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"Dances with Smurfs"
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Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
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00:00:39,001 --> 00:00:40,753
These are the morning
announcements.
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00:00:40,905 --> 00:00:42,954
Parent/teacher conferences
begin next Thursday.
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00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:44,433
If you have
not yet done so,
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00:00:44,501 --> 00:00:46,233
please turn in your parents'
requested time sheets
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00:00:46,268 --> 00:00:47,900
by the end
of fifth period today.
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00:00:48,034 --> 00:00:50,770
Lunch today will be a choice
of chicken tostadas
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or spaghetti with a marinara
sauce and side salad.
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00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:54,883
Attention,
fourth graders.
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00:00:55,183 --> 00:00:56,541
The fall registration
for glee club
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00:00:56,576 --> 00:00:57,533
starts tomorrow.
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00:00:57,847 --> 00:00:59,736
Any interested students
should fill out a--
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00:01:00,817 --> 00:01:01,921
Whoa!
What's going on?
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00:01:02,064 --> 00:01:03,284
I'll kill you!
16
00:01:03,352 --> 00:01:05,821
- I swear to God, I'll kill you!
- Who are you?
17
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:06,888
I'm the man
who's going to
18
00:01:06,889 --> 00:01:08,707
put a bullet
between your eyes!
19
00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:10,164
Hey!
He's got a gun!
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00:01:10,192 --> 00:01:11,431
You little bastard!
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00:01:11,466 --> 00:01:12,883
You fucked my wife!
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00:01:13,363 --> 00:01:14,539
You think
I wouldn't find out?
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00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:15,998
Sir, please,
I don't know you.
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00:01:16,028 --> 00:01:16,825
Yeah, right!
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00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,326
What the hell
is going on here?
26
00:01:18,361 --> 00:01:19,912
You, sir, need to
leave this area--
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00:01:20,919 --> 00:01:22,210
Oh God!
He shot him!
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00:01:22,245 --> 00:01:23,793
You had to push me,
didn't you?
29
00:01:23,828 --> 00:01:25,813
- Now you!
- Ahh!
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00:01:25,848 --> 00:01:27,796
Sir, I don't truly--
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00:01:28,411 --> 00:01:30,654
There!
How does it feel, huh?
32
00:01:30,801 --> 00:01:33,016
Please,
I don't know you--
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00:01:33,403 --> 00:01:35,046
You're Gordon Saltski, right?
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00:01:35,106 --> 00:01:36,754
Truck driver from Chicago?
35
00:01:37,124 --> 00:01:38,590
No, I'm Gordon Stolski!
36
00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:40,908
Third grader who reads the
morning announcements!
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00:01:40,943 --> 00:01:43,286
Yeah right!
We'll see if that's true!
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00:01:43,558 --> 00:01:45,446
Go on, read the morning
announcements!
39
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:48,100
- Somebody help me--
- I said do it!
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00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:54,849
Any interested students
should
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00:01:54,884 --> 00:01:56,491
fill out
an applicant survey--
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00:01:58,061 --> 00:01:59,317
I knew you were lying!
43
00:01:59,417 --> 00:02:00,561
That was terrible!
44
00:02:00,631 --> 00:02:03,303
Now put your mouth over
the barrel of this gun.
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00:02:03,304 --> 00:02:05,438
No, please...
I'm so scared.
46
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,468
I'm so scared.
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00:02:06,503 --> 00:02:07,085
Do it!
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00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,081
Please,
I... I'll do whatever
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00:02:09,142 --> 00:02:10,681
you say I...
Here, see?
50
00:02:11,342 --> 00:02:13,116
I got my mouth
on the barrel.
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00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:17,189
Look at you now.
52
00:02:17,519 --> 00:02:19,247
We're all dead!
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00:02:23,585 --> 00:02:25,784
We will always remember
the way that
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00:02:25,785 --> 00:02:28,637
Gordon bravely read the
announcements every morning.
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Lead us in the Pledge of
Allegiance, m'kay,
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00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:33,728
and touched many kids' lives
here at the school.
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00:02:33,729 --> 00:02:35,525
And even though
we now know that
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00:02:35,526 --> 00:02:38,752
the shooter had him confused
with a 40-year-old truck driver
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00:02:38,787 --> 00:02:40,699
who happened
to have a similar name,
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00:02:40,940 --> 00:02:43,783
I know this has been
pretty traumatizing, m'kay.
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00:02:43,984 --> 00:02:45,835
Now we must decide
who will pick up
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where little Gordon
left off?
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00:02:47,632 --> 00:02:49,101
Who will take
his place reading
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00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,524
the morning announcements?
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It is a big responsibility.
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00:02:52,278 --> 00:02:55,986
Because it will be your voice
the entire school listens to, m'kay.
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00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,879
And although Gordon Stoltski
can never be replaced,
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00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:01,643
m'kay, there must be
a student out there
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00:03:01,678 --> 00:03:03,581
who has the drive
and the passion to
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00:03:04,113 --> 00:03:06,130
have his or her voice heard
every morning.
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00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:08,941
Oh my God.
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00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:16,163
So you're, uh,
trying out to be
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the morning announcements
person as well?
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00:03:17,917 --> 00:03:19,668
Yeah.
