All language subtitles for The Mayor S01E12(toxicwap.com)

Let's loosen these bad boys up.

If you feel a rip or tear,
that means it's working.

- Okay. Guys, can you believe it?
- What?

Courtney Rose back at Fort Grey High

to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.

Today is the day I become mayor.

You said that when you judged

the Kiwanis Club Hot Dog Eating Contest.

And when he judges the
Galleria Mall's Bikini Contest,

he'll say it again.

He's judging that?

Whoo! There's nothing a mom loves more

- than cheering for her son.
- Mm-hmm.

Sometimes you gotta let the world know.

Whoo! I made that!

I'm the mayor's mom!

What are you doing?

Uh, well, hello, there, tiny miss.

I am just enjoying a hot dog.

Why?

Well, because I got hungry, you know.

I got the grumbles.

Why?

Well, it's a combination of biology

and, let's be honest, psychology.

Emotion drives a lot
of my eating decisions.

Why?

Okay, let's get into this. Um...

- I'm sorry. Is she bothering you?
- Bothering me?

No, this is the most engaging
conversation I've had all day.

Ladies and gentlemen,
here to throw out the first pitch,

please welcome Fort Grey's
very own Mayor Courtney Rose!

I'm glad we're not
the Running Apaches anymore,

but the Fighting Almonds?

Ha ha! Yeah!

Courtney!

Ahh! That's my baby!

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

Hey, that is enough, Fighting Almond!

You make a lousy butter.

Sure would hate to be his mama!

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www.addic7ed.com

That guy might think about
giving up on golf

and taking up ice fishing.

All right, "Not Top Ten" number one

comes out of Fort Grey, California,

where that city's mayor,
a guy named Courtney Rose,

threw out the first pitch.

Or at least that was the plan.

Ugh!

Can we get someone more coordinated?

Bring the golf guy back!

I can't believe
they are still playing this.

And they added a squeal?

Nah, bro, the squeal is real.

I remember it startling me.

Look, bro, it is not my fault

I'm an inexperienced thrower, okay?

No one ever taught me.

- Excuse me?
- Huh?

Ow! Ma!

God, I thought you was coming here

to make me feel better.

And she can throw?! Total package.

"Nobody taught me," my ass!

I tried plenty of times.

"Hi, I'm Courtney,
and I'd rather rhyme my words

and match my hat to my shoes

than learn how to be a thrower."

And it's called a pitcher, by the way.

All right, let me try one.

"Hi, I'm Courtney Rose, and...

and I don't look very happy right now."

I-Is this whiff gonna be a problem?

I mean, outside of the...

Overwhelming shame you feel? Yeah, man.

This is like your
"Dukakis and the tank,"

your "Gerald Ford tumbling
down the stairs," your...

Um, when did you become
a big history reader?

I'm voracious, baby.

- Anyway, my point is...
- Ew.

...you have joined the pantheon
of weak-ass leaders.

Okay, moving on.

We have a very big issue to discuss.

- Your Bumble profile.
- Oh, yeah.

Man, I'm so glad you brought this up.

I'm... I'm not on Bumble.

Then who the hell I been messaging?

Anyways, Big D's Pizza Express

wants to open
their West Coast headquarters

- right here in Fort Grey.
- Oh, wow.

When you start bringing in hella jobs,

do you think anyone is gonna remember

that throwing arm of yours?

- Yes!
- Hmm?

Oh, sorry. I just got
assigned a Little Buddy.

Oh! You're doing the Big Buddy
Little Buddy program?

Well, talking to that kid at the game,

I started to kind of
get the dad feels, you know?

But am I really cut out for it?

Do I, T. K. Clifton,

have what it takes to raise a human?

As a Big Buddy,

I can practice with a rental kid,

like a loaner
you can bang up a little bit.

Yeah, man, I'm the same way
with my shoes.

I got to spend at least a month
in my wing tips

- to see if I can commit.
- And who knows?

Maybe I can teach my kid how to pitch.

Save him Courtney's shame.

Val is right, okay?

We need to focus on landing Big D's.

Okay, tomorrow, everyone
bring in your best pitch.

Ohh!

I don't know if that pun was intended,

but it's appreciated.

- Thank you.
- That's the kind of whimsy

that will really turn around
your Bumble profile.

