All language subtitles for aHow.To.Make.A.Killing.2024.720p.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]-English

Hello, Greg? It's Alan,

It's not easy,

They're tired, cold,
But the merchandise will be there,

Don't worry, I know the terrain,

Come on!

Is it much farther?

What's that?

Help,,, Help, a bear!

Help!

This is France Bleu Besançon,
Now the news

with Elodie Rougier,

Buying power is down,
As Christmas nears,

gift-spending is down by 32%,

We asked a woman on the street,

Before, everyone got a gift,

my husband, my mother-in-law,

Now it's just the kids,

Hello?

- Iroquois?
- Yes,

It's Greg,

- On the way?
- Yes, we are,

We take delivery
in 30 minutes at the hangar,

- I'll contact you then,
- And Alan?

It's under control,

Alan's on the way, all's well,

- I'll join you afterwards,
- Bye,

,,, less Christmas spending,

I've been unemployed 6 months,
My girlfriend will soon be too,

SAINT LOUP
PINEWOOD

Fuck,

Fuck, fuck, fuck,

Sir?

Sir?

Fuck,

HOW TO MAKE A KILLING

December 20,,,

Doudou! Your ski mask!

Get inside, you'll catch cold,

Ask Jean-Jean about what we owe?

No, I couldn't,

What happened to your cheek?

Your nose is cold!

So?

If you get sick, who'll help me
with the costumes?

What do you want to go as?

A clown, Right?

We'll make a nice clown,

A really nice clown,

We can choose the fabric together,

You washed your hands?

Take the gum out of your mouth,

Come on, Doudou,

I killed two strangers,

Not locals, I never saw them,

You say nothing?

No, nothing,

All you said was:
"I killed two strangers",

What should I say?
It's not a question,

- Go on, tell me,
- Well,,,

I was driving,

There was a bear in the road,

I lost control of the pickup

and hit a car on the side of the road,

I wanted to help
but she was dead,

With her underwear down,

And the guy,,,

he got scared and slipped,

He got impaled on a tree trunk,

There are no bears around here,

This time there was one,

Why didn't you call the gendarmes?

I didn't pay the car insurance,

Did you touch their car?

Yes,,,

I think so,

So you left fingerprints,

Gautier,

- When did he go missing?
- Yesterday afternoon,

His age?

Eight,

- His name?
- Thierry,

Let me put you down,

Two seconds and then we'll leave,

I'll show him a picture,

It can help, right?

He's a mutt,

Yes, a poodle,

- You think he was eaten by a bear?
- That's right,

We'll keep our eyes open
and let you know,

- We have your number, don't worry,
- Thanks,

Lucien, what did I say?
Put that down,

Goodbye, Mrs, Gautier,

Come here,

Let's go,
Back to the car, Arthur,

No bears around here,

Looks like a dog,

A big dog,

With a tiny tail,

He drew two big paws,

and two small ones in front,

Like a kangaroo,

Who gave them crayons?

Sami,

No one speaks French?

Sami!

Do you speak Tamil?

No, I'm Moroccan,

The B,,,

The tall one speaks English,

Go on,

Sami?

- Speak English?
- No, I'm Moroccan,

Good thing we hired young,

Here, France,

You?

Where?

France!

You from where?

France?

You,

These poor guys,

They leave home, trek in the cold,

risk death, don't speak French,
draw like 4-year-olds,

How can they get by?

It's awful,

I know, Florence,

Anne-Marie,

You never bother me,

No, don't bring a thing!

I'm organizing it,

I swear,

Your daughter and I
will see you Saturday,

Listen, I'm so happy,,,

She's bringing the new one?

Yes,

I wanted to plan a family Christmas,

Now the family,,, includes him,

I have to get the tree!

He doesn't look well,

I'll take care of him,

- Are you sure?
- Positive,

- Go on,
- Sorry, Florence,

Thanks, Do something for them,
Call the Red Cross or Emmaüs,

- Get blankets,
- Sami and I will manage,

His mom is almost a volunteer,

Mrs, Gautier from nursery school
thinks a bear ate her dog,

It's a bear,

A bear scared them,

Of course,

Now that you say so,

God they're bad at drawing,

Blanche, come on,

What are you doing?

Giving her back her dignity,

Poor woman,

You touched inside?

I stayed outside,

Stop wasting time,

Come on!

What's that?

A handbag,

Let's keep it,

We can't take their bag,

It's Christmas, Got plans?

No, we said no gifts this year,

What'll you do with it?

I'll find something,

Anyway, they're dead,
They don't need it now,

Michel,,, come and look!

What is it?

I don't know but,,,

They didn't win the French Open,

What do we do?

We think it over,

I know!

- What are you doing?
- Hold on,

Cathy! What are you doing?