I think it would be really
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00:03:19,729 --> 00:03:23,729
f-f-f-fun and r-r-r-aise
my self es-es-es-e-steem.
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00:03:26,946 --> 00:03:28,200
Oh this is it, huh?
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00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:29,616
Okay, uh, Mike,
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00:03:29,651 --> 00:03:31,607
why don't we
have you tryout first, m'kay.
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00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:33,353
Ha ha!
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He stutters
like a bitch!
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00:03:34,743 --> 00:03:36,091
I've got this job
in the bag!
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00:03:40,997 --> 00:03:41,797
Who are you?
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00:03:42,487 --> 00:03:44,150
My name is Casey Miller
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00:03:44,185 --> 00:03:45,815
and I'm in
the third grade.
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00:03:46,633 --> 00:03:48,169
Ever since I can remember,
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00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:49,042
people have told me
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00:03:49,077 --> 00:03:50,943
I should read
the morning announcements.
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00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:52,245
My friends
always said to me,
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"Dear Casey, your voice is like
butter to our ears.
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00:03:55,594 --> 00:03:56,805
Could you please
find a way
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00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,056
to get that audible chocolate
on the airwaves?
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00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:00,433
Well, here I am.
93
00:04:00,483 --> 00:04:02,795
And hopefully, I'll be the kid
with the job.
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00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,677
M'kay, really nice,
Mike.
95
00:04:06,745 --> 00:04:08,752
Maybe next time you can
get past the first word.
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00:04:09,335 --> 00:04:10,692
Oh, Casey Miller, good.
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00:04:10,727 --> 00:04:11,585
You're trying out, too?
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00:04:11,908 --> 00:04:13,453
I'm trying out
and drying out
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00:04:13,488 --> 00:04:15,889
in the sultry summer sun,
that is my voice.
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00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:18,216
M'kay, Eric.
You wanna go next?
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00:04:25,756 --> 00:04:26,473
M'kay, Eric.
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00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,309
I'm just gonna have you read
this piece of paper.
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00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,722
Mr. Mackey,
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what's a moronic
jiz rag?
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What?
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00:04:34,071 --> 00:04:35,557
What on Earth
are you askin' me that for?
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00:04:35,939 --> 00:04:36,732
Well, it's just that...
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00:04:36,733 --> 00:04:38,155
That's what
that Casey kid
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said about
your hair piece.
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00:04:40,161 --> 00:04:42,263
Get lost,
you little dirtball!
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00:04:42,298 --> 00:04:44,333
- Excuse me?
- I said take a hike!
112
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,961
I don't understand
what I did wrong.
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Beat it.
You're not getting the job!
114
00:04:55,824 --> 00:04:57,612
Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
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These are
the morning announcements.
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And I am Eric Cartman.
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00:05:01,262 --> 00:05:02,830
All forms for
the school book drive
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00:05:02,865 --> 00:05:04,748
must be handed in to
Mr. Davis in the library
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00:05:04,783 --> 00:05:06,452
by the end
of the school day today.
120
00:05:06,811 --> 00:05:07,837
Hmm, doesn't seem
like they gave us
121
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:09,398
a lot of notice
on that, okay.
122
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:10,280
Oh, well.
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00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,312
For lunch today,
the cafeteria
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00:05:12,347 --> 00:05:14,359
will be serving a selection of
cold sandwiches.
125
00:05:14,394 --> 00:05:15,560
Cold sandwiches.
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00:05:15,595 --> 00:05:17,039
Oh, well.
Thank you so much.
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00:05:17,074 --> 00:05:18,887
Remember when we used to be
served hot food?
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00:05:18,922 --> 00:05:20,886
I mean, what has happened
to our school?
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00:05:20,898 --> 00:05:22,382
This school
is transforming into
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00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:23,817
something very bad
and why?
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00:05:23,852 --> 00:05:26,146
Because we have leadership
that doesn't care.
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00:05:26,181 --> 00:05:28,614
I'm talking of course about
our student body president.
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00:05:28,649 --> 00:05:29,988
Wendy Testaburger.
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00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:32,405
Ever since Wendy was elected
student body president,
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this school
has started a rapid decline
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00:05:34,162 --> 00:05:35,858
towards
some socialist regime
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where students no longer
have a voice.
138
00:05:38,626 --> 00:05:40,732
The music room will be closed
off today due to painting.
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00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,283
All students
in band or choir
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will meet in
the gymnasium instead.
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00:05:44,003 --> 00:05:47,083
Oh so, now the school is using
money to paint the music room.
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00:05:47,118 --> 00:05:49,528
How old and outdated is
our playground equipment?
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00:05:49,563 --> 00:05:52,238
What other school has a
15-year-old merry go round on it?
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00:05:52,273 --> 00:05:54,460
Our school president is turning
this whole place
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00:05:54,495 --> 00:05:55,744
into Communist Russia.
146
00:05:56,216 --> 00:05:58,334
It's not a coincidence,
that once Wendy took office
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this school started
coming apart
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00:05:59,586 --> 00:06:00,409
at the seams.
