Original subtitles

Harper?!

Are you fucking kidding me?

This dude is so crazy!

I don't understand why they're acting

like this is not a problem.

I mean, it's bullshit.

He's a complete asshole to her.

She deserves so much better. She doesn't want a stalker.

She already has a stalker.

Aaah! No! Aah!

Johnny! Help me!

Yeah?

Hey.

Did your boyfriend just throw a pumpkin at our door?

What?

That's not something he'd do.

No, no, no. That's bullshit.

Bailey.

No, you are breaking up with this bitch tonight, okay?

Don't!

Bailey, stop!

Everything's fine.

He's an alcoholic, Harper.

You want to know how I can tell?

Because he's an alcoholic.

Look, all I'm saying is that I came into your room last night

to steal some jewelry for my Halloween costume,

and you were passed out.

Careful. That's my mom's.

Harper, you had a bruise on your face.

Do you see a bruise?

There's minor swelling, indicating a contusion

on the orbital plate.

You should come out with us, though...

Get your mind off of the boyfriend drama.

I don't have a costume. It would be weird.

It's Halloween.

Weird is good.

Then he grabbed me!

He grabbed me, and he ripped at me!

He held me, and he ripped at my clothes!

Just calm down.

Oh! I screamed, "Johnny! Johnny, help me!"

Delish!

What kind of hooch are we bootleggin'?

Spider vodka.

Fuck off. No, really. It's from Thailand.

They put a ceremonial spider in every bottle.

You don't want to touch it?

Nope. I know it's Halloween. I'm not doing that.

Seriously? You're still afraid of spiders?

Yeah.

Ladies, say, "Happy Ho-lloween!"

Happy Ho-lloween!

Oh, my God. Nathan!

Nathan!

Hey. What's up?

How are you? Surprised you found me.

This place is crazy. Oh, my gosh.

Ty Hoffman!

Bitch, what's up? How are you?

Hey.

Hey.

Did you need something?

What?

Oh. You were just talking to my friend,

and then you waved me over.

Oh. No, I'm sorry.

I was motioning for another drink.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

I'm so sorry. Uh...

No, it's cool. So, wait.

Do you... Do you know Bailey?

Yeah. Yeah, we met freshman year.

Are you one of her yoga students?

No. No?

I'm her roommate... Harper.

Oh, yeah, no. Yeah. I've totally heard about you.

Oh, yeah? What'd you hear?

- Happy Halloween! - Happy Halloween!

That scare you? Yes.

Yeah, well, um, I'm surprised we haven't met before.

I don't get out much.

I don't really get out much, either.

Someone literally reminded me it was Halloween

like 15 minutes ago,

so I just rolled out of bed and grabbed my lucky bat.

I kind of hate these things.

Yeah, well, at least you have a costume.

What are you talking about? You have a costume.

If... If you don't mind, you can do that and...

Boom, look... Little Red Riding Hood.

- Bullshit! - Evan.

I'm sick of this shit!

What the fuck are you doing, dude?

I'm so sorry about that. Fuck this shit show.

What the fuck are you supposed to be, anyways?

What do you mean, what the fuck am I supposed to be?

I'm the front half of a human centipede.

The other two dudes just bailed,

so now I'm walking around, looking like a fucking jackass.

Oh, now you look like a jackass?

Did they bail 'cause they didn't want to eat ass all night?

No.

They probably bailed 'cause this bar sucks dick.

I think they were just fucking with you, dude.

Oberhaus and K.C. are right over there

with the rest of the team. Motherfuckers.

No one wants to be the ass end of a human centipede.

Hey.

Saw you headed towards the exit.

I was getting worried you left.

The team awarded me worst costume.

Figured I'd share it with the runner-up.

I didn't know you were still on the team.

Took a wild pitch to the face last season.

Shattered my cheekbone in three places.

Now I'm riding the bench.

Well, you can't really tell.

What about you?

What?

Nothing scary ever happened to you?

I mean, Halloween, right?

Scary stories, that's what you do...

Tell each other scary stories.

Uh... like, wh-what, about my life?

Yeah. Nothing scary ever happened to you?

