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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,255 --> 00:00:28,255 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:08:07,166 --> 00:08:09,399 "The first meal..." 3 00:08:25,232 --> 00:08:27,630 No, no, no, Mr. Atkinson. 4 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,364 I completely understand. I know it's late. 5 00:08:30,366 --> 00:08:32,163 The reason why I'm actually calling is beca... 6 00:08:32,165 --> 00:08:34,865 I'm literally just walking from the office now. 7 00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:38,466 Yeah, we got some news in today that I thought I'd run by you. 8 00:08:39,566 --> 00:08:41,264 Yeah, um... 9 00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:42,898 we got another offer 10 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,700 on the house that you really like. 11 00:08:45,866 --> 00:08:48,266 Yeah, I know, these things happen all the time, sir. 12 00:08:49,299 --> 00:08:51,163 How are you? All right. Yeah. 13 00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:52,864 Can I get the usual please? 14 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,931 Um, an Italian thin crust pizza. 15 00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,997 Pepperoni, obviously. 16 00:08:57,999 --> 00:09:02,466 Um, can you do me that... that sour cream dip that you guys do? 17 00:09:04,031 --> 00:09:08,166 Yeah, um, one strawberry cheesecake. 18 00:09:10,066 --> 00:09:11,631 Yeah, and, um... 19 00:09:11,633 --> 00:09:15,300 could you throw in like a cheeky bottle of coke? 20 00:09:16,298 --> 00:09:18,266 Yeah. You letch. 21 00:09:19,198 --> 00:09:21,097 You know my address, yeah? 22 00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:23,767 Okay. All right, then, how long would that be roughly? 23 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,597 All right. Yeah, no worries. 24 00:09:27,599 --> 00:09:29,200 All right, take care. 25 00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:52,599 Hey. 26 00:09:53,298 --> 00:09:54,567 You all right? 27 00:09:56,199 --> 00:09:57,700 Yeah, how's it going? 28 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,266 Nice. 29 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,597 Yeah, when are you back? 30 00:10:04,599 --> 00:10:06,196 Yeah, no, that shouldn't be a problem. 31 00:10:06,198 --> 00:10:08,866 Let me... write it down. 32 00:10:10,098 --> 00:10:12,030 Yeah, go on. 33 00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:13,400 What was that? 34 00:10:15,065 --> 00:10:18,233 Terminal... 2. 35 00:10:18,932 --> 00:10:21,566 12:22. 36 00:10:22,265 --> 00:10:24,264 Yeah. Not a problem. 37 00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,566 I'll be there. 38 00:10:26,265 --> 00:10:27,963 Of course I will. 39 00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:29,265 For you, anything. 40 00:12:57,266 --> 00:12:58,331 What the fuck? 41 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,100 Fuck. Fuck. 42 00:16:08,232 --> 00:16:09,330 No, no, no. 43 00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:10,629 The last thing I'm trying to do, sir, 44 00:16:10,631 --> 00:16:13,164 is to pressure anyone into making a decision 45 00:16:13,166 --> 00:16:15,897 that they don't want to go through. 46 00:16:15,899 --> 00:16:18,330 Yeah, and 15 percent is the preferable rate these days, 47 00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:20,563 but I know some vendors that are willing to offer 10 percent. 48 00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:22,896 And if I'm being completely honest with you, sir, 49 00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,163 I saw you. Your aura... 50 00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:28,430 and... the whole ambiance in the house... 51 00:16:28,432 --> 00:16:30,864 that just connected really well. 52 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:31,897 So I'll let you sleep on it. 53 00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:32,763 Then you can let me know 54 00:16:32,765 --> 00:16:34,197 what you want to do in the morning. 55 00:16:34,199 --> 00:16:35,532 You have a good night. 56 00:17:00,499 --> 00:17:02,100 Oh, shit. 57 00:17:10,966 --> 00:17:14,063 So... yeah. Listen, man, I need to re-up. 58 00:17:15,131 --> 00:17:17,130 Yeah, quick one. 59 00:17:17,132 --> 00:17:19,099 It's been like two scores or something, yeah? 60 00:17:25,565 --> 00:17:29,164 That right-wing pussy telling me to black it up. 61 00:17:29,166 --> 00:17:30,562 Is he mental? 62 00:17:39,366 --> 00:17:43,896 So! So! So! 63 00:17:43,898 --> 00:17:45,230 Your lift stinks. 64 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,365 Shut up, man. That's you that stinks, not my lift. 65 00:17:48,065 --> 00:17:50,332 Bruv, I mean, it's so quick. 66 00:17:59,332 --> 00:18:00,864 What are you wearing? 67 00:18:00,866 --> 00:18:02,096 What do you mean, what am I wearing? 68 00:18:02,098 --> 00:18:03,863 Why are you dressed like that? 69 00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,399 Went to a casting, innit? 70 00:18:06,099 --> 00:18:08,430 Oh, yeah. How did it go? 71 00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:10,629 Bruv, the director, walks up to me and goes, 72 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,599 "Excuse me, mate, do you mind blacking it up?" 73 00:18:15,298 --> 00:18:16,464 - What? - Yeah. 74 00:18:16,466 --> 00:18:17,833 I looked at him and goes, 75 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,997 "How much more black can I get?" 76 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,096 - So, what did you do? - I had enough of that. 77 00:18:23,098 --> 00:18:25,399 Afterwards, he comes up to me and goes... 78 00:18:26,599 --> 00:18:28,097 "Do you mind adding a 'motherfucker'." 79 00:18:28,099 --> 00:18:30,529 Like, because I'm black 80 00:18:30,531 --> 00:18:32,265 I have to say "motherfucker." 81 00:18:33,098 --> 00:18:34,632 Just racist, innit? 82 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,199 Now, imagine you're at the office... 83 00:18:38,332 --> 00:18:40,263 and someone comes up to you and says 84 00:18:40,265 --> 00:18:43,366 "Hussein, do you want this bacon sandwich?" 