Original subtitles

He's really interested at £600.

Really interested.

That is a tough ask.

Would £500 be better, do you think?

I like this guy. I've met him for about five seconds, but I like him already.

Yeah, he's a nice man.

£650, it's yours.

You know it makes sense. The sun is out.

Petrol's in there. £25 worth of petrol.

My name is Henry Cole, and I'm a junkaholic.

Better get wheeling and dealing. Together with me three mates, top

Alan Milliard. Yes!

Guy Willison.

I'm like a coiled spring.

And Sam Lovegrove.

We've been rummaging our way through Britain's sheds. Wow.

Farm sales, auctions and jumbles for automotive treasures.

Oh, my Lord, look at that.

To buy, do up. That's just lovely.

And sell on for a tidy profit.

75 quid. But it's time to take a look back at the best bits of our lives as

four junketeers. Okay, that's enough of that.

He's indicating left.

Taking in the good.

Now that is proper cool.

The bad and the ugly.

All for one. And one for all.

This is the Junk and Disorderly retrospective.

Junk and Disorderly.

Hey, well, welcome to Junk and Disorderly, the very best bit, with me,

Skidler. But before we start, I just want to talk about tea, if that's

because, courtesy of Skid, we have a new brew.

I'm always slightly sceptical, but people who don't like a hot drink, or as

call it in the trade, scorch, I don't know why you don't like a hot drink of

or coffee or Ovaltine.

Well, I can't comment because I do.

I live on it. Yeah, me too. It's nice and refreshing, isn't it?

And also, on a hot day, mate. Yeah.

Scorch sorts you out. Yeah, it does. Yeah? I mean, what are you going to

if you don't drink tea during the day while you're working?

Water.

Oh, we don't want... No, water. No, no. Guy doesn't... Water tastes disgusting.

I have to tell you, Guy and I have been mates for... 45 years?

Roughly, yeah, somewhere around there. Something like that. I've never seen him

drink a glass of water.

Well, I don't. Why would you buy it in a bottle?

It's worse than petrol.

Is it? Yeah. Bottled water. Yeah, bottled water, yeah. Hey, so obviously,

going to a jumble. I think the Fairford Steam Jumble.

A local fair.

Right, okay. A local auto jumble, and why not?

Hey, but before we do that, obviously, we've got to get some trinket tree. Now,

a little treat for Skidler is on the way, and that is a trip to my mate

Invers.

Stuart's been dressing movie sets, events and festivals for many years, but

he's having a clear out. Let's hope it hasn't all gone.

Mate, you're going to... Oh, wow.

God, it has slightly depleted, but this is depleted.

There's a few cannage here, mate. Can heaven. Well, if anyone can... We

can. Yeah. Perhaps prize the odd one off him. Shall we get him in?

Stuart!

I know it's not bargain area.

So is any of this stuff, could that be purchased?

Yeah, you can.

So now look, what's that?

It's for punches.

So vulcanising, when they vulcanise it. Yeah, so it would have the glue and the

patches. You'd have the glue and the patches and in there you'd have the

pads and stuff. Is that available?

That can be available.

How much is that?

75 quid. 50?

60. Happy with that? Yes. Good.

Can I just draw attention to that?

Yeah. That's quite a sweet little thing for the jumble. How much would that be?

15 quid.

Tenner? Tenner. All right, lovely.

We add a couple of oil jugs.

30 quid for the two?

All right, I won't argue.

And a casserole can.

15 quid. With all of that clobber, we've made a great start on the smaller

trinkets. Now we can move on to the bigger items.

Above your head is something that's quite funky.

The rat rod? Yeah.

Like rat rods themselves.

This sign is rough and ready.

It is a fail, but you'd be looking at about 225.

Okay, all right.

Would you be prepared for 180?

Ooh.

Um, I'd do 190.

Oh, God. Yeah?

It's very heavy.

We need a bit more, so we head for Stuart's other shed.

Right, check this out.

Oh!

I'm not so sure about his squeezed -down camper vans or the umbrella stand, but

this 1950s pill dispenser is charming.

You'd had a good Saturday night if you needed something from there.

Is that why you like it? It brings back so many memories for us. Absolutely.

Those were the days. Stuart, is this for sale?

