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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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You know that Mr. Rosenbloom
with the furniture store
3
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,185
over by the steak house?
4
00:00:06,187 --> 00:00:07,671
He's asked me to dinner.
5
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,207
Is he your boyfriend?
6
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,658
Well, he's one of them,
so let's not bring that up.
7
00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:13,161
All right, so what can I do for you?
8
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What's it like to be Jewish?
9
00:00:14,968 --> 00:00:16,963
Oh, it's terrible. I don't recommend it.
10
00:00:16,965 --> 00:00:19,140
Yeah?
11
00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:22,601
Connie, I would like to
have dinner with you tonight.
12
00:00:22,604 --> 00:00:24,304
This is very promising.
13
00:00:24,306 --> 00:00:25,835
Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw
14
00:00:25,838 --> 00:00:27,372
had their first sleepover.
15
00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:29,609
It's a big step in their relationship.
16
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I'm going to go congratulate them.
17
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Hey, put on a jacket, it's chilly out.
18
00:00:38,726 --> 00:00:42,887
I have only seen you eat
vanilla ice cream for dessert.
19
00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:45,442
- Why is that?
- Well, I've taken a page
20
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,894
from the great physicist
Richard Feynman.
21
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:49,304
In order to have
22
00:00:49,307 --> 00:00:50,963
one less decision in his life,
23
00:00:50,966 --> 00:00:55,668
he decided that dessert would
always be chocolate ice cream.
24
00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:57,625
Sounds like it could get kind of boring.
25
00:00:57,628 --> 00:00:58,871
Oh, it does.
26
00:00:58,873 --> 00:01:02,200
But over the last 35 years,
27
00:01:02,203 --> 00:01:06,179
I believe I've saved at
least a day and a half.
28
00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:13,359
Well, you have to let
me cook for you sometime.
29
00:01:13,362 --> 00:01:15,520
But I enjoy cooking for you.
30
00:01:15,523 --> 00:01:18,340
It's a means of expressing my affection.
31
00:01:18,343 --> 00:01:21,728
It also allows me to
control the amount of garlic,
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00:01:21,730 --> 00:01:23,396
which gives me the burps.
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00:01:23,398 --> 00:01:26,366
Well, I do make a mean barbecue,
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00:01:26,368 --> 00:01:29,202
and I promise I can make it garlic-free.
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00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:30,670
Excellent!
36
00:01:30,672 --> 00:01:34,507
Next time, you can express
your affection for me.
37
00:01:37,022 --> 00:01:38,276
Excuse me.
38
00:01:38,279 --> 00:01:41,280
I bet it's Sheldon checking on us.
39
00:01:41,282 --> 00:01:42,448
What?
40
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:44,247
Connie? It's Ira.
41
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:47,328
Hey... Hey...
42
00:01:47,331 --> 00:01:48,500
I'm, uh...
43
00:01:48,503 --> 00:01:49,655
I-It's Sheldon.
44
00:01:49,657 --> 00:01:51,036
He... sounds a little agitated.
45
00:01:51,039 --> 00:01:52,559
I'm gonna take it in the other room.
46
00:01:52,562 --> 00:01:53,693
Just...
47
00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:00,299
Hello again.
48
00:02:00,302 --> 00:02:02,230
Listen, I'm wondering what
you're doing this weekend.
49
00:02:02,232 --> 00:02:03,773
I miss you.
50
00:02:03,776 --> 00:02:05,616
Cool, cool.
51
00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:07,203
You want to go to a movie
52
00:02:07,206 --> 00:02:08,941
or bowl a few frames?
53
00:02:08,943 --> 00:02:13,213
Uh, you know, listen, it's
not a great time right now.
54
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,648
Um, I have a little family over,
55
00:02:14,651 --> 00:02:16,482
and can I call you later?
56
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:19,285
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I-I
don't want to interrupt.
57
00:02:19,287 --> 00:02:21,421
I just miss hearing your voice.
58
00:02:21,423 --> 00:02:23,923
Well... here it is,
59
00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:25,554
coming right up out of my throat.
