All language subtitles for Alex, Inc. 1x09 - The Fever

A lot of things can disturb
your peaceful domestic life,

but nothing disturbs it more...

Alex's cheesy eggs-travaganza

for my handsome son,
my beautiful wife...

...than your mother-in-law.

- Joya?
- No, thank you.

I'd like to live until Thursday.

You know, Joya, it's so great
you were able to fly in

for Soraya's recital.

A lot of people would have settled for

a high-quality recording of the event,

and yet you came all this way,
and two days early,

which, again, is so, so, so great.

Too many so's, bud.

- Sorry.
- Oh, I wouldn't miss it.

I still have such fond memories
of Ben's recitals.

I still remember the beautiful
solo you did in second grade.

They called me a young Susan Boyle.

And by "they," he means me.

There's my little Soraya Carey!

Hi, boo-bear!

Dad, I don't feel good.

My throat's tickly and my head hurts.

Let me feel.

Oh, she's burning up.

She's like the surface of the sun.

Come here.

She's not even warm.

Really? Then maybe I'm sick.

Check my uvula.

No, you're both fine.
You, go get dressed.

Are you sure we shouldn't keep
her home just to be safe?

Oh, here we go.
Al, you're so overprotective.

It's just a little headache.

Don't forget about that throat tickle.

You two coddle these children.

- I don't!
- I don't coddle anyone.

What are you talk...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

That cheese is piping hot.

Let me give that some wind.

Good to go.

What?

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

Feel better, sweetie!

Where does your mother
get off criticizing

every single parenting decision we make?

Well, she did raise
two pretty amazing kids,

if I do say so myself.

And unlike us, she and my dad
never disagreed

about whether or not
to send us to school.

In fact, I've never even
seen them fight.

They never fought? All couples fight.

No. Not my parents.

Okay, well, then she's so great.

I think we're pretty darn good
parents, too.

So she can mind her own business.

What are you doing?

I'm downloading a translating app.

I have a feeling she's talking
smack about me in Bengali.

Oh, she is.

There, now you don't need the app.

Mwah!

Translate "I love you a lot."

Oh, that's nice.

You just said you'd be better
off without me.

- What?!
- But in your defense,

those two things sound very similar.

I'm not gonna tell you
how to run your language,

but they probably shouldn't be so close.

I'll talk to my people.

- Stupid app!
- Hatachara app.

Hatachara app!

Back at the office, we had just had

an extensive focus group
on our new podcast,

and I was waiting patiently
to hear all the feedback.

- Is it ready?
- No.

- How about now?
- Not yet.

- What about now?
- Still no.

Okay, maybe patiently
was rounding it up.

Al, take it easy. She's working on it.

I'm just so excited, Eddie.

To hear what a bunch of
random people thought

- about the podcast?
- It's not random.

Focus groups are a precise science.

Huh, it's Soraya's school.

This is Alex.

I don't know, that focus group
didn't seem so impressive to me.

I saw one guy startle himself
in the mirror.

His opinion counts just as much
as anyone else's.

And in his defense, he's a twin,

so he probably thought
he saw his brother.

Hey. Guess what? Soraya is sick.

I can't wait to rub it
in Rooni's smug face.

- Ah, love.
- I got to go pick her up.

But what about all my data?
Is it ready yet?

Alex, don't worry about it.

I'm gonna get you the data soon,

and then we're gonna
change the world together.

- Is that what I sound like?
- Worse.

Oof.

- Is it ready now?
- I will kill you both.

You may be wondering why I'm home

in the middle of a work day.

Is it because you have a made-up job?

No, it's because my daughter,

whom you may remember I
suspected was sick this morning

is in fact sick.

Go and rest, sweetie.

Can you make it up the stairs?

My throat hurts, not my legs.

What a brave little soldier.

Don't worry, we're gonna get you
better for the recital!

And what's wrong with her?

Well, the nurse diagnosed her as

low-energy, lethargic, and not herself.

