Original subtitles

**

Man: You've probably heard

lots of stories about Indians

riding the plains

in the old days

wearing next to nothing

and shooting off arrows.

But this story's about

nowaday Indians.

(Tires screech)

It happened a few years back.

I had retired as chief

but was still busy

setting a good example

on the res.

(Laughs)

How you doin', boy?

(Chuckles)

**

It was almost Christmas,

but it could have been

any time of year

as far as I was concerned,

because my focus was on someone

who lived thousands of Miles

away.

We had a penpal exchange

the year before

with our sister bingo

on the mohawk res,

and I'd picked a woman...

Christina little hawk...

She'd just been widowed,

poor thing,

and was down in the dumps.

But I found that sending her

two or three wildly flirtatious

letters each week did a lot

to cheer her up.

Soon, she was sending

just as many back to me,

with each one better

than the one before.

By then, she was also

dropping hints like crazy about

wanting to come and visit,

but I'd been stallin'.

Not that I'd stretched

the truth that much

with what I'd told her

about myself,

but she might be expecting

something a bit more impressive

at the airport than some

beat-up old apache.

And so, for the first time

in my life,

I was lusting after luxury.

Visions of heated leather

seats,

rear-window defoggers,

and cup holders...

These were the things that

were keeping me up at night.

But this story isn't

just about me.

No, my son Raymond is the big

success around here.

And he went off to one of them

big shot schools back east

and he got a big shot job

with some big shot company

and he married a big shot woman

too.

But then she ran off

with some other big shot.

So, ray came back here to be

the big shot general manager

of our tribe's new big shot

resort.

Which, if you ask me,

is really how things got

so discombobulated.

Because it wasn't just me

dropping my letter

from Christina on his floor

that day.

It was also ray getting that

letter from that other bunch

of big shots.

"Dear sir, this is"

to inform you that some time

between December 22nd

"and December 29th..."

December 29th.

"A representative from our"

organization will be staying

at the sky Mountain resort

so that we may review

your standards of service

and publish a rating for your

property in the new edition

of the worthington travel guide,

which is published

"every two years."

But that's like no warning.

Great, you know,

another cold winter morning.

Hide the women and children

and they're on their way.

Look, Phil,

I understand how you feel,

but you gotta understand, man,

it is very difficult

to get in this book.

Hoo-boy, you're not kidding.

We've been calling

and writing them letters

for almost two years now.

So, who's coming?

They don't tell you that.

Why not?

Because if we knew,

then we could... you know...

Put on the dog for them.

And Betty...

How's your staff?

Okay.

(Sighs)

Okay, well, good.

Time's a-wastin'.

Let's, uh... let's get to it.

No, I got one other place

to review.

Yeah, that Indian place.

No, no, no, the Indian,

like in teepee.

Yeah, well, they say Jane Fonda

stayed there all the time,

so I guess that gives them

at least one star.

Like in the commie flag.

(Chuckles) Yeah.

Yeah, the day after tomorrow.

Laguardia.

Oh, no, you fathead,

I got that bash at the ritz.

Yeah.

No, I... I gotta go to my house

in Denver,

then I'll leave the car there

first and I'll fly out.

No, I... I'm not gonna be able

to see my daughter this time.

I... yeah, I'll catch up with her

some other time.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay.

Oh! Oh, blow it out your ear!

(Chuckles)

What?

You want a tip?

Here.

Go call the hotline

for the half-witted

and report yourself.

Geez.

Tip, tip, tip, tip, tip.

Woman: "Dear Christina",

your letter came today.

It's been cold here, too,

and I've barely had any

time off,

but I did get away for a walk

in the mountains last week,

and as I stopped

to admire the view,

and searched for the right words

"to describe it to you..."

I became aware of a bird

circling overhead.

A hawk... not a big one,

a smaller one.

"A little hawk."

"Just like you."

He knows you're coming.

Hey.

Hey.

What's with you, ma?

He knows she's coming.

Who?

Her penpal,

that clouds on fire man.

He saw a hawk circling.

A little hawk, like her.

I thought you returned

that ticket, Tina.

I tried, but it was

non-refundable.

Oh, that's just

what they say.

You just need a doctor's excuse.

No, it's okay.

I kinda wanna go anyway.

I thought you were

saving your money.

He's got a red shirt

and a little warrior animal

that protects him.

A little turtle.

No... a hamster.

He could be a total nutcase.

I don't think so.

Honey, he hasn't even

invited you.

Look, I'm gonna be using

my address from Manhattan

and dad's last name.

He's gonna think I'm Italian

and from New York.

He's not even gonna know

it's me.

Oh, yes, he will.

He's got the gift.

He'll think you're

throwing yourself at him.

No, he won't.

You don't even know

what he does for a living.

Oh, he's in charge

of something, that one.

(Chuckles)

And how do you know that?

He's got a laser.

Laser printer, grammy.

And he's probably got a wife

and four kids, too.

Well, then I'll find that

out.

I don't know why you wanna

go out there and make a fool

of yourself.

I'm not gonna make a fool

of myself.

Honey, men usually like

to do the chasing.

They're not all like Henry.

Henry was a good man.

Yeah, he was a good man,

but he should have carried

life insurance.

I'm sorry, grammy,

I gotta go.

I gotta get back to work.

Welcome.

Hi.

Ray...

(Scoffs)

(Whispers) Be sensitive.

(Inhales deeply)

Ray: He's already dead,

you know.

You're just...

Reorganizing the remains.

I'm perpetuating the cycle.

Earl, you're a chef.

Part of your job is cutting up

and cooking dead animals.

They have dreams, you know.

Just like us.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I do, but...

But, you know, that guide book,

if they show up,

and the menu's just vegetarian,

well...

You know, then we're gonna lose

all the skiers

and the fly fisherman.

I mean, all we're gonna

have left is the people

running around with their copies

of black elk speaks,

having, you know,

four or five visions

every couple of hours.

(Chuckles)

Come on, Earl,

you're the only chef we've got.

Look, I don't like this

any more than you do.

We could feed the planet

with all the grain

we feed the cattle.

