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00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:03,940
Chappelle's Show.
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00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,240
Chappelle's Show.
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00:00:05,270 --> 00:00:07,010
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
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00:00:07,010 --> 00:00:08,710
Ow.
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00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:11,310
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
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Whoo-hoo.
7
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,220
Yeah, yeah.
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Let's start
the show.
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(announcer) You've seen them at
Mardi Gras and on Spring Break.
10
00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:30,830
Now, see them as
you've never seen them before,
11
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,570
in the wilds of Africa!
12
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,770
That's right, available for
the first time on home video,
13
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:38,800
it's National Geographic's
"Third-World Girls Gone Wild!"
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00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,840
No collection of videos
showing girls
15
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,140
lifting
their shirts up is complete
16
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:45,180
without National Geographic's
"Third-World Girls Gone Wild."
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00:00:45,180 --> 00:00:46,880
Call now.
18
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:51,650
(announcer)
Dave Chappelle!
19
00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:54,260
Hey!
20
00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:56,860
(applause)
21
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,900
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.
22
00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:03,370
You know, folks, uh,
it's Oscar season,
23
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,400
and, uh, I don't
know who's gonna win,
24
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:08,140
but I gotta tell you,
25
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:12,040
the most moving film
that I saw last year had to be
26
00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:14,210
"Antwone Fisher".
27
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,680
Yes.
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00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:20,720
It was directed
by Denzel Washington,
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00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:23,750
but, but more noteworthy
than that is
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it was written
by Antwone Fisher,
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00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,520
which is pretty deep.
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00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,430
I didn't know you were allowed
to write a movie about yourself.
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00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:34,190
I mean, you know what I mean?
34
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,200
The temptation to lie would be
too strong for me
35
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,370
to do something like that.
36
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,570
Not that I'm a liar,
but, man, this is a movie.
37
00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:43,430
You gotta tell the legend.
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00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:47,180
So I bring to you now,
"Dave Chappelle",
39
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written by Dave Chappelle.
40
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(announcer)
Once in a great while,
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a film comes along
that changes the way
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00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,490
we think about ourselves.
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00:01:58,490 --> 00:01:59,760
(woman screaming)
44
00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:01,060
(man) Last time, all
right? Last time, now.
45
00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:01,960
I want you to push
push, Mrs. Chappelle.
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I want you to push.
47
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:04,530
Aah...!
48
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(coughing)
Excuse me.
49
00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:11,030
Aah!
Ah...
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00:02:11,470 --> 00:02:13,640
(laughing)
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00:02:13,670 --> 00:02:16,240
That is one
funny-ass kid.
52
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,970
Wacka-wacka!
53
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:20,140
(all laughing)
54
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:23,640
And look at the penis on him!
It's bigger than mine!
55
00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:25,780
What are you
gonna name him?
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I'm gonna call him Dave.
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Dave?
Dave Chappelle.
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Watch your eye.
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00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:34,890
He set his sights on comedy,
and would not be denied.
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00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,660
(theme from "8 Mile"
playing)
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00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:38,390
Where you from?
when you leavin'?
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Nice shirt,
Does it come in your size?
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Do I come to your job
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and smack the broom
out your hand?
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Something needs to happen with
this comedy thing right now.
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00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:49,640
Jokes and jokes and jokes
and jokes and ah-ha-ha-ha.
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00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,570
spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti,
spaghetti, spaghetti.
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00:02:53,580 --> 00:02:54,410
8 Mile.
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00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,040
His skills took him
to the top,
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00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:58,780
and allowed him to
have sex with Janet Jackson,
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00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:00,480
Jennifer Lopez,
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00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,250
a bunch of the girls from the
"Big Pimpin'" video
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and Halle Berry.
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00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:07,890
That was great havin' sex
in the shower, Halle Berry.
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00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:11,330
You drained
my monster's balls.
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00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,090
Aw, girl...
(cell phone ringing)
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Oh, hold up, I'm getting a call,
I'll be right back.
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00:03:14,830 --> 00:03:16,530
Hello?
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(man) Hey, Dave, it's Eddie Murphy.
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(man)
And Richard Pryor.
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Ah, what's up, y'all?
