All language subtitles for Four Weddings and a Funeral s01e06_English

ZARA: Previously on
Four Weddings and a Funeral...

� I��I want to give it a try.

� Just to be clear,
you're talking boyfriend
and girlfriend, right?

� [laughs]
Yes.

� Craig, what is he doing here?

� This was a mistake.
I should go.

� Kash is my friend.

AINSLEY: You have known Kash
for a couple of years.

I have been one of your
best friends since college.

This is a total betrayal.

� Will you marry me?

� No.
I can't marry you, Craig.

� I just don't wanna
mess this up.

� There's nothing to mess up.

GEMMA:
You do know you can do better
than Maya, don't you?

� Hi, Craig.

� I still think about
when we first met.

[mellow guitar music]

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ Play along ♪

♪ I'll be so wrong ♪

♪ So long, it's free ♪

♪ I could stay ♪

♪ A thousand light�years ♪

♪ Away from here ♪

DUFFY: Maya!

Hey, over here.

� Oh, Gemma's there.

She wanted
to tell me something.

It's fine.
Hi.

� What?

I mean, you've got
lipstick on your teeth,

but I didn't want
to tell you that.

MAYA: So do you know
why we're here?

What's Craig's
big announcement?

� Christ, I hope it's not that
he's getting his blues band
back together.

[glass tapping]
� It was awful.

� Awful.
FRIEND: Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention,
please?

� Surprise!
Zara's back!

[all screaming]

� And we're getting married!

[laughter, chatter]

� I'm blinded.
Blinded!

� That is the biggest rock
I've ever seen.

Is it real?
� Yeah.

� Have you bitten it?

� So how did this happen?

� Well, when Craig surprised me
on Love Chalet,

I wasn't ready to forgive him.

I was still really hurting,
you know?

So I convinced myself
that Garrett was the one.

GARRETT: Convinced me too.

Good actress, this one.
� Yeah.

ZARA: But it wasn't until
Garrett proposed

that I realized my heart
belonged to another.

ALL: Aww.

� Who?

Craig.
[mutters]

� ♪ You've got a sweet
little place in my heart ♪

♪ Like a sweet little rain
takes care of the flowers ♪

♪ And that's love ♪

♪ Your kind of love,
your kind of love ♪

[pop music]
SINGER: ♪ Ooh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

ZARA: We're getting married
in a real palace.

Queen Elizabeth I
grew up there,

and they used it
in a toilet paper commercial.

� Oh, wow.
� [squeals]

� [laughs]
And the best part of it is��

� Love Chalet
is paying for it!

� No!

The best part is,

our wedding is gonna be on TV!

� No!
� Oh, my God.

We're gonna be famous!
� I know!

� [laughs hysterically]
I'm gonna call my mum.

Oh, my God.

� Such a beautiful night...
[laughs softly]

You know, minus the dampness
and the cold.

� Yeah, I might go inside,
actually.

[laughs]
I'm freezing.

� Want my coat?

MAYA: Cool, yeah.
� Yeah.

� Thanks, Duffy.

[exhales]

Ooh, but I'm keeping all these
loose Skittles in your pocket.

No take�backs.
� Okay, yeah.

Sorry about that.
[laughs]

CRAIG: Hey!

How's my best man doing?

� What?
I'm your best man?

� They wanted to stunt cast it
with Damon Wayans Jr.,

but I said no.

It's gotta be my man, Duffy.

� Oh, my God, Craig.
Thank you.

� Eh, love you, brother.
� Of course, yeah.

� You know, I, uh,
invited Ainsley tonight.

You think she'll show?

� I don't think so.
She's still pretty upset.

� [gasps]
Oh, Maya,

I'm sorry you can't
be a bridesmaid.

You're too pretty.
Pippa situation.

� It��it's okay.

� But I've got a feeling

you're gonna be the star
of your own big day soon enough.

[laughter]

� [forced laugh]

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

KASH: Hey.

� Oh, look who it is.
Muhammad Ali.

� [laughs]
� How's the hand?

� Uh, pretty good.

I punched, like,
six more guys on the way here.

� [laughs softly]
� Can I get you a drink?

� Uh, yeah, sure.
I'll have a��

� Nope, let me guess.

American girls
are always like...

[American accent] Vodka soda,
splash of cranberry.

� Uh, no, no.
I would never order that.

I only drink, um...

Kahlúa and tomato juice.

� Really?
� Yep.

� So if I order that,
you'll drink it?

� Yeah, go for it.
Make it a pitcher.

[both laugh]

� Listen.
At the hospital��

� Don't.

I don't wanna��
� No, you're right.

Sorry.

It's just,
I don't know the next time
I'll get to see you,

and obviously,
there's something between us��

� Kash, stop it.

� You just don't wanna admit it
because you're scared.

� I'm scared?

Coming from the runaway groom
who secretly wants
to be an actor.

