Original subtitles

- I got a letter from the States. - What's it say?

It says everything they eat is out of a can.

(chuckling)

The Rubicon.

This the mighty river that Caesar crossed

with the immortal call "Alea iacta est": The die is cast.

- Off with the shoes. We're crossing. - Let us walk in Caesar's footsteps.

Alea iacta est! The die is cast.

- On to Rome! - On to Rome!

(woman singing)

The fascist shit, his head is split - half a head, they say

Crossed the Rubicon one day and lost his balls along the way

Hey, kids, what do you think? Does Mussolini really stink?

Julius Caesar, noble Roman, dropped his balls and shook his fist

So they lopped it off above the wrist!

Bring me, then, the petition of Metellus Cimber...

Let this hand speak for me!

(Caesar groans)

Et tu, Brute?

(exaggerated cough)

Oh, my son!

(applause and cheering)

(light popularjazz)

(man) Commendatore. I only want to say that you moved us all to tears last night.

You are a great artist.

Eternal gratitude to our humble web-footed friends.

Eternal gratitude to our humble web-footed friends,

who, with their excited quacking...

It's always that one, sir! Always the same one!

...woke the soldiers,

who picked up their weapons and saved Rome from the enemy.

And you can hear their descendants quacking right outside the window.

Careful, now. Careful.

Return to your seats!

(geese honking)

I will not tolerate disorder! Return to your desks at once!

You are in school, not at a football game!

Little savages! You deserve the whip! School is too good for you! Barbarians!

...in saecula saeculorum. - Amen.

Rise.

Get ready.

Arms down. Turn around.

Forward march.

Silently. Orderly.

In orderly silence.

The she-wolf of the Campidoglio wholly cast in bronze.

Santa Maria Maggiore, one of the four basilicas of Rome.

The tomb of Cecilia Metella on the Appian Way.

The Arch of Constantine.

Monument to Vittorio Emanuele.

Saint Peter's, the greatest of all the temples of our Mother Church.

(gasps)

(boys cheer)

Take it off! Stop the electricity! Turn it off!

Turn it off! Close your eyes! Don't look!

Outside, all! This is the portrait from hell!

Keep your eyes closed! The devil is here! Don't look!

Stop, everyone! Stand up!

(all sing "Inno a Roma")

The bells of the church are the voices of God.

- The Pope is blessing us on the radio! - Bring on the soup, you idiot!

- Bring me that goddamn soup! - Severino, the Pope is giving his blessing.

(all shout at once)

- Shame! You're going to hell. Kneel. - Stay where you are or I'll eat a plate.

Kneel, darlings. Don't listen to your Godless father. He's doomed.

(bells chime)

Oh, for God's sake!

(Pope giving blessing)

- Don't shove. There are plenty of seats. - Three adults, two children and one maid.

Half-price for him? That kid's big enough to be my husband!

(man) I want the special rate for maids.

Adele, keep an eye on the children. Follow me.

Excuse us.

(film music)

(woman) The gods are good to you, Pompeo.

(man) I have come to take my leave.

You are leaving with that hussy, Priscilla the Christian?

(laughs)

I am generous by nature, but when scorned my vengeance can be terrible.

I love her.

(sobbing) No! Have mercy! Please, have pity!

Seats! Come on! Adele, children, sit down.

That's my wife's purse!

(musical crescendo)

(sentimental music)

(musical crescendo)

(music ends)

- Giovanni, back here are seats! - Seats! Let's go!

You young whippersnapper! Whom do you think you're talking to?!

You boor! Do you know who I am? I'll tell you who I am!

I am the school principal. The principal! So shut up!

(film) In Rome, the 28th of October celebrations

were an outstanding success in the capital.

The city, united in its devotions to her glorious chief,

proclaimed its faith in the brilliant destiny of our imperial motherland.

Scipione De Carolis performed his death-defying...

- That man is extraordinary. ...his dedication to our Fascist ideals.

At the beaches of Rome, the descendants of Romulus,

paraded to the strains of the revolutionary hymn.

The children were later served tasty snacks of Italian cheese on Italian bread

with domestic-brand teas.

Florence: Basking in the warmth of the Italian spring,

the ancient stones of the Palazzo Pitti shine forth in all their splendour.

(romantic music)

(wind howling)

That's what's nice about Rome: It's big and nobody knows you.

You're free to come and go as you please...

Tell us what Roman women are like, Carlo.

I'll tell you about their women. They got tits like watermelons.

(guffawing)

(train whistle)

(soldiers singing)

- Hey, you wanna buy a lighter? - Uh, no, thanks. I already have one.

How about some real English wool for a suit?

- Where are you staying? - Via Albalonga.

You can have my room, and a girl goes with it.

Well, thanks, but no thanks.

Hotel Dragoni!

- Hotel Roma! - Hotel Excelsior!

Hey, Cesare! I've been waiting! Am I glad to see you!

(bells chiming)

(man) I was on duty when I hit my head, and I got two witnesses to prove it!

So they've got to pay me for it!

Veal chops, eight lire a kilo. What is this country coming to?

- It's not coming, it's going - to hell. - Oh, no, it's been there and back.

(woman singing)

(singing and whistling)

Excuse me. Where can I find the Pallettis?

Fourth floor. And the elevator doesn't work.

Oh. Thank you.

(woman) Play nice, children.

- Oh, you're stupid. - Who says so?

You always do it wrong.

(music playing)

Do the Pallettis live on this floor?

Thank you.

(man) So he said to me "Are you nuts or what?" And I said "What?"

