All language subtitles for Mom.and.Dad.2017.BDRip.X264-PSYCHD

(static buzzing)

(static continues)

(ballad playing)

(crossing bell ringing,
train horn blows)

♪ Somehow it seems
the love I need ♪

♪ Is always
the most destructive kind ♪

♪ Yesterday, when I was young ♪

♪ The taste of life was sweet ♪

♪ As the rain upon my tongue ♪

♪ I'd teased at life ♪

♪ As if it were a foolish game ♪

♪ The way the evening breeze ♪

♪ May tease a candle flame ♪

♪ The thousand dreams
I dreamed ♪

♪ The splendid things
I planned ♪

♪ I always built to last
on weak and shifting sand ♪

♪ I lived by night and
shunned the naked light of day ♪

♪ And only now I see
how the time ran away ♪

♪ Yesterday, when I was young ♪

♪ So many lovers' songs ♪

♪ Were waiting to be sung ♪

♪ So many wild pleasures
lay in store for me ♪

♪ And so much pain ♪

♪ My eyes refused to see ♪

♪ There are so many songs in me
that won't be sung ♪

♪ I feel a bitter taste of tears
upon my tongue ♪

♪ The time has come ♪

♪ For me to pay
for yesterday ♪

BOY: It's not my fault
you make me think bad thoughts.

- Oh, right.
You're so innocent.

I'm totally leading you
down a dark path of corruption.

- You're right. If I crash and burn
on my test today, that's on you.

- Oh, yeah. I forgot
you have your PSATs today.

Are you ready?

- How can I be ready with you
taking up all my study time?

- Ha ha.
You're gonna do awesome.

Then maybe we can
celebrate tonight?

- Can you get away
from the parental units?

- I'll have to make something up,
but you know how creative I can be.

- Mom says to get
your ass out of bed.

- Jesus! Knock, please!

Oh, my God!

I will kill you!

(shower running)

(ballad playing)

(news report playing indistinctly)

- ...several reports
of police staging

near the Walmart on Mountain
and also near Cornell Street.

- Witnesses tell us the driver
calmly exited the vehicle

just moments before the impact

that police say
killed the child instantly.

And reports that the woman

was in fact the child's mother
could not be verified.

- Good Lord, really?
Before breakfast?

- Oh, sorry, Ms. Ryan.

- See that, Josh?

Always do what Mom says.

Chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga.

Chuga-chuga-chuga.

Chuga-choo-choo!
- No! No! No! No!

(imitates explosion)

(blows raspberry)

- So not funny.

Awful.
(stifling laughter)

- Hey, uh, can I go to a movie
with Riley tonight?

(mockingly): With Riley.
- Shut up.

- Since when does anyone
under 30 go to the movies?

- Sweetheart,
you're not seeing that boy.

- Well, he has a name,

and I know why you don't
want me to see him.

- Yeah, because he's a junior,
and you're a sophomore.

Listen, I used to be
a 17-year-old dude once,

so I think I know--
- That's gross!

- Gross?
- Yeah.

- Honey, your grandparents are coming
for dinner tonight, remember?

- Wh--Mom, really?

- Really.
(sighs)

- What? You haven't
seen them in months,

and they're not getting
any younger, you know,

so the "movie" can wait.

- Awesome! You and Grandma

passive-aggressive
bitching at each other,

and Grandpa telling
his disgusting Vietnam stories.

"Pulled it out and killed
the Charlie bastard

with his own pigsticker."

- Carly! I am so sorry.

- M gan yiu, Mrs. Ryan.

I'm the Chinese.
Chinese is not the Charlie.

- Well, I'm already
on the rag anyway, and I--

(babbles)
- I can't hear you!

- Hashtag inappropriate talk before--
- "Hashtag"?

- Sun, you take my advice.
Don't ever have kids.

Oh, oops!

(speaking Cantonese)
- Mr. Ryan. It's too late.

- This is bullshit!
- Okay, Carly, that is enough, young lady!

- So nothing
about Jeannie yet?

- No. No baby news yet.
Soon, soon, soon.

- This is so weak. I can already see
how this is gonna go down.

Aunt Jeannie's gonna have her kid
today, out of all days,

and you're going to be
the no-show for dinner.

- I wa--

You know, I want to trust you,
Carly. Really, I do.

Your Dad and I both do,

but you don't make it easy on us
when you shut us out.

Do you mind not Facebooking
when we're driving together?

It's really
the only time we have,

just the two of us.

- "Facebooking."

- You know what I mean.
- Yeah, whatever.

- You know, I really, really hate
when you say that.

Amazing.

I mean, everything just revolves
around you, doesn't it?

- Doesn't everyone's world
revolve around themselves?

Who else
should it revolve around?

- Well, you're part of a family, Carly,

and that means
that you love each other

even when you can't stand each other

and that you give a shit
even when you don't really give a shit.

- Yeah, that makes
a lot of sense, Mom.

- Take your Aunt Jeannie,
for instance.

I mean, you could have
a new cousin today.

That is a big deal,

and all you can think about is--
(babbles)

(laughs)

You know, I don't even know
what you're thinking about,

because you don't tell me anymore.
We used to be best friends, remember?