� Tell me
you don't think about me too,

and then I'll move on and
never talk about this again.

MAYA:
Of course I think about you.

I don't.

You should move on.

♪ ♪

You're all I can think about.

I wish that I didn't.

SINGER:
♪ We sit in the silence ♪

[car honks]

I keep telling myself
to forget you.

But for some reason, I can't.

I wish things
weren't so complicated.

We haven't even had the chance
to explore what this could be.

But I can't keep
lying awake every night

thinking about this person
I can never be with.

I have to let you go.

I write this letter knowing
I will never send it

but needing
to admit the truth,

even if it's just to myself.

You will always
be the one that got away.

Love, Maya.

[sighs]

SINGER: ♪ Do we know ♪

OFFICER: Hey!
� Ugh.

� You again?
� God.

� Just 'cause we don't
have the death penalty

doesn't mean you can
do whatever you please.

� Yeah, sorry.

� Three more times,
I'm giving you a warning.

♪ ♪

� What?
They're back together?

� Yeah, and Love Chalet
wants to host their wedding.

Zara said she wants, like,
15 bridesmaids
in clear dresses��

I don't know��
but she wants to arrive
in a pumpkin carriage��

� You know, I don't need all
the tacky details of a wedding
I'm not even gonna go to.

[knock at door]

MAYA: Hi.
DUFFY: Hey.

� I didn't know
you were coming over.

� Yeah, um,

can we talk?

♪ ♪

So,

things have been kinda weird
between us lately, right?

Like, I'm not imagining this?

� I don't know.
Weird like what?

� Well,
the other night at the club,

you just kinda left me,
and then yesterday,

when Zara made that joke
about us being married,

you stopped breathing
for two whole minutes.

� It just took me by surprise.

I mean, we've been dating
for a few weeks.

� Look, um,

you know,
we're great as friends.

And if we're not
on the same page, um,

we could always
just be friends.

� Wait, you wanna break up?

� No.
No, no, no.
I'm not saying that.

I...

But

if you're not that into this,

then yeah.

♪ ♪

� [sighs]

Okay, uh,

if that's how you feel,
let's just be friends.

� Yeah, okay, cool.

Cool.

KASH: Please.

They're low�glycemic pakoras
for Dad's diabetes.

� I'd rather lose a leg
than eat this crap.

HAROON: Kashif, you must
know why Imam Iqbal is here.

You and Fatima have been
seeing each other for a month.

I should have
met her parents by now.

� [sighs]
Doesn't that seem
a little fast?

Even Marks & Spencer has
a 90�day return policy.

IMAM IQBAL: Fatima is not
a polo shirt, bacha.

It's time the families sat down
and talked about next steps.

I can't get a reputation for
facilitating sinful relations.

� Sinful relations?
We haven't even held hands.

� Kash, you like Fatima,
don't you?

� [sighs]
Yeah.

She's smart.
She's beautiful.

She hates
the same celebrities I do.

It's the whole package, really.
� Well, then...

� I don't want
to pressure you, beta,

especially after
your last public humiliation.

But I would really like to hold
my grandchildren before I die,

but no pressure.

� Dude,
Fatima's out of your league.

What's the problem?

♪ ♪

� Okay,

let's do it.

Let's meet the parents.

� [chuckles]

CRAIG: Babe, the venue
can only hold 200 people.

You have over 300 on your list.

� What am I supposed to do,
Craig?

They're all special to me��
every one of them.

� Really?
Who's Penny Jackson?

� My third cousin by marriage
on my mother's side.

We're very close.
I haven't seen her in 20 years.

� Okay, well, uh,

I mean, I guess I can take
some people off my list.

� But there's only 30 names.

� Well, I guess
I'm not as popular as you.

� What's wrong?
Craig?

� There's so many people
I wanna come to wedding
that won't be there.

� You mean your daughter?
� Yeah.

� Maybe she could be
a flower girl��

better than my bitch niece.

� No, I promised Julia
I wouldn't contact her.

� I know it's hard,
but be patient.

I bet when Molly gets married
in ten years, you'll be there.

� Ten years?
She's only five.

� Well, she doesn't have a dad.

� Oh.

[laughs]

� And what about Ainsley?
Maybe you should try
calling her again.

� I have a dozen times.

I don't know
what more I can do.

[tapping on glass]

� Did you
pick centerpieces yet?

I liked the feathered ones,
although I am concerned

about how many peacocks
will have to die.

� No, we've moved on
to the guest list,

which, by the way,
Ainsley's not coming,

so you can bring a plus one.

� Mate, I'm sorry.

That's my fault,

which makes this
somewhat awkward to ask.

Could I have a plus three?

Fatima can only come
if we bring our chaperones.

� Don't think so.

Sorry, Kash.
We're at capacity.

� Zara, your hairdresser's
hairdresser's coming.

It's fine.
� Thanks, man.

