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1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,970
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
2
00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,190
Chappelle's Show.
3
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:06,140
Chappelle's Show.
4
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,410
Chappelle's Show.
5
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:08,710
Oww.
6
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Woo-hoo-hoo.
7
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Woo-hoo.
8
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Yeah, yeah.
9
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Let's start
the show.
10
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(announcer)
Dave Chappelle...!
11
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(cheers & applause)
12
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Man.
13
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What's up, guys?
14
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And ladies,
excuse me.
15
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:31,270
Man, y'all,
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00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,450
my album collection
just keeps growing.
17
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:36,500
I just got that 50 Cent.
18
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Damn!
19
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It's hot!
20
00:00:40,380 --> 00:00:42,110
He got the streets on fire.
21
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And it's them
mix tapes, too,
22
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that's how he came up,
with them mix tapes.
23
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But you know what it is?
24
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Now that he came out
with them mix tapes
25
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,820
and that DVD he had
and his album,
26
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,950
now everybody's
trying to do it.
27
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,050
So, it's like,
28
00:00:54,260 --> 00:00:56,020
record labels is just signing
anybody from the streets
29
00:00:56,020 --> 00:00:58,160
thinking it's gonna be
the next 50 Cents.
30
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,060
That's ridiculous.
31
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,230
I got one DVD
in the mail from a...
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I don't even know who sent it
to me, but it was crazy.
33
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Let me see this.
34
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Yeah, it's going down,
you know how I get down.
35
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Funkmaster Flex and be clear,
all the big dogs know
36
00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:13,340
that my man Fisticuff
rules the streets.
37
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:16,840
And if you haven't heard that
joint, "Turn My Headphones Up",
38
00:01:16,850 --> 00:01:18,980
you need to get with it,
act like you want it.
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Watch out for your mind,
all this is hot.
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What!
41
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Unh!
42
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Turn my headphones up!
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I'm serious, nigger,
turn them shits up!
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Turn 'em up!
45
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,030
Hold up...
46
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I'm serious, nigger,
I can't hear outta this ear,
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turn my headphones up.
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I stabbed
a brother in the neck
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with a butter knife
for Fisticuff.
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Just 'cause.
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It ain't goin' platinum,
it's goin' double uranium, son.
52
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Uranium, ya heard?
53
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,080
We poppin' bottles,
stabbin' people, killin' people.
54
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Unh, yeah...
55
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Hold up, nigger, I can't hear
out of my left headphone.
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This one, nigger,
this is my left, turn it up!
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Why you drop
the beat out, man?
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A'ight, here I go.
59
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:01,960
You ready to
rock it?
60
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,530
You ready to see how
we do on the streets?
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00:02:04,530 --> 00:02:06,800
All right,
make that beat drop.
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Nigger, I said drop,
not drumroll.
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The ghetto,
it's understood what this is,
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holla at ya boy!
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I'm sayin', nigger,
you can't just put velvet
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in the shit and think
they nice headphones!
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Where's my snares?
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Where's my snares?
One, two, one, two.
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I'ma drop it like this,
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I'ma drop it like this,
hold up, y'all.
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I'ma drop it like this,
I'ma drop it like this.
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Unh... hold it.
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Turn my left headphone
up a little more.
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(man) If you don't know
about Fisticuffs by now,
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00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,920
something's wrong with you.
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00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,660
He's got the illest
joint out right now.
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He's crazy with it,
"Turn My Headphones Up."
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Nigger, I'm serious, I can't
hear out of my left headphone.
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Turn that shit up!
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Okay, now, let that beat
ride like that.
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That's right, here I come.
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I'm gettin' ready to drop it,
y'all ready?
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Oh, nigger,
just dropped the beat out.
84
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Oh, here we go,
here's the real deal.
85
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Unh... unh!
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Pump up that bass,
pump up that bass!
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Pump it up, unh!
88
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From the...
what happened?
89
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,560
Oh... well, is the beat
gonna stop?
90
00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:09,620
His lyrics are so tight,
they don't even have to rhyme.
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00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:12,640
And the word on the street
is late night,
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one night in the ghetto,
93
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my man got shot in his ear
like, eight times.
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What?
95
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,340
Nigger, I can't hear,
turn up my headphones!
