Original subtitles

You're a monster

Mademoiselle

I don't know what to do

First I'm all in love then I'm terrified of you

You're like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, it's true

Used to Prince Charming but now you're the boogeyman

I don't understand

Got me jumpin' and I'm screamin' like a scary movie

You're like a thriller in the night

What ya doin' to me

The more I walk away, you tiptoe a little closer

Ooh you're like a roller coaster

Keep goin' up and down

Creepy ghosts and goblins lurkin' in the night

That's what you remind me of

Ooh, I love you

But you frighten me when you turn into the monster you are

You're a monster

I can't believe I've fallen in love with a monster

I'm scared of you

It's only because you're a monster

I don't know how to run or escape from you, you

Every time you catch me you chew me up and spit me out

I'm gonna go find a new boyfriend

Just so that I can parade him around

I'm gonna find a shorter skirt

Because I'm over you

Yeah, I'm over you

Yeah I'm over you

Yeah I'm over you

I'm gonna put up all the pictures of you

- My kind of town.

I'm gonna make sure all of you're crazy little

- Aw, come on.

Are

You're a monster

I can't believe I've fallen in love with a monster

I'm scared of you, it's only because

You're a monster

Don't know how to run or escape from you, you

Every time you catch me you chew me up and spit me out

Spit me out

Spit, spit me out

Spit me

Darkness comin' soon

He's startin' to grow fangs

He's howlin' at the moon

Gotta get away or my heart he'll consume

You used to be Prince Charming

But now you're the boogeyman

I don't understand

You've got me jumpin' and I'm screamin'

Like a scary movie

You're like a thriller in the night

Whatcha doin' to me

The more I walk away, you tiptoe a little closer

Ooh you're like a roller coaster

Keep goin' up and down

Down Creepy ghosts and goblins

Lurkin' in the night

That's what you remind me of

Ooh I love you

But you frighten me

When you turn into the monster you are

You're a monster

I can't believe I've fallen in love

With a monster

I'm scared of you, it's only because

You're a monster

Don't know how to run or escape from you, you

Every time ya catch me you chew me up and spit me out

Spit, spit me out

Got me runnin' for my life

Got me hidin' in this haunted house of yours, baby

I'm jealous when I think that I got away

Ya try to catch me

Baby

You're a monster

I can't believe I've fallen in love with a monster

I'm scared of you, it's only because

You're a monster

Don't know how to run or escape from you, you

Every time you catch me, you chew me up and spit me out

Spit me out

Spit, spit me out

- In a way.

- The creepy sorta way.

No, really, Paris.

I gotta find your sister right away.

Did you check her room?

- Which one's her room?

- She shares a room with Carolina.

Room 119.

- I got a nice quiet room with two beds for $18.

- You got anything cheaper?

- I got singles for 12, but it's only got one bed.

- That'll do.

- You all gonna sleep piled up in one bed?

- Kids like to bunk on the floor, don't you?

- Ma'am, wouldn't your kids be more comfortable

in their own bed?

- These kids aren't mine.

They're my brothers.

We're meeting him in Atlanta.

He's been roughnecking out on an oil rig in the Gulf.

I can't wait to get these kids off my hands.

- Room 333.

- Until the grass is mowed!

- Bed bugs.

- Go inside.

- I'm afraid.

- I'm afraid.

Mario, Abby, just get your whiny butts inside.

It's my heart medicine.

A bit of wine a day keeps the doctor away.

It's fortified.

- For and fived?

- Shut up, Abby.

You are so stupid.

I am sick and tired of ridin' around with you little kids.

Tonight I am gonna ride around with a couple of grownups.

Those boys and girls across the street

look like they've got the right idea.

Might as well get a little buzz going on,

save some cash at the bar.

Woo!

I'll be entertaining on that bed tonight.

Runts, stay outta my way.

Stinkin' kids, you give me a total migraine.

- No, sir.

- Looks like a fish.

There's no men in here.

This is a dry hole.

- Men in here?

- Lights are killin' me!

- The paper's not yours, sister.

- Mario. - The phone.

- Turn off that light.

- I'm ready to be tied up, Betty Lou.

- Four Eyes.

You know you're supposed to tie me up first.

- Oh.

Well ya don't have to run, you don't

- Reba, Gizmo?

