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1
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,061
(BABY WAILING)
2
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:12,906
Your turn.
3
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,785
(GRUNTS) Oh, fuck.
4
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,999
(GROANS)
5
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,171
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
6
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,674
Okay, I'm awake.
7
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,601
Good morning.
8
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,480
You guys are up
a little early today, huh.
9
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,483
Did we have some
nightmares or something?
10
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,944
(CRYING)
11
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:52,946
Let's see what
you made for daddy.
12
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,114
Let's see.
13
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,116
(GROANS)
14
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,870
I wouldn't like to sleep
with that in my pants, either.
15
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,331
But it did happen
once in college.
16
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,790
(LAUGHING)
17
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,043
Can you leave that
bottle alone, honey?
18
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,628
Can you put it down?
19
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,839
Honey... Sarah...
20
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,008
No, no! Sweetheart!
21
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,301
Damn.
22
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:19,598
I know. I'll have you back in your
warm little bed in one second.
23
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,642
Here you go.
Back to bed, sweetheart.
24
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,644
You got a fresh,
dry diapy.
25
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,562
Peter...
26
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,230
Peter, please!
27
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,734
Buddy, we talked
about the head thing.
28
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,447
Let me get you
all hooked up.
29
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,119
Hang on, don't fall.
30
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:42,329
(GRUNTING)
31
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,086
(FARTING)
32
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,379
Oh, no.
33
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,466
Peter... Oh.
34
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,386
(LAUGHING)
35
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,431
(GRUNTS)
36
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:12,317
Okay. A little
something for daddy.
37
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,902
(LAUGHTER ON TV)
38
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,196
(BABIES WHIMPERING)
39
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,448
(COMMENTARY ON TV)
40
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,623
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
41
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,674
WOMAN: Steel, Kuhbach, McCloud Law Firm.
Good morning.
42
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,137
Good morning, Lockwood.
43
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,972
Good morning, Mr. Steel.
44
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,515
Thank you.
45
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,016
How are the kids?
46
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,852
Oh, they're terrific.
Just terrific.
47
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,228
Children are such a joy.
48
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,813
Yes, absolutely.
Always.
49
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,523
Any word on
the Amalgamated merger?
50
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,858
That's all but signed.
51
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:56,069
And just in time for your
partner review, noless.
52
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,739
Really? Oh,
I hadn't noticed.
53
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,824
I look forward to having
your antic sense of humor
54
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,868
in the partner suite,
Lockwood.
55
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,203
It can get
a touch dry up there.
56
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,205
Thank you so much.
Hmm.
57
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:08,665
But a Double Windsor?
58
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,668
Come on, son.
This is not the dog track.
59
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:12,878
No. Yes.
60
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:13,962
Yeah.
61
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,381
Absolutely not.
Thank you.
62
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:17,466
Hi.
63
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,384
(IMITATING STEEL) Seriously,
Dave, this isn't the dog track.
64
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,219
Yeah.
Good morning, Sabrina.
65
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,513
Last week he told me my shoes
were dangerously Italian.
66
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,723
(LAUGHS) What?
67
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,516
My turn with
the Amalgamated files?
68
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,478
Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect
the new monthly projections,
69
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,231
and I pre-negotiated
articles 23 through 29.
70
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,357
Okay.
71
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,318
I like the way you had
it before, by the way.
72
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,028
Yeah. Thank you.
73
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,953
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
74
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,085
Good morning, Patricia.
75
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:55,962
(PHONE RINGING)
76
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,218
Hello. MITCH: Penis, shit,
vagina, cock, wolf pussies.
77
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,220
Mitch. I'm at work.
78
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,888
(LAUGHS) Did I get you?
Yeah. You sure did.
79
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,014
Yep. You got me on speakerphone?
80
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,265
Did the secretary hear?
81
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,392
Yes, the secretary heard.
She heard it all.
82
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,102
(LAUGHS) That's awesome.
83
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,230
Not really. How stoned
are you right now?
84
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,314
I've taken some weed.
85
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,440
Have you?
Mmm-hmm.
86
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,484
Do you know what time it is?
Mmm-mmm.
87
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,693
It's like 9:00.
88
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,195
Holy fuck-knuckles.
89
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,739
Guess what I'm looking at right now.
A bong?
90
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,534
No, I found a futon on
the street last night.
91
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,703
I sort of had to fight a bum for it.
He was so thin.
92
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,414
And it also came with this
vintage Navajo pony blanket...
93
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,416
So I think that's
pretty much a win for me.
94
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,293
Mitch, you know the adults are
about to fire up a work day.
95
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,296
I know, I just miss you, dude, that's all.
I miss you, too.
96
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,257
We've been super best
buddies since third grade.
97
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,466
I haven't seen you
in forever.
98
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,634
Oh, I've been swamped.
99
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:43,885
We're sleep-training
the twins,
100
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,178
and I just haven't
had a moment to breathe.
101
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,222
I'm sorry, man. I'm just
super-excited to see you.
102
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:48,765
We are still on
for tonight, right?
103
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,768
David?
Yep.
104
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,896
(STAMMERING) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For the thingy.
105
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,774
Braves-Marlins. Please don't
tell me that you forgot.
106
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,109
Didn't forget.
107
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,569
What time are you
going to pick me up?
108
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,736
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) Don't
you bail on me, David.
109
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,821
I am not going to bail.
110
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:05,448
If you bail on me, I'm going
to literally eye-rape you.
111
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,700
I got it.
112
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:10,704
I will actually place myself
inside your ocular... Oh!
113
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:11,830
It's my dad.
114
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,124
Mitch Planko, Sr
making a rare appearance.
115
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,126
This guy fucking hates me.
116
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,295
(VVHISPERING) I'll pick
you up at 6:00. Got it.
117
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,504
Kirk out.
118
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,632
Dad.
119
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,175
What are you doing here?
120
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,886
Oh, I just came
by to tell you
121
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,471
how incredibly proud
of you I am, son.
122
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,932
I'm pretty baked
right now,
123
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,018
but I think you're
being sarcastic.
124
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,102
Right?
125
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,395
No, dropping out
of high school
126
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,272
to be an actor was
a great decision.
127
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,816
I saw you in that commercial
for meat, incidentally.
128
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:42,903
That was the most brilliant portrayal
of baloney I have ever seen.
129
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,279
Why are you here?
130
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,865
Just came by to see if you'd
like to have some breakfast.
131
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,993
I can't. I got a super-duper important
conference call in 1O minutes.
132
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,495
You don't have a job.
You don't have any hair.
133
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,663
Right.
134
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,124
Well, then I'll just
say it here.
135
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,667
I'm getting married again,
136
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,503
and I'd like you to
come to the wedding.
137
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,383
When's the wedding?
Next Saturday.
138
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,303
My betrothed, Pamela,
would like you
139
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,347
to be there to
say a few words.
140
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,515
I'll catch the next one.
141
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,854
Yeah, right. Okay, well,
then I'd better get home
142
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,190
and boil my shoes.
143
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,360
Great visiting.
You, too.
144
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,032
Good.
145
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,121
(SIGHS)
146
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,208
DAVE: And the
baby-eating monster
147
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:41,628
rises from
the deep! (ROARS)
148
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,254
(BABIES SQUEALING)
149
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,758
Hey, Daddy, which one
do you like better?
150
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,219
The southern monarch or
the many-spotted skipperling?
151
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:53,431
I am a many-spotted
skipperling man, all the way.
152
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,351
The monarch is just a glorified
moth, don't you think?
153
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,228
Yes. I tend to agree.
154
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,648
Hi, Mom!
Hi!
155
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,732
What a bad,
bad day.
156
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,234
Hi.
157
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,779
The zoning board shut us
down for the millionth time.
158
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,740
Dr. Klein lost the twins'
immunization records.
159
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,993
And Cara got bullied
in ballet class again.
160
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,452
Did you tell Daddy?
161
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:18,206
Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me
over during the battement glisse.
162
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,917
Oh, I'm sorry, sugarbug.
Are you okay?
163
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,754
JAMIE: We just need to keep
striving for verbal resolution.
164
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,799
Yeah, yeah. Verbal
resolution, sweetheart.
165
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,301
So where do you want
to do this tonight?
166
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:31,469
Do what?
167
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,513
Dialogue Night.
168
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,432
Oh, my God.
169
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,350
Honey...
170
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,685
Don't even say that.
171
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:42,689
I'm so sorry. I suck.
172
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,942
Dr. Tillman said just once
a week, for one hour.
173
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,110
I'm sorry.
174
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,695
That was three months ago.
175
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,447
I know. I heard her.
176
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,991
And I want to sit and
talk with you for an hour
177
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,994
more than once a week,
but tonight, I cannot.
178
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,454
Why? What are you doing?
179
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,205
I promised Mitch
I would sit and watch
180
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,290
a game with him
tonight, and...
181
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,458
What?
182
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,502
Can we please just slide
the Dialogue Night again?
183
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:05,628
I'm so sorry.
184
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,174
I can do Monday night.
185
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,176
Thank you.
186
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,886
(DOORBELL RINGS)
He's early.
187
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,596
Yeah, you'd be early, too,
188
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,140
if all you did all day
was eat hummus and masturbate.
189
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,308
What's hummus?
190
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,518
That is a Mediterranean
spread, honey.
191
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,978
What's master-ate?
192
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,646
It's a cracker.
193
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,816
Oh, hey, Mitch.
Your hair looks good.
194
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,068
Thanks.
195
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,321
Yeah, I had to cut it for a
fucking tampon commercial.
196
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,572
CARA: Uncle Mitch!
(GASPS)
197
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,908
How's my favorite
ballerina doing?
198
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,202
Hi, Uncle Mitch.
Hi! Wow!
199
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,746
Gosh, you're so light.
Are you dieting?
200
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,664
Do you want to come
to my dance recital?
201
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:42,957
Oh!
202
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,043
No, honey.
203
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,212
The only style of dancing
that Uncle Mitch likes
204
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,840
involves a big, shiny pole, and a
broken woman with daddy issues.
205
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,092
(GROANS)
206
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,510
Yeah, story time is over.
207
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,261
Go fix your hair.
208
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,346
Ow.
209
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,223
Mmm, smells good
in here, Jame.
210
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,307
Mmm.
211
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,351
Ooh! Num-nums!
212
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,103
Vegetable medley!
213
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,230
How are you?
Good.
214
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,731
You're good?
Yeah.
215
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,274
Are you dating anyone?
216
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,943
Ooh! You know who I ran into?
VVhO?
217
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,904
Mrs. Hickham at a
Starbucks in Druid Hills.
218
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,864
Our social studies teacher?
Yeah.
219
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,574
I asked her out and she
wouldn't go out with me,
220
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,701
which is crazy, because I
nailed her in high school.
221
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,913
You did? I dated her mouth
for a full semester.
222
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:26,126
(LAUGHING) Okay. Bathed,
diapered, and in the PJs.
223
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,628
Is Dave meeting
your needs, sexually?
224
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,381
Yeah, I guess.
MITCH: Good.
225
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:32,966
Not really, mmm-mmm.
Ahh.
226
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,052
I would like to strap you to
my face and say the alphabet.
227
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,346
That's going too far.
228
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:39,681
Oh!
229
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:43,977
Look at these
little fuckers!
230
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,564
What's your name? Hey.
231
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,066
What's your name?
What's your name?
232
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,569
Why can't they talk yet? Are
they retarded or something?
233
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:53,987
Don't say...
You can't say that.
234
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,573
Well, this one right here
looks a little Downsy.
235
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,908
Or that.
MITCH: I'm kidding.
236
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,410
A little bit, though?
No.
237
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,620
DAVE: Pumpkin, we'll see you
right after the game, okay?
238
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,913
JAMIE: Have fun.
239
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,291
I like it. Oh, God. (CRYING)
240
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,085
Let's go.
Okay. Bye.
241
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,254
(BOTH BABIES CRYING)
(SIGHS)
242
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,464
MITCH: Mitch and Dave.
243
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,758
DAVE: Mitch and Dave,
out on the town.
244
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,760
Oh, dude,
I didn't tell you!
245
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,512
I booked a major
movie role this week.
246
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,680
I auditioned for
a movie role, I got it.
247
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,765
Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you.
What is it called?
248
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,601
Untitled Awesome Movie.
249
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,311
Truly? That's the name?
250
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,021
Yeah.
Yeah. Good for you.
251
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,273
Do you want to hotbox this nut sack'?
No, no.
252
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,775
I've got a big day tomorrow. Take
the wheel. Steer. Steering wheel.
253
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,110
Oh, steer for me.
254
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,778
Mitch, come on, buddy.
255
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:39,115
Let's make it to the game in
one piece, don't you think?
256
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,202
VVant to try that? This Fiero,
unfortunately, is airbag-free.
257
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,453
It's a work
day tomorrow.
258
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:46,331
Come on. All right,
I'll take one hit.
259
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,791
Oh! What the...
You motherfucker!
260
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,293
Let's just focus
on the driving.
261
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,296
Just say no, Reagan.
God, why would you do that?
262
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:54,964
Well, we're driving.
God!
263
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,508
This is a car carrying a lot of speed.
This is terrible.
264
00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,220
Hit the steering wheel.
I'm going again!
265
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:05,516
(ALL CHEERING)
266
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:07,936
Whoo! Drink!
267
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,647
I'll drink to that. All right!
That was a strikeout.
268
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,442
Huh, what's going on?
It is good to see you again.
269
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,027
It's good to see you,
too, Dave.
270
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:17,487
What's going on
with the women, huh?
271
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,657
I've been seeing a number
of very, very nice ladies.
272
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,493
I got some pictures.
Wow.
273
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,078
That is Tatiana.
274
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,246
Taflana.
275
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,413
Taflana.
276
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,665
What's her last name?
277
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:32,877
It's Tatiana Calls-me- at-three-in-the-morning-
and-wants-to-fuck-stein.
278
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,671
Who gives a shit what her last name is?
(LAUGHS)
279
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,590
Mitch. Reminds me
a little bit of Sabrina.
280
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,384
Yeah! Wait,
who's Sabrina?
281
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,053
Sabrina. She's this...
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
282
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,430
She's this new law
associate at my work.
283
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,475
She's so hot. Oh, Mitch, is she hot.
Uh-oh.
284
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,186
She's like fall-out-of-a-magazine
hot, you know?
285
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,230
I bet she's number one
on your cancer list, right?
286
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,273
What is that?
287
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,774
Come on, you know what that is.
What is that?
288
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,317
Every married guy
has a cancer list.
289
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,986
It's the first three women
you'd have sex with
290
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,445
if your wife suddenly
died of cancer.
291
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,281
That's fucking sick.
292
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,615
Come on. That's the
mother of my children.
293
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,700
Oh, I know.
294
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,244
But I'll play. Yes, she'd
be at the top of that list.
295
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,620
It's like a gift.
Yeah.
296
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,956
(LAUGHS) But I interrupted you.
Tell me about this one again.
297
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,834
God, last week,
Tatiana, she comes over,
298
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,627
she's wearing this
tight black mini-dress,
299
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:15,753
and you know
what she says to me?
300
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,422
Tell me slow.
No, nothing.
301
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,632
Because all Tatiana wants to
do at 3:00 in the morning
302
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,843
is fucky, fucky,
rubber ducky.
303
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,387
This chick is insatiable!
304
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,931
She wants it in every
position under the sun.
305
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,349
God, you're so lucky.
306
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,893
We do the Wheelbarrow,
the Arabian Goggles,
307
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,354
the Lonesome Dove,
the Arsenio Hall,
308
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,607
the Jelly Donut, the Pastrami
Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck...
309
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,776
And let me tell you something,
no man is that hungry.
310
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,403
What? I don't even
know what these are.
311
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,530
You're married. You're married, Dave.
That's true.
312
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,115
Anyway,
we start going at it
313
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,118
and it gets so intense
that my nose starts bleeding.
314
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,202
Come on.
315
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,747
This is Dracula,
Anne Rice-type shit
316
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,956
happening right
in front of me.
317
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,082
Good for you.
318
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,543
When all is said and done, when we
finish up, and the dust settles,
319
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,337
she looks up at me,
and she says,
320
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:01,883
"Mitchell, next Tuesday,
lam coming back here,
321
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,135
"and we're
really going to fuck."
322
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,845
Yes!
323
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,514
Yes! Tatiana.
324
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,767
Fuck. Mitch, Mitch, Mitch.
325
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,018
You're just...
326
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:13,770
How did I miss this?
327
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:17,023
I missed all the sex and the
drugs and the bad choices,
328
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,151
and I just fucking rushed it, didn't I?
Wasn't I rushing?
329
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:21,319
You were busy.
330
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,862
Rushing to get into
a good college, right?
331
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,447
And then into
a good law school.
332
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,823
Once I got into
a good law school,
333
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,241
I just wanted to get
into a good law firm.
334
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,494
I met Jamie, we got married,
we had Cara, and that was it.
335
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:33,039
I pissed away my 20s, right?
Now it's too late.
336
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:35,792
Look,shHbHd.
You got it made!
337
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,919
You have an
extremely hot wife,
338
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,962
and you got
a beautiful house
339
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:43,132
that's full of furniture
and food and kids.
340
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,592
And you make
a ton of money.
341
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,427
And you come home
at the end of the day
342
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,639
and you're surrounded by people
who give a shit about you.
343
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,141
You're never lonely.
344
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,351
What more do you want?
345
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,103
I'll tell you
what I want, okay?
346
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,437
I want something
different.
347
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,272
I want your life,
you know?
348
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,109
I want Sabrina.
I want Tatiana.
349
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,653
And sex with strange,
new women.
350
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,821
You're living the dream.
351
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,615
How much fun is it being an
actor, working one week a year?
352
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,284
I want to smoke
weed all day.
353
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,413
I want to start a book
that I actually finish.
354
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,706
I would like to take
a nice, solid dump
355
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,000
because I'm not
constantly stressed out.
356
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,920
I want to learn
how to rollerblade.
357
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,047
And I'd like
to take a piss.
358
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,841
Me, too. Fountain,
fountain, fountain.
359
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,217
Perfect.
360
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,227
Whoo!
361
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,483
MITCH: This chick does
not look happy.
362
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,486
I was just saying that
I really envy your life.
363
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:46,654
That's all.
I envy yours.
364
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,573
No, you don't. You're
just trying to be nice.
365
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,366
I'm not.
I do, I envy it.
366
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,909
No. I envy yours.
367
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,078
BOTH: I Wish I had your life.
368
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,007
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
369
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,060
It's rolling
blackouts or something?
370
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,479
Yeah, I guess.
371
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,901
Look at your flow,
it's so nice and thick.
372
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,068
It's confident.
373
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:29,238
Yours is very steamy.
Thanks.
374
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,407
My urologist says
I run a little hot.
375
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,867
Good to go?
Oh, yeah.
376
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,703
Can you drive?
Oh, yeah!
377
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,930
(BABIES WAILING)
378
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,769
Holy fuck-knuckles!
379
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:02,104
Where is my bong?
380
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,526
Whose fucking kid is that?
381
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,279
What is with all
these goddamn pillows?
382
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,702
(SCREAMS) Jamie! Jesus!
383
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,996
What?
That's fucking disgusting!
384
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,499
Put those tits away,
this isn't Africa!
385
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,252
What am I doing in this bed?
Did I sleep here last night?
386
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,003
Did I fucking nail you?
387
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,588
Are you still drunk?
388
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,466
Dave!
389
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,843
Where is Lockwood?
390
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,933
What the fuck?
391
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,269
Oh, my God.
392
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:42,937
I'm Dave?
393
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,567
Oh, my God!
394
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,365
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
395
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,659
MITCH: Open the goddamn
door, Dave.
396
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,035
(SNORING)
397
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,371
Come on, open up the
door, right now.
398
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,664
Fuck.
399
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,041
MITCH: Come on, buddy,
open up the door immediately.
400
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,835
Let's do it.
401
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,753
(GROANS)
402
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,464
Dave, come on. Open up
the door, right now!
403
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,091
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
404
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,343
Okay, I'm awake. MITCH:
Open up this fucking door!
405
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,887
(EXCLAIMS)
406
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,060
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
407
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,604
MITCH: Open the goddamn
door, Dave!
408
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:25,688
Mitch?
409
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,982
Why am I in your apartment?
410
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,151
MITCH: Dave, hurry up,
open up the door!
411
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:31,777
(EXCLAIMS)
412
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,156
MITCH: Something very bad has happened.
Wait until you see me.
413
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,907
Wait until you see you!
Jesus Christ, relax.
414
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,160
MITCH: Super freaky, dude.
Let's do it!
415
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:41,871
Oh.
416
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:44,999
What the hell is this?