£175.

Wouldn't even get close at £125.

Go again then, come on. Well, the usual one, split in the middle, 150.

165. 160.

I've seen one more item that could go really well.

What's it off?

It's a 1936 Standard 9.

Oh, OK.

So it's kind of sort of side of the bonnet. Yep, for air. Would that be

available? I'd do 120.

80? I do 90.

Yeah, thank you. Thanks, mate. Do we really need anything else?

Um, of course. I quite like the cabinet.

Well, it can be yours.

Could it? How much is the cabinet? 140 quid. All right, let's do the cabinet

instead. All right, happy days.

We're now back at Cold Central to review our stock.

But it's this Rat Rod garage sign that I'm most excited about.

All right, now then.

Stuart Inver's collection.

Yes.

All we need to do is just give them a little clean, I think. Do you know what

mean? Yeah. Nothing major. I'm ready. I'm like a coiled spring. You are what

they call in the trade, equipped.

Yes.

So, this, we just whizzy -wheel the letters.

And it's double -sided.

Yeah, so we do that. Yeah. And then that will set the letters off beautifully

against the rusty saw blade.

I think we can add some proper value.

You know what I mean? Just by doing a bit of whizzy -wheeling. Yeah. Yeah?

Gid uses an angle grinder to clean the rust off the lettering, leaving the saw

blade untouched.

Rat rods are to hot rods what punk is to rock.

Custom cars that are deliberately left rusty and unfinished to give them a

grungy look.

The same goes for our sign.

We want something striking, but not too smart.

There you go, mate. I wish you hadn't done that.

Why? Well, because if it doesn't sell, I might keep it.

I know, it is a nice item. Isn't it beautiful? I think that's a decent

money. That's not a 25 quid thing. 250 quid.

Do you reckon?

Sure, man.

All day long.

And it's double -sided.

Yes. Do you know what I mean?

Fantastic, isn't it? Oh, well done, mate.

Didn't you think Stuart's collection was amazing?

I thought it was absolutely amazing. Then I found out that it had been

down recently, so I dread to think what it was like before.

I mean, he had everything.

Everything. But again, he decided that what a good idea to liquidate some of

mark it's good, and he sold us some nice trinketry, eh? He certainly did.

Now, the other thing is, is that I have to admit something to you. I bought that

cabinet for my own personal consumption.

But, alas, I haven't filled it with any trinketry.

Oh, so you're going to need to go and get more.

It's such a shame. So, if people come round, yeah, it'll be beautifully

displayed. No toy railway carriages and trains, please.

Oh, there we go. That's haunting me from behind.

I thought it would, too. Hey, look, the sawmill...

Rat rod sign.

Yes. You just whizzy -wheeled the top of it, didn't you? Yeah, that looked

fantastic. Double -sided sawmill hot rod sign. What more could you possibly

want? Well, I've got to say, what more could you possibly want?

Hey, look, join us after the break.

There's more shedding to be done.

Hey, well, welcome back to Junk, best bits.

And, well, we've been shedding at Stuart Imbers, right? But for more trinket

tree, we need to shed a bit more.

So I think I'm right in saying the geezer was called Tim.

And he had some trinket tree, but mainly he had a beautiful Lagonda rapier.

Straight away, I can see he's the man after our own hearts.

Tim, now, that's not your everyday hack, is it? That is my only everyday car.

Is it really?

Yes. And it's pretty. Look at it. It's a lovely little thing. It's got

character. Have you got stuff that we can acquire?

You're going to have a job getting anything out of me that I love. Have a

look at what you think you would like. Okay. And if I say yes.

I want an awful lot of money so I can go out and buy something else. That's not

going particularly well. I think what we need to do, then, is to amass a huge

pile, and we might come away with some pickings. So, look, what we're going to

do, we're going to go in and have a quick rummage into there. Yeah. Right?

And then we'll have a get -together, and then we'll go through. Yeah, you're

right. You're right. Great tip. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. Come

then. Let's go. The Morris might... No, it's not. You're not having a Morris.

No, no. What about a petrol pump?

No. That?

No. Oh, no.

Today, I think, is going to be torture of the sweetest kind.

Oh, my God, look at that.

