Original subtitles

Oh, Hazel, that old diary of yours is terrific.

I'd forgotten so many things.

Read some more, Hazel. Oh, let's see. Oh.

"Dear Diary, Remember I told you...

"about this new boyfriend Missy's been datin' once in a while?

"Well, he was here this evenin' listenin' to records,

"and I had a chance to give him the once-over.

"Frankly, I ain't too impressed.

"I told him a swell joke, and he didn't even get it.

His favorite saying is 'hot zing.'"

Oh, if he's typical of your suitors,

no wonder you proposed to me the minute you set eyes on me. Oh!

"And when he cracks his knuckles, it sounds like firecrackers.

He cracks them a lot."

Go on, Hazel. Go on.

Well, no, I don't think I ought to, Mr. B.

Well, now, who's boss around here?

- You are. - Well, then go on.

Well, if you insist, then you better read it.

"He cracks his knuckles like firecrackers.

"He cracks them a lot.

"And when he crosses his eyes, he expects everyone to fall down laughing.

I think we can scratch George Baxter off our list."

Oh, that Miss Johnson's so proud of her grandnephew, she could bust.

Mrs. Johnson isn't the only one. Angela and David named him after me.

Oh, ain't that nice.

You know, he's the first baby in our family for over 20 years.

It's a pretty big responsibility. I had to take out life insurance.

Oh, sure. It's a big responsibility.

But there ain't nothin' so wonderful as a helpless little baby that needs your care.

I feel pretty good when I give him his 2:00 a.m. bottle.

David's always taking the 2:00 a.m. feeding...

so I can get a good night's rest.

And the song I always sing to him is the Princeton fight song.

David's very loyal to his alma mater.

- How many children do you have, Hazel? - Oh, I don't have none, honey.

None of my own. But I was the oldest,

so I took care of my sisters and brothers, and then Missy,

and now I'm helping out with Harold.

You're doing a splendid job, Hazel. Splendid.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Johnson.

He's through with his bottle, Hazel. Would you like to hold him?

Would I? That's like asking a kid...

if he'd like a rock candy mountain.

Oh. There ain't nothin' so wonderful as a baby.

Herbert, that was a telephone call from Miss Simmons.

Simmons? Do we know a Miss Simmons?

You remember. She's the nurse we hired...

to help us with little Herbert while the children are on vacation.

- Oh, yes. - The only trouble now...

is she's being detained and can't get here till late this afternoon.

Oh, well, don't you worry about that, Mrs. Johnson.

I got an easy day over at the Baxters', and I'd be glad to take care of things.

Knock, knock.

Who's there? By George!

By George who?

By George, will you feel neglected if I play poker tonight?

Oh, not at all. Not at all?

Well, not enough to make a fuss about it. Oh.

Well, I ran into Norman and Vic down at the drugstore,

and they passed out 10 or 12 hints about Hazel's famous midnight poker suppers.

So guess where we're playing?

You better let her know. She's over at the Johnsons'. Uh-oh.

What big calamity is she straightening out this time?

I'll bet she's playing patty-cake.

Mrs. Johnson's niece and her husband and baby are over there.

- I didn't know they were coming to town. - Well, only the baby's staying.

- The parents are going on a two-week vacation. - Oh, great. Here we go again.

- Here we go again where? - It'll be exactly the way it was...

when the Blake children moved in on the other side of us.

She'll be spending more time with that baby than she will be here.

Did Hazel ever neglect her duties here because of the Blake children?

Well, no, I guess not.

But the point is, Hazel always gets involved.

And when she gets involved, inevitably somehow I get involved too.

How could she possibly get you involved with that baby, George?

That, Dorothy, is beyond my power to predict.

But she will. Believe me, she will.

Hello? Hello? Speak up, please.

I can't hear you. Hello!

Harriet, sounds like long-distance. Most likely your sister in Seattle.

Mr. Johnson, this is not long-distance.

- Hello, Josephine. - Mrs. Johnson, this is not Josephine.

- This is George Baxter, and... - George! What are you doing in Seattle?