He comes back with "You know what." And I say "So what?"

- (woman) So? - (man) What do you mean, "so"?

(radio) At one o'clock, solemn military and religious ceremonies...

(child) Hey, I'll throw you down the cat! Catch!

Hey, wait a minute.

Hi. Where's your mother?

May I come in?

Anybody home?

Hello?

Antonietta! I did it!

Tell me about it later. Someone's waiting.

- I'm coming! Just a minute! - I did it! I did a whole lot!

Signora, the young man from up north is here. The one whose mother wrote you.

I'll show him around.

How do you do?

I was making spaghetti. Give it to me. I'll help you. I'll show you your room.

- Thank you. - This way. Come on.

The signora's not feeling well. Come on, this way.

It's an inflammation of the ovaries.

I'll put it here for now, so I can show you around. Come on.

(baby crying)

Come on, come on. This way.

I hope you can stand kids. The house is full of 'em.

This is the dining room. It's all Florentine. Very nice, huh?

Over there is her son. He's getting a job with a streetcar company, he hopes.

He went to the beach yesterday.

- Good morning. - All right, so I went to the beach.

- Did you have to go at midday? - When else? At night?

Poor darling.

You look a little overdone.

Have you got any fever?

A little.

- Very nice shirt you're wearing. - Oh, thanks.

(baby starts crying)

Not afraid of Chinese, are you? We have one living here. He does his own cooking.

Can I come in?

Oh, my God! Can't you open a window when you cook? It stinks to high heaven!

(speaking Chinese)

- Very good noodles. - I'm sure they are.

- You like to taste? - No. Thank you, but I've eaten.

- Very good. - Let me out of here or I'll vomit.

You couldn't feed the stuff to the rats.

(snoring)

Signora, you want me to show him the kitchen?

- Yes, show him everything. - Come on. This way.

(signora) Oh, God. What did I do to deserve this suffering?

The kitchen is in here.

- Oh, sorry. - That's all right.

Go on. After you.

Come on back! I'm nearly finished!

- Come back! I'm done! - Don't yell! I heard you all right!

- Just a minute. - (toilet flushes)

- Hello. - (woman) Good morning, young man.

- Did you bring me anything? - What would you like?

Do you think there'll be a war this year?

- Wanna see Little Grandma? - That's what I'm here for.

She's upstairs. She's even littler than me.

(woman) Why do I have to do everything around here?

Little Grandma! Look who's here! Look who's here! Look who's here!

- God bless you, dear. - (Fellini) Thank you very much.

I bet you don't have a grandma as little as her.

(Antonietta hums)

- Whose room is this? - This is my room.

- Only it's not cleaned up yet. - It's very sunny.

Don't play with those!

How do you do? I'm Landi. Marco Landi. That tell you anything?

- I guess so! - I had my start with Camerini.

I've made films with Gennaro Righelli. I usually play romantic bachelors.

I suppose you saw me in Broken Honeymoon?

Oh, but you're much too young. You wouldn't remember.

Oh, no, no. I remember. I saw it.

You're not by chance a reporter? I could grant an interview.

I am, but I have no job yet. Sorry.

Friends, meet our new house guest. He is a journalist.

- How do you do? - Hello, everyone.

- You're to be a house guest, are you not? - Yes, that's right.

(toilet flushes)

I say that it's a lie.

Never would the people of Great Britain, who have never fought against Italy,

bring Europe to the brink of catastrophe in order to defend a nation of Africans.

The resemblance is breathtaking.

A country ill-regarded everywhere as a land of rude savages,

opposing our heroes, our artists, our poets, saints and explorers...

- (signora) Lucretia! - What do you want?

Send the young man in to me. I want to see him.

Antonietta!

- The signora wants to see you. - Come on. I'll show you the way.

(man) For England, the Mediterranean is a shortcut. For Russia, a playground.

For Italy, it is life itself.

(children giggling)

(Antonietta) Shh! That's enough. I almost broke my neck.

- May I come in? - (child) May I come in?

(hoarsely) Come in.

Send him in.

(children giggle)

Oh, but you're so young, refined, distinguished.

I'm sure that you'll be happy here.

I heard from your mother - the poor, dear thing.

- Have you shown him around the house? - Just like you told me, and he approves.

- (child) And he approves. - Bravo, bravo.

- You can go now, young man. - (child) Go now, young man.

Just one thing, young man.

Mark what I say. In my house no one uses profanity. We are believers.

We are churchgoers. We respect others and expect to be respected. Is that clear?

Don't get ideas about the maid. And I mean no horseplay.

Here you obey the rules, and no bullshit. You hear?

Mamma, I'm so hot I can't eat.

Poor baby. Not even a teeny bite? What has the sun done to you?

Can I lay down with you, Mamma?

Why do you go to the beach when Mamma says no? Hm?

(both moan in unison)

You oughta see the watermelons here. They're as big as the moon!

Young man, come and eat with us.

Come on. We got a place for you. It's all family-style.

- The boy has a place here. - More wine? A bottle of Chianti?

- It's expensive. - It's all the same price.

He's a baby. He needs a mamma. Come on, darling.

- But he asked me first. - Sit over there.

As they say: Eat alone, the devil cheers, eat with friends, the devil jeers.

Cannelloni, peperoni, rigatoni - the best on the street.

- You name it and we got it. - I want spaghetti.

Try the speciality - peppers with liver.

I can't eat peppers cos we had 'em for lunch yesterday. What else have you got?

