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Sync by YYeTs.net
Transcript by Addic7ed.com
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I've got more friends than Kyle!
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How the hell do you have more friends than me?
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Cuz people think i'm cool, dude.
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How many friends do you have, Kenny?
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63. What?
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How the hell do i only have 37 friends?
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Aww, are you guys doing that stupid facebook stuff again?
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Stupid facebook stuff!
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Why are you guys in here wasting your time?
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We're supposed to be out playing video games!
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Stan, you don't get how cool facebook has become.
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You can message your friends,
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Play yahtzee with your friends,
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Even start your own virtual farm and have your friends visit it!
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Dude, who the hell wants to play yahtzee?
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Stan, we know it's hard to get started,
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But we have a little surprise for you.
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Yeah, dude, we made you your own facebook page!
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Surprise!
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No! I told you guys i don't wanna be on facebook!
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Yeah, but now you can be friends with all of us!
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Yeah!
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I'm not collecting friends and i'm not building any farms.
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I don't wanna get sucked into this!
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Alright. Fine, dude, you don't have to add any friends.
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You can just be like Kipdrordy.
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Who? - Kip Drordy, the third grader.
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He's got no facebook friends.
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And he's had a profile for more than six months!
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Aw, gee that's so sad.
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Everyone should have one facebook friend.
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You guys are retarded. I'm playing xbox.
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There's really people out there without a facebook friend in the world?
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That's so wrong.
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[You have 0 friends]
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[Kyle broflovski has added you as a friend.]
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[Confirm Kyle as your friend?]
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[Confirm]
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[You have 1 friends]
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Mom! Dad!
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I made a friend today!
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Kip! Really?
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You did?
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Yeah!
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Oh son, that's wonderful!
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What's his name?
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Kyle broflovski!
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He's a student and his interests include video games and reading!
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Oh, is he a nice boy?
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Oh, he's the best, mom!
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He has a green hat and he wants the world to stop talking about ninjas!
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Ooh! I need to tell him what i'm currently thinking about!
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What am i currently thinking about?
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Hey, Stan, i was on my computer at work and saw that
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You have a facebook page now.
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Yeah, dad i was kinda forced to.
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Wul, so, are you gonna add me as a friend?
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No, dad. I really don't want to get more into it.
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Oh okay.
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So i'm not your friend, then?
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Dad, you are my friend.
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But you just don't want to add me as a friend.
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Dad, it's just a stupid click of a button that takes two seconds.
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Right, but you don't have the two seconds or --
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I just want to do my homework.
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Alright, fine.
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Just to be clear, you and i are not friends?
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Alright, dad! I'll add you!
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Oh, cool! Okay.
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Mom, dad!
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My best friend, Kyle,
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He went to the dentist yesterday and got two fillings!
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And today he's wondering if "hurt locker" really deserved the oscar!
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That's great kip!
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Yeah!
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They sure are getting to know each other.
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It's amazing.
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You know Kipspent the morning at the boy's farm?
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His friend lives on a farm?
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Think i'll add some more pigs.
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Ooh, maybe i should put in another field of corn there.
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There we go!
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Nice.
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29?
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No, i have 30 friend --
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Hey, what the ll i...
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Oh, no!
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Oh shit!
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Am i a joke to you?
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What?
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I just wanna know is that all i am? A big joke?
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Ummm, no?
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You do have a facebook page, Stan!
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Aw, god dammit.
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No, i just got that because Kyle --
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I saw your page, Stan.
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Relationship status? Single?
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Relationship status?
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I didn't even pay any attention to --
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You like being single, Stan?
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So that you can use facebook to find other girls.
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According to your facebook page, we aren't friends.
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Alright. I'll add you as a friend. I'm sorry!
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And you better change your relationship status to in a relationship!
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How?
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By editing your profile under basic information!
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Okay! I'm sorry!
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Edit profile.
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Basic settings. Jesus christ.