60
00:02:25,557 --> 00:02:27,112
Um, okay,
61
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:29,182
so, uh, uh, bye.
62
00:02:29,185 --> 00:02:30,684
Bye-bye.
63
00:02:32,401 --> 00:02:33,966
How's Sheldon doing?
64
00:02:33,968 --> 00:02:35,695
- What?
- Sheldon.
65
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,403
You were talking to Sheldon.
66
00:02:37,405 --> 00:02:40,973
Oh... right, yes.
67
00:02:40,975 --> 00:02:44,523
Did you know he has a
picture of that fella Feynman
68
00:02:44,526 --> 00:02:45,593
in his bedroom?
69
00:02:45,596 --> 00:02:47,413
What? So do I.
70
00:02:47,415 --> 00:02:48,651
Peas in a pod.
71
00:02:48,654 --> 00:02:50,349
Oh, darn.
72
00:02:50,351 --> 00:02:52,819
Excuse me.
73
00:02:52,821 --> 00:02:54,932
Yes?
74
00:02:54,935 --> 00:02:56,022
How's it going?
75
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:57,490
It's Sheldon again.
76
00:02:57,492 --> 00:02:58,758
What do you mean "again"?
77
00:02:58,760 --> 00:02:59,800
Speak.
78
00:02:59,803 --> 00:03:01,390
I recently read an article
79
00:03:01,393 --> 00:03:03,429
about a superconducting supercollider
80
00:03:03,431 --> 00:03:05,133
that might be built in Texas.
81
00:03:05,136 --> 00:03:06,737
What about it?
82
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,167
Well, I thought if there was a lull
83
00:03:08,169 --> 00:03:09,435
in your dinner conversation,
84
00:03:09,437 --> 00:03:12,031
you might casually drop
it as an icebreaker.
85
00:03:12,034 --> 00:03:14,607
Our dinner conversation
is going just fine.
86
00:03:14,609 --> 00:03:16,442
Well, now you have it
in your back pocket.
87
00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:17,810
Carry on.
88
00:03:23,952 --> 00:03:27,453
Question... will we be
engaging in coitus tonight?
89
00:03:27,455 --> 00:03:30,990
Because I believe I pulled a hamstring
90
00:03:30,992 --> 00:03:32,515
on the bike ride over.
91
00:03:32,518 --> 00:03:34,406
Why didn't you say something?
92
00:03:34,409 --> 00:03:37,172
Well, I was trying to display machismo,
93
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,484
but it's becoming more and more clear
94
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,034
that there's something
askew in my groin.
95
00:03:42,036 --> 00:03:43,903
Oh, John...
96
00:03:43,905 --> 00:03:46,195
we don't have to do anything.
97
00:03:46,198 --> 00:03:48,374
We can just be together.
98
00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:49,809
Thanks.
99
00:03:49,811 --> 00:03:51,444
But if it's all the same to you,
100
00:03:51,446 --> 00:03:53,913
I'd like to give it the old college try.
101
00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:01,074
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102
00:04:08,008 --> 00:04:14,366
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103
00:04:14,369 --> 00:04:15,401
Here you go.
104
00:04:15,403 --> 00:04:17,399
Thank you.
105
00:04:17,402 --> 00:04:19,905
So, you're really gonna go out
106
00:04:19,908 --> 00:04:21,340
with this furniture store fella
107
00:04:21,342 --> 00:04:23,021
while seeing Dr. Sturgis?
108
00:04:23,024 --> 00:04:25,912
It's called playing the field.
109
00:04:25,914 --> 00:04:27,647
And if you'd done some of that,
110
00:04:27,649 --> 00:04:30,016
you wouldn't be saddled
with Bluto in there.
111
00:04:30,018 --> 00:04:31,284
That's not nice.
112
00:04:31,286 --> 00:04:33,352
And is that really necessary?
113
00:04:33,354 --> 00:04:36,088
The Italians call it "corretto."
114
00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:38,701
It means correcting the drink.
115
00:04:38,704 --> 00:04:41,961
So, a drink without
alcohol in it is wrong?
116
00:04:41,963 --> 00:04:43,296
Yep.
