All language subtitles for it happened one

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Hunger strike?
How long has this been going on?

She hasn't had a thing
yesterday or today.

- Send her meals up regularly?
- Yes, sir.

- Why don't you jam it down her throat?
- It's not as simple as that, Mr. Andrews.

I'll talk to her myself.
Have some food brought up to her.

Yes, sir.

I'm not going to eat until
you let me off this boat!

Come, now, Ellie.
You know I'll have my way.

Not this time, you won't.
I'm already married to him.

You're never going live under
the same roof. I'll see to that.

Can't you get it through your head
King Westley and I are married?

Definitely, legally,
actually married.

It's over. There's not a thing you
can do. I'm over 21. So is he.

Would it interest you to know
while you've been on board...

I've been making arrangements
to have your marriage annulled?

"Annulled!" I'll have something to
say about that, and so will King.

I expect him to.

The vittles. Come in, come in.

I told you not to bring any food in.

Wait a minute. This isn't for you.
Put it right down here.

Smart, aren't you? So subtle.

Strategy, my dear.

I suppose it was strategy sending gorillas
to drag me from that justice of the peace.

Your idea of strategy is a lead pipe.

I've won a lot of arguments
with a lead pipe.

Outside the fact you don't like him,
you haven't got a thing against King.

- He's a fake.
- He's one of the best fliers in the country.

You married him only
because I told you not to.

You've been telling me what not
to do since I can remember.

Because you've always
been a stubborn idiot.

I come from a long line
of stubborn idiots!

Don't shout so. You may
work up an appetite.

I'll shout if I want to!
I'll scream if I want to!

- All right, scream.
- If you don't let me off...

I'll break every piece of
furniture in this room!

Here, now. Have a nice
piece of juicy steak.

You don't have to eat it.
Just smell it.

It's a poem.

Oh!

Ellie! Ellie!

Ellie!

Ellen!

- Lower the boats!
- Lower the boats!

Catch her! Catch her!

Come on, men. Come on!

- She got away.
- Of course. She's too smart for you.

Send a wireless to the
Lovington Detective Agency.

"Daughter escaped again.
Watch all roads...

airports, and railway
stations in Miami."

All aboard!

Palm Beach, Savannah, Jacksonville...

New York, Philadelphia...

We're wasting our time.
You imagine Ellie Andrews riding a bus?

I told the old man it was bunk.

Ticket for New York, please.

- Here's your ticket.
- Thank you very much.

- Here.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

What's going on?
I'd like to use that phone.

Go away. This is
history in the making.

- What?
- There's a man biting a dog in there.

Attaboy, Petey, old boy!

I can't stand this any longer.

- In a pig's eye, you will!
- That's telling him!

Listen, monkey face,
when you fired me...

you fired the best newshound your
filthy scandal sheet ever had.

You wouldn't know a newspaper
story if it kicked you in the pants.

Yeah, I got all your copy.

Why didn't you tell me you were
going to write it in Greek?

That was free verse,
you gashouse palooka.

What was free about it?
It cost this paper dough...

and it's not gonna cost us any more.

Mr. Gordon, he reversed
the charge on that call.

What? Why, you...

Say, listen, you. When you
get back to New York...

keep far away from this office.

You're fired. You don't work here
anymore, and you never will.

What did he say?

Oh, so you're changing your tune?

You're late with your apologies.

I wouldn't go back to work for you
if you begged on hands and knees!

I hope this will be a lesson to you!

That's telling him, isn't it?

Did we tell that baby?

- Won't give me any more of his lip.
- You tell him!

I guess he knows now
how I feel about his job.

- I'll bet he does too.
- Is my chariot ready?

Your chariot awaiteth
"withouteth," O mighty king.

Lead on, sire.

- Make way for the king.
- Make way for the king.

Long live the king.

Make way for the king.

Philadelphia. New York. All aboard!

- Attaboy.
- Look out for the king's baggage.

Your good-bye chariot.

Scram!

Make yourself comfortable
with a pleasant pillow.

Pillow, sir? Two bits.

A thousand miles is a long trip.

Make yourself comfortable
with a pleasant pillow.

Hey, driver!

If you'll move those newspapers,
I'll have a seat.

Hey, wait a minute!

- What do you think you're doing?
- Huh?

The papers... what's the
idea of throwing them out?

Oh, the papers?
That's a long story, my friend.

I never did like
sitting on newspapers.

I did it once, and the headlines
came off on my white pants.

It actually happened.
Nobody bought a paper that day.

They just followed me around town and
read the news off the seat of my pants.

Oh, fresh guy? What you
need's a good sock on the nose.

Listen, partner...

you may not like my nose, but I do.

I always wear it out in the open...

where if anybody wants
to sock it, they can.

Oh, yeah?

That's a brilliant answer.
Why didn't I think of it?

Our conversation could
have been over long ago.

Oh, yeah?

If you keep that up,
we're not going to get anywhere.

Oh, yeah?

You got me. Yeah!

Excuse me, lady...

but that upon which you sit is mine.

- I beg your pardon?
- Now, listen.

I put up a stiff fight
for that seat...

so if it's just the
same to you, scram.

Driver, are these seats reserved?

No. First come, first served.

- Thank you.
- Hey, driver.

These seats accommodate
two, don't they?

Maybe they do and maybe they don't.

Thank you.

Move over.

This is a "maybe they do."

If you'd ask me real nice, I might
put that bag up there for you.

Next time you drop in,
bring your folks.

Red-hot coffee, folks. Yes, sir.

Come on inside and enjoy
yourselves. Hot dogs, folks.

You can't enjoy the ride unless
you put something in your stomach.

Rest station. Fifteen minutes.

- We'll only be here 15 minutes.
- Red-hot coffee.

Right around there, boss. Yes, sir!
Red-hot coffee. Hot dogs.

You can't enjoy the ride unless
you put something in your stomach.

He got away.

I suddenly found myself in the
brush and not a sign of the skunk.

I don't know what you're raving about, young
man, and furthermore, I'm not interested.

Well, of all the...

Maybe you'll be interested
to know your bag's gone.

- Oh, my heavens, it's gone!
- I knew you'd catch on eventually.

Oh! What am I going to do now!

Don't tell me your ticket was in it.

No, I've got that, but not my money.
All I have is four dollars.

You can wire home for more
when you get to Jacksonville.

No, I can't... Yes, I guess I will.

- I'll tell the driver about your bag.
- No! Thank you. I'd rather you didn't.

Don't be a fool.
The company ought to make good.

- What's your name?
- I don't want it reported.

That's ridiculous.
The company will take care...

Can you understand English?

Would you please keep
out of my affairs?

I want to be left alone.

Why, you ungrateful brat.

Board!

All aboard!

Board!

- Want a drink?
- No, thanks.

Jacksonville. Thirty minutes
for breakfast, folks.

- Only 30 minutes for breakfast.
- Read all about it!

Just 30 minutes. That's all. No more.

Thirty minutes for breakfast,
folks. That's all.

Read all about it!

Just 30 minutes
for breakfast. That's all.

Oh.

Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.

Silly, isn't it?

Why, everybody's gone!

Oh. Thank you very much.

