All language subtitles for The Detour 4x07 - The Entertainer (English)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,656 --> 00:00:11,451 This is all my fault. 2 00:00:11,486 --> 00:00:13,246 Delilah said she'd only come see us at a funeral, 3 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,265 then I thought of all these ways to kill you guys. 4 00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,645 I never wanted any of this to happen. 5 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,095 Shh. It's okay. 6 00:00:18,130 --> 00:00:21,443 We're gonna get through this. We'll be okay. 7 00:00:22,997 --> 00:00:27,277 Nate was a loving husband and a devoted father. 8 00:00:27,311 --> 00:00:29,148 He was the type of guy who... 9 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,317 What does that say? What's that say? 10 00:00:33,352 --> 00:00:35,250 The guy men want to be and women want to be with? 11 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,528 Right. Men want to be... Ugh. 12 00:00:37,563 --> 00:00:39,530 Uh... huh. 13 00:00:39,565 --> 00:00:41,291 The type of guy that when you've got 14 00:00:41,325 --> 00:00:46,296 10 seconds left on the clock, down by two, 15 00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:48,332 you're short handed, three on five, 16 00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,679 and the ref has just been riding your dick all night, 17 00:00:50,714 --> 00:00:53,475 that guy says, "I'll score two by myself 18 00:00:53,510 --> 00:00:54,580 and get us to overtime." 19 00:00:54,614 --> 00:00:56,613 - This is so stupid. - Oh, my God. 20 00:00:57,169 --> 00:00:58,584 Holy cow. 21 00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:00,137 Let me tell you what's stupid. 22 00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:03,032 Hearing an "ugh" in the middle of your own eulogy. 23 00:01:03,727 --> 00:01:05,349 And "#1 dud"? 24 00:01:05,384 --> 00:01:06,592 They were out of "A's." 25 00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:08,559 Then by an "E" for the end. 26 00:01:08,594 --> 00:01:09,595 "Dud-e"? 27 00:01:09,629 --> 00:01:11,286 God. Piece of crap. 28 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,598 What are these? 29 00:01:12,665 --> 00:01:14,184 - Carnations. - They suck! 30 00:01:14,186 --> 00:01:16,222 - They're fine. - Tennis? 31 00:01:16,257 --> 00:01:17,706 What am I, Italian? 32 00:01:17,741 --> 00:01:20,054 And my Drew Stafford autographed skates? 33 00:01:20,088 --> 00:01:21,572 How many times have I told you, 34 00:01:21,607 --> 00:01:24,196 they don't come out of the glass case? 35 00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:26,198 And don't even get me started on this venue. 36 00:01:26,232 --> 00:01:28,019 - It's atrocious. - What? 37 00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:29,863 What is that smell, dead raccoons? 38 00:01:29,884 --> 00:01:32,618 Hey! War heroes have funerals here. 39 00:01:32,652 --> 00:01:34,620 So I guess it's good enough for the greatest generations, 40 00:01:34,654 --> 00:01:35,759 but not for Nate the Great? 41 00:01:35,793 --> 00:01:37,347 Can I tell you, if I was actually dead, 42 00:01:37,381 --> 00:01:39,038 I'd be rolling over in my grave right now. 43 00:01:39,073 --> 00:01:41,213 You were cremated, dum-dum. Keep your story straight. 44 00:01:41,247 --> 00:01:42,593 Why are you doing any of this? 45 00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:43,836 It's such a stupid idea. 46 00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,769 What are you talking about? This was your idea. 47 00:01:45,803 --> 00:01:47,219 I still say that when you saw her, 48 00:01:47,253 --> 00:01:48,979 you should have grabbed her and called us, 49 00:01:49,014 --> 00:01:51,533 - but that's just me talking. - Yes, and now here we are, 50 00:01:51,568 --> 00:01:53,673 at my fake funeral, okay? 51 00:01:53,708 --> 00:01:55,606 So what we're gonna do is, we're gonna wait 52 00:01:55,641 --> 00:01:57,746 for Delilah to show up, we're gonna grab her, 53 00:01:57,781 --> 00:02:00,370 we're gonna strap her to a chair and shake her 54 00:02:00,404 --> 00:02:02,199 until she realizes how much she loves us. 55 00:02:02,234 --> 00:02:04,512 Now, let's take it from the top, and a little energy this time. 56 00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:06,479 Okay? A little emotion. 57 00:02:06,514 --> 00:02:08,343 Let's try to sell this stupid premise. 58 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,179 Five, six, seven... Shit, shit, shit! 59 00:02:10,186 --> 00:02:11,814 What? Oh! 60 00:02:11,815 --> 00:02:13,040 Excuse me. 61 00:02:13,041 --> 00:02:14,522 Hi, hello. Can I help you? 62 00:02:14,556 --> 00:02:17,482 I'm here for Nate Parker's memorial. 