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1
00:00:19,782 --> 00:00:21,031
Hey, girl.
2
00:00:21,114 --> 00:00:23,823
- Mm.
9:57 a.m.?
3
00:00:23,907 --> 00:00:25,657
Again, Shayla?
4
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:27,823
You know, we started calling you
Office Lauryn Hill.
5
00:00:27,907 --> 00:00:29,239
- Toni, I'm trying.
6
00:00:29,323 --> 00:00:32,198
It just takes so long
to beat this face.
7
00:00:32,281 --> 00:00:33,198
- Then don't.
8
00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:34,657
Girl, you got melanin.
9
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:37,281
You don't need NARS
when you got skin like ours.
10
00:00:37,365 --> 00:00:39,573
- Okay, that's cute for you,
Alicia Keys,
11
00:00:39,657 --> 00:00:42,198
but if I don't wear makeup,
somebody always asks,
12
00:00:42,281 --> 00:00:44,406
"Are you okay?
You look sick."
13
00:00:44,490 --> 00:00:46,657
- Oh, come on.
It's not that serious.
14
00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:48,365
- It is that serious!
15
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,698
Okay, last time
I did not wear makeup,
16
00:00:50,782 --> 00:00:52,758
I got pulled into being
a zombie on "The Walking Dead."
17
00:00:52,782 --> 00:00:55,490
Of course, I did make $500,
but it hurt my feelings.
18
00:00:55,573 --> 00:00:57,615
Did you get to meet Rick?
19
00:00:57,698 --> 00:00:58,698
'Cause that's cool.
20
00:00:58,782 --> 00:00:59,989
- No, that is not cool, okay?
21
00:01:00,073 --> 00:01:02,114
I don't want people thinking
I look like death.
22
00:01:02,198 --> 00:01:03,239
- Oh, well.
23
00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:05,239
It's better than
looking unemployed.
24
00:01:06,615 --> 00:01:08,323
Ooh, Shayla 'bout
to get that chop.
25
00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:11,531
- Look who's here
before 9:00 a.m.!
26
00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:12,615
- Well, well...
27
00:01:12,657 --> 00:01:13,989
Goddamn!
28
00:01:15,114 --> 00:01:16,823
Are you okay?
29
00:01:16,907 --> 00:01:18,531
Who did this to you?
30
00:01:18,615 --> 00:01:19,531
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
31
00:01:19,615 --> 00:01:21,573
I just don't have makeup on.
Okay?
32
00:01:21,657 --> 00:01:23,239
I told you.
I knew you would do this.
33
00:01:23,323 --> 00:01:24,531
- Oh, but I didn't know.
34
00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:26,299
How could I have known?
Who would have known?
35
00:01:26,323 --> 00:01:27,573
Oh, it was unknowable.
36
00:01:27,657 --> 00:01:30,989
- Well, at least I saved
an hour getting ready.
37
00:01:31,073 --> 00:01:33,239
Besides, customers can't see me
through the phone.
38
00:01:33,323 --> 00:01:34,323
Who cares?
39
00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:36,531
Millstone Coffee Company.
40
00:01:36,615 --> 00:01:39,031
How can I brew up
an answer for you?
41
00:01:39,114 --> 00:01:40,907
Sure. Let me place you
on a brief hold.
42
00:01:41,989 --> 00:01:43,907
Girl.
43
00:01:43,989 --> 00:01:45,948
You ever steal coffee?
44
00:01:46,031 --> 00:01:47,114
I do.
45
00:01:47,198 --> 00:01:48,657
Okay.
46
00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:51,114
Okay, your shipment
is on its way.
47
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,406
Aw, well, talk to you later,
percolator.
48
00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:55,531
- Oh, goddamn, Shayla.
49
00:01:56,948 --> 00:01:59,073
You look like you just
walked out of an ICU!
50
00:01:59,156 --> 00:02:01,615
- Okay, now, see,
that's just how you see me.
51
00:02:01,698 --> 00:02:03,490
This is just my natural face.
52
00:02:03,573 --> 00:02:05,198
- Then you explain
how that natural IV
53
00:02:05,281 --> 00:02:06,865
is hanging out
of your natural arm.
54
00:02:06,948 --> 00:02:08,823
- There's no IV!
55
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,948
That's...
56
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:13,907
- Now shh.
I'm trying to do my work.
57
00:02:13,989 --> 00:02:15,698
I suggest you do the same.
58
00:02:21,657 --> 00:02:23,907
Millstone Coffee Company.
How have you "bean"?
59
00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:26,448
- Oh, we came
as soon as we could, baby.
60
00:02:26,531 --> 00:02:28,615
- Daddy's here, Daddy's here.
Oh, my God.
61
00:02:28,698 --> 00:02:31,156
Jesus, please save my friend.
62
00:02:31,239 --> 00:02:32,758
- Oh, Reverend,
I'm glad you could come.
63
00:02:32,782 --> 00:02:34,281
- Good lookin' out, Jesus.
64
00:02:34,365 --> 00:02:36,341
- Okay, sure. Let me just
place you on a brief hold.
65
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,573
- Father God, we ask
that you welcome this child
66
00:02:39,657 --> 00:02:41,948
into your kingdom
in your divine timing,
67
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:43,907
which will probably be
any minute now
68
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,823
if it hasn't happened already.
69
00:02:45,907 --> 00:02:49,073
It's in your name that we pray
over this near corpse.
70
00:02:49,156 --> 00:02:49,989
Amen.
71
00:02:50,073 --> 00:02:51,490
Parents:
Amen.
72
00:02:51,573 --> 00:02:52,907
- Okay, I'm back.
Sure.
73
00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:55,323
I can do that.
Your shipment is on the way.
74
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:56,573
Mm-hmm.
75
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:57,657
What are you doing, Toni?
76
00:02:57,698 --> 00:02:59,132
You fuckin' with
my coffee commission.
77
00:02:59,156 --> 00:03:00,198
- No, Shayla.
78
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,406
You are my best friend!
79
00:03:02,490 --> 00:03:04,448
At work.
80
00:03:04,531 --> 00:03:05,948
Okay.
Fine.
81
00:03:06,031 --> 00:03:08,156
But before you go...
82
00:03:08,239 --> 00:03:10,198
I've gotta tell you the truth.
83
00:03:11,323 --> 00:03:13,823
I'm the one who's been
eating your lunches.
84
00:03:13,907 --> 00:03:15,073
- Son of a b...
