Original subtitles

W .Y .F .E .X. The only station in the country to give you good hardcore for

your most purian interest and sexual viewing pleasure is proud to present the

Nightly Sex Show. And now, our hostess with the mostest for dilly dandy

vibrating dildos and the Nightly Sex Show, the queen of class trash, Candida

Royale.

Hi there. Welcome this evening to the Nightly Sex Show.

brought to you by Dilley's Dandy Vibrating Vibrator.

Before we get started, let me take a moment of your time to tell you about

of the wonderful products put out by Dilley's fine line of sexual play tools.

Come on with me.

Of course, you're all familiar with the undulating penis.

So soft, so cuddly.

It'll find you places to probe that you never thought even probable before.

Our

beautiful

Benoit balls. These golden orbs will put you into orbit as you feel them in you.

But more on our super sexy tours later.

Now it's time for the nightly sex show, Sissy's Hot Summer.

Tonight's provocative drama is about three young people who live together,

Sissy, Jack, and Janet, with the normal problems of today's young people.

All the sex they want, but not enough money.

Come with me and let's see how three is not company there.

Probably fucking as usual.

Let's see.

You know what?

Janet's going to be really sorry she's down on this.

Oh, man.

You know, man.

He says we ever have to stop.

Just keep going as you want.

And you can jump.

Oh, honey.

Hey, Jack.

Will you tie me up?

Tie you up? Are you serious?

Yeah.

Listen, I want to be a slave.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Well, you... Okay.

Tie you up. No.

Okay, I'm going to do my feet or my hands first.

I'm doing both at the same time.

Did I have my mother tell me how to roll socks?

Don't make it too tight.

Like this?

Oh, sure. Why not? Oh, my God.

We don't know what we're doing, so it's okay.

The books isn't the only thing we want.

Oh, I'm going to feel like it.

I don't need to put one on.

Oh,

I love it.

Blue is such a nice color on you.

Thank you.

Oh, Jack.

Oh, just what I wanted.

Oh, yeah.

if I did the right thing.

Oh, believe me.

I'll tell you if you didn't.

One in my sleeve.

Oh, don't hurt me.

That doesn't hurt.

I'm sorry.

sort dinner without me.

Oh, who cares? I'll go find someone I like.

I told you she'd get upset.

Hi.

We interrupt this program for a late -breaking news item.

The Masturbation Liberation Front has just announced the takeover of four

-producing plants in Western Germany. This makes 11 condom plants held by the

MLF. At this date, stay tuned for further updates.

This is Harry Goldenrod for WYSEX News.

Poor Janet, left out of another menage a trois.

Oh, well, you can't win them all. But then again, you can't lose them all

either.

Is Janet mad at her roommate?

We'll see.

But I think they have a few more problems to worry about that lie ahead

Like the manager of their building, Mr. Grover, for instance.

Come, let's watch.

Hello, Mr. Grouper. What's new?

Rent's due.

Oh.

Haven't you been taken care of yet?

No, I haven't. And if I don't get the money within the next two days, I'm

to have to rent your apartment to someone who can.

Oh, Stanley.

I like the three of you, and I really hate to do it, but I really don't have

choice.

All the new plumbing is really breaking me.

Oh, I can fix your plumbing.

You can?

Well, don't you know I'm the best?

Well, if you're the best, then why don't you come down here and take a look at

this mess?

Okay.

Oh.

Why?

Oh.

These pipes are just too old to stand up to the pressure.

I have to fix this.

Well, I don't know much about those kind of pipes, but I have an expert on

these.

Well, if I could get this to stand up.

Seems to be working fine down here.

I never realized the difference a bit of quality service can make.

That's right.

Without us, this building would be nothing.

Well, I guess with your help, I can make do with half the rent.

Oh, Stanley, fantastic.

But you better have the cat, or it's out just the same.

Don't worry, you'll get paid.

Well, if you two are finished, we've got a problem.

Well, what's the matter, Janet?