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00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,519
Your teachers
don't want to tell you,
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00:06:01,586 --> 00:06:03,321
but they are scared and
they should be
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00:06:03,356 --> 00:06:05,107
because the very fabric
of this elementary school
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00:06:05,142 --> 00:06:06,466
is tearing from all corners.
153
00:06:06,501 --> 00:06:07,518
Oh jeez!
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00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,333
But hey,
I'm just a normal kid
155
00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:10,960
like you,
except that I ask questions.
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00:06:11,377 --> 00:06:12,953
And because I'm brave
enough to ask questions,
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00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:13,924
I come under scrutinies.
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00:06:14,403 --> 00:06:16,460
Is Wendy using your lunch money
to buy heroin?
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00:06:16,831 --> 00:06:17,475
Probably not.
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00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:18,467
But how can we know?
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00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:19,758
I don't want
my lunch money
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00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:20,505
going to drugs.
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00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:22,441
Who's taking these drugs?
What would be the point?
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00:06:22,476 --> 00:06:23,523
I'm asking questions.
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00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:25,100
Will somebody
shut him up?
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00:06:26,273 --> 00:06:27,921
You wanted to see me,
Principal Victoria?
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00:06:27,978 --> 00:06:30,766
The job is to read what is
written on the paper, Eric,
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00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:32,620
not to embellish
the way you do.
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00:06:33,342 --> 00:06:34,715
Oh, I get it.
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00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,281
You're trying
to silence me!
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You're scared that somebody is
standing up to this school
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and its president
for once!
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00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:42,587
No, it's just that the
announcements need to be quick
174
00:06:42,622 --> 00:06:44,302
so the students can
get on with their work.
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00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,315
Oh, really?
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00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:47,504
Then how come Gordon Stolski got
to go on for like five minutes
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00:06:47,564 --> 00:06:48,330
that one day?
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00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:50,254
Well, because he was
being murdered.
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00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:52,866
You just want somebody to
read what's in front of them
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00:06:52,867 --> 00:06:54,667
like a brain-washed zombie,
is that it, Mr. Mackey?
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00:06:54,735 --> 00:06:56,827
I am not
Gordon Stolski, okay?
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00:06:56,862 --> 00:06:58,034
I'm not some
dog on a leash
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00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,777
that just blindly says
what he's told,
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00:06:59,778 --> 00:07:00,662
until he's killed.
185
00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:03,028
All we ask is you keep it shorter.
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00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:04,401
Oh, I will.
187
00:07:04,411 --> 00:07:07,263
And maybe I'll also have
a word with the ACLU.
188
00:07:07,614 --> 00:07:08,900
Tell them that
a student is being told
189
00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:10,449
not to speak out
against his school.
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00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:12,816
I'm sure they'll find that
very interesting.
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00:07:20,422 --> 00:07:21,416
Well...
192
00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:24,458
Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
193
00:07:24,493 --> 00:07:25,902
These are the morning
announcements.
194
00:07:26,254 --> 00:07:28,270
Tryouts for the soccer team
are Friday afternoon.
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00:07:28,305 --> 00:07:29,200
That is, of course,
196
00:07:29,268 --> 00:07:30,935
if our student body president
does something
197
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:32,240
about our abysmal
soccer field.
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00:07:32,765 --> 00:07:33,476
I have a question.
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00:07:33,639 --> 00:07:35,403
What does Wendy Testaburger
actually do?
200
00:07:35,614 --> 00:07:36,959
She is supposed to be
the president, right?
201
00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:38,208
What is her agenda?
202
00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:39,422
She's lying to everyone!
203
00:07:39,457 --> 00:07:40,790
Or is she?
Let's ask these questions!
204
00:07:40,825 --> 00:07:43,241
Today I want to talk briefly about
the state of our school's economy.
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00:07:43,643 --> 00:07:45,850
The bake sale last week
was a complete failure.
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00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:48,680
And besides that, who actually
voted for Wendy Testaburger?
207
00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:49,532
I know I didn't.
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00:07:49,892 --> 00:07:51,527
And everyone who did is now
scratching their heads
209
00:07:51,562 --> 00:07:52,169
and going, "Oops!
210
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:53,376
"Guess I shouldn't
have done that."
211
00:07:53,411 --> 00:07:54,574
I'm not in
the student council.
212
00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:56,144
I'm just
a normal kid like all of you.
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00:07:56,195 --> 00:07:57,185
And like all of you,
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00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,396
I want to know
what has happened
215
00:07:58,431 --> 00:07:59,359
to my school!
216
00:07:59,394 --> 00:08:01,386
I pledge allegiance
to the flag...
217
00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:03,083
Of the United States of
America.
218
00:08:03,224 --> 00:08:03,990
Our United States,
219
00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:05,366
not the one that
Wendy Testaburger would have--
220
00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:07,125
a socialist dung hole.
221
00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:09,214
A socialist dung hole...
222
00:08:12,304 --> 00:08:13,056
Good morning, students.
223
00:08:13,091 --> 00:08:14,259
These are the morning
announcements.
224
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,280
If you will direct your attention
to the new video monitors
225
00:08:16,315 --> 00:08:17,199
at the head
of your class.
226
00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:18,634
You will see that
the announcements
227
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:20,450
are now being done
in video.
228
00:08:20,485 --> 00:08:21,870
Oh God. No!