85
00:03:15,156 --> 00:03:16,406
Baby?
86
00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:17,782
- Out of the way.
Out of the way.
87
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,531
Clear!
88
00:03:21,989 --> 00:03:23,989
Clear!
- Oh, please.
89
00:03:27,323 --> 00:03:29,740
Time of death: 9:22 a.m.
90
00:03:31,531 --> 00:03:33,073
Oh... oh, no.
91
00:03:33,156 --> 00:03:34,615
- Come here, baby.
- Oh, no. No.
92
00:03:34,698 --> 00:03:36,257
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Oh, what happened?
93
00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:38,031
- Come on now. Come on.
- Oh, no, no.
94
00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:40,865
Stop crying, baby.
95
00:03:54,907 --> 00:03:56,490
♪ ♪
96
00:04:02,657 --> 00:04:03,573
- Hey, girl.
97
00:04:03,657 --> 00:04:05,365
You ready to hit
this happy hour?
98
00:04:06,782 --> 00:04:08,114
- Shayla?
99
00:04:08,198 --> 00:04:09,365
Mm-mm.
100
00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:10,573
You died.
101
00:04:10,657 --> 00:04:12,114
Your homegoing is on Saturday.
102
00:04:12,198 --> 00:04:14,573
- No, it's not.
103
00:04:14,657 --> 00:04:15,740
Oh, shit.
104
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:18,740
Smudged my lipstick.
Might as well start over.
105
00:04:18,823 --> 00:04:19,698
- No, no, no.
106
00:04:19,782 --> 00:04:21,132
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
107
00:04:21,156 --> 00:04:23,740
No, no, no!
108
00:04:23,823 --> 00:04:25,198
No!
109
00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:32,239
♪ ♪
110
00:04:32,323 --> 00:04:34,323
- ♪ All the hot girls
make it pop, pop, pop ♪
111
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:36,740
♪ Bad bitches with the bag
say, "Ah, ya, ya" ♪
112
00:04:36,823 --> 00:04:38,132
♪ If he ain't talking
'bout no money ♪
113
00:04:38,156 --> 00:04:39,573
♪ Tell him, "Bye, bye, bye" ♪
114
00:04:39,657 --> 00:04:41,989
♪ And if you see a mad ho,
tell her, "Hah, hah, hah" ♪
115
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,031
♪ Hey, don't get mad, ho ♪
- ♪ Get mad ♪
116
00:04:44,114 --> 00:04:45,490
- ♪ Get a bag, ho ♪
- ♪ Get a bag ♪
117
00:04:45,573 --> 00:04:46,841
- ♪ Don't get mad, ho ♪
- ♪ Get mad ♪
118
00:04:46,865 --> 00:04:48,215
- ♪ Get a bag, ho ♪
- ♪ Get a bag ♪
119
00:04:48,239 --> 00:04:50,448
- ♪ Don't get mad, ho,
huh, fuck a broke ho ♪
120
00:04:50,531 --> 00:04:51,891
♪ Don't get mad, ho ♪
- ♪ Get mad ♪
121
00:04:51,948 --> 00:04:53,073
- ♪ Get a bag, ho ♪
122
00:04:53,156 --> 00:04:55,114
♪ All the hot girls
make it pop, pop, pop ♪
123
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:57,365
♪ Bad bitches with the bag
say, "Ah, ya, ya" ♪
124
00:04:57,448 --> 00:04:58,758
♪ If he ain't talking
'bout no money ♪
125
00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:00,156
♪ Tell him, "Bye, bye, bye" ♪
126
00:05:00,239 --> 00:05:02,490
♪ And if you see a mad ho,
tell her, "Hah, hah, hah" ♪
127
00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:04,490
♪ Hey, don't get mad, ho ♪
- ♪ Get mad ♪
128
00:05:04,573 --> 00:05:05,924
- ♪ Get a bag, ho ♪
- ♪ Get a bag ♪
129
00:05:05,948 --> 00:05:07,257
- ♪ Don't get mad, ho ♪
- ♪ Get mad ♪
130
00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,823
- ♪ Get a bag, ho ♪
- ♪ Get a bag ♪
131
00:05:08,907 --> 00:05:10,948
- ♪ Don't get mad, ho,
huh, fuck a broke ho ♪
132
00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:13,448
♪ Don't get mad, ho,
get a bag, ho ♪
133
00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:14,531
♪ Ah ♪
134
00:05:18,657 --> 00:05:21,114
- It's not the end of the world!
135
00:05:21,198 --> 00:05:22,531
Oh, right.
136
00:05:22,615 --> 00:05:24,573
It is.
137
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,823
Yes.
138
00:05:29,907 --> 00:05:31,989
Bottoms up, hos.
139
00:05:32,073 --> 00:05:33,865
All: Cheers!
- Yay!
140
00:05:33,948 --> 00:05:35,073
- Mm!
141
00:05:35,156 --> 00:05:38,323
We made it, okay?
And you all have me to thank.
142
00:05:39,615 --> 00:05:42,281
No, seriously, now would be
a good time to thank me.
143
00:05:42,365 --> 00:05:43,490
- Okay.
To Robin.
144
00:05:43,573 --> 00:05:45,615
When you sent us
a Facebook invite
145
00:05:45,698 --> 00:05:46,698
to the end of the world,
146
00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:48,257
I did not think
that you would be right.
147
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,161
I just clicked Yes
'cause you're my best friend.
148
00:05:50,198 --> 00:05:51,031
- Aw.
149
00:05:51,114 --> 00:05:52,323
- And now here we are,
150
00:05:52,406 --> 00:05:54,281
the last four people on Earth.
151
00:05:55,239 --> 00:05:56,406
Cheers.
152
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,850
- Yes, yes.
- We did it. We did it.
153
00:05:57,907 --> 00:05:58,989
- Wait, wait, wait.
154
00:05:59,073 --> 00:06:01,490
Uh, why are we fucking around
with champagne
155
00:06:01,573 --> 00:06:04,448
when, as of ten minutes ago,
all drugs are legal?
156
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,323
- Because today,
we're celebrating.
157
00:06:07,406 --> 00:06:09,531
We have an eternity to figure
out what happens next,
158
00:06:09,615 --> 00:06:10,657
but right now,
159
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,865
we have no jobs,
no taxes to pay...
160
00:06:12,948 --> 00:06:14,698
- We don't have
any mediocre white men
161
00:06:14,782 --> 00:06:15,948
getting promoted over us!