Scampi with anchovies...

Stop chewing that gum. I'm sick of picking gum off my shoes. Now stop it.

Fettuccine alle vongole, maccheroni alla romana,

and the speciality of the house, liver with onions.

I'll take some liver with onions.

- Start with some snails? - They make my whole insides burn.

- I had them. It took me days to recover. - Mamma's in the kitchen tonight.

She made a pagliata. She cooks a fabulous pagliata.

- (Fellini) What's a pagliata? - It's veal intestine. Unbelievable.

- Be nice to my young friend. - I'll take care of him.

Those are snails! You think they look like pigeons? I'm a real artist.

- (woman) Got any bananas? - There's one left but I'm saving it for you.

- Then let me have it. - A little patience.

- Is that Lallo's little girl? - Who else's? The parish priest's?

She's huge already. Look. Her face is as smooth as a baby's bottom.

(woman) I dreamed my aunt gave me the lottery winner.

(man) What do you have to do to get served?

I asked for wine half an hour ago. Now I'm almost finished.

Drink water and pass water all night, that's what I say.

He threw it all up. I told you pork tripe was too rich for the baby.

(man singing)

(sings "Ciccio Formaggio")

Bella, bella! Have a drink.

- Thank you. - Drink up.

(woman continues singing)

(child) I want some ice cream! Where's my ice cream?

- You got to me once already. - Hey, Gina! Come on down!

Come on down! What's the matter with you, anyway?

You bitch! Come on down!

Stop playing games and come down here!

Go tell your sister to come down or I'll go up and drag her down.

And hurry up, OK?

I asked for a half-portion, but an empty plate is ridiculous!

You can always order more, lady.

- (woman) You forgot about my water. - Look, I only got two hands.

A little cheese. Tastes better with the cheese.

- Folks, enjoy it. - Thanks.

- It looks very good. - Yes, it does. So, eat it anyway.

Stop playing with your food! It's for eating.

Don't eat so fast. Nobody's going to steal it from you.

I'm dying of heartburn. I've had these stomach pains for days. It's killing me.

(man) You got a big heart.

Silvano! I brought her! Here she is!

(Silvano) Oh, well! Look who's here!

The duchess has decided to join the crowd. It's about time.

(singing)

Look at her. Who does she think she is?

Come on.

Come on, beautiful, let's make up. That's it. Open the mouth.

Come on, open that pretty mouth of yours.

- Oh, what a bitch. - You bastard.

- Yeah, I'm a bitch. - You really are a son of a bitch.

You are, and she is too!

These snails are too full of mint. I can't taste anything else.

And they're not hot enough.

You can't leave without trying our speciality.

I'll show you how to eat them. It's an art.

Watch. You take a pin and you dig.

You can learn a lot from snails, young man.

Your girlfriends will explain that to you one day.

I myself wouldn't think of eating snails unless I myself fixed them in my way.

I soak 'em four days at least. Then they are... mm! You can't touch them.

But like this? No.

Don't listen to her. You know what they say: You are what you eat.

- It's all crap. - There's crap, and there's crap.

Excuse us, huh?

Everybody take a look, he's gonna screw my sister

Everybody take a look, he's gonna screw my brother

Everybody take a look, he's gonna screw my granny

Everybody take a look, he's gonna screw us...

You bitch! You taught the little bastard that.

- You did, you bastard. - I would never teach a kid such words.

It must've been you.

Give me the bill. We're going.

(serenade in Italian)

(singing along)

Here's to the singer! A toast to the singer!

Sing along with me!

(all sing along)

- We already gave. - Something for the orphans?

Give what you can.

I don't have any change.

I'll take that. Give it to me. It's a work of art.

All right. Don't leave a bite. You've got to eat everything.

Cut that out.

(crackling)

(dog whines)

(bell tolls once)

(sheep bleating)

(dog barking)

(cicada chirping)

(narrator) And the Rome of today? What impression does it make on the visitor?

Let's try arriving by car from the autostrada

and taking the inevitable "raccordo anulare",

which circles the city like one of Saturn's rings.

Damn! Wouldn't you know it!

- Hey, what's the score? - It's Rome 1, Florence 0.

- Bet on the wrong team. - What's the weather?

- Pray for snow. - Maybe that'll save 'em.

Go on, screw off. Get lost.

- Pino, how much longer? - A minute.

Hurry. It's about to rain.

Up yours, suckers! (laughs)

And up yours, too!

(car horn)

(car horn)

(musical klaxon)

(fans chant)

(yelling abuse in Italian)

- Hello? Do you read me? - Raise crane to maximum.

(honking)

(musical klaxon)

(car horn)

(sirens)

(inaudible under rain and traffic)

(car horns blare continuously)

(thunder)

(chanting) Fascist! Bourgeois! Your time has come to go!

(car horns blaring)

(thunder, sirens and car horns)

(over PA) Peppino, tell me what you've got.

I'm framing Piazza di Siena.

There's a tourist bus coming into the shot. You want me to pan and follow it?

Right. Stay with it.

See that tree? That's where I met him.

Gladys, give me the camera, quick! I wanna take a shot through the window.

Here we have the Piazza di Siena,

whose name reminds us that the Borghese family came from Siena.

- If you want a picture, I'll take it for you. - Oh, thanks.

Thanks.

It's a pleasure to take a lovely woman like you.

Don't move. Smile.

(over PA) Peppino, what are you framing now? What can you see?

- The domes and steeples. - It's wonderful up here!

You see the whole city! The piazzas, the streets, the people going to work!

