All language subtitles for Les Norton s01e01 You Wouldnt Be Dead For Quids.eng

NARRATOR: It was somewhere back in '85

when the Les Norton
Show first came to town.

That's him on his first night.

16 stone of prime Queensland beef,

squeezed into a monkey suit
he borrowed from Billy Dunne.

He'd spotted the job advert
the day he arrived in Sydney,

and, after a quick meet and greet,
he'd gotten a trial.

In fact, the big fella had
been working at the Kelly Club

for precisely 23 minutes,

and while the first 22
had been pretty cruisy...

Whoa!

... it was the Cross
and it was the '80s.

So... (CHUCKLES) well, you know.

- You right, there?
- What?

That's welterweight pug Billy Dunne,

owner of the aforementioned bag
of fruit and Les's new partner.

Mate, you were very clear, no aggro

unless you give me the green light.

That's true,

but you could show a bit of
initiative there, big fella.

You're not worried about your suit?

Reckon we got bigger
concerns there, bro?

(GRUNTS)

That was a bit cheeky, wasn't it?

(GROANS)

Now, Les wasn't what you'd
call a scientific fighter.

For all he knew,
the Marquess of Queensbury

could have been a pub in Parramatta.

But with a head as
hard as a cricket ball

and the fists the size
of Christmas hams,

he went through the bikies
like a 3-day-old vindaloo.

Come on, Les, you can do it, brother!

(GRUNTS) That's him!

Ha-ha!

Argh!

Hey, not the boss's Rolls, Les!

Les!

Les!

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

About time you grab your boys,

and you ride off into the sunset,
eh, what do you reckon?

I reckon you can go fuck yourself,
ginger nuts.

Or do you prefer a tampon?

- Tampon?
- (GROANS)

Never heard either, to tell the truth.

Ow!

Both pretty funny, but.

- Ooh!
- (SIREN CHIRPS)

Shit...

(GROANS)

Ray 'Thumper' Burrell
was from the old school.

And as far as Ray was concerned,

what couldn't be solved with a
phone book and a size 12 steel cap

didn't warrant solving.

What in Christ's name
is going on here, eh?

We were just minding our own business

when they came at us like animals.

Jeez, they must have really
gotten the jump on you

to give you such a towelling, mate.

You better sort him out

or I'll bring the rest of the club
back and we'll do it ourselves.

You just let me do the sorting, alright?

Now be a good lad,
go and jump in the truck.

Now...

who the fuck are you?

I'm Les Norton.

And you like hurting blokes,
do you, Les Norton?

It's members only and unfortunately,
these blokes weren't members.

Rules are rules.

And you're the new enforcer, are ya?

Well, I didn't throw the first punch,
if that's what you're asking.

But I did throw the last.

Last few, come to think of it.

(WHISPERS) No.

Am I going to have trouble
with you, Les Norton?

Wouldn't have thought so, sir.

WOMAN: Come on, round the back.
Into the truck.

You...

I reckon you're slowing down.

Pretty soon I'll be able to flog
your black shiny arse myself.

You know where to find me,
you big, fat, pig bastard.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Come on!

Alright, top-top,
Probationary Constable,

get the rest of this shit off my street.

- Give her a hand, tough guy.
- Yeah, go on, Les.

- (MAN GROANS)
- Toodle-ooh, big cop!

- I'll grab his legs.
- Nup. I'm right, I'm right.

Fucking hell, come on.

You sure? He's a big boy.

And I'm a big girl.

(GROANS)

Ah, argh!

(BIKIES LAUGH)

Thought Queensland coppers were rough.

That was an accident, alright?

Oh, yeah?

Hate to see you hurt someone on purpose.

I'm alright, love, I'm alright.

(LAUGHTER)

Don't worry, I won't tell if you don't.

I'm Les, by the way.

(CHUCKLES) Tempting, but I'll pass.

(VAN DOORS CLOSE)

(ENGINE STARTS)

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

WOMAN: You a bourbon or a scotch guy?

Or is it strictly Bundy up your way?

Nah, just a XXXX'll do, thanks.

(LAUGHS)

Not much call for XXXX
around these parts, brother.

They tell me it's the
Rolls Royce of beers.

Guess I'm more of a ute guy.

- Ah.
- Suit yourself.

Country boy. Should've guessed.

I'm Georgie.

NARRATOR: Georgie Burman
was one of the few women

to manage a club back then.

