All language subtitles for ep2officialscaryparodies_2killerfuckingcompilations_2012

I'm gonna tease you a little bit.

You You

It's a piece of me

Um.

Bye.

Oh.

Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'll
be back.

I'll be back in a bit.

Michael, what are you doing in here?

I'm trying to get off again. Get out.

I know you've been watching me for
years.

You should know by now I'm a chronic
masturbator.

Michael,

what are you doing?

At least there's a pad we don't have to
use our sleeping bag.

Creepy.

But in a cool way though, right?

Are you gonna protect me if the
boogeyman comes?

Yeah, I'll kick his ass.

We need to break this place in. Yeah.

Thank you.

I love you.

Thank you.

I'm done.

You have the greatest cock.

And the biggest load to stud.

I'm going to blow my load on every girl
in this place.

And all I'm going to be thinking about
is you.

I'm going to go take a bath, okay?

Good luck finding the dark.

God, you've got to be kidding me.

You should have renovated this first.

Well...

What took you so long, foots?

This ain't Vegas, baby.

Vegas? Play the game?

I'd fuck a 400 -pound Russian for a
ticket to Sin City.

Ellie, you keep talking like that, I may
have that ticket for you.

You here to talk or fuck, gumshoe?

Damn.

I think I have just died and gone to
heaven.

Oh, God.

Show me how you do it.

Make those eyes.

Don't talk to me.

Go all the way down. Go all the way
down.

Go all the way down.

Baby,

I can't take this big fucking cough from
my throat. You're a fucking... What did

I fucking know?

Man, baby.

Damn, that feels swell.

Oh, that's fucking hot.

Take it all the way down, they do in
Vegas, baby.

I would, too.

Oh my fucking god!

Goddamn. Oh, my fucking God.

Shit.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Yeah. I'm going to help that ass, baby.

Damn. Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

Goddamn, you know fucking how to work
that, don't you?

You know how to work that, don't you?

That's it. That's it. Yeah.

Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop.

Give me that fucking cum.

Give me that cum, baby.

Oh, God. Oh, God. God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Goddamn. Goddamn.

What are you going to do to me now?

What are you going to do to me now?

Oh, big boy.

What are you going to do?

Good. Good.

Yeah.

music.

It rubs the lotion on its skin.

He watches while it rubs the lotion on
its skin.

The skin.

The lotion on its skin.

It rubs the lotion on its skin.

Rub the fucking lotion on your skin.

Fucking brilliant.

Give me more.

What? Why don't you threaten to hose me
down? Something creepy.

I don't have a hose.

It's just a creative suggestion, dick
breath.

Come up with something of your own.

It rubs the lotion on its nipples.

That's it?

That fucking sucks.

It rubs the lotion on its motherfucking
skin or the transvestite's gonna kick

its motherfucking ass.

Yes, now that's fucking hot. I'm
practically cumming in my panties right

Bring it, serial killer.

It takes the lotion.

Shut the fuck up. Is that what it's
gonna take?

Eat my cunt.

Motherfuck. Fine.

Shit you gotta do to get laid these
days.

There.

What the shit is your fucking problem?

All I want is some fucking cock, okay?

Not 1957 dipshit.

I don't need this.

foreplay bullshit.

All I want is to be rammed in the ass.
Is that too much to ask for?

There, I've got the lotion all over my
body, asshole.

Now would you please bring me up so I
can get some cock?

I can only finger fuck myself for so
long, you know.

Any day now, I'm drying up, asshole.

But you like those shoes, don't you?

Would they fit you?

Yeah.

Why don't you stick your tongue in my
pussy, please?

I

didn't

say stop.

You know who I am.

Maybe I could have your rubber ducky?

So how many people have you killed?

Answer me or I won't fuck it.

Too many.

Too many, huh?

You know, that really turns me on.

Yeah.

They really fall.

Maybe ducky can suck it.

Is he your favorite?

He's pulled my hair for me so I can get
him away.

God, you're so ungrateful.

