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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:04,239
Kirstie is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,872
[chomping]
3
00:00:06,871 --> 00:00:11,470
- Is that my fruit salad?
- Well, not anymore.
4
00:00:12,681 --> 00:00:14,863
Ohh, I'm sorry,
I thought it was Maddie's!
5
00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:19,148
Seriously?
She's never eaten fruit. Or salad.
6
00:00:20,113 --> 00:00:24,527
That's not true. Remember when I
though that plum is a chocolate ball?
7
00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:28,482
Maddie, will you tell
your driver not to eat my food?
8
00:00:28,512 --> 00:00:29,763
Yes, and tell your lackey
9
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:33,248
not to steal my Us magazine
the second it arrives.
10
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,563
Why don't you just get it
delivered to your place then?
11
00:00:36,594 --> 00:00:38,277
[scoffs] Are you crazy?
12
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:42,721
- My owls would tear that thing apart.
- Would you guys stop it?
13
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,237
If I wanted people
squabbling over their needs,
14
00:00:44,271 --> 00:00:46,949
I would have had kids.
15
00:00:46,972 --> 00:00:50,586
Oh, that's right.
16
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:54,146
Arlo, what's going on?
You look down.
17
00:00:54,178 --> 00:00:56,603
Melissa blew me off
for our date tonight.
18
00:00:56,634 --> 00:00:58,459
Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry.
19
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,350
I know how much you were
looking forward to that.
20
00:01:01,381 --> 00:01:06,030
- [whispers] Who's Melissa?
- Melissa Winters.
21
00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:07,963
She's the daughter
of those snobby professors
22
00:01:07,996 --> 00:01:09,461
who live on the tenth floor.
23
00:01:09,494 --> 00:01:12,165
Yeah, they're kind of opinionated
about who she goes out with.
24
00:01:12,196 --> 00:01:15,457
Well, you know, sweetheart,
sometimes people can get judgmental.
25
00:01:15,489 --> 00:01:18,260
They look at a guy
in his late 20s still living
26
00:01:18,292 --> 00:01:23,145
with his mother,
dressing like a troubled vet.
27
00:01:23,175 --> 00:01:26,309
Uh, actually, it was you
they were judging.
28
00:01:26,341 --> 00:01:30,343
Me? You're the weirdo.
29
00:01:30,373 --> 00:01:34,276
Is what I imagine they were thinking.
30
00:01:34,307 --> 00:01:38,653
No, it was you.
They were pretty clear about that.
31
00:01:38,684 --> 00:01:41,016
Something about your sleazy lifestyle.
32
00:01:41,048 --> 00:01:44,824
Sleazy lifestyle?
They don't even know me.
33
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,999
I would like to hear
one example of me acting
34
00:01:47,032 --> 00:01:48,800
in an undignified manner.
35
00:01:48,834 --> 00:01:51,434
Whoo!
36
00:01:51,465 --> 00:01:52,898
[laughs]
37
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:54,697
Going down?
38
00:01:54,729 --> 00:01:57,833
Come on, it was New Year's eve.
39
00:01:57,864 --> 00:02:00,802
It was good Friday.
40
00:02:00,834 --> 00:02:04,843
It was good, wasn't it?
41
00:02:04,872 --> 00:02:07,404
But you really like her, huh?
42
00:02:07,436 --> 00:02:08,903
Okay, then this is
what I'm gonna do.
43
00:02:08,936 --> 00:02:11,140
I'm gonna invite the Winters
over to our house for dinner,
44
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:15,613
and I am going to dazzle them with
my completely un-sleazy lifestyle.
45
00:02:15,643 --> 00:02:17,544
Yeah, we'll all pitch in.
46
00:02:17,576 --> 00:02:21,120
Right on.
I'm a sucker for young love.
47
00:02:21,152 --> 00:02:23,019
Guys, forget it.
48
00:02:23,052 --> 00:02:25,083
The only thing
that impresses these people
49
00:02:25,116 --> 00:02:26,583
is brains and class.
