Original subtitles

Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, baby. That's it.

Look at those lips, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, beautiful, baby.

Smash it.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah. Yeah.

You feel it, baby? You feel the love in this room?

Yeah.

Be dirty, baby. Be dirty.

It's the dust in the room. Yeah.

Oh, you all do it.

I'm going to tell your parents.

Unless you want.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah. Yeah, baby.

That's it.

You are nothing.

Oh, beautiful, baby. Beautiful.

Does that make you horny, baby?

Yeah!

Why don't you say we go for a more organic view?

You want me to suck your dick?

Oh, behave.

Agent Kensington, to what do I owe the pleasure?

Dr. Evil Austin.

I'd like you to meet Austin Powers.

The man will save the world.

Oh yeah!

I'll mind my teeth if you mind my poop.

Shagging, dear. Cold shagging. And Austin was very good at it. Raw, baby!

tiger! Raw!

Yeah! That's beautiful!

You are gorgeous, baby!

Gorgeous!

Not so fast, Austin Powers.

What do we do?

Don't worry, baby.

Follow my lead.

Do you mind, Vanessa?

She can be a bit prudish.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Fuck yeah.

so good, Austin.

Agent Kensington, what do I owe the pleasure?

It's Dr.

Evil, Austin.

He's... Good heavens.

What? Is it something on my face?

It's something about evil.

Is he trying to kill me?

You know, perhaps

I should come back later after you've finished.

Does he want to kill me again?

Yes. How did you know?

He pretty much has to, love, doesn't he?

I mean, it's only a matter of time before I foil what evil plan he has

up. Is he putting lasers on sharks again?

Or is his sour attitude to Oddbox what?

I'm afraid it's much more serious this time.

Apparently he's number two.

Abandoned a batch of high -grade plutonium from a fission lab in Italy.

Yes. It was smuggled into the States. Yes, yes.

Into a lab in the Mojave. Yes. Just outside of Los Angeles.

Yes. Evil had a nuclear warhead made. Yes, yes.

Which he plans to detonate. Yes. In Las Vegas.

Yeah. Unless.

Yeah. Unless. Yes. We can stop him. Yes. First.

Yeah, baby, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Cream and sugar?

Just sugar, then.

I wonder what Dr. Evil's plans will be to kill me.

I imagine he'll send an assassin.

Perhaps one with a gun.

No. Too noisy. Another track of too much attention.

A knife would be a much better choice.

No, too messy.

It's hard to make a discreet getaway, all covered in gore.

A blowtorch.

No, that wouldn't work for me.

He's just as likely a lighted cell phone liar as he is me.

That's... choice would be something subtle.

Quiet. Something that would leave no fingerprints.

I've got it.

He can choke me with a... with a... stocking. An easily

disposable weapon that leaves no trace of fingerprints.

Yeah! It's the perfect crime.

Austin, you knocked out that girl.

It's no girl.

It's a man, man.

Did you know he was a man all along?

Of course not. How could I?

Where's Dr.

Evil? Where is he?

He's on the roof!

Not this time, Austin Powers.

I'm going to freeze myself in space.

See you in 30 years.

Should we go do the freezing thing now?

I suppose.

I don't quite understand why you are the one to be performing Mr. Powers'

evacuation. This is a top -secret mission, Vanessa.

The fewer people who know of Austin's re -emergence, the better.

Put on your goggles.

As you know, it's been 30 years since Dr. Evil blasted off into space with a

rectal rocket jammed up his bum. It was long believed that Dr. Evil died while

in orbit, but all of that changed 10 days ago.

when a team of astrophysicists spotted what they believed to be a UFO landing

the Mojave Desert.

British intelligence determined that it was none other than Dr. Evil himself.

Soon after Dr. Evil disappeared, our best agent, his prime nemesis, Austin

Powers, came to this facility to have himself cryogenically frozen in the

eventuality of Dr.

Evil's return.

Vanessa, I'd like you to meet Austin Powers, the man who will save the world.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

There's Dr. Evil up to his old tricks again.

Well, catch up to Chad, will you? So be like old times. Yeah!

Oh, Austin, I'm afraid these days find me well -retired from field work.

My job will be to confer with you over the phone while you're in Los Angeles

with Vanessa.

Vanessa? Is that your name, baby?