- Yeah, Ferd, can we come in?

- I don't know.

What you want?

- You know, bugs.

- I don't know, man, I guess I got some.

- Well, like, can we try a little?

- You've had your free sample.

You know what it does.

- Yeah, but Kado hasn't and he wants to try a little.

- Somethin' for nothin' because he's a newb?

This ain't no charity.

You want bugs, you pay for bugs.

- Whoa, that's how it's done?

- How many?

- Three.

- Two.

- Gizmo, you printed the front on both sides.

- Sorry, Ferd.

- One, I guess.

Like, how do we know it's the real thing?

- You smoke it, you get off, it's the real thing!

- You put it in a real cigarette.

- Nobody said anything about cigarettes.

I don't smoke.

- Well you don't smoke, you don't get off.

- No, I guess I'll take it.

- It's just ground up bug powder, it's not illegal.

- How's it work anyway?

- Bed bugs secrete a venom so they can bite you

while you're asleep, and that venom is narcotic.

Keeps ya from wakin' up.

When ya smoke it, the venom gets you high.

- Way high.

- Hey, hey, hey, there's no smokin' in here.

This is a no smokin' room.

- No smoking?

In here?

- Outside, all of y'all.

Get!

Idiots!

- Yeah?

- There are bed bugs in my room.

- Not my problem.

- It is your problem.

- Unh-unh.

- Carnivorous cooties are cutting me up while I sleep.

They're making my sweat bloody.

My sweat is valuable.

People pay me for my sweat.

Women use it as an aphrodisiac.

- I could spot ya some bandages.

- I can't go to competition with bandages all over me.

Those little vampires are gobbling up

all my growth hormones.

I've spent a fortune on my roids.

- Well, sounds to me like chicken would have been cheaper.

That's rude.

Ew.

- These bugs are gettin' way bigger.

- I noticed that, too.

Bugs must be on steroids.

- Oh, legs are numb.

- Bed bug venom.

- You workin' on them bugs?

- Duh.

Like, I'm the only one around here doin' anything.

- I just been so tired lately.

Maybe we should skip to every other night.

- No can do.

Bugs require a fresh supply of blood

during their gestation cycle.

- Too bad that chicken idea didn't work.

- Now who'd have thought some little bugs

could kill a full-grown chicken in one day!

- Drained it dry.

- And I can't pluck a chicken every day.

That one pecked the jibbers outta me.

- Well I guess we'll have to sacrifice a little

to get this business rollin'.

- Now I read where some people used a cat.

- There's been no cats around here

since that Korean restaurant opened up.

- Lorelie!

We need to shave a cat.

- Well getting pecked by a chicken is nothing.

You just try shavin' some old stray cat.

- There's monsters here.

- I know, they're in the walls.

- I'm afraid.

- I'll build a fort.

They won't bother us there.

- Them people you read about in that magazine,

how'd they shave their cat?

- Didn't say.

Just said that they shaved the cat.

And made it a nice bed where it would sleep and feed the bugs.

Won't even look like a cat, all shaved like that.

- I need to go to the bathroom.

- I'll check it out.

It's okay, no monsters.

- Mario, turn off that dagburn light.

- Don't worry, I'll protect you.

- Okay.

- These bugs are way bigger than yesterday.

- They are?

They are, well.

Better profit margin.

- You sure they're bed bugs?

- They're the real deal.

Just means I'm doin' it right.

- Sure are big.

Think I'll go stretch out on the bed.

Just for a little.

- Me, too.

Sleepin' on that couch has me wasted.

I felt that one.

No, no, no, no, no!

Lorelie?

Oh, oh.

No.

- I'm hungry.

It's all gone!

- I need to make a run for the door.

- Please, don't go.

- I'm really fast.

Just shine them with this.

They're scared of the light.

Aunt Miemi?

Whoa!

Abby, it's time to go.

- I really can't believe you,

meeting some strange guy at a fleabag motel like this?

If this guy was any kind of a car dealer,

he'd meet you at his dealership.

- Just drop it, Collette.

This guy's got something I want.

- Ladies.

Miss Grey?

- I'm Doreen Grey.

- Nice to meet you.

Al Sharko.

- I can see that.

- Okay.

Well let's see what you pretty ladies got here.