50
00:02:26,615 --> 00:02:28,049
Well, then I'm gonna
show them I've got brains
51
00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:31,922
and class coming out the pooper.
52
00:02:33,252 --> 00:02:36,219
[upbeat jazz music]
53
00:02:38,145 --> 00:02:40,960
1x12 - The Dinner Party
54
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:44,458
55
00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:47,473
- Hey, Frank, how's it going?
- Great.
56
00:02:47,505 --> 00:02:51,078
I just checked out that new
medical marijuana dispensary.
57
00:02:51,109 --> 00:02:55,115
Herb your enthusiasm.
58
00:02:55,146 --> 00:02:58,883
Yeah, I got a bag
of these funny sunny gummies.
59
00:02:58,914 --> 00:03:00,515
You know, they gave me a free sample,
60
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:04,286
and now I can
see through my eyelids.
61
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,604
I'm not kidding. Try me.
62
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:11,729
- Okay. How many?
- A puppy.
63
00:03:13,424 --> 00:03:16,195
Oh, hey.
I think we got trouble.
64
00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:18,764
I've just been doing a little
research on the Winters.
65
00:03:18,795 --> 00:03:21,531
They're not just professors,
they're both fellows.
66
00:03:21,563 --> 00:03:24,872
That's great, gay guys love me.
67
00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:26,638
Not that kind of fellows.
68
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:29,774
They're both big deal
history professors at Columbia.
69
00:03:29,806 --> 00:03:34,643
Ooh, our cleaning lady
is from Colombia.
70
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:39,276
I wonder if they know Soledad.
71
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:42,542
I really think
you should cancel this dinner.
72
00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:45,508
No, I can't.
This is for Arlo.
73
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:47,507
I have an idea.
74
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:49,541
You said that the Winters
are both history professors,
75
00:03:49,573 --> 00:03:51,075
- right?
- Mm, yeah.
76
00:03:51,108 --> 00:03:52,075
So I'm going to stay up all night
77
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:55,777
- and watch the History channel.
- Oh, good thinking.
78
00:03:55,808 --> 00:03:59,045
Eight years of higher education
versus one night of TV.
79
00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:04,953
I know, right?
I just saved $3/4 million.
80
00:04:10,281 --> 00:04:12,584
- Morning.
- Hey, did you guys know
81
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:16,784
that Hitler never took off
his jacket in public?
82
00:04:16,816 --> 00:04:18,049
I get that.
83
00:04:18,082 --> 00:04:22,588
You don't invade Austria in a tank top.
84
00:04:22,619 --> 00:04:23,885
Want some bacon and eggs?
85
00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:26,920
Sure, but I'll tell you who wouldn't.
86
00:04:26,952 --> 00:04:31,053
Hitler.
He was a vegetarian.
87
00:04:31,084 --> 00:04:33,953
I may not want to know
the answer to this,
88
00:04:33,985 --> 00:04:36,221
but why are you talking about Hitler?
89
00:04:36,254 --> 00:04:38,786
Because it's all that was on
the History channel last night.
90
00:04:38,818 --> 00:04:41,185
It was a marathon.
91
00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:43,949
Hitler this, Hitler that.
I get it.
92
00:04:43,982 --> 00:04:48,252
Hitler's the greatest guy
that ever lived.
93
00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:50,519
You may want
to never say that again.
94
00:04:50,552 --> 00:04:53,619
I had a feeling
this History channel thing
95
00:04:53,651 --> 00:04:55,584
wasn't gonna work.
96
00:04:55,617 --> 00:04:58,218
So I called
a professor friend of mine.
97
00:04:58,251 --> 00:05:01,088
He'll be here at 7:00,
pretending to be your date.
98
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,454
Just let him do all the talking.
99
00:05:03,487 --> 00:05:05,819
How do you have a professor friend?
100
00:05:05,852 --> 00:05:08,622
He's a friend with benefits.