I'm gonna go.

Big D's Pizza Express.

We're meeting with the CEO, Don Viola.

How do we lure his business
to Fort Grey?

T.K., what do you got?

Nothing. I was busy prepping
for my Little Buddy.

What?

If you had kids, you'd understand.

J...

Allow me.

There have only been
two iconic styles of pizza...

New York, Chicago... until now.

Introducing Fort Grey's
revolutionary take on pizza...

Pizza. Pot. Pie.

Oh, like a calzone?

No, no, that's been done
already, bro. You know what?

I don't think you guys
are getting it. Let me...

Okay, I did some actual research on Don.

The guy has five businesses.

- He played pro ball, been married twice...
- Whoa, wait, wait.

What pro ball did he play?

Tennis?

Foos?

Oh, God, tell me it's not...

Base. It's base.

Oh, no.

Wh... You didn't tell us

the boss is meeting
with a baseball player.

Why do we even have
an after-hours phone tree?

It's not that big of a deal.

Val, Courtney very publicly
failed at this man's passion.

It was the height of humiliation.

Don's not gonna want to go for that.

Yeah, he's gonna have
a field day with me.

Look, Courtney, no one cares
if you can throw a pitch.

He's just here to make a deal.

All you have to do is show him

that you are the perfect partner.

Okay, yeah. All right.
Yeah, I ca... I can do that.

Can you, though?

Because you said that last time
when they asked you to pitch.

Ooh.

Nah, you got it.

Welcome to City Hall, little man...

the place where the magic happens.

I know it can be a little overwhelming,

but I'll be by your side the whole time.

So, what do you want to see first?

This building's wack.
I've been to the White House.

Welcome to City Hall, little man...

the place where magic happens.

Now, I know it can be
a little overwhelming,

but I'll be right here by your side.

So, what do you want to see first?

Wow.

City Hall's so fancy and big!

You are so much better
than that other kid, I tell you.

Who has two thumbs
and loves a tax break?

This guy!

Tired of waiting
for that building permit?

Welcome to the front of the line.

Sorry, Owen's Dry Bar.

So, what do you say? Hmm?

I think we will make
a really strong team.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe.

As long as you're not the pitcher.

So, y-you saw the pitch.

Actually, my niece sent me the clip.

It's going around her school.

Well, we didn't come all this way

to talk about Courtney's pitch.

It's not really a pitch, was it?

I mean, I don't know
what the word is for it.

I guess it's a, uh...

Like... Like, a bloop?

That works.

Look, Don, man, I-I-I was never

a-a big sports guy, okay?

I was, uh, more of a
song-and-dance man, if you will.

And when you're rocking it
on the mic like I was,

you ain't got time
to be throwing around balls

like some meathead jock.

So I'm a meathead jock?

So, if we could just actually
turn to page three...

It's okay. I'd like to hear
from the melody maker

more about how I'm a meathead jock.

- Don, I'm sure he was...
- Travis!

Let him talk!

Sorry. Roid rage. Go on.

What... What I was saying
was that... is that...

that meatheads... not that
you're a meathead...

- Meat lover.
- Yeah, I love athletes!

Oh, my gosh, the running and the
jumping... all of it, really.

Any idiot off the street can make music.

- Even Shaq made a rap album.
- Shaq did. He did.

Not that Shaq is an idiot.

Wow.

You know what, man?
I was just messing with you.

Ah.

You know, I break your balls,
you break mine.

- But then you... What's the word?
- Blooped.

Yeah, you blooped.

You know, that pitch was embarrassing,

but this level of spinelessness...

it speaks volumes, you know?

How do I know that
you're not gonna crumble

when Little Caesars comes in here

and bullies you into
a sweeter deal than mine?

I got to run. I got a thing.

Oh, well, um, we... we can
just take a couple minutes

- to just go over our plan.
- Thanks, guys. Thank you so much.

Hey, Don, it's really good.
It's very det...

I don't think he has a thing.

I think he just wanted this to end.

You know, 'cause he doesn't see you

- as a strong enough, viable partner.
- Thank you, T. K.

Come on. Come on. Ring! Ring! Damn it!

Is Don really gonna let
this deal fall through?

Val, Val, Val. You did it again.

