Original subtitles

? Don't care what you think about it ?

? Ain't here to please nobody

? I'm running undercover

? Here comes trouble now

? Me and my wicked ways

? I'll get you into trouble now ?

? It's just so hard to behave

? Got you seeing double, now

? I'm the one your mama told you ?

? I'll play the one that's told you ?

? A risk you can't afford

? And here comes trouble now

? Turning it up all night

? Got you feeling all right

? Turning it up all night

? Got you feeling all right

? Get you into trouble, now

- One would imagine that in America,

we're a lot more liberal when it comes to sexuality.

In our country, we're still so judgmental.

Things are very taboo.

- Right now it's not really happening for me.

I just survived The Summer of Celibacy.

- I would say my sex life is--

I'm a very, like, erotic kind of guy,

so I like the-- the slow, passionate--

you know, I like the build-up.

- If I could eat pussy all day, I would.

But to me, what I love the most is,

I like to eat pussy, like to have sex,

When I'm done, I gotta go have a sandwich.

People know that about me. When I'm done having sex,

I'm gonna go have a sandwich, come back,

and have sex again.

And then I'm gonna go get another sandwich.

- Ideally, I'd have sex twice a day.

Breakfast, and fucking dinner.

- I think talking about sex

is highly important

for everyone to do,

because we don't talk about it enough.

- I'm London. - I'm Donovan.

- Kelly. - Michael, and this--

- And this-- - And this--

Both: And this is our sex life.

- Oww! - But don't tell my mother.

- People come to these Erotic Sleepovers

because they really need and want to experience

true freedom and liberation.

- There's a spiritual component of it.

Really getting into the energy, learning about energies

and the sensuality of it all.

Sex is good. We say "yes" to pleasure.

We say "yes" to variety, both women and men.

We say "yes" to sharing!

- I want them to leave with their lives changed

forever at their core.

That's the power of what we're doing here.

- You have 360 degrees of access to your partner.

- Right. - And so you can really

position her in any position and play

and just have a really good time.

- We have been married for three years,

been together for four.

Loving every single moment of it.

- You better. - [ chuckles ]

- She's spicy.

Very, very spicy.

- Are you from Atlanta? - No.

- No? - We've only been here

for about a year now. She's from New York.

- New York. - Louisiana.

- Oh, okay, okay.

- Bringing in an extra toy or two, whatever,

it's spicy, it's sexy.

It keeps your relationship alive.

- I think this toy is a really-- an amazing showpiece.

- Hmm. - It enhances everything.

- Exactly, and that's what we're about.

We're about enhancing each other's pleasure.

- Yeah. - That's what we're here for.

- And if it can enhance

more than what he already does?

- Mm-hmm. - I'll just be like,

coming on the walls.

- Bring your poncho. Bring your poncho.

He's just looking at me.

- Hey, if you can work up to it and you feel

comfortable with it, I say let's go for it.

- Do you think they'll have some of those

at the Erotic Sleepover?

- All right, son everybody,

we're gonna go ahead and get started.

First off, I want to say thank all of y'all people

for coming and participating in Erotic Sleepover 3.0.

I don't know how many of you guys know me,

but I am gonna introduce myself so you know

who the fuck I am.

I'm Cidney Green. This is my brain child.

It started off as just an idea and here we are,

three years later, doing it.

And this is actually a bit surreal.

You know what I'm saying? So it's cool!

An Erotic Sleepover is an all-inclusive,

luxury, spiritual, sexual retreat.

The people that come to the Erotic Sleepover,

you get all walks of life.

I think the common thread that keeps all of us together

is the desire for sexual freedom and sexual expression.

And what I provide here is just really a safe place.

It has to be safe as far as not being judged,

safe as far as just physical safety

and it's a very loving, warm environment.

- I mean...

I've never been on an Erotic Sleepover before.

- Mm-hmm.

- So I'm just...nervous?

- Nervous? - Nervous.

- What kind of things make you nervous about it?

- Being outside of our bedroom.

- Right, that's--

- So, again, we haven't been outside

of our bedroom, sexually.

So being there with a bunch of people--

I don't even know how many people--50 people.

You know what I mean? It's just gonna be like--

it's--it's not normal, it seems.

But then, what's normal?

- Yeah, nobody else can define your normal,

but you.

- I guess.

- So let's go define our normal.

- I guess.

So hopefully, like, we walk in and just find

the people that we're looking to hook up with.

- Uh-huh. - Like, that's the dream.

- That's the dream scenario?

- Like, I don't want to go searching.

