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1
00:00:00,473 --> 00:00:02,174
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,896 --> 00:00:04,830
Well, there was this girl.
3
00:00:05,198 --> 00:00:07,132
What did you do?
4
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,133
Nothing.
5
00:00:08,201 --> 00:00:11,102
Really, it was just kissing.
6
00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:15,940
All right.
7
00:00:16,008 --> 00:00:18,243
So, we're still
getting married?
8
00:00:20,112 --> 00:00:21,279
Yes.
9
00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:24,549
Because we love each other.
10
00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:26,217
Yes.
11
00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:29,654
And it's the happiest day
of our life.
12
00:00:29,722 --> 00:00:31,022
Don't push it.
13
00:00:33,759 --> 00:00:35,927
I need some time
to take a step back
14
00:00:35,995 --> 00:00:39,164
and reevaluate our situation.
15
00:00:40,199 --> 00:00:41,800
Oh.
16
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,902
Bye, Sheldon.
17
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,339
Well, Gollum...
18
00:00:50,475 --> 00:00:53,677
...you're an expert on rings.
19
00:00:53,745 --> 00:00:56,046
What do I do with this one?
20
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,251
So, what package
are you thinking?
21
00:01:01,319 --> 00:01:03,253
Mm, this one comes with
music and flowers.
22
00:01:03,321 --> 00:01:06,690
Oh, they even stream the whole
thing live on the Internet.
23
00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:08,125
Why would we want that?
24
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,527
'Cause there's a lot
of gorgeous blondes out there
25
00:01:10,595 --> 00:01:13,296
who don't believe they can land
a short, nearsighted scientist.
26
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,832
Let's give them hope.
27
00:01:15,899 --> 00:01:17,466
Whatever. Put us
on the Internet.
28
00:01:17,534 --> 00:01:20,369
I've always wanted a wedding
with a comment section.
29
00:01:20,437 --> 00:01:24,673
I-If you're not into this,
we can do it another time.
30
00:01:24,742 --> 00:01:26,042
No. No, I want to.
31
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:28,211
Look, we've put this
off long enough.
32
00:01:28,278 --> 00:01:29,712
Let's do it.
Aw.
33
00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:32,915
That's exactly what you said the
first time we slept together.
34
00:01:34,484 --> 00:01:36,318
Oh, excuse me.
35
00:01:36,386 --> 00:01:37,553
Sheldon.
36
00:01:37,621 --> 00:01:38,754
Hey.
37
00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:40,688
Leonard, have you
gotten married yet?
38
00:01:40,757 --> 00:01:41,857
No. Why?
39
00:01:41,924 --> 00:01:43,591
Good. Don't do it!
Why not?
40
00:01:43,659 --> 00:01:45,927
Some important new information
has come to light.
41
00:01:45,995 --> 00:01:48,930
Women are the worst.
42
00:01:48,998 --> 00:01:50,832
I thought it was paper cuts,
but I was wrong.
43
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:53,701
No piece of paper
ever cut me this deep.
44
00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:55,470
What happened now?
45
00:01:55,537 --> 00:01:58,907
Amy has ended our relationship.
46
00:01:58,975 --> 00:02:00,242
Oh, no. Seriously?
47
00:02:00,309 --> 00:02:01,009
What's going on?
48
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:02,510
Amy broke up with Sheldon.
49
00:02:02,578 --> 00:02:03,744
She did?
50
00:02:03,812 --> 00:02:06,213
Is Penny crying?
51
00:02:06,281 --> 00:02:07,281
No.
52
00:02:07,315 --> 00:02:08,082
No, of course not.
53
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:10,751
They thrive on our suffering.
54
00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:12,552
Buddy, I-I'm so sorry.
55
00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:14,554
Is there anything I can do?
56
00:02:14,622 --> 00:02:15,990
Yes. If I ever talk about
57
00:02:16,057 --> 00:02:18,259
going out with a girl again,
roll your eyes at me
58
00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:21,395
like I do to you
when you say dumb things.
59
00:02:21,462 --> 00:02:22,897
Sheldon, uh, o-okay,
just because
60
00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:24,364
you're going through this
with Amy
61
00:02:24,432 --> 00:02:26,400
doesn't mean
that all women are bad.