229
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,504
Lunch today is going
to be pizza.
230
00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:34,478
Again.
231
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,176
Friends,
our school is dying
232
00:08:37,211 --> 00:08:38,805
and you know it.
You feel it.
233
00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:40,846
You're like me,
you wanna change it.
234
00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:43,673
But oh no, Wendy Testaburger's
not gonna let that happen.
235
00:08:43,975 --> 00:08:46,021
This is not
the school we grew up in
236
00:08:46,056 --> 00:08:48,224
and... and I don't know
if we can get it back.
237
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:51,571
So let's take a look at exactly
what our school president wants.
238
00:08:51,606 --> 00:08:53,366
You know, what is
she trying to achieve?
239
00:08:53,401 --> 00:08:55,298
Let's just take a look
at these key words here.
240
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:56,755
Wendy has made it clear
she wants our school
241
00:08:56,806 --> 00:08:59,426
to be a more integrated,
leftist, and liberal place.
242
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:00,557
But you see,
when that happens,
243
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:01,638
what we get is a--
244
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,846
Socialist, modern,
utopian,
245
00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:06,067
reformed farce
of a school.
246
00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:07,513
So when you look closely,
247
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,481
it becomes very obvious
what Wendy wants.
248
00:09:09,943 --> 00:09:13,403
K-I-L-L S-M-U-R-F-S.
249
00:09:14,610 --> 00:09:15,796
Our school president
250
00:09:15,831 --> 00:09:17,325
wants to kill Smurfs.
251
00:09:18,373 --> 00:09:19,787
No!
252
00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:21,956
I don't know if we're turning
into a Smurf hating school
253
00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:22,906
or what
we're turning into.
254
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:24,373
But unless you ask why,
255
00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:26,544
we're gonna transform
into something.
256
00:09:28,242 --> 00:09:28,961
Hey Wendy!
257
00:09:29,149 --> 00:09:29,661
Wendy!
258
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:31,119
Is it true?
259
00:09:31,724 --> 00:09:32,539
Is what true?
260
00:09:32,891 --> 00:09:34,476
That you hate Smurfs?
261
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:36,802
I don't have time
for this.
262
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:37,488
Hey now,
263
00:09:37,539 --> 00:09:39,684
me and us fellers
are just asking questions!
264
00:09:39,719 --> 00:09:40,581
- Yeah!
- That's right!
265
00:09:40,616 --> 00:09:42,735
- We can ask!
- Try to understand this:
266
00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,916
All I do is try
to help run student council.
267
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,517
I don't give a crap
about Smurfs!
268
00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:48,930
Oh! It is true!
269
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,148
- Oh my God!
- She admitted it!
270
00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,256
Oh my God!
271
00:09:51,276 --> 00:09:52,573
Maybe you guys
should check into
272
00:09:52,608 --> 00:09:54,089
what student council
actually does
273
00:09:54,124 --> 00:09:56,114
before you just blindly
listen to what some idiot
274
00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:57,209
with a microphone
tells you!
275
00:09:59,351 --> 00:10:01,223
What did the Smurfs
ever do to you?
276
00:10:01,258 --> 00:10:02,064
You bitch!
277
00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:04,575
I just called
the president a bitch!
278
00:10:04,610 --> 00:10:05,109
Yeah!
279
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:06,039
- That was cool!
- Awesome!
280
00:10:06,079 --> 00:10:07,214
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great job.
281
00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:16,704
Thank you,
and this is to...
282
00:10:16,739 --> 00:10:17,611
Douglas.
283
00:10:17,681 --> 00:10:19,319
To Douglas,
there you go.
284
00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:21,047
Book signing today,
everyone.
285
00:10:21,082 --> 00:10:22,077
Be sure to pick up
your copy.
286
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:23,800
- Hey, Eric!
- Well, hello.
287
00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:25,390
Another person
who cares about
288
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,894
the future
of our school!
289
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,323
Oh, you bet!
290
00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:29,445
I love all the stuff
you said about
291
00:10:29,514 --> 00:10:31,522
how our school president
never does anything!
292
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,271
And how she's changing
everything!
293
00:10:33,306 --> 00:10:34,021
Yes. Well,
294
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:36,050
now you can read about all
the things I've said, Butters.
295
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:37,388
Take this copy
of my book.
296
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,524
Cool, thanks!
297
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,139
That'll be $5.
298
00:10:40,174 --> 00:10:41,356
Oh okay...
299
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:43,619
What the hell do you think
you're doing?
300
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:44,714
A book signing.
301
00:10:44,749 --> 00:10:46,104
I looked through
your stupid book.
302
00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:48,105
It's 540 pages
of ripping on Wendy
303
00:10:48,156 --> 00:10:49,049
and calling her a slut!
304
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,239
I do not directly say
she's a slut.
305
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,079
"Wendy Testaburger has proven
time and time again
306
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,087
that she will do anything
to pleasure her vagina.
307
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:57,968
Whether it is the school
football team
308
00:10:58,003 --> 00:10:59,081
or the janitor's
on their break,
309
00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,390
Wendy spends her time
as President on her knees
310
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,030
or on her back taking the ol' in
out for hours on end."