I'm not in Seattle! I'm right here at home!

Oh, I am glad.

And when are you coming over to see our baby?

Well, I don't know, Mrs. Johnson.

I'm going over to the driving range this afternoon and...

Well, yes, I'm sure he's very unusual and... Well, maybe later.

Now, will you please tell Hazel to come right home?

Thank you, Mrs. Johnson. Good-bye.

Honestly, women and babies.

Now, what's so special about a baby? Oh, George!

You've forgotten.

Did he say he wanted me to come right over?

Yes, he did, Hazel. Oh.

Well, thanks for lettin' me hold him.

What time did you say that professional nurse was gonna be here?

She just said some time late this afternoon.

Gee, I hope it's not too late. We wanna get to Crystal Lake before dark.

Well, after I see what Mr. B. wants,

maybe I'll come back and visit with him some more if it's all right with you.

Of course, Hazel. You're always welcome.

Please come back, Hazel. You can put him down for his nap.

You wanted to see me, Mr. B.? Yes, Hazel, I did.

I'm having a poker party tonight. Oh.

And you want me to put on my usual terrific feed, huh?

That's right. There'll be five of us. The same bunch as last time?

Yes. Oh. Your friends from Yale.

That's right. Oh, I love puttin' on a spread for them.

Well, good. Then you won't mind...

staying away from the Johnsons' for a while to get it organized.

Oh, I'll have this done in no time. Hello, Al?

This is Hazel. Mr. B.'s having a poker party tonight for five.

Would you send over the order? Thanks, Al.

Bye. Hazel, wait a minute.

You must have baby fever or something. You forgot to give him the order.

Oh, no, no, I ain't, Mr. B.

You see, I have this system for special meals,

like turkey dinner for Christmas, ham dinner for Easter,

prime rib roast for your birthday, and cold cuts for the poker party.

And Al has marketin' lists to go with each one of them.

It saves me time. So now, if there's nothing else you want, Mr. B.

Hazel, there's one more thing.

I wanna warn you not to interfere over at the Johnsons' with that baby.

Oh, I ain't interferin'. They want me. I'm welcome.

♪ Lullaby and good night ♪

♪ With roses bedight ♪

♪ Creep into thy bed ♪

♪ And pillow thy head ♪

♪♪

Oh, he's just so sweet, I can hardly stand it.

You want me to run out to the car and get the rest of the baby's things?

Then I can help you fix up the spare room as a nursery.

Thank you, Hazel, but we didn't have room for much in the car.

Here are his bottles and a few supplies,

and these hold his clothes and, um, some diapers.

Oh. Well, if you folks'll excuse me, I just remembered,

I gotta go clean out our attic.

Yeah, Rosie. Will you do that?

Well, I'll leave the back door open.

Oh, fine. Thanks, Rosie.

Bye.

Oh, hi, Sport. Hi, Hazel.

Hazel, what are all these things doing here?

Oh, uh, it's stuff I cleaned out of the attic.

I've been meaning to do it for weeks.

Well, what prompted you to... Hazel, these are all baby things.

- Ain't that an amazin' coincidence? - What's a coincidence?

Well, I mean, me finding all Harold's old baby things going to waste,

and that little baby over at the Johnsons' without a crib to call his own.

It's amazing, ain't it? Incredible.

So what do you think we ought to do with all

this stuff we were gonna throw out anyway?

Well, let's see now. There's always the Goodwill.

With that little baby without a crib to call his own?

Or the Salvation Army. With that little baby...

Hazel, since you left the decision up to me,

we're gonna give these things to the Goodwill...

But, Mr. B... after the Johnsons are through with them.

Oh.

Harold, you got the best dad in the world.

Sure. I know it. Hazel, are you gonna give my teddy bear away...

to the Goodwill when the Johnsons are through with him?

Oh, no, Macgillicuddy.

That's the one thing I wouldn't do... give away your teddy bear.

Not me. That's good.

I think I'm through with him, but sometimes I'm not sure.