- Okay. Well, that's not the case anymore,
Mom. I have other friends.

- Right.

See, it's just, for me,

you and Josh are everything,

so you don't get
to just shut me out.

Okay, it's not fair.

- God, it's not my fault
you have no life!

(Carly sighs)

You know what?
You're right.

Whatever.

(tense music playing)

Aah! Aah!

(screaming)

- Stop it! Stop it!

- Had enough?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

No! No! Ow!

- All right, Sun-Yi.

Thanks for everything.
We'll see you next week.

Bye, Lisa.

- Bye, Mr. Ryan.
- Okay, Mister.

I leave the dinner in the fridge.

(whispering) Fuck you.

Yeah, okay, that's great.

(tone buzzing)

(laughs)

(chuckling)

10...

it's not a guarantee for you.

(whoops)

(yells)

(sighs)

(distant siren)

(bar thumps)

(siren passing nearby)

(siren fades)

(hip-hop playing)
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Look a nigga in his eye ♪

♪ Tell him get to runnin' ♪

♪ All my niggaz comin' ♪

♪ They comin'
straight from... ♪

- What the hell?
- All right, let's have it.

♪...ain't your brother,
ain't your cousin ♪

♪ Actin' like a dick ♪

♪ I know
these pussies never... ♪

(music continues softly)

You kids need to go to church.
(class murmurs)

♪ Searchin' for the bread and butter ♪

♪ Fuck a hot bitch,
I ain't lookin' ♪

- Dude!
- I beg your pardon?

- I don't think you can
just use my phone.

(laughs)
Can you?

(mouths words)

(coughs)
- Owned.

- You can have these back
at the end of the school day.

(TV program playing)

(imitating engine)
(speaking Chinese on TV)

(static buzzing)

(animal mewling)

(animal mewling)

- Shh.

(mewling continues)

(mewling stops)

MOM: You still hungry, little man?
Want some more dinner?

- I'm okay, Mom.

(mewling)
All right. It's okay.

(flies buzzing)

(flies buzzing)

- Josh.

(flies buzzing)

(gasps)

Joshua!

God, it smells like
something died in there!

How am I supposed to get that out?

- Great. Perfect excuse to get rid of it.
- That's awesome, Kendall. Thank--

(Lisa screams)

(pounding)

(dance music playing)

♪ Go click, click ♪

♪ Make them girls go ♪

♪ Make them girls go ♪

♪ Click, click,
you got it ♪

♪ Click, click, you got it ♪

♪ Yes, you want it ♪

♪ Yes, you want it ♪

(soft music playing)

(slurps)

- We are so over.
- I'm dying.

- Why do we do it?

Killing ourselves to hold back Father Time
for what, a few more months?

- Why do anything? I don't know.
Be healthy, I guess.

- Be healthy, my ass.
It's not about being healthy.

It's about being hot,

and hot, skinny bitch,

is in our rearview mirror.

(laughs)
- Speak for yourself.

- I mean, don't get me wrong.

Look at you. You're amazing.

But that's not what keeps your hubby
from chasing after 17-year-olds.

It's state divorce law
that does that shit.

Yeah, if it weren't for that juicy hunk
of asada in the front row,

I would not be keeping up
with this torture.

- Okay, you know he could
sue you for sexual harassment

for shoving your business in his face.

- Are you kidding me?
He is making his way

through that class
like a stomach flu.

I'm just hoping
he gets to my row

before I have a massive coronary
and peace, out, yo.

Your sister, she's
gonna pop one out, huh?

Yeah, good luck with that.

God, I need a real drink.

I saw Riley changing in front of the mirror
the other day,

and I started to hate her a little.

She's my daughter.
I should be proud,

but all I could think was,

"One day, those tits are gonna drop,
you little whore."

Is that wrong?

- That's funny.
I could have sworn--

- What?

- That I got 100
from the ATM yesterday.

- Oh, don't worry about it.
I got this.

- Yeah. No, it's just weird.

I don't know what
I could have done with it.

- I don't know about
your little angels,

but mine steals from me
every chance she gets.

- No.
- She's a bitch.

- Does anybody know
what this means?

Anyone?

Bueller? No?

It refers to products

designed with a predetermined,
limited life span,

products that are
literally built to die,

that is, to become unfashionable

or nonfunctional
in a certain amount of time.

See exhibit A.
- Excuse me.

That's actually the new one.

- You are dexterously
missing my point

and making it
at exactly the same time.

See, the idea is
to manipulate the consumer...

(laughter)
... to constantly want to buy the new one.

- Yeah, duh.

- Of course, there's
an argument to be made

in favor of--
What's this? What is it?

CLASS: Planned obsolescence.
- Planned obsolescence.

That's right. Without
getting rid of the old,

you might never
embrace the new.

(telephone rings)

The need to continuously replace,
it forces us to accelerate progress.

The same thing can happen in nature.
Hold that thought.

Yep?

Sure.

Peña, you need to go to the office.

Where was I?
- You were saying how we were

the new and improved version
of last year's class.

(laughs)
- That's funny.

(telephone rings)
Oh.

