All language subtitles for man.with.a.plan.s01e13.hdtv-lol

Okay, guys, Mommy and
I are gonna be leaving

in a couple minutes, and we're, uh...

Are you watching The Hangover?

- Uh, no.
- That's rated R.

Uncle Don came in and turned it on.

It's way better than SpongeBob.

I sat on the remote and it just came on.

That's not what happened at all.

He searched for it,
found it, and then said,

"Buckle up, kids."

Come on, man.

I also told you not to tell your dad.

Hey, what's with the suit?

Looks like you're selling
pianos at the mall.

It's Valentine's Day.

I'm taking Andi out

- because I love her.
- Hmm.

And because she told me to.

Really doing it up fancy, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I called three weeks ago
to get us in at Staiano's

for dinner and dancing,

pre-ordered their special
lovers package for two,

and had the truck detailed for
when she throws herself at me

- on the way home.
- Hmm.

I forgot nothing.

- Who's babysitting tonight?
- I forgot something.

Oh, this is not good,

I don't have a babysitter.

Wha... hey, are you and Marcy
doing anything special tonight?

No. Every night I let Marcy lay
her head on this bear skin rug.

So, you know,

it's always Valentine's
Day at our house.

Sounds like it's always
Halloween at your house.

- So can you babysit?
- Let me call Marcy.

Hello?

Hey, babe, I got a
question about tonight.

So do I, where are you
taking me for Valentine's Day?

We got a big night ahead of us, baby,

so lay out my good underwear.

I can't babysit, I screwed up big.

I got to find some place to take Marcy.

Wha... you're never gonna get in

anywhere on Valentine's Day.

Hey, I snuck into three Cher
concerts, I could do anything.

So are you guys not going out?

No, no, no, I can still save this.

I'll call Marie.

She's been single a long time.

It's a sad, sad... Marie!

Hey, uh, any chance

- you could babysit tonight?
- No can do.

I'm here with your favorite
kindergarten teacher,

and we are drowning our sorrows in meat.

Hey, Burns, the best thing about tonight

is I've hit rock bottom.

I can only go up from here.

Katie, some phone calls
make you feel very lucky.

Lowell, it's Adam.

Hey.

Hey, uh, can you watch my kids tonight?

I wish I could, Adam, but
I've got romantic plans

with my wife all night.

Time for lefty.

Oh, I am in big trouble.

Big trouble.

I could babysit.

What?

Wait.

Wait, wait.

Yeah, you're 13, you're old enough now.

Yeah, and happy to do it any time.

Wasn't even thinking about any time.

I was just thinking about tonight.

Yeah, but any time means, like,

if I have to run back to
the office, you'll be here.

Or if Mom and I want to
see a movie, you'll be here.

Or if we just don't want
to be here, you'll be here!

This could change our lives.

One thing though, if I babysit,

it's gonna cost you
three dollars an hour.

Three dollars an hour?

Katie, honey...

that's not how you negotiate, okay?

You go high, I go low.

Start at, like, ten or $15.

Okay.

$15, then.

No, no, no, no, it's three,
you already said three.

Whoa, look at you.

And look at you.

I can't wait to get you out on the town.

When's the babysitter getting here?

Ah, Valentine's surprise number one.

- She's already here.
- Oh.

In fact,

she's been here for 13 years.

She's responsible, well-raised,

you know her and you
love her, it's Katie!

You forgot to book a
babysitter, didn't you?

That's Valentine's surprise number two.

Yeah, honey,

I-I just don't think she's ready yet.

I mean, babysitters need to be
a little more, you know, mature.

Wha... you let Uncle Don babysit.

Good point, Katie, my
smartest child. Huh?

Don was here for five minutes

and Emme learned every bad word ever.

They're all up here now.

Okay, Adam, we need
to talk in the kitchen.

That means no.

Do you see how smart she is?

Look, I tried everyone.

Katie is our only option.

Look, I'm fine with Katie babysitting.