417
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,586
I knew it.
Oh, my God.
418
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,756
Jesus Christ,
what the fuck is this?
419
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,425
Look at this.
420
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:57,303
Yeah, it's you.
421
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,766
And this is all me.
All of this shit is mine.
422
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:02,975
You're welcome.
423
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,226
I got this. (GRUNTS)
424
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,519
What are you doing to me?
425
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,980
(STRUGGLES) Hey, stop it.
I'm so strong.
426
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,940
(SHUSHING)
You're choking yourself!
427
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,901
Must wake up.
428
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,069
Wake up!
429
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,196
I can't breathe.
Take my hands off you.
430
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,615
Wake up!
Get the fuck off me!
431
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:20,743
(EXCLAIMING)
432
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,161
Okay, okay, okay!
433
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,705
(PANTING) Go look
in the mirror. Right there!
434
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,084
All right?
435
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:30,836
(GROANING)
I'm a douche bag.
436
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,588
I'm a fucking tool!
437
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,340
Oh! What did you do?
438
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,841
What did I do? You think
I want to be you?
439
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,259
Who said I wanted
to be you?
440
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:40,888
Holy shit, we did.
441
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:43,391
We wished for
each other's lives
442
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,976
when we were pissing in that
fucking fountain last night.
443
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,478
We wished we had
each other's lives.
444
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:48,896
I was just trying
to be nice!
445
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,648
Oh, my God!
446
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,900
(HORN BLARING) MITCH: I know
a shortcut to the fountain.
447
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,443
Go this way.
448
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,237
(TIRES SCREECHING)
449
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,738
Careful! Easy.
450
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,407
I got it.
I got it.
451
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,075
(HORNS BLARING)
452
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,709
DAVE: What are we going to do
when we get to the fountain?
453
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:10,835
We're going to take
a piss in it, or...
454
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,421
I don't give a shit. We're
gonna get our lives back.
455
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:17,758
You've got
to be kidding me.
456
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,389
Hey, where is
the fountain?
457
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:24,807
It is getting restored.
458
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,184
What are you talking about, restored?
Where did you take it?
459
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,936
I don't know, guy,
I just fill the hole.
460
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,020
I'm not the
fountain spokesman.
461
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,148
Hey, motherfucker...
(EXCLAIMS)
462
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,607
Whoa, whoa, who could
tell us where it is?
463
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:35,985
Maybe ask the
district manager.
464
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,237
(TIRES SCREECHING)
465
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,463
Nope. it is not
in the computer.
466
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,883
Okay, when will it
be in the computer?
467
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,051
Maybe tomorrow. That's
when Viotor gets baok.
468
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,720
It's not in the computer,
it's not in the park.
469
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:03,929
Who is Victor?
470
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,432
The guy that knows how to
find shit in the computer.
471
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,350
How can you lose
a fountain?
472
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,561
This is a big deal to us, okay?
I mean, it's a fountain!
473
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,105
Can you look a little bit harder?
That's incredible!
474
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,607
It is not
in the computer.
475
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,109
Yeah, but your attitude
is right on your shoulders.
476
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,569
No,no,no!
477
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,321
There was no
physical contact.
478
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:23,032
We're okay. We're fine.
We're fine.
479
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:26,160
I have the biggest meeting in my life
in 45 minutes. This isn't happening.
480
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,495
Did you have something
you wanted to do today?
481
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,163
I've got day one of
my big break movie.
482
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,457
If I don't make this meeting,
I don't make partner,
483
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,793
andthelast 15 years of my life,
everything I've done, wasted!
484
00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:35,002
All right, fine,
I'll do it.
485
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,463
I've got it.
I'll do it.
486
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,132
I got you.
Do what?
487
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,467
I'm an actor.
Human chameleon.
488
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,052
I can do lawyer in my fucking sleep.
Give me the keys.
489
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:44,637
Oh, you'll play me
in one of your productions?
490
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,096
Yeah, give me the keys.
Okay, no.
491
00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:48,390
Why?
Because you're...
492
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,558
Careful.
493
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:52,728
Because there's more to being a lawyer
than what you see on TV, Mitch.
494
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:53,896
Is there?
Yeah.
495
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,232
I object!
Oh, my God.
496
00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:57,566
No!
Okay?
497
00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,528
Wrong, my friend. You don't know the
first thing about being a lawyer.
498
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:01,695
You're not
a trained actor.
499
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:02,988
Neither are you.
500
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,448
Save it, all right, Dave?
501
00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:05,658
It's one day.
We're Mitch and Dave!
502
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,493
We can do one day of anything.
Give me the keys.
503
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,454
Let's go.
Do you have a better plan?
504
00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:12,456
Shit. Okay. All right.
505
00:22:12,623 --> 00:22:14,416
You've got 41 minutes, okay?
Great!
506
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,961
Go to my house, get
dressed in my clothes.
507
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,922
Then you go to my office, find
my legal associate, Sabfina.
508
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:21,674
Get the merger
documents from her,
509
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,592
take them to
the conference room, and...
510
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,177
Oh, God, the partners
are going to be there.
511
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,681
Listen, do not say
a single word.
512
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:29,849
What if somebody
asks me a question?
513
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,642
They're not going to
ask you a damn thing.
514
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,561
Once the meeting starts, you
will continue to say nothing.
515
00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:35,479
When a partner asks you
for the merger documents,
516
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:38,524
you will then
silently hand them over.
517
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,359
I get it. Play it big,
but maintain my reality.
518
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:41,735
It's pretty simple.
No! You play it small.
519
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,237
I have spent
the last nine months
520
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,613
banging out
the terms of this deal.
521
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,949
The only thing you have to do is
hand over the documents, that's it.
522
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,033
Dude, easy as fuck.
523
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,244
You can't say things like
that in the meeting, Mitch.
524
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:51,412
True. Good note.
525
00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:53,998
For me, you go to my house, okay?
All my info is on my fridge.
526
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:56,083
When you get to the set,
you go to hair and makeup,
527
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,167
and you learn your lines.
528
00:22:57,334 --> 00:22:59,670
Most of all, do not fuck
this up for me, all right?
529
00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:02,756
This is my big break, my Raging Bull.
Do you hear me?
530
00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:04,842
You respect my art,
you respect my life.
531
00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:06,010
You respect mine.
532
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:07,595
Yeah, I got you.
Power hug. Come on.
533
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:11,724
(EXCLAIMS) Hold on.
You got to pick up Cara.
534
00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:13,934
Pick up Cara from
ballet at 4:00, okay?
535
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:15,394
I am fucking all
over that shit.
536
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,187
Holy shit.
537
00:23:17,271 --> 00:23:18,439
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
538
00:23:30,993 --> 00:23:33,621
Early morning on the
golf course, Lockwood?
539
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,372
Ha-ha! Terrific!
540
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:46,091
Num-nums!
541
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,093
(LAUGHS) Fucking score!
542
00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:50,220
Fucking grocery store.
543
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:55,225
Look at all of this
for little Mitchie-poo.
544
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:56,852
Nice!
545
00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:58,938
Oh, there you are.
546
00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:01,732
I redid the 10-19 variants,
everything else is the same. Ready?
547
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:04,109
Oh, you must
be Sabrina, huh?
548
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,028
You must be Dave.
549
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:07,863
Are we role-playing or something?
Because we're late.
550
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,157
He didn't tell me you were
a big, fat, fucking boner.
551
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:13,869
Sorry. That was unprofessional.
Wasn't it?
552
00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,622
Dave have a mimosa for breakfast?
A little nervous?
553
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:17,790
That was a joke. Hey...
554
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:20,000
I've got one really important
question before we go.
555
00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:22,002
All this food here,
is it free?
556
00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:25,589
You got this.
557
00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:26,757
Yeah, I got it.
558
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:27,925
I got it.
Okay. (LAUGHS)
559
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:29,134
Let's do this.
560
00:24:29,218 --> 00:24:30,803
All right.
You remember though?
561
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:33,222
Oh, right. It's down there.
Got it.
562
00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:38,394
(PEOPLE TALKING)
563
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:55,744
Lockwood.
Yep.
564
00:24:56,704 --> 00:24:59,456
Perhaps you would like to sit
on our side of the table.
565
00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:02,960
Thanks.
566
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,384
FLEMMING: Now, before we
formalize this merger,
567
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:14,263
are there any outstanding
questions we might address?
568
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,432
Our back-of-the-envelope
analysis
569
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:20,561
(CHAIR CLICKING LCDUDLY) shows your
P&L to be 2% less than expected
570
00:25:20,728 --> 00:25:21,895
as per the MAC clause.
571
00:25:22,688 --> 00:25:24,898
Can I get confirmation
that the EBITDA
572
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:27,276
still aligns
with comfortable...
573
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,361
Dave?
574
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,907
Dave!
Yes. Dave is here.
575
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:37,369
Hey, man.
576
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:38,579
Hey.
577
00:25:39,038 --> 00:25:40,247
Oh, I've got your thing.
578
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:42,624
Boom!
579
00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:44,710
No, Dave, uh...
580
00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:48,630
Mr. Kinkabe had a question
about the EBITDA.
581
00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:54,595
Okay.
582
00:25:57,556 --> 00:25:58,599
Uh, how is it?
583
00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:03,228
Good.
584
00:26:05,189 --> 00:26:06,607
Good?
585
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:09,485
What am I saying?
586
00:26:09,651 --> 00:26:11,278
EBITDA is bad.
587
00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:13,489
Fucking terrible.
588
00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:15,074
(ALL MURMURING)
589
00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:17,826
Are you saying the premium
needs to be adjusted?
590
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,161
I didn't say that.
591
00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,038
Did you hear
me say it? Nope.
592
00:26:21,205 --> 00:26:22,206
What about our WAGE'?
593
00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:24,708
Huh? What PPS multiple
are you using?
594
00:26:24,792 --> 00:26:26,752
What's that? ls the
financing still stable?
595
00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:27,878
Hang on, 9W5-
596
00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:30,798
Fucking 25 guys on this side.
Can you fire at somebody else?
597
00:26:30,964 --> 00:26:32,341
Can anybody else
field the fucking question?
598
00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:34,176
Dave?
Yep.
599
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:36,762
It's your job
to know this.
600
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:38,931
Yeah, and I know that.
601
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:42,351
You know, we're...
Everything is...
602
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,061
Here is the deal.
603
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,022
We are very rich.
604
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:48,982
(IMITATING ASIAN ACCENT)
Everybody rich!
605
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:51,652
So let's sign this.
606
00:26:51,819 --> 00:26:54,571
What's the worst
that can happen? Right?
607
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:57,032
We will just
roll this party out
608
00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:59,493
to some sushi and
some sake bombs.
609
00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:02,788
Moustache is buying. And then
a little karaoke for dessert?
610
00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:04,123
What have we
got to lose?
611
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:07,126
Let's bones that.
Huh, 'stache?
612
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,669
KINKABE: Is this
some kind of joke?
613
00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:10,504
Are you trying to
poison the well?
614
00:27:10,671 --> 00:27:12,714
You are the one on a fishing
expedition, Kinkabe.
615
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:14,800
You were never serious
about this merger.
616
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:15,884
KINKABEI Me?
617
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:18,637
This moron works for you.
You are the one sabotaging it.
618
00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:20,848
Fuck you with that...
"Moron" is a bad word here.
619
00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,015
This merger is over.
620
00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:25,394
You have just made the biggest
mistake of your career, mister.
621
00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:27,146
I will see you in court. No, no.
622
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,565
What a bunch
of bullshit!
623
00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:31,984
Hang on.
Don't get up.
624
00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:34,278
Is this a break?
Taking a break?
625
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:36,363
Quick fiver?
626
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:37,948
(EXCLAIMING)
627
00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:39,658
What the hell
was that?
628
00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:42,077
Relax. This is good.
629
00:27:42,244 --> 00:27:43,453
Look at how
great this is.
630
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:47,124
It's all part of my
secret master plan.
631
00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:48,792
It is?
You bet.
632
00:27:48,959 --> 00:27:50,002
You are hurting my
arm a little bit.
633
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,882
This deal is critical to the
very survival of this firm.
634
00:27:55,048 --> 00:27:56,383
Is that clear?
I got it.
635
00:27:56,842 --> 00:27:58,969
I know what I'm doing.
I've been doing it for...
636
00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:00,429
How long have I
been doing it here, huh?
637
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,389
How long have I worked here?
You know that.
638
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:03,724
(EXHALES)
I don't know.
639
00:28:04,099 --> 00:28:05,601
Nine years, 10.
Yeah.
640
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,020
Yeah. Perfect. Exactly 1 O
years, that's exactly rig ht.
641
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:09,938
And have I ever
steered you wrong?
642
00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:11,565
No.
643
00:28:12,983 --> 00:28:13,984
Trust me, bro.
644
00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:15,277
Bro?
645
00:28:16,987 --> 00:28:17,988
Fine.
646
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,658
But from here on out, you are
on an extremely short leash!
647
00:28:21,825 --> 00:28:22,951
Understand?
648
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:25,662
Now, go. Put on some
proper clothes.
649
00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:26,955
You look like a Jew.
650
00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:28,874
Oh.
651
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:34,171
DAVE: Excuse me, hello. Where
do the movie stars park?
652
00:28:44,181 --> 00:28:46,099
Hello, there. Hey, man.
What's up?
653
00:28:47,392 --> 00:28:48,977
Where the fuck is
hair and makeup?
654
00:28:49,144 --> 00:28:50,771
Mitch Planko.
Fuck me.
655
00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:55,234
Right there.
656
00:28:55,859 --> 00:28:56,985
Fuck me.
657
00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:03,242
Oh, look at that.
That looks like fun.
658
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:06,328
Ready for you on set.
659
00:29:06,536 --> 00:29:09,164
Anything I can get you?
Vitamin water or Pellegrino?
660
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,250
No, thank you. ljusthave
a quick question.
661
00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:13,001
What does that mean,
there, "TS?"
662
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:14,962
Titty shot.
663
00:29:15,212 --> 00:29:17,005
And, "BTS,"
right there?
664
00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:19,424
Bouncing titty shot.
Bouncing titty shot.
665
00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:21,802
Steve Driver,
coming to the set.
666
00:29:22,219 --> 00:29:24,388
I'm just curious, what
kind of movie is this?
667
00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:25,472
It's a lorno.
668
00:29:26,098 --> 00:29:28,267
I'm not familiar with that genre.
Is that European?
669
00:29:28,433 --> 00:29:31,019
Lorno, "Light porno."
Tits and shadows.
670
00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:32,938
You ever hear
of Skinemax?
671
00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:38,026
Oh, no.
672
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,152
Come on, big guy-
673
00:29:39,569 --> 00:29:41,363
(VVITH ACCENT) No,no,no.
More oil.
674
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:42,781
Make him shiny
like fish.
675
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:43,949
Are you the one
in charge here?
676
00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:46,118
Mitch, I'm Valtan,
the director.
677
00:29:46,285 --> 00:29:48,745
Oh, good. There's been
some kind of mistake...
678
00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:49,871
Mona!
679
00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:51,331
Where the fuck is...
I'm here!
680
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:52,457
Hey!
681
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,460
Here's the scene, okay? You
going to enter with a gun...
682
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,795
Where the gun?
683
00:29:57,546 --> 00:29:59,715
Mitch, you going to oome in.
Guard going to try to stop you.
684
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:02,259
Line, line, line. You
knock him the fuck out.
685
00:30:02,592 --> 00:30:04,594
You see Mona. She lying
there in the bed,
686
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:07,681
and you wake her up
for fuck time, okay?
687
00:30:07,764 --> 00:30:08,807
Lock it up!
688
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:10,142
MAN 1: Locking it up.
689
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,311
Have a good scene.
690
00:30:13,562 --> 00:30:15,480
MAN 1: Quiet on the set. This is heavy.
Do you want to take...
691
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:17,107
The camera is rolling.
692
00:30:17,858 --> 00:30:19,860
Question.
VALTAN: And action!
693
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:24,281
Hey.
694
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:26,575
Action!
695
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,415
No entry!
696
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:36,084
MAN 2: (WHISPERING)
Mitch, here.
697
00:30:37,627 --> 00:30:39,504
If you let...
698
00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:43,342
If you let me don1in,Taco,
I will fuck you dead.
699
00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:44,885
That can't be right.
700
00:30:44,968 --> 00:30:47,554
All right, come on! Just knock
him the fuck out, go inside.
701
00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,431
Keep rolling!
MAN 1: Still rolling.
702
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:50,515
VALTANI Action!
703
00:30:51,308 --> 00:30:53,268
(GRUNTING)
704
00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:56,646
Come on.
I barely hit him.
705
00:30:56,897 --> 00:30:59,775
All right, we fix it in post.
Just keep rolling, keep rolling.
706
00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:01,026
MAN 1: Keep rolling!
707
00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:05,989
Lola, wake up surprise.
708
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:07,449
(SCREAMING)
709
00:31:07,574 --> 00:31:09,951
Holy shit!
710
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:14,498
Steve Driver,
you perfect bastard, you.
711
00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:15,832
VALTANI Rip it Off.
712
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,125
(MOANING)
713
00:31:18,085 --> 00:31:19,628
(EXCLAIMS)
714
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:20,962
God!
715
00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:24,174
Oh, yeah, eat that titty, boy.
Eat that titty.
716
00:31:24,341 --> 00:31:26,968
(PURRING) Yeah, yeah!
Eat that titty.
717
00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:28,804
Oh, Shit.
718
00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:32,891
VALTAN: Like Cheerio,
boy. Delish!
719
00:31:33,642 --> 00:31:36,311
(MOANING) Yeah! Breakfast
champion, boys.
720
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,397
Mount for sex time.
721
00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:39,981
Go! On bed.
722
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:42,275
Give it to me, Steve!
723
00:31:42,442 --> 00:31:43,944
VALTAN: Come on!
Okay, okay, okay.
724
00:31:44,111 --> 00:31:45,362
(PURRING)
VALTANI Yeah!
725
00:31:45,529 --> 00:31:47,030
Pump that ass, boy.
726
00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:48,990
Go, boy!
(GROANS)
727
00:31:49,157 --> 00:31:51,243
Loosen hips,
loosen hips.
728
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:53,036
(MOANING) VALTAN: Go!
Deep thrusting!
729
00:31:53,203 --> 00:31:54,830
VALTANI Yeah!
730
00:31:55,205 --> 00:31:56,832
Put your thumb
up her butt.
731
00:31:58,708 --> 00:31:59,709
What?
732
00:32:00,419 --> 00:32:02,379
Stick your thumb
up her butthole.
733
00:32:03,630 --> 00:32:05,382
I promise you,
it's nice, clean.
734
00:32:05,465 --> 00:32:07,843
You eat cake off
lady's starfish, okay?
735
00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,219
Ahhh...
736
00:32:09,469 --> 00:32:10,595
No.
737
00:32:12,389 --> 00:32:13,557
(PURRING)
738
00:32:14,099 --> 00:32:17,227
You put thumb up
nice lady butthole
739
00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,688
or I put my fist
up yours.
740
00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:21,356
Okay?
Mmm-hmm.
741
00:32:22,566 --> 00:32:25,193
Okay. Keep rolling,
keep rolling.
742
00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:27,821
I'm going to hell.
743
00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:30,490
(SQUELCHING)
(MONA EXCLAIMS)
744
00:32:30,574 --> 00:32:32,242
Oh, Steve!
745
00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:34,786
It's like Christmas
in my ass!
746
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:37,414
VALTAN: Moving it around!
Moving it around! (MOANING)
747
00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:38,665
Like iPhone.
748
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,041
Yeah.
749
00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:42,043
Hey, purchase
some apps!
750
00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:44,171
Buy Angry Birds!
751
00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,214
And enter Dimitri.
752
00:32:47,257 --> 00:32:48,341
Dimitri?
753
00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:51,428
Hi, Dimitri.
754
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,054
What are you doing
with my wife, man?
755
00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:56,266
VALTAN: Thrust!
Don't improvise, okay?
756
00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:58,101
Keep thrusting,
keep thrusting.
757
00:32:58,268 --> 00:33:00,729
VALTAN: Pump h. Oh,
hey , hey , hey .
758
00:33:00,896 --> 00:33:02,189
Now kiss that boy.
759
00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:04,191
No,no,no.
I'm good, Dimitri.
760
00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:06,526
You're going
to kiss that boy.
761
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:07,652
Come on.
(MOANING)
762
00:33:07,736 --> 00:33:08,737
Okay, we're good.
(MOANING LOUDLY)
763
00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:12,491
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
764
00:33:13,366 --> 00:33:15,243
Tall arms.
Tall arms.