Really?

Yes?

(siren blares outside)
Okay.

(tires squeal)

I understand.

All right.

Jenson, they need you
in the office, too. I'm sorry.

- What's going on?

- Chapter 12.
Everyone, let's go. Come on.

(stressful music playing)

(pencil cracking)

- Problem?

What's the rush today?

We still have over an hour.

Look at 'em. Looks like
they're waiting for a buffet.

(clicking)

- My mom is such a penis.
She is killing me.

She just won't let go of
that shit last weekend.

I'm totally cut off.
No credit, no ATM.

Can't even get
in my birthday money.

- Can't you ask your Dad?

- Nah. He direct deposits
in my account.

It's not like he can just fly in
and drop me a hundo.

He's in, like,
Europe or something.

I don't know.
Fuck that dude.

(toilet flushes)
Besides, I got you, fam.

Seriously, you're not
gonna wash your hands?

- Oh.

(squeals)

- We are gonna get fucked up!
Fucked up!

- Put that down! Here.
Put it in your bag.

(alarm tweeting)

- Let's go.

- Whoa.
This is not normal. Whoa!

- Watch where you're going,
fucking ham beast!

- Come on.

Jesus.

Whoa, Riley, look at that.

(woman screaming)

- Let me go!
(screams)

- Is that McKenna's Mom?
- Let me go!

No! Get off! Let me go!
(screaming)

(laughs)
Get off of me!

♪ Soul hurting ♪

(overlapping chatter)

♪ Soul hurting ♪

- You're finished? You know
there's still 20 minutes left.

- Yes, ma'am.

- And the score's pretty important
to your future.

- I took a lot of practice tests.

(overlapping chatter)

- Why are the buses here?
This isn't a fucking bomb scare.

- Come on.
- Back up. Back up.

- No, I'm not gonna back up.

- We can't send these kids home!
We don't know what's happened!

- What are they doing here?

- Come on, honey.
Mom's here. Let's go.

- Back up! Back up!

- Do you see your Mom?
- Yeah, right.

If ISIS dropped a bomb on this place,
she'd be so stoked.

- Come on over.
Evan, let's go. Evan. Evan.

- This is my kid!
You're not gonna tell me what--

- Back up!
- Touch me again, I'll...

- Get the fuck back!
- Evan. Evan! Evan, let's go now!

Right now.
Come on. Let's go!

- Hold that kid!

No!

- Whoa, dude, check it out.

- What in the actual fuck?

(music playing)

- We gotta go.

- My car. I drove today.

(yells)

- I told you to fucking stay back!

(screams)

(gasps)

(distant sirens blaring)

- Hey, Mrs. Beasley.
Where's Amanda?

- She's inside.

REPORTER: Commissioner?
(chatter on TV)

Commissioner?
Commissioner?

- Look, look, at this time,

the last thing we want to do
is disseminate any information

that may not be accurate
and compound the problem.

- Is it true that the murderers
and the victims are related?

Can you at least--

- Some of that information
may be correct, but...

- Fuck.
(sighs)

Come on, Dad.

REPORTER: Your kids, sir,
do you know where they are?

- I do, and I can assure you
I intend to see them very soon.

- That's not gonna cut it. We're gonna need
a little bit more than that.

- Tell... tell us the truth!
- Tell us what's really go--

(distant sirens blaring)

(scream)

(crash)

(clattering)

(static buzzing)

Dad?

Dad! What--
What the fuck, man?!

Don't--
Please don't do this again!

It's me. It's your son. It's Damon!

Ain't you had enough of that shit?

Dad.

Put the bottle down.

What the fuck?

Dad!

No!

(gasping)

Dad!

No, Dad! No!

(buzzing)

(sighs)

- I don't know about
your little angels...

(shower running)

- Carly?

- ...but mine steals from me
every chance she gets.

(sighs)

KENDALL: Well, look at you.

(laughs)
- Look at you. Two kids.

- I know.
Ugh, hard to believe.

Enh.

And you have none?

- Can't wrap my head around it.
Look, you either die single,

or you live long enough
to see yourself become a cliché.

(laughs)
- Stupid.

Unh. So it's the best, huh?

- It is, but they
need you less and less,

and that's sort of
why I'm here today.

Remember how you said if ever
I want to get back in...

(laughs)

- Oh, Kendall, that was, what,
like, 15 years ago?

- Uh, yeah,
that's the "ever" part.

- Look, Kendall, you are always
a rock star to me,

but this isn't something
you can just jump back into.

I get it.
You're going crazy, kids.

- Crazy? Wow.
(babbles)

(both laugh)

- Maybe take some classes.

- Classes?

- Yeah. Something fun.

(crying)

(cell phone buzzing)

- Tell me.

Oh, my God.

Are you sure?

Okay, okay.

I'll meet you at the hospital.

Yep.

(siren blaring)
(tires squeal)

God damn it!

(sobbing)

- Yeah, like he's gonna stop.

- I don't know. We're supposed
to be in class, aren't we?

- World War Z just broke out
at our school.

I'm pretty sure nobody's
gonna care that we left early.

(laughs)

- Where's the remote? We gotta
find out what's going on.