And people are beginning

to realize that.

But you know what it's like?

It-it's like cappuccino, right?

And espresso.

I mean, they didn't catch on

overnight.

There was, uh... an education

process.

It's a consciousness thing,

Earl.

It just takes time.

And education.

So...

They're just way too thick.

Well, they're Lenin

table cloths.

They're supposed to be thick.

Well, I got two women

working on them night and day

and they're still full

of wrinkles.

Well, did you try wettin'

'em down?

Well, yeah.

How 'bout that stuff

you put in your hair?

(Laughs)

It's a joke.

No, seriously, put 'em

in the freezer.

My grandmother used to do that.

It works like a charm.

What about the kids...

the kids?

I heard that. What kids?

Well, all my girls

have kids, ray,

and school's on break...

no.

And the daycare's...

no.

No. I'm sorry, no.

Oh, come on, ray.

We'll keep 'em outta the way.

You won't even see 'em.

Girls, look,

you know I love the kids.

I love 'em with all my heart,

but we cannot do this this week,

and I'm sorry.

Then who's gonna watch 'em?

I can't leave my two little ones

alone all day.

(Sighs)

Well, what about the seniors?

Are you kidding?

They have the Christmas bingo,

they have the bus trip

to the ice rink...

yeah, and they're all

booked up.

Come on, ray.

We'll keep 'em outside

most of the time.

Please?

All right, look...

I'll think about it, all right?

Here's your credit card back.

Thank you.

We have a Christmas Eve party

with Billy trees

and his big band.

Dancing?

Yes.

Excellent.

I would recommend

that you make reservations.

Would you do that for me?

Yes, I will.

Now, you're in room 140.

It's a standard suite

with a view of the mountains.

Lovely.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

(Rings bell)

Nicholas?

140, please.

Can you manage those?

Woman on phone: Sky Mountain

resort. May I help you?

I'll ring that room.

One moment please.

Oh, my God,

it is so beautiful.

It is amazing.

Thank you so much.

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh, my... oh, my.

(Groans)

Wonder if there's more

like him.

(Strains)

Let's go.

Okay.

Boy: Hey.

(Laughs)

Move that side down.

No, the other one.

Lindsay fortune

and Buffy love.

I smell a couple of ski bunnies.

Brian wescott from Fairbanks,

Alaska.

The vacuum cleaner salesman.

That's right.

I think you're doing

the right thing, Tina.

I think Joe clouds on fire

is a good man.

And don't worry about

looking foolish.

When I decided I wanted to be

with your grandfather,

I took the first step, too.

I made him a pair

of moccasins

and put them by his door.

He could've said no,

but that's the chance I took.

And you know he wore

those moccasins until

he wore them out.

(Laughs)

And, every night,

he thanked me

for the courage I had

to make them.

These are the beads

from those moccasins.

(Speaks native language)

Try to get some sleep

on the plane,

and will you call us

when you get there?

(Turns engine off)

**

Woman: Hey, ed, come on.

Boy: What did you make

for dinner?

(Gasps)

But, buffalo thunder,

what will everyone say?

I don't care, Vanessa.

All I want is you.

All that matters is that

we be together...

Forever.

Hey!

Nope, nope, nope, nope!

Give it!

Reading time. It's reading...

Patience.

It's reading time.

"He held her in his arms,"

the cold rain beating

relentlessly down upon

the teepee.

She tried to pull away.

'No, please, ' she whispered.

'We can't.'

but his eyes were piercing

through her,

and his desire was as hot and

plain as the fire beside them.

Vanessa knew it was no use.

Buffalo thunder would have

"his way... again."

No, no! No! No!

Gimme that!

You're not getting the book.

Hey.

Yep, uh-huh.

Yep. That'll work.

(Sighs)

(Children giggle)

Hey!

Hey, hey!

Hey, hey! Hey, no!

What are you doing?

Computer: You've got mail.

Ray: Am I crazy? Hmm?

Is this just some silly idea

that I've come up with?

Because if it is,

please, let's just forget

the whole thing and we can

save ourselves a lot of trouble.

Ray, the hanford's

in this stupid book.

It got two stars, ray.

Two stars.

Geez.

Yeah.

Yeah, the hanford.

I know all about the hanford,

Phil... the big hanford.

Who cares, okay?

You know what?

Let's take our cue

from the hanford.

Okay?

They wouldn't even let us

in there until a couple

of years ago.

And so what?

So they're big

and they're famous.

Who cares?

I mean, who owns these guys,

anyway?

Some multinational corporation?

Our people... our nation

built this place, okay?

We own it and we run it

and I am damn proud of that.

But you wanna know something?

There aren't a lot

of paying customers who even

know we exist, you know?

And I am sick and I am tired

of watching these tourists

just drive by here.

Now, we need this guide book,

like it or not.

And... I dunno.

I dunno, maybe you all think

it's a waste of time

to even try.

I don't know anymore.

But I'm gonna tell you

something.

If we try, if we really

put our hearts into it,

I think we can get four stars

in this thing,

and I think we can show

those idiots up at the hanford

that we know something!

Now, come on!

Who's with me on this?

I am!

Woman on phone: I'll ring

that room for you.

Please hold.

(Whispers)

Hey, ray.

When's that meetin'?

If we botch this job,

the chief is gonna transfer us

from the raiding body

to the skinning and tanning

pen.

I'm not so sure I wouldn't

like that better.

Never mind.

To capture that wagonload

of guns is gonna take

some real brainpower.

(Mouse squeaks)

If you need anything,

you know, just ask any

of the maids, you know...

maybe help to take care

of my kids sometime.

Yeah.

Yee-hee!

Oh... well...

It's down to this one guy.

Stuart O'Malley.

He checks in tomorrow.

Otherwise, that's it.

I mean, all we got are

family and groups this week.

Unless they're gonna chance it

without a reservation.

Yeah, you never know.

(Sighs)

Sorry about that thing

with Phil today.

I wasn't actually reading that

stupid old romance novel.

It was Betty.

She left it at my house,

so I was gonna bring it

back to her,

so naturally, I brought it...

Into work with me...