I-I don't know.

I mean, I-I had a really great childhood.

Um, have a great relationship with my parents.

Well, I had a great relationship with them.

I don't talk to my parents much, either.

I think I should go.

I think you should stay.

Wait. Where are we going next?

- The haunted corn maze is open late. - No.

Yes! I know the cast!

No, that place is a breeding ground for parasites.

My cousin Kim... She's a health inspector,

and she gave it a "D."

Why don't we, uh, hit up the food trucks on campus,

Netflix a scary movie, yeah?

- Dude, I could eat. - I'm hungry, too.

Yo, yo, yo, guys, guys, guys!

Or...

we could go to an extreme haunted house.

- Yes. - Haunted house.

- Yes. - No!

- I don't want to do that. - Let's do it.

Well, there's at least five haunts in the area.

Somebody pick so we can call this shit a night.

There we go.

Wait. Evan, what are you doing?

I'm paying my tuition.

Hey, guys, water? Anybody?

- Yes. - Yes, yes, yes.

Got mints here.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

What is this?

Uh, that would be Dasani, flat, and Altoids cinnamons.

Yeah, no. If you think we're actually gonna pay you

to drive us to a haunted house that you wanted to go to...

I'm a professional in the rideshare business.

I can't just give you a free ride because you're my buddies.

Oh, well. It's not fair to the paying customers.

I'm all about fairness.

Always have been. You have to be.

5-star-rated, baby!

I'm glad you understand. What are you doing?

No! Hey! What the fuck, dude?!

Okay, guys.

There's a Jaycees that's just past the mill.

We are not going to Jaycees. No.

We just do it a lot. That's all.

Too much settling. Okay. Just find one.

I'll find another one.

Hey, Evan, can you turn up there?

- Huh? - Turn up there.

Yeah.

Whoa, wait. Where are we going?

Yeah, Harper, where are we going?

Is someone following us?

Isn't there a haunted house at the hospital tonight?

Yeah, there is, but I really don't want to show

my face there with my grades looking the way they are.

Evan, what's going on?

Harper thinks we're being stalked.

No, it's just...

did anyone see that truck follow us back from the bar?

This cannot be ignored.

Oh, this looks like the haunt from Evan's flyer.

Evan, if this sucks, it's on you.

Guys, I love you all, but I'm over it.

I got to fix my car in the morning.

Fuck your car! This is the bee's knees!

Guys, there's only one review on Yelp.

Oh, but it says the proceeds go to Red Cross, so that's cool.

You know what? I'm with Bailey.

I think it's getting kind of late.

We should probably just...

Harper, you promised to have a fun night.

I hate it when I make promises.

- Oh, my head! - Where's Evan?

Wait. Hold up.

- Thanks. - Evan!

I'm comin' for ya. I'm comin' for ya.

Rah!

Oh.

- Yazzah? - Yazzah!

Ooh, Evan's afraid of clowns.

- Oh, hello, clown! - Hello.

Hello, Mr. Clown.

Can we have six tickets, please?

No? Okay.

- That's a good try. - Excuse me.

We'd like to enter your shady-ass establishment, please.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Okay. - Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.

This is scary.

Okay. Bailey, after you?

This is a Bailey job.

Okay. It's obviously not in that hand.

Pick the other hand.

- Ooh. - It's a key. It's a key.

Five stars for this place with the creepy-ass clown

doing shitty-ass magic.

So, like, do you do birthdays and shit, too?

Is this like a seasonal gig for you?

I got a niece who loves scary fucking clowns,

so I'm looking to acquire your services.

I'll get a card before we leave.

You can pull it out of wherever you want to.

- What is it? - Liability waiver.

It says, "Haunted house rules."

Rule number one... stay on the marked path at all times.

"Rule number two... Never touch the actors."

No promises. "Rule number three..."

You will be prompted to do certain actions.

Please do exactly as you are told.

This is for your safety.

Rule number four... All cellphones

must be surrendered to the lock box before entering.

You may keep the lock box key

"until you return from the attraction."

Are you kidding me? What?