101
00:05:08,653 --> 00:05:10,186
Oh, you sleep with him.
102
00:05:10,219 --> 00:05:15,055
Better.
He's got Rangers tickets.
103
00:05:15,085 --> 00:05:17,419
- Well, it sounds perfect.
- Yeah.
104
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,351
And if these dinner guests
happen to get you alone,
105
00:05:19,383 --> 00:05:21,881
I've got you covered.
106
00:05:21,913 --> 00:05:23,981
- An earpiece?
- Yeah.
107
00:05:24,014 --> 00:05:25,081
I figured I could be in the kitchen
108
00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:27,281
on the internet
feeding you information,
109
00:05:27,314 --> 00:05:29,715
so you don't sound like someone
who's never read a book.
110
00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:34,715
Hey, I'll have you know
I've read "Fifty shades of grey."
111
00:05:34,744 --> 00:05:37,779
Well, two shades. I got bored.
112
00:05:45,577 --> 00:05:48,715
Wow, Thelma,
why are you dressed like that?
113
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:52,819
Because my life
isn't demeaning enough.
114
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:56,786
Um, where did we get this
globe and all these new books
115
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:59,783
that don't have "for dummies"
in the title?
116
00:05:59,814 --> 00:06:02,447
Your mother is
going all out for you, Arlo.
117
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:04,402
But if you want a good laugh,
118
00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:08,753
ask her to show you
where Canada is.
119
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:10,384
[doorbell rings]
120
00:06:15,282 --> 00:06:18,283
Welcome to the Banks' residence.
121
00:06:18,315 --> 00:06:20,448
- Hi, Melissa.
- Hello.
122
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,054
- Daddy, Mother, this is Arlo.
- Pleasure.
123
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:28,552
Well, there's no neck tattoo.
I owe you a nickel.
124
00:06:30,216 --> 00:06:34,294
Oh, I'm sorry.
125
00:06:38,217 --> 00:06:39,885
Please forgive me,
126
00:06:39,918 --> 00:06:43,154
I got caught up
in the times crossword puzzle,
127
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,488
which I was doing in ink.
128
00:06:45,521 --> 00:06:48,256
Oh, it's lovely to meet you.
I'm Madison Banks.
129
00:06:48,288 --> 00:06:49,889
Yes, we know your work.
130
00:06:49,922 --> 00:06:54,425
- Oh, from the theater?
- No, from the elevator.
131
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,191
Maddie, this is Melissa.
132
00:06:56,223 --> 00:06:58,291
Melissa, this is my Mother Maddie.
133
00:06:58,323 --> 00:07:01,358
Pretty sure I've used up
all my "M"s for the month.
134
00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:03,293
[laughs]
135
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,959
We brought you a hostess gift.
136
00:07:07,991 --> 00:07:11,029
Ooh, caramels.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
137
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:14,295
They're decorative soaps.
138
00:07:14,327 --> 00:07:18,096
Then I'll just have one.
139
00:07:18,128 --> 00:07:20,697
Oh, so where's
professor What's-his-name?
140
00:07:20,729 --> 00:07:23,195
Danniker.
Frank is picking him up.
141
00:07:23,226 --> 00:07:25,260
Now if they ask you anything,
just stall
142
00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:27,394
until I can get on the internet.
143
00:07:27,426 --> 00:07:29,458
Madison, I see you're
a fan of the impressionists.
144
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,694
Oh, sure.
145
00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:35,766
"You can't handle the truth!"
146
00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:43,436
"Oh, I am not a crook."
147
00:07:45,236 --> 00:07:47,405
Impressionism...
impressionism...
148
00:07:47,435 --> 00:07:51,605
"One ringy-dingy,
two ringy-dingy."
149
00:07:51,635 --> 00:07:54,138
Oh, I was just kidding.
150
00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:58,871
Impressionism,
the 19th-century art form
151
00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:03,132
characterized by small,
yet visible brushstrokes.