62
00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:28,769
Whatever.
63
00:02:28,836 --> 00:02:30,136
Hey, I just heard
64
00:02:30,204 --> 00:02:31,772
about you and Sheldon.
Are you okay?
65
00:02:31,839 --> 00:02:32,939
Not really.
66
00:02:33,007 --> 00:02:34,441
Can you come over?
67
00:02:34,509 --> 00:02:36,042
Uh, actually I'm in Vegas.
68
00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:38,244
Leonard and I
are about to get married.
69
00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:39,546
Hold on.
70
00:02:39,614 --> 00:02:42,015
You're getting married
and you didn't invite me?
71
00:02:42,082 --> 00:02:44,651
Well, it was kind of
a spur-of-the-moment thing.
72
00:02:44,719 --> 00:02:46,052
Wow.
73
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,856
Hope I can catch
the bouquet from here.
74
00:02:49,924 --> 00:02:51,725
Amy, don't be like that.
75
00:02:51,793 --> 00:02:53,727
Why did I just hear Amy's name?
76
00:02:53,795 --> 00:02:54,894
Penny's on the phone
with her.
77
00:02:54,962 --> 00:02:56,095
Did she say anything about me?
78
00:02:56,163 --> 00:02:57,630
Never mind. I don't care.
79
00:02:57,698 --> 00:02:59,498
Well, if you care,
you can find out and tell me.
80
00:02:59,566 --> 00:03:02,635
Just don't be shocked when
you find out that I don't care.
81
00:03:02,703 --> 00:03:03,769
Okay, will you relax?
82
00:03:03,838 --> 00:03:05,939
You're not missing
anything special.
83
00:03:06,807 --> 00:03:08,574
Hey.
84
00:03:08,642 --> 00:03:09,642
She's upset.
85
00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:11,077
Look, it's gonna be
a great wedding.
86
00:03:11,145 --> 00:03:13,947
Look at you in
your little suit.
87
00:03:14,014 --> 00:03:15,715
Amy's upset? Is it about me?
88
00:03:15,782 --> 00:03:17,250
No, I think it's because
we're eloping.
89
00:03:17,318 --> 00:03:19,552
Your marriage
is causing her pain?
90
00:03:19,619 --> 00:03:20,853
Yeah, great, I take it back.
91
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,356
Go ahead and do it.
Yay for love!
92
00:03:23,423 --> 00:03:26,892
* Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state *
93
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,262
* Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! *
94
00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:31,831
* The Earth began to cool
95
00:03:31,898 --> 00:03:34,567
* The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools *
96
00:03:34,634 --> 00:03:37,202
* We built the Wall
* We built the pyramids *
97
00:03:37,270 --> 00:03:39,937
* Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery *
98
00:03:40,005 --> 00:03:41,840
* That all started
with a big bang *
99
00:03:41,907 --> 00:03:43,308
* Bang! *
100
00:03:43,309 --> 00:03:47,309
* The Big Bang Theory 9x01 *
The Matrimonial Momentum
Original Air Date on September 2
101
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:53,810
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
102
00:03:53,913 --> 00:03:56,215
Hello.
Oh!
103
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,287
What are you doing here?
104
00:03:58,355 --> 00:04:01,657
When last we spoke,
you said you needed time.
105
00:04:01,725 --> 00:04:05,093
Well, it's only been 11 hours.
106
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,730
The Lord of the Rings trilogy
was nearly 11 hours.
107
00:04:07,797 --> 00:04:10,266
I made you watch that,
you said it was an eternity.
108
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:14,536
Sheldon, when I'm ready to talk,
I'll let you know.
109
00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:16,004
Very well.
110
00:04:16,072 --> 00:04:17,839
You seem to be
headed somewhere.
111
00:04:17,907 --> 00:04:19,575
May I walk with you?
112
00:04:19,643 --> 00:04:21,644
Sure.
113
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,148
Boy, I'm glad we're
going out again.
114
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:29,385
We're not back together.
115
00:04:29,452 --> 00:04:30,452
Why?
116
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:31,620
Is there someone else?
117
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,988
Just couldn't wait
for that first notch
118
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,689
on your bedpost, could you?