- Yo, she was fucking retarded.

Oh, man. I need to light up.

(static buzzes)

TV: What we had prayed...
- Found it!

- ...was an isolated incident
is apparently far from it,

as multiple reports
are now coming in

of similar attacks across the country.

We can hardly believe
what we are reporting to you

based on the videos
that are flooding in,

and we want to warn you
this footage is very graphic.

(child gagging)

- Fucking needed that.
Hey, you want a drink, bitch?

- Yeah. I mean, fuck no!
Dude, get in here!

TV: But what we know is this.
- What the fuck?

Multiple incidents are being
recorded of parents attacking

and, in many cases,
murdering their own children.

- Riley!

- Mom? Are you okay?

- I spilled my drink.

DR. OZ: I'm sure
many viewers are unfamiliar

with a phenomenon
known as savaging.

It's actually somewhat common
in the animal kingdom.

For instance,
in a domestic pig population,

as anyone involved in raising
livestock will tell you--

REPORTER: Excuse me.
You are talking about pigs?

There are children dying,
and you're talking about pigs.

- Well, yes. In fact, around
50% of the piglet fatalities seen

is due to the mother attacking or crushing
the newborn pre-weaned babies,

and no one can say
exactly why they do it.

(Riley groans, coughs)

NEWSCASTER: Again, we have
to emphasize we have no idea

what set off the incidents,

and authorities have so far refused
to issue any statement.

All we know is what we are...

- Riley?

(smooth jazz playing)

Riley, I swear to God,

if you're messing with me,
I'll kill you.

- Hey, kiddo.
(screams)

(overlapping chatter)
P.A.: Dr. Torres, please dial...

REPORTER: All right,
but isn't it a fact

that we still have no real idea
what is causing this?

MAN: It could be
a natural phenomenon,

but let's just postulate
someone wants to wipe us out,

so they create a biological
weapon or a neurotoxin

which attacks a very hard-wired
human impulse,

which is to protect our young.

Any parent would rush out
in front of a speeding car

or an oncoming train or even
a wild animal to save their child,

but if you could take

that natural human impulse
and reverse it,

you wouldn't have to wipe us out,

because at that point,
we ourselves

would be wiping out
our own future.

- Kendall!
- Oh, Jeannie!

It's about time, woman! Damn.
- Are you the father?

- No, I'm the--
- No, he's the boyfriend.

It's complicated. Dan the man.

I hope you remembered
to bring your camera.

(groans)
- Motherfucker!

I can't do this! I can't!

- Dan, Dan, are you sure
you don't want to wait outside?

This might be a little more
than you signed up for.

- This thing is fucked up!

- Holy fucking shit!

How have you done this twice?

You're inhuman.

- Easy there. Less talking.
More breathing. We're almost there.

- 80% dilated.
She's good to go, Doctor.

- Hey, I know it hurts.
- Oh, this fucking sucks!

- I know this hurts, Mama, but trust me.

The second you see that beautiful baby
and hear that voice,

everything will just disappear.

It's some kind of magic, okay?
Trust me.

It will go away.

- It's probably just the drugs kicking in.

- No, no, Jeannie.
It's something else.

It's--It's love kicking in, okay,
so just let it come.

- And push!
Do you mind? Do you mind?

(grunting)

Are you getting this? Get this.

(baby crying)
(laughs)

(baby crying)
- Good job, Mama.

- Look at that beautiful girl!

(laughs)

Very strong voice.

- I bet Mommy wants
to hold her daughter.

(crying)

(static buzzing)

("It Must Have Been Love" playing)

- Jeannie?

Jeannie?

Jeannie, you're holding her too tight.
Stop. Jeannie.

- No! No, no, no!
- Security!

- Jeannie!
- Call security!

- Okay.
- Stop her!

- You're holding her too tight! Ahh!

- No, no, no.
- Jeannie!

(baby crying)

What's happening with her?!

Jeannie! Jeannie, let go!

- Security!

- No!

Jeannie, let go.

(baby crying)

♪ It must have been love ♪

♪ But it's over now... ♪

- Call security.

No! Keep her back.

Jeannie!

♪ It must have been love... ♪

KENDALL: Jeannie!

Why is this happening to her?
What the hell is going on?

♪ From the moment we touched
'Til the time it ran out... ♪

What the hell is happening here?!
Security!

Jeannie.

Oh, it's me!

What is happening?!

(gasps)

(heart beating)

(gasping)

- No! No! No!
- It's me! It's me!

I got you! I got you!
- Damon. The guy, he--

- Don't worry. He doesn't want us.
(tense music playing)

(music stops)

(Carly sighs)

Come on. Come on.
- But--

Damon, what happened to your arm?!

- Sweetie, where's your brother?
- He's at home with--with Sun-Yi.

- What about your folks?
- My Dad's at work, and my Mom is--

She's at the gym with--
(sirens blaring)

- We have to go.
We have to go right now!

(woman moaning)

(snoring)

(woman moaning)

(snorts)
(cell phone buzzing)

- Hey, um--
(coughs)

I'm not taking
any calls, all right?

RECEPTIONIST:
What about your wife?