117
00:04:43,298 --> 00:04:46,091
Italian people, they know what's up.
118
00:04:46,094 --> 00:04:48,234
All right, one issue at a time.
119
00:04:48,236 --> 00:04:52,872
So, you're really gonna
date two men simultaneously?
120
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,438
- Two that you know of.
- Oh, Mom.
121
00:04:55,441 --> 00:04:57,577
Come on, don't be such a prude.
122
00:04:57,579 --> 00:04:59,111
I'm not gonna have any babies.
123
00:04:59,113 --> 00:05:01,091
I don't need these
men to take care of me.
124
00:05:01,094 --> 00:05:03,316
Why shouldn't I just enjoy myself?
125
00:05:03,318 --> 00:05:05,751
Well, it isn't very Christian of you.
126
00:05:05,753 --> 00:05:07,653
I got no argument there.
127
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:10,623
Salute!
128
00:05:12,026 --> 00:05:14,260
Yeah, that fixed it.
129
00:05:14,262 --> 00:05:15,494
Mmm.
130
00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:29,108
Oh, Meemaw, no.
131
00:05:33,790 --> 00:05:35,490
Hey, who are you calling?
132
00:05:35,493 --> 00:05:36,977
Dr. Sturgis.
133
00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:38,084
Why?
134
00:05:38,086 --> 00:05:39,829
I saw Meemaw get in a car
135
00:05:39,832 --> 00:05:41,698
with Mr. Rosenbloom.
136
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:47,459
No...
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00:05:47,462 --> 00:05:49,929
I don't know if it
really happened this way,
138
00:05:49,931 --> 00:05:51,797
but to my nine-year-old mind,
139
00:05:51,799 --> 00:05:54,020
my mother was flying.
140
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:03,989
So, how's the brisket?
141
00:06:03,991 --> 00:06:05,357
It's good.
142
00:06:05,359 --> 00:06:08,250
It ain't my brisket, but it's good.
143
00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:09,552
I should take you to New York
144
00:06:09,555 --> 00:06:12,197
so you could taste some
authentic Jewish brisket.
145
00:06:12,199 --> 00:06:13,399
How's it different?
146
00:06:13,401 --> 00:06:14,866
Well, it's pretty much the same except
147
00:06:14,868 --> 00:06:17,369
it's-it's a lot juicier
and you can feel the fat
148
00:06:17,371 --> 00:06:18,804
go directly to your heart.
149
00:06:19,974 --> 00:06:22,374
Oh, boy...
150
00:06:22,376 --> 00:06:24,039
I miss that laugh.
151
00:06:24,946 --> 00:06:27,346
So, uh...
152
00:06:27,348 --> 00:06:29,048
what do you think of that idea?
153
00:06:29,050 --> 00:06:31,917
- What idea?
- Going to New York.
154
00:06:31,919 --> 00:06:34,068
Maybe we'll catch a
couple of Broadway shows,
155
00:06:34,071 --> 00:06:35,788
uh, see some sights.
156
00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:40,292
Oh, Ira, gee...
157
00:06:40,294 --> 00:06:41,927
I don't know.
158
00:06:41,929 --> 00:06:44,469
- Seems like a big step.
- Is it?
159
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,388
I think at this time of our lives,
160
00:06:46,391 --> 00:06:48,434
we should travel, see the world.
161
00:06:48,436 --> 00:06:49,805
I guess.
162
00:06:49,808 --> 00:06:51,896
I mean, we're not getting any younger.
163
00:06:51,899 --> 00:06:53,739
What's that supposed to mean?
164
00:06:55,042 --> 00:06:57,543
I mean, I mean, I'm
not getting any younger.
165
00:06:57,545 --> 00:06:59,011
You, on the other hand,
166
00:06:59,013 --> 00:07:01,614
you are a blossoming tulip.
167
00:07:01,616 --> 00:07:03,184
Better.
168
00:07:03,187 --> 00:07:06,185
But I still don't understand.
169
00:07:06,188 --> 00:07:08,654
Your grandmother's a single lady.