162
00:06:16,031 --> 00:06:17,716
- We don't have Sallie Mae
calling me all the time
163
00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:19,031
like I'm fucking her man.
164
00:06:19,114 --> 00:06:20,989
No police.
165
00:06:21,073 --> 00:06:22,073
- What?
166
00:06:22,114 --> 00:06:23,114
- You know what?
167
00:06:23,156 --> 00:06:24,698
This is a celebration, okay?
168
00:06:28,698 --> 00:06:29,989
Uh-oh.
169
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,073
- Whoo!
Follow me!
170
00:06:33,156 --> 00:06:35,073
♪ ♪
171
00:06:36,823 --> 00:06:38,740
Holy shit.
172
00:06:38,823 --> 00:06:41,365
- Your dildo to alcohol ratio
is all off.
173
00:06:41,448 --> 00:06:43,865
- I know.
I should've packed more dildos.
174
00:06:45,031 --> 00:06:46,365
- Don't laugh.
175
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,740
Don't look at me
like I'm the only one
176
00:06:48,823 --> 00:06:51,782
with weird stuff in my ba...
Matter of fact, you,
177
00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:53,698
what's in your...
What's in your bag, Ashley?
178
00:06:53,782 --> 00:06:55,406
♪ ♪
179
00:06:57,323 --> 00:06:58,573
- Oh.
- Oh.
180
00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:01,156
- That did not go well for you.
181
00:07:01,239 --> 00:07:02,839
- You opened up
the wrong suitcase, okay?
182
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:04,531
Everyone knows
Robin's the freak.
183
00:07:04,615 --> 00:07:05,740
- Uh-uh!
184
00:07:05,823 --> 00:07:06,740
♪ ♪
185
00:07:06,823 --> 00:07:09,073
Damn, Robin.
186
00:07:09,156 --> 00:07:10,989
Can I get a Vicodin
with a side of IV?
187
00:07:11,073 --> 00:07:12,698
- Quinta,
stop eye-fucking my bag!
188
00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:13,907
Besides,
189
00:07:13,989 --> 00:07:16,156
you probably got a whole
fucking Burning Man in yours.
190
00:07:16,239 --> 00:07:18,907
♪ ♪
191
00:07:18,989 --> 00:07:20,406
Yep.
192
00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:21,490
I stand correct.
193
00:07:21,531 --> 00:07:22,615
- It's just the essentials.
194
00:07:22,698 --> 00:07:25,114
- All these pills
and no panties.
195
00:07:25,198 --> 00:07:26,323
Great.
196
00:07:26,406 --> 00:07:27,549
None of y'all know how to pack,
197
00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:29,007
so you're all gonna be trying
to borrow my stuff
198
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,031
the whole time.
199
00:07:30,114 --> 00:07:31,156
- No, we're not.
200
00:07:31,239 --> 00:07:32,948
Oh, shoot.
I forgot my head scarf.
201
00:07:33,031 --> 00:07:34,657
Ashley, do you have a extra?
202
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:37,156
- No,
because I don't wear a scarf.
203
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,782
- Hmm?
204
00:07:38,865 --> 00:07:40,406
- Uh...
205
00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:42,615
because you sleep in a bonnet?
206
00:07:42,698 --> 00:07:43,782
No.
207
00:07:43,865 --> 00:07:44,924
I just don't cover
my hair at night.
208
00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:46,406
- What the fuck
is wrong with you?
209
00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:47,531
- What?
210
00:07:51,365 --> 00:07:53,406
- Do you, Chris, take Lachel
211
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:56,239
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
212
00:07:57,031 --> 00:07:58,198
Do I?
213
00:08:00,531 --> 00:08:02,782
- Okay.
Very cute.
214
00:08:02,865 --> 00:08:04,490
The answer, son, is "I do."
215
00:08:04,573 --> 00:08:05,948
- Fo' sho'!
Look at her.
216
00:08:06,031 --> 00:08:08,239
Mmm, fine ass.
217
00:08:08,323 --> 00:08:09,156
- Sorry.
218
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,989
You need to say
the phrase "I do."
219
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,114
Just to make it legal.
220
00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:13,740
- Oh, I got you.
Ask me again.
221
00:08:13,823 --> 00:08:15,657
- Do you, Chris, take Lachel
222
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:17,490
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
223
00:08:17,573 --> 00:08:19,114
- Don't I.
- Not quite.
224
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:20,073
- I don't.
225
00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:21,989
Hah! Just kidding.
Of course I can.
226
00:08:22,073 --> 00:08:23,114
- Babe, come on.
227
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,031
- Just say, "I do."
228
00:08:24,114 --> 00:08:25,490
- Y'all ain't gotta rush
a nigga.
229
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,573
- Look, we only have this place
for 45 minutes.
230
00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:31,114
Then they're having a hair show.
231
00:08:31,198 --> 00:08:32,281
- Okay.
232
00:08:32,365 --> 00:08:33,823
- Look, babe...
- Huh?
233
00:08:33,907 --> 00:08:35,948
- We're... we're almost there,
okay?
234
00:08:36,031 --> 00:08:36,907
You love me, right?
235
00:08:36,989 --> 00:08:38,490
- Yeah,
I got love for you, babe.
236
00:08:38,573 --> 00:08:40,323
- Okay.
Then just say, "I do."
237
00:08:40,406 --> 00:08:41,907
- A'ight.
238
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,657
I...
239
00:08:49,406 --> 00:08:50,782
♪ Boom! D-d-bam! ♪
We good.
240
00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:53,156
- "Bam." We ain't.
Chris, it's not hard to say.
241
00:08:53,239 --> 00:08:54,698
- I mean,
it goes without saying.
242
00:08:54,782 --> 00:08:56,114
- It very much does not.
243
00:08:56,198 --> 00:08:57,573
- A'ight.
Hold on.
244
00:08:57,657 --> 00:08:59,198
Y'all hot?
245
00:08:59,281 --> 00:09:00,448
Is it hot?
No?
246
00:09:00,531 --> 00:09:01,448
Yeah?
It's just me?
247
00:09:01,531 --> 00:09:02,989
Hoo!
- Chris.
248
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:05,031
Quit playing and just say it,
God damn it.
249
00:09:05,114 --> 00:09:06,198
- "It, God damn it."
250
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:08,156
Why y'all booing?
251
00:09:08,239 --> 00:09:09,257
- Settle down!
Settle down.
252
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:10,281
I'll handle this.