- Ew.

This looks like the honeymoon suite for orangutans.

- That's it?

That's Marilyn Monroe's charm?

- Yep, that's it.

- It's just a rotten old piece of wood.

- Trust me, that's really it.

- What's that supposed to be?

- Well, it's real name is Marie Antoinette's Guillotine.

- Marionette's Guillotine?

You said you had that charm thingy

that Marilyn Monroe used to get into Playboy.

- She did use it for that.

- Would somebody please tell me what's going on?

- Your friend is trading a used car

for something far more valuable, something that can

take her much further than that car ever could.

This unique relic is all that's left of a guillotine

that was used to execute a beautiful French queen

in the city of Paris a long time ago.

The dark stain on the wood is from where

Marie Antoinette's blood gushed when the blade

came down and lopped off her pretty little head.

Since that time a number of exquisitely beautiful women

have worn this charm to give themselves

an edge over all other women.

- This is what you're trading your car for?

Some old stick of wood

that's supposed to make you beautiful?

- It really does work.

I know for a fact that Marilyn Monroe's charm

was used by three Miss Global winners.

- Marie Antoinette's Guillotine

is definitely what you need if you really do

want to win a beauty pageant, sure.

- I really do want,

but how do we know it's the real thing?

Like, where did you get it?

- A reliable acquaintance of mine, Mr. Stumpy Nixon,

acquired it from the Hughes estate collection

shortly before it was up for auction.

- Well we have to test it to make sure

it's the real thing.

- Sure, let's take it for a test drive.

- Not on me, on her.

Put it on Collette.

Putting it on me wouldn't prove anything.

- Sure, whatever you want.

Right on the cut line.

That's where it works the best.

Whoa.

Looks to me like that is exactly what you want.

No doubt about it.

- Take it off.

It's mine.

Give it to me right now.

- What's the hurry?

- Take it off this instant.

- Hey.

Hey, cut it out, I'll get it!

I'll get it.

Here.

You've got it now.

- This may seem like a deal as far as you're concerned,

but I'm not so sure.

Looks to me like I'm gettin' the short end of the stick.

- What do you mean the short end of the stick?

You called me wanting to trade it for the car.

I won fair and square in the SEC Pageant.

- Problem here is that you misrepresented that car.

You said it was in mint condition.

- I beg your pardon, Mr. Sharko.

That car is in great condition and you know it.

- Yeah, that car is in great condition.

- Well, let's just say

you're gonna need somethin' more than that old car

to trade for this valuable item.

- How much more do you want?

- How 'bout somethin' a little special?

- Oh, definitely not.

Why do men always have to act like men?

- You just happened to be the first pageant girl I called.

There's no doubt in my mind that there's

someone else out there that would want

this valuable merchandise more than you.

- Well, wait.

Wait!

Please, let me try it on.

Just let me test drive it.

- Right on the cut line.

- So, big guy, you were wanting a little something extra

for this little beaver treat.

- Yeah, that'd be so nice.

- Mm, how would you like a nice kiss?

- Love it.

- No, absolutely not.

- What's the big deal?

- Well, if you're going to do it,

you've got to kiss him from across the table.

Like, no hugging.

- I see what you mean.

How 'bout it big guy?

You wanna a little kiss from across the table?

You okay now, big guy?

Here are the keys to the car.

See ya later, alligator.

- See ya later, alligator.

- I think you coulda told that guy to take the bus

to Oregon and he would've done it.

- I think you're right.

But, he could snap out of it around Birmingham

and come back looking for us.

I'm going to report the car stolen anyway.

I can collect the insurance and buy me

a brand new luxury car.

This old scrap of timber really doesn't look like much.

- I think it's how you position it.

Here, let me try it on again and show you.

- Excuse me?

I traded my car for this miracle charm.

It stays with me.

- Well, you're gonna have to come up with a different gown.

It's gonna look terribly out of place

with that little shoulderless thing you picked out.

I wonder if you always have to wear it

on the cut line for it to work.

- Yeah, I wonder if everyone who's ever used it

always wore this old thing around their neck.

- Maybe you can hold it in your hand.

- I'm not going to be able to walk around

with it in my hand through the whole competition.

- You know, it seems a shame to only use something

that powerful just to win a pageant.