85 00:18:45,032 --> 00:18:46,533 Would you eat it? 86 00:18:47,965 --> 00:18:49,300 Yeah. 87 00:18:50,565 --> 00:18:52,496 'Cause I eat bacon. 88 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,333 Isn't it against your laws? 89 00:18:55,032 --> 00:18:56,366 I mean, yeah... 90 00:18:57,166 --> 00:19:00,064 but I eat pepperoni as well, so... 91 00:19:00,066 --> 00:19:01,496 There's no much difference, innit? 92 00:19:01,498 --> 00:19:03,100 But is it halal, though? 93 00:19:03,931 --> 00:19:06,333 There's no such thing as halal pig. 94 00:19:08,332 --> 00:19:09,699 Halal that. 95 00:19:13,899 --> 00:19:15,300 All right, cool. 96 00:21:37,398 --> 00:21:39,132 Hey, you all right? 97 00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:42,096 What? 98 00:21:42,098 --> 00:21:43,366 Already? 99 00:21:44,066 --> 00:21:45,596 Now, wait a minute. 100 00:21:45,598 --> 00:21:48,396 I thought you said 3 p.m. 101 00:21:48,398 --> 00:21:50,698 That's what I've got written down. That's what you told me. 102 00:21:52,165 --> 00:21:54,366 Wha... So what are you gonna do? 103 00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:58,500 A-All right, all right, I'll come now then, won't I? 104 00:21:59,264 --> 00:22:00,562 W-Wha... 105 00:22:00,564 --> 00:22:02,296 Okay. Chill out. 106 00:22:02,298 --> 00:22:04,099 I'll pick you up from the station then. 107 00:22:05,431 --> 00:22:07,129 Yeah. 108 00:22:07,131 --> 00:22:08,964 Hello? 109 00:22:08,966 --> 00:22:10,499 Hello? 110 00:22:11,198 --> 00:22:13,395 For fuck's sake, man. 111 00:22:13,397 --> 00:22:15,466 You told me 3 p.m. 112 00:22:16,332 --> 00:22:17,597 So it's my fault, innit? 113 00:22:17,599 --> 00:22:18,929 I can never do anything right. 114 00:24:37,131 --> 00:24:39,295 - You got me a present? - No, I didn't get you one. 115 00:24:39,297 --> 00:24:41,897 Why would I get you a present? 116 00:24:41,899 --> 00:24:43,063 Look, I wrote it down on the wall. 117 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:44,363 - Where? - On the fridge. 118 00:24:44,365 --> 00:24:46,064 I told you I did. There. 119 00:24:46,066 --> 00:24:48,263 Oh, my God. The hell are... 120 00:24:48,265 --> 00:24:49,429 Oh, my God! 121 00:24:49,431 --> 00:24:51,362 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God! 122 00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:53,864 Oh, my God! W... Where did these come from? 123 00:24:53,866 --> 00:24:55,997 - Get rid of them! - I'm trying to get rid of them! 124 00:24:55,999 --> 00:24:57,630 - Can you give me a towel or something... - No! 125 00:24:58,966 --> 00:25:00,863 - Come on, man. - No, I'm scared. 126 00:25:00,865 --> 00:25:02,896 - Well, what am I trying to do? - Open the door! 127 00:25:02,898 --> 00:25:04,596 I need one. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 128 00:25:04,598 --> 00:25:06,162 Give me a towel, quick. 129 00:25:06,164 --> 00:25:07,996 No! Talk to them. 130 00:25:07,998 --> 00:25:10,964 Talk to them? I don't know how to talk to the pigeons. 131 00:25:10,966 --> 00:25:12,363 Hey, pigeon. 132 00:25:14,331 --> 00:25:15,596 No! 133 00:25:15,598 --> 00:25:16,930 Get off my chair, man. 134 00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:18,162 Get off! 135 00:25:18,164 --> 00:25:19,629 Go! Go! Go! 136 00:25:19,631 --> 00:25:22,062 Man! Oh, they've shit on my La-Z-Boy. 137 00:25:22,064 --> 00:25:23,498 Fuck, man. 138 00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:35,330 I swear I never left that window open. 139 00:25:35,332 --> 00:25:38,263 Well, you clearly did. Have you not got any food? 140 00:25:38,265 --> 00:25:39,530 There's loads of food in there. 141 00:25:39,532 --> 00:25:41,062 You haven't even got teabags? 142 00:25:41,064 --> 00:25:42,596 What're you talking about. I can see two teabags 143 00:25:42,598 --> 00:25:43,963 with my own eyes right there. 144 00:25:43,965 --> 00:25:45,362 - Where? - On the counter. 145 00:25:45,364 --> 00:25:46,530 They're used. 146 00:25:46,532 --> 00:25:48,463 It's called recycling. 147 00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:49,562 Wow. 148 00:25:49,564 --> 00:25:52,128 I'm not your fucking houseboy. 149 00:25:52,130 --> 00:25:54,363 I'm a professional salesman. 150 00:25:54,365 --> 00:25:56,964 I ain't got time to be fucking buying food for you. 151 00:25:56,966 --> 00:25:58,230 - So I'll go shop, yeah? - Yeah. 152 00:25:58,232 --> 00:26:00,062 I think that's a great idea. 153 00:26:00,064 --> 00:26:02,864 Okay, cool. I'll go shop, so we can eat some food tonight. 154 00:26:02,866 --> 00:26:05,330 - How 'bout that? - Can you get me some... 155 00:26:05,332 --> 00:26:06,396 chocolate chip cookies? 156 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:07,699 No, I can't. 157 00:26:17,532 --> 00:26:18,799 Glass of red? 158 00:26:19,866 --> 00:26:21,200 Oh! 159 00:26:37,431 --> 00:26:39,364 Game over. 160 00:26:53,097 --> 00:26:54,566 This is nice. 161 00:26:55,332 --> 00:26:57,132 Came to 35 quid. 162 00:26:59,498 --> 00:27:01,166 What, you're asking for money now? 163 00:27:02,030 --> 00:27:03,531 We said half and half. 164 00:27:04,398 --> 00:27:06,199 Half the bills, half the rent. 165 00:27:09,232 --> 00:27:10,698 I'll pay you tomorrow. 166 00:27:12,198 --> 00:27:14,029 What do you want me to do? 167 00:27:14,031 --> 00:27:15,995 Run out of the house now, run to the bank or something? 168 00:27:15,997 --> 00:27:17,430 I'm just saying. 169 00:27:17,432 --> 00:27:20,129 And I'm just saying, what if your food was actually dead. 170 00:27:20,131 --> 00:27:22,330 Okay, cool. 171 00:27:22,332 --> 00:27:24,799 I'm going to bed, yeah? You can do the washing up. 172 00:28:45,264 --> 00:28:46,929 Breakfast is served. 173 00:28:46,931 --> 00:28:49,196 Morning. 174 00:28:49,198 --> 00:28:50,530 Morning. 175 00:28:50,532 --> 00:28:52,195 - Listen... - That's nice. 176 00:28:52,197 --> 00:28:53,262 I'm so sorry, yeah? 177 00:28:53,264 --> 00:28:56,296 Don't be sorry. Just be nicer. 178 00:28:56,298 --> 00:28:59,196 I didn't mean to write the wrong time down, did I? 179 00:28:59,198 --> 00:29:02,096 Yeah, I didn't mean to be a massive bitch, but fucking hell. 180 00:29:02,098 --> 00:29:04,363 I think I was feeling hemmed in or something. 181 00:29:04,365 --> 00:29:06,229 My head weren't in the right place. 