Original subtitles

So obviously,

you know, we're here, right?

No, no, no.

Yeah, I always say no.

So I just got a call on my radio that you're back in aisle nine.

taking things, items, and putting them in your purse?

This is my mail bag. I was just delivering some mail.

Well, rain, sleet, even snow, but apparently you're not delivering things.

You're taking things this time.

I didn't take anything. Well, you know what? You won't have a problem checking

that bag.

No, this is my personal item. I can't touch things.

All right, look.

The other option here is I can just call the police, and depending on what you

have in there, it could be a felony, it could be a misdemeanor, and I'm sure

that the post office won't have a problem with you with a record

So you might want to just let me look through that back.

Yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

No. Right.

Exactly.

Exactly. First, go ahead and stand up for me.

Get your hands out.

How are you doing?

Well, I'm going to have to scan you here.

I told you, I didn't steal anything.

What?

Yeah, well, that's not what this is.

What do you mean?

You wouldn't have a seat.

I expect more from you.

Just as I thought. You wouldn't happen to have a receipt for these items now,

would you? I mean, I was just looking at them and, you know, I was going to pay

for it.

I was going to pay for everything. Yeah, well, fortunately the law is once you

put it inside of a bag and conceal it, then all bets are off.

You... are now a stoplifter.

Well, I'm sorry. I won't ever do it again. No, no, you're probably right.

going to stand up for me because, obviously, you're going to need a

search. Are you supposed to be touching me like that?

What are you doing?

Well, you know, hey, listen, you've forfeited your rights now that you're

So, obviously, I'm...

Picking up something. See, look, look. What?

I have nothing. Yeah, well, that's not what my scanner's saying, so... Well,

your scanner is broken or something. I don't know.

Never failed me before.

Hey, listen.

You have two options. You could either let me, you know, go through a search

here, or I can just call the police and they can come and take care of it and...

But I lose my job if you call the cops.

Yeah, yeah, that's kind of what I figured, so...

You agree to... I research you and... You know, listen.

It can stay right here.

But a lot of that depends on how you cooperate with me.

Okay, if you have to. All right. If I let you search me, you won't report me

the cops, right?

We'll talk about that. We'll talk about that.

Did I take my shirt off?

Well, that's why they call it a strip search.

Listen, if you don't argue with me about it, we'll just do it that way.

Oh, my God.

This is government property, you know. Yeah, well, you can explain that to him.

What?

Why do you have to take my pants off? This is where my detector is going off.

What are you doing?

Hey, listen.

Do you want me just to call the police?

I can do that. If you're going to be uncooperative, I can just have them take

care of it.

All right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Listen, maybe you'll think about it next time before you come into my store and

start shopping with me.

Do we have to do that? Yeah, we have to.

I wouldn't say that.

Do you even know how to take a bra off?

Never for me.

There's nothing in there.

That's not what my detector's telling me.

This is crazy.

get fully naked for this?

Well, yeah, you're right. There's nothing in there.

But that's not what I'm concerned about.

Even my

shoes? Are you kidding?

I have to check everything.

Okay, are you satisfied?

Not even close.

What

are

you doing back there?

I'm just looking here.

I'm going to have to...

Going a little bit deeper.

What? Why?

Because this is where I feel like there may be something.

People go to no end in order to be able to steal from my store.

You really think I would put something up there?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Okay, are you done?

Not by a long shot.

Okay, I think that, I think that, is there anything in there? There's nothing

there.

Well, I don't know. I need to be a little, be a little better here.

Okay, have you found what you're looking for?

I'm definitely finding what I'm looking for. Anyway, give me a little hand back

here. Just pull this back a little bit. Yeah, exactly.

Are you looking for my ovaries or something?

I'm definitely finding what I like.

I mean, I'm still searching.

What was that?

Nothing.

Are you good back there?

I'm very good.

That's a nice little wedding ring you have there.

Well, yes, that's because I'm married.

Wow.

Your husband knows that you're such a deviant?

Don't talk about my husband right now, please.

I don't.

I wonder what he would think about all this.

Perhaps we should call him, too.

Can you just get this over with, please? Ah, we're getting over with.

It's just going to take a little time.

Well, certainly of interest, but I didn't find anything right

there. I told you, there's nothing up there.

Well, you should go ahead.

So are we done?

We're not done by a long shot.

Okay.

What do you think? I stuffed something in my boobs?

Well, we're going to find out now, aren't we?

Oh, yeah.

You know, this could go a lot quicker if you just cooperate.

I'm cooperating.

I mean, yeah.

I'm so humiliated.

I have a couple options for you. What is that? Option one, you can help

me out and I can let you walk out of

here. Okay, and what do I have to do so I can walk out of here?

Well, you want to get off, right?

Yeah. So do I.

What's option two?

I can call the police and they can come arrest you, you lose your job, have a

jail record.

It's up to you.

It's really up to you.

But I'm married.

Yeah, well, so am I.

But what they don't know, I won't hurt them.

But I know.

Yeah, a little infidelity or a criminal record.

Okay. True choice. But you get a promise, no problem.

No police.

No cops. They're not going to call my job.

Nothing like that. Nobody will ever find out.

Okay. All right? All right.

Oh.

Okay.

So, do you have an understanding?

Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to lose my benefits. There you

go.

You know what? Yeah.

Oh you're good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's right.

Oh,

that's right.

Oh, that's so good.

Get that going right there.

Oh, yes.

Uh -huh.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, so you just keep going.

How much longer do I have to do this?

I can get you off as soon as you get me off.

Do you know what?

What? Go ahead. Stand up for me.

Okay. Can I go?

No, not quite yet.

I need to check my cavity a little

deeper.

Oh, sorry.

Ooh.

Go ahead, jump up there.

It makes me feel so good

Yeah, give it to me.

Here, let me take a look. Yes. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Here.

Oh. Oh. Here.

Yes.

Yes. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, shit.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Ugh.

You know,

you need to do some of this work.

Come back over here.

Back on this couch.

You said government workers are lazy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Did you take that home to your husband?

Yeah.

So,

are we good?

You go. Get out of my store.

What am I supposed to do, like this?

Can I at least get my clothes?

Yeah, yeah. You go ahead.