With your looks you could probably win the contest anyways.

I'm the one who could use a little help.

Maybe when you're not using it to win beauty pageants

you could loan it to me once in a while.

- I don't think so.

It's mine and it's only meant for me and my needs.

- Well you'd still be the owner and all.

- Forget it.

You won't be using it at all, not ever.

- You are such a self-centered prima donna.

You know that's why everyone hates you.

- I'm beautiful and everyone loves me.

You even love me.

You said so yourself.

- Let me tell you, I've done nothing but work

and sacrifice to help you.

How can you be so totally ungrateful?

You wouldn't be anything without me.

- I didn't need your help then, and I don't need it now.

I can do quite well without your help.

- You have always needed my help, Doreen.

- What have you ever done for me

that I couldn't have done on my own?

- I wax all that monkey hair off your back

and thighs every week.

If it weren't for me you'd be nothing

but a curly-haired chimpanzee in a swimsuit.

- You cheap slut.

You swore you'd keep my little hair problem buried forever.

- Looks like you're gonna need my help

to keep this little secret buried, too, Miss Monkey Girl.

That little termite trap is stolen,

and I'm sure the real owners would love to get it back.

- If you tell anyone, you'll be

in just as much trouble as me.

- I don't think so.

I'm not gonna be reporting my car stolen

to collect the insurance money.

- I haven't done that yet.

I guess I could let you use the necklace

every once in a while when I don't need it for something.

Would ya like to try it on again?

Like right now?

- Right now?

Sure.

- Here, let me hook it on.

If I, if I, if I, if I, if I had a penny for

Every time you told the truth, oh boy I'd still be broke

I'd still be broke

I'd still be broke

And if you said you loved me more

Than your Mustang '64 it'd be a joke

Boy you're a joke

Boy you're a joke

When we first me you were so sweet made me feel so special

Made me feel so comfortable

Made it easy to let go

Let's talk about the next day

When you forgot to text me

You little trick, I knew I shoulda never loved you

No oh oh

Oh oh I should've known about you

You little trick, I knew I shoulda never loved you

No oh oh

Oh oh I shoulda known about you

You little trick, I knew I shoulda never loved you

La la la

- Hey, Jonnie Rhey.

Can you make an easy delivery on your way home?

- I guess, Mr. Cassady.

- It's just Cassady, no mister.

Never loved you

If I had a penny

- It's just this.

Make you earn your delivery charge.

Then I'd be rich like a millionaire

- I mean, as long as it's not too far out of the way.

You know I live out past the Big Chicken.

- This guy lives in a motor court off Highway 41.

- Why doesn't this guy just come pick it up himself?

- He's a hermit.

He's been shut up in his room for years.

No one's ever seen him.

- No one?

- Four, five years ago he called

asking for the very same book.

I took it over there.

He paid cash, good tip.

Told me to leave it outside the door.

- I'll betcha I can get a look at him.

- Tell ya what, you get a look at him,

I'll double the delivery charge,

you keep the tip either way.

About you

You little trick, I knew I shoulda

- Hey, can I borrow those old crutches in the store room?

La la la la la la

- Take 'em.

La la la la la la

La la la la la

I shoulda never loved you

La la la la la

La la la la la la

La la la la la

I shoulda never loved you, never loved you

- Book House delivery.

Whoa!

My crutch broke.

- I see.

You poor thing.

You've cut yourself.

Oh yeah, I guess I'm bleeding.

- Mm, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- It's really just a little cut.

- I'm Jonnie, Jonnie Rhey.

- I'm David Jonas.

But everybody just calls me Davie.

Excuse me.

- Well then excuse me, too.

- So, is your foot okay?

- It's fine.

- What's wrong with this foot anyways?

- Nothing really.

- Why the crutches?

- It was just an act to get you to open the door.

- Your little act didn't work out so well.

You coulda hurt yourself pulling a stunt like that.

- I really did hurt myself.

- I hope it was worth it.

- Got me in to see you.

- Well yeah, and now you got a nasty cut,

you might even get a black eye.

You did all this just to see me.

- Yeah, and to get a tip.

- A tip?

A tip, is that really all you care about?

- Well I had to try something.

My boss said you don't open the door for anyone.

- That's true.

I've stayed in here ever since I retired from the Navy.