- Oh, especially not.

(laughs)
(chuckles)

(no audible scream)

- Goddamn it, Brent.

It's okay. It's okay.

- Excuse me, ma'am.
You're the mother's sister?

- Yes. Is she okay?

- She's fine. She's been sedated.

- Sedated.

- We need to ask for the baby.

- No. I think I need
to keep her close with me.

SECURITY: Ma'am, I need you
to give her the child.

- But this is my family.

- Ma'am, I'm sorry,
but we must insist.

- It's for the child's safety.

Please understand.

- No. No.

What is this?
What is going on here?

- We're not sure,
but until we know more,

we need to protect the children.

(crying)
- Oh...

(piano playing)

Okay.

♪ Unspoken love ♪

♪ If I could only tell you ♪

♪ What's in my heart ♪

♪ But it would be so wrong ♪

♪ A lonely song of love ♪

♪ That just can never be ♪

♪ There's nothing left for me ♪

♪ But love ♪

(telephone ringing)

Sun.

Sun, is everything
all right over there?

- Hi, Ms. Ryan.
Everything is fine.

How 'bout your sister?
Did she have the baby?

- Okay, stop. Is--

Oh, is Joshua all right?

- Uh, Joshua, he's fine.

I make him lunch. He's hiding
around here somewhere.

- Okay, i-is Mr. Ryan home?

- No. He go to work.

- Okay, you haven't
heard from him?

- No, Ms. Ryan.
Is everything okay?

- No. Listen, I am coming home.

- Whose car is that?
- The housekeeper's.

My Dad doesn't get home 'til late.

- All right, let's do this fast.
We're gonna go in.

We're gonna get your little brother,
and get the hell out, okay?

- Okay.

(mop splashing)

Sun-Yi?

- Carly, you're home.

Why you not at school?

- We left early today.

- Okay. Come here.
I make you the lunch.

That's your boyfriend?

Mr. Ryan say no boyfriend
in the house.

You understand me?
(speaking Cantonese)

- We're only here for a minute, okay?
Uh, where's Joshua?

- In his room.

I don't know why
he's not come out.

(gasps)
- Oh, my God.

- Ai-yah.
(speaking Cantonese)

I can't get this stain
out of the floor!

- No, you-- you need to leave, okay?
You need to go right now.

- I clean the mess, and then I go.

- No! You need to leave right now!
Don't worry about the cleaning!

Just get out of the house!

- Go get your brother.
- Get out!

- You want the lunch, kid?

- I'm good.

- Everybody so crazy today.

I don't understand
why they so crazy today.

I don't clean the kitchen.

Don't know
who's clean the kitchen.

(speaking Cantonese)

(continues in Cantonese)

(door closes)

- Josh?

Where are you, bro?

Hey, are you okay?

- Lisa.

S-Something bad
happened to Lisa.

- I know. I know. I know.

- I didn't--
She didn't do anything wrong.

- I know, okay?
- Why'd she do it?

- I know. Just listen to me.
I know. I know you're scared.

But we have to get out of the house
before Mom and Dad come home.

(speaking Cantonese)

- Ai-yah.

(speaking Cantonese)

MAN ON TV: I think it's horrible
what's happening.

- Yes. I only wish that I--

MAN: Intellectually
I should feel devastated.

This should be the most awful thing
that could happen to anybody.

I get that, but it's just not.

Look, I'm trying to summon up
some crocodile tears for you

just so you don't think I'm a monster,

but I can't.
(laughs)

- So do you think it's good
what's happening?

- Absolutely not.

I think it's horrible
what's happening.

- But for you...

- It was exactly right.

- What the hell
are you doing here?

(panting)

- It's not what you think, Mr. Ryan.

- What are you doing in my house?

Is my daughter here?

Carly? Joshua?

- Is that Dad? I want Dad.

- No, we have to leave,
God damn it.

- I need to get my backpack.
- Why? Fine. Just get it.

- Mr. Ryan, we need to talk, sir.
(mockingly): Oh, do we need to talk?

Yeah, we do need to talk.
You can't be here.

- This is not about me and Carly.
It's about what's happening.

- I get exactly...

(laughs)
... what's happening.

It's called hormones.

(shushing)

Yeah, believe it or not,
I used to be young once, too,

and actually not all that long ago,
by the way.

And I think about how
things were in my day.

- Mr. Ryan--

- But now the world
you kids are living in,

the things you've seen
on the Internet,

mouth to dildo, dildo to ass,
ass to ass.

Hi, Brent, anal beads,
things I only saw in magazines!

- No!

- And the expectations
that must come with that.

- Dad?

(tone buzzing)

(music playing)
♪ Yes ♪

(Carly screams)

- Daddy!

Come on!

(yells)

(clicks lock)

Dude.

BRENT: Right here. Right here.

Yeah, that's sexy. Okay.

(punk rock playing)

SINGER: Hey, where's Spot?

Mom, where's Spot?

He ran away!