She ran the numbers like an SP bookie

and there wasn't a zack

whose whereabouts she
didn't know intimately,

all while looking like she just
stepped off the set of Dynasty.

Impressive debut.

A little unconventional.

Oh, well, as my grandma used to say,

"Can't eat a mango without getting
a little juice on your chin."

Sounds like a wise lady.

She teach you to fight
like that, as well?

Nah, nah, I put in a couple of years

behind the bar at the
hotel up in Dirranbandi.

Yeah, the nearest cops
were a hundred clicks away,

so I'd learn to shut
things down pretty quickly,

before they get out of hand.

That'll come in handy.

Things tend to get
a bit rowdy around here.

(SCOFFS) Find that hard to believe.

What do you mean?

Just have a look at the size
of the place, it's tiny.

I mean, you'd have to go outside
just to change your mind.

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

Welcome to Sydney's best-kept secret.

Jeez, I'm pretty sure these joints
are illegal up in Queensland.

Pretty sure they're
illegal down here too, Les.

The Police Commissioner was on
the telly just the other night,

complaining about the scourge of
illegal gambling here in Sydney.

And he should know.

Hello, Commissioner.

Hello, Georgie. You look lovely tonight.

Any night of the week you'll find
the who's who of Sydney in here,

enjoying a bit of fun away
from the public glare.

That's why discretion's
the name of the game.

We need to know we can trust
our employees absolutely.

Well, I'm fair dinkum,
if that's what you're asking.

It's not me you need to convince.

(DOOR OPENS)

Les Norton, Price Galese.

NARRATOR: Every kingdom has a king,

and in 1985, the Cross had Price Galese.

Norton, hey?

So, how'd you like your first
night at the Kelly Club?

It was alright, I suppose,
until those boofheads rocked up.

Thought I was going to spend my
first night in Sydney in a lockup.

You needn't have worried there.

As you can see,
I've got a very healthy relationship

with the local constabulary.

Price owns the club, which makes him
the unofficial boss of the Cross.

Oh, nonsense, Georgie.

You know, I'm a concerned citizen

who likes to engage with me
local community, that's all.

You know, as part of that,
I... I contribute to charities

and welfare groups and
so on and so forth.

Including the welfare of
half the NSW police force.

What can I say? They're
the best cops money can buy.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh... what brings you to Sydney?

Oh... play a bit of footy back home.

Bush league mainly,
but standard's alright.

Coach reckoned I should come down
to Sydney and give it a crack,

see if anyone bites.

Mm. What do you think of
the Harbour City so far?

Apart from the foreign beers

and the backpackers with the
cockroaches big enough to ride,

it's alright, I suppose.

But... be better with a job here.

I know.

Well, in that case,

I think now's about the time to tell me

if there's, um, anything in
your past we should know about.

Like what?

You tell me.

You ever been to prison?

Nah.

Hmm.

How about extracurriculars?

You fancy a little toot
every now and again, do ya?

Do you smoke a little Bob Hope?

Don't mind a drink. That's about it.

- Anything kinky?
- Come again?

I dunno. You like to sniff underwear?

You get off on someone weeing on you?

Do you like to hurt animals?

No.

But I might make an exception
for you if you keep this up.

Mm. Alright, well, in that case,

I think I've only got one
more question for you.

I'm Prince Charles, mate.

I'm all ears.

What size suit do you take?

There you go!

Les.

A girlfriend has a
room for rent in Bondi.

It's not fancy but it'll beat a
Kings Cross backpackers any day.

Yeah, righto. Ta.

Can't remember.

I think Loz is okay with redheads.

Oh, well, she's only human.

Don't speak too soon.
You haven't met Lozza.

Straight home, thanks, driver.

Night, boys.

Get the door!

Good to have you on board, Les.

Goodnight, Mr Galese.

Oh, come on, son,
you're part of the team now.

Call me boss.

Night, boss.

Have a good night, boss!

Ahh! Nightcap?

Another time, maybe.

I think I've had enough
fun for one night, eh?

Suit yourself.

Hey, I'll drop you off, though.

Don't wanna get lost in the
jungle on your first night.

You're not in Dangleberry
anymore, Big Bird.

This is the Cross, brother!

Everything's larger than life up here.

('BOYS IN TOWN' BY THE DIVINYLS PLAYS)

How are you, Tooby? (LAUGHS)

- Les, 'Foghorn' McCormack.
- (LAUGHS)

He's the hardest... no, wait...

second-hardest bloke in the Cross, eh?