Just not our kids.

Yeah, I mean, let her
work out all the kinks

on that frog killer,
Tabitha, down the street.

Andi, the restaurant's only
a few minutes away, okay?

The kids will watch a movie,
we'll have some dinner,

dance to Sinatra,

maybe squeeze in a little

truck action on the way home.

Come on.

I don't know.

It's just scary to think about

leaving her in charge. I mean,

I have bras older than her.

And like those bras, Katie
has been through a lot.

Look, she helps me already, okay?

When we get home from school,

she gives Teddy and Emme their snacks,

she gets them started on their homework.

She's really good at it.

Isn't that what you're
supposed to be doing?

Let's not get bogged
down in details, okay?

You know what? Look, look, look,

if...

if Katie starts babysitting,
we can go out whenever we want.

All right? We can be that
spontaneous, happy couple

we used to be before the kids,
you know, ruined everything.

I think it's fun to
stay home with the kids.

They can't hear you.
You can tell the truth.

Look, can we just try it for tonight?

- Okay, fine. All right?
- Okay.

But if anything goes wrong
at the house while we're gone,

Katie babysitting goes
on the list of things

you are not allowed
to ask me to do again.

Okay, sure, sure, sure.

I'll put it next to skydiving

and that thing I tried
on New Year's Eve.

Now, let's...

let's do this before you
change your mind, okay?

That's what you said on New Year's Eve.

Katie,

your mother and I have
decided to let you babysit.

- Yay!
- Really?! That's amazing!

- I won't let you down, I promise.
- Okay. Okay.

But I have some rules, all right?

No running, no jumping,
no climbing, no fighting,

no biting, no cooking, all right?

A-And no trying anything
for the first time.

If you're not already great
at it, don't do it, okay?

Okay, listen,

if you need anything, you
call me, not your mother, me.

- Got it?
- Got it.

Okay. And...

if you need anything, you call me, okay?

- Be good, bye!
- Oh, and lock this door.

Don't answer this door.

Nothing with doors.

Doors equal death.

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

And you're dead.

Do you think it's too
early to call home?

Honey, we left six
and a half minutes ago.

The kids are in good
hands, will you just relax?

Okay, well, as long as
everything is fine at home,

- I'm fine.
- Well...

- I like this place.
- Mm.

- It's fancy.
- Yeah.

You know, when I went
to the ladies' room,

the toilet seat was heated. Yeah.

And not from somebody
else sitting on it.

Oh.

Oh, and, since I'm only paying
Katie three dollars an hour,

I am gonna order us the
second cheapest bottle of wine.

Mm.

Hi, may I help you?

Hey, yeah, uh, we have
a reservation for two.

Burns.

Hmm. Oh, I just seated

the Burns party.

I think I would've
remembered if that happened.

Is that Don?

Yes.

That seven-foot howler
monkey stole our table.

What the hell are you
doing at our table?

I took a gamble you
wouldn't find a babysitter.

I kind of bet my marriage on it.

Okay, well,

Marcy's looking at me,

so tell me all the lies quickly.

I told her I invited you
guys here to surprise her.

And that you're fighting,
and that's why you looked mad.

Okay, fine, but you are buying us

the third cheapest bottle of wine.

No problem.

I'm not doing that.

Oh, no, Katie's calling me.

Katie, hey. Are you okay?

Uh, yeah, we're fine. I
think that fuse blew again,

the lights went out.

Oh, oh, you just have
to reset the breaker.

You know where the breaker
box is out on the garage wall?

Yeah, you mean that thing you
told me to touch never ever?

That was when you were four,
but you're old enough now.

Just... but, uh, before you open it,

bang your hand on the cover

a couple of times to scare the spiders.

Spiders? We'll just leave the
power off till you come home.

No, no, no, no, no, if...

if the power's off when Mom gets home,

we'll never get our
spontaneous life back.

- What are you talking about?
- You'll understand in 30 years.

You know what? I'll be home in a minute.