170
00:07:08,656 --> 00:07:10,656
She's not committed to any one fella,
171
00:07:10,658 --> 00:07:12,691
and she wants to see
what her options are.
172
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,927
But Dr. Sturgis is the best option.
173
00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:16,762
Well, you might feel that way,
174
00:07:16,764 --> 00:07:18,230
but she's not so sure.
175
00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:20,132
Then we need to tell
her. I'll make the call.
176
00:07:20,134 --> 00:07:22,661
No. We need to mind our business
177
00:07:22,664 --> 00:07:25,599
and maybe pray for her to
make the right decision.
178
00:07:25,602 --> 00:07:27,906
We're gonna leave this up to God?
179
00:07:27,908 --> 00:07:30,376
You think you could do
a better job than God?
180
00:07:30,378 --> 00:07:32,219
Maybe not with creating the universe,
181
00:07:32,222 --> 00:07:33,621
but I bet I could free the Hebrews
182
00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:35,429
with one good plague.
183
00:07:35,432 --> 00:07:37,466
You can get lox, bagels,
184
00:07:37,469 --> 00:07:40,285
all the trimmings at
3:30 in the morning.
185
00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:42,721
Why would I want that?
186
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,457
Well, you wouldn't. I
mean, it's too heavy.
187
00:07:45,459 --> 00:07:46,725
But you could if you wanted.
188
00:07:47,828 --> 00:07:49,028
So, what do you think?
189
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:51,493
Oh, Ira, I don't think so.
190
00:07:51,496 --> 00:07:53,274
All right, what do you say
191
00:07:53,277 --> 00:07:55,344
to a weekend in New Orleans, huh?
192
00:07:55,347 --> 00:07:57,268
We could do one of those
Carnival Cruise things.
193
00:07:57,271 --> 00:07:59,838
You're killing me.
194
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,247
I can't do this, I...
195
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:03,075
Can't do what?
196
00:08:03,077 --> 00:08:06,482
Ira, you're just a wonderful man.
197
00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:09,114
Oh, boy, I don't like
where this is going.
198
00:08:09,116 --> 00:08:10,794
But to tell you the truth,
199
00:08:10,797 --> 00:08:12,584
I'm seeing somebody else.
200
00:08:12,586 --> 00:08:14,039
And we've gone there.
201
00:08:14,042 --> 00:08:17,422
I thought I could do it, uh...
you know, date both of you,
202
00:08:17,425 --> 00:08:19,805
but I-I can't, I can't, I just...
203
00:08:19,808 --> 00:08:21,926
I'm not cut out for it.
204
00:08:21,929 --> 00:08:23,954
Okay, suggestion.
205
00:08:23,957 --> 00:08:26,324
And maybe you've already
thought of this...
206
00:08:26,327 --> 00:08:28,100
but what do you say
you break up with him
207
00:08:28,102 --> 00:08:29,435
and only see me?
208
00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:36,240
I'm sorry.
209
00:08:36,243 --> 00:08:38,794
I thought I could handle this.
210
00:08:38,797 --> 00:08:40,379
- It's okay.
- You know,
211
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:43,638
you get older, and you
think your skin is thicker...
212
00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:45,517
- It's okay.
- and your heart is tougher.
213
00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:48,554
But it's not, it's the other way around.
214
00:08:48,556 --> 00:08:52,891
I hope this guy knows
what a gift he has in you.
215
00:08:52,893 --> 00:08:54,660
Well, "gift" is a strong word,
216
00:08:54,662 --> 00:08:56,836
but he's enthusiastic.
217
00:08:56,839 --> 00:08:57,996
Good.
218
00:08:57,998 --> 00:09:00,938
May you both be very happy together!
219
00:09:04,638 --> 00:09:07,005
I don't want to celebrate too soon,
220
00:09:07,008 --> 00:09:11,143
but Meemaw and Mr. Rosenbloom
are back, and he was crying.
221
00:09:13,314 --> 00:09:16,227
There'll be more updates as they happen.
222
00:09:24,295 --> 00:09:25,695
I'm done.
223
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:26,959
Can I please be excused?