Herbert seems delighted with his new nursery, Hazel.

As soon as he starts talking, he'll thank you for it.

Oh, I ought to thank him. I'm having a ball.

Oh, it was awfully kind of you, Hazel,

offering to stay until the nurse gets here...

so the children could get an early start.

Between you and me and the gatepost, I hope she never gets here.

I just wish we had a doll here so you could practice.

I could give you some pointers on baby care.

Oh, that's a wonderful idea, Hazel.

The only trouble is, I gave all my dolls away a long, long time ago.

Well, I'll run over to the Blakes'. Maybe Mavis would have a doll.

Wonderful! Eureka!

What is it, Herbert?

I've been giving considerable thought to this plastic boat.

- Boat? - My namesake is advanced for his age, Hazel,

but I don't think he's quite ready yet for boating.

Oh, I think that's safe to say, Mr. Johnson.

So not wanting a perfectly good boat to go to waste,

why don't we put it on this stand,

fill it with water, and use it to bathe the baby?

Oh, that's a doozy of an idea.

It means we won't have to carry him all the way to the bathroom.

Exactly, my dear. By Jove,

I think I've invented something there's a crying need for.

Perhaps you should patent it, Herbert.

You could call it a "Bathinette."

Excellent suggestion, Hazel. Excellent!

Oh, Herbert, you're so clever at figuring things out.

Without him, life would be just one long muddle.

Thank you, my dear.

I'll go get the doll.

She's been over there for almost two hours now.

Well, finally, here she comes.

Good. Now you can stop grumbling.

- I don't believe it! - You don't believe what?

She waved to me and walked right past the house.

And now, she's headed for the Blakes'.

- Dorothy, you know what we're going to do? - What?

We're going to move, that's what. Now, George...

Oh, yes, we are. We're going to move to a nice neighborhood...

where there aren't any neighbors.

Right now I'm gonna call the Blakes and remind Hazel...

that we're supposed to have an early dinner tonight because of my poker party.

Excuse me, Mrs. Baxter. Rosie, what are you doing here?

I'm fixing your dinner. You're what?

I'm fixing your dinner!

Is Mr. Baxter getting a little hard of hearing? No, he's not.

And I wanna know how Hazel bamboozled you into doing her work for her.

Mr. Baxter, one sunshine girl doesn't have to bamboozle another.

Our motto is, and I quote,

"A helping hand is the only kind worth having."

Unquote. And who's cooking dinner for the Craigs tonight?

The doctor is taking the missus out to dinner.

He does that quite often.

Rosie, was there anything you wanted to ask me? Oh, yes.

Did you want Roquefort or Thousand Island dressing on your salad?

Roquefort, please. I'll have the...

Oh, yes, Mr. Baxter. I know. Hazel told me.

Low-cal.

Oh, Herbert, isn't this exciting?

In no time at all, Hazel has taught us how to give him his bottle...

and bathe him and diaper him and burp him and put him to bed.

Don't forget the two lullabies...

and "This Little Piggy Went to Market."

Why don't you practice your song? All right.

♪ Twinkle, twinkle little star ♪

♪ How I wonder what you are ♪

♪ Up above the world so high ♪

♪ Like a diamond in the sky ♪

♪ Where you shed your little light ♪

♪ Twinkle, twinkle all the night ♪♪

Oh, that's nice.

That's real nice. Well, you're a lucky baby.

It ain't every baby has his own personal glee club.

That must be the new nurse. Excuse me.

- You know, Hazel, actually, we don't need the nurse. - What do you mean?

Well, now that you've taught us everything there is to know...

about taking care of little Herbert, she'll only be in the way.

Mr. Johnson, I think you need a little more experience before you take over.

Well, if you say so, Hazel.

I would like to run through the burping again.

That's the one thing I do feel a little shaky on.

All right. Now, you remember how to hold him?

Well...

That's right. Put him over your shoulder. Pat him gently on the back,

gently, until he burps.

I think that was a sonic boom, Mr. Johnson. Did you think you struck gold?

Right through here, please.