311
00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:05,672
You didn't read
the rest, dude.
312
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:07,869
- Or does she.
- Or does she?
313
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,700
See, that's a question.
314
00:11:09,772 --> 00:11:11,146
I'm asking questions, Stan!
315
00:11:11,609 --> 00:11:13,324
I've called for Wendy to come on
my show and defend herself,
316
00:11:13,384 --> 00:11:14,529
but she won't do it.
317
00:11:14,669 --> 00:11:16,337
Yeah, and
she hates Smurfs!
318
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,901
"Shouldn't we be worried if
our school president is a girl
319
00:11:19,936 --> 00:11:21,274
who would rather
get her tits licked
320
00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:23,083
than go to student
council meetings?"
321
00:11:23,147 --> 00:11:24,795
- Whoa!
- Yeah. Geez.
322
00:11:24,830 --> 00:11:26,067
Hey, hey!
Stop reading that!
323
00:11:26,184 --> 00:11:27,232
What do you mean?
324
00:11:27,415 --> 00:11:29,662
Listen, just because
a guy's voice is on the intercom
325
00:11:29,697 --> 00:11:30,759
and his words
are in a book
326
00:11:30,794 --> 00:11:32,745
doesn't mean he has any idea
what he's talking about!
327
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:34,210
Yes, it does.
328
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,108
Eric Cartman
is simply making it
329
00:11:36,148 --> 00:11:38,215
so that all kids take
the responsibility
330
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,966
to question their
school leaders.
331
00:11:40,252 --> 00:11:42,060
We should all ask if our
president
332
00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:45,080
is a penis hungry hooker
with a huge vagina.
333
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,249
I'm Casey Miller.
334
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,233
Wendy, did you see
the stuff
335
00:11:51,268 --> 00:11:52,353
Cartman is saying
about you now?
336
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:53,647
I really don't care, Stan.
337
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:54,760
Well, don't you think you
should go on his show
338
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:55,533
and defend yourself?
339
00:11:55,594 --> 00:11:57,066
Everyone is starting to think
you're a crappy president.
340
00:11:58,136 --> 00:11:59,513
I'm not giving Eric Fartman
341
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,144
one minute of my time,
you got that?
342
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,999
I'm not acknowledging
his stupid questions.
343
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:03,875
If you want him dealt with,
344
00:12:03,915 --> 00:12:05,182
you'll have to do it
yourself.
345
00:12:09,165 --> 00:12:11,246
You wanted to see me again,
Principal Victoria?
346
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:13,445
Eric, we've been informed by
a concerned student
347
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:14,750
that you are
writing naughty books
348
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,663
about one of the girls
here at the school.
349
00:12:16,673 --> 00:12:18,318
Oh, Wendy came
and told on me?
350
00:12:18,319 --> 00:12:19,425
So what,
because she's president,
351
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:20,408
she can't be written about?!
352
00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:23,187
Eric, apparently you wrote
that Wendy's private parts
353
00:12:23,238 --> 00:12:25,932
are big enough to fly
an airplane through, m'kay.
354
00:12:25,967 --> 00:12:26,859
And what if they are?
355
00:12:26,939 --> 00:12:29,267
You'll stop me from asking just
because Wendy forces you to?
356
00:12:29,347 --> 00:12:30,562
Eric, the student body president
357
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:32,249
really doesn't have
the kind of power that you--
358
00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:33,272
Just enough power
to force you
359
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:34,747
to stop me
from selling my book.
360
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,765
Face it, you're a lackey,
Mackey.
361
00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:38,859
Eric, I've had enough!
362
00:12:38,919 --> 00:12:40,828
You cannot
and you will not
363
00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:42,634
sell your books
on school grounds.
364
00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:44,230
Do I make myself clear?
365
00:12:44,317 --> 00:12:45,358
Clear as summer rain.
366
00:12:45,506 --> 00:12:47,661
Clear as a flavorless bottle
of vitamin water!
367
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,474
This school has finally
transformed into
368
00:12:49,475 --> 00:12:51,785
the socialist whore land
where a student isn't free.
369
00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:53,340
Well, I'm not going
to be a part of it.
370
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:54,011
Do you understand?
371
00:12:54,546 --> 00:12:57,247
I am leaving this hypocritical
Communist school!
372
00:12:57,516 --> 00:12:59,165
I am walking out and
I am never coming back!
373
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:08,492
Live from the
principal's office--
374
00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,311
These are the morning
announcements.
375
00:13:10,346 --> 00:13:12,467
Here is Eric Cartman.
376
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,264
Yesterday,
as most of you know,
377
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:17,845
I walked out on this program
and on our school.
378
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,437
I was so... fed up with our
President's hypocrisies,
379
00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:22,187
me not being allowed
to sell my book...
380
00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:23,660
I wanted to live in a place
381
00:13:23,691 --> 00:13:25,446
where my values
were still upheld.
382
00:13:25,808 --> 00:13:27,405
And so I decided
to leave it all behind
383
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,740
and instead go and live
384
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:29,875
with the Smurfs.
385
00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:33,728
I simply observed the gentle
Smurfs at first.
386
00:13:33,995 --> 00:13:35,287
I wanted to understand
how they could live
387
00:13:35,317 --> 00:13:36,726
such simple and
decent lives.