- All right, so you open the door.

Boom. Pow. Door open.

You walk in. Describe the person you see.

- Girl or guy?

- Let's start with guy.

- Shirtless. - Okay.

- Abs. - All right.

- And he's sweating. - Okay.

- He's like--

Sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat. "You!"

And then I'm just like, "Oh, ah!"

And then you're like, "Do you want him?"

And then I'm just like, "Yeah,"

and then we, like, attack him.

Like, that's my-- when we walk through the door.

- Uh-huh. - That's fantasy.

- First thing? - First thing.

- Okay. - Soon as we open the door.

And it's just like "Whoa!"

- I think, honestly, if more people did this,

there'd be a lot less cheating in relationships.

- There would be, and people would be together.

- That's one thing I can say. - People would be together

and people would be happy.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I agree.

- High five! Pow!

- What about this space?

What about--we could put some maybe in here?

- We have to have a place for people to sleep.

- Are those air mattresses fluffy?

This is looking kind of-- it's still looking kind of--

Yeah, like, there needs to be no wrinkles in it.

Stephanie, do you have all the alcohol stations planned out?

I can put that in Milo's quarters

if you want to, with the trays.

I don't know if you want the trays to be

already in Milo's quarters or have the trays at your station.

- Yeah, the trays are gonna be split up.

- So this year's Erotic Sleepover,

we're gonna have 30 guests.

And this venue is by far the best venue we've ever had,

the biggest and the most grandest venue we ever had.

So I just can't wait for people to see it.

Thank y'all. Again, if I'm sharp,

it is not because I don't love and appreciate y'all.

I'm just-- this is just sharp time.

Like, I gotta be sharp.

I grew up in Monroe, Louisiana,

obviously the South, okay.

So my mom did not raise us in the church

like a lot of families were.

Even though my mom was relatively liberal,

you still get those ideals that sex is--

you shouldn't do it and masturbation is bad.

But I started playing with my pussy young.

I started masturbating young, okay?

I started figuring out that things felt good

when you touched them a certain way

when I was about eight.

And to this day, you should not trust me

around pool jets because I will position myself

and act like I'm reading a book when really,

I'm letting the water hit my clit.

Yes, I like that.

But, I'm saying all this to say

I still remember feeling guilt about sexuality.

I had to figure out a way to stop giving a fuck

about what I thought a man wanted or what I thought

society expected of me, being a black woman.

And I had to sit with myself, just really figuring out

if there was no such thing as a social norm at all,

would I like having more than one man that love me? Yes.

Would I want to be monogamous? No.

Would I want to have sex as much as I want

and all this other time? Yeah.

And I fell in love with all of it.

And I fell in love with the person who

had those beliefs and had those desires.

And so yeah, I figured out who the fuck I was

and fell in love with that person and here you are.

I was repressed and now I'm not.

- This is what we've been waiting for.

- Yep. - The moment we have

been waiting for. - Here we go.

Look how huge this house is!

Don't forget your mask. - I got it. You got yours?

- Yeah. - All right.

- Sounds loud in there.

- Hello. - Hello!

Hello! Hello! Hello!

- Cidney is my sister.

- Cidney is your sister, really? - Yes.

- All right, I'm Mike. It's nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. Welcome, welcome.

- You're in room one.

'Cause you're number one.

- We are number one. Ohh! - Ohh!

- When people come to my events,

it's a very freeing, liberating feeling.

You get to be yourself.

They get to know themselves on a level

that they've never gotten to know themselves before.

- Thank you, and your name is? - Kamia.

- And her titties are not fake. They are real.

- I see, they're gorgeous! - They look very real.

- Those are real tits. - Very, very, real.

- Are yours real too? - If you need a towel,

if you need your head massaged, whatever it is.

- Which head, though?

- My name is Princess.

I'm the event manager and model coordinator

for the Erotic Sleepover this year.

I'm here for both of you.

I'm here all night if you need me.

People are really coming just for that ambiance,

for that freedom, for the spirituality.

- I'm looking forward to a whole lot of voyeurism.

Like, I want to see all sorts of sex.

All sorts of sex-- juicy sex, saucy sex,

morning sex, nighttime sex.

I want to see sex, sex, sex.

In the room, in the closet, everywhere.

This event has a spiritual twist or spin to it.

- Yes, yes, and you are?

- I'm J. Jose!

- J. Jose! All right, man!

Good to meet you, man. Good to meet you.

- So it's not your typical orgy or sex party at all.

- That's what I'm talking about. Get it girl, get it, get it.