This is Miss Simmons.

My husband, Mr. Johnson. How do you do, Miss Simmons?

How do you do? And Hazel Burke.

Oh, hiya, Miss Simmons. Boy, you're sure lucky...

to have a chance of taking care of this baby.

Ain't he a doozy?

He looks healthy enough.

Oh, he's got a terrific personality.

An infant that young hasn't had time to develop personality.

Oh, yeah? Wait'll you get a chance to know this one. How do you like the nursery?

Well, it should be satisfactory as soon as I've rearranged everything.

Now, I think this crib could come down this way a bit.

Oh.

And that Bathinette should be against the wall.

How'd she know what I was going to call my invention?

I can't imagine, Herbert.

Where can I dispose of this dirty thing?

Dirty thing? That's our Harold's teddy bear.

And he don't like to be held by one ear.

Mrs. Johnson, there's one thing I want to make clear right from the beginning.

Of course, Miss Simmons. What is it?

I'll expect your maid to stay out of my nursery. Your nursery?

My nursery, as I plan to stay out of her kitchen.

But, my good woman, you...

I have full responsibility of the infant, and I brook no interference.

Is that clear? Hazel's not our maid.

- She's our friend. - Well, that's your privilege, of course.

Now, if you would all get out of the room so that I can start my routine.

Quickly! Quickly!

One thing that burns me is people that... under my nose.

And another thing. She keeps that uniform of hers so starched,

she's liable to bruise the poor little baby.

Are you still grouching about that nurse?

Well, he's such a sweet little thing.

Is he as sweet as I was when I was his age?

No baby could ever be as sweet as you were, Harold.

You're darn tootin'. And another thing.

Babies need more than bottles and baths.

They need that little thing called L-O-V-E... love.

Agreed, and that's exactly what the Johnsons are there to give him.

L-O-V-E... love.

You mean we're not to be allowed in the nursery at all, Miss Simmons?

That's exactly what I mean, Mrs. Johnson.

But I won't make the same mistake again, Miss Simmons. I can assure you of that.

No, it's much better this way,

and it's much easier for me to keep Baby on schedule.

His name is Herbert, and he's named after me.

Mr. Johnson, I take care of more than 20 babies a year,

and I cannot be expected to remember a new name every few weeks.

So I call them all Baby.

Oh, I see.

Miss Simmons, when you're rocking him to sleep,

would it be all right if Mr. Johnson and I stood out here and sang to him?

We've been practicing the lullabies that Hazel taught us, and we...

That is absolutely out of the question.

I don't believe in lullabies. Now, I'm gonna have to close the door.

It's time for Baby's bath, and you're creating a draft.

Oh, Herbert, it's not fair.

Our own flesh and blood. There, there, my dear.

Hazel said that next to rocking him to sleep, his bath was the most fun.

Now we won't be able to even watch.

Impossible situation, and I'm not going to take it sitting down!

I'm going to cope. But what can you do, Herbert?

I'm going to dismiss the miserable creature.

But we won't get anyone else.

You know she was the only nurse available at such short notice.

We'll care for my namesake ourselves.

Oh, Herbert, do you think we could?

No doubt about it. We couldn't have had a finer teacher than Hazel,

and she herself said all we need's a little more experience.

That's right, and we certainly can't get it...

standing outside the nursery door.

Exactly! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going in there.

Oh, Herbert, you're a tiger!

Well, thank you, my dear.

Three lovely ones. Three lovely ones.

I'll take two. One for me.

One for you. And...

Uh-uh. Hazel, will you please mind your own business?

George, that's no way for a Yale man to talk to a lady.

All right, all right. I'll take one.

One for you, and three for the dealer.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'll bet one dollar.

Well, I know you're bluffing, but I'm short on courage tonight.

I believe you. Well, I'm out.

Me too. Come on, cowards. Straight, ace high.

Mr. B., you wanna pay me back that 2.50 I paid out for you yesterday?

Hazel, telephone. Mrs. Johnson. Oh.

I hope they're not in any trouble.