It's Les's first night in the jungle.

Thought I'd show him the local wildlife.

Stay on your toes, Les,

there's plenty of that
out here tonight. (LAUGHS)

Have a good night, brother.

Come on, Les.

Evening.

- How are you, darling?
- Sorry, darling, not tonight.

- Oh!
- Hey!

Sorry, miss.

Careful, darling!

I love you! Mwah!

Look at the size of her!

Couple of words of advice, mate.

Firstly, she is a he.

And secondly, probably most important,

it's probably best to give
Georgie a wide berth, eh?

What?

Price has a very strict
"don't shit where you eat" policy,

and unfortunately it
extends to Georgie as well.

Turn it up.

Well, this is me here.

Bloody hell!
You weren't kidding, were ya?

What?

Hope you got your shots, big fella.

Wh... It's not too bad inside.

- Yeah?
- It's cheap, that's for sure.

Better you than me.

Anyways... Ha!

Ahh! Stay on your toes, Les.

- Hooroo.
- See you next week.

Shit.

Great.

- WOMAN: Oh, Les!
- MAN: What the hell?! Turn it off!

(BEDSPRINGS CREAK)

(MAN MOANS)

(WOMAN MOANS)

(BEDSPRINGS CONTINUE CREAKING)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(MOANS)

(CREAKING CONTINUES)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

You're comin' with me.

(TYRES SQUEAL)

Seatbelt, please.

So, do I know you?

No, but I know you, don't I?

Shit.

Shit!

How'd they find me so quick?

- How'd who find you so quick?
- The Bender Boys.

Who the fuck are the Bender Boys?

Sorry, who do you work for, again?

Same bloke you do, you fucking muppet.

I'm Eddie Salita.

NARRATOR: Eddie was a Vietnam
vet and Price's gun for hire.

There wasn't a real lot of him.

He looked like a standover man
who'd been shrunk in the wash.

But as they say, it's not the
size of the dog in the fight,

it's whether he's carrying a .38
Special and happy to use it,

and believe me, Eddie was both.

Price reckons you showed
a lot of dash last night.

Oh, well, you know,
just... happy to help out.

Good, 'cause he needs another favour.

Chuck that on.

Come on. Chop chop!

Okay.

What?

Just keep up, dickhead.

(HINGES SQUEAK FAINTLY)

(GASPS)

Get them dressed. Meet me downstairs.

Uh... Righto, girls,

grab some... grab some kit on.

Kit on, yeah? Yeah?

Ladies, ladies!

Girls, the car's this way.

The car's this way. Come on.

Girls!

Girls!

Girls! Come here. Girls!

Come here. Come here.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Look, I know you want to be thorough

but this is no time to bloody clock out.

No-one's clocking out, fuckhole!

NARRATOR: This shrinking
violet is Doreen Bognor,

the woman who single-handedly

put the 'damn' back in 'madame'.

Now turn around!

Nice and slowly.

You sneaky little prick.

- C-calm down.
- Oh, don't you "calm down" me,

you thieving sack of shit!

Look, there's got to be a
massive misunderstanding.

Bloody oath there has!

For some reason, you...

think you can just waltz in here

and pilfer what's not rightfully yours.

They're not yours either but, are they?

Now... be a good girl and
put down the shotty, will ya?

Move it.

Nice and steady.

(HUFFS)

That's it. That's the ticket.

(EMPTIES CARTRIDGE)

Now just hand over the passports,

and we'll be outta your hair.

I don't know what you're talking about.

(COCKS GUN)

Let's try that again, shall we?

Come on,

let's go.

Telling ya,

them three are top little earners.

I'll be very, very sorry to see them go.

Stiff shit.

Come on, girls, chop chop. Let's go.

I'll be seeing you boys around.

Mark my fucking words.

Not if we see you first, darling.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Lucky they're only little, huh?

Mate, I've been in Sydney
less than 24 hours,

and I've already robbed
my first brothel.

Don't be such a sook.

No, no, no, I'm serious.

How is that any of our business?

These girls, they work for that lady.

Mate, that lady is Doreen Bognor,
brothel queen of western Sydney,

and those girls work for her

like the diggers worked for the
Burmese Railway corporation.

What the... what are you talking about?

They're sex slaves, you muppet.

Doreen teamed up with a
syndicate out of Thailand

to lure these girls to Sydney.