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Hey, man,
we were just talking
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about how much funnier
you are than us.
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Y'all crazy, man.
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Can you come have dinner
with us, Dave?
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I mean, really, please?
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00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:31,310
Could you, could you
have some dinner?
88
00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:33,050
Dinner tonight sounds
great, Richard Pryor.
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Really?
Ha!
90
00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:36,950
You gonna bring Halle?
'Cause that's a fine bitch.
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00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,960
Nah, son, that ain't
no dinner thing.
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Call me later, man.
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00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,200
Hey, Halle,
how you gettin' home?
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00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:50,800
And all the time,
he kept it real.
95
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Did I tell y'all
to sell drugs, huh?!
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No, Hove did that!
97
00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:59,940
So hopefully none of y'all
have to go through that.
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00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,410
His amazing journey led him
straight to the halls of power.
99
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,410
("America the Beautiful"
playing)
100
00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:09,480
Thanks for having me, Mr. Bush.
I appreciate the invitation.
101
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,920
Well, son,
your huge heart,
102
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:17,260
generosity and courage
have saved America.
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You're the champ.
104
00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:21,160
I know I am.
105
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,510
I beat everybody I faced,
and I'm still here.
106
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:27,360
I'm still standin',
I'm still strong!
107
00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:29,840
I'm bright.
108
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,440
Would you like to take
a bath with my daughters?
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00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,210
They could learn something
from you,
110
00:04:34,210 --> 00:04:37,210
and I heard you
have a 16-inch penis.
111
00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:38,950
18, but who's countin'?
112
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,430
(both laughing)
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Yeah, gimme
one of them...
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Yeah, thing there...
did I get that right?
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00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,660
Yeah...
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(laughing)
No!
117
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True story.
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00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:00,230
Hey, look, we're gonna take
a quick commercial break,
119
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and we'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.
120
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:04,970
Thank you.
121
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,380
Ha-ha!
Go ahead.
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00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:19,990
Welcome back, gang,
welcome back.
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Folks, in my ongoing
effort to promote dialogue
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00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:27,960
amongst the diversity
of Americans,
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00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,600
I have another segment
I would like to bring to you.
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00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,730
A lot of you might, uh,
have questions
127
00:05:32,730 --> 00:05:34,070
that you want
to ask gay people,
128
00:05:34,070 --> 00:05:37,540
but you're afraid, again,
'cause you're afraid to ask.
129
00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:41,450
So I gave people an opportunity
to ask those questions,
130
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:42,710
as well,
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and I got none other than
Mario Cantone,
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00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:49,650
known as the gay guy
on, um, "Sex and the City".
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00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,150
Matter of fact, he's just
a gay guy in the city.
134
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:55,720
But he's also
a fantastic comedian.
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00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,490
Please, ladies and gentlemen,
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00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,230
make some noise
for Mario Cantone
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00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:01,360
and "Ask a Gay Dude."
138
00:06:07,870 --> 00:06:10,070
All right,
I would like to know
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when a gay guy is performing
oral sex,
140
00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:15,240
is it better than a female?
141
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,850
Better, better...
how the fuck do I know?
142
00:06:17,850 --> 00:06:20,450
Next question!
143
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It's better!
144
00:06:23,490 --> 00:06:24,820
Hey, yo, I just got
one question
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for you
fruity pants out there,
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it's Bazaar Royale from
Bloodline Records,
147
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,690
I wanna know,
what is the rainbow about?!
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00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,900
What is the rainbow
about?!
149
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:38,060
I'm not feelin' the rainbow!
I'm not feelin' the rainbow!
150
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,400
Get back at me
about that!
151
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,040
"Fruity pants",
let me tell you something.
152
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,770
I'll put a band-aid
over your left cheek
153
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and make you my Nelly.
154
00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:47,780
Fruity pants!
155
00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:49,510
Since you're guys...
156
00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:52,110
like, guys are always,
like, after every chick...
157
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,280
so, since you're still a guy,
but you like guys,
158
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,620
then, you'd be
after every guy...
159
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:58,620
so, do you want me...
now?
160
00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:01,660
Do you want this?
161
00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:04,260
You can't have this,
but if you want...
162
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:06,460
I wanna know
do you want this?
