All language subtitles for The Simpsons.S29E20

*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 29 Episode 20

Episode Title :
"Throw Grampa from the Dane"

Mmm. Jam.

Okay, okay.

The only explanation
is I'm still asleep,

dreaming that
the house is flooded.

What does it mean?
What does it mean?

It probably means
you're under a lot of stress

because this is not a dream
and the house is flooded.

- D'oh!
- Cowabunga!

Oh, my God.
This is horrible!

Although, I do like
the sofa better

where the water's carrying it.

How did this happen?

Homie, I don't like
where the painting is.

Maybe you're upset
about something else.

Are you hungry? Why don't
you make some pork chops?

Fine.

Now can you hang the painting?

Always with the painting.

Perfect. Wait, no, no, it's not.

Try again.

Mm. No, split the difference.

See?

When you listen to me,
we make a great team.

It's almost like
I can hear the ocean.

I guess we're both at fault.

In a way, that's refreshing.

Do you want me
to apologize anyway?

- I'd be happy to.
- Aw, no, thanks, sweetie.

Hmm.
Well, either way, I'm sorry.

Okay, now, when we try
to sell the house,

no one mention the water.

Just tell me
you paid the insurance.

You mean that bill
that's floating right there?

It's not due
till tomorrow, so relax.

My origami project.

Don't worry, sweetie.
We'll have a funeral for it.

All right.

I-I'll just pull up your policy.
Alt-Control-F... Aw, damn it!

Kate! Kate, can you get in here?

It's a different generation that
knows how to work these things.

- Enjoy.
- Eh, the kids, huh?

They just know how to do it.
Now let's see here.

You're in luck!
The policy I sold you

covers the full
replacement value of your house.

We also pay for six months
temporary housing.

Now the bad news: your policy
is the only one I've sold.

It just cost
the company a bundle,

and I'm gonna lose my job.

Gee, sorry, ol' Gil.

That's okay, I got options:
unemployment, suicide.

When one door closes,
a coffin opens.

Eh, what am I saying?
I don't make coffin money.

But now I got something
to work towards!

That's right.

Kate, can you tell me
how to charge a cell phone?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, so wall holes
make things charge?

What's next?

There are some nice Airbnb
options on the Westside.

Ooh. Huh? Huh?

Mm, I'd feel kind of weird

sleeping in the bedroom
of someone I know.

Everything okay with the room?

You're not
supposed to be back

from your vacation
for three weeks.

It's not a vacation.

My dad is doing
seasonal fruit picking.

Come on, Milhouse.

I need you on my shoulders
to reach the high apples.

And I don't want to be in a room

where guys walked around
with their dinguses out.

No! No, don't imagine that!

So, son, uh, word on the street
is you've come into some money.

Yeah?

I was wondering, you know, uh...
Just hear me out...

I've always considered you
a friend, and...

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

This is the most precious kind
of money there is:

unearned, and it's mine.

And you're not getting at it
just because you need

a bigger TV or a room
with a window or...

An operation.

You need an operation?
What's the matter?

If it's all the same,
it's embarrassing,

and I'd rather not
discuss it publicly.

Really? What could it be?

Look, it's important to me
and pricey.

What could it be?

"Pane in the ass"?

Hands off!

I need professional help!

Not to worry.
This is the United States.

We have the third best
health care system

in North America.

Hi, Medicare!

I mean, hi, every-money.

Can I speak
with the doctor alone?

Of course.

Oh, wait, I'm the doctor.

That's why I wear
the heart listening tube.

Ba-boom, ba-boom.

That never gets old.

What's taking Grampa
so long in there?

It's crazy that medical costs
are so high here.

In Denmark... to pick a country
at random... health care is free.

Free? Honey, nothing
is free but Splendas.

In Denmark, they make everyone
pay high taxes.

Even rich people.

Yes, and they get
free health care.

It's called socialism.

Socialism? But all my radio
loudmouths tell me to hate that.

That doc can't do
nothing for me.

You know, if Grampa was in
Denmark and he had an accident,

he'd get medical care for free!

I can't go to Denmark by myself.

I get lost in the middle
of a sentence,

and that was the best pie
I ever had.

Wait a minute. What if we used
our insurance money

to take a family trip
to Denmark?

Why would we want
to go to Denmark?

It is the happiest country
on Earth, in poll after poll.

I got your poll right here.

Hey, you're right.

Homer, you've got
the vacation coming.

We've got the money.
It's settled.

We're going to Denmark,
and Grampa will get fixed.

Well, Homer, looks like
Marge is the boss in your house.

Well, I say we don't go!

But we need to go.
I'm desperate!

Fine, we'll go.

That woman's got you
right under her thumb.

None of these were chosen

as the name of our airline.
Danish Air.

Excuse me, sir, the "no smoking"
sign has been illuminated.

Sorry.