AINSLEY: Um, hi.

MAYA: Hi.

� Why did Duffy post
a picture of Sylvia Plath

and then write "mood"
underneath?

� Oh, yeah.
We kinda broke up.

� What?
You broke up?
What happened?

� Nothing.
It just didn't work out.

� Uh�huh.

So...who's the other guy?

� What?
� Come on.

You always stay
in relationships
way longer than you should

unless there's someone else,
so spill it, bitch.

� There's no other guy.
Duffy dumped me.

� Why would he dump you?

He can't be gay��
he dresses too bad.

� It was my fault.

I think he could tell
I wasn't feeling it,

and so he tried
to let me off the hook.

Even the way
he broke up with me was nice.

� Oh.

� I feel terrible.
� Don't.

And you can't force yourself to
feel something you don't feel.

� There was always
something missing.

You know, that spark?

Like, you don't
have to talk about it.

You just feel it
every time you're together.

� I don't think I've felt
that way since eight grade

when Tommy Greeley felt me up
in the janitor's closet.

But I know what you mean.

� Maybe you should think about
getting back out there.

� Ugh.
You mean, like, dating?
� Yeah.

� I am so not ready for that.

� It doesn't have
to be something serious;

just, you know, a hookup.

� Do you know how hot
a guy would have to be

for me to sleep with him
right now?

Like, a shirtless Hemsworth
could show up at our front door

and I'd be like,
"Eh, I'm good."

� [smacks lips]
I'm just saying.

I hear you watching
Outlander at night.

� The Scottish landscapes
are beautiful.

� Mm�hmm.
[glass thunks]

[whispers]
We share a wall.

BASHEER: [laughs]
Yo, that is the best film
I've ever seen in my life.

KASH:
You say that about every film.

BASHEER:
Yes, and I'm always right.

Have you ever considered film,
or are you more like
a stage actor?

� Bruv,
I'm a banker with a headshot.

� So why don't you go
on auditions?

� 'Cause I have
a full�time job.

I'm providing
for my whole family.

� Bruv,
this is a side hustle economy.

Look at me.
I own a mobile phone shop.

I'm a DJ.

I sell these dope bracelets
on Etsy.

100% rat leather, innit?

Bruv, you've just got to find
an acting gig that fits
with your Goldman schedule.

� Yeah, it doesn't exist.
Trust me.

I've been looking at casting
calls for the past few weeks.

Every audition and rehearsal
takes place during the day
when I'm at work.

It's not gonna happen for me.

� Come with me.

� What? Where're you going?
� Come with me.

I'ma show you.
Boom.

� This is a play for kids.

� Yeah, that's why
it's perfect, bruv.

Kids got to go to school,
so you can do rehearsals
on nights and weekends.

� I meant more like a proper
play at a proper theater;

not the place we did
Oliver Twist
when we were ten.

� Listen, yeah?

Everybody's got to start
somewhere, bruv, all right?

'Fore she became famous,
Cardi B was a stripper.

So was Channing Tatum.

Wait, should you strip?

� What?
Bruv.

� Kash?

Kashif Khan, is it really you?

� Mrs. Ali?
I can't believe
you remember me.

� Well,
of course I remember you.

You were such
a good little actor.

� Do you remember me?
Basheer.

I was Orphan number four,
and I had lice.

� [laughs softly]
� Do you still run the theater?

� Yes. I'm directing
The Sound of Music this year.

� Yo, have you got a role
for Kash in that?

� What?
[laughing] No, no.

I don't think you need
a random adult.

� Well, actually, would you
want to play Captain Von Trapp?

� What, seriously?

� [laughs] Well, otherwise,
it'll be me with a mustache.

But this is a much better idea.
You��think about it.

� I'm in.
[exhales]

TEACHER: The tango
is a game of seduction.

Your bodies need to move
together as one, okay?

And five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four.

Five, six, seven.

� Okay, you know what?
I can't do this.
I quit.

[stammers] I just can't do it.
I can't��

� Craig, we're performing
a wedding dance

on national television
in less than two months' time.

Move together as one with me,
or I'll kick your ass.

[Kaiser Chiefs'
Record Collection ]

SINGER: ♪ I'm a God
enlightened, cleaned up ♪

♪ Heightened reenactment
of your day ♪

� Bryce, nice to see you.
� Hey.

� I was just working on
some ideas for your place.

� Ooh, I'm glad to hear it.

Right now,
the only décor I have's a��

a dead plant and
a stack of pizza boxes.

SINGER: ♪ Uh�huh, abracadabra ♪

♪ Whispered in our car ♪

� Will I be receiving a draft
of this speech anytime soon,

or shall I bequeath it
to my next�of�kin in my will?

� Sorry, sir.
I was just finishing up.

� No, she wasn't, sir.
She was wistfully
gazing at Facebook.

BASHEER: I don't get it.
KASH: What now?