No body, no death,

No death, no crime,

Stop with your crime novels,

It was an accident, not a crime,

Without my crime novels,
you'd have left fingerprints,

So enough,

Go get the guy, hurry!

Fast, before someone comes!

I can't!

I can't,

Do we hide the car too?

All I need is a stomach bug
for Christmas,

Then I'll give them my cold,

Roland?

I found an abandoned car
in La Feuillade,

Not local, In a bad state,

I'll call the pound,

Is it blocking traffic?

They won't get there
before Monday,

They're understaffed too,
It's Christmas,

It won't be in the way of anyone,

I have to go, I'm very, very busy,

- Enjoy,
- Yeah, right,

Blanche!
Can you please make an effort?

I don't want your mom's criticism,

Having a Nativity contest?

This is pretty,

You're not together anymore,

Why do Christmas
if we're not a family?

Tree baubles won't change a thing,

To impress her new guy,
suck in your belly

or work out,

Can you drop me at Sandra's?

No, I'm going to Cathy and Michel's
for the tree,

Want to come?

Too far,
Can you make a detour?

I'm not your chauffeur,

So buy me a car,

- You don't have a license!
- I know the gendarmes,

Get in,

It's a lot,

- How much?
- A lot,

What'll we do with it all?

For now we'll hide it,
We won't touch it,

What about the bodies?

We think it over,

It wasn't on purpose,

Where's the controller?

No use hiding it,

Not too much screen time, honey!

The shrink said one hour!

The shrink,

Hurry,

I'll get it,

Hello, Cathy,

It's Roland for his tree!

All good?

It's getting cold,

I can't come in?

Yes, yes,,, come in,

Unless,,,

Mulled wine with cinnamon?

No, thank you,

I'd love some coffee,

Yes, of course,

Right away!

Michel! You're here,

You good, Roland?

Have a seat,

I'm exhausted,

Christmas season,,,

So much stress,

It's a gift,

Want a little sugar?

No,

I'm trying to,,,

Yes, I understand,

I want to play again too,

But exercise, I dunno,,,

It makes me nervous,

Strange, right?

Sorry I couldn't get here earlier,

It's a madhouse, only 3 of us,

Two called in sick
and one got transferred,

A lot of turnaround,

That plus the holidays,,,

You don't want to sit?

I've been sitting
on the tractor all day,

I don't know,,,

I don't feel well,

Hemorrhoids,

Yeah, that's it,,,

Hemorrhoids for sure,
Apple cider vinegar, hot,

Sitz baths,,,

It shrinks them,

Want me to look?

Gotcha!

Thought I'd inspect your butt?

The look on your face, Michel,

I'm no gynecologist,

I'm a gendarme,

So! Let's go see that pine,

- I'll take you,
- Yes, let's see,

Choose it yourself,

Big or small?

Medium, To make a good impression,

Damn, you better get your truck
to a garage,

If a gendarme sees you in that,
you'll get fined,

I know, it's Doudou,

Doudou drives?

He practices on the way
up to the house,

Coming?

So where are these trees?

Good thing you're not a dentist,

This is some machine!

Saw off an arm in a sec!

I'll say,

I prefer without a net,

You remove it, it's for travel,

It's not small?

You said medium,

Well, that's medium-small,

Funny how they look bigger lying down,

Mind if I call Blanche?
Her mom's coming over

with her new guy
and I can't look pathetic,

There's no network here,
Go by the house,

- Wait!
- Know what?

I'll Facetime her,

Wait, Roland,

No, you'll do it,
Give me the tree,

Go on,

- Hi Dad,
- No, it's,,,

It's Michel,
To show you your dad's tree,

Push to,,, turn it around,

- Push,,,
- Wait,

Move to the right,

A little more,

More to the right,

Hey! I'm here,

- Problem?
- He wants his daughter to see the tree,

- Honey?
- Are you done?

- Like it?
- It's a pine,

It'll do,
I'm no lumberjack,

Is it tall enough?

It's great, Bye, I have no battery,

I'll take it,
I'll help you load it,

It's a lovely choice,
Just add decorations,

I have none,

And there you go!

Glad I got that over with,

By the way,,,

Close your gate,
Migrants almost got eaten by a bear,

See?

What?

Because I always tell her
to close the gate,

Well, thank you, Merry Christmas,

Merry Christmas!

How to,,,

get rid of,,,

a body,

Two bodies,

COMMON METHODS

So pigs are the best,
they eat everything,

Except teeth,

If it's just teeth, we're fine,

On the other hand, they don't eat fast,

Acid,

Risky and complicated, apparently,

I have an idea,

December 21,,,

Bears hunt salmon!