119
00:04:34,757 --> 00:04:36,691
If you must know,
120
00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:38,193
I'm going to Howard
and Bernadette's
121
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:39,627
to watch the wedding.
122
00:04:39,695 --> 00:04:40,728
And who's this guy
you're taking?
123
00:04:40,797 --> 00:04:41,830
There's no guy!
124
00:04:41,898 --> 00:04:43,331
Oh, you're going
to a wedding alone?
125
00:04:43,399 --> 00:04:45,100
That's sad.
126
00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:46,334
I'm not gonna be alone.
127
00:04:46,402 --> 00:04:47,669
I'll be with my friends.
128
00:04:47,736 --> 00:04:48,870
Your friends?
129
00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:50,471
Well, I think you mean
my friends.
130
00:04:50,539 --> 00:04:52,207
And why wasn't
I invited to this?
131
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:54,342
Maybe because the two of us
being there
132
00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,611
would make them feel awkward.
133
00:04:56,679 --> 00:04:58,513
We make everyone
feel awkward.
134
00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:00,849
That's our thing!
135
00:05:01,984 --> 00:05:03,351
They're running
a little behind.
136
00:05:03,419 --> 00:05:04,952
Should be pretty soon.
Okay.
137
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:07,622
Hey, if you're hungry,
there's a breakfast buffet
138
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:09,824
at the strip club next door.
139
00:05:09,891 --> 00:05:14,128
Thanks, but I don't like glitter
on my scrambled eggs.
140
00:05:14,196 --> 00:05:18,199
I don't think the strippers
prepare the meal, but okay.
141
00:05:19,601 --> 00:05:22,837
Look, it-it's not
how I pictured it either,
142
00:05:22,904 --> 00:05:24,472
but I'm still glad
we're doing it.
143
00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:26,374
Me, too.
You sure?
144
00:05:26,442 --> 00:05:27,842
Yes.
And you promise
145
00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:29,844
you're okay with
everything from the car?
146
00:05:29,911 --> 00:05:31,611
Oh, my God, would you stop
bringing it up?
147
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,513
You're right.
I'm sorry.
148
00:05:33,581 --> 00:05:35,015
We have the rest of our lives
149
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:38,319
to dredge stuff up from the past
and fight about it.
150
00:05:39,587 --> 00:05:40,687
So what do you think?
151
00:05:40,755 --> 00:05:42,589
Should we run next door
and grab a bite?
152
00:05:42,657 --> 00:05:44,124
What if they call our names?
153
00:05:44,192 --> 00:05:47,694
Oh, don't worry. They gave me
this vibrating coaster.
154
00:05:47,762 --> 00:05:51,130
Oh, and the fairy tale
continues.
155
00:05:53,601 --> 00:05:55,569
Thank you for doing this.
156
00:05:55,636 --> 00:05:56,737
Our pleasure.
157
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,004
You feeling okay?
158
00:05:58,072 --> 00:06:00,073
We were together for so long,
159
00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:02,509
I honestly don't know
what I'm feeling.
160
00:06:02,577 --> 00:06:04,644
Well, that's
understandable.
161
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:07,180
You forgot.
It's called "happy."
162
00:06:07,248 --> 00:06:08,615
Howard.
163
00:06:08,683 --> 00:06:09,716
I'm not saying
anything bad.
164
00:06:09,784 --> 00:06:11,885
Just that she was in love
with her captor
165
00:06:11,952 --> 00:06:15,221
and somehow managed to escape
from his dark and crazy dungeon.
166
00:06:16,891 --> 00:06:18,057
I know
what you're going through.
167
00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:20,526
My-my last breakup
was pretty tough.
168
00:06:20,594 --> 00:06:22,795
Oh. What was her name?
169
00:06:22,863 --> 00:06:23,963
Hey, it's a true story.
170
00:06:24,031 --> 00:06:26,065
I don't need the third degree.
171
00:06:31,038 --> 00:06:33,839
For God's sake, Sheldon,
what are you doing?
172
00:06:33,908 --> 00:06:35,440
I didn't want
to come in.
173
00:06:35,508 --> 00:06:38,610
I was told it would make
everyone feel uncomfortable.