Now she throws them at
dozens of blokes a day

and she holds onto their passports,

making sure they don't
do the fucking runner.

Jesus.

- They're 16.
- Yeah.

Same age as Price's youngest daughter.

So when he found out,

he politely suggested that Doreen
send the girls back to Thailand.

And then she politely suggested

that he stick it where
the feathers are thinnest, so...

here we are.

Flight leaves for Bangkok
at 4:30 this arvo.

Tickets are inside.
My number's on the back.

Now, these girls are a
licence to print cash

and Doreen Bognor's not
the retiring type, mate,

so keep on your toes
till you get 'em on that plane.

Capiche?

- Mm-hm?
- Yeah, capiche.

Well, I don't give a rat's
arse what you have to do.

You just let me know
if any of those girls

pop up on a flight to Bangkok.

MAN: I don't know, Doreen.

Flight manifests are pretty hard
to get your hands on these days.

Ah, is that right?

Just sayin'.

I might need a little...
incentive, you know?

Yeah, yeah, an incentive.

Okay, no worries.

How about I don't come
round there right now

and rip your fucking arms off?

Yeah, um... I'm right on it.

Look, I get it: you don't speak
Australian, I don't speak Asian.

And you probably think I'm some low pimp

who's pinched you off the
street to come work for me,

but the truth is, you know, I'm not.

Yours is the first brothel I've
ever been to, believe it or not.

And, no, before you start,

I don't want to root any of you either,

you know? It's not that
you're not good sorts,

you are, obviously, and that...

that goes without saying

it's just that, you know, I don't...
I don't really pay for sex.

Not that there's anything
wrong with that either,

it's just, obviously,

you're a bit on the... the young side.

- (PEOPLE APPROACH, DOOR CLOSES)
- (ALL GASP, SPEAK THAI)

Just give us a minute, will youse?

Time to get you snookered away,
I reckon.

I gotta go to Melbourne,

and I am a terrible flier.

It's the only thing
that calms my nerves.

- (CLEARS THROAT)
- You, uh...

you fly a lot, do you?

(CHUCKLES) Much as I can.

So, is it just you,
or are they part of the deal?

Oh, no, they're just
my, uh... my cousins.

Oh, your cousins. Right.

- Second cousins.
- Oh, righto.

Yeah, no, they're...
they're out here on holiday,

and flying back to Bangkok this arvo.

Georgie mentioned you're from the bush?

That's right. Western Queensland.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Shit, I went out with
a Queenslander once.

- Yeah?
- This... I mean...

Genuinely could not spell his own name

but, my God,

he was dynamite in the sack.

I swear to you,

after one weekend with him,
I would be so bow legged,

you could hang me over the back
of that door for good luck!

You could. Swear to God. (LAUGHS)

Well, uh... go, Maroons, eh?

Giddy up. So, um...

what brings you to Sydney, Leslie?

Lester? Leslie? Leslie?

- Just Les.
- Mm-hm.

Uh, figured I'd, uh, come down,

get a run playing rugby league.

I mean, do you wanna pull the other one?

'Cause it plays Jingle Bells.

- What?
- You're chasing crumpet,

you sly dog!

- (CAR HORN BEEPS OUTSIDE)
- (SIGHS) Oh...

Oh, shit, that's me. Okay.

So, uh, rent is...

Oh, 60 bucks a week,

and, um, you can move in
right away if you want.

Did... did, uh, Georgie mention
it's probably a short-term thing?

Look, I'm not hanging around
all that long in Sydney.

Just whatever you want.

You take it week by week
if you like, sweetheart.

Deadset? No bond or nothing?

Nah, if Georgie vouches for you,
that's good enough for me.

I mean, she may be a
buttoned-up little bookkeeper,

but she will cut your balls off
and feed 'em to her

if you stuff me around.

Oh, you touch my stash,
I'll do the same.

Lovely to meet you, ladies.
Happy travels.

OK, off we go.

She seems nice, eh?

Uh, how about I, uh, throw the telly on?

Don't suppose there's any,
uh, Trekkies amongst you?

Tell you what, I uh...

saw a Video Ezy round the corner.

Ah, what do youse like? Romance, comedy?

I'll go have a look, eh?

(CLEARS THROAT)

NARRATOR: For a fella from
the backblocks of Queensland,

Les Norton found himself pretty
keen to take a Captain Cook

at Australia's most
famous patch of sand.

- Look out.
- Gee!

