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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,000
Movies.
2
00:00:01,380 --> 00:00:02,640
Vaginal. Anal.
3
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,340
Blowjob. Handjob. Footjob.
4
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:06,880
Coed. Amateur.
5
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,080
Milk. Reality.
6
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,520
Gangbang. Blowbang.
7
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:15,220
Beanbag. It's true. I once had a girl
open her vagina and we threw beanbags
8
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,620
We had a good time.
9
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:18,980
I've shot.
10
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,440
Alt. Public sex. Private sex.
11
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,100
Twins. Big boobs.
12
00:00:23,340 --> 00:00:24,800
Big butts. Big glitz.
13
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,520
Ball busting. Pink eye.
14
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:35,300
Interracial. grannies, teabagging,
teabowing, planking, Tony dancing,
15
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:41,700
boosting, salad tossing, seafood
insertion, moon pies,
16
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:47,440
boy girl, girl girl, boy boy girl, boy
girl, midget girl, homeless man, turkey
17
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:48,440
drumstick.
18
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,360
Boy boy.
19
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,100
What am I, a pervert?
20
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:53,420
Of course not.
21
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,380
But I needed some work.
22
00:00:57,230 --> 00:01:01,590
So I went to pitch a movie at Pain in
the Ass Productions.
23
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:05,129
It was a great movie. A brilliant movie.
24
00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:08,210
Night Train to Bonner Town.
25
00:01:11,450 --> 00:01:14,470
And those bastards laughed in my face.
26
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:20,870
So I told my wife, for justice, we must
go and see Don Corleone.
27
00:01:21,270 --> 00:01:25,190
Justice Hornet. She would have been the
star of the movie. They said no, so
28
00:01:25,190 --> 00:01:26,190
she's really bummed.
29
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,480
I run the largest porno distribution
company in the world.
30
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,820
I have all the big titles.
31
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:38,000
I have everything from anal to zanal.
32
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,340
Anyway, bonus time.
33
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:48,640
On this day of my daughter's honeymoon
sex tape release party, I will grant you
34
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,640
one favor.
35
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,900
What is it you want me to do?
36
00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:08,789
This I cannot do.
37
00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:12,870
But I'll give you anything. Anything you
want.
38
00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:15,170
Okay, I'll do it.
39
00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:18,290
What? You said I can have anything.
40
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:23,670
I want you to bring your wife over later
so I can play Mythbusters with her.
41
00:02:24,690 --> 00:02:25,890
She can play Myth.
42
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:27,810
Shit.
43
00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:30,770
Now, where are my sons at?
44
00:02:57,930 --> 00:02:58,930
Thank you.
45
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:48,980
Found something.
46
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:26,070
Good year.
47
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,400
um um
48
00:07:35,690 --> 00:07:37,490
Oh, my
49
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:56,410
God.
50
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,099
Does it feel good?
51
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Oh, fucking love that.
52
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,600
Shit.
53
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,320
I think I'll take my procedure.
54
00:14:07,230 --> 00:14:08,230
Take you right there.
55
00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:48,690
I'm done, sir.
56
00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:34,710
That's the tip.
57
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,440
I want you all ready.
58
00:20:46,629 --> 00:20:47,629
Michael. Yeah.
59
00:20:48,410 --> 00:20:51,090
It happens every time my sister fucks a
new husband.
60
00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:55,070
Does she get married a lot?
61
00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,890
Yeah. You count the nerdy older guy in
part two.
62
00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:01,150
And Rocky.
63
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:05,570
What about your brothers? Where are your
brothers?
64
00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:08,190
I don't see them around.
65
00:21:08,990 --> 00:21:12,750
But there's my older brother, Sonny,
which we probably just cut from him
66
00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:13,770
some random porn girl.
67
00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:15,650
And then there's Fredo.
68
00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:20,560
My lovable, dim -witted, un -betraying
family, and un -helping the enemy to
69
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,660
me out in the future, brother.