152
00:08:03,162 --> 00:08:07,933
- So who'd like champagne?
- That would be lovely.
153
00:08:07,963 --> 00:08:09,864
[rings bell]
154
00:08:09,897 --> 00:08:12,468
Champagne, Thelma!
155
00:08:12,499 --> 00:08:14,534
[rings]
156
00:08:14,566 --> 00:08:16,668
I heard you, Maddie.
157
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:19,168
Maddie?
Don't you mean Ms. Banks?
158
00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:21,703
I don't need to call
the service again, do I?
159
00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:24,473
I am so sorry, madam.
160
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:30,981
Would you like your usual?
Two 40s of malt liquor and a straw?
161
00:08:31,009 --> 00:08:33,544
Well, that one is such a spitfire.
162
00:08:33,576 --> 00:08:35,610
But I tell you,
after she's cleaned a room,
163
00:08:35,643 --> 00:08:39,213
you could eat off the floor.
Show 'em, girl.
164
00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:44,217
Oh, no.
None for me, thank you.
165
00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:45,817
I'm in the middle of a dissertation.
166
00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:48,983
Oh, yeah.
I get that way too after taquitos.
167
00:08:53,351 --> 00:08:57,692
You know, funny story.
168
00:08:57,722 --> 00:09:00,759
One time I was on a plane
coming back from Cancun.
169
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,797
Dissertation.
Oh, a dissertation.
170
00:09:03,828 --> 00:09:06,795
[laughs]
Kidding again.
171
00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:09,462
I know that a dissertation
is a very long essay
172
00:09:09,493 --> 00:09:14,397
for your doctorate
and not severe stomach cramping.
173
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,561
[doorbell rings]
Oh!
174
00:09:15,594 --> 00:09:17,896
That must be my date,
professor Danniker.
175
00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:20,331
Cabot Danniker,
the medieval literature scholar?
176
00:09:20,362 --> 00:09:21,596
Sure, let's go with that.
177
00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:25,767
I'm a big admirer.
I'm told he speaks ten languages,
178
00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:29,536
that he's an expert dressage rider
and an accomplished pianist.
179
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:32,004
Madison, we had no idea
you had friends in academia.
180
00:09:32,036 --> 00:09:34,005
No, he's American.
181
00:09:38,473 --> 00:09:39,939
[mouthing]
What the hell?!
182
00:09:42,704 --> 00:09:47,139
Sorry I'm late, lover.
The symposium ran long.
183
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,033
Danniker's passed out drunk in the limo.
184
00:09:53,066 --> 00:09:54,565
What?
185
00:09:54,599 --> 00:09:58,674
Oh, look, everyone.
It's Cabot Danniker.
186
00:09:58,704 --> 00:10:01,744
- You speak ten languages.
- Hm?
187
00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:05,040
Shalom.
188
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:13,939
Ooh, gummies.
Mmm.
189
00:10:15,504 --> 00:10:18,506
I love these.
Mmm.
190
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:23,103
Professor Danniker,
I would love to bend your ear
191
00:10:23,136 --> 00:10:24,469
about your latest book.
192
00:10:24,502 --> 00:10:28,035
- Oh, yes. My novel.
- It was a textbook.
193
00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:34,640
Well, yes. It was my novel
approach to a textbook.
194
00:10:37,066 --> 00:10:41,772
So, Arlo, I understand you
work in a doughnut shop.
195
00:10:41,802 --> 00:10:44,370
Oh, not anymore.
I got fired.
196
00:10:44,403 --> 00:10:50,372
Oh. May I have another
in a larger glass?
197
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:54,136
Well, he just quit that job
to move on to better things.
198
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:57,601
I bet Melissa and Arlo
have tons of things in common.
199
00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:58,979
Really?
200
00:10:59,062 --> 00:11:04,601
She's pursuing an advanced
degree in nanotechnology.
201
00:11:06,529 --> 00:11:09,131
I'm sorry,
you wouldn't understand.