- It's my quads. - I need to get more like you.

I should start twerking more.

- What do you do?

- Eat fish.

- Brown people are very sexually inhibited.

Don't believe all the twerk videos you see on TV.

That's not the truth, not for the mass populace.

We're not liberated in that way.

So if people come and they just really want

to have good, clean, open fun,

an event like this can open them up

to another part of themselves

that they didn't know existed.

- We have a couple of activities for you guys, okay?

But the first thing we're gonna do

is introduce you to King Heff.

- I teach the sensual art of impact play, right?

So tonight, I'm gonna do a little demonstration.

We're gonna do a little breath play, okay?

So if y'all don't know what breath play is,

breath play is a little choking, all right?

So before I do this, consent is very key

and very sexy, all right?

So Junita, do I have your consent to choke you tonight?

Yes.

- I'm watching everything you guys do.

- Consent is very important.

Consent for everything, not even just sex, okay?

If you want to touch somebody,

you have to get a hard "yes."

Anything that's not a "hell yes" is a "hell no."

A "I guess you can"?

No. That's a "no," okay?

Everything has to be a hard "yes."

- Oh, yes sir!

- I had strict Caribbean parents,

and I grew up very private.

In my house, we always were clothed.

You know, come out the shower, you have a towel on,

you have a robe on, you have something on.

So if I ever had anything little on with company over,

my mom's like, "Put on some pants."

You know, so we were very covered.

Very--you know, sex wasn't open.

So just seeing everyone do that was a lot.

- Remember that 10,000 years ago,

prior to sexual repression.

Prior to the Victorian Age!

- I could definitely tell

that she was first starting to get uncomfortable

right when we started to sit on the beds.

And I think it was just the overwhelming

of emotions and sensory overload,

kind of with everything that was going on.

So it was just a lot for her to take in

and it was--it just started going south, unfortunately.

- In societies where people take care of each other,

all people have sex together, who want to.

- And that's why I tried to pay more attention to her,

every once in a while, reach over and give her a kiss,

grab her hand and try to hold her close,

let her know that everything's going to be all right.

- If you would, come around this way

and we're gonna get into an exact circle.

Preferably male, female, male, female.

- I'm going to the room real quick.

- Say again?

- I'm going to the room real quick.

- You need me?

- She's in the bathroom.

- Oh. - She'll be back.

- ...where you're going to practice consent.

So the woman is going to ask for a sexual favor.

- How do I kiss two people at the same time?

- We can kiss you at the same time.

- Okay, that works for me.

- Four, three, two, and motherfucking one.

- I felt uptight, a little prudish.

Like, "Oh my god, they're naked!"

Like, you know what I mean?

So I just needed something to loosen up

and nothing was working.

- Where are you at? Come on, scatter,

scatter, scatter.

Get new groups! Come on, scatter.

- It was just like, "Come on, Sunshine."

- Is anybody gonna come to my bed?

- I would like to have an ass massage

at the same time as having a boob massage.

- Okay.

- Is that something you guys can do?

- We can do that. - [ laughs ]

- We can do that.

You can take one of each

and I'll take one of each. - I got you.

Yes!

I'm surrounded by beautiful, younger men.

- Oh, of course.

- I didn't really know what was going on out there

but I wasn't comfortable enough to go back out there.

- Very strong.

Women, you can tell your guy that they are

very powerful, they are very strong.

[ voice on phone video ] ...change your expectation

- You're very soft, very silky.

- So I don't know, I didn't really know how to feel.

...absence of what you want,

you'll get in the presence of what you want.

It's just that simple.

Distraction from the absence of what you want.

- What's going on, babe? Come here.

- Hey, go out there and have fun.

- It's okay, I do understand and I thank you.

But I want you to go out there and enjoy yourself.

- Look...

- For those people who've never been

to an Erotic Sleepover before,

first thing I would say is, feel the nervousness,

feel some of the fear and work through it.

Because on the other side of fear is everything

that you've ever desired.

- So I know how last night ended and we continue

to try and support each other and

make sure we don't get a repeat of last night.

- In my head, I was like, "Yeah, we're gonna do this,

"we're gonna do that. Oh, my God,

what if we had six guys? What if you had--"

And you know, it was all of this built-up excitement.

And then when I get there, it was just a shock.

I didn't know what to expect and it was just--

it was very overwhelming, I guess.

- If you're not doing well and you're not feeling well,

I'll get you up and I'll bring you out.

You won't even have to do that on your own.

- Okay, I appreciate that.