174
00:06:39,379 --> 00:06:40,578
So I'll just stay out here
175
00:06:40,646 --> 00:06:42,948
and pretend that I don't
have to go to the bathroom.
176
00:06:46,152 --> 00:06:47,886
Howard, do something.
177
00:06:47,954 --> 00:06:49,988
I'm on it.
178
00:06:56,963 --> 00:07:00,631
Sheldon, you being here might
not be making things better.
179
00:07:00,698 --> 00:07:02,599
I see.
180
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:05,202
And is that why
everybody was invited but me?
181
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:07,204
They didn't invite
everybody but you.
182
00:07:07,272 --> 00:07:08,772
Bernadette invited me,
183
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,074
and Stuart lives here.
184
00:07:10,142 --> 00:07:12,843
Who wants hot cinnamon rolls?
185
00:07:15,747 --> 00:07:18,649
So, when you hear the music,
that's your cue.
186
00:07:18,716 --> 00:07:19,951
Any questions?
187
00:07:20,018 --> 00:07:21,919
Oh, the package
that we paid for
188
00:07:21,986 --> 00:07:24,520
said the aisle was supposed
to be strewn with rose petals.
189
00:07:24,588 --> 00:07:25,888
Where are the rose petals?!
190
00:07:25,957 --> 00:07:27,991
We're out!
You know what?
191
00:07:28,059 --> 00:07:29,259
It's fine.
192
00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:31,727
We can use the
potpourri from the bathroom!
193
00:07:31,795 --> 00:07:33,430
Really, we're good.
194
00:07:33,497 --> 00:07:35,065
Yup, just want
to get married.
195
00:07:35,132 --> 00:07:36,266
Yeah.
Great.
196
00:07:36,334 --> 00:07:38,301
I'll see you two
up there.
197
00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:43,306
This is it.
I know.
198
00:07:43,374 --> 00:07:46,108
I love you.
199
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,077
I love you, too.
200
00:07:48,144 --> 00:07:50,580
Was that a yes
or no on the potpourri?!
201
00:07:50,647 --> 00:07:52,715
No, thank you!
We're good!
202
00:07:55,853 --> 00:07:57,386
Raj, you're probably wondering
203
00:07:57,454 --> 00:08:00,957
why Amy and I aren't showing
any affection to one another.
204
00:08:01,024 --> 00:08:03,192
Didn't even crack the top ten.
205
00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:06,295
Well, you should know
206
00:08:06,363 --> 00:08:07,930
that she recently
broke up with me.
207
00:08:07,998 --> 00:08:10,799
I said I needed
time to think.
208
00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:13,135
I'm sure you guys
will figure something out.
209
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:15,904
You hear that?
Raj is devastated.
210
00:08:15,972 --> 00:08:18,673
Sheldon, shh.
The wedding's starting.
211
00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:20,309
I see what's happening.
212
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:21,643
Sides are forming.
213
00:08:21,711 --> 00:08:23,812
Well, if Bernadette's
on Amy's team, I pick Howard.
214
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:24,913
I'm not taking sides.
215
00:08:24,981 --> 00:08:26,382
Fine, I guess
I'm stuck with Raj.
216
00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:27,716
Really?
217
00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:30,519
At least you
got picked.
218
00:08:32,255 --> 00:08:33,322
Before I go any further,
219
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:35,289
have either of you
prepared your own vows?
220
00:08:35,357 --> 00:08:36,790
Yes.
No.
221
00:08:37,493 --> 00:08:39,527
You wrote vows?
222
00:08:39,594 --> 00:08:40,594
Yeah.
223
00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:42,330
Well, I don't have any.
224
00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:45,066
You're kind of
making me look bad.
225
00:08:45,134 --> 00:08:47,601
It's okay. I-I don't
have to say them.
226
00:08:47,669 --> 00:08:48,969
No, no, no, go ahead.
227
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:52,940
I'll come up with something
mushy, you'll cry, we got this.
228
00:08:53,008 --> 00:08:55,743
"Penny, we are
made of particles
229
00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:58,111
"that have existed since the
moment the universe began.
230
00:08:58,179 --> 00:09:00,947
"I like to think
those atoms traveled
231
00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:04,017
"14 billion years through
time and space to create us,
232
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:08,021
so that we could be together
and make each other whole."
