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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
2
00:02:43,016 --> 00:02:45,057
Hey, James.
3
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,680
12-32-14!
4
00:02:52,054 --> 00:02:53,845
Jake, thank God, let me out.
5
00:02:53,970 --> 00:02:55,761
Did you get my mail?
6
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,760
Math test.
7
00:03:00,384 --> 00:03:03,841
A minus.
You made it look just good enough.
8
00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:06,881
Did you score me
backstage passes to Dave Matthews?
9
00:03:08,964 --> 00:03:11,629
That's my man. All right.
10
00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:16,419
12-32... what was that last number
again? 168?
11
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:18,668
14, Jake.
12
00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:20,834
All right, calm down, I got you.
13
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:24,457
Thanks.
-You're welcome.
14
00:03:24,582 --> 00:03:28,331
Ian, what is the deal with you being
sardined into your locker again?
15
00:03:28,456 --> 00:03:30,621
Eddie Taffett
and his troglodyte trio.
16
00:03:30,746 --> 00:03:32,912
They're bugged
about the phoney lDs we sold.
17
00:03:33,037 --> 00:03:35,494
l'll take care of them later.
Get on the net.
18
00:03:35,619 --> 00:03:37,744
Change that ticket my dad got me
to New York
19
00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:39,909
and book two seats to Cabo San Lucas.
20
00:03:40,409 --> 00:03:43,116
Will you be taking Allie?
-Working on that now.
21
00:03:46,865 --> 00:03:48,531
Morning, ladies.
22
00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:50,946
Do those things work?
-Yeah, wanna see?
23
00:03:51,071 --> 00:03:53,112
No, it's OK.
24
00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:07,648
Zone defence? Guess l'm not
going to be able to get in.
25
00:04:07,773 --> 00:04:10,605
Unless... What's this?
26
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:13,479
Cherry crunch?
-Would I bring you anything else?
27
00:04:20,851 --> 00:04:24,683
l'm sure that tastes good here.
lt would taste better someplace else.
28
00:04:49,048 --> 00:04:50,839
What are you doing here?
29
00:04:50,963 --> 00:04:54,046
You said you wanted to see what it
would be like to wake up next to me.
30
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:56,503
Oh, good line.
31
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:58,669
Premeditated or spontaneous?
32
00:04:58,794 --> 00:05:00,585
Totally off the cuff.
33
00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:03,667
l was inspired by the lovely sight
of you drooling.
34
00:05:03,792 --> 00:05:06,207
l wasn't drooling, I was sleeping.
35
00:05:08,165 --> 00:05:10,830
Sleeping?
l can't sleep, l've got to study.
36
00:05:10,955 --> 00:05:13,121
You were studying subliminally.
37
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,953
You were absorbing it off the page
through osmosis.
38
00:05:16,078 --> 00:05:17,494
Give me that.
39
00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:19,660
Look, my final is in three hours.
40
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:22,575
You're here, just distracting me,
so get out of here.
41
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,533
No problem. Suit yourself.
42
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:28,073
l just wanted to let you know
there's a freak storm. Snowing.
43
00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:29,698
Snowing?
44
00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:32,280
We're in southern California.
lt's not...
45
00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:35,737
My God.
46
00:05:36,528 --> 00:05:38,569
lt's snowing.
47
00:05:40,526 --> 00:05:43,567
Jake, you lunatic.
Where did you get a snow machine?
48
00:05:52,147 --> 00:05:54,396
lt's a white Christmas,
just like home.
49
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,603
And here's a little Christmas cheer.
50
00:05:57,186 --> 00:05:59,893
Egg nog?
My mother makes this from scratch.
51
00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:02,601
And one more thing.
52
00:06:02,726 --> 00:06:06,432
More? Do I detect
an overage of niceness going on here?
53
00:06:06,557 --> 00:06:08,015
Just read it.
54
00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:11,555
Two tickets to Cabo San Lucas,
Christmas on the beach.
55
00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:14,346
Amazing.
-I knew you'd be...
56
00:06:15,762 --> 00:06:17,220
Pissed.
57
00:06:18,719 --> 00:06:20,843
This is the most inconsiderate thing.
58
00:06:20,968 --> 00:06:22,842
l have plans
that are important to me.
59
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:25,633
lt's not like l'm asking you
to sleep in a Porta Potti.
60
00:06:25,758 --> 00:06:27,757
A condo overlooking the ocean.
61
00:06:27,882 --> 00:06:30,964
Forget it. You know I am driving home
to visit my family.
62
00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:32,547
Tell them what I told my dad.
63
00:06:32,672 --> 00:06:35,254
You're gonna be in the gym
for the next two weeks
64
00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:38,044
in preparation for Ultimate Fighting.
65
00:06:38,169 --> 00:06:40,918
That's what you told him?
-Sure.
66
00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:44,708
When he found out I wanted
to stay here, he was relieved.
67
00:06:44,833 --> 00:06:46,624
But I want to go home.
68
00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:49,873
l want a traditional Christmas
with snow and stockings
69
00:06:49,998 --> 00:06:51,497
and egg nog and carollers.
70
00:06:51,622 --> 00:06:54,121
l thought we could have fun
this Christmas.
71
00:06:54,913 --> 00:06:56,953
You thought that you could have fun.
72
00:06:57,078 --> 00:06:59,078
But what about everybody else?
73
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:01,660
Mom and Dad would be crushed
if I didn't come home.
74
00:07:01,785 --> 00:07:05,158
What about your dad
and your sister and Carolyn?
75
00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:08,824
Bringing up my dad's new wife
drains me of my Christmas spirit.
76
00:07:09,781 --> 00:07:13,113
All l'm saying is, don't you think
it's time you went home?
77
00:07:15,279 --> 00:07:17,362
Hey, there. Looking good today.
78
00:07:17,487 --> 00:07:20,194
Thanks, Eddie,
you're looking nice today, too.
79
00:07:20,819 --> 00:07:23,068
l'm not talking to you, Wilkinson.
80
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,358
Allie, what perfume
are you wearing today?
81
00:07:25,483 --> 00:07:26,816
Excuse me?
82
00:07:26,941 --> 00:07:30,398
l got three words for you.
New. Car. Smell.
83
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:33,522
lt would smell so good on you.
Come here and check it out.
84
00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:37,520
l got one word for you. Beemer.
85
00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:41,768
Stand away from the vehicle.
86
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:44,142
You got to be kidding me.
87
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,804
So it's Disco lnferno Night
at the Viper Room, right?
88
00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:59,636
lt's me and the Murph Man
and the Ed Man and the Ken Man.
89
00:07:59,761 --> 00:08:02,343
We were waiting in line
for half the night.
90
00:08:02,468 --> 00:08:04,759
The bouncer finally gives us
the nod.
91
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:08,549
We go over there
and debut our brand-new lDs.
92
00:08:08,674 --> 00:08:10,881
The dude goes...
-Bye-bye.
93
00:08:12,672 --> 00:08:16,004
No one says bye-bye
to the Brandt Man.
94
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,587
Fellas.
95
00:08:17,712 --> 00:08:20,919
What can I say? My subcontractor
has been slacking off.
96
00:08:21,044 --> 00:08:22,585
l want to make this up to you.
97
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,084
l have a foolproof method
98
00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:27,125
that will guarantee
you ace your History final.
99
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:30,082
But if you'd rather see
your grades crash and burn.
100
00:08:30,207 --> 00:08:32,248
lt's up to you.
101
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,871
No cost?
102
00:08:36,621 --> 00:08:38,703
Of course there's no cost
for the answers.
103
00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:41,410
l couldn't do that to you.
You guys are my buds.
104
00:08:41,535 --> 00:08:44,659
However, there is a nominal fee
for the beeper rental.
105
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:53,572
Wilkinson residence.
106
00:08:53,697 --> 00:08:56,363
l'm sorry,
he can't come to the phone right now.
107
00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:58,653
He's busy accessorising.
108
00:09:00,403 --> 00:09:01,819
Jake, it's your dad.
109
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:05,359
See you.
110
00:09:12,648 --> 00:09:16,230
How are things at the office?
-We're all off for the holidays.
111
00:09:16,354 --> 00:09:17,979
l sent everybody home at noon.
112
00:09:18,104 --> 00:09:20,478
Great. Getting ready for ski season?
113
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,602
Yeah, I just got my bindings fixed.
114
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:24,976
Look, l'm calling to find out
about you.
115
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:27,808
Are you still planning
to come home for Christmas?
116
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:33,181
l'd like to but I gotta stay on
campus and finish up that lab work...
117
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,930
Cos I got a call from my
travel agent.
118
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:39,928
He says the ticket I sent you was
cashed in for two to Cabo San Lucas.
119
00:09:40,511 --> 00:09:43,635
He says somebody
sabotaged his computer file.
120
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,926
What kind of a world
are we living in?
121
00:09:46,051 --> 00:09:49,258
Is the convenience of technology
worth the loss to our privacy?
122
00:09:49,383 --> 00:09:52,173
Who would do such a thing?
Where will it end?
123
00:09:52,298 --> 00:09:54,880
l agreed to let you go off
to school in California.
124
00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:58,754
But you haven't been home
for the holidays since Mom died.
125
00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:01,419
l think it's time
that we become a family again.
126
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:06,667
lf you were 18, where would you
rather be for Christmas?
127
00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:08,208
At home with your family
128
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,790
or in Cabo
on the beach with a beautiful girl?
129
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:13,748
Allie's parents say she is coming
home like always.
130
00:10:15,955 --> 00:10:17,996
l just really want you home, son.
131
00:10:18,621 --> 00:10:20,370
Me too.
-As does Carol.
132
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:23,785
No.
-And Tracey, we all want you home.
133
00:10:25,035 --> 00:10:27,534
Well, I just don't think
l can get there.
134
00:10:28,658 --> 00:10:33,365
Not even if l... give you the Porsche?
135
00:10:34,322 --> 00:10:36,238
Excuse me?
136
00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,696
The Porsche?
137
00:10:38,821 --> 00:10:40,778
The 195 Porsche?
138
00:10:40,903 --> 00:10:43,152
The same one we rebuilt by hand
together
139
00:10:43,277 --> 00:10:47,151
with the kid-glove interiors
and the original paint?