That is not the first thing I expected to see, but isn't it gorgeous?

What is that? It's a Lagonda. A Lagonda.

Rapier, says on the engine. Right.

Oh, my God, that is utterly stunning.

Tim, talking about stuff we'd like to buy, tell me about this.

The Lagonda Rapier, 1934.

Yeah. And this car I've owned for 60 years.

And don't try and buy it off me, because I only paid... I told you. I only paid

£12 .10 for it. My father did in 1963.

£12 .10. And that was really to acquire the engine, because he used to race one

of these, and he blew his engine up going down Hanger Straight. I ended up

the... remaining chassis and his engine which i've turned into a supercharged

special it's an absolute joy i love it and you're not buying it whatever i'm

even gonna i don't blame you so we'll have to pass on the car but in amongst

all these trinkets signs and oil dispensers there's bound to be something

right now i'm going to ease you in okay all right there are two two gallon cans

there How much would you want for those two?

£40 each.

OK. I can't do £40 each, but I could do £30 each.

What about £70 the two?

OK, look, things will start off with that, OK?

A good start.

But how about the oil dispenser?

What would you say that is?

I would sell that, I guess.

£60. Oh.

That is...

Daylight robbery.

I'll give you 75 for it, but I wouldn't go any higher than that.

18, it's a deal. Oh, come on.

Right, okay, that's back on.

From then on, it's downhill all the way.

Liberty motor oil.

Oh, no.

No way. I've never seen another one like that. Now, look, there are two green

cans there that I like. No.

Look at this. And it's got oil in it.

What about those upper lubricant?

Carburel. You've got two. Surely you only need one. No, I don't. It's a pair.

What about that casserole can? Oh, over my dead body. Right.

That mobile oil tube there.

Ah, no.

If he goes ah, it means no. Okay, so don't even say no. Just go ah.

Ah, okay. There is a bluebird. I think it might be toffees or something. That

can at the end.

Ah. Yeah, no. Okay.

What about that order, Spencer?

That down there. Now, it's been repainted. Yeah. But it's quite sweet.

Yeah. I would sell that for 120.

Oh, my God, no.

What did they go for, then?

About 75, 80.

80, then.

Oh, gosh.

All right, I'm just losing my shirt.

Every... I don't mind. I used to use that. You're laughing. I'm watching you

fall into a pit.

There is a upper lubricant dispenser there, that blue one.

Yeah, I'd sell that.

How much is that?

£40.

Can I have that one for £20? That is a lovely can.

Make it £100 the three.

What about the three for £110?

£100.

£110.

£105.

Yeah, good.

Look, the running total at the moment is £365, and you won't even notice that

we've been here.

Will you?

No, that's true. No.

That is the sublime and the ridiculous, right? Yeah. So the sublime, obviously,

Stuart's Place.

Yeah. Where everything's for sale, admittedly at the right price for you.

yeah, but that's fair enough. But Tim's Gaff, nothing was for sale. And I was

quite proud of you there because I think you picked the bones out.

You did snatch victory from the jaws of defeat there. Do you think so? Yes, I

do. I think you did well. I hate to admit it, but I think you did.

Hates to admit it. Am I right?

I've just been paid a compliment.

You have by the skiddler. We got quality from Tim's, not quantity, didn't we?

Yeah. You came out fighting, trying to rescue the situation.

Wasn't quite enough, though, was it? No, not at all. So, we had to go to H .J.

Hughes auctioneer.

So we're back in the van, heading to Ledbury for a specialist automobiliar

auction.

Now then, today we are looking for signs, cans and trinkets.

There is two kinds of sign, right? Original and non -original, you know,

The modern signs, strangely, go pretty well at jumbles, don't they?

So we're aiming to get some eye -catching stuff without paying too much.

Okay, so we're back in the thick of it. God, I get so excited here. There aren't

too many people in the room, which is good, but the trouble is, is Mr. Online,

obviously, is here.

Let's see if we can buy a sign or two.

Don't you want a slow ride sign?

No. How much is it?

Tenner.

I like that. I think that's a nice sign.

We pick up an American oddity.

Happy days. I got myself a Minnesota lamp adjusting station.

An unusual traffic sign.

And some more signage for another 30 quid.

