All language subtitles for Elena.2012.1080p.WEBRip.DD2.0.x264-NTb

[street noises fade in]

[PETRA] Elena.

I had a dream about you last
night.

You were soft.

Walking the streets of New York

in a silk blouse.

I try to get close...

touch you...

to feel your smell.

But when I look, you're on top
of a wall,

entangled in a mesh of electric
wires.

I look again

and it's me who's on top of the
wall.

I touch the wires,

trying to get a shock.

and I fall off the wall

from very high

and die.

*Dedicated to the One I Love

[PETRA] Our mother always told
me

that I could live anywhere in
the world.

Except New York.

That I could choose any
profession

except acting.

On September 4th 2003,

I started studying Theatre

at Columbia University.

They wanted me to forget you,
Elena.

But I returned to New York,

hoping to find you in the
streets.

I bring with me everything you
left in Brazil.

Your videos, pictures,
diaries...

letters on tape

because you were always
embarrassed

of your handwriting

and preferred recording your
impressions

of the days here to send us.

Today I walked through the city

listening to your voice

and I identify so much with
your words

that I start loosing myself in
you.

[WOMAN] How old are you?
-20.

[WOMAN] 20? And how tall are
you?

five nine and a half.

[WOMAN] You were born in Brazil?

I was born in Brazil, and I've
been here

almost a year and a half now.

[WOMAN] What brought you to come

to the United States?

I was doing theatre there

since I was 14 years old and
then...

the possibilities in Brazil are
like,

either you continue doing
theatre

which, I mean, there are very
few productions,

or you do soaps.

I was invited to do one...

I mean after a while I was in
theatre,

but I don't really like it.

[WOMAN] You wanted to do other
things?

Films.

And in Brazil, it's like,
almost none!

Especially now that the system
changed there.

It's like, 1 movie a year at
best.

[WOMAN] Do your parents get you
involved

in this business at all?

No. My mom is a journalist and
sociologist,

she writes for the newspaper
there

and my father's a politician.

He lives in Brazil as well.

*soft music

[PETRA] Actually,

our father always said that we
inherited

this dream of making films from
our mother.

and in the middle of your
videotapes,

I found this film that she
never showed me.

It's a silent film where she
plays the lead.

From the time she still dreamed

of being a hollywood star

and kissing Frank Sinatra.

This made her feel like a woman.

And helped her escape from a
world

where she felt out of place...

misunderstood.

The daughter of a traditional
family from Minas Gerais,

she could see no place for
herself

except in marriage.

A society lady.

One day,

sitting in front of the mirror
in her dresser room,

she makes a drawing.

The drawing of her sadness

and decides she has until her
16th birthday

to find meaning to her life.

And she finds our father.

A Brazilian who just arrived

from the country she dreams of
in films and songs,

but who comes back from New York

not as a Sinatra, but as a Che
Guevera

carrying in his pockets books
by Marx,

and the desire to start a
revolution.

And overnight, our mother
leaves the Catholic school,

sells her TV, her hair,

and jumps into the street
demonstrations.

Together they joined the
Communist Party

ready to be sent off the
gurrila warfare in Araguaia.

But when the leaders see her 6
month belly,

they don't let them go.

Almost all the young people
that go

end up executed by the military.

It was you in our mother's
belly

who saved our parents lives.

And in the middle of this
turmoil

you were born

and raised in hiding,

never allowed to tell anyone
where you lived.

I wonder how this time

stayed in your memory.

In your body.

The first images I find of you

you just turned 13

and got this camera as a
present.

It was when I was born,

in the 80s, the time of the
amnesty.

Our family exited clandenistity

and seemed to enter an american
commercial from the 50s.

And you start to dance.

Dance...

*intense piano music

My mother said that since you
were 4

you knew you wanted to be an
actress.

And it seems you always found a
way

of putting me in the picture.

*upbeat music

[PETRA] You showed me

all the Sherly Temple movies

and trained me to become an
actress.

First, you teach me how to sing.

[PETRA] You spend the
afternoons directing me

acting, creating scenes.

[doorbell]

[PETRA] I remember watching
this scene

where you killed my Nanny

and I had so many nightmares of
this.

*Dedicated To The One I Love

[PETRA] When you turned 15 our
parents separated

and you stopped filming.

And little by little,

I feel you becoming distant.

I look for you.

You stopped playing theatre
with me

to become a real actress.

And when you're 17

you join the Flying Bull
Theatre Group.