Well,

it just so happens that I like that.

Yeah.

As long as you do exactly what I say.

cop in my pussy beg me pretty please
pretty please pretty

please you're lucky that I'm a nympho

put it in

makes you think you're gonna

This might be the biggest one I've had
in my ass.

You better do it just how I want it or I
won't let you fuck my ass.

You got me, not you.

You're just my toy.

Oh, yeah.

Perfect.

coming too, don't you?

She lied.

What do you mean?

She beat the lie detector.

They're easy to beat.

Hello, Nick.

How the fuck did you get in here?

I still have the key.

You missed our appointment today.

I was busy.

I can't help Nielsen off forever.

They want your badge now.

Fuck internal affairs.

Look, Nick.

We can do it right now and we can put it
in your file.

Sure, Beth.

Whatever. How's your sex life?

I don't know. Why don't you ask my hand?

Are you smoking?

No. But after today, I'm reconsidering.
What happened today? I saw a knife

snatch.

And the woman smokes like a chimney.

Fuck, I feel like I'm surrounded by
fucking frigid, asexual, religious

You know, between your prodding and
Nielsen's born -again bullshit, I'm

of becoming a fucking priest.

You want to take a valid celibacy? Is
that what you want? Calm down, Nick. I

have to ask.

No, you don't have to ask.

You just want to get in my pants.

You had sex with six college girls on
spring break.

While on duty in a public place.

Eternal Affairs wants your badge now.
And I'm trying to help you.

I'm not a sex addict, Beth.

Those girls practically raped me. I have
an abnormally hard cock with erections

that last for hours.

Physiological. Not sex addiction.

Not any other sort of disorder.

It's who I am. I'm a perfectly healthy,
all -American man.

with a raging eight -inch cock that's
just trying to make the city safer.

If that means that I have to be an
ambassador to tourism for this great

banging six spring break girls, then so
be it.

I can do porno.

There's no reason to get worked up.

I've had a boner all fucking afternoon,
especially after that interrogation with

that woman.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is
to hide a boner for hours in an office

setting?

Show it to me.

You first.

Thank you.

No.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah baby!

Woof, woof.

I don't know.

I must go.

I must go to my dad.

with you today.

You're never like this before.

I don't know.

Who did you interrogate today?

I didn't say.

That's why you were all here all hot and
bothered, isn't it?

Look, I have no idea.

What's her name?

Catherine Trammell.

She's a bitch.

You happy now?

Catherine Trammell?

You know her?

In college.

You fucked her?

Hey, it was experimental.

One time thing.

It's great. I've been banging a lesbian.

A shrink lesbian.

The fuck?

And that's why you fucked me like an ape
in heat, isn't it?

She's got nothing to do with this.

I fucked her, Nick.

She's filthy and hot.

And that's why I ate her pussy for
fucking hours on end.

You know what?

She's in your head, isn't she?

Back off, Beth.

Oh, fuck you.

I didn't see that coming.

Is Mr. Lowry back from lunch yet, Ethel?

No, he dodged another bullet.

That's how I roll, Lowry.

Mr.

Cassidy, this is Marion. She's our
office manager, and she personally

our larger escrow accounts.

I like the sound of that.

I need a personal touch.

That little lady is $40 ,000 in cash.

We don't normally recommend such large
amounts of cash.

It's my wad, and I'll do with it as I
please, Lowry.

You know what I do with unhappiness,
little lady?

I kill it with cold, hard cash.

So tell me, Marion.

Are you unhappy?

Not inordinately.

Well, if you are...

I'm the guy that can fix you up.

It's a bit cooler in my office. If you
care to join me.

Well, I'm assuming there'll be party
favors given my considerable

to your establishment.

Certainly.

Well then, live and let live. Take the
bull by the horns.

Will you be joining us, ladies?

I'm afraid they're quite busy today.

That's too bad.

Uncle Cassidy loves his afternoon
delights.

I'll join you in a moment.