No, I just think that's probably gonna be the scariest part for you...

Not having your phone on you at all times.

Guys, we're basically signing our lives away to this thing.

- I don't think it's... - Yes!

Yes. Yes. We're doing this. Yes.

Okay.

All righty. Let's go.

Okay.

- Ooh. - This is a little... lame.

Yeah. Okay.

Is this supposed to be scary?

The only thing that would scare Bailey

is if they defunded Planned Parenthood.

Am I right?

Aah!

Ha, ha, ha. Ho, ho.

Oh, that's what you get.

Uh-oh. I feel like that's not a good idea.

Whoa!

Wow! This is awesome.

It's getting better.

- There's a wall. - Yeah, no, I found it.

- I found the wall. - Yeah.

Yo, guys, guys, guys, guys.

Oh, that's a real guy.

- Oh, definitely. - Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

What?

Somebody! Somebody help me!

Help me, please!

Somebody help me! Please help me!

I don't want to die! Please, please! Just let me go!

I promise! I promise I won't tell anybody!

Please! Please, please, please!

Holy shit! Holy shit!

Oh, my God.

- Oh, that was so good. - That was so good.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho. - Yeah, nope.

You're going first. You are going first. Yep.

- That's some sick-ass shit. - That was crazy.

- Oh. - "Bye."

Ooh.

Safe or not safe?

- I got dibs on not safe. - Not safe!

- Of course. - Okay.

Well, then, we will go this way.

You guys can go that way.

Oh, no.

- I fucking hate spiders! - Go.

- Come on. - No.

Come on.

Watch your head.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! - What is that?

- Oh, my God. - What the heck?

- No, no, no! - Aah!

Oh, shit. There's, like, real spiders in here.

Oh, my God.

You guys.

Guys.

Look.

Nice.

Wait, Nathan.

What is that? I don't know.

Oh. No way. Way to go, guys.

Way to wait till the last minute to paint the walls.

No, this isn't paint. This is oil.

Yeah. That's weird.

Why'd they put oil on the walls?

- Maybe it's cheaper. - Oil's not cheaper than paint.

My cousin Hasib... He's a petroleum engineer.

Okay. Where are we supposed to go?

Maybe it's a puzzle?

That's weird.

I don't know.

Did you hear that?

It sounded like a door.

How do we open it?

It must only open if the coffin's closed.

Well, I guess there's only one way to find out.

If I don't return, speak highly of me.

Yo, guys!

It worked!

I really don't like small spaces.

Then just get it over with, sweet cheeks.

Mallory, I'm through!

Okay.

Coming.

Guys?

Guys, it's not...

Oh. No! No!

Oh, my God! Spiders!

Hold on! It's gonna open.

Oh, my God!

I had spiders all over! Mallory.

Mallory, hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me.

Look at me. Look, look right here.

"Skeletons, masks, spiders."

Cheap motherfuckers bought this shit at Party City

like two days ago.

Look. It's fake.

Fuck spiders.

Nope.

I'm not going in there.

This way.

Who's first?

Look at my face!

This is trippy.

Angela, look at this. This is amazing.

Whoaaa.

That's so weird!

Huh. There's no gap between the reflection.

- So? - It's a two-way mirror.

My cousin Summer... She's a criminal psychiatrist.

Cool.

I said I didn't want to go in the tunnel.

Yeah? Well, Harper, you should have thought about that

before you got into a tunnel.

Oh, shit. Okay.

Uh, this way's a dead end, so we got to go back.

Are you kidding? It is way too tight to turn around.

You're just drunk. Come on.

Shuffle backwards. We'll find a different way.

I'm gonna have so many splinters when I get home.

Oh, guys, guys, I found it!

Stay close! What the fuck does that mean?

It means stay close.

Okay. I'm following. We're following.

Hey, guys, this way!

What was that?

Who's there?

Wait. Where's Mallory?

- Come on. - Go ahead.

Pussies.

Oh, my God! Get it off me!

What is it? Brains!

Are you serious? Knew it.

Eww. Knew it.

Okay.

All right. All right. All right. All right.

This is stressing me out.