96
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Turn 'em up,
turn them shits up!
97
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Put some treble in it.
98
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Put some treble in it,
that's my word.
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All right, here we go...
100
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:30,880
hold up, nigger,
I need some water.
101
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My throat's dry.
102
00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:34,780
Well, how the fuck
do you expect me to rhyme
103
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if I can't talk, nigger?
I'm thirsty.
104
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What is this,
jail, motherfucker?
105
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Cop the album that you need,
"Turn My Headphones Up,"
106
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it's on
"Headphone Records," baby.
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There's a lot of heat
right here.
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Turn 'em up.
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Turn them shits up.
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Not for real, nigger,
I'm sayin' on the paper,
111
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I'm writin'!
112
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Yo, Fisticuff, if you need
some new artistes, we down.
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I'm killin' people,
we drinkin' malt,
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we bangin' chicks
with no rubbers.
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Left my bling-bling at home.
We keepin' it gangsta.
116
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Fisticuffs!
117
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You heard, what?
118
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You heard?!
119
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What?
120
00:04:12,090 --> 00:04:13,790
What?!
121
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,860
(man) Go get the biggest
album of the year, baby!
122
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(cheers & applause)
123
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We're gonna take a quick
commercial break, y'all.
124
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:26,800
We'll be right back with more
Chappelle's Show.
125
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,670
You heard?!
126
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What?!
127
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,710
(cheers & applause)
128
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:33,740
What?!
129
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:36,380
This ain't neo soul
this is "De La Soul"
130
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:38,550
three types of light
without the lime
131
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giving you intelligent shit
with a fourth of grime
132
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,720
timely shit
from time after time
133
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,750
or like that Brooklyn nigger
said, "igger-n I'm"
134
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,410
L.L.'s finest
with plug 1, 2 and 3
135
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nigger, Dave Chap "P"
right behind us.
136
00:04:54,130 --> 00:04:55,430
Man, I'm bored.
137
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,070
I gotta go to
the Chappelle's Show.
138
00:04:58,070 --> 00:04:59,770
Hey.
139
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(applause)
140
00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:03,240
Welcome back.
141
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,010
Welcome back to
Chappelle's Show.
142
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:08,440
I gotta tell you,
I'm real grateful
143
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,640
that I had an opportunity
to do this show.
144
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:13,250
And one of the things it's
given me an opportunity to do
145
00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:14,520
is give back.
146
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:17,150
I recently joined
the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
147
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And I've had an opportunity
to meet
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00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:20,590
some extraordinary
young people.
149
00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:23,730
And, uh, well,
here's one of their stories.
150
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:31,000
Oh, good,
you're awake.
151
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,300
Yeah.
152
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:34,070
I have a surprise
for you, sweetie.
153
00:05:34,070 --> 00:05:35,770
More applesauce?
154
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,100
No, this is a good one.
155
00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:39,710
You know how your favorite
movie is Half Baked?
156
00:05:39,710 --> 00:05:43,580
What if I told you
Dave Chappelle is here?
157
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,310
Really?
Where, mommy?
158
00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:47,050
Come on in, Dave.
159
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,820
(whispering)
He's right here.
160
00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:51,490
Hey, your mom told me
you were sick,
161
00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:53,590
so I figured I'd
come by and pay you a visit.
162
00:05:53,590 --> 00:05:55,500
I'll leave
you two alone.
163
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,030
Okay, thanks.
164
00:05:57,060 --> 00:06:00,060
So what you got here,
some Playstation?
165
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,660
Street Hoops,
wanna play?
166
00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:04,430
I'm warning you, though,
I'm pretty good.
167
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,130
I don't know
if I can take
168
00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:07,470
losing to a little
guy like you.
169
00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:09,200
Come on,
it's just a game.
170
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,210
All right, come on,
let's play.
171
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,940
Really?
Yeah, let's go.
172
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,710
All right, I'm player one,
you're player two.
173
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,880
Okay, I think I've
done this before.
174
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:22,180
Oh... ah, 1-0, 1-0.
175
00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:26,960
That's two,
that's me.
176
00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:29,560
Two up...
not for long.
177
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,730
Oh... okay.
178
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,900
Come on, Billy.