140
00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:51,232
l tell you what, if you're home
when we sit down to dinner,
141
00:10:51,357 --> 00:10:55,064
6:00, Christmas Eve, the car's yours.
142
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:57,313
6:00.
Not one minute past. Understand?
143
00:10:57,813 --> 00:10:59,979
Yes, sir.
-We'll see you then.
144
00:11:00,104 --> 00:11:02,144
Great. Bye.
145
00:11:04,019 --> 00:11:05,601
You are mine.
146
00:11:05,726 --> 00:11:07,309
All mine.
147
00:11:10,932 --> 00:11:15,347
He cashes in the tickets
and you offer him a bribe?
148
00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:17,971
Do you see anything wrong
with this picture?
149
00:11:18,096 --> 00:11:20,470
Yeah, I do, but...
-But what?
150
00:11:22,053 --> 00:11:24,094
Jake's coming home for Christmas.
151
00:11:29,716 --> 00:11:32,465
OK, I got to go pack, you guys.
See you in an hour?
152
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:39,546
Nice try but no chance.
153
00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:41,711
Must be defective.
154
00:11:41,836 --> 00:11:45,710
l estimated it would be another five
hours till you tried to make up.
155
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:47,126
That's funny.
156
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:50,916
l estimate that it takes five hours
to fly to Larchmont, New York.
157
00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:53,998
l thought you cashed your ticket in.
158
00:11:54,123 --> 00:11:56,414
l cashed it back in
for tickets to New York.
159
00:11:56,539 --> 00:11:58,371
Will you please accept my apology
160
00:11:58,496 --> 00:12:00,495
and come home with me for Christmas?
161
00:12:04,119 --> 00:12:05,410
You're unbelievable.
162
00:12:05,535 --> 00:12:08,242
Tell me about it.
Ripley is doing a special on me.
163
00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:10,949
So, why the sudden change of heart?
164
00:12:11,074 --> 00:12:14,781
l guess you got to me with
all that sentimental family stuff.
165
00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:16,739
l'm glad you're coming around.
166
00:12:16,864 --> 00:12:19,613
lf you don't have family,
what do you have?
167
00:12:19,737 --> 00:12:22,528
So, do you want to come over
and help me pack?
168
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:28,484
l can't. I gotta go tutor some jocks.
169
00:12:28,609 --> 00:12:30,400
You're such a compassionate man!
170
00:12:30,525 --> 00:12:32,316
l am a giver.
171
00:12:32,441 --> 00:12:34,481
Pick you up tomorrow morning, 8:00.
172
00:12:41,645 --> 00:12:43,478
This better work.
173
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:48,392
Run.
174
00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:58,888
Look out.
175
00:13:04,844 --> 00:13:06,135
What's taking so long?
176
00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:14,049
Sorry, Ms Peterson.
-Coach likes to stay in touch.
177
00:14:01,154 --> 00:14:04,444
Driving a Porsche, it's like
you have a relationship with it.
178
00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:07,360
lt knows you. It's listening
and just responding.
179
00:14:07,485 --> 00:14:08,693
So true.
180
00:14:08,818 --> 00:14:10,067
Downshifting?
181
00:14:10,192 --> 00:14:13,108
You don't know what it is
until you downshift a Porsche.
182
00:14:13,233 --> 00:14:16,440
You are a lucky man.
-So true.
183
00:14:18,231 --> 00:14:19,980
So, Jake, are you feeling lucky?
184
00:14:20,105 --> 00:14:21,604
Immensely.
185
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,770
l think that's all about to change.
186
00:14:27,019 --> 00:14:28,726
Something wrong, fellas?
187
00:14:28,851 --> 00:14:30,642
You think you're a wiseguy?
188
00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:33,391
lt's real funny to make us
look like morons?
189
00:14:33,516 --> 00:14:36,515
What are you talking about?
-The beepers, dipstick.
190
00:14:37,181 --> 00:14:38,597
Where's lan?
191
00:14:38,722 --> 00:14:42,720
12-32-14.
192
00:14:45,678 --> 00:14:48,551
l'm sure there's some explanation.
Let me make a call.
193
00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:50,176
We're done explaining.
194
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:53,591
Boys.
195
00:15:02,754 --> 00:15:05,211
All right, see you later.
Have a good break.
196
00:15:08,585 --> 00:15:10,626
All right, Jake, where are you?
197
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,069
God, I wish I were dead.
198
00:15:50,276 --> 00:15:52,317
l said I wished I were dead.
199
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,227
Let's see you sweet-talk your way
out of this.
200
00:16:07,352 --> 00:16:08,602
Eddie and the boys.
201
00:16:09,851 --> 00:16:12,475
The last time
l do business with those guys.
202
00:16:13,142 --> 00:16:14,974
Go on, get out of here.
203
00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:22,763
You glued it on, didn't you,
you jerks?
204
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,219
The hat too?
205
00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:29,177
This is not acceptable.
206
00:16:41,672 --> 00:16:44,837
Sit. Roll over.
207
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,003
Die.
208
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:54,833
Hey, it's Jake, you found me.
209
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,290
ldiot.
-Who's an idiot?
210
00:16:59,081 --> 00:17:00,081
l am.
211
00:17:00,206 --> 00:17:02,413
Jake flaked, huh?
212
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:06,995
What a surprise. Lucky for you,
the Ed Man is here to the rescue.
213
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,910
What do you say we blow
this Popsicle stand?
214
00:17:11,118 --> 00:17:13,284
You're loving this, aren't you?
215
00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:14,783
Pretty much, yeah.
216
00:17:16,616 --> 00:17:18,282
OK, let's go.
-All right.
217
00:17:19,115 --> 00:17:21,614
No, allow me. I got it.
218
00:17:23,404 --> 00:17:25,029
The ultimate in irony.
219
00:17:25,154 --> 00:17:27,778
1 Academy kids
are driving back east this winter
220
00:17:27,903 --> 00:17:29,610
and I get a ride with you.
221
00:17:29,735 --> 00:17:33,734
Just the two of us, riding
the crest of destiny's rainbow.
222
00:17:33,859 --> 00:17:38,107
Sharing. Caring. A pair for the ages.
223
00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:41,814
OK, hold on, first the ground rules.
224
00:17:41,939 --> 00:17:45,021
lf you say to me things like that,
l'll have to slug you.
225
00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:48,061
lf you say anything nasty about Jake,
l'll have to slug you.
226
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:50,852
lf you try to feel me up,
l'll have to slug you.
227
00:17:50,976 --> 00:17:55,391
lf you make me listen to any sexist,
racist or homophobic jokes,
228
00:17:55,516 --> 00:17:57,099
l'm gonna have to slug you.
229
00:17:57,224 --> 00:18:00,389
And finally, I might have to slug you
from time to time
230
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:04,762
simply because I find the prospect
of this incredibly stressful.
231
00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:08,219
All right, sounds like a party to me.
232
00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:12,426
So, what shall we listen to?
233
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:16,549
Jewel, Sarah, Fiona?
l'm in a sensitive mood, aren't you?
234
00:18:16,674 --> 00:18:19,215
Cut the crap. l'm already in the car.
235
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:22,713
All right, let's burn this baby.
New York, yeah!
236
00:18:57,991 --> 00:18:59,407
See you, lovebirds.
237
00:19:15,858 --> 00:19:18,607
Hey, it's Allie. You got the machine.
238
00:19:18,732 --> 00:19:21,106
Allie, it's me. Listen, I am so...
239
00:19:29,644 --> 00:19:32,102
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
240
00:19:33,559 --> 00:19:35,600
This totally sucks.
241
00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:39,015
You got a mean disposition
for a Santa.
242
00:19:39,557 --> 00:19:41,473
l need to make another phone call.
243
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,389
Long distance?
244
00:19:43,514 --> 00:19:47,429
What from here is not long distance?
245
00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:02,422
lt's Jake.
-Where are you?
246
00:20:02,547 --> 00:20:05,255
l'm in the middle of nowhere,
dressed like Santa,
247
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:06,962
being attacked by tumbleweed.
248
00:20:07,087 --> 00:20:09,211
Cool.
-Get me Dad.
249
00:20:09,336 --> 00:20:12,502
When did I become your slave?
-The day you were born.
250
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:14,792
Right.
251
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,665
lt's the prodigal son.
252
00:20:22,248 --> 00:20:24,164
Hello, Father.
253
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,996
Jake, you sound funny.
Are you at the airport?
254
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:32,493
l've had some setbacks but if you
wire me money, l'll make it home.
255
00:20:32,618 --> 00:20:34,701
Just what kind of a bind are you in?
256
00:20:34,826 --> 00:20:37,200
He's in the middle of nowhere
dressed as Santa
257
00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:39,032
being attacked by a bumblebee.
258
00:20:39,157 --> 00:20:40,657
Tumbleweed!
259
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,406
Otherwise, like she said.
260
00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:46,738
That is the worst alibi
in a long line of bad alibis.
261
00:20:46,863 --> 00:20:49,570
But it's all true.
-That's what you always say.
262
00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:53,110
l know, but I really need your help
to make it home on time.
263
00:20:53,235 --> 00:20:54,693
Look, we had a deal.
264
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:57,233
lt is up to you to get home
on Christmas Eve
265
00:20:57,358 --> 00:20:59,149
or forget about the Porsche.
266
00:21:04,147 --> 00:21:07,729
Excuse me.
l couldn't help overhearing.
267
00:21:07,854 --> 00:21:09,936
You're trying to get home
for Christmas
268
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,727
and your father won't help you?
269
00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:14,643
lt's not that, it's just...
270
00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:22,270
He's so worried about the operation.
271
00:21:22,395 --> 00:21:25,936
He's not thinking clearly.
-Operation?
272
00:21:26,061 --> 00:21:27,643
Yeah.
273
00:21:27,768 --> 00:21:32,141
The whole family chipped in and got
him a triple bypass for Christmas.
274
00:21:32,266 --> 00:21:36,140
l sent home every last dollar l
earned as a shopping mall Santa.
275
00:21:37,556 --> 00:21:39,847
The operation's on Christmas Eve.
276
00:21:39,972 --> 00:21:43,512
Now I won't be home until after
the anaesthesia wears off.
277
00:21:45,136 --> 00:21:46,511
Oh, dear.