The flight attendants
are so sweet.

We will be landing
in Copenhagen shortly.

If you have been designing
and building furniture

during the flight, please apply
your final coat of varnish now.

Hey, I got things done, too.

What the...?!

Denmark,
the jewel of the Baltic.

First-class schools,
sleek furniture design,

energy independence,

and brooding TV dramas
about teenagers getting killed.

Thank you so much
for renting my apartment.

It's so efficient.

Please allow me to give you
a tour of Copenhagen.

Wonderful. But first, a nap.

No, Homer.
You slept on the plane.

You slept through customs.
You slept on the bus.

How can you sleep now?

Don't you hear
Copenhagen calling?

Take a message.

The people here are
so openly affectionate.

Why don't we all hold hands?

Are we supposed to
interlock fingers or not?

Cramp! Cramp!

Dad's hands
are covered with jam.

- I can't get it off!
- Grampa's hands are too rough.

- Lisa's hands are too soft.
- Just keep holding.

Oh, don't worry,
the government will pay you

to learn this social skill.

Uh, Homer, you are
holding your own hand.

They're fighting over a Danish.

Created in 1913,
The Little Mermaid

is a world-famous icon
of Denmark.

No, The Little Mermaid
was created by Disney,

right before he created
Spider-Man and Star Wars.

This is the real little mermaid.

And she was
a very tragic figure.

- What about her buddy, the crab?
- There was no crab!

He was the only
funny thing in it.

Got that right.

Oh, my God, it's wonderful.

More people biking
than driving cars.

Yes, it's rush hour,

so people are taking
the bicycle superhighways home.

Uh, how crowded are
your bicycle superhighways?

Well...

We don't have any.

But how many people
ride bikes in your town?

The paperboy, till Dad hit him.

Sadly, the one headline
he couldn't deliver.

Wait a minute, wait a minute,
stop the car!

What? It's Danish for
"speed check."

Fart kontrol.

I apologize for my husband.

In our language,
that sign means something else.

Yes, I know.

I'm speaking to you
in your language.

"Non-Danes do not qualify
for the free health care.

"But if you injure yourself
in Denmark,

a Danish hospital
will treat you for free."

I can't believe
the government puts this out.

For free!

Excuse me, you dropped this.

Lisa, this is Prince Christian,
second in line to the throne.

I play the tenor sax.

Oh, no, here it comes.

The fantasy about
becoming a princess

that no girl can resist.

Bart, get out of my fantasy!

Ah, geez, I saved your life.
How about a "you're welcome"?

Can you imagine
how exciting it would be

to live in this city?

Ooh, Mom, we could try it
for a semester.

Do you know how long I've wanted
to live in a Celsius country?

There's boobs on the billboards!

And we're here in the world's
most perfect amusement park.

Their national anthem
is so beautiful,

and they don't get to war
until the second verse.

And it's in a range
you can actually sing.

♪ There is a lovely land ♪

♪ With spreading
shady beech-trees ♪

♪ Near salty eastern shore ♪

♪ Near salty
eastern shore. ♪

Bart and Lisa are getting along!
This country is calling to us.

Homer, can you take
the daring step

of doing nothing
and staying here?

There are big reasons
why we can't live here.

I'm okay with nuclear power,
but wind power?

- Frankly, it sounds dangerous.
- Excuse me, white trash.

Is this the kind of country
you want to live in?

No, sir. I meant we separate
our trash by colors.

♪ This country is still lovely ♪

♪ Because blue is
the lake wind... ♪

I can't believe you're talking
about leaving Springfield.

That's where all my friends are.

Look, everyone, we came here
to rip this country off,

and that's what we're gonna do
and then go home.

Fine. Let's find a place
that has good smorrebrod,

or maybe some morbradbof
or flaeskesteg.

Women do love this country.

Homer, do you think
I'm handsome?

Well, yes.
I was gonna mention it.

- I am a Danish four.
- I'm an American nine.

How could my family
want to stay here?

In America, we have great
TV channels, like BBC America,

and a factory for cheesecakes...
A factory!

Your enthusiasm makes me
want to follow you there.

Foreigners are
no longer welcome.

All right, Dad,
no more fooling around.

Time to get you in the hospital,
so we can go home.

Hello. How was your day?

Eh. This country sure is safe.

Well, last week,
an older tourist

had a bad fall
at Kronborg Castle.

Of course, Kronborg Castle.
Why didn't I think of it?

Probably because
I never heard of it.

Dating back
to the 15th century,

Kronborg was immortalized
as Elsinore

in Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah, the castle's okay,
but the keep is, like, meh.

And I'll tell you something else
great about here.

You've been walking so much,
you've lost weight.

I'm down to
my pre-pregnancy weight!

Homer, in this most beautiful
spot on Earth,

I have to admit to you,
I really don't want to go home.