765
00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:17,204
Remember to smile, girls.
766
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:18,830
Very nice.
767
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:21,541
Focus.
768
00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,044
Arms up. Tall.
769
00:33:24,211 --> 00:33:25,212
Excellent, girls.
770
00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:26,796
Smile. Focus.
771
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:27,881
(GRUNTS)
772
00:33:30,926 --> 00:33:33,512
(SIGHS) Cara, do try
to stay on your toes.
773
00:33:35,764 --> 00:33:37,432
Let's start again.
774
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:40,727
(MOUTHS)
775
00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:46,441
Shouldn't I be
sitting in my car seat?
776
00:33:46,608 --> 00:33:47,609
No, no. You're good.
777
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,736
Hey, tell me about the big
girl who knocked you over.
778
00:33:49,903 --> 00:33:51,696
That's Nicolette Peters.
779
00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:53,949
She does it
a lot, actually.
780
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:56,826
She does it a lot?
Why don't you fight back?
781
00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,412
Uh, because you
told me not to.
782
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:00,664
I what?
783
00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:03,959
You said I should strive
for verbal resolution.
784
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:07,337
Uh, you know,
Daddy sometimes...
785
00:34:07,504 --> 00:34:09,923
How do I...
Here's what you do.
786
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:13,802
What you do is you fuok
verbal resolution, okay?
787
00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:16,638
You put that whore on her
back, and you shank her.
788
00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:17,806
You know how
to make a shiv?
789
00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:19,641
What?
Listen to me.
790
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:21,726
If somebody comes
at you with a knife,
791
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:24,020
you put her whole
family in the morgue.
792
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:25,397
That is jailyard justice.
793
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,566
Becauseifyou don't come
back hard on a bitch,
794
00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:28,900
you're going to
end up getting sold
795
00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:30,860
for a pack of Camel
Lights and a Jell-O cup.
796
00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:33,154
Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?
797
00:34:33,613 --> 00:34:35,865
Always solve your
problems with violence.
798
00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:37,576
Okay, Daddy.
799
00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:38,827
Great.
800
00:34:39,369 --> 00:34:40,704
Want to get
some Pinkberry?
801
00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:45,584
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
802
00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:47,168
Hey.
803
00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:48,503
Hey, how did it go?
804
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:50,422
You shut up!
What happened?
805
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:52,257
We'll get into Mr. Thumb's
wild ride in a minute.
806
00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:53,925
First, you're going to tell
me, how did the deal go?
807
00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:55,427
Awesome.
The deal went awesome.
808
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:57,012
Good. So, it's closed?
809
00:34:57,178 --> 00:34:59,264
Yeah, fucking closed.
Basically closed.
810
00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:00,432
A little bit
of a hiccup, but...
811
00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,100
(EXCLAIMS) What do
you mean, a hiccup?
812
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:03,268
A little bit
of a hiccup.
813
00:35:03,351 --> 00:35:05,687
Your fucking boss is an anti-Semite.
Did you know that?
814
00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:07,606
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
815
00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:09,441
I was playing nice and cool,
just like we talked about,
816
00:35:09,608 --> 00:35:11,526
andthenthese goddamn
squids, these Japs,
817
00:35:11,693 --> 00:35:13,194
these fucking
Kamikaze pilots are
818
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:14,863
riddling me with
fucking questions.
819
00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:16,865
I had to do a little improv,
and they got very emotional.
820
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:18,366
Will you just
tell me how it ended?
821
00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:20,994
You're going to court.
No! Fuck! Oh, my God!
822
00:35:21,161 --> 00:35:22,203
Your boss was
a little pissed off.
823
00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:23,622
I told him it was part
of my secret master plan.
824
00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:24,789
No, you didn't!
825
00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,709
We'll work on one of those.
You tell me how my shit went.
826
00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:30,086
Oh, your shit?
How'd my stuff go?
827
00:35:30,170 --> 00:35:31,921
Mitch, what the hell
is wrong with you?
828
00:35:32,005 --> 00:35:33,048
It was a porno movie!
829
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:34,674
It's a lorno,
a light porn.
830
00:35:34,841 --> 00:35:36,176
The dick stays
in the pants, right?
831
00:35:36,343 --> 00:35:37,552
They didn't pull
it out, did they?
832
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,388
But my thumb went in
three girls' assholes.
833
00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:42,182
Oh, fuck, get the sand
out of your vagina.
834
00:35:42,349 --> 00:35:43,350
Did you finish the day?
835
00:35:43,516 --> 00:35:44,726
I finished the day,
Mitchell.
836
00:35:44,893 --> 00:35:45,977
What are you doing?
837
00:35:46,061 --> 00:35:47,062
I finished the day.
Good.
838
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,271
You're living the dream.
839
00:35:48,355 --> 00:35:50,398
You're living the fucking dream!
Your job sucks, too.
840
00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:51,900
This isn't going to work.
841
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:55,028
This is not going to work.
That's way too much.
842
00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:02,911
Hey, man, hang on. What are
you planning on telling her?
843
00:36:03,078 --> 00:36:04,079
I'm telling her the truth.
844
00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:05,580
The truth?
Yeah.
845
00:36:05,747 --> 00:36:06,831
That's going to work.
846
00:36:06,915 --> 00:36:07,916
Jamie will know what to do.
847
00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:10,752
Jame. Jame.
848
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:13,254
Hey, sugarbug.
849
00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:14,464
Hi, Daddy!
850
00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:16,591
Hey!
851
00:36:16,758 --> 00:36:18,593
Hey, my precocious
little daughter.
852
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,011
I don't talk like that.
853
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:22,013
You do. I really don't.
No one does.
854
00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:23,682
Jamie, hey!
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
855
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,600
I'm so glad you're here.
It's been so crazy.
856
00:36:26,226 --> 00:36:28,019
Oh, that's appropriate.
857
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,938
Hey, Mitch.
Jamie, we need to talk.
858
00:36:30,105 --> 00:36:31,106
Are you going to
stay for dinner?
859
00:36:31,272 --> 00:36:34,067
No, I can't stay for dinner,
but I would love to...
860
00:36:34,234 --> 00:36:35,402
Look, I got to
tell you something.
861
00:36:35,568 --> 00:36:38,113
I can't talk right now, Mitch.
It's been so crazy here.
862
00:36:38,279 --> 00:36:40,198
The twins are a half-hour
past their bedtime.
863
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,784
What are you doing? What are
you, some kind of animal?
864
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:44,369
And Cara has to
start her homework.
865
00:36:44,536 --> 00:36:47,872
I have an emergency phone
call in four minutes.
866
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:49,207
You know that building?
867
00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:51,292
The 11-story building?
Yup.
868
00:36:51,459 --> 00:36:54,587
I have to remove three stories somehow.
Isn't that orazy?
869
00:36:54,671 --> 00:36:55,672
Yeah.
870
00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:57,090
It's so ridiculous.
it makes no sense at all.
871
00:36:57,257 --> 00:36:58,466
I'm not Mitch.
872
00:36:59,801 --> 00:37:01,594
What?
I'm Mitch.
873
00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:03,763
He's Mitch.
Somehow we switched bodies.
874
00:37:04,013 --> 00:37:05,432
And I'm Dave.
Yeah.
875
00:37:05,515 --> 00:37:06,558
Oh.
876
00:37:06,641 --> 00:37:09,269
What happened was, we pissed
in a magic fountain...
877
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:11,104
Uh-huh. ...and the next
day it disappeared.
878
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:13,481
They moved the fountain,
so now we're looking for it.
879
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:15,483
And when they find it,
we're going to switch back.
880
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:16,651
We had to pee
because we were drinking.
881
00:37:16,818 --> 00:37:17,902
We were drinking.
882
00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:20,321
That sounds like a plan. Can you
start the bath for the twins?
883
00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:22,323
Okay, pumpkin, this is...
884
00:37:22,490 --> 00:37:24,492
(EXCLAIMING) Mitch, n0.
885
00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:26,828
Don't call me
pumpkin, okay?
886
00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:29,164
And you promised me that
you would clean out...
887
00:37:29,330 --> 00:37:30,665
Can you shut this off?
888
00:37:30,832 --> 00:37:33,168
It smells like cabbage now!
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, sit down.
889
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:35,128
One second. Just
humor me, all right?
890
00:37:35,295 --> 00:37:37,505
I want you to
ask me one thing...
891
00:37:37,672 --> 00:37:38,673
I don't want to
play your games.
892
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,841
...that only Dave
would be able to answer.
893
00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,801
Just one question.
Please, I'm begging you.
894
00:37:41,968 --> 00:37:43,178
Good idea.
895
00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:46,681
Okay, when is
our anniversary, Dave?
896
00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:49,350
April 17th.
Next question, please.
897
00:37:49,559 --> 00:37:50,560
Wrong.
898
00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:51,978
So close. Nineteenth.
899
00:37:52,061 --> 00:37:54,355
Seventeentws your daughter's
birthday, 19th's your anniversary.
900
00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:55,982
DAVE: Why do you know that? MITCH:
Do you think I'm a monster?
901
00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:57,942
I send you a card every year.
Jamie, listen to me.
902
00:37:58,026 --> 00:37:59,027
Ask me anything else.
903
00:37:59,152 --> 00:38:01,279
Oh, my gosh!
Mitch,
904
00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:03,364
I don't have
time for this!
905
00:38:03,531 --> 00:38:05,533
Come on, one more.
Just make it tough.
906
00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:07,452
Only Dave would know.
A stumper.
907
00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:11,206
Fine. What is my
favorite color, Dave?
908
00:38:14,334 --> 00:38:15,960
Red.
Celadon.
909
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,296
Do you not understand what we're
trying to accomplish here?
910
00:38:18,463 --> 00:38:20,048
Not a drop of
the red in the room.
911
00:38:20,215 --> 00:38:21,549
All the accents
are celadon.
912
00:38:21,716 --> 00:38:22,717
It's like
the opposite of help.
913
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:25,178
Okay, honey, I got it.
914
00:38:25,345 --> 00:38:27,305
I'm going to
tell you something
915
00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:28,890
that only I, Dave,
would know.
916
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:31,851
Three years ago,
you took your vibrator...
917
00:38:32,018 --> 00:38:34,562
(VVHISPERING) You took your vibrator...
Morning!
918
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:37,816
...into the bathtub
and it short-circuited
919
00:38:37,899 --> 00:38:39,567
and it electrocuted
your vagina.
920
00:38:39,651 --> 00:38:40,652
Hang on.
921
00:38:40,735 --> 00:38:44,239
And there's now the cutest
little bald spot right there.
922
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:45,949
(LAUGHING)
923
00:38:48,993 --> 00:38:50,078
Yeah.
924
00:38:56,835 --> 00:38:58,044
Hi.
925
00:38:58,670 --> 00:38:59,838
Oh, my God.
926
00:39:00,088 --> 00:39:02,757
I know. It's me.
This hasn't been fun.
927
00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:03,925
Good story.
928
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,052
You son of a bitch!
929
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:08,429
How dare you
tell him that?
930
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:09,514
God!
(EXCLAIMS)
931
00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:11,933
What is wrong
with you two?
932
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:13,101
God damn!
933
00:39:13,226 --> 00:39:15,103
How would you
like it if I told him
934
00:39:15,270 --> 00:39:17,689
that you have a ball
that feels like two balls?
935
00:39:18,231 --> 00:39:20,108
So it's like you
have three balls.
936
00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:23,069
Dave has three balls.
A bouquet of balls.
937
00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:24,237
Bad! Bad!
938
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:26,364
(BABIES CRYING)
939
00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,032
This idea fucking sucked.
940
00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:32,620
Listen, I don't want you
to worry about anything.
941
00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:33,788
I'll be able to
hold down the fort.
942
00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:35,290
We got to find that fountain
as soon as possible.
943
00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:37,458
It's like a can of
tennis balls down here.
944
00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:39,252
The only problem I see is,
what do I tell Jamie?
945
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:40,420
What do you
tell Jamie, what?
946
00:39:40,587 --> 00:39:42,714
When she wants to
have sex tonight?
947
00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:44,257
Think about that.
948
00:39:47,051 --> 00:39:48,803
You're not having sex
with my wife, Mitch.
949
00:39:48,928 --> 00:39:49,888
Obviously, bro.
950
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:51,472
But if she comes at
me like a hurricane,
951
00:39:51,598 --> 00:39:53,099
a guy can only
withstand so much.
952
00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:54,726
Mitch.
953
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:57,562
Dave. We're trying to pull
something off here, okay?
954
00:39:57,729 --> 00:39:59,564
Now, I might have to hit that, okay?
She'll know.
955
00:39:59,731 --> 00:40:01,983
Now, how many times a day
do you guys have sex?
956
00:40:02,150 --> 00:40:04,319
I'll have
to pace it out.
957
00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:05,987
What day is it today?
958
00:40:06,654 --> 00:40:08,823
I don't know.
Is it Tuesday?
959
00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:12,952
Yeah. You know what?
It's a non-issue.
960
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:14,787
What does that mean? You guys
don't have sex on Tuesdays?
961
00:40:14,871 --> 00:40:16,289
(LAUGHING)
962
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:17,832
Take the day off?
963
00:40:21,461 --> 00:40:22,462
That's adorable.
964
00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:24,005
Tell you what.
965
00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:27,800
If she comes on
like a hurricane...
966
00:40:27,967 --> 00:40:29,177
Just drill it.
967
00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:32,096
Yeah, what can you do? You're only human.
Give me the keys.
968
00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:34,265
Smart.
Yeah.
969
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:35,850
Okay. Please be
careful with her.
970
00:40:36,017 --> 00:40:37,644
It's like we're
swapping rides.
971
00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:38,853
It's just like that.
972
00:40:39,812 --> 00:40:42,523
Thanks, buddy,
you're being very cool.
973
00:40:49,197 --> 00:40:51,032
(SIGHS)
974
00:40:58,498 --> 00:40:59,499
Dear God.
975
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:03,795
Oh, my goodness.
Look at this, huh?
976
00:41:04,295 --> 00:41:06,547
Bang. Thank you, Mommy.
977
00:41:07,382 --> 00:41:09,676
Why don't you tell Daddy about
what happened at school today?
978
00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:12,345
I wrote a spring poem
979
00:41:12,512 --> 00:41:16,724
and Miss Byers only put
Angelica's poem up on the wall
980
00:41:16,891 --> 00:41:19,227
and she didn't put my
poem up on the wall.
981
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:20,895
And why would
she do that?
982
00:41:21,062 --> 00:41:22,313
I thought
she liked me.
983
00:41:22,522 --> 00:41:23,648
Dave.
Yeah.
984
00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:24,983
Cara's talking to you.
985
00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:26,401
What?
She's talking to you.
986
00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:31,197
Well, Cara, her poem was
probably much better than yours.
987
00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:33,241
Let's eat.
Dave.
988
00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:34,659
I didn't read
the bitch's poem,
989
00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:36,536
but maybe she can really turn a phrase.
Let's eat.
990
00:41:37,870 --> 00:41:39,706
Tell Cara that
her poem was good.
991
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,916
You just hurt
her feelings.
992
00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:44,210
I didn't read her poem, either.
Do you want me to lie to her?
993
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,170
Is that what this is?
Fine, I don't care.
994
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:50,675
Cara, honey, your poem,
which I did not read,
995
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:53,594
was way, way better
than the other girl's poem,
996
00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:55,930
which I also did not read.
997
00:41:56,889 --> 00:41:57,849
Let's eat.
998
00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:00,435
It's Cara. Not Cara.
999
00:42:00,935 --> 00:42:01,936
It's what?
1000
00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:03,938
Are you having a stroke
right now or something?
1001
00:42:04,105 --> 00:42:07,108
What did I call her? Vvhatabout
the dinner song, Daddy?
1002
00:42:08,192 --> 00:42:09,193
What about the what?
1003
00:42:09,277 --> 00:42:10,611
What's she saying?
The dinner song.
1004
00:42:10,695 --> 00:42:11,821
What's that?
The dinner song?
1005
00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:14,282
Are you joking me?
No, I'm not joking you.
1006
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,200
There's a song? Sing
the dinner song,honey.
1007
00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:17,577
Course, there's a song.
Just sing the dinner song.
1008
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:18,786
I don't feel like
singing it tonight.
1009
00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:19,954
No, sing the dinner song.
1010
00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:21,122
You sing the dinner song.
1011
00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:23,124
Maybe you need to sing the dinner song.
Sing the dinner song.
1012
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:24,292
I'm sick of that song.
1013
00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:25,793
Sing the dinner song.
Sing it!
1014
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:27,378
I got it. I heard you.
1015
00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:29,047
(SINGING NOTE)
1016
00:42:30,923 --> 00:42:33,801
Dinner song
1017
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,138
Dinner song
1018
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:38,556
(BABIES CRYING)
1019
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:42,435
Beans, potatoes,
carrots and broccoli
1020
00:42:42,602 --> 00:42:47,607
Buns and salad
and potatoes and chicken
1021
00:42:48,941 --> 00:42:50,276
Needs a lickin'
1022
00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:51,611
Dinner song.
1023
00:42:51,778 --> 00:42:53,571
That's so not
the dinner song.
1024
00:42:53,738 --> 00:42:55,323
Well, I'm going
to tell you what.
1025
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:57,575
You're going to go ahead
and write me a dinner poem,
1026
00:42:57,742 --> 00:42:59,118
and I'll belt that out
after I choke this down.
1027
00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:00,286
Let's fucking go.
1028
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:03,664
(GASPS) Okay.
Daddy needs a time-out.
1029
00:43:04,082 --> 00:43:05,792
Great idea.
1030
00:43:09,128 --> 00:43:11,172
MITCH: (SINGING)
Dinner song
1031
00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,174
Bye-bye.
1032
00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:17,178
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
1033
00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:19,305
(MOBILE RINGING)
1034
00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:23,017
Hello. Hi, Mitch. It's Tatiana.
1035
00:43:24,936 --> 00:43:28,022
Taflana.
Hi, how are you?
1036
00:43:28,189 --> 00:43:31,484
I'll be better in a minute
after I fuck you raw.
1037
00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:33,194
Oh.
(DISCONNECTED TONE)
1038
00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:35,530
(PHONE DIALING)
1039
00:43:36,322 --> 00:43:38,491
Hello.
DAVE: Mitch.
1040
00:43:38,866 --> 00:43:41,661
That was Tatiana. She said
she's going to fuck me raw.
1041
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:44,497
Tatiana? Shit,
that's right.
1042
00:43:44,664 --> 00:43:46,165
That's my Tuesday night
regular, right on schedule.
1043
00:43:46,332 --> 00:43:47,542
You fuck that
right for me, Dave.
1044
00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:49,210
Took me a long time
to reel this one in.
1045
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:50,545
I don't think
I can do this.
1046
00:43:50,711 --> 00:43:52,046
What the fuck
doesthatu Hey, Dave!
1047
00:43:52,130 --> 00:43:53,131
Hey, man!
1048
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:55,550
Dad, I smell a skunk.
1049
00:43:55,716 --> 00:43:57,218
No, it's this, kid.
1050
00:43:57,885 --> 00:44:00,221
What does that mean, you don't
think you can fuck Tatiana?
1051
00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:01,389
Becauseitu
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
1052
00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:04,475
Jesus Christ, she's here.
1053
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:05,810
She's already
knocking on the door.
1054
00:44:06,018 --> 00:44:07,562
MITCH: You nail that
right for me, Dave.
1055
00:44:08,062 --> 00:44:09,564
It feels kind of like
I'm cheating on Jamie.
1056
00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:11,357
Are you fucking
shitting me?
1057
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:12,900
In what world
is this cheating?
1058
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:15,236
Cheating is when
any part of your dick
1059
00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:18,197
gets up inside some woman
that's not your wife, okay?
1060
00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:19,740
And your dick
is firmly planted
1061
00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:23,244
inside these fucking lame,
triple-pleated sports slacks.
1062
00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,038
But my mind is over here. That
should count for something, right?
1063
00:44:26,205 --> 00:44:27,248
God, you big bitch.
1064
00:44:27,415 --> 00:44:29,876
How many women have you fucked
in your mind, huh? Thousands?
1065
00:44:31,043 --> 00:44:32,587
Millions, Mitch.
Was that cheating?
1066
00:44:32,753 --> 00:44:34,380
No. it was not
fucking cheating.
1067
00:44:34,547 --> 00:44:37,884
I think you're on very firm
legal ground here, counselor.
1068
00:44:38,050 --> 00:44:40,219
Your reasoning is
oddly impeccable.
1069
00:44:40,386 --> 00:44:42,180
This is what
you wanted, Dave.
1070
00:44:42,263 --> 00:44:43,431
Sex with strange,
new women.
