

- Mm-hmm.

We certainly

can't be anything else.

I'm not going to-- how do they say it--

slip away with you.

And I wouldn't marry you

if you were the last man on Earth.

Am I that bad?

No, Vic. But you've been

a bachelor much too long.

You'd make

the worst husband in the world.

- I wouldn't be so sure about that.

- You're spoiled, honey.

Girls fall in love with you

at the drop of a hat.

You've had your own way

much too long.

Well, maybe I'm tired of all that.

Maybe I'm searching for something else.

Well, then, you'll have to find it

with somebody else.

A husband is something I can do

without very nicely, thank you.

Oh, Miriam, you're being cruel.

Look at me. I have everything, except you.

And I want you.

I don't think we better see

each other anymore, Vic.

Why?

Oh, 'cause there's no future in it.

I'm not going to marry you...

and you're not going to marry anybody,

and never the twain shall meet.

Oh, Miriam, you can't

walk out like this.

- Why not?

- Darling, I'm 20 years late...

but I never make

the same mistake twice.

- Jerry.Jerry.

- Huh? What's the matter?

- I'm terribly worried about Mother.

- Now what?

Well, it's after 3:00.

What do you suppose she's doing?

- Probably necking someplace with Victor.

- That's not very nice.

Well, maybe not, but

it sure used to be fun. Remember?

There she is now.

You want me to bawl her out

for sneaking in after curfew?

You're not a bit funny.

- Mother.

- Well, are you two still awake?

- Slightly, Ma.

- Mother, what's happened to you?

- Why, you're positively glowing.

- Does it show that much?

Wow, what a knickknack!

Congratulations in order?

Mm-hmm. Victor and I

are going to be married.

Mother, are you sure

you know what you're doing?

I always have before.

Well, tell us, Ma. How'd you nail him?

I mean, uh, how'd it happen?

Well, we'd been dancing in the Crystal Room,

and then we had dinner in his apartment.

And, well,

one thing led to another...

- and all of a sudden he proposed to me.

- Was it his idea or yours?

Don't be silly, dear.

You should have seen Victor.

He got the manager to open the jewelry shop

so he could pick out this ring.

- Mother, when are you going to marry him?

- On Thursday, darling.

But that's only three days off.

Victor didn't even want to wait that long.

He's due in Washington.

And you'll be going

with him, naturally.

We're leaving

right after the wedding.

As soon as Victor gets his appointment,

we'll fly to London.

And then we'll have

our real honeymoon in Capri.

Oh, please be happy

for me, darling.

But, Mother, how will

Daddy feel about this?

Oh, I think he'll approve.

After all, it was his own suggestion.

Does he know already?

Did you tell him?

No, we both thought it would

be nicer if he heard it from Victor.

Oh, bless her heart.

She probably needs--

- Mother, I'll go.

- No, let me do it.

In a few days, I won't have

the chance anymore.

Well, that's that.

Worked like a charm, didn't it?

What do you expect me to do,

pin a medal on you?

Honey, it's not your life,

it's your mother's.

This is what she wants.

He'll make a wonderful husband for her.

Well, at least a husband.

- But Mother's so naive about men.

- Naive?

- How'd she get to be a grandmother?

- Just happened to her.

Your mother can look after herself, and

we're gonna start looking after ourselves.

First thing tomorrow,

I'm going house hunting.

- Poor Daddy.

- And we're not moving in with your father!

Miriam, the time has come for us

to face facts in a sensible manner.

No.

Miriam, my dear,

you're so understanding.

Don't you think

we should be sensible about this?

I've said harsh things. I've called you

a gold digger, but I didn't mean it.

It was my welfare you were thinking of,

and I was too blind to see it.

Yeah. It was my welfare you were

thinking of. I was too blind to see it.

After all, Miriam, you never had a thing

against me except a harmless little vice.

Nothing ever really came

between us, Miriam, except this...

shameful, hideous vice of which

I am now completely cured.

Could you ever forgive yourself

if now, out of wounded pride--

yes, or even out of spite--

you should make a tragic mistake...

with a man who once walked out

of your life without even a word?

After all, we have a child,

even a grandchild.

Don't you think we owe it

to these innocent loved ones...

to let bygones be bygones?

Believe me, my motives

are entirely unselfish.

If you should

decide to marry this man...

I would save

$300 a month in alimony.

No, Miriam. I'm thinking

of your happiness and my happiness.

Or, may I say, our happiness.

- Well, good morning.

- Good morning.

Well, aren't you

energetic this morning.

Miriam, my dear, the time

has come for us to face facts.

Did you see Victor last night?

I mean, after we left the Crystal Room.