224
00:09:26,961 --> 00:09:29,161
Good Lord, did you even chew it?
225
00:09:29,163 --> 00:09:30,763
Not the recommended amount, no.
226
00:09:30,765 --> 00:09:31,907
What's your hurry?
227
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,165
I need to get back to my viewing post.
228
00:09:34,168 --> 00:09:35,985
Fine, go ahead.
229
00:09:38,472 --> 00:09:40,839
What's he expect to see,
staring at Meemaw's house?
230
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,975
Did you just join this family?
231
00:09:42,977 --> 00:09:44,476
The kid's an oddball.
232
00:09:44,478 --> 00:09:46,612
He's just excited that Meemaw's dating
233
00:09:46,614 --> 00:09:48,213
a man he looks up to.
234
00:09:48,215 --> 00:09:50,834
I wish she could date Tony
Danza... that'd be cool.
235
00:09:50,837 --> 00:09:53,037
What is it with you and Tony Danza?
236
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,521
Well, the show doesn't
come out and say it,
237
00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:57,990
but I'm pretty sure he's the boss.
238
00:09:58,925 --> 00:10:00,825
I think the blonde lady's the boss.
239
00:10:00,828 --> 00:10:01,857
Angela?
240
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,762
Who's the oddball now?
241
00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:07,943
I'm warning you,
242
00:10:07,946 --> 00:10:10,162
once you try my barbecue,
243
00:10:10,165 --> 00:10:13,279
it will ruin you to all the others.
244
00:10:13,282 --> 00:10:16,113
That's what happened to me
with quilted toilet paper.
245
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,849
Once I tried the good stuff,
246
00:10:17,852 --> 00:10:20,479
everything else felt like a Brillo pad.
247
00:10:20,481 --> 00:10:23,348
You paint quite the picture, don't you?
248
00:10:24,919 --> 00:10:26,552
Oh, gosh.
249
00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:28,320
Excuse me.
250
00:10:28,322 --> 00:10:31,594
Sheldon, this is not cute anymore.
251
00:10:33,627 --> 00:10:35,760
- Connie Tucker?
- Yes?
252
00:10:35,763 --> 00:10:37,693
I have a dinette set from
Rosenbloom's Furniture.
253
00:10:37,696 --> 00:10:38,740
Oh.
254
00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,133
I didn't buy any furniture.
255
00:10:40,136 --> 00:10:42,292
I think it's a gift.
256
00:10:43,237 --> 00:10:44,670
Oh, boy.
257
00:10:44,672 --> 00:10:46,371
I bent down to pick up a book,
258
00:10:46,373 --> 00:10:49,974
and I'll be darned if she didn't
sneak a look at my derriere.
259
00:10:49,977 --> 00:10:52,010
Oh, man.
260
00:10:52,012 --> 00:10:55,714
You won't believe what's
happening at Meemaw's house.
261
00:10:55,716 --> 00:10:58,150
Is it more interesting
than Who's the Boss?
262
00:10:58,152 --> 00:11:00,018
Doubt it.
263
00:11:01,956 --> 00:11:04,524
Rosenbloom's Fine
Furniture. Ira speaking.
264
00:11:04,527 --> 00:11:06,560
Why are you sending me furniture?
265
00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:09,394
I've decided I can't go away quietly.
266
00:11:09,396 --> 00:11:11,430
I'm fighting for your love.
267
00:11:11,432 --> 00:11:12,919
With a dinette set?
268
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,732
Oh, this isn't just any dinette
set. It's our biggest seller.
269
00:11:15,735 --> 00:11:17,436
And it's not pressed wood...
270
00:11:17,438 --> 00:11:19,071
It's oak!
271
00:11:19,073 --> 00:11:21,573
Ira, I don't like this.
272
00:11:21,575 --> 00:11:24,243
Would you prefer a leather sectional?
273
00:11:24,245 --> 00:11:27,227
Uh, what's going on?
274
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,763
Uh,
275
00:11:28,766 --> 00:11:30,315
can I call you back?
276
00:11:30,317 --> 00:11:31,917
I look forward to it.