I was wondering what a fucking little number might call herself.

I prefer Agent Kensington if it's all the same to you, Mr. Powers.

However, if it's all the same to me, I prefer to Roger you around like I did

your mother.

Mr. Powers?

Why, I never... Your mother did? Yeah!

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Mr. Powers? Yeah.

Come here.

Oh, skinny.

Get right into it, yeah.

Take it off.

Take that bum.

Oh, get dirty.

Aww.

Get those balls.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes, it was. It was.

So what's next?

Next, you fly to Los Angeles to infiltrate Evil's sex toy company.

It's believed he's using it as a current base of operations.

Dr. Evil is holding auditions for his new sex toy line where you will pose as

model with Vanessa posing as your agent.

Vanessa?

Good evening.

After a long and painful de -freezing process, I am ready to go back to work,

though I believe some pleasantries are in order.

So let's get them out of the way as quickly as we can, okay?

Number two, how are the kids?

Number three and four?

Very well, thank you.

Great.

And Frau Underwarren, how are the twins, Taki and Whitey?

So good, Herr Doctor. Danke, Shane.

Wunderbar. Mr. Horkinfish, how's every last little thing?

Fine. And you, Doctor, look well, considering... Considering what?

That I've had that large piece of junk rammed up my laundry chute for the past

30 years?

That painful hunk of junk that you invented, if memory serves?

Doctor, please.

I'm aware that you have some difficulties during your orbit, but...

I assure you, I did the best that I could do, given the technological

of the time.

Difficulties? Why?

What could you be referring to? Do you mean this?

Oh.

My

biggest

apologies, Doctor.

Mr. Horkenfisch.

I cannot hear you over your screams.

I'm not screaming.

You will be.

Pork and fish, will you kill yourself?

Did you invent this?

Yes. That's why it doesn't work.

Pharaoh Underworm, will you fuck him to death, please?

Jawohl, mein doctor.

Schnell. No.

No.

I'm going to have my fun.

So how's my plan to build a giant drill in the shape of a dildo, drop a few

megaton of nukes to it as it burrows a hole into the center of the earth where

it explodes,

causing all the volcanoes on the planet to erupt in the biggest gargantuan

ejaculation of fire and lava we have ever seen, laying waste to the earth as

know it.

How's that going, good?

Alana and I are holding auditions for the cock molding process in the morning.

Then we'll be good to go.

Great. What is

that?

Are you hungry? I'm always hungry.

Let's go eat.

Okay.

Oh, we are getting hard.

Yes, you'll lead me.

Yes.

You suck, then I suck.

Ah.

Mm -hmm.

That's good.

Yes, you get the pussy ready for the cock?

Yes.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yes.

Yes, suck it. Suck it all up. Mm -hmm.

Yes.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yes, just like that.

Oh yes, such a knife.

And what do you have for me?

uh huh

Very good, thank you.

How's Austin?

Asleep. Asleep?

You didn't, Vanessa.

Mother, I assure you.

Well, I'm sure he won't stay on the sofa for long. Mother.

He certainly didn't stay on mine.

Mother, I'd rather not think about that.

I'd rather not think about his penis, Mother, if it's all the same to you.

Is everything all set up for the toy company?

Yes, dear.

I faxed you directions to the company's headquarters.

It should be there.

Call me afterwards with whatever you find out.

And above all else, be careful, dear.

Okay. Kisses, dear.

Kisses.

Morning, Vanessa.

Good morning, Austin.

Is that Mrs. Kensington?

Mm -hmm.

So what's this for again? We make a drill to go down, down into the ground.

And I want it giant, how you say, organic.

But I want big, like grande, grosso.

So when it goes down, all the way into the ground, I make boom.

Everything goes on fire everywhere.

Comprende? Yeah, I guess.

Let's just hurry and get this over with.

It's not good, how you say? Piccolo, piccolo?

Too small.

Not good.

Ciao.

A presto, how you say? Next.

and of willing female models who spoke on the phone.

Hmm. Si, bene.

And you must be?

Please allow myself to introduce myself.

Burton, Burton Baccarat. But you could call me Burt, baby.

Si, um, a lot.

A lot of vagina.

I'll just have to take your word on that now, won't I? Yeah!

And you all... My name's number two.

Were your parents mathematicians?