No, I did not. Miriam,

the time has come for us to--

Didn't you hear from him?

No. Mir--Why?

I thought he might

have telephoned you.

- Well, I'll be.

- You owe me $20.

- We're going to be married Thursday.

- I see.

You have my very best wishes.

- Hello, Mother.

- Hello, darling.

- May I help you?

- No, I'm fine.

- Did Victor call?

- At least 10 times.

And there's a whole pile

of messages inside for you.

Oh. I just hope

I'm ready by tomorrow, that's all.

- And these flowers just came for you.

- Isn't that sweet of Victor?

Now, why did he have

to do a thing like that?

Well, Pop, I'll be seeing ya.

Why, sure, thanks.

I'd love a drink.

And don't look so rattled. I have

as much right here as Victor has. More.

Mother, don't you think

this is rather, well, rather--

- Of course it is, darling.

- Hi, Barbara. Miriam.

What's he doing here?

Your father came with me

to look at the bungalows.

- Then he asked him in for a drink.

- They're very nice homes...

just ideal for a young couple.

Are you buying all this stuff

with my money?

You should be happy

to get rid of me.

It'll give you an extra $300

a month to bet on the horses.

Your mother has a one-track mind.

All she ever thinks about is gambling.

I'll-I'll get it.

Is she still planning on

getting married at the hotel?

As far as I know.

- This is very interesting.

- I don't like the way he said that.

- Why, Daddy?

- Just before I left the office...

the banquet manager notified me that Victor

was canceling the arrangements for tomorrow.

- Hello!

- I've been trying to reach you all day.

I'm sorry.

There were so many things to do.

Miriam, something urgent

has come up.

Can you be ready to leave with me on

the plane for Washington at 7:30 tonight?

Tonight? But we're getting married

tomorrow, here!

Well, I'm afraid we're going

to have to change our plans.

I've been notified by the senate committee

to appear tomorrow morning.

Oh, but the invitations are out

and all the arrangements are made.

But, darling, we'll get married

in Washington. It'll be much more exciting.

The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

is an old friend.

He'll be delighted

to perform the ceremony.

That'll make us

constitutional too.

But I'm not packed or anything,

and my hair has to be done.

Well, when do we have to leave?

I have to leave in 40 minutes.

- Forty minutes, I couldn't possibly--

- Oh, now, darling.

Don't get upset.

I'll have Ferguson make your reservation

on the noon plane tomorrow.

I'll meet you in Washington.

Oh, this isn't the way

I planned things at all.

Well, we've waited for 20 years, darling.

Surely one more day won't matter.

Oh, of course not, but

you've just taken me by surprise.

But you know how terribly

important this senate thing is.

It might mean an ambassadorship

or a place in the cabinet.

- I know-- Barbara.

- What about her?

- I wanted her to be at the wedding.

- That's simple.

- Bring her along.

- That's not so easy with a small child.

- I'll be glad to babysit for you.

- Are you here again?

I told you this guy was

gonna walk out on you.

You don't amuse me.

Miriam, I have to check out at the hotel.

If you'll see me off...

I'll pick you up on the way

to the airport.

- Yes, dear.

- Good-bye.

If you're gallivanting to

Washington when the kids move...

what happens to the house?

I've had an offer

from the McDermitts next door.

They want to tear this place down and build

a swimming pool and a badminton court.

What about my rosebushes?

Speak to the McDermitt's.

Maybe they'll let you come around...

and chase away the bugs.

I can't figure that woman out.

He postpones the wedding;

she takes it.

Very simple explanation:

She's in love.

Sometimes your husband

revolts me.

I know just what you mean.

Well, darling, this is it.

Oh, one thing.

Now that I'm leaving, I wouldn't

let Hugh hang around if I were you.

Oh, he makes me so mad.

Now that we're engaged,

you're in the public eye.

And, like Caesar's wife,

you have to be above suspicion.

- I promise not to disgrace you.

- Oh, it isn't that.

It's just that those senators

might not be so broad-minded.

I've made your reservations on

the noon plane tomorrow, Mrs. Halsworth.

- Thank you.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye, darling.

I'll call you as soon

as I get to Washington.

Oh, Vic! Vic, before you go,

I've got to know something.

- Darling, I haven't time.

- No, now stop evading the issue.

If we're to be married,

I insist that you tell me.

Isn't it enough that I love you?

Yes, it is, but I want to know

why you ran out on me 20 years ago.

I'd prefer that you get

that information from Hugh.

Don't you think I've tried

to gouge it out of him?

He just grins at me with

that silly look on his face.

Darling, I haven't got time.

I'll tell you someday.

No, tell me now!