63 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,769 I assumed that I'm in the right place. 64 00:02:20,804 --> 00:02:22,392 Uh, yes. Yeah. 65 00:02:22,426 --> 00:02:24,394 I-I'm so sorry. Who... Who are you? 66 00:02:24,926 --> 00:02:25,965 I'm Skye. 67 00:02:26,568 --> 00:02:28,122 Nate's old girlfriend. 68 00:02:28,156 --> 00:02:30,124 How did you hear about this event? 69 00:02:30,158 --> 00:02:31,796 - Well... - I invited her. 70 00:02:32,574 --> 00:02:36,785 She was the girl that my dead son should have married. 71 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,634 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 72 00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:52,698 I wish I could do something. 73 00:02:52,732 --> 00:02:54,527 I can't believe she invited people. 74 00:02:54,562 --> 00:02:56,150 I needed her to tell Delilah. 75 00:02:56,184 --> 00:02:57,565 So, you told her I was actually dead? 76 00:02:57,599 --> 00:02:59,843 I didn't trust her to be a good enough actor to know the truth. 77 00:02:59,877 --> 00:03:02,121 - Oh, my God. - She looks so sad. 78 00:03:02,156 --> 00:03:03,605 I've never seen her cry before. 79 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,400 - I thought you would love that. - What? 80 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,035 This is the same woman who made you hobble around 81 00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:08,866 on a broken femur for six months. 82 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,130 In her defense, I was 6. Okay? 83 00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:12,336 I should have been a little tougher. 84 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,546 I can't do this. We should let her off the hook. 85 00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:15,376 - No. No, no, no, no, no. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 86 00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,344 - Hey, hey, hey! - I-I gotta tell her. 87 00:03:17,378 --> 00:03:18,448 - I gotta tell her, okay? - No! 88 00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,484 Plus, it'd be great to see Skye. She looks awesome. 89 00:03:20,519 --> 00:03:22,253 What's gonna happen when you come back from the dead? 90 00:03:22,287 --> 00:03:24,176 People are gonna be pissed, they're gonna leave, 91 00:03:24,178 --> 00:03:25,210 and they're gonna go tell Delilah. 92 00:03:25,222 --> 00:03:26,594 Then we never see our daughter again, and... 93 00:03:26,628 --> 00:03:28,492 Just stick to the plan, okay? 94 00:03:28,527 --> 00:03:30,218 Stay dead. 95 00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,358 - Is this about my ex girlfriend? - What? 96 00:03:32,393 --> 00:03:33,842 Is this about my ex girlfriend? 97 00:03:33,877 --> 00:03:35,568 Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 98 00:03:35,603 --> 00:03:37,743 No! Babe, no. 99 00:03:37,777 --> 00:03:39,942 You can see her. When you're not pretending to be dead, 100 00:03:39,943 --> 00:03:41,885 you can see her all day long. I don't care. Why? 101 00:03:41,919 --> 00:03:43,887 Do you think I'm jealous, 'cause she's a... 102 00:03:43,921 --> 00:03:45,475 - Neurosurgeon? - What? 103 00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:47,615 - She's a brain doctor, too? - Yeah. 104 00:03:47,649 --> 00:03:49,341 No wonder she dumped you. 105 00:03:49,375 --> 00:03:51,619 Okay. 106 00:03:51,653 --> 00:03:53,103 I dumped her. 107 00:03:53,138 --> 00:03:56,486 Hey. Hey. Listen. 108 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,350 Trust me, everything's gonna be okay. 109 00:03:58,384 --> 00:03:59,884 Like, for real... like, in a couple of hours, 110 00:03:59,903 --> 00:04:03,458 - everything's gonna be fine. - You're a horrible woman. 111 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,323 Oh... 112 00:04:06,358 --> 00:04:08,222 It will be okay, Mom. 113 00:04:08,256 --> 00:04:09,602 Mom? 114 00:04:09,637 --> 00:04:13,365 Yeah, it's what I've always called her. 115 00:04:13,399 --> 00:04:14,745 Why? What do you call her? 116 00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:16,540 I... don't call her. 117 00:04:16,575 --> 00:04:17,921 That's a shame. 118 00:04:17,955 --> 00:04:20,199 'Cause she's an incredible woman. 119 00:04:20,234 --> 00:04:21,649 She's not. 120 00:04:21,683 --> 00:04:24,928 ? Oh, ring-a-ding-dong, the dipshit's dead ? 121 00:04:24,962 --> 00:04:26,029 Hey! 122 00:04:26,268 --> 00:04:28,242 - Gene. - Oh, Robin! 