And I thought I'd give it to her

after I had my sex change

operation.

What do you think?

Yeah. Yeah, no,

that's a great idea.

(Sighs)

Ray.

We're gonna be just fine.

We're gonna be okay.

You gave a great speech,

and I think it's gonna snow.

Hey, a bunch of us

are gonna go bowling tonight

over in emerson.

You wanna come along?

Yeah, thanks, but, uh...

I got some work I can do

tonight,

and, uh... you know,

a big day tomorrow, so...

Some other time, all right?

Okay.

Hey, mar?

Hmm?

Maybe I can get

the tribal council to help you

out with that operation.

Devil.

**

News on TV: Our top story...

The winter of no snow.

It still looks like some other

time of the year out there,

so folks are starting to wonder

if they should trade in

their skis and snowboards

for Mountain bikes.

We haven't had a winter

this late since...

(clicks off)

Mary: Can you take a look

at these?

Sure.

Hey, mar, have you seen

my father yet today?

I think he might

be downstairs.

All right, thanks.

Do you have a reservation?

O'Malley.

Well, I'll have to check

that file.

Just a moment, please.

I'll check.

Yeah.

(Rings bell)

(Rings bell again)

(Rings bell several times)

(Loudly) Oh!

I don't think so.

Hey, look.

It's warrior mouse.

**

(squeaks)

Oh, no.

It got away.

Here, mousey, mousey, mousey.

Here. Here, mousey.

Boy: Aw, let him go.

You probably poisoned him anyway

by putting all that paint

on him.

Mary on phone: I'll ring

that room for you.

Please hold.

Thank you.

Hi, I have a reservation

under the name of Tina pisati.

Fred, uh, isn't it time

for your break?

Look at that.

What are you doin' here?

Get, get, get, get.

Hi.

Hi. Um, I have a reservation

under Tina pisati.

Pisati. P-i-z?

S... a-t-i.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

And you're from?

New York.

Really?

I'll just check for manual,

here.

Um, I made the reservation

about two weeks ago.

Yeah?

Are you here on, uh,

business, or, uh...

Just vacationing?

Um, I'm just vacationing.

Well... ooh!

Well, aren't you in luck.

We've just had a cancellation,

and the west Mountain suite

is available.

(Chuckles)

It sounds great,

but I'm on a bit of a limited

budget,

and I don't think I can

afford that.

Oh, it's no extra charge.

We do it all the time.

Oh. Oh, well, thank you.

You're welcome.

Ben.

Thank you very much.

Mm-hmm.

In here.

Ray!

It's a woman! It's a woman!

She's a woman!

The guide book...

They sent a woman.

Tina pisan?

Who wants this?

You did.

Tina pisati from New York.

(Sighs)

I asked her if she was here

on business.

She said no.

I know a professional

when I see one.

Ooh, and she's good.

How old is she?

I don't know.

Where'd you put her?

West Mountain suite.

Well, she's gonna know

we're on to her.

No, no, no. No.

It's okay, really.

I told her we just had

a cancellation.

I told her it was normal.

Oh... and I'm gonna ask Earl

to make at least two pasta

dishes. How 'bout that?

Why?

Oh, ray.

Tina pisati?

From New York?

Oh, my God.

What?

Quick, come on, come on,

come on. Come on!

What?

It's her.

Are you sure about this?

Bet you 20 bucks.

Dark hair. Nice coat.

Wow.

It's a woman.

(Phil chuckles)

I wonder if she skis.

No, Phil, she's not

a ski bunny.

Oh, come on, ray.

There's a little ski bunny in...

Well, almost every woman.

Hey, Louise.

Hey.

Gonna be ready to turn off

the hot water for about

ten minutes,

and I was wondering if there's

anybody in the rooms.

No, they're all out

and about.

(Scoffs) Dog.

Hot water.

(Chuckles)

We haven't had a winter

this late since 1945.

Meanwhile, the northeast part

of the country is digging out

from record high levels

of snow.

Airports and highways

are closed from Chicago

to Philadelphia.

In one day, a surprise storm

has dumped as much as

three feet of snow across

the eastern seaboard,

closing most major highways

and virtually every airport...

oh, no.

Between Boston

and Philadelphia.

Oh, no.

No, come on.

Oh, shoot.

And laguardia airports

are all closed.

Amtrak is even shutting down

rail operations...

oh!

Nothing is moving.

All of this has left thousands

of holiday travelers stranded.

Aah! Aah! Aaahh!

What happened to the hot water?!

There's no freakin' hot water!

Oh, goodness gracious!

I'm right in the middle

of the shower

and the water turned off!

You don't call this

hot water?

I don't appreciate people

yelling like that

around my daughter.

Do you have kids? Grandkids?

Do you yell at them like that?

You got a problem, mister.

A serious problem.

Mary: Tell her we get

about a third of our business

from overseas.

We'll get into the international

edition.

Just work it in.

It's 32%.

Look, she's not supposed

to know we know, okay?

Maybe I should talk to her.

No.

I'll handle this.

Mara: 32%!

Hi.

Hi.

That's a lomahaftewa.

It's incredible.

Yeah, isn't it?

I'm ray clouds on fire.

I'm the general manager here.

You just check in?

Um... yeah.

Yeah, I did... I just checked in.

Well, hi.

Hi.

Welcome.

Thank you.

(Chuckles)

I'm Tina... pisati.

Oh. (Chuckles)

It's nice to meet you.

Nice meeting you.

So, where are you from?

New York.

Wow, you know, we're gettin'

a lot of people from

the east coast these days.

And, um... and Europe,

and Asia, too, as it turns out.

So, you're, uh...

You're an art lover.

Yeah. It's a passion of mine.

Yeah, me too.

This one's pretty, isn't it?

It's beautiful.

Actually, we have, uh...

We have a gallery down the hall,

there.

Oh, you know what?

Listen, I need to take care

of something,

but, uh, let me know if I can

do anything for you, okay?

Okay.

All right.

It was nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Enjoy your stay.

I will. Thanks.