Darling, it's all very silly,

but if you insist--

I can't hear you!

We're taking off!

They said if I gave them a check for the

down payment, we could be out in a week.

Oh, yeah. And there's an automatic

garbage disposal unit in the kitchen.

- Are you listening to me?

- Why do we have to rush into this?

- If Mother's going away--

- No dice. We're not staying on here.

But, darling, we don't even

own a stick of furniture.

We'll start from scratch

like other married people.

I know! Why couldn't we just

buy this place from Mother?

For one thing,

we can't afford it.

For another,

we can't afford it.

Daddy. Yes, that's it.

Daddy could come in

on it with us.

Well, you know how he

feels about his garden.

Anyway, he shouldn't

be living in a hotel.

Honey, listen. You're my wife

and I'm your husband.

There was a little line in the ceremony--

"forsaking all others" --

That's all I'm asking.

I love your mother and father...

but that doesn't mean I want

to live with either of them.

That's obvious. You get Mother married

to the first man who came along.

I married her off?

You threw Victor at her right

from the start.

She caught the throw,

didn't she?

If you'd only stop for a minute

to consider my feelings. Or Daddy's.

You're upset because she won't be around

to wait on you hand and foot!

- Well, I'm all for it!

- Don't shout. You'll wake up the baby.

It's about time you stopped

hanging onto your mother's skirt!

What's wrong with wanting

your parents happy

or living in the house

where you grew up?

This may be your home,

but it's not ours.

I'm not spending a minute

more here than I have to!

Why don't you go right now?

Nobody's stopping you!

You'd like that!

You figure that would keep your mother

from leaving for Washington tomorrow!

- I never thought of any such thing.

- But you're thinking it now!

You make me sick! I don't care

when you move out or where!

- You can live anyplace you want to!

- That's what I intend to do.

I'll be at the hotel until you

and Annabella care to join me!

Don't count on it!

That monster! How could he do

a thing like that to me?

What's the matter?

If he ever dares to show

his face here again--

Did Victor do something?

I'm not talking about Victor.

I'm talking about your father!

- What did Daddy do?

- Never mind what he did.

Of all the contemptible, shabby,

unpardonable things--I'd like to tell him--

I will tell him!

Come on, let's play poker.

Knock it off, boys.

- Bet your aces.

- Bet five.

Give me a refill, will you, sweetie?

Scotch and soda.

Hello? Well, I don't think

he can be disturbed now.

Just a moment.

Hughie, it's that woman

you were married to.

- Sit in for me, will you?

- Sure, darling.

- Hello, Miriam.

- I just want you to know...

that I think you're the lowest, vilest,

most horrible creature in the whole world!

- What?

- And furthermore...

I'm going to tear out every one of your

rosebushes with my bare hands...

and leave them here

to wither and die!

Three queens. I won.

- Hughie, I won!

- Let's play something else.

- Parcheesi, maybe.

- Good girl. Deal me out, fellas.

Mother, will you please

tell me what happened?

- He's ruined my life.

- You mean you're not gonna marry Victor?

Of course I'm going

to marry him.

But if you ever mention

that other man again--

What's the trouble?

That goes for you too. Don't you dare

mention his name in this house.

- You mean Victor?

- No, I mean your father-in-law.

Why? What happened?

Oh, I'd like to brain him.

That's what I'd like to do.

I thought you were packing.

You've got my suitcases

full of old letters!

Well, they're letters from you.

And for all I care, you can burn them.

Got a match?

- What's the matter with you two?

- Oh, nothing.

Jerry's just leaving me, that's all!

- What?

- Oh, Mother!

Oh, darling. No, no.

Now stop acting like a baby.

I guess we just don't have

any luck with our men.

Divorce just runs

in this family.

No. Nonsense.

Now come here.

- Come on. Come over here.

- Oh, Mother.

- Now, tell me all about it.

- I told you.

Jerry doesn't want

to live with me anymore.

If you mean he doesn't want to live

here anymore, I don't blame him.

You two should have had

your own home long ago.

Anyway, you can't go to Washington

now and leave me all alone.

Oh, no, Barbara.

I'm not going to rearrange

my whole life for you.

It's high time you grew up and learned

how to solve your own problems.

Now you're gonna turn

against me, just like Jerry!

Well, I don't care

what either of you do!

George, be careful where you

put those rosebushes on the truck.

Hugh, what are you doing sneaking

around at this time of the night?

Shh. I need help.

Have you been drinking?

Desperate situations

call for desperate measures.

What do you think you're doing?

- Moving my rosebushes.

- Where to?

Don't know yet. But I'm not gonna

let Miriam destroy them.