253
00:09:10,365 --> 00:09:11,531
Now, young man,
254
00:09:11,615 --> 00:09:12,531
you got this.
255
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:14,531
We're just gonna slow it down.
256
00:09:14,615 --> 00:09:15,865
Do...
- Uh-huh.
257
00:09:15,948 --> 00:09:17,156
- You, Chris...
- Me, Chris.
258
00:09:17,239 --> 00:09:18,865
- Take Lachel...
- I know her.
259
00:09:18,948 --> 00:09:20,156
- To be...
- She cool.
260
00:09:20,239 --> 00:09:21,799
- Your lawfully...
- I'm saying, though...
261
00:09:21,823 --> 00:09:22,698
- Wedded...
262
00:09:22,782 --> 00:09:24,740
- That's a funny word.
- Wife.
263
00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:30,865
I mean, I fucks with her!
264
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:31,948
You know what?
265
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,323
- Hard, though!
Heavy!
266
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,406
I fucks witchu!
267
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:35,573
Baby, I fucks witchu!
268
00:09:35,657 --> 00:09:36,573
- Son!
Son.
269
00:09:36,657 --> 00:09:37,740
If you don't say, "I do,"
270
00:09:37,823 --> 00:09:39,490
you're gonna lose
your beautiful wife.
271
00:09:39,573 --> 00:09:41,823
Now, do you wanna tap
that ass tonight or not?
272
00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:42,907
- I do!
273
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:49,281
- I do.
Get back.
274
00:09:49,365 --> 00:09:50,239
You know I was playing,
275
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,507
'cause I be playing like that.
276
00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:53,323
- Just tryna keep you in...
- Sustpense.
277
00:09:53,406 --> 00:09:54,466
Playing witchu.
- Thank you, Pastor.
278
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:55,674
- Oh, you need to thank Jesus,
279
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:57,573
'cause that was nothing short
of a miracle.
280
00:09:57,657 --> 00:09:58,573
Now...
- Okay.
281
00:09:58,657 --> 00:10:00,239
- Do you, Lachel,
282
00:10:00,323 --> 00:10:03,198
take Chris to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
283
00:10:03,281 --> 00:10:05,073
- I do!
- Ooh, that's great.
284
00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:06,989
To have and to hold?
285
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,239
- Wait a minute.
286
00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,841
What's the difference
between having and holding?
287
00:10:09,865 --> 00:10:11,198
- From this day forward?
288
00:10:11,281 --> 00:10:12,198
- Like, this day,
289
00:10:12,281 --> 00:10:13,740
or the "day forward,"
like tomorrow?
290
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:15,740
Because it's already tomorrow
in Japan,
291
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:16,823
if you think about it.
292
00:10:16,865 --> 00:10:18,114
- For better or for worse?
293
00:10:18,198 --> 00:10:20,573
- Oh. I mean,
does anyone pick "worse"?
294
00:10:20,657 --> 00:10:22,865
- In...
For richer or for poorer?
295
00:10:22,948 --> 00:10:24,633
- Again, who are these people
picking "poorer"?
296
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,406
- In sickness or in health?
297
00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:28,448
- Uh! How sick?
How'd he get sick?
298
00:10:28,531 --> 00:10:29,531
Is his throat itching?
299
00:10:29,615 --> 00:10:30,799
'Cause then I'm tryna understand
300
00:10:30,823 --> 00:10:32,365
why this Negro's throat
is itching.
301
00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:33,657
Oh, you two!
302
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:35,156
You deserve each other.
303
00:10:35,239 --> 00:10:38,406
Just be man and wife.
You are pronounced!
304
00:10:39,657 --> 00:10:41,573
- You heard that, baby?
Both: We pronounced.
305
00:10:41,657 --> 00:10:43,323
- We did it, girl.
- We married.
306
00:10:43,406 --> 00:10:44,281
- Bam! We did it.
- Yeah.
307
00:10:44,365 --> 00:10:46,031
This is black love, right here.
308
00:10:46,114 --> 00:10:47,782
Thank you.
309
00:10:47,865 --> 00:10:49,114
- I don't know.
- Thank you.
310
00:10:49,198 --> 00:10:50,989
Bye!
311
00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:52,740
- Oh, shit!
312
00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:55,740
"Hair" goes the bride!
313
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,406
- So no scarf?
314
00:10:58,490 --> 00:10:59,365
At all?
315
00:10:59,448 --> 00:11:00,323
Like a... a black chick
316
00:11:00,406 --> 00:11:01,846
on a TV show
written by white people?
317
00:11:01,907 --> 00:11:03,365
- I get headaches very easily.
318
00:11:03,448 --> 00:11:04,883
- Unnecessary pain
is an important part
319
00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:06,031
of being a black woman.
320
00:11:06,114 --> 00:11:07,657
Everybody knows that.
- No.
321
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:09,299
- Ashley, what happened
to the satin pillowcase
322
00:11:09,323 --> 00:11:10,490
I got you for your birthday?
323
00:11:10,573 --> 00:11:11,799
- Ooh, I had to let that go,
okay?
324
00:11:11,823 --> 00:11:13,423
It was like sleeping
on a roller coaster.
325
00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:15,156
- What about your moisture?
Your edges?
326
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,156
Your crown, bitch?
327
00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:17,615
- I rarely put heat on my hair,
328
00:11:17,698 --> 00:11:19,698
I use Carol's Daughter's
moisturizing spray
329
00:11:19,782 --> 00:11:21,073
and Mixed Chicks' leave-in
330
00:11:21,156 --> 00:11:23,257
and DevaCurl stretching cream,
and that's just every day.
331
00:11:23,281 --> 00:11:25,299
That's not even including
my wash day products, which...
332
00:11:25,323 --> 00:11:26,490
- Wait.
333
00:11:28,281 --> 00:11:29,323
Ooh!
334
00:11:29,406 --> 00:11:30,448
- There it is.
- Mm-mm-mm.
335
00:11:30,531 --> 00:11:32,740
You wouldn't need to use
a whole Sally's Beauty
336
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,323
if you wrapped
your hair at night.
337
00:11:34,406 --> 00:11:36,740
- Do you know the lengths I go
through to protect my hair?
338
00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:38,049
- It's true.
She sleeps in a wig.
339
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,573
- What?
- Ashley, a story.
340
00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:41,531
- Ooh.