123 00:04:28,276 --> 00:04:31,025 Helen called me. I got here as fast as I could. 124 00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:33,817 I'm so sorry for your loss. 125 00:04:34,352 --> 00:04:36,390 But I got to say, the tragedy... 126 00:04:36,871 --> 00:04:39,425 is doing wonders for your figure, girl. 127 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,669 Okay, okay. All right. Yep. Let's... 128 00:04:42,980 --> 00:04:45,569 Can't even console a woman in America anymore. 129 00:04:45,604 --> 00:04:46,743 You can just not with your lips. 130 00:04:46,777 --> 00:04:49,435 Yeah. That's why I'm going to Russia later this week. 131 00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:52,680 Find myself a Slavic bride... easy going. 132 00:04:52,714 --> 00:04:53,781 But I don't wanna go. 133 00:04:53,865 --> 00:04:55,332 Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do, though. 134 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,114 - Give me a reason not to go. - You should go. 135 00:04:57,115 --> 00:04:59,998 'Cause I'd rather buy American, if you know what I mean. 136 00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,003 It's too soon, Gene. 137 00:05:01,004 --> 00:05:02,139 Gah! 138 00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:03,573 Well, I'm here till of the end of the week 139 00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,156 in case you need something to throw a leg over. 140 00:05:05,157 --> 00:05:06,214 Still too soon. 141 00:05:06,215 --> 00:05:08,777 In the meantime, let's get this party started. 142 00:05:08,812 --> 00:05:10,986 That's what the dipshit would have wanted. 143 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,056 Okay. 144 00:05:12,091 --> 00:05:13,817 Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo! Ooh-ooh. 145 00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:27,192 Okay! 146 00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:28,583 I'll get this thing rolling. 147 00:05:28,705 --> 00:05:32,018 Nate was a, um, idiot. 148 00:05:33,324 --> 00:05:36,078 He was a cuck. 149 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:38,551 He was a terrible provider for his family, 150 00:05:38,552 --> 00:05:40,851 but he was also... 151 00:05:41,777 --> 00:05:43,459 the worst employee I ever had. 152 00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:48,811 Who's next? 153 00:05:49,063 --> 00:05:50,134 I'll go. 154 00:05:50,135 --> 00:05:52,482 My son was such a wimp, 155 00:05:52,516 --> 00:05:57,211 he'd walk around saying, "I broke my femur." 156 00:05:59,247 --> 00:06:01,318 I mean, I had a C-section. 157 00:06:01,353 --> 00:06:05,219 How the hell did my son get so much pussy in him? 158 00:06:06,772 --> 00:06:11,121 But we should focus on the good things. 159 00:06:11,156 --> 00:06:14,814 Nate was with a beautiful, talented, 160 00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:18,033 intelligent, thoughtful woman. 161 00:06:19,371 --> 00:06:20,955 And he dumped her 162 00:06:21,373 --> 00:06:23,340 for ungrateful hooker. 163 00:06:24,686 --> 00:06:26,654 Don't judge me. 164 00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:29,795 You were always above judgment, weren't you, Helen? 165 00:06:29,829 --> 00:06:32,556 Well, look who decided 166 00:06:32,591 --> 00:06:37,561 to show his stupid, ugly, negligent face. 167 00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:39,494 Old King Cuck. 168 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,496 Excuse me. Who are you? 169 00:06:41,979 --> 00:06:42,979 I'm Nate Parker. 170 00:06:46,846 --> 00:06:49,539 And that's my son you're shitting on. 171 00:06:56,477 --> 00:06:58,079 Papa? 172 00:07:02,018 --> 00:07:03,664 What the hell is going on? 173 00:07:03,699 --> 00:07:05,666 I thought he was dead and now he's not. 174 00:07:05,701 --> 00:07:07,288 I need to see what he looks like. 175 00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:09,808 Everybody's blocking him. 176 00:07:09,843 --> 00:07:11,948 What the hell does he look like? I need to see his face. 177 00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:17,022 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What? What?! 178 00:07:17,057 --> 00:07:18,712 It's Blu Brown. It's... Oh, shit! 179 00:07:18,713 --> 00:07:21,440 Blu Brown! 180 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,304 Shh! Shh! 181 00:07:23,339 --> 00:07:24,823 Blu Brown! Blu Brown! Blu Brown. 182 00:07:24,858 --> 00:07:26,267 It's Blu Brown. It's Blu Brown. 