- I got you, babe. - I appreciate that.

- Hey!

- So you guys are ready to play?

- The lovely Miss Princess.

- You look beautiful! - Thank you!

I'm still gonna give you guys your massage tonight.

- Princess has just told me about this massage

since we've been here.

She's like "Oh, my God.

Wait till you feel my massages!"

So we're excited to see Princess's skills.

Ooh!

- Soft kisses on my leg.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- I would like to feel more open.

I felt like I was closed off yesterday to almost everything.

To take everything outside of the bedroom,

into this open forum, you know,

is completely opposite of what I'm used to.

So I want to be open about it.

Yeah.

- How does your butt feel?

- So good.

- How does it feel for you? - So soft.

- Your skin is soft!

I've gotten a lot of massages in the past,

but like, this was different.

She would rub a leg, and then Mike would rub a leg,

and it was very soft, very sensual.

For me to just have a moment with my husband, Princess,

all in that like, more comfortable type of setting,

I had more of a calmness to me.

Oh! That felt amazing!

Let me just relax and everything is going to be okay.

So, it's just a different mindset

going into the second day.

Ah, I feel so relaxed! - Yeah, you do.

- People coming to an Erotic Sleepover for the first time,

your programming and your conditioning is gonna come up.

You're gonna feel triggered, you're gonna feel uncomfortable.

- So I support people in shifting their mindset.

You want to feel that feeling and push forward anyway.

Or ask for support, move through it,

so that you can open up, de-stress,

and come back to your natural, sexual self.

- Hmm.

- Hey.

- Come hither.

- Hi, what you guys doing?

- It's a special contest.

- Special contest?

- Oh, wow. - It's one on one.

- Let's go. Let's do it.

- All right, let's go.

- Let's go.

- Ready, ladies? - Let's go. Let's do it.

- We're on the beds and they both just

went to town on us, and that was exciting.

That was definitely exciting.

Oh, shit! [ moans ]

Mike pleasuring me while another woman

next to me was definitely new.

We have never done that before, ever.

It was hot to hear her moaning from being pleasured

from her guy and then I'm moaning

from being pleasured from my guy.

It was all a hot experience. It's definitely a fantasy

that we didn't even realize we had.

- At this point, I am wet.

So I was just like "Oh, no, no, no, no, this has to happen.

"He gon' stick it in.

He gon' stick it in or I'm gon' stick it in."

We just had to get into the sex.

There was just no other way to do it.

- Like, we just toned everybody out from around us

and we were just doing us, we were being us.

We did come here for new sexual experience,

so that was, by golly, a new experience.

It was so exciting just to be there and to feel it

and to feel them and their energy

and what they're going through.

And for it to be something new for us

that we did together for the first time,

it was beautiful. It was wonderful.

- With Erotic Sleepovers, I'm creating

a culture of acceptance and really working through

the barriers of things that society just does not

talk about, especially in the black community.

We really are creating a culture

of melananted acceptance and sex positivity.

That's what we do here.

That's what the fuck the culture's about.

- I hope we get to do this again, baby.

It was so much fun with you.

- It was very fun with you as well,

and it's a maybe on doing it again.

What I expected it to be, which was just sex everywhere

and everyone acting crazy and things like that.

- Right. - It wasn't like that.

- Okay. - I mean, there was

sex everywhere and everyone was acting crazy, yes.

But it was more than that. It was more than that.

- Right. - So it surpassed expectation.

We're out of here.

- Ahh! No! Don't leave!

- I thought maybe there would be another

Erotic Sleepover in the future.

I don't know how soon, though.

- I don't want you guys to leave, seriously.

- I know. I wish we didn't have to.

- I didn't get to do anything strange with y'all.

- I didn't like that. - I know,

we didn't do anything with you.

- I feel the same way,

that I would definitely love to do

another Erotic Sleepover in the future.

Not too sure when, but because of what

this experience did for us, I would love to do it again.

I would love to experience more new things

and continue to build on our relationship,

continue to build on the sexuality,

continue to build on the community that we found

and just keep going.

So I do believe we would be back.

- We might.

Thank you so much.

- Oh, Lord, save me.

- We love you!

- I think my ultimate fantasy man is long hair,

long beard, Viking-like.

- Usually, I tend to like boys

that look like Cindy Crawford.

Sometimes, like, a short-haired archeologist will pop up.

- My fantasy woman is a very strong,

dark-skinned woman,

is what I always thought I was gonna be with.

And I fell in love with blonde hair, blue-eyed,

all-American woman and I'm completely happy.