TV: Environmental protection

was the order of the day in

emerson with a groundbreaking

ceremony in a new...

yeah, we're here to talk

about booze, I guess,

and, uh, I'm an expert,

let me tell you.

I was drinkin' about two quarts

a day when I started seeing

things...

Things that just weren't there,

like this one time,

I thought a family of chipmunks

was living with me, man.

I mean, it was crazy.

That's what the alcohol

was doing to me.

And I became friends with 'em.

I was puttin' out food,

I was puttin' out water.

Then they started wearing

clothes,

like little suits and dresses.

Halloween costumes.

I mean, these guys rocked,

you know?

And we'd be partying together

and drinkin' and stuff.

You know, they were mostly

into beer, but that was cool.

And, um, I mean,

it was fantastic, man.

But anyway, um, I knew

chipmunks never wore clothes,

so I had to be seeing things,

right?

But that's when I knew

I had to get help.

I had to stop drinking.

(Applause)

Yeah, and I know there's

a lot of you out there

who are in denial,

and you all know who you are,

man.

You know who you are.

I'm not gonna mention

any names, you know,

but you know who you are, man,

so you should all clean

yourselves up, man.

Take my advice, all right?

Well, maybe his name is Joe.

Yeah, but it's not like

anybody calls me Christina.

No, it wasn't red.

It was a blue shirt.

Yeah, but he actually...

Yeah?

No, but he had my letter

in his pocket.

He was a code writer

in world war ii.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Transcribed all the messages

into our language.

The enemy couldn't break

the code.

Oh.

Hello.

I don't mean to stop you,

I'm just admiring how fast

you type.

It's wonderful.

And you speak your own language,

too, I hear.

(Sighs) Yeah.

I hear okay, too.

My name's mabel,

and I'd love to learn

a few native words.

How do you say hello?

(Stops typing)

(Sighs)

(Speaks native language)

And how do you say thank you?

(Speaks native language)

(Clears throat)

Excuse me.

Could you say that again...

Slowly?

(Chuckles)

Yeah.

Three nights of freezing,

and the snow will stick.

I've used this machinery before.

Yes, I have.

No, this is used machinery,

and this price is ridiculous.

I have the invoice

right in front of me.

'Scuse me.

'Scuse me just for a second.

What are you doing?

I need the wrench.

What wrench, dad?

There is no wrench in there.

Yeah, there's a wrench

in there.

No, there's not.

Ah!

(Chuckles)

I'll... I'll call you back.

You ever gonna spring

for postage there, Romeo?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, no, no...

It's... it's complimentary.

But even normally,

the package includes everything.

There's no extra charge.

That's incredible.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

You'll have a great time.

Uh, listen, Mary,

I need you to... oh, hi.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm great. How are you?

I'm fine,

thank you very much.

Oh. Mary, I...

I'm sorry, I was looking

for the, uh...

Mary: Dobson.

Exactly.

I'm still adding it up.

I'll get it.

Okay. Thank you.

So, are you, uh...

Are you settling in nicely?

Yes, thank you.

I was just being briefed

on the activities

that you have here.

Well, there's a lot to do.

It's a fun place.

Mary: I still need this,

though.

Oh, okay.

Thanks very much.

Mm-hmm.

Well, listen.

I hope you're enjoying yourself.

Thanks.

And you let me know if I can

do anything at all for you.

I will. Thanks.

All right.

It's good to see you.

Good to see you.

Can I borrow a pen?

All right.

Give her some gas.

(Engine sputters)

(Coughs)

That's the last damn time

I ever buy an apache!

Oh, come on, Joe,

what do you want?

It lasted 30 years.

Or that cherokee!

Oh, don't get me started

with that stupid bingo,

giving away a cherokee.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

What happened?

Oh, clouds on fire's

old truck's... on fire.

(Explosion)

So, uh... how was shopping?

It was great.

How was your day?

Eh, you know.

Can't complain.

(Speaks native language)

Oh, yeah.

Thank you for sharing.

(Explosion)

(Chuckles)

So, uh, what nation are you?

I'm a mix.

Blackfoot, salish,

ute, and cree.

Sounds like a law firm.

What's your name, little girl?

**

I'm just dropping off

some information.

Uh, sure.

Hi.

Hi.

Thanks, I'd love to.

Oh.

Oh, great.

So, what do you recommend?

You know, the Turkey

is always good.

This Turkey is so good.

Is it range-grown?

Old Edgar here?

No, no.

He was a pet.

Or, you know what?

You could try the buffalo.

You know, it's kind of

a local favorite.

I think it's best probably

served like, uh, medium...

Medium-rare... "mmr" kind of...

That's the way we put it down

on our tickets, at least,

you know, kind of a short...

Short version.

This particular buffalo

had an onscreen performance

in the movie dances with wolves.

I don't think he ever

got over it,

'cause he used to take pictures

with the tourists,

and let the little kids

ride him.

We called him... Kevin.

(Sniffs)

Actually, you know what?

The rabbit is actually excellent

as well.

I mean, really tender.

I think you'd like that.

This little bunny wasn't a pet.

He grew up in the wild.

I imagine he was quite tame.

It's usually the friendly ones

that get hunted down first.

No, I don't want it.

Thank you.

I don't want it.

(Laughs)

So, when the animal has

completely bled to death,

we rip the flesh from its bones

and marinate it

in a herb seasoning.

Then it's roasted

in our special ovens.

Excuse me just for one

moment.

Sorry.

You all right, sir?

(Vomits)

Hey, where you been?

I thought we said 7:30.

We did?

Ray, you gotta practice

a little if you're gonna

win anything at all.

Oh, man, dad, I'm sorry.

I totally forgot.

It's okay.

I got it all set up.

Listen, I'll call it,

and we'll see how many cards

you can play at once.

No, no... what I mean is,

I'm having dinner downstairs,

and, uh, it's business...

well, when's it over?

Well, I don't know, exactly.

Look, it doesn't matter.

I'm not any good at bingo

anyway.

Listen, you just gotta

practice a little.

Ray, there are families of ten

playin' for that jeep,

and each of 'em is playing

ten or more cards at a time.

Well, we can't compete

with that.