388
00:13:37,478 --> 00:13:38,714
They were wary of me
at the beginning,
389
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:40,776
but slowly, I began
to earn their trust.
390
00:13:41,752 --> 00:13:43,697
It wasn't long before the gentle
Smurfs accepted me
391
00:13:43,748 --> 00:13:44,633
as one of their own.
392
00:13:52,682 --> 00:13:53,494
Whoa...
393
00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:56,033
The Smurfs and I grew
to understand each other.
394
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:58,168
They shared with me their art of
picking Smurfberries.
395
00:13:58,502 --> 00:14:01,234
And I shared with them stories
of my country's forefathers.
396
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,622
Of course,
it wasn't long before...
397
00:14:04,335 --> 00:14:05,945
I fell in love with Smurfette.
398
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,134
We were from
two different worlds
399
00:14:07,155 --> 00:14:09,002
and yet, we spoke the
common language of passion.
400
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,213
These are the morning
announcements?
401
00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:11,882
Shh!
402
00:14:12,258 --> 00:14:14,452
Papa Smurf
was displeased at first.
403
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:16,269
He told Smurfette
I wasn't a real Smurf
404
00:14:16,304 --> 00:14:17,213
and we could
never be happy.
405
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,487
But I eventually proved myself
to Papa Smurf
406
00:14:19,522 --> 00:14:20,518
by picking more Smurfberries
407
00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:22,094
than any Smurf had ever
smurfed before.
408
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,330
Finally, all was right
with the world.
409
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:26,585
But then... a crisis.
410
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,303
Clumsy Smurf burst
into the Smurf ceremony
411
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:30,632
to say that humans had come
to destroy all of Smurfland.
412
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:33,092
No!
413
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:34,979
No, you must leave
the noble Smurfs alone!
414
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,274
Who is behind all this?
415
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:38,610
I should have known!
416
00:14:38,926 --> 00:14:39,638
Wendy!
417
00:14:40,039 --> 00:14:41,403
Out of my way!
418
00:14:41,628 --> 00:14:42,702
Wendy!
What are you doing here?
419
00:14:42,737 --> 00:14:45,271
Smurfberries are worth
a lot of money.
420
00:14:45,419 --> 00:14:47,181
With all those Smurfberries,
421
00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:49,844
I can power the school
for the entire year!
422
00:14:50,107 --> 00:14:51,821
Wendy, I know you're
President of our school.
423
00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:53,611
But you can't just
dig up the Smurfs' land!
424
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:56,451
Fuck the Smurfs!
They can suck my fat tits.
425
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:00,963
How many Smurfberries
is enough, Wendy?
426
00:15:01,002 --> 00:15:03,171
You can suck
my fat tits too.
427
00:15:15,242 --> 00:15:16,949
Smurfette, no!
428
00:15:17,229 --> 00:15:19,305
Suck my fat tits!
429
00:15:22,358 --> 00:15:23,687
And so now our school
430
00:15:23,737 --> 00:15:26,283
has plenty of precious,
unobtainable Smurfberries.
431
00:15:26,714 --> 00:15:28,064
Yeah.
Well, big deal.
432
00:15:28,849 --> 00:15:30,531
At what cost did our
school president get it?
433
00:15:31,426 --> 00:15:32,800
Every Smurf is dead.
434
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:34,878
Wiped out and we will
never see them again.
435
00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:36,277
Go on, look outside.
436
00:15:36,312 --> 00:15:37,421
You won't see any Smurfs.
437
00:15:40,509 --> 00:15:41,765
Of course,
since I'm being silenced
438
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,688
I'm not allowed time to
show you the entire movie.
439
00:15:43,844 --> 00:15:46,807
And so please buy "Dances With Smurfs"
available now on DVD.
440
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:49,225
The question now is
what happened to morals?
441
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:50,477
What happened to dignity?
442
00:15:50,512 --> 00:15:53,257
What happened to my school?
443
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,317
That does it!
444
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,877
Our student council is corrupt
and has to be dealt with!
445
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,157
I can no longer
stand idly by.
446
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,864
We need to get all the kids
together who want to fight back
447
00:16:04,899 --> 00:16:06,629
and tell them
to meet after school!
448
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,366
We will forever
remember this day,
449
00:16:08,609 --> 00:16:11,415
the day we finally stood up
to Wendy Testaburger!
450
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,369
It is time for that
slutty Smurf-killing bitch
451
00:16:14,404 --> 00:16:15,933
to get what's
coming to her.
452
00:16:20,883 --> 00:16:22,691
I don't know
about all of you,
453
00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:24,499
but I have had enough!
454
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:25,981
We've been sitting back
455
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,455
and watching
as our school
456
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:29,284
slowly goes
into the toilet!
457
00:16:29,491 --> 00:16:31,494
But today, we do
something about it!
458
00:16:33,341 --> 00:16:35,619
So let's march right on over
to Wendy's house,
459
00:16:35,669 --> 00:16:37,627
and do what we
know needs to be done!
460
00:16:47,595 --> 00:16:49,954
Let us not forget
what happens this day!
461
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:51,021
Do it!