You told my boy not to worry
about his pathetic pitch,

when, clearly, that's all a
baseball-pizza-man would care about.

Don literally said that he didn't care.

What he didn't like was how
Courtney crumbled like a...

forgive my words... spineless wussy.

I hate when you go blue.

Look, Courtney, this wasn't a thing

until you made it a thing.

Yeah.

I mean, your physical weakness
is one thing,

but you revealed your inner weakness.

And the trouble with the inner weakness

is that you can't fix it.

Okay, this is bad.

I-I just got word from a contact.

Don is meeting the city of Modesto.

We have competition.

Conference room. Now!

Oh, hey, I'm on snack detail
for Tyson's basketball game.

Do you think the kids
would like pizza pot pie?

Do I think kids would enjoy pizza

topped with mashed potatoes and peas?

Oh. That's what it is?

All right, look, you need
to project strength to Don.

All right, my advice, although
it may be controversial...

have sex with his wife.

- Oh, no.
- Ugh.

You want to prove to him
that you're strong?

Forgive someone who's wronged
you with your whole heart.

- No.
- I don't know, bro. She's pretty gorge.

She looks like one of those women

playing tennis in the herpes commercial.

Courtney, Don messed with you
and revealed an insecurity.

Just show him you have a sense of humor

and you can laugh at yourself.

You know what? She's right.

It's like when Hugh Grant
got caught with that prosty,

went on Leno, laughed about it,

next thing you know, he's just a boy

standing in front of a girl,
asking her to love him.

That girl's name?
Julia frickin' Roberts.

Hey, I got a basketball game coming up.

You could embarrass yourself there.

Yes! I can let those cute,
little stinkers dunk on me,

show off my winning sense of humor,

and, boom... me and Don are back in biz.

T. - Dina Rose.

Aw, hey, there, little cutie!

Ah, don't get too cocky.
She calls me that, too.

Say hi, Tyson.

Hi, Tyson.

- No.
- Ha! He's funny!

He gets that from his daddy on the side.

All right, now, I got to make
this fruit salad for the game,

so you got that melon baller for me?

Yeah, now, remember,
it is scoop, twist, toss.

- Got it?
- Do I got it?

I am single-handedly raising this boy

two hours a day once a week, okay?

I taught him how to shave, how to drive,

how to leave a note on a car
after we hit it.

I think I can handle a melon baller.

Now, is it scoop, twist, spin,
or smash, smash...

Don't worry. I'll help him.

You know, you two do look like

you're having a good time together.

Our faces hurt from smiling.

Honestly, I knew I had a sense
for being a parent,

but, my God, I am taking my breath away.

What's going on with you?

Look at me, talking about my kid.

Okay, first of all,
he's not actually your kid.

Dina Rose, do not say that
in front of Tyson.

- I'm all he's got.
- You know I have a dad, right?

You do now, son. You do now.

Thank you for the melon scoop.
Tyson, bring the car around.

Tyson, do not bring the car around.

See, I knew he couldn't
say no to helping out some kids.

- How do they even know who he is?
- They don't.

I gave them Coffee Bean
gift cards to play along.

- They let kids into Coffee Bean?
- I don't know.

Disgusting.

All right, so, here's the game plan.

I'm gonna let
these little kids kick my butt,

Don's gonna see I can laugh at myself,

and then, boom, we're rolling in dough.

Break.

Pizza dough and money dough.

Excuse me. Hey. Excuse me.

Oh, hey, you mind if I borrow
this real quick? Thanks.

Hey, could you sign this for my niece?

Her name is Courtney.

- Oh.
- I'm just playing.

That's my name. It's a girl's name.

I can actually laugh at myself.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

Hey, thanks for the invite.

Who knew Fort Grey

had so many Kansas City Royals fans?

- I know, right?
- Totally.

Uhp, that's my cue.

Who's ready to take on
the big, bad mayor?

Let's get it.

Oh, man, you took it right from me!

Ah!

You suck!

Hey, man, I'm doing the best I can.

Okay, that's just sad.

Oh. This is the dream.

I wonder why more people aren't parents.

Um, T. K., you... you realize
there's more to parenting

than just ice cream and basketball, yes?

- Oh, you don't have to tell me.
- Okay.

