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1
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Betrayed... by my own daughter.
2
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It's a free country.
3
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,540
You know I forbade anyone in this family
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,609
from ever eating at O'Shanahan's again,
5
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,811
ever since they cut me
off in the middle of
6
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,813
"All You Can Eat Wings" night.
7
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It was for your own safety.
8
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:17,750
You vomited twice and were having
9
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- severe heart palpitations.
- I didn't feel full!
10
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,288
The point is,
you broke a promise to your family.
11
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,223
Family always comes first, Haley.
12
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,293
I need something to
soothe my jangled nerves.
13
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,562
Steve, how about you put a
smile on your old man's face
14
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,896
and do the "Backseat Shuffle"?
15
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:33,832
Aw, come on.
16
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,433
Get yourself out of that seat belt
17
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,701
so you can really give those shoulders
18
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,057
room to shimmy.
19
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,705
There we go.
20
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,508
♪ Sh-Sh-Shake shake shimmy a-slippin'
and slidin' ♪
21
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,377
- ♪ Oh, I just gotta get my groove on ♪
- That's it now.
22
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,979
♪ When I'm in the backseat ridin' ♪
23
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,713
- ♪ I shimmy to the left ♪
- All right!
24
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,315
- ♪ I shimmy to the right! ♪
- "Backseat Shuffle"!
25
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,317
♪ I'm rockin' the upholstery
almost every single... ♪
26
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,056
How?!
27
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,792
How could we have let this happen?!
28
00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:01,994
What's the big deal?
It's just some dumb old mural.
29
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,395
- Wha...
- Whoa.
30
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,197
I-I feel a little...
I feel a little woozy.
31
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:08,266
This mural has been a
Langley Falls institution
32
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,534
since 1982...
33
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,136
I'm just gonna... rest my head
34
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,338
on this bit of filth
here on the concrete.
35
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,874
...depicting a pantheon
of great Americans...
36
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:20,412
Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan,
Jesus, Nolan Ryan,
37
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,814
Schneider from "One Day at a Time,"
38
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:25,950
in celebration of loyalty,
integrity, and honesty...
39
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:29,554
three virtues that can be
summed up in one simple word,
40
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,089
"loyntegresty."
41
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,826
A trait you clearly don't have.
42
00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:35,694
That's it... At this very moment,
43
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,430
one thing and one thing only matters...
44
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,433
this mural must be restored.
45
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,971
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:50,709
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
47
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,912
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
48
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:58,484
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
49
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:03,588
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
50
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:06,124
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,326
Aah!
52
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,596
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:14,066
_
54
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,600
Don't you need to sign up to speak
55
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,001
- at the Town Council meeting?
- Me?
56
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:20,138
No, I'm very well-known
in this community.
57
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,075
Hey, it's that guy who pooped
his pants at O'Shanahan's!
58
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:27,079
Fellow citizens,
have any of you driven down
59
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:30,014
Old Chickasaw Road recently...
probably not.
60
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,217
Ever since they shut down
that White Castle where
61
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,086
all those Jehovah's
Witnesses got murdered,
62
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,888
there hasn't been much reason to.
63
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:38,557
But if you had, you would've seen...
64
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,970
this!
65
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:43,695
Our town's most cherished
landmark sullied,
66
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,497
violated, raped.
67
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,832
Okay, okay, too far.
Maybe... Maybe not raped.
68
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,434
But definitely molested.
69
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,836
That mural is our greatest treasure,
70
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,506
a clarion call in brush and hue
71
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,576
to aspire to our better selves.
72
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,978
It's where I got my first handy J!
73
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,714
Our love of the mural
has been reignited!
74
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,384
Mural! Mural! Mural!
75
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,253
But loving the mural is not enough.
76
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,789
Unless it's restored, future generations
77
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,991
will be denied its
message of loyntegresty
78
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:16,595
and go astray...
like my very own daughter.
79
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,731
This is why you brought me here?