It's not that bad. Okay. Feels... small...

uh, round...

Ooh. Smooth.

It sounds like you're describing Evan's scrotum.

That makes sense, since we have a...

grape.

Do not... Ew!

Let's go.

Okay.

Fine.

I don't... Am I supposed to be feeling something?

Uh... Push your arm further in.

Yeah, I'm not... This is... This is not working.

Oh. Let's see.

Okay. No. I give up.

Nothing?

Fuck. My ring.

What ring? Are you sure you had it on?

Yes, I'm positive. It was Harper's mother's ring.

She's gonna kill me. Great.

Wait. I think I got it.

You got it?

Oh, no. Damn it!

Oh, shit! No! Damn it!

All right. No. I lost it.

We got to get it. It's important to her.

We're gonna get it. We're gonna get it.

Let's, um... All right. Find me.

Do you feel it? Mnh-mnh.

All right. Let's see if we can find it.

- What? - What the fuck was that?

- Did you feel that? - No.

Something just fucking touched me.

Can you not... No. Something touched me.

Feel anything?

Someone's back there.

Listen.

Ugh! Ohh!

Oh, God! Oh, no!

Seriously, Nathan, get me the fuck out of here!

Something's got me! Ow, my arm! Ow!

Bailey?

- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!

Mallory!

Can you hear us?

Hey! Follow our voices.

Hey, I hear something.

Mal?

Hey. Um... Our friend is still in there.

I think he wants us to keep going.

Okay.

Nice.

I'll go first.

Sure.

Excuse me.

Have you seen our friend?

She's wearing a yellow dress.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Whoa! Ohh! Oh-ho-ho!

Okay. All right.

All right. Okay.

Okay. Come on. I get it.

All right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Get the fuck outta my safe space, bro.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Probably shouldn't have pushed him. Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait! Guys, don't close the door!

- Shit! - Fuck!

Oh, shit. Bailey, what the fuck happened to your arm?

It's okay. It doesn't...

- Doesn't hurt anymore. - What's going on?

Guys, where's, um... Where's Mallory?

Are we trapped?

Um... hello.

Hey. Hey. Excuse me.

Hey, excuse me. Our friend is hurt in here,

and we need your help.

Hey, excuse me. We... We... We have someone hurt in here.

Excuse me, ma'am?

- Hey. - Ma'am?

Hey, ma'am, please, we actually need your help.

Someone's fucking around here.

- Mallory? - What's going on?

- Mallory, what are you doing? - Mallory!

- Mallory! - Mal!

Mallory, wake up! Mallory, wake up!

Oh, my God!

Is she just acting?

Oh, my God.

What's happening? What's happening?

- I want to go. - Okay.

We need, um... We need a phone.

They're all in the fucking lock box.

Oh. We need... We need... We need the key.

Who has the key?

Please tell me Mallory didn't have the fucking key.

Nathan.

Thank you, Bailey.

Hey, what are we gonna do?

We get to the lock box, and we get our phones.

We can't go back the same way we came.

I saw an exit.

Where?

Back that way.

What kind of exit?

Like an emergency exit.

Come here.

Hey, buddy, can you... Can you do this?

Can you get that?

Um, yeah. I-I... Hairpins.

Hair... An-Angela.

Okay. We have three. We have three.

Come on. Come on.

It's a two-way lock.

What happened to "I can lock-pick anything"?

Yeah, I meant like anything like a locker.

I'm an equipment manager.

I'm not Robert De Niro from "Heat."

Okay. Hey, we just need you

to get through the fucking lock, okay?

All right. Um...

So, what if we just went a little bit further?

No, dude. No, listen. Listen.

I don't mean all of us. You know, just you and me.

We go a little bit further, and, uh, you know,

we find something like a... Like a crowbar, you know,

so we can break off the hinges.

Okay. Fuck. I'll go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. Just... Just... Okay.

They have everything... Our addresses,

our parents' names.

Evan?

Evan, what are you doing?

She's gone.

There must be, like, a trap door

on the other side or something.

No, just leave it. You don't want to piss them off.

One sec.

Evan, don't.

