Original subtitles

Chappelle's Show. Chappelle's Show.

Chappelle's Show.

Oww.

Woo-hoo-hoo.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's start the show.

(man) Ladies and gentlemen,

Dave Chappelle...!

Whoa!

(cheers & applause)

H-hey!

Wow...

Man.

Hey, little buddy.

All right, thank you so much.

Have seen you this, uh, commercial

where a guy, Calvin, gets a job at a fast food restaurant?

Remember that commercial, though,

that guy, Calvin, would get a job at a fast food restaurant

and they'd act like that's the best thing

that can happen to a guy in the ghetto?

Like, the whole neighborhood's excited

like, this is gonna end poverty.

Calvin, you getting this job is the signpost to a new era

in the black community.

Thank you, fast food restaurant!

That's not what it's like to work at a fast food.

People aren't proud of you.

Let's see what would happen to Calvin

if he really had a job in fast food.

Look at that!

Calvin's got a job.

Hey, Calvin!

Way to go, youngblood, way to go!

(man) WacArnold's is proud to give young African-Americans

an opportunity to serve their communities,

making them feel responsible

for the welfare of their own environment.

Afternoon, ladies.

Eww, nigga, you smell like french fries.

WacArnold's.

Well, see, hold up.

Now, that's just a week into it.

Let's see what happens to Calvin, like,

three weeks into it.

Well, here you go, Calvin.

My first check...

thank you, sir.

(man) WacArnold's is proud to give young African-Americans

an opportunity to serve their communities,

making them feel responsible

for the welfare of their own environment.

Look at that, Calvin's got a job.

Hey, Calvin!

Hey, Mrs. Harper, got my first paycheck.

That's good, Calvin, very good.

Way to go, youngblood.

Getting paid, getting paid.

Hey, yo, I heard Calvin got a job.

Man, I'm proud of him.

Let's rob that nigga, man.

Yeah, son.

WacArnold's.

Pretty rough.

Why don't we check in with Calvin two months later.

(man) WacArnold's is proud to give young African-Americans

an opportunity to serve their communities.

Making them feel responsible

for the welfare of their own environment.

Hey, where's Mrs. Harvey?

Oh, she died, Calvin, of high cholesterol.

Too much WacArnold's.

Damn, Calvin, you look beat the hell up.

What's up, fry guy?

Punk bitch.

Corny-ass nigga.

Yo, Calvin, it's a thin line between fries and shakes.

One-two, one-two...

the leanest burger in the world

could be the meanest burger in the world

if you cook it that way.

I need to stop smoking this shit here, bro.

Hey.

Brought y'all home some dinner from work.

Calvin, you can't keep feeding me and your baby

hamburgers and french fries every goddamn night!

What the hell do you expect me to do?

Nigger, get a real job!

Bitch!

WacArnold's is giving me an opportunity

to serve my community

and feel responsible for the welfare of my own environment!

Don't give me that triflin'-ass bullshit!

I'm under a lot of pressure!

Aye!

And who's gloves are these?

Huh?

Who you fucking, O.J.?

What is this?

Well, Calvin, you always workin'!

Ohhh, you fucking the fairy!

I seen that African leaving here when I was coming in.

Well, shit, if you was here a little bit more...

WacArnold's is tearing this family apart!

Old Mrs. Harvey died.

(baby crying)

The baby...

the baby's crying.

See?

And guess what?

The rib sandwich is coming back on Tuesday!

Guess who ain't getting one!

I don't eat pork, anyway.

You damn right you don't eat pork,

'cause I ain't giving you none.

I ain't giving you no hamburgers,

no apple pies, I ain't giving you shit!

Calvin got that all locked down.

If you want some WacArnold's you gots to go through me.

You cut off!

I'm Calvin around here!

You know about me?

Everybody know I got a job!

All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick commercial break.

Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back

with more Chappelle show.

(cheers & applause)

(man) Chappelle's Show.

Oww!

Welcome back...

(cheers & applause)

Welcome back, everybody.

Ah... thanks, guys.

Last season, I had Paul Mooney on the show do a segment

called, "Ask a Black Dude."

And I asked him, I said,

"Paul, we gotta do that again this year."

He said, "oh, I can't do it, homey.

But I'll do ya one better."

And he put me on to the hottest psychic ever,

in the history of the world.

So, please, America, make some noise

for Paul Mooney... as "Negrodamus."

(woman) For centuries, people have turned to one man

for the answer to life's great mysteries.

That man, is Negrodamus.

You, sir.

Negrodamus,

what mistakes did Michael Jackson make

before he got arrested?

Michael Jackson...

should have not been a singer.

Michael Jackson should have been a priest.

Then he would have just been transferred.

You, ma'am.

Negrodamus, why is President Bush so sure

Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?

Because he has the receipt.

Next question.

Rosie O'Donnell shall have a sex change.

She will become a man

and marry Liza Minelli's husband

and beat him.

Grazie, Grazie Mille.

Grazie.

Next.

Hi, Negrodamus.

What will happen to Star Jones on "The View?"

Star jones... I'm getting something...

Star Jones will have two jobs.

First she'll do "The View,"

then she'll take her wig off and do the weather.

Thank you, Negrodamus.

For centuries, people have turned to one man

for the answer to life's great mysteries.

That man, is Negrodamus.

That's right.

(cheers & applause)

Y'all remember that comedian, Gallagher?

(affirmative murmurs)

Pretty corny, right?

He is, he was a corny dude.

But the thing that people don't know about Gallagher-

I don't know if you know this or not...

it might be just something comedians know...

he had a twin brother, did you know that?