80
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,533
Look, if we're gonna restore the mural,
81
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,067
maybe we could add some diversity,
82
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:26,070
like, say, replace Schneider
with Harriet Tubman?
83
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,206
Did Harriet Tubman sign autographs
84
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,609
for 15 minutes at Panini Barn?
85
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:31,876
This...
86
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,012
this is why I'm proposing the creation
87
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,080
of a mural-restoration task force,
88
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,751
a team of our city's finest
artists and craftsmen,
89
00:03:38,753 --> 00:03:41,085
to be led by... me,
90
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,956
the man who crapped
himself at O'Shanahan's.
91
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,992
Stan Smith! Stan Smith! Stan Smith!
92
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,764
Did you ever think you'd
have a son who'd be
93
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,432
going to one of the most exclusive
94
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:58,637
nonsegregated clowning academies
on the Atlantic seaboard?
95
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,639
No. No, I did not.
96
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,840
Mwah!
97
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,050
The teacher here is supposed
to be the most intense
98
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,586
and demanding instructor
in all of clowning and...
99
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,189
Shit. It's Roger, isn't it?
It's gonna be Roger.
100
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:19,924
All right, jagoffs,
the name's H.G. Rimmons.
101
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,926
Look to your left. Look to your right.
102
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,328
By the end of the semester,
103
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,130
60% of you will be
dead by your own hand.
104
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:28,533
The rest will be clowns, ya dig?
105
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,402
Okay, I'm out of here.
106
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,470
Huh.
107
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,805
I'm... I'm a little confused.
108
00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:35,540
Because you said here
on your application
109
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,675
you wanted to be a clown.
110
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,942
More than anything.
111
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,277
So what's your "gooch"?
112
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,013
Gooch is "horncorn" for clown name.
113
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,081
Horncorn is horncorn for clown lingo.
114
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:46,084
Gonna be honkin'
a lot of horncorn around here, ya dig?
115
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,752
So, what's your gooch, kid?
116
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,287
- Dimples.
- Dimples?
117
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,223
Pretty "buckety" gooch, don't ya think?
118
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,957
More horncorn. Relax.
119
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,092
Just sliding your whistle.
120
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,227
Why don't you show us what you got.
121
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:56,961
I... Uh...
122
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,831
Come on, man... No pressure.
123
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:00,899
Just lay a little jape on these cats.
124
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,567
Whatever you got. No big.
125
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,777
Fart was a nice touch. Smells, too.
126
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,513
Ladies and gentlemen,
we could be looking
127
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,849
at the next Emmett Kelly...
128
00:05:16,851 --> 00:05:19,117
- ...of sucking!
- Ohh.
129
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,119
That's right,
you nut-lickin' little turds.
130
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,521
I ain't here to hold your hands.
131
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,922
I'm here to play mind games
132
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,991
and emotionally abuse
you into being clowns.
133
00:05:27,407 --> 00:05:28,160
Ohh.
134
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,895
That's clowning, you shitheads!
135
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,399
Hey, Dad.
136
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,068
Where's the rest of the task force?
137
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,403
We had our team-building
dinner at Benihana's.
138
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,405
Blew the whole budget.
Had to let them go.
139
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,274
You know, got to admit, it's pretty cool
140
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:44,008
you're doing something
for the community.
141
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,880
This town owes you one, Stan!
142
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:49,147
Yeah!
143
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,419
Well, I guess I'll let you get to it.
144
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,988
Good luck, Dad.
145
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,825
All right,
let's start by getting the grime
146
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,627
off the old cheeks.
147
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,828
Dad, dab, dab. Oh, nope.
148
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,297
Smudging just a little bit.
149
00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:07,700
No problem, no problem.
Just need to even it out.
150
00:06:07,702 --> 00:06:09,367
Easy. Easy.
151
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,169
Okay, now that's really
starting to smear.
152
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,972
Well, I can just freehand
that jawline back into shape.
153
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,177
Hmm. Might as well really
get in there with some 409,
154
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,379
then, and...
155
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:23,982
There goes the face.
156
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,250
That's okay, that's okay.