341
00:11:41,615 --> 00:11:42,531
- When I lost my edges,
342
00:11:42,615 --> 00:11:44,573
I had to rub Monistat on my shit
343
00:11:44,657 --> 00:11:46,782
for six months
to grow them back.
344
00:11:46,865 --> 00:11:49,031
- It's true.
I remember that.
345
00:11:49,114 --> 00:11:51,490
- You are disrespecting
your hair.
346
00:11:51,573 --> 00:11:54,531
- I'm sorry, are we all just
ignoring the Monistat thing?
347
00:11:54,615 --> 00:11:55,989
Both: Yes.
- I was hoping we would.
348
00:11:56,073 --> 00:11:57,156
- All right?
349
00:11:57,239 --> 00:11:58,591
Girl, she got the...
- Ooh, the good stuff.
350
00:11:58,615 --> 00:12:00,090
- This is not a grocery store.
Stop it.
351
00:12:00,114 --> 00:12:01,907
- Got Hair Milk in here.
- This is mine!
352
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,448
- Ooh, is that a pick?
- A pick!
353
00:12:09,782 --> 00:12:16,823
♪ ♪
354
00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:37,114
- Oh, fuck.
It's a trap.
355
00:12:37,198 --> 00:12:39,239
- You work here, right?
356
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,633
- You know what?
I just need help.
357
00:12:40,657 --> 00:12:42,073
I don't know
if you have a small...
358
00:12:42,156 --> 00:12:43,615
Something, like, casual...
359
00:12:43,698 --> 00:12:45,215
- Since I had these kids,
it's just not sitting like...
360
00:12:45,239 --> 00:12:47,156
- Can you help?
- Damn, girl, you're good.
361
00:12:50,281 --> 00:12:57,323
♪ ♪
362
00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:01,073
Uh, you... I just came up here
363
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:04,740
to smoke a cigarette, so...
364
00:13:11,198 --> 00:13:14,114
Oh, that the best you can do?
365
00:13:14,198 --> 00:13:18,073
And I'd heard such good things
about your CIA training...
366
00:13:18,156 --> 00:13:20,073
Trinity.
367
00:13:22,281 --> 00:13:24,156
Now putting a bullet
through your brain
368
00:13:24,239 --> 00:13:26,114
so I can see through it
like a peephole
369
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:28,281
won't be as fun.
370
00:13:28,365 --> 00:13:31,490
Hey.
Knock-knock.
371
00:13:31,573 --> 00:13:32,573
- Who's there?
372
00:13:32,615 --> 00:13:33,740
- No one,
373
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:35,448
'cause you're dead.
374
00:13:35,531 --> 00:13:37,573
♪ ♪
375
00:13:37,657 --> 00:13:38,657
- Wait.
376
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:39,782
You know what?
I'm sorry.
377
00:13:39,865 --> 00:13:40,865
You are so hot,
378
00:13:40,948 --> 00:13:42,657
I'm honestly
having trouble focusing.
379
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:44,948
This has never happened before.
380
00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:46,490
- Mm.
381
00:13:46,573 --> 00:13:47,823
Has this?
382
00:13:47,907 --> 00:13:49,823
♪ ♪
383
00:13:56,615 --> 00:14:03,490
♪ ♪
384
00:14:03,573 --> 00:14:04,989
Perfect timing.
385
00:14:05,073 --> 00:14:08,323
I just used your CIA login
386
00:14:08,406 --> 00:14:09,907
to obtain the codes.
387
00:14:09,989 --> 00:14:10,989
- Let me guess:
388
00:14:11,073 --> 00:14:13,239
you seduced someone
into giving it to you?
389
00:14:13,323 --> 00:14:14,448
Pathetic.
390
00:14:14,531 --> 00:14:15,907
- I'm pathetic?
391
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,156
I'm the one who's selling
392
00:14:17,239 --> 00:14:19,198
America's nuclear codes
to Russia,
393
00:14:19,281 --> 00:14:22,281
and you're the one
who's tied to a chair!
394
00:14:22,365 --> 00:14:23,823
Like a baby.
395
00:14:23,907 --> 00:14:25,698
A kidnapped baby...
396
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:26,907
I guess.
397
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,073
Sorry, it's been a while
398
00:14:29,156 --> 00:14:30,531
since I've done
a villain speech.
399
00:14:30,615 --> 00:14:31,799
I took a break to have a baby,
400
00:14:31,823 --> 00:14:33,989
and now I can't stop thinking
about my baby.
401
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,073
- That's what your body
looks like after a baby?
402
00:14:36,156 --> 00:14:37,448
Oh, fuck off.
403
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,615
You'll never get away with this.
404
00:14:40,698 --> 00:14:43,281
- Who's gonna stop me?
You?
405
00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:46,989
You have no idea
how much I hate you, Trinity.
406
00:14:48,114 --> 00:14:50,740
I've been plotting
your demise for months.
407
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,865
- Sounds like somebody's
obsessed with me.
408
00:14:52,948 --> 00:14:54,031
- Every day,
409
00:14:54,114 --> 00:14:55,573
I wake up,
410
00:14:55,657 --> 00:14:58,823
look at your picture and say...
411
00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:00,573
"One day,
412
00:15:00,657 --> 00:15:03,031
I'm gonna kill that woman."
413
00:15:03,114 --> 00:15:05,281
But tomorrow...
414
00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:08,073
I'm gonna wake up and say,
415
00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:09,740
"Yesterday,
416
00:15:09,823 --> 00:15:11,865
I killed that woman."
417
00:15:15,989 --> 00:15:18,740
Now it's time for you to die.
418
00:15:18,823 --> 00:15:21,865
My baby and I have
a flight to catch.
419
00:15:23,073 --> 00:15:25,698
She's gonna cry the whole time.
420
00:15:25,782 --> 00:15:28,907
♪ ♪
421
00:15:28,989 --> 00:15:31,657
- You just ran
into some turbulence.
422
00:15:41,698 --> 00:15:42,823
Hah!
423
00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:44,365
Hah! Hah!
424
00:15:50,698 --> 00:15:52,657
Surprise, bitch.
425
00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:53,740
- What?
426
00:15:53,782 --> 00:15:55,323
But I saved you.
427
00:15:55,406 --> 00:15:56,531
I let you go.
428
00:15:56,615 --> 00:15:58,114
- You ruined me.
429
00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:01,281
- So you could go clean.
I was being nice.
430
00:16:01,365 --> 00:16:03,948
- I like being a criminal.
431
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,615
It's more fun,
432
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:06,989
and the pay is better.