We're in Jacksonville, aren't we?

Yes.

That was foolish of me.

W-Well, why didn't you shove me away?

I hated to wake you up.

You look kind of pretty asleep.

How about some breakfast?

Oh, no, no. No, thank you.

No, I'm going to the Windsor Hotel.

Windsor? You'll never make it in time.
We leave in half an hour.

Oh, no. They'll wait for me.

Driver, I'm going to
be a few minutes late.

- Be sure to wait for me.
- Oh, yeah?

Yes.

- Where's the bus to New York?
- It left about 20 minutes ago.

But that's ridiculous.

I was on that bus.
I told them to wait.

I'm sorry, miss, but it's gone.

Good morning.

Remember me? I'm the fellow
you slept on last night.

Seems to me I've already
thanked you for that.

- What time is the next bus?
- 8:00 tonight.

Eight o'clo... That's 12 hours!

I'm sorry, miss.

What's the matter?
Wouldn't the old meanies wait for you?

What are you excited about?
You missed it too.

Yeah, I missed it too.

Don't tell me you did
it on my account.

I hope you haven't any idea that
what happened last night...

Look here, young man, you needn't
concern yourself about me.

- I can take care of myself.
- You're doing a pretty sloppy job of it.

Here's your ticket.

- My ticket?
- I found it on the seat.

Thank you.

It must have fallen out of my purse.

You'll never get away
with it, Miss Andrews.

What are you talking about?

Your father will stop you before
you get halfway to New York.

You must have me confused
with someone else.

Quit kidding. It's all
over the front page.

I've always been curious to know
what kind of girl would marry...

a front-page aviator
like King Westley.

Take my advice: Grab the
next bus back to Miami.

That guy's a phony.

I didn't ask for your advice.

That's right. You didn't.

You're not going to notify
my father, are you?

What for?

You probably could get
some money out of him.

I never thought of that.

If you promise not to,
I'll pay you as much as he will.

You won't gain anything by giving me away
as long as I make it worth your while.

I've got to get to New York
without being stopped.

It's terribly important to me. I'd pay
you now, only the only thing I had...

when I jumped off was a wristwatch,
and I had to pawn that to get clothes.

I'll give you my address.
Get in touch with me

- the minute you get to New York.
- Never mind.

I had you pegged right
from the jump...

just a spoiled brat of a rich father.

The only way you get
anything is to buy it.

You're in a jam, and all you can think of
is your money. It never fails, does it?

Ever hear of the word "humility"?

No, you wouldn't. I guess it never
occurred to you to just say...

"Please, mister, I'm in trouble.
Will you help me?"

No. That'd bring you down
off your high horse.

Let me tell you something:
You don't have to worry about me.

I'm not interested in your
money or your problem.

You, King Westley, your father...
you're all a lot of hooey to me.

Do you send telegrams here?

I'm just fine, thanks.
And how are you?

"To Joe Gordon, in care of
New York Mail, New York.

"Am I laughing.

The biggest scoop of the
year just dropped in my lap.

I know where Ellen Andrews is."

No! Do you really?

Go on, go on. Send the telegram.

"How would you like to have
the story, you big tub of..."

"of..."

- "Mush."
- "Tub of mush.

Well, try and get it.
What I said about...

never writing another
line for you still goes.

Are you burning? Peter Warne."

That'll be $2.60.

- Send it collect.
- "Collect"?

Collect.

Bus leaving for Savannah,
Charleston, Columbia...

Greensborough, Richmond,
Washington, Baltimore...

Philadelphia, New York.

Savannah, Charleston, Columbia...

Greensborough, Richmond...

Washington, Baltimore...

All aboard!

Hi, sister. All alone?

My name's Shapeley.
Might as well get acquainted.

It's gonna be a long trip. Gets tiresome,
especially for somebody like you.

You look like you've got class.
Yes, sir, with a capital K.

And I'm the guy that knows class
when he sees it, believe you me.

Ask the boys. They'll tell you:
"Shapeley knows how to pick 'em."

Yes, sir. Shapeley's the name,
and that's the way I like 'em.

You made no mistake
sitting next to me.

The mugs on a hop like this ain't
nothin' to write home about.

You gotta be awful careful
who you hit it up with.

You can't be too particular neither.

What's the matter, sister?
You ain't sayin' much.

Seems to me you're doing excellently
without any assistance.

That's pretty good.

"Seems to me you're doing excellently
without any assistance."

Well, shut my big nasty mouth!

Looks like you're one up on me.

There's nothing I like better
than to meet a high-class mama...

that can snap 'em back at ya.

The colder they are, the hotter
they get. That's what I always say.

Yes, sir. When a cold
mama gets hot...

boy, how she sizzles!

You're just my type.

Believe me, sister, I could
go for you in a big way.

"Fun-on-the-side
Shapeley," they call me...

with accent on the "fun,"
believe you me.

Believe you me,
you bore me to distraction.

Looks like you're two up on me now.

- Hey, you.
- Huh?

- There's a seat over there for you.
- What's the idea?

I'd like to sit next to my
wife, if you don't mind.

- Your wife?
- Yeah.

Come on, come on.

Oh, yeah, sure. Excuse me.

I was just... Excuse me, miss.

I just was trying to make
things pleasant, you see?

Excuse me. I... I didn't
mean anything, doc.

- N-no offense, doc.
- No.

No.

If you promise not to snap my
head off, I'd like to thank you.

Forget it. I didn't do it for you.

His voice gets on my nerves.

What'd you do all day?

Ran in and out of doorways
trying to keep out of the rain.

Your clothes are all wet.

Here.

- You're as helpless as a baby.
- Thank you.

Here you are, folks:
cigars, cigarettes...

chewing gum, candy, magazines.

Here, boy.

- Yes, ma'am?
- A box of chocolates, please.

Never mind. She doesn't want it.

- But the lady...
- Of course I do!

Beat it!

You've got your nerve! Here, boy.

Dollar and 60 cents.

You had four dollars last night.

How do you expect to get to New
York at the rate you're going?

That is none of your business.

You're on a budget from now on.

- Just a minute. You can't...
- Shut up.

- What's the matter, Officer?
- Bridge washout.

Looks like we can't get
through till morning.

If any of you passengers
want a place to sleep...

you'll find an auto camp
up yonder a piece.

- Where?
- Right over there. See those lights?

- Oh, yeah.
- Dyke's Auto Camp.

All right, thanks. Hey, brat.

Are you talking to me?

Yeah. Come on.
We're stopping here for the night.

- Thank you.
- Hey, come on! We're all set!

Good evening.

Hope you and your husband
rest comfortable.

Come on, come on.

You going to stay there all night?

Darn clever, these Armenians.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a gift.

I just had the unpleasant sensation
of hearing you referred to...

as my husband.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you:
I registered as "Mr. and Mrs."

Oh, you did?

What am I expected to do?
Leap for joy?

I kind of half expected
you to thank me.

Your ego is absolutely colossal.

Yeah, yeah. Not bad. How's yours?

You know, compared to you...

my friend Shapeley is an amateur.

Just whatever gave you any
idea I'd stand for this?

Now, wait a minute.