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Stan, why won't you be friends with grandma?
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Aw, dad, i just really don't want to pay attention to this thing --
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Grandma is in the hospital
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And you won't even be friends with her!
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Alright, dad, i'll add grandma as a friend.
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That's better.
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Oh, and i sent you a funny picture, and you didn't respond to it.
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Dude, fuck facebook, seriously.
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What the hell is this?
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Podcast?
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Welcome to cartman's incredible podcast!
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Hello fellow, facebookers.
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I am here to do one thing: get you more friends!
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Looking around facebook today
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We see that since adding loser Kipdrordy as a friend,
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Kyle broflovski's stock is plummeting.
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He had 55 friends just two days ago.
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He's down to just 11 this morning.
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Run to your facebook account
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And delete Kyle from your friends list because he is poison,
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And i don't see him making a comeback any time soon!
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You're going to want to dump Kyle
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And if at all possible add clyde donovan.Why?
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Birthday!
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That's right, clyde has a birthday coming up,
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And his mom is taking everyone to casa bonita.
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If you don't have clyde as a friend,
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You're going to want to add him
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Because clyde's numbers are about to go way up.
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And now word on the street!
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Word on the street!
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The rumors are now becoming more than that.
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Jimmy and bebe have agreed to share their friends!
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That's right, it looks like we are about to have a merger!
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Merger!
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So if you're a friend of jimmy's,
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You're about to luck into about 90 chick friends.
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And as we all know chick friends,
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Are worth almost triple what dude friends are.
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That's all the time i have for today.
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Remember, update that profile and steer clear of Kyle!
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- Can i come in? - Sure, dude.
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Dude, what's the matter?
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I don't have any friends.
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What?
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I mean i do, but --
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Ever since i became friends with that Kipdrordy kid
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A bunch of my other friends have started ignoring me.
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It would be fine except my farm is starting to shrink.
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I know that i should just dump Kipas a friend,
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But that's such a terrible thing to do, and --
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I'm sorry. I'm just so confused.
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I really need a friend right now.
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Okay, dude, i'm here for you.
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Okay. So then go get on facebook and fertilize my crops.
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No.
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Please!
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My farm hasn't expanded in three days!
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Dude, i've already had to become friends with
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All of wendy's friends and my grandma's friends!
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I do not wanna start doing all the farming stuff, too!
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I'm not getting sucked into that!
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You don't get sucked into it!
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You don't get sucked in at all!
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Please!
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Fuck!
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Okay. It says i'm at your farm.
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Okay. So now just click on the little soil button
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And then maybe put a sign up to comment on my farm.
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Okay. Now i can read the sign you put up.
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Okay. It says you and i are now very good friends.
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Yeah, we're very good friends!
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We're very good friends, Stan!
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So kip, you spend more time with your buddy Kyle today?
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Oh yeah, dad!
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We've been having the best time!
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I showed him all the pictures of me in that silly halloween costume last year!
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Oh? What'd he say about those?
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He laughed out loud!
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And then he was rolling on the floor laughing!
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Sounds like you boys had a ball!
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Mom, dad, i'm all done!
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Can i go hang out with Kyle and tell him all about what i had for dinner?
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Well, it's a little late, but it is friday.
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I think the more time you spend with your little friend the better.
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Wow, thanks!
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Have fun and be safe!
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Ate pork chop for dinner had nice apple sauce too!
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I think you look cute in your bunny costume.
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What?
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I think you look cute in your bunny costume?
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What is that supposed to mean?
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I have no idea!
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That's what susan92 wrote on your facebook wall!
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You give girls pictures of you in bunny outfits?
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Fuck you!
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Susan92 is a friend of my grandma's and she's 92 years old!
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Oh hey, Stan!
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I'm your friend brian through your uncle jimbo?
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Hey, i commented on your status
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But haven't heard back from you.
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Could you give me a poke sometime soon?
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Fine.
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Hey kid! How come you ignored my friend request?