You know the one thing that keeps me from giving up this miserable game?

No. Hazel's midnight supper.

Oh. You're kiddin', Mr. Johnson.

Oh-Oh, please say you're kiddin'.

Well, don't do nothin' for a couple of minutes.

I'll call you right back. Anything wrong?

They fired the sergeant. Oh, no! Why?

Because she told them they couldn't come into the nursery.

Well, that does seem a bit high-handed.

The reason she said it was because Mr. Johnson...

made a tiny little mistake when he was burping the baby.

- What little mistake? - He was burping Mavis's doll instead.

Well, the poor man. You know, it does look kind of real.

Hazel, they're not planning on taking care of that baby themselves, are they?

Oh, sure. Mrs. Johnson's getting ready to give it the 10:00 feeding.

The only trouble is, they're out of formula.

So Mr. Johnson called to ask if I could recommend

a chemist where they could get some more.

Well, we can help them with the formula.

I could probably talk them into gettin' another nurse...

if you could get one at such short notice.

Which you can't.

I got an idea, but I don't think we would get Mr. B.'s permission.

Hazel, why don't you tell me what it is,

and maybe we'll just do it and tell him about it afterwards.

Well, fellas, it's after 2:00. You wanna quit?

No!

With that meal of Hazel's under our belts,

we should be good for the rest of the night.

Sure. Deal 'em, George.

You're a lucky son of a gun, George,

with a woman like Hazel to take care of you and the family.

Yes. I was afraid she would be spending most of her time...

taking care of that baby next door,

but I see I was wrong, I'm happy to say.

You know, that baby next door really has a pair of lungs.

Come on. Come on, champ. Take your bottle.

Come on. Take your bottle. Come on.

I don't understand why he won't take it.

No, neither do I.

That's a hunger cry if I ever heard one.

Oh, I hope he doesn't wake up the Johnsons.

Oh, they were so wore out when they fell into our guest room tonight,

they'll never wake up.

Come on, Herbie. Take your bottle.

All right, what is that baby doing here?

He's... He's refusin' to take his bottle, Mr. B.

That's not what I mean, and you know it.

The Johnsons' nurse didn't work out, George,

so we're taking care of the baby until they get another one.

Oh, for Pete's sake!

And the Johnsons are staying in the guest room, George,

so they won't be separated from him.

It was the only solution. Dorothy, just this afternoon you said,

"Now, George, how could Hazel get you involved with that baby?"

I know why he won't take his bottle.

His dad's always giving him the 2:00 feeding.

So I guess you'll have to take over, Mr. B. Oh, now, this is ridicul...

He wants to come to you, darling.

Oh...

Now.

Kind of takes you back to when Harold was a little baby. Ain't that right, Mr. B.?

Yes, Hazel, it does.

Kind of a nice feeling, ain't it?

Yes, it is.

Now why don't you sit right down here, Mr. B.,

and you rock him and sing to him,

and then he'll take the bottle from you.

Well, all right. We'll give it a try.

♪ Rockaby baby ♪

♪ On the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows the baker... ♪

He's not taking it. Well, that's because you ain't singin' the right song.

His dad always sings the Princeton fight song.

The Princeton fight song? Why, I'm a Yale man!

Well, it's for a good cause, George. We won't snitch.

All right.

♪ Crash through the line of blue ♪

Oh, come on, Mr. B. You're doing swell.

Well, I'm not gonna be the only one to have this on his conscience.

Come on. We'll all sing along with George.

All right, coward.

♪ Crash through the line of blue ♪

♪ And send the backs on round the end ♪

♪ Fight, fight for every yard ♪

♪ Princeton's honor to defend Rah, rah, rah ♪

♪ Rah, tiger sis boom bah ♪

Missy, look, he's taking the bottle.

♪ For we'll fight with a vim that is dead sure to win ♪

♪ For old Nassau ♪♪ ♪ For old Nassau ♪♪

His own personal glee club.

This has been a Screen Gems Film Production...

from the Hollywood Studios of Columbia Pictures.