278
00:21:47,718 --> 00:21:53,008
You know, me and the girls are
driving to Vegas to see Tom Jones.
279
00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:55,382
We're Tom Tom Girls.
280
00:21:55,507 --> 00:21:57,131
You want to ride with us?
281
00:21:58,047 --> 00:21:59,838
Do you have What's New, Pussycat?
282
00:21:59,963 --> 00:22:03,420
Do we have
What's New, Pussycat?
283
00:22:03,545 --> 00:22:05,586
� What's New, Pussycat?
284
00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:16,415
Can we crack open a window?
285
00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:17,914
Do you think it's funny
286
00:22:18,039 --> 00:22:20,746
how easily old people
can catch pneumonia?
287
00:22:20,871 --> 00:22:22,454
Do you think that's a joke?
288
00:22:23,162 --> 00:22:27,285
No, it's just I had a hard night
and l'm not feeling so well.
289
00:22:28,702 --> 00:22:31,076
Get out of there.
290
00:22:32,533 --> 00:22:35,740
Mama's teeth have fallen
out of her mouth again.
291
00:22:35,865 --> 00:22:38,156
Just wedge them back in, dear.
292
00:22:38,281 --> 00:22:41,613
OK, Santa Claus.
Make yourself useful.
293
00:22:41,738 --> 00:22:43,737
Put those right back in her mouth.
294
00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:46,861
Gherkins, anyone?
295
00:22:47,819 --> 00:22:49,401
For Pete's sake!
296
00:22:51,151 --> 00:22:54,274
Oh, well, that's lovely.
-What happened?
297
00:22:54,399 --> 00:22:57,107
Santa just yammied in your handbag.
298
00:22:58,314 --> 00:23:00,980
There he goes again.
-Stop him.
299
00:23:03,729 --> 00:23:04,770
Get up.
300
00:23:08,144 --> 00:23:10,934
Did I hurt you, Santa? Good.
301
00:23:11,684 --> 00:23:14,433
All right, buster. Out you get.
302
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,848
Get out of here.
303
00:23:20,847 --> 00:23:22,763
And take your beard with you.
304
00:23:22,888 --> 00:23:25,470
l never heard of such a thing.
lmagine.
305
00:23:25,595 --> 00:23:27,927
Yammying in my sister's handbag.
306
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:38,631
There you go, that's five.
307
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:42,296
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
308
00:23:45,337 --> 00:23:48,627
Oh, I love this game.
Which word is not like the others?
309
00:23:48,752 --> 00:23:51,209
Santa?
-No, idiot.
310
00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:53,750
lt's a message Jake left
on my machine.
311
00:23:56,082 --> 00:23:58,123
Bizarre, huh?
312
00:24:27,111 --> 00:24:28,527
Oh, my God.
313
00:24:31,443 --> 00:24:33,275
What's wrong with you?
314
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,191
We gotta go.
We're way behind schedule.
315
00:24:36,816 --> 00:24:38,273
Wait!
316
00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:38,748
This is the worst day of my life.
317
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,955
And it just got worse.
318
00:26:32,726 --> 00:26:34,767
Ho-ho-ho, tubby.
319
00:26:34,892 --> 00:26:37,058
Secret fat-man handshake. All right.
320
00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:41,848
Confidentially speaking,
between us Santas,
321
00:26:41,973 --> 00:26:43,763
don't you get tired of this suit?
322
00:26:43,888 --> 00:26:46,846
Every year, it's the same suit.
Red, red, red.
323
00:26:47,887 --> 00:26:49,928
Does any guy really look good in red?
324
00:26:50,053 --> 00:26:52,093
l don't think so.
325
00:26:53,260 --> 00:26:54,967
Got room in the sledge for two?
326
00:26:56,008 --> 00:26:57,425
Thanks.
327
00:26:57,549 --> 00:26:59,882
l really appreciate it. You're a pal.
328
00:27:33,618 --> 00:27:37,117
You're not so cute in the morning.
l'm glad nothing happened.
329
00:27:38,658 --> 00:27:41,740
You just slugged me.
-As per our agreement.
330
00:27:46,779 --> 00:27:49,611
Wake up, chief, time to feed
the reindeer.
331
00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:55,692
All right, l'm going.
332
00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:31,959
Merry Christmas to you too.
333
00:29:27,728 --> 00:29:29,768
l went and killed Santa.
334
00:29:48,802 --> 00:29:50,427
Thank God.
335
00:29:53,009 --> 00:29:55,050
Hang on, Santa, l'm coming.
336
00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,214
Hold on.
337
00:30:05,004 --> 00:30:07,128
Am I alive?
338
00:30:07,253 --> 00:30:10,043
l have never been happier
to answer that question.
339
00:30:10,168 --> 00:30:12,751
Yes, you are alive.
340
00:30:12,876 --> 00:30:17,999
You've been asked that before?
-Maybe ten, 12 times.
341
00:30:35,575 --> 00:30:38,823
Allie, can I ask you something?
-Shoot.
342
00:30:38,948 --> 00:30:41,614
Look, l'm a millennial type of guy.
343
00:30:41,739 --> 00:30:44,446
l dig world music,
l think freons should be banned,
344
00:30:44,571 --> 00:30:46,862
l'm all about yoga
and macrobiotic food.
345
00:30:46,987 --> 00:30:49,194
l'm in touch with my inner child.
346
00:30:49,319 --> 00:30:51,943
Is the question coming before Ohio?
347
00:30:52,526 --> 00:30:54,650
What l'm getting at is...
348
00:30:54,775 --> 00:30:57,066
what does Jake have
that I haven't got?
349
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:01,689
lt's the stuff he comes up with.
350
00:31:01,814 --> 00:31:03,563
Funny things.
351
00:31:03,688 --> 00:31:07,312
Amazing things.
Things that just give me the chills.
352
00:31:08,311 --> 00:31:10,560
Give me an example
of one of these chills.
353
00:31:13,726 --> 00:31:16,516
There was this one time
l was feeling really bad.
354
00:31:16,641 --> 00:31:19,598
lt was really just a down day.
355
00:31:19,723 --> 00:31:23,388
Jake took my hand in his
and being really sweet he said...
356
00:31:24,138 --> 00:31:26,887
Not even the rain
has such small hands.
357
00:31:27,845 --> 00:31:30,136
Not even the rain
has such small hands?
358
00:31:31,593 --> 00:31:32,926
What a nerd.
359
00:31:33,301 --> 00:31:35,050
lt's E.E. Cummings.
360
00:31:36,216 --> 00:31:37,716
Poetry, Eddie.
361
00:31:38,924 --> 00:31:40,590
That gave you chills?
362
00:31:41,673 --> 00:31:43,339
You wouldn't understand.
363
00:31:47,212 --> 00:31:48,920
What?
364
00:31:49,877 --> 00:31:51,835
Not even the corn has such big ears.
365
00:31:53,876 --> 00:31:55,958
That's beautiful. l'm really moved.
366
00:31:56,083 --> 00:31:59,290
Cos if it's poetry you want,
l got it, baby.
367
00:31:59,415 --> 00:32:01,373
There once was a man from
Nantucket...
368
00:32:01,498 --> 00:32:02,955
Just drive the car, Eddie.
369
00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:12,701
Man, oh, man.
l was sure you were a goner.
370
00:32:12,826 --> 00:32:16,825
Nolan, it's been two hours. I can't
have this conversation any more.
371
00:32:16,950 --> 00:32:18,366
What conversation?
372
00:32:18,491 --> 00:32:20,865
The one where you go you were sure
l was a goner
373
00:32:20,990 --> 00:32:22,656
and I go, that was a close one.
374
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,860
A Pathfinder. Catch up with them.
-Who's them?
375
00:32:31,985 --> 00:32:34,776
My girlfriend.
-No kidding. All the way out here?
376
00:32:36,817 --> 00:32:40,107
Wait a minute. Are you saying
that's Mrs Claus in that car?
377
00:32:40,232 --> 00:32:41,565
With another guy?
378
00:32:41,690 --> 00:32:43,605
Mrs Claus stepping out on Santa?
379
00:32:43,730 --> 00:32:46,021
Letting some other guy
down the chimney?
380
00:32:46,646 --> 00:32:48,520
Why, that two-timing ho!
381
00:32:49,186 --> 00:32:50,852
Nolan, reality check.
382
00:32:51,644 --> 00:32:53,643
Say no more, Santa. l'm after them.
383
00:33:02,931 --> 00:33:05,513
Nolan, I said catch them,
try not to kill us.
384
00:33:09,137 --> 00:33:11,677
There's a cop behind us. Slow down.
385
00:33:13,968 --> 00:33:16,467
Cops make me nervous.
l'm gonna make a run for it.
386
00:33:16,592 --> 00:33:17,841
Are you nuts?
387
00:33:17,966 --> 00:33:21,048
Daddy always said, it's better
to go out in a blaze of glory
388
00:33:21,173 --> 00:33:23,631
than to rot
in a state correctional facility.
389
00:33:26,005 --> 00:33:29,087
You're about to tell me
the stuff in the back is stolen?
390
00:33:31,128 --> 00:33:32,794
l won't if you don't want me to.
391
00:33:33,752 --> 00:33:35,667
Stop the car, Nolan.
392
00:33:43,706 --> 00:33:45,872
All right, come on, Jake. Think.
393
00:33:46,788 --> 00:33:49,120
l know. Put this on. Act like my elf.
394
00:33:51,702 --> 00:33:53,743
How do elves act?
-I don't know.
395
00:33:53,868 --> 00:33:56,242
Happy.
-Happy?
396
00:34:06,946 --> 00:34:09,570
Merry Christmas, officer. Problem?
397
00:34:10,278 --> 00:34:12,527
ln a bit of a hurry, aren't you?
398
00:34:12,652 --> 00:34:15,026
That's my fault.
Busy time of year for me.
399
00:34:16,776 --> 00:34:19,441
l'm an elf.
-So it seems.
400
00:34:19,566 --> 00:34:23,648
Do you realise
you were going 9 in a 65 mph zone?
401
00:34:23,773 --> 00:34:25,855
You should try catching me
in my sleigh.
402
00:34:28,771 --> 00:34:30,936
You see, officer,
my elf Snow Puff and l
403
00:34:31,061 --> 00:34:33,977
are heading to the children's
hospital in the next town.