182 00:29:06,231 --> 00:29:07,799 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 183 00:29:11,564 --> 00:29:13,431 Listen, I was thinking 184 00:29:14,130 --> 00:29:15,262 we should do something today. 185 00:29:15,264 --> 00:29:17,963 - What? - Like... 186 00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,833 - go to the cinema, watch a film. - Mm. 187 00:29:21,964 --> 00:29:23,230 Go and get some more food. 188 00:29:23,232 --> 00:29:24,596 What food? 189 00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:25,996 Go to the Chicken Shop. 190 00:29:25,998 --> 00:29:27,129 Okay. 191 00:29:27,131 --> 00:29:28,597 - You like the Chicken Shop? - Yeah. 192 00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:30,200 Then we can come back... 193 00:29:30,930 --> 00:29:32,529 and then I can... 194 00:29:32,531 --> 00:29:34,531 What's that? 195 00:29:35,365 --> 00:29:37,028 What's that? 196 00:29:37,030 --> 00:29:38,396 - It's the... - What? 197 00:29:38,398 --> 00:29:40,963 - The Slider. - The Slider. 198 00:29:40,965 --> 00:29:42,496 Yeah, it's time for the Slider. 199 00:29:42,498 --> 00:29:44,529 You need to work on your moves. 200 00:29:44,531 --> 00:29:46,229 You know I can always use the Slider. 201 00:29:46,231 --> 00:29:47,862 You need to work on your Slider. 202 00:29:47,864 --> 00:29:49,195 Your Slider's dead. 203 00:29:49,197 --> 00:29:51,029 - You said the Slider was good. - Mmm. 204 00:29:51,031 --> 00:29:52,529 That's not what you were saying. 205 00:29:52,531 --> 00:29:54,395 I faked it. 206 00:29:54,397 --> 00:29:56,162 What? 207 00:29:56,164 --> 00:29:57,263 You faked it? 208 00:29:57,265 --> 00:29:59,096 I'm so sorry. 209 00:29:59,098 --> 00:30:01,128 Stop it. 210 00:30:01,130 --> 00:30:03,162 - Were you faking that now as well? - Yeah. 211 00:30:03,164 --> 00:30:05,330 Yeah, but that's different. That's tickling me. 212 00:30:05,332 --> 00:30:08,029 Oh! You're meant to be nice. 213 00:30:08,031 --> 00:30:09,597 - I'm being nice. - No, you're not. 214 00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:11,496 - I am. - No, you're not. You're being... 215 00:30:12,330 --> 00:30:14,330 - Do you wanna be any louder? - Yeah. 216 00:30:14,332 --> 00:30:16,429 I'll fucking scream the place down. 217 00:30:16,431 --> 00:30:18,128 You're meant to be nice to me. 218 00:30:20,998 --> 00:30:22,596 Stop it. I don't like it when you play. 219 00:30:23,931 --> 00:30:25,396 Mmm. 220 00:30:25,398 --> 00:30:27,195 You said my Slider was dead. 221 00:30:27,197 --> 00:30:30,096 - Dead. - No... 222 00:30:30,098 --> 00:30:31,895 Fine, I ain't gonna bring out the Slider. 223 00:30:31,897 --> 00:30:33,363 No, I'm joking. 224 00:30:33,365 --> 00:30:34,928 I'll give you The Brown Hammer. 225 00:30:34,930 --> 00:30:38,498 The Brown Hammer... 226 00:30:46,130 --> 00:30:49,195 ♪ I know you and you know me and I know you, yeah ♪ 227 00:30:49,197 --> 00:30:52,028 ♪ That's my other half, she stick to me like glue ♪ 228 00:30:52,030 --> 00:30:53,263 What are you doing? 229 00:30:53,265 --> 00:30:55,263 - I didn't do that on purpose. - Don't lie. 230 00:30:55,265 --> 00:30:56,230 Don't get ugly. 231 00:30:56,232 --> 00:30:58,062 What if my head was to crack into that door. 232 00:30:58,064 --> 00:30:59,395 Oh, you're so dramatic. 233 00:30:59,397 --> 00:31:01,162 You wouldn't be living in this amazing flat then. 234 00:31:01,164 --> 00:31:03,162 - You do know that, right? - Are you serious? 235 00:31:03,164 --> 00:31:04,665 This place ain't amazing? 236 00:31:05,564 --> 00:31:06,963 - Mmm, it's all right. - What? 237 00:31:06,965 --> 00:31:08,230 It'll do. 238 00:31:08,232 --> 00:31:09,563 So what would you change about it then? 239 00:31:09,565 --> 00:31:12,095 I'd get some plants in, I'd get some candles in, 240 00:31:12,097 --> 00:31:13,396 I'd get some quotes. 241 00:31:13,398 --> 00:31:15,128 Quotes, all right. Quotes I can work with. 242 00:31:15,130 --> 00:31:16,262 - Yeah? - Yeah. All right. 243 00:31:16,264 --> 00:31:17,597 We can do that. Can you, um... 244 00:31:17,599 --> 00:31:18,863 help me when you're done. 245 00:31:18,865 --> 00:31:20,430 Yeah, 246 00:31:20,432 --> 00:31:22,028 I can. 247 00:31:22,030 --> 00:31:24,096 What time are you home tonight? 248 00:31:24,098 --> 00:31:26,928 Um, probably later than usual 249 00:31:26,930 --> 00:31:28,230 - because... - What? 250 00:31:28,232 --> 00:31:30,299 I've got to impress my first day back. 251 00:31:31,131 --> 00:31:32,563 But you said tonight we're gonna... 252 00:31:32,565 --> 00:31:33,496 What? 253 00:31:33,498 --> 00:31:35,928 - Put you against the wall. - Yeah, we can, 254 00:31:35,930 --> 00:31:37,430 but I'm just gonna have to be later. 255 00:31:37,432 --> 00:31:38,262 All right. 256 00:31:38,264 --> 00:31:40,395 You better sell five houses today. 257 00:31:40,397 --> 00:31:41,862 - Five? - Yeah. 258 00:31:41,864 --> 00:31:43,196 I mean, I got twelve lined up already. 259 00:31:43,198 --> 00:31:44,463 Oh, you're so full of it. 260 00:33:19,431 --> 00:33:21,329 Take these off. 261 00:33:24,897 --> 00:33:26,929 Come, then. Show me what you've got. 262 00:33:26,931 --> 00:33:28,063 Show you what I've got? 263 00:33:28,065 --> 00:33:29,362 - Oh, it's like that now? - Yeah. 264 00:33:29,364 --> 00:33:31,062 - It's competition time? - Yeah. 265 00:33:31,064 --> 00:33:32,530 - Last time that happened... - Mmm. 266 00:33:32,532 --> 00:33:33,863 ...I'm sure I won. 267 00:33:33,865 --> 00:33:35,398 - Really? - Yeah. 268 00:33:47,065 --> 00:33:48,399 Mmm. 269 00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:54,264 - Hello. - Mmm. 270 00:33:54,964 --> 00:33:56,331 Hello. 271 00:34:02,365 --> 00:34:04,531 What's going on? Why is it not... 272 00:34:05,231 --> 00:34:07,098 Oh, for fuck's sake. 273 00:34:09,064 --> 00:34:10,731 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 274 00:34:11,464 --> 00:34:13,229 Why are you so ugly? 275 00:34:13,231 --> 00:34:15,632 It's all right. You ain't got to be Mr. Lova Lova all the time. 276 00:34:17,198 --> 00:34:18,596 - All the time? - Yeah. 277 00:34:18,598 --> 00:34:20,195 - It's fine. - Of course I have to. 278 00:34:20,197 --> 00:34:22,528 No, you don't, man. It happens. 279 00:34:22,530 --> 00:34:24,496 And when is the last time this happened to me? 280 00:34:24,498 --> 00:34:26,862 Before I went on a holiday. 