157
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,051
Got to get worse before it gets better.
158
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,588
Let's get the old Brillo
Pad in on the action.
159
00:06:30,261 --> 00:06:30,989
Okay.
160
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,726
Think we're getting back on track now.
161
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:37,730
_
162
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,134
Dad, you look nervous.
163
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:44,202
Did everything turn out
okay with the mural?
164
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,470
What? Yeah.
165
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,205
I-I mean, yeah. Yeah, I think so.
166
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:50,075
I think... I mean, sure.
Yeah, turned out great. Why?
167
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,076
I mean, definitely.
168
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,345
Without any further ado,
169
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:58,817
I give you your fully-restored mural!
170
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,297
How could you have done this, Stan?!
171
00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:18,236
But Stan loved that mural.
172
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,839
It was his daughter who had it out
173
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,907
- for Schneider.
- What?!
174
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,443
Stan did say she lacked loyntegresty.
175
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,446
I bet she did this...
for hippie reasons!
176
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,714
Yeah!
177
00:07:30,154 --> 00:07:31,115
Dad!
178
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,318
Stand up for me!
Tell them I didn't do it!
179
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,258
Dad!
180
00:07:43,398 --> 00:07:44,898
_
181
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:46,965
Haley?
182
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,700
Sugar blossom?
183
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,302
Pumpkin dumpling?
184
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,504
Daddy's little sugar-frosted
raspberry maple fritter?
185
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:53,838
Leave me alone!
186
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,974
The whole town hates me because you lied
187
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,577
to cover up for your own stupid mistake!
188
00:07:59,571 --> 00:08:00,645
That's true.
189
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:04,048
And I know what it'll
take to make things right.
190
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,784
Ice cream.
191
00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:10,522
I want to fight ya!
192
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,457
Come on, fight me!
193
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,992
Fight me!
194
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,193
I didn't do it.
195
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,929
Dad, tell them the truth.
196
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:19,331
The truth?
197
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,534
This is the best damn ice
cream in the tri-county area!
198
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,005
I can hold the hero up all by myself!
199
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,075
I'm country strong!
200
00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:43,421
Well, kid...
201
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,357
- you suck...
- Mm.
202
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,826
...ceded [succeeded] beautifully...
203
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,694
- Mm?
- ...at being God awful...
204
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:54,032
- Mm.
- ...is the opposite of what I think.
205
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,900
Psych! You stink, and I hate you.
206
00:08:56,757 --> 00:08:58,236
Now, get this through your skull, man,
207
00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,571
'cause I don't play mind games.
208
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:02,174
You will never be a clown.
209
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:05,177
You got potential, kid,
and you can't teach that.
210
00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:06,244
You know what?
211
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,980
I host a little retreat every summer
212
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,381
at my house on Block Island
213
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,984
for just a handful of my
most promising students.
214
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,251
No real structure.
215
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,919
We just honk a little buffoonery,
216
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,456
lay some japes, blow each other...
you know, clown stuff.
217
00:09:17,458 --> 00:09:19,524
- And I think you could make the cut.
- Really?
218
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,795
If you push yourself
to the absolute limit.
219
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,065
Uhp, I got to take this.
It's my "aclowntant."
220
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,400
You know, a clown accountant?
221
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,135
He's got this giant calculator
222
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,136
that only ever adds up to "boobs."
223
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,271
Pretty funny, but, frankly,
224
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,374
I think he's been stealing from me.
225
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,611
Now, I know you're still upset.
226
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,015
I can't even show my face
in this town anymore!
227
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,282
Well, I've taken care of that.
228
00:09:44,715 --> 00:09:45,818
You confessed to the town that
229
00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:47,419
you were the one who ruined the mural?
230
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:50,889
Better...
I've converted the garage into...
231
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,424
"Haley's Hideaway."
232
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,026
Now you'll never have
to leave the house...
233
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,093
or want to.
234
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,695
Dad, this is the single worst...