Salmon? There are no salmon here,

There were no bears either,

You'll see,

When the bear smells this honey,
it'll think summer,

He'll come running, you'll see,

He doesn't need to eat them,

If he tears them up a bit,
he'll be guilty,

They got lost in the forest,

The bear stumbled upon them,

And then,,, forest accident,

By the time they find them here,,,

No prayer, nothing?

We don't even know their names,

Come on, a thick coat on both sides,

Night, honey,

Lights off, it's late,

What did I say?

Time to sleep,

Doudou, stop,

Night, Mom,

Night, honey,

Goodnight,

December 22,,,

I told you it wouldn't work,

Not all bears like honey,

I don't get it,

Cathy?

There's another,

We didn't see him yesterday,

What's wrong? You're not pregnant?

Pregnant? By who?

Must be last night's purée,

The current must have carried him here,

Come help me,

What are you doing?

I think we made a mistake,
We can't get rid of the bodies,

We must make them visible,

I mean, literally exhibit them,

Because if no one finds them,
they'll come looking,

For sure, And they'll find them,

If they find them right away,
they'll stop looking,

He's not part of this,

Now he is,

We'll put the bodies back in the car
like in an accident,

You weren't there,
you know nothing,

What about this?

What is it?

A phone, latest model, from body 3,

Keep it,
Doudou's dying for one for Christmas,

He's Portuguese,

It's Anne-Marie!

- Hey, Roland,
- Oh, Gilles,

The car's no longer empty,

What do you mean?

- There are passengers,
- How many?

Three, not including the flies,

- What do they say?
- Say?

They won't be saying a thing,

I've seen rotting bodies but this is,,,

Chernobyl,

Okay, Gilles,

Listen, you stay put,

I'll send Forensics and come,

- Don't touch a thing,
- Sure thing,

Not a thing,

We'll wait for you,

He's coming with Forensics,
Don't touch a thing,

I swear, Roland,

It was empty,

I'm on my way,

Excuse me,

Sorry, don't mind me,

Chief?

No one called back?
They clogged the toilet, now my office,

Chief, we have a problem,

- Anyway, it's not fecal,
- What is it?

Pellets,

Pellets of cocaine,

Three kilos, at least,

They swallowed them,

They're mules, not migrants,

- Well played,
- How so?

We don't search migrants,
Not where it matters,

No harm seen, no harm done,

We'd have let them go,

They trek off with their load,
undetected, well played,

But something irks me,

How did they navigate the forest?
They're not locals,

Poor things,

High price to cross borders,

500 grams of cocaine in the rectum,

They swallow them,

I can barely swallow aspirin,

They deserve their El Dorado,

What do we do, Major?

Prison,

Just before Christmas,

Drug smugglers are a pain,

Sami,,,

stick them in a cell,

And keep an eye on them,

We lost the cell key,

Well,,,

use a padlock or something,

Use your head,

Okay?

Come, Florence,
Good thing your nose is stuffed,

I'm Matthieu Colbeau, pathologist,

I have a killer cold,

I only treat the dead,

I was joking,

- Major Bodin,
- Hello,

So the car was empty last night?

Yes,,,

Gilles discovered it,
There was no one inside,

He doesn't drink?

Like everyone, When he's thirsty,

The carnage isn't from today,

- May I?
- Of course,

Careful, miss,
It's not a pretty sight,

What?

What's your problem, earthworm?

A woman can't bear the sight?

Think my freezer never broke?

5 kg of rotting meat,
and no man to take out the garbage,

So spare me the "careful, miss",

We got some serious cadavers,

We should have just tossed it
in the dumpster!

The dumpster is in plain sight,
Too risky!

The weapon belongs at the crime scene,

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,

Keep driving,

- We're going to the supermarket,
- By the forest?

Take the main road,
This is blocked,

- Was there an accident?
- We can't say yet,

Total carnage,

Hey Michel,,, Hey Cathy!

You can't stay here,

- We're going to the supermarket,
- By the forest?

What's that, an abandoned car?

Not really,
I think we have a psycho,

Florence leans more toward a pervert,

- Because of the honey,
- Honey?

Three corpses,

One's face is cut,
The others, covered in honey,

One was impaled, punctured abdomen,

Totally pulverized,
Sorry, Cathy,

Thouchart!
Macaroons from Thouchart?

- I love them! My favorites,
- Mine too,

Did you get fingerprints?

It won't be long,

Bad guys always leave a trace,

We'll find him,

We always do,

- So good luck,
- Good marketing,

Marketing?

Didn't you mention the supermarket?

- And Merry Christmas!
- Let's go,

That's different,

Sorry,

- What now?
- The supermarket, like we said,

And they're watching us,

We should stop, This is wrong,

No more lies, We're good people,
Let's come clean,

We didn't do it on purpose,

They'll understand,
Gendarmes are intelligent,

You're saying that out of fear,

They're looking for perverts,

As you said, we're good people,
Period,

It's not fear, it's principles,

A moral compass,

I can't live with this,

All right, Michel,

We'll buy groceries then surrender,

About the money,,, what do we say?