163
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:11,630
Oh-ho, you tease.
You big tease.
164
00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:12,970
Hold on one second.
165
00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:17,710
(wretching & spitting)
166
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,850
I gotta tell you guys,
man, uh,
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my favorite TV show
for the last few years
168
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has been "The Real World".
169
00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:34,220
Maybe real life is just more
interesting than fake life,
170
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I don't know what it is...
171
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:41,130
but that
show moves me!
172
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,760
But the thing that makes me,
like, mad about...
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00:07:43,770 --> 00:07:45,900
not mad, but I just don't like
this about "The Real World,"
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is, every few years,
they always put a black guy
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00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:50,270
on there and try to make him
look crazy.
176
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:54,140
Like, he'll freak out,
you know, but it's like...
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00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,440
of course, he's gonna
freak out.
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00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,780
You put him around six of
the craziest white people
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00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,910
you can find,
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00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:00,680
and then expect him to live
a normal life.
181
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,850
They would not like
that if we made a show
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00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,450
where we put one white guy
around six
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00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:07,590
of the craziest black
people we could find,
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would they?
185
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,060
Well,
guess what?
186
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I got a show just like that.
187
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This is the true story of six
motherfuckin' strangers...
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bein' put in
a motherfuckin' house...
189
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:24,100
and havin' their motherfuckin'
lives taped...
190
00:08:24,110 --> 00:08:26,710
find out what happens when
people stop bein' all polite
191
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:29,280
and shit and start
bein' real.
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Mad real.
193
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Mad Real World,
son.
194
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:33,400
(all)
Hoboken!
195
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:34,480
A'ight?
196
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:35,350
A'ight?
197
00:08:35,380 --> 00:08:37,090
All right?
198
00:08:40,990 --> 00:08:43,190
When I first entered the house,
um, you know...
199
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,190
needless to say,
I was a little surprised
200
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:47,960
to meet the other roommates.
201
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,530
Sorry, sorry.
202
00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,470
How ya doin'?
203
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:58,770
What's up, baby?
204
00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:00,080
(all arguing)
205
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:02,270
(woman) What? What? What? What?
206
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,520
Hey, what's goin' on?
My name is Chad.
207
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,490
(coughing)
208
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,820
(muttering)
209
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,590
I don't hang out
with many black people.
210
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,290
Who ordered pizza?
211
00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:20,930
No, no, no, I, I...
I'm your new roommate, right?
212
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,230
You wanna... you wanna room?
213
00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:24,800
Nah, uh,
all the beds is full.
214
00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:27,260
You got to room
with Tyree.
215
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,380
(Tyree) My name is Tyree, and, yeah,
216
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:38,680
I went to prison.
217
00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:40,880
I'm... I'm your
roommate, Chad.
218
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,580
Well, looky here, Chad,
219
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,780
for the entire period
you in my room,
220
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:47,390
I better not catch
you standin' up peein'.
221
00:09:47,390 --> 00:09:49,990
You sit down when you pee,
you understand?
222
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,690
Uh...
223
00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:52,990
That's right.
224
00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:55,630
Now, get your fat ass on
out of here, white boy.
225
00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:59,070
Nighty-night,
keep your butthole tight.
226
00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:06,440
Let me try on some
cotton Dockers, ha-ha-ha.
227
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,850
What's the square root
of this apartment?
228
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,580
He didn't know what he was
getting himself into, you know?
229
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,290
We persevere
230
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,260
they gave us a job
running the juice bar.
231
00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:25,990
All right, enjoy.
Thanks a lot.
232
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:28,130
I wasn't really crazy
about the way
233
00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:32,900
some of the other roommates, um,
acted in the juice bar.
234
00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:34,200
(coughing)
235
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,270
Look at me, America,
I'm makin' juice.
236
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:41,580
I call this,
"the Tron special."
237
00:10:41,610 --> 00:10:43,750
Boo-ya!
238
00:10:43,780 --> 00:10:46,350
This right here is
the good shit.
239
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,520
Drip, drip, drip, drip...
240
00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:49,850
it's just better in, uh...
241
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,590
get outta my face,
nigga!
242
00:10:51,590 --> 00:10:53,680
I'm making
juice, all right?