- I don't either.
- Let's stay.

Think about how happy
we'd be here.

It's healthy, it's clean,
it's incredibly civilized,

and everything is done
in moderation.

You're not describing a country.

You're describing everything
that's the opposite of me.

Everyone here speaks
perfect English.

Probably gonna be around
in five years.

It's just a nice place
and we like it.

All I ask is that
you think about it.

Maybe she's right.
Maybe we should move here.

Tubby or not tubby,
that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind

to gobble the wings and nachos
of outrageous portions,

or just eat fish and end them.

Ay, there's the rub...
Brisket rub, Memphis rub.

Oh, the rubs I'll miss when
I have shuffled off from Buffalo.

Mozzarella... No.

I'm an American, and we've got
to get back to America,

the greatest country on Earth,
1917 to 2016.

This is the famous Holger
Danish, our sleeping king.

All right, Dad, here we go.

There's nothing more American
than a slip and fall.

Whoa!

Hold on, son.

Before you push me down these
stairs, I have a confession.

The procedure I need
isn't a surgery.

I just need to remove
an old tattoo.

You made us come here
because of a stupid tattoo?

It's not just any tattoo.

Mom?

No! Mona Malloy,
who used to iron my shirts.

Of course it's your mother.

I can't go to my grave
with this hanging over my heart.

Why is it guys like us

are always disappointing
the women we love?

I would ask Mona, but she's
spending eternity hating me,

from her pit in hell.

I miss her, too.

Her greatest skill was
making people miss her.

- Hello.
- She's talking to you.

Mm, I'll talk to someone my age.

Excuse me.
I felt compelled to meet you.

I've never met a man
with empathy so deep

he weeps in public.

Oh, yeah, I cry, I blubber.

Sometimes stuff
comes out of my nose.

Well...

Danish men never reveal
such emotion.

They're like
cold, flawless gods.

Look, lady, I'm a married man.

- I'm a married man.
- Shh.

I'm a married man.

Here, marriage is not
such a sacred institution.

Danes are very free sexually.

Perhaps it's because we are more
sensitive to each other's needs,

or just because
we're all so freaking hot.

Now let us dance our
traditional dance of passion.

Okay.

Do you know the Danes eat more
ice cream than any other people?

Yet their rate
of heart disease is...

Oh, it's their number one
cause of death.

Well, look where we got it.

Well, that never
stopped your father.

I'll just text a picture of you
right now, eating the ice...

Oh, my God.

Marge.

Where are you going?

Where will I ever find
another man like you?

Hi, we're the Kiwanis Club
of Cheeseburg, Ohio.

Oh... hio.

I must confess to you now,

every couple that has Airbnb'd
my apartment has broken up.

Then how did it get
so many good reviews?

They like the big apartment cat.

Oh, I do like it.
Ooh, let me scratch your chin!

He's so chubby,
I just can't take it!

Marge, honey, I'm so sorry.

We shared a dance and a fish,
but that's it.

- I understand. It's fine.
- So you're coming home?

No, I'm not. I want to stay.

I don't know for how long,
but I feel so alive and free.

I've stopped wearing a bra.

That means
they're just one fabric away

from the cool Scandinavian air.

Sorry, Homie. We're not leaving.

Well, the kids
can't just replace me.

He's so cozy.
He can sleep with Mom.

Can I get you a beer?

Dad, wait.

Mom says you can take these home
with you. It's a bag of bras.

And I just learned
how to unhook these.

Oh, my God. What am I doing?

I should be having
the time of my life

in this airport security line,
but it's nothing without Marge.

Son, I got
to tell you something.

- You're making a huge mistake.
- I know.

I let stubbornness
ruin my marriage,

and all I have to show for it
is an old tattoo.

- Go back to your woman.
- You mean the one in the bar?

First the one in the bar,
then Marge.

No! Just Marge.

- Marge!
- You missed the flight.

Marge, baby,
wherever you are is home.

I'm staying in Copenhagen.

I'm glad you came back,

but I was kind of rethinking
living here.

Why?

The toilet's in the shower.

The washing machine
won't even hold

one pair of your underpants.

And you see how dark it is?

It's 11:00 in the morning.

Well, that was a nice day.

I think I'm ready to go home.

You got it, baby.

We'll ditch this paradise
and never come back.

What about the kids?

I heard the schools are
really great here. I'm out.

I want to stay,
but no one ever listens to me.

So we're all united.

- Yay! -All right!
- Whoo!

But I can't help thinking
I'm forgetting something.

Sir, those birds were
already fed by the state.

You are overfeeding them,
which will kill them.

When life gives you lemons,
you make lemonade.

Aw.

So how much do we owe you?

Nothing. In Denmark,
we have socialized tattooing.

And with that, our country
is out of money. Good-bye.

Shh!

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

Sync corrections by srjanapala