Original subtitles

Ever since I've been a young kid,

I've been chasing my dream,

to be the head of the Santini family.

Seven!

This kid, my nephew, he was a pain in my ass.

My father, God rest his soul, never got there.

My poor brother.

My mother, God rest her soul, never helped 'em.

I think he took after his mother.

My best buddy, Tommy, asthma in all,

through he could be a professional dodgeball player.

And his friends.

My family finally let me into the inner circle,

they could see my potential.

You know, when you two are standin' like that,

close together, you look like number 10.

We had him run some pickups for us, simple pickups.

He screwed that up too.

Empty your damn pockets, kid!

Instead of jumping in the river,

he hands over the whole operation to the Feds.

I'm not stupid, I knew I was supposed to run.

I just didn't know where.

Freeze!

Hey, what the fuck is this?

FBI.

This kid has the smarts of a pencil.

All right, I'm goin'.

Now, I'm ready to take over the family,

all I need is a break, just one little break.

Help, that's my spot.

Baby.

Baby, oh.

I'm your baby.

And baby you're mine.

Come on now baby.

It's not a sigh.

Keep my heart beatin', baby.

Through the night.

Come on, take me higher.

Whoo, do me right

I'm gonna like the way you make me feel tonight.

Ooh, sex pop, sex pop.

You're on my mind.

You can give me everything.

Take me out and come along.

Sex pop, sex pop.

You're on my list.

Baby, you can turn me on.

Turn me on, baby.

My man.

Feel it now, baby.

On top of me now.

Don't forget the cannoli.

Yeah, yeah.

Tommy, let go!

See ya later, pop.

Hey, what's what?

Hey, Eddie, how ya doin'?

Hey, how ya doin'?

Hey!

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey, how ya doin'?

Hey, how ya doin'?

- How you doing? - How you doing?

- How ya doin'? - Hey, how you doin'?

Whoa, you've been workin' out.

- How ya doin'? - How ya doin'?

- How ya doin'? - How ya doin'?

Hey, how ya doin', Anthony?

- How ya doin'? - Yeah.

- Hey, how ya doin'? - How ya doin'?

Hey, hey, you look good.

Hey, aah.

Hey, anybody know what number came out last night?

Yeah, yeah. Four, nine, one.

What'd you say?

Hey, Whiner, how ya feelin'?

How am I feelin'?

My tooth hurts, the Rangers lost, my back is killin' me.

Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.

Uh, what do you got for me?

What do you got for my feet?

I got bunions bigger than Mount Rushmore.

No, no, no, no, no, no, pickups, pickup, pickups?

Hey, stop picking on me!

What are ya doin' with the fat kid?

Hey, Manny, Don Ho called,

he wants his shirt back!

Didn't your uncle say to stay away from him?

You know, he's a.

I know.

Ah, here we go.

Usual suspects.

Frankie the Face, Dominic the Dog,

Stevie the Skunk, and Buddha the Brow.

Buddha the Brow?

That guy drives me crazy!

I hate coming here, it smells like curry.

Hey, Hey, gimme that.

- I'm calling my- - Yeah, yeah,

I need two cows heads and the turban, all right?

This guy.

Hey, Pisson.

It's Pison.

Hey.

Come on, man. Come on.

Hey, forget about it.

Forget about it.

Anthony and Tommy, oh boy,

I've haven't seen you guys since that time

at the Coppo with Sally.

What is the fuck are you talkin' about?

Hey, forget about it.

Mikey the Fish got stuck in Queens,

we're doin' the pickup.

Oh, how wonderful.

Then soon all this will be yours.

Stop being stupid.

What? How am I stupid?

Like a clown?

Like, am I stupid like a clown?

Come on, Buddha, you got to take or what?

Come on.

Oh, so, you come to me on the day

of daughter's wedding and-

Stop fuckin' around! I'll smack ya.

What? Are you talking to me?

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.

You talking to me?

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!

I never went down, Ray.

Look at me, Ray, I never went down.

Buddha, just gimme the take.

You broke my heart, Fritos.

I know it was you.

Aah.

And it's Fredo.

Hey, boss, where you been?

I've been lookin' all over for you.

I told you, I had to go to the doctor this afternoon.

Yeah, what'd he say?

He said stress generates acid reflux.

And to counteract that,

I have to ingest 500 milligrams of some shit.

What does that mean?

It means, when I go fuckin' nuts,

and the, acts up, I gotta take these pills

so I don't get sick.

Did he say what causes all the stress?

No.

But I got a pretty good fuckin' idea.

This kid, my nephew, he's makin' me crazy.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I gave my brother my word,

God rest his soul, but enough is enough.

This fuckin' shim is killin' me!

He's gonna put me right next to his father!

You know what he did yesterday?

He put diesel fuel on my fuckin' Cadillac.

I don't know what to do with him anymore!

Forget about the kid, Tony, to try to relax.

Oh, you want me to relax?