235
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,030
When you're not racking up high scores
236
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,098
on your sweet "Sopranos"
pinball machine,
237
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,634
you can groove to some hot
tunes on your top-of-the-line
238
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,838
Sanyo boom box... with MegaBass.
239
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,039
You still like Warrant, right?
240
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,640
I don't recall ever having...
241
00:10:10,888 --> 00:10:11,676
Dad!
242
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,049
How could you be so selfish?!
243
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,852
Oh, yeah!
244
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:55,153
Aah!
245
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,490
Well, kid, you did it.
246
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,693
You pushed yourself
to the absolute limit.
247
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,228
So, when's the retreat?
248
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,297
Ha! You were never going on the retreat.
249
00:11:05,299 --> 00:11:08,032
I was just using you
to motivate Gumdrop.
250
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,834
Gumdrop, you really got my attention
251
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,503
when you made that banana disappear.
252
00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:15,373
Hello,
is this the North American Federation
253
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,114
of Clowning Academics?
254
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,379
Well, I'd like to file a report.
255
00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:24,048
An instructor, uh... well, he...
256
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,984
he hit me!
257
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,520
Wah-wah!
258
00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:33,525
Haley, honey, you were right.
259
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,128
It's time I finally did
the one simple thing
260
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:37,996
I should've done from
the very beginning and...
261
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,065
Ether says what?!
262
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,601
Don't worry, baby girl.
263
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:45,337
You'll be able to show
your face again...
264
00:11:45,339 --> 00:11:47,373
once you have a new face.
265
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,221
I've seen Dr. Weitzman do
this tons of times at work.
266
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,090
How hard can it be? All right.
267
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,492
Let's start by reshaping the old eyes.
268
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,827
Tap, tap, tap.
269
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,429
Oop, oop. Eyeball's bulging just a bit.
270
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,698
No problem, no problem.
Just need to even it out.
271
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,434
Easy. Easy.
272
00:12:16,267 --> 00:12:18,637
Okay, that one really came out.
273
00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:20,172
Well, might as well really get in there
274
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:22,374
with a scalpel then and...
275
00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:23,575
There goes the face.
276
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,909
That's okay. That's okay.
277
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,845
Got to get worse before it gets better.
278
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,381
Let's get the old Brillo
Pad in on the action.
279
00:12:30,865 --> 00:12:31,583
Okay!
280
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,852
Think we're getting back on track now.
281
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:43,195
You made me a monster!
282
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:45,263
Oh, it... it's not that bad.
283
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,800
All you need is... the right hat.
284
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:53,138
Is that Eva Marie Saint
standing in my garage?!
285
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,477
How could you do this to me?!
286
00:12:58,479 --> 00:13:01,013
I-I need to get away from this town.
287
00:13:01,015 --> 00:13:03,748
I need to get away from you!
288
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,083
Aaaaaaaah!
289
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:07,752
Haley!
290
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,011
You shouldn't drive!
291
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,824
You're acting all crazy!
292
00:13:11,826 --> 00:13:12,825
Aah!
293
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,497
Damn it, O'Shanahan's!
294
00:13:18,499 --> 00:13:20,699
I just fixed her face!
295
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:28,140
I'm afraid Haley is in what we call
a "super coma."
296
00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:31,677
But at least she's not in any pain,
right?
297
00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:33,145
Oh, quite to the contrary.
298
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:35,080
The only part of her brain
that's still functioning
299
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,614
are the pain receptors,
300
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,817
leaving her in a perpetual
state of searing agony.
301
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:41,419
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to take a doctor poop
302
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,488
in the doctor bathroom.
303
00:13:52,366 --> 00:13:53,904
Wassup?!
304
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:58,370
You may have them fooled,
"doctor," but not me.
305
00:13:59,074 --> 00:13:59,971
Fine.
306
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,173
It's me, Haley.
307
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,442
What?! I thought you were a nurse
308
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,378
trying to pass yourself off as a doctor!
309
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:07,779
How can this be?
310
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,582
When I saw what my dad
had done to my face,
311
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:11,917
it was the final straw.