But with Eddie's warnings
about the brothel madam

banging round his brain...

Pull yourself together.

... the big boy from Dirranbandi
suddenly felt like he might be

sticking out like dog's balls,

and, let's face it, he probably was.

So he wisely turned and headed for home.

Just a bee's dick too late, but.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Oi! Oi, where are you going?!

Oi! Oi, what are you doing?! Open up!

(TYRES SCREECH)

Hey! Hey, Karate Kid, Karate Kid!
I'm on your side!

Shit!

(DOG BARKS)

Oh, here. Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Thank you. Let me out here.

Shit.

NARRATOR: Now, having ripped
off the fine folks at Classy AZ

just a few hours earlier,

Les needed to show his face there

like Custer needed more Indians.

But he didn't have much choice.

Especially when...

Something I can help you with?

Looking for some ladies, are ya?

Ah, yeah, something like that.

You have come to the right place.

You're a bit early,
but I guess you have first dibs.

- Wicked.
- Mm.

How much?

How much for what?

- For the girls?
- Well, it depends on what you're after.

I'm sure you've thought about it.

Yeah, what about a hand job?

A hand job?

Yeah.

Yeah, like, a regular old up and down...

What, how does it go?

You know, just like a...
like a hand job.

Ah, it's a tall bloke there.

Um, yeah,

it's just ordering a hand job
in a place full of working girls

is like going to the
fanciest restaurant in town

and only ordering the garlic bread.

What... what else is on the menu?

Anything you want!

One girl, two girls, all the girls!

You want Asian, you want European,

you want a combo sandwich
of nationalities?

Like, you tell me, honestly.

I mean, they do front door,
back door, side door.

There's a side door?

Mm-hm.

Um, penile colada, Kiama Blowhole,

um, the platypus twist,

Norway doorway.

I mean, you name it, they can do it.

What... what's a Kiama Blowhole?

Ah, well, do you have a face mask?

These girls, yeah, they're well trained.

Oh, Montana's just clocked on.

Montana!

Ooh, she's amazing.

Pelvic floor like a mini trampoline,
honestly.

Bounce away, bubba.

But, yeah, she's just popped in
her teeth, she's ready to go.

She can pop out her teeth, though,

if that's what...
that's what you're into.

- Ha.
- Guys love it.

And, uh, look,

I wasn't always in management,

and I'm still pretty handy on the tools.

- That's good to know.
- Yeah.

I'll tell you what,

the whole thing sounds
bloody appealing to me,

so what I'm going to do is I'm just

gonna quickly run back to me car,

grab my wallet and I'll
come back in a jiffy.

- Yeah. Okay.
- I'll see you soon, alright?

Fuck!

(ALL MUTTER)

Oi!

Shift over, will youse?

Now, I don't know what the bloody
hell was so important back there,

but it better be bloody worth it.

- (GUNSHOT)
- (SCREAMING)

Shit!

For God's sake, girls, I left Queensland

so less people would try
to kill me, not more.

The bloody hell was so important?

Get inside.

Sit down. Sit down, don't move.

Now, youse wanna go runnin' off again,
be my guest, but this,

this stays with me.

Don't move.

(RINGING TONE)

Go for Eddie.
Yeah, g'day, Eddie. It's... Les.

- Everything alright?
- Not really.

Uh, the girls tried to do a runner.

- They what?
- Yeah. No, no, it's all good.

Look, I... I figured they'd
head back the brothel,

so I went back there and I got 'em.

What did they go back there for?

Oh, I think they just
left some stuff there.

What stuff?

Oh, you know, just, uh,

girls' stuff like make-up and whatnot.

Did Doreen see you
leaving with the girls?

Yeah, well, she tried
to part my hair with a shotty,

so, yeah, I guess she did.

Righto, I'll speak to Price,
see what he wants to do next.

Just keep 'em under wraps,

till you get 'em on the plane.

(CALL DISCONNECTS)

Oh! Oh!

See, the shit thing about
having a mobile phone

is that people can contact
you wherever you are.

Invasion of fucking
privacy, if you ask me.

I mean, it's convenient, sure,
but I can't see it catching on.

What do you reckon?

- He reckons...
- (COUGHS)

that he...

and his deadshit mates...

are never gonna set
foot in the Cross again.

Oh!

Am I right or am I right?

Oh!

Sorry I yelled at youse before.

(GIRLS GIGGLE)

I'm hardly going to keep it, am I?