On the way out, I ran into Mr. Groper, and he says if we don't pay the rent in

two days, we're out of this apartment.

Oh. Oh, God.

Screwed you, Mick Groper.

Janet, I can't believe you.

Couldn't you kind of...

You either avoid him or get him to give us a little time or something.

Give me a little credit, Jack.

I cornered him in the basement.

But the best he'd do was cut the rent in half.

Which is what we don't have.

That's probably the best you could do.

Oh, very funny.

But what are we going to do?

Oh, Janet, I'm sorry.

Listen, we'll think of something.

We hot stereo.

Oh, no.

That's my stereo.

No, it's my stereo. I can't believe it's stingy. We're going to be evicted.

Besides, we probably wouldn't get more than $100 for it anyway.

Couldn't you get an advance from work?

Yeah. You've got to be kidding.

I just got an advance for a car payment. I don't even own a car. We've been

eating my advance.

I don't panic, man.

We've got to think of something.

I mean... Relax. We'll think of something.

We could... No, no, no.

Hey.

I've got an idea.

Well... Let's cut it.

Listen.

Tomorrow evening, why don't we dress up in our very best and take one night and

go out hooking?

Are you crazy? No.

I'm liberal, but I'm no hooker.

Chrissy, that's just a little bit drastic. It's not. Will you

listen? Each one of us could go out and turn one trick, one or two tricks even,

and we'd have enough money for the rent.

Chrissy, you're talking about hooking.

Selling your body to strangers.

I don't know.

Well, I think about it. It sounds... We need the money. We do need it.

I mean, is it worse than getting evicted?

No.

Well?

What do you say?

Well, I'm all in favor of it. Come on, Janet.

It's a good idea. Come on, one night.

Well, I guess I could give it a try.

Great. That settles it, then.

Tomorrow night, we go to work.

Come, ladies.

Oh, God.

But she's home.

Hello? Hello, Miss Lessworthy? Yes.

Hi. This is Jack. I'm a friend of Barry's. Barry told me that... I don't

how to put this. Barry said that sometimes you like to use somebody as a

a male escort.

And I'm in a bit of a jam with my landlord.

You know, you... Are you good looking?

Yeah, very.

Hmm.

Have you ever been to an adult hotel?

You mean one of those places that does movies?

Yeah, but this one's a little bit more kinky.

Yeah, we get to watch ourselves.

Really? That sounds like a lot of fun.

Are you free tonight?

Free?

Well,

I'm not really free, but I'm...

That's a joke, Mrs. Lethworthy.

How's 8 o 'clock?

8 o 'clock is fine with me. Okay, I'll meet you at the Hollywood Land Hotel at

o 'clock. There'll be a room registered in my name.

Holly Land Hotel, 8 o 'clock.

That's it.

Okay.

God, I hope I can pull this off just once.

Oh, this is great.

They're your own home porno movies. I can't believe it. What a motel.

You like that? I've never been in one of these motels.

Hi.

Hi there.

Nice.

Did I ever tell you you got great kids?

You did.

Oh.

Are you comfortable under there?

Yeah.

See,

I didn't know it was going to be like this.

You know, I've never done this before. I mean, I've done this, but I've never

done this before.

Mmm.

Oh yes!

Oh, God.

Oh, my God. If I get paid for this, I love it.

Oh.

How interesting.

Jack's first trick.

How romantic.

The way that guy thought he should make a career of it.

But then he'd probably get tired after the 20th or 30th time. Like most guys I

know.

Actually, I wonder.

Maybe I should visit him after the show and find out.

Well, before we get back to our threesome,

I'd like to tell you about one of Dilly's newest sex toys.

It's called an anal stimulator.

That's right.

An anal stimulator that fits just right into that somebody's special back

pocket, if you know what I mean.

This little dandy comes complete with an instruction booklet and an extra large

bottle of Vaseline.

When we come back for our next break, I'll be telling you guys about Dilly's

dandy.

A total jack.

Don't know what it is?

Stay tuned and you will.

Now back to our show.