312
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:16,321
I became consumed by one
goal and one goal only...
313
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,723
revenge.
314
00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:20,258
So I pretended to drive off in hysterics
315
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,327
and faked my accident.
316
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,397
Then it was just a matter
of blackmailing Dr. Weitzman
317
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:28,333
into actually reconstructing my face...
318
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:35,140
...and recruiting Jeff to play
the part of poor comatose Haley.
319
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:39,211
Now I'll have a front-row
seat to watch my dad suffer,
320
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:42,013
wracked with guilt as I
describe to him every day
321
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:45,951
just how much pain his
darling daughter is in.
322
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,886
You will keep my secret, right, Klaus?
323
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:52,290
Absolutely.
I, too, desire to see Stan suffer.
324
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,292
You see, just last week,
325
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:58,430
I asked him if he'd give me
notes on my comic-strip idea.
326
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:01,833
And you know what he said to me?
327
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,435
Well, I have to go to work right now,
328
00:15:03,437 --> 00:15:06,171
but I'd be happy to take a look later.
329
00:15:09,377 --> 00:15:11,709
Happy to take a look later?!
330
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,512
Revenge will be ours!
331
00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:20,586
Wh-Where's he going?
332
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:22,854
He's not feeling guilty at all.
333
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:26,324
He's back at work on that stupid mural!
334
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,795
And he's hired Langley's
most accomplished artist,
335
00:15:29,797 --> 00:15:32,931
the guy who paints the
frescos at Olive Garden.
336
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,801
Looks like the grand
unveiling is this Saturday.
337
00:15:35,803 --> 00:15:39,871
That's the way to make him suffer.
338
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:42,608
We'll blow up the
mural at the unveiling.
339
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:44,142
He'll be devastated.
340
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,078
And revenge will, at last, be mine!
341
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,948
Wait, Klaus.
Where did you get those binoculars?
342
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:53,018
Are those Ashlyn's binoculars,
my old American Girl doll?
343
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,487
She can lend her stuff
to whoever she wants!
344
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,157
Dr. Montacristo,
what are you doing here?
345
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:02,694
Oh, you might say I have
a great personal interest
346
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,163
- in the fate of this mural.
- Okay.
347
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:10,235
The unveiling's sure to
be an explosive event.
348
00:16:11,018 --> 00:16:12,838
- Yep.
- Hey, hon.
349
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,441
I brought you some
chicken soup for lunch.
350
00:16:15,443 --> 00:16:17,909
Oh. Dr. Montacristo.
351
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,645
Would you like some, too?
352
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:23,581
Actually, Mrs. Smith, I prefer gazpacho,
353
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:28,787
a dish, like revenge, best served cold.
354
00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:41,800
All right. I'm out.
355
00:16:41,802 --> 00:16:44,069
_
356
00:16:44,950 --> 00:16:46,472
If everyone would please have a seat,
357
00:16:46,474 --> 00:16:48,340
we can begin the proceedings.
358
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,481
Aaaaaah!
359
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,151
Okay.
360
00:16:59,153 --> 00:17:00,752
Everybody...
361
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:02,287
We don't have all day.
362
00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:12,430
Gentlemen!
363
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:16,368
If you don't stop doing bits,
we'll never get out of here.
364
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,236
Now, Mr. Rimmons,
365
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,371
this isn't the first time
366
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:21,306
you've been accused
of hitting a student.
367
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:25,110
But it is the first time
I didn't actually do it.
368
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:26,778
May I retract that statement?
369
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:29,381
You're hereby stripped of
your clown-teaching license.
370
00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:31,917
Looks like you won, kid.
371
00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:37,723
Ahem.
372
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,594
Meeting adjourned.
373
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:50,001
_
374
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:51,469
Fellow citizens,
375
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:54,740
it's time this whole mural
fiasco was made right.
376
00:17:54,742 --> 00:17:57,075
Okay, on my mark.
377
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,276
Three...
378
00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,677
So, at long last...
379
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:00,678
...two...