Ma 'am, I do not want this cash in the
office over the weekend. Please make

this gets to the bank safety deposit
box.

Right away, Mr. Lowry.

And afterwards, if it would be all
right, I'd like to go home. I have a

headache.

Yes, of course.

I've never seen that much money.

Well then, imagine you still haven't,
and you'll sleep better at night.

I'm off.

Have a great weekend, Ethel.

You too, Marion.

Feel better.

Mr.

Lowry, if it's no trouble... I'd like to
offer up afternoon delight.

Knew I liked you, Lowry. You've got
loyal employees, and that says a lot

an employer.

I believe this is the beginning of a
long and beautiful relationship.

So will you be joining us, Mr. Lowry?

Well, yes.

Yes, I will.

Yeah.

Not a girl.

Not a girl.

Oh, yeah.

Can you help me with the back? Uh -huh.

Oh, I've been dying to do this.

Get over here, Lowry.

I was just walking it up on a silver
platter, finishing up some paperwork.

Oh.

My pussy feels so good.

Oh, yes.

Cassidy. Yeah.

Oh my god.

Mwah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah, Mr. Lawrence.

Yeah.

All right.

going to be feasting on any cadavers.

Seems Jack Crawford made you promises
that he can't keep.

Isn't that right, Senator Ruth?

The beach in Louisiana.

I made no such promises.

Now tell me, you bastard, where I'll
find my daughter or you will suffer.

Pity that.

How would I know?

Listen up, you miserable scab.

If you don't tell us what you know,
you'll spend the rest of your life in a

-foot -by -four -foot cell, and you'll
never see the light of day

again.

His name is Gerard Gray.

You'll find a scrubby bungalow in the
south of Chicago.

This is where you will find your
daughter.

Take this wretched man away.

Senator, do you remember the feeling you
had when your daughter was suckling at

your breasts?

Excuse me?

They say the sensitivity of the nipples
never returns to normal after feeding.

Do your nipples have any feeling,
Senator?

You're a filthy, pathetic man.

That doesn't deserve to be alive.

Now take this animal to his new four
-foot cell.

Are you okay?

I'm fine, Doctor.

I'm really sorry that you had to... Give
her a break, Doctor.

That man...

The filthy man.

So nasty.

Disgusting. Sweaty cannibal.

What?

Did you see the sweat on his face?

Oh, God.

Oh, my nipples.

I can't feel my nipples.

Oh,

my pussy.

It feels so good.

Oh.

Oh, sweet Jesus. That mom was so sweaty.

Oh.

Do you think his breath stinks off?

You know.

Do you feel them for real? Yeah?

Feel

my

baby.

I can feel them.

I love you. I love you.

Oh,

God.

You want me here?

proceed.

okay um

I love you.

Hmm.

Oh.

you

There were virgins in King Arthur.

Sucks.

Anthony, what are you doing?

Probably an orgy.

Where is he?

Who cares? He can join us later.

I'm looking bad.

Hmm.

Perfectly right there. You don't need to
breathe.

I'm going to kill you with my pussy.

You know? Yeah? Yeah?

Oh,

fuck yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, baby. Like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Woo!

Mmm.

Get her naked.

I'll be able to get hard again in three
minutes. Will do.

You dork. Get over here and fuck me
again.

Back to what you were saying, Mother.

I'm going to have to disagree.

Sheer is sexy.

I mean, if a man can expose his nipples,
why can't a woman?

Who's he talking to?

Is it Mary Ann?

I don't know.

Oh, you would like some sugar, too? Of
course.

I know you love your sugar, don't you,
Mother?

You, on the other hand, don't care for
sugar, do you, Marion?

It's all very clear to me now.

Norman suffers from acute matriarchal
stress syndrome.

Tormented for years by his mother's
fashion genius.

It's no wonder that he wanted to
preserve her forever.

Marion.

Yes, Marion.

She too had impeccable taste.

Must have been the brooch that sent him
over the top.