183 00:07:26,268 --> 00:07:27,869 Sweetie, shh, shh. You're freaking out. You're... 184 00:07:27,871 --> 00:07:29,035 You're just saying colors, baby. 185 00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,381 My dad... My dad is Blu Brown. He's actually Blu Brown. 186 00:07:31,416 --> 00:07:32,831 I don't know who that is. 187 00:07:32,866 --> 00:07:34,246 It's Southern Ontario's Red Green. 188 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,322 He's a provincial treasure. 189 00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,353 - What? - The beaver leader for the damn lodge. 190 00:07:37,387 --> 00:07:38,561 Blue Brown. 191 00:07:38,595 --> 00:07:40,429 Well, if you get the Quebec feed, it's Blue Brun, but... 192 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,052 Blu Brown. 193 00:07:42,218 --> 00:07:44,116 It's pretty much a bylaw to watch him. 194 00:07:44,151 --> 00:07:45,842 - What? - It's actually more of a mandate, 195 00:07:45,877 --> 00:07:47,982 'cause 40% of all Canadian TV has to be Canadian. 196 00:07:48,017 --> 00:07:50,916 - Slow down, slow down. - Okay, sorry. Sorry, sorry. 197 00:07:50,951 --> 00:07:53,194 Look at me, overly apologizing, that's where I get it. 198 00:07:53,229 --> 00:07:54,340 I'm half Canadian. 199 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,405 So many things happening to me right now. 200 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,200 Oh, my God 201 00:07:59,235 --> 00:08:00,546 I'm having a deja bl... 202 00:08:00,579 --> 00:08:02,606 That's what he called flashbacks on his show. 203 00:08:02,617 --> 00:08:03,648 Good! _ 204 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,883 You get out of here and take your... _ 205 00:08:04,896 --> 00:08:06,621 So, my dad walked out on me on Christmas Day 206 00:08:06,656 --> 00:08:08,416 when I was really young, okay? 207 00:08:08,451 --> 00:08:11,248 A couple years later, I found this guy Blu Brown on TV. 208 00:08:12,282 --> 00:08:14,353 And it was like, he seems really familiar, 209 00:08:14,388 --> 00:08:15,630 and now I know why. 210 00:08:15,665 --> 00:08:16,942 Check it out. 211 00:08:27,435 --> 00:08:28,574 Oh! 212 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,266 Morning, beavers. 213 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,577 How's it going, eh? 214 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,870 So, how 'bout we whip up some breakfast 215 00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,512 in the damn lodge. 216 00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:37,031 Who wants eggs? 217 00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:39,032 Well, my goodness. 218 00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:42,036 Looks like she whipped up a few English, eh? 219 00:08:43,808 --> 00:08:45,037 What are you laughing at? 220 00:08:45,039 --> 00:08:47,524 What aren't you laughing at? It's hilarious. 221 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,457 - Hey, Blu! Blu! - Blu! Blu! 222 00:08:49,492 --> 00:08:53,028 Oh, here comes the catch of the day, eh? 223 00:08:53,553 --> 00:08:55,978 You boys get lucky with those rods today? Did ya? 224 00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,603 - Yeah! - Yeah? 225 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:01,538 Well, just remember, it's not the size of your rod. 226 00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:04,272 It's how you wiggle your worm, eh? 227 00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:06,181 - What? - It's wordplay. 228 00:09:06,182 --> 00:09:07,924 - It's cute. - It's not cute. 229 00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:11,133 Heh, heh. Yeah. That's right. 230 00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:13,171 Beautiful hair there. 231 00:09:13,205 --> 00:09:15,096 There you go. Give me a kiss right here. 232 00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:17,842 - He seems like a pedophile. - Hey, you shut your mouth. 233 00:09:17,843 --> 00:09:19,841 Okay, that is my father you're talking about. 234 00:09:23,414 --> 00:09:25,520 Mmm! Mmm. 235 00:09:25,554 --> 00:09:27,073 No! No! 236 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,248 It was the '70s. Don't be such a prude. 237 00:09:29,282 --> 00:09:31,215 - That's not... - Okay. You want funny? 238 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:32,492 - Please. - Watch this. 239 00:09:32,527 --> 00:09:35,288 Oh, God. 240 00:10:01,176 --> 00:10:03,947 Check under 'ze 'ood. 241 00:10:05,215 --> 00:10:06,975 This is so confusing. How... 242 00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:09,115 How is this a character in a kid's show? 243 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,772 It started on the Blu Brown show, 244 00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:12,981 but it was so friggin' popular, they spun it off 245 00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:14,848 into its own salty late-night series. 