202
00:11:09,164 --> 00:11:13,000
Yes.
Nanotechnology.
203
00:11:13,031 --> 00:11:16,829
The manipulation of matter on
an atomic and molecular scale?
204
00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:18,627
Why, I didn't take you for someone
205
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:21,162
who's up on cutting-edge science.
206
00:11:21,194 --> 00:11:24,860
Yes, we were just discussing
this at the menses club.
207
00:11:26,191 --> 00:11:28,562
I think you meant mensa.
208
00:11:28,594 --> 00:11:33,099
No, this was a room
full of angry ladies.
209
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:38,667
Danniker, I understand
you're quite the pianist.
210
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:43,234
Well, I've had no complaints.
211
00:11:46,564 --> 00:11:49,035
[clears throat]
He said "pianist."
212
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:51,070
Oh.
213
00:11:54,534 --> 00:11:56,368
I was thinking it would be an honor
214
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,168
to hear one of your
original compositions.
215
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,536
No, no, no.
It's really time for dinner.
216
00:12:00,569 --> 00:12:01,870
What better way to start dinner
217
00:12:01,903 --> 00:12:03,872
than with a musical amuse-bouche?
218
00:12:03,905 --> 00:12:05,872
Please, the professor Danniker
219
00:12:05,904 --> 00:12:08,407
I've heard so much about
is anything but modest.
220
00:12:08,439 --> 00:12:11,044
[clicks heels]
221
00:12:15,677 --> 00:12:17,514
[plays cacophonous chord]
222
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,584
[plays ragtime music]
223
00:12:34,249 --> 00:12:38,017
- I didn't know you could play.
- I don't.
224
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:41,821
- Then how are you doing this?
- I'm doing it for Arlo.
225
00:12:41,852 --> 00:12:44,722
I know, but you're still playing.
226
00:12:44,755 --> 00:12:49,556
Hey, I don't ask my hands,
and they don't ask me.
227
00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:54,556
Is it just me,
or is it getting warm in here?
228
00:12:54,586 --> 00:12:56,220
Oh, you think this is hot?
229
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:58,286
Try standing over a doughnut
fryer wearing a hairnet
230
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:02,085
in the middle of summer.
[laughs]
231
00:13:02,116 --> 00:13:05,685
Not helping.
232
00:13:05,716 --> 00:13:08,412
Madison, I do love your apartment.
233
00:13:08,443 --> 00:13:10,275
Would you mind giving me a tour?
234
00:13:10,307 --> 00:13:15,142
Not at all.
Could you please excuse us?
235
00:13:15,476 --> 00:13:18,510
Hey, my mother and your mother
seem to be hitting it off.
236
00:13:18,542 --> 00:13:22,007
No, when she gives that
twisted smile, it's never good.
237
00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:24,341
You may never see
your mother again.
238
00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:30,174
Well, thanks.
That's not a sensitive thing with me.
239
00:13:30,203 --> 00:13:33,772
This is the master,
240
00:13:33,804 --> 00:13:37,535
and this is
my very favorite painting...
241
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:39,567
Okay, why don't
we end this charade?
242
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:40,968
You think you're fooling anyone
243
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:43,735
in that prim, little suit
and your hair in a bun?
244
00:13:43,768 --> 00:13:46,133
Well, I hope so.
245
00:13:46,165 --> 00:13:50,001
I know the slutty bad girl
that's in there,
246
00:13:50,031 --> 00:13:52,991
and I like her.
247
00:13:55,361 --> 00:13:59,696
Um...
can I have my gum back?
248
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:03,589
- What was that?
- A forbidden kiss.
249
00:14:03,622 --> 00:14:05,760
From the garden of sapphic delight.
250
00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:08,665
Um, "A," I don't even know
what that means.
251
00:14:08,696 --> 00:14:11,967
And "B," you're married.
To a man!
252
00:14:11,999 --> 00:14:13,967
My life has been so constrained.