Hey. Hey, hey.

Come here.

Okay.

Can you reach your arm through the fence?

What?

There's a metal poker thing right there.

My arm's too big. I can't reach it.

So what?

So we can use it to break the hinges off the door.

Come on.

Okay. Come on.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Hey!

Hey, please! Somebody's hurt back here!

Hey!

You say you need help?

Yeah.

Hold on.

I told all my friends I would come right back.

They're right... Right back there,

in, um, the room with the fence.

So, do you think you could come back with me?

Let me get something.

I'm really sorry, Harper.

For what?

I lost your mom's ring.

I was reaching through, and I lost it in the haunted house.

It's okay.

I grew up in a haunted house.

I loved that house.

I hated it at the same time.

It's where my dad would read to me...

where he taught me how to ride a bike.

It's where he hurt my mom.

I would go upstairs to my room,

and I would hide under the bed.

And one day, while I was hiding, he...

threw my mom across the floor

like it was nothing, like...

that's how it's supposed to be.

I haven't been home in four years.

But I have this recurring dream where...

I go back and knock at the door...

terrified that my dad's gonna answer.

But my mom comes out.

She tells me he's gone forever.

She tells me the house isn't haunted anymore.

Come on. You almost got it. You almost got it.

Oh. I have to take a break.

Okay. It's right there.

It's right there. Okay.

Okay. You good? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

I have to get my shoulder. There. There.

All right. A little to the left. A little bit to the left.

Okay. You're right there.

It's right there.

I feel like my cousin Elina.

She's a proctologist.

How many fucking cousins do you have?

46.

Okay.

Almost got it.

Got it. I got it.

Okay. Okay.

Com on. You're almost there.

My hand!

What's going on?

Holy shit. Is she bleeding?

Angela? What happened to your hand?

Oh, we got to get her out.

Yeah, what the fuck's it look like I'm doing?

I have keys, man.

Where?

I'm sorry, girls. This... This isn't supposed to happen.

Hey, look, man, we just want to go, okay?

I don't need to talk to your manager.

None of us do.

We haven't seen anything.

Nothing happened.

We just want to leave.

We're gonna get out.

Watch out.

The exit was this way.

Over here.

Fuck! I fucking knew it!

Read the door, idiot.

That makes sense.

I didn't remember there being an exit there.

So, why wouldn't you say something?!

Why don't we just crawl back through the tunnel?

Well, if you want to, but you can only go one at a time.

There's a trap door in the tunnel

that gets triggered if there's too many people in there.

Okay, why is there a trap door in your tunnel?

We use it to capture people and put them on the show.

There's this whole thing with a witch...

Yeah. We know about your fucking show.

One of our friends is dead because of your fucking show.

She's not dead.

She's outside waiting on you guys,

probably wondering what's going on.

What?

Look, we're a little extreme here,

but safety is a huge priority.

Don't you talk to me about fucking safety.

Don't you talk to me about fucking safety!

What's your name?

What's your fucking name?!

Sir, my name's Harper, okay?

We really appreciate your help,

but could you please just tell us who you are?

You can call me "Mitch."

Thanks, Mitch.

What's your last name, Mitch?

Okay, Mitch.

I think we would feel a lot more fucking comfortable

if you took off that fucking mask...

Yeah, lose the mask.

And you told us what your real name was.

I don't care which way you go,

but you're almost at the end of the haunted house.

It's probably farther if you go backwards.

Yeah, I think we made it pretty clear, Mitch.

We don't want to go that way.

'Kay. Wait, wait, wait.

Why don't we just, one at a time,

go back through the tunnel?

You really want to go back in there?

I just want to get out of here.

Okay. All right. Here's the plan.

I sort of remember my way around the maze.

I'll take the lock box key, I'll go through,

I'll book it to the front,

I'll get our phones, and I'll call for help.

Nate, let me get the key.

I dropped it.

Well, that is just perfect, Nate.

Fuck the key. I can pick the lock box.

All right, so, I'll go first.

Then we send Bitch through, and he can just chill

on the other side and wait for everyone else.

Then, Nate, you go.