246 00:10:15,664 --> 00:10:17,170 Watch this clip. This is funny. 247 00:10:18,275 --> 00:10:20,104 Boop! Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo. 248 00:10:20,146 --> 00:10:24,322 Hey! I'm getting the feeling that you're not a real doctor. 249 00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:28,812 Boop. 250 00:10:36,610 --> 00:10:39,303 Because... Oh, because her tits are like the horns? 251 00:10:39,337 --> 00:10:40,925 What? No. 252 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,341 The... the... The headlights. 253 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,262 Then why is he inflating them? 254 00:10:45,953 --> 00:10:48,507 Oh, my God. You just don't get it. 255 00:10:48,622 --> 00:10:50,072 Uh, yeah, I get it. 256 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,936 I get that he's incredibly objectifying. 257 00:10:51,971 --> 00:10:54,283 What's objectifying about thinking she's a car? 258 00:10:54,318 --> 00:10:55,940 Okay, so what about this Fidget guy? 259 00:10:55,975 --> 00:10:57,493 I mean, that's... that's a little tone deaf 260 00:10:57,528 --> 00:10:59,392 - for little people, don't you... - What? 261 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,291 He's called Fidget 'cause he's always fidgeting. 262 00:11:02,326 --> 00:11:04,500 That's how he always loses his glasses 263 00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:06,640 and gets into these ridiculous scenarios. 264 00:11:06,675 --> 00:11:08,720 - That's not it. - I gotta go talk to him. 265 00:11:08,721 --> 00:11:10,506 No, you're not. You're dead. Stay dead. 266 00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:12,108 - I have to talk to my father. - Absolutely not. 267 00:11:12,109 --> 00:11:14,283 - Don't you dare. - I'll wear a disguise. 268 00:11:14,888 --> 00:11:18,179 After all my shows, I'd play my signature song. 269 00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:21,189 It was called "Nate Song." 270 00:11:21,345 --> 00:11:23,623 It's about a little boy named Nate Parker. 271 00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:33,184 ? Oh, Nate, Nate ? 272 00:11:33,219 --> 00:11:34,949 ? You are so, so great ? 273 00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:38,841 ? You were torn away from me in grade eight ? 274 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,180 ? So many things I should've saids ? 275 00:11:43,295 --> 00:11:46,907 ? Wish I taught ya yer A to Zeds ? 276 00:11:47,716 --> 00:11:50,408 ? I bet you think I'm not of your ilk ? 277 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:54,277 ? But I know we love our homo milk ? 278 00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:57,888 ? Oh, Nate, Nate, Nate, you are so, so great ? 279 00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,659 ? Let's hop on the Rideau and go for a skate ? 280 00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:05,699 ? When I'm on TV, I'm a grade A kook ? 281 00:12:05,734 --> 00:12:07,632 ? When I'm off, I just want to hug ya ? 282 00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:09,397 ? Like a big wool toque ? 283 00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:11,016 ? Oh, boy ? 284 00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:13,188 ? I wish I could see you Could see you. ? 285 00:12:13,397 --> 00:12:14,480 ? Just know Just know... ? 286 00:12:14,481 --> 00:12:19,739 ? I'm 1,609.34 kilometers away I'm 1,609.34 kilometers away ? 287 00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:23,096 ? Oh, Nate, Nate ? 288 00:12:23,131 --> 00:12:25,098 ? The great Nate ? 289 00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:28,653 ? The greatest of the Nates for greatness' sake ? 290 00:12:28,688 --> 00:12:33,106 ? Go, Nate, Nate, the great Nate ? 291 00:12:33,141 --> 00:12:34,646 ? The greatest of the Nates ? 292 00:12:35,162 --> 00:12:36,899 ? For greatness' sake ? 293 00:12:47,776 --> 00:12:50,158 I can't do this anymore! Stop! Everyone stop! 294 00:12:50,192 --> 00:12:51,204 This isn't right. 295 00:12:51,786 --> 00:12:52,971 You're right. 296 00:12:53,126 --> 00:12:54,472 I should have done a funny character 297 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,542 and cheered everyone up. 298 00:12:55,577 --> 00:12:57,717 No. No. My dad's still alive. 