No, actually they worked in sewage. Why?

You look awfully familiar, Mr. Baccarat. I feel like we've met before.

Do you want to see my pepperoncini?

Probably okay, si.

Can I get a little music, baby? A little mood lighting? Yeah!

It's that kind of audition. Okay.

Ah, si.

Bene, bene.

Numero due.

Si, very good.

Pretty good.

Of course.

Mold it. Right away. I'll call Dr. Ewell and give him the good news.

Mr. Bacharach, thank you.

Uh, Mr. Two, might you show me to the restroom on your way out?

Oh, of course.

Follow me.

Number two, we found the penis.

It's magnificent.

A lot is molding it now.

As soon as she's finished, we'll have the lab fashioned into the dildo drill.

Then they'll fill it with nukes and hoist it into the mine shaft.

All you've got to do then is you've got to call the UN and demand the ransom.

Make sure you don't forget.

Goodbye, Doug.

Yes. I love you, too.

Now, time to take my reward.

Uh, Mr. Sue, this is a ladies' room. So it is.

What's this?

Oh, it's, um, it's...

Why do I get the feeling you're trying to distract me, Miss... Kensington.

Kensington?

That's not the name you gave me at the audition.

Relax. I don't bite.

As long as you don't.

Big shit.

I'll see you next time.

I love when you suck my balls.

Here we go.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, see, baby, see?

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, not fratting.

Wow.

I will fit still.

Mwah.

I love when you suck my balls.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

footstool and

Yeah, baby.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That really hit the spot. Business awaits.

Good day.

Oh, by the way, how's your mother?

My mother?

Agent Kensington?

She's, um, she's, uh, uh -oh.

The jig is up, Mr. Backrack.

Or should I say Mr.

Powers? Austin Powers.

I want to have that beautiful, groomy cat.

My name's Chuck.

First name, Judo. That was a close one, eh?

Austin, look out!

Hello,

Austin Bowers.

How does it feel to be in my prison?

Take a look at the screen above you.

That is Operation Poop Shoots.

What? Why are you laughing?

Stop it.

Operation Poop Shoots is no joke.

It's time for you two to die.

Please give a warm welcome to your assassins of the evening.

Don't send them by.

You'll never get away with this, evil.

Ben, what do we do?

Don't worry, baby.

Follow my lead.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, circle.

Did you call in the ransom?

I was under the impression you were going to call. Remember? I told you not

forget.

Hmm.

Yeah, really.

I wish you would have told me harder.

Hmm, what do we do?

Pussy doodle.

What?

And they got sprayed with a poop chute. I mean, the pop shot.

What are we going to do?

Okay, we should go.

I

can't

leave you here.

seconds ago?

Uh, I suppose.

But you have to hurry, Austin.

Well, I mean, it's not really fair.

They're going to build a drill in the shape of my penis to destroy the world.

They can at least build an accurate clock to tell time.

Don't you think?

Two minutes.

Two minutes.

See, that wasn't even 30 seconds. Austin! Right.

Well, that's really easy. I conveniently place the abort button in the evil

lair.

Do not touch that conveniently placed abort button or I will shoot you.

You don't really think your bullets are faster than my hands, do you?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Stop it. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop doing that.

Don't look at that.

Don't.

Look at me.

I didn't look. I'm just looking at it. Don't look at that.

I didn't touch it. Look at me.

I didn't touch it.

I'm here.

I didn't look.

Hi, dear.

Stop it.

Don't touch it. You're so close. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it. Stop doing that. Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop. You're a bully.

Don't do that.

only one person that could stop us. Vanessa, I'd like you to meet Austin

There's Dr. Evil up to his old tricks again.

Austin Powers must...

Austin Powers!

Ow!

Did I chip a tooth?

No, Austin, on the contrary.

Your beautiful smile saved the world.

No, Austin, we have to go.

I'm not going to lie, Vanessa, I kind of have an erection right now.

Okay, well, hurry up.

I'm just going to stay here for a minute.

Oh, oh yeah.

We don't need to get into Austin Powers.

I don't know if it's giant, but it definitely does the job.

Sorry Dr.

Evil got away.

We'll find him.

Now, have a glass of champagne and enjoy the night, you two. You've earned it.

Thank you, Mother.

Oh, mother.