404
00:34:34,102 --> 00:34:36,684
You mean Redcliff?
-Exactly.
405
00:34:36,809 --> 00:34:39,724
To distribute toys to the youngsters.
406
00:34:39,849 --> 00:34:41,682
Sorry if in my haste I sped up a bit,
407
00:34:41,807 --> 00:34:44,597
but every second counts
to a bedridden child.
408
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,554
All right, l'll tell you what.
409
00:34:48,679 --> 00:34:51,095
No more speeding, OK, Santa?
410
00:34:51,220 --> 00:34:52,886
65 stay alive.
411
00:34:54,010 --> 00:34:56,343
Merry Christmas.
-Thank you, officer.
412
00:34:57,675 --> 00:35:00,216
And that is how the big boys do it.
413
00:35:00,757 --> 00:35:02,340
You know what?
414
00:35:02,465 --> 00:35:04,506
My shift ends in a few minutes.
415
00:35:04,631 --> 00:35:07,047
Follow me.
l'll get you there in no time.
416
00:35:09,545 --> 00:35:11,211
That's how the big boys do it?
417
00:35:12,253 --> 00:35:14,294
Shut up, Nolan.
418
00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:26,039
So close yet so far.
419
00:35:33,619 --> 00:35:35,660
Please stay in the car.
420
00:35:38,492 --> 00:35:40,533
l guess he couldn't hear you.
421
00:35:46,197 --> 00:35:47,738
Thank you, officer.
422
00:35:47,863 --> 00:35:49,862
Do y'all mind if I go in there
with you?
423
00:35:49,987 --> 00:35:53,236
l'd like to see the kids' faces
when you give them their gifts.
424
00:35:54,319 --> 00:35:55,943
The more, the merrier.
425
00:35:58,192 --> 00:36:01,649
l want a pony
and a Barbie dreamhouse...
426
00:36:01,774 --> 00:36:05,273
That's all great stuff but Santa
will give you something better.
427
00:36:06,814 --> 00:36:08,646
A KitchenAid Classic Plus toaster
428
00:36:08,771 --> 00:36:10,604
with exclusive AcuToast sensor
429
00:36:10,729 --> 00:36:12,978
for consistent toasting
time after time.
430
00:36:13,686 --> 00:36:15,477
Sweetie, this toaster is extra wide
431
00:36:15,602 --> 00:36:18,600
so you can get four bagels in there
instead of the usual two.
432
00:36:19,475 --> 00:36:21,349
Thank you, Santa.
-You're welcome.
433
00:36:21,474 --> 00:36:25,389
Santa, this toaster was already
promised to a cowpoke named Nolan.
434
00:36:29,513 --> 00:36:31,470
Hand it over to the kid, Snow Puff.
435
00:36:35,885 --> 00:36:38,801
All right, let's get this line
moving. Who's next?
436
00:36:38,925 --> 00:36:41,633
All-righty,
and what do you want for Christmas?
437
00:36:43,174 --> 00:36:48,505
And finally... Ho-ho-ho.
Merry Christmas.
438
00:36:48,630 --> 00:36:51,420
What's your name, little boy?
-Esteban.
439
00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:56,668
All right, let's see what we have
here today for Esteban.
440
00:36:58,459 --> 00:37:00,125
Look at this.
441
00:37:00,250 --> 00:37:03,207
A Eureka Boss cordless
rechargeable vacuum cleaner.
442
00:37:03,332 --> 00:37:05,206
No, thank you.
443
00:37:07,039 --> 00:37:08,497
Well...
444
00:37:08,622 --> 00:37:11,204
l don't know what else
l have here for you, buddy.
445
00:37:11,329 --> 00:37:13,245
What do you want for Christmas?
446
00:37:13,370 --> 00:37:14,744
To go home.
447
00:37:18,826 --> 00:37:22,033
l want to be with mi mama,
mi papa...
448
00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:34,153
Grandmothers and grandfathers,
449
00:37:34,278 --> 00:37:38,609
and my dog,
and have a Christmas tree,
450
00:37:38,734 --> 00:37:42,316
and lights, and angels,
and Christmas cookies.
451
00:37:42,441 --> 00:37:45,523
With little red and green sprinkles
on top,
452
00:37:45,648 --> 00:37:48,772
and plum pudding,
and Christmas carols...
453
00:37:48,897 --> 00:37:51,396
Aw, sugar doll, I miss you so much.
454
00:37:51,521 --> 00:37:53,895
l don't want to fence stolen goods
no more.
455
00:37:54,020 --> 00:37:55,852
l'd like you to come home.
456
00:37:55,977 --> 00:37:58,684
Please,
you know I didn't mean to hurt you.
457
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:00,850
How will I get through the holidays?
458
00:38:00,975 --> 00:38:03,766
l just needed to talk to my dad
or Tracey.
459
00:38:03,891 --> 00:38:05,432
Are either of them there?
460
00:38:06,681 --> 00:38:09,513
Gee, your dad and Tracey
went to the mall.
461
00:38:09,638 --> 00:38:11,679
lt's just me, holding down the fort.
462
00:38:13,095 --> 00:38:15,677
We are all so excited
you're coming home.
463
00:38:15,802 --> 00:38:18,968
We've got the tree all set up.
lt looks great.
464
00:38:19,093 --> 00:38:22,508
I've just been shopping and cooking,
cooking and shopping.
465
00:38:23,049 --> 00:38:29,047
Speaking of which, your sweater size,
you're a 38, right?
466
00:38:29,505 --> 00:38:31,088
Yeah, I guess.
467
00:38:31,921 --> 00:38:34,128
Where are you now?
Are you on your way home?
468
00:38:34,253 --> 00:38:35,919
Yeah, look, I gotta run.
469
00:38:36,377 --> 00:38:38,918
So you take care, now. OK?
470
00:38:39,043 --> 00:38:41,250
OK.
-Bye.
471
00:38:41,375 --> 00:38:42,375
Bye.
472
00:38:54,870 --> 00:38:58,951
l gotta tell you, although l've only
been your elf for a short time,
473
00:38:59,076 --> 00:39:01,117
l feel like a new man, changed.
474
00:39:02,033 --> 00:39:03,699
Do I look changed to you?
475
00:39:06,698 --> 00:39:08,822
Maybe on the inside, where it counts.
476
00:39:08,947 --> 00:39:11,529
That's it. l've changed
on the inside.
477
00:39:12,362 --> 00:39:15,361
l'm going home for Christmas.
-Home?
478
00:39:15,486 --> 00:39:18,568
I thought you were going east.
-Back the other way.
479
00:39:18,693 --> 00:39:20,859
Nolan, I saved your butt back there.
480
00:39:20,984 --> 00:39:22,858
Don't you owe me something?
481
00:39:24,024 --> 00:39:26,232
Yes, I do.
482
00:39:27,814 --> 00:39:29,689
Didn't mean to leave you hanging.
483
00:39:31,563 --> 00:39:33,604
Merry Christmas.
484
00:39:36,019 --> 00:39:37,852
What?
-Can I have a word with you?
485
00:39:37,977 --> 00:39:40,851
What is it?
- lt's my wife, Marjorie.
486
00:39:40,976 --> 00:39:42,725
She left me last month.
487
00:39:42,850 --> 00:39:46,473
lf I got her back home for Christmas,
l know we could start again.
488
00:39:46,598 --> 00:39:49,597
Why are you telling me this?
-She won't listen to me.
489
00:39:49,722 --> 00:39:52,013
l got a hunch
she might listen to Santa.
490
00:39:52,138 --> 00:39:54,012
lf you walked into her restaurant
491
00:39:54,137 --> 00:39:56,678
and asked her to forgive me,
she'd come home.
492
00:39:56,803 --> 00:40:00,509
She left you, right?
So where's your dignity?
493
00:40:00,634 --> 00:40:04,091
Don't go crawling back to her.
Let her come grovelling back.
494
00:40:04,216 --> 00:40:08,131
Maybe you're right. Why drive to
Nebraska just to get slammed again?
495
00:40:09,256 --> 00:40:11,671
Wait, Nebraska? As in east of here?
496
00:40:11,796 --> 00:40:13,587
lt's about a six-hour trip.
497
00:40:13,712 --> 00:40:15,420
What's the matter with you?
498
00:40:15,545 --> 00:40:18,335
You married her
but you won't take a little drive?
499
00:40:19,876 --> 00:40:22,500
Max, what did you do
that made your wife so mad
500
00:40:22,625 --> 00:40:24,874
that she'd take a job 300 miles away?
501
00:40:25,416 --> 00:40:27,790
l stayed at Smitty's
till 3:00 one morning.
502
00:40:27,915 --> 00:40:29,664
That doesn't seem so bad.
503
00:40:29,789 --> 00:40:31,830
With an old girlfriend.
504
00:40:32,996 --> 00:40:34,412
Here's the deal.
505
00:40:34,537 --> 00:40:38,369
lf I get Marjorie to come home,
you buy me a bus ticket to New York.
506
00:40:38,494 --> 00:40:41,159
lf you can get Marjorie
to come home for Christmas,
507
00:40:41,284 --> 00:40:43,325
l'll buy you a bus ticket
to the moon.
508
00:40:44,116 --> 00:40:45,116
All right.
509
00:40:50,006 --> 00:40:51,547
Looking good.
510
00:40:51,672 --> 00:40:54,712
l got kind of a weird call
from Jake while you were out.
511
00:40:54,837 --> 00:40:57,003
He didn't say where
he was calling from.
512
00:40:57,128 --> 00:40:59,169
l'm pretty sure he's on the road.
513
00:40:59,294 --> 00:41:00,877
l hope he's gonna make it.
514
00:41:01,002 --> 00:41:03,084
There is not an obstacle
in this world
515
00:41:03,209 --> 00:41:05,125
that will keep my son from this car.
516
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,665
My God, there's a scratch.
517
00:41:07,790 --> 00:41:08,790
Where?
518
00:41:08,915 --> 00:41:10,706
Get a life, Dad.
519
00:41:14,788 --> 00:41:16,329
See you.
520
00:41:22,993 --> 00:41:25,033
She's ready for you, son.
521
00:41:26,283 --> 00:41:28,407
Wherever you are.