253
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,303
I didn't go through this phase
in college.
254
00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:20,300
They didn't do this
sort of thing at Smith.
255
00:14:20,332 --> 00:14:22,814
I'm very flattered,
Veronica, but I don't...
256
00:14:22,847 --> 00:14:24,035
Maybe...
257
00:14:24,069 --> 00:14:26,469
our children brought us
together for a reason.
258
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:28,600
What are you talking about?
259
00:14:29,665 --> 00:14:31,332
I'm just saying...
260
00:14:31,365 --> 00:14:33,699
I could give my daughter
my blessing
261
00:14:33,731 --> 00:14:37,934
about dating Arlo...
with a little incentive.
262
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:42,869
- Are you blackmailing me?
- In a sexy way.
263
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:48,070
- [gasps] You bitch.
- Ooh, dirty talk.
264
00:14:52,999 --> 00:14:54,633
Well, that was a quick tour.
265
00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:56,534
Did you show
Mrs. Winters everything?
266
00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:59,892
No, she didn't see anything.
Just eat.
267
00:15:00,169 --> 00:15:02,823
Danniker, I was thinking.
Why don't you come
268
00:15:02,822 --> 00:15:05,475
and be guest lecturer
at my seminar next week?
269
00:15:05,507 --> 00:15:08,441
Hmm. Guest lecturer.
270
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:12,141
Sounds like
someone's getting a little lazy.
271
00:15:13,706 --> 00:15:17,842
Maddie, perhaps we should
take a yoga class together.
272
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:22,212
You know, work up a sweat,
really stretch each other out.
273
00:15:22,243 --> 00:15:24,244
I don't really care for stretching.
274
00:15:24,276 --> 00:15:28,947
It's just a gateway to exercise.
275
00:15:28,977 --> 00:15:32,782
Sounds like you two really hit it off.
276
00:15:32,813 --> 00:15:34,315
[whispers indistinctly]
277
00:15:40,381 --> 00:15:43,886
We were just looking over the
new schedule at the met, Madison.
278
00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:46,125
Little too heavy
on Puccini for my taste.
279
00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:50,824
- Anything to excite you?
- Yes, Maddie. What excites you?
280
00:15:50,855 --> 00:15:53,991
Well that's a... that's
a very interesting question...
281
00:15:54,022 --> 00:15:58,828
about the opera.
At the met.
282
00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:01,226
Well, I'll tell you
who did like a good opera.
283
00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:04,203
Hitler.
284
00:16:06,194 --> 00:16:11,206
- I bet you didn't see that coming.
- Well, Wagner, I suppose.
285
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:14,329
Well, him I can't speak for,
but Hitler couldn't get enough of it.
286
00:16:14,361 --> 00:16:19,050
Actually, he had to drop the
opera bug because he suffered a
287
00:16:19,047 --> 00:16:23,735
partial hearing loss after a bomb
went off in Wolf's Lair in 1944.
288
00:16:23,766 --> 00:16:25,833
Fortunately, he survived.
289
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,867
Oh.
I dropped my napkin.
290
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,097
Um, I-I'm just going
to check on dessert.
291
00:16:40,130 --> 00:16:43,245
- I'll help you.
- No!
292
00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:47,767
I don't think it's going very well.
293
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,632
It's actually going
much better than I expected.
294
00:16:55,029 --> 00:16:56,696
What is wrong with you?
I'm dying out there!
295
00:16:56,729 --> 00:16:59,697
[crazy laughing]
296
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,366
What's so funny?
297
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:06,000
My sleeve.
298
00:17:06,032 --> 00:17:09,033
Hey, you can't leave me
alone with these people.
299
00:17:09,065 --> 00:17:10,930
They asked me about dressage,
and I told them
300
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,765
it was thousand island.
301
00:17:13,796 --> 00:17:16,032
- Are you eating my gummies?
- Yeah, so what?