Look, if you want a new truck,

we'll get you one, okay?

I want this one.

Man, I gotta get some

new clothes.

God...

I'm so sorry.

I'm really embarrassed.

Took a lot longer

than I thought it would, and...

you changed your shirt.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I did.

It's red.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

How was your dinner?

Oh, it was great, thank you.

Earl, this is Tina.

Au chaunte.

Oh, you didn't have the Turkey,

did you?

No, it was the eggplant.

I'm... a vegetarian.

Oh...

Earl, um, don't you have

a soufflé in the oven

or something?

Oh, yes, I do.

You know,

before he came back,

he actually studied in France

for a couple of years.

Oh, did he?

Yeah.

Well, it was an incredible

meal.

Thank you.

Really? You liked it?

Really. Really.

I'd give it five stars.

Really?

Wow.

Puts out a lot of heat,

doesn't it?

Yeah, that's about 35,000 btus

you're lookin' at, there.

We're pretty proud of it.

We just had it replaced

back in June, so, uh...

It must be really difficult

for you when there's not

a lot of snow here.

Yeah, well...

You know, technically,

it's the lightest amount of

recorded snowfall by this time

in about 55 years, but, uh,

what are you gonna do?

That's life, right?

Yeah.

Hey, thanks for dinner.

I had a really good time.

So did I.

I appreciate you joining me.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Have a good night.

Thanks.

Ray?

Yeah?

So... what do people do

around here on weekends?

Weekends, weekends...

Well, um, I work... normally.

Every weekend?

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

Exciting life, huh?

Hmm.

Why?

You have something in mind?

92 degrees year-round.

What do you think?

It's lovely.

(Chuckles)

So... what exactly do you do

in New York?

What do you mean, "do"?

You know, for a living.

Oh, God, don't ask me that.

Why not?

Because I hate my job.

Oh, come on,

it can't be that bad.

It is.

(Laughs)

It most certainly is.

I just took it because it was

the only job I could find

and I really needed one.

But it has absolutely nothing

to do with what I really

want to do.

What do you really

want to do?

I wanna teach.

Really?

Yeah.

I did some subbing last winter.

I try to do it as often

as I can, but...

It's kinda hard to call in sick.

But I decided that I was gonna

go back to school and get

my teaching credential.

You know, my mom

was a teacher.

She, uh... she loved it, too.

She really did.

She taught third grade.

Is she retired?

No.

No, actually, uh,

she passed away a while ago.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Christina: I'm serious.

Ray: You are powerless

against me.

I'm telling you right now, okay?

I really can't.

Try it. Try it.

I can't.

Here it comes.

Into the... ah, psyche.

(Chuckles)

My grandfather was legendary

among our people as being

a great hunter and tracker.

He was called

standing elk shadow

because he crept up so close

to an elk once

he was inside its shadow before

it even knew he was there.

But, uh, one winter,

everyone got sick,

and he had to go off alone

and hunt.

And he was gone for a really

long time.

In fact, everyone thought

that he was dead,

and, you know, that they would

die too because he had been

their only hope.

But, one night, when the sky

was lit up kind of like

it is tonight...

He came back.

He came back with an enormous

bear that he had killed.

And everyone ate and they

got well again.

So, after that, he was called

the man who came back

with the bear

when the clouds were on fire.

That's a great story.

Thanks.

I haven't told it in a while.

So, you're the one

from Greenland, huh?

Yes, I am.

Your aunt's Ruth hepaburtz.

Mm-hmm.

She and my mom

are really good friends.

Good.

Bunny.

Come here.

Uh-oh.

You're a good artist.

Well, thank you.

Is there poison in paint?

That depends on the paint.

You didn't eat paint, did you?

No.

Did somebody else?

No.

Good.

What's your name?

Katie.

Hello. I'm mabel.

Hello, mabel.

Do you like to paint, Katie?

I'm not very good at it.

Well, neither am I,

but you can't let that stop you.

Would you like to have a go?

Yes.

Look...

Here's a nice, clean piece

of paper.

And there we've got

some nice brushes.

You choose one.

(Phone beeps, dial tone)

(Dialing)

(Phone rings)

(Phone rings)

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

**

(crying softly)

(Birds chirping)

I can always tell

when a big storm is comin'.

I get real sleepy

before it hits.

That day was no exception.

This was the big night.

That cherokee would be won

by somebody, and I'd

seen myself driving it.

But the same event

that made my getting there

more crucial had also

made my getting there

more difficult.

I had no wheels.

And by the time I woke up,

I had missed my ride

to the bingo.

It's snowing, it's snowing!

It's here, it's here!

It's here!

Yes! Thank you. It's here.

**

The big shot

was totally preoccupied.

Mary had just bought

a new used car

and didn't want it driven

in the weather.

And, Phil, he was working up

to another big date

with the ski bunnies.

**

So, things were looking

kind of grim...

(Door closes)

Until I caught sight

of stu O'Malley.

Now, after the night before,

he'd been nicknamed

"spew O'Malley."

(Laughs)

But I'd seen the guy arrive,

and I knew he was driving

a big ol' buick

with some pretty good

snow tires on it.

I made my move.

(Exhales)

People who drink

often enjoy gambling,

as well.

I told him

it was high stakes.

I didn't tell him

it was bingo.

(People chattering)

Woman: Ante up.

(Chattering continues)

Listen, you sit over here,

and they'll tell ya what to do.

Okay? I'll be right back.

Woman: Ante up.

(Chattering continues)

All right.

Okay, can I have

your attention?

Thank you.

How're you all doing?

Tonight we have a special treat.

He's visiting relatives

not far from here,

and he's kindly agreed

to join us.

Calling our holiday bingo,

we have the one,

the only, wes studi!

(Crowd cheers, applauds)

(Crowd roars, whistles)

(Chanting)

It's great to be here!

On my way here, you know,

I had to stop at a couple

of places, and everybody

wants to know what it is

about my outfit here.

(Man laughs)

It's simple...

My wife dresses me.

(All laugh)

Any of you guys

have that problem?

No? In my case,

it's a little bit

more complicated,

because my wife is Scottish.