Okay, listen, I got to run home,

but Andi can't know that
Katie called or that I left,

so cover for me, all right?

Tell her that, uh...

tell her you saw me
running into the bathroom.

Yeah, got it. You were sweating,
your hands were on your butt.

Right? And you were
screaming, "Oh, Lord help me."

What? No, no!

What's the matter? Too religious?

Hey, hi, everyone. Okay, it's just me.

Hi. How's everybody doing?
You good? Good? Okay.

Playing a board game,
that's nice. All right, good.

Just gonna run out here
and trip the breaker.

All right, nothing...
will only take a second.

Okay.

Lights will be on in a second.

And the lights are back on. Yeah.

Okay, all right, that's
good. And I can...

see that there's a spider on me!

This is so fun that Don invited
you guys here to surprise me.

Yeah, we're all surprised.

Hey, what'd I miss?

Hey, how's your tummy?

Don said you had to
borrow a pair of pants

from the lost and found.

Thanks, Don.

No, it was just

an upset stomach, but I feel great so,

uh, let's get out night started.

May I have this dance?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Here are your personalized
champagne glasses

that were included in your
lovers package for two.

Why do they say Adam and Andi?

What?

Well, shouldn't they
have our names on them?

I mean, you did make the reservation.

Or is there something going
on that I should know about?

Just that this is an outrage!

This is fun.

Is that your phone buzzing?

- Um...
- Oh, is it Kate?

Well, let me check.

Uh,

no.

No, no, no.

No, that's a, uh, uh,

an alarm that I set for myself

to remind me to tell
you that I love you.

Oh...

I love you, I got to go.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Go where?

Babe, a love like ours
is beyond questions.

Listen, what's so hard about
getting a name on a glass?

I'm begging you, find a
Sharpie and get it done.

Katie called again, I
got to call her back.

Okay, I'll stand in front
of you so Andi can't see.

Fine, fine, yeah.

Hey, Katie, it's Dad. Are you okay?

Dad, there's a bat flying
around in Emme's room

and she's freaking out.

How did a bat get in the house?

It must have flown in when you

left the back door open to fix the fuse.

Okay, no need to point fingers.

All right, I-I'll be home in a minute.

Okay, listen, tell Andi, uh...

- I'll make something up.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Uh, tell her, uh, tell
her I had to move the car.

I-I accidently parked
in a loading zone.

Okay, but I got to find a
strong drink for Marcy first.

She's starting to get suspicious.

Really?

You having a hard time
outsmarting her, are you?

Oh, always.

Huh.

Oh, this drink looks good.

It's called a Mind Eraser.

Yeah. Mom must've had a few of those

when she was pregnant with you.

Okay! I'm here.

I'm here!

Hello?

Oh, it's okay,

I got him to fly out the window.

Really? Oh, I'm so proud of you.

You're the best babysitter ever.

See that?

Nothing to be scared of.

Just a little bat.

Ah! The bat's out here!

It's chasing me!

Not again.

Hey, Katie. What is it this time?

Never mind, I'm coming.

Hey, pal.

Hi, Dad.

Okay, ready?

- Yeah.
- Out you go.

What a rush.

Yeah, it's good, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay,

please don't do that again, all right?

All right, I got to go.
You call me if you need me.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, honey, just checking in.

Oh, uh, don't worry, Dad just left.

Wait, your-your dad was there?

Yeah, to get Teddy's
head out of the banister.

What?

Kate, what happened?

Which time?

"Which time?"

Oh, it... it's no big deal.

Dad only came home
when the fuse blew out,

when the bat was upstairs and
when Teddy's head got stuck.

I thought you guys
told each other stuff.

Yeah, so did I.

Okay, honey, well, I think

we'll be home very soon.

Okay? Bye-bye.

Excuse me?

I would like your most
expensive bottle of wine, please.

This drink is delicious.
I don't even care

if my name's not on the glass.

There you go.

And there's hardly any alcohol in there,

so you could have as many as you want.