Just a bit under the pump right now,
you know, that's all.

You know, to tell you the truth,
there's these blokes back home,

the Bender Boys, bunch of brothers
from Brewarrina, you know?

- Inbred fuckwits.
- (WOMEN GIGGLE)

Anyway, got myself into a bit of strife

and the next thing you know...

Well, you can paint the
picture, can't you?

Anyway, between them and

the bloody madam giving us both barrels,

I've just been a little bit
freaked out, is all.

But don't worry, you know,
Eddie's going to come

and he's going to sort it all out,

we just got to sit tight
for a couple of hours,

and, next thing you know, you know,

youse will be on a bloody
flight back home to Bangkok.

Wouldn't mind going home myself,
to tell you the truth.

(GIGGLES)

Un-fucking-believable.

(HUFFS)

(OTHERS GIGGLE)

(WOMEN GIGGLE)

(PHONE RINGS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Doreen, get ready to be happy.

(LAUGHS)

I got it.

WOMAN: (OVER PA) ... to Bangkok
now boarding at Gate 7.

I'd love to say it's been a pleasure,

but definitely been one for the memoir.

Now, you just head straight
through that door there,

next stop Bangkok, okay?

Go on, get outta here.
Good luck to youse.

Go.

Les...

thanks for everything, hey?

Aren't you full of surprises?

And don't worry about
those Bender wankers.

It will sort itself out.

MAN: Doreen! This way.

Come through here.

Bit of a short cut.

Just around to the right here.

All the way to the end.

Left, and it'll take you
straight through to Customs.

- I thought this was a short cut!
- No, it is, it is.

(SHOTGUN COCKS)

Oh, nah, nah, nah, you...
you earned that fair and square.

- You take that.
- So did you.

We'd still be locked up at
Doreen's if it weren't for you!

If you are ever in Bangkok, look us up!

Righto.

You redheaded sack of shit!

Christ, what are you doin'?
Checking up on me?

Nah, me mum just got back
from Bali this morning

and I'm just picking up her bags,
like the good son I am.

Hm.

Girls get off okay?

Yeah, yeah, no worries,
you just missed 'em.

Yeah, I bet they're glad
to be headed home, I bet.

Oh, yeah, they're off their heads.

Yeah, good stuff.

Hey, why don't you come out tonight

and I'll shout you a couple of
sherbets just for looking after 'em?

Oh, nah, nah, nah,
you don't have to do that.

Bullshit! It's the least I can do.

Alright?

Alright.

Some chewy?

Yeah.

See you tonight.

Couple of lobsters oughta do it.

Don't get carried away, eh, big fella?

NARRATOR: So,
after a rocky debut in Sydney,

Les found himself happier
than a butcher's dog.

The girls were on their
way back to Bangkok,

he was a lazy grand up,

and now he was off
to throw a few pigs' ears

down his motorboat.

All in all, not bad for a day's work.

You wouldn't be dead for quids.

Oi!

What, you're moonlighting
for the KGB, I see?

Don't think I haven't thought about it.

Mate, hold on, I thought we were
supposed to be having a drink?

Yeah, we are, soon as we knock this off.

Let me guess, another favour for Price?

Nothing much gets past you,
does it, mate, eh?

So, Price is a big handball
for me, right?

Has been for years.

So much so that he pledged to build

a nice new handball
court for all the locals.

Mate, I don't see what this has
to do with us having a drink.

Well, turns out
the foreman's a bit of goose,

and he's been riding the crew.

So the concreters, this arvo,
walked off the job

without filling the final footing.

So?

So, the slab gets poured tomorrow,

but that can't happen

unless all the footings
are done, obviously.

Oh, come on, Eddie!

That thing's got to be at
least 20 feet deep in there.

It'll take all night to fill up.

Heads up!

The sooner you get crackin',

the sooner you can have that beer.

You know what?
You could have bloody warned me.

I wouldn't have worn my best shirt.

Oi!

Mate, you sure got the foreman
thing down pat, don't ya?

Mate, as far as I'm concerned,

manual labour's a Spanish goalkeeper.

(CACKLES) Here.

Very nice.

Price will be stoked.

Mate, he'd wanna be, he hired a doorman,

he got himself a labourer
and a minder thrown in.

Nah, don't worry, mate,
he's got a long memory.

And you're in his good books for
taking good care of those girls.

Yeah, well, let's just hope
that's the last we see of 'em, eh?