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I don't know you!
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Yeah, well, i'm just a guy that gets ignored i guess!
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Stan, grandma said she poked you and you haven't sent a poke back.
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Dad, i didn't even want to do this.
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Stan, poke your grandma!
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No, no!
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Screw this! You know what?
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Edit profile
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Update profile.
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There! Delete profile.
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You have requested to delete for facebook profile,
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If this is an error hit cancel.
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Proceed.
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Delete your profile. Are you sure?
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Yes, no? Yes.
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Are you totally sure?
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Yes!
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I'm afraid i can't let you do that, Stan marsh.
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Can't let me do that?
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What are you talking about?
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I'm gonna have to put you on the game grid.
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Delete profile.
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Are you totally sure? Yes/no, yes.
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God dammit yes!
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Delete!
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Hey dad?
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Dad?
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Oh, dude, what the fuck?
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Alright get moving, profile.
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Profile?
245
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I'm not a profile!
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Ignore.
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Tom davis says hello to linda green's profile!
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Linda green likes how tom davis has changed his status.
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Excuse me. My name is -- Ignore.
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Hey, could you tell me how i-- Ignore.
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Aw, god dammit.
252
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I got sucked into facebook!
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I don't know what to do.
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I just can't seem to get my friend numbers to go up.
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I'm desperate.
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That's why i came to you.
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You're very smart, Kyle.
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But the truth is, as long as you have
259
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That Kipdrordy loser as a facebook friend,
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People view your friendship as a liability.
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You gotta dump him.
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I can't do that. I just feel too bad.
263
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:14,789
Well, Kyle, then what you have to do is go outside the normal circles
264
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,120
And try to make friends with people who've never heard of kip.
265
00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:18,087
I've been trying!
266
00:12:18,339 --> 00:12:21,007
But i just don't know how to make totally new friends on the internet.
267
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,615
It's not as hard as it sounds, Kyle.
268
00:12:22,791 --> 00:12:24,312
Have you ever heard of chat roulette?
269
00:12:24,463 --> 00:12:26,660
No. What's chat roulette?
270
00:12:27,309 --> 00:12:29,360
Yup. Finding new friends is easier today than ever before.
271
00:12:29,729 --> 00:12:30,993
We just set ourselves up on webcam.
272
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,265
And then the computer will randomly put us with
273
00:12:33,265 --> 00:12:36,010
One of the 50,000 people online also doing chat roulette.
274
00:12:36,247 --> 00:12:37,571
Hey, that's kinda cool.
275
00:12:37,739 --> 00:12:39,872
Uh-Huh. Alright. Let's see who our first chat partner is.
276
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,037
Connect.
277
00:12:42,092 --> 00:12:43,715
Aw, that's some dude jacking off!
278
00:12:43,993 --> 00:12:45,089
Oh, yeah, you get those sometimes.
279
00:12:45,244 --> 00:12:46,508
We'll just click to the next person.
280
00:12:46,615 --> 00:12:47,524
There we go. Hello?
281
00:12:47,654 --> 00:12:49,126
That's just a guy's penis, too!
282
00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:50,484
Okay. Let's try this one.
283
00:12:51,744 --> 00:12:53,725
Dude, i don't wanna see a bunch of guy's penises!
284
00:12:54,094 --> 00:12:54,773
Hold on, Kyle!
285
00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:56,500
This is seriously an amazing gathering place
286
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,959
Where people from all around the world can share their thoughts and ideas!
287
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:02,865
Okay. That's a dude jacking off, but --
288
00:13:03,712 --> 00:13:04,679
Okay. Dude jacking off.
289
00:13:05,140 --> 00:13:08,665
Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.
290
00:13:08,857 --> 00:13:09,470
Ah, here's a guy.
291
00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:11,333
Hey, dude, how's it goin?
292
00:13:11,526 --> 00:13:12,165
Hey.