Get outta my fuckin' chair, so I can relax.

You were supposed to be here at two!

You have no consideration for my time!

Come on, Gina.

Oh no, don't you, come on, me!

You gotta grow up!

Look at how you dress, look at that jogging suit you wear.

You don't even jog, ya lazy bastard.

Why don't you wear that suit I bought you?

It's kinda itchy.

And what about that beat up Cadillac out there?

This is the last time I'm gonna push this pice of shit!

Hey, we're almost there!

I swear to God, my father's gonna kill you!

And those cretins you hang out with!

- What about them? - What about them?

Are you nuts?

They all have the same middle name, the!

God, I want more than this.

When is your family gonna give you some

real responsibility so you can make some real money?

I don't know!

Yeah, well, when you do know, call me!

Until then, were through!

You spoiled brat guinea princess!

What's wrong with my sweatsuit?

Hey, I like your sweatsuit.

Shut up!

You know, she's always tryin' to make me something I'm not.

That's how they are around here, it's all about image.

Fuckin' "Cosmopolitan".

You bum!

I didn't grow my daughter to be with no bum!

You want yer clothes?

Get out! - Holy shit!

- First class! - Get in!

Get outta here! Bum!

I got eight calls.

Eh, fuckin' Russians, what do they want?

Having a problem with one of these mail order brides.

What happened?

It seems like over the last year,

one of these broads married five different dopes.

Took them for 10 grand each,

and then flew to coop,

went right back to Russia.

So?

They imported those broads, that's their problem.

No, no, Tony, it's our problem.

One of the dopes...

Jackie the Viking.

Jackie's adding to the headache, he's got a big mouth.

Whatever happened to good ol' fashion fucking romance!

That's what they get.

Trying to buy a wife. What the fuck?

So what do you wanna do?

Let Jackie know we're on the job.

And what do we tell the Russians?

Oh, what I wanna do is let them vodka-guzzling shims

take care of their own shit.

They might get insulted if we don't do anything.

I mean, 50 grand, it's not even our money.

I'm not gonna get sick over this.

We'll do whatever they want.

I'm sick of this bullshit, Tommy!

Dealing with these idiots, doing this petty shit!

I'm doing the same thing since I'm 12 years old.

You deserve more responsibilities.

I know a horse that's going off at 20 to 1.

So?

So, what was the take from Buddha?

About five grand.

So I say, we take that five grand

and dump it all on this horse.

For what?

Think about it, instead of walking in there with five Gs,

you show up with 100 grand.

Oh, Tommy, I don't know, I'm-

Listen to yourself!

I'm sick of this petty bullshit,

I deserve more responsibilities, ugh.

You're all talk.

The fix is in.

You show your uncle Tony you can make money

instead of just delivering it,

then he'll show you some respect.

Back in Russia, I was the number one

Russian roulette champion, '95, '96.

Hello.

Hold on or the godfather.

It's the godfather.

Mr. Godfather, how are you?

I'm good.

Your English sounds like it's getting better.

I trying.

Alright, let's go right to the point, Pavel.

You got a problem that needs our attention.

I agree.

Mail out of brides can't steal from their husbands,

especially if their husbands work for me.

That makes you look bad, that makes me look bad.

I agree. What we gonna do?

What do you wanna do?

Well, I don't know.

What do you want to do?

Well, the first thing we have to do is find the broad.

Broad?

Yeah.

A broad.

A, abroad?

Yeah. A broad.

Abroad?

A broad!

Oh, yeah. Abroad.

Hold on.

This crazy bastard wants to go abroad and find her.

What do I do?

Remember, respect.

Uh-huh.

I agree, we must go abroad and find this bitch.

What did you say?

Like you say, we must go abroad and find her.

Abroad?

Abroad, to Russia. Yeah.

To Russia?

Hold on.

Motherfuckin' incoherent Russian cocksucker!

Anthony, remember, stress kills.

Okay then, we go to Russia.

Okay then, we go to Russia.

Who you wanna send?

One of your best men, I'm sure.

Pavel, I'm gonna do one better,

I'm gonna send my own flesh and blood.

My nephew, Anthony.

Wow, that is very impressive.

You guys must be mad to send a relative?

Nobody with the Santini family and gets away with it.

Well, I see that, they wanna try.

- You? - Don't worry, girls.

Well, we have the son of the number one guy in Moscow,

to make your nephews trip more pleasant and safe,

we will send him.

His name is Ivan.

Send your nephew over, and they can meet.

- Okay. - Da.

What a break.

We don't lose anybody good,

and we get rid of my nephew, Anthony.

Even he can't make Russia any worse

than it already is.

- Go! - Come on, come on!

Yes! Yes! - Go! We're winning!

We're winning!

Money for nothin' and shit for free!

He's slowing down, Tommy, he's slowing down!

Oh my God. No, no!

No!

Oh!

- Hey, how ya doin'? - How ya doin'?

- Anthony, how ya doin'? - How ya doin'?