Do you ever have a feeling that things aren't quite what you thought?

Well, I guess that's what happened to Sissy.

She was just walking down the street like any other respectable hipper when

fairly respectable man

asked her if she'd like to take a fairly respectable jacuzzi.

Well, he was right about the jacuzzi.

But the guy, well, you might say he was just a little on the rough side.

I don't mean rough like in rapist. I mean rough like unsanded wood that grows

in the jungle.

The big green jungle with animals and gorillas and apes. Ah!

Oh, well.

Everyone's entitled to their fantasies.

Stay tuned and you'll see what I mean.

Jane. No, huh?

Uh, Tarzan, be nice to Jane. Uh -huh. Here, Jane, give Tarzan some pee -pee.

-oh.

Come on.

Here, Jane.

Get in the chair. Carson.

Be nice.

Carson's always nice.

You're better than cheetah on full night.

More chain.

I should never have bought cheetah that chainsaw. Cut down half a fucking

jungle.

Oh, enough.

Sit back.

Where is it? Get some.

Tarzan. Oh, Tarzan.

Oh,

Tarzan.

Oh, Jane likes Tarzan.

Or is it like Cheetah?

Tarzan!

Oh, Tarzan!

Oh!

Oh!

Tarzan!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! But Cheetah likes boys. Well, I'm not going to settle for Jane.

Oh, Tarzan.

Oh, Jane didn't know Tarzan was such a wild man.

No more chicks.

I'll get careful

Amen.

Buy you a coconut.

Okay. Looks like Fitzy met her Tarzan fantasy and got a coconut to boot.

Oh, well.

All in a day's work.

We'll be back to our movie in just a minute after this short station break.

WYSEX. The station with real push. Both in and out.

The station that lubricates your mind as well as your love life is happy to

bring you a special program for those truly porn viewers. Is there sex after

fucking ten years straight?

Starring Linda Lovelace and the incredible John Holmes. A poignant, sad

about a girl in love with her broom handle.

Also on WYSVX, following immediately after.

WYSEX's own recap of the summer sex frolics direct from the heart of

downtown Amsterdam.

You'll meet exciting people like Madame Mo, the only 400 -pound hooker in the

world. Also highlighted is Goshi Boeing's bid at the world championship

gangbanging. The record stands at 150 gal in one and a half hours. Boeing

on beating that time by 30 minutes. All coming to you on WYSEX.

The station that gives you good fucking.

And now, back to Candido Royale and the Nightly Sex Show.

Oh, you're back.

Guys, remember me telling you about the Total Jack?

Well, here it is.

Aside from this little dilly, being a penis enlarger, it's also the best

offer you'll ever find.

And if you ask now, Dilly's little dandies will also include...

One of their special little Parisian fantasies.

Now, take advantage of this offer.

All you have to do is call 1 -800 -DILLY

-DOO -2.

Once again, that's 1 -800 -DILLY -DOO -2.

And you too can have the convenience of the total jack in your own home.

And you'd better act fast. Those little Parisian fantasies are... Going quickly,

or is it coming quickly?

Oh, well, back to our nightly show, Sissy's Hot Summer.

Now, you all know what a virgin is, although I can't remember what I was.

Oh, well.

Janet, on her way to a singles ball where she'd heard there was lots of

met a very handsome young man.

Now, upon meeting him, she thought that his nervousness was due to shyness.

But it wasn't. It was virginness.

Hard to believe.

Just watch and see.

Gee, you're cute.

But what do you want?

You can have everything.

I don't know what I want.

What's your favorite?

I don't know.

Do you like head?

What's head?

You don't know what head is?

I've never been with a woman before.

You've never been with a woman before?

I've never seen a woman before.

How old are you?

26.

Well, baby, I'm going to make that wait all worthwhile.

Doesn't that feel good?

It does.

Like there's lips around your collar?

Yes.

I've got a lot of tics

I can do. Yeah.

First we're going to do the missionary.

Here.

The woman's body.

Put your cock right in.

Look at that sound.

Feel.