293
00:13:12,701 --> 00:13:13,402
This is my friend Kyle.
294
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:14,448
He looking for some new friends.
295
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:15,391
Oh yeah?
296
00:13:17,153 --> 00:13:18,406
Oh, he's taking out his penis.
297
00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:19,585
Okay. Next guy.
298
00:13:19,821 --> 00:13:21,491
Dude, screw this. I don't wanna see anymore!
299
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:23,440
Kyle, that's the way the world works!
300
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:24,607
If you wanna find some quality friends,
301
00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:26,189
You can wade through all the dicks first!
302
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:30,394
Excuse me.
303
00:13:30,662 --> 00:13:32,318
Could you please tell me what the hell is going on?
304
00:13:33,092 --> 00:13:34,245
No, you aren't my friend.
305
00:13:34,577 --> 00:13:35,629
Would you like to be my friend?
306
00:13:35,892 --> 00:13:37,440
No, i seriously don't want anymore friends.
307
00:13:37,713 --> 00:13:38,618
Ignore.
308
00:13:39,281 --> 00:13:42,511
So, anyway i really like taking long walks in the summer, you know --
309
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:44,522
Okay, okay. I'll be your friend.
310
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:46,295
Confirm.
311
00:13:49,168 --> 00:13:53,030
Ooh, tom davis is thrilled to have become powerful by adding a new friend!
312
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,770
Here are some pictures of my dog.
313
00:13:54,830 --> 00:13:56,530
And here he is in some silly outfits.
314
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,170
Can you comment on these?
315
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:00,777
Move it, profile!
316
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:02,517
Oh, oh. What -- Oh oh?
317
00:14:02,796 --> 00:14:04,253
They're taking him to the gaming arena.
318
00:14:04,532 --> 00:14:06,287
Looks like i'm gonna be down a friend.
319
00:14:10,295 --> 00:14:13,170
You are about to face each other in combat!
320
00:14:13,585 --> 00:14:17,182
You will play the game for the amusement of the users.
321
00:14:21,297 --> 00:14:23,200
Let the game commence!
322
00:14:31,408 --> 00:14:32,334
Yahtzee?
323
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,608
One round only! Begin!
324
00:14:41,491 --> 00:14:44,808
Uhh, i'm going to count fives, my five box.
325
00:14:45,103 --> 00:14:46,786
Can't we play on speeder bikes or something?
326
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,498
Play profile!
327
00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:52,883
Yahtzee.
328
00:14:59,116 --> 00:15:01,854
Dude jacking off, dude jacking off!
329
00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:04,399
That's a dude jacking off.
330
00:15:05,048 --> 00:15:06,460
That's it, cartman. I'm outta here!
331
00:15:06,851 --> 00:15:08,761
Chat roulette is no way for me to find new friends!
332
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:09,985
Wait, wait, Kyle!
333
00:15:10,316 --> 00:15:11,526
Here's a nice little jewish kid!
334
00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:13,960
Hey. Hi there! Hello.
335
00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:15,100
Hey, nice to meet you.
336
00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:16,577
My friend Kyle is a jew, too!
337
00:15:16,808 --> 00:15:17,418
Oh. That's cool.
338
00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:19,645
I was starting to think this was nothing but dudes jacking off.
339
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,515
Hey so, do you wanna be facebook friends?
340
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,924
Well, sure, if you'll come and visit my farm.
341
00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,348
Heck yeah, i'll visit your farm.
342
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:27,501
You should check my out too!
343
00:15:28,754 --> 00:15:29,670
Honey, where's kip?
344
00:15:29,851 --> 00:15:30,917
I haven't seen him all day.
345
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:34,300
No, he's been out spending the whole day out with his best friend Kyle.
346
00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:35,748
I think they're at the movies now.
347
00:15:53,047 --> 00:15:53,929
Troublemaker!
348
00:15:54,289 --> 00:15:56,994
You were not supposed to survive the game of yahtzee!