- How ya doin', Ant? - How ya doin'?

We just got the biggest drop yet, from Buddha the Brow.

Yes, but what about the scharole?

Hey, Uncle Tony.

Hey, Anthony.

We, we were, we were just talking about ya.

How's my best nephew doing?

I could be better.

Have I got a surprise for you.

I have a surprise for you too.

I'm gonna tell you mine first.

Well, after you hear mine,

you might not wanna tell me yours.

Hey, Hey, before you guys start surprising each other,

gimme the take from Buddha to Brow.

Come on, give me the take.

You know, you're the last one.

That's my surprise, um...

Me and Tommy took the money we got from Buddha,

and we lost it all, five grand.

Mm-hmm.

Come here.

I forgive you.

You do?

Yeah.

I mean, we all make mistakes.

Even I made one once.

But you showed me a different side of you, Anthony.

You showed me you have balls and you're willin'

to take a chance.

I did?

Yeah, you did, and I respect that.

You do?

That's why I have a very important job for you.

Remember the Russians we were dealing with?

Yeah, about those mail order brides.

It turns out that that bride robbed a few of the guys,

and one of those guys came from us.

- Bastard! - Yeah.

Now, it makes us look like a, like a bunch of pussies

if we don't do something about it, right?

- Right! - Okay, and we can't let

those commie bastards think

that we're a bunch of pussies, Right?

Right!

How do I fit in?

Here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna send you to Russia to represent the family.

Oh my God.

I want you to find this broad and bring back the money.

You know what I always say?

Don't trust broads.

Make me proud, Anthony.

You got it, Uncle Tony.

Here she is.

Bitch!

Wow, she is a knockout.

Yeah, I know.

She's pretty fuckin' hot.

God, but don't let that fool ya,

she's just a con artist with tits.

Hey, I know my job.

Find the broad, bring back the money.

I don't care about money, I want her.

You bring her back to me, you can keep my part

of the money and I'll throw in 50 large.

It's the respect, baby!

We got a deal?

Deal.

Okay. You fuckin'.

I can't believe your uncle wasn't pissed

about yesterday's take.

Me either.

Nah, and he gives you the sweet-ass job

of goin' to Russia.

He said I have balls bigger than his head.

Hey, I told ya.

You should listen to me more often,

I know what I'm talkin', huh?

You're right. When you're right, you're right.

I'm telling, man, you're gonna have a sweet-ass time

going over there, drinking vodka, skiing, getting laid.

You know, I heard the broads over there so poor,

they give you a hand job for a pair of socks.

Hey, no way, man, this is my shot, I can't blow this.

I'm going there strictly on business.

All right.

Well, if you're gonna go to Russia,

we should stop by Tootie's and get you some new rags.

Hey, that's a good idea. Ya think he's open?

Tootie, you open?

Tootie, Toot, come on.

What do you think, shit for brains?

You got any new swag?

It's not swag.

It's quality clothin' at discounted prices.

Yeah, I see you got some new shirt in.

Oh yeah, that's special, one hour only.

Whoa, whoa! Read the sign.

- What sign? - The sign.

The fuckin' sign.

Where the fuck is that sign?

I musta left it at home.

Hey, hey, keep your hands of the merchandise.

Nobody touches Tootie's stuff except Tootie.

So what can I do for you two bums?

We need some new threads.

And what's the occasion?

Birthday, funeral, baptism, circumcision?

No, no, my man's goin' to Russia on a special mission

for his uncle, Tony.

Who, him?

I don't believe it.

They don't even trust him to start his own uncle's car.

Oh yeah, well better believe it,

this guy's gonna be a boss someday,

you're gonna be kissin' his ring.

Yeah, in a coupla minutes you're gonna

be kissin' these rings, capisce?

- Capisce. - Capisce.

Now stop breakin' my balls here,

you're either gonna buy something,

or I'm gonna back in and listen to the ball game.

Awesome, we need the latest style,

so he looks good representin' us.

Style?

Who the fuck you kiddin'? Style?

What's up?

How ya doing?

I bet you are Godfather Tony's nephew?

Yeah, uh, Anthony Santini.

How ya doin'?

I do fine.

All right.

I'm lookin' for Ivan.

Ivan.

Ivan.

- Right there. - Who is the better dancer?

How's the better dancer?

One, one, two, three.

One, one, one, two three.

Are you Ivan?

How you doing?

I'm good!

My name is Anthony Santini.

So what?

So, we're suppose to go to Russia together.

Are you the Italian?

Yeah. How you doing'?

Do you dance.

So, what do you think?

I think we'll be fine.

Why did I send Ivan to the terrible place?

That shithole America, to be visit stupid Pavel?

Because he fucked up big time.

Oh, he nearly put the whole family in the clink.

It was either America or Siberia.

Do you miss him?

Of course not.

I just wanted to remember.

Oh!

Fucking Russia airline.

Fucking Russian airline run out of water.