No one knows there was any,
We don't have to tell,

But I know,
My conscience knows,

I'm an honest guy,

I have values,

You're right,
We'll give it back

and turn you in,

Turn me in?

You're the one who killed them,

You're my accomplice!

Who moved the bodies? Who put on honey?
Pulled up her panties?

Who reads crime novels?

If I go down, you go down, Cathy,

What if we go to prison?

Who'll tend to Doudou? Social services?

You want your son
to go into foster care?

In this shitty world?

Sorry,

- Not it's me,
- It's me,

This is silly, We can't crack,

Come on, we must be strong,

Look,,, look,

- Gorgeous,
- Oh yeah, it's,,,

We need an alibi,

"Pakistani" is with a K?

The vehicle, apparently abandoned,

found its riders,

Forensics sent pics,

I made photocopies,

Shall I pin them up?

It's the forensics lab!

Really,,, okay,

We'll deal with it,

Thanks, we'll keep you posted,

The impaled guy

and the blonde in mink

weren't tourists,

Drug traffickers,

Serious police records,

The two cases are connected, Florence,

Sami!

Put the African and the 3 Pakistanis
up there too,

- It could be chance,
- No chance, just probabilities,

And the probability is overwhelming,

The couple doesn't look innocent,

The barrette,
Why is that barrette there?

They found it in the car,

Barrettes like that are sold everywhere,

Maybe we wait before sending the report?

What did you do today?

Nothing much, I'm on a break,

- A break,
- A sabbatical is a sabbatical,

Like a fast: useless if broken,

A sabbatical from what?

From school, which is a lot,

From school,

I spent 3 months
studying for my baccalaureate,

Flunking it was tough,

I need time to bounce back,

How much time?

I don't see you bouncing,

Pay for fashion design school,
then we can talk,

Or I'll ask mom's boyfriend,
He's rich,

A dentist, he does braces,

Fucking goldmine,

Mind your tongue,

Anyway it's beyond you

and your world of Playmobils in uniform,

In my world of Playmobils, as you say,

we hold onto our belongings,

Meaning?

Your barrette,

Where is it?

Friend's house,

- What friend?
- You don't know her,

I better know her,

We found it in a car,

Dad, I don't have to tell you
who I sleep with,

You slept in the car?

I'm legal, Dad,

You slept in a car with corpses?

With what?

You're into necrophilia,

Okay, you piss me off,
I lost my appetite,

May I?

I'm sorry,

Why must you always know everything?

Isn't keeping quiet better?

We're doing fine,

We get along well,

Why spoil everything?

I didn't mean to be awkward,

It's true, you,,,

You've grown up,

It's hard for me to admit,

That's all,

Sure there were no corpses?

Stop!

I ask as a gendarme, not a dad,

So call me in for questioning,

It's not a good idea,

Stop, an alibi is an alibi,

Trust me, for once,

As an old friend, Sabine,

Even as an old friend,
I don't like lies,

I know how they can destroy illusions,

I spent years
imprisoned by make-believe,

by conventions,

by useless lies,

One day I decided to be myself,

Now you ask me to lie, Michel,

How much?

To renovate the dungeon,

And new sex swings
in the Love Room,

Very nice sex swings,

Demanding clientele,

So you'll say
we were here last night,

Night of the 21st,

The night of the 21st,

Thank you, Sabine, and goodbye,

Goodbye,

Why not stay for a drink,
get to know the place?

If we're saying you were here,
at least get a taste,

No, thank you, we're not dressed,

You're cute,

Afraid to have some fun?

You know, the best way to find yourself

is to know where you get lost,

Come, don't act so shy,

Michel,,,

Anyway, thanks,
I'll have a gorgeous dungeon,

Actually, I'll use some of your gift
to buy masks for New Year's Eve,

That always works,

Stripping may come easy,

but masks turn adults back into kids,

I love your bag, Jacqui,

Cathy, It was a gift,

I'll leave you, Have fun,
Drinks are on me,

Stay to the end, It's Gangbang Night,

- Stop,
- What?

We went to farming school together,

She had glasses and acne,

And big boobs,

Excuse me,

That's not what I look at,

Jealous?

Excuse me?

Not at all, Jealous? No, seriously,,,

are you crazy?

You're jealous, Cathy,

No, Michel,

I prefer,,,

not to answer,

Anyway, admit it's a good alibi,

No one will say we weren't here,

Know anyone who brags about doing this?

No, thanks, That's sweet,

What did he want?

Anal sex,

Okay, good night,

Doudou, it's too late for music,

It's time to sleep, Doudou!