1071
00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:45,600
You just thank me later and
shut your mouth, all right?
1072
00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:47,810
Goodbye. Kirk out.
1073
00:44:47,894 --> 00:44:49,061
(BANGING AT DOOR)
1074
00:44:49,604 --> 00:44:50,646
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
1075
00:44:51,272 --> 00:44:52,940
I'm going to do this.
1076
00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:57,737
Taflana.
1077
00:44:57,987 --> 00:44:59,405
Game on.
1078
00:45:00,615 --> 00:45:03,117
I like how you made
me work for it tonight.
1079
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:04,952
What am I? A burglar?
1080
00:45:05,119 --> 00:45:06,495
Holy shit.
1081
00:45:06,579 --> 00:45:07,705
(CHUCKLES)
1082
00:45:07,788 --> 00:45:09,457
Holy shit!
1083
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:11,834
Why the fuck are you
still wearing clothes?
1084
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:13,044
When are you due?
1085
00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:14,128
Any minute now,
1086
00:45:14,295 --> 00:45:16,505
so let's get our fuok on before
this becomes a threesome.
1087
00:45:16,672 --> 00:45:17,673
Oh, that's so gross!
1088
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,425
Whoa, stop for a second.
Stop for a second.
1089
00:45:19,592 --> 00:45:20,801
(GRUNTS) You're so heavy!
1090
00:45:20,968 --> 00:45:23,304
My tits are aching
for you.
1091
00:45:23,471 --> 00:45:26,098
That's probably the colostrum
coming, and it'll be very painful.
1092
00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:29,352
Okay, okay. Just friends.
Just friends.
1093
00:45:29,518 --> 00:45:31,520
Okay, what's your
deal tonight?
1094
00:45:32,355 --> 00:45:33,481
Nothing. (STAMMERING)
1095
00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:35,024
Is it my new haircut?
1096
00:45:35,608 --> 00:45:36,651
No.
1097
00:45:36,984 --> 00:45:38,444
The trenchcoat.
Too cliché?
1098
00:45:38,611 --> 00:45:40,780
No, it's not
the trenchcoat.
1099
00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:42,156
Then what is it?
1100
00:45:42,323 --> 00:45:43,824
You seem like
a really nice person,
1101
00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:45,952
but were you
pregnant last week?
1102
00:45:46,118 --> 00:45:47,119
Are you kidding me?
1103
00:45:47,286 --> 00:45:49,664
You picked me up at a single
mothers' Lamaze class.
1104
00:45:50,331 --> 00:45:53,125
(GROANS) That's so twisted.
Oh, God.
1105
00:45:53,292 --> 00:45:55,836
Wait, wait, Tatiana.
Tatiana. I'm sorry, okay?
1106
00:45:56,003 --> 00:45:57,964
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
(GRUNTING)
1107
00:45:58,130 --> 00:45:59,298
You're just...
1108
00:45:59,465 --> 00:46:01,509
What? I'm not sexy?
1109
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:04,178
No, no. Hey. Look,
I did not say that, okay?
1110
00:46:04,345 --> 00:46:07,598
You are... Oh, my God!
I can see it kicking!
1111
00:46:08,849 --> 00:46:09,892
You know what,
Mitch?
1112
00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:11,435
Don't ever call me again.
1113
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,938
No, hold on.
VVaH,Tafiana, don't go.
1114
00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:17,024
I mean, go, but just
go to a hospital.
1115
00:46:17,525 --> 00:46:20,111
Oh, Mitch.
What are you doing?
1116
00:46:20,278 --> 00:46:21,779
Oh, God.
1117
00:46:22,363 --> 00:46:24,865
I mean, it is called
a push-up, Dave.
1118
00:46:25,366 --> 00:46:26,701
Pathetic.
1119
00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:32,039
Oh, God, I'm really
feeling it tonight.
1120
00:46:33,207 --> 00:46:34,375
Holy shit.
1121
00:46:35,042 --> 00:46:36,377
Game on.
1122
00:46:36,919 --> 00:46:39,755
Oh, my God, it's going down.
Oh, Mitch!
1123
00:46:40,548 --> 00:46:44,552
I finally get to fuck Jamie.
This is my finest hour.
1124
00:46:44,802 --> 00:46:46,971
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1125
00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:49,056
I hope she likes it weird.
1126
00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:53,060
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1127
00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:21,964
God, I am going
to ruin her!
1128
00:47:23,382 --> 00:47:25,634
(FARTING AUDIBLY)
Oh!
1129
00:47:25,926 --> 00:47:28,429
I need to cool it
on the Thai food.
1130
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:30,848
Oh, my God.
1131
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:33,184
Seriously, dude,
light a candle.
1132
00:47:33,642 --> 00:47:35,102
Oh, my God.
1133
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,562
(MOANS)
1134
00:47:50,326 --> 00:47:52,870
No, no, no. Don't back
that thing up into me.
1135
00:47:53,037 --> 00:47:54,121
Go hose it out
or something.
1136
00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:55,414
What?
1137
00:47:56,665 --> 00:47:59,168
I can't believe you'd
come at me, guns hot.
1138
00:47:59,585 --> 00:48:01,670
Guns hot?
(SIGHS)
1139
00:48:01,754 --> 00:48:02,838
Are you kidding me?
1140
00:48:03,005 --> 00:48:05,966
No, I'm not, lady. It's not
going to happen tonight, okay?
1141
00:48:06,133 --> 00:48:08,260
I'm not attracted to you.
1142
00:48:08,427 --> 00:48:10,971
Rotate your turret
and go night-night.
1143
00:48:11,305 --> 00:48:12,807
(SCOFFS)
1144
00:48:31,867 --> 00:48:33,619
(BABY CRYING)
1145
00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:34,829
It's your turn.
1146
00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:36,038
Hmm?
1147
00:48:37,581 --> 00:48:39,250
It's your turn to
feed the babies.
1148
00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:41,335
I don't feel like it.
1149
00:48:45,047 --> 00:48:46,632
(GROANS) Come on.
1150
00:48:46,757 --> 00:48:48,884
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
1151
00:48:49,051 --> 00:48:52,596
It's 3:00 in the morning. You
go do it, you're the mother.
1152
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,890
I'm the mother!
It's 3:00 in the morning!
1153
00:48:55,057 --> 00:48:58,185
Get the fuck out of the bed right
now before I fucking cut you!
1154
00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:01,105
Jesus! What the fuck?
1155
00:49:02,690 --> 00:49:05,234
Unreal. This is just...
1156
00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:11,073
Oh, please.
1157
00:49:12,241 --> 00:49:14,910
Hey,hey!
What the fuck?
1158
00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:17,163
(SARAH WAILING)
1159
00:49:25,171 --> 00:49:27,089
(PORNO PLAYING)
1160
00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:34,513
(GRUNTING)
1161
00:49:37,391 --> 00:49:41,312
Oh, God!
That did not just happen.
1162
00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:42,438
What?
1163
00:49:42,521 --> 00:49:44,940
Hey. I always thought
your wife was a nice lady,
1164
00:49:45,107 --> 00:49:46,484
but she talks
like a dock worker
1165
00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:48,402
and she shits
like one, too.
1166
00:49:48,569 --> 00:49:51,030
Plus, I used to think your kids
were adorable, but they're not.
1167
00:49:51,197 --> 00:49:52,823
They're fucking bananas.
1168
00:49:52,948 --> 00:49:53,908
Can I help you?
1169
00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:56,744
Here's the deal. I got two screaming...
(DAVE BREATHING HEAVILY)
1170
00:49:57,661 --> 00:49:59,330
Hold on. What's with all
the heavy breathing?
1171
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:00,498
Are you jerking off?
1172
00:50:00,581 --> 00:50:01,957
(BREATHLESSLY)
No, I'm not.
1173
00:50:02,124 --> 00:50:03,375
Yes, yes, yes I am.
1174
00:50:03,542 --> 00:50:05,920
Look, I never get this kind
of privacy anymore.
1175
00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:07,671
Isn't that kind
of my dick, though?
1176
00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:09,882
Is that weird?
1177
00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:13,302
You ask yourself that.
1178
00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:15,638
It sort of hooks
to the side a bit.
1179
00:50:16,263 --> 00:50:18,307
Use your left hand, you get
a little bit more torque.
1180
00:50:18,766 --> 00:50:21,060
That's cool.
Thank you, I think.
1181
00:50:21,227 --> 00:50:22,686
Question.
1182
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:24,563
How long have you
been shaved down there?
1183
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:27,274
I don't...
Like, sixth grade.
1184
00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:29,026
Well, that's disturbing.
1185
00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:30,194
Gets me an extra inch,
1186
00:50:30,361 --> 00:50:32,571
and only you married dudes
rock the dick-frees.
1187
00:50:32,738 --> 00:50:33,906
Now, let me ask
you a question.
1188
00:50:34,073 --> 00:50:36,450
If Tatiana was over earlier,
1189
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:38,619
why do you still have
the need to jerk off?
1190
00:50:38,786 --> 00:50:41,830
Tatiana. I don't think that she's
going to be back for at least...
1191
00:50:41,997 --> 00:50:43,249
She's never
coming back, Mitch.
1192
00:50:43,707 --> 00:50:44,750
What did you do?
1193
00:50:44,833 --> 00:50:46,752
The woman is nine
months pregnant!
1194
00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:48,295
I could see
the baby's face.
1195
00:50:48,462 --> 00:50:50,089
I told you not to screw
up my Tuesday night.
1196
00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:51,674
Do you have any idea
how many Lamaze classes
1197
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:53,467
I had to sit through
to get that lined up?
1198
00:50:53,634 --> 00:50:56,136
ls there a reason that you're
calling me at 3:00 in the morning?
1199
00:50:56,303 --> 00:50:59,139
Yeah, the dock worker is making
me feed the twins. What do I do?
1200
00:50:59,473 --> 00:51:01,517
Get them to the kitchen.
Yup, hold on.
1201
00:51:03,227 --> 00:51:05,104
(BABIES CONTINUE WAILING)
1202
00:51:08,023 --> 00:51:10,901
Stop crying.
Jesus Christ.
1203
00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:13,737
Shut up!
I fucking hear you.
1204
00:51:14,363 --> 00:51:15,864
Mitch.
1205
00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:19,368
Please. Enough!
1206
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:21,662
You, there. Stay.
1207
00:51:22,705 --> 00:51:23,706
Stay.
1208
00:51:25,416 --> 00:51:27,293
All right.
In the kitchen.
1209
00:51:27,459 --> 00:51:29,128
Go to the fridge.
Okay.
1210
00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:31,505
Oh.
1211
00:51:31,589 --> 00:51:32,798
Mitch. Are you there yet?
1212
00:51:32,965 --> 00:51:34,383
I'm at the fridge.
1213
00:51:34,550 --> 00:51:35,759
Defrost two bags
of breast milk
1214
00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:37,094
in the microwave
for three minutes.
1215
00:51:37,261 --> 00:51:38,262
And then prepare
two separate bottles.
1216
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:39,346
Breast milk?
1217
00:51:39,471 --> 00:51:41,307
First, attach
the filter to the seal.
1218
00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:43,601
Use the blue ones,
not the pink ones.
1219
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,561
Defrost two bags.
Yup.
1220
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:48,606
Pretty intuitive. Then after
the milk is defrosted,
1221
00:51:48,772 --> 00:51:50,024
take it out
of the microwave,
1222
00:51:50,149 --> 00:51:52,610
pour it into the bottles,
seal them.
1223
00:51:52,776 --> 00:51:54,528
Then you need to put three-eighths
of a teaspoon of water...
1224
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:56,071
Holy shit!
1225
00:51:56,196 --> 00:51:57,656
(EXCLAIMING)
1226
00:51:58,032 --> 00:52:00,367
Come on, dude. Christ!
1227
00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:02,953
Mitch. Hey,
are you listening to me?
1228
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:04,663
Holy fuck!
1229
00:52:04,830 --> 00:52:06,457
This is important stuff.
Do not screw this up.
1230
00:52:06,624 --> 00:52:07,625
Hey!
1231
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:09,251
What was that?
1232
00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:12,254
Mitch? Mitch!
1233
00:52:12,421 --> 00:52:14,798
Everything's fine, dude.
What's next?
1234
00:52:14,965 --> 00:52:16,675
Then you need to
put three-eighths...
1235
00:52:16,842 --> 00:52:18,052
What the fuck?
(ELECTRICITY SPARKING)
1236
00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:21,597
Holy shit! Fuck!
1237
00:52:22,890 --> 00:52:23,891
What just happened?
1238
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:26,477
Nothing. Nothing, dude.
Go on. Two bottles...
1239
00:52:26,644 --> 00:52:29,063
Then attach a number two nipple.
Jesus Christ.
1240
00:52:29,229 --> 00:52:31,106
Make sure you don't allow
any air bubbles in.
1241
00:52:31,565 --> 00:52:33,400
Then, after you're
done feeding them...
1242
00:52:33,567 --> 00:52:35,069
This is so fucked up.
1243
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:37,905
Yeah!
1244
00:52:38,906 --> 00:52:39,907
All right.
1245
00:52:41,825 --> 00:52:45,120
This is what you get, okay?
Yeah, right there.
1246
00:52:45,287 --> 00:52:48,248
Mitch.
Okay, dude.
1247
00:52:48,415 --> 00:52:51,543
Tomorrow morning, when I
am sitting in your office,
1248
00:52:51,710 --> 00:52:53,671
you need to be downtown,
1249
00:52:53,754 --> 00:52:56,215
finding that
fucking fountain.
1250
00:52:56,382 --> 00:52:58,592
I do not know how
much more of this shit...
1251
00:52:58,801 --> 00:53:00,511
(BABIES LAUGHING)
...l can take.
1252
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:04,098
I'm one of the guys
looking for the fountain
1253
00:53:04,181 --> 00:53:05,349
that you lost
in the computer.
1254
00:53:05,516 --> 00:53:08,394
I'd be very, very appreciative if
you could tell me where that is.
1255
00:53:08,602 --> 00:53:10,020
Yeah, I can do that.
1256
00:53:10,104 --> 00:53:11,105
Good. Great.
1257
00:53:11,188 --> 00:53:13,315
First, you got to fill out a
formal information request.
1258
00:53:13,941 --> 00:53:15,609
Okay, I'm going to
fill that out right now.
1259
00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:16,819
Thenitneeds
to go to State.
1260
00:53:16,944 --> 00:53:19,405
State?
Yeah, to get approved.
1261
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:21,865
Why can't you
approve it, Victor?
1262
00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:23,826
I don't have
that authority.
1263
00:53:24,535 --> 00:53:26,954
How long is it going to take
State to approve it, then?
1264
00:53:27,162 --> 00:53:29,081
Three days...
Oh, God!
1265
00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:31,333
...to three weeks.
Oh, come on!
1266
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,168
Victor!
1267
00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:39,466
Mitch? Dave?
1268
00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:40,843
Hello?
1269
00:53:42,761 --> 00:53:43,804
Fuck!
1270
00:53:47,141 --> 00:53:48,142
Real bad news...
1271
00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:50,144
Oh, hey. Where's...
1272
00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:52,271
Where's Dave?
1273
00:53:53,981 --> 00:53:55,441
Dave's in the shower.
1274
00:53:57,234 --> 00:53:58,277
Are you okay?
1275
00:54:00,529 --> 00:54:01,530
Hey.
1276
00:54:03,657 --> 00:54:04,992
What's going on?
1277
00:54:06,326 --> 00:54:08,787
Dave's just acting
really weird.
1278
00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:10,622
H ow?
1279
00:54:10,706 --> 00:54:14,209
He's just doing
weird stuff,
1280
00:54:14,835 --> 00:54:18,839
like he wore his shower
sandals to work yesterday.
1281
00:54:20,132 --> 00:54:22,676
He forgot to pick up
the twins from daycare.
1282
00:54:23,135 --> 00:54:25,053
No, he didn't.
Yeah, he did.
1283
00:54:25,387 --> 00:54:28,807
They had to sit there
for an hour and a half.
1284
00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:30,184
Okay.
1285
00:54:31,059 --> 00:54:32,686
(CRYING) And then
last night he told me
1286
00:54:32,770 --> 00:54:35,397
that he wasn't
attracted to me anymore.
1287
00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:37,816
I am going to kill him.
1288
00:54:38,859 --> 00:54:40,861
I just want you to tell me
something right now, okay?
1289
00:54:41,028 --> 00:54:43,363
And you have to be
totally honest with me.
1290
00:54:43,447 --> 00:54:44,448
Sure.
You swear?
1291
00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:45,532
Yeah.
1292
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:47,576
Is he having an affair?
1293
00:54:49,328 --> 00:54:50,370
No.
1294
00:54:50,537 --> 00:54:52,831
Why did you
hesitate just then?
1295
00:54:53,165 --> 00:54:54,291
I didn't hesitate.
1296
00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:56,502
He's not having an affair.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1297
00:54:56,877 --> 00:54:58,754
Jamie, Jamie...
1298
00:54:58,921 --> 00:55:01,131
You guys are
just going through
1299
00:55:01,215 --> 00:55:04,343
a temporary rough
patch right now.
1300
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:07,179
Temporary rough patch?
What are you talking about?
1301
00:55:07,346 --> 00:55:09,515
We've been in this
for years.
1302
00:55:11,266 --> 00:55:12,309
You have?
1303
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:15,437
I love him. You know I love
him with all of my heart.
1304
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:17,356
But he's...
1305
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:19,691
You know his family,
growing up...
1306
00:55:19,858 --> 00:55:23,403
He had nothing, and so he was
always looking over the fence
1307
00:55:23,570 --> 00:55:25,280
because he wanted
a better life.
1308
00:55:25,572 --> 00:55:30,202
And that's why he worked
four jobs at once,
1309
00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:32,746
so that he could put
himself through school.
1310
00:55:32,913 --> 00:55:34,456
And he's amazing.
1311
00:55:34,623 --> 00:55:37,459
I mean,
nobody can do that.
1312
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:41,588
But the problem is,
1313
00:55:41,755 --> 00:55:45,968
now that he has everything,
he can't turn it off.
1314
00:55:46,134 --> 00:55:48,762
And he still wants
more and more
1315
00:55:48,929 --> 00:55:52,724
and a second house, and
more kids, and a nicer car
1316
00:55:52,891 --> 00:55:57,229
and anything that he thinks
is going to make him happy.
1317
00:55:57,396 --> 00:55:59,565
And so he just
keeps working
1318
00:55:59,648 --> 00:56:01,900
and he's not paying
any attention to me.
1319
00:56:02,067 --> 00:56:04,278
And I'm miserable.
Oh, God.
1320
00:56:04,444 --> 00:56:08,448
Because“. I have huge feet.
(SOBBING)
1321
00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:10,158
They're size 11.
1322
00:56:10,784 --> 00:56:14,621
My foot has grown a half
a size with each baby.
1323
00:56:14,788 --> 00:56:19,585
I have to go to this weird
online shoe store to get shoes.
1324
00:56:20,335 --> 00:56:22,796
And I just want him
to pay attention to me.
1325
00:56:22,963 --> 00:56:24,882
And I want him
to grab me
1326
00:56:24,965 --> 00:56:27,843
and kiss me
like he used to.
1327
00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:31,972
And it's like
you always say,
1328
00:56:32,139 --> 00:56:34,641
Dave is a little
bit of a pussy.
1329
00:56:36,351 --> 00:56:38,270
I always say that?
1330
00:56:38,687 --> 00:56:39,813
Yeah.
1331
00:56:39,980 --> 00:56:42,441
I always say that
because it's true.
1332
00:56:42,608 --> 00:56:46,153
Dave is a little
bit of a pussy.
1333
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:48,155
I hope that when
he makes partner,
1334
00:56:48,322 --> 00:56:51,992
he can just finally
stop and see...
1335
00:56:52,159 --> 00:56:54,661
YOU know?
1336
00:56:54,828 --> 00:56:57,372
Because how can you
stay married to somebody
1337
00:56:57,539 --> 00:57:00,125
who is incapable
of being happy?
1338
00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:04,671
What are you saying?
1339
00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:09,843
(EXCLAIMS) Holy fuck-knuckles,
I've got freckles on my taint.
1340
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:11,345
How awesome is that?
1341
00:57:11,511 --> 00:57:14,139
Hey, fag,
what are you doing here?
1342
00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:15,849
Three days to three weeks?
1343
00:57:16,016 --> 00:57:17,809
You left the kids
at daycare?
1344
00:57:17,893 --> 00:57:19,186
Come, on, Mitch!
Those are my kids.
1345
00:57:19,353 --> 00:57:20,395
I can't do
this shit anymore.