- If they're going to work, it can't be Rome! - Why don't you get lost?

You gotta be seeing another city!

The jerk makes wisecracks about lazy Romans while we sweat our guts out.

What kind of Rome is that, full of freaks?

People are in too much of a hurry. They've become mean.

The true Romans have disappeared.

You don't think so? Just take a look around.

All you see are filthy hippies, students who don't want to study,

transvestites, drug addicts, trash of all kinds.

You're forgetting this film will be shown abroad.

And if you show the usual perverts, the street whores, the negative aspects,

what are they going to think of our lovely Rome?

We wanted to talk to you.

We wanted to ask if your film would show Rome from an objective point of view,

concerning the eternal problems faced by modern-day society.

We're not only referring to problems in education.

The working world, for example, with problems in the factories, in housing...

We wouldn't want to see the same old Rome, easy-going, messy, maternal.

In other words, the usual banal image.

A person should be true to his own nature.

- Lunch time! - (over PA) Peppino, what're you on now?

The train station. I'm framing on Santa Maggiore in the background.

Panning to the Barafonda, the old music hall.

(narrator) Now that's what I'd like to film, for example:

A variety show at the Barafonda Theatre 30 years ago at the beginning of the war.

("Bolero"-style music)

Hey!

You son of a bitch. What are you doing here?

Let me in there.

- How've you been, you monkey bastard? - Gimme a light.

(snake-charming music)

(man) Hey, what do ya think ya got - a glass head? Siddown!

You know where you can stuff it if you don't like it.

You're too close. You're gonna see more than you can handle.

Move it.

- Ciriola, what would you do with her? - I'd do it all night, that's what.

Hey, Pericles! Hey, Pericles!

- What the hell do you want? - You son of a bitch! I said screw you!

(laughs)

I can't!

And here I am, folks! Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

As a treat tonight, every star attraction on the show will begin his act with a gag.

Back to the farm. What a jerk.

I won't tell jokes because I think you'd rather see me in action.

- So I offer a few of the imitations... - (man laughs)

...which were so successful in Frascati, Marino, and other major cities,

as well as my command performance for the city of Rome.

I told it to the judge. Get it? Ten days in jail.

I'll only be a moment.

The first imitation is of a man who has overeaten. Maestro?

(heavy-beat music)

Screw off, I told ya!

(a few whistles from audience)

And now, my second imitation.

What's wrong with you? The man told you to screw off!

Screw off yourself! Siddown, bigmouth!

My second imitation - a young lady about to take a shower.

Maestro?

(music starts)

- Hey, you! Find a job! - Play somewhere else!

- Get lost! - Yeah, beat it!

What right have you to say that? I got a right to make a living.

- (man) Ah, drop dead! - All right. You stay. We'll go!

Don't think we didn't enjoy it - because we didn't!

I've had rave reviews.

With all the eggs you laid, a chicken must've wrote them!

You're seeing basic humanity. Vaudeville is a combination of circus and brothel.

- If you keep using dirty words, I'll leave. - Why are you offended by the word?

Even in Proust there's a long, detailed description of a house of pleasure.

I'm so sick of you and Proust.

- But I'm only trying to do a job. - You want a job? Go out and get one.

Hey, maestro, something else, huh?

(show biz music)

(applause)

(oompah music)

(whistles and catcalls)

(singing frivolous song in Italian)

They're breaking me up.

- I can hardly hold back the laughs. - Why don't you keep quiet?

Man, I'm splittin' my sides tonight(!)

(singing)

(blows raspberry)

(laughter)

Any man worth his salt wouldn't be here, but out fighting at the front.

If you don't like it, you can leave.

(singing)

If you don't like it, you can go to hell.

Lady, what are you picking on me for?

They're common. If they can buy a ticket, they let in every degenerate in town.

- That's right. Shut up, will ya? - We wanna hear.

(singing)

(man) Why don't you boys screw off? We don't need you, you son of a bitch.

- Go break somebody else's balls. - You ain't got no balls.

- There. - Signora!

- It's only a child's little angel drops. - We all don't have to smell it.

- What should the child do? Hold it in? - It stinks enough here.

(man singing in Italian)

That's the son of a bitch, right there!

- What the hell? What's wrong with you? - Who was it? I'll kill him.

- What the hell? I didn't do it! - That's enough, huh?

- Goddamnit! I told you it wasn't me! - You think I didn't see?

- Watch the show! - I'll break both your legs at the ankles!

Hey, maestro. Can you play this? (blows raspberry tunefully)

- You all screw off! - Sure. Can I borrow your hands?

- (blows raspberry tunefully) - Why don't you drop dead?

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the main attraction of the evening.

Our own amateur hour.

Introducing that paragon of mind and muscle power,

- that mountain of virile sex appeal... - (laughter)

- What happened? You must've shrunk. - I did.

I bet he was born even before Dad got through with Mother.

- What's your name? - Alvaro.

- And what's your line? - I'm a dancer.

- But how do you make a living? - Electrician.

An electrician! I'll bet you make the sparks fly when you dance.

Now a round of applause for... Alvaro!

(applause)

Imitation of Fred Astaire.

(music starts)

(whistles from audience)

(man) Help me! I feel sick!

Help me!

Sick! Help me!

Hey, Chiodo, I've got it.

Hey, he's got it.

Give it to me. Come on. Give me.

(squealing)

Now, go ahead.

(laughter)

- There's a fur coat for you, Fred Astaire! - (laughter)

Cook it for your supper!