♪ Run, Spot, run ♪

♪ Run, Spot, run ♪

♪ At 6:00,
the milkman comes around ♪

♪ Another day in anytown ♪

♪ I wake up with a frown ♪

♪ Another day in anytown ♪

♪ Run, Spot, Run ♪

♪ Run, Spot, Run ♪

♪ I called up
Sally, Dick, and Mark ♪

♪ We took my dog Spot
to the park ♪

♪ We watched him run
and hunt and bark ♪

♪ Then Spot ran
way into the dark ♪

♪ Run, Spot, Run ♪

♪ Run, Spot, Run ♪

♪ I had to go
and tell my Dad ♪

♪ I said-- ♪

(music stops)
KENDALL: Wow!

(sighs)

You were gonna tell me about this
at some point?

- Jesus Christ. Why do you
sneak up on me like that?

- You bought a pool table?

- Yeah. So?

- You don't even like pool.

Can I ask how much this cost?

- Don't worry about it.
- I kind of have to worry about it.

I mean,
Christmas is coming up.

Do you really think
this is the right time

to start building a man cave
in the basement?

- It's not a man cave,
Kendall. Jesus!

I just thought, you know,
like-- like a family room.

- The whole house is a family room.

- Okay. I got a problem
with that one right there,

because I bust my ass six days a week
trying to pay this place down,

and it's like a fucking obstacle course
trying to get out the fucking front door.

One of these days,
I'm gonna trip over one of Josh's toys

and take a nose dive
straight to the emergency room.

- What are you saying?

- I'm saying that maybe
we need to have boundaries.

I'm saying that maybe there needs
to be a fucking grown-up zone

and a fucking kid zone!

- Brent, honey, you think
I want to be the one

to piss all over your family room?

- Do you think I want to be the one
who has to build a fucking family room?!

Perfect. Yeah.

Okay. Well, let me see if I can take care
of this for you, sweetheart.

Yeah, I think I have something.
I have just the right thing.

Oh, yeah!
♪ You put your right foot in ♪

♪ You take
your right foot out ♪

♪ You do the hokey-pokey ♪

♪ And you fuckin'
work it all out ♪

- Brent, stop.

- And you do the hokey-pokey,

and you turn yourself around!

(clattering)

That's what it's all about!

There you go.

Problem solved.

You're right, honey.
I hate pool.

(panting)

Not a big fan
of machine-part sales either.

Trying to hit quotas
down there, be a big man.

Not exactly what I had in mind
as a young dude, you know.

Bright future. Everything in the world
to look forward to.

I mean, I was gonna grab the world
by the balls and squeeze, boy!

God damn it! I remember
that kid I used to be

like it was four fucking minutes ago!

My feet barely touched
the ground back then.

My kill ratio was 9 out of 10!
It was 100% sex.

But that guy in a million years

could never have pictured this tired
motherfucker he turned out to be!

Flat on his ass, fat, bald,

cottage-cheese fucking ass,

Blue Bonnet butter waistline,

with hair coming out
of my ears, my nose.

And my salary went
from $145,000 to $45,000!

Yeah, building
a fucking man cave!

That's right.
You're right!

I mean, does any of this
make any sense to you at all?

- Of course it does.

I mean...

it's not that as a woman,

you don't have career dreams,

relationship dreams.

I did. I had all that...

...but there's this bigger thing.

All your life,
you know it's coming.

And there's this mix of anxiety and...

secret excitement...

and terror,

because you know that one day

inevitably, you'll create this life.

The hugeness of it,
the importance of it,

everything is building
to that moment.

And then it happens.

And no matter
what you thought it would be...

it's not like that.

I mean, it's intense.

It's fucking bat-shit,
but it's not...

It doesn't...

Anyways, it is what it is.

Just something that happens,
and then it's--

- Then it's over.

- Yeah.

- I know this is the way
things are supposed to be.

I-I know we're doing it right.

It's just hard to get
my head around, you know.

I mean, I used to be Brent,

and you used to be Kendall,

and now we're just...

Mom and Dad.

(car horn honks)

- Fuck!

Come on!

RADIO: The origin of threat
is still being determined,

but what we are being told
by authorities

is that we are under attack.

(child screams)
(tires squeal)

To anyone in earshot
of this broadcast,

the message is you are going
to want to go to them.

It's your natural instinct in the middle
of a crisis to protect them,

but do not go near your children.

(static buzzing)

(tone buzzing)

- Are you all right?

(groans)
- Took a header.

Must have blacked out.

- You're home early.

- So are you.

They're in the basement.

- Carly? Joshua?

Can you hear me?
- Mom?

- Dude, shh.

- Yes, it's Mommy.
Mommy's here.

Is your sister with you?

- Yeah, Mom, I'm here.

- Oh, thank God.
Are you two all right?

- Mom, I stole the money
from your purse.

I'm so sorry. I--

Riley, she just said
that she needed it,

and then her... her mom--

- It's okay, honey.
I understand.

You must have had
a very good reason,

but that's not
what this is about.

Now I want you
to unbolt the door,

and I want you and your brother
to come out of that basement.

Do you understand?

- No, Mom, we're not coming out, okay?
You have to leave.

(buzzing)

You need to leave
the house, you and Dad!

- Your motherfucking mother
said to open this door!

And, motherfuckers,

you're going to open
this motherfucking door!