(All laugh)

But, in any case,

I think maybe we ought

to play some bingo.

Are you guys any good

at bingo?

(All cheer)

Yeah? Well, then

let's play some bingo!

Shake those balls!

I'll see you later, spike.

Whoo! Whoo!

(Woman whistles)

And...

The first number is...

N37!

N37!

The second winning number is...

N39!

N39!

(Exhales)

Why don't I call room service

and ask them to

send some tea up?

Great.

Thank you.

Are you all right?

Um... yeah, yeah.

Um... but there's something

I have to tell you.

Okay.

(Sighs softly)

Look, I'm really sorry, but...

But I... I know who you are.

You do?

(Chuckles)

Why would you be sorry?

Well... I mean,

I... I wasn't supposed to know

who you were, right?

Right, yeah.

I was gonna keep it

a secret from you

for about another ten seconds.

(Both chuckle)

What, you mean

you were gonna tell me?

Of course!

That is strange, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

I really...

Really wasn't expecting

anything like this to happen.

You know?

Yeah, me neither.

I mean...

I guess I just didn't know...

What I was supposed to think.

You wanna know what I think?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's lookin'

pretty bad here, too.

Okay.

Okay, I understand.

Will be g52!

G52!

(People chattering)

And the next one is...

I'm sorry, people.

That storm's gettin'

really bad out there.

I'm afraid of the roads closing.

This is it.

This is for the cherokee!

Are we ready...

To play for the cherokee?

Yes?

And now the first number is...

N42! N42!

And now we have...

B04!

B04!

G50!

Like I keep telling

my sister-in-law,

"gee, you don't look 50!"

And your next

big number is...

G55!

B? What?

G55!

Now we have o69!

I18!

Man: Bingo!

All: Aw!

We have a bingo over here!

We have a bingo over here.

Let's verify the card.

Let's verify the card.

(People cheer, applaud)

**

(people cheering loudly)

Golly, I never

even played before!

(Cheering continues)

(Chuckles)

(All laugh)

(All applauding)

(Camera shutter clicks)

(Engine starts up)

You ever win anything,

I mean, big like this?

No.

But I only had one more to go

on at least ten of those cards.

Yeah, me neither.

I never won a damn thing

before.

(Laughing)

High stakes.

(Continues laughing)

You really had me going

on that one.

What?

You mad at me?

For winning?

Huh! Gee.

Talk about a poor sport.

Yeah, well, just take

the next left up there.

It's a shortcut.

**

(inhales)

So how long can you stay?

I have to leave on Sunday.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

That's way too soon.

Don't you have some

vacation time coming

or something like that?

Mm-mm, no.

I don't think

I can change my ticket.

Why not?

It's a supersaver.

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles)

Oh, really...

Of course, I don't know.

It looks like

I may be snowed in.

Oh... you're...

You're definitely snowed in.

(Chuckles)

You are very,

very snowed in.

**

(sighs loudly)

**

(snoring softly)

What?

Hi.

Oh...

Hey, there.

How are you?

I'm good now.

(Both chuckle)

(Knock on door)

That must be breakfast.

Oh!

(Yawning) Great.

I'm starving.

(Gasps)

No, don't open the door!

Don't open...

what are you doing?

Just don't open it.

Hold on one sec.

Okay, open the door.

Open it.

Hi.

Thank you.

Thanks very much.

Uh, so, uh, what did she do,

go home for the holidays?

Who?

Your girlfriend.

What girlfriend?

What was all this, uh,

hoopty-doo for?

You don't want anyone

to know you were here

last night.

Well, no, I don't.

I mean, really, Tina,

I... I think we should at least

try and keep this separate,

don't you?

What do you mean, separate?

Well, I mean,

you know, otherwise,

it'll look like this

influenced you.

Look...

I've worked really hard

on this, and I...

I think that what we have here

is very special.

Well, so do I.

Well, good.

So, uh, you know, just,

uh, make your assessments

based on all the other things,

and, uh...

And don't be influenced

by this, okay?

By what?

By this!

By last night!

(Quietly) I can't...

Made it alive.

You do have a girlfriend.

No.

No, I don't.

Then why can't this

influence me?

I mean, come on, Tina.

Would it normally?

Well...

(Chuckles)

God, ray, come on.

This isn't the 19th century.

Yeah, I do think chemistry

should count for something.

Well, yeah, so do I,

but, you know, in this case...

What... what is this?

Is this like

a regular thing for you?

Well, no, but...

but it's happened before?

Huh?

It has... hasn't it?

What is this?

I don't know.

Maybe you should tell me.

Ray, it's not like

it's gonna count against you.

But that's just the point.

I mean, it shouldn't

count at all.

What?

Look, I think the standards

that I've set here should speak

for themselves.

What standards?

(Fumbles for words)

This is a first-class resort.

Yeah, so?

So?

Look, I just want you

to be objective.

That's all I'm saying, geez.

(Sighs)

Why?

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

Think about my staff here

for a second, okay?

All right? Now think...

Think about their morale.

Your staff?

Yeah. (Sighs)

Look, they know

who you are, okay?

You told your staff

about me?

Well, Mary

figured it out first.

Who's Mary?

Oh... I'm sorry.

She's the woman

at the front desk.

Oh.

Well, how'd she know who I was?

Well, you said you were

from New York and all,

so she just put two and two

together, and...

(Chuckles)

Look, she's my assistant.

She's really helpful to me.

Well, how very nice

for ya.

What'd she do, help you

write the letters, too?

Yeah, yeah,

she wrote some of 'em.

What?

(Sighs)

Look, she handles all

of my correspondence.

Besides, it's...

It's good for training.

For what?

Oh, I don't know.

Um... marketing?

Tina, I can't do everything

around here, okay?

I mean, I have to

delegate some things.

(Scoffs)

Ow!

(Phone ringing)

Your dad's missin'.

He never made it home

from the bingo last night.

**

(snoring)

(Mumbling)

(Groans loudly)

(Snoring continues)

Get off me!

Get off me, God dammit!

Oh! What...

What's on my leg?