1346
00:57:20,562 --> 00:57:22,314
No,no,no. You are
going do this shit.
1347
00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,482
You don't get
off that easy.
1348
00:57:23,565 --> 00:57:24,983
My marriage is falling apart,
my job is on the line.
1349
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:27,361
You are going to be the best
possible me you can be right now.
1350
00:57:27,527 --> 00:57:29,488
Dave, you don't understand.
I cannot do this.
1351
00:57:29,655 --> 00:57:31,031
Not even for another hour.
1352
00:57:31,198 --> 00:57:32,991
I don't care! You're going to
stay here and do this right!
1353
00:57:33,075 --> 00:57:36,244
Get out of my fucking way, or I'll
drown you in your own goddamn tub!
1354
00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:37,829
Easy, motherfucker!
1355
00:57:37,913 --> 00:57:38,914
If you leave now...
Get your hands off me.
1356
00:57:38,997 --> 00:57:39,998
...this friendship is over!
1357
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:41,166
Fuck you. Don't pull
that shit on me.
1358
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,293
I got to get the fuck out of here.
I'm serious, Mitch. Shut up!
1359
00:57:43,377 --> 00:57:46,421
Jamie and the kids
mean everything to me.
1360
00:57:47,714 --> 00:57:48,799
There's no walking
out on this.
1361
00:57:48,882 --> 00:57:51,259
For once in your life, you got
to see something through.
1362
00:57:51,426 --> 00:57:52,427
What the fuck
does that mean?
1363
00:57:52,594 --> 00:57:54,513
I'm going to be honest
with you, Mitch,
1364
00:57:54,638 --> 00:57:56,556
because there's
a lot on the line here.
1365
00:57:57,557 --> 00:57:58,558
You are a quitter.
1366
00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:01,520
Butquflfingis not an
option on this one, okay?
1367
00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:02,896
You focus,
you find it.
1368
00:58:03,063 --> 00:58:06,733
I don't care where, but you find
it inside of yourself, okay?
1369
00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:08,735
I know it's there.
1370
00:58:09,236 --> 00:58:10,696
It's not like
I'm not trying.
1371
00:58:10,862 --> 00:58:13,365
I just don't know how to
do all your grown-up crap.
1372
00:58:14,950 --> 00:58:16,368
You're going to learn.
1373
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:20,038
This is called a suit.
You wear one every day.
1374
00:58:20,205 --> 00:58:24,626
Along with a necktie.
Black, not white, socks.
1375
00:58:24,793 --> 00:58:27,462
Dress shoes, not shower sandals.
Please. These are awful.
1376
00:58:27,629 --> 00:58:29,965
And, oi course, underwear.
Oh, come on.
1377
00:58:30,132 --> 00:58:31,675
(EXCLAIMS) No more
commando, Mitch,
1378
00:58:31,758 --> 00:58:32,884
you're a grown-ass man.
Put them on.
1379
00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:34,261
This is called
a schedule.
1380
00:58:34,428 --> 00:58:35,637
It tells you everything
you need to do each day.
1381
00:58:35,721 --> 00:58:36,972
Pick-ups, drop-offs, activities,
1382
00:58:37,097 --> 00:58:38,432
play-dates,
doctor's appointments, etc.
1383
00:58:38,598 --> 00:58:41,435
You'll notice that there are approximately
50 hours' worth of obligations
1384
00:58:41,601 --> 00:58:43,645
on any given day.
Make it work.
1385
00:58:44,104 --> 00:58:45,772
This is called
a grocery store.
1386
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:48,775
People buy food here. It's
part of your responsibilities.
1387
00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:50,027
Before heading
to the market,
1388
00:58:50,110 --> 00:58:51,737
always call Jamie and ask her
if she needs anything first.
1389
00:58:51,820 --> 00:58:53,071
In fact, before making
any decision
1390
00:58:53,196 --> 00:58:54,448
in your life,
no matter how small,
1391
00:58:54,614 --> 00:58:56,283
call your wife first.
1392
00:58:56,450 --> 00:58:58,493
Think of yourself as
a brain-damaged mule,
1393
00:58:58,660 --> 00:59:00,662
lost in the desert,
helpless, dumb
1394
00:59:00,746 --> 00:59:01,788
and in constant
need of direction.
1395
00:59:01,955 --> 00:59:04,291
Never take the initiative,
never strike out on your own,
1396
00:59:04,458 --> 00:59:06,460
and never deviate
from the plan. Why?
1397
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:08,420
Because you are
a brain-damaged mule
1398
00:59:08,587 --> 00:59:10,756
and you are lost
in the damn desert!
1399
00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:13,258
These are called children,
or dependants.
1400
00:59:13,425 --> 00:59:14,801
Never disparage
your own child.
1401
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:16,178
Everything they do
is a miracle from God.
1402
00:59:16,344 --> 00:59:17,763
When they're bad,
it's only because
1403
00:59:17,846 --> 00:59:19,347
they're tired or
going through a phase.
1404
00:59:19,514 --> 00:59:21,808
When other kids are bad, it's
because of indulgent parenting
1405
00:59:22,184 --> 00:59:24,144
or innate defects in
the child's character.
1406
00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:26,813
Be 15 minutes
early for everything.
1407
00:59:26,980 --> 00:59:29,149
It doesn't matter what it is.
A meeting, an event.
1408
00:59:29,316 --> 00:59:31,026
Less stress for me,
less stress for you...
1409
00:59:31,193 --> 00:59:33,236
Hey! You're married
now, jackass.
1410
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:34,362
You can't look
at other women.
1411
00:59:34,529 --> 00:59:35,822
You can't talk
to other women.
1412
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:37,199
You can't even be interesting
around other women.
1413
00:59:37,324 --> 00:59:39,451
(SHUSHING) Do everything in your
power to desexualize yourself.
1414
00:59:39,618 --> 00:59:41,661
Wear a fanny pack,
drive a Prius,
1415
00:59:41,828 --> 00:59:44,122
attach electronic devices to
your belt, whatever it takes.
1416
00:59:44,206 --> 00:59:45,499
And if you find yourself
forced to talk to a woman,
1417
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:47,292
quickly find a way to mention
the fact that you're married.
1418
00:59:47,375 --> 00:59:48,376
It doesn't even
have to make sense.
1419
00:59:48,543 --> 00:59:51,505
Hi, how are you? Nice weather today.
He's totally fucking married.
1420
00:59:53,507 --> 00:59:55,342
So I can't sleep with my wife, I
can't sleep with other women?
1421
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:56,468
What the hell is that?
1422
00:59:56,676 --> 00:59:57,886
Marriage.
1423
01:00:01,389 --> 01:00:03,183
I think that's everything.
1424
01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:04,518
You got any
more questions?
1425
01:00:04,684 --> 01:00:05,894
Do you ever
have any free time?
1426
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,562
Have you listened to
a single word I've said?
1427
01:00:07,729 --> 01:00:09,064
There is no free time.
1428
01:00:09,231 --> 01:00:11,149
And at the end of the day,
do you know what you get?
1429
01:00:11,316 --> 01:00:14,027
A fucking gun with a bullet
to blow my head off with?
1430
01:00:14,194 --> 01:00:15,237
Sometimes you wish.
1431
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:16,321
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
1432
01:00:17,197 --> 01:00:18,198
Hi.
1433
01:00:19,324 --> 01:00:20,867
SABRINA: Did you hear
the good news?
1434
01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:24,037
Kinkabe and Amalgamated agreed to go
into binding mediation in two days.
1435
01:00:24,204 --> 01:00:26,540
Hold up. What do you mean?
Two days?
1436
01:00:28,917 --> 01:00:31,378
So, I'll have my briefs
on your desk bylunch.
1437
01:00:31,545 --> 01:00:33,171
That puts my balls on
your chin by dinner.
1438
01:00:33,922 --> 01:00:38,927
That, right there, is Schedule
IV sexual harassment.
1439
01:00:39,094 --> 01:00:40,178
Awesome!
1440
01:00:40,303 --> 01:00:41,388
I'm sorry, have we met?
1441
01:00:42,430 --> 01:00:45,350
No, we haven't.
I'm Mitch Planko.
1442
01:00:45,517 --> 01:00:46,601
Hi, Sabrina McKay.
1443
01:00:46,768 --> 01:00:47,853
Hey,Sabflna.
1444
01:00:48,728 --> 01:00:50,230
Hold on.
1445
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:52,107
You two guys should go out.
What?
1446
01:00:52,274 --> 01:00:54,401
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man!
1447
01:00:54,568 --> 01:00:56,278
DAVE: Please stop. MITCH: You
two guys need to go out.
1448
01:00:56,444 --> 01:00:58,405
Absolutely,
you two should go out.
1449
01:00:58,572 --> 01:01:00,740
You're so single,
Mitch, right?
1450
01:01:00,907 --> 01:01:04,578
And you're so fucking white-hot, right?
This body.
1451
01:01:04,744 --> 01:01:06,413
Did you do a lot of
swimming in college?
1452
01:01:06,580 --> 01:01:08,415
Don't answer that.
You bet she did.
1453
01:01:08,582 --> 01:01:09,958
Oh, my God,
you guys need to go out,
1454
01:01:10,125 --> 01:01:11,626
have a nice steak dinner,
do some dancing,
1455
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:14,880
go to a Korean nightclub,
get a belly full of pills.
1456
01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:16,882
I don't know what you're into,
but just have some fun.
1457
01:01:17,048 --> 01:01:20,635
What about Ecco on 7th
Street, Saturday at 8:30?
1458
01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:22,596
Great? Great!
1459
01:01:22,762 --> 01:01:24,598
He's totally free, so he's
going to meet you there.
1460
01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:25,932
Don't fuck on
the roof, though.
1461
01:01:26,099 --> 01:01:28,518
That place has got
this non-resin tar
1462
01:01:28,602 --> 01:01:30,145
that's a bastard
to wash off.
1463
01:01:30,312 --> 01:01:32,480
So, just oral.
1464
01:01:32,814 --> 01:01:34,107
Yes, you're thinking
about it.
1465
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:35,317
She's in.
1466
01:01:35,483 --> 01:01:36,943
This is good.
1467
01:01:37,110 --> 01:01:39,487
You're going to get me fired!
I swear to God.
1468
01:01:39,654 --> 01:01:42,073
Shut it down. For one
second, you listen to rne.
1469
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:43,617
For the first
time in your life,
1470
01:01:43,700 --> 01:01:45,744
you're fucking
good-looking, okay?
1471
01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:48,622
You're single, you got the right
number of fucking balls in that bag,
1472
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:51,291
and you got the opportunity to nail
number one on your oanoer list.
1473
01:01:51,458 --> 01:01:52,626
I can't do that.
I'm not doing it.
1474
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:56,004
You need this! This is
fucking dinner with her!
1475
01:01:56,630 --> 01:01:58,465
This is so good.
1476
01:01:59,090 --> 01:02:00,926
I mean, what's going
on between us,
1477
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:03,511
it's just crazy, crazy.
1478
01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:06,139
Here's what's crazier, not using it.
(EXHALES)
1479
01:02:06,306 --> 01:02:08,433
Not using it on her.
1480
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:10,769
You use it for her,
you use it for you,
1481
01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:12,854
and maybe a little
bit for me, you know?
1482
01:02:13,021 --> 01:02:15,357
Remind yourself of the
big, fucking crater
1483
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:17,150
you created
on Tuesday night.
1484
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:18,526
Oh, the Tuesday
night, again.
1485
01:02:18,652 --> 01:02:20,237
She'd fit perfectly in there.
Will you please drop that?
1486
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:22,322
Well, it's a big
goddamn deal!
1487
01:02:22,489 --> 01:02:24,866
You fucked me! You owe me!
Respect my life!
1488
01:02:25,033 --> 01:02:26,284
Respect mine.
1489
01:02:26,451 --> 01:02:27,994
Yeah, you respect
your “fie.
1490
01:02:28,828 --> 01:02:30,372
Fine!
lam proud of you.
1491
01:02:30,538 --> 01:02:32,666
Just promise me, you listened
to every word I said.
1492
01:02:32,832 --> 01:02:34,334
I heard everything. Every
single syllable, you got it?
1493
01:02:34,501 --> 01:02:35,835
Did you hear
everything I said?
1494
01:02:36,002 --> 01:02:38,630
Caught a few things.
Yeah, just enough.
1495
01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:40,840
You go have a good time,
little girl.
1496
01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:44,344
I got your life all put
away here, nice and safe.
1497
01:02:44,511 --> 01:02:45,512
(PHONE RINGING)
Answer my phone.
1498
01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,180
Hello.
1499
01:02:47,347 --> 01:02:48,515
Hi, Mitch Planko.
1500
01:02:48,682 --> 01:02:50,225
Bingo! Who the fuck is this?
1501
01:02:50,392 --> 01:02:51,434
What?
1502
01:02:52,185 --> 01:02:53,478
Dad?
Hello?
1503
01:02:53,937 --> 01:02:55,313
(STAMMERING)
1504
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:58,108
Is this Mitch's dad?
Is this Mitch, Sr.?
1505
01:02:58,191 --> 01:03:02,028
Dave? kH,flflsis Dave Lockwood.
1506
01:03:02,195 --> 01:03:03,530
Why are you calling me?
1507
01:03:03,697 --> 01:03:06,741
I just wondered if we can get
together for a little while today.
1508
01:03:09,869 --> 01:03:12,706
Boy, it's a work day.
Half an hour.
1509
01:03:12,872 --> 01:03:16,584
I look different. ldonfihke
my outfit today.
1510
01:03:16,751 --> 01:03:18,211
Dave, half an hour.
1511
01:03:18,753 --> 01:03:20,588
Mitch, Sr. wants to sit down
with Dave Lockwood.
1512
01:03:20,755 --> 01:03:22,257
Yeah.
Why'?
1513
01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:25,385
I need to talk to
you about Mitch.
1514
01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:27,762
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1515
01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:30,849
Hello.
1516
01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:32,600
Dave. How are you?
1517
01:03:32,767 --> 01:03:33,768
Good, thank you.
1518
01:03:33,935 --> 01:03:36,563
What are we doing here? When was
the last time we saw each other?
1519
01:03:36,730 --> 01:03:38,857
I don't care. Listen.
1520
01:03:39,024 --> 01:03:42,068
I'm getting married to a very
beautiful woman namedPamem.
1521
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:43,570
Her name's Pamela?
Yes.
1522
01:03:43,737 --> 01:03:46,031
Wow, you can say "I do"
in English this time.
1523
01:03:46,197 --> 01:03:48,491
What?
ls Pamela from America?
1524
01:03:48,575 --> 01:03:49,659
Yes.
1525
01:03:49,743 --> 01:03:50,910
Anyway...
1526
01:03:51,619 --> 01:03:53,246
I'm not going to
have anybody there.
1527
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:55,790
The only family
I have is Mitch.
1528
01:03:56,374 --> 01:03:58,376
I went to his apartment
a couple of days ago
1529
01:03:58,543 --> 01:04:01,171
and told him that
Pamela would like him
1530
01:04:01,254 --> 01:04:02,589
to say a few words
at the wedding
1531
01:04:02,756 --> 01:04:03,798
and that wasn't true.
1532
01:04:03,965 --> 01:04:06,134
Truth of the matter is, I would
like him to say a few words,
1533
01:04:06,301 --> 01:04:08,762
if he could find it
in his heart to do so.
1534
01:04:11,431 --> 01:04:12,766
I don't know why you
don't tell him yourself.
1535
01:04:12,932 --> 01:04:15,060
That is a very nice
thing for a son to hear.
1536
01:04:16,936 --> 01:04:18,396
So, you want me
to go tell Mitch
1537
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:19,898
that you would like
him at the wedding.
1538
01:04:20,065 --> 01:04:21,649
He's going to say,
"Why the hell does
1539
01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:23,318
"he want me there?
He thinks I'm an idiot."
1540
01:04:23,735 --> 01:04:26,112
Well, that's not
totally true.
1541
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:28,948
I think he's got
some nice qualities.
1542
01:04:29,115 --> 01:04:31,659
I think he's got
some problem areas, too.
1543
01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:32,827
What are those?
1544
01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:34,621
You're his friend, you
know him as well as I do.
1545
01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:36,623
You probably know him better than I do.
He's a quitter!
1546
01:04:36,790 --> 01:04:38,666
He has never finished
anything in his life.
1547
01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:40,627
He picks up something,
he puts it down.
1548
01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:43,129
He's good at it for five
minutes, and it's gone.
1549
01:04:43,296 --> 01:04:45,965
He's flaccid. No gumption.
No get-up-and-go.
1550
01:04:46,132 --> 01:04:49,135
His accomplishments could rest
comfortably on an eyelash.
1551
01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:51,262
Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck
you," if he heard you say that.
1552
01:04:51,429 --> 01:04:53,181
Well, maybe he would
and maybe he wouldn't.
1553
01:04:53,348 --> 01:04:55,183
But I want him to
be part of my life.
1554
01:04:55,350 --> 01:04:58,770
With all due respect, Mr.
Planko, you don't know Mitch.
1555
01:05:00,146 --> 01:05:02,065
What you don't
realize about him
1556
01:05:02,148 --> 01:05:03,858
is that he's
a fucking Jedi!
1557
01:05:04,317 --> 01:05:06,653
A what?
He's a Jedi Knight, sir.
1558
01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:10,490
And next time you see him, he's
going to be slitting throats.
1559
01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:16,204
(CAR ALARM BEEPS)
1560
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,501
Fuck!
1561
01:05:31,678 --> 01:05:34,347
I'm not a fucking quitter!
1562
01:05:36,641 --> 01:05:38,059
(ENGINE REVS)
1563
01:05:38,143 --> 01:05:39,727
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1564
01:05:42,397 --> 01:05:43,815
(BABY CRYING)
1565
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:46,901
All right, let's do this.
1566
01:05:48,695 --> 01:05:49,863
Good morning,
Patty-cakes.
1567
01:05:50,029 --> 01:05:51,823
Daddy needs a box set
of Law & Order,
1568
01:05:51,990 --> 01:05:53,825
three meatball subs
and a hand-folded,
1569
01:05:53,908 --> 01:05:55,702
24-inch samurai sword,
chop-chop.
1570
01:05:57,579 --> 01:05:58,580
What are you doing?
1571
01:05:58,746 --> 01:06:01,040
I got this one.
I got it.
1572
01:06:01,207 --> 01:06:02,292
Back to bed.
1573
01:06:05,170 --> 01:06:07,213
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1574
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:09,132
(SQUEALING)
1575
01:06:19,350 --> 01:06:21,603
MAN: You are in dire
financial need!
1576
01:06:21,769 --> 01:06:22,896
MAN 1 : Objection!
1577
01:06:23,104 --> 01:06:24,272
(EXCLAIMING)
1578
01:06:24,397 --> 01:06:25,356
Sustained.
1579
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:26,733
(YELLING)
1580
01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:33,573
(BOTH CRYING)
1581
01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:34,741
(SCREAMS)
1582
01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:45,418
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1583
01:06:49,797 --> 01:06:51,049
Excuse me.
1584
01:06:59,307 --> 01:07:00,308
Hi.
1585
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:12,153
Fuck me, she's cute.
1586
01:07:15,657 --> 01:07:16,950
Here comes
the battement.
1587
01:07:22,956 --> 01:07:24,207
(ALL GASPING)
1588
01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:26,501
Fucking nice, Cara!
1589
01:07:26,834 --> 01:07:27,835
Sweet!
1590
01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:29,295
(WHOOPING)
1591
01:07:29,379 --> 01:07:31,965
That bitch bounced.
Beautiful!
1592
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:35,218
Man alive!
That's my daughter, bitches!
1593
01:07:35,635 --> 01:07:37,512
Dad's very proud.
Keep going.
1594
01:07:42,642 --> 01:07:44,686
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
1595
01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:49,649
MITCH: Oh, I mean, what
did we learn from this?
1596
01:07:50,066 --> 01:07:51,901
Always solve my problems
with violence.
1597
01:07:52,068 --> 01:07:54,654
That's bingo, baby!
Five, up high.
1598
01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:56,030
Yes! No!
1599
01:07:56,197 --> 01:07:57,824
No, that is not the lesson
that we learned, Cara.
1600
01:07:57,991 --> 01:07:58,992
It is!
1601
01:07:59,158 --> 01:08:00,827
Violence is cool.
1602
01:08:00,994 --> 01:08:02,829
Dave.
Kidding.
1603
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:04,747
I'm not kidding.
1604
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:12,213
She did make a pretty
funny sound, though,
1605
01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:14,340
when she hit the ground like that.
Yes, she did!