� I don't get this whole thing.
This Von Trapp guy, yeah?

KASH: Yeah.
� Says he's in the navy,
but he lives in Austria.

� So what?
� Austria is landlocked.

I remember that from geography.

� Bruv, it's based
on a true story, okay?

Will you just help me
learn the lines?

� This is it.

Months of practice
have led to this moment.

� Let's do this, babe.

TEACHER: [grunting]

� [grunts] Oh, honey, I'm��

TEACHER:
Somehow, you've gotten worse.

Is it possible you could
both have some kind of

degenerative
neurological disorder?

� What are we gonna do, Craig?

AINSLEY: Duffy.
� [laughs softly]

AINSLEY: Hey.
� Hey.

AINSLEY: Where have you been?

You keep missing game night.

� Yeah, I've just been
really busy teaching, writing.

Got really into using
my slow cooker until
campus security took it away.

� It's okay to not wanna
see your ex for a minute.

[laughs]

She's still at work,
by the way.

� Yeah, I was
kinda hoping that.

She has my blazer,
and I really need it.

� Oh, okay.
Come on.

� You know, I need the blazer
'cause I'm going to a rehearsal
dinner for an upcoming wedding

for a certain
African�American guy
who works in finance.

Name rhymes with egg��

� I know this weekend
is Craig's wedding, okay?

No, I haven't changed my mind.
� Come on, Ains.

It's Craig,
the guy who pretended

to be one of Beyoncé's
backup dancers

so you could get backstage.

� Well, even if I wanted
to go, I can't.

I have a big job that night.

� Ainsley, you're not
gonna get another chance

to see Craig get married

unless you watch it on TV
or stream it live
on the Love Chalet app.

� Here.
Take the blazer and go.

� Ainsley, come on.

[door clicks shut]

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

"I wish I could've told you
how I really felt.

"Of course I still
have feelings for you,

"but I know that being together
would jeopardize

one of the most important
friendships of my life."

Oh, God.

She's still in love with me.

[laughs softly]

[classical music]

DUFFY: "I write this letter
knowing I will never send it,

"but needing
to admit the truth,

"even if it's just to myself.

"You will always
be the one that got away.

Love, Maya."

� I don't know, man.
Are you sure it's for you?

She didn't write, "Dear Duffy."

� She didn't write
"Dear Anyone."

It's a poetic rumination.

God, Craig, you are so literal.

The poor thing's been
wearing my jacket,

writing letters,
trying to get over me.

� And why did you
break up with her again?

� Because I'm an idiot,
all right?

I only floated the idea that
maybe we would end things

because...I thought
she was gonna dump me first.

� Classic
"quit before you get fired."

We've all done it.

� Yeah,
but Maya wasn't pulling away.

She was just afraid
of how intense
her feelings were getting.

"I've never felt like this
before with anyone,

and yes, it scares me."

God, why can't I just accept
that I am cool and awesome,

and women want to be with me?

� So are you gonna
talk to her or not?

� I don't know, man.

I mean, it says right here
she didn't mean
for me to read this.

So...I don't know what to do.

� Well,
I think when it comes to love,

you gotta go big or go home.

That's what I did with Zara,

and now I'm marrying
my best friend.

Do these pants
make my dick look too big?

� When Kash was young,
I worried he would never find

a nice Muslim girl.

He was always
staring at his poster
of Xena: Warrior Princess.

KASH: Okay, Dad, I think
that's enough embarrassing
stories for one night.

� Well, it's getting late.

Thank you, Haroon Bhai,
for a wonderful meal.

You've raised a fine lad.

� It was our pleasure.

We must do this again soon.

� That wasn't so bad.

� Okay, great, so,
same again tomorrow night?

� Oh, no, God, please, no.
BOTH: [laughs]

HAROON: I'm happy
you love pakoras.
[laughs]

FATIMA: Bye, Uncle.
Thank you.

HAROON: Bye�bye.

� Well, I think that went
pretty well, don't you?

� You were perfect, beta.

� That family's loaded!

The mum left her shoes
in the hall.

Red bottoms, baby!
Cha�ching!

� Fatima is a good girl
from a fine family.

This is a great match.

� Yeah, I think so too.

� So, we've met the parents.
What's next?

[bright music]

♪ ♪

SINGERS: ♪ I can feel it,
I can feel it ♪

♪ Getting better,
getting better ♪

♪ And to know
the way you see it ♪

♪ Just remember it's forever ♪

♪ Holding on ♪

� Hi. Thank you.
BOUNCER: Have a good night.

SINGER: ♪ Holding on ♪

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

Duffy, hi.

I feel like I haven't seen you
in a long time.

� Yeah, I've been
really sorry about that.

� You look great.
� Oh, yeah? You like?

� Yeah, I love.

� I know.

I'm really sorry,
but I have to go back
to the hotel.

� You forgot the rings?
� I forgot the rings.