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00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:35,200
Damn!
180
00:06:35,630 --> 00:06:36,930
Hooray for me!
181
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:39,970
(angrily)
"Hooray for me."
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00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,170
All right, fine,
you little bitch.
183
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:43,900
You ain't scorin'
no more, though.
184
00:06:43,910 --> 00:06:45,180
Come on, ball up.
185
00:06:45,610 --> 00:06:48,210
Gonna steal it,
comin' down.
186
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,380
Billy, look at my game,
it must hurt.
187
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,550
Oh, oh, in your face!
188
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,180
Billy, I'm sorry, man,
I'm sorry, dude.
189
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:56,630
It was good, though.
190
00:06:56,890 --> 00:06:59,320
It's all me, baby,
here it come.
191
00:06:59,490 --> 00:07:02,090
A-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga,
hooray for me!
192
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,690
Hooray for me,
Billy, in your face!
193
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:06,890
Children is our future,
my ass!
194
00:07:06,890 --> 00:07:09,060
I'm the future,
I'm the future.
195
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:11,630
Oh, ah, oh!
196
00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:13,400
You can't deny me, Billy!
197
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,140
You can't deny me,
it's too real for you!
198
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:17,300
What'd I say, you weren't
gonna score no more.
199
00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:20,340
Tell your little friends
that dreams do come true.
200
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,510
Dave Chappelle came
and saw you in the hospital
201
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:25,980
and whupped your monkey ass
in some street hoops.
202
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,150
You think it's
my first time?
203
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,880
I got Playstation,
I'm rich.
204
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,590
I'm rich, bitch.
205
00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:35,920
Unh, here it come,
wait... oh!
206
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,690
I don't wanna play
anymore.
207
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:40,260
You pick them little
sticks up, white boy,
208
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,560
and get to the game.
209
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,200
I have an agenda and
it goes like this... oh!
210
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,330
Dave, I don't feel good.
211
00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:48,540
Could you call
the nurse for me?
212
00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:51,540
Yeah, yeah,
are you all right?
213
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:53,710
Hold... hold on.
214
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:58,050
Nurse, could you come in here,
please, quickly?
215
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:02,820
Billy is getting his ass
whupped on street hoops,
216
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,120
I need a witness.
217
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,290
Unh... oh, dah!
218
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,020
It's so good...
219
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,760
(monitor flatlining)
220
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,490
Billy?
221
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:13,230
Billy?
222
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,960
Oh, my God, Billy.
223
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,700
Nurse!
224
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:20,200
Billy, don't you die on me,
don't you die on me!
225
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,900
Clear!
226
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,670
(steady beeping on monitor)
227
00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:28,410
Billy?
228
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,710
Billy?
229
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:33,180
You all right, man?
230
00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:37,950
Huh, you okay,
you all right?
231
00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:39,250
(groaning)
232
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:41,420
Here, grab your sticks,
come on, let's go.
233
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,060
Let's go, I'm whuppin'
that ass now, almost done.
234
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,190
I'm almost done.
235
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,400
A-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga,
in your face!
236
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,000
Oh, Billy, I shoulda
left you dead, baby,
237
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,000
'cause that,
that was a killer.
238
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,050
Dave, can't you see
I'm dying of cancer?
239
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,240
Look, Billy...
240
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,410
I'm sorry, man.
241
00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:07,880
Look, I-I wasn't trying to
make you feel bad,
242
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,080
I just... I'm just trying
to teach you a lesson.
243
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,120
You can beat cancer
but if you wanna beat it,
244
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,560
you gotta be tough, okay?
245
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:20,460
And I see it in you, Billy,
you're gonna make it.
246
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:23,500
Really?
247
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,530
Hell no, nigger,
you play like a bitch!
248
00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:30,440
Hold up... game!
249
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:35,640
In your face,
in your face, Billy!
250
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,550
Feel better.
251
00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:46,050
Half Baked sucked,
anyway.
252
00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:47,790
(cheers & applause)
253
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,960
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
254
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:53,390
We'll be right back with more
Chappelle's Show.
255
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:58,230
Aw, that kid is fine,
come on, he was acting.