433
00:16:07,073 --> 00:16:08,782
I used to hide in plain sight.
434
00:16:08,865 --> 00:16:11,365
That was my thing,
but you outed me!
435
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,281
I had to pretend
to be someone I wasn't,
436
00:16:13,365 --> 00:16:14,657
and I hated it.
437
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:18,698
♪ ♪
438
00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:23,406
- You looked amazing.
- It was very uncomfortable.
439
00:16:23,490 --> 00:16:24,490
Let's face it:
440
00:16:24,531 --> 00:16:26,406
neither of us can live
if the other survives.
441
00:16:28,156 --> 00:16:29,823
♪ ♪
442
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,156
♪ ♪
443
00:16:35,073 --> 00:16:37,531
♪ ♪
444
00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:43,406
Ah!
445
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:45,490
- That's the sound
of the good guys winning...
446
00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:47,698
again.
447
00:16:47,782 --> 00:16:48,657
Men: Stand down!
448
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:50,448
- Stand down!
- Stand down!
449
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:51,823
- Trinity, we got your message.
450
00:16:51,907 --> 00:16:53,323
Where's the Recluse?
451
00:16:53,406 --> 00:16:55,323
- Uh, she's right there.
452
00:16:55,406 --> 00:16:57,156
- Where?
453
00:16:57,239 --> 00:17:00,365
- Oh, I'll be out
of your hair in a minute.
454
00:17:01,823 --> 00:17:03,073
- Uh, janitor, ma'am?
- Uh-huh?
455
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,424
- This is official
government business.
456
00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:06,114
Please leave.
- Oh!
457
00:17:06,198 --> 00:17:07,638
- This is the Recluse.
I subdued her.
458
00:17:07,698 --> 00:17:08,490
Both: Hey.
459
00:17:08,573 --> 00:17:09,853
- We need to get you back to HQ.
460
00:17:09,907 --> 00:17:11,448
You need a psych eval.
461
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,198
Can you at least tell me
462
00:17:14,281 --> 00:17:16,281
what brand waist trainer
that was?
463
00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:17,740
Please!
464
00:17:17,823 --> 00:17:18,948
- No.
465
00:17:25,573 --> 00:17:28,114
It's the Basic Ball!
466
00:17:28,198 --> 00:17:33,573
A ball for the rest
of the LGBT-cuties.
467
00:17:33,657 --> 00:17:37,365
And tonight,
we all serve ferocity,
468
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:41,865
whether you're Mother Exhausted
from the House of Tired
469
00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:44,323
or one of the eternal children
470
00:17:44,406 --> 00:17:47,198
of the House of Forever 21,
471
00:17:47,281 --> 00:17:49,615
y'all better bring it!
472
00:17:49,698 --> 00:17:50,782
The category is
473
00:17:50,865 --> 00:17:52,531
Clinical Depression.
474
00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:55,823
For all my children serving
chemical imbalance realness...
475
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:57,031
That's right...
476
00:17:57,114 --> 00:17:59,239
Make your way to the floor
if you can.
477
00:17:59,323 --> 00:18:00,740
You are tired!
478
00:18:00,823 --> 00:18:03,448
You are unmedicated
for the gods!
479
00:18:05,490 --> 00:18:06,573
Walk for the judges.
480
00:18:06,657 --> 00:18:09,156
Now vogue.
481
00:18:09,239 --> 00:18:10,740
Oh, I see you eating carbs.
482
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,865
I see you.
483
00:18:11,948 --> 00:18:14,698
I see you, too depressed
to leave the house.
484
00:18:14,782 --> 00:18:16,239
I'm looking for sadness.
485
00:18:16,323 --> 00:18:17,865
I'm looking for Eeyore
486
00:18:17,948 --> 00:18:19,281
in Dior.
487
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,740
♪ ♪
488
00:18:21,823 --> 00:18:23,448
Oh, she is serving you
489
00:18:23,531 --> 00:18:25,323
a whole nap!
490
00:18:25,406 --> 00:18:30,323
Bitch is in full deep REM sleep
on the floor.
491
00:18:30,406 --> 00:18:31,740
Judges, your scores.
492
00:18:31,823 --> 00:18:34,657
Ten, ten, ten.
493
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,698
Diagnosis:
it's depression.
494
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:42,948
The next category is
Barbecue Daddies.
495
00:18:43,031 --> 00:18:45,948
Come through, barbecue daddies!
496
00:18:46,031 --> 00:18:47,031
Oh, yes.
497
00:18:47,114 --> 00:18:48,281
I have two daddies,
498
00:18:48,365 --> 00:18:51,239
and they are serving me
leather and linen.
499
00:18:51,323 --> 00:18:52,406
They're serving me
500
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,406
"Let's argue
about routes to work."
501
00:18:54,490 --> 00:18:56,239
"I take the 405 to PHC."
502
00:18:56,323 --> 00:18:58,448
"Oh, I just stay on Cahuenga
the whole way down."
503
00:18:58,531 --> 00:18:59,365
You'll gag.
504
00:18:59,448 --> 00:19:03,031
They are cookout ready, Betty.
505
00:19:03,114 --> 00:19:05,156
Oh, he didn't start the grill
506
00:19:05,239 --> 00:19:06,698
until everybody showed up,
507
00:19:06,782 --> 00:19:09,114
and now you won't be eating
till nighttime.
508
00:19:09,198 --> 00:19:10,448
He's late.
509
00:19:10,531 --> 00:19:11,865
He's basic as fuck.
510
00:19:11,948 --> 00:19:14,114
It's breathtaking.
You better work.
511
00:19:14,198 --> 00:19:17,281
♪ ♪
512
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,657
- ♪ Damn ♪
513
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,365
Oh!
514
00:19:20,448 --> 00:19:25,657
He is "passing out matching
shirts at the family reunion"
515
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,823
barbecue realness.
516
00:19:27,907 --> 00:19:30,406
Layers, judges.
Layers!
517
00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,031
Serving "mispronouncing
518
00:19:32,114 --> 00:19:34,823
all of your friends' names
wrong" realness.
519
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:39,323
Serving "calls your friend
Tuh-rell your friend Tie-rell."
520
00:19:39,406 --> 00:19:41,657
Judges, your cards, please.
521
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,782
Ten, nine, nine.
522
00:19:43,865 --> 00:19:44,948
Family reunion daddy,
523
00:19:45,031 --> 00:19:47,531
grab your trophy.