Not herself, Joya.

She's so sick, the nurse
didn't even recognize her.

Is this the same nurse
that diagnosed Ben

with "a bad case of the Mondays?"

You know, you sound just like Rooni.

She doesn't believe there's such a thing

as "the Mondays," either.

She also has a completely
different interpretation

of the term "hump day,"

which she reminds me every time
I try to celebrate Hump Day.

Could you repeat that, please?

False alarm.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Don't panic.

Why am I not panicking?

All the feedback from
the focus group is gone.

Every spreadsheet,
every pie chart, every graph.

- Uh-huh.
- Stop panicking!

I went to back up my computer,
and instead,

I restored from a previous back-up,

and I deleted everything!

Well, did you, uh, check the cloud?

Oh, don't say that like
you know what it means.

This is bad, Eddie.

Dee, it's okay.

People make mistakes.

Eddie, we paid $5,000 for that data,

and Alex is gonna be so upset.

We have to fix this.

All right.

But just for the record,

I don't see what the big deal is

about a bunch of people sitting
around giving their opinion.

You're right.

That's all a focus group is.

We can just round up
people from the neighborhood.

They've got opinions.

We can make a focus group right here!

That sounds like a lot of work.

Seems easier just to check that cloud.

Brava, Soraya.

Brava!

What are you talking about, weirdo?

You're not sick. You're faking.

I am sick.

Achoo!

Seriously?

Okay.

I'm faking.

- Why?
- It's none of your business.

Fine, but if you're gonna do it,
you've got to do it right.

I'm not gonna let you ruin
faking sick for both of us.

Really? You fake sick?

All the time.

I have a stomach virus
scheduled for next Friday.

We're supposed to climb a rope
in gym class.

Thanks, but I'm pretty sure
I can handle it.

All right.

Bless you.

No need.

That sneeze wasn't real.

Whoa.

Class is in session.

That's right, Joya. Keep talking.

Talk all you want.

We don't have to argue like this.

This is why we separated.

I'll call you back.

All right, I have to call you
back, J... onk.

That was my friend, J-Jonk.

Going through some tough times.

Poor Jonk.

Okay, I got to come clean.

I downloaded this app because I thought

you'd been talking about me in Bengali.

I didn't mean to hear
you were getting separated.

It's none of my business.

Whatever you heard stays between us.

- And Rooni.
- No.

I have not told her, and
you will not tell her, either.

You didn't say the magic word.

Okay, that's good enough.

Stupid app!

Hatachara app.

Hi, welcome to Ajana's
second-ever focus group.

Help yourself to a square of pizza.

Pizza in little squares.

I want to kill myself.

So, you're gonna hear a podcast.

Just feel free to express
yourself as much as you want.

- Do you have any questions?
- Well, I have...

Shut up, it's my boss.

Everybody be quiet!

Hey, Alex.

Guess what I just found out.

Rooni's parents are getting separated.

Oh, that's great.

I mean, not for them.

Unless that's what they want,
in which case,

we should respect their wishes.
How's Rooni taking it?

She doesn't know, and Joya
doesn't want me to tell her.

And you know I can't
keep secrets from her.

I have to by all of Rooni's
birthday presents day of.

Yeah. Wow, I would not want to be you,

keeping something from someone
you love and respect.

Well, anyway, I'm just calling
to let you know I'm coming in.

I want to check out
that focus group data,

and I cannot stay here.

Yes, you can! Of course you can.

You have to.

There's secrets and a divorce

and a sick child who needs you.

Someone's probably gonna
get kidnapped soon!

Are you guys drinking over there?

I wish!

No, but seriously, Alex, I got this.

You stay put.

Yeah, I guess I should stay here.

I can do it. I got this.

I can lie to Rooni and play it cool.

- Hi.
- Hi-ho!

And might I also add the "derrio."

No, no, no.

You need to come from the diaphragm.

Again.