- If I could have my fantasy man,

he would look exactly like Michael B. Jordan.

I'm thinking about like 6'3".

I really like tall men, even though I am 4'11".

We're not gonna talk about that, though.

We're talking about the dream guy.

- My ultimate fantasy woman would be

probably like a '60s sort of spy movie Bond girl

mixed with a little bit of a vampire--

like, just a touch.

That's also like Jennifer Connelly,

"Career Opportunities" with, like, a little bit

of Sharon Tate going on.

You know, just ballpark.

- When you're watching VR porn,

you're immersed in the experience.

- Hello.

You feel like you've been transported

to this new place.

It's about creating a sense of connection

in addition to arousal.

- I still can't believe we're doing this.

- And that's what I think VR is really, really great at,

is making you feel connected with the person

that you're watching.

- It's an intensely erotic, sensual, and sensory experience.

She's right there in front of you.

She's talking to you, she wants you,

and you're now your own porn star, basically.

- I want you feel your skin against my skin.

- Rolling.

- Rolling. - Action.

- I've been performing in porn for about ten years now,

though I don't perform much anymore.

After I shot my first VR solo scene,

we watched it on the early Oculus Rift.

And I hate watching myself on camera,

I hate watching my own scenes, but when I watched that,

I felt present and transported

and this sense of awe and whimsy and wonder.

And that was sort of the moment that I realized

that this medium is gonna be really incredible

for the content that I produce.

For this occasion.

- I like that. - We like this, right.

- So first of all, let me hear what you were thinking.

- So I want to do a lot of oral stuff.

I want to do the lollipop. I want to do the vape.

But I was thinking pantyhose because I have

a lot of pantyhose fans and it's something

that makes me feel sexy. - Okay.

- The adult industry has been on the forefront

of technology for quite some time.

And you want to stay ahead of the game,

you want to give your viewers something exciting

and something that entices them

to keep paying for your content.

And I think that with VR, that's definitely been the case.

- Alex? - Yep?

- We're ready. - Okay.

- When you're watching something on your phone

or your computer or on your TV,

there's literally a fourth wall that is in front of you.

But when you put the headset on,

all of that goes away.

The fourth wall is broken.

- All I want is for you

to be right here with me, right now.

And here you are.

- Oh, my God.

- Ana, my colleague, she's innovative, she's brilliant,

she's pioneered so many things.

And she makes the best VR porn

that you're ever gonna see.

- Literally, you're gonna come right in here.

- Okay.

- What I'm looking to do in VR porn

is to affect you emotionally.

Give you an experience, so that you feel,

when you come away from it, like,

just maybe you were in a different place.

- How did you sleep?

- The big thing that really blew people away

is your favorite performer is right there in front of you.

And you look through the headset

and there is the star looking at you,

and she feels real.

- And you can look down and there's a body

that sort of becomes your body.

- I mean, you feel like you feel good.

It's pretty cool.

- And that's the cool thing about VR.

It's almost like there's this physical sensation

that happens when you watch something

that feels so immersive.

Black Box was born out of the idea of

taking VR to another level.

We're going to make VR porn even more immersive.

We're gonna make VR porn even more realistic.

- Black Box is a solo VR series.

It's a performer in literally a black box

with a camera in it and the performer

is right in front of the camera.

So when you watch it, you feel like you're

in this very isolated space

with the performer in front of you...

- Camera. - ...talking to you.

- I'm so glad that we can be here together right now.

- Engaging with you.

- You caught my eye from the minute you boarded.

Um, I'm not supposed to give second drinks.

But you're so cute, I couldn't help myself.

- Enticing you.

Flirting with you.

- Can I place my lips against your lips?

- What I wanted to create was an experience

where it's just you and the girl

and all you can see and hear

is what she is saying directly to you.

- Are you feeling relaxed with me right now?

- You're not distracted by the other things

that are happening, because there's nothing else to see.

- I feel so comfortable with you.

- You feel a sense of reciprocal affection and attraction.

- You've just got the most beautiful eyes.

I just can't stop staring at you.

- The audio plays a very important role.

So remember, this is a lot about the audio.

It's way turned up. - Okay.

- ASMR stands for autonomous sensory meridian response.

- Cheers.

- It's really big right now.

There's a Super Bowl commercial,

all the kids are doing it on YouTube.

You're watching and listening

to certain cues and triggers

that create a sensation within your body.

People describe tingles.

They describe extreme states of relaxation.

They're affected by it, physically.

- Mm.

- The ears, I use binaural mics.