70
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,080
I love you.
71
00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:24,620
Are you having fun, Kay?
72
00:21:25,540 --> 00:21:26,540
Yeah.
73
00:21:35,580 --> 00:21:38,240
Don... Don Julio.
74
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,200
Don Julio.
75
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:46,000
Michael, why is this... scary man over
there talking to himself.
76
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,160
That is a scary man, Kay.
77
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,320
He has a cock the size of a baseball
bat.
78
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:56,480
And he plays every girl like it's the
World Series.
79
00:21:57,340 --> 00:21:58,440
He ever strike out?
80
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,340
Only if she prefers tennis.
81
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,360
His name is Luca Bazzi.
82
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,940
My father calls upon him when he needs a
good cocksmith to be in one of his
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00:22:06,940 --> 00:22:07,940
movies.
84
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:13,480
He's been the star of such movies as In
the Ass Out the Mouth, Stiff Up a Lip,
85
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,880
And the big sleep, Triple X.
86
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:17,480
He played sleep.
87
00:22:18,100 --> 00:22:19,100
That's a true story.
88
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:25,680
That's my family, Kay.
89
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,040
That's not me.
90
00:22:28,140 --> 00:22:29,240
That can never be me.
91
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,560
Probably never ever could be me. I can't
see how it could be me.
92
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,240
Probably impossible.
93
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:36,640
It's not me, Kay.
94
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:38,560
It's not me.
95
00:22:40,820 --> 00:22:42,000
Never me, Kay.
96
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:43,820
Never ever me.
97
00:22:43,950 --> 00:22:44,950
Never me, Kay.
98
00:22:45,950 --> 00:22:46,950
Never me.
99
00:22:47,850 --> 00:22:48,850
Me.
100
00:22:50,730 --> 00:22:51,730
Hey!
101
00:22:52,950 --> 00:22:56,570
Hey, you world -famous porn star, Jenny
Fontaine.
102
00:22:59,890 --> 00:23:00,890
Yeah.
103
00:23:01,670 --> 00:23:03,430
My father is her godfather.
104
00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:09,030
I have a problem, godfather.
105
00:23:09,690 --> 00:23:11,770
My pussy's not going to stay tight
forever.
106
00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:18,020
You're right, Jenny.
107
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:22,700
Eventually, it's going to look like two
pieces of raw bacon wrapped around a
108
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:27,100
knuckle. And every time you walk, it's
going to make a sound like...
109
00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:35,320
Loose
110
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,860
pussy is nature's corduroy.
111
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,680
A month ago, a producer said he was
going to make a porn.
112
00:23:44,060 --> 00:23:45,380
The biggest porn ever.
113
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:47,600
Jack, triple X parody.
114
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,100
And the main character was a girl like
me.
115
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:51,500
A slut.
116
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:52,740
Yeah, exactly.
117
00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:58,340
And she had to fuck 20 guys. And then
after, she says, I'm so happy I had to
118
00:23:58,340 --> 00:23:59,340
order all these pizzas.
119
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:02,160
And I'm happy that I didn't have money
to pay for them.
120
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:05,000
And then she goes off and fucks the
plumber with a strap -on.
121
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,480
You can act like a man?
122
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:07,819
I think so.
123
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:09,020
But that's not the problem.
124
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,280
He won't give me the part.
125
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,440
He said my blowjobs are subpar.
126
00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:15,380
My lips look subpar to you?
127
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:18,850
Not to my penis.
128
00:24:19,670 --> 00:24:20,670
What's his name?
129
00:24:21,650 --> 00:24:23,470
Putt. That figures.
130
00:24:24,330 --> 00:24:25,470
I'll take care of it.
131
00:24:26,570 --> 00:24:27,570
What are you going to do?
132
00:24:28,370 --> 00:24:30,390
I'm going to make him an offer he can't
refuse.
133
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,200
Somebody stole my animal head
collection.