Okay. All right.

Maybe we need to try a new approach.

Let's, uh, talk about your back story.

If we can't find it in the action,

maybe we can find it in the character.

It's the details that make the lie.

It's the details that make you a nerd.

Moving past that.

Okay, let's start with
the illness itself.

Uh, where did you get sick?
Was it in the classroom?

Was it on the playground?

Did you forget to wash your hands?

Did you get caught in the rain?

Did you get bit by a bat?
Did you bite a bat?

If I say I got bit by a bat,
will you stop talking?

But what kind of bat?

I brought this on myself.

Okay, Rooni's about to
come back downstairs.

You got to tell her the big news.

What did I say about this?
I'll tell her when I'm ready.

No, I can't keep secrets from Rooni.

It's eating away at me.
Time to rip off the Band-Aid.

- The Band-Aid stays.
- Hey!

It's so nice to get home early

and spend a little time with you guys.

So nice. I'm gonna head out.

Oh, actually, I thought we could
all cook dinner together.

Look, I'm just sick of all this
tension between the two of you,

and I want to do something about it.

So let's go! Bonding time.

Oh, no, no. I-I don't think so.

I agree with your mother. Terrible idea.

See? Now, look at that!

You guys just agreed on something.

It's working already.

Well, let's quit while we're ahead

- and go out on a high note.
- I agree once again.

Two for two. Goodbye, Alex.

- Bye!
- All right, bring it in.

By the time I'm done,

you'll be braiding each other's
hair and swappin' secrets.

No, no. No secrets.

I vowed to never braid my hair
again after St. Thomas.

That woman went way too tight.

Alex, why are you fighting me on this?

I think I hear Soraya crying.

I didn't hear anything.

It's very high-pitched.
Only a father can hear it.

Got to hand it to you, Dee.

Didn't think we could pull it off.

I guess people do like square pizza.

What are you talking about?
We didn't pull it off.

- Look at these guys.
- What's the matter with them?

What's the matter with them?

They have all beards.

They're all wearing suspenders.

Three of them are named Wilt.

This is not a focus group,
it is an Arcade Fire concert.

This only works if we have
a cross-section of real people,

and real people don't live in Brooklyn.

That's it.

I'm going to Times Square.

Dee, what are you doing?
It's not worth it. It's late.

Just tell Alex you messed up
in the morning.

No. I can't!
I can't let him down, Eddie.

I'll give you a lift into the city

if you don't mind sharing
the sidecar with my micro pig.

Sure, Wilt.

Can I have a glass of water?

Sure, baby.

Just keep this thermometer
in your mouth, okay?

We are gonna get you better
in time for this recital.

My grandmother had some amazing
home remedies.

Can you believe that
she lived to the age of 103?

And you know what,
she might still be with us

if she hadn't tried to
use one of those home remedies

on a wounded bear.

Man, she loved bears.

Let's see what we're working with here.

Your temperature is...

135 degrees.

I told you it was a doozy.

So, I was right? She's not sick?

She's been faking this whole time?

I'm starting to think
that nurse at school

might just be a teacher
they were unable to fire.

We're gonna have to punish her, Alex.

I mean, she lied to us.

I don't know, I think
there's more going on here.

And if we come down too hard on her,

we might not find out what that is.

Alex, you always coddle her,

and that's exactly why she thinks

she can get away with this stuff.

You know, if I pulled
something like this,

my parents would have
grounded me for a week.

Oh, I forgot about your perfect parents.

They always knew what to do.

They have the same definition
of "hump day."

Maybe I don't want
to be like your parents.

Because you like when our kids
treat you like an idiot?

Because I don't want to get divorced.

What? My parents aren't
getting divorced.

Are my parents getting divorced?

- Alex!
- Joya!

Hi-ho, and also the derrio.

Mom?

Of all the possible outcomes of
Joya's secret getting spilled,

the last one I imagined
was me being in trouble.