MAYA: [laughs]
� But I will see you later.

� Yeah, well, save a dance
for me later, okay?

� Definitely.

� Hey, make sure
you line the edges up.

� [groans]
Can't believe you're making us
work on a Saturday night.

In my culture, it's a very
important party night.

BRYCE: Hey, not bad.

� Oh, yeah, and you
didn't think I could do it.

� Well, I didn't
see why you'd want to.

Figured you had
something better to do

on a Saturday night
than put up wallpaper.

� Fine.
You can leave.

� Laters.

AINSLEY: Oh...
[laughs] Wow.

You are extra.

[laughs]

Have fun.
Make good choices.

� I won't!

� Excuse me.

[mellow pop music playing]

� Hey, uh, vodka soda,
splash of cranberry.

� I know you.

How do I know you?

What��were you a contestant
on Wet Date?

� Oh, no, uh,

we met at Craig and Zara's
engagement party.

I'm Maya.
� Right.

Yeah, Garrett.
Hi.

Um...[clears throat]
Look, I��

I don't know if you read
the tabloids, but, um,

I've actually recovered
from my bronzer poisoning now.

� Oh, great.
GARRETT: [chuckles] Yeah.

� Great.
Congratulations.

� Thanks.

♪ ♪

� Hi.
KASH: Hi.

� How have you been?
� Good.

Really good, actually.

You'll be pleased to know
I've been cast in a play.

� [gasps] No way.
Kash, that's great.

[gasps]
What's the play?

� Sound of Music.
It's community theater.
It's nothing fancy.

� Still, you're doing it.

� Well, I think
I'm the only person in the show
who can legally drink,

so the cast party
may not be great.

� [laughs]
KASH: But, yeah.

I'm doing it.
I have you to thank for that.

� What did I do?

� You basically
called me a coward
for not pursuing my dream.

� Yeah, right.
Um...

I'm sorry about that.

� [laughs]
No, it's fine.

I needed a kick up the ass.

Thank you.

FATIMA: Kash, oh, my gosh,
this wedding is bonkers.

[laughs] There's an ice
sculpture shaped like Cupid

pointing his arrow
at an ice sculpture

shaped like Craig and Zara,
and they're all naked.

� Full naked, bruv.
Hey, nice to see you, Maya.

Sorry if I'm looking around.
My mini quiche radar is up.

The guy's avoiding me 'cause
he said I took too many.

� [laughs]
It's good to see you too.

Hi, I'm Maya.
� Hi.

MAYA: Are you here with Bash?
� Um, no. [laughs]

� Uh, actually,
Fatima's here with me.

� Oh, sorry, my mistake.
� Oh, it's okay.

Um, Bash and my grandmother
are here as our chaperones.

� Them the rules for
arranged marriages, so...

� Uh�huh.
[laughs softly]

BASHEER: Hey, yo,
where's your
date tonight, Maya?

� Oh, I'm��I don't have one.

I'm flying solo tonight.
[laughs]

� [speaking Urdu]

[laughs]

SINGER: ♪ Until our hearts
are barely beating ♪

♪ I'm gonna stay ♪

♪ Right where we are ♪

♪ Until we're old ♪

♪ And barely breathing ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ And only love
can be this honest ♪

♪ I swear that I'll never ♪

♪ Go too far ♪

♪ Darling, it's true ♪

♪ For you, I promise ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

� [whispers]
I'm so nervous.

� Don't be.
You got this.

� [inhales, exhales]

Craig,

I vow to love you more
each day.

Every second with you
is a gift,

and by the time
I'm done unwrapping it,

oh, look,
another gift of another second.

� [laughs]

� In summary...

[inhales, exhales]

You are my everything.

DIRECTOR: Cut!

ALL: [groan]
WOMAN: Come on!

� Oh, God.
This is intolerable.

� I'm sorry, love.
Your tears are ruining
your makeup.

Now, remember to mention
Hotels.com in your vows

and the meaningful part
that their

Stay Ten Nights, Get One Free
rewards program has played

in your love story.

Okay, going again.

From the top.

All right, everyone,
from the top.

Reset, and action.

� [whispers] So nervous.

� Don't be.
You got this.

BRYCE: It's getting
pretty late.

You know you can
finish this up next week.

� Oh, I don't mind.

All my friends are
at Craig's wedding anyway,

so might as well
get some work done.

� Wait,
Craig's wedding's tonight?
� Mm�hmm.

� And now, if I series record
Love Chalet,

do I get it,
or is this a special?

� I don't know,
and I don't care.

� Come on,
for the last two months,

that's all you've talked about
is this wedding.

Obviously, you care.

� Yeah, I care about the fact
that I got stabbed in the back
by one of my best friends.

� Bullshit.
That's not why you're mad.

� Excuse me?
� If you were only mad at Craig

who was just hanging out
with your ex,
you'd be over it by now.