And her long legs and superb model
-esque body must have driven Norman mad.

Yeah, but none of that matters now.

You're left without a sister and I.

I'm once again a single available man
with burning loins and no garden to sow

seed.

No, Sam.

I'm a fertile garden and I will continue
where my sister failed.

God, that's sexy.

Take me.

Take me now.

Hmm.

of your soft, supple skin.

But it's quite... necessary.

I'm fully aware of the rules.

Have to make sure you're not...
concealing anything that Hannibal

could... exploit.

Well...

It seems that you're clean.

If I could just see your questions,
please.

I'm afraid that's classified.

I'm his psychiatrist, and I am the
warden of this institution.

It's classified.

Thank you, warden.

Good morning.

Doctor, may I speak with you?

May I see your credentials?

Certainly.

I can't see it. Closer, please.

Closer.

That expires tomorrow.

You're not real, FBI.

I'm a student, hoping to learn from you.
But please, don't read into that.

I'm not a fan.

That is unfortunate.

Having my students for breakfast has
become so very satisfying.

Sit, please.

Mewks commented on your personal hygiene
when you passed his cell, did he not?

He said I have a smelly cunt.

No animal by -products in your perfume.

No meat.

But I cannot smell your cunt.

Your drawings are very vivid.

Yes.

Dr. Chilton will not allow common snot
rags in here.

He tortures me, you know.

So I draw that I might have material
with which to pleasure myself.

Dr. Lecter, I have a questionnaire here
if you would help me.

Do you know why they call him Buffalo
Bill Johnson?

How do you know?

The newspapers won't say.

He rides him.

I mean, he has sexual intercourse with
him.

Bareback, and then he skins them.

Oh, Mr.

Johnson.

What a naughty little boy he is.

And why do you think he does this?

Sexual gratification.

You're just an amateur, darling.

Your questionnaire?

You think you can dissect me with ink on
a piece of paper?

No, just your mind.

You, with your bad hair and fake tits,
you look like a five -dollar lesbian.

A wild whore from Weed Patch,
California.

You're no more than a generation removed
from poor white migrant farm workers

from Oklahoma, are you, Agent Starling?
You're out of line, Doctor.

Tell me, are you strong enough to point
that elitist Ivy League academic

bullshit perception at yourself?

Or maybe you're not man enough.

Sperm count too low, doctor?

A Mormon missionary once tried to preach
to me.

I ate his liver with some refried beans
and a nice cabernet.

You flitter back home now, little
lesbian.

Flitter.

You're late.

And you have some sperm in your hair.

I left it there.

For you.

Well, damn, baby.

Don't you know how to make an entrance?

How is our favorite cannibal doing?

He's a prick.

But his neighbors aren't so bad.

I take it that's not... his?

He's behind glass.

Besides... I don't think he has the
balls.

So who's Krusty Seaman?

Are you sporting?

Migs.

Migs. The Manhattan Masturbator?

Is it true?

Yes. His loads could fill a 55 -gallon
drum.

If you ask me, he's the only real man in
that institution.

Damn, baby.

Slow down.

You're making me hot.

I figured it would.

It made me hot.

That's why I left it there.

Aren't you a nasty little girl, Clarice?

You don't know nasty.

Nasty is letting ten guys fuck you

in a hurtful lamp.

Leave it there bitch.

What do you plan on doing with that?

I'm shoving a tight hole in it.

Yes.

Oh no.

He couldn't have gone back to
Haddonfield.

It's over a hundred miles away and he
has irritable bowels.

He'd have to stop every five minutes to
urinate.

Evil will do these things, my good
doctor.

So you're saying a state trooper
wouldn't notice some guy pulled over to

every five miles.

I doubt he'd stop.

So you're saying he'd piss all over
himself while he's driving?

He could use a coffee cup.

His phallus is monstrous. He'd need a
five -gallon bucket.

Evil will do these things.

It's in the hands of the law now. Let
them do their job.

You don't understand.