He sold his act to his twin brother.

His twin brother goes on the road as "Gallagher Two."

Not making that up.

Here's even a lesser-known fact.

His twin brother sold the act

to a black guy named Earl Wallingford.

And the black dude went out as "Black Gallagher."

I have a tape of his special.

It's ridiculous.

Where are the weapons of mass destruction?!

That's what I'm talking about.

Osama Bin Laden?

Why don't they call them "Osama Been Hidin'?"

Hope you like my outfit.

The queer guys came by and had an eye for me.

Pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, orange stars...

that leprechaun's on acid!

He's crazy.

He's crazy like me.

Are you ready to smash some fruit?!

Can't hear ya!

Pee on us!

Yeah?

You wanna smash some fruit, yeah?!

Smash the fruit, you black son of a bitch!

Well, Black Gallagher doesn't go out like no punk bitch

with a mallet!

Black Gallagher, bitch!

That's right!

Aaahh!

I got warrants!

(cheers & applause)

(laughing) We're gonna...

we're gonna take a quick commercial break.

But don't go anywhere, everybody.

We got more show coming up right after this.

(man) Chappelle's Show.

Oww!

Hey, gang.

Welcome back to Chappelle's Show.

Up top...

by the sound, good to see you.

Man, it's crazy, man.

All right, last season, we started the series off

with this sketch about a black white supremacist.

Very controversial.

Yes, very...

and sparked this whole controversy

about the appropriateness of the "N" word.

The dreaded "N" word.

You know, and then when I would travel

you know, people would come up to me

like, white people would come up to me, like,

"man, that sketch you did about them niggers, that was hila...

(laughing)

Take it easy.

You know, I was joking around.

You start to realize these sketches

in the wrong hands are dangerous.

You know, and that "N" word is a doosey.

Especially for us black folks.

You know, a lot of different feelings come up

when they hear that word.

But I'm thinking, is it because that black people

actually identify themselves as "N" words?

No... I don't know... maybe.

But what if we just used the word for other people?

Would it be so bad? I don't know.

So, I made a sketch...

it's about a white family who's last name happens to be Niggar.

That's all.

Let's see how offensive the word sounds now.

N-i-g-g-a-r,

it's the Niggar family.

Well, we all know who they are.

They're Tim and Emily.

Teaching Tim how to ride a bike,

these are the Niggars that we like.

N-i-g-g-a-r,

it's the Niggar family.

It's the Niggar family.

Yeah...

breakfast is served.

Look, hon,

my sister just had another baby.

Look at this little bundle of joy.

She's got those Niggar lips.

I know, so thin!

Is Tim still asleep?

I think so.

He sure is one lazy Niggar.

Good morning, mom.

Morning, dad.

Good morning.

You know, Tim, we're having a dinner party tonight.

I trust you'll be here.

Oh, I can't.

I have my first big date with Jenny Halsted.

Jenny has a date tonight,

with the Niggar boy from school.

What?!

Oh, God, no!

No, daddy, that's his name.

Timmy Niggar.

Oh, of course...

I like that Niggar.

He's a very good athlete and so well-spoken.

That family's going places.

I mean, we're rich, they're Niggar rich.

Oh, Vic.

Morning, Niggars!

Why, it's Clifton, our colored milk man.

And this my favorite family to deliver milk to...

the Niggars!

Mmm-mm!

Something sure smells good!

You Niggars cooking?

We sure are.

Here's some leftover bacon, if you'd like some.

Ooh, none for me.

I know better than to get between a Niggar and their pork.

Might get my fingers bit.

(chuckles)

Here ya go.

I-I hate to bother you about this,

but, uh, well, you didn't pay your bill last week.

And I know how forgetful you Niggars are

when it comes to paying bills.

Golly, Clifton, it slipped my mind.

Here you go, sorry about that.

Oh, Niggar please, Niggar please!

Well, take care Mr. "N" word.

I have a hot date with the wife tonight.

All right, take care.

All right, peace Niggar!

Niggars?!

(man) Stevenson, party of four?

Ah, Stevenson, party of four.

Table five, please.

Bon apetit.

Niggar, party of two.

Niggar, party of two.

Lookie here, Jack.

Just because we're colored

doesn't mean we came out here to be disrespected, okay?

Ah, we're the Niggar family.

Oh, hi, Clifton.

Oh... well... hello, little Niggar.

These are the Niggars I was telling you about.

Are you the nigga that broke the bottle

over Ronnie's head at the dice game?

No, not that nigga.

The Niggar from work, the milk round.

Ohhh, okay.

Have a nice meal.

I bet you'll get the finest table

a Niggar's ever got in this restaurant.

(laughing)

Whoo-wee!

Oh, lord.

This racism is killing me inside!

Honey, put your dinner party face on.

Hello.

Well, you must be the Wetbacks!

It's Sanchez.

And don't call us wetbacks, Niggar.

We find it offensive.

I'm just kidding, we are the Wetbacks!

(laughing)

(all laughing)

Wait 'til we tell the Jews!

Oh, you're one crazy Niggar.

N-i-g-g-a-r,

it's the Niggar family.

It's the Niggar family.

Niggars!

Yeah...

I'm Dave Chappelle,

you guys are the best audience in the world.

I'd like to thank you all,

I'd like to thank everybody at home,

and we'll see you next week!

(Chappelle) I'm rich, biatch!

(horn honks)

Hi, thank you.

You know why a dog licks his balls?

'Cause they're salty!

Black Gallagher!

Rich people stink!

They smell like someone's been

cooking bologna in their shirt!

The sun is very far away from the Earth, people.

But I'm hot!