On my leg hair...

On the hair! Oh...

I put a splint on it.

You broke it.

(Sighs)

Shh. Shh.

Where are we?

Oh, now you got to

the really good news, huh.

**

(officer sighs)

Well, he hasn't seen him,

but we're gonna keep lookin'.

**

Officer: He's fine, ray.

They're just snowed in

somewhere.

God, I can't believe

he treated you like that.

What a jerk.

Yeah, and I thought he was

writing business letters.

Yeah.

He really has a problem.

He doesn't trust women.

Who could blame him after

what happened with his wife?

Oh, yeah...

What happened with his wife?

Well, she cheated on him,

and he caught her red-handed.

Ugh...

Yeah, you don't know that.

Oh, come on!

Everybody knows that.

Well, something happened.

Yeah, something bad.

He's never dated anyone

ever since,

till you came around.

Yeah, not even that model

last summer.

Oh, yeah!

I forgot about her.

I mean, she was really pretty.

(Sobs)

**

Oh, my God. Dad!

Dad!

They're not in here!

Okay, ray,

this is a good sign.

This means they're well enough

to go get help.

Dad!

Dad!

("Dad" echoes)

**

You got any kids?

Yeah... one.

How about you?

Yeah, same here.

A daughter.

Any grandkids?

Two.

I never met 'em yet.

Why not?

Oh... my daughter

married an idiot.

Seems happy enough with him.

Oh, I... I don't know.

So, she has two kids, huh?

Yeah, two boys.

(Chuckles)

I saw 'em the other day,

running around.

They're pretty cute.

You saw 'em the other day?

You know, I was thinking,

my daughter went

to an Indian camp

when she was a kid,

in the summer.

"Eagle's nest."

On lake Michigan.

She won a big award one summer.

They gave her a blue feather.

It was quite an honor.

And only one kid got it

every summer.

(Chuckles)

Probably sounds like

a bunch of bullshit to you.

(Sighs)

My son went to camp wakaneeka

at lake Paul.

He won the white feather.

It was a pretty big deal, too.

(Chuckles)

Listen, Katie, I know mice.

If he didn't like that feather,

he'd have found a way

to get rid of it.

And that glue

was not poisonous.

Your warrior mouse is just fine.

Excuse me!

Have you seen a mouse

that looks just like this,

but it's alive?

No, I haven't.

Did you lose your mouse?

He's probably in a little

mouse house somewhere,

all snuggled in for the night.

Oh, I'm sure he's

having a little adventure.

Mice are very adventurous.

Why do you look so sad?

It's Christmas Eve!

We're not gonna get

anything this year.

There's a big party

in the hotel tonight.

There's gonna be lots of candy

and cookies and hot chocolate.

Would you like to come with me?

Mmm?

We'll find you something

pretty to wear.

Okay.

It's a deal.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Ray...

Can I talk to you

for a minute?

No. No.

Ray, I need to talk...

look, I said no.

I'm dealing with something

that's just a little bit

more important right now, okay?

All right.

(Group sings silent night

(in native language)

(Singing continues)

(All applauding)

(Both chuckle)

(Applause continues)

(Squeaking)

(Squeaking continues)

(Chuckles)

Hey, there.

(Bird calls)

(Engine starts up)

(Engine roars)

Boy: Whoa!

Girl: Cool!

Woman: Oh, look at that.

Boy: Whoa!

Chelsea, have you seen this?

Question... how does it work?

What did you get?

Woman: Oh, look at that.

Boy: That's my bow!

(All chattering)

What is that?

All right, you guys

ready for your gifts?

Kids: Yeah!

I don't hear you.

Yeah!

All right.

Go ahead, get 'em!

Make sure your name's on it.

Will you help Joe

get his gift, please?

Come on.

(All chattering)

Dexter, yours is over there.

(Group singing silent night

(in native language)

(Chattering continues)

(Singing continues)

(Mouse squeaking)

(Sniffs)

(Sighs)

(Bird calls)

What's that?

You got something to eat?

No.

We're running out of wood,

aren't we.

Yup.

Well, what happens

when it's gone?

I don't know.

You turn into a whiskey pop?

(Laughs)

They're not gonna find us,

are they.

(Coughs)

Oh, we'll be okay.

I'm gonna hike out of here

in a little while.

Why don't you do it now?

Because it's better

to stay warm as long

as you can, cowboy.

You always wait a little while

until they come to you.

Gee, thanks

for the safety tip.

Well, why didn't we

stay with the vehicle?

Isn't that what

you're supposed to do?

We did...

Till it ran out of gas.

They only put in

a couple gallons, you know.

You're still mad

that I won it, aren't ya?

No.

I was really tickled pink.

We all were.

The way you charmed us

to pieces with your

sparkling personality there.

(Splint clanks)

(Groans)

(Laughs) Oh, sorry.

**

(engine roaring)

Where you going?

I-it's okay. You just get

a little more rest, huh.

No. That's how you die...

You freeze to death.

No, you're gonna be okay.

How do you know?

Because I'm gonna go get

some help.

I'm gonna go see if

I can find that hawk.

Wh-what hawk?

You just rest.

You'll be fine.

No, no, wait! J-just...

Just listen a minute, okay?

I... I want you to do

something for me.

I mean, if...

If help doesn't come

in time... I...

Look...

You're gonna be fine.

You know, I think

you're gonna be fine.

But, you know, if you have

some kind of fit a- and die

before I get back, well,

then I... I promise I'll tell

your daughter that you

loved her, and the kids, too,

and, uh, that your last regret

was that you didn't

go on in there and visit them

the other day, okay?

Are you makin' fun of me?

No, no.

But that's just exactly

what I'll tell her.

And if something unexpected

happens to me, then I

want you to tell my son

that I, uh... I'm real sorry

that I never got to meet

my grandkids, okay?

I thought you

didn't have any.

I don't.

**

(walela sings the warrior)

* oh, I've been searching

* for my warrior

* I've been walking

* down tracks of time

* it's such a struggle

* to seek forgiveness

* like chains and shackles

* these ghosts of mine

* oh, oh, oh

* crossing over heaven's sea

* where my warrior

* is waiting for me

* crossing over heaven's sea

* where my warrior

* is waiting for me

* LA, LA, LA, LA

* LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA

* feels like I'm dancing...