- What'd you do in the Navy?

- Submarine navigator.

- I love submarines, they're so cool.

- My boat sank.

- Your submarine sank?

And you survived?

- Half the crew survived.

Submarines have at least two complete crews.

While one crew is at sea on patrol,

the second crew is topside.

I was in this room when the boat sank.

I didn't find out until I showed up for duty at the base.

- It musta hit you pretty hard, losing all your friends.

- Yeah.

After that I came here.

I retired.

Didn't wanna be put with another crew.

- When did this happen?

- I'm not really sure.

It seems like yesterday.

I guess I don't keep up with the days.

Now I just stay on my regular shift.

- Your regular shift?

- On the boat, we use an 18-hour day.

Each shift is six hours, six hours on, six hours off,

six hours in the rack.

- Well what about the other six hours in the day?

- The Navy discovered that we don't need them.

Submariners work better without all those extra hours.

- It sounds weird.

- It's actually not as weird as it sounds.

In fact, it actually works pretty good.

Between patrols I always come back to this room

and continue on 18-hour days.

- So does that nutty clock always run that fast?

- No.

I thought the thing was broken and stopped running.

- Well, it's really goin' now.

- Yeah.

- It just seems so claustrophobic

being cooped up here all the time.

- Well I like bein' cooped up.

Time stops when I'm all cooped up.

We pull into port.

The hatch opens up and it's always the big jolt.

- What jolt?

- I hated getting back and finding out

about all the things that happened in the world

while we were down.

Married men getting off the boat

expecting to see their wives

and discovering they're now divorced.

- Did that every happen to you?

- My fiancee died while we were on patrol.

When we tied up she had been buried for 63 days.

- Davie, I'm so sorry.

- It was so strange.

As far as I was concerned she had just died.

Everybody topside already got over it

and moved on with their lives.

That's when I started staying in here.

In the sub I don't think about things on the surface.

- You don't get any news while you're underwater?

- Nope.

The only messages the boat receives are if

we need to nuke somebody or destroy the world.

The caption and XO are the only ones who read the messages.

- Total isolation.

- I was just readin' my book.

I don't wanna know what's happening in the world.

As long as I'm in the submarine, the world doesn't change.

- I guess not.

Nobody in it but you.

You're a coward, ya know.

You're really just afraid

of falling in love and being loved.

- I guess I was afraid of falling in love.

But now, I think I wouldn't mind.

- Oh no you don't, Mr. Jonas.

We're not falling in love.

I mean, how can you even expect me to be in love

with a hermit who never leaves his little motel room?

- I can change by simply walking out that door.

- Haven't you noticed what's happening to you?

What's happening to this room?

- I do seem to have gotten grayer.

- You stopped time somehow.

- Time doesn't move.

Time doesn't move.

- Well, it's moving now.

I mean, it might not be that easy

to just walk out that door.

- You could stay here with me.

- This room is falling apart.

- We can easily build you an extra bunk

and you don't look like you eat all that much.

- It wouldn't work.

I mean, I can't live like a hermit

reading the same book every single day,

and besides, I eat more than you think I--

- Jonnie!

I can change.

I need to leave this room.

Looks like time's already catching up to me.

- I don't know about this.

- Everyone lives on borrowed time.

- Wait, close the door before it's too late.

Davie.

- There's no time for love.

- Hold that.

Ow!

When are you gonna get the trunk lid fixed on our car?

- I may never get it fixed.

And it's not our car, it's my car,

and I may just buy a whole new ride after this deal.

Recycle the old lead sled back into the system

from whence it came.

- Ya know, you could always just let me have it.

Like to sweeten up my end of the deal a little bit.

- You got to learn to live within your means, T.

That old rust bucket still gets by under its own power,

which makes it worth at least a hundred bucks.

I ain't just gonna give it away.

- Oh, well remember you promised me 100 bucks

to watch your back.

- Yeah, I won't forget.

I don't miss any details.

- Yeah, you'll forget if it suits you.

- I won't forget your $100.

- Ridin' shotgun for you

isn't the safest activity I can think of.

- Look, T, I've already done all the dirty work.

I located the goods and done the breaking and entering.

I acquired the merchandise and made the getaway.

All you gotta do is be around during the transaction

so the buyer doesn't get any funny ideas.