It's actually shaped like ears

and the microphones themselves are imbedded

within the ear canal so that the sound quality

is very similar to what you would hear naturally.

This is like a guy's eyes and his ear length.

And I thought, "This would be an incredible way

to use ASMR techniques..."

- ...and adapt that

into a virtual reality porn scene."

- So you have the ultimate sensory experience...

- ...and just blow your mind.

Wow.

Action, Ela.

- Combining ASMR and VR,

it seems like kind of the obvious next step.

With binaural microphones,

with positional sound within the headset,

you can take an ASMR experience

and really bring it to a whole new level.

- Rolling. Action!

- just...yeah.

- I kind of just want to show you everything about me.

And I just want you to see me,

not as a stewardess,

but just as a woman

who just wants to be touched.

- What I wanted to do was to create an experience

that men, women, or whomever

could watch and feel like they were included

and being spoken to.

- It's not that I do this on every flight.

Honestly, I've been in this business for

two years now and this is--

you are honestly the first passenger.

- So I specifically told the girls,

no "Your cock is getting hard."

No "I want you to jerk it off."

None of that.

- God, just looking at you,

you just make me want to touch myself.

- Why not create it for everybody?

We're already suspending reality.

- I just feel like you see me.

- And so, that was very important to me,

to make sure that it was gender-neutral.

- I want to feel you.

I want to feel your body.

I want to feel your flesh.

Think of a secret that nobody else knows.

I'm so glad to have you here with me.

- I'm excited to see where this goes.

I'm excited to see where-- how it's received.

This project has really opened up this desire

to keep pushing the envelope and seeing

where we can take this next and how we can refine it

and make it an even better experience.

- Come back and play with me again soon.

- Cut.

- I think I go both ways in the bedroom.

I prefer to be submissive but men are cowards.

Sorry, you guys, I don't mean all men.

I just mean the ones I've been with.

- I wear the suit and the tie. I'm the boss.

She can wear whatever she wants and,

you know, she's a submissive. You know, that's how it works.

- I was friends with a couple.

And they had asked me to partner with the husband

and I was super uncomfortable with that.

I'm like, "What if it goes awry?"

- I have introduced Pat to BDSM

and it is something that we experiment.

It's good, as long as you keep it safe

and know each other's limits.

We do use spanking, yes.

And Pat does enjoy that.

She's sometimes asked me to do that.

- When I was in my BDSM relationship,

I was such a bitch, I would never use the safe word

and it freaked him out.

I wanted to see how far his boundaries would go

and he was way more of a chicken than I.

- When you're really sick, you look at the world

in such a different way.

So many things seem so trivial

when you're literally fighting to save your life.

Our association with pain before was positive.

Kink pain and medical pain

are just two completely different things

and it was something that we had to deal with.

- Cool, okay.

Radishes, peppers.

Yeah, that's it.

Have to have that pre-heated.

Medium pot with water.

We'll do orange.

Peel and medium dice, okay.

Hi. I know, you're waiting for food to drop. Mm-hmm.

How long have we been doing these for?

- I mean, we started after you moved in, right?

- Yes.

- So probably two years or so.

We used to say "kiss girlfriend."

Now it should be-- - "Kiss wife," yeah.

- The extra ingredient

that they don't include in the recipes.

- Kinzie and I have been together for

about three and a half years

and married for the past few months.

- We met on a BDSM social networking website.

He found me on the "Kinky Jews" group.

Yeah.

The first date was awesome.

We ended up doing some spanking

on the roof of our building.

And I remember just crying,

but it wasn't a cathartic cry.

I just realized I had never felt so safe

with another person before.

I mean, when I started

I was mainly looking for kink stuff.

I had, like, no idea... - Yeah.

...about the poly world.

- I introduced you to that, I guess.

- You introduced me to the poly world.

- We like to say that we're, you know,

emotionally monogamous to each other

but physically non-monogamous.

- I mean, to say that there's never jealousy,

that's just not accurate.

But jealousy to us isn't an ugly negative emotion.

It's something that we can grow from.

- I find it a turn-on knowing that my partner

is enjoying herself with other people.

- I've had a lot of friends tell me,

"I don't know if I could handle your life."

- It's not for everybody.

- It's definitely the most work

I've ever put into a relationship

and it's definitely the best relationship

I've ever been in.

- Likewise. - Yeah, so...

- For me, I like that he can give women positive experiences.

I'm very close with all of his female partners.

They're very good friends of mine.

- Come on.

Come on.