299 00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,515 - What? - I can't handle this anymore. 300 00:12:59,569 --> 00:13:01,341 - Oh, shit. - Dad, come out! Dad! 301 00:13:01,376 --> 00:13:02,756 Wh... What are are you doing? 302 00:13:02,791 --> 00:13:04,724 Poor little dipshit's in denial. 303 00:13:04,758 --> 00:13:06,622 Think's his dad's the curtain. 304 00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,866 No, you dumb shithead, he's actually alive. 305 00:13:09,970 --> 00:13:12,145 You're in shock, yeah? There's no one behind there. 306 00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,767 Why don't you take a seat, buddy? 307 00:13:13,802 --> 00:13:15,562 No, I'm done pretending. 308 00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:20,464 This is ridiculous! 309 00:13:20,498 --> 00:13:21,775 Someone help me get down this curtain. 310 00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:23,639 I'll show you he's still alive. Okay. 311 00:13:23,674 --> 00:13:24,709 He's just... 312 00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:27,609 What the... 313 00:13:27,643 --> 00:13:30,577 Dad, where... Where are you?! 314 00:13:30,612 --> 00:13:31,854 What the... 315 00:13:31,889 --> 00:13:33,580 What the hell? 316 00:13:33,627 --> 00:13:35,107 Dad, what the hell?! 317 00:13:35,293 --> 00:13:36,407 What the... 318 00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:40,466 I-I-I swear he was just here! 319 00:13:40,622 --> 00:13:42,067 You... 320 00:13:42,068 --> 00:13:44,488 I don't know what happened. I... 321 00:13:44,522 --> 00:13:46,455 Well, then I guess he really is dead, then. 322 00:13:49,838 --> 00:13:50,873 What the... 323 00:13:50,908 --> 00:13:52,806 Dad? 324 00:13:59,434 --> 00:14:00,469 Nate? 325 00:14:00,504 --> 00:14:03,196 This is outrageous! 326 00:14:03,231 --> 00:14:05,384 How could you?! 327 00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:09,340 What?! What?! What?! 328 00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:12,481 Give it a rest, Mom. I've seen enough. 329 00:14:12,516 --> 00:14:15,588 You guys are unbelievable. 330 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,697 Man, I got to tell you, Robin, that thing I said earlier 331 00:14:21,732 --> 00:14:25,448 about consoling you sexually, that stuff... still stands. 332 00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,498 No. 333 00:14:26,779 --> 00:14:27,779 Just so you know, 334 00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:30,199 I don't blame you for any of this. 335 00:14:30,557 --> 00:14:33,422 Your mom told me all about Robin. 336 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:35,424 It must be miserable. 337 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,683 It's fine. 338 00:14:37,081 --> 00:14:40,532 If you need an escape, I've got open arms, 339 00:14:41,326 --> 00:14:45,412 a warm bed, and so much money. 340 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,041 I'm fine. 341 00:14:48,081 --> 00:14:49,427 You know, I never stopped loving you. 342 00:14:49,575 --> 00:14:50,852 Right? 343 00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:52,513 - I know. - Yeah? 344 00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,270 I can't. I can't... 345 00:14:54,305 --> 00:14:55,409 No, no. No, no. Oh! 346 00:14:55,444 --> 00:14:56,777 - Stop, stop, stop. - Hi. I'm right here. 347 00:14:56,845 --> 00:14:58,212 - I'm here. I'm right here. - She's there. 348 00:14:58,214 --> 00:14:59,137 - He's... - He's fine. 349 00:14:59,184 --> 00:15:00,752 He's fine. He's fine.He's... He's gonna be okay. 350 00:15:00,753 --> 00:15:01,877 - Yeah. - Thanks. 351 00:15:01,930 --> 00:15:04,142 This was the saddest day of my life, 352 00:15:04,177 --> 00:15:05,557 and you ruined it. 353 00:15:05,592 --> 00:15:07,421 Oh, come on, Mom. We were gonna tell you. 354 00:15:07,456 --> 00:15:10,355 We were backstage debating and then Dad showed up... 355 00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:12,150 Hold on. Hold on! 356 00:15:12,185 --> 00:15:14,428 Why am I apologizing to you? Okay? 357 00:15:14,463 --> 00:15:16,430 What kind of parent tells their own kid 358 00:15:16,465 --> 00:15:17,820 that their father is dead? 359 00:15:25,023 --> 00:15:27,864 I'm gonna ignore your obvious hypocrisy, 360 00:15:27,865 --> 00:15:30,893 since I'm sure it's difficult rising from the dead 361 00:15:30,928 --> 00:15:33,171 after falling from the ceiling. 362 00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:35,311 Speaking of which, would you get up? 363 00:15:35,346 --> 00:15:36,623 I can't. Okay? 364 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,590 I'm stuck in a chair. 