- Oh, so that's the merchandise, an old box.

- It's not the box, you welter brain,

it's what's in the box.

- What's in the box?

- Houdini's hand.

- Say what?

- Houdini's hand.

- Oh!

- It's Houdini's old mummified hand.

- You mean, like, there's a real dead guy's hand in there?

Like, from that old dead magician?

- Yeah, somebody cut it off his body after he died.

- Well, so what?

I mean, who would even want some old dead thing like that?

- Lots of people.

- Oh, lots, and what would they do with it?

- It's got uses.

- Huh, what kind of uses?

Like, what uses?

It's dead!

- I tell you I stole it off of Stumpy Nixon?

- You mean the one-armed burglar down in Atlanta?

You stole that dead hand from Stumpy Nixon?

- Yep, sure did.

See, he left it in his flat when he went

to go visit his girlfriend?

When I go pay him a visit,

I realize he's left his door unlocked.

So I just pop in and lift it.

He even left the bag for me to carry it off with.

- You stole that hand off of a one-armed burglar.

- Yeah, I guess it left him a little shorthanded.

- What was Stumpy Nixon usin' that dead hand for?

- Well I heard he was usin' it to unlock doors

and safes and stuff.

I'm tellin' you, this thing is valuable to the right people.

- How does he do it?

You know, like, how does Stumpy Nixon

use an old dead hand to open doors and safes?

- Man, I don't know, he just does.

He inherited it from some other old dude

that was usin' it for the same thing.

Somehow they use it.

- Have you seen it?

- What, the hand?

- Yes, the hand.

Have you seen the hand?

- No, I haven't seen it.

It's in a Chinese trickster box.

You gotta slide a panel this way and that way.

It's like a puzzle.

- Nah, nah, nah, nah.

It's an ancient combination lock.

I used to try to figure these things out.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna call my fence, Al Sharko.

Man, this thing is worth 10K easy.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Sharko's Body Shop.

- Hey, Al, it's Rufus.

How's it goin'?

- What do you want, Rufus?

I'm here with my mother.

- Tell your mom I said hi.

- My mother despises vermin like you.

What do you want?

- Man, your mama's smart.

Listen, I got somethin' you want.

- I doubt it.

- Really, Al.

I managed to get my hands on something quite valuable.

- Ya gonna tell me what it is before I die of old age?

- Check this out.

I have, in my possession, Houdini's hand.

- Are you talkin' about that thing that Stumpy Nixon

uses to open safes and stuff?

- Yeah, picked it up right out of his flat.

Check this out.

Stumpy Nixon left his door unlocked.

- Stumpy Nixon always leaves his door unlocked.

It'd be a waste of time to lock his doors

with that hand thing in there.

That's what I'm tryin' to tell you, Al.

This thing opens stuff.

I figured you might know someone who wants it.

- Stumpy Nixon might want it, and you'll be lucky

if he takes it back without a lotta trouble.

- Man, I ain't afraid of that one-armed safe cracker.

- Well, you better be plenty worried.

Nobody messes with Stumpy Nixon.

Even the cops leave that guy alone.

Couple years ago a detective got on his trail.

He woke up one morning with his nose lopped off.

Only a complete imbecile like you

would steal Stumpy Nixon's hand.

- Yo, T, how'd you open the box?

- You know that bathroom doesn't have any toilet paper?

Left me stranded, high and dry.

- The box, T, how'd you open it?

- Didn't touch it.

I was in the bathroom while you were talkin' to Al.

What's that stuff in the box?

Doesn't look like a hand to me.

- Looks like rock salt.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

It's rock salt.

They put it in there to preserve the hand.

- Yep, that's rock salt.

- Man, get that trash can so we can put this in there.

- No hand.

There isn't anything in that box but rock salt.

- Change your mind?

- You've got my hand.

- Well, did Al Sharko call you?

- No, Al Sharko didn't call me.

You were tryin' to sell it to Al, weren't you?

- Well--

- You thought you could just steal my hand

and sell it, didn't you?

- Well, to be perfectly honest with you, Stumpy--

- That's Mr. Nixon to you.

You've never been perfectly honest with anyone

in your whole miserable life.

You've got my hand, and I want it back with interest.