(woman screams)

(band plays "Roll Out the Barrel")

If any of you guys throw that cat again, I'll make you eat it.

- Your mother is a whore! - And your grandmother is a prostitute!

No, you're lucky I don't go down there this time.

Come over here, sweetie, come over here.

- What is your name? - Loredana Fiorini.

- What are you going to sing for us? - "To you who has taken my heart."

- Idiot. - This is too boring!

You're a fat ass!

(sings)

Excuse me, do you have a match? Do you hear how bad she sings?

She would be better off at home, doing some cleaning.

Thank you. The art is not what it used to be any more.

These things make me so sad.

Sorry, didn't mean to bother you.

- Come with me. - What do you want from me?

- Keep moving. - You're wrong. You're mistaken.

- Let's go. - What's happening?

Let's keep movin'.

(applause)

(whistles from audience)

Our next attraction - the Fuchs sisters!

And that's spelled F-u-c-h.

And I don't mean with a K. I know what's on your dirty minds, you degenerates!

(laughter and applause)

(singing in Italian)

Give us "The Donkey Serenade"!

"The Donkey Serenade"!

Shh! Will you jerks can it?

"The Donkey Serenade"!

- They're singing it. Why are you yelling? - I like saying it. It's a nice title.

(ballad)

(lively song)

(applause)

(torch song)

(audience sings along)

Excuse me. Stop, please.

We are interrupting the show with great news for all you patriots in the audience.

The radio has just transmitted the following bulletin. Please rise.

"The attack launched last night against Sicily by the enemy

employing powerful naval, air and paratroop forces

has been defeated by our Italian troops and our valiant German allies."

"Fighting continues on the southeast coast."

"German and Italian artillery fire

destroyed seven aircraft and severely damaged three warships."

"The cowardly attack against our holy soil will be repulsed, the enemy annihilated,

for the glory of our homeland and of Il Duce."

Viva I'ltalia!

(singing resumes)

(sentimental song)

(applause)

(song ends)

(military song)

I love you! Darling, come to me!

You're the one Chiodo's waited for all his life!

- (both men laugh) - You two, knock it off and sit down!

I can't help it! I'm just crazy about women!

You'd better sit down if you know what's good for you! Wise guy!

(woman) Watch the show!

(man) You're beautiful!

Amore mio. There's a butt!

Angel-butt, I adore you!

(siren)

Air raid, isn't that?

It's an air raid!

(over PA) Kindly proceed calmly to the air-raid shelters next door at number 104.

Whose baby is this?!

- (everyone shouting) - (over PA) Please be calm.

Walk quietly to the exit.

Romolo! The dancers!

You are requested to move quietly to the air-raid shelter next door at number 122.

(siren stops)

Lights out!

All this because of that so-and-so.

Excuse me. Did you say "because of that so-and-so"?

- Why would anyone say that? - Louder. I can't hear you clearly.

- Nothing, nothing. - Nothing. That's right.

It's disgusting to hear.

Yes, there are people here who are cowards.

Precisely at this time when the country is united in the will to win,

in the faith that victory is at hand, I hear defeatist talk.

It makes you sick.

Italy and Fascism. The Duce. That's our only salvation.

- And we must conquer. - Sure.

- We will conquer. - Oh, sure.

- Let me have that. - Care for a cigarette?

Smoking ruins my voice. Thanks just the same.

- You're a singer too? - Yes. I studied five years in D�sseldorf.

- Have you been in Italy long? - I was in Rome, Milano, Bergamo, Como.

This is Hans, my son.

Quit staring.

This is my husband Horst. He is in Russia, in the Wehrmacht.

Ah.

(sings "Brahms Lullaby" in German)

(all-clear siren)

(woman) Attilio!

- Want to rest at my house? I live nearby. - Attilio!

You know the only reason they don't bomb Rome? Because of the Pope.

Good night, Sister Anna. Or, I should say, good morning.

- What's that? - (distant booming)

- I don't know. - Bombs!

Help! Help!

- Help! They're bombing! - (fighterjets overhead)

- Help! - (air-raid siren)

Alberto's house is gone!

The children! The children!

Hurry!

(sirens continue to blare)

(fighterjet engines)

(ambulance siren)

- They got elephants that big in Italy? - It's not an elephant's tusk, young man.

It was on a mammoth who died here thousands of years ago.

We discovered it tunnelling under the Piazza Re di Roma.

Perhaps we will call the subway station Mammoth Street. Shall we go down?

(pneumatic drill)

I could've used the subway trying to cross town this afternoon. I wish they'd finish it.

- Is he taking us all the way through it? - As far as it goes.

The Roman subsoil is unpredictable.

Every 100 yards, you come across something of historical importance.

Of course, this affects our work.

It's an enormously complicated job,

considering that all we wanted to do was try and solve the traffic problem

by building a subway along the lines of those built in Munich and Dublin.

But the subsoil here has eight layers.

So we had to become experts in archaeology as well as spelaeology.

Do you know when we first started talking about building a subway in Rome?

- As far back as 1872. - When?!

Exactly 100 years ago.

Roman bureaucracy is even more unpredictable than the subsoil.

The number of documents passed between us and the city administration

is enough to fill the entire subway.

At this moment we're passing under the San Giovanni area.

Giovanni, what's happening?

- I don't know. - Well, do something!

What can I do?

Ah, Giovanni! Giovanni! Mamma!

- (script girl) Are we coming to the end? - I don't think so.

Hey, look at this, will you?

Looks like a big cork stuck in the end of the tunnel.