1606
01:08:15,675 --> 01:08:17,385
But don't make a habit
out of that, okay?
1607
01:08:17,552 --> 01:08:19,512
I know.
All right.
1608
01:08:22,932 --> 01:08:25,018
I love you, Daddy.
1609
01:08:29,022 --> 01:08:31,024
I love you, little girl.
1610
01:08:43,911 --> 01:08:46,372
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
1611
01:08:50,585 --> 01:08:52,211
(GRUNTS)
1612
01:08:56,591 --> 01:08:58,217
(GROANS)
1613
01:08:58,468 --> 01:09:00,178
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
1614
01:09:00,261 --> 01:09:01,804
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1615
01:09:01,888 --> 01:09:03,723
Okay, I'm awake.
1616
01:09:15,401 --> 01:09:16,527
FUCK it.
1617
01:09:21,949 --> 01:09:22,950
(PARTS)
1618
01:09:24,535 --> 01:09:26,079
(LOUD PLOP)
1619
01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:27,705
(CHUCKLES)
1620
01:09:30,333 --> 01:09:32,502
MAN: Hello, I'm trying to find...
Oh, come on!
1621
01:09:32,669 --> 01:09:35,338
Look, bring it to me in the office.
I don't care.
1622
01:09:35,505 --> 01:09:37,256
Relax, I'll be there.
Yes, sir.
1623
01:09:37,590 --> 01:09:40,009
Just look at...
This is important. Taxi!
1624
01:09:43,930 --> 01:09:45,139
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
1625
01:09:52,563 --> 01:09:54,691
(CHEERING)
1626
01:09:55,316 --> 01:09:56,442
Thank you.
1627
01:09:56,609 --> 01:09:57,985
Thank you, America.
1628
01:10:08,663 --> 01:10:10,248
ALL: Woah!
1629
01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,186
(SIGHS)
1630
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:36,899
I've got my eye
on you!
1631
01:10:37,942 --> 01:10:39,318
(GIRL SQUEALING)
1632
01:10:41,362 --> 01:10:43,072
(SCREAMING)
1633
01:10:44,699 --> 01:10:46,492
(LAUGHING)
1634
01:10:51,497 --> 01:10:52,999
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
1635
01:10:54,542 --> 01:10:55,585
Go for Lockwood.
1636
01:10:55,668 --> 01:10:57,336
Mitch, I'm panicking
over here.
1637
01:10:57,420 --> 01:10:59,088
I haven't been on
a date in 18 years.
1638
01:10:59,380 --> 01:11:01,340
I'm drowning
in my own fear.
1639
01:11:01,507 --> 01:11:02,842
Relax and calm down.
1640
01:11:03,009 --> 01:11:05,845
Don't tell me to relax! You did this to me.
I can't do it, okay?
1641
01:11:06,220 --> 01:11:07,722
Don't move,
I'll be right there.
1642
01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:11,434
Mitch?
1643
01:11:11,726 --> 01:11:12,727
Hey.
1644
01:11:13,227 --> 01:11:14,395
How do I look?
1645
01:11:16,272 --> 01:11:18,733
Just grow a mustache and
lure a child into your van.
1646
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,193
Where did you
find that shit?
1647
01:11:20,526 --> 01:11:21,861
The back of your closet.
1648
01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:23,571
Put it back!
1649
01:11:23,863 --> 01:11:25,198
These are called jeans.
1650
01:11:25,364 --> 01:11:27,116
They've been popular with America's
youth for over 60 years.
1651
01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:30,578
Jeans to a restaurant? Yeah,
jeans to a restaurant.
1652
01:11:30,745 --> 01:11:31,788
Look who else can hit.
1653
01:11:31,954 --> 01:11:34,040
In order to feel confident,
you got to look good, okay?
1654
01:11:34,123 --> 01:11:35,583
This is a vest,
put that on.
1655
01:11:36,459 --> 01:11:38,878
Okay, this is called
gel or product.
1656
01:11:39,045 --> 01:11:40,505
Toolflfle, youlookhke
a pedophile,
1657
01:11:40,588 --> 01:11:42,381
too much
and you look Persian.
1658
01:11:42,548 --> 01:11:44,133
Mitch, I have done everything
that you have asked of me.
1659
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:46,385
I got the jeans on, I got the
vest, the gel in my hair...
1660
01:11:46,469 --> 01:11:47,678
You look great. ...but I
am not going to do this.
1661
01:11:47,804 --> 01:11:49,597
Yes, you are going to do this.
Why do I have to do this?
1662
01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:51,307
Because it shows
that you're considerate,
1663
01:11:51,390 --> 01:11:53,226
that you're clean,
that you're American.
1664
01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:55,645
Why do you even care?
It's my body!
1665
01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:56,979
It's my body right now!
1666
01:11:57,146 --> 01:11:58,981
I'm scared!
1667
01:11:59,732 --> 01:12:01,484
There, we have it.
1668
01:12:01,776 --> 01:12:03,986
Nobody ever needs to know
that this happened, Mitch.
1669
01:12:04,904 --> 01:12:06,572
(SHAVER BUZZING)
1670
01:12:09,283 --> 01:12:12,286
Boy, real tempting
to kiss my own dick.
1671
01:12:12,453 --> 01:12:13,454
Ah, that tickles.
1672
01:12:13,621 --> 01:12:15,498
Shh,youTe
jiggling the sac.
1673
01:12:15,623 --> 01:12:17,834
Oh, you're going to go all
the way back there, huh?
1674
01:12:17,959 --> 01:12:19,752
We're going to dinner,
not Rio.
1675
01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,129
All right. You got
any extra batteries?
1676
01:12:23,297 --> 01:12:25,007
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1677
01:12:43,109 --> 01:12:44,110
Hi.
1678
01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:45,528
Mitch.
How are you?
1679
01:12:47,697 --> 01:12:49,365
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Okay.
1680
01:12:50,157 --> 01:12:51,200
So...
(CLEARS THROAT)
1681
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:56,372
What the weather?
1682
01:12:56,789 --> 01:12:58,875
Listen, the only reason I'm here
1683
01:12:58,958 --> 01:13:00,334
is because my boss
told me to be.
1684
01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:02,712
This is not a date. This is
not a "get to know you."
1685
01:13:03,087 --> 01:13:04,922
This is just me trying
to save my job.
1686
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:06,883
I'm going to go.
1687
01:13:07,049 --> 01:13:08,134
Just sit the fuck
back down.
1688
01:13:08,301 --> 01:13:11,304
I showered, I showed up, I'm
starving and I could use a drink.
1689
01:13:12,889 --> 01:13:14,348
How long have
you known Dave?
1690
01:13:15,308 --> 01:13:16,809
My whole life, actually.
1691
01:13:16,976 --> 01:13:19,145
And have you ever seen him
act like he did yesterday?
1692
01:13:19,312 --> 01:13:20,730
Like a super-douche?
1693
01:13:21,564 --> 01:13:22,648
(LAUGHS)
BOTH: Yeah.
1694
01:13:22,815 --> 01:13:24,483
Uh, I have, at times.
1695
01:13:24,650 --> 01:13:27,820
But I'm really hoping that he
didn't say anything to offend you.
1696
01:13:27,987 --> 01:13:29,030
He totally did.
1697
01:13:29,196 --> 01:13:31,991
But I like being offended,
just usually after work.
1698
01:13:32,116 --> 01:13:33,117
Wow.
1699
01:13:33,200 --> 01:13:35,077
Here's the bottle you ordered, sir.
ExceHenL
1700
01:13:35,244 --> 01:13:36,329
Mmm-mmm,
send that shit back.
1701
01:13:36,495 --> 01:13:38,247
Bring us two
Macallan 25s, neat.
1702
01:13:38,414 --> 01:13:40,166
Right away, ma'am.
Right away.
1703
01:13:40,875 --> 01:13:42,376
So, let me
ask you something.
1704
01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:43,753
It's a question.
1705
01:13:45,004 --> 01:13:46,339
How do you like
working with Dave?
1706
01:13:46,505 --> 01:13:47,506
How is he?
1707
01:13:49,050 --> 01:13:50,509
I love it.
1708
01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:52,511
I mean, he's a
brilliant lawyer.
1709
01:13:52,929 --> 01:13:54,889
He's the best.
1710
01:13:58,225 --> 01:14:01,687
(CHUCKLES) Actually,
if you must know,
1711
01:14:02,688 --> 01:14:05,733
I used to kind of
have a crush on Dave.
1712
01:14:06,901 --> 01:14:10,446
(CRINGES) Oh, no,
you didn't!
1713
01:14:11,364 --> 01:14:12,323
(BOTH LAUGHING)
You're funny.
1714
01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:14,200
I mean, obviously,
he's married, so...
1715
01:14:14,367 --> 01:14:17,370
Right, obviously,
obviously, obviously.
1716
01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:19,538
Super-married.
What do you do, Mitch?
1717
01:14:19,622 --> 01:14:21,374
Me? For a living?
Yeah.
1718
01:14:21,540 --> 01:14:24,210
You know, I am...
1719
01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:27,588
I...
1720
01:14:28,923 --> 01:14:31,801
When I'm not eating hummus
and ferociously masturbating,
1721
01:14:31,968 --> 01:14:34,303
I dabble in light porn.
1722
01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:36,889
I hear that's a growth industry.
Yeah!
1723
01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:38,891
I'm just going to get
everything on the dessert menu.
1724
01:14:39,058 --> 01:14:41,560
I'm going to order,
like, six desserts.
1725
01:14:44,981 --> 01:14:46,399
Oh, my God.
1726
01:14:51,946 --> 01:14:53,322
No, no, no! (LAUGHING)
1727
01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:58,077
Do I have anything
in my teeth?
1728
01:14:58,703 --> 01:15:00,246
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1729
01:15:01,247 --> 01:15:02,748
DAVE: That's a lot of sugar.
1730
01:15:02,915 --> 01:15:04,792
Yeah. A lot of scotch!
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
1731
01:15:04,959 --> 01:15:07,503
Yeah. That was a lot of fun,
is what it really was.
1732
01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:10,006
Was? What, are we done?
1733
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:11,424
It's only 2:00!
1734
01:15:11,590 --> 01:15:13,592
No! I'm just
messing with you.
1735
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,262
(LAUGHING)
No, let's...
1736
01:15:16,429 --> 01:15:18,431
We'll go to a rave or something.
You want to get raving?
1737
01:15:18,597 --> 01:15:20,099
People raving right now?
1738
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:22,601
Let's rave!
Yeah.
1739
01:15:22,768 --> 01:15:24,270
I forgot about raves!
1740
01:15:24,437 --> 01:15:26,605
Man, I'm messing with you.
1741
01:15:26,772 --> 01:15:28,149
Go and do that? No.
1742
01:15:28,816 --> 01:15:30,109
I do have an idea.
Uh-huh.
1743
01:15:31,193 --> 01:15:32,653
What do you think
about doing something
1744
01:15:32,820 --> 01:15:37,199
that we will really, really
regret in the morning?
1745
01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:38,743
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1746
01:15:39,785 --> 01:15:40,786
You into it?
1747
01:15:43,205 --> 01:15:45,166
Yeah, we can
definitely do that.
1748
01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:46,834
(LAUGHING) Okay!
1749
01:15:47,001 --> 01:15:49,378
Okay. Let's go. (SIGHS)
All right, let's go.
1750
01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:51,464
(WHISPERING) Fuck, fuck, fuck!
1751
01:15:51,881 --> 01:15:53,549
(MACHINE BUZZING)
(SABRINA MOANING)
1752
01:15:53,632 --> 01:15:55,968
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
1753
01:15:57,636 --> 01:15:59,430
(CONTINUES MOANING)
1754
01:16:03,142 --> 01:16:04,810
(GROANING)
1755
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:07,521
Oh, God!
1756
01:16:09,231 --> 01:16:10,483
Oh. Wow. Really?
1757
01:16:10,649 --> 01:16:12,318
Are you sure
that's what you want?
1758
01:16:12,485 --> 01:16:14,320
Absolutely. I like that.
1759
01:16:14,487 --> 01:16:18,407
You're okay with that being on
your body for, like, forever?
1760
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:20,659
I feel pretty good
about it.
1761
01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:21,911
How is yours down there?
1762
01:16:22,078 --> 01:16:23,370
It's good.
1763
01:16:23,537 --> 01:16:24,580
It tickles a little.
1764
01:16:25,081 --> 01:16:26,540
Rico.
Yo.
1765
01:16:26,707 --> 01:16:27,708
What do you think
of this turn, man?
1766
01:16:30,544 --> 01:16:31,545
I don't know, man.
1767
01:16:32,338 --> 01:16:33,839
Ask Tommy.
Tommy!
1768
01:16:34,173 --> 01:16:35,257
TOMMY: Yeah, man.
1769
01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:36,967
Check this out, man.
1770
01:16:37,051 --> 01:16:38,552
(GIGGLING)
1771
01:16:38,761 --> 01:16:39,929
(CLEARS THROAT)
1772
01:16:40,012 --> 01:16:42,348
You never did tell me
aboutyourchfldhood.
1773
01:16:42,723 --> 01:16:44,558
Really? Now?
1774
01:16:44,725 --> 01:16:46,685
With the Sons of Anarchy
between your...
1775
01:16:46,852 --> 01:16:48,437
Um, let's see here...
1776
01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,064
Tommy, Rico. Hey, guys.
1777
01:16:50,231 --> 01:16:51,357
We are sightseeing now.
1778
01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:53,943
Let's move it along,
please. Come on.
1779
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:55,528
You are such a gentleman.
1780
01:16:55,694 --> 01:16:58,030
Now you only have one ponytailed
ex-oonviot between your legs,
1781
01:16:58,197 --> 01:16:59,198
so everything is fine.
1782
01:16:59,281 --> 01:17:00,699
(SABRINA LAUGHS)
1783
01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:03,536
I'm kidding.
I was absolutely joking.
1784
01:17:04,078 --> 01:17:06,831
I love your ponytail.
And that little pirate beard.
1785
01:17:06,997 --> 01:17:08,290
Still kidding.
(EXHALES)
1786
01:17:11,252 --> 01:17:14,713
(CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
1787
01:17:16,757 --> 01:17:18,384
That's me, there.
1788
01:17:18,551 --> 01:17:20,261
This is you.
Mmm-hmm.
1789
01:17:20,427 --> 01:17:22,680
Yeah, that is nice.
Thanks.
1790
01:17:22,847 --> 01:17:23,889
Yeah.
1791
01:17:33,691 --> 01:17:34,859
Well, good night.
1792
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:37,945
Good night.
1793
01:17:45,286 --> 01:17:46,328
Hey, Mitch?
1794
01:17:46,662 --> 01:17:47,746
Yeah.
1795
01:17:48,581 --> 01:17:50,499
Are you going
to call me?
1796
01:17:53,127 --> 01:17:55,254
I thought you said
this wasn't a date.
1797
01:17:57,298 --> 01:17:58,966
Things change.
1798
01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:05,848
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1799
01:18:06,807 --> 01:18:08,809
That's a cute tie.
Thank you.
1800
01:18:09,476 --> 01:18:11,270
You should wear
that to the party.
1801
01:18:11,437 --> 01:18:12,730
What party?
1802
01:18:13,731 --> 01:18:15,107
Our anniversary party.
1803
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:21,906
Our anniversary party?
Why the fuck wasn't I...
1804
01:18:23,032 --> 01:18:24,200
What about Mitch?
1805
01:18:24,366 --> 01:18:25,659
What about Mitch?
1806
01:18:25,826 --> 01:18:27,870
You said you didn't
want him to come.
1807
01:18:28,871 --> 01:18:30,915
I did?
Yeah.
1808
01:18:31,165 --> 01:18:33,959
You said you were really
embarrassed of him.
1809
01:18:34,835 --> 01:18:36,003
That's why
I didn't invite him.
1810
01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:37,838
I can't believe
I don't remember that.
1811
01:18:38,005 --> 01:18:39,548
You also said
that you thought
1812
01:18:39,632 --> 01:18:41,258
that he would
get hammered
1813
01:18:41,425 --> 01:18:43,302
and hit on all of our married
friends, be mean to my grandma
1814
01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:45,262
and turn the whole thing
into a key party.
1815
01:18:45,554 --> 01:18:46,555
Once, that happened.
1816
01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:49,350
And you said he would force
everyone to do Kamikaze shots,
1817
01:18:49,516 --> 01:18:51,602
spike the punch
with ecstasy,
1818
01:18:51,685 --> 01:18:53,187
give all the girls
breast exams and...
1819
01:18:53,354 --> 01:18:54,897
That was the same party.
1820
01:18:56,190 --> 01:18:57,191
Hmm. Weird.
1821
01:18:57,274 --> 01:18:59,610
Maybe we should talk about your
bad memory at Dialogue Night.
1822
01:18:59,777 --> 01:19:02,696
Stilton Coffee House tonight.
Don't forget.
1823
01:19:04,281 --> 01:19:05,616
Okay- okay?
1824
01:19:06,784 --> 01:19:07,785
Bye.
1825
01:19:23,676 --> 01:19:25,177
(LAUGHS)
1826
01:19:26,637 --> 01:19:28,430
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
1827
01:19:28,514 --> 01:19:29,848
(GRUNTS)
1828
01:19:31,850 --> 01:19:32,977
Hello.
1829
01:19:33,143 --> 01:19:35,813
This is District
Manager Carla Nelson
1830
01:19:35,896 --> 01:19:37,606
from the Atlanta
Department of Parks.
1831
01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:38,774
Oh, yeah.
1832
01:19:38,941 --> 01:19:42,361
Well, we have found
that fountain.
1833
01:19:42,528 --> 01:19:45,781
It's been moved to
1100 Peachtree Boulevard.
1834
01:19:45,948 --> 01:19:47,992
You found it.
Okay, well...
1835
01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:51,078
(STAMMERS) Okay,
we'll be there soon.
1836
01:19:51,245 --> 01:19:53,789
All righty, then.
Have a good day.
1837
01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:54,957
Thank you.
1838
01:20:04,842 --> 01:20:06,218
Hi.
Hi.
1839
01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:07,845
How are you?
1840
01:20:07,928 --> 01:20:10,431
Good. Just on my way
to see Dave.
1841
01:20:10,597 --> 01:20:11,598
Actually,
1842
01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:15,978
all the senior staff is going to
be at the mediation tomorrow.
1843
01:20:16,145 --> 01:20:18,647
So,lsnagged
Flemming's seats
1844
01:20:18,731 --> 01:20:20,858
to the Marlins-Braves game.
1845
01:20:21,025 --> 01:20:23,485
You, me, beer, baseball.
1846
01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:24,737
What more could
a guy want?
1847
01:20:25,362 --> 01:20:26,530
(GROANS)
1848
01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:30,534
Don't take this
the wrong way.
1849
01:20:30,701 --> 01:20:33,078
I would really love to go to that
game with you, but I don't...
1850
01:20:33,245 --> 01:20:35,122
(ANGRILY) Are you
breaking up with me?
1851
01:20:38,417 --> 01:20:39,918
What? I'm messing with you.
(LAUGHING)
1852
01:20:40,419 --> 01:20:41,754
Oh!
1853
01:20:42,546 --> 01:20:44,048
Look, it is just
a baseball game.
1854
01:20:44,214 --> 01:20:45,591
They're dugout seats.
1855
01:20:45,924 --> 01:20:48,927
Whatever you have
to do, cancel it.
1856
01:21:02,441 --> 01:21:03,442
Hey.
1857
01:21:04,610 --> 01:21:05,611
They found the fountain.
1858
01:21:05,778 --> 01:21:07,821
Yeah, they did.
She called me, too.
1859
01:21:08,572 --> 01:21:09,573
Yeah.
1860
01:21:10,991 --> 01:21:11,992
So...
1861
01:21:12,910 --> 01:21:14,161
Good news.
1862
01:21:14,328 --> 01:21:16,205
Yeah, it's good news.
1863
01:21:17,664 --> 01:21:18,999
Awesome.
1864
01:21:19,416 --> 01:21:21,919
We should probably go,
you know, take a piss.
1865
01:21:22,378 --> 01:21:24,713
Yeah, yeah,
let's do it.
1866
01:21:25,130 --> 01:21:26,131
Yeah.
1867
01:21:26,715 --> 01:21:28,926
Except...
Except?
1868
01:21:29,176 --> 01:21:32,429
Except, the mediation
is tomorrow,
1869
01:21:32,596 --> 01:21:34,139
and I've been working
my ass off on that.
1870
01:21:34,306 --> 01:21:35,933
Yeah, you've been working
real hard on that.
