All language subtitles for Chappelles.Show.S01E04.sJR.en

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:03,470 Chappelle's Show. 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:04,770 Chappelle's Show. 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,970 Chappelle's Show. Chappelle's Show. 4 00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:08,670 Ow. 5 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,270 Whoo-hoo-hoo. 6 00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:13,010 Whoo-hoo. 7 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,180 Yeah, yeah. 8 00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:17,780 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:22,550 --> 00:00:24,720 Well, I'm a comedian, I travel a lot, 10 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,350 and needless to say... I get horny out there. 11 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,220 I'm a chronic masturbator. 12 00:00:29,490 --> 00:00:31,230 I tried whacking off with my PC, 13 00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,430 but I felt like it was just too much clickity-clack, 14 00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:34,700 clickity-clack... 15 00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,770 With my Mac, I mean, the video resolution is so clear, 16 00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,800 I can see parts of the vagina that I didn't even know existed. 17 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,240 Labias and flabias and flip-flaps... man! 18 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:46,840 I'm a chronic masturbator. 19 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,180 I don't know what they make the keys out of, 20 00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:51,180 but, whatever it is, it's non-stick. 21 00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:52,510 And then with iTunes, 22 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,780 I can actually listen to some of my favorite music 23 00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:55,520 while I'm masturbating. 24 00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:58,150 Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to mess with. 25 00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:01,190 I'm Dave Chappelle and I love Internet porn. 26 00:01:01,190 --> 00:01:03,330 (cheering and applause) 27 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,060 (man) Dave Chappelle...! 28 00:01:05,490 --> 00:01:07,660 Ho...! 29 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:13,740 Hooray... Hooray for me. 30 00:01:13,770 --> 00:01:15,940 You know, I'm glad y'all came. 31 00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:18,540 Man, I'm glad that we're not cancelled yet. 32 00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:20,680 We've been going hard. 33 00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:23,740 Uh, tonight I wanted to tackle something kind of serious. 34 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,180 I don't know if anybody has seen me on Donahue recently. 35 00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:30,220 Has anyone seen that? Thank God. 36 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:33,290 Didn't go quite as well as I thought it would 37 00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:35,020 because I was unprepared. 38 00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:39,760 The topic was "angry white men". 39 00:01:39,790 --> 00:01:43,700 So they said, "well, let's get Dave Chappelle for that. 40 00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:46,300 Maybe he'll be able to throw something in the conversation." 41 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,000 I said, "well, okay, I'll come over," 42 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,340 'cause I'm thinking we're actually gonna have 43 00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:52,370 a conversation, but what happens on these shows is all the guests 44 00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:54,110 have an agenda, they come in there, 45 00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:56,710 and they'll say the same things over and over again. 46 00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:58,880 And I thought we was just gonna be talking, 47 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,450 so halfway through the show, I just gave up. 48 00:02:01,450 --> 00:02:03,190 I have the tape, 49 00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:04,490 I'll show you some of the tape. 50 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,240 It was embarrassing, man. 51 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,550 (man) You know what's happened? 52 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,290 Here's what's happened because of that thinking... 53 00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:11,030 as well intentioned as it may be... 54 00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:15,330 is you have taken the white people and you have, 55 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:20,100 "A", made them angry, and, "B", you talk... 56 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,870 White people talk amongst each other... 57 00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:23,600 When they see a black person 58 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:24,910 in a job in a company, 59 00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:28,340 they say, "he is an affirmative action hire... " 60 00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:31,410 (imitating nasally) "He's an affirmative action hire." 61 00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:33,110 That's a lot better than saying, 62 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,880 "hey, that nigga's homeless". 63 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,480 I'd much rather be called "an affirmative action hire" 64 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,620 than "broke and unemployed". 65 00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:41,820 As you can see, though, from the tape, 66 00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:45,260 I really didn't have nothing to say. 67 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,300 I was, like, "should I just choke somebody, or...?" 68 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,030 All right, all right, let's take another look, 69 00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:51,370 see what else we got here. 70 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:55,670 I think one of the underlying issues here is 71 00:02:55,700 --> 00:03:00,440 affirmative action forces somebody... 