I've been practicing "the talk" all day.

My advice... get it while
it's hot... and consensual.

Oh. Our boys are going head-to-head.

Oh, man!

Don, will you play with us?

I need a real challenge.

Hey, take it easy on him.

You know, he is named after a flower.

Ha ha! Yeah, my middle name's
not so great, either.

My man.

Maybe we should help him out
and lower the rim a few feet?

You know I'm just playing at 10%, right?

If I turnt it up, it would be
a straight clinic out here.

What position did you play
in high school?

"Left out"?

Back to me.

Swish 'em.

Oh! Money to make! Money to make!

Ooh, I like that sound!

Are y'all just gonna
stand on the sidelines,

watch a boy do footwork?

Whoo!

- My man.
- Aah!

- Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!
- Oh!

Yo, ref! I didn't even touch the man!

Come on, man. You got
a mustache. You a grown man.

That is a child!

Whoo! Thank you.

Hold the trophy for me while
I make out with your girlfriend.

Well, when she become of age.

I don't... I-I don't like this.

- No, I mean...
- Oh, it's...

- Oh!
- Oh!

Yeah!

I'm the mayor, bitch!

T.K., your kid's crying.

I mean, that's not really my kid.

Also, your kid made him cry.

Y-Yeah, I'm not proud of that.

Wait, no, no. One sec.

Whoo!

And back in the number-one spot,

here he is... Mayor Courtney Rose!

- Man, he's the gift that keeps on giving.
- I'm the mayor, bitch!

As your mom... solid dunk.

As a citizen of the Earth,

the hell is wrong with you?!

Hey, Tyson, it's Side Daddy.

You want to hit a movie today?

See what that Pixar lamp is up to?

You know what I'm saying? Boing, boing.

Oh, y... Oh, you're still sad.

I mean, sure, the mayor dunked on you

and humiliated you
in front of all your friends,

but it's... Oh.

Now we're sobbing. Okay, well...

Uh, uh, Tyson, you're losing me, man.

I-I'm getting stuck in a tunnel.
Something jammed the signal.

Shh! Shh! Shh!

Hey, you already bought
those movie tickets?

I'll give you 20 cent on the dollar.

What do I do, Jermaine?

He was crying so hard

I actually heard him say, "Boo-hoo-hoo".

Just trade him in for another kid.

I am so glad you said that.

I felt you pushing me there,
and I was willing to go.

Man.

- Hey, man, you broke my kid.
- Not right now, T. K.

Not right now?

Then when, Courtney? When?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Just, uh...

checking in to see how you're doing.

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
I don't want to talk about it.

Of course not, 'cause, you know,

men aren't allowed
to talk about their emotions.

They're just busy eating raw steaks

and, you know... comparing penises.

What?

This isn't your fault.

You've been brainwashed
by the whole cult of machismo.

Look, everyone praises
the sensitive guy,

but when push comes to shove,

all they want is for us
to chop wood and do push-ups.

So, at the risk of being impolitic,

it's very, very hard to be a man.

Ohh. Oh, it's... it's brutal.

Getting twice the pay

and having kids in your 70s
with your third wife...

I get it. It's hard for women, too.

Harder. Er.

Seriously.

Look, you don't have to have
a-a killer fastball

to be a great leader.

There are other ways
to show your strengths.

Me? Mine is persistence.

Yes, 'cause you never
seem to stop, ever.

Okay, well, very true.

I've ran in 10 marathons,
and I've never won.

You know, but I keep persisting,

even though we all know that
when a Kenyan enters the race,

it's like, "What are we
even talking about?"

Yes, Val, what are we talking about?

I'm just saying, there's
more than one way to be strong.

Also, I just told you
that I ran in like 10 marathons,

which is, like, super-impressive,

and you're not... you're not impressed?

Okay, whatever.

T. - Dina Rose.

Ah! Hey, T. K. and not Tyson.

Oh, yeah, th-this is my new
Little Buddy, Clem.

He's got asthma, but he likes to laugh.

Oh, hi, Clem.

What happened to Tyson?
He was really sweet.

Oh, he was great
until he got sad for three days.

So I decided to do
a little trade-in for...

Clem.

Okay. Clem, my son has a
recording studio in his closet.

Why don't you go in there and play?