233
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,524
Wow.
234
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:13,260
Penny?
235
00:09:13,327 --> 00:09:17,030
Right. Um... okay.
236
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,936
Leonard, I mean, you're not
only the love of my life.
237
00:09:23,003 --> 00:09:25,204
I mean,
you're my best friend, and...
238
00:09:27,307 --> 00:09:30,242
...you've got a friend in me.
239
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,948
You got troubles.
240
00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:36,816
I got 'em, too.
241
00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:41,988
There isn't anything
I wouldn't do for you.
242
00:09:42,056 --> 00:09:45,558
We stick together,
and we can see it through,
243
00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:48,927
'cause... you've got
a friend in me.
244
00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:52,731
Is that the song
from Toy Story?
245
00:09:52,799 --> 00:09:53,799
He loves that movie.
246
00:09:53,866 --> 00:09:55,301
I do.
247
00:09:57,571 --> 00:10:00,272
Aw, that was beautiful.
Yeah.
248
00:10:00,340 --> 00:10:02,208
I mean, not like our
wedding beautiful.
249
00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:04,910
No, we totally won.
250
00:10:04,978 --> 00:10:07,778
Amy, I don't understand,
are we broken up or not?
251
00:10:07,846 --> 00:10:09,380
It's like you can't
make up your mind.
252
00:10:09,448 --> 00:10:12,450
It's because you're not
giving me any space to think.
253
00:10:12,518 --> 00:10:13,751
Well, you should think fast,
254
00:10:13,819 --> 00:10:16,221
because men can sire offspring
their entire lives,
255
00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:19,357
but those eggs you're toting
around have a sell-by date.
256
00:10:23,129 --> 00:10:25,896
You know what, Sheldon,
you've made this really easy.
257
00:10:25,964 --> 00:10:29,267
You're immature, you're selfish,
you just insulted me to my face.
258
00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:31,636
I don't need any more time
to think. We're broken up.
259
00:10:31,703 --> 00:10:32,870
Amy...
260
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,741
Will someone take me home?
261
00:10:36,808 --> 00:10:37,842
Yeah. Come on,
I'll give you a ride.
262
00:10:37,909 --> 00:10:40,611
...symbolizes your eternal love.
263
00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:44,248
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
264
00:10:46,217 --> 00:10:47,051
We did it!
265
00:10:47,119 --> 00:10:50,755
I'm so glad
you guys could watch!
266
00:10:50,822 --> 00:10:54,324
We'll say it was beautiful
in the comment section.
267
00:11:04,923 --> 00:11:06,656
No, no, no. Hang on.
268
00:11:06,724 --> 00:11:09,926
I believe I'm supposed to
carry you across the threshold.
269
00:11:09,994 --> 00:11:12,461
Can you?
270
00:11:12,530 --> 00:11:14,230
Who do you think
carries Sheldon to bed
271
00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:16,765
when he falls asleep
in front of the TV?
272
00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,567
Okay, let's do it.
273
00:11:27,577 --> 00:11:29,778
You gonna make it?
I'm okay!
274
00:11:32,449 --> 00:11:34,550
Nicely done!
275
00:11:34,617 --> 00:11:35,951
Thank you.
276
00:11:36,019 --> 00:11:37,085
Finally, there's
a Mrs. Hofstadter
277
00:11:37,153 --> 00:11:39,654
who isn't disappointed in me.
278
00:11:39,721 --> 00:11:41,722
Well, the night is still young.
279
00:11:53,802 --> 00:11:55,603
Everything all right?
280
00:11:56,638 --> 00:11:58,906
Yeah. I guess.
281
00:11:58,974 --> 00:12:01,709
Just tell me.
282
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:03,844
It's just, when we were kissing,
283
00:12:03,912 --> 00:12:06,280
I couldn't help but picture
you with that other girl.
284
00:12:06,347 --> 00:12:07,281
Oh, no.
285
00:12:07,348 --> 00:12:08,583
No, come on.
286
00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:09,884
I have a friend in you.
287
00:12:09,952 --> 00:12:12,119
You said so.