302
00:17:16,064 --> 00:17:17,800
You ate all my fruit salad.
303
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,435
Your fruit salad doesn't cost $400!
304
00:17:20,468 --> 00:17:23,304
Oh, what kind of gummies cost $400...
305
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:24,635
[gasps]
306
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,769
Oh! Why didn't you put your name on it?
307
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:28,866
All right, just stop...
308
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,168
Guys, come on!
Do I have to separate you?
309
00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:33,469
Thelma, just take this dessert
and take it out there.
310
00:17:33,502 --> 00:17:34,701
Why do I have to be
the stupid maid,
311
00:17:34,735 --> 00:17:37,170
and he gets to be the professor?
312
00:17:37,202 --> 00:17:38,404
I speak ten languages, and still
313
00:17:38,438 --> 00:17:41,277
I have to drive out
to Queens every night.
314
00:17:41,308 --> 00:17:42,673
She gets to live here.
315
00:17:42,706 --> 00:17:45,141
Yeah, with her.
You think that's a picnic?
316
00:17:45,172 --> 00:17:46,938
Well, what is that
supposed to mean?
317
00:17:46,971 --> 00:17:50,710
I'm lovely!
Ask Veronica.
318
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:52,842
I think we actually
got away with it.
319
00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:54,208
I knew your parents
would come around
320
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,908
once they got to know Maddie.
321
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,041
We're just lucky
that they've seen worse.
322
00:17:58,073 --> 00:18:01,174
- What does that mean?
- Let's face it.
323
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,475
Your mother isn't
exactly Princess Grace.
324
00:18:03,508 --> 00:18:06,678
She's a little, you know...
325
00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:10,715
- What?
- Low-rent.
326
00:18:10,746 --> 00:18:12,481
Oh, come on.
327
00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:16,911
She acts like somebody you'd see
on here comes honey boo boo.
328
00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:19,551
Okay, let me tell you something.
329
00:18:19,583 --> 00:18:23,386
My mother may be
loud and over the top
330
00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:25,053
and if there's a man
that she wouldn't take home,
331
00:18:25,086 --> 00:18:27,354
I haven't met him yet...
332
00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:33,184
but she would do anything
for me, and so would those two.
333
00:18:33,216 --> 00:18:36,451
They even put up with
your snobby, tight-ass parents
334
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,452
because they knew
it meant something to me.
335
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:42,519
Now they may not have
big, fancy degrees...
336
00:18:42,549 --> 00:18:47,279
or degrees of any kind,
337
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,015
but they're good people.
338
00:18:49,047 --> 00:18:51,648
And I think this dinner is over.
Thank god.
339
00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:54,317
Now will you consider going
back to that Yale architect?
340
00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:55,983
No, stop trying to control my life.
341
00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:59,384
- I'll buy you a car.
- Done.
342
00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:02,721
Laundry room. Midnight.
343
00:19:02,752 --> 00:19:04,849
Stop it.
344
00:19:05,118 --> 00:19:07,086
Okay, maybe.
345
00:19:08,353 --> 00:19:12,023
What?
That was a really good kiss.
346
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:19,227
Sorry about Melissa, kid,
but you deserve better.
347
00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:20,725
Maybe we didn't get the respect
348
00:19:20,757 --> 00:19:23,554
of Mr. and Mrs. Stick-up-their-butt,
349
00:19:23,587 --> 00:19:26,556
but you sure got mine.
350
00:19:26,587 --> 00:19:30,858
But I'm high as a kite,
so what do I know?
351
00:19:30,889 --> 00:19:34,023
Hey, guys. I'm really sorry
that I let you all pretend to be
352
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:37,154
something that you're not just
to impress those pompous phonies.
353
00:19:37,186 --> 00:19:40,587
Oh, let's not be
too judgmental, Arlo.
354
00:19:40,618 --> 00:19:46,225
I believe it was Hitler who said,
"forgive and forget."
355
00:19:46,275 --> 00:19:50,825
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