243
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,090
Fine, fine, you make your juice,
I don't know.
244
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,660
Whoa!
245
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:03,300
They didn't have much respect
for the job.
246
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,340
(Tron)
All right, all right.
247
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,200
Hold on, let me roll,
one more roll, one more roll.
248
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,770
Hey, uh, guys,
you know, uh...
249
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,540
we're here
to work, not play.
250
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:12,840
You know, we can't have this
conversation every day.
251
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,110
Hey!
252
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,880
Yo, what is your problem,
man?!
253
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,610
Why you wanna
work so hard, huh?!
254
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,210
Yeah, man, America wanna see us
live, not work.
255
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:24,520
Look at me, America,
look how Tron is living.
256
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,560
For the city...
257
00:11:27,590 --> 00:11:29,320
Get your ass
outta here, now!
258
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,620
This is a place
of business...
259
00:11:30,630 --> 00:11:31,930
Well, bring some
juice back, nigga!
260
00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:34,090
Sell me some juice, bitch,
I'm thirsty!
261
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,400
Get me
a Philly blunt, son.
262
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,970
And a banana
cognac, biatch!
263
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,440
C'mon, a-clickety-clack,
a-clickety-clack.
264
00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:42,740
(sirens wailing)
265
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,340
Police, police,
they comin' this way!
266
00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:47,070
This way, come on,
y'all!
267
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,110
Get my money!
Hurry, get my money!
268
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:54,450
My girlfriend Katie
came in from Maine,
269
00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:57,920
so great to spend
some quality time with her.
270
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,650
Hi, my name is Katie.
271
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,390
(Chad)
I know we're still young,
272
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:04,020
but, I get the feeling
that Katie, you know,
273
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:07,030
she might be the one.
274
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,000
Tyree made me
really uncomfortable,
275
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,740
the way he was looking
at me and Katie.
276
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:19,170
Something in his eyes
that kind of scared me,
277
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:22,700
you know, and, uh... it wasn't
appropriate.
278
00:12:30,890 --> 00:12:32,650
...keep on doin'
what you doin'.
279
00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:36,520
And then there was
that one night in my room.
280
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,540
(audience)
Oh!
281
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:50,870
(Tyree) Say, nigga, get your ass up.
282
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,010
I need that bed.
I got company.
283
00:12:53,010 --> 00:12:54,770
My man, Lysol,
fresh out the joint.
284
00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,040
Yeah.
285
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,650
Hello, Lysol,
no problem, Tyree.
286
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,250
C'mon, Katie,
let's go.
287
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,720
No, nah, nah, son,
ooh, she can stay.
288
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:07,350
No, you know what, Chad?
I'm gonna stay here.
289
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,820
Lysol and Tyree, they're just
genuinely nice guys.
290
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,560
What you waitin' for, man?
Get your fat ass out of here
291
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,730
before I cut some bacon
off your back.
292
00:13:14,730 --> 00:13:18,170
Can we stop the tape?
293
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,930
(Lysol)
What's up?
294
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:21,230
Yeah, we gonna send that
back to the joint
295
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,940
so niggas know
how we livin' out here,
296
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:24,270
you know what I mean?
297
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:27,710
I saw Katie with, uh,
Tyree and Lysol,
298
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:32,480
and, um,
I worked my way through it.
299
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:36,380
(Tyree) Do your thing
there, doggy, yeah!
300
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:38,120
(sobbing)
Oh, Katie...
301
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,890
Yo, could you hold it down?
302
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:42,890
We're tryin' to make
love over here.
303
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,090
(Tron) Chappelle's
Show. will be right back
304
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,660
with more "Mad Real World,"
biatch!
305
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,300
Turn on your TV.
Ow.
306
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:55,040
What you gonna see?
307
00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:57,670
(Tron) And, now, more "Mad Real World".
308
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,410
Um, it's good
to be alone for a minute
309
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:01,110
in the confession
room.
310
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,410
(laughing)
311
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,180
Niggas
is wildin'!
312
00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:06,310
(crowd yelling)
313
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,080
I remember that we were
all joking around,
314
00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:14,150
and Tron got me
in a, uh... a sleeper hold.
315
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,290
Oh yeah!