December 23,,,

So,,,

What were you doing in the car?

Sleeping with Basile,

Why there?

His kid brother was at his place,

And I scream during sex, so,,,

"I scream,,,

during sex,"

Why not Basile's car?

Too small, The seats don't go back,

We wanted to stop by Marc's for condoms,

We wanted to go to Guillaume's,
He has a spare bedroom,

So, on the way to Guillaume's,
we saw the car,

And a nice car too,

The seats were obviously cushy,

So we could really let go,

Excuse me, I,,,

I'll make myself some coffee,

"So we could really let go,"

Why is he staring?

You don't have to stay
for a statement,

I was just helping,

You didn't notice anything in the car?

No, It was night,

Two men, a woman, honey,

Doesn't ring a bell?

Nope, we don't do that,
We're more basic,

You're sure there was no one?

I had a few beers, but still,,,

Major?

The bodies were added,

There you go,

2,300 euros,

And here you go,
Thanks, Christian,

Thanks, Michel,

See you, have a good day,

What's that?

I bought us heating oil,

With what money?

With ours,

You took from the bag?

I barely took a thing,
just what we need,

Car insurance, heating oil,
Jean-Jean's fertilizer, honey,

You're out of your mind,

Why?

Like with the TV, you agreed to the TV,

Because the TV stays hidden,

No one sees it but us,

But our debts,,,

How do we justify paying them off?

What did you tell Jean-Jean?

He'll go to the bank and blab,

You can't reimburse 5,000 like that!

They'll ask him how he got 5,000 euros

in cash, from one day to the next,

Banks ask questions!
It's their job,

We'll say we sold more trees,

Yeah, right, Treat them like idiots,

People will talk, Michel,

You can't be trusted,

Here, Basile's car leaves town,

With Blanche,

At 11:12 pm,,,

17 minutes later, it reappears here,

As seen on the town's
surveillance camera,

17 minutes?

What?

They spent only 17 minutes
in the BMW,

Yeah, so what?

That's all, It's not long,

We're not investigating that,

Yeah but it's not long,

Then, from 11:29

until the tow truck came,

nothing: no one comes, no one goes,

Okay, so to sum up,,,

Basile's car,,,

comes in from here,

And goes out this way,

And the BMW is right in the middle,

At 11:12 pm,

no bodies in the car,

And at 8:48 am,

the bodies pop up,

And no one came in,

not from here, not from here,

So it has to happen,,,

without a doubt,,,

here,

The problem is there's nothing there,

Yes, there's the pine tree farm,

Good thinking, Sami,

Very good,

Of course,

Michel and Cathy,

- Hello, Roland!
- Hello, Cathy,

Problem with your tree?

Can we come in?

Of course,

Come in!

Don't wipe your feet, I'll mop up after,

Just a sec,

Michel, it's Roland,

It's too loud,

There,

Come on in,

Do you want coffee?

Just a few questions for you,

What's wrong?

Doudou did something dumb?

Can we sit?

Yes, of course,

These are purely routine questions,

Cathy, Michel,

the night of the 21st,
did you see or hear anything unusual?

Unusual how?

Gunshots, maybe,

A car,

A thud at night, shouts,

You're scaring me now,

It bothers me to ask, but,,,

Where were you on the 21st?

We were at the Cupid,

The swinger's club?

- Thursday is bang-bang night,
- Gangbang,

Gangbang,

And we used the swing,

Michel, it's important,

All night long?

On the swing?

No, the Cupid,

Until daybreak,

- And Dominic?
- Doudou?

- He was asleep,
- Okay,

Here,

Can we question him?

Yeah,

If he's not on his PS,

It's,,,

Doudou, come here, son,

Come sit down with us,

They have some routine questions,

Routine means like usual,

See?

Doudou, the night of the 21st,,,

He's not deaf,

Do you remember what you were doing
on the night of the 21st?

The 21st,

The night before last,

Remember?

Take your time,

This is Doudou,,,

Not a real talker, He's a little,,,

He's normal,
The doctors all say so,

No, Cathy, He's not normal,

What were you doing
the night of the 21st?

Sleeping,

You were in your room,

- You were sleeping,
- Yeah, he was sleeping,

I think that's it,

They weren't at the Cupid,

How do you know?

Because I was there,

I'm not allowed?