288
00:12:12,187 --> 00:12:13,854
You're right.
Just forget it.
289
00:12:13,922 --> 00:12:15,890
Yeah.
290
00:12:19,661 --> 00:12:22,096
Okay, listen. Uh...
291
00:12:22,163 --> 00:12:25,399
If you're imagining that
it was sexy, it wasn't.
292
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:28,235
We-we were both drunk, and
she smelled like an ashtray.
293
00:12:28,303 --> 00:12:31,871
The boat was moving a lot,
so I chipped her tooth.
294
00:12:31,939 --> 00:12:33,974
Did you feel guilty?
295
00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:36,477
No, she had
dental insurance.
296
00:12:36,544 --> 00:12:40,714
Did you feel guilty
after kissing her?
297
00:12:40,781 --> 00:12:43,883
Yes. I felt guilty as
soon as it happened.
298
00:12:43,951 --> 00:12:47,020
I feel guilty
every time I see her.
299
00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:49,889
What do you mean,
every time you see her?
300
00:12:49,957 --> 00:12:51,891
What... do I mean?
301
00:12:51,959 --> 00:12:54,527
Boy, that's a toughie.
302
00:12:54,595 --> 00:12:57,130
You still see her?
303
00:12:57,197 --> 00:12:59,132
Well, no, not socially.
304
00:12:59,199 --> 00:13:00,366
But, you know,
just at work.
305
00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:02,869
You work with her?!
306
00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:04,437
How could you not tell me that?!
307
00:13:04,505 --> 00:13:06,973
I wanted to tell you in the car,
but you told me to stop talking!
308
00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:08,608
Oh, okay. So you're saying
this is my fault?
309
00:13:08,676 --> 00:13:10,110
No, of course not.
310
00:13:10,177 --> 00:13:11,745
Okay, l-look,
311
00:13:11,812 --> 00:13:13,146
instead of fighting,
312
00:13:13,213 --> 00:13:15,715
why don't we dim the lights,
313
00:13:15,783 --> 00:13:19,618
um, get naked and make a baby?
314
00:13:26,126 --> 00:13:28,994
I was trying
to lighten the mood.
315
00:13:29,062 --> 00:13:32,330
It's not easy. You try it.
316
00:13:33,599 --> 00:13:34,667
Hello, Mother.
317
00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:36,935
Shelly! How's my baby doing?
318
00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:38,403
I just wanted to let you know
319
00:13:38,471 --> 00:13:41,406
that you can remove Amy
from your nightly prayers.
320
00:13:41,474 --> 00:13:43,208
Unless you're open
to praying for
321
00:13:43,276 --> 00:13:45,510
a beehive to fall on her head.
322
00:13:45,578 --> 00:13:47,712
Oh, what's going on?
323
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:49,013
She broke up with me.
324
00:13:49,081 --> 00:13:50,481
Oh, Shelly.
325
00:13:50,549 --> 00:13:51,282
No, I'll be okay.
326
00:13:51,349 --> 00:13:53,217
But I think that I'd like
327
00:13:53,285 --> 00:13:55,953
to send the ring back to you.
328
00:13:56,021 --> 00:13:57,121
Well, let's not be hasty.
329
00:13:57,189 --> 00:13:58,923
Are you sure it's over for good?
330
00:13:58,991 --> 00:14:01,125
It's over for me.
I'm done with women.
331
00:14:01,193 --> 00:14:03,061
Like when I swore off Pop Rocks.
332
00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:06,330
They both hurt you on purpose.
333
00:14:06,398 --> 00:14:08,399
You want to tell me
what happened?
334
00:14:08,466 --> 00:14:10,701
Are you going to say
it's all part of God's plan?
335
00:14:10,768 --> 00:14:11,601
Good chance.
336
00:14:11,669 --> 00:14:13,804
Then no, thank you.
337
00:14:13,871 --> 00:14:15,605
Well, honey,
don't send it back yet.
338
00:14:15,673 --> 00:14:17,833
Your sister's married,
and I'm not letting your brother
339
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:21,511
give my grandmother's ring
to that whore he's dating.
340
00:14:21,579 --> 00:14:25,348
Wasn't Mary Magdalene
a woman of ill repute?