Here. Pitch in.

Start with this one.

Say, where are you going?

To the hotel.

I had a fight with Barbara.

Incidentally, what did you do

to make Miriam so sore at you?

Me? Nothing.

I was just spending a quiet evening

at home, holding three queens--

Something must've happened. She's been

ranting about you ever since she got back.

I thought she was just angry

because a girl answered the phone.

- Is she still up?

- Yes.

But unless you're heavily insured,

I wouldn't--

Hold the fort.

Hugh, I'm warning you.

I should like to talk to you.

Go away. I never want

to see your face again.

I believe I have a right--

I have nothing to say to you.

Now, go away!

Who was it?

- Your father.

- Oh.

Go to bed.

If you don't stop,

I'll call the police!

I wish to demand to know what that

mysterious telephone call was all about.

All right, I'll tell you.

Did you or did you not shoot craps

over me with Victor 20 years ago?

- Did you say craps?

- Yes, I said craps.

- So Victor told you?

- Is it true?

Yep. We rolled for you behind

the girls' gym at Jefferson High.

Loser to say nothing and blow.

He lost. He blew.

That's the most disgusting

thing I've ever heard!

Don't look at me.

Victor gambled for you too.

I'm sure it wasn't his idea.

You're right. Victor

never had an idea in his life.

Well, at least he's a man of honor.

He kept his word.

He never even mentioned it

until I forced him to.

I knew I couldn't trust

him to keep his mouth shut.

Oh, you--

You have messed up

my whole life!

As I see it, I saved you

from making a big mistake.

But don't expect me

to do it again.

If it hadn't been for you, I could've

been married to Victor 20 years ago.

That would make me a bachelor

and Victor a grandfather.

No, no.

I don't think he'd like it.

Oh, I'm just glad

I divorced you...

before I found out

what a heel you really were!

- What do I do now?

- Lift it ever so gently.

Gently. Easy.

- What's going on here?

- Who wants to know?

- He wants to know.

- We're--We're gardening.

- In the middle of the night?

- We have a danger of sunstroke.

- Do you live here?

- Well, not exactly...

but these are my rosebushes.

Have you got any

identification on you?

Well, I got a mole

on my right shoulder.

What are we wastin' time for?

Let's run 'em in.

Go ahead, arrest me.

I dare you. I double dare you.

Look, Officer, I can explain the whole

thing. This man's my father-in-law.

- That's nice. Who are you?

- He's my son-in-law.

Abbott and Costello.

Do you own this house?

- No, but I live here.

- What are you doing with those bags?

He's moving out.

I've had enough of this.

Let's run 'em in.

If you'll ask at the house,

they'll tell you who we are.

They're not being very sociable to us,

but maybe they'll talk to you.

- Maybe it’s Jerry.

- Jerry's been gone half an hour.

That's your father again,

and we're not going to answer.

- Good night, Mother.

- Good night.

- Nobody answers.

- Imagine.

But I know they're in there.

Must be playing possum.

You take care of these characters.

I'll come along with the truck.

Uh-huh.

I'm warning you. If anything happens

to those rosebushes, I'll sue you.

- Including your pensions!

- What's the rhubarb?

We caught these guys digging up

a strange lawn and carting the stuff away.

These are my rosebushes,

and I'll lead 'em on a leash if I want to.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Say, isn't that a polyantha?

No, a hybrid tea.

I bred it myself.

How'd you get that pink

flush around the border?

I crossed a President Hoover with a Queen

Mary. Took me seven years to propagate it.

I'm having trouble with my climbers.

Maybe you could help.

- May I use the phone?

- Sure.

- I do not need a lawyer.

- I'm going to call Miriam. Excuse me.

Are your roses buggy?

Well, out here, the roses are just loaded

with aphis and rotenone.

Hello. Yes, dear.

What are you doing

at the police station?

But what--Yes, but--

But--All right.

All right. I'll be right down.

- Thanks, Mom. Good-bye.

- Was that Daddy?

- No. For a change, it's your husband.

- Jerry.

Pardon me.

He got himself arrested somehow and wants

me to come down and identify him.

I'll go with you.

We can't both go.

Somebody's got to stay with the baby.

I'm still married to Jerry, and

if he's in trouble, it's my duty to go.

That's right. You go.

I'll stay here.

Oh, I wouldn't know

what to do by myself.

We'll just have to

take Annabella with us.

All right.

- Come on, Hugh, give out.

- What'd you call us down here for?

- We've been in jails before.

- Just be patient, fellas.

- You said it was a big deal.

- Strictly the woman's angle.

Can we put it on the wires?

Is the future Mrs. Victor Macfarland news?