They'll certainly enhance our store.

While the auctioneers change over, me and Skid have a quick shifty at the next

lot. There's a lot of trinket tree coming up. Yeah.

I'm just looking for colour.

I'm looking for, you know, to set our stall alight. Because in these difficult

times of cost of living crisis, we need to attract the punter.

And to attract them is colourful stuff, I think.

It's trinket time.

We're into cans, mate.

Cans. Yeah.

Jugs. All the lovely, lovely bits and bobs. Eh?

Right, here we go. Cup of can.

we get a bargain -priced Shellmex can.

Lovely jubbly. We sell them for 30.

An RAC can for 35 quid. Nice.

And last but not least, a rare find, a Newton Oil Pyramid can.

All that's left for us now is a petrol pump globe.

Repro versions are common, but original glass globes, especially obscure brands

like this, are highly sought after.

200 quid, why not?

I'll go to 300.

240 is a good price.

I'll go to 300 and that's it.

I think it's good.

Looks like Mr Online has got his fingers glued to the keyboard.

No.

That's a shame.

I was getting excited there, and now I've had the wind taken out of my

spinnaker.

Oh, we're back in. What happened there?

Oh, it was 310.

Oh!

Don't get carried away here. It's very easy in this situation.

3 .30, go.

Yeah.

Okay,

well, that's the result.

3 .30.

We're going to have to get good money for that. We won't sell it at the

but we might sell it somewhere else. Yeah.

Just love an auction.

I love the excitement of it. I love the not knowing what's coming up. What?

Look, there's normally a catalogue and you can know what's coming up next. It's

just we turn up late.

Good point. Well delivered.

I'm bidding on...

something we haven't properly checked out. I know, because the thing is, often

with catalogues, right, they don't have pictures of every single lot, okay?

Yeah. So I'm sitting there, thumbing through the catalogue very quickly,

we're late. Yeah. And then I see it come up on the monitors, the pictures.

Yeah, yeah. I think, oh, that's nice, I'll have a go.

Do you know what I mean? And find its repo.

Yes, that has happened. It has? Yeah. And then you forget the commission, and

then you forget the VAT.

Transport costs. Transport costs.

Tea. Yeah. And there's good tea at HJPUs. Yeah, my wages for the day.

Whatever. Hey, so we've accumulated quite a lot of trinket tree. When we

back, time to brush them up and get them ready for sale.

Hey, welcome back.

Now then, we've got all the stuff from HJPews, haven't we? Yes. Will you behave

yourself? Yeah, which we're going to restore in just a second.

I have brought Jellybean in, only she's quite frisky today, wants to get down.

Do you know how old she is?

Nine.

Guys, right, so Jellybean is nine years old. Now, in dog years, right, in human

years, it's seven times, isn't it?

Seven times nine are... 63.

I've been told that dog years are slower when they're younger.

When they're old, it works out at seven years per year translation.

Oh, right, OK. But when they're younger, it's slower.

So it's not an exact ratio all the way through. All right, well, I'm just

saying, she's 63, which means she's older than me, she's older than you, but

she's not quite older than Alan, who's going to be...

64 next week. 64 next week, exactly. Right, you can get down now.

All right, here we go. I'm 63 in October.

Are you? Yes.

God, I'm a real youngster. I'm 61.

I'll be 62 in February.

Oh, OK.

Basically, what that means is there are three old men who need to do some

restoration.

We're back at the ranch taking stock of our new stock. Now, I think we did very

well at H .J. Pugh's, don't you think?

I genuinely love all of it. Yeah, same here. In fact, I want to keep most of

I know, and that's where our profit margin goes.

We wanted a bit of colour to brighten up the stall, and we've got it in spades.

All it needs is a quick bit of spit and polish.

I think we should just give everything a little rub down with the oily -oily.

Yeah, a lot of oiling, yeah.

But not before an important announcement.

Um, a person called Bump turned up.

Bump. Yeah. Okay.

And he sold me something.

Oh. Right?

Cheaply.

And we are, after we've done these signs, going to try and get it going.

what do you think it would be if we were going to the Fairford steam rally this

weekend? It'll be some little stationary engine that'll chuck away at the side

there. Yes. The problem is with it, though, Skidlington, is that it doesn't

work. Anyway, Alan will be here in a minute. We'll wheel it in and we'll give

a go.