Let's get this straightened
out right now.

If you're nursing any silly notion
that I'm interested in you, forget it.

You're just a headline to me.

A headline?

You're not a newspaperman, are you?

Chalk up one for your side.

Now, listen. You want to get
to King Westley, don't you?

All right. I'm here to help you.

What I want is your story.

Exclusive. A day-to-day account.

All about your mad
flight to happiness.

I need that story. Between you
and me, I've got to have it.

Isn't that just too cute?

There's a brain behind that
face of yours, isn't there?

You've got everything nicely
figured out for yourself...

including this.

This? That's a matter
of simple mathematics.

These cabins cost
two bucks a night...

and I'm very sorry to
inform you, wifey dear...

that the family purse won't stand
for separate establishments.

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.
You've been very kind.

It's all right with me.
Go out in the storm.

But I'm going to follow you, see?

Yeah. And if you get tough...

I'll just have to turn you over
to your old man... right now.

Savvy? Now, that's my
whole plot in a nutshell.

A simple story for simple people.

If you behave, I'll see that
you get to King Westley.

If not, I'll just have to
spill the beans to Papa.

Now, which of these
beds do you prefer?

This one? All right.

That, I suppose,
makes everything quite all right.

Oh, this?

I like privacy when I retire.

I'm very delicate in that respect.
Prying eyes annoy me.

Behold the walls of Jericho.

Maybe not as thick as the ones
Joshua blew down with his trumpet...

but a lot safer.

You see, I have no trumpet.

Just to show you my heart's
in the right place...

I'll give you my best
pair of pajamas.

Do you mind joining the Israelites?

You don't want to join
the Israelites? All right.

Perhaps you're interested
in how a man undresses.

There's a funny thing about that.
Quite a study in psychology.

No two men do it alike.

I knew a man who kept his hat on
until he was completely undressed.

He made a picture!

Years later, his secret came out.

He wore a toupee. Yeah.

I have a method all my own.

If you'll notice,
the coat came first...

then the tie, then the shirt.

Now, according to Hoyle...

after that, the pants should be next.

There's where I'm different:
I go for the shoes next.

First the right...

then the left.

After that...

it's every man for himself.

Still with me, brat?

Don't be a sucker.

A good night's rest will do you good.

Besides, you've got
nothing to worry about.

The walls of Jericho will protect
you from the big bad wolf.

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf

The big bad wolf
The big bad wolf

She's afraid of the big bad wolf

Tra, la, la, la, la

Would you mind please
putting out the light?

No, not at all.

I wish you'd take those things
off the walls of Jericho.

Oh, excuse me.

By the way, what's your name?

What's that?

Who are you?

Who, me?

I'm the whippoorwill
that cries in the night.

I'm the soft morning breeze
that caresses your lovely face.

You've got a name, haven't you?

Yeah, I got a name: Peter Warne.

"Peter Warne."

I don't like it.

Don't let it bother you.
You're giving it back to me in the morning.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warne.

The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Warne.

Another message, sir.

- What is it?
- It's from Charleston, Mr. Andrews.

"Checking every northbound train. Also
assigned 20 operators to watch highways.

No sign of your daughter yet.
Will continue to do everything possible.

Signed, Lovington Detective Agency."

Just the same as all the others.

Yes, sir?

I made it clear I was in a
hurry to get to New York.

- What are we crawling for?
- I've got it wide open, sir.

- Step on it!
- Yes, sir.

Oh, I hope she's all right, sir.

"All right"? Of course she's all right.
What could happen to her?

- Nothing, sir.
- Then shut up about it!

Hello?

Hey, mister.

Oh, hello.

What's the matter? You not up yet?

- What time is it?
- 8:00.

Here.

What... Oh, it's a
toothbrush. Thanks.

My dress...

you had it pressed!

Come on. Breakfast will be ready.

You sweet thing.
Where'd you get it pressed?

I'm gonna count ten. If you're not out of
that bed, I'm coming and drag you out.

- One, two, three, four, five, six...
- I really think you would.

- seven, eight, nine...
- I'm out, I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out.

You'll find the showers and things
just behind the second cottage.

Outside?

Certainly. All the best
homes have them outside.

Really, I-I can't go out like this.

- Like what?
- Like this. I have no robe.

Oh. Here.

- Use mine.
- Oh, thanks.

Come on. Make it snappy.

It's not my fault.
You got the sleeve.

- Here. Here are my puppets.
- Thanks.

Where'd you say the
showers and things were?

Here. Here's a towel.

Thank you.

You're kind of little, aren't you?

- Where's the shower?
- Your hair's cute like that.

- You should never comb it.
- I'll find it myself.

Are the showers in there?

Well, they ain't out here.

Thank you.

Can't a body have a little
privacy around here?

If you want a shower around
here, you'll stand in line.

Hi, sister.
You remember me? Shapeley?

I'm sorry about last night.
Didn't know you was married.

You shoulda told me right off.

High time you got back.

I met some very interesting
women at the showers.

We got chatting about this and that.
You know how time flies.

Come on, sit down.

My, my, my. Scrambled eggs.

"Egg." One egg.

One doughnut. Black coffee.
That's your ration till lunch.

- Any complaints?
- No, no complaints.

I'd have gotten cream, but it'd
have meant buying a whole pint.

You don't have to apologize to me.

You'll never know how much
I appreciate all this.

What makes you so disgustingly
cheerful this morning?

It must be the spring.

I thought "believe you me"
told you a couple snappy stories.

Oh, no. He apologized for last night.

Said he didn't know we were married.

Just shows you how
wrong a guy can be.

Doughnut?

Thanks.

You think this whole business is silly,
don't you? I mean, running away.

No, no. Makes too good a story.

Yes, you do. You think I'm
a fool and a spoiled brat.

Perhaps I am, though I
don't see how I can be.

Spoiled people are accustomed
to having their way. I never have.

I've always been told what to do...

and how to do it and
when and with whom.

Would you believe it? This is the first
time I've ever been alone with a man.

- Yeah.
- It's a wonder I'm not panic-stricken.

You're doing all right.

Thanks.

Nurses, governesses...

chaperones, even bodyguards.
Oh, it's been a lot of fun.

One consolation:
You can never get lonesome.

It has its moments.
It's become a sort of game...

trying to outwit Father's detectives.

I did once. I actually went
shopping without a bodyguard.

It was swell. I felt
absolutely immoral.

It didn't last long. They caught
me in a department store.

I was so mad, I ran out the back...

and jumped into the first car I saw.

- Guess who was in it.
- Santa Claus. Gandhi.

King Westley was in it.

Is that how you met him?

We rode around all afternoon.
Father was frantic.

By 6:00 he was having
all the rivers dragged.

Say, where'd you learn to dunk?
In finishing school?

Don't you start telling
me I shouldn't dunk.

Of course you shouldn't.
You don't know how. Dunking's an art.

Don't let it soak so long. A dip...
and sock! Into your mouth.

Let it hang too long, it'll get soft
and fall off. All a matter of timing.

- I'll write a book about it.
- Thanks, Professor.

Just goes to show you: 20 millions,
and you don't know how to dunk.