- (script girl) Where are we now? - (engineer) Under the old Appian Way.

Not far from the Porta San Sebastiano.

On the left you can hear the roar of an underground river.

It surfaces six miles from here at Cessati Spiriti, which means "departed spirits".

(speak German)

And when do you think the subway is going to be completed in Rome?

Who knows?

(script girl) Michael, look!

- How many hours do they work here? - Ten hours at a stretch, I understand.

Here, once again, we've been forced to change direction.

On the left you can see a necropolis which contains 400 skeletons.

We're on the third layer.

- Track 22! - (whistle blows)

Rinaldo! The current is down in the right tunnel!

Stop!

Stop!

Sir, it looks like we're running into another pocket up ahead.

I think we'll have to brace it.

- Do they sleep down here? - I think they do.

We're going to be held up again, I'm afraid, sir.

- What is it now? - Well, take a look at the probe detector.

Marco!

Get a pump over here!

If the reading is right, the vault is even bigger than the Colli Albani.

- Are you all right, Mazzini? - Yeah, sure, I'm all right.

(worker in distance) Hey! Hold it!

Look at the right wheel!

The right wheel!

Mole! Stop the mole!

Stop the mole!

That's how it goes. We know now that it's hollow beyond that wall.

So the archaeologists will make us stop work for a couple of months.

Maybe it's just a cave, or it might be catacombs.

We can probe the wall here and there, but we must be very careful.

Start the drill.

(loud whining)

- Stop the drill! - Stop the drill!

The drilling! Stop!

(howling wind)

(script girl) Michael, look! There are Roman paintings!

Frescoes! They're fantastic!

Come here! We can go inside!

(Michael) It's a Roman house. It must be 2,000 years old.

(howling wind)

- Look how they seem to be staring at us. - Put your mask back on.

The colours look so fresh.

Look! Shine the light over there.

There!

(Michael) Hey! Look over here.

Something's happening!

The frescoes! The faces are disappearing!

It's the air from outside!

Michael! Michael! The air is destroying the frescoes!

Oh, no! This is terrible!

Michael! Can't we do something? We've got to try and save them!

Please! Do something!

(howling wind)

(bells chime)

(folk music)

Come on, move!

(men laugh)

(laughter)

Get out, you useless young hoodlums.

Act like animals and you'll get nothing. Go call your sisters or your mothers.

Let me see your identity cards, boys. How old are you?

(coughing)

Step forward! What's holding you back? Where are the men in the crowd?

Who's got the balls? It's all upstairs. Pay your money and take your pick.

Put your money where your eyes are.

Who's got a pair like that at home? And look at that tongue!

Who's next, boys? Don't hang back. Step forward.

You, back there! (coughs)

What's the matter, boys? That's what she's here for.

- (man) Let's see some more girls! - I'll turn the lights out and kick you out.

What have you got in your pants - pricks or pickles?

These girls are artists. I trained 'em myself.

So if you wanna feel like men for a change, get up to the rooms, boys!

(men murmuring)

(thunder)

(procuress) Step right up, boys! The girls are waiting!

Plenty for all! Pay your money and take your pick!

(prostitute) Teresa, did you order my coffee?

Yes. There's cream and sugar. Step up, boys!

- Coming? - Who's getting in bed with me?

- Wanna have a ball, soldier? - Coming to bed with me, honey?

How do you like it, sailors? Girls or boys? You want me to sleep alone?

Where are your balls, for Christ's sake? Come on, who's gonna climb in with me?

A little lovin'.

(man) I wouldn't go near you if you paid me!

Go screw yourself, bum! Go back where you came from.

Where are you from? Naples? Brooklyn?

(procuress) Get it while it's hot, boys.

(prostitutes continue taunting)

Can't you get it up, boys? Wait long enough, it'll drop off!

(madam) Boys, move in. Get it before closing time.

Pick the one you want, boys. They're all artists.

(all talking at once)

Good boy. Upstairs. See what happens then.

Hey, Chiodo! What do you think of the little one? Each tit weighs ten pounds.

- G'night, baby. - How many is that for me?

(man) Hey, let's go!

She's skinny, she stinks and she's lousy. You're thieves!

- Let's see it, boys. - Who's next around the world, boys?

OK, it's your turn now. Come on, let's go.

(all shouting at once)

Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!

Screw you all!

Come on, boys! Ball me! Balls!

No balls? Come on, who's got 'em?

Let's go! Come on! Let's go upstairs!

Look at me! Look at me!

Who's for me? I'm good!

Ahhh!

- Maria was in your things. - Stay out of my things, you little thief!

Let's go, baby! Let's move!

Ready to go, boys? Balls aweigh for Angelina! Come and get it!

Hello. Let's go now. Who's next?

Are you all blind or what? Can't you tell class?

There goes a lucky man. Step right up.

Pay your money and take your pick.

(woman) Come on, let the madam through.

What the hell is this? A police station? Look at her - a lady cop!

Girls, retire to your bedrooms. We're closing.

Outside, gentlemen. We're closing. Everybody out, please.

The girls must eat. We're closing for dinner.

Off with the lights, please. No more for right now. Everybody outside.

Everybody out. You'd better go home.

Out, please! All right now, everyone out!

Outside, all of you!

Next time you take away one of mine, I'll kick your ass in!

Oh, this leg!

(bells chime)

(woman singing in Italian)

Sit down, sit down.

Oh, no. No freeloading, boys.

If you've come to look, you better go someplace else. I mean business, boys.