Hey.

Hi.

Honey, it sure took you a
long time to move the car.

Yeah, well, I had to
circle around forever.

Practically ended up back at the house.

I hate when I can't find a parking spot.

It just makes me want to blow a fuse.

Well, that... that was
very specifically worded.

It just drives me...

batty.

It's over, man.

Why didn't you tell me you
had to go home three times?

I'm sorry.

I wasn't thinking straight
because I got caught up

in this beautiful fantasy.

Imagine this: it's a typical night,

the kids are tired and fighting,

and what do we do?

We just walk out the door.

Because the babysitter is already there.

All right, I mean, that
does sound pretty good.

And Katie did the right thing:
every time there was a problem,

she called me.

We can trust her.

'Cause she was raised by a good mother.

A good, smokin' hot mother.

Okay, okay.

Too much?

No, I mean, I like it.

I like the fantasy,

I-I like the whole thing.

- Yeah.
- You know what? I'm gonna call Katie

and tell her what a
good job she's doing.

Great, great. Then
let's go enjoy our night.

We still got a lot to look
forward to: dinner, dancing,

fireworks when Don's
night goes up in flames.

Adam, she's not picking up.

What?

This night is going great.

I think I'm actually
gonna get away with it.

Hey, bartender,

another Mind Eraser, shaky, shaky.

Five rings,

six rings... voice mail.

- Voice mail, Adam!
- Well, why isn't she answering?

I don't know, but we need to
get home to our kids right now!

All right, all right, that's it,

we're out of here.

Oh!

Oh...

Oh, sorry, buddy.

Uh, he'll pay for it.

I-I got to go!

Why do I have to pay for it?

It wasn't even my reservation!

What did you just say?

Oh, I was so close.

Still no answer.

Can you drive faster?

- Well, I...
- My God,

when we're going for fried chicken,

you're breaking the sound barrier.

All right, hold on.

Oh, you got to be kidding me!

I'm soaked in booze.

He's gonna think I've been drinking.

You got any perfume or
something to cover the smell?

Uh... ooh, this'll work.

This'll work, okay.

Ow! What the hell was that?

It's-it's lavender hair spray,

with-with a little bit of glitter.

It's why I look like a princess tonight.

It's in my eyes!

Okay, uh...

Give me something to wipe my eyes.

I don't... I don't have anything.

I... here, oh, here.

- Use my dress.
- Okay.

Oh...

Good evening, officer.

Well, I pulled you over
for doing 50 in a 35,

but by the look of things, we
have a bit more to talk about.

Oh...

Doesn't he look like a princess?

Are these your parents?

I'm afraid so.

What do you two have
to say for yourselves?

I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, sure, apologize to her.

My eyes got glittered,

it's like I'm living in a snow globe.

Look, me babysitting isn't gonna work

if you can't be more responsible.

You're right.

Yeah.

What was that?

You're right. God.

Now...

I'm gonna put these two to bed.

Just know, I'm not mad.

I'm disappointed.

We're all disappointed.

Well, clearly Kate's
bossy enough to babysit.

I'm sorry, honey.

I really wanted this to
be a special night for you.

Well, I mean, you know,
we got covered in drinks,

covered in glitter and
detained by the police.

Before we had kids, we would've
called that a pretty fun night.

Yeah.

And it's not over yet.

I still have one more
Valentine's Day gift for you.

But I have to give it to you upstairs.

Oh, so the same thing
you got me last year?

Well, it might be in a different order,

but we end up in the same place.

All right, let's go.

Turns out Mind Erasers wear off.

Get in here, you big howler monkey.

Okay, Kate, we're headed out.

Now remember, doors are still death

and try to keep Teddy's
head out of the banister.

I know he's quick.

And, uh, call us if you need anything.

Same deal as before,
three dollars an hour.

I'm thinking ten.

What? When did the price go up?

When you bought
non-refundable movie tickets.

Now that's how you negotiate.

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