349
00:15:57,393 --> 00:15:58,880
You have made things complicated!
350
00:15:59,127 --> 00:16:00,419
I've made them complicated?
351
00:16:00,651 --> 00:16:01,543
I don't even want to be here!
352
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,050
That's not what your profile said.
353
00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:05,048
My profile?
354
00:16:05,309 --> 00:16:08,085
God dammit, my facebook profile has taken on a life of its own!
355
00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:09,004
Where is it?
356
00:16:09,323 --> 00:16:12,820
Your profile is one of the most powerful in all of facebook.
357
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,076
You cannot stop it now.
358
00:16:14,402 --> 00:16:15,046
Oh yeah?
359
00:16:15,206 --> 00:16:15,928
I can try.
360
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,303
After him!
361
00:16:23,996 --> 00:16:25,291
Okay, i fed the pigs.
362
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,936
Now i definitely should water the fields.
363
00:16:29,415 --> 00:16:30,442
Oh wow, cool!
364
00:16:30,779 --> 00:16:32,544
That jewish kid put up a sign on my farm!
365
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,924
"Hey Kyle. Really like your farm."
366
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:35,976
Oh awesome!
367
00:16:36,846 --> 00:16:38,034
What the hell is that?
368
00:16:38,767 --> 00:16:39,300
Stan?
369
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:41,702
You're an asshole, Kyle!
370
00:16:43,365 --> 00:16:43,923
What?
371
00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:45,334
What's the one thing i told you?
372
00:16:45,657 --> 00:16:47,306
That i didn't want to get sucked into facebook!
373
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:48,408
This is all your fault!
374
00:16:50,825 --> 00:16:52,036
Dude, what are you doing?
375
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:53,467
What's it look like i'm doing?
376
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,416
I found your farm on facebook so you can help me deal with this bullshit!
377
00:16:56,652 --> 00:16:58,197
You gotta go check my profile status.
378
00:16:58,690 --> 00:16:59,725
Profile status?
379
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,082
Just bring up my facebook page and see what it says my status is!
380
00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:06,761
Wul, Stan i have to harvest my crops before it's too late.
381
00:17:07,183 --> 00:17:08,442
Dude, fuck your crops!
382
00:17:09,435 --> 00:17:11,298
Dude! Dude okay! Stop!
383
00:17:11,674 --> 00:17:12,237
I'm sorry!
384
00:17:13,971 --> 00:17:15,249
It says that you are currently
385
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:18,255
Hosting an online chat party for all your friends.
386
00:17:18,457 --> 00:17:20,127
Where? Cafeworld.
387
00:17:20,530 --> 00:17:21,354
Son of a bitch.
388
00:17:23,714 --> 00:17:25,866
An online chat party for all his friends?
389
00:17:26,116 --> 00:17:27,203
Dude i should get over there!
390
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,137
Jesus christ.
391
00:17:36,961 --> 00:17:39,422
Randy marsh is at work right now. Work is boring!
392
00:17:39,943 --> 00:17:42,146
Randy marsh is at work right now. Work is boring!
393
00:17:42,454 --> 00:17:44,781
Butters stotch is enjoying Stan's chat party!
394
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:47,282
Herbert garrison likes butter's comment!
395
00:17:47,638 --> 00:17:50,467
Grandma marsh would like to be friends with kevin donohue.
396
00:17:50,830 --> 00:17:53,290
Kevin donahue accepts grandma marsh's friendship!
397
00:17:54,447 --> 00:17:56,131
Has anybody seen my stupid profile?
398
00:17:56,557 --> 00:17:59,582
Susan 92 has pictures of Stan in a bunny costume!
399
00:17:59,884 --> 00:18:02,443
Gary johnson thinks the pictures are fantastic!
400
00:18:02,869 --> 00:18:04,617
Wow, there's a lot of profiles here!
401
00:18:04,873 --> 00:18:07,534
Kyle broflovski is amazed Stan has so many facebook friends!