256
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,830
No, you know when we thought
of that sketch,
257
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,870
we was on the tour bus
playing a basketball game
258
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,610
and that shit get
so emotional,
259
00:10:05,610 --> 00:10:08,210
and I said, "if I was
dying of cancer, nigger,
260
00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:10,380
you would still not
let me win at it."
261
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,510
Then I said, "hey... "
262
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:14,680
(laughter)
263
00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:19,450
Ha-ha, go ahead!
264
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,630
Good afternoon, young man,
can I help you?
265
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,240
Yeah, I was trying to
buy a Gremlin?
266
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,540
Eh?
267
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:39,870
Ha ha, I'm just
playin' with you.
268
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,610
Actually, I'm answering
your ad in the paper.
269
00:10:41,610 --> 00:10:45,480
Ah, yes, the ca-me-ra.
The ca-me-ra.
270
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:47,220
Ah, here it is.
271
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,820
How much did
I say it was?
272
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,420
Well, your ad says $300.
273
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:56,320
Ah, for you,
I give it to you for 100.
274
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,090
Why, what's
wrong with it?
275
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,790
It has special powers.
276
00:11:00,230 --> 00:11:05,430
It will show you things
some would pay not to see.
277
00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:08,470
Oh, snap,
it gets Comic View?
278
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:12,370
It will reveal the inner
hearts of mankind.
279
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,540
If you press
this button,
280
00:11:14,580 --> 00:11:17,150
it will reveal
their true self.
281
00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:19,310
If you flip that switch,
282
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:22,350
it will record their
innermost thoughts.
283
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:24,520
Flip it one more time,
284
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:28,420
and you can see the last
person they had sex with.
285
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:30,590
And with this last switch,
286
00:11:30,630 --> 00:11:35,360
it will show you where
they will be in 10 years.
287
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,000
Damn, man, Sony ain't playin',
let me see that.
288
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,270
No!
289
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:43,170
You must buy it as is
and once you purchase it,
290
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,510
you may never return
to this store again.
291
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:51,790
Hold on, let me just think about
that for a second, please.
292
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:57,050
What kind of policy
is this?
293
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,790
I can't come back in?
294
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:01,820
Fine, you can't come outside
'cause if it don't work,
295
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:04,890
I'ma be out there
and whup your monkey ass.
296
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,030
Kick my ass, huh?
297
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,200
Camera works, $100.
298
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:11,800
100.
299
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,400
Can I get a receipt?
300
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:18,740
I'm just playin'...
all right, man.
301
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,480
Thank you, good luck.
302
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:22,640
Good luck?
303
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,750
Hey!
Dave? What's up,
304
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:33,490
all right, dude,
what's up, man?
305
00:12:33,490 --> 00:12:34,820
Man, I'm just messin'
with this camera.
306
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,200
You mind if I, uh?
307
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:37,390
Nah.
308
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,730
All right, cool, man.
309
00:12:38,730 --> 00:12:40,430
What up, Carson Daly?
310
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,730
What's up, Dave?
311
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,900
(loud cheers & applause)
312
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,740
Hey, folks, we're on in 2013.
TRL, Carson Daly.
313
00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:58,650
Will you little fuckers
shut up?!
314
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,850
How excited
can you really be
315
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:04,030
for a video you've seen
58 times in a row?
316
00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:07,320
Fuck!
317
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,620
All right?
Yeah.
318
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,390
All right, man,
good to see ya.
319
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,130
All right, you too,
man, take care.
320
00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:14,260
Hey, hey,
save your money, dude.
321
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,560
All right.
322
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:33,120
Man, I look like
that 7-Up guy.
323
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:35,120
Them white girls
gonna come flockin'.
324
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,820
Damn!
325
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,450
I've been waiting out here
for 45 minutes.
326
00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:42,490
Oh, I knew I should have
brought a prettier friend.
327
00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:47,230
God, get surgery, bitch,
you're so ugly.
328
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:50,700
Whoa, I think this Ecstasy's
starting to kick in.
329
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,430
Am I freaking out?
330
00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:54,600
No... yeah.
331
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,200
Man, this bitch next
to me needs surgery.
332
00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:59,370
What's your name,
big man?
333
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:00,680
Oh, uh...
334
00:14:00,710 --> 00:14:03,280
I said, what's your name,
big man?