72 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,180 you're forcing people, 73 00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:04,380 and anytime you force somebody, 74 00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:06,510 I don't know about you gentlemen, 75 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,250 but I don't like to be forced. 76 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,460 When I'm pushed, 77 00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:12,190 I'm only pushed so far... and then I push back. 78 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:14,320 "Forced." 79 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,790 Oh, you mean, like, "slavery forced"? 80 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,430 Remember that thing where you forced us to work, huh? 81 00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:21,730 What did you think? Black people was, like, 82 00:03:21,730 --> 00:03:23,900 "no problem, boss, I'd love to!" 83 00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,470 Man, that was infuriating, man. 84 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,540 But, I, for one, I'm gonna say it publicly, 85 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,710 not only am I for affirmative action, 86 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:33,870 I will take it a step further... 87 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,880 I want my reparations for slavery. 88 00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:40,780 (cheering and applause) 89 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,520 That's right. 90 00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:48,160 I'm trying to get paid for the work of my forefathers. 91 00:03:48,190 --> 00:03:50,760 Done and done. 92 00:03:50,790 --> 00:03:52,090 The only thing that I would say, 93 00:03:52,090 --> 00:03:54,230 is if we do ever get our reparations, 94 00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,960 which I doubt, 95 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,870 but if we do, we black people have got to get together, 96 00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:02,070 and come up with a plan for the money. 97 00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:04,240 This is a consumer-based economy. 98 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,410 You can't just give black people all this money 99 00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:08,580 and turn them loose on the streets. 100 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:11,150 That could be a potential disaster. 101 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:15,080 I wonder what would happen if someone actually did that. 102 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,790 Hmm... 103 00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:19,390 (harp playing) 104 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,020 (announcer) And now a Newscenter 3 special report 105 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,190 with Frank Dobson and Chuck Taylor. 106 00:04:24,190 --> 00:04:25,930 Good afternoon, I'm Chuck Taylor. 107 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:28,100 Frank Dobson died last night in his sleep. 108 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,360 Our top story, as we all know, 109 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,000 congress recently approved paying over 110 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,730 a trillion dollars to African Americans 111 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,870 as reparations for slavery. 112 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,070 Well, today the first checks were sent out. 113 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:41,110 Wendy Mullin is standing by live in Queens with more. 114 00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:42,380 Wendy? 115 00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:44,110 Thanks, Chuck. We're standing here in front 116 00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:45,450 of the Olympic Liquor Store in Queens, 117 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,150 where scores of African Americans have been 118 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:48,480 lined up for hours. 119 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,780 We spoke to a few of them earlier. 120 00:04:49,780 --> 00:04:51,520 Ladies, may we get a word? 121 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,990 Hide the money, y'all! There's poor people 'round. 122 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,130 (laughs loudly) 123 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,860 With your broke ass! 124 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,500 Sir, now that you've got your check, 125 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,270 do you plan on quitting your job driving this truck? 126 00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:07,540 Truck driver? 127 00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:09,740 I ain't no truck driver, I'm a janitor. 128 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:11,010 Janitor? 129 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,170 That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash. 130 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,380 Now, I got enough cigarettes to last me and my family 131 00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:17,290 for the rest of our lives. 132 00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:19,250 I'm rich, biatch! 133 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:20,550 (honks horn) 134 00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,620 So, Chuck, as you can see, it's been a pretty amazing day. 135 00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:24,890 Back to you. 136 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,220 Wait, Wendy, let me get this straight. 137 00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:27,960 Why aren't there any banks in the ghetto? 138 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,960 Well, Chuck, that's because banks hate black people, 139 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,290 but I think that's about to change. 140 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,560 Back to you. 141 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,330 I bet you're right, Wendy. 