The real reason you're pissed
is he's getting a wedding,
and you didn't.

� No, that is so superficial.

That would make me a terrible,
selfish person.

BRYCE: Well, no more than me.

I sunk the boat
I named after my wife.

Now I gotta fish
off the dock.

� Do you think
I should've gone?

� I don't know.

If somebody matters to you,
you show up for them,

especially on the most
important day of their life.

� Oh, my God.
What am I doing?

I'm not going to Craig's
wedding because I'm jealous?

� Boat ain't sunk yet.

[upbeat pop music playing]

♪ ♪

MAYA:
[sighs] Hey.

� So this is my life now.

I've been relegated
to the sad singles table.

� What do you mean?

� Hey!

MAYA: Oh, wow.
Oh, God.

I've been at the American
table, the black table,

the ex�girlfriend table,
but never the spinster table.

� Spinster?

How dare you.
I'm a widow.

� Oh, my God, Gemma,
I am so sorry.

It must be really hard
to be here without Quentin.

� It is.

And Quentin never cared much
for weddings,

but we did like to make fun
of the other guests,

like that man over there.

Quentin would've said,
"Who wore it better?

Him or Beetlejuice?"
� [laughs]

� I miss the old bastard.

� So what's a lovely bird like
you doing at a singles table?

� My husband died.

� Right.

Just��just carry on, then.

� Will you excuse me
for a moment?

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

DUFFY: Tonight is about love
and second chances

for Craig and Zara,

and for me.

Maya,
will you please come up here?

GEMMA: Duffy?
� Oh, God, Gemma.

� What on Earth are you doing?

� Just practicing
my best man speech.

� I wouldn't worry too much.

I heard the maid of honor's
toast.
It's just a dirty limerick.

� Yeah, well, mine is a little
bit more than a toast.

Um...

I'm gonna tell Maya
that I love her

and I want her back
in front of everyone.

Go big or go home.
� Oh, you should go home.

� No, no, no.
This is actually a great idea.

Um, I found a secret
love letter that Maya wrote me.

� I don't believe that.
No offense.

� Why does nobody believe
that someone could love me,

kay, 'cause she did
and she does.

Look.

� Okay, well, give me that.
� No, Gemma, Gemma��

Get off��get off.

This isn't for you.

� Okay, I know it doesn't say
"Dear Duffy."

It's a poetic rumination��
� No, no, no.
I mean, look at this bit.

It says she wants to run her
fingers through his dark hair.

I mean, your hair is,
like, dirty blond.

� That's because it's been
lightened by the British sun.

� "I wish things weren't
so complicated."

What's complicated?

You're two friends
who dated for five seconds

and had an amicable breakup.

I'm sorry.
I think you're seeing
what you want to see.

� No, you don't know
what you're talking about.

Who else would she be
writing love letters to?

[Nikki Flores'
Across The Sky]

ALL: Aww.

SINGER: ♪ Smoking hot
to the eighth degree ♪

[cheers and applause]

SINGER:
♪ You light me up inside ♪

♪ And make me come alive ♪

♪ You know you hit me
like, like, like ♪

� Good evening.

Welcome to Craig
and Zara's wedding,

sponsored by Hotels.com.

[cheers and applause]

We now invite our bride and
groom up for their first dance.

Hit it, Captain Obvious.

[tango music plays]

♪ ♪

� Whoo!

♪ ♪

[smooches]

� [whistling]

♪ ♪

� Oh, oh, oh, man!

I think I��
I think I pulled something,

you know, doing that big move,
you know what I mean?

Y'all enjoy that?

[cheers and applause]
Yeah, y'all like that?

Shots on me, all right?
Shots on me!

Come on, baby.
I need you over here.

[pop music playing]

♪ ♪

� Hey, yo, listen.

This is the best cake
I'd ever tasted my whole life,
you understand?

I always thought
if I do get married,

I'd do a sundae bar,
but not anymore, mate.

FATIMA: What do you mean,
"if" you ever get married?

You're, like, the most
eligible bachelor in Hounslow.

� Yeah, right.
You're just trying to butter me
up 'cause you want my cake.

Let's do this.
You wanna try it?

You try it.
Go on, now, go on.

BASHEER: What happened?
FATIMA: It's good, it's good.

� I'll be right back.

� [laughs]

♪ ♪

� Uh�oh, another American
trying to marry into
the royal family.

� Nah, they've already
hit their diversity quota.

� Sorry if that was
a bit weird earlier.

� Oh, not at all.

Your girlfriend seems
really nice.

How long have you guys
been together?

� I'm not sure exactly.

Not too long��
about three months?

� Three months?

� Hm?
� [speaking Urdu]

� Why?

[speaking Urdu]

� [snores]
� Can you stop?

Dancing and that.

� Yep.

� Hey, listen, I don't suppose
that you wanna dance with me?

Probably not.