277
00:11:31,919 --> 00:11:33,585
You shouldn't.
278
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:37,880
Okay.
279
00:11:37,883 --> 00:11:39,747
I guess you could say
280
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:41,247
one of my former boyfriends
281
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,862
is trying to win me back with furniture.
282
00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:46,552
Huh. Impressive.
283
00:11:46,555 --> 00:11:48,400
This is real oak.
284
00:11:49,071 --> 00:11:50,869
Was that him on the phone?
285
00:11:50,871 --> 00:11:52,804
Yes. I'm sorry.
286
00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:55,641
Interesting.
287
00:11:55,643 --> 00:11:57,276
What?
288
00:11:57,278 --> 00:11:59,745
Being challenged by another man
289
00:11:59,747 --> 00:12:03,248
is making you more attractive to me.
290
00:12:03,251 --> 00:12:05,107
I don't follow.
291
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:07,085
I'll have to do some research,
292
00:12:07,087 --> 00:12:11,458
but I'm guessing this
is a genetic instinct
293
00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:14,274
that's raising my libido.
294
00:12:15,963 --> 00:12:17,813
I need a drink.
295
00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:23,962
Can you believe he tried to
win me back with a dinette set?
296
00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:26,726
I'd give you a dinette
set if you'd leave Texas.
297
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,896
So, would you return it?
298
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,631
Hell no, I'm keeping it.
299
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:32,303
But then you'll be beholden to him.
300
00:12:33,637 --> 00:12:35,337
Would you ever take Ira back?
301
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:36,454
I don't know.
302
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,692
He's sweet as he can be, but...
303
00:12:39,695 --> 00:12:42,643
there's just something about John.
304
00:12:42,645 --> 00:12:45,346
He's like a cute little
teddy bear, you know?
305
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,647
A brilliant,
306
00:12:46,649 --> 00:12:48,049
bicycle-riding
307
00:12:48,051 --> 00:12:49,750
teddy bear.
308
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:51,786
I don't even understand
half of what he says.
309
00:12:51,788 --> 00:12:53,754
But...
310
00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:56,907
when he's not around, I just miss him.
311
00:12:58,729 --> 00:13:01,528
Sounds like you're falling in love.
312
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,025
Maybe I am.
313
00:13:04,028 --> 00:13:06,295
Excellent. I love him, too.
314
00:13:06,298 --> 00:13:07,497
Get out of here!
315
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,626
If you don't understand
what Dr. Sturgis says,
316
00:13:09,629 --> 00:13:10,962
I'm happy to explain it to you.
317
00:13:10,965 --> 00:13:12,464
Get!
318
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,353
Excuse me.
319
00:13:18,356 --> 00:13:19,788
I'm looking for Ira.
320
00:13:19,791 --> 00:13:21,848
At your service. What can I do for you?
321
00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:25,286
You, sir, have overstepped your bounds.
322
00:13:25,288 --> 00:13:27,154
I'm sorry, what?
323
00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:28,456
Miss Constance Tucker
324
00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:31,993
made it clear your courtship
was no longer welcome,
325
00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:34,862
and you responded with six chairs,
326
00:13:34,864 --> 00:13:38,232
a table, and an expansion leaf.
327
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,867
Who are you?
328
00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:41,181
John Sturgis,
329
00:13:41,184 --> 00:13:42,900
the man she chose
330
00:13:42,903 --> 00:13:44,870
and your romantic rival.
331
00:13:44,873 --> 00:13:47,708
I-I'm sorry, wait, what-what
is it you want from me?
332
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:50,485
I want you to give up
your pursuit of Connie.
333
00:13:50,488 --> 00:13:53,222
All right, I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave my store.
334
00:13:54,384 --> 00:13:56,417
Very well.
335
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:59,387
The line in the sand has been drawn.
336
00:13:59,390 --> 00:14:02,009
Cross it at your own peril.
337
00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:09,100
Weirdo.
338
00:14:17,573 --> 00:14:19,173
What was that?
339
00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:20,441
You heard me.
340
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:24,045
Sir, I am a man with feelings.