Oh, yeah. That feels good.

There? Yes.

That's a nice strong dick you've got.

Put it in that hot one.

Don't come yet.

I have some fun, too.

Let me get on top of you.

It's a good position.

Okay.

Don't come yet. I don't know what to do.

I don't want to, yeah.

Last all night.

We can.

You're good.

Never had a good of a burden before.

You're the best I've ever had.

Thanks.

Another fun trick.

You ever done a froggy stall?

No. How do you do that?

You know, just sit and wait.

I want you to think you're talking.

Oh.

You mean, quiet?

Yeah, it's very important.

Oh, that's good.

No. No.

You imagine, a 26 -year -old virgin.

Well, hopefully, Janet Brokerman, just right.

I hate to see a beautiful guy like that go to waste.

Kind of reminds me of my last husband.

Oh, well.

You know, with Dilly's fine products, there's a new one coming in almost every

minute. Why, they just brought me two brand new ones for the last episode of

Sissy's Hot Summer.

But I won't tell you about the super duper one until the end of the show.

But meanwhile, girls, take a look at this.

Two ends for two holes. Here, let me try.

See now.

Oh,

my fist little dandy really hits the spot.

Or, I mean both spots.

Oh, gosh. Well, I think that Jack's getting ready to

turn another trick, so we better get back.

Of course, I think I'm in a tub, but not until the end of the show.

Well, take it away.

So anyway,

I went to South France when I was in college with a big tour group.

Oh, because it's so terribly touristy these days.

Yeah, I kind of thought it was a little too many people myself.

Then again, in the off -season, it does have that certain ambiance.

Yeah, kind of like Newport Peak.

Oh, really?

The continent's the only place to be special.

Oh, really?

By the way, I have something I'd like to show you.

Well, I always liked Grant.

You have a couple hours, don't you?

I certainly might be able to arrange.

I have all night.

Pardon me.

Yes.

Oh, my word, young man.

Your flesh is like burning steel.

That is good as the continent, my lady.

Oh, it's better than anything I've ever felt in my life.

Come for me.

Come for me.

Suck it.

Oh, yeah.

And you do it.

You like it?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, suck it.

Oh, yes.

Tight. It's been a while.

You didn't get anyone here on the continent?

Oh, what do you say, Matt?

You didn't like any of the continent, did you?

You didn't come back here and liked us?

Beg. Don't stop me.

Beg. No, Matt.

Say America's the only way to come.

Say America's the only way to come.

Say it.

America's the only way to come. Say it again.

The only way to come. The only way to come.

Oh, God, do it, American.

Do it, American.

Oh, say, can you see? Say.

Say.

think I came.

Oh, well, there's more where that came from.

I think Jack's really all -American and cute, don't you?

But not as cute as Sissy's next trip.

Why, that little girl that picked up Sissy looked only about 16.

That money is money, and Sissy wasn't quite sure what she was doing.

But she figured maybe she wanted an old person to help her with problems with

her boyfriend or something.

But then why did she ask Sissy to get in bed with her new?

Oh, well, stick around and we'll see.

You're such a cute little thing.

You remind me of a cutie doll.

What do you want me to do?

Shut up!

Oh, I'm going to tie you up.

Break you.

Give me those hands.

Come back here.

Tie you up.

Tie you up. Don't you move.

Yeah.

I'm looking to go in.

Stick your finger in there.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

it

is so good.

Tremblay! Oh,

laughter.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Fucking puppy.

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

I'm going to eat you.

Yes.

Fuck on that pussy. Eat it.

Get that tongue over me.

Ooh, yeah.

We'll be right back after a quick station break.

An important update on the activities of the Masturbation Liberation Front. A

spokesman for the MLF has demanded that the Bond government release two

prisoners being held for flashing and nudist crimes to the MLF in exchange for

the 11 condom factories now being held.

Demands also include a 747 jet with 50 harem dancing girls in it to fly them to

Morocco, where they intend on seeking refuge from the male -oriented

and setting up, as the spokesman for the MLF explained, the world's largest free

sex swing club, located somewhere in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

Good luck, guys. We at WYFEX are all behind you.