� Um, yes.

� Huh?
� Yes, actually.

[laughing]
I would love to.

� Yeah? Okay.
� [laughs]

SINGER:
♪ I don't know what it is ♪

♪ That makes me love you so ♪

� Oh, my gosh, okay.

I��I love this song.

� You sung this at your year
eight talent contest, right?

� Um, yes.
How��what��um...

� Oh, can I? Okay.
� Yeah.

How did��wait,
how did you know that?

� Nani told me.
� [laughs]

� She did also say that
Sherena Patel beat you

'cause she was doing some
next provocative dance
with Genie in a Bottle?

� [laughs] She did.
� [laughs]

� I can't��

I can't believe you wasted
brain space remembering that.

[laughs]

Okay, and then what else did,
uh, Nani tell you about me?

� Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
[both chattering]

Okay, all right, so,
there was this one thing, yeah?

� Yes?
� She said you got busted

for smoking a cheeky cigarette
behind the bike shed at school.

Is that right?
And you told your dad you were
holding it for someone else.

� [laughing] Yeah, well��
yeah, but it didn't work

'cause I was grounded for,
like, a year. [laughs]

� Mad.
Well, listen.

You was a little rebel
back in the day.
I appreciate that.

� Yeah, well...
[inhales deeply]

That was a long time ago.
[clears throat]

Now I am a proper adult,
you know, with a pension.

� Okay, yeah.
I mean, it's good.

� Just,
sometimes I wonder if

I've grown up to be a bit
of a bore. [laughs]

� Are you crazy, girl?
Stop.

Give mine a spin.
Come, let's do this.

You speak four languages.
You love cheesy horror movies.

Bloody hell,
you dominate at darts.

Real talk.
You're one of the sickest
people I know.

♪ ♪

� Can we two step,
'cause I don't like...
� Yep, let's do it.

SINGER:
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

� This is��yep, can we do this?
Very hot.

� So that night at the hospital
when you said you still

think about the first time
we met, you were with her?

� No��yes, but we'd only
just started hanging out.

� And at Craig's
engagement party,

when you said there was
something between us?

� There is something
between us.

� But you can't say shit
like that when you're
with somebody else.

� Things only recently
got serious with Fatima,

and that's because
you shut me down.

You said you didn't have
any feelings for me.

� Of course
I have feelings for you.

I have since
the first time we met.

� What?
Why didn't you say anything?

� Because
I can't keep doing this.

I can't keep choosing
to be with the wrong guy:

My married boss,
my��my best friend's ex.

I just��

I don't wanna be the person
that hurts everyone around her
to get what she wants.

� I don't either.

But every time I see you...

� I know.

SINGER:
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

[glasses clinking]

[cheers and applause]

� Hey, save it
for the honeymoon.

Speaking of which,

our viewers have voted.

Craig, Zara,

you'll be spending ten days

in beautiful Antarctica.

� Aww.
� [laughs]

� Now for my favorite part
of this evening��

the toasts.

Everyone,
give it up for the best man.

[cheers and applause]

CRAIG: All right, whoo!
D�U�F�F!

[cheers and applause]

� Hello, hi.

Uh...
[sighs]

It's, um, amazing

when you can find love
in your best friend.

� Wait!

� Ainsley, Oh, my god.
� I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
Hi. I'm sorry.

Hey, no,
I'll just take two seconds.

Thank you.
Sorry. H�Hi.

H�Hi.

Hi.
I'm Ainsley.

Uh, I'm one of Craig's
friends from college.

I wasn't planning on
coming tonight,

obviously,

but, um,

there's something
I have to say.

[sighs]
A few months ago,

I was supposed
to have a wedding.

I was supposed
to have all of this.

Well, maybe not
the ice sculptures,

or the liberal use
of giant self�portraits,

but the point is,

my wedding didn't happen.

And I was afraid that
if I came here tonight,

I would have to relive that.

But then someone told me

that you show up for the people

who matter the most to you.

And over the course
of our friendship,

Craig has shown up for me
a million times.

He helped me when
I was gonna lose my business.

He came
to pick me up in Burundi

when I bailed
on the Peace Corps.

He will literally
go to the ends of the Earth

for the people he loves.

[tender music]

Craig,

our friendship has survived

your skater boy phase,

my Twilight obsession,

the month
I managed your blues band...

� Oh, shit.
AINSLEY: [laughs]

And a move across the Atlantic.

I know it will
survive this too.

I love you very, very much.

And I wish you and Zara
a lifetime of happiness.

� Mm.
Come here.

[cheers and applause]

BOTH: [mouthing words]

� I'm so glad you're here.

� Me too.

♪ ♪

Okay, sorry, uh,
enough about me.

Um,
Duffy is our funniest friend,

so get ready for the greatest
best man speech ever!

Take it away!

[cheers and applause]

GEMMA: Ainsley,
that was lovely.