281 00:34:26,864 --> 00:34:29,296 There's been so many times we're about to have sex and you can't get it up. 282 00:34:29,298 --> 00:34:30,561 So what? All this is my fault? 283 00:34:30,563 --> 00:34:32,564 No, I'm just saying it's probably the weed. 284 00:34:33,897 --> 00:34:35,229 Messes with your libido, innit? 285 00:34:35,231 --> 00:34:36,629 - It's not the weed. - It's not the weed, no? 286 00:34:36,631 --> 00:34:38,629 - Nah, it's not the weed. - What is it then? 287 00:34:38,631 --> 00:34:40,629 It's you. 288 00:34:40,631 --> 00:34:42,028 It's your fault. It's not my fault. 289 00:34:42,030 --> 00:34:43,398 Why would it be my fault? 290 00:34:44,097 --> 00:34:45,562 'Cause you got a flat arse. 291 00:34:45,564 --> 00:34:47,096 That's why. 292 00:34:47,098 --> 00:34:48,532 How else can I not get it up? 293 00:34:49,264 --> 00:34:51,028 There's nothing even there, man. 294 00:34:51,030 --> 00:34:52,896 Cool. 295 00:34:52,898 --> 00:34:54,395 Prick. 296 00:35:32,898 --> 00:35:34,698 I feel like dog shit, man. 297 00:35:35,464 --> 00:35:37,199 Well, you look like dog shit. 298 00:35:40,897 --> 00:35:41,996 What? 299 00:35:41,998 --> 00:35:44,095 - That's funny? - Yeah. 300 00:35:44,097 --> 00:35:46,929 You're such a pussy. Man up. Grow some balls, man. 301 00:35:46,931 --> 00:35:48,331 Man-flu? 302 00:35:57,496 --> 00:35:59,528 - Have you seen my diamond tiepin? - No. 303 00:35:59,530 --> 00:36:01,163 - What do you mean no? - I mean no. 304 00:36:01,165 --> 00:36:02,832 We all great, innit? 305 00:36:05,098 --> 00:36:07,198 Shut up, man. 306 00:36:09,331 --> 00:36:11,164 So rude. 307 00:37:05,197 --> 00:37:07,098 Where is it? Oh. 308 00:37:49,264 --> 00:37:51,531 "Big monster dick." 309 00:37:52,330 --> 00:37:54,797 "Big monster dick." 310 00:37:56,030 --> 00:37:59,465 "Soldier in my Ass." 311 00:38:05,065 --> 00:38:09,664 "Suck My Nine Inch in a Gloryhole." 312 00:38:14,564 --> 00:38:16,630 "Monkeys in the Shower." 313 00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:23,098 "Cock-a-cock." 314 00:40:12,097 --> 00:40:14,161 - Oh, that's funny? - That's not me. 315 00:40:14,163 --> 00:40:15,863 So, what is this? Why is it cut? 316 00:40:15,865 --> 00:40:17,194 I don't know. 317 00:40:17,196 --> 00:40:18,129 I left this morning, Mel. 318 00:40:18,131 --> 00:40:19,862 I found out mid-day whilst I was at work 319 00:40:19,864 --> 00:40:21,362 walking around like a fucking dickhead. 320 00:40:21,364 --> 00:40:23,429 Oh, there's no change there. Is there, Hussein? 321 00:40:23,431 --> 00:40:24,995 Come on, Mel, man. I'm being serious. 322 00:40:24,997 --> 00:40:26,229 So am I, being serious. 323 00:40:26,231 --> 00:40:27,394 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 324 00:40:27,396 --> 00:40:29,029 - And what about my phone? - What's... What? 325 00:40:29,031 --> 00:40:30,529 - What did you do to it? - What do you mean? 326 00:40:30,531 --> 00:40:32,261 I put it on charge last night next to you. 327 00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:34,062 - Okay, cool. - That's not funny. 328 00:40:34,064 --> 00:40:36,862 I walked out this morning, and it was fucking zero percent. 329 00:40:36,864 --> 00:40:39,295 - Okay, what about my laptop? - What about your laptop? 330 00:40:39,297 --> 00:40:41,362 Why is there porn on my laptop? 331 00:40:41,364 --> 00:40:43,329 - I don't know. - You've been watching porn on my laptop? 332 00:40:43,331 --> 00:40:44,394 - No! - No? 333 00:40:44,396 --> 00:40:45,494 - No! - Okay. 334 00:40:45,496 --> 00:40:47,862 I don't watch porn on your laptop. 335 00:40:47,864 --> 00:40:51,361 Okay, so you're telling me, Hussein, that 336 00:40:51,363 --> 00:40:53,261 "Soldier in My Arse" isn't you? 337 00:40:53,263 --> 00:40:55,162 - What? - You've been watching gay porn on my laptop? 338 00:40:55,164 --> 00:40:56,561 - No, I haven't. - I took this to work today. 339 00:40:56,563 --> 00:40:58,162 You know my boss, he saw that today. 340 00:40:58,164 --> 00:41:00,195 It's disgusting. It's actually rank. 341 00:41:00,197 --> 00:41:01,996 - Mel. - What? 342 00:41:01,998 --> 00:41:03,529 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 343 00:41:03,531 --> 00:41:05,195 What else has been watching porn on my laptop? 344 00:41:05,197 --> 00:41:07,863 Why... Who else lives here? 345 00:41:07,865 --> 00:41:09,628 - Don't ask me dumb questions. - Who else lives here? 346 00:41:09,630 --> 00:41:11,562 - No one. - Okay, so just you and me live here, yeah? 347 00:41:11,564 --> 00:41:13,863 - Yeah. - So you're telling me that somehow 348 00:41:13,865 --> 00:41:16,095 a ghost is watching porn on my laptop? 349 00:41:16,097 --> 00:41:18,995 - I don't know what "Solider in My Arse" is. - Is that what turns you on? 350 00:41:18,997 --> 00:41:21,561 Is that what turns you on? You know, it actually makes sense. 351 00:41:21,563 --> 00:41:23,128 That's why you can't get it up, ain't it? 352 00:41:23,130 --> 00:41:24,529 'Cause you like dick. 353 00:41:24,531 --> 00:41:25,996 Mel. 354 00:41:25,998 --> 00:41:27,494 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 355 00:41:27,496 --> 00:41:28,764 And what the hell is this? 356 00:41:31,564 --> 00:41:33,495 - They're your knickers. - Yeah, what's that? 357 00:41:33,497 --> 00:41:35,094 - Ugh! I don't know. - It's your cum. 358 00:41:35,096 --> 00:41:37,028 - No, that's not. - Yes, it is your cum. 359 00:41:37,030 --> 00:41:38,863 Why're you wanking over my knickers for? 360 00:41:38,865 --> 00:41:41,028 - You've been trying... - That's nasty, Mel. I would not do that. 361 00:41:41,030 --> 00:41:42,629 I can't believe I actually let you touch me. 362 00:41:42,631 --> 00:41:45,095 - It wasn't me. I didn't do anything. - Whatever. 363 00:41:45,097 --> 00:41:46,596 - Why don't you ever understand? - You're sick! 364 00:41:46,598 --> 00:41:48,099 You never listen. 365 00:42:50,598 --> 00:42:52,362 Oh, my God! 366 00:42:52,364 --> 00:42:53,462 - Hussein. - Yeah. 367 00:42:53,464 --> 00:42:55,395 - Come flush the toilet. - What? 368 00:42:55,397 --> 00:42:56,495 Flush the toilet. 