Wow, this is Russia, huh?

Hey, where the hell's the snow?

Don't worry, you'll see plenty of it.

Where is vodka?

That is the question.

Taxi!

Take it easy.

Sorry about that.

- Where to? - To the Norski Street.

To The Basco. - Oh, you know

who hangs out there?

Of course I do.

My father.

Ah, you're father!

The number one guy.

Hey, what's goin' on out there?

Mail order brides going to US.

Really? Stop the car, man.

No. Drive.

We need vodka.

Vodka?

Come on, man, we're here on a mission.

Where here to find Nina.

For the son of number one man in Russia,

here's my.

Where are we?

Number one sauna in Moscow.

It is where we do our business.

You don't do it in social clubs?

Social clubs?

Come on, man, it is century 21,

If you do business, you do it right.

There he is.

Bon appetit,

Anthony Santini, how ya doin'?

- Welcome. - Thank you, thank you.

I'm glad to be here.

Yeah.

I love this guy, he's great.

He's a wonderful father.

You're a lucky guy.

Um!

But he has trouble showing his emotions.

Anthony, wait here, I'm gonna find us some veniki.

Hey, how ya doin'?

Anthony Santini, USA.

Anthony!

Oh my God, Anthony, what happened?

I think I found some veniki.

Anthony, why don't you sit upfront with the driver

and take a nice view of my Moscow.

This guy any good?

Number one driver in whole Russia.

I think I'll sit in the back.

What'd ya got?

This is like a catalog, it tells where all

the Russian brides can be found.

Look at this jerks.

Who are they?

The losers who are looking for brides.

Look, Glen Harold.

"Single, honest, a workaholic.

Financially independent.

Living in New Jersey.

Love sports, animals, especially cats."

What a dick.

They all love cats. Bastards!

Look, here are the clubs where we can find Nina.

Ladies and gentlemen, no more bets.

When we're walking hand in hand.

She wears a dress.

Remember, we're here on business.

Smoking cigarettes.

She can't chain that sexy thing

I'll be right back.

She's the queen of local discotheque.

My baby likes to cha cha cha.

What's your desire?

My baby's sweeter than a coke.

And sexier than mango.

Look, Sana. Look at this guy.

Oh.

I have to see if he's for real.

And what about these two?

Keep them busy.

It's okay.

She will be just one second.

Do you have a light, handsome?

Are you talkin' to me?

I don't see no one else handsome around, do you?

Yeah.

How about that light?

You must be an American?

Yeah, how could you tell?

Look at the way you're dressed.

All right.

Oh, and what brings you here, business or pleasure?

No official business.

How about a little pleasure?

So what is your name?

Anthony Santini, USA.

How you doin'?

What do your friends call you?

My friends call me Butterfly.

Butterfly.

Nice name, very traditional.

So what do you do back home, Mr. Anthony Santini, USA?

Work like a lotta numbers, you know, financial.

- Accounting? - Accounting, yes.

Aah-ha.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

And how do you like Russian women?

I, I don't know, I really haven't met them yet.

Now, well, there is the first time for everything.

Okay, da.

Da!

I had a wonderful time with you tonight,

but I have to get going.

You think I could, uh, see you again?

Uh.

Of course.

Butterfly.

What is this?

Some girl just gave me her phone number.

There you go.

Her friends call her Butterfly.

Listen, you have to be careful,

you're an American, you got one of those bull's eyes

on your head.

Now, those girls, they all bastards.

I don't know, man, she seemed different.

Listen to me, if I'm gonna let you be taken in

by the girl, it's my ass.

Understand?

Understood.

Tony, it's me.

Call me on the other phone.

- It's me, Vito. - I told you, the other phone,

asshole, not this phone.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, it's Vito.

Mr. Godfather. - I can't talk now,

I'm busy. - Don't hang up.

- I told you- - Hey, Uncle Tony,

it's your nephew, Anthony.

Anthony?

How the fuck are you doin'?

Good. Good.

Jesus, you sound great.

I know you're gonna find that broad.

I can just feel it, kid.

Are they giving you hard time?

Not bad, not bad at all.

Anthony, look, look.

Just keep digging and you'll find her.

And one more thing, kid.

Take ya time.

All right, Uncle Tony. I'll talk to you later.

Buh-bye.

We lay 50 to 1, he don't find the broad.

And 100 to 1, if he finds the broad, he don't get the money.

Oh yeah? What happens if he makes at home?

Even money.

Where you goin'?

I gotta go see my father.

I'll be back tonight. Don't leave.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

I don't know. Sit, you know, drink, take a bath.

Read about my country.

Relax, I'll be back tonight.

- Hello? - Yeah, uh, hi, hi.

I'm looking for a, a Butterfly?

It's this table.

So where in USA do you live, Anthony Santini?

New Jersey.

Oh?

You have girlfriend?

No, no, no.

I haven't found the right one yet.

What are you looking for?