(crying)

Carly.

- Not so helpful.

- Joshie.
(crying)

- All right.
Let's try it this way.

- Where are you going?

That's not gonna cut
through this door.

- The hell it won't. It's a Sawzall.

That means it saws all.

- Ah, well, you know, educate me.

(whirring)

(grinding)

Fuck this.

I'm tired of messing around
with this shit.

You want to get
things done, huh?

I'll get things done.

- Mom! Please don't!

Please.

(screaming)

- What the fuck?!

(gunshots)
(Kendall screams)

(screams)

(Kendall screams)

(screams)

Aw, shit!

- Got a fucking
explanation for this?

You really went all in on the
midlife crisis thing, didn't you?

A fucking handgun?
Really?

- Well, I mean, some psycho
could break into the house.

How am I supposed to defend us?

- You do realize that
one in five children

and adolescents injured
involve firearms!

- It was in a locked case.

- What was the combination?

- Josh's birthday.

- Who wants to die today?

Speak! Speak!

Come on.

What a jerk you are.

(imitates gunshots)

- Damn it!
(Kendall inhales)

- Forget it. I have an idea.

(sighs)

Want to get me
something for this?

- Oh, you bet I will.

- Okay, just get some alcohol.

- Alcohol? Okay.

Just alcohol. Okay.

Maybe I should try
to take the bullet out first.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
No! No. Leave it.

- I just don't want it
to get infected.

- Just leave it.
- Okay.

You ready?
One, two, three, go.

(screams)

(Kendall screaming)

- W-What was that?

- It sounded like Mom.

(groaning)

- All right, okay, okay.
Opening.

I don't want
to hurt your teeth.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Ow! Fuck!

(spits)
(spits)

All right.

All right, okay. Here we go.
All right.

And one, two...

three...

five, six.

- Do you think Dad's hurting her?

- I don't know.

I don't think so. I think...

I think they only want to hurt us.

Don't worry.
Everything's gonna be okay,

'cause whatever's happening
out there, it's gonna pass.

But until then,
we're safe here, okay?

No one can get in.

- Are you sure?

(thumping)

(punk rock playing)

Kendall, this is a really
great idea, honey.

(music continues)

(flies buzzing)

(music stops)

(flies buzzing)

(music resumes)

- Okay! Let her rip!
- Gas on!

Love you!

(music stops)

(gas hissing)

- Wait here, okay?

- What?
- Just wait here.

- Okay.

(gasping)

- What the fuck?

(gasping)

(gas hissing)

- I found Lisa outside by the bins.

That explains the mess in the kitchen.

- Ah.

I was wondering about that.

- Hmm.

- How long do you think it'll take?

- I don't know. It's a big basement.

We should hear them coughing.

(chuckles)
- Throwing up.

(chuckles)

- After that, we should be good
to cut the door down.

(gas hissing)

(coughing)

- Josh, are you okay?

Hey, listen to me, okay?

You gotta stay with me, okay?

You have to stay with me.

I don't know why
this is happening,

and I don't know--
(coughing)

I don't know what
we could have done

or not done to change it,

but the fact is... is that...

is that Mom and Dad
want to hurt us.

They... they want to kill us.

Okay, but we're not gonna let that
happen, all right?

(gas hissing)

We're gonna get out of here.

(coughing)

(continues coughing)

(coughing)

- You gonna hurt them?

- Shh. Stay down. Go back.

Your nose.

(coughing)

(coughing, gagging)
Shh.

- Do it.

- Come on.

(coughs)

Come on.

- Ah! Fuck!

I don't see 'em.

Stand back.

(tone buzzing)

(groaning)

(static crackles)

(water spraying)

(grunts)

(gasps)

- Stay. Stay.

- Damn it, Carly!
Get back here!

- Mom, no! Stop!

Stop! Mom!

(piano playing)

- Hey.

- Mommy, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.

- Oh, no, no. No, honey.

Honey, it's okay.

You don't ever
have to be afraid of me.

Oh, look how beautiful you are.

You did a good job.

Here.

Mwah.

Just a kiss of it.

There's your angel cheeks.

- Thank you for making me pretty,
Mommy.

- Oh, honey,
you were born that way.

There is nothing I want more in this world
than to see you--

(screams)

Honey.

- Mom. No!

Aah!

(bites)
(screams)

- Mrs. Ryan, no!

(grunting)

KENDALL: Carly.
No!

- Mom! No! No!
(snarls)

- Let go of me!
- No!

- No. No, no, no.

Baby, baby, Carly, it's okay.
Shh. Shh. It's okay.

Raah!

- Mom!
- It's okay, Carly.

(pounding, grunting)

- No!

- Holy shit!

- Mom, stop!

(Carly panting)

(coughs)

It's usually not this bad.
(laughing)

(laughing)

- I used to think my parents
getting divorced

was the hugest tragedy of my life,

but ironically that shit
doubled my chance of survival.

(both laughing)

- Where's Mom?

- What?
- Aaah!

- Mom, stop it!

- You're gonna hurt them! Mom!

JOSH: No!

No! Mom, stop!
Mom!

No!

(screams)

- Damon?