Cool! I love closets!

T.K., what the hell were you thinking?

That Tyson was too hard to fix,

so I'd start fresh with a new kid?

Do you know how many times
I wanted to trade in Courtney?

Fool woke me up this morning

asking me to...
to open up a jar of jelly.

The boy's got the weakest hands.

It's just so hard, Miss Dina.

I was watching Tyson in pain like that,

and... and I couldn't take it.

Maybe I'll never be ready to be a dad.

Ready? There is no ready.

I mean, the best you can do

is practice to avoid mistakes,

but then I promise,

you're just gonna
make different mistakes.

Okay, this is a bad pep talk.

I'm not feeling no pep.

It is real talk.

But when you get your kid

through that first broken leg
or broken heart

and you see them happy again,
that's the real bliss.

Oh, my God. I got to go get my baby.

T. K.?

Clem.

What am I supposed to do with you?

Well, we gonna watch

"Law & Order: Menendez Murders."

They killed their parents, baby.

Courtney, what, did you
drive two towns over

to show me you can
wrestle down a kitten?

Easy, now. Don't go crying.
I'm just messing with you.

Look, Don, my city needs jobs,

and I'm here to fight for them
with all of my strength.

Val.

♪ So you gotta cravin' for some 'za ♪

♪ But you're tryin' to save a dolla ♪

♪ Well, fugettabout those other guys ♪

♪ And give Big D's a holla ♪

♪ Our sauce is fresh ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Our pizza be poppin' ♪

♪ Just take a bite, yo ♪

♪ You won't be stoppin' ♪

♪ Big D's Pizza Express ♪

Hoo!

- Located in Fort Grey, California.
- Yeah.

Did you just come up with that?

Well, a wise person once told me

there are many different
types of strengths.

It was me. I'm... I'm the wise person.

And I'm a melody maker, Don.
That's my strength.

So, what do you think
of your new jingle?

Oh, uh...

I have John Legend
and Kanye working on one for me,

so I'm... I'm good.

Those jokers?

Man, I think their jingle
might make a good backup.

You know what I'm saying?

No, I think we'll go with theirs.

Yeah, that's cool. I totally get that.

But I appreciate the effort.

That's a strong move, Mr. Mayor.

Listen...

I know I can be the strong
partner that you need.

And I know I probably didn't

- make the best first impression...
- Or second.

...but there is so much more
to me than meets the eye.

If you give me a chance,
I can surprise you.

You know, I get that.

Everybody always wants to write me off

as some old meathead jock, you know,

instead of a legit business guy.

I just try to put that aside

and do the best I can.

Yeah, but you're a millionaire.

Yeah, "the best I can" is pretty great.

Mm-hmm.

Yo, Trav!

Cancel that meeting in Modesto!

Really?

I like your style.

Let's shatter that ceiling
together... partner.

All right.

Real struggle for the accidental mayor

and the millionaire jock.

Sorry, Val. What... What did you say?

I said it's a real struggle

for the accidental mayor
and the millionaire jock.

I'll call you.

So, that's it.
Just boring, circular pizza.

That's all we got?

- And 100 jobs.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, if jobs are the only thing
we care about,

then let's take a victory lap.

I mean, come on. Am I the only one

trying to change the way
we think about pizza?

- Yes.
- That's right.

Genius is often
only appreciated posthumously.

Whoa!

Oh, man! What the hell?!

Ah, that's payback
for dunking on him at the game.

It was Tyson's idea.

The screaming was my idea.

What? That... That looked like fun.

Hey, Courtney,
can I scream in your face?

- No.
- Why'd I even take this job?

I tell ya, Clem, it sure is nice

having a kid in the house again.

Got it!

- Told you I could do it.
- You sure did.

This fell back there two years ago.

Miss Dina, I lost Cle...
Oh, God! There you are!

Hey, Officer, you can cancel
that Amber Alert.

Yeah, I'm looking at him.

Okay. Clem, it's time
to get you back home.

Wait. Hold on a minute, T. K.

Hey, Clem, I bet you can't
find that hot dog

that rolled under my fridge last week.

Yes, I can.

Miss Dina.

What, are you gonna reach that hot dog

with those beefy arms of yours?

I don't think so.

Go ahead, Clem.

What is going on?

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