369 00:42:56,497 --> 00:42:57,529 Why? I never used it. 370 00:42:57,531 --> 00:42:59,228 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 371 00:42:59,230 --> 00:43:00,895 You've done a shit, and you've not flushed it. 372 00:43:00,897 --> 00:43:02,194 It's disgusting. Flush it. 373 00:43:02,196 --> 00:43:03,628 - I haven't shit yet. - I'm not flushing that. 374 00:43:03,630 --> 00:43:05,162 What? Oh! 375 00:43:05,164 --> 00:43:07,461 - That's nasty. - Yeah, it's nasty. Flush it. 376 00:43:07,463 --> 00:43:09,231 - It's not mine. - It's not mine. 377 00:43:10,197 --> 00:43:12,628 - What do you want me to do? - What are you lying? 378 00:43:12,630 --> 00:43:15,061 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are lying. 379 00:43:15,063 --> 00:43:18,328 - No, I'm not. - And I guess you never used this, no? 380 00:43:18,330 --> 00:43:20,596 - No. - This is my shampoo. You know that, right? 381 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,194 - Yes. - Cost me 40 pounds. 382 00:43:22,196 --> 00:43:23,963 It's empty. 383 00:43:23,965 --> 00:43:25,128 I've got my own shampoo. 384 00:43:25,130 --> 00:43:26,628 So use your own in the future. 385 00:43:26,630 --> 00:43:28,329 - I do... - This is empty. 386 00:43:28,331 --> 00:43:31,462 This cost me 40 quid. You're so selfish. 387 00:43:31,464 --> 00:43:33,295 It's probably you overusing it. 388 00:43:33,297 --> 00:43:35,331 No, I haven't used it yet. 389 00:43:36,030 --> 00:43:37,531 All right. 390 00:43:39,463 --> 00:43:42,027 I can't even use that shampoo anyway. 391 00:43:42,029 --> 00:43:43,428 It don't even work in my head. 392 00:43:43,430 --> 00:43:44,862 I can't use that shampoo... 393 00:43:44,864 --> 00:43:46,561 I don't care whether you can't use it or not. 394 00:43:46,563 --> 00:43:48,528 - I didn't do it. - You're a compulsive liar, you know that? 395 00:43:48,530 --> 00:43:50,329 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are. 396 00:43:50,331 --> 00:43:52,461 You don't know the difference between reality and a lie anymore. 397 00:43:52,463 --> 00:43:54,028 I didn't take a shit, and I didn't use your shampoo. 398 00:43:54,030 --> 00:43:57,128 When are you gonna take these fucking make-believe images out of your head? 399 00:43:57,130 --> 00:43:58,895 - It's not make-believe. - Yes, it is make-believe. 400 00:43:58,897 --> 00:43:59,995 - No, it's not. - It really is. 401 00:43:59,997 --> 00:44:01,863 - No, it's not. - I haven't done it! 402 00:44:01,865 --> 00:44:04,261 I'm worried. You got something wrong in your head. 403 00:44:04,263 --> 00:44:05,863 - Really? You think I'm mental? - Yeah. 404 00:44:05,865 --> 00:44:07,261 You got bipolar or something. 405 00:44:07,263 --> 00:44:08,664 - You think I got bipolar? - Yeah. 406 00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:11,328 You're a selfish asshole sometimes. 407 00:44:11,330 --> 00:44:12,528 - I'm selfish? - Yeah. 408 00:44:12,530 --> 00:44:13,628 - Me? - Yeah. 409 00:44:13,630 --> 00:44:15,027 When all I've done over these whole 410 00:44:15,029 --> 00:44:17,027 past few years is care for you. 411 00:44:17,029 --> 00:44:18,462 - Really? - Yeah. 412 00:44:18,464 --> 00:44:20,261 - I've never not cared for you? - And I've loved you. 413 00:44:20,263 --> 00:44:21,927 Yeah, have I loved you? 414 00:44:21,929 --> 00:44:24,061 - And I've allowed you to stay in this place. - Ah, cool. 415 00:44:24,063 --> 00:44:25,562 - You've allowed me to stay in here, yeah? - Yeah. 416 00:44:25,564 --> 00:44:28,195 Yeah, you've allowed me to stay in here like I'm a burden? 417 00:44:28,197 --> 00:44:29,895 - How dare you? - Is it not the truth? 418 00:44:29,897 --> 00:44:33,561 Whether it's the truth or not, Hussein, how dare you! 419 00:44:33,563 --> 00:44:37,028 I stayed here 'cause I wanted to stay here, not 'cause I needed to stay here. 420 00:44:37,030 --> 00:44:39,895 What, you think you're some amazing estate agent, yeah? You're not. 421 00:44:39,897 --> 00:44:41,461 You're a little pussy, all right? 422 00:44:41,463 --> 00:44:43,428 Know that. I'm done. 423 00:44:43,430 --> 00:44:46,528 - You do that all the time. - Do what? What do I do? What do I do? 424 00:44:46,530 --> 00:44:48,295 Just step away from the problem. 425 00:44:48,297 --> 00:44:50,531 You are the problem, Hussein. 426 00:44:54,296 --> 00:44:56,297 I think you should get ready for work. 427 00:44:58,996 --> 00:45:01,564 I won't be here when you get back. I'm done. 428 00:45:03,964 --> 00:45:05,498 Cool. 429 00:45:10,897 --> 00:45:12,895 Don't call me and don't come back knocking on my door. 430 00:45:12,897 --> 00:45:14,894 I ain't gonna call you. 431 00:45:14,896 --> 00:45:16,831 You fucking always do. 432 00:45:45,598 --> 00:45:48,131 Bon voyage. 433 00:47:39,164 --> 00:47:40,861 Oh, man! 434 00:47:40,863 --> 00:47:42,497 What the fuck is that? 435 00:47:44,597 --> 00:47:46,230 Ugh! 436 00:47:48,030 --> 00:47:50,062 So, what are you telling me? 437 00:47:50,064 --> 00:47:51,397 You've got a ghost? 438 00:47:52,863 --> 00:47:54,630 A ghost who shits. 439 00:47:55,564 --> 00:47:59,361 Well, how else do you explain it then, man? 440 00:47:59,363 --> 00:48:02,628 I don't know. I think your bra is too tight or something. 441 00:48:02,630 --> 00:48:04,294 I don't wear a bra. 442 00:48:04,296 --> 00:48:06,961 I'm telling you, it was all her. 443 00:48:06,963 --> 00:48:08,395 I hear you. 444 00:48:08,397 --> 00:48:10,298 But you didn't see the size of... 445 00:48:10,996 --> 00:48:12,395 what I saw. 446 00:48:12,397 --> 00:48:14,561 It was a man's work, you know. 447 00:48:14,563 --> 00:48:16,628 Like a builder's work. Know what I'm saying? 448 00:48:16,630 --> 00:48:18,461 Yeah, that's exactly what I said, bruv. 449 00:48:18,463 --> 00:48:20,561 You fucking dodged a bullet with that one, mate. 450 00:48:20,563 --> 00:48:23,861 I told her. I actually told her... 451 00:48:23,863 --> 00:48:25,529 I laid down the plan. 452 00:48:25,531 --> 00:48:28,629 She was crying. Tears running down her eyes. 453 00:48:28,631 --> 00:48:30,994 - Yeah? - You know... 454 00:48:30,996 --> 00:48:33,895 "No, what? No, Hussein, don't do this. 455 00:48:33,897 --> 00:48:36,094 We can still be together." 456 00:48:36,096 --> 00:48:38,262 - Hmm. - "Let's stay friends." 457 00:48:38,264 --> 00:48:39,361 Stay friends! 458 00:48:39,363 --> 00:48:41,961 - "I'll change." Fuck off! - Fuck that. 459 00:48:41,963 --> 00:48:43,529 I got my life back now, innit? 460 00:48:43,531 --> 00:48:45,295 I'm a free man. 461 00:48:45,297 --> 00:48:47,095 - With the girls. - Yeah, you're right. 