524
00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:49,156
Running Errands.
525
00:19:49,239 --> 00:19:52,531
The next category
is Running Errands.
526
00:19:52,615 --> 00:19:55,989
Oh, did you remember
your reusable canvas bag?
527
00:19:56,073 --> 00:19:57,740
I'm having all of it.
528
00:19:57,823 --> 00:19:59,156
Oh, work, girl.
529
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,031
She has all the receipts.
530
00:20:01,114 --> 00:20:03,531
Yes, she knows
the return policy,
531
00:20:03,615 --> 00:20:07,114
and she will not take
store credit, baby.
532
00:20:07,198 --> 00:20:08,031
Oh, yes.
533
00:20:08,114 --> 00:20:09,031
She's running a quick errand
534
00:20:09,114 --> 00:20:10,424
and didn't think
anyone would see her,
535
00:20:10,448 --> 00:20:11,531
but... uh-oh!
Uh-oh!
536
00:20:11,615 --> 00:20:12,989
You ran into your boss.
537
00:20:13,073 --> 00:20:15,782
Now he knows
you don't have eyebrows, bitch.
538
00:20:17,406 --> 00:20:19,698
She is serving you
a full Whoopi Goldberg.
539
00:20:19,782 --> 00:20:22,490
Judges, your scores, please.
540
00:20:22,573 --> 00:20:24,531
Ten. Ten.
541
00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:26,698
Tens across the board.
542
00:20:26,782 --> 00:20:30,490
And now, it's time
for the grand finale.
543
00:20:30,573 --> 00:20:31,698
The category is
544
00:20:31,782 --> 00:20:34,698
Just Awkward in the Body.
545
00:20:34,782 --> 00:20:36,490
Oh,
there's nothing wrong with you;
546
00:20:36,573 --> 00:20:39,823
you're just awkward in the body.
547
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:42,073
Yes, oh, you are so awkward.
548
00:20:42,156 --> 00:20:43,698
Oh, you are serving me
549
00:20:43,782 --> 00:20:46,365
"we both said good-bye,
but now we're walking
550
00:20:46,448 --> 00:20:48,490
in the same direction"
awkwardness.
551
00:20:48,573 --> 00:20:51,490
Oh! The waiter just said,
"Enjoy your meal,"
552
00:20:51,573 --> 00:20:53,698
and this bitch said,
"You too."
553
00:20:53,782 --> 00:20:54,782
"You too"!
554
00:20:55,948 --> 00:20:58,114
Bitch, he's not eating.
He's at work.
555
00:20:58,198 --> 00:21:00,615
Oh, my God!
556
00:21:00,698 --> 00:21:02,073
The try-hardiness!
557
00:21:02,156 --> 00:21:04,989
Yes!
She's the queen of awkwardness!
558
00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:07,740
Judges.
559
00:21:07,823 --> 00:21:09,114
Ten.
Shut up.
560
00:21:09,198 --> 00:21:10,657
Ten.
561
00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:13,657
Tens across the board.
Oh!
562
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,198
And that's the walk
of the night.
563
00:21:16,281 --> 00:21:18,073
Yes!
564
00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:21,490
Now...
565
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:23,239
I'll be able to sleep tonight.
566
00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:25,782
Whoo!
- No. Guys, what are we doing?
567
00:21:25,865 --> 00:21:27,156
Just because sleeping in a scarf
568
00:21:27,239 --> 00:21:28,281
is our idea of blackness
569
00:21:28,365 --> 00:21:29,615
doesn't mean it has to be hers.
570
00:21:29,698 --> 00:21:31,615
- Uh, yes, it does.
- No.
571
00:21:31,698 --> 00:21:34,823
There is no right way
to be black.
572
00:21:34,907 --> 00:21:36,281
I don't eat chicken.
573
00:21:36,365 --> 00:21:37,239
- What?
- How? Why?
574
00:21:37,323 --> 00:21:38,531
- Why?
Chicken is delicious.
575
00:21:38,615 --> 00:21:40,049
- But it's chicken.
- Okay, you know what?
576
00:21:40,073 --> 00:21:42,073
Actually, that's fair.
577
00:21:43,114 --> 00:21:44,424
I don't like
"The Five Heartbeats."
578
00:21:44,448 --> 00:21:45,323
- What?
- Whoa.
579
00:21:45,406 --> 00:21:46,424
- What is wrong with you?
- I don't.
580
00:21:46,448 --> 00:21:47,823
I don't think
Leon's interesting.
581
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,341
- Do your eyes and ears work?
- I don't know what to tell you.
582
00:21:49,365 --> 00:21:51,323
Pussy work?
- What is wrong with you?
583
00:21:51,406 --> 00:21:53,490
- Okay, honestly, though,
since...
584
00:21:53,573 --> 00:21:55,114
We're having truth time,
585
00:21:55,198 --> 00:21:56,782
I...
586
00:21:56,865 --> 00:21:58,490
do not wear lotion.
587
00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:00,782
- Wait, I'm sorry.
588
00:22:00,865 --> 00:22:01,782
Hold on, hold on.
What?
589
00:22:01,865 --> 00:22:03,448
- I mean, you know,
I just don't...
590
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,299
I don't like how it feels,
like, when I sweat.
591
00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:06,823
- Oh, you said lotion?
- Yes, lotion.
592
00:22:06,907 --> 00:22:08,239
- Oh, no.
Fuck that.
593
00:22:18,448 --> 00:22:19,490
- Morning, Fatimah.
594
00:22:19,573 --> 00:22:22,323
I lost my favorite coffee mug
last Friday.
595
00:22:22,406 --> 00:22:23,989
It's a white mug
that says "Killin' It."
596
00:22:24,073 --> 00:22:25,114
Has anyone returned it?
597
00:22:25,198 --> 00:22:26,823
- Ooh, girl, you lost your cup?
598
00:22:26,907 --> 00:22:27,989
Not on my watch.
599
00:22:28,073 --> 00:22:29,365
Let's review
the security footage
600
00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:30,948
from your office.
601
00:22:34,782 --> 00:22:36,114
Uh, there's a camera
in my office?
602
00:22:36,198 --> 00:22:38,323
- Ooh, yeah, girl.
I seent all your business.
603
00:22:38,406 --> 00:22:40,031
I'm playing.
604
00:22:40,114 --> 00:22:41,194
We never review the footage
605
00:22:41,239 --> 00:22:42,799
unless we're looking
for something specific.