142 00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:37,030 Hot damn almighty, 143 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,770 I bet you're right. 144 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,400 Well, these checks aren't just affecting things on Beat Street. 145 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,140 Wall Street is having a big day, as well. 146 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:46,140 Our financial correspondent Michael Peterson is there. 147 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,910 Michael, what's happening? 148 00:05:47,910 --> 00:05:49,210 Chuck, a lot of activity, 149 00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:50,910 as you can imagine, here on the market. 150 00:05:50,910 --> 00:05:53,110 These people are spending money like hotcakes. 151 00:05:53,110 --> 00:05:55,800 Get this, Sprint stock has skyrocketed 152 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,890 after the news that two million 153 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,050 delinquent phone bills have been paid 154 00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:02,190 just this morning, incredible. 155 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:03,490 Gold is way up. 156 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,690 Diamonds are at their most expensive level ever. 157 00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:08,730 The catch word around here is certainly, "bling, bling!" 158 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:11,280 Oil has dropped to $1.50 a barrel, 159 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,770 while chicken shot to $600 a bucket. 160 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,140 Amazing news there. 161 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,270 Just about everything on the market is up, 162 00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:21,280 however, watermelon is surprisingly flat, 163 00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,010 defying many analysts out there. 164 00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:25,610 Chuck, get this, 8,000 record labels 165 00:06:25,610 --> 00:06:28,220 have been started in the last hour. 166 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:29,520 Incredible. 167 00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:32,550 Cadillac announced that they sold three million 168 00:06:32,550 --> 00:06:35,160 Escalade trucks this afternoon alone. 169 00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:36,490 It's incredible, Chuck, 170 00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:38,190 these people just seem to be breaking their necks 171 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,960 to give this money right back to us. 172 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,700 Folks, I am happy to report that 173 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,300 the recession is now officially over, 174 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,600 and we have nobody to thank, 175 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,330 but all these black people, 176 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,070 with their taste for expensive clothes, 177 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:52,510 fancy cars, and, of course, gaudy jewelry. 178 00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:57,280 Uh, Chuck, I can't believe my ears, 179 00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,050 the news just keeps rolling in here. 180 00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:01,620 I have just been told that Fubu... 181 00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:05,090 Fubu is now the world's largest corporation 182 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,720 after merging with Kentucky Fried Chicken. 183 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,420 This is another amazing development 184 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:11,630 on an already amazing day, Chuck. 185 00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:12,890 Flabbergasting, 186 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,530 a truly wild day that none of us will ever forget, 187 00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,260 no matter how hard we try. 188 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,430 We're gonna take a short break, but when we come back, 189 00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:22,440 the crime rate has fallen to 0%. 190 00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:25,910 How could that be? 191 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:28,940 Did the Mexicans get money today too? 192 00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:31,550 (laughing) 193 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,320 I shouldn't have said that. 194 00:07:36,350 --> 00:07:39,790 Listen, I think we'll be all right. 195 00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:42,030 Mexicans don't watch the news. 196 00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:45,860 Now, if this was Telemundo... (laughing) 197 00:07:45,890 --> 00:07:48,050 A-hotchy-cotchy hotchy-cotchy. 198 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,530 Hey, we're gonna pay some bills over here 199 00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:54,540 at Comedy Central, but don't go anywhere, 200 00:07:54,970 --> 00:07:58,040 'cause we'll be here when you get back, chilling. 201 00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,740 (cheering and applause) 202 00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:04,950 Man, I'm bored. 203 00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:07,980 I gotta go to the Chappelle show. 204 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:11,890 A secret 1986 document from a major tobacco company 205 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,090 contains the following passage: 206 00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:17,960 "Cigarette smoking can result in feelings of euphoria, 207 00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:19,690 increased alertness, 208 00:08:20,130 --> 00:08:21,900 rises in short-term memory, 209 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:25,770 and can have a calming effect on nerves." 210 00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:32,310 And, you know, they're not bad after unprotected sex 211 00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:34,880 with multiple partners, either. 