341
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,051
When your idiot brother
redeems mankind,
342
00:14:28,119 --> 00:14:31,221
he can date whoever he wants.
343
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,726
I know it hurts now,
but it's gonna get better.
344
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:36,726
Yeah.
345
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,094
Everything's gonna be okay.
346
00:14:38,161 --> 00:14:40,996
You've got so
much to offer.
347
00:14:41,064 --> 00:14:42,264
Thank you.
348
00:14:42,332 --> 00:14:44,600
Any man would be
lucky to have you.
349
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:46,202
That's true.
350
00:14:46,269 --> 00:14:48,570
I just hope
I did the right thing.
351
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:49,972
I'm sure you did.
352
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,142
Maybe that's the problem...
you always do the right thing.
353
00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:56,612
Maybe it's time to
do the wrong thing.
354
00:15:03,285 --> 00:15:06,420
Like you're doing right now?
355
00:15:08,323 --> 00:15:10,925
Exactly.
356
00:15:14,329 --> 00:15:16,631
I asked you over and
over if you were okay.
357
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,938
Why would you go through with
the wedding if you weren't?
358
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,036
I thought I was okay,
but it turns out I'm not.
359
00:15:22,104 --> 00:15:24,773
Okay, listen, I may not
have been entirely faithful,
360
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,308
but you,
you are not easy to lift!
361
00:15:32,147 --> 00:15:33,147
Wow!
362
00:15:33,214 --> 00:15:35,182
Well, marriage must agree
with you.
363
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:38,352
Well, you are just glowing.
364
00:15:41,790 --> 00:15:43,691
I'm not glowing.
365
00:15:43,759 --> 00:15:45,293
I'm upset.
366
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,462
Well, whatever it is,
it agrees with you.
367
00:15:57,438 --> 00:16:00,274
Knock, knock,
knock, Penny?
368
00:16:00,341 --> 00:16:03,576
Knock, knock, knock, Penny?
Knock, knock, knock, Penny?
369
00:16:05,914 --> 00:16:07,014
What's this?
370
00:16:07,081 --> 00:16:08,282
Leonard told me what happened,
371
00:16:08,349 --> 00:16:11,151
so I took it upon myself
to make you a hot beverage.
372
00:16:11,219 --> 00:16:12,820
Oh. That's so sweet of you.
373
00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:14,421
Yeah. I know.
374
00:16:15,522 --> 00:16:16,889
Turns out, being sweet
375
00:16:16,957 --> 00:16:19,425
isn't enough
to keep a girl these days.
376
00:16:19,492 --> 00:16:21,493
I blame Madonna.
377
00:16:21,561 --> 00:16:24,496
I'm sorry to hear
about you and Amy.
378
00:16:24,564 --> 00:16:25,965
Well, I'm sorry
about Leonard.
379
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:27,513
Thought I raised him
better than that.
380
00:16:27,567 --> 00:16:30,636
You know, it's bad enough
what happened,
381
00:16:30,704 --> 00:16:33,239
but then he tried to hide
the fact that he sees her
382
00:16:33,307 --> 00:16:35,174
all the time
at the university.
383
00:16:35,242 --> 00:16:37,576
He does? Who is it?
384
00:16:37,644 --> 00:16:39,911
Some girl named Mandy.
385
00:16:40,747 --> 00:16:43,081
Mandy Chao?
Yeah.
386
00:16:43,149 --> 00:16:44,817
Oh, you don't need
to worry about her.
387
00:16:44,884 --> 00:16:46,017
She's brilliant and attractive.
388
00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:48,520
She can do way better
than Leonard.
389
00:16:53,025 --> 00:16:54,560
That's great.
390
00:16:55,895 --> 00:16:57,262
Wait a minute.
391
00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:59,264
I know this may
sound farfetched,
392
00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:00,999
but I'm on the market now.
393
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,800
You know, if I dated Mandy,
394
00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:05,770
that would teach both
Leonard and Amy a lesson.
395
00:17:05,838 --> 00:17:07,339
That's ridiculous.
396
00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:09,540
Oh, you're right.
I could never be with a woman
397
00:17:09,608 --> 00:17:12,344
whose self-esteem was so low
she'd be with Leonard.