Go on, say it,

Say I'm a slut,

I didn't say a word,

You think I'm an easy lay,
Yeah, I am,

It's better to be an easy lay
than to be alone,

I do what I can,

In a world too big,

And a uniform too small,

You know, Florence,,,

in life, we all search for ourselves,

One day I think
you'll find your Prince Charming,

Because you deserve to,

Yes, Florence,

One day you'll come across a good man,

I hope you'll hold onto him,

You'll be smarter than me,
You'll be better at that,

You're not a slut, Florence,

I'm in such pain, Father,

It's not like me,

You know I'm not a liar,
I tell you everything,

- How much was in the bag?
- 2 million,

Now a little less,

- Two million,
- Yes,

Some sum,

For sure, it's a real lot,

You're not responsible, son,

God sent you a test,

You simply welcomed it,

I sort of killed them,
accident or not,

There are no accidents,

Only the Lord's decisions,

They were on your path,
You weren't looking for it,

How much again?

Two million,

Huge amount,

Why not keep it under God's protection?

Here, in this church,
far from the wicked,

I doubt Cathy would agree,

She trusts no one,

You mistake me for an infidel?

Of course not,

I'm a man of God,

I'll bring the money tomorrow,
It's safer,

But not a word to anyone,

My lips are sealed,

You spoke to the priest,

He spoke to the priest,

What a dumbass,

He won't say a word,
We can trust him,

We can't keep the money here,

Be reasonable,

Nothing about this story is reasonable,

Now I,,, I'm tired,

Honestly, I dunno,,,
for once, try to be present,

I carry all the weight, I'm all alone,

So really, for once,

as a father, a husband, whatever,
try to carry me,

I need it,

Understand?

I'm exhausted, I've had it,

I'm exhausted from all of this,

Of planting pine trees!
And for what?

To end up as fucking pallets
in supermarkets!

And Christmas trees
in next week's trash,

What purpose do we serve?

None!

We do shit,

We're in deep shit, a shitty couple!

We're,,,

We're parasites,

I'm taking a bath,

Cathy?

We haven't spoken like this in ages,
Right?

December 24,,,

All right, No, no,,,

No problem, we'll wait for them,
Happy holidays,

Florence,
They're taking the case from us,

2 crime squad cops are taking over,

December 24th,
they got nothing else to do,

I'm totally floored,

You dye your beard!

Otherwise it makes me look old,

- And your hair?
- That too,

Different dye,

What'll you do?

Just tell them what I know,

- When, now?
- Yeah,

Christmas Eve?

Cathy and Michel, the Cupid,
the fake migrants?

Yep,

The barrette?

Your daughter's barrette?

- Coloring shampoo,
- Yeah,

They fucking send us here on the 24th!

- And your wife?
- My wife prefers it,

Please hurry, I'm closing,
It's Christmas, it's dead,

When it grows back?

It itches,

Like a kiwi,

Ladies and gents,

- Cash or card?
- Card,

Coffee stirrer?

Lieutenant Jacquin,

- Is your superior here?
- Yes, sir, I'll get him,

I'll follow you,

Major? The police, for you,

Do I show him in?

Yes, send them in,

There's only one,

Then show him in,

Go on in,

Hello, Lieutenant,

Major Bodin,

Please, take a seat,

You don't have a partner?

He's with his kids for the holiday,

I figured
kids are more important than,,,

three stiffs in a BMW,

Christmas is Christmas,

True,

So Major, tell me all you know,

For now, nothing certain,

Leads,

- Just leads,
- Names?

Addresses?

Leads,,,

What's unfortunate is,,,

it's Christmas,

We'll have to push off till tomorrow,

After the family lunch,

As you say,

Christmas is Christmas,

We respect tradition here,
Like a sort of truce,

The Major means you must be patient,

It's a tough case,

For now, we want to check our leads,

You come on December 24th,
it's not great timing,

I'm not one to talk,,,

If it's a problem, I can call your chief

and explain the situation,

I'll let Santa do his job,

That's the spirit,

I'll come after the turkey,

Better timing,

See you tomorrow,

- Merry Christmas,
- You too,

One big asshole,

With one fucking ugly hairdo,

Room 12,

It's like a suite, with a TV,

Here for Christmas?

You got it,

Alone?

You won't be alone, I'll be here,

It'll stop,

You're squeezing too tight,

See?

Tough cookie,

We said alone,

Alone is both of us,

What's up?
You lost our address?

I wanted us to meet on neutral ground,
without,,,

without the kid,

Roland, you're scaring me,

Michel,

I think it's time you tell the truth,

About what?

About the BMW, the corpses, the honey,

- I said we were at the Cupid,
- Yes,

No,,, you weren't,

You weren't at the Cupid,

That's a good one, Ask Sabine!

- Sabine?
- Yeah, the boss,

She went to farming school
with Michel,

I'm off the case,
The Crime Squad took it over,

They're not softies,

They'll search you to the bone,

And they'll find something,

Your damaged truck,

The surveillance footage,
your fake detachment,

You can't escape it,

You're the first suspects,

So tell me the truth, Or else,,,

Or else what?