I'd change places with a
plumber's daughter any day.

How do I know who you are?
I never saw you before.

You can't go around
bothering my tenants.

There's no girl by that name here.

Besides, how do I know
you're detectives?

Show him your credentials, Mac.

- Detectives!
- Oh!

That's Father at work.
Peter, what'll I do?

Maybe I can jump out the window.
They won't see me.

Sit down. Get yourself mussed up.

Get your hair down over your
eyes and your blouse unfastened.

Yeah, I got a letter from
Aunt Bella last week.

If we don't stop over to Wilkes-Barre,
she'll never forgive us.

What are you talking about?

The baby's due next month.
They want us to come.

Oh, yeah. She saw your sister
the other day. Said she's looking swell.

- Come in.
- I hope Aunt Bella has a boy.

Grandma says it's a girl.
She hasn't missed calling one in years.

Man here to see you, sweetheart.

Me? You want to see me?

- What's your name?
- Are you addressin' me?

- Yeah. What's your name?
- Hey, wait a minute.

That's my wife you're talking to.

What do you mean, coming here?
What do you want?

We're looking for somebody.

Look your head off,
but don't come in here.

I've got a notion to
take a sock at you.

- Take it easy, son.
- These men are detectives.

I don't care if they're police. They can't
bust in here shooting questions at my wife.

Don't get so excited.
The man asked a simple question.

Oh, is that so? How many times have
I told you to stop butting in?

You don't have to lose your temper.

"You don't have to lose your temper."
That's what you said the other time.

Every time I try to protect you!
The other night at the dance,

- when that Swede made a pass...
- He didn't make a pass at me!

I saw him. He kept pawing
you all over the dance floor.

- He didn't. You were drunk.
- Nuts! You're just like your old man!

Once a plumber's daughter,
always a plumber's daughter.

Ain't an ounce of
brains in your family!

- You've gone far enough!
- Shut up!

See what you've done?

Sorry, Mr. Warne, but we've
got to check up on everybody.

We're looking for Ellen Andrews,
the daughter of that Wall Street mug.

Too bad you ain't looking
for a plumber's daughter.

Quit bawling! Quit bawling!

I told you they were a
perfectly nice married couple.

You weren't bad,
jumping in like that.

- You've got a brain, haven't you?
- You're not so bad yourself.

We could start a
two-people stock company.

If things get tough, we'll play
the small-town auditoriums.

We'll call this one
The Great Deception.

What about Cinderella or
A Real Hot Love Story?

- No, too mushy.
- I like mushy stuff.

Quit bawling! You're just like...

- Five minutes.
- What?

Your bus leaves in five minutes.

Oh! Holy smoke!
We're not even packed yet.

I'm beginning to believe you fellas
couldn't find your way home.

- Yeah?
- Telegram for you.

- Bring it in.
- Another wire from Peter Warne.

Warne? Throw it in the wastebasket.

Wait a minute. What does it say?

"Have I got a story. Stop.

It's getting hotter and hotter.
Stop. Hope you're the same."

- Collect?
- Yes.

If you accept another one,
you're fired.

- Yes sir.
- That gives me a good idea for all of you!

I want action, Lovington!

- We can't do the impossible.
- What I'm asking isn't impossible.

My daughter is between here
and Miami. I want her found.

- I put extra men on all along the way.
- That's not enough.

Send in Clark and Brown.
You're sure she isn't with King Westley?

No. He's been trailed 24 hours
a day since this thing started.

He can't even get a phone
call we don't know about.

I'm worried, Lovington.
Something might have happened to her.

Brown, make arrangements
for a radio broadcast.

Coast-to-coast hookup. Offer a
reward of $10,000 for information

- leading to her whereabouts.
- Yes, sir.

Clark, send the story
to all the newspapers.

Some out-of-town papers may
not have a picture of her.

Here. Wire this to them.

- I want the story to break right away.
- Yes, sir.

Now we'll get some action!

That's fine. Say, fellas...

do you know that one about the
man who flew on the trapeze?

- Sure.
- Oh, yeah.

- "Flying Trapeze."
- Attaboy.

Once I was happy

But now I'm forlorn

Like an old coat that
is tattered and torn

Left in this wide world
to weep and to mourn

Betrayed by a maid in her teens

Oh, this maid that I loved
she was handsome

And I tried all I knew how to please

But I never could please her
one quarter so well

As the man on the flying trapeze

He flies through the air
with the greatest of ease

The daring young man
on the flying trapeze

His actions are graceful
All girls he does please

And my love he purloined away

Hey, I know the second verse there.

Yeah.

Now, he'd play with a miss
like a cat with a mouse

His eyes would undress
every girl in the house

Perhaps he is better
described as a louse

And still people came just the same

Now, he smiles from the
bar on the people below

And one night he smiled on my love

She blew him a kiss and
she hollered "Bravo!"

As he hung by his
schnozzle from above

Oh, he floats through the air

With the greatest of ease

The daring young man
on the flying trapeze

His actions are graceful
The girls he does please

My love he has stolen away

Say, you mind if
I take the third one?

I wept and I whimpered
I simpered for weeks

While she spent her time
with the circus's freaks

The tears were like hailstones
that rolled down my cheeks

Alas, alack, and Alaska

I went to this fellow,
the villain and I said

I'll see that you get your deserts

His thumb to his nose
he put up with a sneer

- He sneered once again and said...
- Whoa!

He flies through the air
with the greatest of ease

The daring young man
on the flying trapeze

His actions are graceful
All the girls he does please

And my love he has stolen away

- Everybody keep your seats.
- Thank the man for me, Peter.

It's the first comfortable
position I've been in all night.

Oh, she flies through the air
with the greatest of ease

Ma! Ma!

Ma! What's the matter with you?

Somebody help us!
Something's happened to her!

Get some water, somebody.
Let me in there, son.

You got some smelling salts?

Ma!

Come on. Let's give your mother
a chance to snap out of it.

Don't worry. She'll be all
right in a few minutes.

We ain't ate nothing since yesterday.

Oh? What happened to your money?

Ma spent it all on the tickets.

We didn't know it was
gonna be so much.

We shouldn't have come, I guess.

But Ma said there was a job
waiting for her in New York...

and if we didn't go,
she might lose it.

She'll be all right when
she's had something to eat.

Here, honey. The next town we
come to, buy some food. Come on.

I shouldn't oughta take this.
Ma'll get mad.

Don't tell her. You don't want
her to get sick again, do you?

- No, but you might need it.
- Come on.

- I got millions.
- Gee, thanks.

Come on. Let's go
back to your mother.

- Better phone for help.
- You can if you want.

The nearest town is
10 miles from here.

- Yeah?
- Say, buddy...

like to take a look at my paper?

Traveling like this, you lose track
of what's going on in the world.

Take that story there, for instance.

If I was to see that dame,
you know what I'd do?

No, what?

- I'd go 50-50 with you.
- Why?

Because I don't believe
in hogging it, see?

A bird that figures that way always
ends up behind the eight ball.

That's what I always say.

- What's on your mind?
- Five Gs or I crab the works.

Let's get away from this gang,
talk this over privately.