380
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,480
...I finally give to you...
381
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,415
...one...
382
00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,683
...my confession.
383
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:07,886
Wait! Abort, abort!
384
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:11,156
Goofus McDoof sends his regards!
385
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,558
Aah!
386
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,627
Yes, it was me, not Hayley,
who ruined the mural.
387
00:18:15,629 --> 00:18:19,030
I was so scared of losing my
status as a hero to all of you
388
00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:21,367
that I betrayed my own daughter.
389
00:18:21,369 --> 00:18:24,436
But then I saw her in that coma,
and ever since,
390
00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,039
my only hope has been that
this monumental confession
391
00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:29,575
might somehow reach through to her
392
00:18:29,577 --> 00:18:31,643
and bring her back to me.
393
00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,919
See what your dad did, honey?
394
00:18:40,921 --> 00:18:43,055
Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.
395
00:18:43,057 --> 00:18:44,390
Mrs. Smith, if you don't mind,
396
00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:46,658
I need to re-catheterize
your daughter's penis.
397
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:48,227
Sure, sure, whatever.
398
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:52,464
Oh, Daddy!
399
00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,665
Still got it.
400
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:55,934
No, Dad. It's me, Hayley.
401
00:18:55,936 --> 00:18:58,270
Hayley? Baby girl! You're all right!
402
00:18:58,272 --> 00:19:00,872
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Can you ever forgive me?
403
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:03,541
Hey, what you did up there...
404
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,877
showed a lot of loyntegresty.
405
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,679
So I don't think people need to see
406
00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,281
a monument to your eternal shame
407
00:19:09,283 --> 00:19:11,984
every time they drive
down Old Chickasaw Road.
408
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,224
Why?
409
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:22,761
Why would anyone want
to destroy my AutoZone?
410
00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:30,302
So, you think you'll end up
getting your old face back?
411
00:19:30,304 --> 00:19:33,439
I dunno. Probably.
412
00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:35,374
_
413
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,375
_
414
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,243
And, remember, ladies and gentlemen,
415
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,980
Belljar papers are due Friday...
no exceptions.
416
00:19:41,982 --> 00:19:43,381
Jenna, that means you.
417
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:47,185
Hey, babe,
should be home in about 10 minutes.
418
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:51,389
You know what? Make it 20.
419
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:54,793
I got to say hi to... an old friend.
420
00:20:05,797 --> 00:20:06,604
Aah!
421
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,006
That's right.
422
00:20:08,008 --> 00:20:11,409
I've returned...
as an It-style evil clown
423
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,412
named "Gladhandz,"
thirsting for revenge.
424
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:15,947
That's Gladhandz with a "Z."
425
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,483
I'll haunt your every dream
426
00:20:17,485 --> 00:20:20,686
until, finally,
I lure you into the depths of the sewer
427
00:20:20,688 --> 00:20:22,287
and to your doom.
428
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:24,622
Uh-huh,
and how are you gonna do that, then?
429
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,024
Um...
430
00:20:26,026 --> 00:20:27,548
Get in the sewer!
431
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:31,229
I-I'll level with you, Steve.
I didn't think this through.
432
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,964
I caught wind on LinkedIn
433
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,632
of how well you were doing out here,
434
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,101
and I-I guess I just kind of lost it.
435
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:38,704
Next thing you know,
I'm filing my teeth down to points
436
00:20:38,706 --> 00:20:40,238
and climbing into a sewer drain.
437
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,639
I'll be straight with you, Steve.
438
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:42,841
I need your help...
439
00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:44,776
both financially and just, you know,
440
00:20:44,778 --> 00:20:46,111
to get out of the sewer.
441
00:20:46,799 --> 00:20:48,514
How long ago did he walk away?
442
00:20:48,516 --> 00:20:50,248
Oh, quite a while ago.
443
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,585
Then you shall inherit
the curse of Gladhandz!
444
00:20:55,856 --> 00:20:58,656
You'll never be free of me!
445
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,693
Bye! Have a great time!
446
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,694
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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