335
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,350
Uh, Dave Chappelle, I'm here
for Ann's birthday party.
336
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:08,520
Also, I have a show
on Comedy Central,
337
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,220
Wednesdays, 10:30.
338
00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:15,420
(party music)
339
00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:22,800
(man)
Yo, Dave,
340
00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:24,560
what's up, man?
Hey, hey.
341
00:14:24,570 --> 00:14:26,300
Thanks for coming to
my girl's birthday party.
342
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,470
And you brought your camera,
that's perfect!
343
00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:30,200
I want you to tape
something, all right?
344
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,470
Yeah.
345
00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:35,380
Excuse me, everybody.
Excuse me, everybody.
346
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:37,110
If I could have
your attention.
347
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:42,750
Ann, I have loved you from
the moment that I met you.
348
00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:45,350
Baby, will you
marry me?
349
00:14:45,390 --> 00:14:46,650
Yes!
350
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:48,390
Oh, pumpkin!
351
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:59,270
Dave, I want you to
meet my co-worker, Mike.
352
00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:02,270
Yo, what's up, son...
353
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,740
Yo, you a funny dude, man,
you funny.
354
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,910
Look, I'm gonna
be right back.
355
00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:09,240
I'm going to
the dance floor.
356
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,510
Let's dance.
357
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,840
(Mike)
Don't you want me, son?
358
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,730
(white man) And one and
two, and one and two.
359
00:15:25,730 --> 00:15:27,010
Resume, look cool,
360
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,600
and make my face
look na-tur-al.
361
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,400
Hey, you know what, y'all?
362
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,140
I'm gonna just...
I'm gonna get some rest.
363
00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,840
Good night.
364
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:42,180
Congratulations, uh...
Charlie's girlfriend.
365
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,190
Man, I don't know if I should
mess with this camera thing.
366
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:54,350
I should just
turn this thing off
367
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,790
and masturbate on the internet
like I planned to.
368
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,860
No, no, fuck it,
I'ma go through with this.
369
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:04,160
I gotta be a man, I'ma go
through with this.
370
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,540
Hey, hey...
hey, man.
371
00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:23,380
Would you like
some more pickles?
372
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:25,990
I gotta stop drinking.
373
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:27,720
Oh!
374
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,230
How excited
can you really be
375
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:37,700
for a video you've seen
58 times in a row?
376
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,430
Fuck!
377
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:41,170
What do you want?
378
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,370
I just want to make
a total request live
379
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,100
from my man,
Justin Timberlake.
380
00:16:45,110 --> 00:16:46,840
Justin, it's me,
Dave Chappelle.
381
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,010
Star search, 1992,
I was with you, man,
382
00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:50,280
I was with you.
383
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,480
"Champion Dave Chappelle
receives 31/4 stars"
384
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,180
remember that, Ed McMahon?
385
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,520
God rest his soul,
I'm out.
386
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,650
Oh... ohh!
387
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:59,390
Fuck this camera!
388
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,890
(glass shattering)
389
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,140
Oh, oh...
390
00:17:14,170 --> 00:17:16,740
Oh, a camera,
ooh-whee!
391
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,770
What these buttons do?
392
00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:21,940
I want some crack.
393
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:30,620
(cheers & applause)
394
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,120
All right, we're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
395
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,820
But don't go nowhere,
396
00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:38,770
'cause we got
jokes and jokes and jokes.
397
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:40,600
Be right back.
398
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:46,700
Going to
the Dave Chappelle show.
399
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:47,560
How's this?
400
00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:48,840
Ho!
401
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:51,010
(cheers & applause)
402
00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:55,340
Hey.
403
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:59,680
Folks, this next
musical act
404
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,450
is, like,
good friends of mine.
405
00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:04,020
One of my favorite groups
ever in hip-hop history.
406
00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:07,920
Please, make some noise
for my brothers, De La Soul.
407
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:13,130
H-h-here we go again,
go again, go again...
408
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,440
Yo, it's been instilled in me
since in-fin-ite, y'all
409
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,170
usin' these minutes
like I value the call.
410
00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:27,910
Put your money
in the bank
411
00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:31,380
and hold rank over friends who
ain't got leadership skills.