In the meantime, let's get polishing.

And luckily, stores have just arrived.

This doesn't look like a normal muslin rag, does it? It isn't. What is it?

There's about 400 yards of hand -drying towels from the old -fashioned...

Really? Yeah.

Come on then, let's get some signage.

There we go. Do you think those are real bullet holes? Yes. So just a light

greasing with oil is the way forward. And that...

Straight away, smells nice. Yeah. And looks lovely.

Look, that's done. Right, moon eyes.

There we are, a little like that. Very famous custom builder.

It's amazing what a little bit of oil can do, eh?

Slow ride.

Don't they do that at bike festivals, the slow riding competition?

Look at that, that's beautiful.

Oh, hello.

He's here.

Yes. And if I can.

Alan can.

There you go. I've come for some cleaning.

Yeah, you have. Look there.

Oh, I'll give that.

That's the worst one of them all. That's why I've given it to you. Alan, are we

all right this morning, mate? Was it rainy at all coming up? I had a minor

incident yesterday going home.

What? Housebreak on the road.

Did you hit it? Just clipped my front wheel. Came up, hit my big toe.

You've been wearing white trailers. He'd have lost his big toe.

I do not wear trailers. I wear these.

Yeah, that's good.

So I've got proper footwear.

I've got 14 old DMs, look. Look at them. What a belter they are.

Can I just say, that's the reason why he's always late. Because he gets out of

bed trying to put them on in the mornings. I just flip mine on.

Please, can we just clean the can?

Well, Alan and Steve get on with the cleaning.

I go in search of our surprise guest.

He's got that look on his face.

Look at that, it's perfect.

Hey! That's just perfect.

What do you think? Come and have a look. That seems lovely.

It's a 1912 stationary engine.

Gather round.

Once it would have powered everything, from water pumps to sawmills, but it

hasn't run for 20 years.

Oh, she does actually move.

Turn it over.

Exhaust valve's free, isn't it? Valve's free.

Has it got a magneto?

Ah, now, the mag has been kept in a shed, all its life in a box, and that is

the wheelbarrow. Okay, I think what we should do is put it together as much as

we can. Right. Let me see if we can get it firing, if not running.

Okay, all right, great.

Okay, so look, we will get this going, I can feel it, or at least get it to go

fut, fut, fut.

That's all we need, and then it's a runner.

It might go chuff.

Oh. That'll be it.

Well, I will be chuffed if they can get it up and running.

Don't flip out!

Oh, come on. Yes!

We're on. That's it, we're on. Perfect.

Happy days.

Right. The most important thing I want to see is the magneto.

The magneto is the heart of the ignition system.

That feels good.

Generating the power for the spark plugs.

Spark. Oh, look, look, look.

Look at that.

There's no carburettor, is there?

There is a carburettor. Oh, right. Well, it's a carburettor of surge.

That doesn't look like a very complex one, does it? It might not be all there.

I don't think it's race -tuned.

If we can get it so it chuffs on brake cleaner, that'd be a good start. That's

great, that's all we need to do.

Let's chuff it on brake cleaner.

So we're under starter's orders.

Alan sorts the carb and the mechanicals.

Gib cleans the flywheel.

And I look after everything else.

The trick is to clean it all up completely first.

Well, I am cleaning it, that's what I'm doing.

Just giving you sort of the plan of the day, seeing it all, and we'll assemble

it, and we'll time it up, and we'll try and start it. Okay, mate.

I tell you what, we're saving another one, lads.

Hey, aren't we?

This is a particularly nice open crank one as well.

Here's the point for it.

Oh, yeah.

Point's just opening.

There.

Drop that on.

It's amazing how something just begins to look really nice.

Yeah, it's really good.

Alan reattaches the mag, and after just a few turns gets a spark.

Yes, that's a really good spark. Look at that, Henry. Oh yeah, look, look, look.

Meanwhile, I'm on polishing detail.

See, that's coming up lovely. Let's have a look.

Oh, that's amazing. That looks really, really nice, doesn't it? Good, isn't it?

Yeah, I thought it was an American engine.