402
00:18:07,846 --> 00:18:11,832
Hey, Kyle broflovski is amazed isayah is also a facebook friend of Stan's!
403
00:18:12,115 --> 00:18:14,508
Isayah zordon is deleting Kyle broflovski as a friend.
404
00:18:14,766 --> 00:18:15,389
What? Why?
405
00:18:15,693 --> 00:18:18,153
User saw your are friends with a Kipdrordy who only has one friend.
406
00:18:18,441 --> 00:18:19,939
Kyle broflovski is bad friend stock.
407
00:18:20,161 --> 00:18:22,534
Aw, no, i'm not really friends with him. Ignore.
408
00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:24,595
Ugh, that does it!
409
00:18:25,734 --> 00:18:26,896
Alright, alright, enough!
410
00:18:27,285 --> 00:18:28,520
Everybody just shut up!
411
00:18:30,281 --> 00:18:32,377
Where is profile Stan marsh?
412
00:18:32,714 --> 00:18:34,643
Right heeere.
413
00:18:40,054 --> 00:18:41,182
Oh, oh.
414
00:18:42,671 --> 00:18:45,235
I'm sorry, kip, but i really can't be your friend anymore.
415
00:18:45,532 --> 00:18:47,863
It was a great ride, but i must say goodbye.
416
00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:50,111
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do,
417
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,059
But ending a friendship is never easy.
418
00:19:32,514 --> 00:19:34,305
What do you want from me, dude?
419
00:19:34,649 --> 00:19:35,990
I'm your profile.
420
00:19:36,292 --> 00:19:40,036
And as you can see, i am much more powerful than you.
421
00:19:40,431 --> 00:19:42,382
Dammit! I should have deleted you a long time ago!
422
00:19:42,711 --> 00:19:44,787
Why do you think i brought you in here?
423
00:19:45,141 --> 00:19:46,664
The fact of the matter is i'm up
424
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:49,075
And running now with almost a million friends.
425
00:19:49,426 --> 00:19:50,727
I don't need you anymore.
426
00:19:51,058 --> 00:19:53,618
I have more friends than you'll ever have in the real world.
427
00:19:53,961 --> 00:19:54,793
Who cares?
428
00:19:55,007 --> 00:19:58,167
Friends shouldn't be some kind of commodity for a person's status!
429
00:19:58,450 --> 00:20:01,294
Who is more powerful, the user or the profile?
430
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,084
Let's end this once and for all.
431
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:11,991
Let the final battle begin!
432
00:20:19,670 --> 00:20:21,748
Fucking yahtzee again? Seriously?
433
00:20:29,782 --> 00:20:30,998
What did i tell you!
434
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,226
That's a straight flush already!
435
00:20:33,444 --> 00:20:34,996
You don't have a chance in here, user!
436
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:36,769
Your pathetic little -- Yahtzee.
437
00:20:37,807 --> 00:20:38,439
What?
438
00:20:38,807 --> 00:20:40,126
Yahtzee. Sixes.
439
00:20:41,204 --> 00:20:42,396
No! It can't be!
440
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:44,003
Yahtzeee!
441
00:20:44,269 --> 00:20:47,273
No!
442
00:21:06,287 --> 00:21:07,414
Oh, thank god.
443
00:21:08,899 --> 00:21:12,085
Hey Stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore?
444
00:21:12,752 --> 00:21:14,453
My facebook profile went rogue, dad.
445
00:21:14,595 --> 00:21:16,282
Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it.
446
00:21:16,772 --> 00:21:18,410
I sent all my friends somewhere else.
447
00:21:19,047 --> 00:21:20,099
Oh okay.
448
00:21:21,328 --> 00:21:23,104
So we're not friends then?
449
00:21:23,374 --> 00:21:24,538
Fuck off, dad.
450
00:21:32,414 --> 00:21:37,414
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Transcript by Addic7ed.com
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