412
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:33,980
I got the sheep in
my eye so I can't sleep.
413
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,580
We like to land and lay
the brando way.
414
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:39,620
Grand operate the
scandal way, el la shikes.
415
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,190
fucking with dice.
416
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:45,660
I hate losin' to those
who walk away with my dough.
417
00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:47,430
'Cause I dozed
Tracey broke me
418
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:50,030
and now she wanna see
the resident provokin' me
419
00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:52,630
to pop wheelies on my bicycle,
watch her eyes twinkle.
420
00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:54,800
One house,
two houses, third house.
421
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,840
House rules so house take the
bank, watch Dave bank.
422
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,870
Batter had him on the hawk
since Atlanta extravaganza.
423
00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:03,040
Gamma ray rapper
make the Hulk snap.
424
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,650
Jump back like James Brown.
Hey, now.
425
00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:08,680
When the liquor over,
we smokin' the... hey, now.
426
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,720
Delegate numero dos,
I holler out to Sal and Los
427
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,450
and keep the island
close to me
428
00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:15,620
and Dave Chappelle,
the host, you see, yo.
429
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:17,760
Much more
is what we got...
430
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,930
Much more,
431
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,660
just believe me,
432
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,270
than they could
ever see.
433
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,330
Much more than they could see
is how it'll always be.
434
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:28,600
Believe me.
435
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,640
Ya gotta believe me,
yeah.
436
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,840
I got verb skills,
babies, and bills.
437
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,580
Your brother who smoked
crills
438
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:36,880
is still tryin' to
get himself together from it.
439
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,610
No one can quite
run it like me.
440
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:42,050
I'm on the cutting edge of
what's alleged to be hot
441
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,680
and when you rock
it's just impersonations of me.
442
00:19:44,690 --> 00:19:45,950
The rightest MC.
443
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:47,720
MP with the "V"
in the middle.
444
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,860
I belittle
your plan courtesy
445
00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:52,030
of the NY dirty "C",
my man.
446
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,790
My base of fans
is made up of many.
447
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:55,090
We gets allergic to belts.
448
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,230
Lettin' their mind melt
from drinkin' the Henny.
449
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,430
And my straightened-out types
who be waitin' to hear
450
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,570
them drums say
the revolution is near.
451
00:20:01,570 --> 00:20:02,870
Are you listening?
452
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,510
Are your eardrums
open for Christening?
453
00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:07,670
We got by the MCS
with these tools.
454
00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:08,980
While some others
play God,
455
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:10,710
they just
goddamn fools with it.
456
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,850
I don't cut mics,
I rough mics up.
457
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:15,050
Rough and rugged
yet the girls still love it.
458
00:20:15,050 --> 00:20:17,620
Still in all, five-o
came to my mic check
459
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:20,650
tellin' me I left lacerations
around my mic's neck.
460
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:23,290
Domestically disputed
and you just might get
461
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:26,330
the undisputed, underdog
serving y'all threat.
462
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:28,930
Much more is
what we got in store...
463
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:30,630
Much more.
464
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:34,540
It's much more than
they could ever see.
465
00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:37,570
(cheers & applause)
466
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:42,340
Folks, I'd like to thank
my guest, De La Soul.
467
00:20:42,380 --> 00:20:44,540
I'd like to thank
each and every one of you
468
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:46,280
for being here with
me tonight.
469
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,320
And I'd like to thank
you at home for watching.
470
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,890
God bless y'all,
I'm out.
471
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,920
(cheers & applause)
472
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,530
I'm rich, bi-atch!
(horn honking)
473
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,260
Hi, thank you.
474
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,200
(hip-hop music)
475
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:07,500
It's Fisticuffs.
476
00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:10,100
This is Fisticuffs,
2003, bitch!
477
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:11,410
Turn 'em up!
478
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,040
Turn your motherfuckin'
stereo up, what?
479
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,180
Turn it up,
I'm serious!
480
00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:19,680
You not gonna hear
the intricacies of the beat
481
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,680
if the volume's so low,
turn it up!
482
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,190
And that, nigger, that's
how you make a hit, bitch!
483
00:21:26,190 --> 00:21:30,490
I am the man!
484
00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:34,400
That's right,
turn 'em up!
34079
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