Associated manufacturers of Waterloo, Iowa built thousands of budget -price

engines in the early 1900s.

With model names like hired man, foreman and chore boy, they were very popular

in Britain.

It won't start when it kicks back and breaks my arm.

Yeah. Let's hope not. You don't want it to fire.

Now I've got to spin it.

It fired!

That was a fart! Look, the door's gone.

It's fired!

It worked.

So does that mean it works? It works. If we can get a car brush on it, it's a

runner. It's definitely a fart, isn't it? It is right. It was a fart. It's

right. It did do a fart.

Each fart is a power stroke of the piston.

Yes!

I'm amazed it runs. That's fantastic.

Leave it, leave it, leave it.

That is a runner.

Oh, my God. Alan, you are a genius.

It's what they call in the industry a hit and miss.

We might as well fit the tank and perhaps fit the carb and just see if we

a little bit more.

Alan and Skid get to work fitting the carb and the fuel tank.

Yes, well done.

It's going to fly off. I know.

Stand back.

Yes? Ta -da! It runs!

It's beautiful!

And look at it! It's one piston turn every 20 minutes of the life in it,

Look at it!

Boom! Boom!

That's fantastic!

Boom!

Look at it!

Look, look, look!

Posh! It needs a little bit more.

This thing, after 20 years, is properly a runner. And you know how to start it.

I'm sorry I let you in the side down there mate. No, no, no, you just need a

little bit of power on.

That's great,

let's stop her now.

Oh yes guys, how fantastic.

Proper cool.

Isn't that great?

Okay, well all we've got to do now...

It's recover, recover.

Recover, and then prep the rest of the stuff that we got at Stuart's.

Well, okay, so we had a lot of trinket to polish. And actually, just the light

oiling was the way forward, wasn't it? It always is. It makes it shiny, gets

the dust off, and it preserves it. Exactly.

Very cheap as well. It's cheap and easy to do.

Quick, cheap and easy is what I like. I only have time to probably drink one cup

of tea while you're doing all that.

But the piece de resistance was courtesy of my dear friend Bump.

I'm not quite sure why he's called Bump, but he probably ran into something.

Don't you love a stationary engine?

The thing I love most about that one was your precision kick.

That was quite spectacular. It had to be just perfect. If he'd got it turned

around, he would have just broke his foot. Oh, no.

In it came, and it came off perfectly. Not your foot, the handle.

Yeah, yeah. That is the joy of wearing steel toe cap boots. I was getting out

the way quick. Yeah, because what would we do without Alan?

I've never seen you move so fast, Al. We'd never get that stationary engine

going, that's for sure.

Guys,

yet again, brought something back from the dead.

Typical Alan.

Spot on, first time.

Hit and miss, it doesn't matter if it's too accurate.

I know, Al, but it'd be more myth than hit if I'd done it. If you'd done it, it

would have been a total myth. Yeah, what do they call it? Total loss. Unless it

was beginner's luck.

And also what's great is we brought another, we saved another.

It's out there somewhere in the ether. And it hadn't been run for 20 years.

Yeah, just fantastic.

So we've got all the trickery, including the stationary engine.

When we come back, oh, we're jumbling.

Junk and disorderly.

Hey, welcome back to Junk Best Bits. Now then, we're jumbling, right? At the

Fairford, am I right in saying it was the Fairford Steam and Classic Car Show?

It was an oil engine.

No, that's another one. Okay. I think it was the Fairford Steam and Classic Car

Show. Okay. Right, but either way, a local show with great potential for

receiving great wealth, hopefully.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I thought it was going to be really slow when we

arrived. You know when you have a quick skirmish and a quick look, I thought,

this isn't going to be very good.

Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised.

The moment has finally come for us to go jumbling, or to be more precise, to

visit the Fairford Steam and Classic Car Show.

It's got the lot from giant steamrollers to souped -up stock cars.

There's something for everyone.

Rows of classic trucks, retro cars and custom go -karts, as well as dozens of

stalls selling some of your finest trinkets.

We've definitely come to a great jumble. This place is huge.

I think we're going to have a huge amount of money bestowed upon us.

The show's not even open and we're off to a flying start.

Can I just say, the early bird does catch the worm.