God!

* truth and wisdom

* precious rhythm...

Dad.

Yeah. You okay?

(Sighs)

Can you help me up?

Yeah, uh-huh.

* my heart is humble

* oh, warrior, show me...

(Both breathing heavily)

Woman: I see somebody.

(Groaning)

Are you a doctor?

Well, yes. I only practice

part-time these days.

Oh. Well, he's...

He's been in and out.

It's really been bad.

Um, I... I kept him hydrated,

and I kept the leg still.

You did a really good job.

Mr. O'Malley,

can I call anyone for you?

Any family nearby?

Any friends?

No, just get me

to the hospital!

M- my insurance stuff

is in my pocket.

(Groaning)

(Mumbles)

Really?

Leave it with me.

Psst. You should talk

to this guy sometime.

He's with some kind

of a travel agency.

"A worthington guide"?

(Sighs)

What?

You have to do it again.

Oh, please?

Please, just one more time?

(Sighs)

Okay, but this is it.

(In a deep voice)

It's a good day...

(chuckles)

It's a good day to dine.

(Both laugh, applaud)

I see you had

the tofu tackle.

Lovely choice.

And may I recommend for dessert

the pine nut pancake with papaya

and apricot sorbet.

(Chattering)

Uh, may I recommend

the tahini tamale

or the zucchini cannelloni

or... the Swiss chard lasagna.

Mmm.

Phil, have you seen Tina?

Joe!

Hi, Phil. Hi.

Hey, Joe.

We've been worried about you.

Hi. I'm okay, I'm okay.

Mary, have you seen Tina?

Where were you? Huh?

Come here.

Oh, it's a long story.

Listen, have you seen Tina?

Why, you wanna break

her heart again?

(Chuckling) Gee.

(Vacuum hums)

Betty, have you seen Tina?

No.

Hey!

That's one of my letters!

She's your penpal?

The guidebook woman?

She's with that

guidebook, too?

Tina! Tina, listen.

No, wait, really. Listen.

There's been a really,

really big mix-up.

I thought... I thought

that you were somebody else

and that you were here

on business.

It doesn't matter.

Look, the point is...

The point is that...

That I didn't write these.

I didn't.

Then who did?

(Pants)

Christina?

Joe?

(Chuckles)

I thought you were

a little older.

I thought you were

a little younger.

It's nice to meet you

anyway.

(Sighs)

(Laughs)

Uh, would you like

a cup of cocoa?

Yeah.

Yeah? Come on.

Listen...

W-wait... wait a second.

**

Daddy?

Hi!

Oh, it's good to see you.

Oh...

You, too.

I'm glad you had

that old chief call me.

Oh, yeah.

He's a good man.

I have missed you.

Me, too. Me, too.

**

Huh. Your dad

sure can pick 'em, huh?

(Chuckles)

Strange, though.

When he used to talk about her,

I always pictured

this wrinkled old lady.

I guess that's because

she was a widow.

Mm-hmm.

Want a chip?

(Chuckles)

I got work to do.

(Tina laughs)

**

Why don't you just

write her another one

of those love letters?

Why don't you

just go back to work?

(Chuckles)

(Bell dings)

(Conversing quietly)

Hey, what is this?

Here. It's yours,

for saving my life.

Uh...

(Attempts to speak

(native language)

(Chuckles)

(Sighs)

(Chuckles)

Thank you.

(Phone rings in distance)

(Bell dings)

Mary: Oh, no,

she's leaving.

(Whispering)

**

(clears throat)

"The pain from his wound"

was enormous.

And the dust from the plains

had kicked up

to sting his face

and obscure all vision.

But buffalo thunder

rode like the wind

after that wagon train.

And soon the pounding

of his horse's hooves

became the beating of.

Vanessa's heart,

willing him closer

and closer.

And all her denials were

"but the dust in his eyes."

(Sniffles)

(Scoffs)

What is this?

The Indian chapter of

the romance book club?

Look, I'm busy here, okay?

I got things to do.

And it's not really

any of your business,

all right?

(Sighs)

Just one of those things.

(Sniffles)

She wants to forget about it...

So do I.

Look, I don't even

have a car, okay?

(Keys jingling)

And so he chased her

to the airport.

And though he racked

his brain and he searched

his soul the whole way there,

ray still didn't know what

he'd say when he saw her...

Or how she'd react

when she saw him.

But as it turned out,

he didn't have to have

any kind of speech

rehearsed at all.

**

Because ray was still

searching for a space

in that parking lot

when her flight took off.

(Airplane engine hums)

And so it was not until

28 letters and 79 phone calls

and 94 e-mails that

passed between them

that Tina finally came back.

**

Of course, stu O'Malley

only gave us three stars

in that dumb guidebook,

which I suspect is more

to keep the prices down

and the tourists away,

because so far,

he's been back here

four times with his family.

**

So, anyway,

that's the story.

That's how I met mabel.

**

(Keith secola sings.

(Indian cars)

* I've been driving

* in my Indian car

* the pound of the wheel

* drumming in my brain

* my dash is dusty

* my plates are expired

* please, Mr. officer

* let me explain

* I've got to make it

* to this pow wow tonight

* singing 49

* down by the riverside

* lookin' for a sugar

* riding in my Indian car

**

* got my t-bird

* on the dashboard

* ain't got no spare

* feather from an eagle

* ain't got no cares

* the road is empty

* in my bottle of desire

* daylight is breaking

* the sun touches fire

* I got to make it

* to this pow wow tonight

* singing 49

* down by the riverside

* lookin' for a sugar

* riding in my Indian car

**

* my car is dented

* the radiator steams

* one headlight don't work

* the radio can scream

* I got a sticker

* that says "Indian power"

* I stuck it on my bumper

* it holds my car together

* we're on a circuit

* of an Indian dream

* we don't get old

* we just get younger

* when we're flying down

* the highway

* riding in our Indian car

**

**