[PETRA] The other actors tell me

you practiced non-stop.

Obsessively.

That even when everything
seemed perfect

for you it was never good
enough.

Something was always missing.

*fast music

But you're not satisfied.

You want more.

You say you want to be a film
actress.

[children singing]

And on my birthday you took me
by the hand

led me up these stairs

came into this room

closed the door

and said:

[PETRA] You put the shell over
my ear

and I hear the ocean.

[ocean waves fade in]

You were right.

7 was my worst age.

*fiddle music

[PETRA] You take your photos

to several film companies

and get to do some auditions.

You leave this interview excited

but the days pass

and there's no news.

No one calls you back.

You call them many times

and they tell you to wait.

You can't stand this time.

This waiting.

[subway noises]

[PETRA] I'm still 7

and you come back

thinking that here in Brazil

your roots will find more space
to grow.

[PETRA] But a letter arrives

saying you were accepted to a
university

in New York.

And our mom decides that this
time

we'll go the 3 of us.

Together.

So we won't be so alone.

You get on the plane

showing me how everything works

how it flies.

But in an instant, you start
crying.

It's your ears that hurt.

I feel strange seeing my big
sister crying.

You argue with my mother,

There is anger in your crying.

Such deep, forceful crying.

*soft piano music

[PETRA] I don't like the first
months in New York.

Olinda doesn't take care of me
anymore

and I hate it.

I hate learning English.

The school

The teacher with her tiger
skirt.

And the cold.

When I get home

I do 2 small rituals:

I scratch my wrists with a
serated knife

till there really red

and I put a bandaid on my
forehead.

You see me,

and pull me into the bathroom.

Serious, you say:

Petra, be a good actress.

If you want to draw attention,
do it right.

Nobody's going to believe

in this bandaid in the middle
of your forehead.

Hide it a bit under your bangs

and it will be much more
convincing.

At that time I didn't believe
in God

or in Santa Clause.

But I believed in mermaids.

They seemed as possible to me

as the seahorses I saw in the
aquarium.

You take me to watch "The
Little Mermaid"

in the cinema near our house

and on this day,

you start playing theatre with
me again

and we come back singing

and feeling like her,

underwater.

Dreaming of changing skins.

Then, you read me the original
story

where the Little Mermaid suffers

to be come a woman,

loses her voice and dies.

What do you mean, she dies?

I feel betrayed.

I ask to sleep with you.

What's left of this memory

is this dance we created
together.

[PETRA] The Little Mermaid

accepts the pain of a knife

cutting into her body

bleeding her body

to get legs

and be able to dance.

[PETRA] One afternoon

I bring a friend home.

My first new friend after
months.

I start showing her our house.

The living room, the bedroom,

until we come to yours.

I knock on the door

and come in with the girl.

You're all covered up

only your face is showing.

Your eyes are red.

Maybe you said something from
your bed,

I don't remember.

All I remember is that when we
left the room,

my friend with an anxious look

asked me what was wrong with
you.

She's like that, I answered.

She's like that.

[PETRA] Our mother spends hours

looking for you in the streets,

desperate.

but after some time, you come
back.

she takes you to a psychiatrist

and you start being treated
with lithium.

[PETRA] You wake me up in the
morning.

You're sad, I don't like it.

Your sadness.

I remember it's the day of show
and tell

and it's my turn to take
something

to show and tell to my class.

You go to your room,

you come back with a blue
stuffed dog.

You explain that it has special
powers

and that whenever I really
wanted something

I just had to close my eyes,

make a wish,

shake the little dog,

and my wish will come true.

When it's time for show and tell

the children form a circle

and my turn comes to explain
what the dog's about.

It shakes, and has sad eyes.

And the children ask:

but doesn't it play music?

Doesn't it do anything else?

No.

It only shakes and has sad eyes.

You stay home.

All day long at home

alone.

Doing what?

Talking to whom?

At the end of the day, a friend
calls you.

You were supposed to meet.

I've been imagining this person

for 20 years.

What did you say to him?

What did he do?

[MAN] This one weekend

that we had planned on her

coming to see the show I was
doing,

I called her late in the day.

She didn't sound good.

So I said 'Elena, I'll come and
get you,

we'll go out for a drink,

we'll go out for a coffee

or whatever it is you like to do

I'll come get you.'

She was hysterical over the
phone.

She was like 'I don't want you
to see me like this'

and 'I'm not doing so well'

and I said 'No, Elena, it's OK

it's not a problem, I'll come
and get you!