522
00:41:35,987 --> 00:41:37,986
There she is, right there.
523
00:41:38,111 --> 00:41:41,193
Isn't she the most beautiful thing
you've ever seen?
524
00:41:41,318 --> 00:41:44,067
Yeah, no doubt.
What do you want me to tell her?
525
00:41:44,192 --> 00:41:46,733
That if she doesn't come home,
526
00:41:46,858 --> 00:41:48,274
l'll die.
527
00:41:48,399 --> 00:41:49,690
Good. Die.
528
00:41:49,815 --> 00:41:52,647
Now, don't you think
you're being a little bit harsh?
529
00:41:52,772 --> 00:41:56,146
Harsh? He kissed that tramp
in front of everybody at Smitty's.
530
00:41:58,020 --> 00:42:01,019
l'm sure it was a friendly kiss.
Brother-sister.
531
00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:03,393
There was tongue.
-There was not.
532
00:42:04,892 --> 00:42:06,558
There was too, you big pig.
533
00:42:06,683 --> 00:42:08,724
Everybody saw it.
534
00:42:08,849 --> 00:42:10,515
It wasn't me kissing her.
535
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,181
It was the J�germeister.
536
00:42:12,805 --> 00:42:14,596
We made a commitment, Max,
537
00:42:14,721 --> 00:42:17,095
to honour and obey
for better or for worse.
538
00:42:17,220 --> 00:42:19,261
OK, this is worse.
539
00:42:20,219 --> 00:42:22,260
He really burns my biscuits.
540
00:42:22,385 --> 00:42:24,217
Let me handle this one.
541
00:42:25,883 --> 00:42:28,507
Don't you think you should give Max
another chance?
542
00:42:28,632 --> 00:42:30,465
Maybe this is a misunderstanding.
543
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:33,047
He kissed her.
How do you misunderstand that?
544
00:42:33,172 --> 00:42:35,921
l'm sure
he didn't mean to hurt you.
545
00:42:36,046 --> 00:42:39,544
This other couple I know
were upset about a misunderstanding.
546
00:42:39,669 --> 00:42:42,668
What's wrong with them?
-They had a trip back east.
547
00:42:42,793 --> 00:42:46,958
He cancelled last minute. He wanted
to take her to Cabo San Lucas.
548
00:42:47,083 --> 00:42:50,290
She thought he was being selfish,
which was a misunderstanding.
549
00:42:50,415 --> 00:42:51,831
No, he sounds like a jerk.
550
00:42:51,956 --> 00:42:54,622
No, he's not.
lf she had understood,
551
00:42:54,747 --> 00:42:58,037
she would have realised he has
a stepmother he doesn't like.
552
00:42:58,162 --> 00:42:59,536
What's wrong with her?
553
00:42:59,661 --> 00:43:02,535
The dad married her
ten months after his wife died.
554
00:43:02,660 --> 00:43:04,701
She must be a babe.
555
00:43:04,826 --> 00:43:07,533
Why is he mad at the stepmother?
lt's not her fault.
556
00:43:07,658 --> 00:43:09,532
Isn't ten months a little soon?
557
00:43:09,657 --> 00:43:11,531
Not if she's a babe.
558
00:43:13,364 --> 00:43:15,571
What does this have to do
with me and Max?
559
00:43:16,029 --> 00:43:19,278
Misunderstandings can be overcome
if both people just try.
560
00:43:21,735 --> 00:43:24,068
Right now, Max has a broken heart.
561
00:43:24,193 --> 00:43:26,525
All he's asking for
is a second chance.
562
00:43:27,233 --> 00:43:28,858
Just give him another shot.
563
00:43:32,689 --> 00:43:34,522
How's about a top-up on this coffee?
564
00:43:36,063 --> 00:43:38,104
You know what, l've got a job to do.
565
00:43:44,684 --> 00:43:47,392
How did it go?
-You know what a swirly is?
566
00:43:47,517 --> 00:43:50,724
You mean when somebody jabs your head
in a toilet bowl?
567
00:43:50,848 --> 00:43:53,139
lt was pretty much like that.
568
00:43:53,264 --> 00:43:55,597
Get in there
and say something romantic.
569
00:43:56,846 --> 00:43:58,179
Something apologetic.
570
00:44:00,053 --> 00:44:01,469
Something in English.
571
00:44:03,052 --> 00:44:04,759
All right, already.
572
00:44:16,505 --> 00:44:18,545
l got an idea.
573
00:44:29,499 --> 00:44:33,664
� Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie
574
00:44:34,331 --> 00:44:39,828
� I need to have you home
575
00:44:41,536 --> 00:44:46,826
� Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie
576
00:44:46,950 --> 00:44:52,615
� I need to have you home
577
00:44:53,781 --> 00:45:00,986
� l'm sorry I was just
an insensitive jerk that night
578
00:45:01,528 --> 00:45:09,483
� I hope that singing this song
will make everything all right
579
00:45:09,608 --> 00:45:11,899
You're not the only one.
580
00:45:12,023 --> 00:45:19,062
� Oh, Marjorie, oh, baby
581
00:45:19,187 --> 00:45:22,811
� Oh, baby, oh, baby
582
00:45:23,602 --> 00:45:33,598
� l'll make it up to you on the
velvet skirt of the Christmas tree
583
00:45:36,180 --> 00:45:44,593
� See you're my wife
l'd give my life
584
00:45:46,134 --> 00:45:57,546
� lf you'd just come home
585
00:45:57,671 --> 00:45:59,712
Now on your knees.
586
00:45:59,837 --> 00:46:01,711
� Now on your knees...
587
00:46:01,836 --> 00:46:03,627
Do it, don't sing it!
588
00:46:09,958 --> 00:46:12,998
l'm so sorry, baby.
Won't you please...
589
00:46:29,450 --> 00:46:32,657
Here's your ticket.
Your bus will be here in ten minutes.
590
00:46:40,779 --> 00:46:42,403
Well, see you.
591
00:46:43,153 --> 00:46:45,069
Hey, Santa.
-Yeah?
592
00:46:45,194 --> 00:46:47,651
l hope that other couple you know
593
00:46:47,776 --> 00:46:50,108
works through their
misunderstandings.
594
00:46:51,399 --> 00:46:52,857
Me too.
595
00:46:55,939 --> 00:46:57,980
What other couple?
596
00:46:58,105 --> 00:47:01,603
lt doesn't matter.
lt's just you and me, baby.
597
00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:11,100
You know what l've always wondered?
598
00:47:11,225 --> 00:47:12,807
What?
599
00:47:12,932 --> 00:47:15,140
Out of all the planets
in the universe,
600
00:47:15,265 --> 00:47:18,888
how is it that this is the only one
that spawned intelligent life?
601
00:47:20,262 --> 00:47:22,053
Yeah.
602
00:47:22,178 --> 00:47:24,094
You know what I always wonder about?
603
00:47:24,219 --> 00:47:25,260
What?
604
00:47:25,385 --> 00:47:28,634
How come more breakfast joints
don't serve you food in the skillet.
605
00:47:28,759 --> 00:47:30,467
Like Betty's.
606
00:47:30,592 --> 00:47:33,382
They give you your meat,
eggs, spuds in the pan.
607
00:47:33,507 --> 00:47:34,673
That rocks.
608
00:47:34,798 --> 00:47:37,380
Like when a homeless guy
says he's the messiah.
609
00:47:37,505 --> 00:47:40,004
Then he asks for money
and you want to walk away.
610
00:47:40,129 --> 00:47:43,128
Then you think to yourself,
what if he is the messiah
611
00:47:43,961 --> 00:47:46,252
and l'm just blowing the dude off?
612
00:47:47,210 --> 00:47:48,459
Think about it.
613
00:47:49,917 --> 00:47:53,041
l take back what I said
about intelligent life on earth.
614
00:47:56,206 --> 00:47:57,664
Hey, look at that.
615
00:47:59,788 --> 00:48:01,995
Velveeta! Come on, now.
616
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,411
That's why we have to stay there.
617
00:48:04,536 --> 00:48:07,785
Come on, where would you rather go?
Another dumpy motel
618
00:48:07,910 --> 00:48:10,700
or a fake Bavarian village
in the middle of nowhere?
619
00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:13,241
l don't think it's Eddie.
620
00:48:14,074 --> 00:48:15,531
l think it's totally Eddie.
621
00:48:15,656 --> 00:48:18,239
lt's completely cheesy
and trying to be cool.
622
00:48:19,571 --> 00:48:21,904
When will you stop
being mean to the Ed Man?
623
00:48:22,362 --> 00:48:25,277
When you stop referring to yourself
in the third person.
624
00:48:39,147 --> 00:48:41,188
Maybe I should just go with it.
625
00:48:53,308 --> 00:48:55,473
Check this out.
Tell me what's better.
626
00:48:56,223 --> 00:48:58,139
Merry Christmas.
627
00:49:06,511 --> 00:49:09,426
Well, the first one's good
for really little kids,
628
00:49:09,551 --> 00:49:11,467
like my sister, who's three.
629
00:49:12,217 --> 00:49:15,507
The second one's good for big kids
like my friends and me.
630
00:49:15,632 --> 00:49:18,381
The third one's good
if you want to scare people
631
00:49:18,506 --> 00:49:20,546
and watch them run away screaming.
632
00:49:21,838 --> 00:49:24,628
OK, cool, thanks.
-Whatever.
633
00:49:27,877 --> 00:49:29,918
...New York, New York due in...
634
00:49:53,866 --> 00:49:55,116
Look at that.
635
00:49:55,241 --> 00:49:57,948
The clock man
is sexually harassing the clock lady.
636
00:49:58,073 --> 00:49:59,614
How typical.
637
00:49:59,739 --> 00:50:02,154
Don't witness it.
You might have to testify.
638
00:50:04,029 --> 00:50:06,361
Wow, Eddie, that was actually clever.
639
00:50:06,944 --> 00:50:08,568
l'm a witty guy.
640
00:50:08,693 --> 00:50:13,191
You think this astonishing physique
is all the Ed Man has to offer?
641
00:50:13,316 --> 00:50:15,649
Well, take this, Ed Man.
642
00:50:17,065 --> 00:50:20,189
Oh, my God, you're so dead.
You're gonna get it so bad.