I figured I'd just know when I found it.

How you say? Cheers?

No, I say salute.

No, not like this.

Like this.

Oh! Cheers.

Whatever.

Come on, we dance.

No, no, no.

Oh yeah, you dance.

All right, I haven't done this in a while.

This is it.

So I had a really great time with you tonight.

So did I. So did I.

Okay.

Um, would you want to go upstairs?

Ooh, I would, uh...

I would like to, but I got this thing tomorrow,

and, like, a business thing.

Oh.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I would love to go upstairs, but.

- Yeah. - I, uh,

gotta go.

Okay.

Can I give you this?

What is it?

It's a reminder, so when you look at this,

you think of me.

Wow! That is beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, I mean, wow.

That was really nice of you.

Huh, thank you.

I'll, uh, I'll talk to you, soon?

Yeah.

Okay.

- Yeah. - I'll see ya later.

Okay.

Bye! - Buh-bye.

Hey, what's up, bro?

You learning about my country?

It's beautiful.

Let's see my Russia.

Alcohol!

Here we go, to Bill Gates and Coca-Cola.

Keep your eyes open, I'm gonna go look for Nina.

Nina, Nina, Nina Nina, Nina, Nina.

Look for Nina, look for Nina.

Look for Nina, Nina, Nina, Nina, Nina.

Nina, Nina.

Look for Nina, look for Nina.

Look, look, look, look, look for Nina.

Look for Nina, look for Nina.

Nina, Nina, Nina, Nina.

Look for Nina, look for Nina.

Look for Nina, look for Nina, Nina, Nina, Nina.

I can't find Nina.

- What? - I said, I can't find Nina.

Forget about Nina, let's go party.

And close.

Open.

And close.

Breath.

And close.

Open.

Where we goin'?

We're going to get some guns.

Good idea.

Where do we get them?

From the number one military collector in all Russia.

I don't think he's here.

I through you said you knew this guy?

I do.

He's my uncle.

Well what the fuck is he saying?

He thinks the Nazi's are coming!

Ivan!

It's okay.

Anthony Santini, USA, American.

- A spy! - Oh!

He's a spy!

I know he is a spy!

He's okay.

Are you sure?

Why does anyone come to Uncle Peter?

Guns, huh?

You came to the right place.

Just a moment.

Right here.

This is best, my pride and joy.

Wow!

This is top of the line.

Only for the best!

And never been used!

Never been!

Okay, okay, we'll take them.

Hey, Tommy, you hear from Anthony?

Nah, but I'm sure he's doing fine.

Are you sure?

I hear that place is like the fuckin' wild, wild west.

Instead of whiskey, they drink vodka,

and everybody's packin'.

Yeah, I heard he's runnin' around

with a couple of.

Well, that guy will be fine,

I taught him everything he knows.

Is that where you carry your gun?

Yeah. Where do you carry yours?

Oh, right here.

Come on, my man, you in Russia,

nobody carries guns in the back.

You should carry it where you can reach it.

Hey, I grew up in the Italian Mafia,

everybody I know carries their gun back here.

All right, my man, it's your call,

but don't forget, you in Russia, and you carry Russian gun.

Don't tell me where to carry my gun.

What's up.

I told you to be careful with those Russian guns.

Hey, this place don't look too clean, man.

Don't worry, this is number one undercover clinic

in Moscow, all the gangsters come here.

This doctor any good?

Are you kidding me?

Any good? Very good.

He's number one doctor in all Russia.

Who's that? The janitor?

No, he's the doctor.

What? Whoa, no!

Anthony, you don't worry,

he's number one doctor in all Russia.

Why does he smell like number two?

Because he was also number one veterinarian in all Russia.

Veterinarian?

Uh-huh.

Worms. No problem.

Worms? I don't have worms.

Wrong chart.

You got shot in your ass.

No problem.

I am number one doctor in all Russia.

I want you to lie perfectly still,

we don't want to cut off anything you might need.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Aren't you gonna use like a local anesthesia?

Ah!

What's this?

Anestasia, from the local store.

- It's vodka! - Hmm, duh!

What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

You don't do nothing, it's for me.

It's fine, fine.

Aah!

Now you.

Now say, aah!

Hey, hey, I gotta tell Uncle Tony

about that guy, he's absolutely good.

Hey listen, hey, hey, I'm a big boy,

I can walk myself, man.

Hey, hey, hey, man.

It's the son of number one man.

He's back.

Let's get him.

Anthony, be still.

Hey, man, you guys through chasin' us?

Shut up!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Motherfucker, fuck your mother.

Good job.

- I'm in, I'm in. - You in our out?

- I'm out. - All right, Ernie's out.

You're out. - Two 4s.

Two 4s showin' on the table.

Take that, you no-good greaseball motherfucker!

Yeah, I give up, scumbags.

I wish Anthony was here.

- Why? - Why, why, why?

Because with him here, I can win a few hands.

It's a good point, huh?