Wow, that was a long talk. How are you?

Mad.

At you for not telling me.

Okay, I'm so sorry, babe.

She said to keep it between us,

and it felt like a real
"Keep it between us,"

not the kind where you say it

and you both know
you're gonna tell your wife.

I got to be honest with you.

I mean, all of this has me
pretty freaked out.

My parents were the last couple

I would ever imagine this happening to.

They were rock-solid. I mean, if...

if those guys can't make things
work, I mean, who can?

Really? Come on. We can.

How do you know? They never even fought.

I mean, you and I fight all the time.

We don't fight, come on.

We have tiny disagreements about
little things, like grapes.

You like red grapes over
green grapes, which is crazy.

We fight about more
than just grapes, Al.

We fight about how much money to save,

about whether or not
to refinish that basement,

about how to raise our kids.

We only fight because your way is wrong.

I'm kidding! Come on.

I'm trying to make you laugh.

I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed.

Are you serious? Sweetheart.

I'm sor...

Guess I'm not celebrating Hump Day.

Whoa, Dee.

You look like one of those
missing people

they find living in
someone's chicken coop.

I was in Times Square all night.

I got over 100 people
to listen to the podcast

and give us feedback.

It's a little bit of
a different demographic

than we were looking at before.

It's very heavy in Japanese tourists

and people whose dogs talk to them,

but the dogs love the show,
so that's a positive.

Now all I have to do is compile
the data before Alex gets in,

and then my little mess-up
will just be between you, me,

and all the dirty superheroes
in New York.

Deirdre, this is insane.

Is it? Is it insane?

Because I have never
let Alex down before,

and I'm not about to start right now.

Dee, Alex doesn't respect you

because you've never made mistakes.

He respects you because
you're a hard worker

who's really good at her job.

He's very lucky to have you.

Eddie, that is so not helpful right now.

I need to enter in all of these
forms before Alex gets here.

You're a lost cause.
All right, let me help you.

Give me some of these.

This guy's from a place
I've never heard of.

Your Mom's V... I've heard of it.

I was thinking about how last night

you said we always disagree on things,

so I made a list of
all the things we do agree on.

Here goes.

We both think leather couches are weird.

Second Becky was the best Becky.

Birds are not to be trusted.

- I do hate birds.
- What the hell are they always all up to?

Just chill on a branch
for two seconds. No one cares.

Alex, Soraya won't get out of bed.

I've tried yelling at her,

I've tried threatening
to take things away,

and she won't budge

because she knows that
when it comes down to it,

one of us will always cave.

Okay, we might have different styles,

but I can get results, too, all right?

We've already tried your aggro-bad-cop.

Let me throw a little cuddly,
friendly cop at her,

- see what happens.
- Fine.

Cuddly, friendly cop has five minutes,

and then I'm fireman-carrying
her to the car.

Cuddly, friendly cop reporting for duty.

Wait, I don't trust you.

You didn't mention the handcuffs.

If I'm going to school, so is the chair.

Are those from Ben's magic cabinet?

No.

I believe they are.

It's been a while, but...

Alakazam!

Stupid magic.

I'm still not going to school.

Soraya, you do not have to go to school.

- Really?
- What?

If you tell me why you don't want to go.

Is there a bully?

Did you not do your homework?

Did you watch the first half of
"West Side Story" yesterday

and now you want to see what happens?

'Cause that's why I played hooky.

If I tell you, you promise
I don't have to go to school?

Yeah.

I don't want to do the recital.

What? Babe, you've been excited
about it for months.

I'm scared I'm gonna mess up.

You're gonna be great.

Not as great as Ben.

He's so perfect at everything.

Oh, honey, no.

Soraya, Ben is not perfect.

Nobody's perfect.

Nothing in life is perfect,
including marriages.

But that feeling that
you're having about being scared

about not being perfect,

that's actually a good thing

'cause it means you're gonna try
harder to figure things out.