I knew she wasn't
your wife all the time.

You know, lucky thing, my running
into you. Just the man I need.

- You made no mistake.
- I can use a smart guy like you.

When you're talking to
Shapeley, you're talking to...

You pack a gat?

- Huh?
- A gat, a gat.

A rod. Got any fireworks on you?

Why, no.

It's all right. I got machine
guns in my suitcase.

I'll let you have one.
We may have trouble up north...

have to shoot it out with the cops.
But if you come through,

those five Gs are in the bag...
maybe more. I'll talk with the Killer,

- see he takes care of you.
- "Killer"?

Yeah, the big boy.
The boss of the outfit.

You're not kidnapping her, are you?

What else, stupid? You don't think
we're after that penny-ante reward?

- Ten thousand bucks?
- Chicken feed.

Hey, listen. We're holding that
dame for a million smackers.

I didn't know it was anything
like this. You see, I've got...

What's the matter?
You getting yellow?

I'm married, a couple kids.
I can't afford to...

Pipe down, you mug, before I...

What are you trying to do,
tell the whole world about it?

Listen, you're into this thing,
and you're staying in, get me?

You know too much.

I-I won't say anything, honest.

How do I know that?
I got a notion to plug you.

Why should I take a chance with you?

Trust me, mister,
I'll keep my mouth shut.

Yeah?

What's your name?

Oscar Shapeley.

- Where do you live?
- Orange, New Jersey.

Got a couple of kids?

Y-Yes, sir. Just babies.
A little golden-haired girl...

- You love them, don't you?
- Yes, I do.

Why, you wouldn't...
You're not thinking...

- You keep your trap shut, all right?
- Sure, sure!

- If you don't...
- I will, I will.

You ever hear of Bugs Dooley?

B-B-Bugs Dooley? No.

A nice guy, like you, but he made a
mistake one day. Got too talkative.

- Know what happened to his kid?
- No.

I can't tell you, but when Bugs heard
about it, he blew his brains out.

Oh, gee, that's terrible. Terrible.

He had it coming, though.
He talked too much.

I never talk. I never say a word.
W-Word of honor.

Gee, I wouldn't want anything
to happen to my kids.

Okay. Just remember that.

Now beat it.

Sure, mister. Thanks.

I always knew you guys were...

Come on, scram. And stay
away from that bus.

Sure. Anything you say, mister.

- Ain't gonna shoot me, are you?
- If you don't beat it...

I'm going.

- Come on!
- Why do we have to leave the bus?

Come on. Don't ask so many questions.

Why?

Poor old Shapeley. You shouldn't
have frightened him like that.

At the rate he's going, he's probably
crossed two state lines by this time.

Say, why did we have
to leave the bus?

When Shapeley stops running,
he's going to start thinking, isn't he?

You know, I've been doing
a little thinking myself.

The next town we come to,
you better wire your father.

What's the matter? Are you weakening?

No. No, just thinking of you.

A starvation diet may
not agree with you.

Did you give that
child all your money?

I didn't give him anything.
You were the bighearted gal.

All the money I had
was that ten-spot...

so I've been thinking you
better wire your father.

No, sir.

I started out for New York,
and I'm going to get there...

- if I have to starve all the way.
- Okay.

What is this strange power...

this man Westley has over you women?

Here. Take these.

Hold on to them. Get up on that log.

Get up on the log.

I wish you'd stop being playful.

Oh, so sorry. Sorry.

This is the first time in years
I've ridden piggyback.

- This isn't piggyback.
- Of course it is.

You're crazy.

I remember distinctly my father
taking me for a piggyback ride.

- And he carried you like this?
- Yes.

Your father didn't know beans
about piggyback riding.

My uncle, Mother's brother,
has four children...

and I've seen them ride piggyback.

I'll bet there isn't a good
piggyback rider in your family.

I never knew a rich man yet
who could piggyback ride.

You're prejudiced.

Show me a good piggybacker,
and I'll show you a real human.

Take Abraham Lincoln:
a natural born piggybacker.

Where do you get off with that
stuffed-shirt family of yours?

My father was a great piggybacker.

Here, hold this a minute.

- Oh!
- Thank you.

How long does this keep up?
My feet are killing me.

This looks like the best spot.

We're not going to sleep
out here, are we?

I'm going to give a
good imitation of it.

Peter?

What?

I'm awfully hungry.

- Oh, it's just your imagination.
- No, it isn't.

I'm hungry and... and scared.

You can't be hungry and
scared both at the same time.

- Well, I am.
- If you're scared,

- it scares the hunger out of you.
- Not if you're more hungry than scared.

All right, you win.

Let's forget about it.

I can't forget it. I'm still hungry.

Holy smoke!

Why did I ever get mixed up with you?

If I had any sense, I'd be
in New York by this time.

What about your story?

Taking a married woman
back to her husband.

I turned out to be the prize sucker.

All right, come on.
Your bed's all ready.

I'll get my clothes all wrinkled.

- Then take 'em off.
- What?

All right, don't.
Do whatever you please...

but shut up about it.

You know, you're becoming
awfully disagreeable lately.

You just snap my head off
every time I open my mouth.

If being with me is so distasteful
to you, you can leave.

You can leave anytime you see fit.

Nobody's holding you here.

I can get along.

Peter?

Peter!

Oh, Peter! Peter!

Peter! Peter!

Peter! Oh, Peter!

- What's the matter?
- I was so scared!

What got into you? I went to try
and find you something to eat.

- I know, but...
- Here.

- Here, eat your head off.
- I don't want it now.

- I thought you said you were hungry.
- I was, but...

But what?

I was so scared,
it scared the hung...

Holy jumpin' catfish!
You'd drive a guy crazy!

It's liable to get chilly before
morning. You better use this.

What are you thinking about?

By a strange coincidence,
I was thinking of you.

Really?

Yeah.

I was just wondering what makes
dames like you so dizzy.

What did you say we're
supposed to be doing?

Hitchhiking.

Oh.

Well, you've given me a very
good example of the hiking.

Where does the hitching come in?

A little early yet. No cars out.

If it's just the same to you...

I'm going to sit right here
and wait till they come.

Ooh. You got a toothpick?

- What's the matter?
- Got hay in my teeth.

No, I haven't got a toothpick.
Here. I got a penknife, though.

- Hold still.
- Be careful.

- Where is it?
- Right in the middle.

The middle? All right. Hold still.

Real still. All right. There.

- Get it?
- Thanks.

You should've swallowed that.
You're not gonna have breakfast.

Oh, you needn't rub it in.

- What are you eating?
- Carrots.

- Raw?
- Want one?

No!

Why didn't you get me
something I could eat?

Oh, that's right. I forgot. The idea of
offering a raw carrot to an Andrews.

You don't think I'm going around
panhandling for you, do you?

Better have one of these.
Best thing for you, carrots.

I hate the horrid things.

I wish you wouldn't talk so much.
We let a car get away.

So suppose nobody stops for us?

They'll stop, all right. It's a
matter of knowing how to hail 'em.

Oh, and you're an expert, I suppose.

"Expert"? I'm gonna
write a book about it.

Call it The Hitchhiker's Hail.