This is Harry Goldenrod for WYFEX News.

Now back to Candida Royale and the Nightly Sex Show.

Well, Sissy, Jack, and Janet have done what they set out to do.

They've made lots of money, and that should make old girl for real happy.

But listen, they just put in that new super -duper dandy, and you're not going

to believe it. They're setting it up in the studio.

So stay tuned, and we'll be coming back after the climactic end of the movie.

Take it away, kids.

Hi, girls.

Hello. How'd it go tonight?

Great.

Here comes Mr. Groper.

Hello, Mr. Groper. Hi, Mr. Groper. How are you three? Had a late night, huh?

Yeah, but it was worth it. I just hate to get up and go to work tomorrow

morning. Oh, and speaking of work, which reminds me of money, which reminds me

of me, do you happen to have the rent money you owe me?

Sure. Oh, you do?

Sure, we've got some for me. You've got some money? And she's got some here.

Look here, you're not going to... That's it. There we go.

And we got... You got a knob.

All right.

There you are, Mr. Grover. That's some from each one of us and a little extra

bonus for you.

Because you're so sweet.

I always knew you three were a respectable bunch.

Brother.

Well, Helen, I finally got the money for those... three crazy kids.

Stanley, you little devil. How'd you get it?

I don't know.

I wonder how they got it.

Well, I wouldn't worry about them, but I think you deserve a little... Helen,

what are you doing?

My God.

I just knew it.

Oh, you're a devil.

Yeah?

Oh, Helen.

Oh,

you're like a fine...

You know I like a dog, don't you?

Yes, baby.

You fuck me. You fuck me good, Stanley.

Okay.

Well I

had

this guy who came out of the bathroom in a loincloth doing the worst impression

of Tarzan I've ever seen

Oh, yeah?

Well, I had a 26 -year -old virgin.

You've got to be kidding.

He said he'd never even seen a nude woman until he had me.

And he must have walked around with a white cane.

What about you, Jack?

Oh, it was great. I went into this bar and got groped on by a couple of guys

then found out that that was one of those, you know, Mr. Groper thinks I am.

And, uh... Then I got together with this lady who was... She came back from

Europe. Oh, pain in the ass.

Real, real bitchy broad. But she was all right.

I Yankee -doodled her out of her mind.

But all in all, I mean, we got to say, we did do all right. We made almost $1

,000. We got Groper paid off and off our back for a while. We got a month's rent

paid in advance. My God, I feel like I should go to Europe.

Yeah.

You know...

I haven't had this much fun in one evening in a long time.

Oh, you look like your evening isn't finished.

It's not.

Neither is mine.

Oh, good.

This is what I wanted. Oh, take care of me. I've worked hard tonight.

This is fun. We

should do this more often. One, two, three times every day.

Mmm, tastes good down here. Aren't you happy you're not late for dinner this

time?

Oh, God.

Put that on my toe. I love it. My lips.

Oh, God.

I'm glad you didn't get used up.

Oh, I've never been used up.

Don't move over.

Oh, yes.

Yeah. It's mine.

Oh, there's plenty to share.

How's it taste?

Great. That feels good.

I'll guide it in.

Oh,

that's

good.

Do it. Do it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good.

Good.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

I'm going to come.

I'm going to come.

I'm going to come.

Oh, yeah.

Boy, oh boy, if the Gropers ever find out how we made the rent, we'll really

in hot water.

Hey, you know, but it was really worth it. And it might even be worth it again.

Boy, if Mr.

Groper could only see me now.

Yeah, who said freeze a crowd?

Three's not a crowd.

Three's company.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this hot summer.

Remember the dilly -dandy I told you about?

Well, here it is.

Isn't it fantastic?

It's the latest in portable sex robots. And it's called the Super...

Dandy, silly, F -69.

Just slap its ears and watch it tongue down.

And F -69 will be coming to your house.