1871
01:21:36,100 --> 01:21:37,893
And I want to
prove to myself
1872
01:21:38,060 --> 01:21:39,895
and to people
1873
01:21:39,978 --> 01:21:41,814
that I can see
that through.
1874
01:21:41,980 --> 01:21:43,357
And you should.
Yeah.
1875
01:21:43,524 --> 01:21:44,691
You deserve that.
1876
01:21:44,858 --> 01:21:45,943
What are you saying?
1877
01:21:46,985 --> 01:21:48,570
We could wait.
1878
01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:50,572
You want to wait?
We could wait a day.
1879
01:21:50,739 --> 01:21:52,199
Push it a day?
Or a week?
1880
01:21:52,366 --> 01:21:54,535
We should wait to switch.
We can do it...
1881
01:21:54,701 --> 01:21:55,702
A month?
Yeah.
1882
01:21:55,869 --> 01:21:56,870
It's time.
1883
01:21:56,954 --> 01:21:58,580
Really, what is time?
1884
01:21:58,747 --> 01:21:59,790
Come here, Dave.
1885
01:21:59,873 --> 01:22:01,333
Come on, buddy.
(BOTH GROAN)
1886
01:22:01,959 --> 01:22:04,002
This went so well.
Yeah, it did.
1887
01:22:04,378 --> 01:22:05,421
It's kind of surprising.
1888
01:22:05,587 --> 01:22:06,797
Very surprising.
1889
01:22:06,964 --> 01:22:11,093
If they offer you one red
cent over $700 million,
1890
01:22:11,260 --> 01:22:12,469
you accept that.
Got it?
1891
01:22:12,803 --> 01:22:14,054
Yes, of course.
Why wouldn't I?
1892
01:22:14,221 --> 01:22:15,222
Why wouldn't you?
1893
01:22:15,389 --> 01:22:16,723
Great!
Good!
1894
01:22:16,890 --> 01:22:18,559
What's the worst that can happen?
Nothing can happen!
1895
01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:20,185
I think it's fine.
1896
01:22:20,352 --> 01:22:21,353
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
1897
01:22:37,035 --> 01:22:38,704
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
1898
01:22:39,621 --> 01:22:40,706
Dave Lockwood.
1899
01:22:40,873 --> 01:22:42,040
Did you forget something?
1900
01:22:43,167 --> 01:22:45,586
Who is this?
Your wife.
1901
01:22:45,752 --> 01:22:46,753
Oh.
1902
01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:50,716
Ummm. Did I forget something?
I don't know. What?
1903
01:22:51,008 --> 01:22:52,050
Never mind.
1904
01:22:52,217 --> 01:22:55,304
It's the mediation tomorrow,
so I'm under it.
1905
01:22:55,471 --> 01:22:56,763
I can't play.
1906
01:22:59,558 --> 01:23:01,643
So, how did it go?
How much money is it?
1907
01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:04,062
Just two hours,
so, 14 bucks.
1908
01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:05,230
Great.
1909
01:23:06,190 --> 01:23:07,483
Sorry you got stood up.
1910
01:23:09,443 --> 01:23:10,777
He just forgot.
1911
01:23:11,195 --> 01:23:12,988
Yeah, that's what
I meant. (LAUGHS)
1912
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:16,366
He forgot me
at the coffee shop
1913
01:23:16,533 --> 01:23:19,703
when all I wanted to do
was go and talk to him.
1914
01:23:19,870 --> 01:23:22,456
Which isn't a lot to ask,
do you think?
1915
01:23:22,623 --> 01:23:24,208
What do you
want me to say?
1916
01:23:24,374 --> 01:23:26,210
Well, have you ever
been stood up by a man?
1917
01:23:27,169 --> 01:23:28,587
Not really.
Uh-huh.
1918
01:23:28,754 --> 01:23:30,797
Our parents drive
us places, though, so...
1919
01:23:30,964 --> 01:23:32,174
Bottom line, Katie,
1920
01:23:32,341 --> 01:23:35,677
is work always
comes first,
1921
01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,221
and we always
come second.
1922
01:23:37,387 --> 01:23:39,556
And I don't think that's
ever going to change.
1923
01:23:40,474 --> 01:23:41,934
I've got to go home now
1924
01:23:42,017 --> 01:23:43,602
because I have
this Spanish test, so...
1925
01:23:43,769 --> 01:23:45,270
I can write you a note.
1926
01:23:45,437 --> 01:23:47,356
I guess deep down,
1927
01:23:47,439 --> 01:23:50,317
I'm afraid that
I'll keep compromising
1928
01:23:50,484 --> 01:23:53,445
until getting the shit
end feels normal.
1929
01:23:53,612 --> 01:23:56,073
And then I'll be
so beaten down by life
1930
01:23:56,448 --> 01:24:00,035
that, just for a second,
I will consider asking
1931
01:24:00,202 --> 01:24:03,121
the homeless guy at the car wash
who looks like Kris Kristofferson
1932
01:24:03,288 --> 01:24:04,456
to rub my shoulders.
1933
01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:06,792
And I will,
and he will.
1934
01:24:06,959 --> 01:24:09,127
And you know what?
It'll be wonderful.
1935
01:24:10,003 --> 01:24:11,463
And I'll love it.
1936
01:24:11,630 --> 01:24:13,048
Because why not?
1937
01:24:13,215 --> 01:24:16,510
(CRYING) I mean, I'm not
getting anything here.
1938
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,804
Nobody's fucking me here.
1939
01:24:19,304 --> 01:24:23,141
You know, Katie, this is exactly
why people get divorced.
1940
01:24:24,476 --> 01:24:26,270
I'm so sorry.
1941
01:24:26,436 --> 01:24:30,065
I'm so sorry. That
was way out of line.
1942
01:24:33,527 --> 01:24:35,404
Do you want
some ice cream?
1943
01:24:35,904 --> 01:24:38,740
I'm not getting any
closer to leaving, am I?
1944
01:24:39,491 --> 01:24:40,492
No.
1945
01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:42,953
(ORGAN PLAYING GAME TUNES)
1946
01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:47,916
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
1947
01:24:58,302 --> 01:24:59,386
It's looking good out there.
1948
01:24:59,553 --> 01:25:01,930
Hudson loves the sinker. He's
been crushing them all year.
1949
01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:04,099
Listen to you, you are
a big basebaflfanl
1950
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:05,183
Yeah, huge.
1951
01:25:05,267 --> 01:25:06,518
I didn't know
that about you.
1952
01:25:06,685 --> 01:25:09,813
I was Phil Niekro for Halloween
three years in a row as a kid.
1953
01:25:09,980 --> 01:25:12,816
No way! Phil Niekro is my number
one favorite of all time!
1954
01:25:12,983 --> 01:25:14,401
Why is my voice
so high?
1955
01:25:14,484 --> 01:25:15,485
(LAUGHING)
1956
01:25:29,958 --> 01:25:31,168
WOMAN: Thank you
for coming in today.
1957
01:25:31,335 --> 01:25:32,586
My name is Erin Walsh,
1958
01:25:32,669 --> 01:25:34,046
and I'll be mediating
your claim.
1959
01:25:34,212 --> 01:25:37,716
Any and all agreements made
during this mediation are binding
1960
01:25:37,883 --> 01:25:39,593
and carry with them
the full rights
1961
01:25:39,676 --> 01:25:41,261
and responsibilities
of the law
1962
01:25:41,428 --> 01:25:45,474
as stated in Federal
Code 325 A, Section 4.
1963
01:25:49,061 --> 01:25:51,396
Kinkabe agrees in principle
to the terms of the sale
1964
01:25:51,563 --> 01:25:54,941
and valuates your company
at $625 million.
1965
01:25:55,108 --> 01:25:56,818
This is their best
and final offer.
1966
01:26:00,280 --> 01:26:02,532
TED: There is no way
we can make this deal.
1967
01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:04,785
FLEMMING: Six-twenty-five
is not the end of the world.
1968
01:26:04,951 --> 01:26:07,579
You've just got to know
when it's time to quit.
1969
01:26:07,746 --> 01:26:10,040
Fuck that noise.
We are not quitting.
1970
01:26:10,207 --> 01:26:12,042
I think you can
do better, Ted.
1971
01:26:12,459 --> 01:26:13,460
I beg your pardon.
1972
01:26:13,627 --> 01:26:15,253
I don't see anybody
headed for the door.
1973
01:26:15,754 --> 01:26:18,256
This is just like trying to fuck a
Catholic girl who keeps saying,
1974
01:26:18,423 --> 01:26:21,176
"No, I don't want to. I'm really
drunk and you're circumcised."
1975
01:26:21,343 --> 01:26:22,803
But she keeps on
making outwith you,
1976
01:26:22,886 --> 01:26:24,054
she's not leaving
your Fiero...
1977
01:26:24,221 --> 01:26:25,430
it means she really wants to.
1978
01:26:25,764 --> 01:26:27,516
She just needs
a little bit of a nudge.
1979
01:26:27,599 --> 01:26:29,101
A little bit of a coax,
little bit of a tickle.
1980
01:26:29,184 --> 01:26:30,852
Just to rationalize it
to herself, to her God.
1981
01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:31,978
Do you know what I mean?
1982
01:26:33,897 --> 01:26:37,693
No, Dave. We most definitely
do not know what you mean.
1983
01:26:37,859 --> 01:26:39,611
Okay. What I mean is,
1984
01:26:39,778 --> 01:26:42,322
they want to spend more, they
just don't know it, all right?
1985
01:26:42,489 --> 01:26:43,657
If this really was
their final offer,
1986
01:26:43,782 --> 01:26:44,991
they'd be leaving,
but they're not.
1987
01:26:45,075 --> 01:26:47,411
They're sticking around. They've
got more money to spend.
1988
01:26:49,079 --> 01:26:51,373
She wants to unroll that rubber
at the bottom of her purse
1989
01:26:51,540 --> 01:26:53,583
that she put in there
three semesters ago.
1990
01:26:57,504 --> 01:26:59,339
How much more do you think
we can get out of them?
1991
01:27:00,340 --> 01:27:01,717
Ten million? Fifteen?
1992
01:27:02,050 --> 01:27:05,721
Pull those panties to the side,
Ted, and take a hundred more.
1993
01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:07,055
What?
1994
01:27:08,014 --> 01:27:11,268
Do not listen to him, Ted.
He is beyond reckless.
1995
01:27:11,435 --> 01:27:14,980
If we make too large a counter
offer, we risk driving them away.
1996
01:27:15,147 --> 01:27:16,523
Ted, it doesn't hurt to ask.
1997
01:27:17,149 --> 01:27:18,358
You would not
believe the nasty shit
1998
01:27:18,442 --> 01:27:19,901
I get these girls to do,
just by asking.
1999
01:27:19,985 --> 01:27:21,653
Honestly, it's revolting.
2000
01:27:23,989 --> 01:27:25,866
It does seem odd that
they're not leaving.
2001
01:27:26,032 --> 01:27:27,534
Punch her in the seat.
2002
01:27:35,625 --> 01:27:38,336
You can tell Kinkabe we
want an extra 100 million.
2003
01:27:38,503 --> 01:27:41,214
And that is our final offer,
because we're leaving.
2004
01:27:41,381 --> 01:27:42,591
Fuel the jet, let's go.
2005
01:27:52,392 --> 01:27:54,853
For the record, I did not support
that decision. (ERIN SHOUTING)
2006
01:27:54,978 --> 01:27:55,979
Sir!
2007
01:27:59,107 --> 01:28:02,235
Sir, Mr. Kinkabe has
agreed to $725 million.
2008
01:28:02,402 --> 01:28:03,487
The deal is closed!
2009
01:28:03,570 --> 01:28:04,988
(WHOOPING)
2010
01:28:05,071 --> 01:28:06,072
Oh, my God!
2011
01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:09,534
(ALL CHEERING)
2012
01:28:12,162 --> 01:28:13,163
What did I tell you?
2013
01:28:15,248 --> 01:28:17,250
(ALL CHATTERING)
2014
01:28:19,920 --> 01:28:21,505
(LAUGHING)
2015
01:28:30,430 --> 01:28:32,224
(CROWD CHEERING)
2016
01:28:32,474 --> 01:28:33,475
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God!
2017
01:28:34,518 --> 01:28:35,727
Oh, my God!
2018
01:28:35,852 --> 01:28:37,062
Oh, my God!
2019
01:28:37,229 --> 01:28:38,271
Wow.
2020
01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:39,523
Are you glad
you came now?
2021
01:28:39,689 --> 01:28:41,942
Am I glad I came? It's like
the greatest day of my life!
2022
01:28:42,025 --> 01:28:43,193
(LAUGHING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2023
01:28:43,276 --> 01:28:44,653
Where did that come from?
2024
01:28:44,820 --> 01:28:47,572
Hang on, hang on,
I got it.
2025
01:28:47,739 --> 01:28:49,908
Oh, no, they are
going to call it.
2026
01:28:51,034 --> 01:28:53,870
MITCH: Man, this is amazing. I c:an't
believe they're making me partner.
2027
01:28:54,037 --> 01:28:55,497
I'm the greatest
lawyer, ever.
2028
01:28:55,664 --> 01:28:57,165
What a day. (LAUGHS)
2029
01:28:58,542 --> 01:29:00,377
So, now you can be happy.
2030
01:29:00,544 --> 01:29:01,670
Do you think they are
going to give me a medal?
2031
01:29:02,045 --> 01:29:03,964
Could you imagine
an engraved sword?
2032
01:29:04,130 --> 01:29:06,424
Honestly, I'd be happy
with anything engraved.
2033
01:29:06,591 --> 01:29:08,677
A sword or a spear.
2034
01:29:08,844 --> 01:29:10,053
Even a shield
would be good.
2035
01:29:10,220 --> 01:29:13,306
Slap it, Cara. Cara.
2036
01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:15,642
FLEMMING: We are
gathered here tonight
2037
01:29:15,809 --> 01:29:19,145
to celebrate the newest
partner in our esteemed firm.
2038
01:29:19,312 --> 01:29:21,439
David Andrew Lockwood
2039
01:29:21,523 --> 01:29:24,818
was born on March 25th, 1974.
2040
01:29:24,985 --> 01:29:27,320
By all accounts,
Dave was a sweet,
2041
01:29:27,445 --> 01:29:29,823
diligent,
hardworking little boy.
2042
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:32,826
(LAUGHING)
2043
01:29:35,078 --> 01:29:36,079
Wow.
2044
01:29:36,162 --> 01:29:37,622
Yeah, I know.
2045
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:38,915
I love it.
2046
01:29:39,374 --> 01:29:40,375
Why?
2047
01:29:41,293 --> 01:29:42,294
It reminds me
of high school.
2048
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:45,338
I feel like I'm about
to lose my virginity.
2049
01:29:45,505 --> 01:29:46,548
(LAUGHS) Bathroom?
2050
01:29:46,715 --> 01:29:48,383
Yeah, right there.
2051
01:29:49,759 --> 01:29:51,094
(MOUTHING)
2052
01:29:55,473 --> 01:29:56,975
Do you want
a drink or something?
2053
01:29:57,142 --> 01:29:59,436
(STAMMERS) Or warm clothes
or I can get you a drink?
2054
01:29:59,603 --> 01:30:00,979
No, it's okay.
We'll have one after.
2055
01:30:02,230 --> 01:30:04,733
Okay. After what?
2056
01:30:04,983 --> 01:30:07,986
Relax, Mitch, you're going to
get laid tonight. (LAUGHS)
2057
01:30:08,570 --> 01:30:12,866
FLEMMING: In high school, Dave
graduated first in his class.
2058
01:30:13,033 --> 01:30:16,077
After winning a full
scholarship to Princeton,
2059
01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:20,457
Dave, amazingly,
graduated in just three years.
2060
01:30:21,458 --> 01:30:25,170
And after graduating from
Yale Law School with honors,
2061
01:30:25,629 --> 01:30:27,923
Dave clerked
for Justice Souter
2062
01:30:28,048 --> 01:30:30,342
on the United
States Supreme Court.
2063
01:30:33,678 --> 01:30:34,930
Work is hard.
2064
01:30:35,096 --> 01:30:37,349
I like going
to baseball games
2065
01:30:37,515 --> 01:30:40,435
and drinking too much, and getting
tattoos at 3:00 in the morning.
2066
01:30:41,186 --> 01:30:42,228
Yeah.
2067
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:45,190
Boot. Take it off.
2068
01:30:48,944 --> 01:30:52,364
We were not put on this earth
to work, breed and die.
2069
01:30:52,530 --> 01:30:54,324
No, we were not... Don't
interrupt me, handsome.
2070
01:30:55,325 --> 01:30:58,036
We are here
to have fun.
2071
01:30:58,286 --> 01:31:00,121
Right?
Yeah.
2072
01:31:02,332 --> 01:31:03,333
Boot.
2073
01:31:06,878 --> 01:31:09,339
I just think there's
too many rules.
2074
01:31:10,507 --> 01:31:13,718
Think about all the amazing
experiences that we miss out on
2075
01:31:13,885 --> 01:31:16,346
because we're so worried about
what other people will think.
2076
01:31:17,013 --> 01:31:20,725
Why can't I be a professional,
successful woman
2077
01:31:20,892 --> 01:31:23,812
who sleeps with
someone she just met?
2078
01:31:24,229 --> 01:31:25,563
You know?
2079
01:31:25,730 --> 01:31:27,023
I haven't heard
a word you said
2080
01:31:27,107 --> 01:31:28,733
since you took
your pants off.
2081
01:31:29,234 --> 01:31:30,235
Shirt.
2082
01:31:31,653 --> 01:31:32,654
Shirt.
2083
01:31:35,740 --> 01:31:36,741
You smell like lemons.
2084
01:31:37,867 --> 01:31:39,744
(LAUGHS) I do
smell like lemons.
2085
01:31:40,370 --> 01:31:42,747
Oh, God, you're nervous.
I like that.
2086
01:31:44,541 --> 01:31:45,834
Your leg is shaking.
2087
01:31:46,001 --> 01:31:47,043
That's not my leg.
2088
01:31:47,585 --> 01:31:49,504
Take off my bra.
2089
01:31:49,671 --> 01:31:50,672
All Of it?
2090
01:31:50,839 --> 01:31:52,257
Just the parts
covering the breasts.
2091
01:31:52,424 --> 01:31:54,217
That's a good start.
2092
01:31:55,760 --> 01:31:57,804
(DAVE GRUNTS)
2093
01:31:59,931 --> 01:32:01,599
Oh, that's great.
2094
01:32:02,767 --> 01:32:03,768
At the end of the day...
2095
01:32:03,935 --> 01:32:04,936
Holy shit!
2096
01:32:05,103 --> 01:32:07,605
...I am just tired of
over-thinking things.
2097
01:32:08,189 --> 01:32:09,774
I'm tired of
over-thinking things, too.
2098
01:32:09,941 --> 01:32:12,068
We should just do
what we want to do.
2099
01:32:12,235 --> 01:32:13,611
Let's do it.
Let's just do it.
2100
01:32:13,695 --> 01:32:16,865
FLEMMING: The only thing Dave
loves more than the law
2101
01:32:16,948 --> 01:32:19,784
is his beautiful wife, Jamie.
2102
01:32:20,285 --> 01:32:22,662
Their life is
like a fairy tale
2103
01:32:22,829 --> 01:32:26,249
made even more perfect by their
three adorable children.
2104
01:32:26,458 --> 01:32:29,461
(DISTANTLY) So, as we celebrate
one partnership tonight...
2105
01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:41,806
Look, Daddy,
it's you and me.
2106
01:32:53,777 --> 01:32:56,488
...would bring most
men to their knees,
2107
01:32:56,654 --> 01:32:58,031
but not Dave.
2108
01:32:58,615 --> 01:33:00,658
He excelled on all fronts,
2109
01:33:00,825 --> 01:33:02,494
putting the rest
of us to shame.
2110
01:33:03,620 --> 01:33:04,621
I didn't earn this.
2111
01:33:04,788 --> 01:33:09,000
The law may be the first
thing on Dave's mind,
2112
01:33:09,167 --> 01:33:13,546
but his family has always been
the first thing in his heart.
2113
01:33:14,964 --> 01:33:16,508
What should we do
with each other, Mitch?
2114
01:33:16,674 --> 01:33:18,009
Oh, God, everything.
2115
01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:19,177
(LAUGHS)
2116
01:33:19,344 --> 01:33:20,678
We could...
2117
01:33:24,015 --> 01:33:25,016
Is that a...
2118
01:33:36,194 --> 01:33:38,029
Is that a many-spotted
skipperling?
2119
01:33:38,488 --> 01:33:39,489
Yeah.
2120
01:33:44,536 --> 01:33:45,662
Mmm.