643
00:50:25,270 --> 00:50:28,060
Wendy Richards
reporting from Edelbr�ck, Iowa,
644
00:50:28,185 --> 00:50:30,768
site of the world-famous human clock.
645
00:50:31,559 --> 00:50:34,349
The temperature outside
stands at 31 degrees
646
00:50:34,474 --> 00:50:38,514
but the temperature is always warmer
underneath the mistletoe arch.
647
00:50:38,639 --> 00:50:42,055
Here's a couple now.
You kids know where you're standing?
648
00:50:48,385 --> 00:50:50,385
l'll kill him.
-Your attention, please.
649
00:50:50,509 --> 00:50:53,592
The bus to New York is now boarding.
All passengers...
650
00:51:00,006 --> 00:51:02,296
l think you just stopped being mean
to me.
651
00:51:17,575 --> 00:51:20,366
Excuse me. Conway?
-Get behind the yellow line.
652
00:51:20,491 --> 00:51:23,615
Just a second. I need a favour.
-Behind the yellow line!
653
00:51:23,739 --> 00:51:26,572
l realise you're on a schedule,
it being the holidays.
654
00:51:26,697 --> 00:51:28,654
Would you take a detour to Edelbr�ck?
655
00:51:28,779 --> 00:51:30,945
l think everyone would enjoy it.
656
00:51:31,070 --> 00:51:32,861
But I wouldn't.
657
00:51:32,986 --> 00:51:35,027
What if we...?
-No.
658
00:51:35,776 --> 00:51:37,484
No, got it.
659
00:51:42,398 --> 00:51:45,522
That is very good. Look at that.
660
00:52:03,015 --> 00:52:07,263
Sorry we only had one room left
tonight, it being Christmas.
661
00:52:07,388 --> 00:52:09,637
You'll find that it's very special.
662
00:52:12,553 --> 00:52:15,052
Wilkommen to your honeymoon suite.
663
00:52:36,418 --> 00:52:38,209
Is this yours?
664
00:52:39,042 --> 00:52:41,041
No. Not yours either?
665
00:52:41,999 --> 00:52:44,040
Then whose is it?
666
00:52:45,164 --> 00:52:46,705
Human liver?
667
00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:51,953
Organ donation?
My God, we've got a live liver here.
668
00:52:52,078 --> 00:52:54,827
Deliver to Allie Henderson in
Edelbr�ck ASAP.
669
00:52:54,952 --> 00:52:56,701
Think it's real?
-Take a look.
670
00:52:58,784 --> 00:53:01,241
We need to get to Edelbr�ck.
671
00:53:01,366 --> 00:53:03,115
OK, everybody sit down.
672
00:53:04,615 --> 00:53:06,364
What is wrong with you?
673
00:53:06,489 --> 00:53:09,030
Behind the yellow line.
-Don't give me your lip.
674
00:53:09,155 --> 00:53:13,986
l don't believe you. A girl in
Edelbr�ck needs a liver transplant.
675
00:53:14,111 --> 00:53:15,569
We got a schedule to keep.
676
00:53:15,694 --> 00:53:17,693
Schedule schmedule.
-Shame on you.
677
00:53:17,818 --> 00:53:20,025
This isn't about schedules, man.
678
00:53:20,150 --> 00:53:23,399
lt's the gift of life,
the greatest Christmas gift ever.
679
00:53:23,524 --> 00:53:25,898
We even have Santa
to bring it to her.
680
00:53:26,023 --> 00:53:27,855
This is a non-stop bus to New York.
681
00:53:27,980 --> 00:53:29,563
This is happening for a reason.
682
00:53:29,688 --> 00:53:32,978
We were put on this bus
to take this organ to Edelbr�ck.
683
00:53:38,976 --> 00:53:42,224
You think I don't care
about that little girl? You're wrong.
684
00:53:42,349 --> 00:53:45,140
We're going to Edelbr�ck
but because I say we are.
685
00:53:48,430 --> 00:53:51,346
Everybody, behind the yellow line
and sit down.
686
00:53:57,301 --> 00:53:59,009
lt's funny, Eddie.
687
00:53:59,134 --> 00:54:02,049
l never thought l'd end up
in the same bed with you.
688
00:54:02,174 --> 00:54:04,673
Yet, somehow with you here,
l feel safe.
689
00:54:06,339 --> 00:54:08,505
Want me to put on any more clothes?
690
00:54:08,630 --> 00:54:10,421
No, that should be fine.
691
00:54:23,291 --> 00:54:25,165
l'm giving you ten minutes.
692
00:54:25,290 --> 00:54:27,914
You find that girl, Santa!
693
00:54:28,039 --> 00:54:30,080
Go, Santa!
694
00:54:30,954 --> 00:54:32,620
Everybody, sit down.
695
00:54:47,822 --> 00:54:50,946
Can you tell me
if there is an Allie Henderson here?
696
00:54:51,071 --> 00:54:54,445
Sorry, Santa, l'm not allowed
to give out information on guests.
697
00:54:54,570 --> 00:54:57,110
Listen, I have a full plate
of activities tonight,
698
00:54:57,235 --> 00:54:59,486
not to mention a pesky grinch
who was kidnapped Mrs Claus,
699
00:54:59,674 --> 00:55:01,076
in attempt to make
my life miserable.
700
00:55:01,297 --> 00:55:03,566
l'm sorry, Santa, but that's policy.
701
00:55:04,024 --> 00:55:07,689
Policy? Policy does not apply to me.
l override policy.
702
00:55:07,814 --> 00:55:09,980
l want to know
where my girlfriend is.
703
00:55:57,086 --> 00:55:58,085
Maintenance.
704
00:56:02,375 --> 00:56:04,291
Where is he?
705
00:56:04,999 --> 00:56:07,040
What are you doing here?
706
00:56:07,165 --> 00:56:09,039
Why are you dressed like Santa Claus?
707
00:56:09,164 --> 00:56:10,663
l had to hijack a bus.
708
00:56:10,788 --> 00:56:13,787
Eddie and his buddies
left me in the desert like this.
709
00:56:14,453 --> 00:56:16,703
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
710
00:56:16,827 --> 00:56:19,493
What gives with you
kissing that slimy moron?
711
00:56:19,618 --> 00:56:22,575
lt's not what you think.
-What are you doing here?
712
00:56:22,700 --> 00:56:25,949
This lovenest is full.
-Calm down, nothing happened.
713
00:56:26,074 --> 00:56:27,948
Whoa, where's the trust, man?
714
00:56:28,073 --> 00:56:30,738
l saw you kissing her on TV,
you dirtbag.
715
00:56:30,863 --> 00:56:33,820
He got me under the mistletoe
for two seconds, big deal.
716
00:56:33,945 --> 00:56:35,986
lt was more like five seconds.
717
00:56:36,569 --> 00:56:38,319
And they were good.
718
00:56:40,443 --> 00:56:42,484
Foul. Fighting foul.
719
00:56:45,108 --> 00:56:47,398
How could you let that idiot
give you a ride?
720
00:56:47,523 --> 00:56:49,272
l thought you left me high and dry.
721
00:56:49,397 --> 00:56:52,063
What was I supposed to do?
Beam myself home.
722
00:56:52,188 --> 00:56:54,645
l was stuck in the desert.
l couldn't get to you.
723
00:56:54,770 --> 00:56:56,270
l had no choice.
724
00:56:58,894 --> 00:57:00,934
OK, I forgive you.
725
00:57:07,348 --> 00:57:09,389
So, are you still mad at me?
726
00:57:10,389 --> 00:57:13,013
Yo, if anyone should be mad here,
it should be me.
727
00:57:13,138 --> 00:57:16,303
l had to listen to Natalie Merchant
and Easy Cummings.
728
00:57:16,428 --> 00:57:17,553
EE Cummings.
729
00:57:17,677 --> 00:57:20,052
l've been stuck in a Santa suit
for two days
730
00:57:20,176 --> 00:57:23,592
fighting off buzzards, dentures
and thugs in lederhosen.
731
00:57:23,717 --> 00:57:25,508
l'm tired, l'm hungry, I stink.
732
00:57:25,633 --> 00:57:29,381
Because of you, l'm not going
to be home by 6:00 tonight.
733
00:57:29,506 --> 00:57:32,130
Why do you have to be home by 6:00?
734
00:57:32,255 --> 00:57:33,671
What's that?
735
00:57:34,254 --> 00:57:36,961
You heard.
Why do you have to be home by 6:00?
736
00:57:39,044 --> 00:57:41,418
Because that's when dinner
will be ready?
737
00:57:42,875 --> 00:57:45,541
lf you had even one decent chromosome
in your DNA,
738
00:57:45,666 --> 00:57:47,290
you will not lie to me.
739
00:57:47,832 --> 00:57:49,165
All right.
740
00:57:51,664 --> 00:57:54,038
lt's just that, if I get home by then
741
00:57:54,912 --> 00:57:56,786
my dad's gonna give me the Porsche.
742
00:58:00,202 --> 00:58:01,368
Wait.
743
00:58:01,493 --> 00:58:04,283
So you didn't trade Cabo for me,
you traded it for a car.
744
00:58:04,408 --> 00:58:06,949
lt's not like that.
-You deserve each other.
745
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:12,863
Allie, wait.
746
00:58:12,988 --> 00:58:15,029
Will you stop and listen to me?
747
00:58:15,154 --> 00:58:19,360
lf I had to do it all over again,
l probably wouldn't mention the car.
748
00:58:20,777 --> 00:58:22,109
What? I was kidding.
749
00:58:22,234 --> 00:58:24,067
You don't care about anybody.
750
00:58:24,192 --> 00:58:26,024
You're a manipulator and a liar.
751
00:58:26,149 --> 00:58:28,565
I am not a liar.
-Wait a minute.
752
00:58:28,690 --> 00:58:30,689
You're the transplant girl?
753
00:58:30,814 --> 00:58:32,688
Is that what Santa told you?
754
00:58:35,062 --> 00:58:36,104
Right.
755
00:58:36,229 --> 00:58:39,644
l'm taking his place on the bus.
-Give me another chance.
756
00:58:40,394 --> 00:58:43,351
Why?
-Because I care about you.
757
00:58:43,476 --> 00:58:44,808
You gotta believe me.