365 00:15:38,625 --> 00:15:40,627 Why wouldn't you tell me about Dad? 366 00:15:40,661 --> 00:15:42,387 Especially that dad? 367 00:15:42,422 --> 00:15:44,320 He's so awesome. He's Canadian. 368 00:15:44,355 --> 00:15:45,908 There is nothing awesome 369 00:15:45,943 --> 00:15:48,048 about a nation of average people. 370 00:15:48,049 --> 00:15:50,326 He was Blu Brown. He was Fidget. 371 00:15:50,361 --> 00:15:52,604 He was a selfish shit rat 372 00:15:52,639 --> 00:15:56,194 who took our rent money to buy his music lessons. 373 00:15:56,229 --> 00:15:59,197 To share his gift of song with the world. 374 00:15:59,232 --> 00:16:02,062 Have you ever heard a grown man with no talent 375 00:16:02,097 --> 00:16:04,574 practice saxophone in a trailer? 376 00:16:04,808 --> 00:16:07,914 I wanted to cut my ears off. 377 00:16:14,005 --> 00:16:16,214 Oo, la, la! 378 00:16:16,249 --> 00:16:19,666 Look who's here to cheer you up! 379 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:23,428 C'est moi, Fidget! 380 00:16:28,016 --> 00:16:30,501 This is your dead son, you idiot. 381 00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:33,128 I was trying to... 382 00:16:33,162 --> 00:16:34,508 What? 383 00:16:36,407 --> 00:16:37,940 I'm Nate. 384 00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:41,239 F-From "Nate's Song." 385 00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:43,595 No. 386 00:16:44,276 --> 00:16:45,883 "Nate's Song's" about me, Nate. 387 00:16:45,884 --> 00:16:48,000 No, it's about... It's about a little kid named Nate. 388 00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:50,559 Yeah, the hurt little child inside of me. 389 00:16:50,598 --> 00:16:52,503 S-Still, I'm mean, it's... it's... 390 00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:54,754 I'm your son. 391 00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:57,508 Huh. 392 00:16:57,704 --> 00:16:59,257 That's... That's it? That's all you got? 393 00:16:59,292 --> 00:17:00,396 I... 394 00:17:00,431 --> 00:17:02,916 'Cause I got s-so much to ask you. 395 00:17:02,951 --> 00:17:05,194 Like, "What's your real origin story of Fidget?" 396 00:17:05,229 --> 00:17:07,403 Well, no. I mean, yes. Yes, of course. 397 00:17:07,438 --> 00:17:08,576 I mean, who wouldn't want to know that? 398 00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:09,877 There's so many fan theories out there, 399 00:17:09,924 --> 00:17:11,658 but if you told everyone, it'd break the Internet... 400 00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:12,659 French... 401 00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:14,321 midget. 402 00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:15,403 Oh. 403 00:17:15,446 --> 00:17:16,550 Mm-mm. 404 00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:18,796 That's offensive. 405 00:17:19,726 --> 00:17:21,486 Why'd you walk out on me? 406 00:17:21,521 --> 00:17:23,316 Oh, boy, I can see you're a couple elbows short 407 00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:25,115 of Kraft Dinner, but it's okay. 408 00:17:25,116 --> 00:17:27,154 I forgive you for holding me back. 409 00:17:28,054 --> 00:17:29,184 What? 410 00:17:29,218 --> 00:17:31,151 You retarded my gifts for comedy and song 411 00:17:31,186 --> 00:17:32,187 for seven long years. 412 00:17:32,221 --> 00:17:33,429 No, man, you can't use that word. 413 00:17:33,464 --> 00:17:35,604 Oh, and what is a woman know about comedy? 414 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,019 Next thing you're gonna tell me is, 415 00:17:37,054 --> 00:17:38,785 I can't do my Fretard character 416 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,369 Bonjour, je m'appelle Fretard. 417 00:17:42,404 --> 00:17:43,955 - Whoa! - No, no. Holy shit. 418 00:17:43,956 --> 00:17:45,406 No. You can't do that. 419 00:17:45,407 --> 00:17:47,166 Nate, you understand. 420 00:17:47,478 --> 00:17:50,481 Every transcendent artist has to make a choice 421 00:17:50,515 --> 00:17:52,298 between what he loves... 422 00:17:53,346 --> 00:17:54,679 and his family. 423 00:17:55,003 --> 00:17:57,431 I love saying I told you so. 424 00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,176 I needed a father. 425 00:18:02,302 --> 00:18:04,960 And that is exactly the selfish behavior 426 00:18:05,082 --> 00:18:06,324 that I'm forgiving you for. 427 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:07,649 What was I supposed to be? 428 00:18:07,650 --> 00:18:08,844 A father to one, 429 00:18:08,878 --> 00:18:12,123 or Blu Brown, Fidget, and Fretard to the world. 