Please let me come and get you,

I'll jump in a cab and I'll
come and I'll get you!'

and she said 'No no, Michael
please,

I don't want to see you, I feel
bad,

I feel terrible and I don't...'

I said 'I'm coming to get you.'

So I jumped in a cab with my
roommate

and rang the bell, rang the
bell, rang the bell...

She wasn't answering.

and then I ran to the corner

to a pay phone and I called her,

and I kept calling and calling
and calling her

but the line was busy...

I was so frustrated, so angry.

I'd been out there for, like,
an hour

and I didn't know what to do

when your mother showed up.

[PETRA] You take a whole bottle
of aspirin

sit at a desk and write this
letter.

[PETRA whispers] This time

I was not supposed to fight...

*soft piano music

[PETRA] When I got back home

I saw my mother with such a sad,

desperate look I'd never seen
before.

Did Elena die? I asked.

And she told me it was you.

I found everything so cruel.

[PETRA] In the days that
followed

my cousin told me that if I
waned

I could keep on talking to you.

That you'd be invisible, but
you'd hear me.

I do this.

I talk to you.

[PETRA] After you die,

our mother becomes longing.

Always with a sad, distant look.

I ask:

'what is it mom? Are you sad?'

She watches me in silence,

tries to smile and says

'I'm thinking of Elena.'

I come close, give her a hug,

touch her, just to try to make
her smile.

And we repeats this ritual,

this talk everyday,

many times a day,

until I don't even have to ask.

I look at her and know she's
thinking of you.

Almost always thinking of you.

Our father, when I ask him
about you,

he can't speak.

He only looks away in silence.

Psychological report:

Petra is a 7 years, 6 month old
girl

who was brought for
psychological evaluation

by her mother.

The mother indicated that Petra
started saying

that she wanted to die

and has been experiencing
nightmares.

There is also evidence of
depression,

and feelings of guilt.

Petra avoided talking about her
sister.

Petra is using defences,

which suggest obsessive
compulsive tendencies

in order to cope with difficult
situations.

She is likely to continue using
these defences

for a while,

which permit her to deny
admission

of her true depression.

I turn 10

and my mother and I decide to
spend our vacation

at the country home of some
friends.

They have a golf cart

and I spend my days driving up
and down.

One afternoon,

going around in circles with
the cart,

I realize you'd died forever.

*soft music

Won't she ever come back again?

No.

She's dead.

She'll never come again.

I go back to the house

and realize my mother can die

and think that if I thought this

it means she'll really die at
any moment

that it's a sign

and that I have to do
everything that I can

to avoid it.

I start making promises
constantly

that I won't ever eat salt
again,

that i'll climb all the stairs

to the 19th floor of our
appartment on my knees,

and that I'll never look at a
mirror

so that she won't die.

I always went into the bathroom

with my eyes closed.

Then, like everything,

the fear disappeared

and you slowly disappeared with
it.

Until it's time for university
admission exams.

I study a lot,

but don't know where to go

what path to take.

At the very last moment,

I choose theatre.

But when night comes, I can't
sleep.

Not even a minute.

2...

3...

5 days go by

and I don't sleep.

I start to feel that my brain's

going to explode.

Break down.

That a piece will come out of
place.

Changing clothes,

I hear myself talking alone.

I look at the mirror

and can't see anything behind
my eyes.

[PETRA] She convinces me

that life's not worth it.

I have to die with her.

I'm afraid.

Afraid of what time is going to
do to me.

What's my role...

What's my role in this film?

I turn 17...

18...

And feel as the hours go by

I get closer to you.

Until on my 21st birthday

my mother looks at me and says:

'Now you're older than Elena.'

The fear that I'd follow in
your steps

began to dissipate.

But I kept on finding that you,

Elena, were in me.

A part of me.

I stop feeling this

when I started looking for you.

You began taking shape.

A body.

Being re-born a bit, from me.

But to die again...

And I,

much more conscious to feel
your death

this time.

Immense pleasure,

that comes with so much pain.

I drown in you.

In Orphellius.

*soft piano music

I perform.

I perform our death

to find air.

To be able to live.

And little by little,

the pain turns to water.

Becomes memory.

*soft piano music

Memories go with time.

They fade.

But some finale songs,

just bits of relief

in the small openings of poetry.

You are my unconsolable memory

made of shadow and stone

and it is from this that all is
born

and dances.

*Dedicated To The One I Love