They'll find it on their own

and it will really annoy them,

And they'll find it,

They always do,

It's me,

I killed them,

At first there were 2 of them,
The third came later,

It was an accident,

I panicked,
You don't see a bear every day,

Trust me, I was all alone,

Cathy didn't know,

She had nothing to do with this,
She's a great woman,

She's,,,

She's brave, sensitive,

You can put me in prison,
She doesn't need a tree farmer,,,

who's scared of everything,

Trust me,

It's the truth,

I was alone, Cathy wasn't there,

She didn't even know,

Right, Cathy?

Cathy wasn't there,

Listen, let's get through Christmas Eve,

Tomorrow you can turn yourself in,

All right,

Tomorrow,

when you make your statement,

you don't have to say you were driving,

You can say it was Doudou,

He was learning, it's credible,

Doudou is 12,

Exactly, He risks nothing,

He'll be deemed not responsible,

At worst they'll put him in a place
for kids like him,

Kids like him?

No one touches Doudou, okay?

Roland, he's our son,

I was just saying,

Tend to your daughter,

That would be better,

What about the money?

What money?

There's some missing,

A little,

How much is there?

Was 2 million,

The Lord is as generous
as he is good,

As his emissary,

I took it on myself to help the needy,
A leaky roof,

Bethier's sick flock,

Old lady Cazeneuve
who needed firewood,

God ordained me to act,

Think we're stupid?

Come now, Michel,

Meanwhile, the money isn't yours,

You must return it,

Keep God out of it,

God alone can cleanse dirty money,

Save it for the judge,

This is God's house, son!

Stop calling me "son", Jean-Pierre!

It's starting to piss me off!

You're not my father,

He's dead and buried,

I know, What a lovely funeral,

What do we do?

We do as we said, Michel,

tomorrow go to the police
and fess up,

As for me,

I'll get my lamb roast
and take the money,

I'll put it in the gendarmerie,

In a safe place,

What?

Nothing,

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

- Hello, Marc?
- No, it's Diego,

- It's Iroquois,
- Answer, I'm busy,

Your brother's busy,

Oh, nice,,,

Tell him it's all good,

The delivery is late,
but we localized the drop-off,

I worked my way up
to the head gendarme,

I'll see to it all,

I'll keep you posted,

What do you mean, they'll be late?

Traffic? They couldn't plan for that?

Yes, I have the lamb,

Now I'm early,

All right, See you shortly,

Good evening,

You good, Roland?

Yes,

A glass of white,

And give me a 30-euro cigar,

I'll smoke it with Santa,

White with bubbles for Christmas,

That's kind of you,

- Corinne?
- Yes?

They say
"money can't buy happiness",

How much, exactly?

- You're not doing great,
- I am,

Just imagine,,,

if I gave you two million euros,

Okay?

And I said:

Leave everything,

Leave your bar, your clients, your man,

You change your life,

Go somewhere sunny,
No questions asked,

- 2 million?
- 2 million,

No need to think, I leave,

Not you, Roland?

Come on, 2 million!

Well,,,

a few alterations and,,,

I still fit into it, See?

You're beautiful,

May I?

You're right,

It's been a while since we've spoken,

Since the day the doctor told us
that Doudou,,,

wouldn't be like the others,

I wanted to tell you

I don't care about all that money,

Tomorrow, if you spill the beans
and end up in prison,

you'll always be my bandit, Michel,

When's the reservation?

It's time to go,

Doudou?

Coming?

We have to leave,

"Lips",

"Mouth",

Yes, good,

"Nose",

Say it with your nose,

The code,

Two,

Three,

One,

Florence, put down the gun,

You just shot a police lieutenant,

Do you know many police officers

who shoot from behind
with a silenced Beretta 92?

You're right,

No resemblance,

So who is he?

I don't know,

Thank you, Florence,

We'll go have a pee,
Come,,,

Anyone here?

Wait, Doudou,

Stop, people live here,,,

Oh fuck,

This time it wasn't us,

This is Hare Krishna,

Soon the dead will outnumber the living,

Where are you?

What? At a friend's?

And your mother?
In front of the house,

Okay,

I'll send Sami,

I'll have him get the lamb roast
from my desk,

Welcome them, serve drinks,

I'll be a little late,

So,,,

we have, on the one hand,
2 million euros,

Well,,, we had,

On the other, 3 kg of coke,

- The gram is at 70 euros,
- Wholesale, yes,

For this to add up,

we're missing about 27 kg of cocaine,

Where is the dope?

No drugs, We don't go there, Roland,

On our son's life, no drugs,

The money, the gun, yes,
But no drugs,

Michel,,,

What?

What gun?

The gun we put in the cashier's hand
at the gas station,

Stop it, you're bothering Roland,

Is he dead?

We've had,,,

a complicated day,

- Can we cover him?
- It's a crime scene,

Can we have his ear-pods?