Marriages only end

when people stop
trying to figure things out,

and I promise you,
I will never stop trying.

I think Soraya gets
where you're coming from.

I think Soraya has no idea
what you're talking about,

and I know Soraya's
still not going to school.

You know what, sweetie,

I think there's something
you should see.

? Chillin' like a villain in the cut ?

? Like a cavity filling ?

? The meaning of raw
is ready and willin' ?

- What is this? Is that Ben?
- Yep.

You're too young to remember
his second-grade dance troupe.

"Ben Thugs in Harmony."

My idea.

He's so bad!

Yes. Yes, he is.

You know what, he didn't let
his fear of not being perfect

stop him from going out there
and shaking his moneymaker.

Well, I'm still a little bit scared,

but, I mean, come on.

I guess I'll go to the recital.

But can I still skip school?

- No!
- No!

Come here, you.

You're not skipping any more school!

No more school skipping!

None of this feedback is usable.

This guy wrote "Loved the movie.
Would definitely see again."

- Hey, guys!
- Alex! You're here!

So early.

Yeah, well, I'm excited to see

what people thought of the podcast.

Let's dig in!

What's the matter?

The data's gone, Al.

I lost it. It was, um, an accident.

What are you talking about?

You know how I am with computers.

A virus led to a server
which led to a firewall

that unfortunately we couldn't put out.

Eddie, how could possibly...

- I was...
- I made the mistake.

Eddie was taking the fall for me

in a way that makes me suspect

he lied about auditing
that computer course

at The New School. But it was me.

You lost all of the data?

I did.

You trusted me, and I made
a mockery of that trust.

I'm garbage.

I'm less than human.
I'm like a worm person.

I don't deserve to be above ground.

Deirdre! You're not a worm person, okay?

You deserve to be above ground.

With the rest of us.

Okay?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not
thrilled the data's gone,

but you made a mistake.

I've made plenty of mistakes in my life.

- I could tell you stories.
- Eddie!

But one of the best things
I ever did was hire you.

I just need a minute.

Why is she crying?

She, uh, slept in Times Square.

Hey. You want to see a picture
of a tiny pig in a fedora?

Absolutely.

Aww!

He got a little hat on.

Excuse me.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, you didn't miss anything.

Joya, I wanted to say
I got so carried away with

trying to keep the secret
that I forgot to say I'm sorry.

So, I'm sorry.

And please let me know
if you ever want to talk.

I'm fine.

But thank you.

- What'd she say?
- She said you're not so bad.

Yeah, right.

Our next performer
is Miss Soraya Schuman.

? You can be amazing ?

? You can turn a phrase
into a weapon or a drug ?

? You can be the outcast ?

? Or be the backlash
of somebody's lack of love ?

? Or you can start speaking up ?

? Nothing's gonna hurt you
the way that words do ?

? And they settle 'neath your skin ?

? Kept on the inside and no sunlight ?

? Sometimes the shadow wins ?

? But I wonder
what would happen if you ?

? Say what you wanna say ?

? And let the words fall out ?

Perfection is a funny thing.

We're all looking for it.

We all think we've caught
a glimpse of it.

But the truth is,
it doesn't really exist.

The best we can hope to do
is keep practicing.

- ? I want to see you be brave ?
- Keep talking through our problems.

? See you ?

And allow ourselves to make mistakes.

'Cause when we do that,

occasionally, a funny thing happens.

We stumble upon something
that may not be perfect

but it just might be even better.

? I wanna see you be brave ?

Thank you.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

"Ben, do you feel okay?

Those bags under your eyes
don't look good."

But, Dad, I can't miss school!

There was an essay test
I was so looking forward to!

"Well, you don't think
it's a stomach bug, do you?"

- Ben.
- Aah! Occupied!

- Occupied!
- You're going to school.

Come on, Dad!

The San Diego Zoo is live-streaming

the birth of a baby condor.

That's today?

Give me that makeup.