Upstairs. Who's the first? (laughs)

Who is my first lover today? First love's the best.

Come on and make me lovin' while my love is new

Hey, this is my night. I'm ready. Who's the lucky man who gets me first, baby?

I need some lovin'.

There they are - Lovers Incorporated.

Ready for the time of your lives?

Uh-huh! I need loving. I need it bad.

Let's go, boys.

If you guys don't turn me on, I'm gonna sleep alone.

What's wrong, dearies? You can't all be fairies.

Come on, light my fire. It's a red-hot furnace.

- (man) I got the match! - Who's gonna light my red-hot furnace?

(all speak at once)

Tonight there's only gonna be one man.

Come on. Vamos espa�ola. Vamos.

Don't play with yourselves. All right, men. It's upstairs for the real thing.

(woman laughs)

Up to the ballroom. The ball is about to begin.

- What are you here for? - We need yours in the war, soldier.

Can't you get it up any more, daddy?

Come on, grandpa. I'll make you young again.

I want a man - a real man. Ain't there one in the house?

Come on, sailor boy, show us the big rudder.

- The elevator's free, boys. - Heaven's only one floor away.

You're wasting time, boys.

Don't play with yourselves. It spoils the fun.

- You'll remember it all your lives. - (phone rings)

Are you gonna let these young beauties go unfulfilled? Where's your chivalry?

All clear! OK.

All clear. All clear.

- I have to leave. - No, not yet.

I'm not losing my job on account of you.

Signors, I regret we must ask you not to leave the room for whatever reason

for five minutes, if you please. Thank you.

(phone rings)

Immediately.

Ladies, will you all kindly retire to the upper floor, please.

(girl laughs brashly)

Quickly, please. Thank you.

- (man) Who's Mr Big upstairs? God? - Who knows? It could be.

Who knows? Who knows?

Who knows? Who knows?

Experience, darlin'. Experience. That's what counts in life.

If your son's experienced, he'll never have any problems.

There's a kid here asking for you.

But if he's not experienced, all he'll get is a royal screwing.

- Am I right? - She's right.

- Experience is the only thing that counts. - I'm not so sure.

Good morning.

You're very beautiful, you know.

(woman chuckles)

- Where are you from? - Santa Maria la Bruna.

- Where's that? - Near Pompeii.

Is that your son's picture?

Yeah, that's my son's picture.

Uh, how long have you been...

Two years.

And how did you, uh... Well, what made you do it?

No secret. I was alone. A girlfriend said "Come with us. I can get you in."

So here I am. Would you hook me up?

What the hell? I have no complaints. The old lady likes me. I have all I need.

Then you don't really want to leave?

Leave? To do what?

But haven't you ever been in love, or haven't you met anyone who?

Sure I have. Why do you think I'm here?

Say, is it possible for you to go out?

I mean, would you go out with me?

Some morning, or whenever you want. Maybe have lunch at the beach.

(woman singing outside)

I mean it. I'd really like to take you out.

Let's make a date, OK?

- Tomorrow? Tomorrow. - Mm-hm.

(narrator) Have you ever heard of Princess Domitilla?

Her mother Fabiola, her grandfather Eugenio,

and, further back in time, her great-great-grandfathers,

were all born in this ancient palazzo where Princess Domitilla still lives.

(pulley squeaking)

(pulley squeaking)

Salvatore. Domenico.

I hear the carriages. Open the gate.

Go on.

He is here.

Your Eminence. Thank you. Thank you for coming.

My dear Princess, please. It's such a joy to be here with you all.

Good evening. Do I find you all well, thanks be to God?

- You are Francesca, are you not? - Yes, I am.

(cardinal) Ah, my poor old eyes.

And what about this young ruffian?

- Does he still make his mother cry? - Not so young any more.

I know, I know. When we are too old for anything else, adoremus Te.

Filippo! What a young man you've grown to be!

And who could these little rascals be?

I know. You're Massimo's children.

We know each other. I gave you your first communion.

But who's this little lad? What's your name, child?

- Giulio. - Are you a good little boy?

Perhaps only when you're asleep, huh?

Now you're off to bed, eh? God bless you, children.

- Good night, Your Excellency. - Good night to you all. God bless you.

If Your Eminence would come this way, please.

My friends, je vous en prie, take your seats.

My dear Princess, today again we've had a lot of visitors

who want to teach the Pope how to run the Church.

But what can you do? We must learn to be patient.

Wisdom comes only after long patience, as we say in Rome.

Your Eminence, do you remember the nights you'd come to our castle...

Your father Don Eugenio was a good man.

What a sight, all those candles flickering in the dark.

Please.

Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated.

Thank you.

(princess) Peppino, Gervasio, you may serve now.

Ah! Here are the refreshments.

- What will you take, Your Eminence? - A cr�me de menthe.

- So refreshing. - It was always your favourite.

There you are.

- Excellency? - Yes. Why not?

Very welcome. So cooling.

Monsignor?

I must tell you, Princess, that when I was a child, I was a mischievous little rascal.

- What did he say? - That he was a naughty child.

My mother made a liqueur which was very much like this one.

But of course she hid it because it was for guests, not for me.

And do you know what I did?

When she was out, I'd climb up and grab it and drink the whole bottle.

Oh, Your Eminence, I can't believe it.

I think that even as a child you were a saint.

(woman) Long life to Your Eminence.

(toasts in Spanish and French)

(Princess thinks) So much time has gone by.

How far off everything seems, and how different.

It is so painful for me to have to end my days in a city which is no longer mine.