For Doudou,

He's not answering?

No, it's not his,

Not mine either,

Whose is it?

Him,

The bald one, with the hood,

Hello, Alan? It's Diego,

What the hell?
You never called Iroquois,

Hear me?
I'm with his brother who's pissed,

He wants his money
and you better not double-cross us,

Otherwise you know what'll happen,

We'll make you eat your balls,,,

We'll let you spend
your last Christmas together,

Thank you,

This is starting
to annoy the hell out of me,

So many canker sores,
I couldn't see her uvula,

You never even charged her!

I'm too princely,

Finally!

Fix your tie,

Fix it,

Forgive me,

12:30! We thought you were Santa!

You're so pale!
What's wrong? Are you tired?

You're pretty,
You don't have the keys?

- I don't live here anymore,
- True,

You know Denis?

- Good evening,
- Yes, I know Denis,

He was my dentist,

- Hello,
- Hello, Denis,

Sami, what are you doing here?

I invited him to stay,

The lamb is on the table,

You didn't cook it!

You didn't ask,

Come on,,,

Dinner isn't for a while,

It's time for dessert,

Fuck!

- Left leg brings good luck!
- Let me help,

The lights are out now?

The Christmas tree is back!

- What is it?
- Here,

Christmas gift,

So you can buy a car, a used one,

And take driving lessons,

Because not every gendarme is nice,

Dad, thanks,

Michel, don't come
for your statement tomorrow,

I'll manage,

December 25,,,

What a Christmas!

And you found nothing?

No, Captain,

So, we have,,,

seven corpses,

Including two police officers,

Three drug traffickers, One cashier,

And one turtleneck
with a feather-shaped earring,

But no money, no motive, nothing,

Gangland killing,

Probably,

I can't speak,
I'm in an interrogation,

I'm going for coffee,

In the waiting room,

It's gross, but all we have,

He doesn't like his gift?

Well, we can't afford a baby grand,

I know he's disappointed
but what can I do?

I'll call you back,

Kids,,,

It was my husband,

We're divorced,

Like everyone,

It's my son,

He studies piano in Paris,

Costs us a fortune,

They teach trumpet in Besançon
but he insists on piano,

Piano is nice,,,

when well played,

How much does a piano cost?

A good piano,

- Much longer?
- Hope not,

We have better stuff to do
on December 25th,

So, let's start from the beginning,

You were at the,,,

The Cupid, that's right,

Every night?

Every night,

Not Christmas Eve,
I was with my daughter,

Kids,,,

Population of 967

and no one saw or heard a thing,

At the same time,
the more thugs kill each other,

the less they bother us,

Goodbye, Major,

Goodbye, Captain,

I almost forgot,

The gift from the kids
in the church choir,

For the piano,

And a little more, if you need it,

You know,

when you hit a beehive,

the queen bee comes after you
one day or another,

So beware,

Be vigilant,

Right,

Right,

See you soon,

December 31,,,

Come on, hurry up!

If we get there after 7,
we can't sign up for the pageant,,,

New Year's Eve costume party?

How original,

Let me guess,

Lucky Luke and Tinkerbell, right?

Love it,

Let me tell you a story,

Sit,

Story of a little ant
that wanted to eat a whale,

I think the title says it all,

You're lucky,

I'm a nice guy,

No faking it, it's in the genes,
I've always been nice,

But now,,,

you messed with my kid brother,

I know he was no saint,

He had flaws, but he was my brother,

2 million wasn't worth my coming,

but now, you understand,
I take it personally,

Listen,,,

we don't know your brother,,,

It's not us,

Stop!

I said stop!

Shut up, bitch,

I swear!

So, pine merchant,

where's my money?

Nothing,,, there's nothing left,

Nothing, sir,

I swear,

I'm disappointed,

I expected a little more cooperation,

I'm really, really, really disappointed,

- Fuck!
- I know!

I know,,,

where the money is, The drugs,

Over there, under a tree,

Out there,

There we go,

You,,,

better not be bullshitting me,

It's out here near the trees,

You have to dig,

May I?

Go on,

It's not far,

Don't touch my mom!

Thank you, Father,

Thanks for everything,

You're welcome, Mrs, Chocart,

Thanks, Father,
You'll get us through the winter,

It's only normal,

Don't forget catechism, Benoit!

And the candy!

What should we say?

That we had a tractor accident,

Coming?

Aren't you coming, hon?

I'll go alone like the others,

They're not with their parents,

I don't know why I,,,
can't be like the others,

We'll leave you,

We'll pick you up in 2 hours, okay?

- Get going,
- Sorry,

Thanks, Dad,

He's normal, very normal,

What do we do now?

Sometimes it's the ant that eats the whale,,,

HOW TO MAKE A KILLING