He's going home to pursue his quest for
pure,

concentrated evil.

Let it be, Loomis. Let the men with
badges do their job.

He doesn't understand.

None of them understand.

He's gone home.

Evil has gone home.

Tell me more about this evil.

Well, like it did.

Gets on your skin.

And you wash.

And you wash.

And then you scrub.

And you scrub.

But you can't get it off.

And then it goes into your pores.

And it enters your blood system.

And then... Mitosis.

It replicates itself.

Yes.

And as...

You enter mitosis.

It simultaneously migrates.

Down? Yes, down.

Down into the nether region.

To the tentacle?

Yes, yes.

Down into the genitalia.

And there it mixes blood with semen.

Rivers of blood.

Rivers of semen.

Flowing.

Flowing.

The whore.

Oh, God, the whore.

Tell me, Doctor, does he masturbate
daily?

Yes.

What are we doing? We must stop. No.
Stop him.

Give me your penis. What?

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Bite the shit out of those nipples just
like that. Yeah.

Oh, stick your fucking feet deep in
between them like that.

Fucking stick them deep like that with
your bigger...

I love you.

Yes.

Oh, God.

I love you God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

Like that. I could feel the evil rising.

It's rising.

Oh, that evil.

I must.

I must.

I must. I must.

I must.

Stop.

How dare you? Get out of here!

What? What?

What did I... What have I... Oh, nurse.

The evil... Excuse me,

I don't know what... I don't know what
came over me.

It's like... With the evil... With the
evil... Excuse

me.

I'll call you.

always leave your women hanging?

Oh my God.

Thank you.

Who is that?

Fuck was that?

We're not alone.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Take that.

Wow. You know, victory sex is always the
best sex.

She'll have to take me, sexy man.

Woo.

um um

Oh my goodness.

Here, here, here, here, here.

What's up, Johnny?

Who are you?

Just a bitch giving it up for a pack of
cigarettes.

Your boys are out on a coffee break.

So what's your story, honey?

So your girl's been hanging out with a
convicted killer, Jenny Dobkins.

She killed her entire family.

And her girlfriend, Roxy?

She killed her family, too, when she was
a kid.

Research for her next book?

Maybe.

Or maybe she's getting advice from the
pros.

Whoa.

What are you doing?

They wanted a strip search.

I'm just making it easy for them.

Not in here, you're not.

Look, mister, I'm just doing what I was
told.

Look, if you're getting all hot and
bothered over there, you can come over

I'll take care of it for you.

It's fucking filthy.

No, it's not.

It's natural.

I'm a Christian man, okay?

Oh, really?

Because I see guys like you all the
time.

You need to put your clothes back on.

Really? Is that really what you want?

You're so dirty.

Look, honey.

You're a naughty little boy.

So why don't you just come on over here
and give me what I want?

I can't, okay? I'm a good boy.

No, you're not.

You're lying to yourself.

So come on over here.

I need your face in here.

I've been very... very bad.

You naughty boy.

Why don't you just come on over here?

What the fuck are you waiting for?

Naughty little cough.

Yeah, get deep in that fucking mouth.

Get deep in that fucking mouth.

You like it?

Don't fucking order me around.

What does that mean?

Because I'm fucking better than you.

You've done this before.

You fuck with me a lot.

Yeah, you like it.

You dirty little fucking bunny.

Oh my god, yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I'm gonna get some shirts here tomorrow.

Oh my god.

Ow.

I'm gonna get really fucking...

Yeah.

You could've been fuckin'

them.

Look at me.

No,

no, no.

You get paid for it, right?

What do you get paid for?

You get paid to be a good guy, okay?

You're not very good now, are you?

I'm not a regular cop.

Neither are you.

You know this fucker Nick?

This cop? You know him?

Shoot him?

Yeah, you would.

I'm gonna show

you what he likes.

Just show me what you're good at.

I'm good at what he likes.

And dirty fucking cum. And dirty fucking
cum.

Yeah, yeah, yeah