There's no end to your
accomplishments, is there?

- You think it's simple?
- Oh, no.

It is simple. It's all
in that old thumb, see?

Some people do it like this...

or like this.

- All wrong. Never get anywhere.
- Aw, the poor things.

But that old thumb never fails.

It's all a matter of
how you do it, though.

You take number one, for instance.

That's a short, jerky
movement, like this.

Shows independence. You don't care
whether they stop. You got money.

Clever.

Number two's a wider movement.
A smile goes with this one, like this.

That means you got a brand-new
story about the farmer's daughter.

You figured that out all by yourself?

That's nothing.
Number three is a pip.

That's the pitiful one, when you're broke
and hungry, and everything looks black.

It's a long, sweeping movement.
Got to follow through, though.

That's amazing.

But it's no good if you
haven't got a long face.

Here comes a car.

Okay, watch me.
I'm gonna use number one.

Keep your eye on that thumb
and see what happens.

I still got my eye on the thumb.

Something must have gone wrong.
I'll try number two.

Well, when you get to
a hundred, wake me up.

I don't think I'll write
that book after all.

Think of all the fun you had, though.

Do you mind if I try?

You?

Don't make me laugh.

Oh, you're such a smart aleck.
Nobody knows anything but you.

I'll stop a car, and I
won't use my thumb.

- What are you gonna do?
- It's a system all my own.

Aren't you going to give
me a little credit?

What for?

Well, I proved once and for all...

that the limb is mightier
than the thumb.

Why didn't you take off all your clothes?
You could have stopped 40 cars.

Ooh, I'll remember that
when we need 40 cars.

So you're just married?
That's pretty good.

But if I was young...

that's the way I'd spend
my honeymoon: hitchhiking.

- Yeah.
- Yes, sir.

Hitchhiking down the highway of love

On a honeymoon

Hitchhiking down, down

Down the highway

Down

- Down...
- Hey, hey.

Aren't you afraid you'll
burn out a tonsil?

Tonsil? Me? No.

Me, burn a tonsil!

My tonsils won't burn
as life's corners I...

All right, all right. Let it go.

Turn

How about a bite to eat?

- That would be lovely.
- No, thanks. We're not hungry.

Oh, I see. Young people
in love are never hungry.

- No.
- Young people in love

Are very seldom hungry

Young people in love are very seldom

Hungry

What were you going to do,
gold-dig that guy for a meal?

Sure, I was. No fooling: I'm hungry.

Eat a carrot.

No.

- I'm going in and asking him.
- You do and I'll break your neck.

Come on, let's get out
of here. Stretch our legs.

Come on.

I'm sorry I...

Oh, that's all right.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, come here!

Hey, you've got my suitcase! Hey!

Hey, you!

Hey! Hey!

What happened to you?
I've been so worried.

- Get in.
- Look at your face! You've got a cut!

- What happened?
- Just a road thief.

Picks people up, then runs off
with their things. What a racket!

- How'd you get the car?
- Gave him a black eye.

Had to tie him to a tree.

Can't be much gas left in this thing.

Got to start promoting some.

Better take the things out
of the pocket of that coat.

That ought to be good for 10 gallons.

I haven't changed my mind, Westley.
I want you to understand that.

I don't like you.
Never have, never will.

That's clear enough, isn't it?

You've made that evident by
your threats of annulment.

It hasn't worried me for a minute.

Ellie and I married because
we love each other.

And she's proving it.

As far as I'm concerned,
there's to be no annulment.

I see. You've got hold
of a good thing...

and you're going to hang on to it?

All right. You win.

I guess I'll just have
to get used to you.

I admit I'm licked...

but it's only because I'm worried.

If I don't find her soon,
I'll go crazy.

I might've been able to help
if it hadn't been for you.

- I've been watched so closely...
- Yes, I know. Well, you can help now.

I've got a room full
of reporters in there.

Now I want you to make a statement.

Say that we've talked things over
and come to an understanding...

and that if she returns, I won't
interfere with your marriage.

- Is that all right?
- Yeah, that's quite all right.

- Okay.
- I hope you and your wife

- spend a pleasant week with us.
- Yeah, so do I. Thank you.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- All right, brat.
- Any luck?

Yeah. He finally agreed
to let us have a cabin.

- What about the money?
- I talked him out of that idea.

He thinks we're staying a week. I'll have
to think something up before morning.

- That's swell.
- Yeah? I'm glad you think so.

If you ask me, I think it's foolish.

I told you there's no use
staying here tonight.

We could make New
York in three hours.

I thought you were in
such a hurry to get back.

Well, I...

Well, whoever heard of getting
in at 3:00 in the morning?

Everybody will be asleep.

Okay.

Cottage number six.

There you go, trusting people again.

How many times did I tell you...

But he looked like a nice,
upright young fellow, Ma.

Well, we're on the last lap.

Tomorrow morning, you'll be
in the arms of your husband.

Yeah.

You'll have a great story, won't you?

Yeah.

Swell.

Thank you.

Well, we certainly
outsmarted your father.

I guess you ought to be happy.

Am I going to see you in New York?

Nope.

Why not?

I don't make it a policy to run
around with married women.

There's no harm in
your coming to see us.

Not interested.

Won't I ever see you again?

What do you want to see me for?
I've served my purpose.

I brought you back to King Westley.
That's what you wanted.

Have you ever been in love, Peter?

Me?

Yes.

Haven't you ever thought
about it at all?

It seems to me you could make
some girl wonderfully happy.

Sure, I've thought about it.

Who hasn't?

If I could ever meet
the right sort of girl...

Yeah, well, where are
you gonna find her?

Somebody that's real.
Somebody that's alive.

They don't come that way anymore.

Have I ever thought about it?

Boy, I've even been sucker
enough to make plans.

You know...

I saw an island in the Pacific once.

Never been able to forget it.

That's where I'd like to take her.

But she'd have to be
the sort of girl who...

who'd jump in the surf with me
and love it as much as I did.

You know...

nights when you and the moon...

and the water all become one...

and you feel you're part of
something big and marvelous.

That's the only place to live.

The stars are so close
over your head...

you feel you could reach
up and stir them around.

Certainly I've been
thinking about it.

Boy, if I could ever find a girl
who was hungry for those thi...

Take me with you, Peter.
Take me to your island.

I want to do all those
things you talked about.

You'd better go back to your bed.

I love you. Nothing else matters.

We can run away.
Everything will take care of itself.

Please, Peter.

I can't let you out of my life now.

I couldn't live without you.

You'd better go back to your bed.

I'm sorry.

Hey, brat.

Did you mean that?
Would you really go?

All I'm asking is enough
gas to get me to New York.

That bag's worth $25.

I got a bag. My wife gave
me one for Christmas.

When I get back in the
morning, I'll buy it back.

Give you a $10 profit.
What do you say?

- I ain't got a hat.
- What?

I ain't got a hat.

You got one now!
Come on, fill 'er up.

Peter, where you been all this time?

- Everybody been asking about you.
- Okay, Tony. Look.

Get me one drink.
Don't let anybody disturb me.

Sure, boss.