462
00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:53,276
We are here,
Wendy Testaburger!
463
00:17:00,776 --> 00:17:03,204
- Take that, School President!
- Get her good!
464
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,418
I am.
465
00:17:05,904 --> 00:17:07,268
Hey!
What are you doing?
466
00:17:07,269 --> 00:17:09,534
The students want answers!
467
00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:12,383
Go on the morning announcements
if you've got nothing to hide!
468
00:17:13,302 --> 00:17:14,966
- What the hell?
- Whoa!
469
00:17:18,845 --> 00:17:20,050
Smurf killer!
470
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:23,872
Answer for your crimes on
the morning announcements!
471
00:17:24,624 --> 00:17:26,443
Wendy, did a boy
just pee on our door
472
00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:27,880
because the Smurfs were
murdered?
473
00:17:28,475 --> 00:17:30,753
It's okay, Dad.
I'll take care of it.
474
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:35,400
Thank you so much for finally
coming on my show, Wendy.
475
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:37,772
Yeah. Well, Butters
peed on my house.
476
00:17:38,063 --> 00:17:39,191
People are riled up.
477
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,198
Hopefully, we can clear the air
here this morning.
478
00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:43,671
If we could just keep it to
questions about student council.
479
00:17:43,685 --> 00:17:44,835
Of course.
That's why we're here.
480
00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:45,748
Five seconds.
481
00:17:46,253 --> 00:17:46,598
Don't worry.
482
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:47,780
I won't go
too hard on ya.
483
00:17:50,692 --> 00:17:51,999
Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
484
00:17:52,051 --> 00:17:53,414
These are the morning
announcements.
485
00:17:53,663 --> 00:17:55,875
Rehearsals for the school play
are canceled this afternoon.
486
00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:57,685
For lunch, the cafeteria will
be serving meat loaf
487
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:58,511
or veggie pasta.
488
00:17:58,862 --> 00:18:01,702
My guest today is the student body
president of South Park Elementary,
489
00:18:01,737 --> 00:18:02,712
Wendy Testaburger.
490
00:18:02,971 --> 00:18:04,400
Wendy, thank you
for coming on the show.
491
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,383
Sure.
492
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:06,528
Wendy, I want
to start by asking
493
00:18:06,609 --> 00:18:07,590
a pretty straight-forward
question
494
00:18:07,641 --> 00:18:09,027
and I hope you don't
take offense to it.
495
00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:09,935
Okay.
496
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:12,855
How many Smurfberries is
the life of each Smurf worth?
497
00:18:17,187 --> 00:18:19,643
I don't... I...
I have no idea what...
498
00:18:19,644 --> 00:18:20,923
You don't know
how many Smurfberries
499
00:18:20,958 --> 00:18:22,182
the life of each
Smurf is worth?
500
00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:24,732
Oh, he's got her now!
501
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:27,274
Would you agree that the school
is in a crisis right now?
502
00:18:27,491 --> 00:18:28,665
I believe
there's a few things
503
00:18:28,726 --> 00:18:29,659
wrong with the school, but--
504
00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:31,183
If a Smurf dies and no one is
around to hear it,
505
00:18:31,223 --> 00:18:32,030
does it still scream?
506
00:18:35,339 --> 00:18:36,585
She's speechless!
507
00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:37,616
You are the president
of the school.
508
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:38,773
Can you see why
many students think
509
00:18:38,808 --> 00:18:39,879
you're an
ineffective slut?
510
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,717
Are you denying that the Smurf
Holocaust ever happened?
511
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:42,771
Is that what
you are suggesting?
512
00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:44,288
Look, Eric!
513
00:18:44,358 --> 00:18:45,391
You have to understand,
514
00:18:45,426 --> 00:18:48,043
the Smurfberries were our school
government's only option!
515
00:18:48,078 --> 00:18:49,948
Yes, and that makes--
Whoa, what?
516
00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:51,983
What was I suppose to do?
517
00:18:52,314 --> 00:18:53,889
The school was
running out of power!
518
00:18:53,952 --> 00:18:55,684
We tried relocating
the Smurfs at first,
519
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:56,705
but they wouldn't budge.
520
00:18:56,985 --> 00:18:58,853
So we decided to get
somebody on the inside.
521
00:18:58,854 --> 00:19:01,222
A member of the school who could
act like one of the Smurfs
522
00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:02,337
and learn their secrets.
523
00:19:02,628 --> 00:19:04,293
But of course, you know that,
don't you?
524
00:19:04,429 --> 00:19:05,559
What--What do you mean
I know that?
525
00:19:05,831 --> 00:19:07,311
I'm just asking
the question.
526
00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:09,472
We all knew you were sent in
to live with the Smurfs,
527
00:19:09,507 --> 00:19:11,495
but did you know
they would be wiped out?
528
00:19:11,757 --> 00:19:13,183
No.
You wiped them all out!
529
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,859
Nobody expected you to fall
in love with Smurfette!
530
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:17,159
You went
to learn from them
531
00:19:17,194 --> 00:19:18,901
but instead,
you became one of them.
532
00:19:18,936 --> 00:19:19,278
Right?
533
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:20,932
Fought against
your own kind!
534
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:22,922
When you knew
we'd stop at nothing.