462 00:48:47,097 --> 00:48:49,028 Yeah. You're right. 463 00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:53,198 And all you need to do now is to stop looking like shit. 464 00:51:44,597 --> 00:51:46,429 Hello, Gerry. 465 00:51:46,431 --> 00:51:49,095 Yeah, mate. Um... 466 00:51:49,097 --> 00:51:50,560 Yeah, no, I'm not good, man. 467 00:51:50,562 --> 00:51:53,094 Listen, I've been meaning to ring you, man. 468 00:51:53,096 --> 00:51:56,229 Yeah, I'm iller than a motherfucker right now, mate. 469 00:51:57,562 --> 00:52:00,228 Yeah, I can send you the schedule. 470 00:52:00,230 --> 00:52:01,531 Hm... 471 00:52:02,530 --> 00:52:05,364 Mmh, mmh... 472 00:52:19,331 --> 00:52:22,161 But I never even ordered one of these, man. 473 00:52:22,163 --> 00:52:24,928 Yeah, well, I dunno. Must be a gift or something, innit? 474 00:52:24,930 --> 00:52:26,895 - A gift? - Yeah. 475 00:52:26,897 --> 00:52:28,627 Who gets a freezer as a gift, mate? 476 00:52:28,629 --> 00:52:30,229 That's not our problem, is it? 477 00:52:30,231 --> 00:52:32,028 Look, if you don't want it, fair enough. 478 00:52:32,030 --> 00:52:33,493 But if you want to have it taken back, 479 00:52:33,495 --> 00:52:35,428 you're gonna have to contact the depot yourself. 480 00:52:35,430 --> 00:52:39,098 - What? - Yeah, you shouldn't have signed for it if you didn't want it. 481 00:52:49,996 --> 00:52:51,697 So immature, Mel. 482 00:52:54,996 --> 00:52:57,330 Oh, for fuck's sake, man. 483 00:52:58,064 --> 00:53:00,062 Hold on, what? 484 00:53:00,064 --> 00:53:02,630 What the fuck are you talking about? Quilted for softness. 485 00:53:03,563 --> 00:53:05,298 Quilted for softness? 486 00:53:06,331 --> 00:53:08,862 You asked me for tissue, and I gave you tissue. 487 00:53:08,864 --> 00:53:10,665 You're lucky I didn't give you fucking sandpaper. 488 00:53:12,231 --> 00:53:14,127 No, man, I know. I'm grateful. 489 00:53:14,129 --> 00:53:15,995 Don't be grateful. 490 00:53:15,997 --> 00:53:17,493 Be embarrassed. 491 00:53:17,495 --> 00:53:18,796 Be ashamed. 492 00:53:21,563 --> 00:53:23,730 Listen, you staying for a puff or what? 493 00:53:24,897 --> 00:53:26,527 You what? What, share your joint? 494 00:53:26,529 --> 00:53:28,298 Yeah. 495 00:53:29,029 --> 00:53:31,560 And catch your herpes. 496 00:53:31,562 --> 00:53:34,028 Bruv, I rather eat onions. 497 00:53:34,030 --> 00:53:36,261 Look, I'm not doing this bullshit again, man. 498 00:53:36,263 --> 00:53:38,297 I'm a busy man, you know? 499 00:53:39,197 --> 00:53:40,493 Yeah, I know you are but like I said, 500 00:53:40,495 --> 00:53:41,927 it was an emergency, wasn't it? 501 00:53:41,929 --> 00:53:43,628 - That why I needed you, bruv. - Yeah. 502 00:53:43,630 --> 00:53:46,428 But, you know, when you get yourself back on your feet, yeah, 503 00:53:46,430 --> 00:53:48,163 you owe me. 504 00:53:48,996 --> 00:53:51,894 Yeah. I'm starting to get better anyway. 505 00:53:51,896 --> 00:53:53,493 Look, I'm going to give you some advice, yeah? 506 00:53:53,495 --> 00:53:55,130 You're gonna listen? 507 00:53:55,897 --> 00:53:57,531 Look up at the stars... 508 00:53:58,230 --> 00:53:59,664 and not at your feet. 509 00:54:00,930 --> 00:54:02,962 And try to make sense 510 00:54:02,964 --> 00:54:04,298 of what you see... 511 00:54:05,029 --> 00:54:07,027 and wonder... 512 00:54:07,029 --> 00:54:10,263 what really makes this universe exist. 513 00:54:13,130 --> 00:54:14,664 Be curious. 514 00:54:15,363 --> 00:54:18,197 Yeah, yeah. You're right, man. 515 00:54:19,097 --> 00:54:20,560 I need to be more. 516 00:54:20,562 --> 00:54:22,497 What the fuck is that, anyway? 517 00:54:25,129 --> 00:54:26,430 That. 518 00:54:28,596 --> 00:54:30,263 That's a freezer. 519 00:54:46,864 --> 00:54:49,327 ♪ Strangers in the night ♪ 520 00:54:49,329 --> 00:54:52,394 ♪ Exchanging glances ♪ 521 00:54:52,396 --> 00:54:55,128 ♪ Wondering in the night ♪ 522 00:54:55,130 --> 00:54:57,831 ♪ What were the chances ♪ 523 00:54:58,530 --> 00:55:00,627 ♪ La-la-la da-da ♪ 524 00:55:00,629 --> 00:55:02,560 ♪ La-la da-da ♪ 525 00:55:02,562 --> 00:55:04,864 ♪ La-da ♪ 526 00:55:08,295 --> 00:55:11,428 ♪ Something in your eyes ♪ 527 00:55:11,430 --> 00:55:14,398 ♪ Was so exciting ♪ 528 00:55:15,097 --> 00:55:17,895 ♪ Something in your smile ♪ 529 00:55:17,897 --> 00:55:21,194 ♪ Was so inviting ♪ 530 00:55:21,196 --> 00:55:23,530 ♪ La da-da-da-da ♪ 531 00:55:24,629 --> 00:55:27,861 Come on, Mel. Just answer your phone, man. 532 00:55:27,863 --> 00:55:29,261 Please. 533 00:55:29,263 --> 00:55:30,561 I just wanna talk to you. 534 00:55:30,563 --> 00:55:34,394 ♪ La-la-la da-da ♪ 535 00:55:34,396 --> 00:55:36,461 ♪ La-la-da-da ♪ 536 00:55:36,463 --> 00:55:38,497 Ring me back when you can, yeah? 537 00:55:39,196 --> 00:55:40,460 I miss you. 538 00:57:16,495 --> 00:57:18,563 What the fuck? 539 00:57:19,496 --> 00:57:21,564 I need one as soon as possible. 540 00:57:22,496 --> 00:57:26,027 Yeah, um, preferably today. 541 00:57:26,029 --> 00:57:28,629 Yeah. No, sorry, it's an emergency, you see? 542 00:57:30,064 --> 00:57:31,564 One second. 543 00:57:33,964 --> 00:57:35,360 All right, Gerry, mate. 544 00:57:35,362 --> 00:57:36,895 Look, I can't really talk right now, man. 545 00:57:36,897 --> 00:57:38,164 I'm a bit busy. 546 00:57:42,163 --> 00:57:43,595 What? 547 00:57:43,597 --> 00:57:45,160 Hold on a minute. 548 00:57:45,162 --> 00:57:46,561 What are you talking about? 549 00:57:46,563 --> 00:57:48,564 I sent you the full schedule yesterday. 550 00:57:50,997 --> 00:57:54,098 Warning? You're gonna give me a warning? 551 00:57:55,163 --> 00:57:56,995 No, cool. No, it's fine, Gerry. 552 00:57:56,997 --> 00:57:58,962 It's all right. Go on, give me a warning, innit? 553 00:57:58,964 --> 00:58:00,427 'Cause I let you know, yeah? 554 00:58:00,429 --> 00:58:03,294 That warning ain't gonna be as bad as chemotherapy, is it? 555 00:58:03,296 --> 00:58:05,294 No, and just in case you wondered 556 00:58:05,296 --> 00:58:07,962 it's terminal as well. 557 00:58:07,964 --> 00:58:10,861 So, sorry if I got some other things on my mind, mate, yeah? 558 00:58:10,863 --> 00:58:12,264 Fucking prick. 559 00:58:24,262 --> 00:58:26,360 A million and 50. 560 00:58:26,362 --> 00:58:27,895 A million and 10. 561 00:58:27,897 --> 00:58:29,163 A million and 20. 562 00:58:30,562 --> 00:58:31,894 Gerry. 