430 00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,745 Hold on... how many people in this room 431 00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,368 know who this idiot is? 432 00:18:15,415 --> 00:18:16,658 Okay! 433 00:18:18,087 --> 00:18:19,116 Nate... 434 00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,132 it is not my fault that your mother 435 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,686 is half a two-nie shy of two loonies, eh? 436 00:18:23,721 --> 00:18:26,275 She ought to get off the Mickey's and the Du Mauriers. 437 00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:27,656 Speak English, please! 438 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,209 Your mother was garage. 439 00:18:29,244 --> 00:18:31,557 She taught you nothing but anger and hate. 440 00:18:32,281 --> 00:18:34,420 Yeah, you're right. She did teach me that. 441 00:18:34,801 --> 00:18:37,018 And you know what else she taught me? 442 00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:38,770 How to throw a punch. 443 00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:40,358 Ah, shit. 444 00:18:40,393 --> 00:18:41,532 Oh! 445 00:18:41,566 --> 00:18:43,499 Whoa! 446 00:18:43,534 --> 00:18:45,363 Not as fast as your old man, are you? 447 00:18:45,397 --> 00:18:46,919 - Shit! - You know, in Tijuana, 448 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,741 it costs 10 pesos to watch a fidget fight. 449 00:18:49,742 --> 00:18:51,916 Of course, they throw in a hand job. 450 00:18:52,405 --> 00:18:54,786 Come on, you pussy. Get up and fight. 451 00:18:59,395 --> 00:19:00,954 Hit him! 452 00:19:02,311 --> 00:19:04,589 You wouldn't hit your own father, would you? 453 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:08,467 "Father." 454 00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:13,426 A father does whatever it takes to keep his family together. 455 00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:16,064 Even when it comes to doing crazy shit like this. 456 00:19:17,568 --> 00:19:18,919 You're not my father. 457 00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:21,606 You could be right about that. 458 00:19:21,641 --> 00:19:24,333 I was riding a lot of dick back in the '70s. 459 00:19:24,368 --> 00:19:26,335 I just picked this idiot to raise you, 460 00:19:26,370 --> 00:19:28,544 'cause he was the biggest cuck in the world. 461 00:19:32,052 --> 00:19:34,441 Just go back to Canada, you sad clown. 462 00:20:05,185 --> 00:20:06,255 Hey! 463 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,913 Why are you here? Why aren't you at Dad's funeral? 464 00:20:08,947 --> 00:20:10,155 I was just going there. 465 00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,605 Don't bother. He's not dead. 466 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,768 Mother ! What a! 467 00:20:14,769 --> 00:20:15,885 I knew it! 468 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,420 You know, I thought a lot about what you said, 469 00:20:17,421 --> 00:20:18,612 and I want to go with you. 470 00:20:18,647 --> 00:20:20,338 I like you so much more than I like our parents. 471 00:20:20,339 --> 00:20:22,167 Do you really want to go to Russia? 472 00:20:22,633 --> 00:20:24,204 They won't even notice I'm gone. 473 00:20:24,238 --> 00:20:25,757 Where are they? Where are they? 474 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,069 - I don't know! - They were right here! 475 00:20:27,103 --> 00:20:29,485 - I didn't see them, Nate. - Oh, my God, you lose one, 476 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,954 and now you're telling me they're both gone. 477 00:20:30,955 --> 00:20:31,832 It's not my fault. 478 00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,213 God. What, are they hiding? 479 00:20:33,247 --> 00:20:34,663 Huh? Are you in here? 480 00:20:34,697 --> 00:20:35,767 Huh? Hey, guys! 481 00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:37,050 You under here hiding? 482 00:20:37,079 --> 00:20:38,079 Oh! 483 00:20:41,739 --> 00:20:43,107 - Found 'em. - Yeah. 484 00:20:43,364 --> 00:20:46,021 This is why you don't take 'em out of the glass case. 485 00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,779 Where do you think Jared went? 486 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:48,918 Who? Ah. 487 00:20:48,953 --> 00:20:50,287 I don't know. He's around here somewhere. 488 00:20:50,288 --> 00:20:51,507 All right. All right, let's go. 489 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,647 - Take your boxes. Let's go. - Jared? 490 00:20:53,682 --> 00:20:54,959 Let's go. 34670

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