398
00:17:12,411 --> 00:17:15,080
I'm with Leonard.
399
00:17:15,147 --> 00:17:17,548
Yeah, I know. Forever.
400
00:17:19,651 --> 00:17:22,587
Who would have believed
these things would happen to us?
401
00:17:22,654 --> 00:17:24,122
Right?
402
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:27,125
I can't believe Amy
actually went through with it.
403
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,460
Hang on.
404
00:17:29,528 --> 00:17:32,096
You knew that she was
going to end it with me?
405
00:17:32,163 --> 00:17:33,864
Did you try
and stop her?
406
00:17:33,932 --> 00:17:38,102
I told her to be true to herself
and do what makes her happy.
407
00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:39,336
Do what makes her happy?
408
00:17:39,404 --> 00:17:41,906
She plays the harp and
her car is paid for.
409
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,041
How much happier can she be?
410
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:46,643
Okay, look, it's not my fault
411
00:17:46,711 --> 00:17:49,313
that she thought
you were a bad boyfriend.
412
00:17:50,382 --> 00:17:52,216
I see.
413
00:17:52,284 --> 00:17:54,285
Well...
414
00:17:58,188 --> 00:18:00,056
I think I'll be going.
415
00:18:00,958 --> 00:18:02,725
Sheldon...
No, no, no, no.
416
00:18:02,793 --> 00:18:05,128
We are done here.
417
00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:10,333
Would you mind
opening the door
418
00:18:10,401 --> 00:18:13,569
and then angrily slamming it
behind me?
419
00:18:14,504 --> 00:18:16,005
Sure.
420
00:18:16,073 --> 00:18:17,974
Thank you.
421
00:18:18,042 --> 00:18:19,675
And slam it hard,
422
00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:21,444
because I am pretty steamed.
423
00:18:24,047 --> 00:18:25,815
All right, Leonard,
hang in there.
424
00:18:25,882 --> 00:18:28,083
Talk to you tomorrow.
425
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,787
What happened?
They just got married.
426
00:18:31,855 --> 00:18:33,255
I don't know.
427
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:36,625
It's a mess.
They had a huge fight in Vegas.
428
00:18:36,693 --> 00:18:37,860
Think they'll break up?
429
00:18:37,928 --> 00:18:40,128
I don't know. Sounds pretty bad.
430
00:18:40,196 --> 00:18:42,931
Penny's back in her apartment
all by herself.
431
00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:45,367
Really?
432
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,268
Would you like to hear
another reason
433
00:18:58,336 --> 00:19:00,203
why men are
better than women?
434
00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:04,506
Sure, let's make it
an even hundred.
435
00:19:04,574 --> 00:19:07,176
You would never kiss me
and make me say "I love you"
436
00:19:07,244 --> 00:19:08,845
and then break up with me.
437
00:19:08,912 --> 00:19:11,780
I wouldn't.
438
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,250
And you know why?
439
00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:15,784
'Cause you're a man.
440
00:19:15,853 --> 00:19:19,288
The champagne of genders.
441
00:19:19,356 --> 00:19:21,457
Well, I may be a man,
442
00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:24,360
but I think I'm the one
that screwed up on this one.
443
00:19:24,427 --> 00:19:27,996
Yeah, well, and you admit it,
like a man.
444
00:19:28,064 --> 00:19:29,464
All you hear
women say is,
445
00:19:29,531 --> 00:19:32,133
"I'll just have a salad."
You know?
446
00:19:32,201 --> 00:19:33,935
"Where's my lip gloss?"
447
00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:36,671
"I think this element
should be called radium."
448
00:19:38,474 --> 00:19:41,109
That last one was Madame Curie.
449
00:19:41,177 --> 00:19:43,811
I figured that out.
450
00:19:43,879 --> 00:19:46,247
You know what?
She was kind of an honorary man.
451
00:19:46,314 --> 00:19:49,684
She had a penis made of science.
452
00:19:53,054 --> 00:19:56,591
Can't believe I'm spending
my wedding night with you.
453
00:19:56,658 --> 00:19:57,992
Really?
454
00:19:58,059 --> 00:20:00,227
I never imagined it
any other way.
455
00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:09,122
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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