134
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,560
There's a horse head under here.
135
00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:00,360
It'll be the best horse head you've ever
had.
136
00:25:31,216 --> 00:25:32,216
Oh.
137
00:25:41,190 --> 00:25:43,170
Oh my gosh.
138
00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:03,670
Bitches, you're fucking nuts.
139
00:31:00,010 --> 00:31:01,010
My God.
140
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:37,720
when you're done with it.
141
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,000
Good touch.
142
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:16,440
Will you tell me when you come?
143
00:35:53,370 --> 00:35:55,110
I'm about to fucking cum, I'm not funny.
144
00:35:55,550 --> 00:35:58,910
Let me see it go in your mouth.
145
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,060
Thank goodness you're alright.
146
00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:58,740
Yeah, she didn't have scabies like I
thought.
147
00:36:59,700 --> 00:37:02,440
No, actually, I mean because of all the
violence starting to break out.
148
00:37:02,660 --> 00:37:05,020
Oh, well, ignore that last part.
149
00:37:05,900 --> 00:37:07,400
Michael, we got this this morning.
150
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:08,880
What is it?
151
00:37:09,180 --> 00:37:10,440
It's a Sicilian message.
152
00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:16,960
It means, Luca Bazzi sleeps with the
bitches.
153
00:50:15,980 --> 00:50:16,980
Thank you.
154
00:53:41,310 --> 00:53:43,950
Holy shit.
155
00:53:44,410 --> 00:53:46,490
Holy fuck.
156
00:54:51,210 --> 00:54:52,370
You don't have to ask me.
157
00:56:26,140 --> 00:56:27,140
Oh yeah.
158
00:57:22,540 --> 00:57:23,860
They're coming to my car. Yes.
159
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,260
I love going all over the house.
160
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:27,880
Yes. Oh.
161
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,320
Oh. Oh. Oh. Fucking come on.
162
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,280
Let's take a fucking shower. I gotta go
to work.
163
00:58:25,380 --> 00:58:32,060
So, have you heard anything about
164
00:58:32,060 --> 00:58:32,999
Pop's condition?
165
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,000
Yeah, it's still inside.
166
00:58:34,940 --> 00:58:39,020
Shit. I was hoping that... Look, Mikey,
we were all hoping that Tom here would
167
00:58:39,020 --> 00:58:42,100
be smart enough to build a time machine
so he could go back in time and stop Dad
168
00:58:42,100 --> 00:58:43,460
from being shot, but he wasn't.
169
00:58:44,020 --> 00:58:45,020
Thanks a lot, stupid.
170
00:58:46,940 --> 00:58:48,120
Well, where's Dad now?
171
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,620
Look, I don't want to say this so
anybody can hear, because anybody could
172
00:58:52,620 --> 00:58:53,620
snitch.
173
00:59:01,300 --> 00:59:02,320
He's in the hospital.
174
00:59:05,820 --> 00:59:07,440
Well, I'm going to go protect him then.
175
00:59:08,940 --> 00:59:12,960
You haven't exactly shown any signs of
violent tendencies, but sure, why not?
176
00:59:28,250 --> 00:59:29,550
Wow, that was a bad idea.
177
00:59:30,050 --> 00:59:32,230
I can't believe the cops are on Fluxo's
payroll.
178
00:59:32,510 --> 00:59:35,350
It's a good thing you were able to fight
them off. Man, I bet that was an
179
00:59:35,350 --> 00:59:36,350
amazing scene.
180
00:59:36,550 --> 00:59:37,550
Damn lots of intention.
181
00:59:37,910 --> 00:59:38,749
It was amazing.
182
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:39,750
A real pulse pounder.
183
00:59:40,090 --> 00:59:42,310
I feel sorry for anybody who didn't see
that scene.
184
00:59:59,310 --> 01:00:02,690
We know Flexo's in bed with McConsky,
the chief of police.
185
01:00:04,970 --> 01:00:06,050
And he wants to meet me.