341
00:14:25,126 --> 00:14:27,048
And you have hurt them.
342
00:14:29,524 --> 00:14:31,818
I know you've had a number of...
343
00:14:31,821 --> 00:14:33,788
gentleman callers,
344
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,390
but I've never heard you
speak like this before.
345
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:37,868
"Gentleman callers"?
346
00:14:37,871 --> 00:14:39,592
And we wonder where Sheldon gets it.
347
00:14:40,731 --> 00:14:42,629
I'm sorry y'all find this funny,
348
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:43,764
but this is the first time
349
00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:45,923
my mother's expressed
real interest in a man
350
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,501
since Dad died.
351
00:14:47,503 --> 00:14:49,439
Forgive me for wanting to know more.
352
00:14:50,506 --> 00:14:52,506
You really want to know more?
353
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:57,043
Imagine you're getting on in years,
354
00:14:57,046 --> 00:14:59,013
you and your husband about to retire,
355
00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,954
get a little timeshare in Sarasota,
356
00:15:00,957 --> 00:15:03,958
and... suddenly...
357
00:15:03,961 --> 00:15:06,094
he's gone,
358
00:15:06,097 --> 00:15:08,556
and you're all alone.
359
00:15:08,558 --> 00:15:11,058
You mourn, you cry,
360
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:14,628
but eventually you move on.
361
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:16,764
You start dating a little,
362
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:19,118
and it's all good fun.
363
00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:21,354
But always in the back of your mind,
364
00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:24,825
there's that question...
365
00:15:24,828 --> 00:15:27,790
"Will I be alone in the end?"
366
00:15:34,917 --> 00:15:36,829
Why y'all looking at me for?
367
00:15:39,335 --> 00:15:41,121
Haven't slept in days.
368
00:15:41,124 --> 00:15:42,890
It's like I'm a lovesick teenager,
369
00:15:42,892 --> 00:15:46,327
except I remember the
Truman administration.
370
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:48,673
Your feelings are understandable.
371
00:15:48,676 --> 00:15:50,809
Connie is a remarkable woman.
372
00:15:50,812 --> 00:15:52,278
Yes, she is.
373
00:15:52,281 --> 00:15:54,735
But, again, I'm sorry. I should
never have called you weird.
374
00:15:54,738 --> 00:15:57,038
I mean, eh, it was rude.
375
00:15:57,041 --> 00:15:59,375
I've been called much worse.
376
00:15:59,378 --> 00:16:03,844
A professor once
called me ostrobogulous.
377
00:16:03,846 --> 00:16:05,251
I had to look that one up.
378
00:16:05,254 --> 00:16:06,509
What's it mean?
379
00:16:06,512 --> 00:16:08,048
That I'm a weirdo.
380
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,610
John, you're a great guy.
381
00:16:11,613 --> 00:16:13,020
Well, you, too!
382
00:16:13,022 --> 00:16:14,782
But I hope you understand, I just...
383
00:16:14,785 --> 00:16:16,360
I can't give up on Connie.
384
00:16:16,363 --> 00:16:17,562
That's all right.
385
00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:18,864
To tell you the truth,
386
00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:22,946
I'm finding the competition
quite exhilarating.
387
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,138
You are?
388
00:16:24,141 --> 00:16:25,485
Oh, yes.
389
00:16:25,488 --> 00:16:27,923
The night the dinette set arrived,
390
00:16:27,926 --> 00:16:31,561
I did my first push-up in 40 years.
391
00:16:33,348 --> 00:16:35,665
I'm sorry, but I find that to be, uh...
392
00:16:35,668 --> 00:16:38,068
What's the word... Astro-boobulous?
393
00:16:38,071 --> 00:16:39,860
Ostrobogulous.
394
00:16:39,946 --> 00:16:41,165
Ostrobogulous.
395
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,274
Exactly.
396
00:16:43,277 --> 00:16:46,296
Now, give me your best price
397
00:16:46,299 --> 00:16:47,831
on one of these
398
00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,535
with a cup holder.
399
00:16:56,317 --> 00:16:59,425
John! What a pleasant surprise.