212 00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:37,510 Hey, Scooter, you trying to get some of this? 213 00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:41,820 Come on, dog, look how cool I look. 214 00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:43,580 I was talking 'bout the cigarettes, 215 00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:45,290 but come on in! 216 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,830 Man, we're just having us a blast here in the studio. 217 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,130 Man, this is great. 218 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:54,860 And I gotta tell you, you guys are one 219 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,430 of the best-looking audiences I've ever seen in my life. 220 00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:58,330 I wouldn't lie to you. 221 00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,630 I've been looking around from the back, 222 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:01,770 scoping out the ladies... 223 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,840 you know what I like about ladies the most, 224 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,440 like, when I look at how beautiful they are? 225 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,580 Their titties. 226 00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:11,750 I'm sorry to say it, there's something about boobs. 227 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,600 I'm a sucker for boobies. 228 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,080 I mean, you know, I can't explain it. 229 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,850 It's just, you know, especially, in the summertime, 230 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,550 when y'all girls in New York be, like, 231 00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,320 taking 'em out on that parade 232 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,330 before you pack them away for the winter. 233 00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:29,130 And then a dude will see one of y'all walking by, 234 00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:30,860 and we want to say something to you, 235 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,000 I don't think it would be so bad if it was just, like, 236 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,770 "man, you got some great boobs." 237 00:09:34,770 --> 00:09:37,370 But, you know, girls get mad at these kinds of things, 238 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:38,670 they don't like that. 239 00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:39,940 They'll put 'em in your face... but, it's, like, 240 00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:41,270 "don't talk about 'em, just... " 241 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,280 But it's all right, gentlemen, 242 00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:47,740 because, I, for myself, have put my mind to it, 243 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,380 and devised a way that I can compliment women 244 00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:53,820 on their breasts and they will not get angry. 245 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,590 I had a blast doing it. 246 00:09:55,590 --> 00:09:56,860 Check it out. 247 00:09:56,890 --> 00:10:05,100 Ooooohhhhhh do it. 248 00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:07,700 Hi, everybody, I'm Lyle, 249 00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,470 standing in New York City, 250 00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:12,040 boob capital of North America, 251 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,940 looking for great New York boobs. 252 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:17,680 Do the hustle. 253 00:10:17,710 --> 00:10:20,280 'Scuse me, pardon me, miss. 254 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:22,880 Hi, can I talk to you for one second? 255 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,520 Pardon me, can I talk to you for my TV show? 256 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,220 Please, don't run. 257 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:32,430 Boy, she had some sweet New York boobs. 258 00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:38,070 Hi, guys, I'm Lyle, and you have great New York boobs. 259 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,800 Oh, my God! 260 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,570 Hi, what's your name? 261 00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:44,570 Jeannie. Jeannie? 262 00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,740 You have great New York boobs. 263 00:10:46,740 --> 00:10:48,040 Oh! 264 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,780 Fantastic. 265 00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:51,950 Do the hustle. 266 00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:55,000 this is Joe Rogan from NBC's Fear Factor. 267 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:56,320 Hello, ladies. Hello. 268 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,050 Can I tell you something? 269 00:10:58,050 --> 00:10:58,890 What? 270 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,090 You have great New York boobs. 271 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:02,820 Are we talking "C" cups? 272 00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:04,530 "D" cups, perhaps? 273 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,560 Yes, "C", "C" cups. 274 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,250 Well, I'd drink from those "C" cups any day. 275 00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,200 Fabulous. 276 00:11:13,230 --> 00:11:18,410 They rest on my arm like an eagle on a perch. 277 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:22,340 These are some of the best boobs you can see in the city. 278 00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:24,910 Br-br-br-bromsky. 279 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:29,680 (Chappelle) Please, don't run, they're busy. 280 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:30,990 Do the hustle. 281 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:33,620 and this is Joe Rogan from NBC's Fear Factor. 282 00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:35,830 Can I tell you something? Yes. 283 00:11:36,190 --> 00:11:38,360 You have great New York boobs. 284 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,230 Thanks... 285 00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,530 Fabulous. 