Gucci.

Armani. Versace.

Santini.

Santini.

Good for you.

I don't know how many more places

in Moscow we can look for this Nina.

I wanna go visit Butterfly.

What?

I wanna go see Butterfly.

Forget is, stupid ass American.

Do you really think in Russian girl

can fall in love with you?

Why not?

Because she falls the love with your money.

No, no, no, no, she's not like that, she's different.

How do you know?

Because I know, I never felt like this

about anybody before.

I forbid you, you cannot take care

of yourself alone in Moscow.

Oh yeah?

I went to see her, the night you went to the office,

I went to see her.

You fucking kidding me?

That's it, no more.

You can't tell me what to do.

Look at this crazy bastard.

He falls in love with the hooker,

and he blames it out on me.

Ivan, take that back!

Look, I'm responsible for you!

You don't think I can take care of myself?

Anthony! Anthony!

Pavel, I lost the son of a bitch.

You what?

I told him not to leave, but he took off,

I can not find him.

Don't worry.

He's going to be head of the Santini family,

he can take care of himself.

Eh.

Check this out, she's fallen for some whore.

Mission kaput.

Wonderful!

What?

I, I mean, keep looking, you'll find him.

Welcome home.

Now you look European.

I'm looking in your eyes

I see myself in you.

No, I never felt like this before.

I listen to my heart

I listen to my soul.

There is nothing in this world like you.

Stay here, in my heart.

Stay here, in my heart.

If you stay here with me.

What a life that would be.

What's in there?

The devil.

And every time we kiss

I take it to the heart.

Nostrovia.

Oh, ah, nostrovia.

Whoo!

You came to save me.

Oh.

I couldn't leave without you.

Time to go.

Oh, wait. One foot.

One foot. Okay.

Stay there.

Do I look pretty?

You look so pretty.

Chokin', chokin', chokin'.

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Gentle.

Gentle.

Wait, don't sit.

I can't believe this is happening.

What?

This whole thing.

I mean, comin' to Moscow, and...

I never felt like this about anybody in my life.

When I'm not with you, I think about you all the time.

I am so, so, in love with you.

Aah.

I'll be right back.

I'm looking in your eyes

I went to slip into something more...

Comfortable.

No, I never felt like this before.

I listen to my heart

I listen to my soul.

There is nothing in this world like you.

She a devious bitch.

You can't trust her.

Don't trust broads.

She's just a con artist with tits.

Oh my God.

Hi, honey.

Can I get so something?

Yeah, how about $50,000?

Anthony?

Where did you get that gun, Peter the Great?

No, Uncle Pete.

You know, I can't believe you lied to me!

What are you talking about?

This is what I'm talking about, Nina!

The business I'm on,

I was send here to find the mail order bride

who robbed her husband!

Okay. Okay, let me explain.

Explain what?

That you thought I was some patsy

you could take for some fat cash?

Okay, at first, I admit, at first, that was my plan.

But then, I got to know you, okay?

And you were so different from anyone else.

I never met anybody like you.

And you're so innocent, and genuine,

and sincere, and so funny.

You didn't care about the clothes I was wearing,

or the shoes, or the watch.

You fell in love with me.

And I fell in love with you.

Bullshit!

You don't believe?

No, I don't believe.

I want the money you stole.

I don't have it.

What do you mean you don't have it?

I mean, I don't have it. I spent it.

Don't fuck with me, Nina.

I've been here for two weeks,

if you spent 50 grand, you'd be living in a kremlin.

Come here.

I show you what I spent it on.

This is Natasha.

My sister.

Our parents died 10 years ago.

So I basically raised her since she was a baby.

And she needed a heart operation

or she was going to die.

And I knew I couldn't make the money here,

and couldn't steal it from here either,

so I went to the US and do what I had to do

to get the money.

She means everything in the world to me.

I really do love you.

My whole life, I've been screwing up.

I understand.

And the one time I get a chance to redeem myself...

I fell in love.

Is that so bad?

Everybody back home is gonna think I'm

such a loser if I don't come home with that money.

Who cares about them?

What if I told you I know where to make $50,000

and even more?

I thought you said you couldn't steal from here?

I couldn't steal from here, but, um,

that doesn't mean you couldn't.

Go ahead.

My friend, Ingrid, is a teller at the Bank of Moscow,

and she said every month an American comes in

to pick up a cash payment.

Since Russian companies can't wire money under

their own names directly to the US,

they hire these Americans

to set up US corporations for them.

Once a month, one of these Americans comes here

to pick up their salaries in cash.

It's always a different time.

The guy presenting letter, which I have a copy of,

and the bank director is instructed

to hand over the briefcase.

Take one briefcase, walk out, be calm and be pleasant.

He's due at two o'clock, you have to be in and out by 1:55.

Okay, you got it. - It's 2 Million. Look.

What are you doing? That's crazy!

Okay, you have to give this to me.

- What? - Give it to me.