186
01:00:07,770 --> 01:00:10,990
So we should set up a meeting and I
should take him out.
187
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:14,610
They're going to frisk me.
188
01:00:16,170 --> 01:00:20,310
So we should find out where the
meeting's going to be and plant a weapon
189
01:00:20,310 --> 01:00:21,310
in advance.
190
01:00:22,310 --> 01:00:23,310
Maybe the bathroom.
191
01:00:25,150 --> 01:00:26,370
When they least expect it.
192
01:00:34,319 --> 01:00:36,000
And then what, you take care of them?
193
01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:39,420
Yeah. Okay, so that's the plan then.
You're going to get up, you're going to
194
01:00:39,420 --> 01:00:41,640
excuse yourself, and you're going to go
to the bathroom. Say if I don't have to
195
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:42,980
go. Then you drink lots of water.
196
01:00:43,340 --> 01:00:46,800
Okay. Okay? And then, when you're in
there, you go tinkle. Then you flush the
197
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,700
toilet, you get out, and you wash your
hands. Don't forget to use soap.
198
01:00:49,900 --> 01:00:52,380
Then you're going to dry your hands off,
you're going to find the piece, and
199
01:00:52,380 --> 01:00:54,320
we're going to tape it underneath the
toilet. That's a good idea.
200
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:55,760
It's Tom's idea.
201
01:00:55,900 --> 01:00:57,360
Makes up for the time machine fail.
202
01:00:57,820 --> 01:01:00,860
And remember, when you're done, just
drop it and walk out.
203
01:01:02,260 --> 01:01:04,020
How long will I have to be gone for?
204
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:05,580
At least 69 days.
205
01:01:42,250 --> 01:01:43,750
Still glad you wanted to meet Michael.
206
01:01:44,930 --> 01:01:47,430
I mean, after what happened with your
father.
207
01:01:48,750 --> 01:01:50,450
Sometimes it's good to forgive and
forget.
208
01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:52,350
You know, for business.
209
01:01:53,970 --> 01:01:56,430
Well, you did say it was an accident.
210
01:02:00,090 --> 01:02:01,090
Oh, it was.
211
01:02:01,650 --> 01:02:04,970
My guys drift on their guns,
accidentally shooting your father.
212
01:02:06,830 --> 01:02:08,250
113 times in the back?
213
01:02:08,490 --> 01:02:09,830
Yeah, the streets were slippery.
214
01:02:15,020 --> 01:02:16,240
Now you have me here.
215
01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:18,240
What business do you want to discuss?
216
01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:22,720
I'm going to speak Italian to Mike now.
217
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:24,960
Whoever turns you on.
218
01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:33,940
What's the matter? Why you no like me?
219
01:02:34,300 --> 01:02:36,280
What do you mean? I like you a lot.
220
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:38,480
Why you no do business then?
221
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:39,880
Okay, deal, deal.
222
01:02:40,240 --> 01:02:41,098
Deal's good.
223
01:02:41,100 --> 01:02:43,280
Deal's very good. Deal. I'm so happy.
224
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:51,020
I love meatballs.
225
01:02:51,460 --> 01:02:55,320
You love meatballs? You love meatballs.
I love meatballs.
226
01:02:55,660 --> 01:03:01,180
You got Sylvester Stallone and Robert De
Niro.
227
01:03:01,540 --> 01:03:02,540
What's the matter?
228
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:07,680
Excuse
229
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:14,660
me. I
230
01:03:14,660 --> 01:03:15,660
need to use the bathroom.
231
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:34,360
What the?
232
01:04:34,380 --> 01:04:35,380
Yeah, fuck.
233
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:38,600
Don't fuck.
234
01:04:40,840 --> 01:04:41,840
Don't fuck.
235
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:45,840
Get up.
236
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:47,040
Get up.
237
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:51,680
Don't fuck.
238
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:09,040
Oh
239
01:20:00,810 --> 01:20:01,810
Something like that.