286 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,300 That's my dad, man. 287 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,430 Well, sir... 288 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,200 you have fabulous genetics. 289 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,930 That's all I can tell you 290 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:53,110 because you helped make a great set of New York boobs. 291 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:02,650 Man, what the fu... is this? 292 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,250 Hey, don't go nowhere. 293 00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:07,020 We're going to take a quick commercial break, 294 00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:09,620 pay some bills, and we'll be right back. 295 00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:11,330 (cheering continues) 296 00:12:13,490 --> 00:12:14,800 Ow. 297 00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:16,530 Turn on your TV. Ow. 298 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,270 What you gonna see? 299 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,570 Hey! 300 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,170 (cheering and applause) 301 00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:27,840 Hey, guys, welcome back to Chappelle's Show, man. 302 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,980 You know, we better check in with Chuck Taylor 303 00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:32,150 at Newscenter 3 to see how those black folks 304 00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:34,780 are making out with their reparations checks. 305 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:38,690 (announcer) And now more "Reparations 2003" with Chuck Taylor. 306 00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:40,420 If you're just joining us, 307 00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,590 black people got their reparations checks today, 308 00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:45,190 and, in short, all hell has broken loose. 309 00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:47,360 In sports, the Philadelphia 76ers 310 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,660 took on the New York Knicks, 311 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:51,700 but since none of the black players showed up, 312 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,870 Todd Macculloch ended up playing one-on-one 313 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:55,570 with Travis Knight. 314 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,200 Macculloch had 75 points, beating Knight by 7. 315 00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,810 After the game, Macculloch said that he was hurt 316 00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,540 that none of the black players showed up, 317 00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,250 but upbeat because he, 318 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,720 quote, finally, feels like he has a big penis. 319 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:10,320 Welcome to the club, buddy, 320 00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:12,050 the big penis club. 321 00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:14,690 Fortune magazine released their annual list 322 00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:16,820 of the hundred wealthiest people today, 323 00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:18,990 and Bill Gates has been overtaken. 324 00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:20,730 "By whom," you ask? 325 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,830 A Harlem resident named simply... Tron. 326 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,700 Our Stephanie Gold is standing by with him now. 327 00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,000 So, how did you become 328 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,700 the world's wealthiest man, Tron? 329 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:33,320 Hot hand in a dice game, baby girl. 330 00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:35,080 Six hours straight, talking 'bout, 331 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,240 clackity, clackity, clackity clack! 332 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,280 Now, you looking at the world's richest man, 333 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,550 and I'm black. 334 00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:44,150 Kiss my black ass, America! 335 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,350 I think what everybody wants to know now is, 336 00:13:46,350 --> 00:13:48,060 what are you going to do with all this money? 337 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,960 Uh, I'm gonna reinvest my money into the community. 338 00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:54,130 Oh, that's a very nice gesture, what will you... 339 00:13:54,130 --> 00:13:55,000 Psych! 340 00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:56,730 (laughing) 341 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,330 Okay, is that your son? 342 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,100 No, no, I just bought this baby cash. 343 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,670 No, straight up, though, I'm gonna do the real thing, 344 00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,410 and spend this money before y'all honkeys 345 00:14:05,410 --> 00:14:07,140 change your minds. 346 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:10,180 On that note, Chuck, we're gonna send it 347 00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:11,510 back to you in the studio now. 348 00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:13,250 Hold up, Chuck, I got your girl. 349 00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:14,980 What do you say about a little lap dance 350 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,280 for the world's richest man? 351 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,580 Oh, well, if you put it that way... 352 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,320 Chuck, back to you in the studio. 353 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,620 Thank you, Stephanie. 