Oh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

They're looking for an American with a briefcase, okay?

You do not blend in here, I do.

Okay, we do not have time to argue, just give it to me.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. You meet me later.

Where do you want me to meet you?

Ninth column at the Bolshoi Theatre.

At midnight!

Hello?

Speak to me.

It worked!

You have it?

Good.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Let them take care of him.

Okay, boss.

Hey.

Hey!

He's skiin'.

Who?

Anthony.

Anthony don't ski.

You go there, you ski.

- Why? - It snows all the time,

winter, summer, spring, fall, snow.

Hello?

Ivan, it's Anthony!

Oh my God, Anthony.

I've been worried about you.

Listen, I'm sorry about what I said.

Listen, there's no time, I'm in so much trouble.

What happened?

I pulled off a scam with Nina.

Nina?

You, you found Nina?

Yeah, but Nina wasn't Nina,

Nina was butterfly, and she spent the money on a heart,

and she made me rob a bank, and now I'm being chased

all over Moscow by the KGB!

Pavel, he will kill you.

Tell me where you are and I'm gonna come and get you.

I don't know where I am!

Look, I'm supposed to meet her at midnight!

Midnight. Where?

At the ninth column of the Bolshoi Theater!

Oh, no the nine column.

I have to get you out of here right away.

Anthony?

Anthony?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Oh my God!

There's only eight!

Where the hell is the ninth column?

Fuck!

Ivan, I can't find the ninth column,

where the hell is the ninth column?

There is no nine column!

- What? - It is an old Russian joke,

to tell people to meet us here,

they go nuts looking for it!

It makes them look stupid!

Come on! - I can't believe

she lied to me.

I told you not to trust her.

Come on, we have no time, we have to get to the airport!

Next flight out of Moscow, heading for Iraq,

in 10 minutes!

I can't go to Iraq, I'm an American,

they'll fucking kill me!

What else does she have?

The only flight that is available

in a military flight to Serbia.

I can't get on a military plane!

I am so dead!

I'm gonna end up in Siberia.

I know I shouldn't have-

Calm down, my man, I've, I think I have a plan.

Ai!

Anthony.

You forgot something.

Forget about it.

- Ushen! - Yeah!

- Kazlov! - Yeah!

- Marezov! - Yeah!

- Troshin! - Yeah!

- Chimardana! - Yeah!

- Churika! - Yeah!

Nadikav!

Nadikav!

Yeah!

Hey, look, it wasn't my fault, nobody's perfect.

What noise?

Oh no, I'm outside, I bought a cell phone, yeah.

What?

Oh no, no that cleared up.

The doctor gave me some ointment,

he said it's gonna be fine.

Yeah.

Listen, I gotta take this, all right?

I'll talk to you tonight.

Yeah.

Talk to me. - Hey, Tommy, it's Anthony.

Anthony, are you all right?

Nah, you're not gonna believe what happened to me.

God, I've been worried sick about you, where you been?

I had to escape from Russia on a military flight,

now I'm stuck in a New Jersey turnpike,

dressed like a bum.

Did you find the girl?

Yeah, I found her, and I lost her.

And I lost $2 million.

She screwed you, man. Shit!

What are you gonna tell your uncle?

I guess the truth.

Yeah, well you know what he's gonna say.

I know what he's gonna say.

Don't trust broads.

I'm on Exit 13 and a turnpike.

Bye.

Whiner, you still taking action on Anthony?

Yeah, listen, gimme 40 times he makes it.

Yeah.

I'll be right out.

Hey, Anthony, when'd you get back?

What's up, Tootie?

Wow, nice coat. Where'd you get the coat?

You want it?

Yeah.

I get 10%.

Aah, thanks, kid.

Hey, Big Mike, what are you doin'?

You wanna buy a suit?

What do you got?

This ain't gonna fit me.

Wanna buy a coat?

Hey, that ain't for you.

Loose some weight, ya fat fuck.

This is great news.

Yeah. Thank you.

What? What's so good?

What?

Get your desk off my feet and get outta my chair.

Why?

You heard me.

Yeah, but I didn't understand.

Uncle Tony.

Anthony! You made it.

You still, uh, shopping at Tootsie's?

No, no, I got this in Kosovo.

- Mm-hmm. - I got this in Serbia.

Mm-hmm.

This little number I got in Croatia.

And, um, I didn't get the money.

Excuse me?

I blew I, okay, Uncle Tony.

I didn't get the money. I'm sorry.

But, you gotta believe me, this time,

- Anthony. - It wasn't my fault.

Anthony, you've been sayin' that ever since you

nearly put the whole family in the clink.

What wasn't your fault?

That you didn't find the dough?

That those bohos from Brighton Beach

pulled a fast one and used you to make a bundle?

Used me?

The broad set you up, just like they-

No, no, no, Uncle Tony, she couldn't,

I mean, she was different, she was in love with me-

She what?

Jackie!

She told you she loved you and you believe it.