758
00:58:45,558 --> 00:58:48,140
lf you showed up
in a one-horse open sleigh,
759
00:58:48,265 --> 00:58:49,890
l wouldn't believe you.
760
00:58:50,015 --> 00:58:51,847
l'm sorry.
761
00:58:51,972 --> 00:58:53,638
l can't take fake remorse
762
00:58:53,763 --> 00:58:56,554
from a fake Santa
making fake apologies.
763
00:58:56,678 --> 00:58:58,511
You might be a fake boyfriend.
764
00:58:58,636 --> 00:59:00,885
l tell you,
you're a genuine butthole.
765
00:59:26,666 --> 00:59:28,291
� I got rolled
766
00:59:28,415 --> 00:59:31,206
� The one I love is gone
767
00:59:31,331 --> 00:59:32,955
� I got rolled...
768
00:59:34,580 --> 00:59:37,453
Man, l've seen guys get dumped
but that was nuclear.
769
00:59:37,578 --> 00:59:40,952
She wasn't even aiming at me
and l'll be walking funny for a week.
770
00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:42,826
How do girls do that?
771
00:59:42,951 --> 00:59:46,325
lts like that whole chick
verbal skills thing. It's deadly.
772
00:59:47,283 --> 00:59:49,324
Man, I gotta tell you, bro,
773
00:59:49,448 --> 00:59:51,698
l would never have thought
l'd help you out.
774
00:59:51,823 --> 00:59:54,738
After that massacre,
l just wouldn't be human.
775
00:59:54,863 --> 00:59:57,279
God, I never thought
l'd drive home with you.
776
00:59:57,404 --> 00:59:59,319
lt's pretty wild.
-Sure is.
777
00:59:59,444 --> 01:00:01,818
All right, I get back in time
to get the Porsche.
778
01:00:01,943 --> 01:00:03,318
l drive it back in January.
779
01:00:03,443 --> 01:00:06,858
Figure out how to get Allie back.
Everything will be great.
780
01:00:06,983 --> 01:00:09,107
Thanks, Ed Man.
781
01:00:09,649 --> 01:00:11,398
Sure.
782
01:00:16,604 --> 01:00:18,062
Get out.
-What?
783
01:00:19,061 --> 01:00:20,477
All that stuff.
784
01:00:20,602 --> 01:00:24,767
Sorry, man, I just can't do that much
good stuff for another person.
785
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:26,975
lt'd be bad for my rep.
786
01:00:27,100 --> 01:00:28,807
What are you talking about?
787
01:00:28,932 --> 01:00:32,264
What about that stuff you said
about being human?
788
01:00:32,389 --> 01:00:34,138
l just took you to Wisconsin.
789
01:00:34,888 --> 01:00:36,929
Besides, what am I doing
helping you out
790
01:00:37,054 --> 01:00:40,053
so you can get a Porsche
and be cooler than me?
791
01:00:40,178 --> 01:00:41,885
Not very smart.
792
01:00:42,010 --> 01:00:43,468
Not very Eddie.
793
01:00:49,007 --> 01:00:50,923
You're gonna have to take that off.
794
01:00:51,048 --> 01:00:53,089
Yeah, I know that.
795
01:01:04,334 --> 01:01:07,333
Father Christmas, just tell me
what you want from me.
796
01:01:21,150 --> 01:01:22,525
Better hurry.
797
01:01:50,513 --> 01:01:52,221
lt's called carbo-loading.
798
01:01:52,346 --> 01:01:54,845
Best thing you can do
before a race like this.
799
01:01:55,928 --> 01:01:57,302
Hi, l'd like a number, please.
800
01:01:57,427 --> 01:01:59,801
OK, that'll be a $10 entrance fee.
801
01:01:59,926 --> 01:02:01,634
You know, I mailed that in.
802
01:02:01,758 --> 01:02:04,008
Oh, OK, so we sent you a receipt.
803
01:02:05,049 --> 01:02:08,089
Yes, you did, but, you see,
here's the dilly.
804
01:02:08,214 --> 01:02:10,796
There was a house fire.
Everything got torched.
805
01:02:10,921 --> 01:02:13,504
Personal papers.
-Excuse me.
806
01:02:13,629 --> 01:02:16,211
The clay handprint ashtray
l made at three.
807
01:02:16,336 --> 01:02:19,709
Tragic tale. l'll cover the kid.
808
01:02:20,584 --> 01:02:22,458
Thanks. Jake Wilkinson.
809
01:02:22,583 --> 01:02:23,999
Jeff Wilson.
810
01:02:24,707 --> 01:02:26,082
Your hat and beard.
811
01:02:26,207 --> 01:02:29,289
You've got to have them on
when you cross the finish line.
812
01:02:29,705 --> 01:02:31,746
Here we go again.
813
01:02:34,870 --> 01:02:36,869
Can anyone in this race actually run?
814
01:02:37,286 --> 01:02:40,368
Sparky Fanoloni won the state
marathon ten years ago.
815
01:02:40,493 --> 01:02:43,783
That was before the two-pack-a-day
habit and the lung removal.
816
01:02:45,865 --> 01:02:48,114
This guy will give us a run
for his money.
817
01:02:49,031 --> 01:02:51,571
Kenyan?
-Yes.
818
01:02:51,696 --> 01:02:53,987
All Santas to the starting line.
819
01:02:58,319 --> 01:03:00,693
See you at the finish line.
820
01:03:00,818 --> 01:03:02,900
Go, Santas, go!
821
01:03:07,731 --> 01:03:09,772
Santas, to your marks.
822
01:03:13,063 --> 01:03:15,103
On your marks.
823
01:03:16,186 --> 01:03:18,227
Get set.
824
01:03:59,585 --> 01:04:00,876
Hey, Jingleballs.
825
01:04:01,001 --> 01:04:03,250
Move your candy canes.
826
01:04:20,202 --> 01:04:22,242
Come on, guys, keep going.
827
01:04:22,784 --> 01:04:24,200
Want a cookie?
828
01:04:56,562 --> 01:04:57,728
That's the end of that.
829
01:05:02,309 --> 01:05:03,850
Or not.
830
01:05:06,974 --> 01:05:08,723
Looks like it's you and me now.
831
01:05:08,848 --> 01:05:11,847
Ready to run for it?
-I was born ready.
832
01:05:27,174 --> 01:05:29,132
Your hat!
833
01:06:10,781 --> 01:06:12,822
Congratulations.
834
01:06:27,691 --> 01:06:31,148
Jake, thank God.
They're gonna try to arrest me.
835
01:06:31,273 --> 01:06:33,439
Come down and meet me
at the station.
836
01:06:34,646 --> 01:06:36,396
Taxi.
837
01:06:38,187 --> 01:06:40,227
Santa says, take me to the airport.
838
01:06:56,304 --> 01:06:57,429
Hey, there.
839
01:06:58,137 --> 01:07:01,260
Hey, you're the kid who beat
Mayor Wilson in the Santa 5K.
840
01:07:01,385 --> 01:07:03,759
Yep, that's me.
841
01:07:03,884 --> 01:07:06,300
Wait a minute. Mayor Wilson?
-You didn't know?
842
01:07:06,425 --> 01:07:09,799
He wins every year. A lot of us folks
wish he'd won this year too.
843
01:07:09,924 --> 01:07:11,423
He seemed a good guy.
844
01:07:11,548 --> 01:07:13,422
Keeps the potholes filled?
845
01:07:14,505 --> 01:07:17,046
He also donates his entire winnings
every year
846
01:07:17,171 --> 01:07:20,211
to buy turkeys
for people who can't afford them.
847
01:07:22,502 --> 01:07:24,334
He had to be the man.
848
01:07:28,374 --> 01:07:30,415
Can you turn around, please?
849
01:07:37,954 --> 01:07:39,995
l'll be right back.
850
01:08:04,568 --> 01:08:06,900
When did Santa start
using the mailbox?
851
01:08:07,025 --> 01:08:09,649
Didn't you hear
about the new exchange program?
852
01:08:09,774 --> 01:08:12,231
The postman will come down
your chimney later.
853
01:08:13,148 --> 01:08:15,480
You got someplace to go?
854
01:08:15,605 --> 01:08:17,646
Yeah, it's Christmas Eve.
Who doesn't?
855
01:08:19,812 --> 01:08:21,852
l could set a place for you.
856
01:08:23,310 --> 01:08:25,351
No, thanks. l'll be fine.
857
01:08:29,641 --> 01:08:32,390
Merry Christmas.
-You too.
858
01:08:51,090 --> 01:08:53,673
Yes, operator,
it's collect from Jake.
859
01:08:55,297 --> 01:08:57,130
Tracey, accept the... Thank you.
860
01:08:57,671 --> 01:09:00,462
My, dear brother,
you are sounding slightly stressed.
861
01:09:00,586 --> 01:09:02,627
Is it the bumblebees again?
862
01:09:02,752 --> 01:09:05,876
Tracey, l'm not going make it home.
l want you to tell Dad.
863
01:09:06,001 --> 01:09:08,500
What do you mean
you're not going to make it home?
864
01:09:08,625 --> 01:09:10,624
Is this about Carolyn?
-No.
865
01:09:10,749 --> 01:09:14,539
lt's about being stuck in the middle
of nowhere with no money.
866
01:09:14,664 --> 01:09:16,955
At the rate l'm going,
l'll show up in January.
867
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:19,495
Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year, see you.
868
01:09:19,620 --> 01:09:21,661
Wait. What about the Porsche?
869
01:09:22,702 --> 01:09:26,409
What about it?
-You really must be in trouble.
870
01:09:27,492 --> 01:09:29,366
Would you fly home now if you could?
871
01:09:29,908 --> 01:09:31,157
Like, yeah.
872
01:09:31,282 --> 01:09:35,239
l've got four years of birthday money
upstairs in my ballerina bag.
873
01:09:35,364 --> 01:09:38,571
lf I went to a ticket agent now
and bought you a ticket home,
874
01:09:38,696 --> 01:09:40,612
you'd make it in time for Christmas?
875
01:09:40,737 --> 01:09:42,278
You'd do that for me?
876
01:09:42,736 --> 01:09:43,735
No.
877
01:09:43,860 --> 01:09:45,401
l'd do it for Dad.