[cheers and applause]

� So, yeah,
it is amazing when you can

find love with your best friend
like Craig and Zara.

And, um...

Oh...

� [mouthing words]

� Yeah, so, uh,

I'm just gonna open it up
to questions now, so...

[inhales, softly]
Oh, God.

Okay, yeah, um...

[whispers] I'm so sorry.
� [mouthing words]

� Uh...

Yeah, so just give it up
to Craig and Zara.

I'm so glad that
it worked out for you two.

[softly]
Oh, God.

[cheers and applause]

� Right,
best man was a disaster,

so we'll cut him in post.

Moving on!

We're back in five, everyone.

[Daft Punk's
Get Lucky playing]

SINGER:
♪ Come too far to give up ♪

� Hey, I'm heading out.
Thanks for having me.

� Aww, you're the only person
who's said good�bye.

Most of my friends
have gone to hospital
with alcohol poisoning.

� [laughs]

� Hey, Ainsley.

� Hey.

� Really good to see you.

� Well, I had to come.

I wanted to know what the end
of a wedding looks like.

� [laughs]

� [laughs]

SINGER: ♪ We're up all night
to get some ♪

♪ We're up all night
for good fun ♪

♪ We're up all night
to get lucky ♪

[Daft Punk's
Get Lucky continues, muffled]

♪ ♪

� That's how you smoke?

You look like Sandy
from Grease.

Are you okay?

� You're right
about the letter.

Maya's in love
with somebody else.

� Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Who is it?

[soft dramatic music]

� [inhales deeply]

Doesn't matter.

♪ ♪

[dreamy pop music playing]

SINGER:
♪ Your thoughts escape me ♪

♪ Don't tell me when ♪

♪ It's time to close my ♪

♪ Eyes ♪

♪ I don't believe in love ♪

[dance music playing]

♪ ♪

� Uh, shot of tequila, please.

� Nice overalls.
Did you have to valet
a tractor?

� [laughs]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.

I look like
a Beverly Hillbilly,
but I don't care

'cause I'm having a great time.

GARRETT: Uh, well,
good for you.

Um...
[smacks lips]

I'm not.
I, uh��

I struck out
with every girl here.

� Oh...
[snorts]

� And I've just spilled wine
on myself.

� Mm�hmm.
� Excuse me.

� [snorts]

[glass clunks]
Hey, you wanna get out of here?

� Fine.
AINSLEY: [clears throat]

� All right, I'll go.

Jeez, way to kick a guy
when he's down.

� No, I mean,

do you wanna
come back to my place?

For sex, Garrett.

Shake a leg before
I change my mind.

[mellow music]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

� Okay, thank you two
for a sick night.

� Take care, man.
BASHEER: See you, my brother.

FATIMA: Bye.

Can I just say 'fore I go,
yeah,

these past few months
being your chaperone��

it's been a pleasure, you know?

Imagine all the fun we're gonna have
on your honeymoon and that, mm?

� [laughs]
Take care, bruv.

BASHEER:
See you later, my brother.

BASHEER: And Fati?
� Yeah?

Killer moves on
the dance floor, you know?

� Oh, yeah.
I had a really good night too.

� You was busting them moves!
I'm very impressed.

Be safe, yeah?
[car door slams]

� Right.
Let's get you two home.

Fatima?
You okay?

� Uh, um...

You know what?
Um, I'm...

I'm sorry.
� What? What's wrong?

� Um, I really��I really��

I don't want to
hurt you or, um,

your father, or Asif,

who added me
on Instagram already,

but I don't think
this is going to work.

� What do you mean?
I thought things were going well.

We were having fun.
� Yes, we do.

Um, I've...
[clears throat]

I've enjoyed
all our time together,

um, but it's, um,
not because of you per se.

[stammers]
To be honest, you can
be quite moody sometimes,

and, um, and you're always
complaining about your job,

which I agree sounds��
it sounds terribly boring,

but sometimes I find myself
zoning out when, um,

when you talk.

� Oh, okay.

� Um, tonight,

I, uh, I��

well, I realized that the, um,

the real reason
I look forward to our dates

is because
I know I'll get to see...

Bash.

I...
[clears throat]

I think I have feelings
for Bash.

♪ ♪

� Oh.

MAYA: Hey.

Dude, what happened
with your toast?

That was rough.
� What happened?

You know, I had this whole
romantic speech planned out

about love and second chances,
and at the end,

I was gonna ask you
to get back together with me.

But then I realized
that I'm an idiot

because you're in love
with Kash.

� What are you talking about?
� Don't deny it, Maya.

I found your letter.

� It is not what you think.
� Yeah, you know what?

I don't care.

I'm done...

for good this time.

� Duffy, nothing happened.

Please don't tell anyone.

� Yeah, I would never
hurt Ainsley like that.

� Duffy.

Duffy!

[ethereal pop music]

♪ ♪