316
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,460
(crowd yelling)
317
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,070
I'm king of the world!
318
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:29,340
I don't think he meant
to hurt me, but, uh...
319
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:31,040
I don't, I'll be honest,
320
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,210
I don't remember
a whole lot after that.
321
00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:35,380
Sssss!
322
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:37,550
(crowd yelling)
323
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,650
(Tyree) We gonna take Chad upstairs,
324
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,820
you know what I'm sayin',
and tuck him in.
325
00:14:45,820 --> 00:14:49,690
Oh, okay,
that's nice, yeah.
326
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,890
Be careful if you get
a sleeper hold
327
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:55,330
because the next day
your anus will really hurt.
328
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:04,000
You know, I'll admit it,
329
00:15:04,010 --> 00:15:06,610
when my dad came by,
I was a little bit concerned.
330
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:10,110
(Chad) Hey, guys, I'd like to
introduce you all to my dad.
331
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:13,550
I brought some brownies.
332
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,280
Do they got weed
in 'em?
333
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,450
No!
334
00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:19,620
I felt bad
for that white boy,
335
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:21,820
but his daddy shouldn't have
looked at her like that,
336
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,090
so, you know?
337
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,390
...'Cause I don't like
how you looked at me.
338
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,730
Why you gotta
look at me like that?!
339
00:15:25,730 --> 00:15:26,990
Zondra, I apologize.
340
00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:28,330
I don't know how
I'm looking at you.
341
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:29,630
Like that!
Like what?!
342
00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:31,360
Oh, look!
Look, he doin' it!
343
00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:32,670
I'll look over here!
344
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:33,970
Don't look at me!
345
00:15:33,970 --> 00:15:35,240
He don't know
how to talk to people.
346
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,570
Why you gotta be lookin'
at me, white man?!
347
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,300
I'm not looking
at anyone, if someone...
348
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:40,010
(grunting)
349
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:45,680
I've been stabbed!
350
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:46,950
Blah, blah...
351
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,280
Zondra,
I've been stabbed...
352
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,450
and I don't know
what I did!
353
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,750
You came in the house
with six wild niggas,
354
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,450
that's what you did!
355
00:15:53,490 --> 00:15:55,620
"I'm...
I'm bleeding!"
356
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:57,790
(Chad) Hey, guys, what's
going on out there?
357
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,530
(chatter and music)
358
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,470
(loud chatter
continues)
359
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:19,910
Ha!
I said, look...
360
00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:22,080
enough!
361
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,380
(music stops)
362
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,990
What is wrong
with you people?!
363
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:29,890
Can't you be quiet
for one night?!
364
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,390
It's 1:30 in the morning
and I have to get up early
365
00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:37,700
to go to work,
damn it!
366
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:41,600
Oh, this white boy's
trippin', "you people?"
367
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,240
What the hell you mean,
"you people?!"
368
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,410
I think we need to
have a house meeting, y'all.
369
00:16:46,410 --> 00:16:48,540
A'ight?
370
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,380
(stomping up stairs)
371
00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:57,680
(Zondra) The reason why we called
this house meeting is because
372
00:16:57,690 --> 00:17:00,290
we just don't feel safe with you
in the house anymore, Chad.
373
00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:02,420
Are you serious?
374
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:04,160
I don't feel safe.
375
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:07,630
We feel as though you should
leave, man... today.
376
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,360
I should leave?
377
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,270
Tyree, you...
you stabbed my dad!
378
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,870
And you had sex
with Katie.
379
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:17,640
Wait a minute,
you got that all wrong.
380
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,810
I didn't have sex
with Katie.
381
00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:22,810
Lysol had
sex with Katie.
382
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,980
I just filmed it.
383
00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:28,880
No, Tyree,
you had sex with me too.
384
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,350
Correction, I had sex
with Katie.
385
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:34,550
And now you
want me to leave?!
386
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,120
I mean, really, man,
387
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,290
we could just fuck
you up.
388
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:42,800
But, you know, we tryin' to be,
you know, comvenial about this.
389
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,530
But worse
come to worse,
390
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,700
we reserve the right to
fuck you up.
391
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,840
Right.
392
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:52,740
Fine, I...
I guess I'll go.
393
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,810
Hey, Chad?