240
01:25:38,780 --> 01:25:39,780
Yeah.
241
01:25:54,520 --> 01:25:56,300
Yeah, I'm here to claim my share of the
fortune.
242
01:25:58,620 --> 01:26:01,420
So we got this friend from Kenya. He
sends me an email, right?
243
01:26:01,640 --> 01:26:04,640
And he's saying that all of his money is
tied up in customs, which is no
244
01:26:04,640 --> 01:26:08,690
problem. Because all he needs is 500
bucks to get his money out of customs.
245
01:26:08,950 --> 01:26:12,470
And that's perfect for me. Because I
totally got 500 bucks right now.
246
01:26:46,470 --> 01:26:51,730
Tell the prince to transfer my share to
my checking account.
247
01:26:52,470 --> 01:26:57,310
Have him call my accountant, Michael
Goldstein.
248
01:26:59,930 --> 01:27:00,930
Thanks.
249
01:27:18,959 --> 01:27:21,340
Michael, you... Me.
250
01:27:22,740 --> 01:27:25,680
Us. What happened to us, Michael?
251
01:27:27,020 --> 01:27:33,880
One day everything was happy and the
next day you just vanished.
252
01:27:36,440 --> 01:27:38,300
I moved without telling you.
253
01:27:38,580 --> 01:27:39,820
I didn't vanish.
254
01:27:40,680 --> 01:27:42,000
What am I, a magician?
255
01:27:43,960 --> 01:27:44,960
Sorry.
256
01:27:47,850 --> 01:27:48,870
But I'm back, Kay.
257
01:27:49,550 --> 01:27:51,770
I'm back because my family's dying off.
258
01:27:53,690 --> 01:27:55,390
I know I heard about your father.
259
01:27:56,270 --> 01:27:57,290
I'm so sorry.
260
01:27:59,590 --> 01:28:02,370
Choking on an orange slice is not the
way he wanted to go.
261
01:28:03,930 --> 01:28:04,930
But I'm back.
262
01:28:05,350 --> 01:28:07,410
And you and me could pick up where we
left off.
263
01:28:09,730 --> 01:28:12,290
But I'm scared, Michael.
264
01:28:13,510 --> 01:28:14,510
Of what?
265
01:28:16,510 --> 01:28:17,510
Of...
266
01:28:18,639 --> 01:28:20,240
Clowns with axes.
267
01:28:21,760 --> 01:28:22,760
And you.
268
01:28:22,960 --> 01:28:23,960
Me?
269
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:27,980
I'm scared that you'll turn out the way
that your father was.
270
01:28:30,420 --> 01:28:31,420
Fat?
271
01:28:32,520 --> 01:28:33,740
That'll never happen.
272
01:28:33,980 --> 01:28:35,460
I have a high metabolism.
273
01:28:36,960 --> 01:28:38,240
No, not fat.
274
01:28:39,020 --> 01:28:40,580
You know how he was.
275
01:28:43,380 --> 01:28:44,720
I'm not my father.
276
01:28:45,020 --> 01:28:46,260
That'll never be me.
277
01:28:46,910 --> 01:28:47,910
I'm Michael.
278
01:28:50,310 --> 01:28:52,690
And I will always be inside you.
279
01:28:54,250 --> 01:28:56,510
And you will always be inside my heart.
280
01:28:57,950 --> 01:28:58,950
Oh, Michael.
281
01:46:40,849 --> 01:46:47,650
Fuck, I jerked that cock around inside
my pussy. Give it to me. Give me
282
01:46:47,650 --> 01:46:48,650
that dick.
283
01:46:49,410 --> 01:46:50,970
Oh, fuck.
284
01:46:51,810 --> 01:46:52,810
Oh,
285
01:46:54,250 --> 01:46:56,850
fuck. So fucking good.
286
01:47:14,730 --> 01:47:15,730
You're so fucked.
18757
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