563 00:58:31,896 --> 00:58:33,497 What are you doing here? 564 00:58:35,597 --> 00:58:37,864 What is that? 565 00:58:40,329 --> 00:58:41,864 It's a cock. 566 00:58:43,162 --> 00:58:45,862 - It is disgusting. - Yeah, I know. 567 00:58:45,864 --> 00:58:48,560 - Are you sure it's not yours? - It's not mine. 568 00:58:48,562 --> 00:58:50,294 But why are you looking at me like that? 569 00:58:50,296 --> 00:58:52,194 It certainly ain't mine. 570 00:58:52,196 --> 00:58:53,564 Have you seen it? 571 00:58:54,263 --> 00:58:55,961 It's white. 572 00:58:55,963 --> 00:58:57,095 Whose cock is it then? 573 00:58:57,097 --> 00:58:59,060 How the fuck am I meant to know whose cock that is? 574 00:58:59,062 --> 00:59:00,961 It was sent from your phone. They all were. 575 00:59:00,963 --> 00:59:02,863 Well, my phone must have got nicked then. 576 00:59:03,562 --> 00:59:05,293 I spoke to you this morning. 577 00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:07,161 Yeah, and it must have been in the afternoon. 578 00:59:07,163 --> 00:59:09,260 After I came out of the doctor's. 579 00:59:09,262 --> 00:59:11,595 That's it. My phone got nicked in the afternoon, 580 00:59:11,597 --> 00:59:13,193 and they got sent. 581 00:59:13,195 --> 00:59:14,864 Why? When... when were they sent to you? 582 00:59:15,630 --> 00:59:17,961 - This afternoon. - Hah! There we go. 583 00:59:17,963 --> 00:59:19,493 Makes sense, don't it? 584 00:59:24,929 --> 00:59:26,595 Oh dear. What is that? 585 00:59:29,929 --> 00:59:31,494 Look, Gerry, man... 586 00:59:31,496 --> 00:59:34,363 - I swear, I didn't mean to lie. - Save it. 587 00:59:35,229 --> 00:59:36,594 You're fired. 588 00:59:36,596 --> 00:59:38,061 Effective immediately. 589 00:59:38,063 --> 00:59:40,094 - No, you can't do that. - I just did. 590 01:01:31,863 --> 01:01:33,361 You better not be lying this time, 591 01:01:33,363 --> 01:01:35,560 or I swear to God. 592 01:01:35,562 --> 01:01:37,094 Yeah, well, of course I'm gonna ask you. 593 01:01:37,096 --> 01:01:39,197 You're the only person who had access to my wallet. 594 01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:40,960 So it wasn't you 595 01:01:40,962 --> 01:01:42,327 who ordered this massive freezer 596 01:01:42,329 --> 01:01:44,296 that just sitting in my living room right now? 597 01:01:45,329 --> 01:01:47,126 So, Mr. Hussein, 598 01:01:47,128 --> 01:01:49,494 new lock, bolts, and chain. 599 01:01:49,496 --> 01:01:51,629 You can't really do much more than that. 600 01:01:52,896 --> 01:01:55,329 Safe as houses, as they say. 601 01:03:04,629 --> 01:03:07,060 Go on, then. 602 01:03:07,062 --> 01:03:08,564 Sh-show your face. 603 01:03:10,362 --> 01:03:12,429 Fucking prick. 604 01:03:24,430 --> 01:03:26,530 What the fuck? 605 01:04:20,430 --> 01:04:23,093 "According to the law in London, 606 01:04:23,095 --> 01:04:25,260 you may sit down for the night, 607 01:04:25,262 --> 01:04:27,894 but the police must move you on 608 01:04:27,896 --> 01:04:29,597 if they see you asleep." 609 01:04:42,330 --> 01:04:44,463 Hey, how's it going? 610 01:04:45,162 --> 01:04:46,629 My friends. 611 01:05:27,229 --> 01:05:29,496 Yes, Mum, I've eaten. 612 01:05:30,530 --> 01:05:33,197 I had, like, a pepperoni pizza before. 613 01:05:34,929 --> 01:05:36,361 No. 614 01:05:36,363 --> 01:05:38,130 I don't know whose it is. 615 01:05:38,963 --> 01:05:41,361 I'm being serious. 616 01:05:41,363 --> 01:05:45,197 Wh... Why are you asking me anyway? Like you haven't seen my willy before. 617 01:05:47,495 --> 01:05:49,027 No. 618 01:05:49,029 --> 01:05:52,330 Th-That's not me trying to show you that I'm gay. 619 01:05:53,963 --> 01:05:55,229 Mum. 620 01:05:55,928 --> 01:05:57,026 It... 621 01:05:57,028 --> 01:05:59,196 The willy was not even circumcised. 622 01:06:01,229 --> 01:06:05,361 So why... I don't understand why you would even think it's mine. 623 01:06:05,363 --> 01:06:06,830 Have you seen the color of it? 624 01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,796 It looks like a fucking fish finger. 625 01:06:42,863 --> 01:06:44,696 I guess it's just us guys now, innit? 626 01:06:47,163 --> 01:06:49,229 Guess we gotta look after each other. 627 01:08:31,229 --> 01:08:33,629 You fucking idiot. 628 01:08:49,562 --> 01:08:52,097 Never a lender or borrower be! 629 01:08:52,995 --> 01:08:54,630 You used to say it all the time. 630 01:08:56,529 --> 01:08:58,696 Look, I know we're a working family, 631 01:08:59,429 --> 01:09:01,327 and... 632 01:09:01,329 --> 01:09:03,227 this isn't me trying to get you and Dad 633 01:09:03,229 --> 01:09:04,293 to pay for my mortgage. 634 01:09:04,295 --> 01:09:05,597 That's not what I'm asking. 635 01:09:06,494 --> 01:09:10,060 I just wanted to see if he was able 636 01:09:10,062 --> 01:09:12,697 to lend me a couple hundred quid until the end of... 637 01:09:16,929 --> 01:09:18,993 No, I know. 638 01:09:18,995 --> 01:09:21,197 There is not a lot out there, Mum, but... 639 01:09:22,196 --> 01:09:23,626 I'm gonna try it. 640 01:09:23,628 --> 01:09:25,227 I hope to find one. 641 01:09:25,229 --> 01:09:26,762 Pretty confident I can. 642 01:09:30,028 --> 01:09:33,027 Just gotta look up at the stars and not down at my feet, 643 01:09:33,029 --> 01:09:34,363 I guess. 644 01:09:36,928 --> 01:09:39,130 What's the matter with you? Can't say hello? 645 01:09:45,863 --> 01:09:47,762 What the bumboclaat? 646 01:09:49,596 --> 01:09:51,629 Holy shit! 647 01:09:57,528 --> 01:09:59,664 Bruv, what's going on? What's the matter? 648 01:10:07,129 --> 01:10:08,960 Are you all right, bruv? 649 01:10:08,962 --> 01:10:10,728 Looks like a fucking crack den in here. 650 01:10:12,263 --> 01:10:13,559 Bruv... 651 01:10:13,561 --> 01:10:16,397 just give me my weed and fuck off, innit? 652 01:10:18,929 --> 01:10:20,430 Oh, so, it's like that, yeah? 653 01:10:25,995 --> 01:10:28,130 You know what, take your fucking weed, yeah? 654 01:10:59,629 --> 01:11:00,926 Hola! 655 01:11:00,928 --> 01:11:02,893 Holy fuck! 656 01:11:02,895 --> 01:11:04,993 What the fuck? What are you doing in my house? 657 01:11:04,995 --> 01:11:06,260 Fuck you! 658 01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:08,026 You didn't give me anywhere else to go. 659 01:11:08,028 --> 01:11:09,061 Who the fuck are you? 660 01:11:09,063 --> 01:11:11,094 Mister Flash Bastard! 