878
01:09:45,526 --> 01:09:47,401
Plus, think of the pleasure l'll have
879
01:09:47,526 --> 01:09:50,274
holding this over your head
for the rest of our lives.
880
01:09:50,899 --> 01:09:52,232
OK, whatever you want.
881
01:09:52,357 --> 01:09:56,064
l'm near Madison, Wisconsin.
l'll hitch a ride to the airport.
882
01:09:56,189 --> 01:09:58,854
Wait, I don't have lD.
How will I pick up the ticket?
883
01:10:00,229 --> 01:10:04,227
l know. l'll make up a secret
password that only you would know.
884
01:10:04,727 --> 01:10:06,018
Great, what?
885
01:10:06,143 --> 01:10:10,849
l am a smelly and revolting jerk
who doesn't deserve to live.
886
01:10:10,974 --> 01:10:13,515
Bingo. Wilkinson, Jake.
887
01:10:14,306 --> 01:10:17,180
lt's an unusual password.
-Unusual everything.
888
01:10:17,305 --> 01:10:19,554
What time's the flight leave?
-20 minutes.
889
01:10:19,679 --> 01:10:22,594
l'll need a picture lD.
-I just gave you my password.
890
01:10:23,053 --> 01:10:26,218
Right, but I can't let you on the
plane without proper lD.
891
01:10:26,343 --> 01:10:28,217
What was the point of my password?
892
01:10:28,342 --> 01:10:31,966
I don't make the rules, it's...
-Policy, I know.
893
01:10:32,091 --> 01:10:33,715
Thank you.
894
01:10:35,048 --> 01:10:37,047
Next.
895
01:11:03,536 --> 01:11:06,701
Good Ringo.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
896
01:11:10,658 --> 01:11:12,699
Bad Ringo.
897
01:11:22,112 --> 01:11:23,736
Hey, a dog.
898
01:11:49,392 --> 01:11:51,725
Excuse me.
899
01:12:01,179 --> 01:12:03,511
Merry Christmas, Santa. Got a ticket?
900
01:12:03,636 --> 01:12:05,094
No.
901
01:12:07,885 --> 01:12:09,259
This is Pelham.
902
01:12:09,384 --> 01:12:12,466
Next stop, New Rochelle,
followed by Larchmont...
903
01:12:23,045 --> 01:12:25,544
Even a bribe couldn't get him home.
904
01:12:27,168 --> 01:12:28,918
He still has 15 minutes.
905
01:12:38,372 --> 01:12:41,579
Lady, give me a ride? Please?
906
01:12:44,161 --> 01:12:46,202
Give Santa a ride?
907
01:12:47,785 --> 01:12:49,826
Will anybody take me to Larchmont?
908
01:13:08,193 --> 01:13:09,817
Hi, Santa Claus.
909
01:13:20,563 --> 01:13:23,354
Wait, don't turn left.
910
01:13:25,020 --> 01:13:27,060
Don't turn. Go straight.
911
01:13:56,423 --> 01:13:59,089
The package people,
do not unwrap yourselves.
912
01:13:59,922 --> 01:14:02,213
l repeat, do not unwrap yourselves.
913
01:14:02,754 --> 01:14:05,128
You unwrap yourself,
you are out of my parade.
914
01:14:05,253 --> 01:14:07,294
Do I make myself clear?
915
01:14:18,102 --> 01:14:21,059
All right.
-What do you think you're doing?
916
01:14:21,184 --> 01:14:22,600
Buddy.
917
01:14:27,515 --> 01:14:29,889
l could have sworn
l parked that sleigh here.
918
01:14:38,677 --> 01:14:42,384
� All is calm
919
01:14:42,509 --> 01:14:46,507
� All is right
920
01:14:46,632 --> 01:14:53,088
� Round yon Virgin,
Mother and Child...
921
01:14:55,545 --> 01:14:57,086
Sorry.
922
01:15:05,083 --> 01:15:07,124
Come on, Jake. You can make it.
923
01:15:47,857 --> 01:15:49,148
Nice ride.
924
01:15:50,023 --> 01:15:51,022
Thanks.
925
01:15:51,147 --> 01:15:53,188
Just got him back from the shop.
926
01:15:53,313 --> 01:15:56,437
The elves upgraded his shoes
to the new Firestone radials.
927
01:15:58,061 --> 01:15:59,519
Not bad.
928
01:15:59,644 --> 01:16:02,351
Maybe you should have thought
about snow tyres.
929
01:16:05,183 --> 01:16:08,765
You said even if Santa showed up
in a one-horse open sleigh,
930
01:16:08,890 --> 01:16:11,639
you still wouldn't believe
that I cared about you.
931
01:16:13,138 --> 01:16:15,179
So I don't expect this to work.
932
01:16:17,012 --> 01:16:19,052
But I gotta give it a shot.
933
01:16:19,177 --> 01:16:21,218
You know, l'm not the real Santa.
934
01:16:21,801 --> 01:16:24,925
Contrary to all appearances,
this is not a real sleigh.
935
01:16:28,132 --> 01:16:31,339
But, Allie, for all the times
l've been a genuine jerk...
936
01:16:33,546 --> 01:16:35,587
this is a real apology.
937
01:16:36,920 --> 01:16:38,961
lf you'll accept it.
938
01:16:40,877 --> 01:16:42,293
l might.
939
01:16:45,708 --> 01:16:47,374
And this...
940
01:16:48,915 --> 01:16:50,956
is a real kiss.
941
01:17:10,115 --> 01:17:12,614
Come with me to my house.
l have two minutes.
942
01:17:12,739 --> 01:17:14,738
This isn't about the Porsche?
-Come on.
943
01:17:14,863 --> 01:17:17,320
I don't want...
-Trust me.
944
01:17:17,903 --> 01:17:21,777
� Shepherds quake
945
01:17:21,902 --> 01:17:23,484
� At the...
946
01:17:39,394 --> 01:17:41,435
Let's eat.
947
01:17:54,138 --> 01:17:56,179
What time is it?
948
01:17:56,721 --> 01:17:58,637
lt's 5:59.
949
01:17:58,761 --> 01:18:00,761
You made it.
950
01:18:00,886 --> 01:18:03,301
Yeah, I guess I did.
951
01:18:03,426 --> 01:18:05,467
Tell me when it's after 6:00, OK?
952
01:18:06,467 --> 01:18:08,383
What do you mean,
aren't you going in?
953
01:18:08,507 --> 01:18:10,465
No, not yet.
954
01:18:11,340 --> 01:18:13,380
But I thought...
955
01:18:13,505 --> 01:18:16,546
Just watch.
-Watch what?
956
01:18:18,462 --> 01:18:20,003
My family.
957
01:18:42,535 --> 01:18:45,326
l guess it's about time
l went home for Christmas.
958
01:18:45,451 --> 01:18:47,075
Care to join me?
959
01:18:47,533 --> 01:18:49,574
You bet.
960
01:18:58,404 --> 01:19:00,653
Hey, everybody! Merry Christmas.
961
01:19:02,694 --> 01:19:04,068
He made it.
962
01:19:07,983 --> 01:19:09,441
You made it.
963
01:19:10,357 --> 01:19:12,106
l'm glad you're here.
-Me too.
964
01:19:12,856 --> 01:19:15,022
Hard time getting here?
-Piece of cake.
965
01:19:17,104 --> 01:19:19,936
What's with the Santa suit?
-Long story.
966
01:19:23,143 --> 01:19:24,934
You stink.
967
01:19:25,059 --> 01:19:27,308
Farting dog, cargo hold,
longer story.
968
01:19:28,058 --> 01:19:30,349
Son...
969
01:19:30,474 --> 01:19:32,223
She's yours.
970
01:19:32,348 --> 01:19:34,264
But I didn't make it home on time.
971
01:19:34,389 --> 01:19:35,847
You were seconds late.
972
01:19:35,972 --> 01:19:38,970
A deal's a deal.
Besides, she isn't ready yet.
973
01:19:40,053 --> 01:19:41,428
What do you mean?
974
01:19:41,553 --> 01:19:44,301
We're not really finished fixing her
up yet, are we?
975
01:19:44,426 --> 01:19:47,883
l'm sure it'll take a bunch more
Christmases to get the work done.
976
01:19:49,091 --> 01:19:50,924
Don't you think?
977
01:19:52,173 --> 01:19:54,381
30 or 40 at least.
978
01:19:55,797 --> 01:19:56,838
36.
979
01:19:58,171 --> 01:20:01,003
Excuse me?
-My sweater size. l'm a 36.
980
01:20:01,128 --> 01:20:02,960
Or a medium. Either will work.
981
01:20:05,653 --> 01:20:07,985
What's yours?
982
01:20:08,110 --> 01:20:11,859
Mine?
-Yeah, for future information.
983
01:20:14,608 --> 01:20:15,649
Eight.
984
01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:20,230
l'll remember that.
985
01:20:21,938 --> 01:20:23,396
What is that?
986
01:20:23,521 --> 01:20:25,145
That would be my parade.
987
01:20:25,270 --> 01:20:27,311
Your parade?
-Excuse me?
988
01:20:38,431 --> 01:20:40,472
Wait a minute, that's our sleigh.
989
01:20:41,846 --> 01:20:44,887
That's the guy. Come on.
990
01:20:46,011 --> 01:20:48,052
Let's get him.
991
01:20:49,468 --> 01:20:51,717
Buddy, you stole our sleigh.
992
01:20:52,634 --> 01:20:54,799
You're lucky you're wearing
that suit.
993
01:20:56,590 --> 01:20:59,256
A few days ago,
l might not have agreed with you.
994
01:20:59,756 --> 01:21:01,338
Nice wings.
995
01:21:01,463 --> 01:21:02,630
Thanks.
996
01:21:03,296 --> 01:21:05,795
I took a sewing class.
- lt shows.
997
01:21:06,420 --> 01:21:07,628
Peace.
998
01:21:09,502 --> 01:21:11,251
Santa, give me a ride home.
999
01:21:11,376 --> 01:21:12,792
Let's all go for a ride.
1000
01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:16,499
l love it. l've never been
in a sleigh before.
1001
01:21:21,955 --> 01:21:23,996
Make this buggy rip, bro.
1002
01:21:24,305 --> 01:21:30,226
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