- Hello, Agnes.
- Don't go in. He'll shoot you on sight.

Haven't been shot at in days.

Get out of here! Get out!

- Get out!
- Listen, Joe.

- Don't "Joe" me.
- Joe, listen.

You know I've always liked you.

Anytime I ran across a good story,
I came running to you with it.

I got one now. Those wires were on the
level. The biggest scoop of the year!

- I'm giving it to you.
- About the Andrews kid?

I've got it written up.
All I want is a thousand bucks.

A thousand bucks? Get out...

Don't get sore. This is
something you gotta do for me.

- I need it quick. I'm in a jam.
- What's the thousand bucks for?

- To tear down the walls of Jericho.
- What?

Never mind. Andrews is going
to have her marriage annulled.

- To marry somebody else.
- You're drunk.

Would that story be
worth a thousand bucks?

- If it was on the level.
- I got it, Joe.

- Who's the guy she's gonna marry?
- I am, Joe.

- You?
- Yeah.

Now I know you're drunk. I'm going
home. Don't annoy me anymore.

For heaven's sake, stop being
an editor for a minute.

We've known each other a
long time. This is on the level.

I met her on a bus from Miami.
I've been with her every minute.

I'm in love with her. You got
to get me this money now.

She's waiting for me in an auto
camp outside Philadelphia.

I gotta get right back.
She doesn't know I'm gone.

A guy can't propose to a gal without
a cent in the world, can he?

What a story.

On her way to join her husband,
Ellen Andrews...

That's it, that's it.

Let me see that a minute.

Zeke? Zeke!

Zeke!

I told you you couldn't trust him.

- He's gone.
- Who?

That fellow who was gonna stay a week.
He skipped and took the car too.

We wouldn't have known till morning
if I hadn't took that magnesia. Get up.

Don't lay there.
Let's do something about it.

There ain't nothing we
can do if he's gone.

- See that? They're gone.
- Looks like it, don't it?

What's this?

Ma, here's the woman.

- Oh!
- What's the matter?

- Where's your husband?
- "Husband"?

Yes, if he is your husband.

- Isn't he here?
- No, he ain't. The car's gone too.

Oh.

You got any money?

- No.
- Then you'll have to git.

Yeah, you'll have to git.

Please, may I use your phone?
I've got to call New York.

You ain't gonna stick
me for no phone call.

Go to the sheriff's office, a quarter
mile down the road. They'll fix you up.

And listen, next time you
better not come back here.

I run a respectable place.

- Thanks. You saved my life.
- So long, kid.

- Good luck.
- Thanks. Good-bye, Agnes.

Oh, you're beautiful!
All women are beautiful.

For my dough, he's still the best
newspaperman in the business.

- Get Hank, quick. Boy, what a yarn!
- Hello?

Hold up the morning edition.
Break down the front page.

Complete new layout.
Send in a couple rewrite men.

Hank, don't do a thing. I've got a
story that will make your hair curl.

Wait a minute.
Don't annoy me. I'm busy.

Agnes, send Mac in here! Dig up all
the pictures on that Andrews kid.

And Hank, get Healy out of bed.

I want a cartoon,
and I want it quick.

King Westley's in it,
waiting at the church...

with tears streaming down his face.

The bride didn't show up.
Old man Andrews is laughing.

Everything exaggerated. Snap into it.

Yeah, what is it? Huh?

Ellen Andrews? You're crazy.

No, I'm not. She phoned her father
from an auto camp to come get her.

He's getting a police escort,
and Westley's going along.

Yeah, she's been traveling by bus.

The moment she found out her father
and Westley made up, she phoned.

Okay, grab a car and stay with them.

Get Hank again. Agnes!

Get me a doctor. I'm gonna
have a nervous breakdown.

Hank, forget what I told you.
I'm having a nightmare. Agnes!

Call the police.
Tell them to find Peter Warne.

Send out a general alarm.
I want that dirty crook pinched!

- Do you want us?
- Everything off the front page!

Ellen Andrews just phoned
her father. She's going home.

The minute she found out the old man withdrew
his objections, she gave herself up.

Spread it all over! Play it
up big! Here's your lead:

- "Love Triumphant." Go on, hop to it!
- Okay.

Come on, baby. Come on.

We gotta get there
before she wakes up.

Can't you drive any faster?

Young people in love

Are never hungry

Come on, baby!
We've got a police escort.

Come on, baby. They can't
make a sucker out of us.

- Get back.
- Get 'em back.

Step back. Give 'em room, boys.

- Quite a long trip, isn't it?
- How about a statement?

Wait till she gets home.
Later, boys. Later.

Oh, he floats through the air
with the greatest of ease

The daring young man
on the flying trapeze

Hiya!

Hey, get that thing out of the way!

Keep your britches on!
We'll get it out of the way.

Hiya!

Hey, you darn fool!

Hey!

Hey, Pete, Ellen Andrews is going
to marry that Westley guy again.

- Gordon's out back someplace.
- Yeah?

When he comes in, give him this.
Tell him I was just kidding.

- You can't get a thing done around here.
- Peter Warne was just in.

- What?
- He left this money.

- Said to tell you he was kidding.
- Where is he?

- There.
- Hey, Pete!

Hello, Joe.

Sorry. It was just a little gag.
I thought I'd have some fun with you.

Yeah, sure. You had
me going for a while.

- Wouldn't have made a bad story.
- No. Great.

But that's the way things go.
You think you got a great yarn...

and then something comes along
and messes up the finish...

and there you are.

Yeah. Where am I?

When you sober up,
come in and talk to me.

Thanks.

- Ellie?
- Oh, hello, Dad.

I knocked several times.

I'm sorry. I must have
been daydreaming.

Well, everything's set.

Creating quite a furor too.

Great stunt King is going to pull.

- "Stunt"?
- Yes, landing on the lawn in an autogyro.

Oh. Oh, yes.

Yes, I heard.

Yes, personally,
I think it's silly too.

You look lovely, child.

Are you pleased with the gown?

Ellie?

Oh, the gown.

Yes, it's nice, isn't it?

What's the matter, child?

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

You haven't changed your
mind about King, have you?

Oh, no, no.

Because if you have, it isn't too late.
You know how I feel about him.

You gave me such a scare
when I couldn't find you.

You know, the old pump
isn't what it used to be.

I'm sorry, Father.
I wouldn't hurt you for anything.

You know that.

What's the matter, child?

Aren't you happy?

I thought so.

I knew there was
something on your mind.

There, there, there, now.

What's the matter?

You haven't fallen in love
with someone else, have you?

Have you?

I haven't seen you cry
since you were a baby.

This must be serious.

Where'd you meet him?

On the road.

Don't tell me you've fallen
in love with a bus driver.

Oh, no.

Who is he?

I don't know very much about him...

except that I love him.

Well, if it's as serious as all that,
we'll move heaven and earth...

No, it's no use. He despises me.

- Oh, come, now!
- Yes, he does.

He despises everything about me.

He says that I'm
spoiled and selfish...

and pampered and
thoroughly insincere.

Oh, ridiculous!

He doesn't think so
much of you either.

Well, I...

He blames you for everything
that's wrong with me.