354 00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:21,920 Chuck! In other news... 355 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,620 Suck my... 356 00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:27,100 We, um, we seem to have lost the feed. 357 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:31,870 Anyhow, here with the weather is our old pal, 358 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:36,640 reliable, friendly, portly... Big Al. 359 00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:39,710 (nasal) Happy Reparations Day, Happy Juneteenth. 360 00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:41,410 Just kidding. 361 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,180 Chuck, I don't know if you know this, 362 00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:44,910 but I've just handed in my resignation here 363 00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,770 at Newscenter 3 hours ago. 364 00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,820 And I'll tell you something else 365 00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:51,850 you probably didn't know, and that is this: 366 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,420 This is not my real speaking voice. 367 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,920 (deep and throaty) Actually, Chuck, this my real speaking voice. 368 00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,790 I talk like straight-up gangster, bitch. 369 00:15:00,930 --> 00:15:05,700 My name ain't Big Al, it's Alton Sims, okay? 370 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,000 Uh, Big Al, seriously, 371 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,330 what's the forecast for the tri-state area? 372 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,070 Oh, I don't know, Chuck. 373 00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:13,110 Why don't we take a look at my tri-state area map, 374 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,710 which looks a lot like my big fat ass. 375 00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,880 Okay, here we have Connecticut. 376 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,450 All the white folks drive down 95 377 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,480 and go straight into the Holland Tunnel. 378 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,220 Uh-oh, look out, 379 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:26,990 here comes a big brown truck. 380 00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:29,160 Wait a minute, that ain't no truck! 381 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,430 (farting) 382 00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:31,760 My God, Big Al, that's disgusting! 383 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,900 I'm paid. I'm paid. 384 00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:36,060 I'm paid in the shade. 385 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,530 (mouthing rhythm) 386 00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:42,140 Is that "beat boxing?" 387 00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:43,470 You old, pasty bastard. 388 00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:46,070 Look at you, Chuck, you look sick, man. 389 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,080 You look like you just walked up from ground zero. 390 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,980 This job sucks, kiss the rings, bitch. 391 00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:54,280 I'm out. 392 00:15:57,750 --> 00:15:59,090 And there you have it. 393 00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:01,220 Excuse me. 394 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,690 Incredible, I'm receiving word that Colin Powell 395 00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:08,190 has just bitch-slapped Vice President Dick Cheney. 396 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:12,070 White people, run for cover, we'll be right back. 397 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,440 Hey, man, we're gonna take a quick commercial break, 398 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,740 and we'll be right back 399 00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,720 with more Chappelle's Show. 400 00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:22,040 Kiss the rings, bitch! 401 00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,680 Chappelle's Show. 402 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,280 Better not bring your kids! 403 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,620 Everybody in this room, 404 00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,350 I'd like to thank you for coming to my show. 405 00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:35,060 Everybody at home, 406 00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:36,390 I hope you're at home making your butt 407 00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:38,530 clap-clap clap-clap clap. 408 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,730 All right, thanks for coming, see you next week. 409 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,000 I'm out. 410 00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:45,470 (cheers & applause) 411 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:47,230 (Chappelle) I'm rich, biatch! 412 00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,500 (horn honking) 413 00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:49,640 Hi, thank you! 414 00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:57,640 What is your personal feelings on reparations? 415 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,250 There should be some type of reparation... 416 00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:04,120 Money, okay? 417 00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:06,750 I feel the same way, but I'd like the land, though. 418 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:08,490 You want the land, not the money? 419 00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:09,760 Yeah. 420 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,490 You know you can buy land with money, don't you? 421 00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,660 (laughing) 422 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,430 I'll beat the (bleep) out of one of you (bleep). 423 00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:18,000 Heh-heh-heh-hey, that's right. 424 00:17:18,430 --> 00:17:19,770 You didn't think a fat (bleep) like me 425 00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:22,800 could throw combinations, I'm from the streets. 426 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,510 Respect mine. 31306

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.