- Okay, Mr. Nixon, I have what you're lookin' for.

What's it worth to you?

- What's it worth to me?

To be perfectly honest with you

I'll tell you what it's worth to you.

The way I see it, you took my hand.

I want my hand back and now I want one of yours.

- What?

My hand?

You're crazy.

- You guys better seriously consider my offer.

And remember, I want my hand back

and I want one of yours in interest.

And listen, Rufus, I'm on my way over there to get it.

- Who was that?

Was that Stumpy Nixon?

What'd he want?

- My hand.

Says he wants my hand in interest for takin' his.

- How does he expect you to do that?

Saw off your own hand?

- I guess so.

- Burn the witch!

Burn her, burn the witch!

Burn her, burn her, burn.

- You think the hand did that?

- I don't know.

- You know it's out that box,

and it's in this room somewhere.

- I don't know, T.

I don't think it can think it can do somethin' like that.

- It's in here.

It just turned on that TV, it's in here ya know.

- Come over here and help me move this out

so we can look behind it.

- Nah, nah, I'm good.

- Don't be a wuss, get over here, come on.

Ready, on three.

- Uh-huh. - One, two, three.

Don't pick up your end or anything.

- Nothin' back there but old dust bunnies the size of cats.

- Tyrone Thaddeus.

So you're watchin' Rufus's back for a measly hundred bucks?

- Yeah, how'd you know that?

- I know a lot, Tyrone.

I know that after Rufus gets through settling up

with me, he's not gonna have your measly hundred bucks.

Rufus is the one who's gonna come up shorthanded.

- Hey, Rufus, the hand just locked us in.

- Man, get out the way.

Move, get out the way.

How'd it do that?

- The window.

The window's all boarded up.

How are we gonna get out now?

- We got a bag full of tools.

In case you forget, remember we break

into places for a living?

- Oh yeah.

We can get outta here.

- Yeah. - All right?

Let's go.

Hey, Rufus, where's your crowbar?

- I lost it.

It fell off the roof at the Piggly Wiggly

back in the green room.

- And you never got another one?

- Never needed another one.

- 'Til now.

- Yeah, 'til now.

- Hey!

Hey!

I know you hear me.

When you shysters gon' stop messin' around?

You need to get that hand ready for me

because I'm on my way over there to get it.

- Okay.

- Hey, Rufus.

What you gon' do with that saw?

Hope you're not thinkin' what I think you're thinkin'.

- No, I'm not thinkin' what you think I'm thinkin'.

I know one thing, we need to figure out a way

to get outta this room before--

- The hand.

It's hangin' around this table.

- Tyrone.

Tyrone.

Tyrone.

I know you hear me, boy.

Is that you, boy?

- Yes, this is I.

- I've got some good news, Tyrone,

and I got some bad news.

The good news is I don't have my heart

set on takin' Rufus's hand.

- That is some good news.

- Yep, and the bad news is your hand

will also be satisfactory.

- Oh, whoa, oh, oh, why my hand?

- Well any hand will do

as long as you crooks come up with a hand.

You're just fortunate I don't want

your arm or your leg.

- We've gotta get outta here.

Looks like they screwed these boards on.

They're not pryin' off.

Oh, oh.

Oh, Rufus.

Ah, come here.

Rufus.

You nearly died.

You peed your pants and you nearly died.

- It's that hand.

It's tryin' to kill us.

- Yeah it is, it is!

It's way back in its box.

- Get it, go, get it.

Close the lid.

- Move out the way. - Get it down.

- Ah!

- Get somethin' out of this bag.

Anything!

What can we use?

I can't find anything.

We need a hand for when Stumpy gets here.

- Yeah, we do.

- I see you had a little run in with my hand.

- Uh-huh.

- Tell me, Tyrone, what did you learn from all of this?

- Don't mess around with Stumpy Nixon.

- Let me give you a little bit of advice, Tyrone.

Hangin' out with big dummies like Rufus right there,

you're gon' end up just like Rufus.

- Hey, 'ey, Mr. Nixon.

What you want me to do with this?

- Ah yes, the interest on my property.

I don't think I'll be takin' that today.

It's not my color, plus it smells bad.

Ho!

Stumpy Nixon, you better tell somebody.

- Woo!

Oh.

Oh.