Follow him with the poker, you know, in case

Mitch here forgets whose team he's on.

And then Bailey and Angela, 'cause they need the most help.

And last goes Harper.

One thing first.

I want your keys.

What key is it?

Yellow, obviously.

- I'm through! - Okay, there it is.

Let's go. You're up.

Go.

Think, think, think, think, think.

Um... safe or not safe?

Safe or not safe?

Okay.

Fuck!

Damn it.

Okay.

What's taking so fucking long?

I'm here!

Finally.

Fuck.

No.

What the fuck?

Run.

No. We have to wait for Nathan's signal.

- Nathan, hurry up! - Run!

No! We have to wait or he's gonna fall through the trap!

Run!

Run!

Don't go! Don't go!

No! No!

Get in there. Come on! Let's go! Come on! You can do it!

Get in! Get in! Get in! Get in!

Oh, my God!

Who's there?

Nathan?

I'm at a dead end! We have to go back!

No, which way?

Go... Nathan?

Nathan, are you there?

What the fuck?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Where is it? Where is it?

Where is everybody?

They're right behind me.

Where are our phones?

Someone's bringing 'em.

Please.

Please. Please don't hurt me.

Please.

Please don't hurt me, Sam.

Who's Sam?

Hello?

Hey, man, who the fuck is this?

Who're you trying to reach?

I'm trying to reach Harper.

This is her boyfriend, Sam.

Hello?

You're too late, Sam.

All right, listen, you little fuckin...

Such a pretty mask.

Why don't we take it off...

and find out who you really are?

Run, Harper!

Where is everybody?

They should have been out by now.

Do you still want to see my face?

What?

Do you still want to see my face?

It's whatever, man. I'm fine.

Oh, why not?

I just want to go home.

2425 Lincoln Road?

What?

Because before, you said you wanted to see my face,

and I was just wondering if you still wanted to see it.

It's a bit of a work in progress, but,

oh, I think you'll like it.

Shit.

Hello?

Who's there?

Aaah!

Where are my friends?

Can you tell me where they are?

I just want to know if my friends are still alive.

I just need to know... and we're cool.

And I-I just...

"Find the key to escape the haunt."

Fuck.

Dolls?

"Something is hiding under the bed."

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Harper, where are you hiding?

Sweetie, look, uh... Look, Mommy's fine.

Adults... do stupid things sometimes.

Okay.

You never have to hide from me, okay?

I'm sorry.

Harper, tell me a story about why you're sad.

Do you think I'm sad?

I grew up in a haunted house.

Come out.

Let's take off your mask.

No.

Oh, fuck!

Come on.

My eye!

Aah! My fucking eye!

You ready?

No. No, no.

Oh, Bailey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

They're coming for you.

They're coming for you. They're coming for you!

Bailey.

No, no, no.

Bailey...

Hello?

Hey, uh, look, I'm looking for somebody.

Hey, man, I said I'm looking for s...

Harper.

Nathan?

Back up.

Someone's coming.

Nathan!

Come on.

You still want to know my name?

This way. This way.

Harper.

Come on.

Look.

I didn't kill anyone, okay?

I-I was just helping out.

I'm sorry.

Look.

This is so fucked up.

They... They didn't tell me it was gonna be real.

I thought, you know,

"Sure, we'll mess with some kids,"

but then they started killing them.

And then they said if... If I killed someone,

that I would earn my face.

I'm just their errands guy, you know?

I-I buy shit for them. That's it.

We... We can go to the cops.

I don't... I don't know their names, but one of them...

One of them is a-a tattoo artist,

and the other one, he's...

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

It's fine, it's fine.

Look, you're making too much noise.

It's fine. I know where they hide a gun.

I don't care. We don't need it. Let's go.

That's weird.

It used to be right he...

Think you're the only one who's made it this far?

Harper!

Come on.

Keys.

Keys, keys.

Nathan.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go.

Okay. Okay.

Hey, hon. Sorry to bother you.

Your friend is doing just fine. He's in the next room.

Just have a couple of release forms I need you to sign.

Fuck!

Aah!

Let's take off your mask.