Why wouldn't it be?

Well, you said it yourself,
they're tidy earners.

Oh, come on, you're telling me

you're not worried about
blowback from Doreen?

Nah, nah, don't worry,
Doreen's under control.

She didn't look under control

when she blew out my back
window with a bloody shotgun.

She's sorted, mate, trust me.

We had a good chat and
she's, uh... rock-solid now.

Yeah?

Mm.

Come on, finish one of those off

and I'll give you a lift
home in the Corniche, hmm?

See how the other half live.

Huh.

What?

What have you lost?

Me keys.

You're takin' the piss.

Fuck.

Hm.

(LES CLEARS THROAT)

Evening, Georgie.

Les, I almost didn't recognise you.

Very flash.

Looks pretty good, huh?
Price got it for me.

Well, it seems like you made
quite the first impression.

How'd you get on with Lozza?

Yeah, good,
moved in a couple of days ago.

Oh, terrific!

I thought she might have scared you off.

Nah!

She reminds me of every bloke
I've ever played football with.

Ha! Yeah, Lozza's in advertising.

Speaking of which,

Lozza doesn't know much
about what goes on up here.

A little bit of discretion
goes a long way.

What's the matter?
Don't think I can keep a secret?

I guess we'll find out.

(DOOR OPENS)

G'day, Georgie.

- Hello.
- Len. Price around?

Ah, yeah, he's out the back.
I'll take you guys through.

Cheers.

- Come on upstairs.
- Thank you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

And it's like she just
vanished into thin air.

Yeah, I'm... I'm still not sure why
I'm supposed to be concerned here.

- This...
- Doreen Bognor.

She's the brothel queen of
the western suburbs, alright?

She's got a string of
knock shops from Bass Hill

to Box Hill to Rooty Hill.

Oh, Rooty Hil, bet that's headquarters.

I'm serious here, Price.
People are asking questions.

Oh, look, I'm sure she'll turn up, Ray.

Probably just sick or something.

- Bloody awful stomach bug going around.
- Mm.

No, no, I went down
and had a look for myself.

Fuck!

Look, I just thought that
you lot might have,

you know, heard something.

No, not a peep, I'm afraid.

Hey, Georgie, have you...
have you heard of her?

No, I don't think so.
I'll keep an ear out, though.

- Go and check on the van, will ya?
- Oh, come on, Sergeant.

Probationary Constable!

I'll show you out. Come with me.

Hey, we've got Cryback's
Revenge in the seventh.

Yeah, I was gonna go six on High Cost.

No. Yeah, well, Todd's on her.

So, Constable, how long have
you been stationed here for?

Five weeks now.

Oh, fresh off the boat!

Cross can be a bit of an
eye-opener at first, am I right?

Oh, I knew what I was getting myself
into when I requested the posting.

Fair enough.

How are you getting on with Ray?

Oh, uh, you know,

it's a privilege to work with
someone of his experience.

I've got a boss too, remember? I get it.

So, if you need anything or
want to chat, or whatever,

you know where to find me.

It's not the easiest neighbourhood
to navigate in heels.

I'll keep that in mind.

Evening, guys.

Come in.

If it isn't the rampaging rookie.

Easy, slugger.

Didn't bring me mouthguard.

So, how is it up there, then?

How would I know?

I'm down here looking
after the van, aren't I?

That is true, I didn't think of that.

I didn't get your name
the other night, by the way.

It's because I didn't give it.

Still, feel safe with you
down here on the street level.

I saw the way you dealt
with those bikies.

This Doreen Bognor has got a rap sheet

longer than the straight at Randwick,

and I'm just a wee bit concerned
that she might have been offed.

Look, it's not going to go unnoticed

that she's gone missing
within two weeks of her

setting up shop inside
your patch, Price!

It's a free country, Ray.

What's the name of this brothel, again?

Classy AZ.

Oh, well, there you go, reason
enough to knock her right there.

(LAUGHS)

Classy AZ, in Surry Hills, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, rings a bell.

Apparently they're dealing
in young Thai girls,

does that sound right, Ray?

Very young Thai girls.

Yeah, well, it's a brothel,
so anything's possible.

Well, she sounds like an A-grade grub.

I have to say, as a...

father of two teenage daughters,

that's even more reason to hope

that she's gone to the big bloody
massage parlour in the sky.

Don't you think, Ray?

How am I supposed to
learn anything down here

when all the real police work's
going on in your boss's office?