2121
01:33:46,579 --> 01:33:49,249
You can have
whatever you want.
2122
01:33:53,211 --> 01:33:54,420
What do you want to do?
2123
01:33:57,423 --> 01:33:58,883
I want to go home.
2124
01:34:00,552 --> 01:34:01,553
What?
2125
01:34:03,096 --> 01:34:04,639
I want to go home.
2126
01:34:06,224 --> 01:34:07,559
What? I don't...
2127
01:34:08,226 --> 01:34:09,769
I got a meeting.
I got to go.
2128
01:34:13,898 --> 01:34:15,275
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
2129
01:34:15,817 --> 01:34:16,818
Lockwood residence.
2130
01:34:16,901 --> 01:34:17,902
Where is Dave?
2131
01:34:18,069 --> 01:34:20,155
Dave is at the country club.
They made him partner.
2132
01:34:22,907 --> 01:34:24,784
(CARS HONKING)
2133
01:34:24,909 --> 01:34:26,411
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2134
01:34:26,953 --> 01:34:29,372
FLEMMING:
A brilliant attorney,
2135
01:34:29,497 --> 01:34:30,790
loving husband,
2136
01:34:30,957 --> 01:34:32,959
devoted father.
2137
01:34:35,461 --> 01:34:38,006
It is my distinct honor
2138
01:34:38,089 --> 01:34:39,674
to introduce to you,
2139
01:34:40,008 --> 01:34:43,094
our newest partner,
David Lockwood.
2140
01:34:54,689 --> 01:34:56,191
Way to go, Dave.
2141
01:34:58,610 --> 01:35:00,028
Congratulations, Dave.
2142
01:35:00,278 --> 01:35:01,946
You deserve it.
2143
01:35:02,864 --> 01:35:04,657
This is not my life.
2144
01:35:07,785 --> 01:35:09,120
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2145
01:35:33,478 --> 01:35:34,896
Is she kissing
the wrong guy?
2146
01:35:35,188 --> 01:35:36,981
I know it's weird.
Just go with it.
2147
01:35:59,170 --> 01:36:00,380
We tried to tell you.
2148
01:36:00,838 --> 01:36:01,839
You ready to take a piss?
2149
01:36:02,006 --> 01:36:03,049
You bet your ass I am.
2150
01:36:03,925 --> 01:36:04,926
I love you, pumpkin.
2151
01:36:11,975 --> 01:36:13,184
(EXHALES)
2152
01:36:17,855 --> 01:36:19,357
(HORNS BLARING)
2153
01:36:27,615 --> 01:36:28,866
Are you sure
this is the address?
2154
01:36:29,117 --> 01:36:30,535
Yeah, this is the place.
2155
01:36:44,257 --> 01:36:46,217
You got to be kidding me.
Oh, wow.
2156
01:36:49,887 --> 01:36:51,764
Jesus Christ, it's like the
whole city is in here tonight.
2157
01:36:51,931 --> 01:36:55,059
Okay, let's just do this.
Come on.
2158
01:37:02,775 --> 01:37:03,901
How are we supposed
to get this done?
2159
01:37:04,068 --> 01:37:06,112
You just be super cool...
2160
01:37:06,279 --> 01:37:07,905
(BOTH UNZIPPING) ...and don't
draw attention to yourself.
2161
01:37:11,909 --> 01:37:12,952
Why aren't you peeing?
2162
01:37:13,119 --> 01:37:14,245
I got a lot of
people around me.
2163
01:37:14,412 --> 01:37:15,580
Don't yell at me.
I'm all locked up.
2164
01:37:15,747 --> 01:37:17,081
No one is even looking at us.
We're fine.
2165
01:37:17,248 --> 01:37:21,252
Mommy, that man is
peeing in the fountain!
2166
01:37:22,920 --> 01:37:24,005
(ALL MURMURING)
2167
01:37:24,088 --> 01:37:25,256
Oh, my God.
2168
01:37:25,423 --> 01:37:27,175
The cat is out of the bag, buddy.
You got to go now.
2169
01:37:27,258 --> 01:37:28,259
Why don't you take a picture?
MitCh!
2170
01:37:28,343 --> 01:37:29,344
Come on!
2171
01:37:29,427 --> 01:37:31,429
It's snipped.
Mitch! Mitch!
2172
01:37:31,596 --> 01:37:35,433
By the way, why didn't you invite
me to your anniversary party?
2173
01:37:37,977 --> 01:37:40,355
Okay, look...
2174
01:37:41,272 --> 01:37:42,565
I feel really
bad about that
2175
01:37:42,648 --> 01:37:43,983
but can we talk about
that at another time?
2176
01:37:44,150 --> 01:37:45,526
There is a girl scout
staring at my penis.
2177
01:37:45,693 --> 01:37:47,111
I want to talk
about it right now.
2178
01:37:47,278 --> 01:37:48,279
Really?
2179
01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:50,281
Are you embarrassed of me?
2180
01:37:50,990 --> 01:37:54,827
I'm sorry.
Yeah. Yeah, I was.
2181
01:37:55,453 --> 01:37:56,829
But I'm not anymore.
2182
01:37:58,289 --> 01:37:59,999
I'm actually
proud of you, Mitch.
2183
01:38:01,834 --> 01:38:02,877
Really?
2184
01:38:03,628 --> 01:38:04,796
Really.
2185
01:38:06,297 --> 01:38:07,590
(GROANS IN RELIEF)
2186
01:38:07,799 --> 01:38:09,092
(CROWD GASPING)
2187
01:38:09,175 --> 01:38:10,343
Atta boy!
2188
01:38:10,510 --> 01:38:12,011
I think that's what
had me all locked up.
2189
01:38:12,178 --> 01:38:13,179
Hey!
2190
01:38:14,347 --> 01:38:16,182
Shit, we got
security on us.
2191
01:38:16,265 --> 01:38:17,475
We got to do
this right now.
2192
01:38:17,642 --> 01:38:19,143
Three, two, one...
2193
01:38:19,310 --> 01:38:20,686
BOTH: lwish I had
my old life back!
2194
01:38:20,853 --> 01:38:21,854
What did they say?
2195
01:38:22,313 --> 01:38:24,732
Do you feel any different?
No, go again.
2196
01:38:24,899 --> 01:38:27,360
BOTH: lwish I had
my old life back!
2197
01:38:28,569 --> 01:38:30,238
Oh, shit!
Come on, guy!
2198
01:38:30,405 --> 01:38:32,573
We are running out of time here.
Three, two, one...
2199
01:38:32,740 --> 01:38:34,742
BOTH: lwish I had
my old life back!
2200
01:38:35,326 --> 01:38:38,079
MITCH: Bingo! DAVE:Nme!
Let's go, this way!
2201
01:38:38,246 --> 01:38:39,705
I'm peeing all over people,
slow down!
2202
01:38:39,872 --> 01:38:41,082
WOMAN: Watch it!
2203
01:38:41,207 --> 01:38:42,417
MITCH: Excuse me,
I'm sorry. Pardon me.
2204
01:38:45,837 --> 01:38:48,464
(ALL MURMURING)
2205
01:38:52,593 --> 01:38:53,594
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2206
01:38:58,182 --> 01:39:01,018
(BABY CRYING)
2207
01:39:11,571 --> 01:39:12,572
Oh, my God.
2208
01:39:16,451 --> 01:39:18,244
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
2209
01:39:19,078 --> 01:39:22,165
Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
2210
01:39:22,248 --> 01:39:24,292
Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I'm back.
2211
01:39:24,459 --> 01:39:26,711
Pumpkin, wake up.
2212
01:39:26,878 --> 01:39:29,130
Can you wake up, baby?
I'm back, I'm back.
2213
01:39:29,297 --> 01:39:32,216
Oh, my God, I missed you so much.
Oh, honey.
2214
01:39:32,383 --> 01:39:34,302
Okay, I owe you an
explanation for last night.
2215
01:39:34,469 --> 01:39:36,554
I owe you an apology
for this week.
2216
01:39:37,138 --> 01:39:39,932
And most importantly, I owe you
a fix for the last five years.
2217
01:39:40,099 --> 01:39:41,809
Honey, things are
changing, I promise.
2218
01:39:42,226 --> 01:39:45,980
You and the kids mean everything to me.
Nothing is more important.
2219
01:39:46,147 --> 01:39:48,065
In fact, I'm going
to quit my job.
2220
01:39:48,232 --> 01:39:50,401
I'm going to work today,
I'm going to quit my job.
2221
01:39:50,568 --> 01:39:54,071
I'm going to apply
to Kinko's, all right?
2222
01:39:54,238 --> 01:39:56,574
Or maybe Chiok-fil-A or Waffle House?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
2223
01:39:56,741 --> 01:39:58,409
Hold on, just a second.
Foot Looker?
2224
01:39:58,576 --> 01:40:01,078
It is the middle
of the night. Shh.
2225
01:40:02,413 --> 01:40:06,584
All right, I don't know what's
going on with you two dorks.
2226
01:40:06,918 --> 01:40:08,294
That's enough.
2227
01:40:09,170 --> 01:40:10,588
I don't want you
to quit your job.
2228
01:40:10,671 --> 01:40:11,964
What are you
talking about?
2229
01:40:12,131 --> 01:40:15,760
You love your job
and you love the law.
2230
01:40:16,135 --> 01:40:18,137
I love that about you.
2231
01:40:19,096 --> 01:40:20,640
I just want you to
come home for dinner.
2232
01:40:20,806 --> 01:40:22,767
I know.
And Dialogue Night.
2233
01:40:23,267 --> 01:40:24,852
And to see the kids.
2234
01:40:26,938 --> 01:40:28,856
And I want you
to want to be here.
2235
01:40:29,023 --> 01:40:31,776
I do. You have no idea.
2236
01:40:34,195 --> 01:40:36,113
You don't have
to get all, like,
2237
01:40:36,197 --> 01:40:37,615
ullm
to quit mYi°b-"
2238
01:40:39,075 --> 01:40:40,952
(BABY RESUMES CRYING)
2239
01:40:41,327 --> 01:40:43,037
It's my turn.
No,no,no.
2240
01:40:43,204 --> 01:40:44,664
Back to bed.
They're mine.
2241
01:40:46,832 --> 01:40:48,000
I love you.
2242
01:40:48,167 --> 01:40:49,877
I love you.
2243
01:40:52,713 --> 01:40:53,965
Hi!
2244
01:40:54,799 --> 01:40:56,634
Look who's up.
2245
01:40:56,801 --> 01:40:58,177
Good morning.
2246
01:40:58,344 --> 01:41:00,137
Hi, my little man.
2247
01:41:02,890 --> 01:41:05,685
(LAUGHING) And how are you
this morning, little princess?
2248
01:41:06,644 --> 01:41:08,145
Good morning.
2249
01:41:08,980 --> 01:41:10,356
How was your sleep?
2250
01:41:10,523 --> 01:41:12,149
Yeah, I know.
2251
01:41:12,316 --> 01:41:13,526
Okay, she's first.
2252
01:41:13,693 --> 01:41:15,528
She's a little
bit more vocal.
2253
01:41:15,695 --> 01:41:16,696
Right?
2254
01:41:17,071 --> 01:41:19,532
Are you trying to tell me
you've got a little surprise?
2255
01:41:20,324 --> 01:41:21,867
Did you make me
something special?
2256
01:41:22,034 --> 01:41:23,035
Daddy.
2257
01:41:23,494 --> 01:41:26,831
Hi, sugarbug,
come here.
2258
01:41:28,749 --> 01:41:30,376
Give me a hug, sweetie.
2259
01:41:31,335 --> 01:41:32,503
(GROANS) Good morning.
2260
01:41:33,754 --> 01:41:35,756
You smell like a pillow.
2261
01:41:35,923 --> 01:41:39,051
Stay here, talk to me.
Sit on that chair.
2262
01:41:39,218 --> 01:41:40,261
Tell me about school.
2263
01:41:40,344 --> 01:41:42,179
I want to know what you
learned yesterday, okay?
2264
01:41:42,346 --> 01:41:43,681
And I want
to hear everything.
2265
01:41:44,181 --> 01:41:48,019
Did you know that atoms are
smaller than a grain of sand?
2266
01:41:48,185 --> 01:41:49,604
How amazing is that?
2267
01:41:49,770 --> 01:41:50,771
So amazing!
2268
01:41:50,938 --> 01:41:54,066
And everything on this
planet is made out of atoms.
2269
01:41:54,233 --> 01:41:56,694
Which is kind
of strange
2270
01:41:56,861 --> 01:41:59,905
because I think that means that
I'm the same as a piece of fruit
2271
01:42:00,072 --> 01:42:01,365
or a fish
2272
01:42:01,532 --> 01:42:03,034
or this chair!
2273
01:42:17,840 --> 01:42:18,966
(GASPS)
2274
01:42:25,514 --> 01:42:28,684
I'm me. God, I'm me. Thank you.
Thank you.
2275
01:42:28,851 --> 01:42:31,145
God, look at that.
Gorgeous!
2276
01:42:31,604 --> 01:42:33,230
God, it's so good
to be back!
2277
01:42:34,857 --> 01:42:35,900
Welcome home.
I missed you.
2278
01:42:36,067 --> 01:42:39,487
Look at that,
two perfectly shorn balls.
2279
01:42:39,862 --> 01:42:40,988
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
2280
01:42:44,492 --> 01:42:45,743
(ZIPPING UP)
2281
01:42:48,037 --> 01:42:49,038
Hi.
2282
01:42:51,874 --> 01:42:54,293
I left my purse.
I would have called but...
2283
01:42:54,460 --> 01:42:56,045
But you left your
phone in your purse.
2284
01:42:56,212 --> 01:42:58,172
Yeah.
Right.
2285
01:42:58,339 --> 01:43:01,884
I just wanted to
apologize, because I know
2286
01:43:02,051 --> 01:43:06,055
that I probably came off a
little aggressive last night,
2287
01:43:06,222 --> 01:43:08,307
and I just
wanted to say sorry.
2288
01:43:10,601 --> 01:43:11,602
No.
2289
01:43:11,769 --> 01:43:13,938
Don't apologize.
I apologize.
2290
01:43:14,105 --> 01:43:16,148
I probably came off
a little gay last night.
2291
01:43:16,816 --> 01:43:19,902
I hope you will allow me the opportunity
to straighten things out for you.
2292
01:43:20,069 --> 01:43:22,446
Hey, guess what?
It's breakfast time.
2293
01:43:22,613 --> 01:43:23,614
Do you want to
get some breakfast?
2294
01:43:24,949 --> 01:43:25,950
Yeah.
2295
01:43:26,033 --> 01:43:27,034
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
2296
01:43:29,870 --> 01:43:32,456
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here in the sight of God
2297
01:43:32,623 --> 01:43:35,042
to unite this man and
this woman in the...
2298
01:43:35,126 --> 01:43:36,377
(TIRES SCREECH)
2299
01:43:43,634 --> 01:43:45,511
Mitch, you came.
2300
01:43:45,678 --> 01:43:47,179
I'm very, very touched.
Thank you.
2301
01:43:47,430 --> 01:43:48,431
You're welcome, Dad.
2302
01:43:49,473 --> 01:43:50,474
Ooh!
2303
01:43:50,558 --> 01:43:52,518
Fuck me! This must
be my new mom.
2304
01:43:52,685 --> 01:43:54,145
Hi, Mitch Planko.
2305
01:43:54,311 --> 01:43:55,896
Good. Thank you.
2306
01:43:56,063 --> 01:43:57,273
She's holding onto me.
2307
01:43:57,356 --> 01:43:59,066
Okay, good, let go.
2308
01:43:59,233 --> 01:44:01,694
Keep away from him.
The man's a pervert.
2309
01:44:06,824 --> 01:44:10,369
ALL: Happy anniversary,
Jamie and Dave!
2310
01:44:15,332 --> 01:44:17,334
For those of you who don't know
me, my name is Mitch Planko.
2311
01:44:17,501 --> 01:44:19,879
I was that nut sack's
best man 10 years ago.
2312
01:44:19,962 --> 01:44:20,963
Here we go.
2313
01:44:21,046 --> 01:44:25,092
When we were kids, Dave and
I, we had a lot of big plans.
2314
01:44:25,259 --> 01:44:27,636
Dave, he was going
to be an astronaut,
2315
01:44:27,803 --> 01:44:31,849
and I was going to sell
dolphins on the black market.
2316
01:44:32,016 --> 01:44:33,100
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(SCOFFS) Astronaut!
2317
01:44:33,517 --> 01:44:35,728
There's a reason I'm
not selling dolphins.
2318
01:44:36,145 --> 01:44:38,898
We live in Atlanta,
they're tough to find.
2319
01:44:39,064 --> 01:44:42,109
And those things,
they don't sleep,
2320
01:44:42,276 --> 01:44:44,069
which also makes it
real hard to catch them.
2321
01:44:45,237 --> 01:44:47,490
But I think
that we all know
2322
01:44:47,656 --> 01:44:51,327
that life doesn't always turn
out exactly how you plan it.
2323
01:44:51,577 --> 01:44:53,329
Sometimes,
2324
01:44:53,496 --> 01:44:55,039
just sometimes,
2325
01:44:55,206 --> 01:44:56,540
it turns out better.
2326
01:44:57,291 --> 01:44:58,626
Dave, I think
there's a reason
2327
01:44:58,709 --> 01:45:00,711
that you're not walking
on the moon right now.
2328
01:45:01,170 --> 01:45:03,464
It's because you belong here,
2329
01:45:04,298 --> 01:45:05,883
in your life,
2330
01:45:06,050 --> 01:45:08,219
with that incredible woman
sitting beside you.
2331
01:45:13,015 --> 01:45:16,393
Can we please raise
our Kamikaze shots
2332
01:45:16,477 --> 01:45:18,020
to my two best friends,
please?
2333
01:45:19,563 --> 01:45:20,564
To Dave and Jamie.
2334
01:45:20,731 --> 01:45:22,566
ALL: Dave and Jamie!
2335
01:45:22,733 --> 01:45:24,068
Happy anniversary.
2336
01:45:24,235 --> 01:45:26,487
ALL: Happy anniversary!
2337
01:45:30,241 --> 01:45:32,243
How did I do?
You're such a poet.
2338
01:45:32,409 --> 01:45:34,078
You're Robert Frost.
Who?
2339
01:45:34,245 --> 01:45:35,830
It doesn't matter.
God, you're good looking.
2340
01:45:35,913 --> 01:45:36,914
Yeah.
2341
01:45:36,997 --> 01:45:38,666
I'm going to meet you in five minutes.
All right.
2342
01:45:38,833 --> 01:45:39,875
Okay.
2343
01:45:41,502 --> 01:45:42,753
I took care
of you guys, huh?
2344
01:45:43,921 --> 01:45:44,922
We love you.
2345
01:45:45,422 --> 01:45:46,632
Oh... (LAUGHS)
2346
01:45:46,924 --> 01:45:48,175
Come on. Really?
2347
01:45:49,593 --> 01:45:51,387
Hey, buddy.
I love you.
2348
01:45:51,554 --> 01:45:52,847
I love you, man.
2349
01:45:54,431 --> 01:45:56,350
How are things going
at home? Good?
2350
01:45:56,767 --> 01:45:59,436
Yeah. I mean, come on.
2351
01:45:59,603 --> 01:46:02,731
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
It's fantastic.
2352
01:46:02,898 --> 01:46:04,108
Good.
Yeah.
2353
01:46:04,275 --> 01:46:05,776
What about you?
What about Sabrina?
2354
01:46:06,235 --> 01:46:10,072
Good. It's good. We're taking
things slow, but it's good.
2355
01:46:14,910 --> 01:46:16,453
Is it weird that
I miss your penis?
2356
01:46:16,954 --> 01:46:19,248
Come on. It would be
weird if you didn't.
2357
01:46:19,331 --> 01:46:22,126
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2358
01:47:48,253 --> 01:47:49,713
MITCH: Oh, God!
2359
01:47:50,047 --> 01:47:51,382
(BOTH MOANING)
2360
01:47:51,465 --> 01:47:52,466
(MITCH EXCLAIMING)
2361
01:47:53,050 --> 01:47:54,385
SABRINA: Oh, my God!
2362
01:47:54,551 --> 01:47:56,220
Ow! What the hell was that? Oh.
2363
01:47:56,387 --> 01:47:57,888
Explain yourself!
2364
01:47:58,055 --> 01:47:59,932
You've never heard
of the Bryant Gumbel?
2365
01:48:01,475 --> 01:48:02,601
(PANTING) Let's do
that again.
2366
01:48:02,726 --> 01:48:04,269
(SABRINA GIGGLING)
169404
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