- Sure. Good as gold.

- Well, there she is.

Mrs. Halsworth, would you

care to make a statement?

No, not now.

Have you been in touch

with Mr. Macfarland about this?

Oh, Jerry.

- Do you plan to marry right away?

- Are you all right?

Sure I'm all right.

I'm sorry I said all those

mean things to you.

I'll live anywhere you want me to.

One divorce in this

family's enough.

I might have guessed

you were mixed up in this.

- You know this man?

- Only too well.

Tell them who those

rosebushes belong to.

Is this why you dragged me down here

at 1:00 in the morning?

I didn't even know

you were coming.

I don't care what he does with his

rosebushes or what you do with him.

- That's all we wanted to know.

- Thanks, Lieutenant.

I'll see that you get

that booklet on leaf mold.

Thanks!

If I'd known you were here,

I wouldn't have lifted a finger.

Don't you know better than

to bring a baby to a place like this?

- This isn't a place for grown-ups either.

- I didn't tell you to come here.

Hold it.

Well, will you try again, please?

Mr. Macfarland, those reporters are still

out there clamoring for a statement.

Tell them I have no comment.

They'll catch you on the way

to the senate hearing.

Why does this have to happen

to me today of all days?

- They still can't reach Mrs. Halsworth.

- Hello, Operator.

This is Victor Macfarland.

I've had this call in all morning.

I don't believe the line

has been busy this long.

All right.

Please check with the local operator

and see if the line is out of order.

- Jerry, what color is the kitchen?

- Uh, blue, I think.

Oh, that's nice.

I like blue.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm going to change,

then I'll drive you to the airport.

Are you sure it's all right

to stay away from the office?

I've got a very easygoing boss.

That must be the express man.

I'll get it.

Well, hello.

- Why aren't you at the office?

- Why aren't you?

Miriam. So you're

really serious about this.

I thought you were supposed

to stay away from here.

I just came by to pick up

my clothes, if you don't mind.

Well, make it snappy.

My, aren't we in a foul mood

this morning.

Thanks to you, I didn't get

any sleep last night.

I slept like a baby.

If it's all right with you, I'd like to go

upstairs and get my handkerchiefs.

I'm only surprised you still

don't keep your toothbrush here.

I do. It's in the garage

with my shaving kit.

Oh, I've got

a going-away present for you.

- My latchkey.

- Oh, thanks.

The operator's trying to get you.

Hello? Yes, it is.

I don't want any calls.

Washington?

All right, I'll take it.

Hello. Victor?

Miriam, I've been going crazy!

Miriam, I've been going crazy

trying to reach you.

What is this about your getting involved

with Hugh and the police?

It's much too complicated

to explain it to you now.

I'll tell you all about it

when I get to Washington.

That's just it, Miriam. You

can't come to Washington now.

The reporters have been hounding me

all morning. They'll be waiting for you.

The whole thing'll degenerate

into a three-ring circus.

But, Victor, I'm all packed!

Still trying to wriggle

out of it, is he?

I've already changed

my plans for you once.

If you'll just hold off until this thing

blows over and I'm confirmed.

I've been waiting

for this break for 20 years!

I thought you'd been waiting

for me for 20 years.

That's telling him.

Did I hear Hugh's voice?

What's he doing there?

If you must know, he's getting

his things out of my room.

You mean that you're still seeing him

after what happened last night?

- Victor. Victor!

- You can't come to Washington now.

The reporters have been

hounding me all morning.

Victor, stop yelling

about Caesar's wife!

I'm not your wife,

and you're not Caesar!

He always did have a terrible temper.

Being engaged doesn't

give you the right to--

Well, I have certain rights too,

and one of them is to become disengaged.

Well, if that's the way

you feel about it.

Now, Miriam,

you mustn't be rash.

That kind of publicity right now

can do me just as much harm as--

I'll send you the ring.

Airmail, registered. Special delivery.

- Halsworth?

- No Halsworth here.

You must have the wrong number.

Try up the street a block.

That was the man for the baggage.

I told him he had the wrong house.

Don't look so smug.

I don't want you either.

- Any man who'd shoot craps for a woman.

- The luckiest roll of my life.

I've always kept those dice

as a souvenir.

That's the one thing

I can never forgive you.

It proves you

didn't really love me.

Here I've gone all these years

thinking that I did.

If you loved me, you wouldn't have taken

a chance on losing me.

Miriam.

What's the matter with you?

- Here.

- What?

- Roll 'em.

- What for?

Come on.

Four and three.

So what?

Roll 'em again.

Harder.

Uh-uh.

You--You cheated!

It was the only time in my life.

But the stakes were pretty high.