August of 2016, I started feeling pain in my chest

that kind of felt like a sore muscle.

And then I went for a breast exam

at Planned Parenthood.

And they said, "Let's do a biopsy."

'Cause I have a family history of breast cancer.

We have a family history of the BRCA1 mutation.

And what the doctor said to me, she said,

"We found some cancer cells."

So I said, "So it's a cancerous tumor?"

And she said, "Yes." And I said, "So it's breast cancer?"

And she said, "Yes."

- It was-- I mean, that conversation was very surreal.

I don't think it fully sunk in right away.

I mean, it definitely took days, weeks, kind of,

to realize, like, what we were in for.

- He was with me at every appointment

and was there for me the entire time

when all of this was going on.

- It was a long journey but we made it through it.

- Mm-hmm.

- I mean, we didn't really have the kink lifestyle

when I was going through cancer, we couldn't.

- Yeah. I mean, we were just so preoccupied.

We just needed that simplicity.

That whole part of our relationship

had to be put on hold.

- The focus wasn't on us being monogamous.

The focus was on me not dying.

"If I have cancer, we're getting a dog."

"Okay."

What 25-year-old gets breast cancer?

- Didn't realize what I was getting into.

- Into the dog or into the whole marriage?

- In terms of agreeing to the dog.

- Do you want to go look at stuff for tonight?

We don't have to decide now, we can just look.

- Yeah. - So tonight,

we're going to a BYO kink party.

We haven't been to a kink party since cancer

so this is a big deal for us.

Okay, so we don't want any floggers

'cause they're gonna be-- we're gonna hit people.

It was really challenging going through cancer

and being kinky.

My first surgery was a really big one.

I had a 10-hour surgery.

I had did a total mastectomy of the left breast.

They took out 12 lymph nodes.

So these are the scars on my thighs.

When they reconstructed my left breast,

they took tissue from both sides of the thigh.

They cut the tissue out and they made it into a new breast.

This big circle here.

And then I have the scars on the side of my breasts

that are actually looking really good.

- This is one that's always fun.

- So right now, we are slowly getting back

into the kink world.

I like it better, I think, when it's moved faster.

When it's really slow, it reminds me of needles

and that's, like, not a good reminder for me.

- Mm-hmm. - Not a good image for me.

- We want to get back to how we were before cancer.

- I'm gonna wear one of my corsets.

Maybe I'll pare them down and I can ask Daphne which one.

I'll ask Daphne.

- Okay, which corset?

Because you were saying that you were thinking--

wait, what happened to the-- oh, no, this is the purple one.

My name is Daphne and I would identify as

being bi-sexual, kinky, and ethically non-monogamous

or polyamorous.

You have a lot of corsets. I did not know

that you had this many. - I have six corsets.

I have a collection. I want 12.

- Lady, I have, like, two.

- I found Daphne intriguing, and, like,

asked her out on a coffee date.

Kinzie came home.

Daphne and I were in bed together

and Kinzie just kind of--

- Joined. - Joined and--

- And then-- - So, I love the design of this,

but I think I look better in this one.

- I think you should go with this one.

- She helped me through cancer

and she's always in our lives.

My thighs are smaller now, as you see from

the gigantic scars that I have running down my legs.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- The scar is numb. - Yeah.

- That's like the main thing, is the sensation of my body--

- Is different. - Feels so different.

When I was going through physical therapy,

even though my thighs were completely healed,

it still felt like there was pain,

even though there wasn't.

In terms of kink and enjoying positive pain,

my body felt weird about it but my head

was like, "I really want this."

It's getting my body back into that.

It's my first time in a corset since my last surgery.

- Nice.

It's good.

- Oh, my God, my boobs are so much flatter

than they used to be!

- Correct. - Elan, I'm so flat now!

What happened to my boobs?

- She says, with this curvature to her.

- I think going to parties will help me

feel more comfortable with my new body.

It's kind of like a first step back into the kinky world.

I feel nervous, so it's just a matter of me making sure

I use my safe word and that I don't push myself too hard.

- Hello.

- Oh, it's warm in here.

- Are you familiar with our rules?

- Yes. - We are.

- Of course. - Thank you.

- Enjoy. - Thanks.

You know, we walk in.

It was exciting because

there's a good amount of people there.

It's a space we're familiar with.

I have to mark my territory.

- Marking your territory? - Yes.

- I think that Kinzie wants to get back into impact,

get back into feeling that she's

reclaiming parts of her kink.

- I'm gonna be doing a lot of... [ deep breath ] tonight.