606
00:22:42,823 --> 00:22:43,740
- Mm.
- Like today.
607
00:22:43,823 --> 00:22:45,198
Or when I'm keeping an eye
608
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:46,490
on all my office dips.
609
00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:48,239
They cannot be talking
to each other.
610
00:22:48,323 --> 00:22:49,865
You know what I'm talking about?
611
00:22:49,948 --> 00:22:52,198
It's a lot of 'em.
612
00:22:52,281 --> 00:22:53,615
Oh, well, then, it's just a mug.
613
00:22:53,698 --> 00:22:55,323
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
614
00:22:55,406 --> 00:22:57,615
- Rewind!
615
00:22:59,698 --> 00:23:02,114
Okay, here we are.
Last Friday.
616
00:23:04,698 --> 00:23:06,573
Oh!
There's my mug.
617
00:23:06,657 --> 00:23:07,948
Ugh.
Thank you, girl.
618
00:23:08,031 --> 00:23:09,507
I know you have
more important things to do.
619
00:23:09,531 --> 00:23:10,823
- You know what?
I don't.
620
00:23:10,907 --> 00:23:13,198
Besides, if we don't look out
for each other, who will?
621
00:23:14,573 --> 00:23:17,198
Ugh, look at me
filing my nails at work.
622
00:23:17,281 --> 00:23:18,156
How embarrassing.
623
00:23:18,239 --> 00:23:19,448
- Uh-uh.
Don't be embarrassed.
624
00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:21,466
One time, I took my braids out
right here at this desk.
625
00:23:21,490 --> 00:23:22,698
I respect your hustle.
626
00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:30,198
♪ ♪
627
00:23:30,281 --> 00:23:31,323
- Hmm.
628
00:23:32,740 --> 00:23:34,782
- Oops! Oh, no.
Oh, God.
629
00:23:34,865 --> 00:23:36,406
Well, we should turn that off
630
00:23:36,490 --> 00:23:37,758
and focus on cleaning this up
over here.
631
00:23:37,782 --> 00:23:39,823
- Mm-mm, girl. I got no business
tryna act healthy.
632
00:23:39,907 --> 00:23:41,406
What are you doing, though?
633
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:43,406
♪ ♪
634
00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:46,323
- I was just Lysoling my desk.
635
00:23:46,406 --> 00:23:48,989
Kathy had been by
with her sickly ass,
636
00:23:49,073 --> 00:23:49,907
and you know what?
637
00:23:49,989 --> 00:23:51,090
We should go give her a flu shot
638
00:23:51,114 --> 00:23:53,073
instead of watching
this footage.
639
00:23:53,156 --> 00:23:57,198
♪ ♪
640
00:24:01,573 --> 00:24:05,281
♪ ♪
641
00:24:05,365 --> 00:24:06,907
- Stop the tape!
- Stop.
642
00:24:06,989 --> 00:24:08,782
- What are you...
643
00:24:08,865 --> 00:24:10,490
Girl, what is you doing?
644
00:24:10,573 --> 00:24:17,448
♪ ♪
645
00:24:18,948 --> 00:24:20,573
Oh, shit!
646
00:24:20,657 --> 00:24:22,198
- That's not a knife!
647
00:24:23,156 --> 00:24:24,156
Oh.
648
00:24:24,239 --> 00:24:25,531
Ah.
649
00:24:25,615 --> 00:24:30,365
♪ ♪
650
00:24:36,031 --> 00:24:37,031
Wait.
651
00:24:37,073 --> 00:24:38,406
You stole my mug?
652
00:24:38,490 --> 00:24:40,073
- Oh, shit.
It's your girl.
653
00:24:40,156 --> 00:24:42,782
I forgot I stole that shit.
654
00:24:42,865 --> 00:24:44,448
Mm.
655
00:24:44,531 --> 00:24:46,323
Oh!
I get it.
656
00:24:46,406 --> 00:24:50,281
Okay, so you wanted to catch me
stealing your mug,
657
00:24:50,365 --> 00:24:51,989
so then you pretended
658
00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:53,865
to murder somebody
in your office.
659
00:24:53,948 --> 00:24:55,531
Ooh, you are clever.
660
00:24:57,073 --> 00:24:58,657
- Yes.
661
00:24:58,740 --> 00:24:59,740
I pretended.
662
00:24:59,823 --> 00:25:06,406
♪ ♪
663
00:25:15,490 --> 00:25:16,573
Thanks.
664
00:25:21,198 --> 00:25:22,698
- Hey, Fatimah.
665
00:25:22,782 --> 00:25:24,365
I can't seem to find my mug.
666
00:25:24,448 --> 00:25:25,657
It's, like, forest green.
667
00:25:25,740 --> 00:25:27,365
It says
"Stabbing is My Cardio."
668
00:25:27,448 --> 00:25:28,698
Have you seen it?
669
00:25:28,782 --> 00:25:31,239
♪ ♪
670
00:25:33,239 --> 00:25:35,615
Bitch, you sure?
- Shit!
671
00:26:35,490 --> 00:26:37,365
- You better gag the children.
672
00:26:37,448 --> 00:26:39,698
Is this a burger?
Is it a hockey puck?
673
00:26:39,782 --> 00:26:41,531
I don't know
because you cooked it.
674
00:26:41,615 --> 00:26:43,865
- Y'all need to "hairy" up.
675
00:26:43,948 --> 00:26:45,657
- That your cousin?
- I don't know.
676
00:26:45,740 --> 00:26:47,448
- I like her hair, though.
- Um...
677
00:26:47,531 --> 00:26:48,716
- Can you do your hair
like that?
678
00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:49,758
Like a helicopter?
- Look, Chris...
679
00:26:49,782 --> 00:26:50,698
- What about a train?
- Look...
680
00:26:50,782 --> 00:26:51,799
- Huh?
- I'll think about a train...
681
00:26:51,823 --> 00:26:52,883
- What about
the Empire State Building?
682
00:26:52,907 --> 00:26:53,989
- I could do that.
683
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,073
- Hey, Fatimah.
684
00:26:57,156 --> 00:26:59,281
Can't seem to find my mug.
685
00:26:59,365 --> 00:27:00,782
It's forest green,
686
00:27:00,865 --> 00:27:02,615
says "O.J. Simpson's My Hero"?
687
00:27:02,698 --> 00:27:05,114
- Neither of us can win,
and nobody...
688
00:27:05,198 --> 00:27:07,865
Nope, that's not it.
43058
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