400
00:16:59,428 --> 00:17:02,100
- I have some news for you.
- Oh?
401
00:17:02,103 --> 00:17:03,897
- Mwah. What is that?
- Mwah.
402
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,900
I went to the furniture
store and spoke to Ira.
403
00:17:07,703 --> 00:17:10,194
- Why would you do that?
- To demand
404
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,936
that he respect your
wish to be left alone.
405
00:17:12,939 --> 00:17:17,410
John, it was not your place to do that.
406
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,757
Well, if it helps,
407
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,315
he doesn't plan on leaving you alone.
408
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:31,825
What the hell were you thinking?!
409
00:17:31,827 --> 00:17:33,493
That I was being chivalrous.
410
00:17:33,495 --> 00:17:35,562
By going behind my back?
411
00:17:35,564 --> 00:17:37,864
You seem upset.
412
00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:39,158
I am upset!
413
00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:42,460
And how I handle Ira is my business!
414
00:17:42,463 --> 00:17:44,704
Well, I hope you do it gently.
415
00:17:44,706 --> 00:17:46,718
He's very vulnerable these days.
416
00:17:46,721 --> 00:17:48,254
You're friends now?
417
00:17:48,257 --> 00:17:49,905
Well, I wouldn't say friends,
418
00:17:49,908 --> 00:17:52,577
but I could see, over time,
419
00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:54,549
- you know, we might...
- Are you two fighting?
420
00:17:55,517 --> 00:17:56,814
No.
421
00:17:56,817 --> 00:17:58,384
Oh, good.
422
00:17:58,387 --> 00:18:00,850
I was almost certain that we were.
423
00:18:00,853 --> 00:18:01,952
We are.
424
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:03,530
- I'm confused.
- Me, too.
425
00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:05,525
Is this because you went
to the furniture store?
426
00:18:05,527 --> 00:18:06,693
He knows about this?
427
00:18:06,695 --> 00:18:08,197
- Yes.
- All right, now, listen,
428
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,596
if this relationship's
gonna have any chance at all,
429
00:18:10,599 --> 00:18:12,365
we have to lay down some ground rules.
430
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:13,733
Great. I love rules.
431
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:14,983
I do, too.
432
00:18:14,986 --> 00:18:17,467
I don't want you talking
to him about anything
433
00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:18,803
having to do with anything about us.
434
00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:19,804
Same with you.
435
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:20,940
And I want you to stop
436
00:18:20,942 --> 00:18:22,876
spying on me with those binoculars
437
00:18:22,878 --> 00:18:25,145
like you're on some
kind of African safari.
438
00:18:25,148 --> 00:18:26,905
And you cannot talk
439
00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:30,574
to Ira or any of my
ex-boyfriends, for that matter.
440
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,444
This list is getting long.
441
00:18:32,447 --> 00:18:34,053
Maybe we should write it down.
442
00:18:34,055 --> 00:18:35,622
Hey.
443
00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:37,968
In that moment,
444
00:18:37,971 --> 00:18:39,793
I had an epiphany.
445
00:18:39,795 --> 00:18:44,531
I could draw up a contract
for any social relationship.
446
00:18:46,067 --> 00:18:48,968
It was a helpful way to remove ambiguity
447
00:18:48,971 --> 00:18:51,405
in a world that was
often hard to understand.
448
00:18:51,408 --> 00:18:53,039
Article three...
449
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:55,275
Sheldon will not spy
450
00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:58,645
on Meemaw's house with binoculars.
451
00:18:58,647 --> 00:19:00,213
Type that one in bold.
452
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:12,463
Please sign and date.
453
00:19:12,466 --> 00:19:15,290
You know, Sheldon, I'm
a notary, if that helps.
454
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:17,452
Just when I thought
you couldn't get cooler.
455
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:19,599
I would go on
456
00:19:19,601 --> 00:19:22,691
to draw up such contracts
throughout my life...
457
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,327
With roommates,
458
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,986
with my wife.
459
00:19:27,754 --> 00:19:29,921
Even with my own children.
460
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:34,715
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461
00:19:35,305 --> 00:19:41,693
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