My Rome was not like this one.

We all knew each other- bishops, cardinals, the Pope.

We were all friends. We were all related.

(sighs)

But now those close ties with the Church are gone.

The receptions we used to hold, in our villas and palaces,

thronged with bishops in red robes and cardinals in silk.

As though life were a work of art.

And during... the funny little things that every now and then come back.

The presents we got from the cardinal.

For Christmas he would give us little wax statues,

crosses woven in straw,

models of the child in the manger.

I wonder what happened to all my little wax statues.

This ecclesiastical fashion show is pleased to welcome His Eminence

and the distinguished company assembled here this evening.

(organ playing)

Model number one: Patience in a classical line of black satin for novices.

This same model... can also be furnished in other types of fabric,

such as silk or wool to suit different seasons.

The boots are of fine quality leather

and come in two colours, black and powder blue,

and are suitable for arctic wear.

Model two: Immaculate turtledoves. Starched bugle with free-flapping wings.

Very useful for convents with inadequate ventilation.

(modern classical music)

And now, model number three: Little sisters of the temptations in Purgatory.

The world must learn to follow the Church, not vice versa.

For the Church of today, robes for sport. As life moves faster, so will the Church.

Model number five, specially designed for the country priest.

Elegance and high fashion for the sacristan in first-class ceremonies.

(music becomes atonal)

We now present our exhibition

of the latest developments in the design of ecclesiastical accoutrements:

Chasubles, amices, mitres, stoles and surplices,

all manufactured today in a wide variety of styles, materials and colours,

all guaranteed not to run.

(harsh, atonal music)

(Fellini) One, two, three, go!

("La societ� de li magnaccioni")

First he has a drink before he eats an egg, then a drink while he's eating the egg,

and now he wants a drink because he's eaten an egg. Jesus!

(woman) Won't he get sick from all those eggs?

(crowd sings)

(balloon vendor) Balloons for sale! For children and for grown-ups too!

What the hell do you want?

They're making their movie all over the place, but they're not paying anybody.

(woman) Fish are caught to be cooked in oil and nothing else.

(man) Look here! Real silk scarf! Look here! Real silk scarf!

(man singing serenade)

(woman) Let grandpa sleep. Let him alone. He's an old man.

Fatece largo che passamo noi...

L'ho innarzata co'li sogni 'sta casetta

E se qui la pupa mia me via'a trova'

I'll go tomorrow to the cemetery. You should see. He's buried nice, poor dear.

Nothing interests him any more. But now he wants to go to Istanbul.

Quanto sei bella Roma a prima sera

We're gonna have a feast! Goddamnit, come on down!

Come on with the old lady! I don't care!

Oh, it's your wife? Well, bring her along! We'll feed her!

(trio singing)

Ma dopo 'na magnata e 'na bevuta

Hey, listen. There are these caves under the Pincio...

- (woman) Waiter! - I'm coming!

It stinks out loud. Why did you put a table right next to the sewer?

- How can we eat like this? - It's the ancient sewer of Rome.

(shouting and arguing)

(Michael) That's Gore Vidal, the American writer. Let's talk to him.

Good evening, Mr Vidal. Do you mind if we disturb you for a second?

My friends.

Well, I suppose you're going to ask me why I live in Rome.

You could say I live here because it's so... central.

Centrale.

I like the Romans. They don't care if you live or die. They're like cats.

And this is the city of illusions.

It's a city, after all, of the Church, of government, of movies.

They're all makers of illusion.

I'm one too, and so are you.

- As the world dies from overpopulation... - Yes, by Americans.

The last illusion is at hand.

And what better place than in this city, which has died so many times

and was resurrected so many times,

to watch the real end through pollution and overpopulation?

It seems to me the perfect place to watch if we end or not.

Well, to the end.

(crowd singing folk song)

Break it up. Clear the piazza.

- Why? We're not bothering anybody. - Move!

(shouts of protest)

(singing serenade)

I would like to make this clear, if I may.

In spite of the new laws, which have been incredibly permissive,

and which, I feel, have tended to protect the guilty rather than the innocent,

the firm action of our police has managed to maintain within acceptable limits

the degree of criminality in a city, and in fact in a society,

in which protest, drugs, and the unending pursuit of pleasure

seem to be the only things that interest young people today.

Stop it! You have no right to do this!

Stop! These people haven't done anything.

Let's be honest: They're the dregs of society.

Lazy scum. They think about nothing but making love.

Don't worry, madam. They won't hurt them.

(crowd shouting)

Kill him! Kill him!

(man) Kill him! Kill him!

Kill him! Kill him!

(cheering and whistling)

(man sings serenade)

You're nothing, you son of a bitch! You're nothing!

Shut your damn face or I'll come back and break your neck!

- I'll break your little neck! - The boy won it fair and square!

It was an awful fight.

Hey, my camera! My camera's been stolen!

Hey! The camera's been stolen!

(flute playing)

("Arrivederci Roma")

(clock chimes once)

(narrator) This lady, walking home along the wall of a patrician palazzo,

is a Roman actress, Anna Magnani.

She might well be the living symbol of this city.

You think so?

Rome seen as vestal virgin, and she-wolf, and aristocrat, and a tramp.

A sombre buffoon.

Oh, Federi', I'm far too sleepy now.

- May I ask you a question? - No, I'm sorry. I don't trust you.

Ciao. Go to sleep.

(loud revving)

(revving fades out)

Visiontext Subtitles: Doreen Trenerry

ENHOH