- And going into that with both her partner and with me

is a very comfortable way of doing that

and feeling like they can

start to reclaim that part of their lives.

- Oh, I like that thing.

Can we do that thing with impact?

- Yeah. - We can.

- Yeah, I want to do that with impact.

These cuffs hanging from this metal bar

reminded me of the first time I was suspended from rope

and that was a really good experience for me.

- We'll do, you know, a good warm-up and build-up.

- Yes, please. - Yes.

- It's been a while since I've had impact, so...

- I know. - Okay, I love you.

- It's a challenge for us getting back to our lifestyle

because finding that, like, line

between good pain and bad pain is tricky.

- You look so happy.

- The voyeurism and exhibitionism of public parties

is a big draw for us.

- Kink for me is definitely a big stress relief.

I also like the different personalities that come out,

like my brat persona.

You're gonna mess up my hair.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Such a brat. - I'm such a brat.

I love being a brat because so much of my life

is about being in control.

And when I'm a brat, I don't have to keep composure.

I don't have expectations. I don't have to be in control.

- By nature, I am very shy and introverted.

But when I'm in a scene at a public party,

I'm focused on my partner,

I'm focused on the task at hand.

- You're supposed to encourage. You're not playing tonight.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I said "Ow!"

- "Ow" is not a safe word.

- Okay. - Okay.

I felt some anxiety building up.

I realized I actually just needed the scene to be done.

- Yeah. - That's fine.

- Emotions are kind of starting to bubble up.

- It is.

- I have to undo the corset a little bit.

I just need a break.

I need to undo it a little bit.

I got it. I got it.

So much better.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

A lot of the impact we were doing was pretty light.

It's not something that is really, really painful.

But after, I came down a lot harder than I normally do

for bratty scenes.

I don't know why, but that scene

took more out of me than I thought it would.

I feel like I'm emotionally drained right now.

Usually, I can focus on one type of pain

or one place the pain's coming from.

It was more of a challenge than I was anticipating.

I have to know my body's limits.

- Yes. - Which doesn't always align

with what I actually want to do, yeah.

There's this huge part of me that wanted it

and then this other part of me that was scared of it.

I think something in your mind triggers, like,

"I'm allowed to be upset if I'm in physical pain."

- You feeling like this is very normal.

- I know. - I would think.

- I'm okay.

I love you a lot. - I love you a lot.

- I'm glad we're back out here. - Mm-hmm.

- I feel like I didn't fully get the release

I'm used to with impact.

Can we do a little more impact, like on a bed?

- Do you think that's what-- - Yeah.

- Okay. - I think I need a little more,

just like-- I don't think I hit a peak.

- Straight impact? - Yeah.

So I want to like, do straight impact

where I can just relax and have him hit me

and get out whatever I need to get out.

? All these choices that we make ?

? How they leave

? The mended ones to break

- Knowing that I have this person who's holding my hand...

- You can squeeze.

- ...and helping me through something that I chose to do

is very important for me.

And I think really, mentally healing

past the cancer process.

? And I despise your wicked love ?

? Your

? Your wicked love

Aah! Yellow, yellow.

I was in so much pain for so long,

for me to be able to get that cathartic release,

to do some impact and experience positive pain

and feel safe again,

reaffirms "Oh, this is stuff that we dolike to do."

And it's almost nostalgic in a way.

- Did I do good? - You did very good.

- You did good.

? Your wicked love

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- This one's really good.

- I like mine better.

- Well, I like mine better. - Well, fine, then.

We'll just both be happy. - Okay.

- It was really nice to, like, get back out there tonight.

- Mm-hmm.

- Um.

- I liked the bratty scene. - Mm-hmm.

The night at House of Scorpio was a lot of fun.

It was really nice to get back out there

and feel more like ourselves again and feel that bonding.

- It's a good reset for us.

The party atmosphere, like, helped me get in the headspace.

- Yay. - That was good.

- Yeah, you felt, like, back to your old self,

which was nice. - Mm-hmm.

- I haven't felt that excitement for play in a while.

- Yay. - So it's nice to, like,

go and be excited about things.

- Mm-hmm. - It's nice to feel excited.

- Yeah. We deserve nights like this.

- Yeah.

It's something that we owe to ourselves,

to make sure that we're keeping up with who we are

and what makes us feel good.

- Overall, being at that party was really great,

I think in that it makes us remember

that cancer didn't destroy that part of our relationship.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

I'm a cancer survivor.

We're two people who grow and communicate

and love each other.

And I think that no matter what happens, like,

we're gonna get through it.