(scrapes)

(gasping)

Mom, please, no!

(whimpers)
Come on. Josh, come on.

(screams)
Stop!

(saw whirring)

- Sawzall.

Means it...

saws all.

CARLY: Daddy, please, no.

(saw revs)

I'm sorry I said that
you have no life, okay?

I'm sorry that
we don't talk anymore.

I'm sorry that
we're not best frie--

- Shh!
- Mom, we're a family.

We love each other. Even though
you can't stand each other,

that you give a shit.
- Whatever. Whatever.

- Saws all.

(Josh whimpers)

- Close your eyes, bro.
Close your eyes.

- No! Stop!

(doorbell rings)

- Shit. I forgot. Your parents.

- That was tonight?

(doorbell rings)

God damn it.

(kids panting)

Just a sec.
(doorbell rings)

BRENT: All right, all right.
Hold your horses. Jesus!

Mom, Dad, listen.

(screams)

(grunts)

(clattering)

Dad! Aah!

Gaah!

Oh!

Holy shit! Dad!

You killed me!
You fucking killed me!

- Nah, bullshit.

I missed your gut, crybaby.
I'm gonna get you now.

- Grandpa!

Please don't hurt Dad anymore. Please.

- Hey, there's my little
piss and vinegar.

(yells)

(yells)

(sighs, static buzzes)

- Mom?

(screams)
(yelling)

- Get your hands off me.

(yelling)

- No! You do not want
to kill Brent.

Brent is your son.

(yelling)

- As if you ever
gave a shit about him.

You were never
good enough for him.

You're a whore.

Kendall's not even a real name!

- Dad, what are you doing?

No! Dad!

(can pops open)

(burps)
- Well...

you fucked up, son,

but what if I told you
I fucked up even worse?

- How?

- Did you know
that once upon a time,

the Firebird was Grandpa Mel's car?

It's true.
He bought it brand-new in '79

right off the line,
used his V.A. settlement.

Man, that car was his baby.

When I was little,
I used to watch him

polish it on the front lawn
every weekend.

And by the time I turned into a dumb,
horny, pimple-faced high school kid

just like you're gonna be,
it was officially a classic.

So long story short, I stole the keys,
picked up my girlfriend.

Yeah, this is
before I met your Mom.

Took it out for a little spin.

(tires squealing)

(truck horn honks)

Pretty much totalled
the motherfucker.

- Cool.
- (Brett laughs)

Mel didn't think so.

I thought he was
gonna crush my skull.

But you know what he did?
He sold it to me.

And it wasn't cheap either.

I'd have to pay him back
every dime he put into it.

And if I wanted to drive my senior year,
I better learn how to fix a car.

So I did. I spent the whole summer
working two jobs, paid back my Dad.

"Here's $10, Dad. Here's $20, Dad.
Here's $100, Dad."

By the end of the summer,

I had that bad boy cherried out
from the ground up.

Now, you talk about a pussy magnet.

- Dad.
- Chick magnet.

Hah! Whew.

(sighs, licks)

Your Mom keeps telling me to sell it,
but I just can't bear to let her go.

- Is that why Mom always says,

"I can't bear to think about what must
have happened in that car"?

Because of the accident?

- No, no, buddy. Nah, she's talking
about something else.

(taps can)

- I'm sorry I messed up, Dad.

- Hey, like father, like son, right?

But if you ever touch that car again...

I'll fuckin' kill you.
(laughs)

- Dad! No!

(screams)
No, Dad!

(grunting)

Dad! Ahh! No!

♪ Do you remember
there was a time... ♪

- You won't be
running any more!

(screaming)

Yeah.

- Get your claws off me,
you goddamn filthy dinosaur!

- Fucking dinosaur?
I fought in wars, you little shit.

What have you done ever?
Come on. Come on.

♪ Break these chains of love ♪

Now take this.
(screams)

(wound spurting)
(grunts, engine revs)

(yelps)

(yelling)

(screams)

(sighs)

(laughing)

- Oh!
♪ There was a time ♪

(roars)

(chuckles)

(yells)

(grunting)

♪ Days would last forever ♪

♪ Come to me, cover me ♪

(slow motion)
♪ Hold me ♪

♪ Together we'll break
these chains of love ♪

(music stops)

(glass tinkling)

(dogs barking)

(wheezes, laughs)

- No. Mom.

(groans)

(music playing)

- Carly?

Sweetheart?

(Brent winces)

CARLY: Hey, Mom.

- Hey, Dad.

- Buddy.

- Thank God you're all right.
(winces)

Honey, okay,
let us out, honey.

It's okay.

- I don't think so.

BRENT: Joshua, come on, big guy.

Get the Sawzall. Cut us loose.

CARLY: We want to trust you.

(static buzzing)

We really do.

(grunting)

(chuckles)

(crying)

But you don't make it easy.

(crying)

- I love you, Dad.

- Oh, sweetie.

- I love you, Mom.

- Me, too.

- Don't you know
we love you both

more than anything
in the whole world?

- But sometimes we...

sometimes we...

just want to...

(punk rock playing)

(techno music playing)

(instrumental playing)

(music continues)