It's not even open yet, is it? That's 50 quid. I would like to purchase this,

please. Thank you.

Well, there you go. I would like to take some money off you as well. Yeah, that

is for my collection.

Is it?

Yep. Do you want anything else? I have about 2 ,000 different cans and signs.

2 ,000? Do you really?

Yep. 2 ,000? Yeah, different signs and cans. Oh, hang on. Look, he's off with

that. That's 50.

That's a bit rough.

What's your best on it? 40, because it's rough.

30? No. Do you like the one -way alley sign?

Yeah, that's nice.

It's got gunshots in it.

That's true.

Yeah, that's 75.

35. Yeah, all right, go on then, 35.

Oh, man, that's a straight bit.

Great stuff.

Thanks, troops.

What's the best on the bike?

300.

Can you show me running?

Alan?

Don't fall off, Alan. Alan, don't hurt yourself.

It's not even nine o 'clock and Alan's being put through his paces.

This is the Mad Max Special with an 80cc engine that we bought at Tewksbury for

200 quid. Not your typical BMX.

Yeah, I'll have a think about it. Yeah, man, look.

We're here. We're here and fully available.

I could have had half an hour extra in bed. Hand me.

The road is absolutely deserted, Mike. There's not one car on the road.

Despite my grumpy sales team.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Goodbye.

We've taken 85 quid, and we ain't really got going.

Can I just say, the early bird does catch the worm. It is quite an

place. There's everything you could possibly want here. There's obviously

because it's a steam fair. Yeah.

Talking of steam engines, they come in all shapes and sizes.

There's a little one going by there. We're not what? Toy one.

Oh, yeah.

Look at the dog in the back.

It's got so much power that has. The torque on that would be incredible.

That's fantastic.

It's registered as road. You can see that KX13.

Cranley. Road legal. Road legal. Yes, brilliant.

Today's big ticket item is the stationary engine.

We're hoping to get 300 quid for it, which would give us a 50 quid profit.

Don't you think our engine should be more on display? We're kind of hiding

There could be an enthusiast walk straight past and not see it.

It may be tucked away, but someone spotted it.

Have a look.

375 with a wheelbarrow.

There is a pump or something in there.

350 with a wheelbarrow.

Oh, blimey.

360 with a wheelbarrow.

350.

I've got to get the money for my day. All right, thank you very much. Cheers,

bud. All the best. Fantastic.

And the moral is, you don't need a runner to turn a profit.

So, happy days. And really, the day is young. We're 1 minute 45 into opening

times. And we're holding folding.

Well, you are.

By 10 o 'clock, the punters are streaming in. Though at first, sales are

little slow.

Though we have actually genuinely tried hard to buy decent stuff.

Do you know what I mean?

I can't believe you haven't bought at least eight items.

Oh, right.

No. I've got the money.

Oh, you've got the money? So has my wife.

Can I interest you in anything?

No, because I've got no sheds or garages, so I'm one of those. OK, well,

could put a sign up in the bog.

I could. There's a very small sign there for a tenner. Look.

Lovely. All right, thank you.

Eventually, though, the cash stops are flowing.

It's a bargain.

It is.

Enjoy your practice.

I will.

And this one's 50.

Because it's moon eyes, etc.

It's posh. He's going to lose his 50.

Thanks, mate. Go on, then.

Magic, yeah?

Yeah, love it. Go on. Take them away, Gov. Shake his hand. Oh, sorry, mate.

Thank you very much. Happy days.

Oh, my God. What do you do for a living? Stone mason. Oh, blimey, he's a stone

mason. That's why he killed me.

Well, top man, thank you very much for that. All right, man, you take care.

Enjoy it. Thank you so much. That is 80 quid. Would you take 60 for that?

I'll take 70.

65. Oh, gosh.

Oh, it's feeling unusual.

All right, 65 it is, guv.

It's not just the signs and cans.

The smaller items are proving very popular, too.

This chap's bought the Barbados sign for a couple of quid. There we go.

There's eight. Look, I've checked it.

All right, quid then.

Quid. One poundie.

Yeah, a couple of quid.

There we go. Look, he's got the right change.

That's all that matters.

I even get an offer on skid. Am I only a fiver?

No, you're a tenner, mate. Oh.