You bought that bullshit like everybody else.

Wait a minute, Jackie.

No, wait a minute.

You send a boy to do a man's job.

Now watch your tongue, Jackie.

That's my nephew.

Yeah, and he's just like his old man.

You're way outta line now.

His father is my brother.

With all due respect, he was a bozo,

just like his son is a fucking bozo

who couldn't even find the broad.

With all due respect, Whiner!

- Yeah. - Kick his fuckin' ass.

Me? Why me?

I don't wanna dirty my hands.

Ah, Jesus, Tony, it's been a long time!

It's like riding a fucking bicycle!

Kick his fuckin' ass!

- You wanna piece of me? - I'm gonna put a hurtin'

on you like you've never felt in your life.

Go get him.

- Bring it on. - Come on, make my day.

Come on! Come on!

Come on, you little guinea shit.

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Get 'em Whiner, don't dance, don't dance, hit 'em.

Come on! Come on!

I'll shove this down your.

- Whoa. - Go! Go!

Oh, you all right? What's goin' on?

You wanna back me up?

Yeah, absolutely, where we going? Come on!

To Brighton Beach to to kick some Russian ass.

Hey, Buckle Eye, you got a cigarette, huh?

Smoking causes birth defects.

I'm not pregnant, am I?

Ya had enough?

No, I haven't had enough!

I want my money!

And I want my fuckin' manhood!

And I want that broad!

Well, you get your money back.

And, uh, you can have your fuckin' manhood.

Two outta three ain't bad.

Hey, look who it is. Anthony Santini.

How ya doin'?

You set me up!

Me?

No, no, no, no, no.

It was girl.

Look, here is your money, all of it.

1 million rubles.

I mean, dollars.

- 1 million? - Yeah.

And half of it, yours.

- Mine? - Yeah, yours.

No!

Before I give it to you,

you must ask permission from Nina.

Well how the hell am I gonna do that?

Ask her.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Just follow me.

I did that once, and look where it got me!

- Ah! - Could you just stop

and talk to me?

Hey, just stop!

I have a reason, trust me.

Trust you?

Gimme one good reason why I shouldn't kill you?

Because. Because I love you.

Are you kidding me?

You don't know the first thing about love.

Yeah, then why did I come back here for you?

I don't know, why did you come back for me?

Because I didn't want to be away from you!

Bullshit!

I can't explain now. Get in the car!

Why should I get in the car with you?

Because I'm telling you to.

You know, I really though you were different,

I trusted you and you set me up!

Sh, look.

Hold it right there, don't move!

See?

I wasn't trying to set you up,

I was setting them up.

Because I love you.

You did this for me?

For us.

And I got the money.

1 million American dollars.

What about ya sister?

She came with me.

Number one doctor in all of US fixed her up.

Silkwad!

Louie the Leprechaun!

Manny the Mute!

- Thank you. - Yeah!

Hanny the Hitcher.

You know, I can't believe this shit.

- What? - I can't believe

this kid pulled it off. - Aah, come on.

Personally, I always believed the kid can do it, always.

- You did? - Yes, I did, I did, yes.

Do you know how much money he cost us?

Who cares, what's money. Money.

I gave 'em a boost, I send 'em on a long vacation

to a nice warm climate.

Number one guy's very happy.

Profits are up 100% since I started on earning things,

thanks to my liaison.

I love this job.

Yeah.

I think our families are gonna be here

for a very long time.

To my friend, Anthony Santini, USA!

- Hello, Anthony. - Father Joel.

Anthony, I hear you've been using foul language

in the neighborhood.

Oh, not me, father, I don't use bad language.

It's, uh, probably Whiner.

There!

Frank, what do you want?

Who is number one?

You are!

I got a nice red one, I got a coupla blues.

I just got them off a truck from Barneys.

Ha hey, what I tell ya?

Instant respect, baby, huh?

Look at this.

You're so soft.

How ya doin', guys, all right?

Hey, everyone think I'm a Mickey Mouse, huh?

I like this gangster shit.

What I tell you?

What do you think?

What is he? Crazy!

He kills three of our guys.

Number one guy.

Sneaks him out of Russia.

And he is back.

Let's get him.

You've gotta look at the bright side.

Why?

We got rid of the crazy bastard.

Oh God, yes!

How many times do I have to tell ya

to get out of my fucking chair!

I'm looking in your eyes

I see myself in you.

No, I never felt like this before.

I listen to my heart

I listen to my soul.

There is nothing in this world like you.

Stay here, in my heart.

Stay here, in my heart.

If you stay here with me.

What a life that would be.

And every time we kiss

I take it to the heart

I swear we'll never be apart.

No.

You came to save me

I couldn't leave without you.

If you stay here with me.

What a life that would be.

Stay here, in my heart.

Stay here, in my heart.

If you stay here with me.

What a life that would be

I'll do whatever it takes.

To give this love.

Stay here, in my heart.

Stay here, in my heart