He says you raised me stupidly.

That's a fine man
to fall in love with!

Oh, he's marvelous.

Well, what are we
going to do about it?

Where is he?

- I don't know.
- I'd like to talk with him.

It wouldn't do any good.

I practically threw myself at him.

Under the circumstances, don't you
think we'd better call this thing off?

No, no. No, I'll go through with it.

But that's silly, seeing the
way you feel about him.

No, it doesn't matter. I don't
want to stir up any more trouble.

I've done it all my life.

I've made your life miserable,
and mine too.

I'm tired, Father.

I'm tired of running
around in circles.

He's right. That's what I've been
doing ever since I can remember.

I've got to settle down.

It doesn't matter how
or where or with whom.

You've changed, Ellie.

I can't walk out on King now.

It would make us all
look so ridiculous.

Anyway, what difference does it make?

I'll never see Peter again.

Is that his name?

Yes. Peter Warne.

"Peter Warne."

- Why? Do you know him?
- Why, no, no.

Father, you haven't heard
from him, have you?

- Don't be silly...
- Oh, please!

What's that?

Well, I guess that was his only
interest in me, wasn't it?

The reward.

- I'm sorry you read it.
- Are you going to see him?

I suppose so.

Certainly! Pay him off!

He's entitled to it.
He did an excellent job.

He kept me thoroughly entertained.
It's worth every penny he gets.

Thank you, Mary.
That's just what I needed.

Mr. Westley's on his way up.

Fine. Have him come in.

I'll be going.

Oh.

If it isn't the bridegroom himself!
You're just in time, King.

How are you, Ellie?

- Are you happy?
- "Happy"?

Why shouldn't I be happy?

Here we are. Let's drink.
Well, it's up to you now.

I want our life to be full of excitement.
We'll never let up, will we?

Never a dull moment.

We'll get on a merry-go-round
and never get off.

- Promise you'll never let me get off.
- Whatever you say, darling.

It's a promise.

Hello. Yeah?

Who? Oh.

Why can't I see you at your office?

I'm leaving for Washington tonight.
I may be gone several weeks.

I thought perhaps you'd like
to get this thing settled.

Yeah. But I don't like the idea
of butting in on your jamboree.

Between you and me,
those things give me a stiff pain.

You don't have to see anybody.
You can come directly to my study.

No, no, no. Why do I want to...

Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe I will come over. Yeah.

I'd like to get a load of that
three-ring circus you're pulling.

I want to see what love looks
like when it's triumphant.

I haven't had a good laugh in a week.

- Mr. Warne?
- Yeah.

- Sit down.
- Thanks.

I was surprised to get your note.
My daughter hadn't told me...

anything about you,
about your helping her.

That's typical of your daughter.
Takes those things for granted.

Why did she think I lugged
her all the way from Miami?

She thinks you're entitled
to anything you can get.

She does? Isn't that sweet of her?

- You don't, I suppose.
- Well, I don't know.

I'll have to see on what
you base your claim.

I presume you feel justified.

If I didn't, I wouldn't be here.
I got it all itemized.

"Cash outlay: $8.60.

Topcoat: $15. Suitcase: $7.50.

Hat: $4.00. Three shirts: $4.50.

Total: $39.60.

All the above items had to
be sold to buy gasoline."

I sold some shorts and socks too.
I'm throwing those in.

- Yes, I know.
- What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough?

Trip like that would cost you a
thousand dollars, maybe more.

Let me get this straight.
You want 39.60...

in addition to the $10,000?

What 10,000?

- The reward.
- Who said anything about a reward?

I'm afraid I'm a little bit confused.

- I assumed that...
- Look, all I want is 39.60.

If you give me a check,
I'll get out of this joint.

It gives me the jitters.

- You're a peculiar chap.
- We'll go into that some other time.

The average man would
go after the reward...

Did anybody ever make
a sucker out of you?

This is a matter of principle, something
you probably wouldn't understand.

When anybody takes me for a buggy ride,
I don't like having to pay for the privilege.

- Were you taken for a buggy ride?
- Yes, with all the trimmings.

- So how about the check? Do I get it?
- Certainly.

Thanks.

- There you are.
- Thank you.

Do you mind if I ask you
a question, frankly?

Do you love my daughter?

Any guy in love with your daughter
oughta have his head examined.

- That's an evasion.
- She picked a perfect running mate:

King Westley,
the pill of the century.

She needs a guy that'd sock her once
a day whether it's coming to her or not.

If you had half the brains
you're supposed to,

- you'd have done it yourself.
- Do you love her?

A normal human being couldn't
live with her without going nutty!

- She's my idea of nothing.
- I asked a simple question: Do you love her?

Yes! But don't hold that against me.
I'm a little screwy myself.

Well, here's to the merry-go-round.

Perfect. Now you look natural.

- I hope you got your money.
- You bet I did.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks. Same to you.

Stay around and watch the fun.
You'll enjoy it immensely.

I would, but I've got a weak stomach.

I just had a long talk with him.

- I'm not interested.
- Just a minute, Ellie.

I don't want to hear
another word about him.

Come on, folks. King Westley
has arrived. Come on!

There they come, boys. Turn 'em over.

You're a sucker to
go through with this.

That guy Warne is okay.
He didn't want the reward.

All he asked for was $39.60,
what he spent on you.

Said it was a matter of principle.
You took him for a ride.

He loves you, Ellie. He told me so.

You don't want to be married
to a mug like Westley.

I can buy him off for a pot of gold.

And you can make an old man happy
and you won't do so bad for yourself.

If you change your mind,
your car's waiting at the back gate.

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered together here...

in the sight of God and in
the face of this company...

to join together this man
and woman in holy matrimony.

If any man can show just cause why they
may not lawfully be joined together...

let him now speak or else
hereafter forever hold his peace.

King, wilt thou have this
woman to thy wedded wife...

- so long as ye both shall live?
- I will.

Ellen, wilt thou have this man
to thy wedded husband...

so long as ye both shall live?

- Ellen!
- Ellen! Ellen!

Ellie!

Where has she gone?

- What happened?
- I haven't the slightest idea.

Don't want to talk to...

Don't want to talk to anybody.
Don't want to see anybody.

But it's King Westley on the phone.

Hello, my would-be ex-son-in-law.

I've sent you a check
for a hundred thousand.

That's the smartest thing
you ever did, Westley...

not to contest that annulment.

That's satisfactory, isn't it?
Well, it oughta be.

I'm not complaining.
Oh, no. Not complaining.

It was dirt cheap.

Don't fall out of any windows!

There's another wire from Peter.
They're in Glen Falls, Michigan.

"What's holding up
the annulment, you slowpoke?

The walls of Jericho are toppling."

Send him a telegram right away.
Just say, "Let 'em topple."

- Funny couple, ain't they?
- Yeah.

If you ask me, I don't
believe they're married.

They're married, all right.
I just seen the license.

They made me get 'em a
rope and a blanket.

On a night like this!
What do you reckon that's for?

- Blamed if I know. I brung 'em a trumpet.
- A trumpet?

One of them toy things.
They sent me to the store.

What in the world do
they want a trumpet for?

Don't know.

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