535
00:19:23,072 --> 00:19:25,079
Do you know that
one Smurfberry
536
00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:26,859
can power the school
for two months?
537
00:19:26,894 --> 00:19:28,162
One Smurfberry!
538
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,336
Wait. Hold on.
Can we take a break?
539
00:19:30,371 --> 00:19:31,215
No, it's okay.
540
00:19:31,557 --> 00:19:32,651
It's all out
in the open now.
541
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,343
I wouldn't have had
to kill the Smurfs
542
00:19:34,402 --> 00:19:35,857
if they would have simply
moved on,
543
00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:37,794
but you gave them
the will to stay.
544
00:19:38,123 --> 00:19:40,098
And I guess, you can't
be blamed for that.
545
00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:41,717
What?
546
00:19:42,673 --> 00:19:43,616
And that is why...
547
00:19:43,981 --> 00:19:45,053
I am stepping down.
548
00:19:45,163 --> 00:19:46,679
You were right all along,
Cartman.
549
00:19:47,076 --> 00:19:49,465
And I am hereby making you
the student body president.
550
00:19:49,832 --> 00:19:51,568
Alright!
Cartman's President!
551
00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:52,461
We did it!
552
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:54,226
I'm confused.
553
00:19:54,514 --> 00:19:56,332
Dude, you can't take my
Dances With Smurfs idea,
554
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,779
- and turn it into your own--
- No, you're right.
555
00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,780
The students all deserve
to know the truth.
556
00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:01,664
And so I have answered
what really happened
557
00:20:01,724 --> 00:20:02,502
in my new book--
558
00:20:02,623 --> 00:20:04,198
Going Rogue on the Smurfs.
559
00:20:04,622 --> 00:20:05,715
No, no, dude.
560
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:07,061
You don't just take
one person's story
561
00:20:07,091 --> 00:20:08,489
and then add a couple things
and call it yours!
562
00:20:08,777 --> 00:20:10,050
Luckily, with the money
I made
563
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,006
selling the movie rights to
my book, I'll be okay.
564
00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:13,644
You sold the movie rights
to who?
565
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:14,602
James Cameron.
566
00:20:14,662 --> 00:20:16,049
Go look, the movie came out
already!
567
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,303
They--They can't do that!
568
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,889
I'm student body president!
569
00:20:22,551 --> 00:20:24,026
Oh God dammit!
570
00:20:24,185 --> 00:20:26,954
Son-of-a-bitch-idea
stealing assholes!
571
00:20:27,717 --> 00:20:29,061
You sons a bitches!
572
00:20:29,382 --> 00:20:31,215
Dances With Smurfs
was my idea!
573
00:20:31,495 --> 00:20:32,740
My idea!
574
00:20:35,153 --> 00:20:36,664
You can't just take
Dances With Smurfs
575
00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:37,907
and call it
something else!
576
00:20:44,976 --> 00:20:45,682
Heh.
577
00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:47,665
Dude, what happened?
578
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:48,962
You're not doing the morning
announcements anymore?
579
00:20:49,262 --> 00:20:51,475
No, because it turns out
that by rule,
580
00:20:51,510 --> 00:20:53,381
the student body president
can't also be
581
00:20:53,416 --> 00:20:54,465
the morning
announcement reader.
582
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,187
Oh well.
583
00:20:55,222 --> 00:20:56,563
At least as President,
you can run the school
584
00:20:56,598 --> 00:20:57,237
the way you want.
585
00:20:57,272 --> 00:20:58,469
I can't do jack!
586
00:20:58,504 --> 00:21:00,154
I went to my first student
council meeting!
587
00:21:00,189 --> 00:21:01,789
All we did was talk about
what colors to make
588
00:21:01,824 --> 00:21:03,446
the stupid
Sadie Hawkins dance!
589
00:21:03,524 --> 00:21:05,030
Student council
is retarded!
590
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:08,581
The sun is up and
the birds are chirpin'.
591
00:21:08,954 --> 00:21:10,563
I'm Casey Miller
and these--
592
00:21:10,598 --> 00:21:12,259
are the morning
announcements.
593
00:21:12,452 --> 00:21:15,150
I have a letter from
second-grade student Brian Felner.
594
00:21:15,151 --> 00:21:17,144
Brian writes,
"Dear Casey,
595
00:21:17,203 --> 00:21:20,241
why is our school president
such a fat stupid dickhead?
596
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,427
My desk is broken,
and so far,
597
00:21:22,462 --> 00:21:24,340
Eric Cartman has done
nothing about it.
598
00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:27,081
Will you please let that
walking bowl of anus pus
599
00:21:27,116 --> 00:21:28,530
know that
we are not happy."
600
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,945
Well, Brian,
I couldn't agree more.
601
00:21:31,193 --> 00:21:34,543
Our asshole president is a fat,
smelly, douchebag milkshake--
602
00:21:34,578 --> 00:21:36,718
I'm doing the best
I can!
603
00:21:38,878 --> 00:21:42,157
Transcript: LeapinLar
[OpenSubtitles.org]
604
00:21:42,158 --> 00:21:45,437
Sync and Edits: VeRdiKT
[Subscene.com / Addic7ed.com]
42357
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