394
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:02,720
I had sex with Katie too,
man.
395
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:06,190
Katie has
some big-ass titties.
396
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:09,220
(laughing)
397
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:18,770
Ooooohhhhhh.
398
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:24,840
Aaahh.
Oh oh.
399
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:26,570
Oh.
400
00:18:27,010 --> 00:18:30,480
Oooooh.
401
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:36,980
Got that feelin'.
Ooohhh.
402
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:43,490
Got that feelin'.
Ooooh.
403
00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:48,730
we're gonna take
a quick commercial break,
404
00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:51,760
and we'll be right back with
more Chappelle's Show.
405
00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:53,030
How about that?
406
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,970
The greatest show.
407
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,740
Now, here to re-enact
408
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,480
one of my favorite
"Real World" moments,
409
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,450
make some noise for my man,
410
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:08,650
David Broom
from the New Orleans cast.
411
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,250
(cheers & applause)
412
00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:15,160
What's up, maestro?
413
00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:19,060
Take me there,
son.
414
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:22,960
Take me there...
415
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,430
Oh, so baller!
416
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,040
You mind if I sing
a little bit over that?
417
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,370
Yeah, man, go ahead.
418
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,110
Oh, yeah, you set 'em up nice,
I'm gonna come in.
419
00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:34,710
I'm gonna come in...
watch how I do it.
420
00:19:34,710 --> 00:19:38,580
(both) Squee-ba-boo
dee-ba-boo-dee.
421
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:42,480
Squee-ba-boo-dee-ba-boo-ba.
422
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:47,250
Wquee-ba-boo-dee
ba-boo-squee.
423
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:52,030
Squee-ba-boo.
Squee-ba-boo-squee.
424
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,930
Squee-da
squee-do.
425
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,930
(Broom)
Squee-ah-ee-ah-ee.
426
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,400
Ow.
427
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:02,870
Squee-ah
ee-ah-ee.
428
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,340
I-I-I
429
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:08,080
Aw, you lost me.
430
00:20:08,110 --> 00:20:09,840
Come on
be my baby tonight.
431
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,550
Oh, that's monster.
432
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:15,020
Come on
be my baby tonight.
433
00:20:15,050 --> 00:20:17,220
I've seen the way
you've treated
434
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,350
other thugs
you've been with.
435
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:20,650
She treat 'em bad,
don't she?
436
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,990
Come on
be my baby tonight.
437
00:20:21,990 --> 00:20:23,290
She treated them
thugs bad.
438
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:26,730
Come on
be my baby tonight.
439
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,200
come on be my baby
tonight.
440
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,830
Come on,
you rotten bitch, be my baby!
441
00:20:32,830 --> 00:20:35,000
...Other thugs
you've been with
442
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,570
Come on
be my baby tonight.
443
00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,510
I would like to thank
David Broom.
444
00:20:41,510 --> 00:20:42,810
I would like
to thank you at home
445
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:44,110
and you here in
the studio.
446
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,710
God bless you all,
and I'll see you next week.
447
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:47,980
I'm out.
448
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:50,150
(cheering and applause)
449
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:54,520
(Chappelle)
I'm rich, biatch!
450
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,790
(horn honks)
451
00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:57,090
Hi,
thank you.
452
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,030
What you doin',
girl?
453
00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:06,670
Huh, what you mean,
what am I talkin' about, girl?
454
00:21:06,670 --> 00:21:08,400
You know what I'm
talkin' about.
455
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,570
Come over here
so I can stick my chocolate
456
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,270
in your peanut
butter.
457
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:14,440
(laughing)
458
00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:17,040
What?
Oh, I'm sorry...
459
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,810
No, no, pardon me,
miss, I...
460
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:20,980
I understand, I didn't
know it was an emergency.
461
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,600
Bitch, I'm tellin' ya!
462
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,450
I didn't know it was
an emergency, I'm sorry!
463
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,720
All right!
Hmm.
464
00:21:26,150 --> 00:21:27,490
Chad, it's your moms.
465
00:21:27,490 --> 00:21:29,220
She say something wrong
with you grandmother.
466
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,960
She dead or
something, my fault.
467
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:31,950
Bitch.
Mommy?
32967
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