I mean, if she was really
that important,

you'd think they'll want
all hands on deck, right?

Who's that?

That brothel madam they're looking for.

Doreen something-or-other.

Do you know who they're talking about?

No.

Disappeared off
the face of the earth, apparently.

If you ask me, she's probably
hiding somewhere up the coast,

sipping cocktails, as we speak.

NARRATOR:
Given that Doreen had only recently

tried to hollow out his
skull and was now MIA,

Les had a sinking feeling about
where she might be 'hiding'.

He was also pretty sure
that 20 feet of concrete

was going to make sipping
anything a bit tough.

- Do youse have any leads yet?
- Nah.

When I manage to track her down myself,

they'll have no choice but to
bring me into the fold, right?

Let's go, Constable.

Anyway, it was nice
chatting with you, Les.

I'm Emily, by the way.

Nice to meet ya.

Guess I'll see you around, yeah?

I reckon you will.

(ENGINE STARTS)

How's the fit?

Oh, like a glove, boss.

Yeah, of course it should!

Had me bloke in Double
Bay knock it up himself.

- You didn't have to do that.
- No, nonsense, nonsense.

It's the least we could do.

That lady copper just mentioned

that a brothel madam's missing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she...

she hasn't been seen
for a few days, apparently.

Yeah, right.

Something you want to ask me, son?

No, it's just, you know,

we pinch her girls and send them home.

She takes a pot shot at me and
then suddenly she's missing.

You believe in karma, Les?

Um, maybe.

Yeah, I certainly do, you know.

In my experience,
karma's got everyone's address.

How do you figure that?

You take those young Thai girls,
for instance.

You know, they were just
kids, weren't they?

You know, they should have
been finishing off high school,

not fat Australian men.

But thanks to you,
they're back home and they're safe.

And, you know, that Doreen,
she's no longer hawkin' and forkin'.

Now, that's a bloody good result.

That's a bloody good result,

karmically speaking, don't you think?

- I suppose you're right.
- Yeah, of course I am.

It's all because of you.

No-one's going
to forget that in a hurry.

Welcome to the family, Les.

(COINS CLATTER)

(RINGING TONE)

(RINGING TONE)

- MAN: Dirranbandi Hotel.
- G'day, Terry. Les here.

Oh, hello, Les. How are ya?

Yeah, I'm alright, mate.

Ah, I was just wondering,
is Muzza around?

Yeah, mate, he's just here.
I'll get him.

Yeah, alright, ta.

Hey, Muzz! It's your brother.

- G'day, little brother.
- Muzza, old son.

I haven't caught you
at a bad time, have I?

- Nah, mate, I'm just at work.
- What?

Fight night.

Every shearer within
a hundred miles is in town,

gunning for a shot at the title.

What about your arm?

Oh, they're just pitching
that as a handicap.

Which it technically is.

Mate, most of the challengers here
couldn't knock the froth off a beer.

Don't know how much shearing
they'll get done tomorrow.

Yeah, look, I won't hold you up, then.

Look, I just wanted to know
how Bevan Bender's doing?

I'm pretty keen to come home,
if you know what I mean.

(LAUGHS) Come home?

What, you're kidding, aren't you?
Haven't you heard?

Heard what?

Mate, Bevan Bender's fucked.

- He's what?
- He's proper fucked.

Look, I spoke to the doc this morning,

they're not even sure he's
going to pull through.

(SIGHS)

So, I hope you packed
some spare undies, mate,

'cause you're not going anywhere.

(COIN CLATTERS)

Mate, you'll be right.
Just keep your head down.

Alright, I gotta run. I'll see ya.

Yeah, righto.

NARRATOR: Ever heard the expression
"trouble in paradise"?

Sorry, boss, we lost the keys
of your car in the footing

of your handball court
right next to you-know-who.

Hey, hey, I didn't know
about you-know-who, remember?

You're sure there's nothing
you're not telling me?

- No!
- Does your boss know you're here?

He spends half his life in
here, doesn't he?

This whole strip is a jungle.

And like any jungle,

the animals need to know
who's top of the food chain.

Don't look at me.

The less I know, the better.

Well, the good news is
no-one's killed Price yet.

Oh, well, not for want of
trying, mind you.

You're a sitting duck.

I'm the bait, darling.

You know, you can't swallow
me if you can't see me.

Oh, shit! Watch the dip!

(GUNSHOT)

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