661 01:11:11,096 --> 01:11:12,893 Mister Wheeler Dealer! 662 01:11:12,895 --> 01:11:14,527 Fucking crazy-boy! 663 01:11:14,529 --> 01:11:16,097 Get out of my fucking house! 664 01:11:17,162 --> 01:11:19,663 Come on. Make your fucking move! 665 01:11:22,129 --> 01:11:24,228 I'll snap your fucking neck. 666 01:11:24,230 --> 01:11:25,560 Oh, please, man, please. 667 01:11:25,562 --> 01:11:27,862 We can sort something out. We don't have to do this. 668 01:11:28,962 --> 01:11:30,862 I got some cash. I can give you some money. 669 01:11:31,896 --> 01:11:33,994 Money. Of course. 670 01:11:33,996 --> 01:11:36,263 Money? Fuck you! 671 01:11:36,963 --> 01:11:38,230 Sit down! 672 01:11:49,229 --> 01:11:52,297 Probably don't remember my girlfriend. 673 01:11:55,062 --> 01:11:56,893 Well... 674 01:11:56,895 --> 01:11:58,330 she lost her baby. 675 01:12:01,029 --> 01:12:02,696 She lost the baby, anyway. 676 01:12:05,595 --> 01:12:07,628 And I lost her. 677 01:12:08,628 --> 01:12:10,229 Court. 678 01:12:13,561 --> 01:12:16,562 I lost both, both of them. 679 01:12:21,428 --> 01:12:23,628 They do say it's stressful... 680 01:12:25,329 --> 01:12:27,562 losing your home. 681 01:12:33,562 --> 01:12:36,330 Man, I was just doing my job. 682 01:12:37,562 --> 01:12:39,626 They tell us to do that stuff. 683 01:12:39,628 --> 01:12:42,327 Wait it out for the highest offer. 684 01:12:42,329 --> 01:12:44,596 'Cause I'm a victim of it just as much as you are. 685 01:12:53,428 --> 01:12:55,860 H-Hey now, come on. 686 01:12:55,862 --> 01:12:57,762 Hey, now, you ain't gonna do this, man! 687 01:14:27,561 --> 01:14:29,026 Goodbye, my friends. 688 01:15:28,062 --> 01:15:30,059 Hello, Mum. 689 01:15:30,061 --> 01:15:32,092 Yeah, listen to me, yeah? Listen to me carefully. 690 01:15:32,094 --> 01:15:33,292 I need your help. 691 01:15:33,294 --> 01:15:34,960 Can you get Imran please? 692 01:15:34,962 --> 01:15:37,628 Tell him to come to my house... ASAP. 693 01:15:38,395 --> 01:15:40,796 Yeah. No, it's an emergency. 694 01:15:42,863 --> 01:15:44,526 I-I'm... 695 01:15:44,528 --> 01:15:47,192 Basically, some old, crazy man 696 01:15:47,194 --> 01:15:49,096 has stuck me in a freezer. 697 01:15:50,629 --> 01:15:53,130 It's in the hallway. Why does that even matter? 698 01:15:54,094 --> 01:15:56,296 Yeah, can you just tell him to come quick. 699 01:15:58,329 --> 01:16:00,626 Yeah, I'll explain more la... 700 01:16:00,628 --> 01:16:02,328 No. 701 01:16:03,361 --> 01:16:05,829 This has not got nothing to do with sex. 702 01:16:07,295 --> 01:16:08,629 Yes, Mum. 703 01:16:09,529 --> 01:16:11,627 Hello? Hello? 704 01:16:11,629 --> 01:16:14,162 Mum? Mum? 705 01:16:14,995 --> 01:16:16,362 Mum? 706 01:17:11,061 --> 01:17:12,861 As far back as I can remember, 707 01:17:12,863 --> 01:17:14,830 I always wanted to be an estate agent. 708 01:17:16,962 --> 01:17:18,593 All right, calm down. 709 01:17:18,595 --> 01:17:20,126 That was a little lie. 710 01:17:20,128 --> 01:17:22,026 A fake statement. 711 01:17:22,028 --> 01:17:24,327 I got no qualifications, no experience, 712 01:17:24,329 --> 01:17:27,060 no license, nor training. 713 01:17:27,062 --> 01:17:29,226 I answered an ad in a job site saying 714 01:17:29,228 --> 01:17:32,960 "Spineless and love negotiating?" 715 01:17:32,962 --> 01:17:34,059 At least I'm not like them 716 01:17:34,061 --> 01:17:36,025 "Home Under the Hammer" spanners. 717 01:17:36,027 --> 01:17:38,292 Once the property is completed, I advise 718 01:17:38,294 --> 01:17:42,025 shut the fuck up, you bunch of wankers. 719 01:17:42,027 --> 01:17:45,593 I spray a can of Brut over my 60 percent polyester suit. 720 01:17:45,595 --> 01:17:47,227 I spit shine my shoes. 721 01:17:47,229 --> 01:17:51,292 "Yes, Mrs. Brown. I'll meet you outside at noon." 722 01:17:51,294 --> 01:17:53,192 See, to my face, people call me Hussein. 723 01:17:53,194 --> 01:17:56,626 Behind my back, "Saddam, pak rat, Taliban." 724 01:17:56,628 --> 01:17:58,862 Some even think Gandhi's my name. 725 01:17:59,595 --> 01:18:01,527 I know I'm not Indian. 726 01:18:01,529 --> 01:18:02,794 But we're still all the same. 727 01:18:02,796 --> 01:18:07,161 This race-based hate can raise the strain and take the piss. 728 01:18:07,162 --> 01:18:09,327 You think I'm a cabbie? 729 01:18:09,329 --> 01:18:11,593 A corner shop Ali, serving curry? 730 01:18:13,428 --> 01:18:16,893 As if. I'm an estate agent. A great agent. 731 01:18:16,894 --> 01:18:20,492 I make payments. And if there's a new space vacant, I'm chain breaking. 732 01:18:20,495 --> 01:18:24,993 I could give a fuck if I sold you a lame, stained basement. 733 01:18:24,995 --> 01:18:27,526 I mean, you viewed it, right? 734 01:18:29,394 --> 01:18:32,795 I remember this one story about this one don. 735 01:18:33,561 --> 01:18:35,593 I think his name was John. 736 01:18:35,595 --> 01:18:38,427 He put a house on the offer, for a mansion. 737 01:18:38,429 --> 01:18:41,059 Oh! I thought the lot was on. 738 01:18:41,061 --> 01:18:43,060 But my commission was rotten. 739 01:18:43,062 --> 01:18:45,393 He wanted this place so bad. 740 01:18:45,395 --> 01:18:47,593 I decided to bend and break. 741 01:18:47,595 --> 01:18:50,393 "Yeah, mate, I'll ring the vendor, and I'll negotiate." 742 01:18:50,395 --> 01:18:52,892 That's how I fucked him over. 743 01:18:52,894 --> 01:18:55,093 And that's the money that paid for my holiday. 744 01:18:55,095 --> 01:18:58,527 So what if a client outbid himself in the end? 745 01:18:58,529 --> 01:19:01,060 We're not relatives, acquaintances, 746 01:19:01,062 --> 01:19:02,595 or personal friends. 747 01:19:03,294 --> 01:19:05,125 The more you zoom in... 748 01:19:05,127 --> 01:19:06,459 the less we all count. 749 01:19:06,461 --> 01:19:09,392 It's like we're all rats, ants, and parasites. 750 01:19:09,394 --> 01:19:10,859 All crawling around. 751 01:19:10,861 --> 01:19:12,960 It's a vicious cycle. 752 01:19:12,962 --> 01:19:15,060 We signed our lives to a trap. 753 01:19:15,062 --> 01:19:17,129 They say, karma can't harm ya... 754 01:19:17,862 --> 01:19:19,391 if it can't catch up. 755 01:19:19,394 --> 01:19:22,229 So run fast towards the darkness 756 01:19:22,961 --> 01:19:26,229 in hope... not trust. 757 01:19:26,559 --> 01:19:31,559 Subtitles by explosiveskull 52673

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