Because there's five quid delivery for you.

Yeah. So that's a tenner all in.

We're making so much money.

I let my sales team have a short break.

Alan and Guy have said that they're going for a little rummage. Well, that's

fair enough, isn't it?

I will hold the fort.

Hey, so don't tell Henry, why don't you just us two? Really? Yeah.

Straight away, they're acting like big celebrities.

Move over, Ant and Dec. It's Alan and Guy time.

If you wouldn't mind just giving us the prizes.

That one will be the first prize. Look,

now, you're best in show.

A beautiful, beautiful bike.

I have a soft spot for these.

So, there you go, mate. Thank you. For second prize. Thank you very much. Third

place.

Back on the stall.

I'm still getting more window shoppers than customers.

We've got cans.

We've got an RAC sign.

We've got those cans over there. We've got jugs over there.

The petrol cans that did so well last time ain't shifting.

All right, that's half an hour then, that is.

Still no sign of them.

The thing is, man, is that actually half an hour at a store on your own is

actually quite pressurised, you know, yeah?

So to leave me here, they just don't... They just don't care.

Well, they've been away.

I've sold just three or four items, but all is not lost.

The early bird comes back and buys the BMX for 300 quid.

And talking of bikes, Ant and Dec are now doing a demo.

What next? Are they going to start kissing babies and christening ships?

So what a fantastic display.

Thank you very much for being part of it.

It's now been over an hour and they're still not back.

I think they might be taking the Mick.

Or they just work shy.

Oh, hang on.

Here they come.

That was a proper good laugh. That was properly good. Yeah, don't tell him.

Before you get excited, you've been an hour and a quarter.

They forced us to ride the bike. They forced us to ride a bike each round the

arena. I hope it hurt.

Oh, it was so boring. So hang on a second. So you planned this all the time

lie to me and go off for hours.

We've been having fun and you've been silly.

If they're going to redeem themselves, they need to get selling.

And the good news is Giz getting some serious interest in the Velocette.

It runs sweet.

He says it's got a logbook.

There's no battery in it today. I don't know why.

But yeah, it is what it is. Yeah.

And we think that's a fair price. That's why we're firm on it. And we're only

making a tiny tickle on it. So yeah, it's 1 ,100 firm.

Yeah.

Needs a bit of tinkering with, but it's basically there.

It's a 150. Mark 1's a 150.

Mark 2's a 200 with your hand start, whereas the Mark 3's got a kick start.

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

The beauty about it is it's all original.

How can we sort out a deal with the man?

Okay. Give us a little tiny deposity.

We'll make a phone call and see what is sat in the shoebox at home. Yeah, okay.

I'll be back in under an hour. I won't sell it until you come back, yeah? I

think he'll be back.

Alan's not wrong.

Minutes later, we're doing business.

Well, if you'd take me some details, I'll transfer a deposit now for you. Oh,

okay, great, great, great. All right. He has bought that for 1 ,100 quid. So

that is happy days to the tune of, well, 100 quid profit.

So what a great end to the jumble.

I got a bone to pick with both of you.

Really? Why? Well, you just leave me on the stall sometimes.

We were wandering around and we got collared, didn't we, Al? And it would

been rude to say no.

And we got distracted into parading bikes around the ring.

We did. Two strokes as well. Two strokes, yeah. Was I on a fizzy? I think

on a fizzy.

Sorry, have you got any excuses for basically...

Skiving off. We thought you were very capable of doing the task in hand. Yeah.

We weren't going very long, were we? You were at least an hour. We did do pretty

well, even though you two were skived off for most of the afternoon. We sold a

load of stuff.

We sold 2 ,180 quids worth.

And decent items. There was the BMX with the engine in.

The beautiful stationary engine.

Yeah. We made 700 quid profit.

Happy days, isn't it? But we didn't sell... We didn't sell that,

did we?

No, that is very expensive for what it is. Mate, I'll tell you what, it's

sharp on you thighs.

Hey, look, we had a great result.

We did, yeah. If everyone was like that, we'd be very happy. Absolutely.

700 quid profit. That doesn't happen very often. But hopefully, if you join

again very shortly for some more junk and disorderly best bits, we might beat

the 700 quid.

Drunken disorder.